#and it gave me so much fucking anxiety to fill out 🙃

[raeathnos]

.

[diamondintherioux]

March 5

Got to the surgery center at 5:30 a.m. It was cute. Filled out some forms, had some pictures taken. Then the surgeon came in and marked my body. Idk if the room was too warm, or if the studio lights were too hot but I got really hot and almost passed out 🙃 after putting ice on my neck I felt better and the surgeon came back in to finish the marking. I was taken to another room where the nurse and anesthesiologist tried to find my veins for prp and the IV. Finally they put one in my hand and the other in the cubital fossa but the latter was removed pretty quickly. I walked to the OR, the nurse put on leg massagers on my calf and the next thing I remember is walking up in the waiting room.

This surgery was no joke. I had arm lipo, 360 lipo, fat transfer to buttock and hip dips (not a BBL), and Aveli for my cellulite. I woke up without nausea thank you god. But I physically couldn’t move yet I was shaking violently. The surgery was 5 hours lol They gave me fentanyl as a painkiller but I felt like it didn’t do anything. I’ve never taken a painkiller of that magnitude, only tramadol.

I finally felt like I could move after two hours lol so around 3pm. There were so many emotions inside of my that the moment I got inside the car I started crying. It was such a nice release but unfortunately the painkiller pretty much stopped working. The best way to describe the pain is someone holding a lighter to your skin indefinitely….all over your body. It was so fucking painful.

Final thoughts:

This probably doesn’t make sense because of all the medication I’m on. I know this surgery is worth it. The body dysmorphia, disordered eating, bingeing of sweets, depression, anxiety over my body have vanished from my brain. This is only the beginning. I’ve always dreamed of having a sexy body where I can confidently wear tube tops. I work in sales so self esteem and confidence go hand in hand.

All of the pain, and money is gonna be worth it. I gotta take it easy and make the right decisions. This is where my discipline has to take place.

Look Maxx future goals:

Personal trainer

Pilates

Barre

Golf

10k steps a day

Laser hair removal (pits, legs, privates)

Invisalign

Chemical peel

[lesbianslovebts]

So, I filled out the anonymous associate survey at work a while back and went all out by calling the company's PTO policy ableist and saying its treatment of me when I had Covid-19 was unacceptable, so I got an email today from Associate Relations (HR, I think?) saying they're confidentially reaching out and want to talk to me. 🙃 I'm just worried because I can't remember if I explicitly mentioned suicide or not. I'm definitely not one of those people who threaten suicide just to manipulate others, but I might've said something factual as in, yes, indeed, the threat of losing my job for getting Covid-19 and having no other option but to call out sick when I had no PTO left at the end of 2021 gave me so much anxiety that I considered suicide at one point. I'm not going to feel bad for being honest about that, but I am anxious that they're going to think I'm flippantly using trigger words. 😩

I already have a therapist! I pay $120 a month in copays with my "good" health insurance! I've waited several months just to get an intake appointment for the psychologist, and I have to wait another five months until the end of November for my autism testing! And then I have to submit the official diagnosis and whatever fucking other paperwork they want to give me simple ass accommodations at work! Shit like an extra 15 minute break I can use after calls that trigger anxiety and, God willing, exemption from this garbage PTO policy they have! I should be able to use my PTO when I need to! When I am sick! When I am shaking with anxiety! When the lights make my brain shut down! When I cry trying to get out of bed! When I can hear every sound scraping on my skull! I can't plan this shit a month in advance! Same-day PTO is NEVER approved! What other choice do I have?! I'm supposed to be punished for having a body and a brain that fails more often than the average employee?! FUCK OFF.

[dbnightingale24]

Last Chance At Redemption

Chapter 24

~~

Okay, for starters, I just want you all to know that this is not the final chapter! I ended kinda funny (I’m sorry), but we’ve got a little bit more to go!! I hope you all enjoy it, I loved writing it, and I’m super excited for the next chapter!! Okay, I hope you all enjoy this chapter!!! P.S. Fuck Todd 🙃

Warnings: Swearing, Smut, Fighting, Angst, Discussions of drinking, Anxiety, Unprotected Sex (no glove no love ppl),...I think that's it?

Word Count: 3321

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter:

Love Will Never Do Without You - Janet Jackson

No Use I Just Do - Hayley Williams 

Won’t Go Home Without You - Maroon 5

Silly Pretty Little Thing - Bob Geldof

I do not give consent for my stories/works to be posted elsewhere.

~~

“Watch it, Todd,” Ransom growled as Todd slowly made his way into the study.

“Fuck you, Ransom! Are you kidding me?! After all I’ve done for you?!” Todd spat, tears of anger filling his eyes.

“Todd,” Abigail called softly, “just calm down and-”

“You! You little fucking slut! You fucking told me it wasn’t Ransom!”

Her eyes sharpened. “Out of all the times you lied to me and what you lied to me about, you think you have a fucking leg to stand on?!” Abigail shot back, losing her composure.

“I had my fucking flaws, but I was good to you! I loved you-”

She crossed her arms. “In what fucking world were you good to me?!”

“You ungrateful little bitch! I-”

“I’m fucking warning you,” Ransom snarled as his blood boiled, “watch what you fucking say to her!”

“Or what? You’ll kill me? Fuck you!” Todd yelled.

Before Abigail could realize what was happening, Ransom jetted towards Todd and punched him square in the jaw. Todd staggered a bit before landing his right fist in Ransom’s stomach. It wasn’t long before they were having an all out brawl. 

“Hugh, stop it!” Abigail yelled as she ran after them.

“You have her calling you Hugh? Such a piece of shit,” Todd laughed darkly, before swinging and missing a right hook.

“Me? You slept with her fucking sister!” Ransom yells between repetitive, rhythmic right jabs. “You put your fucking hands on her!” He connects again. “And you tried trick her into getting back with you?!” And again. “You’re a waste of fucking life! You never deserved her!” Ransom wails as his right hand continues to batter Todd’s now cut up face. Ransom’s knuckles pulse between jabs. Todd stumbled backward, woozily.

“Outside! Take this outside!” Marta yelled, trying to keep Harlan’s things from demolition.

Ransom didn’t miss a beat; shoving Todd through the doorway, out the front door and into the spring sunlight. Todd didn’t recover quick enough. Ransom dealt another blow; this time it was a right uppercut below his chin, causing him to fall down the steps unceremoniously.

“Hugh stop!” Abigail yelled, following him down the steps. “You’re gonna kill him! Stop!”

“STOP IT RIGHT NOW!” Linda roared, running up behind Abigail.

“You say you loved her?!” Ransom yelled, kicking Todd in his stomach. “No, you loved to dangle her in front of me! Knowing how much I wanted her and pretending to give a fuck about her! You only wanted her so I couldn’t have her! Cheating on her almost every night and talking about her as if she was just some girl at the bar you fuck?!”

“Hugh stop! He’s not worth it!” Abigail cried, as Ransom continued his assault with more kicks to Todd’s ribs.

Finally, Jeff pulled Ransom away from Todd as a few ‘friends’ ran over to help.

“I’ll fucking kill him!” Ransom yelled, thrashing against Jeff.

“Hugh go home,” Abigail as softly as she could, trying to calm her own nerves.

“No, I fucking-”

“Hugh, go home and I will see you later. Please, just go home,” she pleaded silently,

Ransom looked from Abigail to Todd, who laid bleeding on the ground, before breaking free of Jeff and making his way towards his Beamer. He gave one final look at Abigail before getting into his car, starting it, and speeding off.

Abigail sighed in annoyance, taking a look at the scene in front of her, shaking her head. She knew they should’ve had their talk at another time.

**

Abigail stood outside of Todd’s hospital room, trying to find the right words to say. She didn’t feel sorry him in the slightest bit, and she needed to make sure he wouldn’t come after Ransom. She swore to herself that she would have a talk with him later about his temper.

She sighed in frustration before taking a deep breath and walking into his room. “We need to-”

“You little slut!” Todd’s mother yelled, emerging from the corner. “You broke up a friendship and now you dare to-”

“I didn’t break up shit. Your son cheated on me first and-”

“My son would never cheat!” she spat.

Abigail let out a humorless chuckle, before pulling out her phone, bringing up the video Taylor had sent her, and handed it to his mother. “That’s him at a strip club with my sister, hand up her skirt, and lips on her neck. Please notice the date, we were very much still dating. Your son is a piece of shit.”

“I don’t...how could you do this to her?!” his mother asked him, clearly taken aback. “How could you...I am so sorry!” she exclaimed turning her attention to Abigail. “I thought that-”

“It’s honestly okay. He’s been spinning his little fairy tale to anyone who will listen. May I have a moment to speak with him?”

“Of course,” she smiled at Abigail as she handed her back her phone. “You and I are not done discussing this,” she glared at Todd before walking out.  

“Is there anyone you won’t turn against me?” Todd muttered, turning his gaze to the window.

“Maybe, just maybe, if you told the truth,” she started as she sat down in a chair in front of his hospital bed “you wouldn’t be in this shit.”

“If you’re looking for an apology-”

“I would never be so dumb as to think you would give me one,” she laughed crossing her leg over the other and resting her hands on them. “Leave Ransom alone.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?! After what he fucking did to me?!”

“It’s not like you didn’t have it coming.”

“Fuck you!” he spat, finally meeting her gaze. “You think you can come in here and just tell me what you want me to do? Leave your little boyfriend alone, like I owe you something?!”

“The way I see it, you do owe me something. You owe me a lot, so I really think this is bare minimum on the list things I’m telling you to do.”

“You can’t just boss me-”

“Yes I can, Todd. I can do whatever the fuck I want. Why? Because I’m done letting you run the show. Every part of my relationship with Ransom seemed to revolve around you and how you would react. How you would feel. I’m done with it because I sincerely don’t give a fuck what happens to you or how you feel from this point on.”

“You’re such a bitch,” he muttered. “What happens if I don’t leave him alone? You two gonna conspire to murder me?”

“I would never do such a thing. I’ll simply have your ass thrown in jail. I have more than enough proof that you’ve been letting your friends get off easy or keeping them out of jail all together. My mother is desperate for me to talk to her again, so I’m sure she’ll have no problem helping me out with this,” Abigail said calmly, a small smile on her face.

“Fuck!”

“You decide how petty you want to be. Is it really worth going to jail and being out of work? Is you being a complete and total asshole worth all of the drama and shame you’ll bring upon your family?”

“You’re doing all of this for someone who is gonna treat you like shit and break your heart.”

“Maybe he will and maybe he won���t. Whatever happens is none of your concern. This is the only warning I’ll give you, so I’d advise you take me seriously. Leave him alone and stay out of our business. For good,” she smiled sweetly before getting up and leaving.

As she walked out of the hospital, she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. For the first time in a long time, she felt free.

**

Ransom paced back and forth in his living room while a million thoughts ran through his head. Why did he have to lose his cool? Yes, it was long overdue for him to kick Todd’s ass, but why there? Why in front of Abigail? He had just finished telling her how much he had changed, and then he turned around and resorted to his same old hot-headed ways.

He checked the time and huffed in frustration. Everything had happened over two hours ago and she still hadn’t shown up. She hadn’t returned his calls or texts and he was beginning to think that he had really fucked things up. How could he tell her that he changed and then act the same as he always did in the same breath?

Before he could think on it anymore, there was a soft knock on his door. He practically ran to the front door and opened it. “Did you lose the key I gave you?”

“I wasn’t sure if...”

“If I changed the locks? Like you did?”

“Do you want me to go?”

“Please don’t. Fuck, I’m sorry I just-”

“We need to talk,” Abigail said simply, placing her hand on his and making her way inside.

“Listen I know I fucked up-”

“Stop,” Abigail said softly, looking around the house. “You cleaned up.”

“My mother paid someone to come and clean,” Ransom softly laughed.

“Linda? Did something helpful?”

“She said after the talking to you gave her, she realized she needed to do better.”

“See? I can be useful,” she laughed softly, taking a seat on the arm of his sofa. “We need to work on your anger.”

“It’s not like he didn’t have it coming.”

“I never said he didn’t, but none the less, you can’t just go off like that, Hugh.”

“Yeah well, he’s fine and recovering. I didn’t kill him.”

“Yeah, I know. I went to see him.”

“What? Why?”

“To tell him to leave you alone. To leave us alone. I’m tired of our feelings and how we work revolving around him.”

“Fuck him. I’m not worried about...wait...us? You mean...?”

“Being without hurts too much, Hugh. It hurts, I hate it, and I don’t want to do it anymore. Maybe we’ll crash and burn and maybe we’ll make it. I don’t know but I’m done crying myself to sleep. I miss you and I want you back in my life. Hell, Sampson wants you back in his life,” Abigail chuckled, wiping away the few tears that had managed to escaped. “That’s probably extremely toxic but I just-”

She was cut off by his lips crashing into her. Ransom wasted no time wrapping his arms around her and picking her up. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, as he made his way upstairs; never breaking the kiss.

When he finally reached his room, he sat down on the bed and pulled her as close to him as possible. Letting his hands roam all over her, he let himself get lost in her again. It felt as if he was being rained upon after a year in a drought.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he kissed from her lips to her neck. “I’m so sorry. I swear to God I will never hurt you like that again,” he mumbled.

“I’m so sorry,” Abigail moaned out, trying to to undo his belt buckle. “I’m so sorry left you. I swear to God-”

“None of it matters. We’re together now and that’s all that matters. We’ll never be apart again,” he whispered as he unzipping her dress and watching the straps fall off of her shoulder, revealing her breasts. “How are you always this gorgeous? How are you all mine?”

Abigail finally worked his belt off and wasted no time getting his shirt off. She took a moment to look him over, running her hands over his chest and drinking him in. “Tell me this is gonna work. Tell me we can do this,” she all but pleaded, looking him in the eyes.

Ransom could see all the fear and worry in her eyes and just wanted to erase the past the month. Erase all of the stress and worry that he had put her through. “We’re gonna be just fine. I promise I’ll never put you through any of that again.”

Ransom took one of her nipples in his mouth, messaging it with his tongue, while he played with the other in his hand, rolling it between his fingers. Her moans were music to his ears and he wasn’t ready for the song to end. Standing up, he gently placed her on the bed and quickly got on his knees, letting his fingers lightly trace over the thin material covering her most sensitive bud.

“Please don’t tease me,” she whimpered as she ran her hands through his hair.

“Not tonight baby, I promise,” he mumbled, moving the material to the side and replacing it with his mouth.

“Holy fuck!” Abigail cried out, grabbing fistfuls of his hair as he continued his assault on her clit.

Ransom wasted no time pushing two fingers into her soaked channel, taking in her scent that he had missed and craved so much; fulfilling almost all of his desires. He needed to be inside her, but he’d take his time and bring her off first. He could hold off on his needs...for a bit.

“Fuck! I’ve missed you so much,” Abigail whimpered, feeling herself get close to her release. “Baby, I need to feel you. I need you!”

Ransom quickened his pace with his fingers as he started to furiously suck an lick on her clit. When he heard her cry out in pure pleasure as her taste quickly soaked his tongue, a small smile came to his face. She tasted better than he remembered.

He got up and quickly removed his pants and boxers, before gently removing her dress. He took a moment to look over, feeling a sense of tranquility. He would never let her get away from him again.

He got on the bed and positioned himself so he was sitting upright against his headboard, before Abigail straddled his waist and stroked him a few times before slowly sinking down onto him. “Fuck babygirl,” he groaned, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer.

“Holy fuck,” she whimpered as she slowly started picking up her pace.

Ransom looked up at her, head thrown back and eyes shut as she rode him, and fought every urge to take over. He’d have his way soon enough. For now, he was just happy to feel her and be close to her again. To feel like his life wasn’t in shambles. “You’re fucking perfect,” he mumbled against her skin, before pressing soft kisses all over her chest, while his hands roamed all over her back.

For Ransom, it wasn’t about fucking her senseless and getting off after going so long without, it was just about being with her. Everything made sense when he was with her and the pain he was always in didn’t exist. She was his world and he finally had her back. No, it wasn’t about fucking her senseless, it was about showing her just how much he loved her. And showing how sorry he truly was.

“Fuck baby,” Abigail moaned, hitting that spot deep within her that always had her coming undone for him. “God, I’ve needed you so much! Shit!” she cried out, as she came hard and dug her nails into his skin.

Ransom didn’t give her long to recover before he tightened his hold on her started upthrusting deep within her. “Just hold on to me baby, I’ve got you” he mumbled against her chest before kissing and sucking all over it.

He used his free hand to find her bundle of nerves messaging it in little circles, and it wasn’t long till she was crying out his name in pleasure, chasing a second release. He could tell that she was getting tired, but he just needed a few more minutes.

“Baby, I can’t...I-”

“Hold onto me, sweetheart. I know you’ve got a little bit left for me,” Ransom grunted, feeling his own release coming.

He latched his mouth onto one of her nipples, swirling his tongue and sucking on it, and that was enough to send them both over the edge. Abigail almost instantly went limp in his arms, as Ransom rode out both their orgasms. As Abigail leaned her head against Ransom’s, he peppered small kisses from her neck to her chest.

When she went to get up, Ransom pulled her closer. “Can we just stay like this for a moment? It’s been so long...”

“I’m so sorry I left you,” Abigail said sincerely, taking his face in one of her hands.

“I’m so sorry I drove you to it,” he responded before kissing her shoulder blade.

“So many kisses,” she giggled softly.

“Just my way of making sure you’re real. This is real,” he sighed in content.

“This is very real,” she confirmed softly, softly tracing her hand down his arm until it was right on top of his, and entwined their fingers together. “I promise I’ll never leave you again,” she promised as she leaned her forehead against his, kissing the tip of his nose.

Ransom laid his head against her chest, listening to her heartbeat and closing his eyes, finally feeling the peace he had been missing since they had broken up. Finally feeling like he was home.

**

taglist: @goldenfightergir, @princess-evans-addict, @jeremyrennermakesmesmile, @sweetflowerdreams, @whxre4cevans, @jennmurawski13