#so whatever I’ll give it a try I figure
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tw: evil ex wife stereotypes it’s for the plot trust
sorry this is unedited
captain price, divorcee and extreme dilf.
after a soul crushing mission, the safe house is silent as the team waits for morning exfil. you go outside for a breath of fresh air and find your captain, smoking a cigar and looking at a polaroid photo. “hey, cap.” he sends you a nod, then focuses back to the picture in his hand. you let him have this privacy, closing your eyes and breathing slow.
"smoke?" you open your eyes to his hand in front of you, offering a cigar. funny, how soap's been trying to nab one of cap's cigars for months and here he is, offering it to you. you take it silently, reminding yourself how to use it as you exhale slow. a minor cough eeks out, sending you both chuckling. he takes it back and switches hands, his photograph now on the side you share. his show of trust instills you with enough confidence to ask: "is that them?" two dark-haired little girls smile at you through the photograph, cheesy grins cloaking you with warmth. he hums affirmatively, callused thumb stroking the photo. "forced me t' buy a polaroid so they could model their new dresses." you bet he bought them that camera with a smile on his face. the wedding band tanline on his hand, stark when you met him two years ago, has faded completely like it was never there. "they've got you wrapped around their fingers." he nods, tucking the photo back in his vest to focus on his cigar. you both watch the smoke curl into the midnight air.
"open." you do obidiently, both pairs of eyes zeroed in on how close his hands are to your mouth. they brush your lips (not necessary if he'd adjusted his grip), staying there for a few seconds while you inhale and retreating when you exhale. something grows there, in the space between his body and yours. only once the smoke dissipates do you decide to get some sleep. "goodnight, cap." you back away towards the door, eyes on his. "goodnight, lieutenant." his eyes drop in alarm and that's when you see the red light of a sniper gun on your torso. everything goes to shit after that.
-
your hospital stay comes in flashes. your captain, haggard yet handsome, in that uncomfortable-looking chair next to your bed. a blink and there's two angels instead, bickering at the height of the hospital bed. "daddy said not to wake her!" the taller one argues. the younger one shakes her head, an echo of her father, and pets your limp hand. "daddy also said she has a boo-boo and t' kiss it better!" she kisses your hand with a restrained gentleness you wouldn't expect from a little kid. they keeping arguing, anchoring you to the land of the living for a few minutes. "alrigh' rascals, lets let her sleep. what do we say?" they turn to you with toothy smiles, like the picture, and whisper-yell "feel better!" before getting scooped up by their father.
later, time slipping through your fingers like sand, the doctor explains what happened in practiced words. shot to the torso, passed out because of shock and blood loss. simon haunts the space behind her like the ghost he is and you have to laugh at the gall of your fellow lieutenant. once you hear "a month of recovery," you give in to the weight of your eyelids.
-
a month later.
you knock at his door, then let yourself in. it’s something he lets you get away with, no one else.
price is grumbling into his phone and while usually you wouldn’t care, it seems oddly personal. you try to inch back out, but his sharp blue eyes catch yours before you can. “i told ya i’d need this today. gave you a two day warnin’.” he’s frowning at whatever the other person says (high pitched voice, definitely female). “christ, i’ll figure somethin’ out.” he hangs up before they can get another word in.
“everything ok? i can leave if you need some space?” you ask. he shakes his head, dragging a hand through his beard and readjusting his hat (stupid, why does he wear it indoors) before sitting down in his desk chair. “need t’ pick the girls up but this goddamn report is killin’ me.” it’s an intelligence focused night and while you finally broke through to one of your contacts, the creation of reports and communications with higher ups takes forever. your captain is especially chained to his desk, where his bosses could call at any moment and demand a redo.
"oh." you're not sure what the lines are here. not sure what to say to the loving father of two who sat vigil at your hosptial bed for a week. "their mom's at a dinner an' can't drive 'cause she drank a glass of wine." he bites out, almost to himself. "so her boyfriend can drop her home, but simply can't make a stop on the way to pick up the girls from after school care." you think back to the finished reports on your desk and the lack of plans you have.
"i could pick them up?" you tick the end up as a question, easier for him to deny. he does, of course. "can't ask tha' of you, lieutenant. not in y'r job description." you shrug, moving closer to his desk until you're practically sitting on it. "i'm not medically cleared to the field yet but i can still drive. it's not like i'm getting deployed in the next hour. and i'd be glad to do it." he's still unsure, staring at the laptop in front of him. "i've got to thank the angels that kissed my boo-boos." you break the tension with a laugh and when he looks up, there's a small smile under his beard. "you sure you're good t' drive?" you nod, rounding the table so you're a bit closer. he leans back a bit until his eyes meet yours. "passed the driving requirements last week. can't run out a burning building but i can handle pickup." he lifts his hips, tantalizing and strong, to fish out the keys in his pocket. "little one still needs the booster seat. easier f' ya t' take my car." this show of trust is worse, worming its way into your heart.
he texts you the address and says he'll call them ahead of time since you're not on the list. before you leave, price fishes out a sweatshirt from somewhere under his desk. "so ya don't look like a soldier." you're wearing standard olive green wear, t-shirt and camo pants. the sweatshirt (black, has 'price' on the back, smells like him) dulls the look into something almost publicly acceptable. "i'll keep you updated, cap." you're almost out the door when he says it. "thank you, lieutenant."
-
"hello, lovelies." you squat to get on their level, noting how they're holding hands tightly. "i'm a friend of your daddy. he sent me to take you to your mum." the older one squints at you with suspicion. "are you the lady from the hosp- hosp- hospital?" you nod, telling them your name. "i'm all better now thanks to you two. your kisses really worked." that causes them both to blush, inching towards you. the aftercare supervisor nudges them forward, thanking you with a grateful smile when they finally get towards the car. the fact that it's their father's calms them, settling in easy to their seats as the older one shouts unhelpful instructions as to how to buckle the car seat. you text price an update, then head towards their mother's.
when you get there, though, something's off. john picks up on the first ring. "everything ok?" he pants, hard. "yeah, the girls are fine. i'm at their mom's but i don't think anyone's home? the lights are off." he barks out a curse, and shamefully, it sends a spark straight to your core. "if it's ok, i could take them to get dinner? maybe pizza and ice cream since they had a long day? they only had a snack at the after program." he sighs and you can practically see him nodding in agreement.
"yeah, love. get some food in them, their mom should be home in an hour." love. spoken warmly and fluidly, like it was meant to be there. you bid him goodbye and take a deep breath, locking yourself into babysitter mode with no thoughts of their father. "who wants ice cream?" you ask, and smile when they scream.
-
an hour later, you get back to the house with two sugared-up littles. for all the grief their mom has caused john, you don't particularly care. the lady herself is standing on driveway, arms crossed with a frown. when you let the girls out, they hug-attack their mother, and she earns a few points back with her whispered "hello, my darlings. go wash up, mummy will be in soon."
you're closing the doors when she appears next to you. "so you're john's girlfriend." you frown, shaking your head. "no ma'am, i'm one of his lieutenants." the determined expression on her face doesn't change. "exactly, you're the lieutenant." and then she says your name like it's been memorized, even though you didn't offer it to her. all you can do is nod numbly and make an excuse to get back to base, ruminating on her words the whole time.
-
back in price's office, it's like deja vu with how tired he looks. this time, he greets you at the door, only a singular lamp on in the background. "hi cap-" the words get cut off when you're pulled into a bone crushing hug. it takes you a second to readjust: his hands around your waist, head tucked into the cruck of your neck.
slowly, your own hands wrap around his neck, pulling him in deeper. your fingers thread through his hair, cringing when they knock off his hat. he doesn't seem to care, squeezing you tight before pulling back. "thank you." he murmurs, hands still on your waist. your own drop to your sides, floating. "you told her i'm your girlfriend?" you eek out, unable to hold it back. his relieved expression drops, hands unsure at your waist. "i- she asked who the girls were visitin' at the hospital. was easier that way." your face drops at his response. john has an opposite reaction, stepping closer with a rough grip to your hip.
"you wanted another answer?" there's nowhere to go under the force of his stare. "maybe." is what you finally spit out. bravely, your hand finds the rough hair of his beard, exploring. it's as simple as a yes.
his kiss is possessive and bruising, pushing you against the door. your other hand tangles in his hair, pulling him in further. one of your legs wraps around his waist and with some encouragement, he gets you to surrender your position fully, your legs in his hands. "christ, ya taste like sherbert." you giggle, folding yourself further into him. "it was, oh fuck." he licks a stripe up your neck before kissing your jaw. "it was mango." he hums appreciatively.
“such a good wife f’ me.” you freeze, pulling back. “i’m not your wife, john.” yet here you are, his face in your hands like it’s yours to hold. “my hoodie.” he kisses your forehead. “pickin’ up my girls.” your cheek. “usin’ my money.” the credit card you found in the hoodie pocket. he shakes you out of your reverie with a nip to the neck.
“tha’s wha’ i thought.” he murmurs when you don’t argue back. you shut him up with a kiss. “i can see why you got divorced, cave man.” and all he does is laugh, moving to set you down on his office table.
john tugs off your layers one by one until you’re in your bra, legs spread on his office. “john.” he hums, fingers exploring the lines of your bra. “can we talk?” he stops suddenly, eyes on yours. the force of it is too much, making you meek and weak-willed. “so…you like me?” he nods, tracing the lines of your skin until he gets to the wound, healing on your torso. “felt like i died too when ya got shot. right in front of me an’ i couldn’t protect you.” you shake your head, pulling him in by the belt buckle until he’s between your legs. “it wasn’t your fault. we cleared the area best we could.” he kisses the scar, soft and sweet. “let me make it up to you?” you nod.
john pulls down a cup of your bra, laving at your tit like he’s trying to draw milk. “right, love. lay back f’ me.” and like always, you do.
-
i wrote this in between classes and it’s unedited. perhaps will come back to edit. anyways.
#price#cod 141#i wrote this in class#price call of duty#captain john price#price is right#price cod#john price#captain price#john price x reader#captain price x reader#price x reader#tornadothoughts
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fourteen ⤨ oikawa tooru
⨭ genre; fluff
⨭ pairing; oikawa tooru x fem!reader
⨭ word count; 6.5k
⨭ descriptions; as much as you love romcoms, you're a realist and recognise just how illogical true love is—unfortunately for you, fate has other plans.
⨭ warnings; profanity
⨭ a/n; my 2025 motto has been to just write and not worry too much about perfectionism, so here's my mess of an oikawa fic. it's acc unreal i have finished three fics in a week's time lol who knows how long this creative streak will last but wtv. in the meantime, enjoy :)
one.
During your four-hour layover in SFO, you decide that 4AM flights are only slightly less inconvenient than paying full price for a flight at noon. Because right now, it’s honestly just eerie: San Francisco International Airport (full-government name because you fear this might actually be where you die) is completely empty, largely dark, and very, very desolate.
You sigh and glance around the lounge, which is dimly lit and suspiciously quiet except for the distant hum of a floor polisher somewhere beyond the gates. Every shop is shuttered, every PA announcement echoes into nothing, and the only signs of life are a few overworked employees slumped behind their counters; you’re the only one at your gate, your phone charging via one of the blue-light towers, headphones blasting at maximum volume. You’re trying to drown out the unnerving feeling in your chest with Gracie Abrams and SZA—it’s not working in the slightest, actually making you increasingly wary of your vulnerability.
But whatever. You’re a #brokecollegestudent, so obviously you’re willing to risk your life for a good deal.
Honestly, you should really be asleep. That was the plan, after all: you had it all mapped out—get here, find a quiet corner, conk out, wake up only when it’s absolutely necessary. Instead, your brain is running on fumes and bad decisions, vibrating horribly in your skull because you’re an idiot and didn’t realize how paranoid you get when you’re sleep deprived.
You groan, stretching your legs out in front of you. “Kill me,” you mutter under your breath.
“First time traveling?” a voice pipes up, obnoxiously chipper for the time of night.
You freeze mid-stretch. You are not alone.
Slowly, you turn toward the source of the voice.
Sprawled across the lounge chair opposite you, looking for all the world like he belongs here, is a guy—tall, lean but broad-shouldered, stupidly good-looking even under the sickly fluorescent lights. Tousled brown hair, sweatpants and a zip-up hoodie that are clearly designer but worn like he doesn’t give a damn. His legs are stretched out like he owns the entire damn lounge, and he’s got this lazy, almost smug smirk on his face, like he’s enjoying whatever show you’re unknowingly putting on.
You narrow your eyes. “Excuse me?”
He gestures vaguely at you, at your very obvious state of suffering. “You look like you’re miserable right now.”
“I am,” you say. “What’s it to you?”
“Nothing,” he shrugs, then tilts his head. “Just figured misery loves company.”
Your brain is still catching up to the fact that this man—a stranger, an audacious one at that—has just decided to start a conversation with you, unprompted, in the middle of an empty airport. You eye him cautiously. “You do realize there are approximately four million other places to sit, right?”
He grins. “Yeah, but none of them have you.”
You blink. “Are you flirting with me?”
“Depends.” His smirk widens. “Is it working?”
“No.”
“Damn,” he says, without an ounce of actual disappointment. “Guess I’ll have to try harder.”
You scoff, shaking your head as you glance away. God. Of all the people to be stuck in airport limbo with, you had to get the charming, insufferable kind. The kind that probably coasts through life on natural athletic ability and the kind of face that gets him out of parking tickets. The kind that’s entirely too comfortable stretching out in a public lounge like it’s his personal living room.
He’s watching you, you realise. Like he’s waiting for something.
“What?” you sigh.
“You didn’t answer my question,” he says.
“I don’t remember you asking one.”
The corner of his mouth twitches like you’ve just mildly amused him. “First time traveling?” he repeats.
You roll your eyes. “No. Just first time being stuck in an airport at an hour when no one should be conscious.”
“Ah,” he says, leaning back in his chair. “A rookie mistake. 4AM flights are a scam.”
You snort. “And yet, here you are.”
“Touché.”
You take another glance at him, this time really looking. Something about him tugs at your memory, like a song you’ve heard before but can’t place. The messy hair, the easy confidence, the way he’s practically radiating I’m used to being the center of attention energy.
Then, in a flash, it hits you.
“Oh,” you say, recognition clicking into place. “Wait—you’re Oikawa.”
His eyebrows lift slightly, a flicker of interest crossing his face. “You know me?”
“You’re that volleyball guy,” you say, pointing vaguely at him. “The one who’s, like… unnecessarily famous.”
Oikawa grins. “Unnecessarily?”
“I mean, it’s volleyball,” you deadpan. “I didn’t even know people could be famous for that.”
His expression morphs into something between offense and wounded pride. “Ouch. I think I might actually cry.”
“Please do,” you say. “It’ll entertain me.”
He clutches his chest theatrically. “You’re ruthless.”
“I’m tired,” you promptly correct. “And delirious. And currently stuck in an airport with a man who’s trying to convince me he’s a big deal.”
Oikawa scoffs, but there’s something amused in his gaze, like he’s enjoying this. “You’re not a fan of sports?”
“Not really,” you shrug half-heartedly, looking back down at your beat-up Filas. You’re not lying; even so, you’ve seen his games on TV before (you watch the Olympics after all—you’re not a total basket case). He’s a flirt, a player with double meaning, and you would really rather avoid getting involved with anything complicated. “I’ve never been into jocks.”
“Never been into jocks,” he echoes, shaking his head. “And here I thought I could be your Peter Kavinsky.”
“No, thank you. I would never write you a love letter.”
Oikawa laughs at that—an actual laugh, not just the smug little chuckle you’ve gotten so far. It’s rich and warm, and you hate the way it makes your stomach flip just slightly. Who even are you right now? This whole situation is so unbelievable that it makes you more confident.
You cross your arms, looking him up and down. “So what’s your excuse?”
“For what?”
“For subjecting yourself to this hellscape of a layover,” you say, gesturing at the ghost town of a terminal around you.
He sighs, dragging a hand through his already messy hair. “Came back to visit some old teammates in California. Now I’m heading home.”
“Japan?”
“Bingo.”
Your brain is slow, groggy, and running on fumes, but something about that answer sticks. “Wait,” you say, frowning. “What flight are you on?”
Oikawa glances at you, like he knows exactly what you’re about to realize. “4:00AM to Haneda.”
You stare at him. “No.”
His grin is almost devious. “Yes.”
Your stomach drops.
Fourteen hours. Fourteen whole hours, stuck on a flight. With him.
Oikawa watches the realization dawn on your face, and for the first time since he sat down, he looks genuinely entertained.
“Well,” he says, stretching his arms over his head. “Looks like you’re stuck with me.”
You are going to lose your goddamn mind.
two.
For all your romcom consumption, you never stopped to consider what you would do if coincidence and chance conspired against you in that manner. You figured if fate was ever going to meddle in your love life, it would be in an incessantly normal way—maybe a slow-burn situation with a coworker, or a friend-of-a-friend you never noticed until one fateful night.
Not… this.
Not staring at seat 14A like it’s a death sentence, because your boarding pass is crumpled in your fist, because of course when you finally find your row, Oikawa Tooru is already lounging in 14B, looking far too pleased with himself.
He glances up as you approach, then breaks into the most shit-eating grin you’ve ever fucking seen.
“Well, well, well,” he drawls, leaning back like he just won the lottery. “Fancy seeing you here.”
You stop dead in the aisle, refusing to believe what your own two eyes are telling you.
“Are you following me?” you blurt, because there is absolutely no way the universe would do this to you.
Oikawa, ever the dramatist, clutches his chest. “Sweetheart, if I wanted to follow you, I’d at least be more subtle.”
“Show me your ticket.”
He raises an eyebrow but pulls out his boarding pass with a flourish anyway. You squint to read the text, half-hoping that you would find some spelling error that could place either of you somewhere else. But nope: his ticket reads 14B in big, bold letters, right next to Oikawa Tooru and Gate 11.
You exhale slowly, pressing your fingers to your temple. Jesus fuck. He manifested this, with his snarky commentary and all about being stuck with him; you would say that you’re gonna kill him for this, but evidently, karma is real and terrifying.
Oikawa, meanwhile, is having the time of his life.
“What are the odds?” he muses, tucking the ticket back into his hoodie pocket. “Out of all the seats on this flight, I get to sit next to you.”
“This is a nightmare,” you mutter.
“Nightmares are scary,” he says. “I’m a delight.”
You glare at him and shove your bag into the overhead bin with slightly more force than necessary. He watches, thoroughly entertained, as you lower yourself into your seat like you’re walking into a trap.
The cabin fills with the usual pre-flight chaos—flight attendants directing traffic, the hum of passengers settling in, the occasional thud of an overhead bin slamming shut. You try to focus on that, on anything other than the man currently making himself comfortable in the seat beside you.
Maybe if you ignore him, he’ll get bored.
Oikawa leans an elbow on the armrest between you, tilting his head slightly. “So,” he says. “What’s your in-flight entertainment plan?”
“My what?”
“You know, what’s gonna keep you occupied for the next fourteen hours?” He gestures vaguely to your bag. “Movies? Reading? Soul-searching?”
“Sleeping,” you say immediately. “It’s four AM. Like a normal person.”
Oikawa tilts his head, considering. “See, I would believe you, but you already look wide awake.”
You scowl at him. Because unfortunately, he’s right—your body is so far past exhaustion that sleep is a distant, unattainable dream. You sigh and shift in your seat, pressing yourself closer to the window.
He grins, victorious. “You should talk to me instead.”
You let out an actual laugh—short, sharp, disbelieving. “Why the hell would I do that?”
“Because I’m fun.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“Same thing.”
You shoot him a flat look. “I don’t like you.”
“And yet, you still haven’t put your headphones in,” he points out.
Damn it. You hate that he’s right. Again.
You huff, finally fishing your headphones from your bag and shoving them into your ears with exaggerated finality. Then, just for good measure, you turn to the window and squeeze your eyes shut.
Oikawa doesn’t say anything else. For about thirty seconds. Then, right as the plane begins to taxi down the runway, you hear him say, way too smugly for your liking, “you’re gonna talk to me eventually.”
You pretend to be asleep. You can feel him watching you, like he’s waiting for you to crack, like he knows something you don’t.
Ugh. This is gonna be a long flight.
three.
By hour three of the flight, you’ve come to realise that Oikawa has a surprising love for the classics.
Trust: you weren’t actively trying to notice his choice of in-air films, but your periphery and conscience betray you, and you become acutely aware as your seatmate cycles through The Proposal and Crazy Stupid Love (two objectively incredible films). He cues 10 Things I Hate About You next, which is probably your favorite movie of all time; you adore said movie so much that, despite all of your previous complaints and window-seat protests, you eventually lean into the seat rest separating you two and watch along.
Not openly, obviously. Not in any way that would give Oikawa the satisfaction of knowing he’s captured your attention. You angle your face toward the window, feign a vague disinterest, and sneak quick glances when you think he’s not looking.
Spoiler: he notices immediately.
“You know you could just watch with me,” Oikawa says, not even bothering to take his eyes off the screen. “You’re not exactly subtle.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you say flatly, keeping your gaze stubbornly trained on the clouds outside.
“Uh-huh.” He shifts in his seat, casually turning the screen toward you. “C’mon, if you’re gonna steal glances, at least commit.”
“I wasn’t stealing anything,” you huff, but it’s weak, and you both know it.
Oikawa smirks, and—against your better judgment—you give in, finally glancing at his screen properly to watch Kat Stratford dancing drunkenly on a table. He offers you one of his earbuds, which you take very, very tentatively. You would be deeply unhappy about the proximity if your love of Hypnotize didn’t trump it.
You sigh, leaning your cheek against your palm. “This movie is so good.”
“Right?” Oikawa grins, clearly pleased with himself. “Pretty bold of you to call me insufferable when you clearly have taste.”
You narrow your eyes at him. “What does that mean?”
“It means you love this movie, I love this movie—therefore, you and I have more in common than you’d like to admit.”
You scoff, but there’s no real bite to it. “Liking 10 Things I Hate About You is just basic human decency.”
Oikawa presses a hand to his chest, mock-flattered. “Oh, so now you’re calling me decent?”
“No, I’m calling the movie decent. You’re a fluke.”
He gasps dramatically, then shakes his head, muttering something about how you wound him. But his smile lingers as the film plays on, and maybe—just a little bit—you don’t find his presence as unbearable anymore. He’s too distracted watching Joseph Gordon-Levitt pine to be truly annoying.
Somewhere between the next few scenes, you relax completely, not even pretending to look away anymore. You’re leaning in slightly now, watching the moment where Patrick buys Kat a guitar, and it takes an embarrassingly long time for you to realize that Oikawa’s staring at you instead of the screen.
You blink. “What?”
He tilts his head, amused. “You’re, like… really into this.”
You scoff, flicking your gaze back to the movie. “I just appreciate good cinema.”
“Oh, so you’re a romcom person.”
You hesitate—because there’s something about the way he says it, a sort of curiosity that feels deeper than just casual conversation. It could be interpreted as judgmental, but somehow, the way he says it doesn’t seem to be. Still, you brush it off, nodding begrudgingly. “Yeah. So?”
Oikawa hums, glancing back at the screen as if weighing his words. Then, without looking at you, he says, “Do you think this stuff actually happens?”
“What, grand romantic gestures?”
“Yeah. Stuff like this. The running through the airport thing. The whole public love confession in front of the entire school thing. Do you think it’s real?”
You consider it for a moment, shifting in your seat. “I think… I think people want it to be real,” you admit, watching as Patrick and Kat kiss in the movie’s final scene. “Like, deep down, even the most cynical people kind of want to believe that this kind of thing could happen to them.”
Oikawa doesn’t respond right away. He just watches you, his expression unreadable.
Then he asks, voice softer this time, “And do you?”
The question settles in your chest, heavier than it should be. Do you believe in grand gestures? In someone showing up unannounced at your door, confessing their feelings in the pouring rain? In someone looking at you like you’re the only thing in the world worth fighting for?
If you’re being honest, you’re a hopeless romantic at heart. It’s why you love the genre so much—because despite all your cynicism, despite every realist take you’ve ever had, a part of you still wants to believe in love that lasts. You just don’t think it’s likely. People fall out of love with each other. Feelings fade. Real life is rarely as cinematic as the movies make it seem.
You exhale, suddenly too aware of the way Oikawa’s watching you, like he sees right through you.
“I think it’s… nice in movies,” you say carefully. “But in real life, people just disappoint you. It’s not worth taking the chance and getting hurt.”
Oikawa studies you for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Then, to your utter surprise, he smiles—small and knowing, the kind that makes your stomach do something weird.
“Well,” he murmurs, leaning back in his seat, “maybe you just haven’t met the right person yet.”
Your breath catches. You hate the way your heart stumbles over itself, just for a second.
You force yourself to roll your eyes, turning back toward the window. “Gross,” you mutter, hoping he doesn’t hear the slight waver in your voice.
Oikawa just chuckles, hitting play on When Harry Met Sally.
“Talk to me when we hit the part where Meg Ryan fakes an orgasm,” he says, stretching his arms behind his head. “Then we’ll really see where you stand on romance.”
You shake your head, biting back a reluctant smile.
And as the flight drags on, you realize—with a sinking feeling—that you don’t actually mind sitting next to Oikawa Tooru as much as you thought you did.
Oh God. That can’t be good.
four.
Halfway through the scene where Harry and Sally are in flight, you decide, after much internal conflict, that you’ll allow yourself to like Oikawa for this flight and this flight alone. It’s harmless. A temporary indulgence. You can enjoy the anonymity, let yourself sink into the moment, and then disappear once the plane lands. Maybe you’ll see his Olympic gameplay on TV one day, mention it offhandedly to whoever you’re with at the time, and then promptly forget about him.
Because here’s the thing: if you let yourself, you could probably fall for people pretty easily. You keep your guards up because it’s safer, but you imagine that love is like getting sucked into a black hole—you either fall forever, or you hit the ground so hard it shatters you. And if there’s one thing you know about yourself, it’s your tendency to self-sabotage: you don’t remember a single relationship you’ve had where you didn’t walk away first. You really would prefer to keep your romantic fantasies in fiction; it hurts less.
You never realized that Oikawa could share this conviction.
He doesn’t say anything when you shift slightly toward him, resting your arm on the seat rest between you. He doesn’t comment when you fully give in, watching When Harry Met Sally with him like it’s something you’ve been doing forever. He just lets it happen—like he expected it, like he knew you’d cave.
You don’t like that. But you do like the movie.
The scene in the airport plays, Sally meticulously laying out her travel quirks—I like the aisle seat, so I can stretch my legs. I don’t like to eat between meals, but I always want something sweet after dinner. You smile to yourself. You’ve always loved the specificity of it: how she knows exactly what she likes, how she doesn’t compromise on it.
“I feel like dating you would be exhausting,” Oikawa muses abruptly, arms crossed over his chest.
You tear your gaze away from the screen just long enough to give him a withering look. “Excuse me?”
He gestures vaguely in your direction. “You’re too—” He pauses, searching for the right word. “Particular.”
You scoff. “And you’re not?”
“Not in the same way.” He shifts slightly, smirking. “You’d analyze me to death. Pick apart every little thing I do.”
You raise an eyebrow. “You say that like you wouldn’t be a terror to date.”
Oikawa grins, looking entirely too pleased with himself. “Thinking about dating me, are we?”
“I’m thinking about how insufferable you’d be,” you correct, turning back toward the screen.
“Mm. You sure?”
You shoot him a look.
He sighs, dramatic as ever. “Shame. I’d be great at it.”
You snort. “Doubt that.”
His smirk widens. “That sounded a lot like a challenge.”
“It’s not.”
“I think it is.”
“Oikawa.”
He chuckles, finally turning back to the movie, and for some reason, you feel yourself relax again. The teasing is easier now, lighter. You don’t hate it.
And, despite yourself, you sneak another glance at him before looking back at the screen.
The movie plays on. Harry and Sally are walking through Central Park in the fall, debating the age-old question of whether men and women can be just friends. You know every word of this scene, could probably recite it in your sleep.
“I love this part,” you say, before you can stop yourself.
Oikawa glances at you, intrigued. “Why?”
“It’s just—” You pause, searching for the right words. “It’s the conversation. The way they both believe so deeply in their own side of things. And they’re both right, in different ways.”
Oikawa hums, tilting his head. “So, which one are you?”
You blink. “What do you mean?”
“Do you think men and women can just be friends?”
You hesitate. You’ve thought about it before, obviously—you’ve had guy friends, you’ve had moments where those friendships blurred at the edges, where you wondered if they were really as platonic as you claimed.
“I think it depends,” you decide finally. “Some people can. Some people can’t.”
Oikawa watches you for a beat, his expression unreadable. “And what about us?”
Your breath falters; the question feels heavier than it should. You force yourself to scoff. “We’re not even friends.”
He laughs, and you hate how warm the sound is. “Cold.”
You shift in your seat, trying to ignore the way your stomach flips. “I just mean we met, like, five hours ago.”
“Five very meaningful hours,” he says, nodding seriously.
You shake your head, turning back to the screen—just in time for the diner scene.
“Oh, here we go,” Oikawa murmurs.
You grin. “Cinematic excellence.”
Sally fakes an orgasm, loud and unashamed, right in the middle of Katz’s Deli. You try not to look at Oikawa as you laugh, but his presence is suddenly overwhelming, like you can feel him beside you even without looking.
“She’s got a point, you know,” he says.
“What?” You glance at him.
He gestures to the screen. “Half of dating is just making people think you’re having a good time.”
You scoff. “That’s your dating experience, maybe.”
Oikawa raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“You’re a playboy.”
He groans. “I knew you were going to say that.”
“Because it’s true.”
“It’s outdated,” he argues. “Was I kind of a flirt in high school? Sure. But I grew out of that.”
You snort. “Did you?”
Oikawa turns to you, expression softer now. “I did,” he says, and you don’t know why, but the look in his eyes and the way his voice wavers make you believe him.
There’s something almost sad about it, how under his layers of bravado and grandiosity, he seems just the slightest bit lonely. You don’t say anything. You just watch him, the way his jaw tenses slightly, the way his fingers drum absentmindedly against the armrest.
“I don’t know,” he continues, voice quieter. “Never really met someone who gets me like that.”
You hesitate. Then, before you can think better of it, you mumble, “I get that.”
Oikawa looks at you. Something shifts between you. Not huge, not dramatic—but something.
You clear your throat, turning back to the screen. “The best part of this movie is the ending, anyway.”
He watches you for a second longer, then smiles slightly. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” you say, watching as Harry races through the streets on New Year’s Eve, heart in his throat, words spilling out in a desperate confession. “Because he realizes it’s real.”
Oikawa hums. “And you don’t think real love is like that?”
You hesitate. You really don’t want to answer that question, not right now. So instead, you shrug. “Like I said, it’s nice in movies.”
Oikawa doesn’t push. But as the credits roll, he glances at you one last time, something unreadable in his gaze. He’s not entirely convinced by your answer, and you both know it, even if he isn’t saying it aloud.
five.
Oikawa’s phone password is his own name, which is a fun fact you discover as your flight nears hour ten.
You don’t even mean to find out—really, you don’t. He dozes off halfway through Crazy Rich Asians, phone balanced precariously on his knee, screen still lit up from whatever mindless scrolling he’d been doing before sleep claimed him. He’s slumped in his seat, arms crossed, mouth slightly open in a way that would be embarrassing if he were anyone else. But he’s Oikawa, and people like him have a way of looking effortless even in sleep.
The moment the phone slips, it’s like slow motion. It free-falls, landing with a soft thud on the armrest between you. Oikawa startles awake, lashes fluttering, hands fumbling to catch it a second too late. His fingers curl around the device, flipping it over with bleary concern, only for the screen to glare back at him—locked.
And that’s when you see it.
You don’t mean to. It’s just…right there. The exact moment his fingers trace out the unlock pattern, it clicks into place, predictable in a way that makes you snort.
“Oikawa.”
He turns toward you, still shaking off the drowsiness. “Huh?”
“Your password,” you say, fighting a smirk. “You really chose Oikawa?”
He yawns, unbothered. “And?”
“And that’s… so predictable.”
He stretches, spine arching lazily before he slouches back down, as if the conversation itself is something he can’t be bothered to put effort into. “Predictable or genius? You tell me.”
“Predictable,” you say immediately. “What if someone tries to hack you? Your name is the first thing people would guess.”
Oikawa grins. “Exactly. It’s so obvious that no one would actually think I’d use it.”
You scoff, shaking your head. “I bet all your passwords are just variations of your own name.”
He makes a noise of vague offense, rubbing a hand over his face. “That’s an outrageous accusation,” he says, clearly lying.
You narrow your eyes. “Your Netflix account—Oikawa123.”
He lets out a small, amused breath. “No comment.”
“Instagram? KingOikawa.”
“Hey, now—”
“Banking password?” You pause, then shake your head. “No, don’t answer that. I don’t even want to know.”
He chuckles, tipping his head back against the seat. “You’re awfully interested in my passwords, aren’t you?”
You roll your eyes. “I’m interested in the fact that you’re a narcissist.”
“And yet,” he muses, smirking at you, “you’re the one paying so much attention to me.”
Your lips part, an immediate retort on the tip of your tongue—but nothing comes out. Because damn it, he’s right.
Somewhere between hour one and hour ten, between watching him cycle through romcoms and pretending not to care, between brushing shoulders and arguing about the best scene in 10 Things I Hate About You, between the countless small moments where his presence started feeling less like an inconvenience and more like something else entirely—you started paying attention. And he knows it.
You let out a slow breath and turn toward the window. “I hate you.”
Oikawa laughs softly. “No, you don’t.”
You don’t respond. You’re too tired to lie.
***
At hour eleven, your seat neighbor learns something about you, too. It’s not even because you tell him, but because he notices.
The plane has dimmed its lights, casting everything in muted shades of blue and gray. The hum of the engine is steady, a low vibration beneath your feet. Most of the passengers have settled into varying stages of half-sleep—some curled against their window seats, others with neck pillows wedged awkwardly under their chins.
You, on the other hand, remain awake.
You lean against the window, knees drawn up slightly, arms folded. Your gaze is unfocused, staring out at the endless stretch of dark, empty sky. Exhaustion clings to you, but sleep never comes easy—not on planes, not in cars, not anywhere that isn’t familiar.
Oikawa shifts beside you, the rustle of fabric breaking the silence. Then, softly, he asks, “you don’t sleep well on planes, do you?”
You blink, a little surprised. “What?”
He nods at you. “You’ve been sitting like that for a while now. You look exhausted, but you’re still awake.”
You hesitate, because he’s right. You’ve never been good at this—at shutting your brain off, at forcing comfort where it doesn’t exist. Your body stays tense, your thoughts wired for worst-case scenarios, always preparing for turbulence that might never come.
“It’s fine,” you say, voice quieter than before. “I’ll sleep when I land.”
Oikawa watches you for a moment, then, without a word, grabs his hoodie from his lap and balls it up into something vaguely pillow-shaped.
“Here,” he says, placing it between you.
You frown at it. “What?”
“You’ll be more comfortable,” he says simply. “Try it.”
Your gaze flickers to his, searching for the inevitable teasing remark, the smugness, the gotcha. But for once, it’s not there. Just an easy, offhanded kindness.
You swallow. “You don’t have to—”
“I know,” he says, cutting you off before you can argue. “Just take it.”
After a moment of hesitation, you do.
And when you finally let yourself lean into it, letting the exhaustion settle into your bones, you hear him murmur—softer, barely audible— “See? Told you I’d be good at this.”
Because you’re actually significantly more comfortable and way too tired to argue, you just snuggle into the fabric and ignore your thumping heart.
***
At hour twelve, you wake up to warmth.
It’s subtle at first, just a gradual shift from the hazy quiet of sleep to the soft awareness of something unfamiliar. You’re warm, comfortable in a way you shouldn’t be, your head still heavy with lingering exhaustion.
Then, slowly, the details start to register.
The weight pressed lightly against your shoulder. The faint scent of something clean and familiar—fabric softener, maybe, or whatever detergent Oikawa uses. The steady rise and fall of breath, slow and even.
Your pulse stutters.
He’s leaned into you, his head resting lightly against your shoulder, body angled just slightly in your direction. His breathing is deep and even, completely at ease. At some point in the last hour, he must have drifted off.
And instead of moving away—you stayed. Your brain short-circuits. You should move. You should definitely move. But you don’t.
Instead, you sit there, utterly still, heart pounding with something you don’t want to name. Because this—this—is not how Oikawa looks on TV.
The Oikawa you’ve seen in interviews is all sharp angles and practiced charm, leaning into the cameras with a knowing smirk, effortlessly collecting attention like it’s his birthright. The Oikawa on the court is even sharper—brilliant and untouchable, playing with a confidence that borders on arrogance, eyes burning with something that makes it impossible to look away. Even after a game, drenched in sweat and exhaustion, he still performs—laughing, winking at the reporters, throwing casual remarks over his shoulder like he knows the whole world is watching.
But right now?
Right now, he’s none of those things.
His expression is unguarded, free of the practiced ease he wears like armor. His brow is smooth, his lips parted slightly, his breathing soft and steady. There’s no smirk, no carefully placed bravado—just quiet, unconscious stillness.
And it unsettles you. Because this is real.
This is not Oikawa under stadium lights or Oikawa playing to the cameras. This is just him, asleep against your shoulder, completely unaware of the effect he’s having on you.
And maybe that’s what makes it worse.
You exhale slowly, careful not to move too much, not to wake him. Your gaze drifts downward before you can stop yourself, just enough to see the way his hand has fallen between you, palm up, fingers lightly curled. For a second, just a second, you have the insane urge to reach out.
You don’t. Of course, you don’t. But the thought lingers, settling somewhere deep in your chest, unwelcome and impossible to ignore.
You turn your head toward the window, watching the faint glow of city lights far below, hoping the view will quiet whatever this feeling is.
It doesn’t. And still—you don’t wake him.
For some reason, you let him stay.
six.
There’s approximately one hour left before your plane is due to land, and you’re beginning to realize that you don’t actually want it to end.
Maybe it’s the absurdity of the whole situation, or maybe it’s because of your sleep-deprived delusions, but you like Oikawa. You don’t want to—really, you don’t. It would be infinitely easier if he were just another stranger you made small talk with before forgetting the moment you stepped off the plane. But no. He had to be annoying and charming and stupidly perceptive. He had to watch romcoms like he actually gives a damn about them. He had to see through you, easily and effortlessly, as if he simply understood you.
And now, because the universe is cruel and loves to humiliate you personally, you’re sitting here in the final stretch of this flight, hyper-aware of every single second ticking down, not wanting it to be over.
Oikawa doesn’t seem to share your existential crisis. He’s been quiet for the last twenty minutes, scrolling lazily through his phone, one elbow propped against the armrest between you. Every so often, he glances up at the in-flight map, watching as the little airplane icon inches closer to Tokyo.
You hate that it makes your stomach sink.
You shift in your seat, pressing your temple against the cool window, staring out at the early morning sky. You wonder if this is how romcom characters feel in that inevitable third-act moment, when they realize they’ve accidentally gone and caught feelings. When they recognize, with dawning horror, that the person they were supposed to be indifferent to has somehow carved their way into their life.
The difference, of course, is that those characters always get a happy ending.
You don’t know what you get.
The PA system crackles overhead. A flight attendant reminds everyone to prepare for descent. Around you, there’s the familiar rustle of people adjusting in their seats, pulling out jackets, stretching the stiffness from their limbs.
Oikawa shifts beside you, adjusting his hoodie. “Almost there,” he murmurs.
You hum, noncommittal. You think he’s going to leave it at that, but then he glances at you, eyes sharp despite the sleep still clinging to his edges. He tilts his head slightly, like he’s studying you. “You okay?”
Your grip tightens on the armrest. He notices too much. You should’ve known that he would see it—the way you’re staring too long at the window, the way you haven’t snapped at him in a while.
You force yourself to scoff. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Oikawa smirks like he knows something you don’t. “No reason.”
You hate that. You hate how easy he makes it look, the whole watching-you-like-you’re-a-puzzle-he’s-figuring-out thing. You hate that part of you wants him to keep looking.
You exhale slowly, turning back toward the window. The seatbelt light dings on. The plane begins its slow descent, the city below coming into sharper focus.
It’s almost over.
***
Airports are supposed to be soulless places. That’s what you tell yourself, at least, as you walk through the terminal—bleary-eyed, exhausted, your carry-on digging into your shoulder. Your brain is already working on a plan: get your bag, get through customs, forget Oikawa Tooru exists.
That plan lasts approximately five seconds before you hear it.
A cheer. Loud, unmistakable, coming from somewhere near Arrivals. You glance over, along with half the airport, and that’s when you see them.
A couple, standing in the middle of the terminal like a goddamn movie scene. One of them—tall, dark-haired, a duffel slung over his shoulder—is staring at the other like he can’t quite believe she’s real. The girl—small, blonde, practically vibrating—throws her arms around his neck and kisses him so dramatically that the people around them actually applaud.
You blink. “What the fuck.”
Oikawa appears at your side, hands in his hoodie pockets, watching the scene unfold. You can feel him glance at you, the smirk already forming.
“Well,” he says, voice smug, “would you look at that.”
You roll your eyes. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“You know what.”
He hums, still watching the couple, who have now dissolved into an absolute mess of forehead kisses and whispered I missed yous. It’s excessive. It’s dramatic.
It’s also… kind of nice.
You hate that you think that.
Oikawa stretches, tilting his head toward you. “So?”
You frown. “So, what?”
His smirk widens. “Do you believe in it yet?”
Your heart does something stupid. Because the question—it’s not just a callback to your in-flight debate. It’s not just him poking fun at your skepticism. It’s softer than that. More curious. Hopeful, even.
Do you believe in grand gestures? Do you believe in love that doesn’t disappoint? Do you believe in something real?
The answer forms before you can stop it.
“…I think I’m starting to.”
Oikawa stills. Just for a second. Then, slowly, his grin shifts into something real.
You exhale, turning back toward the baggage claim, but before you can walk away, something stops you. Maybe it’s the exhaustion. Maybe it’s the high of stepping off a fourteen-hour flight and still feeling wired.
Or maybe it’s just him.
Before you can second-guess yourself, you reach for his hoodie pocket.
Oikawa blinks. “Uh—”
You pull out his phone, type in his password, and create a new contact in his list. You quickly type in your number, and pause for a second, considering, then—just to be an ass—save your name as oikawa hater. Then you hand it back to him.
Oikawa takes it, glancing between you and the screen, lips curling into something almost incredulous.
“Wow,” he says, shaking his head. “I’m actually speechless.”
“A first for you, I’m sure.”
He huffs out a laugh, eyes flickering back to his phone. He stares at your contact name for a second too long, like he’s memorizing it. Like he wants to. And then he locks his screen, tucks it back into his hoodie, and glances at you—grinning, smug, a little bit victorious.
“So,” he muses, as the baggage carousel hums to life. “Do I get to keep my title as your Peter Kavinsky now?”
You roll your eyes, biting back a smile. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
“You like me,” he says in a sing-song voice. “What happened to love only being good in movies?”
And maybe it’s just your imagination. Maybe it’s the jet lag, or the weird 6AM haze of existing between time zones. But as you step toward baggage claim, you swear—just for a second—Oikawa looks at you like the answer to that question might matter more than anything else.
Honestly, nothing is confirmed. He might never text you, or even if he does, who knows if you two would even make it past the first date. The world could end tomorrow, or he could completely forget about you, the way you thought he would. There’s always the chance that you’ll get hurt anyway. But he deserves to hear it. You, against all odds, want him to know.
So you turn, meet his eyes, and say, completely honestly, “Maybe you’re worth taking a chance on.”
⨭ closing; i wrote this instead of paying attention in my lecture lol i don't really know how i feel about this one yet but here's to hoping it'll grow on me when i'm not so tired from a long day of uni classes </3 let me know yalls thoughts but pls don't be mean :') thank u and love u all
#⨭ navigation#haikyuu x reader#anime#writing#⨭ foreveia#⨭ fics#haikyuu time skip#haikyu x reader#haikyuu#haikyuu oikawa#oikawa tooru#oikawa x reader#hq oikawa#haikyū!!#haikyu fluff#haikyuu x you#haikyuu fluff#oikawa x you#oikawa toru x reader#oikawa fluff#oikawa x y/n
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Thoughts on Vampire!Eddie ??? (I'm a little bit in love w the idea rn)
at first he didn’t want to tell buck. he was being all cagey and repressed about it. but buck kinda figured it out, put some of the pieces together. he’s not dumb. and so eddie confessed one night while they sat on his couch.
buck: do you like… need to drink blood? everyday?
eddie: well..ideally yeah but. it’s not like in the movies. we can eat regular food, we can drink animal blood it’s just. not…
buck: it’s like junk food vs organic? lol
eddie (relieved that bucks still buck. not freaked out. not looking at him like something to be scared of): yeah. lol yeah basically
buck: well… you could always. i mean. if i get a paper cut . maybe you could..
eddie: no! no way. no i would never do that. besides once. once I taste it it’s harder to. to go back to..
Eddie gets a vampire cold. nothing serious but especially since he doesn’t get human blood daily he can’t fight it off as easy. so he feels like shit. bucks in the kitchen chopping vegetables to put in his soup even though.. he’s not even sure it’ll even help but. anyone, vampire or not, likes warm soup when they’re sick. eddie shuffles in asks if he can help in anyway, buck ofc says no but that eddies bedhead is hot even when sick and he doesn’t know how eddie can look that good even with a cold. eddie blushes. not. in a human way but in an eddie way that buck loves. small smile, little head shake that says omg shut up but also. keep talking. it’s all very mundane despite the vampire sized elephant in the room until.
“shit”
buck cuts himself. dropping the knife he holds up his pointer finger. warm red already dripping down the side of it. realization hits buck and he looks up at eddie who looks. frozen in place. no not frozen. restrained. hungry. like it’s taking all the resolve in his weakened body to stay in that spot. he also looks. ashamed. which buck hates the most. eddie should never be ashamed of how he was made. of who he is. bc buck loves him. he would give eddie anything. all of him. what’s mine is yours eddie he had said once. and he meant it.
buck takes a step forward.
“Buck dont” eddie holds his hand out.
“eddie… it’s okay.. i want.. i want to help you feel better i want to help you.”
“buck..” eddie closes his eyes, gathers himself. when he opens them again bucks rounded the kitchen island is now in front of him. he holds out his finger, an offering. if you want this, if you want me, you can take it. use it in whatever way you need.
eddie pauses. stares. then, as if he’s made some sort of silent decision with himself, gently takes bucks hand. buck feels like he can’t breathe. eddie brings it up to his mouth. places the lightest gentlest kiss just above the cut, (which is already starting to coagulate. it wasn’t deep.) and grabs a paper towel off the counter, wraps bucks finger, holds bucks injured hand in both of his and w a small smile, voice rough from the intensity, says, “the soup smells delicious buck, i can’t wait to try it.” he gives bucks hand one last squeeze before letting it go. buck feels slightly shaken. almost like after a close call at work. but eddie looks steady, sure, not fighting himself like earlier. so buck takes a breath. exhales. smiles and says “it Does smell delicious doesn’t it” and eddie laughs. it’s beautiful. grounds buck. settles that nervous energy. “see? ok cowboy, I’ll grab the bowls and then you meet me on the couch. we’ll start a movie.”
buck nods, tends to his finger the old fashioned way, not by your vampire bf sucking the blood out of it, he thinks slightly dejectedly, and puts the finishing touches on the soup.
eddies grabbing the bowls and utensils. but buck. bucks been looking at him bc. actually. eddie had the smallest drop of bucks blood on his bottom lip. from the kiss. he wasn’t even sure if eddie noticed it. Bucks attention is half on the stove but still on eddie. always on eddie. and before eddie heads to the living room, eddie takes a quick glance at buck, sees if he’s looking. bucks perfected the act of obliviousness, so eddie, thinking he’s free from bucks gaze, tentatively and gently brings his finger up to his bottom lip. swipes. and tastes. like when you’re taste testing a dish. small, delicate, efficient. but eddie? he savors. allows himself the quickest of indulgences. closes his eyes. breathes in deep. takes one last glance at buck, making sure he wasn’t caught. and heads into the living room. buck smiles, he’s stirring the soup but he’s not even there right now. he’s on eddies bottom lip, on the pad of his finger. On the tip of his tongue., He feels a rush go through him. electric like lighting. maybe tonight’s not the night. he doesn’t know when it will happen, but somehow he’s going to let eddie know. this isn’t just for eddies sake. this isn’t buck just offering up his body his blood in order to find some absolution, some salvation. buck wants this just as much as eddie needs it. he thrums with this resolution. ladles out the soup. and heads into the living room.
#anon. idek#but i think eddie is hesitant to drink bucks blood bc he doesn’t want buck thinking he’s just more parts for someone to use!#but buck is a beautiful crazy in love girl and wants to be inside eddie forever and he WILL make it happen!!!#he’s got a plan!!#anyway#asks#this is not edited i just banged this out in one go so everyone must be very gentle#vampire au
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High Walls in Gotham
Author’s Note: I'm so happy to be back!
Summary: Jason has known Y/n since they were running together on the streets. Now that they’re in their 20s, Jason is Red Hood cleaning up the streets of Gotham with bullets and blood, and Y/n is White Witch, the criminal elite’s favorite fence and Black Mask’s favorite advisor. With their places in Gotham so opposed, does their past even matter?
Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader
Word count: 3438
Story Warnings: a bit of angst and mutual pining.
~~~
When rain falls in Gotham, it turns an already-dark city into a cloud of ink-colored oil slick. The city doesn’t care, though. It keeps going through the rain. Businessmen do their business, taxis run their fares, criminals plot their crimes, and heroes foil them.
Jason Todd continues through the rain, too. Three parts hero, two parts criminal, and one part little boy who never really grew up.
My security system goes off to inform me that I have a visitor approaching the door of the apartment. A blur of black and red passes the camera as I pull up the video on my phone. I get to my door and open it, just as he raises his hand to knock. It takes him by surprise and gives me a chance to get a good look at him. Red hood and matching mask, brown fatigue pants, black and red boots. His eyes are grey today.
He covers his shock quickly and pushes into my living room. “Shipment of guns coming in. Big one. I want details.”
“Please, come in, Jason. Would you like anything? A drink or perhaps a lesson in manners?” I greet him as I shut the door.
“Save it. I want names, dates, times. Now,” he demands, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at me.
“Come on. If I knew something, I’d tell you. Sounds like you know more than I do.”
His eyes narrow further and I can tell he’s wishing he could intimidate me like he does other criminals. Well, it’s just too bad for him that I know him too well. “Quit playing dumb, Y/n. You get your fingers into any pie you can reach in this city. Last time an arms shipment came through, you were the one who told me about it.”
“Exactly.” I cross my arms and look bored. “I knew something, I told you. This time I don’t know anything, so that is why I have nothing to tell you.”
Jason glares more before sighing. “Fine. Let’s play a game. You answer a question honestly, and I’ll leave.”
I smile and nod. “Sure.”
“Who are you working for right now? And don’t even try that self-employed bullshit. You’re always in someone’s pocket.”
I lick my lips and take a breath. “Black Mask,” I respond.
“Black Mask again, huh? Figures. He’s the only one crazy enough to work with you repeatedly without killing you. ‘Kay, next question.”
I put my hand on my chest in mock offense. “Are you trying to wound me, Jason?” I nod. “All right, then. Next question.”
“You dating him?”
“What?”
“Dating, fucking, whatever.”
I laugh out loud, the sound echoing through my suite. “Are you serious, right now? I’d never let Roman touch me! He’s rich but he’s a fucking psycho. I have standards!”
“So you aren’t protecting him because you’re screwing him. So why are you protecting him?”
“I’m not protecting him. Black Mask doesn’t need me to protect him.” I shake my head. “I don’t know about any shipment of guns. I swear.”
He stares at me, examining my face for any trace of deception. He sighs when he doesn’t find any. “Something’s not right. I know guns are coming in. I’ve heard a dozen people whispering about it, but no one knows anything.”
“Have you asked your former mentor? Or any of the other birdies?” I ask, taking a step closer to him.
He tenses at the mention of his former family, jaw tight and anger in his posture. “Damn it. You think they might know something?”
“I learned a long time ago that Batman and Robin know what’s going on in this city. Much to chagrin.”
“Yeah. Which means they know about you working for Black Mask. They know you’re working with any criminal who throws money at you.”
I blink at him a few times before smiling tightly. “I’m not a stripper; no one throws money at me.” I step toward my kitchen, turning my back so he won’t see my emotions on my face. “And I’m a small fry. If they know about me, I’m likely listed as ‘nameless fence slash goon number 3’.”
I grab a beer from my fridge and distract myself with opening and drinking it. “You think I believe you’re just a fence?” he challenges, following me into the kitchen. “I know you better than that.”
“What, exactly, do you think I do, then, Jason?”
“Black Mask keeps you around for a reason, Y/n. If you’re not fucking him, you’re advising him, and if you’re advising him…” He grabs my shoulders and forces me to face him. “Then you’re protecting him, and if you’re protecting him, you’re lying to me.”
“I protect myself and those I care about. Roman doesn’t qualify,” I respond, glaring slightly as I look up into his eyes. “Now, I answered your questions. I’m done with your game. You can leave now.”
I move away from him, intent to show him the door, but he grabs my elbow to stop me. “I’m not-” he starts, but I’m done with our conversation. I spin back, gun from my back holster pressed against his temple.
“Let’s not,” I say coldly.
He looks at the gun for a moment. “You’re not left-handed. Think you could actually-”
“Safety’s already off and I doubt accuracy would matter much at this range. Would you like to meet God again?”
I’d never pull the trigger but he doesn’t know that. He puts his hands up and steps back. “Fine. I’ll talk to Dick, see if he knows anything.”
“Good idea,” I say as he walks toward the door.
“Oh, and, uh,” he turns at the door and smirks at me. “Your safety is on.”
I roll my eyes as he leaves. Of course the safety was on. I wouldn’t actually clock him with a loaded gun if the safety wasn’t safe. I sigh and take a seat on my sofa. I hate that I love that idiot. As terrible as it seems, I would’ve been better off emotionally if he had just stayed dead.
~~~
I spend a lot of time at the Black Mask Club. Roman likes having me around…and I like people-watching. There’s so much information that can be gleaned from watching interactions. I watch a couple clowns walk in, followed by the pigtail-wearing blond. Joker doesn’t follow, but the fact that his goons are with her says that Harley and Joker are back together. Wonderful. I approach and offer a smile to the clowns before Harley turns to me.
“White Witch! It’s been forever!” She wraps her arms around me and I return the gesture. She shoos away the goons and offers me a seat next to her at the bar. “Yer a fixture here lately, ain’ ya?
“Even when I’m not on his payroll, it’s a good idea to keep tabs on what Roman’s up to.” I throw a look at the goons. “I see you’re back with Facepaint.”
She shrugs. “Aw, Mr. J ain’t so bad. He bought me this bracelet to apologize.” She shows off a diamond tennis bracelet I recognize as having been stolen a week ago.
“You know I don’t judge, Harley, but-”
“Yeah, ya do,” she argues. “Yer still salty that my puddin’ put down your puddin’.”
I smile politely. “I do not now, nor have I ever had, a ‘puddin’. I’m just saying…deserve better.”
“Does she now?” A higher pitched manic voice behind me says. I have to work to keep the smile on my face as the clown joins Harley at the bar. “I give Harley everything she could ever ask for.”
“Of course! A happier woman, I’ve never seen,” I force out, keeping the smile despite the fact that I want to take a crowbar to Joker’s stupid, smiling face. “You two have a good night. Enjoy your drinks.” I turn away and walk toward Roman in the VIP.
“What crawled up her stovepipe and died?” Joker asks.
“She’s just lonely. Don’t worry ‘bout her.” At least Harley has the decency to keep her observations about me and Jason to herself. The last thing I need is for that clown monster to know I have a soft spot worth exploiting.
“Fuckin’ clown,” Roman says as I step up into the VIP area.
“I didn’t know you had a problem with Joker,” I say as I grab a glass of wine and take a seat beside him.
“Everyone with half a mind has a problem with that crazy fuck. He’s unpredictable.”
“I knew there was a reason I liked you, Roman.”
“Has nothing to do with me bankrolling your lifestyle, then?” he jokes.
“Absolutely not,” I respond with a smirk. I take a sip of wine and settle in for the night, trying to ignore the clowns. Joker doesn’t deserve to be sitting in a bar with a beautiful woman at his side. He doesn’t deserve the cushy cell in Arkham that he’ll be in next time Batman takes him off the streets. Joker deserves an unmarked grave in a pauper’s graveyard. Of course, Batman would never put him down. He’d never do the right thing. He’d only do what he thought was right.
Jackass.
~~~
I leave the Black Mask Club at about 2 in the morning. I wave off the bodyguards that want to walk me to my car. I don’t need them. I sigh when I see Red Hood leaning against my car door. “Two nights in a row. You’re gonna make me think you’re sweet on me, Hood.”
“So I was thinking about our talk, ya know, before you pulled your gun on me,” he starts, ignoring my comment as he stands up straight. “You said you protect the ones you care about. I didn’t think there was anyone you cared about besides yourself.”
I nod, faking a thoughtful expression. “You’re right. You know me so well. I do only care for myself.”
“No, I’m thinking I was wrong, actually. I think there must be someone you actually give a fuck about.”
I push past him to open my car door but he puts his hand on the door to prevent me from moving. I push down my anger and look up at him. “Years ago, there was a dumbass boy I gave a fuck about, but he died about a decade ago.” I take a deep breath and look up into the eyes of his mask.
His posture changes but I can’t see expression because of that fucking mask. “Sorry. I was just-”
I roll my eyes, happy that it went over his head. “You were just pushing my buttons.”
“I was teasing. I didn’t think… what happened?” he asks, stepping back to let me open my door.
“Gotham happened,” I respond before getting in my car and turning it on. He steps back and I peel out of the parking lot.
I wish he would leave me the fuck alone sometimes. I had to see him dead already. I had to mourn him already. I can’t see him die again, not for this city and not for the goddamn Bat.
I wish I really was as cold and heartless as people think I am.
~~~
“Think we got one of ‘em to take the bait,” Roman says when I enter his office in the morning. I offer him a cup of coffee and take a seat in the armchair in front of his desk.
“Yeah? Did you get the Bat to bite?”
“No. Un-fucking-fortunately, I think it’s the other one��not the kid, the other bird.”
“Nightwing? Used to be Robin?” I ask, my stomach dropping a bit.
“Yeah. These idiot ‘heroes’ and their stupid fuckin’ names,” Roman sneers.
“Like Black Mask and White Witch and Poison Ivy and fuckin’ Calendar Man?” I snap, my heart racing with fear. Jason went to Dick. Dick is going to lead Jay into a trap.
“You got a fuckin’ problem, bitch?” Roman growls, leaning forward.
I lick my lips and shake my head. “Ya know, I think I might be PMSing. You need me to stick around or can I go home?”
“Yeah, get the fuck out of here. Don’t need your fucking attitude,” he dismisses. I stand and walk out of his office, forcing myself to walk to avoid his attention, but I want to run. I need to warn Jason. Now.
I race to Jason’s apartment, swerving through cars and going 80 in a 45. I screech to a stop, easily parking in front of the building and running inside. I slam my fist into the wood of his door. I wait a few seconds then hit the door again. Jason finally opens the door and I push into his apartment. He looks over at me, exhaustion on his face. He runs his hand through his hair as he closes his door.
“I hope you have a good reason to wake me up when-”
“Shut the fuck up and listen to me,” I interrupt. His eyes go wide at my tone. “Do not go to the docks tonight.”
His eyebrows come together in confusion. “How do- Wait.” He crosses his arms over his chest and glares at me. “You lied to me. You do know about the guns.”
“Of course I do; it’s my job to know this shit. The point was for you not to know because it’s a fucking trap.” I step closer to him. “Roman was hoping to catch the Bat so he put rumors out in the world about the guns. It’s not for you.”
“What, you were gonna let Black Mask kill-”
“Yes! Let Bruce finally get what’s coming to him, sure! But not you,” I insist. “Not again.”
Jason blinks a few times before his expression softens. “You know I can’t just let those guns into the city.”
“Let someone else take care of it, Jason. Please,” I whisper.
He runs his hand through his hair. “Who? Especially knowing it’s a trap, who can I give it to?”
“Give it to Gordon. Let GCPD actually do their jobs for once. Or tell Batman. Let him know it’s a trap, that way he can prepare, but don’t walk into that shit.”
“Dick and I-”
I grab his shirt and look up into his eyes. “Don’t. Go.”
He looks shocked at the intensity in my expression. “Okay. I’ll…toss it to someone else.”
I sigh in relief and let go of his shirt. “Good.” I move to leave, but his hand wraps around my wrist and I turn back to look at him,. He’s looking down at his ugly carpet, white strands of hair falling into his eyes.
“That dumbass boy from your past that you were talking about… is he…”
I scoff and shake my head a little. Had to know he’d figure it out after this. “Still a dumbass with anger issues despite being murdered years ago? Yeah.”
He closes his eyes for a second. “What if…this dumbass…what if he cared about you, too?”
I take a deep breath as tears threaten my eyes. “Then he’d be a bigger dumbass than I thought ‘cause he’d be clinging to me the way I’ve been clinging to him.”
He takes an audible breath, his fingers tightening around my wrist. “You’re clinging to the real him… the old him. Do you want him back? That him, not the… ghost you’ve been talking to?”
I shake my head, the tears finally welling up. “You’re not a ghost, Jay. You came back…and you’ve been angry, but… anyone who doesn’t understand…they never fucking understood you in the first place,” I say, thinking about Batman admonishing him for becoming the Hood.
He looks over at me, his eyes green and wet with unshed tears. “Do you? Do you understand why I became the Red Hood?”
“Of course.” I discretely wipe my eyes and clear my throat. “You grew up seeing the same thing I did, the true darkness in the heart of Gotham. Then Batman took you from the streets and gave you a purpose more than just surviving. He taught you his morals and gave you a place at his side and that place next to him, it got you killed. And then…”
“And then I came back… broken and changed,” he says, his voice low.
“No. Not broken.” I blink away more tears. “Changed. Of course you changed. You came back different, angry at the way his morals put you in a place to…” I look down, anger filling me. “Joker should never have been allowed to live after the first time he escaped Arkham. Throwing them in jail over and over does fucking nothing. It’s a stupid cycle that Batman perpetuates because he knows that he is nothing if he doesn’t have anyone to fight against. You shouldn’t have had to pay that price for him.”
He looks over at me, shocked by some part of my diatribe. “You…” he starts, his voice cracking.
I lick my lips and take a deep breath to try to regain the composure I usually pride myself on. “When Bruce Way adopted you, I was so jealous. Even when I watched the Boy Wonder beat up my dad’s drug dealer and I heard your voice from under that stupid domino mask… I was happy for you. But when Joker killed you… I wanted to kill Bruce. It was his fault.” I tuck my hair behind my ears. “If I’d been older, if I hadn’t been a 15 year old girl with no access to billionaire Bruce Wayne… I would have tried, but I knew I couldn’t get close enough.”
“You still feel that way? After all these years?”
“Never stopped.” I clear my throat and pull my hand away from him. “Anyway.”
“Don’t ‘Anyway’ me. We need to talk about this.”
“What do we have to talk about? This doesn’t change anything. You’re still going to be trying to clean up the seedy underbelly of Gotham…and I’m still going to be stuck in that seedy underbelly. We can’t stop being who we are and we can’t afford to be each other’s weaknesses.”
Jason nods. “I get that but I want…can’t we just talk a bit longer?”
I take a breath and step back. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Tell me something I don’t know about you. Something I missed after I left you behind to go play hero with Bruce.”
I tuck my hair behind my ears and look at his dirty carpet beneath our feet. “I used to dream of moving away somewhere, having a normal life. Used to dream of living that normal life…with that dumbass boy.”
“Yeah? What happened to that dream? What shattered it?” He moves to try and catch my eyes. “Was it the boy? Or because of Batman?”
I look up, smiling tightly. “It was me, actually. I realized that I’m never gonna make it out of Gotham. It was a nice dream though. It’s still kinda my happy place, where I go to rest my mind when the real world gets too harsh.”
“Tell me about the dream life. Where do we live? What do we do?” he asks quietly.
“A little farm in the middle of nowhere. Upstate somewhere, ya know. Just some chickens and goats roaming around. I’d work at the diner in town and you’d do something with your hands…mechanical stuff, maybe. We would have breakfast every morning on the porch and watch the sunset every night.”
Jason’s eyes get misty. “And what about kids? Are there…kids in the dream?”
I smile softly. “Sometimes. Sometimes it’s just us but sometimes there’s a baby.”
“And we’re…happy? Together on that farm, we’re happy?” he asks, his voice practically a whisper.
“That’s how I know it’s a dream, silly. Gotta be fake if I’m happy.”
“So, you’re saying…” His voice cracks and he clears his throat. “...being happy with me is only possible in your dreams?”
I laugh humorlessly. “You tell me, Jason.”
He runs his hand through his hair. “You know it’s not that simple. We can’t just throw away our responsibilities, our missions. But God, I wish we could.”
I smile sadly and pat his chest. “Exactly. We’re both still here and, well, we aren’t going anywhere…together or otherwise.”
“Dammit. We’re stuck, aren’t we?”
“Yeah,” I confirm softly. “But we’re alive. Stay that way for me, Jason. Please.”
“I can do that…for your…happy place.”
I go to my tiptoes and press my lips to his cheek. “Thank you, my dumbass boy,” I say before pulling open his door and running down the stairs.
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#I gotta vent for a fucking second cause holy shit#my one doctor wants me to try therapy cause I have depression and anxiety and I’m unmedicated#everything they tried gave me really bad side effects and the side effects so yeah#and personally I’m not really interested in therapy#I actually think it might make me worse and I’ve been doing better lately anyways#but the doctor performing my hysterectomy is the one who wants me to try it and I’m afraid she’ll deny my surgery if I say no#so whatever I’ll give it a try I figure#literally everywhere here is not taking new patients 🫠#everywhere I’ve tried has been a no so I messaged my primary care doctor and asked him cause he originally treated my mental health#and all the therapists he usually recommends aren’t taking new patients either but he gives me the phone number for a place to try#fUCKING HORRIBLE#the place has a 1 star review so you know we’re off to a bad start 🫠#I call anyways and the person is like ‘oh yeah we can take you I just need your email address to send you the paperwork’#give to her and proceed to not get any emails from this place until she calls me back and asks for my email address again#somehow they completely butchered multiple time even with me spelling it out phonetically and it is not a hard email address#literally was on the phone for like 20 mins doing this#I finally get the paperwork and not only is it 45 pages long (and half of it I’m questioning) but the computer won’t let me fill it out#call them back again and get told oh it must be technical errors which like I get happen but it takes them two more hours to fix#and it still wasn’t even fully fixed it wouldn’t let me add my signature to anything so like#idk I sent it back and told them that! hopefully they let me sign in office#but also like the paperwork was such bullshit?#it had their prices and cancellation policy in it four times#and like half the stuff I feel like was not relevant for therapy to know?#also it’s absurdly expensive and I def can’t afford it with my upcoming surgery#so I guess I’m gonna go once or twice and then be like yeah I can’t afford to keep coming#honestly I’m not impressed with the place at all and feel like alternatively it might be me going ‘yeah this isn’t working bye’#the fucking paperwork was overly complicated and long for no reason#and it gave me so much fucking anxiety to fill out 🙃#I feel like places that are offering mental health services should not be this anxiety-inducing to try to be seen?#anyways I’m not holding my breath but wish me luck? :/
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tomorrow is my first day of classes as I go back to school for the first time in eight years and my family has picked today to blow up at each other and drag me into it
#VERY long story short#after my Papa died my dad buying the house out from my mom became a real possibility again#so all of us slowed down on the house sale stuff#and that included me shifting my focus from packing and looking for a place to getting ready to start school#but as of about two and a half hours ago my father is again freaking the fuck out#and saying we need to have the house ready to go on the market in seven fucking days#bc my mom has asked for a downpayment which he says he can’t afford#(when I asked him how much she was asking for he said he didn’t know. so it’s less ‘can’t’ and more ‘doesn’t want to’ but whatever)#anyway I asked him to ask bc if it comes down to it I would prefer to loan my dad the money for the downpayment#bc in exchange I get stability while I go back to school and the money I lose in interest would just be going to increased rent anyway#so now I get a text from my mother saying ‘do not give your father money for the downpayment’#and I’ve been trying so hard to be supportive of them both without it seeming like I’m ‘taking sides’#but I kind of snapped and said ‘I love you but don’t tell me what to do. I’m not doing this to ‘bail dad out’’#‘I’m doing this bc it’s the best option for me right now.’#and now she’s not responding to me#I fucking hate this#she needs the money. I need a stable place to live. let me loan him the money so YOU have the money mom!#I know you’re worried he won’t pay me back bc he’s proven to be less than honest with his finances in the past but also.#I’m his only kid. not to be macabre but I’ll be getting it back eventually one way or another unless he somehow writes me out of his will.#just fuckin. I’m supposed to be reading through my syllabuses and figuring out bullshit websites for school rn.#I don’t want to be dealing with family drama and impending homelessness rn pls chill#personal
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i decided to try to 100% mondstadt’s areas and i’m honestly starting to believe that 100%ing starfell valley is impossible i have been searching for HOURS
#genshin impact#it’s going to be 98% forever i give up#im so annoyeddddddd#how do people have the patience for clearing regions like this it’s driving me nuts#i have been massacring every single thing in the area for days trying to figure out what chest or whatever is eluding me#i am waving my white flag#giving it all up#the secrets win😔#maybe one day i’ll go back to spend 8 hours on it to find one chest and get to 99%#rip
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oh my goddddd tv show can you not have an episode about seeing the future i’m sad enough as it fucking is about this stupid ass plot you’ve set up that i knowwwww goes to SHIT. you can’t be bbc merlining me already i trusted you
#post that probably does not obviously give away what show i’m watching but i feel like it does. ok#well i have to post my little posts or i’ll die so. if the show is obvious to you it just means YOURE also a freak who watched it so i don’t#wanna hear any judgement rn.#and don’t try to guess oh my god i’ll kill myself if you tell me you’re detectiving and compiling all the crap i’m saying and you’re gonna#figure it out or whatever this isn’t redacted era this is for real redacted….
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won at monopoly against 2 of the girlies despite constantly being in jail & having no money, and finishing off w a roll of 10 after getting out of jail stealing the free parking 😭😭
#stream#ALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLSK#LITERALLY I WAS SO MAD I PASSED GO LIKE 5x TOTAL I WAS JUST COCNSTANLTY IN FUCKING JAIL#NOT EVEN FROM THE CARD BC I KEPT LANDING ON GO TO JAIL 😭😭😭😭#girl …..#ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLS#queen was SOOOO MAD#he had 3 of the railroads (girl he literally has the rupauls monopoly 😭😭) so it was whatever ‘charms’ or something & i had the last & REFUSE#D TO SELLL ALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLA#‘u won w ur shrude business practices’ ALSKALSKALKSLSMDLA NO BITCH ITS BC IM BROKE AS FUCK & CANT AFFORD TO KEEP LANDING ON U 😭😭😭😭#LIKE … THIS IS 100$ A POP !!!!!!!#barely makin it back w u landing on mine …#ALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLSKSLAKSLAKSLAM#he’s just soooooo competitive#oh my god ok and u wanna KNOW how he got the 3 ? so his girlie JANICE was like ‘ok so NOBODY is ALLOWED to have ALL 4 !!!’ & then queen has#2 janice has 1 & ive 1 & queen goes hey girl .. i’ll give u this green property & 100$ for that railroad :) & she immediately goes ‘DEAL :D’#ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLA LIKE BITCH WHAT !!!!!!! NOW HE HAS 3 OF THEM 😭😭😭😭 IT WAS UR IDEA NOT TO ALLOW HIM TO HAVE IT ALSKALKSLAKSLAKLAKSLAKSLAK#GIRL !!!!!!!!!!!!#they’re both so fucking FUNNY#oh my god then we went to get sushi & there was some music on & he was trying to figure out what the corus was saying & then it comes on#for a sec & he says what he thinks he’s saying but then the song stopped & i went ‘actually … i think it’s off’ & he looked at me like the#guy in bee movie looking at the girl like u know the >:E in DISGUST#ALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKLAM#girl it was so fucking FUNNY HE WAS SOOOOOOO OFFENDED HE HATES MY SHITTY JOKES SO MUCH THEYRE SO DUMB 😭😭😭😭😭
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ohh I am worried my new meds (yes the ones that give me a funny eyebrow twitch. that mostly stopped now) actually are sort of working. “worried” bc my insurance doesn’t really cover them and the ones I’ve been taking are my psych handing me a full months’ worth of free samples
#we checked and the copay would be like $400#she said if the meds work we’ll figure something out and she’ll try to give me samples as long as possible#appreciable affects have been i no longer am like sleeping a dozen hours a day (i sleep Human Amount now) + stopped overeating#and i have juuust enough ‘less’ anxiety to have enabled me to sort some important shit out and break one of my worst habits#which is being so comically avoidant of perceived rejection or confrontation that i sabotage myself needlessly for months or YEARS#i managed to have long overdue interpersonal convos and do career related outreach i’d been avoiding forever#and i hope it’s a trend. i overthink everything and its unthinkable to just. be open to failure or rejection and embrace whatever happens#and it’s about time i finally could !!#‘if i fuck up and fail i’ll DIE. better just sleep for ever instead’ no !!! stop that !! fucking do the thing! if they get mad they get mad#anyway idk it’s not just the meds i think the good weather is helping#so hooopefully…….i won’t…get a month or two of effective meds and then have to stop and become catatonically depressed again
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Just remembered how one of my dedicated to people last roadtrip literally was like “oh actually I don’t think you can stay here tonight I have work early tomorrow :(“ after driving like seven and a half hours to him (and he texted me this when I was an hour away from his house and we had literally talked about my plans to stay there all day) like hello red flag red flag red flag
#the way he made me drive ten hours in one day when it was like less than a week after my fathers funeral like bro hello#he really was like idk you should be able to just drive three hours to your next person idk ur gonna figure it out#insane insane insane#not to be that guy but literally to be that guy I am so glad I am making my own plans to sleep in random places on the road and not staying#at anyone’s house besides Millie and direct family#it was literally snowing in the mountains of West Virginia he was like yeah just drive three extra hours at night thru the mountains while#it snows#GRAH MAKES ME SO UPSET STILL#AM I THAT SHITTY OF A PERSON THAT HE DIDNT REALIZE THAT WAS A SHITTY THING TO DO#me willing to wake up at four in the morning to get out of his hair before work just for a bed to sleep in and not drive#I literally stopped and napped in his bed while the he smoked weed with our West Virginia friends before driving the extra three hours#he should’ve just let me crash if he was willing to have me and three other ppl over that night#god. angry. okay. gonna go shower and try to stop thinking about dedicated to people. I think I’ve also decided I’m not even gonna try to#talk to my Chattanooga almost friend at least not on the way up maybe on the way back I’ll shoot him a text#it only cuts like half an hour off of my trip but like whatever I’ll take that time over an awkward hang out with someone I haven’t talked#to in six months#ugh having friends is hard I hate it#Millie I love you. I know you don’t really tumblr often and don’t even follow this blog but Millie forever#gives me as much space as I need but then we randomly call each other and talk for hours and then go mute for a week again#send each other random pictures or texts or videos and then call in another week or two#and then we meet up in person and just absolutely love the vibes and then go back to being low key distant#I love it she is so awesome Millie ily forever and ever dude ur so good and so cool I am so excited to visit again even tho it’s only been#a couple months#okay I’m back to ranting I’m still thinking about it. we literally fucked and then he (dedicated to…) rolled over and tweeted abojt thinking#about someone else during sex LIKE I WAS LAYING NEXT TO HIM#AND HE TWEETED THAT. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. Not to mention all the just so so clearly ignoring me and talking to dudes on grindr while I was#sitting in his living room trying to hang out with him#still mad but I don’t want to be mad but I am still so mad he treated me like shit and I just was like yeah this is how having friends works#I was so dumb but I wanted attention and when he gave me attention it was incredible but so fucking rare but I actually cared about him and#he just didn’t care at all about hurting me while I was literally going thru the worst shit in my personal life like god I was so dumb
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the strugglerrrrrrrrr
#for context i need to finish editing c8 of my heart so i can get it posted#and it’s always such a struggle to get started#bc once i actually get get into the groove i’ll finish it up and it’ll be fine#also the way there’s only have two chapters left after this 👀#i feel like i’ve been working on this fic for forever#but maybe that’s because i’ve used it as escapism to deal with my personal shit#bc i tend to do that#it’ll be weird when it’s over#it always is with any project#i say as i’ve still got three chapters including 8 which is half finished#but ya know me always thinking about the end before it’s even upon me#bc i’m kooky like that ✌🏻🤪✌🏻#but it’ll be onto the next shitty lil fic (affectionate) <3#whatever that may be#i have some ideas#i have like a choice of like three wips to pick from#maybe i’ll do two at once who knows#but like as if i don’t struggle with just one at a time#so why not give myself more work and get in my own head about it#but eh we’ll see i guess#i’m not planning on doing anything like immediately after i finish my heart anyways#was planning on trying to get my heart! finished by new year’s#might still happen but we’ll see#at least early in the year if not#i still have a while i suppose so i’ll figure something out#but yeah i’ll try to maybe do some work tonight#and it’ll be posted as soon as i can#gwen rambles#gwenposting#gwen’s fics
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let me b-a-n-g baby
rafe cameron x fem!virgin reader
summary: “she told you she celibate, but she told me i can nail her shit” - nle choppa
warnings: smut, loss of virginity, dirty talk, reader seems sweet and innocent but is secretly dirty, dom!rafe, sub!reader, oral (m + f receiving), unprotected piv sex, a spank, creampie, slight breeding kink, daddy kink, cheating, reader has a boyfriend that is not rafe, degrading, praise, cursing, celibacy but not specified why
obv this is based on gang baby by nle choppa
God, you drove Rafe fucking crazy.
Wearing those skirts that were normal length around your family, but hiked up to barely cover your ass around him.
Whenever Rafe would see you with your boyfriend, you always seemed so uninterested, giving him looks with your pretty eyes.
He just wanted you so bad.
You currently stood in Rafe’s living room as he threw a party, one of his lavish ones that everyone in Figure 8 knew about.
Sipping on whatever little drink was handed to you at the beginning of the party, your boyfriend, Miles, spewed on and on and on about some side project at work.
“Good job, baby.” You hummed, not paying attention, eyes locked on Rafe’s icy blue ones.
Rafe was smirking at you, drinking a glass of scotch on the rocks as he noticed you not even paying your poor boyfriend any ounce of attention.
“Y/n.”
You snapped your gaze back over to Miles.
“Hm?” you hummed.
“I think I’m gonna head back home, you coming?” Miles asked sweetly.
Miles was genuinely an okay-ish boyfriend. He obviously cared, the two of you had been together for three months.
But when you first got with him and told him you were waiting til marriage, it set some kind of tension in the relationship.
“No, I’m gonna stay. I’ll get a ride home, though. promise.”
You felt Miles give your kiss a soft cheek, patting your knee as he stood up to leave.
As soon as he was gone, a familiar voice loomed over you. “not desperate to leave with your boyfriend?”
You glanced up, making eye contact with Rafe as he towered over your sitting position. You swallowed, licking your lips.
“The party isn’t over yet, is it?”
Rafe smirked at your response, taking the last sip of his scotch as he moved to sit in the seat that was previously occupied by Miles.
You had spoken to Rafe multiple times before, always seeing him at events.
“You’re not wearing your little skirt?” Rafe hummed, his eyes trailing your form.
You crossed one leg over the other, heart pounding at his intimidating gaze.
“Decided on wearing some jeans… ‘s too cold at night for a skirt.”
Rafe didn’t respond, not bothering to hide the fact he was blatantly checking you out. But he always did that.
“You don’t seem very into your boyfriend.”
Your eyes widened as he randomly called you out. Face feeling warm, you broke eye contact with him.
“I don’t think he’s very into me,” you murmured back, feeling suddenly shy.
“Yeah? How come?”
Rafe leaned closer, his large, veiny hand coming to rest on your knee. Goosebumps erupted on your skin from the contact, and you were grateful you decided to wear jeans to cover them.
“Told him I’m celibate on our third date… been a little awkward ever since,” you admit softly.
Rafe was shocked, but he masked it well. His eyes widened a little at your confession, those soft wrinkles tightening a little on his forehead.
“You practice celibacy?” Rafe hums, his thumb running along your knee still. No way this girl who hikes her damn skirts up so much to show him her ass was celibate.
“I try to, yeah.”
“Try to?” Rafe questioned, a small smirk curling on his lips.
“Guess it depends on how horny the person makes me,” you blurt out, feeling your face immensely warm from your admission and the cocky grin Rafe gave you, you sank back into your seat.
“Oh, pretty girl. You tellin’ me your boyfriend doesn’t get you all worked up? Doesn’t know how to make you all needy?” Rafe cooed.
Oh god.
His voice was enough to send shivers down your spine and a throb in your clit.
Rafe took your lack of response as something good, his self-assured smirk still plastered on his sexy face.
“I… uh… don’t really know how to answer that,” you murmur shyly.
“Mhm. How about I take you somewhere more private? Can’t hear your sweet voice surrounded by all these people,” he suggests.
You knew it wasn’t a good idea, no way in hell was following Rafe Cameron to a private bedroom ever a good idea.
He currently had your plush thighs over his shoulders, fingers digging into the sheets, noises escaping your mouth as he ate your cunt as if he was starving.
His eyes were locked onto your face, watching how with every delicious swirl of his tongue against your clit, it contorted up in pleasure.
“That feel good, pretty girl?”
All you could do was mumble something incoherent, the pleasure completely new and overwhelming to you.
Miles hadn’t offered to eat you out, despite you sucking his dick once. You were fine doing other sexual things, just not penetration, as that was what you wanted to wait for.
But when Rafe’s long fingers slid into your soaked hole, the idea of penetration was driving you insane.
“Clenchin’ around my fingers so much… never had someone pleasure this sweet pussy?” Rafe murmurs, sucking on your clit.
“no… fuck, Rafe,” you gasped.
Rafe had that stupid cocky smirk on his face as he purposely hummed around your clit, the vibration making your body twitch.
“I can tell, baby. So turned on but still so tight… you gonna let daddy put his dick in here?”
Your brain was so fuzzy, the coil in your stomach tightening as the pleasure started to get overwhelmingly good.
Rafe just chuckled against your cunt, watching as you came undone on his mouth and fingers.
Panting for breath, you were out of it for a good minute. No one else had ever made you orgasm, only used to your own fingers or a vibrator every now and then.
The tall man pulled away from your cunt, unbuckling his belt and tugging down his pants and boxer briefs.
“Taste so good, baby.” Rafe leaned forward, connecting his lips to yours in an attempt to pull you back down to earth.
“Mhmm, Ray…”
“Yeah? What do you need?” Rafe smirks.
You lifted your head, finally looking at his dick. Eyes widening a little, mouth growing a little damper with drool.
He was big and thick. A pretty mushroom tip that was leaking precum, two prominent veins that ran along the whole shaft.
“Can I suck your dick?” you mumbled.
“What was that? Speak up, pretty girl. Tell Daddy what you want.”
Of course, Rafe heard you, he was just an asshole.
“Can I suck your dick, daddy? Please?” you asked a little louder, staring up at him with your pretty eyes.
“Good girl, askin’ so sweetly for daddy. You gonna let me fuck this mouth?” He placed a large hand on the side of your head, guiding you over to the side of the bed.
You lay on your stomach in front of him, eyes still locked onto the leaking tip.
“Open your mouth.”
Wasting no time, your mouth dropped open, a small lick being delivered to swipe off his arousal.
The little noise he breathed was enough to give you more encouragement, slowly wrapping your lips around the head.
“Relax that throat f’me… good girl.”
He slowly guided your head down more of his base, tears pricking your eyes. he was bigger and thicker than Miles, again, giving you a whole new experience.
He threw his head back slightly, a soft moan leaving him. You took your hand up, starting to stroke whatever couldn’t fit.
His hold on your head never released, but he stopped guiding you. As badly as he wanted to just hold your head still so he can ram his cock in and out of your mouth, he knew he had to be patient, as you were a virgin.
“Mhm, yeah. Suck that cock, pretty girl. You’re so fuckin’ naughty, huh? Lettin’ daddy eat your sweet pussy and now you’re suckin’ his dick. What would your boyfriend say?”
You would never admit this, but his words were spurring you on. Just the idea of being in Rafe’s room, having only talked to him a few times, both of you doing oral on each other, while your boyfriend sat at home.
Obviously, you couldn’t respond. Not when he was beginning to buck his greedy, sculpted hips into your mouth, making you choke on his dick.
You bobbed your head, eagerly trying to please him as your manicured hand stroked the bottom of his shaft.
"Fuck, where'd you learn to suck dick, hm? You secretly a slut?"
Rafe leaned over onto the bed, delivering a harsh slap to your ass. His forward motion caused his cock to slide deeper into your tight throat, his balls tensing.
He was going to cum sooner than he wanted to, but he slowly stopped caring. Not when a pretty girl like you was sucking him off so desperately.
"You gonna swallow my load? Drink it all down like a good fuckin' whore?" He grunted, his hand starting to guide you again.
Spit was dribbling down your chin, small gags leaving your dirty mouth as he choked you on his member.
You took your left hand and began to gently massage his balls, feeling the way they tensed up, signaling he was close.
He twitched in your mouth, sexy, deep grunts leaving his filthy mouth.
"Shit, take my cum."
Hot spurts of semen slid down your throat, the sensation and taste of it weird, but not disgusting. You swallowed it down like a shot, gasping and panting for air when he finally released your head from his crotch.
"You look like a cheap whore, spit and cum dripping down your chin. But you love it, huh? Bet that little cunt is just throbbin', desperate for this cock."
A small whimper escaped your mouth involuntarily. He was right, and you hated it.
"Want daddy to take that sweet virginity?" He cooed, watching as you laid on your back and spread your thighs, showing him your leaking cunt.
A guilty shiver ran down your blood, the idea of Rafe Cameron, someone who you had barely any romantic involvement with, taking your virginity instead of your boyfriend or future husband.
But the way his throbbing cock was staring at you, hovering over your aching clit, the idea of just saying fuck it was stronger.
"Ray?"
"What, baby?"
"Can you... nail my pussy? Fuck me hard?" You asked softly, staring up at him with those fucking eyes that drove him insane.
"Yeah? You want daddy to break this cunt in? What about your boyfriend?" He snickered, loving how needy you looked for him.
"He can't please me like you can, please, daddy. Want you to take my virginity, don't wanna wait til marriage." You were pleading pathetically.
His smirk was downright evil as he slowly slid his leaking tip up and down your drenched lips, making sure to tease your clit nice and slow.
"You're not as sweet and innocent as you make it out to be, hm? You're just a desperate cock-whore for daddy."
Another small whine escaped your lips at his degradation, clit throbbing with need.
"Please... need you s'bad."
He leaned down to gently capture your lips in his, although it slowly became more rough as he dominated your tongue and mouth.
He began to gently slide the tip into your leaking hole, the sensation making you gasp into his mouth.
"Relax f'me, yeah?" He murmured, sucking hickeys onto your throat as he began to slide further in.
Desperate fingers dug into his muscular back, eyes squeezed shut as he stretched you out. Luckily, you were soaked, so it was easy for him.
"Feel so good, stretchin' you out on my cock. You're not celibate, huh? Just wanted to wait for daddy."
A soft moan left your throat, feeling him suddenly stop moving. Your chest rose and fell as you gasped for breath, trying to relax enough to make it feel good for yourself and him.
"Rafe, fuck..."
"I know, sweet girl. 'm fully in, just loosen up f'me so I can show this little pussy what 's been missing," he cooed.
It took a few moments, but you finally felt him start to push his hips in and out. Your painted toes curled as he continued to press kisses to your neck, getting sloppy the quicker his sculpted body moved.
"Takin' this dick so well, this pussy was made f'me, yeah?"
You nodded your head, brain fuzzy from the sensation and his naughty words. Rafe fucking Cameron was taking your virginity, inflating his already high ego.
He brought a calloused thumb down to rub your hardened clit, your legs tightening around him at the added pleasure.
"That's it... let daddy claim this needy cunt. Your boyfriend is gonna be so mad, huh? Knowing you're Rafe Cameron's bitch now."
Your walls fluttered around him at his words, a low groan leaving his lips.
"feels so good, daddy," you whined.
He just hummed, his skilled hips rolling roughly into yours, the added pleasure of his thumb on your clit was only driving you closer to the edge of release.
"You gonna cum f'me? You gonna cum on daddy's dick while he takes your slutty virginity?"
"Yes, yes -- shit."
Your orgasm hit you hard, your body shaking as the coil in your tummy snapped. Eyes squeezed shut, walls clenching around his twitching shaft.
"Good girl, good girl. You want daddy to cum in this needy cunt? Give you a baby to remember your first time?"
An embarrassing sound escaped you, head nodding quickly. If you were able to think rationally, you would have said fuck no.
But his body was so warm, his grip was so tight, his thrusts were so rough yet deep, you just begged.
"Please, Ray? Please fuck a baby into me?"
He grunted at your pleading, voice so sweet, how could he refuse?
His hips snapped quickly against yours, grunts and filthy words being poured out from his mouth as he chased his release.
Finally, you felt him twitching, and the new sensation of his cum coating your vaginal walls instead of your throat made you whimper.
"Fuck..." he gasped.
All you could do was pull him down into another sloppy, breathy kiss. Lips smashed together, tongues brushing and fighting.
He rolled over onto his back when he disconnected your swollen lips from his, a big, calloused hand caressing your hip.
"How was that?" He asked softly, a tone you had never heard from him before.
"Really good," you nodded, still out of breath.
He hummed, letting you rest for a moment.
"C'mere, pretty girl."
He guided you onto his lap, still caressing your hip with one hand, the other going to grope your left boob.
"Daddy's gonna teach you how to ride dick now."
Your eyes widened slightly, knowing you were in for a long night.
#simpforboys#rafe cameron#outer banks#obx#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x you#drew starkey#outerbanks rafe#rafe smut#rafe imagine#rafe fic#rafe x reader#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#rafe fanfiction#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron outer banks
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Ghost gets no bitches and he reminds me of whatever that TikTok audio is that’s like “how’d you get her?” And the other person is like “get her? No she grabbed me by the throat and told me I was hers”.
Word count: 800
Warnings: none (ghost being immediately whipped)
So hear me out you’re at the grocery store and while walking down the aisles you see this behemoth of a man. Big muscle sexy, surgical mask covering his face. You want. What to say? How should you approach? Ah yes you need help getting something from the top shelf. Stepping so you’re in his line of sight
“Could you come here?” You ask him and he just gives you a blank stare. Raising your eyebrows clearly waiting for a response he turns around looking for who you could be talking to and who is clearly not listening to you. When he sees no one else in the aisle he slowly points at himself, questioning you. “Yes you.” You smile trying to hold in a laugh. Quickly adding a “please” in the sweetest little voice and he is scurrying over to you.
“Could you please reach that box for me?” Ghost raises his arm up and points to a box when you nod confirming that’s the one you want he hands it to you. “That one too please” he obeys. You have him hand you two more boxes (not needing any of them). Then you try to push your luck a little. “Wait not this one” you hand him a box back and he returns it to the shelf. Before you know it you’ve had this man put all the boxes back just to hand them to you again. A smirk plastered on your face. Not once did the large man question you, not when you were looking up at him with those pretty eyes.
“Ok done with this aisle. Come on.” You start walking and his feet are following you. He hasn’t said a word to you but is following you around the store like a puppy. Down the next aisle you pointed at something (well within your reach) and he handed it you.
“Are you always this obedient?” You watched his eyes go wide but he found himself nodding. He’d probably say yes to anything you ask when you’re looking at him like that, like you want to eat him whole. His answer brought a smile to your face and he swore his knees were gonna buckle. You held out your hand, “phone.” It was a statement not a question and he quickly (fumbling) pulled his phone from his pocket and handed it to you. When you saw it was locked you looked up at him moving the phone ever so slightly towards him. You had meant for him to take the phone and unlock it but instead he mumbled out “0000” a small but dramatic gasp left your lips “oh so he does speak.” You typed in the 4 digits and the phone opened. You looked up at him when the basic passcode worked. “Simple and obedient. Just how I like ‘em” ghost swallowed hard. No one has ever treated him like this. Spoke to him like this. Not even Price. He should be offended? Insulted? Definitely not turned on. Right? (mark him down and scared AND horny). You handed his phone back to him, your number and name resting on his screen. He reached to take the phone from you, but you didn’t let go. Fingers touching you looked up at him “you better call me. I’ll be real sad if you dont.” He swore he was gonna pass out. Before you let go of his phone, hands still touching, heavy steps made their way into your aisle.
“Aye lieutenant there ye are. Been wandering round lookin fer ya.” Soap called down the aisle.
Ghost refused to acknowledge his friend calling for him, keeping eye contact with you. Your smile got bigger as you let go of the phone.
“Lieutenant huh? That mean you know how to give orders too?” He nodded again. “Then I’m definitely going to need you to call me. I’d like to see that.” Your eyes shamelessly raked down his figure. Fuck he needs to hold on to something.
Once you finally walked away, Soap approached quickly asking who you were and when ghosted shrugged his shoulders “I don’t know.” (But he’s gonna that’s for sure)
“She’s a fine looking lass I’m gonna go talk to her.” Ghost’s hand moved fast, grabbing the back of Soap’s neck guiding (pushing) him in the opposite direction of you. He was thanking god you saw him first and not Soap. If you had talked to Soap like that, ghost knew you’d have him walking on a leash (who’s he kidding if you had asked ghost would’ve barked)
Part 2 Part 2.5 part 3
#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#john soap mactavish#soap cod#cod modern warfare#cod x reader#ghost#ghost x reader#blurb#tf 141#ghost fluff#ghoap#simon riley x you#cod fluff#ghost gets no bitches#sub!ghost
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I’ve been so completely out of it all day bc of last night’s revelation, it’s literally been the only thing I could think about, and the deeper I get in analysing my life experiences the more realisations I come to, and each one feels more horrific than the last.
Not horrific as in terrible, but as in it feels like whatever remains of my sense of self is completely falling apart. I thought I was bi for so long, didn’t even spend a single second questioning it. Never did I even think that I may be wrong, it seemingly made too much sense for me to be wrong. But the sense it made was the fact I was attracted to both male and female characters in animated shows, not real people.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a crush on a real person before. Not on someone I knew irl, nor on some actor/celebrity, nor on someone I saw on tiktok or wherever. And it’s like, I can acknowledge someone is attractive, even that someone is beautiful or hot, but it’s never personal when I do. Pretty girls I see don’t linger in my mind at all. I can’t picture myself dating them or getting intimate or kissing them or anything. It’s a purely aesthetic attraction with no feelings behind it. With animated/drawn characters it’s different, I can actually feel all the physical side-effects of looking at someone you’re romantically attracted to. But when the scale of a drawing slides too far towards realism, like with museum paintings or even that one Suiren portrait I drew once, the attraction fades again. I’m just not and have never been attracted to real people.
At my old school the topic of which celebrities you found hot came up often and I never knew what to say. Naming the ones I knew were conventionally beautiful but I wasn’t personally attracted to felt like lying, so eventually I started naming people my mom found hot. She’d tell me which actors she had a crush on when we watched movies or shows together and I pretended to see her point. After a while I managed to convince myself that it wasn’t pretending and that I really agreed with her. I realise now it all boiled down to purely aesthetic attraction again, I had no genuine interest in them. And one could assume it was just my preference for women showing, but female celebrities faced the exact same treatment from me.
I started reevaluating a lot of sexuality-related feelings and life moments. My dad’s SIL often laments how I’m 17 and don’t have a boyfriend yet, and when I say I don’t want one she goes “Why? It’s not like you have to sleep with him, wouldn’t it be nice to be gifted flowers and taken on dates and the like?” I usually just shrug but my internal answer was always a resounding no. I once again thought I just liked girls more, but when I actually thought about what if dad’s SIL wasn’t homophobic and posed the question in a sapphic way, I realised that my answer wouldn’t change. I don’t want a partner of any gender or to be taken out on dates or anything like that.
It was here that things really started to go downhill for me last night bc then, once I realised I didn’t want a girlfriend, I turned my attention to the more sexual side of things. It’s possible to be aromantic and allosexual, right? But I’ve known for a while that a lot of sex-related things are a very big ick for me, penetration of any kind being on top of the list. Forget dicks and toys, I don’t want fingers or tongues inside me either, not have I ever used a tampon. But not everyone likes penetration, that’s fine, there are other things. But the thought of someone lavishing my tits with affection just makes me way too hyper aware of them which triggers my dysphoria, and I’ve always found kissing to be extremely gross, and… pretty much every sexual act I can think of causes some kind of rejection in me. Fantasies are fine, fics/writing are fine, even watching porn is fine for the most part (even then, I can only get off to it if I imagine 2d characters in place of the people), but the second I think of something actually being done to me? It makes my toes curl in a very much bad way.
I’m by no means a completely non-sexual being, quite the opposite actually. I’m horny a lot of the time and it’s completely normal for me to get off at least once almost every day, but again, it’s all only in fantasies (which never feature me, only characters). I’m so averse to the idea of fucking or being fucked that I don’t even touch myself, ever. I accidentally discovered that rubbing my thighs together in a specific way feels good when I was younger and have just been doing that ever since. I’ve tried using my hands but it’s just not pleasurable in any way. I really don’t want anything or anyone touching me, ever, at all. And it’s so weird to realise because it seems natural for someone with as high of a libido as mine to want to be fucked, right? But the mere thought disgusts me and causes insane anxiety to overtake my entire body, and idk if there’s a clearer way for my mind to tell me that no, you don’t want any of that, trust me.
That’s another thing. Maybe I’m just scared. I have debilitating anxiety, I’m terrified of literally everything, of course that, added to my body image issues and complete inexperience in all manners romantic or sexual, would result in these types of feelings. Maybe I just haven’t met the right person yet who will awaken my attraction to real people and cause me to want a partner and romance and sex and whatever else. Maybe I’ve convinced myself that I’m too much of a mess for anyone to love me so it’s better to label myself as aroace before I get my heart broken. I don’t know. But writing it off on all that doesn’t feel right, and while I’m not exactly the best judge of my own feelings, my gut is telling me that I’m wrong. It’s not anxiety and inexperience, it’s my very real borderline aromantic and asexual feelings finally being acknowledged.
I think back on my life. I thought I had serious crushes before, I even had a girlfriend for a few months, but that was all initiated by someone else. The other person showed interest first and I thought “Okay, they’re pretty enough, maybe I can do this, maybe I just need to get into it and the feelings will come later”. Nothing ever went anywhere beyond hand holding or brief hugs, and I was okay with that. I enjoyed spending time with them and lit up whenever they showed up and thought that’s what loving someone felt like. But now that I have real friends that I’m 100% sure I’m not attracted to, I realised I feel the exact same way towards them. I just like being with people who want to spend time with me and who I share common interests with, and I like being paid attention to. Nothing romantic to it. When it comes to my good friends I always had a position of “Well I don’t find them particularly attractive but if they were romantically interested in me then I’d go for it” and thought that was a crush. It’s no wonder anything vaguely romantic in my life ended before it could properly start. Really hard to be in love with or build a relationship with someone who clearly doesn’t feel romantically interested in you, even if they’re trying very hard to be.
And that’s the center of the whole issue. There’s nothing wrong with being aroace, nor with being wrong about the label you chose when you were 12. What makes be sob for hours is this feeling as if a knife was driven through my heart. All these years I’ve been subconsciously lying to myself and I didn’t even know. I can’t blame myself for that, I’m aware, I had no way of realising I was wrong because I never had any experience. But the pain and confusion and sense of being lost are still there, beyond all rationalisation. And all those times I said I wanted to be railed by a pretty girl and other similar things to that? Also not true. I said those things because it felt like what a horny queer girl should say. It wasn’t a conscious lie, I really believed it when I said it, it never even registered as false until now. Until I dug deep inside myself and realised I don’t want to be railed by anyone in any way ever. For the longest time I genuinely thought I wanted what’s normal for queer allosexual women to want. It’s hard coming to terms with that I really, really don’t. I’ll definitely need some time to process everything properly,
Honestly, this revelation isn’t too surprising, all things considered. I once had a conversation with someone who talked about those younger years of every queer girl, staring at other girls in the changing rooms, wanting to date them, wanting to be a boy so it’d be possible before they knew gay people existed and becoming sneakier with their glances after they found out. And I really couldn’t relate to that. I’ve never felt attracted enough to someone to experience any of that. Back then I thought I couldn’t relate bc I never had a sexuality crisis nor did I hide my sexuality from the other girls in my class, almost all of whom were queer too. Turns out I just genuinely don’t experience attraction like that. Or at least I think I don’t. I don’t know. Now that I’ve got most of my thoughts regarding all this on ‘paper’, hopefully I’ll have a clearer mind and can come to a more concrete conclusion. And for now… let’s just put me very firmly in the ‘questioning’ box.
#maybe I am wrong. maybe it is my inexperience talking for me and once I lose my virginity I’ll realise it feels good and start wanting it#but that most likely won’t happen anytime soon. if ever#that’s another point. in any other circumstance there would be no rush to figure it out#I could make it to college or whatever and maybe try dating around a little to see if it really does cause such an aversion in me#but I don’t have that time guaranteed#I don’t know how long I could go on for. I don’t know if I’ll even reach my 18th birthday#what if I lose myself in my darkest thoughts and snap. give up. end it all#wouldn’t really matter what I identify as then. would it#but I’m trying hard not to think about that#just… if I were to go. I’d prefer to do it with at least some certainty gained in life#out of all possible things. sexuality feels like the most realistic one#I’d like to know that about myself#but that’s all hypothetical. I’m not planning anything. I’m too much of a coward to even be capable of it#for now. at least#and currently I just… feel so weird about all this#and how could I not? it’s like I said. my entire sense of self is falling apart#I’m pulled in so many different directions. am I aroace or just scared or traumatised??#does it even matter? should it matter? why do I care so much?#the cognitive dissonance between saying I would consider immigrating to be railed by a hot girl#and then realising I don’t want to be railed at all withing like. an hour of each other#is driving me absolutely mad#who even am I anymore#I still enjoy reading smut. nothing’s changed. I’ve just became acutely aware that idk what any of what’s described would feel like#nor do I really want to find out#and all of the kinks I’ve labelled as mine are actually just things I like reading about. not what I want to experience#god.. I almost wish I never stared thinking about this. life is hard enough already#I don’t want to feel like I’ve been lying to myself for the last five years even if it wasn’t intentional#I don’t want to have to reassess my entire being#I was comfortable and confident in calling myself bi. but after today and last night that label just doesn’t fit anymore#I just feel so lost… fuck. I spent 2 hours typing all this out. I need a nap. and perhaps a long cry too
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Brooklyn Baby - G.S.
Synopsis. Everybody wanted to fuck Suguru Geto, lead bassist of Tokyo Special Grades. Said Suguru doesn’t want to fuck anyone else but you. He couldn’t give less of a fuck if anyone walked in right now. In fact, a small part of him wishes someone would.
Pairing. Geto Suguru x Reader
Content. MDNI, fem! reader, rock star! AU, fwb-to-lovers, unprotected sex, oral sex (male receiving), fingering (female receiving), Suguru is sinfully sexy and in l*ve with you, Satoru is a menace, pet names (darling, my girl), Suguru has tattoos and piercings, swearing.
Word count. 3.2k (DAMN I got carried away)
A/N. Happy Valentine’s day! *throws somewhat-fluffy smut at you and leaves*
Art by @_3aem on X.
Also, wild west! AU longfic with someone dropping on Sunday night (EST), keep your eyes peeled yeehaw.
Everybody wanted to fuck Suguru Geto, lead bassist of Tokyo Special Grades.
You did. Your fans did. Hell, you’ve even caught your overworked band manager sneaking a few too many glances.
And, you conclude, the groupies currently batting their lashes at him definitely did.
You watch as they swarm to him during open rehearsal, giggling at his pretty smiles.
Whatever, part of the job anyway.
It’s not like you two were dating. Yeah, a few fucks here and there throughout the years - but what’s one to do when on the road and in such close proximity with a guy that’s practically walking sex?
Trying not to scowl, you turn away from the commotion, continuing to tune the strings of your trusty Fender. You’ve had your fair share of die-hard fans, so lately why did it bother you so much when Suguru entertained their thinly-veiled advances?
“Ohoho~ Quite a look on your face there, why don’t you go and caress his biceps too?~” you hear idiot brigade member #1, Gojo Satoru, cackle from beside you.
If looks could kill, Satoru would’ve been 6 feet under and rotting already. “I thought you stopped writing band fanfiction, Satoru.” you raise a brow.
“THAT WAS ONE TIME.” he whines dramatically, clinging onto you and shaking you back and forth as if to knock the memory of his Wattpad tendencies out of you. “WHY ATTACK ME JUST CUZ YOU’RE JEALOUS? C’MOOON ADMIT IT.”
You were not jealous.
Suguru knew you were jealous.
Sneaking a glance, he had to fight the urge to coo at the adorable little furrow of your brows. How unprofessional would it be if he walked off mid-conversation to kiss that pout off your lips?
He knows it’s just sex for you. But - foolishly - every time he held you he could only hope that he ran through your mind as often as you did through his. It elated Suguru to know you were getting that worked up over him.
That is until, out of the corner of his eye, he spots Satoru draping himself all over you, whispering god-knows-what into your ears.
The rational part of Suguru knows Satoru is a very touchy person, but why was he so…close? And why weren’t you pushing him off?
Smile tightening into something a little more artificial, he turns to the girls fawning over him. “Well, ladies, I’m sorry to say I’ve gotta go practice before Shoko yells at me again. I’ll see you all in the front row, yeah?” he lies smoothly, disappointed whines following him as he makes a beeline for your figure.
“Well! What have we here, Satoru, are you done tuning?” Suguru pops a head between yours and Satoru’s overly close ones, interrupting whatever conversation you were heatedly whispering. What was so important that you two needed to be that close to talk anyway?
He narrows his eyes at Satoru’s surprised ones, an invisible conversation taking place between them before Satoru cracks a smug grin. “Alright alright. I’ll go tune my guitar.” he rolls his eyes, heading for his electric blue Gibson.
Your confused gaze meets the twinkling eyes now boring down at you. “Done with the meet-n-greet already?” you question, eyes darting to the group now watching you two like hawks.
The smile on Suguru’s face grows, “Yeah, remembered I didn’t do my pre-concert rituals right.”
“Oh?”
“Wanna help me with it?”
He doesn’t give you time to answer. Quickly setting down your guitar, he drags you out into the corridor - hand tightly in yours and pointedly ignoring Satoru’s wolf-whistles.
Hallway sex is overrated, Suguru believes - which is why he heads for the dressing room.
“Pre-concert rituals” his ass, Suguru just thinks he might pass away if he doesn’t get his hands on you right now. Make you feel like his.
It’s not long before the door is locked and he has you bent over the vanity, knuckle-deep in your dripping cunt.
“S-Sugu! Why now? The concert- Hah-” You gasp in pleasure as two long fingers probe inside of you, ruthlessly searching for the spot that Suguru knows would have your toes curling and eyes watering deliciously.
“Fuck the concert, darling. Barely even started and already so wet f’me.” he drawls out over your whimpers. “Wanted you to come over y’know? And save me from those groupies trying to get in my pants.”
In your lust-hazed mind, you find the words to respond to him, “You s-seemed to - hah - be enjoying that.”
“Of course not.” he leaves a trail of kisses down your back, “Wasn’t my favorite girl.” he whispers into your heated skin.
He’s being rougher than usual, he knows. In the back of his mind he wonders what it was that he was so pissed at. But all thoughts of that are thrown out the window once he presses into that plushy spot inside your wet core, drawing a sinful whine from your mouth. There.
Pulling back to tease your folds with your own slick, he plunges into your swollen pussy once more, easily hitting that spot over and over.
“Hngh- Suguru, more!” you grind your hips to meet his merciless rhythm, clenching around his fingers.
You feel as if you’re losing your sanity when he adds in another finger, walls burning as your cunt stretches around his thick rings.
Suguru was definitely losing his sanity.
Anyone could walk by. The concert was about to start any second now. But he couldn’t give less of a fuck, too focused on how his fingers were being sucked back in every time he pulls out, your pretty pussy dripping all over his numerous bracelets.
He has to hold back a moan at the way your ass jiggled every time your hips buck to meet his fingers.
Leaning down over you, he hums lowly into your ear “So desperate for me, hm?”. Pressing the erection straining against his trousers against you, he huffs out “I’m the same, darling. You drive me absolutely mad.”
He feels the way you squirm in impatience at the large outline of his dick, raising your ass in an attempt to get more friction. Eyes crinkling in satisfaction, he pushes down on his girl’s slutty hips, cold rings digging into the small of your waist.
“Now now…not yet.” he tuts mockingly.
“Please, Suguru. Please let me cum.”
Increasing his pace, abusing your g-spot relentlessly, Suguru knew by your breathy moans of his name that you were getting close.
His hand moves from your waist, leaving behind purple marks to remember him by. They wander the expanse of your body - groping your curves, and pinching your nipples through your thin top - delighting in your mewls.
God, you were perfect. He really needed to take his time with you later.
Suguru’s hands, nail polish chipped and fingers calloused from years of playing, finally rest on your face. He pushes your cheeks together, drool pooling at the corner of your mouth and forcing you to look at him through the vanity mirror in front of you. Your dazed eyes meet his darkened ones.
Suguru was so feral. The man that was usually the personification of grace and poise was falling apart at the seams. His eyes wild and grin spread devilishly as his fingers abuse your cunt never-endingly.
“Look at me when you cum.” he murmurs raspily into your neck, teeth ghosting over your rapid pulse.
You don’t know what it is that sends you over the edge - maybe it was his lustful words, or the way his fingers quirked just right inside of you. All you know is you’re cumming all over Suguru’s fingers, hands clutching the vanity table and eyes locked with Suguru’s in the mirror, mouth dropping into a gasp.
“Fuck! Suguru- Suguru!” you whimper.
Suguru watches in wonder as you ride out your orgasm, using him. He couldn’t give less of a fuck if anyone walked in right now. In fact, a small part of him wishes someone would.
Let them see how beautifully you fall apart because of him.
Finally pulling out, Suguru inspects his fingers. “Now now. That won’t do.” he purrs.
His tongue erotically licks up your juices covering his rings, still holding eye contact with you through the mirror. He catches the way your thighs press together at his lewd act. ‘Oh? Want some?“ he teases.
Before you can retort, he’s bullying his fingers into your mouth, making you taste yourself.
The way you moan around him sends blood rushing straight to his cock. Fuck, he has to steel himself from cumming in his pants right then and there - that wouldn’t be very “sex icon” of him.
You have no idea what you do to him.
Not willing to wait any longer, he leisurely takes a seat on the spacious vanity sofa. You whine at the loss of contact before catching the predatory look in his eyes. Suguru was going to eat you alive.
“Come on, darling. Show me how badly you want me.” he grins, legs spreading and prominent bulge on display.
You take a second to admire the view. Tousled black hair falling enticingly along Suguru’s muscled shoulders, tattooed dragon peeking through where his shirt was messed up. His eyes lustful, and locked on you.
He was devastatingly handsome. Your mouth waters at the chance to get what so many people would kill for.
Suguru chuckles as you struggle to unbuckle his belt - did rock stars have to always wear such complicated trousers?
Finally, you pull them down along with his boxers to expose his creamy thighs. Suguru’s throbbing erection lays on his abs, flushed a delicate pale pink.
Your pussy quivers with excitement as you press wet kisses to Suguru’s leaking head, precum dripping down his length to where you’d gently grasped him. A strangled hiss leaves his mouth as you swirl your tongue around the slit. You find yourself lost in his heady taste - he tastes so good.
“Having fun, darling? C’mon now, use me the way you want.” he murmurs, need laced into his voice.
You’ve never gotten used to how big Suguru is. Soft groans leave his mouth as you flatten your tongue and take him in inch by inch, eyes locked with his blown-out ones.
Suguru’s back arches as the heat of your mouth envelops him, hands bunching your hair into a messy ponytail. His pornographic groans echo across the dressing room as you suck on his cock, tongue swirling in just the way you knew he liked.
He can’t even catch his breath with the way you bob your head so heavenly, sucking the soul out of him. It drives him wild to think about how he’s got his lead guitarist on her knees, choking on his cock as your fans wait outside.
Suguru’s eyes roll to the back of his head as you pop off his cock to take his heavy balls into your mouth, moaning around them as you suck on both erotically.
Shit, he was really feeling it today.
Through the bangs now sticking to his forehead, he makes out the way your thighs grind against each other for relief.
You were, too.
If this keeps up he really will lose his sanity.
“As much as I’d love to paint your pretty face with my cum, I think we both prefer it inside, no?” he grits out, cock twitching at the strings of spit and precum connecting you to him as he pulls you off.
“Need you inside me so badly.” you nod, brain foggy and filled with only Suguru.
He’s quick to lift you into his lap, resting your ass against his pulsing cock, sly grin spreading at the way you’re already so fucked out.
Suguru feels like he could cum just from the sensation of your juices smearing all over his length, pussy dripping and aching for his throbbing cock.
“Oh yeah? How bad?” he purrs, eyes half-lidded and already knowing the answer.
“Please. I want you to fuck me so badly, Suguru.”
“Badly enough that you’d fuck me out there - where everyone is? Show ‘em who I belong to?”
“Yes.”
At your whimper, Suguru thrusts fully inside you, a moan of relief leaving you both as you finally get what you’ve been craving for.
“Shit, so tight. Always so good for me, darling.”
Once you start, it’s hard to stop, Suguru finds.
It happened when he first fucked you in high school - in his car after your first show, running on adrenaline and teenage hormones. And, years later, it’s happening now as he sheathes himself in your wet cunt.
He just can’t get enough.
He fucks you animalistically, cock ramming in and out of your hole in a way that makes it feel like you’re missing something without him. Nothing in the world other than your two connected bodies. He feels you clamping down on him deliciously, ego growing at you struggling to accommodate his size.
“F-fuck, darling. Hah- It’s s’tight. Take it like my good girl.”
“Hngh- Suguru, faster!” you groan, fingers delicately playing with the nipple piercings peeking out of his barely-buttoned shirt, euphoric at his drawn-out moans.
Unlike Satoru - who takes off his shirt every chance he gets onstage - Suguru was one to shy away from showing skin, slutty piercings and tattoos hidden to the world. It just makes it all the more satisfying as you lick a long stripe along the dragon on his shoulder.
Feels like your little secret. You wanted to be the only one to see this ethereal sight.
“Ah- So good, darling.” Suguru leans back, allowing you more room to play with him as you please. Cock twitching - so close - as you bore into his eyes, sucking his flashy piercings.
He ramps up his pace, bouncing you on his cock in a way that was carnal. It was so feral, the way his balls sting as they smack your ass, a ring of spit and precum forming around his base.
His cock aches for release, but he wants to see you cum first. His pretty girl, cumming all over his throbbing cock.
You pull yourself off his swollen nipples and attach your mouth with his, tongues swirling sensually as he kisses you like he needed you to breathe.
He’s almost as unforgiving with his mouth as he is with his cock. Almost.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
“YOOO I don’t know if ‘pre-concert rituals’ was a code-word for something else but we’re on in twenty minutes.” the unmistakable voice of Suguru’s best friend - and occasional bane-of-his-existence - made you two jump apart.
“The ultimate cockblock.” Suguru sighs out - his pace, however, does not slow down. Each harsh thrust makes it difficult to muffle your yelps of pleasure from Satoru, who was still calling for you two from outside.
Noticing your predicament, Suguru grins dangerously. “Oh? My poor girl finds it hard to stop her moans? Aww, better try harder unless you want dear Satoru finding out.” he mocks in your ear.
Both humiliated and turned on by his words, your dripping pussy clenches around his cock. He lets out a choked-up groan, biting hard into the crook of your neck to stop it.
A satisfied smile spreads across your face, “Who should try harder now, Suguru?”
Ah, perfect. You were perfect, perfect for him.
As Satoru’s yells about “cutting a chunk out of Suguru’s pay” disappear across the hallway, both of you let out exhales of relief.
“Dangerous game you played there, mister.” you raise a brow, teasingly.
He chuckles out, before pulling you to him closer by the waist. Lips ghosting over your own, he whispers “Only with you, my darling.”
Slightly more clear-headed but still dripping with lust, you meet the bounce of Suguru’s hips with your own. Eyes still locked with yours, he stuffs you with every inch - tip kissing your cervix so painfully good.
The steady slapping of skin and synchronized moans fill the room, blocking out the cheering of the audience awaiting your band.
Yet, the air crackled with something different this time. For the first time, it didn’t just feel like just mindless fucking.
Bite mark on your neck stinging, you could feel Sugurus heartbeat thundering under your touch - synchronized with your own.
In this moment it felt like just you two in this world.
You wanted to be the only one in his world. Not his fangirls, not some manager, not anyone else.
Maybe that was the reason for your courage, feeling like everything has finally come to a boiling point.
“S-Suguru.” you breathe out as you feel yourself getting closer.
“Mhm?” brows furrowed, he looks up at you with a tenderness in his eyes that does not translate to the merciless cadence of his hips.
“Be mine.”
And that’s all Suguru ever wanted.
With a final hard thrust of his cock, he pulls you into a searing kiss that sends you both over the edge. He cums in hot spurts, thick ropes of seed filling your quivering cunt. It was feral - and it made you feel like his.
Suguru’s seed drips down the side of his length, forming a white ring at his base as he fucks it deeper into you, letting you ride out your highs together.
As your climaxes bate, he buries his face in your neck, kissing softly over the mark from before. “To be yours is everything I could ever want, darling.” he breathes out, hugging you closer as if to hide this vulnerable moment. But you feel the heat of his cheeks on your skin.
Embracing him, you gather his beautiful black locks in your hand, fingers deftly taking the hair tie around your wrist to tie his long hair into a messy ponytail.
Pulling back, you admire Suguru’s angelic features. Face flushed, lips swollen, and dark eyes half-lidded as he stares up at you in surprise.
“Wanted to see your pretty face.” you huff out a low laugh.
The expression on Suguru’s face is indescribable, such pure adoration in his eyes.
Voice low, he murmurs words meant only for you, “I…I’m in lov-”
“HEYYY I’m serious, stop doing the devil’s tango and GET THE FUCK OUT.” Satoru’s voice bellows once again through the door, shattering the little bubble you and Suguru had found refuge in.
“Ah- um-”
“You-”
Both of you stammer out at once, chuckling at how shy you were acting with one another even after all that had transpired in this room.
“We should probably go, before Satoru and Shoko pop a blood vessel.” Suguru jokes. You laugh out in agreement as he carries you tenderly to the washroom, his interrupted words weighing heavily on both your minds. It’s okay, you have time.
Rapidly cleaned up and dressed, Suguru stops, a hand on the dressing room doorknob. “”Hey..” he starts almost-hesitantly, “After the concert, would you maybe want to-”
“Yes.” you interrupt, excitement lacing your voice.
Chuckling in pure euphoria as you both exit, your smiles turn more sheepish as you’re faced with a bored-looking Shoko and an impatient Satoru tapping his foot. “You horny lil’ fuckers almost missed the show, think of my poor fans~” he exclaims, though the glee in his eyes at your intertwined hands was very evident.
“Hope the sex was good at least.” Shoko drones out, eyes flitting over your guilty flushed faces.
‘Oh yeah, and Suguru - next time you dump your fangirls on me, I chop your balls off.“ she chirps out, pointing her drumsticks threateningly at his neck as you all head back.
Blinding lights.
Deafening screams.
Hair pulled into a messy ponytail, he was fatally beautiful onstage.
Everybody wanted to fuck Suguru Geto, lead bassist of Tokyo Special Grades.
But he only wanted to fuck you.
A/N. MMMMM long-haired men.
Plagiarism not authorized.
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