#and then i ate some fucking carrots and it was like

[greenteacology]

why are carrots somehow the best remedy for acid reflux that i've discovered so far 😭

my stomach is just like:

tums? 🙅🏻‍♂️❌😓👎

pepsid? 🙅🏻‍♂️😭😓❌

chewing gum? 🤷🏻‍♀️🫥🤔👀

fucking munching on carrots? 👍✅✅🥰🙌😤

[mishkakagehishka]

I think i really love our saying "a hungry dog will eat its own fleas" to mean something similar to "beggars can't be choosers", but i live that saying so literally. I'll be hungry and eating something thinking it's the most delicious thing in the world, but as soon as i get a Little Bit of that sweet sweet sugar in my blood, i go "hm. Actually this kinda fucking sucks"

[aphel1on]

see it may be my autism but i see no issue with this. the human meat has already been digested and transformed into (fuel for the) monster meat. you're not eating a human any more than, say, you're eating an apple if you eat a cow that ate an apple. at most, you're consuming energy and nutrients that were once in the form of an apple, but it's not anymore, and hasn't been for some time and several digestive stages before it reached you

IM FULLY LOSING IT FALIN LEARNS ABOUT THEIR MONSTER EATING ADVENTURES AND IMMEDIATELY IS LIKE "so what about fish-people? :3" AND LAIOS JUST "no the party didnt let me :<"

this right after they feed her red dragon meat whilst she is still unaware that her new body is.. made of dragon meat.... and laios is like "eh its probably fine ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"

Just

[luveline]

hi jadey would you do something with r peeling an orange for peter even though he’s perfectly capable of doing it for himself but she wants to do acts of service for him ☹️🫶

There are some bad boyfriends out there. Guys who’d rather argue, who won’t walk their girls to the door, who never help with the dishes. There are losers who expect things after they pay for dinner, and never say please. 

Peter Parker is the polar opposite of all those men. Peter Parker gets home from a long day at work and a short shift as his crime-fighting alter ego and makes you a hot chocolate without asking how many marshmallows you want. “Hello,” he says, kissing you behind the ear as he comes around you from behind, the hot chocolate set carefully next to your laptop. “Did you hear me come in, or are you ignoring me?” 

The former, for sure. You beam to yourself and twist in his hold to meet his eyes, brown and wide where they take you in. “Hello!” you say, not shouting, but certainly not whispering either. “I never hear you. You’re a cheater.” 

“You have ears,” he says. 

“And I choose not to use them.” 

“You okay?” He gives your shoulder a concerned rub. When you nod, it turns to a quicker, softer patting. “Okay. I’m gonna make dinner, yeah? I’m starving.” 

He’s strange in that he says ‘starving’ like he’s excited about the feeling. You nod and he nods back, tangible affection in the air between you before he presses his nose to your forehead and leaves. 

You’re just a girl. You finish what you’d been working on as quickly as you can and close your laptop, sipping at the hot chocolate he’d made you with a smirk. Your boyfriend loves you a lot. He’s handsome and tall and smart but he fucking loves you; Peter comes home from a long day hungry and makes you a drink. 

“My love.” You push open the kitchen door. 

“Yeah?” he asks. 

“I can make dinner.” 

“No, that’s fine. I’m making it.” 

“I can do it, Pete,” you say, putting your mug down on the counter. 

“I’m gonna do it,” he says, taking your hands, moving you out of the way of the fridge. His smile is as sugary as his eyes. “You have hot chocolate to drink. Before it’s cold chocolate.” 

“Boo.” You let him win reluctantly. He’s too strong, you argue to yourself smugly, he could totally take you in a fight. There’s never any winning with him. 

Peter turns the oven on and lights the stovetop, a frying pan on the heat, a square of butter melting in the centre. He cuts the veggies swiftly, asking question from over his shoulder. How was your day, babe? Did you eat enough? Did that headache come back? 

You lean on the counter and take a clementine from the fruit bowl. It was fine, you tell him, digging your fingers into the skin. Not much to say. I ate plenty. Headache stayed at home. The sharp citrus smell of torn pith hits the air as you peel the skin from the fruit's flesh. Then you spend a good five minutes taking off the stringy white bits as Peter fries your veggies with some leftover chicken from last night. 

“Here,” you say, breaking the clementine into pieces. 

“Oh, thank you,” he says, taking one from the well of your hand.

He eats it so fast you could argue he doesn’t taste it. 

“It’s for you, Peter,” you say, putting the rest of the clementine on the chopping board next to the carrot tops. “I’ll peel you another one. I know one’s not enough for you.” 

“Au contraire,” he murmurs, grabbing your waist, tugging you in, orange on his breath as you let him take your weight and move in. “You’re the only one for me.” 

“Terrible,” you murmur back. 

Peter’s grinning as he takes your face into his hand. He tips your head back, your heart fluttering just as much as it did the very first time he touched you like this, his eyes lit by a deep, unignorable sweetness for you. “Thank you,” he says. “You’re real nice to me, huh?” 

“Thank you for the hot chocolate.” 

“That wasn’t me. That was just sitting here when I got in.” 

You wrap your arm around his neck to close him in. “Sure it was.” 

“It was!” He kisses the corner of your mouth eagerly. Each word he says after is half smothered by the press of his lips on your cheek and the soft skin just below your eye as you laugh. “Wanna feed me as I stir? I think our dinner’s burning.” 

“If you keep kissing me, then yeah. I’ll peel every orange in that bowl for you.” 

Such a promise spurs another round of soft kisses. 

[bouncybongfairy]

Everything & The Kitchen Sink

Butch Wolverine x Fem Reader Smut

Summary: Logan promised to come home early from the bar after her shift. You make dinner and get ready only for her to come home late and drunk. This some how leads to the two of you tribbing on the counter.

Word Count: 1.0k+

TW: Fingering, Tribbing, Nipple Play, Squirting

(THIS IS A W|W FANFIC)

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

You were cleaning up the kitchen after making dinner. Logan was supposed to be home over an hour ago, she was working as a bouncer at a local bar. She promised you she’d come straight from work, you’d spent all day preparing for just that. Cleaning the entire apartment, did all the laundry, made dinner, ect. Took a long shower, exfoliated and moisturized. You already wrapped her plate up and stored it in the microwave. Preoccupying yourself by watching TV until you fall asleep. 

Logan carefully unlocked the door and saw you laying so still and statuesque. In comparison to what she sees at the bar all day you truly looked like an angel. The light of the television casting on you like you were glowing. She was past tipsy but not staggering or anything, she liked seeing how peaceful you were; knowing that once you woke up it’d be a completely different story. She opened the microwave and started salivating, it was her favorite. Baked potato with sour cream and chives, corn on the cob, two slabs of steak cooked medium rare, grilled shrimps and roasted carrots. 

It looked so amazing she didn’t bother heating it back up. Stuffing her face, only using utensils when she had too. She hadn’t eaten anything before or during work and drank on an empty stomach. It was like the plate was fucking glowing. Lighting the cigar she had tucked behind her ear. Too drunk to care that she was sparking up inside. She came over to you and ran her finger along your bare thigh. Wearing her tee shirt and the band of your panties peeking out. 

“Mmhm, you’re so soft,” she grumbled to herself, letting her calloused hand run up and down your skin. Stirring you awake and gently letting her body fall on top of yours. You were starting to stir awake, remembering how late Logan was. You push against her shoulders but she doesn’t care. Continuing to kiss your neck and grope your chest. The liquor and burnt smell of the cigar coming from her breath only reminded you of her loyalty to the bar. 

“You’re late,” you huffed, sitting up and trying to get out of her grip.

“Was a late night baby,” she mumbled.

“And you're drunk,” you said, successfully wiggling out of her grip. Picking up the coat she let drop on the floor when coming home. Logan took this opportunity to grip your hips and thrust herself against you. 

“So?” she laughed, pulling at the waistband of your panties and letting them snap against your skin. Entertained by how you jumped and squealed when the elastic hit you.

“I waited for a long time… I was all excited and you left me waiting..” you trail off. It sober her up a bit, knowing that you had waited for her while she lollygagged at the bar. Logan didn’t realize how much her company meant to you. Probably due to her own insecurity but she missed seeing the way she undervalued herself was affecting you. She wrapped her arms around you and pulled you to her chest. 

“I should have come right home. I’m sorry,” she said, kissing the top of your head. 

“It’s okay, I know you have a lot going on. Just promise for next time,” you said, wrapping your arms around her waist, “I’m glad you ate,” you said, noticing her dishes on the counter. 

Logan wasn’t paying attention anymore, now completely focused on running her hands down your body. She couldn’t get your smell out of her nose and it was starting to affect her self control. You were oblivious to how worked up she was becoming, Instead being off in your own little world. As much as you hated her cigar habit, the smell was somewhat comforting now as much as you complained about it. Sometimes you’d avoid washing the smoke smell off hoodies and pillow cases. You moved your hands up to her hair, brushing the loose stands out of her face. Eventually running your nails down her arms, you could feel the goosebumps form; her body hair standing somewhat making you giggle. 

She was breathing hard, especially when you looked up at her. Big doe-eyes staring up at her, eyelashes fluttering and hair messy from your nap. Logan smashed her mouth against yours, bringing her hands up to cup your face. Pressing herself against you, pinning your body to the kitchen island. Her thumbs rubbing your face as you work your tongues together. It was sloppy and getting more heated by the minute. She grabs you by the waist and sets you on the counter. Her eyes damn near boggling while watching the recoil of your breast from being sat down so hard. 

She grabbed the hem of the shirt and pulled it over your head, exposing your chest. Seeing her so animalistic and feral was making your stomach feel inflamed. A deep blush covering your face and neck while wetness starts to drip down your folds; Logan herself felt a heartbeat in her jeans. Your noses were pressed together and you could smell the whiskey on her breath. Normally it would bother you but it was undeniable that when Logan was drunk she didn’t hold back during sex. Normally she was more gentle, enjoying giving you pleasure. The liquor made her more brutish and unfiltered and it was so fucking hot. 

Hearing all the filth that slipped past her lips that normally went unheard due to her shyness. Using her strength against you, biting down on your soft skin with brutal force. Logan pecked your lips before moving down to your chest. Taking one of your nipples into her mouth and starts sucking and flicking her tongue. You ran your fingers through her hair and moaned loudly. Arching your back and balling your fists up in her hair. Your legs immediately begin to tremble from the pleasure. So sensitive from the anticipation that has been building in your belly all day. Resting your lips on the top of her head while groaning and whimpering into her hair. She pulled your panties to the side and used her middle finger to feel around your folds. 

Smearing your wetness all over your lips before pushing two fingers into your entrance. She was completely zoned out, having your tit in her mouth while curling and pumping her fingers in and out of you. Any time she nips at the senstative bud you tighten yourself around her fingers; only encouraging her to do it more. Your walls felt so velvety against her digits. She broke out of her daze and pulled away from you slightly to see your face and God what a sight it was. You were completely red in the face, practically panting trying to catch your breath. 

Eyebrows furrowed and nipples puffy and swollen; a light from above the kitchen island shining down on you. Making your chest glisten from the saliva covering your breast. You pulled her onto the counter to join you and started tugging at her jeans, which she quickly took off. Laying her back against the cold tile of the island. Before climbing on top of her, you sink your tongue between her folds. Spitting and flicking your tongue around, looking up to see Logan on her elbows. Cursing and sputtering while pushing herself against your mouth. Getting a little too excited you reach up and try grabbing at her chest. She snatches your wrists and pulls you towards her; now straddling her, you knees on either side of her hips.

 “I’m not that drunk,” she huffs and starts gripping your hips, prompting you to start grinding your hips. 

Now rubbing each other's sexes together, your wet folds sliding between one another. The tile was hurting your knees a bit but it didn’t stop you from quickening your pace. Finding the perfect rhythm, your clits continuously brushing against each other. Logan was arching her hips up, positioning herself so she could watch you ride her. Sitting up on her elbows and watching your tits bounce, saliva dripping onto her stomach. Too pussy-drunk to care if you were drooling or not.

“I’m cumming…” you groan out, taking her off guard.

Grabbing two handfuls of Logan's hair and pinning her fisting to the counter below you two. Your fists on either side of her head while riding out your orgasm. Squirting without stopping grinding your hips, causing the wetness to spread and spalsh all over Logan’s stomach. She immediately cums from watching you unraveling into a squirting fucked out mess. Digging her nails into your hips while thrusting her hips up, trying to get closer to you. Crying out, so overstimulated and jerking your hips forward. You collapsed on her chest, not giving a fuck about sleeping in your own wetness. Logan was too drunk to care, using the tee shirt to cover you like a blanket and falling asleep with you on her chest.

[vasyandii]

Hello! I just wanted to say that I absolutely adore your IHNMAIMS oc. I'm a OC x canon enthusiast and seeing a character so well written and adapted to the story as Vernon is makes me so excited!! Plus your art is literally amazing. I've been curious since you mentioned how Vernon cuts potions of her meal to give them to AM and how the food improved since AM got his body, what food/meals do Vernon and AM like/dislike/have as favourite? -for AM, at least from what he has tasted- Whether if it's because of the taste, flavour, etc.

Howdy Anon! Thank you so much for the kind words, I've been giddy since I got it a few days ago! I'm glad my OC x Canon content gets your stamp of Approval >:D!! 💞💞

VernonAM 🏺🖥️ Food Preferences

I think Vernon is careful in choosing the food she shares with AM because he will eat literally ANYTHING. She would try to eat things to torture herself with, extremely spicy foods, live insects, raw organs, etc. but then remember that she has to "Feed AM". So she opts out for something normal so his taste buds don't get fucked.

Or as normal as it can get, the food kind of has the uncanny valley effect as well. It looks normal and tastes normal, but she feels there's something a bit off about it (kind of like airplane food). So she often leaves criticism to the Chef™ (AM) or asks to cook instead.

Vernon isn't particularly picky when it comes to food, she'll eat it and clean her plate. She likes her food balanced, vegetables/meat with sauce and all that. If it tastes good, she'll eat it, y'know?

AM is more... difficult. Sure, he'll eat anything, but if it tastes really bad, it'll traumatize him and he'll refuse to eat it for a while.

His food has to not be touching, if it's mixed in all together beforehand he'll eat it. If there's sauce it shouldn't be close enough to where it can contaminate the food AM's eating because he WILL taste it, no matter how small the amount is. His utensils need to be a specific size, and the food HAS to be hot/warm. He needs to be able to see or know every ingredient in it.

It's observed that AM likes fried foods/anything crunchy because of how consistent they are in taste, texture, and flavour. So what ends up happening is Vernon will just include those foods into her meal, just to not eat it and have it on a little plate for him.

Vernon asks him why he can't just make food for himself, his response is "I don't need to eat, I eat when when you eat."

But honestly it's a pretty dumb question now that she's looking back on it. AM has all the knowledge in the world about food, everything ever made, everything he's never tasted. So he's basically asking Her, indirectly, "I don't know where to start or what's good. But you do. I trust you. Feed me."

Now here's some of the meals They've had together (+ AM's comments):

Chicken soup ("Too wet", just ate the broth)

Caesar Salad ("Damp, Crunchy water")

Vanilla ice cream (experienced a brain freeze for the first time, thought his body was malfunctioning)

Spaghetti Bolognese ("No I will not be mixing it, you mix it for me")

Western beef stew (He picked out the potatoes and only ate those. Thought the meat was irritating to eat.)

Baby carrots. ("You know they bleach these, right?")

Asparagus (he likes them. Needs to be warm)

Broccoli (same thing)

Cheese Pizza (Ate it, ate too much. Tummy hurted.)

Tempura (Ate too much, tummy hurted)

Fish and chips (Ate too much, tummy hurted)

Coffee, black (spat it out)

Macaroni and cheese (Ate too much, tummy hurted)

Grilled chicken hearts skewers (He liked it, but kept poking the roof of his mouth with the skewer.)

Half a Hamburger (picked out the vegetables because he didn't like them, still tasted it and gave the rest to Vernon)

Half a cheeseburger (ate it with no fuss.)

Aaand that'll be all for now :) if you made it this far, thank you for reading! If you need any clarifications, feel free to tell me!

[zorrasucia]

Promptober 5. Vampire

from @carmenberzattosgf list

Reader x Carmy Berzatto (The Bear FX)

Rating: Explicit (1.5k)

Tags: Smut, Porn with Plot, Vampires, Biting, Food, P in V Sex, Flowery Writing, Both Carmy and Reader have a bit of a praise kink

When you met Carmy, you first noticed his eyes - an unnatural shade of blue, bright and piercing. His blond hair was perpetually messy and too long for a chef. Upon closer inspection, you realized he was stronger than he looked. He wore all these peculiarities well. He had a sort of timeless beauty, the kind of profile you would find in a neoclassical painting, not an Instagram account. You had told him that last bit when you interviewed him - getting a frown and not much else in return.

You were an emerging food critic, not an investigative journalist, but something about Carmen Berzatto gave you pause. His backstory was fucked up, ages and achievements not lining up correctly. He looked too old at 22 but a little too boyish now at 32. He never ate his own food in public, or any food for that matter, only occasionally indulging in the odd glass of wine. He was shy, withdrawn, hard to pin down...

Which was ironic now that he had you pinned down by the wrists on your bed, his face buried deep in the crook of your neck, breathing you in.

"Delicious," he mumbled.

You hummed, arching your back in delight, trying to get your bodies closer together.

"Are you going to make me beg for it?"

"Maybe," he teased, his hands tracing your sides greedily, then squeezing your ass.

The needy way he was exhaling into your hair let you know you weren't the only one affected.

"What do I smell like?" you asked, your hands carding through his soft hair.

"Sweet," he replied. "Honey, raspberry. Something else... A hint of bitter, almonds maybe, dark chocolate."

You rewarded him with a chaste kiss. "Had some coffee with it too."

"You're spoiling me," he smiled, his teeth eerily white and sharp in the half lit room.

It was an odd arrangement you shared.

After your review, months ago, he had called, making some dumb excuse about needing a fresh palate to taste his new menu. He fed you an incredible dinner, sat in front of you, and then asked detailed questions about it, far beyond your usual feedback. He liked the way you painted pictures with words, he said. Most colleagues looked down on metaphors, describing his broth as an ethereal, pink, seaside afternoon would raise some eyebrows but Carmy seemed to love it. Weeks later, when you knew his secret, he would confide in you: he had forgotten what food tasted like. Lifetimes' worth of cooking knowledge was becoming stale as he grew older and less human.

It all came to a head when you met him for another dinner and started describing your lunch from a few hours ago.

"It was steak with carrots on the side, right? The steak was meh, you know, but the carrots were these, uh, buttery, terracota delicacies. Golden like a sunset, earthy, well rounded..." you explained, knowing by now he liked over the top similes.

You were confused to find a very intense look on his face.

"Want to come over to my apartment?" he rasped.

It was out of nowhere but you agreed, your stomach fluttering expectantly at the thought of Carmy's hands on your body. The moment the door was shut behind you, he crowded you against the nearest wall. You gasped.

"Don't be scared," he murmured. "I just want a taste."

And with that he sunk his fangs on the side of your neck. A wave of bliss hit you, rolling your eyes as he sucked on your blood. You rubbed your thighs together, shaking, feeling something akin to a very long orgasm as Carmy held you, his graceful fingers around your throat.

"What are you doi- Oh!" you moaned long and low, losing yourself in the pleasure he was giving you, getting light-headed as he kept drinking. "I have never felt so- Carmy-"

It was a pitiful and breathy sound and he stopped.

"Sorry," he exhaled, blood covering his lips. "You were right."

"About?" you could feel yourself drifting out of consciousness and him carrying you to his couch.

"The carrots," he said, like it was obvious. "Tremendous."

You giggled and passed out.

It all made sense after that: The Bear never opened before dusk, the long NDAs the staff had to sign before they were hired, the neverending list of secrets Carmy possessed.

"I could write about this, about you," you threatened the next time you saw him.

"You could. No one would believe you," he threatened right back. "I wouldn't feed you or bite you ever again either."

God help you, he was addicting. And so things stayed like that. You reviewed top tier restaurants and Carmy sampled them from you, gifting you dinners at The Bear and pleasure unlike anything you had ever experienced. Sometimes you fucked, sometimes you didn't. It was strange but it worked.

You grabbed his neck, angling his face and your body to invite him to bite you - guiding him towards that spot near your nape.

"Not yet," he murmured. "Think it would taste better if you came first. Desserts always do."

"Alright. If you must," you faked disinterest, now focusing your efforts on bringing his hips closer, grinding against his half hard cock, humming at the feeling of it through your clothes. "Mmm... Does it really make a difference?"

"Yes. Can't describe it really. You're the one that's good with words," he deflected, his hands busy getting you naked, untangling the pantyhose from your legs.

"Try," you insisted.

"Mmm," he kissed up your legs, following the line of some vein or artery, you assumed. "It makes the blood brighter, almost effervescent. And your heart beats harder - it's like it rushes to meet my tongue."

"Fuck," you hummed.

This was your version of dirty talk, and you enjoyed it immensely. If nothing else came out of this situationship, perhaps you'd write a cryptic poetry book or something.

He climbed up your body, his face level with yours, moving one strand of hair behind your ear.

"What are you thinking about?"

You shrugged. "There's so much I still don't know about you," you intertwined your fingers with his.

"Like?" he tilted his head.

"How long are these going to last?" you questioned looking at his tattoos.

"I actually don't know," he admitted. "I think they will fade but I'm not sure when."

You chuckled. "Bold choice to get them, then."

"You're inches away from my fangs," he reminded you dryly.

"I am," you arched your neck to kiss his jaw, then nip at his neck - he hissed.

His cock poked at your entrance, teasing. You opened your legs even wider, inviting him to ravage you.

"Fuck, you're warm," he exhaled as he entered you, inch by inch. Your nails scratched at his back, leaving no marks behind.

"Carmy," you whined, needy as he thrust in and out of your pussy. "Please."

"Mmm?"

You enclosed him with your legs, ankles crossed at his waist.

"Please," you begged, knowing well he wouldn't bite you until you came.

"Such a good girl for me," he praised, the tight grip of your pussy making him groan and go faster. You chased your peak, rubbing at your clit eagerly.

"You feel so perfect," you panted, the waves of your orgasm building, your hips bucking to meet his. "Fuck."

Wanton moans were falling from your lips as you became a mess underneath Carmy.

"Like that," he soothed, one hand moving to cup your breast and pinch your nipple, pushing you over the edge.

"Oh..." you sighed, feeling pleasure and electricity coursing through your veins, legs shaking around his waist.

"Fuck, that's it," he growled and bit you.

The pulsing intensity of your orgasm got mixed with a cloud of euphoria - you felt light and floaty, your pussy still fluttering around Carmy's cock as something else took over. His breath on your neck was feral and possessive as he drank from you.

"Carm..."

And there it was again, the world slowing down, tunnel vision, the only thing keeping you grounded was Carmy's hair between your fingers.

He let go, swiping his tongue over the bite mark, not letting one drop go to waste.

"You good?" he asked after a while, his thumb caressing your cheek.

"Mhmm," you nodded, opening your eyes to meet his.

He looked softer after he fed, a little warmth to his skin, he seemed more human.

"Can you stay a little while?" you asked.

His nose touched your forehead. "I'll wait until you fall asleep," he agreed. "I need to go back."

You smiled softly.

"Thanks for tonight," you said, slipping under the covers, the warmth of your bed quickly lulling you to sleep.

"Thank you," he said and kissed your forehead. "Rest."

[spoonsock]

3 AM shenanigans

Gwen Stacy x reader

Synopsis: It’s late, you’re hungry and your girlfriend can’t cook to save her life.

Warnings: none, this is pure fluff and typical teenage fucking around late at night.

Not proofread. I’ve come to realization I never proofread anything I write. Oh well.

Take this short little thing instead of a part 2 for show me love, I’ll write it soon I swear 🙏 also I’m glad that the whole community agrees that Gwen can’t cook lmaoo.

“I’m hungry”

“And how’s that my problem?”

You push the absolute bully of your girlfriend. “Ouch”, she says monotonously, eyes still closed, and you glare at her, knowing darn well she can feel you doing so.

You’re sleeping over at her place, her dad’s not home and you’re both laying on her bed, trying to fall asleep but the grumbling of your stomach is interrupting you. You ate dinner but it has been a couple of hours since then and. You. Are. Hungry.

You turn on your back to glance at the clock on Gwen’s nightstand. 03:05 it says. Whatever, you think, it’s never to late to eat.

“Gwendyy, I’m staaaarvingggg”, you pout at her.

“No” is the only answer you get. “…Fine, I didn’t want to resort to this, but I guess you leave me no choice”, you say before getting up from the bed and grabbing both of Gwen’s arms and dragging her upwards. The attempt of getting her to get up doesn’t work and she falls from the bed, making a loud noise as she lands. Before you can process it, she grabs your knees and pulls, letting you to fall flat on your butt with a thump.

You pretend to be hurt and she actually gets worried for a second and you use that moment to grab her hands and pin them above her head, getting on top of her as she’s laying on the floor, not letting her move, and looking her dead in the eye before saying how you need to eat or you’ll die and it’ll be her fault *she know’s you’re exaggerating ofc*.

Unfortunately for you, your girlfriend is Spider-woman. Idk why would you even think you could overpower her, she literally has super strength. So she easily turns you over and pins your arms above your head before whisper yelling at you how there will be no food making at 3 in the morning. The two of you toss and turn on the floor for some time, like a pair of fucking toddlers, giggling and wiping the dust off of the floor with your pajamas.

Eventually Gwen gives in and you happily lead her to her own kitchen. You’ve never cooked in her kitchen though, meaning you don’t know where anything is, so your girlfriend tells you to sit still while she makes you something to eat.

“You know what, if I really have to cook for you in the middle of the night, Imma cook you the meal of your life”, she says and excitement builds up inside of you, wondering what kind of a Gordon Ramsay bullshit is she about to pull. You watch her patiently as she brings ingredients out of her fridge and pulls out a bowl and cutlery from different drawers. She heats up some oil in a big ass pot and then adds a thing after a thing in it.

After a while, you smell something burning and you ask her if everything’s okay, but she assures you it’s all doing great and you decide to ask no more, even though you definitely heard the panic in her voice.

Aside from that, she looks super confident in whatever she’s doing so you don’t even ask her what is she making for you, and honestly, you don’t even wanna know. You trust her and you’re hungry and you’ll eat whatever she makes for you.

Or at least that’s what you thought, until she put the big ass bowl™️ in front of you. And in it was a suspicious liquid mixture of pasta, different types of something green, carrots (hopefully?), corn, jelly????, mushrooms, bacon, and other suspicious stuff. Gwen hands you a spoon and smiles brightly, all the signs of tiredness disappeared, as if she wasn’t desperately trying to fall asleep cuddled up next to you, like, half of an hour ago.

“Bon appétit, babe”, she says, putting on a bad french accent.

Your girlfriend sits next to you, waiting for you to try the meal (?) she has prepared for you, and you give her a hesitant smile before dipping the spoon in the bowl and then putting it in your mouth.

You couldn’t even get yourself to swallow whatever you just put in your mouth because the feeling of it on your tongue made you immediately start to choke. It was sweet, salty, bitter, spicy and cold all at the same time. You run to get yourself some water, trying to lose the taste of it from your mouth while Gwen watches you confused. As you are drinking your water, she decides to try the meal herself and has the same reaction as you do.

So you just stand there silently, in her kitchen, staring at the big ass bowl™️ on the table. It seems as if something will jump out of it and attack you. The liquid reminds you of a swamp and you don’t feel hungry at all anymore.

Gwen sighs deeply. The two of you decide to go back to bed and try not to have nightmares of the meal your dear spider girlfriend has prepared for you. At least you know she put effort in trying to make you happy, which warms your heart and you pull her closer to you to press a kiss on her forehead.

When you wake up, you see her dad in the kitchen, sitting down and staring at the bowl intently and quietly, as if contemplating his whole existence because of the bowl. “You tried it, didn’t you?”, you ask and he slowly nods his head, obviously still in shock from the taste of the meal.

That was the day you decided you’ll be the one to prepare food from now on.

Guys she was trying to make minestrone (soup) bc she saw a recipe for it somewhere and she really wanted to try making it. She’s so precious 🥹💞

Yes I put trademark ™️ on the big ass bowl.

[mingigoo]

...ramen before you go? choi Jongho (m)

🍜 pairing ⇢ neighbor!Jongho x (fem) reader

this story is based on true events I have actually experienced. (Cat stuck in sauce can, cat stuck behind appliances) but sadly, no Jongho to the rescue. #saucecat

🍜 synopsis ⇢ you thought things couldn’t get worse after finding a cat in the dumpster behind the liquor store, but now here you were, alone in your new apartment, staring at that damn cat that somehow got stuck behind the washing machine. You needed some strong hands….but the minute you met him, you didn’t want him to leave. Do you want some ramen before you go?

🍜 genre/au ⇢ next-door neighbors au, comedy, smut, fluff

🍜 warnings/tags ⇢ 18+ minors DNI, shower sex, completely unhinged and does not make any sense. this is all over the place and just for fun, so please have a good laugh, comedy to smut, oral sex (female receiving), hair pulling, cream-pie, profanity, jongho is the cat savior, and also a little sleepy and drunk off beer

🍜 word count ⇢ 2.8k words

🍜 taglist ⇢ @jjhmk @yesv01 @roe-sinning @meowmeowminnie @yeritheloml @yukine-smx @y00nzin0 @8tinytings @halesandy @shegotboreddsoo @kangyeosangelic @sanshineeeeee @kodzukein @hwaightme @likexaxdaydream @ssaboala @gtr-skyline-lover

ateez masterlist

Your life flashed before your eyes.

Well, your cat’s seventh life, that is.

“I swear to god, I’m gonna go fucking insane.” you hissed. “I literally just found you and you already lost seven out of nine lives.”

You stared at your little troublemaker, the cat you found in the alleyway behind your favorite liquor store in the dumpster. Surely enough, he still caused the same amount of trouble since the very first day you found him. 

The situation was even worse, especially because you were four glasses in on your red wine. You barely had enough brain power to comprehend this all.

He stared at you, bug-eyed, through the glass that surrounded his little head—an empty spaghetti sauce glass he had found in the trash can. You were in the middle of moving  into this apartment. Boxes were all around you, your furniture not even set up yet, but here your cat was, stuck in a sauce can and sitting there like he did nothing.

For fucks sake carrot I don't have time for this.” you groaned, looking around quickly for paper towels. When you realized you didn't even have utensils out, yet alone paper towels, you let out an aggravated noise and waltzed over to your cat. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

You grabbed onto the glass container, gritting your teeth while pulling it gently.

“Meow.”

“Dude, I'm trying to help you, dammit,” you growled, playing tug of war with Carrot. “Now sit still.”

Carrot, in fact, did not sit still. You let go after the first battle, letting out an irritated sigh before trying again.

After an ungodly amount of time, you were finally able to free the dumpster cat, only for him to look like he’s had war flashbacks. 

Covered in spaghetti sauce, Carrot looked like he was bathing in blood. You ran a hand through your hair as the little bitch stared at you like he was gonna screech. After a moment of uncertainty, Carrot licked his sauce-covered lips and waltzed away, still drenched in sauce.

“Come back here!” you yelled, but the more you followed him, the faster he went. You ran through your living room, covered with boxes, and down the hall to where your laundry room was. “I will literally break down right now if you get in that washer. Tears and everything. You better feel bad for me.”

Carrot turned around at those words, but then blissfully stared at the open washer. He had a habit of sleeping in it, and it did cross your invasive mind about how it would clean him up without the use of paper towels.

y/n, that would drown him. Shut the fuck up, brain.

“Carrot.” you swallowed your anger, knowing it was just your stress—and maybe the fact that in the last twenty-four hours, he ate your sandwich out of your hand, sat in the sink while the water was running, started hissing at his own reflection, drank out of your glass of alcohol, and got high of catnip and broke a picture frame. He was cute…too cute. You wished you could get away with his antics. “Don't. Touch. The. washer.” 

If a cat could smirk, you were certain that’s just what he did. With one swift movement, Carrot leaped into the washer, rolling around in it in sheer happiness. 

Oh, to be a cat.

“You know what? Fine! Roll around, do whatever.” you huffed, tossing your hands up in the air while turning around. As you tried to walk away from the devil himself, you heard a boom, a hiss, and a squeal. 

When you looked back at the washer, Carrot was no longer in it. He was nowhere in sight, actually.

“Carrot??” you said anxiously, only hearing a terrified meow, causing you to run over to the machine as quickly as you could.

“MEOW.”

You looked over the washing machine to see bright yellow orbs staring back at you as he moved frantically behind the block of metal. You desperately tried to pull the machine back, only to feel like a goddamn weak ass shrimp.

“I’m trying, I’m trying,” you breathed, groaning as you tried to move it. “Now's the time I am regretting quitting the gym.”

Several minutes pass—you were on the ground sweating like a lunatic. Carrot had gone quiet—he wasn't dead, just probably disappointed in your weak attempt to save his eighth life. He was most definitely shaming the hell out of you by now with his little judgy eyes.

As you thought about asking for help, you knew 911 couldn't save you now. Or ever. 

So you did what any sane single woman would do after finding out a man lived across the hall.

You zoomed out the door to knock on his door.

He opened it after a moment, his hair a mess and his eyes all sleepy.

Awe fuck, did you wake him up?

Whatever, it's too late now.

“Um, hello?” he yawned, and as he did, you looked down at your watch to check the time. It was eleven at night, how could you totally lose track of time? 

Carrot.

“Hey, listen, um,” you sighed, running a hand through your hair as you noticed how good looking he was. “I need help. Are you strong? You look strong.”

He blinked at you, brown eyes picking apart your expression. His lips were pretty, his eyes were pretty, his arms looked….strong. Mmhhhmm. Yummy.

“I guess so.” he nodded, tilting his head at you. “What do you need?”

“You.” you spewed out, and then laughed at yourself. “Dammit, I mean, yes I do need you, but not like in any other way than your strong arms. I mean that would be nice bit uh..fuck, You seem like a very nice man….”

As you trailed off, it was pure silence, other than the war cries of Carrot in the distance.

“I need you to free my cat from his imprisonment.”

“You need me to do what?”

—

“You couldn't move a washer?”

You and the strong gorgeous man stood in the middle of your laundry room, staring at the machine that held carrot captive. Strong man looked so sexy in his tight little t-shirt and sweats—god, you were so touch-deprived. Here you were creating scenarios in your head with a stranger that involved a washing machine…

“Oh, uh.” you gulped. “We can't all be hercules, man.”

He yawed, causing you to look over in his direction. He looked young, maybe younger than you, with blackish brown hair and glossy eyes. His body looked delish, if you could say so yourself. You would pounce on him right then and there if you could.

“All right, let me move it for you.” the minute he pushed up his sleeves, you swallowed your pride. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck—

Within a second, he pulled the heavy machine with ease, letting out a sexy grunt that nearly made you moan. The wine was indeed hitting your slut system, for sure. The minute there was enough space for him to reach down to grab the garbage cat, he pulled him out, holding him far away from him after realizing how dirty he was.

“Carrot!! You’re alive!!”

“Yo, why is he covered in…sauce?” he made a face, turning to you with that gorgeous body of his. “And it’s name is carrot?”

“He was born in a dumpster. Old habits die hard.” You said as a matter of fact my. “And he’s orange. Self-explanatory.”

Muscle man laughed, setting the cat down. “I guess that explains it.”

A few moments of silence. You didn’t like the emptiness.

“….Do you think that’s why he loves the washer?” you wondered out loud. “Like, it looks like a mini dumpster. Probably feels like one too when he rolls around like an idiot.”

The cat savior laughed shyly, but his eyes said otherwise.

“You know,” you pondered as he looked at you as if he were going to tear you apart. “I don't know your name.”

“Jongho,” he mumbled, a smile finally reaching his eyes. He still looked so tired, but you were too selfish to let this opportunity go. “And you?”

“y/n.” you smiled, looking him up and down like a crazy person. “I just moved in.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Mhm. Watched you fall down the stairs and play it off earlier. I was gonna help, but you seemed like you would have been embarrassed so…” he started to laugh. “Sorry. I should've helped you.”

You smirked. “Well, you made up for it now.”

You stood close, unaware how close you actually were. He smiled down at you while you looked at his lips.

“I should go…” he hummed, eyes narrowed on you.

“Yeah,” you breathed.

He looked at you lustfully for a moment longer, and then broke away from the trance to walk away. You followed him to the door, but right before he could leave, you blurted out the only thing on your mind.

“Would you…like ramen, you know, before you go?”

He was facing away from you, and as you said those words, he stopped in the middle of the doorframe. 

“Depends…” he murmured, turning around to face you. His eyes were no longer sleepy, rather they looked murderous. “Are you…the ramen?”

You nodded. 

“Mhm.” 

He smirked. 

“I guess I can eat.”

You crossed the distance, tugging on his arm to pull him to you as you slammed the door behind him. You shoved yourself onto him, pressing his body up against the door, lips colliding at the same time. 

His hands ravaged your body, moving from your hair, to your face, to your waist, to your ass. He moaned into your mouth causing you to arch your body into him like a cat.

“Wanna move this into the shower? I need a shower.” you breathed against his lips as he kissed you. 

“Mhm.” he moaned against your lips, picking you up with that superhuman strength of his. “Where is it?”

“Last door in the hall.” you slurred, his arms holding onto your back and your legs. He held you like you were a feather, hot damn.

He walked blindly towards the bathroom, bumping into the walls and door knobs aggressively. You gripped the back of his head, kissing him like you knew him forever.

You didn't even know him for ten minutes. 

This is a new low, y/n. A new low.

Oh well, hot guy trumps embarrassment.

The minute he found the bathroom, you nearly tumbled into the room as he opened the door. He pressed you up against the wall, tugging at your lip with his teeth like an animal.

You slid off of him to turn on the water, sparing no time to undress him like a mannequin. He stood there, a boyish smile on his face as you pulled his shirt over his head, revealing his toned body. He was stunning, my god.

“It must be the beer I drank,” he spoke lustfully. “But damn, you’re the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Ditto, hercules.” you hummed against his lips as you unbuttoned his jeans, smiling into a kiss. “Now shut the fuck up.”

He undressed. You followed, although he seemed inclined to pull your clothes off himself. He had a goofy smile on his face as he tugged your bra off, making you smile with him.

“So pretty,” he whispered, tugging you back into him with a giggle. You stumbled into the shower, freezing cold water hitting your back and dripping down your head, drenching you from head to toe. You would have cared about the temperature any other time, but you were too focused on sucking this stranger's face. He didn't seem to mind, either. 

You tasted the coldness of the water on his lips, your hands running up his bare skin to reach his hair. He moaned into your mouth as he bucked his hips into you, breathing heavily.

“I want you to eat me out.” you moaned as his hands danced at your hips. “That was our deal.”

He smirked, burying his head into your shoulder as the water pounded against you. “You want what?” he pestered, tongue dancing in your mouth as you lost your train of thought. “I didn't hear you.”

You groaned, tossing your head back. “I said I want you to eat me out.”

“Eat what?”

“Me. Out.”

“Me out what?”

You shoved him against the cold tiles of the shower wall, glancing down at that sinister smile of his. “I want you to fuck me with your mouth.”

His hands smoothed your curves, his eyes everywhere on your body. “Alrighty then, no need to get harsh.” he laughed, gaining pleasure from having you repeat those words over and over again. “I heard you the first time.”

He knelt down in the shower, his lips meeting yours immediately. His hands were gripping your thighs, and you couldn't help but admit you liked seeing him, or any man, on their knees for you. His tongue slid through your core, igniting an eternal flame that only he could extinguish. He looked up at you through those long eyelashes of his, and you gripped his head, pulling his hair like your life depended on it.

“Fuck.” you hissed, slamming your head back against the wall. “Don't stop.”

He hummed against you, his hands moving to grab your ass tightly. Every time he moaned it felt like a wave of electricity was flowing through your body—an intoxicating feeling on top of the wine.

He pulled back, even after hearing your command. As he looked up at you from his lowly position, it made you feel like you could rule the world.

“I would like to fuck you, you know, with more than just my mouth.”

You shivered under the coldness of the water—and his touch. “Yes, please. Go right ahead.”

He smirked at your response, standing up and gripping your hips without a word. He then shoved you up against the tiles, positioning himself just right, only to shove himself in like he owned the place. You gasped at his sudden entrance, your walls tightening around his dick.

He pumped into you, holding onto your waist from behind and pressing his other hand against the wall. You moaned as he quickened the pace, and either you were too lost in his trance or the wine added to the feeling, but you were so far gone that you didn't even notice when he picked you up mid stroke, holding you to his body as your back pressed against the wall. He fucked you silly, like he did it a million times before. You couldn't get enough of him, even if you just met him today. He was all you needed. 

“Come inside me,” you groaned, your tone serious. His movements slowed at your words,  unsure of what to do.

“H-huh?” he continued to pound into you, but he was reaching his high way sooner than he wanted to. “Into you? Are you on the pill?”

“Pfft. yeah. Fuck children,” you shut your mouth, hating yourself for saying that while he was literally inside you. “That sounded bad, jeez. What I’m saying is you can come inside me. Please.”

He laughed at you, but was too focused on finishing that he ignored your craziness. His breaths began to quicken, his hips bucked in shallower movements as he reached his climax. You let out a cry as you felt the warmth of his come coat you from the inside, dripping down your thigh as his head fell onto your shoulder.

Your shaky breaths tangled together, the water slowly feeling colder and colder as you looked at each other.

And then you both laughed.

“I…wow.” Jongho laughed, setting you down slowly so he didn't hurt you. 

You quickly reached to turn off the water, not holding back the string of curse words attached to your tongue.

You chuckled, wrapping your arms around his neck. “That was fun.”

He smiled at you, leaning in to kiss your lips, once again like he’s done it before. “It’s nice to um…meet you, y/n. I don't think I ever said that yet. It’s not like I met you twenty minutes ago or anything.”

“I’m hoping you’ll keep coming over to rescue my cat…” he mumbled, a knowing smirk on your face. “And to eat some ramen once in a while. A lot in a while, actually.”

“Mhm. Just knock on the door, I’ll be at your service.”

Still in each other’s arms, you were unsure about your future with the cat savior, but yet, this was just enough. It was strange, but enough.

For now, at least.

“So, is now the right time to tell you I’m ready for round two?”

[phantomrose96]

Oh okay so I have a Pikmin theory.

So for starters: Pikmin 1->2->3 are chronological. Pikmin 4 is a sort of AU of Pikmin 1, precedented on Olimar not making it off PNF-404 alive (sort of a bad-end of Pikmin 1, but also with various other AU differences).

This leads me to wonder... is Pikmin 4->2->3 arguably a canon sequence of events? Cuz either the differences between 1 and 4 have knocked canon off course, and as such 4 will never lead to 2 and 3. Or you can string them together in a way that makes 4->2->3 a plausible canonical chain.

The biggest thing that stands out to me is Louie. In 1->2->3, no one was ever sent to rescue Olimar in 1, and the second he arrives home in 2 his boss informs him that Louie was attacked ("attacked") by a space rabbit that ate the precious cargo of golden pikpik carrots, launching the company into massive debt (and he forces Olimar back to PNF-404 to treasure hunt to pay off the debt.) It's later revealed Louie was never attacked, and he ate the cargo himself.

In 4, LOUIE is sent to rescue Olimar. (He never does. He completely gives up because he forgot what Olimar looks like, and then becomes the biggest pain in your ass after YOU rescue Olimar, because Louie starts taking hostages and running from you insisting he never wants to leave PNF-404 for... some unclear reason?)

This feels like it could break 4->2->3 as a plausible canon, considering Louie is not home on Hocotate to eat his whole cargo (fucker). But I realized something.

Pikmin 4 starts more or less around when Olimar's life support runs out and he dies. You get his SOS signal not long at all before this happens. And TBH, it's probably a good additional in-game month in 4 before you actually rescue Olimar and encounter Louie. In a good-end run of Pikmin 1, Olimar needs to repair his ship and escape PNF-404 before his life support runs out. So in short: Louie fucks up the cargo sometime prior to Olimar's life support running out, and Pikmin 4 is set after his life support runs out. (Technically, they changed the amount of time his life support lasts between 1 and 4, but I figure that was to trim down Olimar's Tale in 4 and not actually for a canon reason).

My point being, Pikmin 4 being largely set after Olimar's life support runs out means Louie had plenty of time to fuck up the pikpik carrot cargo.

Then there's the fact that in Pikmin 4, Louie is desperate to STAY on PNF-404 for reasons he refuses to ever explain. Maybe, because, ya know, he's waiting for the other shoe to drop. He knows he's responsible for plunging Hocotate Freight into what was essentially $10 million of debt. Louie doesn't want to be charged with $10 million worth of theft. And without Olimar bringing home the bottle cap, there's no plan for repaying that debt.

Louie maybe wants to stay on PNF-404 because he's not going the fuck to jail.

All this to say: I think 4->2->3 is actually a completely reasonable canon sequence, if you figure the "Louie lost (ate) the $10 million of golden pikpik carrots" happens in the background, right at the start of Pikmin 4 before Olimar's life support has run out. Olimar's SOS comes through, and President, desperate for his only competent employee back to help fix this, sends Louie to PNF-404 on a rescue mission. On PNF-404, Louie figures himself a fugitive who'd rather spend his days cooking bulborbs than ever return home to Hocotate to potentially face the music of his "this was definitely a felony" crime, and so he kicks and screams and fights to stay on PNF-404...

...And you drag him home anyway, along with poor rescued Olimar who's died and come back to life... just in time for their boss to be like "YOU idiots, go get me out of debt! Go back to PNF-404"

[kcalsforhim]

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺ wed 30th oct 2024 - past midnight

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

the morning was nicely underwhelming… nothing much done to be honest… my friend couldn’t hang out so i just went out on my own. called eli while getting ready cause when am i not otp with her her friends are sick of seeing little femboy twink in the corner of their eyes on her phone

anyway took the bus to the centre and first went to the h&m. was trying to get my minecraft boxers out of that pick up box using a code but the code wasn’t working. some girls complimented my style and i asked them if they knew how to open this box. they did not but they did stick around to help me out open this box. called support and shit and I GOT MY BOXERS LOL

they stuck around so we went to manos cause i was going there and they were following me around LOL. i got my usual order and one of the girls also got a boba yummy yummy.

we sat outside and we chatted for a while it was actually very nice and when it got dark and one of them left the other gave me a ride home she was super sweet and kinda fine ngl 😖

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

no step goal

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

contains : cucumber, edamame beans, carrots, wayyy too little avocado than usual, chicken, salad mix base (it was different this time ????? it had green onions)

also : vanilla mix pudding it was very good i know it looks gross but that’s because it’s room temp so it’s not smooth

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

cal goal : 430

spent : 433

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

FUCK YOU LADY AT MANOS i miss my male coworker that genuinely looked like he ran a mafia gang to make me my pokebowl. i’m not even mad she didn’t fill up the bowl all the way like the guy did because i’m not so concerned on getting fat… im mad cause the SALAD MIX HAD FUCKING GREEN ONION ????? the way i was gonna crash out. stop.

the pudding was also so yummy and just ugh love it… after i ate this food the way i genuinely passed the FUCK OUT like i crashed i stilll had my entire outside outfit on at this point 😭

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

i feel like a whore today but it’s fine… my ribs are ok… i feel ok… i guess ? i’m scared for tommorow…we’re having all you can eat but what if i can’t eat all i want 😖

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

thinspo that haunts me… and a drawing eli made of me that i thought was especially cute. she really captured my “ariana grande sleeve” habit 😖

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

i’ve been feeling so amazing and good and genuinely MANIC this song describes my feelings so amazingly <3

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

[wisteria-cherry]

forty days and forty nights (day thirty-seven!) (part two!)

(you thought i forgot didn’t you)

“stay.”

"fine. now answer the goddamn question or starve." katsuki grunted, sifting through the bags. he glanced at the pot of water you had for the ramen and turned the heat up before taking out miso, chicken, and a variety of vegetables.

"I'm doing okay." you answer, studying his movements carefully. "what're you making?"

"chanko nabe." a classic comfort dish. he knew exactly what he was doing, the bastard.

"don't you have patrol today?" you ask, albeit somewhat reluctantly. part of you immediately regretted asking, because what if he had patrol right this minute and had to leave?

"no." katsuki said shortly.

"ah."

it was silent for a good few minutes. katsuki continued to work on prepping different ingredients— mushrooms, carrot, tofu— and you opted to sit and watch, since clearly he disapproved of your cooking.

"took off 'cuz i wanted to check on ya." katsuki mumbled finally.

“you took off for me?” you repeat, dumbfounded. katsuki clicked his tongue in annoyance.

“isn’t that what i just said?” katsuki snapped. “idiot.”

“thanks.” you smile. “can i help you cook?”

“no way in hell, instant ramen freak.” katsuki snorted. “sit your ass down, i’m cooking.” your face instantly snaps into an indignant state, highly offended at katsuki’s accusation.

“that’s not all i eat! it was just tonight!” you protest.

“you had so many goddamn ramen packets in your cabinet that you coulda fed my entire agency!” katsuki barked back. “i’m cookin’, that’s that.”

“fine.” you huff, sinking into one of the counter stools. “jerk.”

“dumbass.”

the chanko nabe was ready fairly quick, and, as an added bonus, made your newly-cleaned apartment smell heavenly. it was nice to be pampered.

“eat.” katsuki grunted, sliding a bowl to you across the countertop. he turned back around and began on the dishes.

“oh, katsuki, i’ll do the—“

“siddown.” katsuki interrupted, instantly glaring at you from over his shoulder. “no the fuck you’re not.

“ok.” you didn’t bother arguing because, again, he did make you food, and he did make your apartment smell good. you ate in silence as katsuki did dishes. it was amazing— salty and flavorful and delicious. it wasn’t until katsuki broke the silence that you bothered taking a breath from your food to breathe.

“you got a plan for after this?” he grumbled, almost reluctantly. you shrug.

“just… keep going with life, i guess.” you could tell your answer didn’t please katsuki, because he tensed, giving you quite a wonderful outline of his back muscles through his tight black t shirt (did he wear that everywhere?).

“the fuck you mean?” katsuki narrowed his eyes as he turned around, drying a knife off with a hand towel as he did so.

“well, what am i supposed to do?” you point out.

“go to therapy and that shit.”

“i don’t need therapy.”

“you haven’t addressed the damn thing once. bet my money you haven’t talked with pinky or shitty hair either.” katsuki set the knife down, focusing his attention on you, which, given the current subject, made you just a tiny bit uncomfortable.

“i didn’t need to,” you answer hesitantly. right? i’m fine.

“you gotta talk to someone.” katsuki rolled his eyes. “no one goes through that kinda shit and gets out unscathed.”

“oh.” you frown. “well, i’ll think about it, i guess.”

“tch. you better do more than just think about it.” katsuki scowled, before getting himself some chanko nabe and plopping down next to you. “you doin’ anything tomorrow?”

“working.” you reply. “just like usual. it feels weird not working today.”

“i meant after that, dumbass.” katsuki’s voice suddenly got a little quieter, a little less grumbly, but just a little more defensive. he stared at his chanko nabe.

“oh. i don’t think so.” you ponder. “why?” katsuki didn’t answer for a good few minutes.

“because—“ katsuki hesitated for just a nanosecond, trying to gather his words. “—because we’re going somewhere.”

“we are?” you blink, confused.

“if you fuckin’ want to, or whatever.” katsuki snapped.

“like…” you stop. do you dare presume? “like a date?”

“yeah.” katsuki glanced over at you, glaring. the tips of his ears were red, and his cheeks were dusted with pink. cute. “‘s a hike.”

“okay.” you said, smiling, probably responding quicker than necessary, but you didn’t care.

you had a date with katsuki.

“you gotta talk to someone. no one goes through that shit and gets out unscathed.”

(feel free to comment + leave ur thoughts :)

tags: @k0z3me @cherryblossomclarity @stevenknightmarc @failingstudents-blog @jazzafayesworld @faerikitty @deathsmajestysworld

[exemplarybehaviour]

Today on making recipes I saw on my dash: I wanted to make this "Mongolian chicken" recipe and then did one of those "loved this recipe! I added several things and made a ton of substitutions :)" recipe review moves. Instead of chicken, I used tofu, and I also added broccoli and mushrooms. There's also some rice hidden under there.

Revised recipe under the cut for my own notes (vegan & gluten free!):

First I want to give a direct link to the original recipe. Flavor text indicates this is meant to be a slightly healthier take-out food mimic. I also referenced this recipe when deciding how to fry tofu (which I've never done before!). Small text indicates notes. I usually don't measure things so not everything has an amount.

Ingredience (tm):

cooking oil of your choice

extra firm tofu (I used a 16 oz block but if I repeat this i'd probably do two blocks)

corn starch (2 tbsp for frying the tofu)

soy sauce (or tamari for the gluten free) (1 tbsp for frying the tofu)

garlic powder

2 crown broccoli

small tub of mushrooms (8 oz? maybe??) (i bought pre-sliced mushrooms and then broke them up into smaller pieces by hand)

yellow onion, chopped (will probably only use half an onion in the future lmao)

4-5 green onions/scallions

you could also use all sorts of other veggies: peppers, snow peas, carrots, zucchini, etc. the world is your oyster..........

Sauce Ingredience (tm):

1 1/2 teaspoon sesame oil (this has a strong flavor so definitely actually measure)

chopped scallion whites

ginger (I use ginger paste)

minced garlic (recipe calls for 3 cloves but i use jar garlic and just go wild)

1 tbsp rice vinegar

1/2 cup soy sauce (or tamari sauce)

1/2 brown sugar

1 tbsp corn starch

1/4 cup vegetable stock or water (or chicken stock if you prefer)

something spicy. i used red chilli flakes but you could also try something like sriracha

Technically this is a one pan recipe (or wok, if you're fancy) but you will also use several other bowls and plates. Okay here's how to make it.

Fry tofu:

Press water out of tofu (wrap the block in paper towels, then balance a plate on it and put something heavy on the plate. leave like that while you putter around the kitchen trying to find where the FUCK the vegetable stock concentrate is. or use a tofu press if you have one).

Cut tofu into small blocks

Toss tofu with 2 tbsp corn starch + 1 tbsp soy sauce + garlic powder

Add enough oil to pan to coat the bottom and heat. Add tofu and let sit until bottom browns. Flip tofu pieces to brown other side. If you want to also get the sides you can do more flipping. Or you can get bored and stop

If you're smart, prep veggies by washing and cutting them while tofu fries. I was not smart

Move tofu to plate or bowl

I was surprised by how fucking tasty the tofu was right out of the pan? The garlic powder elevated it to something almost addictive. I ate several pieces while cooking everything else. I did think that later tossing the tofu with the sauce detracted from the crispiness of the tofu. So, next time I will probably keep the tofu separate and add it in last.

Also, if you want rice, start it up around here.

Cook veggies:

prep by cleaning and cutting up veggies

in the same pan as the tofu, add a small amount of oil (or don't, if you have left over oil from the tofu)

toss in veggies in reverse order of how long they will take to cook to the degree you want them. i wasn't smart in my organization so i did the mushrooms by themselves while i cut up onions and broccoli

cook, stirring frequently, until they're as cooked as you want them

move veggies to plate/bowl

Make Sauce:

prep: whisk together 1 tbsp corn starch and 1/4 cup vegetable broth in a small bowl

in the same pan, add sesame oil, scallion whites, ginger, and garlic

cook ~1 min, or however long it takes you to get your shit together to add other ingredients

add rice vinegar, soy sauce/tamari, brown sugar. stir to combine. yes 1/2 cup soy sauce AND brown sugar seems like a lot. yes it will taste fine, i promise

add corn starch/broth slurry. stir

add your chili flakes. stir.

sauce should have thickened

Now dump your tofu + veggies into the pan and then toss to coat with sauce. Garnish with scallion greens. Done!!!

[princess-library-dead-account]

The Price of Love

Part two

Pairing: Karl Heisenberg X Gn!Reader

Word count: 1288

Genre: Smut, kinda angsty

Warnings/tags: Hate sex, degradation, bottom Karl Heisenberg, yandere Karl Heisenberg, top reader, afab reader, pegging, Karl being a loser, it says yandere but he’s actually really gentle, established relationship, reader is mean

You do this because you hate him. Lord fucking Heisenberg, decided he had the right to steal you from the village. Your family, your life, your job- gone. Just like that. You hate him. Everyday, every damned day- you’d think it was all just a bad dream, that you’d wake up in your own bed.

But no.

You'd wake up in bed together some days. Most days you would wake up on the couch, not able to bear how he’d cling to you in your sleep. You’d make your own breakfast- he never ate any, instead opting to chug a mug of coffee. Then he’d fuck off to the lower levels, working on his experiments. Leaving you alone with your thoughts. You tried to keep yourself busy, you really did- you’d clean the living area of the factory, you’d read, draw, you’d do anything- just to keep your mind off him. But it never worked.

You hated him- and the worst part was, he’d let you. He might raise his voice occasionally, but he’d apologize awkwardly right after. He’d be… sweet, or as sweet as someone that played around with corpses as a hobby could be. He’d murmur about how much he loved you on the rare occasion you lied in bed with him. He’d try- and fail- to make you dinner, the chicken burnt and blackened, completely unseasoned, and the carrots only slightly warm, still hard and raw. He’d awkwardly give you a small kiss on the top of your head before he headed down to work on the soldats.

But- you couldn’t like him, could you-? He’s sick- he kidnapped you- he took you from your life. No. You hate him. You want nothing more than to cause him pain, to destroy him. And he’d let you. And he’d… like it. And you would too, as much as you hated yourself for it.

You sigh, looking down at the gray haired man on his knees below you. You stood on the carpet floor of his bedroom, wearing a harness with a purple dildo. The toy rested in Karl’s mouth, and he looked up at you with pleading eyes. He wears nothing but a pair of raggedy boxers, and you wear just a baggy shirt. Something in you snaps, and you roughly grab a handful of his scraggly hair, forcing him down on your cock. He splutters, wet sounds coming from him as he chokes on your length. You grin slightly at his noises, and he desperately bobs his head on your strap. You pant, watching as he squirms, a tent growing in his boxers.

“Pathetic.” You spit out, your voice a low growl. Karl whimpers against your cock, squirming slightly as he tries to keep up with the brutal pace you’ve set. You continue fucking his mouth, taking in his soft whimpers, watching as he grows increasingly restless. He rubs his legs together desperately, squirming under you. You pant, watching with sick satisfaction as his eyes begin to water, and a little drool spills from his mouth. You continue using him, before his hands come up, pawing at your ass, trying to get your attention. He murmurs, trying to speak, but it’s muffled by the toy. You don’t really care what he has to say, opting to thrust harder into his throat, relishing his gags. He attempts to speak again, this time a little louder. You pull him off your cock with an annoyed expression, and he pants slightly, his face flushed from a mix of arousal and humiliation.

“What?” You hiss out, grabbing him by the hair.

“I-“ he chokes out, his throat scratchy and abused.

“Speak, you stupid slut”.

“I- p-please fuck me-“ He whimpers out, his voice small. He looks so pathetic, his hazel eyes tearing up from your merciless use of his throat.

“Please fuck me-?!” You mock, your face contorting into a sick grin.

“Sweetie-” He starts softly, before you cut him off.

“PLEASE FUCK ME?!” You laugh loudly in his face.

“Sure, Karl.” you respond, saying his name like it makes you sick.

“-but you asked for this” you murmur, eyes narrowing. You grab a handful of his gray hair causing him to cry out, and you throw him onto the bed. He lays down on his back with glazed eyes as you rifle through his nightstand. You find what you’re looking for, a small bottle of lube. You squirt some on the strap, spreading it around with your hands, before crawling on top of Karl. He whimpers softly, rubbing his thighs together to try and stimulate himself.

“You’re pathetic.” You murmur, practically ripping his underwear off as you throw it onto the floor. He whines at your words, shifting on the bed. Your hands grip his thighs tightly, spreading him open, and you prod the strap against his tight hole. He moans softly, bucking his hips into you. You enter him slowly, filling him up with just the tip. He moans needily, his hands coming up to gently paw at your back.

“Ah— m-more- ”he whimpers softly against your ear, his beard tickling your face. You growl, sinking the strap into him until it bottoms out inside him. He moans loudly, his hard cock rubbing against your stomach as you thrust into him. He whimpers as you increase your pace, his hands gently scratching at your back. You groan at his submissiveness, holding yourself on one arm and moving your hand to ghost over his dick. He cries out, bucking his hips into you. His face is flushed, a sheen of sweat on his tanned face. You lean down, slowly licking a stripe up his cheek, groaning at the salty taste. He makes a sound in between a moan and a whimper, pawing at your back adorably. Your fingers run teasingly over his cock, before fully gripping his length, jacking him off. He mewls, squirming as you thrust into him. You pant, watching as he falls apart on your strap. He cries out, tucking his head into your neck as he cums with a cry. He spurts sticky white ropes onto his soft stomach, some hitting you. His cock twitches against your stomach, softening. He lets out a low whimper, holding you tightly as he pants.

“Ah- buttercup- mm-” he murmurs softly. His blissed out expression turns into a guilty and embarrassed one as you look down at him with a mix of disgust and shame. You pull out of him slowly and he whines softly, chasing after the toy. You look down at him, before getting out of bed.

“Buttercup- ‘m sorry-” He starts, beginning to apologize for how fast he finished, shame turning his face even redder. You take the harness off, and slam it on the nightstand before leaving the bedroom.

“Y/n, please-”. He starts, moving on the bed so he sits up. You look over at him as you stand in the doorframe. His face is still slightly flushed, his eyes watery. His expression is pleading, like he wants you to stay. You sigh.

“Goodnight, Karl.” You say flatly, before leaving and shutting the door. You walk a few steps over to the living room, before flopping onto the couch, exhausted. You yawn, feeling your eyelids grow heavy. You shift the couch, unaware of his muffled sobs as you try to drift off to sleep, your heart heavy. The couch is uncomfortable, but it's better than having to sleep in bed with Karl. You try to purge the image of him from your mind, him sweaty and flushed and covered in his own cum. His eyes pleading adorably, his body so soft and malleable.

Because you hate him.

Right?

[the-fandom-queenxox]

Blaming @sincerely-nines for letting the demons out

Here is the minecraft food update ideas that have been plaguing me fo a very long time:

(Also I know most of what I am about to list off are in many minecraft mods, you don't have to tell me about them, I just wanna yap about things)

(Also also I mainly talked about food we could have with the already existing edible minecraft items)

-First of all WHY DON'T WE HAVE APPLE PIE IN MINECRAFT!!! WE HAVE PUMPKIN PIE SURE BUT WE DESERVE APPLE PIE TOO!! Oh and also golden/enchanted golden apple pie... cause I think it would be funny and I want it

-Continuing the pie train sweet berry pie, glow berry pie, shepherd's pie(we have enough meat options to make it), chicken pot pie and also just learned about this one, fish pie

-Speaking of fish, sushi. "Oh bUt FAndOm yOU neEd riCe AnD SeAwEEd To mAKe sUsHI" no you don't, there are many recipes of sushi without rice in them and you can use the dried kelp as a substitute to seawed

-But also yeah they should add rice too

-Squids, we should be able to eat the squids... both of them(and yes you would get the glow effect if you ate the glow squid)

-Getting back on the pie train for a second for the actual last pie for the list(unless I forgot any that could be made via the limited items we have in minecraft), chorus fruit pie, cause it's funny to think about

-Carrot cake, chocolate cake or even better brownies, sweet berry cake and glow berry cake

-Sugar cookies

-Cheese!!! Which they made cheese in one of the april fools updates, so they infact can code this in, but I want it in a specific way, it is the height of a half slab and it is eaten like a cake... and maybe also cream, butter, yogurt or frosting even, since the one cake we do have seems to already have something like that on the sprite on it... also I think it would be funny if you crafted a whole stick of butter and eat it infront of your friends

-Speaking of "april fools updates" sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes

-Chocolate, just regular chocolate

-Add on from the last point hot chocolate

-French toast, we have all the ingredients for this why can't we have it?!

-Maybe some egg dishes? Like fried eggs, boiled eggs, scrambled eggs...

-Oh it just came to me, eggs benedict! Just replace the english muffin with regular bread, which probably make it count as a sandwich now that I think about it... they should also add sandwiches...

-Maybe also some more dishes with mushrooms? Even though I don't lkke mushrooms irl it's kinda weird to only have one food item with them in it

-I also wouldn't mind if they made more stews or soup

-Puddings! More specifically bread pudding and chocolate pudding

-Caramel

-A lot of trees are actually very safe to eat the bark and seeds of

-Sunflower seeds

-Also apparently if you boil it, you can eat bamboo as well and we have that in minecraft so we should eat it

-Many types of juices!! Some short examples would be carrot juice, melon juice, beetroot juice... etc.

-Kinda going off topic with this one, but I wanna gnaw on the bones we get from the skeletons, mojang let me eat the bones!!! You can make it so if you eat one it gives nausea cause it is actually unhealthy to eat bone as is and can make you seriously sick, but I wanna be a rabid fucking animal damn it and scare off the hoes. Side note here but you can also eat bonemeal and be okay to do so, so yeah that is also an option

Aaannd that's all of them for me, but if any of you have some ideas on what else to add do let me know, I probably missed alot of things

[agendabymooner]

Pookie bear how are yaaaa 😭 hope your research is going well, mine is... *side eyes empty doc* well.

Ours is supposed to be a product development of some sort of food that doesn't exist yet, so my group is exploring the use of pinipig as oatmeal replacement in food bars. Revolutionary ✨

Anyway HOW ARE YOU that is my first question

My second one is: why are you so amazing??

And my last one: which among the Dad Drivers do you see would be the dad that would eat whatever their kids set in front of them, even if it looks inedible 😭

Love you so much ❤️✨

it's 1 am here and i have no intention of going to sleep~

imma answer the last question first: which dad!f1 driver would eat whatever food their kids would set in front of them?

now i have like a thought in mind: which dad!f1 driver would eat whatever food because of a reason? just hear me out~

daniel ricciardo's kid (say beau ricciardo) would think that he's so clever when it comes to pranking his dad (mind you, he would be as young as six - but he's a fucking menace bc he's literally danny's copy). beau would say that, "daddy i made food with mummy!" then daniel would get excited, but beau would hand him a plate of those plastic food and veggies you get from those sets of grocery store toys. beau would be laughing and would say, "hah! i got you!" then daniel would fuck around a little bit and actually put a plastic carrot in his mouth with a nonchalant shrug. beau would look at daniel like, "oh my god my dad is batshit 😟"

charles leclerc's eldest twins, hervé and jules, would attempt to bake chocolate cookies from scratch - uncle estie is so freaking good at baking cookies - and charles was their guinea pig. they'd proudly present it to him and he would be so freaking hungry that he just put a chunk of it in his mouth. the cookie he ate was salty but he wanted to appease his kids so bad that he just smiled and nodded as if it was good (he eventually spat it out and jules and hervé pretty much accepted that their cookies were shit because it was their first try).

sebastian vettel would genuinely eat the food his kids made for him and would even critique it. he did that with his foster daughter barbie when she first cooked the cuisine that she was taught before and he actually loved it- though he did ask if barbie could add more chicken into the adobo.

yuki tsunoda and his daughter hana would make a bento together so she can have some for her lunch in school. well, yuki would of course make her food because her lunch needs to be edible but hana, who was just preschool age, would be messing around with the rice and the meat for the rice and even mix in some sauce into it and would tell yuki, "papa, eat breakfast!" with the proudest grin on her face. yuki would eat it and would actually love the food- though he was kind of worried what she had put into it because he wasn't looking.

note: to answer your first questions 1) i am ✨on my seasonal depression shit and i actually am going to a clinic for a check up tomorrow✨ and 2) if i was amazing i would not be sad and frustrated rn 😆

i do hope that your research goes well! why is product development a big thing in filipino curriculums tho- i coulda sworn that i've heard at least some of my filo peers (friends) talk to me about product development. but i hope you're doing alright bb! 💓