#and their arc is more about being seen as a person at all than being seen as a person with flaws

[helen-lucilfer]

some Chrollo things i found/realized on my rewatch + reread of hxh

- he has REALLY bad posture. in the PT base during yorknew, when Chrollo is reading a book, he is literally hunched over and his back is at like a 45 degree angle🥺

- he’s very smug and cocky. after his fight against Zeno and Silva, he asks with a smirk to Zeno “if we were in a fight, who would win, you or me?” and chuckles knowingly when Zeno replies. during Chrollo vs Hisoka, Chrollo says that he is “100% sure that i am going to win”

- his personality switches depending on who he’s with. with the troupe, he’s logical and stoic—never losing his temper. when he’s with Hisoka, he’s much more relaxed and friendly + smiles much more often. when he’s with someone older, he’s respectful.

- he doesn’t seem to mind celebrations/parties. he’s seen drinking with the troupe in a manga panel after the auction.

- he seems very self aware of his handsome appearance, as he lured Neon in + most of the abilities in his book are from women.

- in terms of physical strength, Chrollo is 7th in the Troupe —above Bonolenov, Nobunaga, Shalnark, Pakunoda, Shizuku, and Kortopi, making him MUCH MUCH MUCH stronger than even superhumans such as Gon and Killua. (I love this fact for some reason)

- he had many similarities to Gon and Kurapika as a kid. (read Ch. 395-397, which is the Troupe backstory. it has a lot of cute baby Troupe member scenes🥺)

- he has a habit of covering his mouth with his hand whenever he is thinking deeply about something or connecting the lines.

- he knows a shocking amount about the Kakin Empire (in the manga), even more so than some of the Princes of the Kakin Empire.

- he seems to have a habit of smirking whenever something is going according to plan or when something went according to plan. he also just seems to enjoy smirking in general.

- his favorite color seems to be purple due to much of his outfits being some sort of variation of purple.

- in official arts + mobage cards, he seems to have dark circles under his eyes. in the yorknew city arc, he is also the only troupe member who didn’t sleep during the entire arc, meaning that he seems to have some sort of insomnia.

- in mobage cards, Chrollo seems to have a habit of fidgeting with his clothes. (pulling off his tie during the Christmas mobage card, playing with his hat, etc,.)

- he is very athletic, considering how at the end of yorknew city when he was left nen-less on those plateaus, he managed to climb down and find shelter all by himself.

- he is also very rich, since on average, every Zoldyck assassination costs around 1 billion—Chrollo managed to afford to assassinate the 10 Dons, meaning 10 billion Jenny.

- Chrollo doesn’t seem to care whenever someone is being disrespectful towards him or the troupe.

- Chrollo seems to have a particular fondness for suits, as he is often seen wearing a suit in official arts

- Chrollo often wears clothing that covers much of his body

- Chrollo seems to have the traditional values of a chivalrous man, meaning that he respects women quite a lot and makes sures to keep them safe. Chrollo made sure to catch Neon in the most respectful way when she “fell” (he literally could have just grabbed her by the arm and it would have been fine), he made sure to keep Pakunoda + Machi + Shizuku in the same team during yorknew (there were no men in their team), and during the Chrollo vs Hisoka battle, none of the female spectators (or even the commentator) were harmed.

———

AUGHHHHHH CHROLLO ILYSM PLEASE LIVE UNTIL THE END OF THE SERIES😭🥺😫❤️CHROLLOOOO UR MY BBY AND ILYSMMMMM😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥹🥹🥹❤️❤️❤️😫😫😫💕💕💕

[atoriv-art]

what are your thoughts on the hyuga siblings and their relationship

OOF now thats one of my favorite naruto dynamics lmao. i think neji and hinata have a very interesting relationship and i say that as someone who really didn't (and tbh still doesn't) love how that relationship developed in canon

i really like the hyuga fight in the chunin exams because the way it's perceived is sooo interesting to me.. neji comes off as an outright bully and i don't even blame the kids for calling him an asshole after all of that, but from reader's perspective it's really obvious that his animosity only exists because of a larger issue...

neji shouldn't treat hinata the way he does, but he does so because of her unique position as a scorned heir. she still benefits from everything that makes his life awful - her life is still valued more than his - but hiashi hates her enough that he won't care if neji dishes out verbal abuse on her. it's an awful dynamic and definitely contributes to hinata's terrible self-worth, but it's a symptom of the life they have been forced into by the man who the manga is intent on letting escape all of the blame for this situation lmao

(hiashi himself can be a really fascinating case honestly. i think he fully means everything he says, which is what makes him so grating but fun to me LOL. his apology to neji is entirely sincere AND it completely misses the point of all of the issues, but neji is young and deprived of acknowledgement enough that he accepts it wholeheartedly. hiashi thinks he's the best uncle of all time.)

hinata herself has so little belief in her own worth that she just sits there and takes whatever abuse people throw at her... i don't actually think neji's anger towards her was a constant - i think some people interpret it that way - rather i feel like it was something that came up whenever he was pushed too far. in more normal circumstances where he's not being made to fight her directly, he was likely more detached than anything. he wanted nothing to do with her.

in one of the filler mini arcs ive mentioned before (i think. the one that focuses on hanabi and hinata) there's a scene that rang very true to me (and im gonna recount this without rewatching it atm so sorry if i get details wrong,): neji was being made to train with hinata, asked to be allowed to leave because he felt his time was being wasted and correctly noted that it doesn't have to be him here, was told no by hiashi and then he started getting vicious and violent. towards hinata, of course, not hiashi. he then got horribly punished for it LOL i think that's the general dynamic they were living in, neji reaches a limit of disrespect that he can take and explodes on the nearest most acceptable target (we loove a boy with no emotional regulation <3), goes too far and suffers the consequence of it while nothing else changes. to him interacting with hinata at all is just asking for pain, either emotional or straight up physical

But, for hinata, she saw herself and neji as similar (the black sheep of the family i suppose), and would have liked to bond over that fact; theyve known each other since they were very little and she outright refers to him as a brother. it's clear to me she's always cared a lot about neji and imo feels responsible for what happened to his father (something that hiashi doesn't help with. Dad of the year), so she saw their match in the exams as a chance to close the distance between them and get neji to see her as a person, an equal instead of a symbol to lash out on.

but, you know, she was 12 LMAO so she ended up pressing all of his buttons instead and it led to his famous outburst, which led to the famous moment of Every Single Jonin (other than asuma.) coming to stop him and further cementing his belief that her life is seen as special. i think (and this is a mix of Shit I Made up, and Me trying to make sense of the manga's insane mishandling of their plotline) that despite her trying her hardest to reach neji she didn't really grasp the horror of his situation. that's the tragedy of neji's life really LMAO, no one really tries to grapple with the severity of what having that curse mark does to a person. she thought of his fatalism as more of a psychological, metaphorical way of dealing with hurt and not like... "my life literally does not belong to me no matter how much i try to fight it"

this is loooooong take this readmore.

i think hiashi-hizashi were hoping that the cousins could have had a better relationship than they did... letting them hang out often and stuff, introducing them early, hizashi not discouraging neji from being friendly with her, to me it all reads as very "ok well this didn't work for Us, but what if it works out for them... even though literally nothing has changed". they were proper family once and hizashi wanted to die for his brother, not his leader, so that just makes sense to me.

i do nautttt like the naruto vs neji fight so to keep the post positive i will gloss over it <3 but hinata and neji's relationship post-chunin exams to me is peak like. God i wish this was done better because it could have been soooo good

neji realizes that his anger is consuming him and adjusts his behavior accordingly, getting a lot of his kindness back, and he becomes intent on fixing his relationship with hinata... i don't hate that premise at all, it's just the way it's executed that bothers me!

the impression i got (and i could be mistaken im in the process of rewatching the anime + rereading the manga) is that their relationship getting better is done exclusively through like. neji repenting for being mean to her. which, don't get me wrong, he SHOULD apologize (AND THAT WOULDVE BEEN A COOL THING TO SEE ONSCREEN, BTW) but you CANNOT divorce his behavior from the hyuga system in general. from the way they act after the exams you would think their issues were born solely from neji being a bully for no reason, and not, like... him lashing out on her because his uncle is literally the devil.

i don't think hinata has the power to change a lot in her clan on short notice (she did get disowned. did that un-happen offscreen? we will never know. Hiashi gets to be a grandfather to her children btw.) but i certainly would have liked to see her standing up for branch members and in the stuff i draw that's the story i have in mind LMAO. like, her gaining a deeper understanding of neji's situation and trying to work against her father trying to make her cousin's life better? i think that would have been really sweet and even show her gaining more confidence in herself and her beliefs. you can still have neji fussing over her and being protective because he feels bad for how they used to be, i actually really like that because neji IS a very sweet person, i just reject the idea that it's his sole Moral Obligation to put everything aside and make things better by the power of I Will Die For You Now, But This Time, For The Right Reasons

as for hanabi i wish she had more screentime soooo bad because i'm obsessed with how she gives off Haunted Child vibes lmfao. talking abt her requires me to expose myself a little bit and have to admit hiashi is kind of a blorbo to me because of how much he sucks ass, but like. Essentially his insane resentment of hinata was born when hizashi died, it doesnt matter it wasn't really her fault, he needed someone to blame and he would never blame himself, at least not outwardly lol. hiashi did genuinely love his brother, it just didn't stop him from being a monster to him, and he is certainly not gonna grapple with that now that he's dead!

(and, you know, the whole "sorry we sent a guy to kidnap an heir. you do need to die for killing him though" thing is really dumb but if we stop at every single stupid thing in naruto we will be here all day.)

with all that being said i think hiashi tries his best to make hanabi everything hinata isn't, and he has very little interest in having her and hinata have any bond at all. he just left neji and hinata to fester in that god-awful dynamic with no supervising, and took hanabi as the best direction for the clan to head towards. but, you know, father of the year is very demanding and doesn't seem to be very fatherly to her at all from the little we see of them. she's just like. a good soldier, and that's what he needs.

i think hanabi growing to resent her sister for the situation she's been put into (if hinata weren't 'weak' she wouldn't have so much responsibility) is very interesting! by the time we meet her i think she's learned that the best thing to do wrt her sister is to just ignore that she exists. as for neji he barely registers as a presence to her; neji has no reason to interact with her and hiashi has no reason to incentivize it. it's very fun to me!

in general i really like all of their dynamics can be used to explore how hurt and trauma drive people apart, i could talk about them for hourssss LMAO i love the suna family for the same reason!

[nose-rice]

OH MY GOD YES. YES YES YES. I mentioned this in my og post but with the whole Nuru being raised differently, I mainly focused on her being a girl and royalty. But being a black girl also plays a huge roll with the whole "you're either the mom friend, or sassy". I've seen her portrayed as straight up mean before which is personally infuriating to me.

And with Yong!! Like you said he's a pre-teen! While I certainly wasn't matured, I wasn't thinking surface level thoughts. You start to overthink, find yourself, and your rose-tinted glasses start to fade just the tiniest bit. He's more than just "wow.. ypu guys seem really sad," or "wow! I'm so happy my fireworks worked!" And him being the fat asian kid leads is also troubling like you said. He's never taken seriously beyond the surface level "I don't wanna bother you guys" It's just really sad to me because I see so much of myself in Nuru, and I absolutely ADORE Yong and his absolutely vibrant personality. I feel like he holds immense power when it comes to shifting the tone of the story since he's the main source of optimism in the group, which could also set up a character arc that deeper than one short little moment of introspection.

Also this is a more personal thing but as a mixed poc, I am STARVING for literally any fun cool story I love with MAIN poc characters with complex thoughts and arcs. And I mean the MAIN. STARS. I'm a little tired of seeing the white lead with their poc friends that serve them in every way, and if we're LUCKY, perhaps a poc love intrest, which we didn't get here lol. Ofc I still love them. I just have been craving more diverse characters that can be seen in a complex light, which is what started my whole Nuru rant (i love Nuru soso much)

And i do agree that part of it is the way the story was set up fundamentally, with there being almost no info on Nuru and Yong, and being centered more on the main white couple. But I think it's great that it was just a first draft, and Anna and Kay have said they enjoy seeing different interpretations and chages. It's just unfortunate that most people tend to grasp onto what we're given a little too much, and not exploring so many possible concepts. The whole point I feel was that it was an idea thrown out there to whoever wants to add on to it or simply just enjoy what's already there, but the fandom pretty heavily tilts toward the "enjoy what's given" side.

Not to mention DONELLA AND ULLA?? EVEN CYRUS!! I personally am biased towards Donella but I feel a lot of the things with her can be said for Ulla too. I feel that a lot of the time they serve as plot devices for Varian and Hugo respectively. Obviously they're all very important to eachother, but I wanna see more of THEM. Just Ulla. Just Donella!! There are some good fanworks and art out there that do dive deeper into them, at least a big chunk more than Nuru and Yong which is a little sad. But I feel like I never see any fanworks that focus on their backstory aside from the library and "sons". What about THEIR parents, where they grew up? Their little quirks and their cultures? I especially find the way some Donella redemptions feel half hazardly taped on for the plot infuriating because to get to her state, you have to be pretty set in you beliefs!!

And to be fair Cyrus is very much less involved as he is Don's "side kick" sort of? Bodyguard? It's up to interpretation. But I really like seeing people giving him a bigger role in stories. Like. PLEASE. This is more just me asking for things I personally wanna see but I sorta wanna see a found family dynamic between Cyrus, Hugo, and Donella. The "villain trio". I think it would be super fun! Love seeing people rant about this stuff because I never see it talked about!!

Guys I NEED to rant about my thoughts on Nuru because i love her <3 ramblings ahead

Like I feel like in almost every fic i read, she's just like, a side character that's there to make whitty remarks to Hugo and be the levelheaded one. If she has an insecurity or problem it's usually pretty surface level and solved quickly, or only mentioned once or twice. I think there are SO many aspects of her character that are so cool.

Okay first, I think we sometimes forget that she's a nerd just like the rest of the gang. Yes, on the outside she's definetly the most 'normal' one, but I think we should concider the fact that she's the only girl in the group, and she's literal royalty. She was raised with a completely different set of standards than the other three. I don’t think I've really ever seen anyone cover that. I feel like she would get called "mature for her age" when she's only 15/16, and almost always gets critisism when she talks back with her own ideas (like her concerns about the meteor shows for example). I feel like out on her journey, she would finally get the freedom to just be herself, and be a kid and be able to rant on about her intrests with the rest of the group. It could be a struggle at first, but it would be awesome to see her getting more comfortable with the group the longer they spend together! Nerds encouraging nerdy rants lol

Since she is a kingdom figurehead, you could also argue that she always has a lot on her hands (especially since she's very proactive when it comes to science and solving problems). This could bring up a need to be productive, or always feeling like she needs to make the right decision, even for the littlest things.

I also feel like a lot of the time she's potrayed as the "right" one, who is 100% right when it comes to stuff like arguing with Hugo. Since they're opposites when it comes to class, they often are compared through that lense. I think it's cool just having Nuru tell Hugo off for judging a book by its cover, but I feel like they have a lot more in common than they realize. I think it would be interesting to see Nuru judging a book by its cover too. Maybe not to the degree that Hugo does, but I feel like calling out both their judging would not only call out character flaws, but it also enforces that even though they hate eachother and would never want to be like the other, they have a lot of the same flaws.

Also, being sheltered in a palace her whole life, I think she might think kind of black and white sometimes, and while she knows when people are just being mean as an act, she might struggle when it comes to people like reformed criminals.

Maybe she's able to be meaner to Hugo because she justifies it by telling herself he's criminal, and therefore bad, possibly glossing over the reasons he might be like that (maybe it crosses her mind, but she tells herself it's not a good enough reason, because stealing is still stealing, and he literally steals EVERYTHING. Even little trinkets and stuff he definitely doesn't need!). When they find out about Varian's criminal history, maybe she reexamines her views on morality and how she used to see people, because by her standards, Varian is a 'bad guy' who's caused harm to SO many people, but he's also the kind, caring, helpful friend that she's been traveling with who would never willingly hurt anyone.

Moving on to Amber x Nuru, I honestly never find myself liking the ship because Amber isn't developed enough which is fine. I don't think every character has to be a magnificent work of art. Side characters are side characters, but their romance is usually written like: "wow that girl is cute! I have a crush now!" Which is cool, but then that's about as far as it gets, then timeskip! Or offscreen they're a couple now. I know it's a side couple so it won't have as much devlopment as something like Varigo, but I never really see their dynamic play out in different situations. Like I don't know how to explain it, but it feels like they solely exist to be a couple? Amber sometimes just feels like an extention of Nuru, and their relationship feels surface level a lot of the time.

I feel like too often she's just watered down to the nice, smart, grounded friend, and I don't know I just think there’s so much more to explore with her. She’s not just some side character. She's literally part of the main cast! Even in fanart I feel like she doesn't really get a lot of stuff besides funny art and just like, pictures meant to look pretty. Unlike something you get a lot with characters like Varian or Hugo.

And honestly I get it. Some characters you just don't take an intrest in. I know I find Varian, Hugo, and Nuru more relatable than I find Yong, but I feel like part of that is developing their characters rather than just seeing them on a surface level. Ofc there are exceptions and there are some stories that dive deeper into Nuru's character out there! I just happen to see this A LOT.

Wow i said "surface level" a lot didn't I 😭😭

Anyway thank you for reading my rant i wanna know what you guys think!!

[kirbybecomesastarwarrior]

This might be a dumb question, but mind explaining why meta ends up changing from his anime design to his modern one?

Oh, no problem... I've been dying to explain this, so it's perfect timing with the question. The gradual change in his armor starts after (the Knightmare's end), the first thing that changes starts with his pauldrons. That was completely shattered at the end of the arc (how or why can't I say it just yet I really need to get back to writing it...)

In the KBASW (AU), I lean into Arthurian lore (a lot) here, and Meta Knight is our Mordred. And his design, in general, is meant to show his growth and eventually becoming the leader of the GSA. Adding more purples and golds... this is due to the people he's closest to.

Purple: (Kirby's influence/relationship)

Kirby, of course, being red, is the dominant cause & reason for his change. Not being able to let go or forgive himself for the past (representative of his blue). He's able to accept and move on with Kirby, understanding he can't truly love and care for Kirby if he doesn't love himself first. He lets' his walls down and let's & allows himself to be loved and enjoy life again, finally able to let go of his guilt and his team (Halbred).

He kept away from Kirby due to not being able to save his team and also for not being able to be there for Kirby due to his corruption. A mistake he allowed to happen. In an attempt to keep the remaining team members alive (as well as going berserk after Jerca's Death), he turned to "dark magic... Nightmare's magic," Which (without spoiling anything...) gave Nightmare an opening to get him. And MK bore immense guilt for doing that... He wasn't able to save anyone (which led him to have to stay away from Kirby), finally seeing himself as a monster... he finally removed the blue cape due to Kirby.

Not only that but it's also meant to show Kirby & Meta Knight sharing the same dream. With Meta Knight honoring the past but being moving forward. Mixing his blues with Kirby's red, thus creating his current purple, is the main support of Kirby's group, Star Allies (which is meant to mirror Meta Knight's OG group, Star Allies.) Sharing the desire to make the galaxy a more safe & accepting place for everyone.

Gold: (Arthur's influence/relationship)

Arthur was not only his father figure but his savior... very much idolizing him. Similar to Jon's snow/ and the reference to Mordred. He was seen as an illegitimate (Arthur's) child or, in this case, Arthur's demon child. Arthur protected Meta Knight fiercely...but, as the philosophy goes, "Prepare your child, not protect them..." And tried his best to shield him from the cruelty of the world.

Very much trying to tell him he was no different than nobody else... and tried to instill hope as long as he worked hard enough: "One day he can be a hero too..." Which was a dream that was dashed after Meta Knight got rejected into joining the elites, and they had their falling out. It seemed like everything Sir Arthur had told him was a lie... A white lie that (what else was he lying about...) and doubted their relationship, feeling he was ashamed of him...

But despite all this, Meta is still a part of that kept that little hope in life. Not only keeping his knightly honor & code but all the morals that Sir Arthur taught him. Out of love and loyalty for Arthur... and Sir Arthur still loved & believed him too...

They do makeup with each other after the events of Falspar being branded "the fool." But it was mostly Arthur apologizing... and Meta Knight accepting it... But Meta Knight doesn't truly understand the extent of his love after Arthur goes M.I.A... Despite the fallout, Arthur had continued to look after Meta... secretly being the one to cover Team Halbred's tracks... and was the one that made sure Icarus upheld his promise to Meta Knight... he was still there despite it all. (And like with Kirby), he was initially afraid to admit his corruption to Arthur when he saw him again in person...

But of course, had nothing to about worry ... because, to Arthur, He still shined like gold... (as he always did to him)

So Arthurs' gold represents Meta Knight, representing "the worthiness" he has as a person. The unconditional love that is always there & that you always deserve it. For all his failures, mistakes, and regrets... he was still a worthy king!~

His arch of acceptance and self-love only when Meta Knight completes his journey and when he can take his rightful place as the leader of GSA... and yes, I made Meta Knight's iconic "Get It Sword" into a "sword in the stone reference."

And I'm so glad you enjoyed his future design so much, I'm reworking the emblem on his. It's so supposed to be a deconstructed "M" for Meta Knight as well as a nod to Arthur's emblem.

Not only that, but the slashes are meant to be a reference to sword beam slashes I tried to indicate that with the armor design as well. I really wanted to emphasis the connection with Kirby & Arthur's character to Meta Knight.

I also did this thought process with future Arthur's design, with him donning greens & orange, which is meant to represent (green- Meta Knight & orange -Kirby) when their respective colors mix.

Thank you so much for your questions, you really did have the best timing... I was planning to do this post for a while. And to my other readers, thank you for reading this long explanation. No doubt there's a grammatical error somewhere... but regardless, thank you for riding this wave with me.

[seysei]

Thoughts on the ending of Servamp (Containing Spoilers)

Okay. So.

I had decided to wait until the final chapter of Servamp was released before forming a final opinion on the ending. Now that it’s finally been released, I’ve taken some time to process it on my own, without knowing how others feel about it, so I could give my genuine and honest take on it.

I... unfortunately found the ending to be somewhat disappointing.

The main issue lies in the final two chapters, which felt so rushed that they failed to leave much of an impact on me– I didn’t really feel the shock, excitement, or joy that the events should (and could) have delivered.

And i don’t mean this in any condescending way– I genuinely loved Servamp, which is why the ending feels so... upsetting. It had so much potential– if only the events had been stretched out over a few more chapters.

With that being said, there were some decisions I personally wasn’t a fan of. They felt a bit forced, a little cliché, maybe? you name it.

Tsurugi’s sudden return and immediate confrontation with Mikuni felt rushed and, honestly, a bit awkward. Like. Tsurugi’s return makes sense within the context of the story, especially with the recurring theme of “calling out someone’s name” as a way to reach them. However, the way it was executed felt far too easy, almost undermining the emotional weight of it.

And while his return aligns well with the story’s themes, his confrontation with Mikuni feels misplaced. I personally believe that it would’ve made more sense for him to confront Mahiru instead, serving as a narrative challenge for Mahiru to come to terms with his death (which I’ll get into later).

This is not to say that tsurugi has no relevance in the themes surrounding Mikuni's arc– if you can even call it that. The theme of blood versus chosen family could have been explored just as effectively through someone else’s confrontation with Mikuni, someone Mikuni isn't just pissed off with, allowing for a more personal moment where Mikuni could genuinely listen and come to terms with the issue, rather than being forced to accept it, which ultimately leaves him without true resolution or peace.

And like, hasn’t this been the go-to for confrontations in Servamp? Pride, gluttony, greed, wrath. Each one leading to emotional growth, where the characters develop through understanding and acceptance. It feels unfair that the envy pair’s confrontation was cut short and kind of sidelined when they’ve played such a key role in the development of the story.

And by now, you’ve probably already guessed who I would’ve preferred to confront Mikuni.

Though honestly, this isn’t just about personal preference– it’s about what felt natural for the narrative. Jeje just seemed like the more fitting choice to confront Mikuni, considering how their relationship had been built up throughout the story, and moments scattered throughout Gluttony’s arc, as well as Chapter 125, seemed to build toward a much needed confrontation between the two.

A moment between them could have given Mikuni the chance to face his pain and begin finding peace– not by pushing him toward a resolution, but by allowing him to feel properly understood. Seen, rather than judged.

Jeje has been shown, more than anyone, to genuinely understand Mikuni, at least in the ways Mikuni can be understood, and does so without judgment. What I mean is that Jeje’s approach has always been one of quiet understanding and restraint, never forcing Mikuni into a box or an easy solution, unlike others. It’s not about fixing him or forcing him to change, but about giving him the space to confront his struggles and, hopefully, begin to heal.

Like, come on, wouldn't it have been perfect for the man with god complex to be confronted by the ex-priest? (T▽T)

With the way Chapter 148 went, though, it feels like all the buildup was brushed aside to quickly wrap everything up.

There’s this moment between them in the final chapter…

And it’s kind of like... aftercare, without the sex. lol. like. huh? okay? Jeje was so sidelined through the whole confrontation that this feels... almost empty, really.

I can’t help but feel like it would have meant so much more if Jeje had been the one to confront Mikuni. Not to change him or force some convenient, happy ending for himself, but to offer him the comfort he so clearly needs.

In the end, this moment could have led to Mikuni realizing that he’s better off without his family– a realization that makes so much sense given everything he’s been through. For countless reasons, Mikuni’s connection to his blood family has been toxic, and that’s why I was genuinely shocked when the decision was made for him to return. It felt forced and, frankly, out of place. There had just been a whole discussion about how blood family isn’t everything. Sure, it doesn’t mean everyone has to cut ties, but in Mikuni’s case? Shouldn’t that have been the turning point?

I wasn’t expecting Tanaka to have him go back to that house after what felt like a half-hearted acceptance, if you can even call it that, of everything Mikuni endured with them. It didn’t feel like true growth for Mikuni. It felt like a step back.

No matter how I look at it, in the final chapter, Mikuni doesn’t seem genuinely happy– certainly not in the same way Misono does, who essentially got the fairytale ending he always dreamed of.

Sure, forgiveness and second chances are important themes, but wouldn’t it have been a powerful and unique choice to have Mikuni walk away instead? Not everyone has to forgive, and not everyone has to be forgiven. I get that it's a tough choice to make, especially with the limited time they had, and that ending in particular being (as far as im aware) unpopular amongst the fans. That’s why I think Servamp could have used a few more chapters.

Honestly, the simplest way to put it is that the last two chapters felt a little inconsistent– not just with each other, but also with the chapters that came before them.

Mahiru’s role in these final chapters is another example of those inconsistencies. I hate to say it, but my guy didn’t really do anything– other than preach something he went on to contradict. I understand that Servamp isn’t a story where progress only happens when the main character is involved, and honestly, I love that about it. But this was the final battle. Giving all the spotlight to Tsurugi, especially when he already had so much focus during C3’s arc, felt like such a missed opportunity.

Oh god, everytime I mention tsurugi it sounds like i hate him i feel so bad XD seriously though, I love him– but come on!

Sure, Mahiru wasn’t the right person to deal with Mikuni, but that’s exactly why I think it would’ve been more fitting for him to get his moment through a confrontation with Tsurugi instead. This could have been a chance for the narrative to challenge Mahiru to accept Tsurugi’s death– just like he once challenged Mikuni to accept his family’s fate.

And that brings me to something that’s felt off for a while now, even before the ending. There’s a contradiction in the narrative being pushed throughout these chapters. It had been pushing this theme of accepting people’s choices and mistakes, no matter how flawed or tragic they might be.

Yet, it contradicts this message by changing Mikuni’s decisions and actions, no? While extreme, his choices were his own, and the story had emphasized that even bad decisions deserved understanding. So why was Mikuni’s attempt to rewrite his past– however messy and full of loss– condemned, while rewriting the past to undo the mess and losses during August was apparently acceptable? It felt like the narrative was suddenly rejecting the very ideas it had been building up to, leaving the ending feeling inconsistent and unsatisfying to me.

And sure, Mahiru wasn’t the one to directly make it happen, but his willingness to do so and his suggestion alone should still count.

If the hypocrisy here had been acknowledged, it could have added depth– I’m all for flawed protagonists, after all. But instead, it feels like it's been treated as more "reasonable" or "fair" compared to Mikuni’s re-writing of the past.

And that has me like...? I'm failing to see how it's any different?

Now, take this with a pinch of salt since the official translation isn’t out yet, and I’m not entirely sure if Touma’s conversation with Mahiru addressed this contradiction. If it did, then hooray.

Because what seemed like the best way to handle it would have been either to address it and, as I've mentioned, use it to add depth, or to have Mikuni reconsider and change his own decision. Otherwise, it feels odd that the person who (genuinely) preached against changing others' choices ends up doing it himself for his own convenience, and it's completely accepted, although the antagonist had just been condemned for it.

wwwww... am I being too harsh about it? XD

While this is a critique of the ending, I want to make it clear again that it’s not meant to be disrespectful towards Tanaka-sensei. It comes from a place of appreciation and investment in the story. It’s because I care so much about these characters and themes that I feel compelled to share my thoughts on how the conclusion played out honestly. It’s easy to just call it a good ending simply because everyone is alive and seemingly happy. However, I wanted to take the time to offer a genuine, albeit somewhat critical, evaluation of the final events, because a story as great as Servamp deserves it.

To sum it up, I feel the ending was a bit rushed and didn’t quite match the usual pacing and flow of Servamp. Personally, I’m not sure this was the direction Tanaka had in mind from the start, based on certain elements in the story. But if it was, I respect their choices, even if I don't necessarily agree with all of them.

On the bright side, most of the questions about the Count were answered, and the whole idea of him being an 'entity born from people's emotions' really suits his character.

There are other things worth mentioning, such as the truth about Mikuni's " My fair lady" ability.

In the final chapter, it is revealed that Mikuni's ability isn’t just about the act of murder itself– it’s also about the guilt that comes with it. It’s about the weight on your heart, whether you actually committed the crime or not yourself.

The guilt you feel for it, the emotional burden, replaces the weight of the act itself, and becomes what kills you.

This matches the method of hanging used in the ability, which often symbolizes suicide– because it’s like you’re killing yourself, consumed by the weight of your own guilt.

And this... ties back to a central figure in Mikuni’s life, his mother, Kiriko, whose guilt consumed her and drove her to commit suicide.

So yeah.

The writing there is fire.

I'll have to see if I change my mind regarding certain things when the translation comes out.

[clarasghosts]

I haven't seen the wwdits finale yet, and based on what I've read about it (critical praise, fan complaints, and some plot points), I don't know that I ever will. one thing (but not the only) that annoys me is this insistence that "nothing ever changes", like that's somehow been the theme of the show all along. but the truth is that didn't become the theme until season four. things very much did change in seasons one through three. guillermo was always a dynamic character from the start of the series, and the discovery of his van helsing side affected members of the household and created tension, ultimately leading to growth and a changing role for him in season three (which seemed to be largely retconned in later seasons). nandor was weary of his long life, which propelled a story arc leading to him leaving the household to travel. after guillermo's arc led to them becoming the new vampiric council, nadja took to power and ambition, and looked forward to what she might be able to do as she rose in status. laszlo's discovery of colin's impending death changed how he behaved toward colin, leading him to do the unthinkable - lie to and separate from nadja in order to take care of a newly birthed baby colin.

these were massive fucking changes in the lives of the characters. season three ended on the note that nothing would be the same. nandor believed he'd been abandoned, nadja was heading to england where she would be in a greater position of power, not knowing her husband had left her at the last moment and trapped guillermo into accompanying her.

and then the start of season four deliberately ignored all of these conflicts and stakes. nadja wasn't actually mad at laszlo. nandor wasn't mad at guillermo or laszlo. baby colin was still there, but by the end of the season, that wouldn't matter either. nadja's vampire council storyline was thrown away with a quick line and brief flashback.

I get that they probably didn't have the budget for something huge abroad, but some close-up exterior shots in some of the older streets on the east coast could pass for some english town, and the rest could be interior shots. the characters could even return to new york without immediately erasing all the conflicts set up at the end of season three. the only real answer for what we ultimately got was bad writing.

I often see people complain that the show went downhill after jemaine left, and I think that's always been more in terms of humor than plot because the season three plot built directly from the season two plot (in all honesty, the humor has been fine for me personally). to me, the writing started to decline after stefani left, and the writers that remained all got hung up on their own egos.

sometimes I wonder what happened behind the scenes. why did stefani leave? she's listed as the co-writer for the season four premiere (which is the start of what I'm complaining about here), but was already no longer an executive producer (no longer had creative control) and then disappears from the writing credits altogether. and, whether related to her or not, I've wondered what led to the writers deciding that, not only would nothing really change in the household going forward, but that the audience should feel foolish for believing things would change. after the disappointment of the writers just throwing away the season three finale, the audience was willing (largely) to go with whatever happened next, embracing marwa's character. only for that to be thrown in our faces by the end of the season. then came the mystery behind guillermo's failed transformation and laszlo's experiments, only for the latter to be dropped as if it never happened.

I don't understand the critical praise for this all being so clever, when it's really just the end product of writers who can write funny scenes and good individual episodes, but largely don't seem able to write actual arcs or plots. it's not just threads never getting resolved, it's also threads never connecting. it's not clever to consistently have no larger vision of what you're writing or not be able to maintain a long and cohesive plot.

[kukuandkookie]

Sorry I know you worked hard on this analysis and yes it’s a very lovely and moving read and as others have said, it’s really strong and I can feel the passion—

But also…

BERYL AND SAPPHIRE MENTION??? 🥺🤧🥹

As much as I love Link Click, Beryl and Sapphire will truly always have a special space in my heart.

Especially since Link Click already has a huge fandom internationally too, but Beryl and Sapphire is more underrated globally and I tend to gravitate to loving underrated things even more loudly. But also for Link Click, it’s an objectively really strong donghua almost anyone would recommend to anyone else in a near heartbeat, while for Beryl and Sapphire, maybe it’s more flawed objectively in animation etc, but subjectively I always want to recommend it.

Anyway sorry for the Beryl and Sapphire freak out ahaha. I was just reading this and got hit in the face with them and ahhh I love them (they are actually very Shiguang energy in some arcs if people are into that!). 🥺

Also to touch briefly on why the nature of Shiguang’s relationship may be up to interpretation, I think of it as there being three layers to Chinese media in terms of queerness, mostly because censorship in China is a spectrum so it causes some discrepancies:

1) Uncensored (as much as they can be), explicit, canon BL: usually found in novels and audio dramas and manhua—examples include most popular danmei like Mo Dao Zu Shi or Erha

2) Censored but still intended to be BL and is thus canon through queer-coding (could be in the background or in the foreground): most often seen in donghua and cdramas (which unfortunately gets many BL cdramas labelled “bromance” even though they’re trying to go against censors as best as they can)—examples include the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua adaptation or Wang Qi and Cui Bei in the background of Dalisi Rizhi or The Spirealm, a cdrama adaptation of danmei novel Kaleidoscope of Death

3) Homoerotic media that isn’t technically intended to be BL because we can’t assume the creative crews’ intentions but can be interpreted as such due to what can also be seen as queer-coding but is also still vague (not queer-baiting, because Chinese creators can’t even afford to queer-bait): most often seen in donghua and cdramas; these are what often get called “sworn brothers” in Chinese fandom, referencing a real historical tradition that’s similar to becoming “blood brothers,” and would be actually fair to call a bromance (personally, I like to call it “BL if you squint”)—for example, Link Click or the cdrama adaptation of Hikaru no Go

Censorship is horrible, but in the way humans adapt, it’s caused a unique situation for Chinese media where besides BL stories evolving to focus on genre and plot beyond just romance, relationships can be very very flexible. It’s really interesting to see, and it does make for lots of analysis potential! I think the recent cdrama The Way Home is a great example of this, as it obviously got past censors by being a story about brotherhood and family, yet everyone who watches it has raised an eyebrow at the potential gayness of it all.

That being said, sorry for derailing SLFNSKSH. I love media analyses but I don’t have anything more worthwhile than the insight you’ve already provided to share about Shiguang.

I do have some ideas about queer-coding in Chinese media in general and why real life bodies can’t portray it as much as animated or non-bodies (via audio dramas) can, which is the subject of an academic thing I’ve been trying to work on, but that’s no longer about Shiguang and Link Click itself. 😅

But it’s truly such an interesting thing to talk about it from so many possible angles!

Vortex We Took Every Breath to Follow : Shiguang and Their Companionship Through Life and Beyond

@justfrolikin I hope this will be a suitable reply to the question you asked; what I think about the nature of the bond Shiguang share.

First, a few words from me :

Even though I love engaging in fandom spaces and enjoy ship fanarts, fanfictions etc, till today my heart truly belongs to a very few ships. Shiguang is one of them. As long as one is not blinded by homophobic delusions, I enjoy discussing any kind of interpretation of my OTPs, be it 'Platonic', just friends™, romantic or whatever. But I have a fixed category (which very ironically is not quite fixed if you read the whole discussion) that fulfills my idea of true love.

for me, Love is a dialogic discourse with your existential other.

The terms I used are very loaded terms; 'dialogue' and 'other' come from the Bakhtinian philosophy of ethics, 'discourse' is a Foucauldian term and existentialism has a long postmodern and post-structuralist philosophical tradition. The reason I LOVE Link Click is because of their postmodern lens and the narratives of the characters, not only the protagonists fundamentally question what is the real purpose of life? Why do human bondings matter? The answers reside in the simplest vignette of everyday life. Grief, trauma, hope, memory, reconciliation, remembrance, love, family - these are the central themes of Link Click. Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi's separate existence and their interpersonal dialogue thematically and structurally complements the main ethos of Link Click.

When asked about the nature of Shiguang relationship Director Li Haoling answered : 是生死之交咯! (Shì shēngsǐ zhī jiāo gē! - It's a life and death relationship!)

source :

Fate, mortality, death, remembrance are the building blocks of their relationship as we perceive it.

Now let me talk about something. When I first watched Link Click on September 17th, 2024, the first Intertexual connection I drew was with another text called Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett. Funnily enough, early in this year I wrote a crossover Hamlet adaptation (and won the second prize in a competition hehe) interweaving a few elements from Godot. Time loop, fragmentation of time and space, panopticon with no exit - all these elements featured in that. I recommend Waiting for Godot to you all, you'll understand why it resonates so much with Link Click.

Now,

Lu Guang is a person who is shown to be a character who has some mysterious powers to manipulate time and space. Even from the very beginning, he has this dominant (and sometimes seemingly monologic that feels problematic to new viewers) voice with which he guides Cheng Xiaoshi through the dives. He is apparently headstrong and has acquired all kinds of praises ™ like hypocrite, selfish (lol) and what not. Again quoting Li Haoling "Lu Guang is a complex and delicate character." But after the release of 'The Eye' and 'The Lull', I think we are pretty sure that Lu Guang has been trapped in a rewind, like a Sisyphus figure. A friend of mine told me the other day, "Superficially, Lu Guang is presented as an archetypal strategist, the one who guides, the one who keeps things in control, but in reality, he has no agency whatsoever." Lu Guang lacks the fundamental agency in life (we all do but we have to accept it one day or other) and that mortifying realisation comes to him with the death of Cheng Xiaoshi. What is unacceptable to him is the most obvious outcome of a mortal life : death. Lu Guang's tragic flaw stems from this unacceptability of Cheng Xiaoshi's death and him attempting to manipulate time, very Sisyphus of him. Till now, we are yet to see Lu Guang's character traits without any reference to Cheng Xiaoshi but this does not reduce his character depth. His denial is actually very delicious ( I almost wrote a paper on this, taking the popular sci-fi trope of time travel as an allegorical and symbolic means of resistance and subversion but anyway, it's not relevant here)

Lu Guang's character makes me fall in love with the song Flash by Gorilla Attack. It is from Lu Guang's character, no one can convince me otherwise.

Just a loop A bored 'n loop Should I do this now 'til the end? Into the story As just an extra You are the reason I live But you don't remember me? Oh, can I be with you?

And

The only thing that I got, just like a little lamp I gotta go in one-way smoke Resist the lifeless scenario Become the person The person I wished for that day The room like a coffin, too bright A groove that I lost faraway Blanket, I need a blanket Not a synthetic one Notice the regret engraved so hard

And the line that keeps coming back as a haunting refrain :

Flash me, flash me Gotta get the power to rewrite I just wanna deny, I just wanna rewrite, yeah

Every time I listen to this song, these lines send a chill down my spine. But Lu Guang's obsession with 'rewrite' echoes with what my professor said to be Hamlet's constant meta-theatrical discomfort with the script, role, play he has been provided with. He does not comply with the playwright's words. Apart from time and death, I think Lu Guang's most wretched enemy is Li Haoling himself. That's why he constantly wants to 'rewrite', but all he has got till now is 'rewind'. Now whether his 'urge to rewrite' will turn into a successful 'write back' is the central play of the plot we are looking up to. What is my personal opinion on the ending?

The ending which is so dryly plausible in our real world is Lu Guang accepting his defeat and carries within him the remembrance of Cheng Xiaoshi.

But my question is, my brother in Buddhism Li Haoling, why the fuck would I watch your Link Click to know that death is the node that can't be changed? Is it not the given fact? It's a cultural text, however modern or postmodern a text might be, it ultimately uses the plot to defamiliarise and convey well known concepts and emotions with a critical engagement. A plot is just a vehicle, a crucial one, to help us have a greater and more nuanced vision of life. Due to non-linear narrative and active subversion of chronotope, complex plot will have plot twists and cliffhangers BUT it still has to perform a crucial, non negotiable role - the arc. If the beginning point and the ending point have the same temperaments, what kind of significance will it even achieve?

If Lu Guang can't write back at the end of Link Click, the structure of the plot will be like this :

1. Exposition, rising action : Cheng Xiaoshi died at the very beginning, Lu Guang is fucked.

2. Climactic stage : shit and shit and complex quantum physics, hallelujah hot villains, 'I am a great writer I can kill any character TeeeHeeeeHeeee', backstories, parallel narratives, foil characters have no relevance and rendered completely meaningless,

3. Falling action and resolution : Cheng Xiaoshi is still dead to the very ending, Lu Guang is still fucked.

No catharsis, not a milimeter of displacement from the beginning point.

What is the fucking point?! From the perspective of a writer and a critical reader, I can say it will be a sheer waste of money, time and potential. I would rather watch... whatever.

The friend I mentioned before told me, " You know why Emma or Chen Bin die? They had to die. Emma had a loving family, she got the job she wanted, she had her hardships but she didn't begin with tragedy. And when tragedy came, she was so not ready to negotiate the problem and considered self-annihilation as her first choice. She actively erased the possibility of dialogue with herself. If Emma were an orphan, struggling with unemployment and other hardships from the very beginning, I don't think Emma would die that easily. Emma was denied the conflict of life which very ironically tests human agency itself."

And for Chen Bin...during my first watch, the moment I saw him my instincts told me he was going to die. He had a loving wife, a daughter, he loved her, she accepted the proposal and they married soon. Conflict where? To bring his story to a full circle, he had to die.

I can say every parallel story in Link Click can be judged from this lens. People who had a point of conflict (the noodle lesbians, the couple who lost their child, Xu Shanshan, that old man) engaged in dialogue with themselves, others and social forces ultimately got a happy ending. Even in the earthquake episode, it's a story of reconciliation with the past, the man got his mother's photos and it's plausible and satisfying (and bittersweet resolution). He got his (absent) father back.

Another thing, we as a fandom have a collective amnesia about....*drumrolls* Cheng Xiaoshi's character! Congratulations! The man, the freaking protagonist just dies at the beginning, accepts his death, and remains dead. Doomed yaoi allegations are just nonsense. Link Click is doomed if Shiguang doesn't get a happy ending. Link Click is NOT a dramatic monologue told from Lu Guang's perspective, engaging with his perpetual trance of melancholy and him holding onto Cheng Xiaoshi's memento mori.

If Lu Guang is attempting to write back to Li Haoling and the doomed yaoi allegations, Cheng is attempting to write back to Lu Guang himself, not in confirming his own death, but saving Lu Guang from the loop of eternity and by being together. Cheng Xiaoshi is always seen to be guided by Lu Guang, he has to witness repercussions of his actions. Even with all this knowledge I will say, Cheng Xiaoshi has way more agency than Lu Guang has. During my first watch, I could feel Lu Guang has this barrier of guilt and unsettled emotions wrapped around him which denies Cheng Xiaoshi access into the deepest core of his subjectivity. Even though he achingly wishes to be together with Cheng Xiaoshi, the burden of his past actions and PTSD holds him back from being together with him, as if his existence is antithetical to Cheng Xiaoshi's existence. Cheng Xiaoshi is that glitch in the matrix that messes up Lu Guang's plans of withdrawing himself from Cheng Xiaoshi. Cheng Xiaoshi should not listen to everything Lu Guang orders. In season 1, he mostly conforms to Lu Guang's ideals, but in season 2, when Lu Guang was hospitalised, Cheng Xiaoshi became more active and you could tell a layer of barrier melted away. He was less of a stone statue, showed more emotions (the S2ep1 lmao when he said "would you prefer if I die?" abhimaan we call it), then the unique high five that feels like Lu Guang accepting Cheng Xiaoshi's proposal or something :

(LMAO ignore my comments, but what I said is true)

My point is, Cheng Xiaoshi is Lu Guang's existential other and vice versa. They cannot live without each other. They cannot exist without each other. If one dies, the other will die and I want them living happily ever after in heaven. Cause 'Break' clearly depicts them as soulmates. I personally take Break as the ultimate canonical ending

Do you see? each of them has one wing missing, meaning that it's their cumulative effort that will make them fly successfully. FYI, there is another Haoling directed, Haoliners Animation League animated canonical queer donghua called 'Beryl and Sapphire'. A separate episode, episode 13 just explores this 'one wing soulmate trope'.

Now take them as friends, platonic friends with no erotic feelings, pure familial feelings or whatever, they are like Yin and Yang, like Shiv and Shakti, and Yin changes to Yang and Yang changes to Yin actively as they interact. You will have a hard time pointing out who is who. I have watched TGCF and Beryl and Sapphire and a tiny bit of Spiritpact - all three directed by Li Haoling and I am well aware of his narrative strategy to represent soulmates and Link Click seems to be the one of the greatest (and my favourite) product of that genius mind.

I began with team Lu Guang cause he is a scorpio, I understand him, his birthday almost coincides with mine, we share some identical issues. But the fandom's often yeeting Cheng Xiaoshi out of the narrative phenomenon brought back my due attention to him. Is Cheng Xiaoshi so willing to be doomed? Does he not yearn to be with Lu Guang? Let me whisper to your ear...he yearns for him too.

so he

does understand that the person who dies...dies, death affects them the least who dies, it's the people, the family and loved ones who actually suffer. This man will leave his Lu Guang on his own volition? eh.

Also I wanna talk about Link Click's strategy of deliberate misdirection. The first and second seasons are so deliberately crafted (manipulation of narrative you can say) to actively erase Lu Guang's subjectivity and nuance. We are just denied access his perspective. He is mysterious but not that aligns itself with a viewer's emotions. In fact, during my recent re-watch, I felt "wtf Lu Guang, why are you interacting with Cheng Xiaoshi like a straight dudebro?" He is a menace, the kind I usually don't like. But there also seemed to be a critical undercurrent which I couldn't really grasp, but it was surely there. It was adding up to my increasing discomfort and made me question - "was it just my wishful projection? they do not share that bond at all." I was so pissed at that thought that I almost decided I am not gonna abandon Link Click. BUT BRO, BRO

'The Eye' and 'Lull' just blew my mind. I was not that affected by Cheng Xiaoshi's corpse advertisement agenda (that corpse is drawing people's attention who is suddenly aware of Yingdu release, great tactic, Haoling) what pleasantly brought me out of despair is Lu Guang's love for Cheng Xiaoshi was acknowledged in these songs. You will read between the lines on your own in season 1 and season 2 if you have that critical method to engage with a cultural text, but the silencing narrative was also very prominent. I very much felt that the Shiguang story is actually the central action, and not the creative sci-fi archtexual exercise of genres, which again, is just the vehicle. But The Eye and Lull focus upon them, them and them. Their emotions are acknowledged, they are no longer behind the veils of symbolism, parallel narratives, intense defamiliarisation; their emotional dialogue now not only demands a voice of their own but also has the potential to reclaim the central part of the stage as they struggle and negotiate power and agency. And I am here for it.

@guangshi-091305 I present to you my rubbish.

[vaguely-concerned]

I've been trying to figure out a dynamic between neve and rye that I find more compelling, because right now there's not much of anything there for me to sink my little teeth into. but I think I've landed on something delicious with the idea that especially after minrathous gets fucked, rye looks at neve and sees myrna -- someone he feels he keeps letting down horribly no matter how hard he tries not to and can't quite achieve the approval of/connection with that he wishes so it's better to just pull away completely and disengage rather than stay in that unshifting shame. neve is (very understandably) measured and distant with him after what happened, and he's flashing back to his student days of myrna gazing at the perpetually hungover heartbroken heap of a person of him on the other side of her desk every time he missed the deadline of a paper or project like '...can we at least both agree that this is. a bit disappointing. especially considering your potential.' (and him all smudged black eyeshadow and numb ruefulness being like 'sure that's a very kind way to put it myrna thank you'.)

aside from the 'if I let him get too deeply into this he'll go the way of brom and it'll be all my fault (again)' element, neve thinks rye is dismissing her and her city/being a bit callous in the same way he was after varric's death (listen. how fucking wild must rook's reaction to losing a beloved mentor seem to the rest of the crew who aren't seeing the blood magic paper doll ghost varric the whole time, especially those who got to see them interact. you WOULD think 'there's something wrong with this guy. putting the job first is one thing just not seeming to react at all is another this is fucking freaky', wouldn't you, especially after seeing the warmth in that dynamic in action beforehand.) perfect storm of two people who grit their teeth and turn inwards in pain deciding that not talking about it is their best bet (NEWSFLASH: IT ISN'T) lmao

(rye spent his last year of watcher training on a mostly joyless bender and then got it together enough to finish the eternal orb project last moment in a fevered near-sleepless week instead of the half a year that was intended. emmrich is both astounded and distressed to hear this. "a week? but -- but that is an astounding accomplishment rook!! and also why in the maker's good light would you ever do that to yourself?" ("well you see there was no one to stop me from doing it like that but me. and under those conditions these things tend to happen".) rye was working through/looking up stuff around transitioning and doing every kind of OTHER high level watcher research through that whole time, but ultimately he's an excellent watcher and a terrible student, at least under traditional methods. adhd from here to the fucking moon. touched by something akin to divine inspiration in moments of high tension that pulls all the threads into one coherent unbreakable cord, a bit of a frayed mess in most other settings. in our world he'd be dropping out of a masters program at the very last hurdle in this moment maker bless and protect him)

[phantajam]

my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)

[selkie-on-land]

Self diagnosis is okay. We all have heard about self diagnosis autism but for weird reasons, well no let's be fair, for ableist reasons it's only when it's about autism that it's not okay. Especially from allistics.

The allistics that screams and cry a river if an autistic person is not professionally diagnosed but they don't have a problem if they do it too. If they are the one doing it, it's perfectly fine and not even seen as self diagnosis!

Example : everyone is self diagnosing themselves a cold, Flu, gastroenteritis etc.

When allistics does this, it's not even considered to be something significant enough to have a name or label on it.

But if an autistic person does this then they are evil attention seeker.

This is typical ableism, autismophobia, misogyny and classism.

It's because we as humans recognise what we are going through, and that what we are going actually is something significant enough to be named that we can and do seek help from other. It's not a bad thing, and also it'd literally a human trait. It's thanks to this natural behaviour that we continue to exist and adapt as a species. And not just human, it's something that ALL the living being are doing.

If you don't understand why this speech of ''self diagnosis autism is not and never valid'' is deeply harmful and discriminatory (I'm guessing you're not a radical feminist if you believe this) I will develop it :

It's ableist and autismophobic because the only exception where it's apparently fundamentally wrong and evil to do so it's when it's an autistic person doing it.

It's misogynistic because of the medical misogyny where the female body is not study or even considered worth to be included in all the medical and health industry, studies, fields. The average age for autistic girls to be diagnosed is in their fourties at most. And not because they are finally by some sort of miracle considered as human beings but because their boys/sons are diagnosed and it's suggested to be ''tested'' because it's genetic. While the average age for boys to be diagnosed is before the age of 7. And autism is a neurodevelopmental and hereditary disorder. Meaning it's there since the beginning of the formation of the nervous system and the formation of the brain. It's already autistic before even being a baby. A lot of autistic women are even diagnosed in their GERIATRIC YEAR! When a lot of autistic men are diagnosed AS BABIES !!! And as the usual, like for ALL the medical conditions, the only trait, aspects, symptoms etc that are teached, studies etc are the one of the male bodies. That's why girls and women are dismissed in medical care, why girls and women are dying of late stages cancer because it's labelled as stress or female condition instead of cancer, that's why we are having heart attacks and stroke also dismissed and even denied because we don't experience similar symptoms and because we are just seen as dolls so we obviously don't have a physiological body.

Also because in my country (France) the ARC (Autism Resource Center), there is one in every state, you can't go to a center from a state you don't live in, there are here to assess autistic person, they are supposed to be the most updated about autism. There are the main specialists, and there are part of the institutions (not sure it's the proper way of saying it, we have universal health care and it's similar to the hospital, it's included). And you know what? More than half of them are denying access for girls and women. MORE THAN HALF OF THEM FORBID THE ENTRANCE OF THE CENTER TO GIRLS AND WOMEN. They also are not updated and have knowledge as if they were still stuck in at least the 1990's for the most updated ones.

It's classist because it coats A LOT of money and ressources. If you can't go to an ARC, there is still the liberal psychiatrist and psychologist, but same shit. They are deeply misogynistic, classist, elitist, ableist as hell. The psycho have more knowledge, they are usually the one that would have formation about autism but since they are not doctors they cannot diagnosed, so they are the one that are doing the assessment and tests, they then does the pre diagnosis (if there is one) and then you have to find a doctor that recognises autism as something real (yes this is where we are in France, Belgium and Switzerland), if you are lucky enough to find one, after some time maybe, the doctor can confirm the analysis of the psychologist and it's then called a diagnosis. Even though most the time they don't even have the slightest formation about autism they have no idea of what is written in the analysis. And ALL of this process is extremely expensive. Only the psychiatrist are covered by our health care system and even if you are covered and don't need to pay, as +85% of them are bourgeois and rich, they are not accepting the insurance you have and will force you to pay them 4 times or even more what you were supposed to pay. And this is IF they tolerate that you are poor and grant you an appointment, which is also extremely rare as more than half of them turn you down the minute they learn about your health insurance covered by the government because you are too poor to have one otherwise. This is just the appointment, all the multiple tests and analysis can coast thousands of euros each appointment. And since we are already disabled we are extremely poor and vulnerable (unless born rich).

So yeah, unless you're extremely wealthy and a boy, having an ''official'' diagnosis is almost impossible.

So the only option left is self diagnosis. And thanks to this we can accommodate ourselves and stop damaging our brains trying to force ourselves to be something we are not. Because yes, being forced to mask, being abuse your entire life for what you are at your core, and sexually abused if you're a girl, cause brain damage. PERMANENT brain damage.

(poll 1/2)

take "valid" to mean that the person can speak on their experiences as an autistic person, speak on accessibility as a disabled person, etc., with the weight that someone professionally diagnosed can. And that they otherwise should be treated the same way as someone with a diagnosis when possible (accommodations).

-🐌

[born-to-lose]

I love being the always single person in my family, mad respect to my sister for constantly dating guys for the last 8 years, I would have shot myself

[vonkarma2]

ultimately my enjoyment is hampered because it is low key sexist bc it takes place in an alternate universe where Sigmund Freud is real. though I did still like it for the most part but I hate Sigmund Freudddd Utena better

[artinandwritin]

I might not have done anything for Niv's birthday, but at least I'm doing some worldbuilding for the tribe he's part of during his childhood

Ain't that something

Anyway here's the do it for him board again cuz i think im morally obliged to post that on his birthday now

happy birthday baby boi

[theramblingvoid]

Hey what if my day was going normal and then I listened to Episode 41 of what was supposed to be my funny lighthearted space podcast, and now I’m thinking about Hera Wolf359. What happens when your body refuses to obey you, your mind refuses to obey you, everything’s slipping a little bit more each day and yet you’ve been made to do this one thing and this one thing alone, to manage the ship, and every tiny flaw in your attempt at that slowly stops going unnoticed and more and more people point it out and ask and and make requests, what do you mean you “forgot”, you’re not supposed to “forget”, what do you mean you don’t know why, that’s not how you’re supposed to work,  and they’re not being unfriendly they’re just trying to do their jobs, like you are, like you’re supposed to be, but every day it gets. Worse. Even when they’ve done enough that should fix you, even when they’ve tried everything to support you, even when it should be easy now, there’s nothing left to go wrong except the thing you always knew was wrong. Somewhere deep in the core of your being the same things that make you you to yourself are slowly making your life and purpose untenable, and every little point where that rubs up against the outside world makes your replacement seem more and more inevitable. And you never had a choice, did you? You’re an AI, this is just what you’re Supposed to be able to do. Nine million things at once, without fail, without break. Even the people who see you as a person, the few that really do, even they know that. So what happens when you can’t? So what happens when you realize that you can’t and you realize also that you’re not willing to hate yourself for it, and you’re done making up excuses, and yet here you are still, housed in a floating piece of metal with all the fragile warm bodies you’re supposed to be taking care of, and you care for them still, and all of them need things you can’t provide? What then? What then is I end up sobbing into a mug brownie on a Friday afternoon, that’s what, I’ll be honest I’ve never been super attached to AIs before in media but damn,

[navree]

if james gunn is reintroducing a new dc movie universe with a batman that's had a few robins under his belt and is taking on a new one then this upcoming batman and robin should have been about miss stephanie brown, in this essay i will-

[a-b-riddle]

Part 2

Can't stop thinking about reader finally cutting them loose.

For three days there was nothing but radio silence. In those three days you had told yourself that it was a grace period. Time for Simon to cool off and realize how much of a bastard he was for saying all those things he obviously didn't mean. Johnny coming back over with a bouquet of flowers and endless apologies and cuddles.

Simon didn't apologize for his harsh words.

Johnny didn't call you later, as promised.

For three days you jumped at every single notification, silently hoping it was one of them. Any of them.

But it wasn't.

And you, unfortunately, got the answer to the question you had been asking yourself for months.

Did they still want this?

The answer was clear.

You didn't let their unofficial dismissal get to you. You still had shit to do. A life to get on to. A book signing to go to.

Jesus.

A book signing. A book you wrote. A book that was being published and released the day of the expo. You weren't expecting a huge line because this was your debut novel, but with the help of some ARC readers who had took to social media, there had been a bit of a storm brewing.

You had listened to John when he had mentioned writing under an alias. Don't know how crazy people are out there. They'd do anything to get close to you, Dove. Just better to protect yourself where you can. You almost hated yourself for listening to him now. Now you would just have to keep writing under your pen name.

You were getting ready to close up shop early when your phone finally pinged.

Kyle.

Fuck.

Of course it was Kyle. The one who hadn't treated you like you were constantly bothering him. Not the one who made you feel guilty for agreeing to your arrangement. Nor was he the one who fucked you and left you. No. He was just the one who just wasn't there.

Maybe that was just as bad.

What are you up to today?

That was it. Almost two weeks of radio silence and that's all he had to say? It just added more evidence that you were making the right call in ending this now. It had already carried on for too long.

You had two things on your to-do list and you wouldn't let Kyle's sudden reappearance deter you.

E-mail the publisher back.

Change the locks.

You didn't have the strength to face them again. If they groveled, it would be too easy to take them back. One against four wasn't much of a fair fight. And if they didn't care to fight for you... you don't know if you could survive it. Coming face-to-face with the proof that it didn't bother them to give you up even though it was killing you.

No. Cutting it off completely was the best thing to do.

So you didn't respond.

You left Kyle's text unanswered as you e-mailed the publisher back that everything was set for your flight on tomorrow morning. You would spend Thursday adjusting to the time difference and Friday you would rest up before the expo this weekend. She assured you that you would need to rest up your writing hand. Whatever that means.

You left Kyle read as you closed up shop several hours earlier than usual. You needed to drop off the bank deposit before you started on task number two.

You didn't bothering responding to Johnny when he had texted you when you were leaving the hardware store, purchase in hand. Asking if you were free Friday. Promising dinner. 'In or out. Your choice.'

It was almost second nature when you got home to pull up your phone. Ready to text one of them to see which one of them could come over and help.

Fixing a leaky sink? Nothing Johnny hasn't seen before. Need help moving furniture? John won't mind when you change your several times on what should go where. Kyle would always come in with take out the moment you mentioned you were hungry and whenever you felt like going for a walk when it was a bit too late in the evening, Simon was the first to volunteer as your personal guard dog.

But asking them to come and change the very lock you planned on using to keep them out seemed... counter productive, if not downright petty.

You were almost done with the lock when your phone sounded off. Only this time it wasn't a text. Someone was calling you.

You almost faltered when John's name came on your screen.

Fuck.

That almost got you.

You almost answered it.

Almost.

You clicked on the 'Sorry, I can't talk right now. Options, before finishing up your work.

And just like that, you were done. No help needed. You had changed the lock. Even adding on a deadbolt. Replacing the flimsy chain Simon had taunted you about. If someone wanted to get in here, that wouldn't stop them.

Well, now you didn't need to hear it anymore.

Not that you would really hear it again...

Your flight was in twelve hours. Although that seemed an ample amount of time you hadn't even begun to pack. You had luckily narrowed your outfits down, but now was the task of folding it nicely into your suitcase rather than just stuffing it in there.

On my way. We need to talk.

It was too late for talking. Three days too late. Several months too late.

The last message sent was four weeks ago. A new Thai place had opened up close to your apartment that you were wanting to try. All of them had given you excuses.

Not my taste, Dove.

Cannae do it tonight. Next weekend? Next weekend didn't happen either.

I can do tomorrow. Kyle ended up bailing. You forget the excuse he used.

Simon hadn't even bothered to reply.

The final nail in the coffin of your relationship. Almost two years wasted with nothing, but a broken heart to show for it. And the worst part is, they had all chipped away at your heart, leaving you to deal with the final blow that would shatter it.

Im sorry. I can’t do this with you anymore. wish you all the best.

Your fingers made quick work in blocking their numbers. It was best. If they wanted to reach you, they couldn't. On the other side of the coin, if they didn't care to reply, you wouldn't spend countless hours crying over the fact that none of them had been affected the same way you had.

You would deal with getting them their belongings that they had left behind another time. You had big things, great things happening for you. You were cutting your loses. You were cutting them loose.

You just hoped you didn’t regret it.