#and the evil shit he did is still part of his story and growth

[kakusboyfriend]

I loooove it when OCS go in the complete opposite direction of the path you set them on btw. Love it when kind OCS turn into bitter cunts, and asshole OCS turn into gentle sweethearts. Such is the nature of the characters

[oddeyes588]

A little late to the party but I do have some thoughts about Fantasy High Junior Year now that it's over. First of all, overall? Great season, had lots of laughs... but man, is it just me, or were there a lot of parts in this season that just... were kind of annoying? For me specifically, two big things... and no, I'm not talking about the Rat Grinders. While I'm a little disappointed with how that ended, I'm not too bothered.

Like, idk if this is a hot take or not, because they were arguably the biggest parts of this season... but I found myself especially annoyed and/or disappointed about K2 and Porter.

Like, don't get me wrong, I thought K2 was funny—especially at first—and Porter being the main villain of the season was 100% for the bit and I can respect that... but man, I couldn't help but be disappointed with Porter going full irredeemably evil, as well as just straight-up annoyed by K2's existence (at least in regards to the story. gameplaywise, making a homunculus of their cleric was VERY smart) (oh god if K2 exists in our world now she might come after me. dont forget me).

In regards to Porter... he was for sure an ass, he caused Gorgug a lot of grief with the MCAT, but he also had such a really sweet moment with him when that thing finally got signed?? It was very, like, not a perfect teacher but someone who did have his best interests in mind, paired with a really nice message about how it's alright to get mad. It was an important part of Gorgug's character growth this season! Integral to unlocking his Barbificer subclass!

...and then all of that just gets thrown away because turns out Porter was evil the whole time and this was all just leading up to his big master plan of killing a god and becoming a god of war. He was never offering genuine advice, he never cared about Gorgug or had his best interests in mind, he thought Gorgug's fascination with Artificing was stupid... and now he's dead. The End.

And that just feels... really disappointing, honestly. He was a chill guy, and yeah he had no right to bar Gorgug from pursuing what he wants and force him to take so many years of school in a single year, but it also resulted in some serious growth on Gorgug's part! It was great! Him being Evil The Whole Time felt... almost like a character assassination, honestly.

And then... there's K2...

I'm gonna be real here. I don't care if using a homunculus and shit for multiple divine intervention rolls is how it actually works in the rulebooks, and I know that objectively having more rolls is always better, especially when the stakes are high... and especially considering that Ally was not getting the rolls they needed otherwise.

This was hilarious. It was also supremely annoying, because it just fully took away from any big moment Kristen could've had this season regarding her and Cassandra after her creation... and this happened TWICE.

Like, from a storytelling perspective, I feel Brennan's pain viscerally. These episodes were truly such an experience for me, because on one hand, I was laughing at the sheer comedy of it all... but there was another part of my brain thinking this truly, truly sucked.

Kristen was figuring out her devotion to Cassandra, finding an understanding in what her role as Cassandra's cleric is... and right at the end of the season all of that kind of comes to a halt because in the end K2 did the divine interventions.

...Well, at least that still leaves some room for whatever Kristen will have to deal with in Senior year. Unlike Porter, who is dead and gone and we're definitely not bringing him back.

[six-of-ravens]

FINISHED MY SONG OF THE LIONESS REREAD!!!!

(if this makes no sense please bear with me, it's after midnight)

Overall, some parts of the series didn't hold up as well as I thought they would, but many parts did. Alanna is still my homegirl. The swordfights and sorcery and all that never fail to entertain. There is a bit more sexism than I remember, and some of the parts with the Bazhir didn't age very well, but it remains a classic.

BOOKS RANKED BASED ON HOW MUCH I LIKED THEM:

1. Lioness Rampant - I think this is the book where Pierce really hit her stride as a writer. The world seems fuller, the plot thicker, the characters more established. The pacing is a lot better, too: this book is about 100 pages longer than all the others and Pierce uses those pages well. The final battle against Roger is a little anticlimactic (though it's preceded by like four other battles) but well earned. I hated Liam for the most part, because frankly he's a shit boyfriend to Alanna, but also she dates 3 men over the series and I guess one of them had to suck for real. I did love Thom though - I think he and Raistlin cemented my love for asshole fuckup mildly, ambitiously evil wizards early on.

2. Alanna: The First Adventure - this one is kind of tied for first place. It's a shorter book, but the pacing is decent and we get all that wonderful knight school content. Extremely entertaining, and a very fun start to the series.

3. The Woman who Rides like a Man - a nice breather of a book after the events of the first two, lots of character growth for Alanna, with cool desert sorcery and fighting and all. I think this book is what really set the pattern for The Immortals and the Circle of Magic books - Pierce looooves writing kids learning magic, and she's good at it. That said, there are obviously a lot of Issues with the portrayal Bazhir (clearly based off a combo of Islamic folk and Native Americans) as violent and sexist, and Alanna and Jonathan (especially Jonathan, as the Voice) take on kinda cringe white saviour roles. It's not the most explicitly horrible thing ever but it does grate a bit.

4. In the Hand of the Goddess - well, someone had to be last. This is kind of the weird middle child in the quartet, where Alanna is in the midst of becoming a knight but there's a lot of random events that happen in that time. Most of the book is told in a series of vignettes - mainly incidents where Alanna or Jon narrowly avoid death or injury due to Duke Roger's schemes. However, they're a little too disconnected and Alanna's motivation (or lack thereof) is a little too vague until the final scene to satisfy me. The official explanation is that Roger was veiling Alanna so she just kept forgetting to report him, but we never actually see this in the story. She just builds up all these theories and is 100% certain it's him but doesn't tell anyone but Myles because she's certain no one will believe her (and why would they - at this point he's a respected noble). Idk, I just wanted more like....harmony between the ending and these vignettes I guess. Also, there's the horrible cringe subplot of everyone, including the goddess, treating Alanna like she's some frigid old hateful spinster when she's 15 and doing the normal teenage thing of going "I'll never have a boyfriend!!" I just wish some of the patronizing speech had been cut and Alanna discovered her sexuality without all that BS. Also, George is quite creepy in this one, he's quite a bit older than Alanna and she's still underage by modern terms so I didn't enjoy his attempts at romance as much as in the next book.

ANYWAY. Childhood favourites, like 8/10 will read again, just have to brace myself for the 80s-ness of certain things and remember this was the author's first series and she was still experimenting with style.

[theratisbackanditsinyourkitchen]

not to cause drama or anything but I HATE SCYTH ASMR! (Tw fictional domestic abuse, and fictional abuse of power)

Hate is a strong word, and my feeling might be a little over the top but, I do wanna talk about some of his stuff. I was a big fan of his when his first V vid was made. I joined the discord and followed all his posts. And then he posted a video that happened to have domestic violence in it, MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING FOR THAT PAST THIS!!!! this vid has the listener character “cheeky” (I will not be calling her that cus that’s is a cringe ass nickname btw) and V, the romantic interest training, then after some flirting (one sided on V’s part, I’ll get into this later) a cargo truck full of scientists drives by! V quickly gets into the trunk and kills everyone in there, the listener character tries to stop him from killing what she think is an innocent person, he kills the guy in front of her, and then throws her out of the car, chokes her, talks about how he’s going to kill her and pin her death on the people in the cargo truck, and then says “how about one more kiss before you go” before letting her go. He then afterwards explains that the reason he killed all of them, was because of some in story lore about werewolves. It’s explained that what they did basically caused a werewolf to go feral and become evil and kill people. So obviously! These scientists who were probably forced by the government to do this, deserved to die! That makes sense! Anyway the moral of this vid was that the listner character should always listen to V no questions asked! I hate this vid for a number of reasons. The biggest one is the number of comments sexualizing and romanticizing the fucking horrible and traumatic abuse this listener faced, even bigger then that was the fact scythe audio fed into it.

The worst comment (trigger warning, victim blaming)

As you can see, scythe not only condoned this behaviour, he feed into it. This comment makes me sick. I accidentally watch this video without reading the description and became very triggered at the video. (this is not scythe audios fault, I must make this clear) seeing people make jokes like “I asked to be choked but not like this” and talking about how the listener character deserved and even enjoyed the attack was and still is repulsive.

The relationship between V and the listener character was also extremely abusive, but it was always shown as loving, or something like that. The listener has to stay with V and basically do whatever he asks (including kissing and I assume sexual favours) or be tossed to the streets to be picked up by either the evil shadow government or the actual government. Both wanted her dead. So, she’s trapped staying with a man who threatens violence if she doesn’t follow his every whim, who sexually harasses her daily, who diminishes her trauma, and who treats her like trash, just so she doesn’t her tormented and eventually killed. My issue with this isn’t the fact he’s an abusive ass hat, my issue is that instead of giving him any actual character growth, V was given orphans. He was made into an adopted dad to a shit ton of orphans cus he has ZERO REDEEMING TRAITS OTHER THEN HOT. Scythe audio must have realized this guy was his money maker and realized he had to make this guy actually redeemable if he wanted to have him to keep Marlon him money. Anyway it was unconvincing cus right after introducing the fact there were cute kids in the equation, he dropped the domestic abuse.

Another thing, less about the videos and more about how he interacted with fans. His discord sever had rolls for age! They specifically had one labeled “16 and under”, now, I’m not against having minors in asmr fandom spaces, but having minors especially such young ones in a sever he made? It just felt like a weird choice, especially seeing as he had and still has, and I’m going to say it bluntly, porn up on YouTube. Now you can say “but the video said 18+!” We all know that has never ever stopped a minor from doing anything. With this said, a large amount of his fandom was under 18, I’ll give him this, I don’t think i ever saw Scythe interact with an under 18 fan, but he knew they where there, he knew they watched his content. And yet knowing this, he wrote stories that glorified domestic abuse as a way to teach your partner how to fall in line he wrote stories glorifying the horribly toxic relationship that was V and the listener character. This type of thing affects kids greatly, especially if they have no clue it is abusive. Even in the video with the domestic abuse the description says “this may be triggering to listeners in regards to domestic based violence” not “Trigger warning, this video contains Domestic abuse!” It says it more like “it’s kinda domestic abuse, but only if that triggers you”

In Redacted, the description will always tell you what to expect. “Gaslighting, manipulation, toxic relationship” he will make sure you know that a toxic relationship is toxic, he makes sure your aware that the abuse shown, isn’t love. The most scythe does is say “well V is a villain! He’s not a good guy!” And yet her tries to make him redeeming so people like him.

Now, I get that this was over 2 years ago, scythe audio could have totally moved past this weird glorifying abuse thing, who knows! I mostly wrote this as a vent cus my friend reminded me he existed. Anyway if you made it this far have a nice day. If you where or still are a scythe fan, tell me what you think of all this (without being mean please) if you happen to be scythe himself block me I don’t want you near me. Anyway have a nice day!

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

BFTC isn’t really a case of terrible characterization for Jason so much as it was a terrible case of victim blaming. Like yeah, some of the things Jason did were a bit extreme compared to his “better” appearances, but that’s nothing new and pretty much true of many stories that aren’t utrh or lost days. The bad parts are are also definitely exaggerated by fans.

The story isn’t centered on Jason. Of course every other character’s description of Jason would be knee-jerk dismissive and misunderstanding, since (again) the intention was to make Jason out to be the cartoony bad guy villain. But if you look past the layers of grime they added, the bare bones of his characterization are not entirely incorrect. It’s a biased story in which their intended criticisms of Jason’s morals often fell short, so to compensate they deliberately cranked up his motivations to be more extreme and unrealistic (but one which, nonetheless got Jason’s overall thoughts and goals relatively consistent with stories that portrayed him accurately).

Yes, him shooting Damian was out of character, but granted we’re all in agreement that it was a true case of “bad writing decision”, I don’t think it’s hard to look past. The only other bit people probably complain about (which felt iffy at worst) was him being “a bit enthusiastic” at times in trying to convince Dick to become another lethal Batman (you can just as easily say Jason wouldn’t have been personally invested enough to have acted in the way he did). I don’t care though because he was probably doing it for shits and giggles, and it was funny watching him push their buttons on his spare time while being excellent at his job. Same old ‘none of them deny that he’s effective, they just can’t get behind the killing’ conflict.

Looking past the fact that Jason still had a valid point, the “he’s the bad guy” plot falls apart for other obvious reasons, which happen in the 3rd issue. It’s kind of hard to focus on how much of a bitch Jason’s being when the other characters are written in an infinitely more problematic way (which ends up happening in most “hate Jason” stories). Not only did they heavily imply Jason is a victim of SA, but the way Dick/the batfamily treats Jason about this is … horrible. Arguing that this was a case of character assassination for Bruce and Dick would be more realistic than using this story to claim Jason is a Bad Person™.

Even though Bruce does have a bad track record with his perspective on victims of SA.

Hey. Maybe listen to the living person begging you to turn it off.

Geez. I wonder why he never felt safe enough to confide in Bruce or any of the rest of them. Implying that enduring what he did made him “broken beyond repair”, that he needs to be “fixed”, and saying verbatim, “you are my greatest failure”, not “I failed you greatly”. Then deciding on behalf of Jason that a bunch of people who weren’t involved in what happened to him should all know about this so they can decide what should be done. And everyone agrees with this garbage. Unbelievable.

Aka, any sort of healing he may have tried to accomplish was ruined by you lot. When exactly am I supposed to see that Jason was evil all along.

The story collapses in on itself in the third issue because where Dick is supposed to be at his prime within the arc, he just sort of rambles about how Jason was a shitty victim and then awkwardly shifts to talking about personal growth and coming to accept his own heroic destiny.

I do resent this, but not because “Jason sucks here”. Jason’s “bad portrayal” pales in comparison to the problematic mindsets given to the other characters (namely Dick) which were framed as good-natured intentions and “tough love”. As for people who describe this as “vilifying Jason to prop up Dick” … I don’t really know what to make of that.

[neonlights92]

Flip & Reverse It (II)

Your relationship with resident fuckboy Jung Hoseok is anything but simple. Sitting somewhere between hate and genuine friendship is the fact that you’ve always secretly, sort of wanted him.

And then one day you wake up and you’re in Hoseok’s body. And he’s in yours. Things just got a whole lot more complicated.

Genre: rom-com, body swap, (sort of) enemies to lovers

Word count: 10k

Warnings: language and future smut

A/N: I'm baaaaaaack from the dead. Originally, I was going to make this two parts but this story has a mind of it's own. I think part 3 will be the final part. But please enjoooooy <;3

The library, thank God, is almost empty.

Of course it is, Hoseok tells you when you point this out, it’s a fucking Sunday.

Still you’re happy for the peace and quiet when the two of you tuck yourselves into a quiet corner and start scouring books for any kind of answer to your current….predicament.

“There’s nothing here.” Hoseok, at this point, is desperate.  And so are you.

He slams the book he was reading down and turns to you sharply.

“It’s all about how to perform the swapping ritual… But not how to get things back.”

You hate to agree with him, but the truth is he’s right.  You can’t find anything on reversing things, and the later it gets the more hope you lose.

“Maybe we need to read between the lines,” You suggest, “There’s got to be something here…” Hoseok rolls his eyes.  He scoffs.

“There’s nothing.  Some evil fucking force hates me and that’s why I’m here.” You feel a sting in your chest.  Okay, so the situation isn’t ideal, but why is he acting like there’s absolutely nothing worse that could happen to him?

“At least you didn’t swap bodies with a homeless man,” You try to joke but Hoseok is having absolutely none of it.

He pulls a face.

“At least a homeless man doesn’t have a fucking vagina.  What am I supposed to do with that?”

You flush brightly.  Oh my god you hadn’t even thought of that.

Hoseok is most definitely going to have to see you naked.  He’s going to have to touch your naked body - and quite possibly groom it.

“Oh fuck.”  You grunt. 

Hoseok has the decency to look a little apologetic for his tone.  He winces.

“I’m sorry.” He mutters, frowning, “I know this is shit for you too.”

You try not to take it personally.  He’s right, after all.

In the long list of awful things to happen to a person this has to be close to the top.  You groan and tug a hand through your hair.

“All I can think is that we have to figure out why this happened.”  You purse your lips, “Like why would the ritual actually work?”

Hoseok looks exactly how you feel: absolutely clueless.  He clicks his tongue and shrugs.

“I don’t know. In that Freaky Friday film the mum and daughter had to learn to accept each other.” 

You bite back a laugh. Hoseok has watched Freaky Friday? 

“Right….”

“I’m just saying.” He rolls his eyes, “if we’re trying to read between the lines then maybe it has something to do with understanding each other.”

“You mean like we need to learn from one another?”

It’s a surprisingly good guess.  Why else would the swap have worked, if not at least to teach you both a lesson?

You had nothing material to gain from this body swap - and neither did Hoseok.  In fact, if anything it made your lives a thousand times more difficult.

It had to be something intangible.  Something like internal growth.

Character development.

“I mean I don’t know what we’d ever learn from each other,” He shrugs, “But it’s worth a shot.”

You bite back the snarky reply that sits on the tip of your tongue. - that you’re not sure you could ever learn anything from him but that he could sure learn a lot from you - and sigh heavily. 

“It’s our only lead at the moment.  We may as well see if it works.” You watch as Hoseok pulls your face into a scowl.

“This fucking sucks.” 

Just as you open your mouth to say something - probably agree with him - a female voice from somewhere to your left calls out Hoseok’s name.

You watch in horror as Hoseok’s eyes widen, and you feel your heart skip a beat.  He mouths one word ‘Jisoo’, and you nod sharply, turning to face the beautiful tall woman that’s made her way towards the two of  you.

You clear your throat and try to relax, “Hey… Jisoo.” You hope that you read Hoseok’s lips right, and when the woman’s smile widens you relax a little.

“How have you been?”  Her eyes flick towards Hoseok - who is of course sat in your body - and when she turns back to you she has a perfectly plucked brow raised, “Why are you in the library on a Sunday?”

You feel your chest tighten again.  The project.  

“Uh me and Y/N are working on a project together,” You try to smile but you feel queasy, “Ain’t no rest for the wicked, they say.” You can feel Hoseok’s cringe from across the table but you try to ignore how stupid you’ve just made him seem.

“Oh.”  Her eyes brighten a little, and you suddenly realize what’s going on.

She thought you and Hoseok were here together… Out of your own free will.

Like a study date.

She’s jealous.  Your heart pinches. 

“I thought you’d text me after last time,”  She pouts in a way that is entirely too sexy for her own good, “But you never did.  I miss you.”

You notice the way her gaze darkens, and you imagine that this is what seduction looks like.  Not that you’ve ever tried to seduce anyone before.

Clearly.

“Oh well…” You scratch the back of your head in that way that is universal boy code for awkward and cough, “I’ve been busy.  With uh… School.” “And this project,” Hoseok interrupts, smiling anxiously, “We’ve just had next to no time to ourselves.  Isn’t that right, Hoseok?”

You nod sharply, “Yeah.  Yep of course.  No time.”

Jisoo deflates slightly and something clicks.

She’s being ghosted. 

“Oh right.  Well…” She smiles wryly, “I’ll let you get back to it, then.  Bye Hoseok.”  

She turns to Hoseok and gives a little wave, “Bye Y/N.” And your heart breaks for her.  She’s not even mean.

When she saunters off into the abyss of the library you turn to Hoseok and raise an angry brow.

“That was not nice.” He pulls  a face, “It was necessary.  She was sniffing around where she shouldn’t have been.” “You ghosted her.” Hoseok groans.

“So what?  Jisoo’s like, the hottest girl on campus.  She’ll get over it.”

You feel something like anger rise to the surface but you bite it back.

“It’s cruel,” You tell him honestly, “You shouldn’t lead girls on like that.” “Woah.  I do not lead girls on,”  He rolls his eyes and leans back into his chair, “I know you think I’m a heartless asshole but I don’t do that.  Girls know what to expect when they sleep with me.  I am a man of zero commitment and I tell them that but they think they can change me.  It’s not my fault they’re wrong.”

“So you told Jisoo?” He frowns, “Told her what?”

“That you’re a man of zero commitment.” He nods decisively, “Of course I did.  A whore I may be, but an asshole I am not.  Every girl I sleep with knows exactly what to expect from me.  Girls like Jisoo think they’re somehow special - that I’ll change my mind and date them.  But that’s just not me.  It sucks that she’s hurt - but she’s only done that to herself.”

You hate to admit it… But he’s kind of right.

Casual sex is just that.  Casual.

Hoseok is well within his right to sleep with whoever he wants - no strings attached - especially if he’s made it explicitly clear things won’t go anywhere.

You feel bad suddenly, for what you said to him the other day - about him being a slut and heartless - but you try and push the guilt to the side.  It’s not your fault he’d never explained things to you before.

“Maybe that’s what I could teach you.” Hoseok cocks his head, “What?”

You sigh.

“Commitment.” When he snorts out a laugh you hate how much the sound warms your heart.

“I doubt that.”  He tells you, shrugging, “I don’t need commitment and frankly… I don’t want it either.” 

“Ah.  I see.” 

He raises a brow, “What do you see? “

You shrug.

“You’ve got commitment issues.” 

For a moment it seems like he might be angry at you.  His eyes darken and his brow furrows.  Then he relaxes and blows out a raspberry.

“Yeah.  Maybe I do.  But don’t most people our age have commitment issues?”

“Most guys,” You correct, “Yeah.  I guess so.” 

You can’t help that your stomach drops at the realization.  Even though you’ll never admit it to anyone… You always sort of hoped Hoseok wasn’t actually emotionally stunted.  That he had the capacity to grow and change.  To love someone.

(To love you.) 

But now you see that’s probably not the case. 

He’s emotionally unavailable.  And he seems to like it that way. 

At some point Hoseok turns back to the pile of books sitting between the two of you, and you try to ignore the way your heart just keeps sinking and sinking. 

“This is hopeless.”  He groans, flicking a hand through his hair. 

You look up, chest tight. 

“Yeah.  It is.” 

But you have a feeling you’re not talking about the same thing anymore.

//

It’s four hours later that the both of you give up. 

“So now what?” You’re currently sitting opposite each other at a twenty-four hour coffee shop when Hoseok asks you the question.  He’s ordered an Americano (at eight o’clock at night what a psycho) and you’re sipping on mint tea.

“I don’t know.”  The tears climb up your throat but you push them down, “I really don’t.  This is so fucked up.” 

“Tell me about it.” 

He seems on the verge of tears too, and you try your best to keep it together. 

When you woke up in Hoseok’s body this morning the first thing that registered was shock.  Then you moved on to denial.

Now you’re just frustrated.  Is this going to be the rest of your life?  Will you never be yourself again? 

You can barely understand the position you’ve found yourself in, but for some absurd reason it’s real and you hate whatever magic, or being or otherworldly powers put you here.

“I guess we have to try the Freaky Friday thing.”  Hoseok announces, desperate, “We have to try and learn something from each other.” 

“And how, pray tell, are we going to do that?” 

Hoseok narrows his eyes, “Can you just - can you just stop being so patronizing for like five seconds?  We’re in the same fucking boat here.  We  have nothing else to go on.  I’m trying to help.”

You feel like a fucking bitch.

For the second time in less than twenty-four hours, that ugly spider of guilt crawls up your tummy into your throat. 

You don’t know what it is about Hoseok that makes you act this way - so angry and judgemental - but in the back of your mind you worry that it’s your complicated feelings for him. 

You hate how he makes you feel.  You hate that you’ve always sort of wanted him and he doesn’t want you back. 

But you hate even more that you’re being so unfair.

“You’re right.”  You nod, “You’re right.  I’m being a bitch.  I’m sorry Hoseok.” 

The words seem to take him aback.  He stares at you for a moment, and then releases a long breath.

“Good.  Fine.  Great.  Let’s - I don’t know.  Let’s brainstorm?” 

You open your mouth to ask just exactly what he wants to brainstorm, when your cell phone starts ringing.  It’s jammed into the pocket of Hoseok’s shorts (the ones you’re currently wearing of course) and you bring it out quickly, passing it to Hoseok himself. 

“You need to pick it up.”  You tell him.

He groans, “What?” “It’s Sana.  She’s probably calling to ask about game night.”

“Oh shit.  God forbid you miss game night.” “Hoseok…”

He rolls his eyes and sighs heavily, “Fine.  Okay.  But I’m putting it on speaker.”

He accepts the call quickly, and after a moment of shuffling around, Sana’s voice bleeds through. 

“Hello?  Y/N?” “Hi.  Yeah.  Hi Sana,” Hoseok tries to sound bright and cheerful - not at all like someone who’s just swapped bodies with their sort-of enemy. 

“Where are you?  The boys have just arrived.  We’re meant to start at eight.” 

“The boys?”  The question slips out of Hoseok unbidden.  He raises a brow. 

“Yeah.  Joon, Jimin and Jungkook…” The last name is said with a hint of teasing, “Y’know Jungkook’s been asking about you for the last twenty minutes.  He said he can’t wait to play a game of monopoly with you.” 

Your heart constricts.  Fucking Sana and her incessant matchmaking.

You’ve told her a thousand times that even though he’s nice and handsome, you don’t want to get with Jungkook, but she seems hellbent on setting you up with someone.

God forbid you’re still single at twenty-one.  In Sana’s eyes, you’re practically a spinster. 

“Oh.”  Hoseok’s eyes meet yours and he smirks teasingly, “Well… I wouldn’t want to keep Jungkook waiting.”

No.  No, no, no, nooooo.

“No you wouldn’t!”  You can hear the smirk in Sana’s voice too, “So get your ass over here.” You know exactly what Hoseok trying to do.  You can see it all playing back, in the corner of his annoyingly devious mind. 

“I’m coming too!”  The words blurt out of you before you can even stop them, “Hi Sana.  It’s Hoseok.  I’m uh - Y/N invited me to game night before.  So I’m going to come too.  Y’know.  I love monopoly.” There is a beat of thick silence.  You cringe, and watch Hoseok’s eyes widen. 

Then Sana clears her throat.

“Oh Hobi… Yeah, yeah of course.  Feel free.  You guys have spent all day on that project right?”

“We have,”  You reply, “And I uh - I need to relax.  So… Monopoly sounds great.”  And then to make it a little bit more believable you add, “Joon and Jimin are there too, right?” “Yeah.  We’re just ordering pizza.  You guys okay with margarita?” “Sounds great.  We’ll uh - we’ll be there soon.” 

You grab the phone from Hoseok quickly and hang up before Sana can even reply.  Hoseok leans back in his chair, staring at you. 

“What are you doing?”  He asks, crossing his arms.

“What are you doing?”  You squeal, “Are you trying to fuck me over?” 

“Excuse me?” “I saw right through that.”  You claim, scrambling to your feet, “I don’t have a crush on Jungkook.” He holds both hands up, coming to stand too, “I never said you did.”

“So why were you - why were you smiling like that?” “Like what?” “Like you - like you…” You feel your cheeks redden and you wonder for a moment if you’re overreacting, “Like you were going to flirt with him.” There is a moment of almost unbearable silence. 

Hoseok’s expression morphs from surprise… Into teasing.  There it is again.  That fucking smirk.

Even when it’s on your face, you know exactly what he means by it.  And you hate that.  

“Oh heavens no.”  He barks out a laugh, “God forbid I flirt with him.”

You blush even hotter then, realizing how positively juvenile you sound and despising yourself for it.  You try to string together a sentence, but you just can’t, so you do the next best thing and walk out of the coffee shop. 

Hoseok follows you of course, but at least the crisp evening air cuts through the heat of your embarrassment.

“I didn’t realize you had a friend, Y/N.”  Hoseok continues to tease as you make your way towards his car.

“I don’t.”  You tell him decidedly. 

“So then why does Sana think you do?” “Because she’s an idiot.” 

“Is she?” “Yes!” You cry, exasperated, “She tries to set me up with everything that has a heartbeat because she seems to think the only way I can love myself is through male validation.  But I’m perfectly happy on my own.  Maybe you don’t believe that, and I don’t care if you do but it’s true.  I don’t like Jungkook.”

The rant has come out in almost one breath, and you feel lightheaded by the end of it. 

You’re not sure why you’re so adamant on proving to Hoseok that you don’t have feelings for Jungkook, but you figure it has to do with your tiny, little crush on the man currently inhabiting your body.

You hate yourself for it but the candle you held for Jung Hoseok never really snuffed out did it? 

“Hey.” He lowers his voice and you pause, turning to face him.  His expression is soft now.

“I didn’t - I was just teasing.”  He tells you sincerely, “I wasn’t going to flirt with Jungkook, I swear.  I won’t flirt with him.” You nod once.  Sharply.

“Okay.” “And you’re right,” He sighs, “You don’t need any man to make you happy, Y/N.”

“I know.” He nods too.  

“Good.” 

A beat of silence softens the atmosphere.  Then Hoseok gestures towards his car. 

“C’mon.  Let’s go.  We’ll take my car.” 

You regret mentioning the fact that his car is now your car technically, and instead follow him that way. 

This is going to be a long night.

//

You’re right.

It is a long night. 

Jungkook, of course, spends all night flirting with you.  Well, he spends all night flirting with Hoseok but he thinks it's you and who can blame him, really? You feel yourself on edge the whole time, eyes flitting between the two of them the entire night.  Hoseok, in his defense, doesn’t really flirt back.  He smiles and laughs, and a couple of times he pats Jungkook’s knee, but for the most part it’s all been entirely platonic.

At some point you decide enough is enough, you need a break, so you stand up and announce you’re going to grab another beer.

“The kitchen’s right through there,” Sana tells you, because of course she thinks this is like your second time in your own house.  Because you’re Hoseok aren’t you? Except your brain is still yours and you feel like you might very well just implode on the spot.

Fuck.  That migraine is coming back. 

Hoseok meets your eyes as you stand and you flick your gaze away.  Stop looking at him, you tell yourself sternly. 

Namjoon decides to accompany you that way, and you try to encourage yourself.  You are Jung Hoseok.  You are a casanova.  You are a Beta Theta Sigma member.  You are hot and you are a man.

“What was that back there?”  Namjoon asks the moment the two of you step into the kitchen.

“Excuse me?” “That,”  He opens the fridge and grabs a couple of bottles, “If you stared any harder, Y/N would have burst into flames..”

“Oh.” 

“Are you… Jealous?”  Namjoon sounds unsure, even as he suggests it.

“Jealous?” “Of Jungkook and Y/N.”  He clarifies, as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “I mean…I thought you didn’t even like her.”

“I do.”  You shake your head, “No wait.  No I don’t.” “You don’t?” “It’s uh… It’s complicated.”

Namjoon furrows his brow.  He licks his bottom lip slowly and takes a swig of his beer.

“I can tell Jungkook to back off.” 

“No!  Don’t do that,”  You cross your arms, “Y/N isnt… She isn’t property.  She can - she can flirt with whoever she wants.”

Namjoon scowls.  He seems incredibly confused and you don’t blame him. 

“What?” “I just mean…” You blow out a long breath, “I’m not jealous Joon.  Really.  I just - I’m keeping an eye on her.  For the project.” “Right.”  Namjoon lifts a dubious brow, “For the project.” You’re aware of how utterly ridiculous this sounds.  But you can’t have anyone thinking Hoseok has feelings for you.  No matter how much a part of you wishes he might, that would only complicate things further when the two of you eventually do switch back. 

“Jungkook’s nice though.  Can’t believe this is my first time meeting him.” 

You’d asked Hoseok earlier if he’d ever met Namjoon’s little brother, and were surprised when he told you he hadn’t.  With the amount of times Jungkook visited, you assumed their paths would have crossed.

“Well he’s not really into frats,” Namjoon replies honestly, “Plus he only ever really comes around to hang out with Y/N.  He’s pretty into her.” “Yeah.  I can tell.” The words sound jealous again, and you wish you could take them back.  Namjoon doesn’t say anything though, and then Hoseok appears in the kitchen door frame, halting all Jungkook related conversation. 

“Hi.”  He smiles at Namjoon and then his eyes fall on you, “Hey.” “Hey.”  You greet back, trying to sound as casual as possible.

“Can I get one of those?”  He asks, and you grab him a beer. 

“So…” Namjoon grins, “Jungkook?” You wait with baited breath.  Hoseok promised he wouldn’t flirt - but you’re not sure how capable he is of keeping that promise.  Is he going to fuck you over?  Make it seem like you’re into Jungkook so that if (and when) the swap happens you’ll have an awkward encounter to clean up after?

“What?”  Hoseok shrugs, nonchalantly.

“Are you into him?” 

You bite your bottom lip and Hoseok's eyes flick towards yours. 

The atmosphere thickens.

“No,” You let out a huge sigh of relief at Hoseok’s answer, and Namjoon turns to you again. 

Damn.  That just made it seem a whole lot like you were jealous.

“We should - we should get back to the game.”  You interrupt quickly, not really in the mood for any more of Namjoon’s needling, “I don’t trust Sana on her own in there.” 

Namjoon turns to you, expression unreadable and shrugs. 

“Yeah.  Let’s uh - let’s go.” 

He leads the way and you trail after, hanging back slightly to turn to Hoseok and whisper a rushed thank you.  His eyes meet yours and he smiles.

“Yeah.  Don’t mention it.”

When the two of you join the others in the living room again, Namjoon is still sending you confused looks, but you ignore it, taking your seat beside Jimin and trying to relax the best you can. 

“You’re losing, just so you know.”  Jimin informs you, delighted.

You laugh at that, shaking your head.  You’re not sure how good or not Hoseok usually is at monopoly, but tonight he’s losing because quite frankly you suck at it.

“I know.” “This is a first I think,”  He narrows his eyes, “You’re usually more of a sore loser.” You shrug, and try to grin, “I’m trying to be gracious.” “Mmmm.”  He still seems dubious, “If you say so.”

You open your mouth to retort with something - you’re not sure what - when the sound of someone sitting beside you stops you short.  You turn, watching as Hoseok settles into the seat to your left. 

“Oh.” Hoseok smiles, “Hi.” “You were sat beside Jungkook before, Y/N,” Sana tells Hoseok, eyes teasing as she flicks her gaze towards Namjoon’s brother.

Jungkook, in his defense, doesn’t seem offended.

“Yeah well now I’m sat beside Hoseok,” He says easily, “That’s okay, isn’t it?”

There is another awkward beat of silence because what the fuck, but when you meet Hoseok’s gaze you know he’s only trying to help.  If he sits beside you, then Jungkook will likely leave him alone for the rest of night, and nobody will make assumptions about the nature of your relationship with Namjoon’s little brother.

Crisis averted.  Right? 

Nobody says anything for a moment or two, before Jimin clears his throat.

“Ah no.  No I guess not.  We’ll just shuffle the board around.”

You nod, but you’re not really concentrating on anything else that’s going on. 

Because once again, Jung Hoseok has left you absolutely speechless.

//

The next morning, you wake up bright and early.  In Hoseok’s bed. 

For a moment, you forget that you’re currently inhabiting somebody else's body.  But when your eyes blink the sleep away, you remember and you want to cry all over again.

You spent all night replaying Hoseok’s act of kindness - the way he swapped seats without worrying about what the rest of your friends would think - and your heart speeds up.

No, no, no.  This is not good for you.

You’ve been down this rabbit hole before, and it only brought you heartache.

You try and focus on something else - like all the fucking classes you’re going to have to take for Hoseok - and you pick up his phone, unlocking it and opening up the timetable he sent you last night. 

He’s in the majority of your classes, which you guess is a good thing, as the two of you can try and stick together as much as possible until you figure this whole thing out…. But there are still some you’re going to have to take alone. 

Fuck.  This.

A knock at the door brings you out of your slightly depressive episode. 

“Hoseok!”  It sounds like Taehyung, “Hey.  Hoseok.  Can I come in?”

You groan, wanting nothing more than to burrow into the sheets of Hoseok’s bed and spend the rest of the week there, but you know that isn’t an option.  You sigh heavily.

“Yeah, yeah.  Come in”.

The door swings open and Taehyung stands right in the middle of the frame, wearing a pair of low slung basketball shorts and nothing else.  You note - not for the first time - how annoyingly attractive he is.

“You have a visitor.”  Today he nurses a cup of coffee.

The smell makes it's way to your nose and you groan.  Damn you could really use some caffeine right now.

“Wait what? A visitor?”

“Yeah.” Taehyung’s eyes narrow, “It’s that Y/N chick.”

“Oh.”

You pick up Hoseok’s phone and check the time - eight fifteen - before turning back to Taehyung.  He is giving you the snarkiest look of all time and you scoff.

“What?”

“What do you mean what?” He steps into Hoseok’s room further and leans against the wall, “Are you fucking her?” 

You sit up quickly, gasping.

“What?  No?”

Taehyung narrows his eyes, “Then what the fuck is she doing here at eight o’clock on a Monday morning?”

“The… Uh… The project.” 

You scramble up, thankful that you stumbled into a full set of pajamas last night before bed.  You’ve somehow managed to avoid seeing Hoseok naked as of yet but you know it’s only a matter of time.

You hate to think of what Hoseok will think when he sees you naked.  Maybe he already has.

You push that thought away.

“The project?” Taehyung snorts, “Do you think I was born yesterday?” “What?”

“Hoseok, when have you ever cared this much about any project before?  You’re fucking her.”  His eyes widen, “Oh my god.  You’re revenge fucking her.” Your cheeks heat up, “No I am not.  I told you, Taehyung.  It’s the project.” 

He scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“Right… The project.” 

You decide there’s no point in arguing with him.  He’s made up his mind -clearly- and you don’t want to think how many times Hoseok has been in this position before for Taehyung to so easily come to that conclusion.

“Where is she?”

He smirks, “Kitchen.”

You stalk of out Hoseok’s bedroom without another word, making your way towards the kitchen and stopping at the sight of your form sitting at the counter.

Hoseok hasn’t quite mastered the art of sitting like a girl yet, but you don’t blame him.  Your legs are pulled slightly apart, and your torso hangs forward, like a football coach deciding his team's next move. 

Hoseok scrolls through your cell phone and you wonder for a moment, if this is what you look like to everyone else.  The posture of course is all off… But the rest of it.  The rest of it is you, isn’t it? 

“Morning!” You chirp happily, “Buddy!” 

Immediately, you regret that choice of word.  Buddy.  You were going for platonic, but you landed on weird. 

Hoseok turns to you and smiles, albeit a little stiffly, “Hi… Friend.” You know he’s teasing you back, but you decide to ignore it.

“What are you doing here so bright and early?” 

For the first time since you saw him, you take note of what Hoseok has decided to dress your body in. 

A pair of high waisted jeans, a crop top that you think you wore once when you were like eighteen, and platform sandals you bought for a halloween costume.

Great.  Fantastic. 

Splendid.

“I thought we could walk to campus together and discuss…” Hoseok’s eyes flick towards Taehyung who is (not so discreetly) eavesdropping on your conversation, “The project.” “Ah yes.  The project.” 

Taehyung scoffs and you turn sharply to send him a raised brow of indignance.  He is being impossible.  He shrugs and turns away, making his way back down the hallway and towards his room.  

When you’re sure you and Hoseok are alone you let out a deep, calming breath.

“He thinks we’re fucking.”  You tell him bluntly.

Hoseok snorts, “What?” “Taehyung thinks we’re fucking.  And I’m pretty sure Namjoon and Jimin think it too.”

“Add Sana onto that list,” He pouts, “She interrogated me over our relationship for almost two hours last night, after the rest of you left.  My God.”

You shiver to think what Sana may have said to Hoseok last night - how she may have inadvertently embarrassed you. 

It’s not her fault of course, but considering how convinced she’s always been of your romantic feelings for Hoseok, you don’t doubt she spent the entire evening teasing him for it.

Fuuuuuck.

“I’m sorry.”  You say, because you’re not sure what else may suffice.

Hoseok shakes his head, “Don’t apologise.  It isn’t your fault.” 

“Right.” 

“Maybe we should… I don’t know,” His cheeks heat slightly, and his eyes flicker momentarily towards yours.  Then he takes a deep breath, “Maybe we should roll with it.”

“What?” “The whole… Us dating thing.  Just for now, till we figure this whole thing out.  It would make it easier to explain why we are spending so much time together.” 

You feel like the entire world  has just turned upside down.  Your heart is in your throat, beating so loudly it’s the only thing you can hear, and suddenly everything seems like it’s moving in slow motion.

You squeeze your eyes shut a second and shake your head.  When you open your lids, Hoseok is staring at you expectantly. 

“You want to… You want to pretend we’re together?” 

“Well yeah,” He shrugs, “It’s like I say - then people won’t be so freaked out about the amount of time we spend with one another.” “But what about the party… All your friends saw us fight… And I was a bitch to you-” 

“We’ll say you apologised.  We talked about it and realized we were into one another.  Stranger things have happened, right?” 

He seems so nonchalant about it.  And where you’re freaking the fuck out, he’s shrugging his shoulders as though it’s no big deal. 

“But you - you don’t want a relationship.  You said you’re a man of zero commitment…”

“Well this isn’t real is it?” He sighs heavily, “Besides, it’s just until we’ve figured out how to put everything back to normal.”

You might throw up. 

“I - I mean…” “Plus it’s not like I’m going to be getting any action whilst I’m in your body, right?  Win win.”  He smiles warmly, and for a moment you’re completely taken aback.

What the fuck are you meant to say?

“I guess.  I mean… Okay.”  You lick your bottom lip and tug a hand through your hair, pulling at the ends of Hoseok’s short strands, “Yes.  Okay fine.  It’s a good idea.”

“Great.” 

You blink.  Once, twice, three times.

The atmosphere shifts.

“Is that… Is that all you came round for?” 

“I thought we could walk to class this morning.  Really cement our whole new couple thing.  We’ve got first period  together, right?” 

Your mouth is so dry, it might as well be a desert, but you force yourself to nod.

When the fuck did this become the timeline you are living in?

“Cool.  So… I guess… Get ready?  I’ll wait here.  I’m still trying to figure these shoes out without breaking my neck.  Your neck,”  He wrinkles his nose, “Our neck.”

You snort a laugh at that, “Okay.  Cool.  Yeah… I’ll uh - I’ll see you now.” It’s only later, when you force yourself to a take a shower (despite having to face Hoseok’s naked body and trying your utmost to respect his privacy and not check out his bits) that the reality of what has happened to you in the last twenty-four hours truly hits you.

Not only are you currently inhabiting Hoseok’s body.

But you’re his girlfriend too now.  (Fake girlfriend, technically speaking but… That’s semantics.) 

Shit.

//

Your first day at college as Jung Hoseok goes awfully. 

Of course it does. What else were you expecting? 

It’s hard enough trying to keep up with all his classes and friend’s names and his fucking schedule.  But the worst part of everything - the part you can’t stand - is the questions.

“Are you really dating that Y/N chick?” 

“I thought the two of you hated each other.”“Never would’ve pegged you for a nerd guy.”

You hate it all - the assumption that you and Hoseok don’t make sense as a couple - but what else can you do but grin and bear it? 

They’re kind of right, too really.  You and Hoseok don’t really make sense.

You try to tell him this yourself, when you walk him home after the last of your classes, but he’s having none of it.

“Will you quit it?” He tells you seriously, eyes narrowing at the insecurity written all over your face, “Who gives a fuck what any of them think, anyway?”

“I do. Clearly.” You grumble feeling dumb for having even brought it up in the first place.

Hoseok rolls his eyes.

“Yeah and why’s that?”

“Because I’m dumb and insecure?” You shrug helplessly, “I don’t know Hoseok.  People are probably already talking so much shit about me.”

“This isn’t high school.” 

“So?  People are still mean.”  You sigh heavily, “You don’t get it Hoseok.  I’m not cool.  I’ve never been cool.  Everyone is going to wonder why the fuck you decided to settle down with me of all people.” 

Hoseok pauses, and turns to look at you.  The fact he’s dressed you in platforms means the height difference between the two of you isn’t as large as it normally is, but he still needs to tilt his head up slightly to make eye contact. 

“And if they ask you’ll tell them I chose you because you’re smart and capable and pretty.”  His eyes are serious, “And I like you.  You make me laugh and you don’t take my shit.  Plus you’re the only person I know who actually gives a fuck about getting their degree.  It’s admirable.” The words almost cause a heart attack.  It’s a punch to the gut - does he really think those things about you? - and for a moment you don’t know what to say.

“Oh… Uh…” 

“And when they ask me why you chose to date me… I’ll say because Jung Hoseok is a sex god and a filthy, dirty fuck.”  He smiles widely, “Gotta retain at least a little bit of my reputation, right?”

You burst out laughing at that, unable to control yourself.  Hoseok laughs too, and for a moment it feels like the two of you might be caught under something. 

The way he’s looking at you - soft and warm, like he’s happy to be there - makes your heart clench and you remind yourself once again that he isn’t yours.  He isn’t yours and he’s only here because he’s in your fucking body.

“Alright.  I’ll let you have that at least,” You mumble back, as the two of you stop outside of your apartment block. 

“Well,” He throws you an easy smile, “This is my stop.”

You click your tongue, “Yep.”

“I’ll see you tonight, right?”

When you draw a blank look Hoseok groans.

“The party, remember?” 

You feel something flicker in your stomach.  The stupid fucking party at the EXO frat, you’d agreed to go to.  

“Do we have to...?”

“If we don’t, it will be harder to go to the next social gathering I'm invited to.  We have to keep up appearances.”  He seems sympathetic as he says it and you know he has a point.

The quicker you bite the bullet, the easier it will be to fool everyone else that you’re actually into each other.

But that doesn’t mean you like the idea.

“Can’t I just say I’m sick?”

Hoseok clicks his tongue, “Look, it's a great excuse for us to show we’re a solid couple, right?”

You stop yourself from actually sticking your tongue out at him and instead settle on a playful glare. 

“Fine. But I’m not going to enjoy myself.”

“Duly noted,” Hoseok replies drily, “I’ll ask Sana. She’s probably already going with Joon.”

You hum some kind of half hearted agreement. 

“It's going to be fine, Y/N trust me.”

You feel exhausted all of a sudden.  Is this going to be the rest of your life?  Figuring out ways to hoodwink your friends and family into believing something that isn’t true?  Pretending to be somebody else? Having to live a life that isn’t yours?

“Are we ever going to be able to swap back?” The question is small, and you feel so dumb asking it because how can Hoseok give you an answer? 

Hoseok gives you a small, comforting smile.  He touches your shoulder gently and nods.

“We’ll figure it out.  We’re not going to stay like this forever.”

You want to believe him.  With everything inside of you, you want to believe that you can both fix this.

But you’re not sure of anything anymore, least of all if you’ll ever live in your own skin again.

“Just… don’t give up, okay?” He’s looking at you so earnestly your heart almost breaks. You nod, silently, biting back the tears.

“I won’t.”  And without even thinking about it, you bend down and press a soft kiss against Hoseok’s forehead.  Well… it’s your forehead really, but at this point the semantics don’t matter.

Hoseok freezes, but you don’t miss the way he leans ever so gently into the touch.  You try to tell yourself you were just imagining things but part of you can’t really deny it. 

When you pull away, he’s watching you with careful eyes.

“I’ll see you tonight,” You tell him, straightening out almost stiffly, “At the party.”

Hoseok smiles and nods.

“Yeah.  See you later.”

You think that perhaps, today hasn’t actually been that awful.  That maybe, maybe by the end of all this you and Hoseok might actually be friends.  The thought warms your heart.

Friends with Hoseok.  You know secretly you want more, but there’s no denying the impossibility of that ever happening.

So you resign yourself to hope for friendship.   And something soft blooms in your chest.  

It isn’t until you get back to Hoseok’s home that you are spun quite immediately back into reality.  The look on Kim Taehyung’s face when you pass through the front door is enough to make you want to curl up in a hole and die.

“I fucking knew it.  You’re banging her!”

Jin stands to Taehyung’s left, a dark brow raised.  His arms are crossed and he watches you curiously.

“I’m not banging her…” You grumble, “She’s my girlfriend.” “Same difference.”  Taehyung is grinning like the cat who got the fucking cream, “I knew there was something else going on.” 

“I thought relationships weren’t your thing,” This comes from Jin, who’s still giving you that weird look.

You shrug, “Well it’s different.  With Y/N.” “It is?” “Yeah.  She’s different.” You almost cringe at your own words - but there’s nothing you can do it about it.  God knows Jung Hoseok has definitely established his position as resident fuckboy pretty firmly by now - but things change, right?

“Don’t tell me you guys are like seriously exclusive?”  Taehyung looks like he might pass out.

“Uh… Yeah.  Exclusive.” “Fuck.”  He scoffs out a laugh that is sharp as knives, “Shit.  You’re really into her.” Another nod.  Taehyung turns to Jin and shrugs.

“Twenty bucks then, right?”

Jin’s lips lift into a smirk.  You frown.

“What?” “Me and Jin had a bet after that night,” Taehyung says this so easily as though it isn’t a big deal.  But it is, you think, “The party where the two of you fought.  You were so clearly into her.  I thought you’d fuck her.  Jin thought you’d make her your girlfriend.  He won.”

You are floored.  Hoseok’s friends think he’s into you?  Like for real?

You don’t know what to say.

“What are you talking about?” “Well for one she’s the only girl on this entire campus you haven’t tried to fuck,” Taehyung points out almost studiously, “And whenever you do talk to her, you get all weird.  Like you’re trying to impress her.”

You feel yourself flush because what the fuck?

“You’re - I… What?”

“C’mon don’t play dumb.”  Taehyung fishes into his back pocket for his wallet, “After that night at the party you were so pissed.  That’s only because you liked her enough to actually care what she thinks about you.”

Jin accepts the twenty dollar bill Taehyung passes him, “And we were right, obviously.  Because she’s your girlfriend now.”

The tightness in your chest expands.

“Uh… I mean yeah.  I guess.”

“She’s coming to the party tonight, right?”  Jin’s question surprises you.

You nod and Taehyung grunts.

“Good.  She can try and change my mind about her then.”

You resist the urge to tell him to fuck off.  After all, the last time Taehyung had seen you around his best friend you hadn’t exactly behaved spotlessly, had you? 

“I’m sure she will.”  You mutter to yourself more than anything, “I am sure she’ll change your mind.”

//

The party is throbbing by the time you and Hoseok arrive. He’s stuffed you into one of Sana’s ridiculous minidresses and when you ask where on Earth he thought he was going he just shrugged and told you to chill out.

“I hate this already,” You mutter, feeling incredibly out of place.

“Well Jung Hoseok is usually the life and soul of any party so start un-hating it.”

You roll your eyes at his comment and let Hoseok slip his hand into yours. It feels weird, holding your own hand like this, but you can’t contain the butterflies swarming around your stomach either.

Even if you can’t fully enjoy it - Hoseok is currently holding your hand - and you can admit to yourself that you’d always wanted that.

Always wanted him.

God you’re a chump.

“Y/N!” Sana’s voice pierces through the crowd and you look up, trying to act nonchalant as she cuts her way through the mob of drunk college students.

“Hi Hoseok!”

You nod when she smiles up at you.

“You want to come join us? We’re playing ring of fire.”

You know what you want to say. You want to say fuck no. You can’t think of anything worse to play five minutes after arriving at a party, than ring of fire.

But you force a lazy smile onto your face and shrug, turning to Hoseok and raising a brow.

“Wanna play… babe?” The pet name comes out a little stilted, but it seems to do the job because Sana stifles a giggle.

Hoseok narrows your eyes a little, but he smiles just the same, turning on the charm.

“Anything you want… cupcake.”

You gag in your mouth because what the fuck? Cupcake? You would never reduce yourself to calling somebody something that gross but you force yourself to laugh.

“Okay then. Let’s play.”

Sana laughs too, and if she senses the weird energy between the two of you, she doesn’t comment on it. Instead she moves you both across the room into a smaller space - a room that could be considered a dining area if it wasn’t in a frat house.

“You know I’ve been getting questions about the two of you all night,” She throws over her shoulder as she leads the way, “All anybody seems to care about is the hottest couple on campus.”

Her tone is teasing, and you’d heard from Hoseok that Sana had been ruthless when he’d told her that the two of you were a couple.

You didn’t want to think about how she might have potentially embarrassed you.

“We are not the hottest couple on campus,” The words blurt out of you almost automatically and Sana snorts.

“According to most people I’ve spoken to at this party you are.” She shakes her head, “People can’t seem to wrap their puny little minds around it.”

“That’s because they’ve never been around the two of us when we’re together,” Hoseok pipes up, surprising you, “We’re perfect for each other.”

Your chest tightens again and you wonder if you might very well hyperventilate. Is he trying to kill you? 

“That’s what I told them! You balance each other well, I think,” Sana sits at a huge round table and you take a seat to the left of her, “I always knew you had the hots for each other.”

Your eyes flicker to Hoseok as he sits to the left of you, and he holds your gaze steady.  Breathe, he mouths. 

Something about his presence calms you, despite how erratic you might feel inside, and you let yourself sink into the cushion of the chair you’re sat on. 

“Well look who it is!  The looooooovebirds!”  Your eyes flick up to meet with a tall, slim man with charcoal gray hair.  A memory flickers in your mind; he’s a member of EXO right?  Cha-Cha… Cha-something.

“Shut up Chanyeol,” This comes from Namjoon (ah Chanyeol that was it), “Shit.  I forget how obnoxious he gets at these….” 

“Obnoxious my ass,” Chanyeol smiles good-naturedly, “I never thought I’d see the day that Jung Hoseok would be tamed!  And by a woman, no less.” 

You try to roll your eyes in a way you reckon might be reminiscent of Hoseok, and shrug. 

“Not all of us can live in perpetual fuckboy territory, Chanyeol.  I’ll leave the sleeping around to you, now.” 

You pray to the Gods above that Chanyeol doesn’t have a girlfriend and that your joke will land - and sling an easy arm over Hoseok’s shoulder, pulling him closer towards you. 

You press a kiss to the side of his head, and drop your mouth to his ear. 

“He’s single, right?”  You whisper. 

Hoseok nods, once, and you relax.  Thank God.

“Ooooo.  Shots fired.  Didn’t mean to offend you, Hobi.”  But Chanyeol is still smiling as he says it, and you send him a smile right back. 

“Not offended,”  You shrug, “Just… Stating the truth.”

There seems to be a weird tension between the two of you, all of a sudden, and you wonder if maybe Hoseok and Chanyeol are not as buddy buddy as you might have thought.  You feel Hoseok shift beside you. 

“Okay, okay.  Enough with the male testosterone,” Sana whines, “Are we going to play, or are we going to play?” 

Your eyes flick quickly across the table - taking in the others at attendance.  You don’t recognise anybody else apart from one girl who used to live in the same dorms as you freshman year.  Momo, you think her name is.  

“The floor’s all yours, darling.”  Chanyeol smiles wolfishly, and something about that look on his face kind of creeps you out. 

Sana starts rattling on about the rules of the game and you find your attention wavering, before Hoseok brings it to hyper focus by pinching the top of your thigh.  You look down at him.  He’s got a tight smile on his face. 

“Avoid him.” 

You raise a brow, “What?” 

“Chanyeol.”  He pushes closer towards you, “Try not to let him get you alone.  Alright?” 

Your brow creases, “Why?”

“Will you just…” He blows out a raspberry, “Can you just trust me on this?” A moment passes between the two of you.  You watch as Hoseok blinks - once, twice, three times.  Then you nod. 

“Yeah.  Fine.  I’ll - I’ll avoid him.”  

“Everybody understands the rules then, right?”  Sana’s voice cuts through your conversation, and the two of you refocus your attention.  You feel yourself nodding. 

“Perfect.  Then let’s begin!” 

The game starts, and everything goes absolutely downhill from then on.  You try to warn Hoseok several times that you can’t handle alcohol very well - you barely drink it and when you do, you don’t tend to drink the harder stuff.  But Hoseok brushes you off. 

It’s my brain in here, he tells you, I can handle it.

But he can’t of course.  Because his brain or not, it’s a simple case of body chemistry and even though he really tries to keep up with everybody else in the game he just can’t.  At one point, Hoseok flips over the glass of the girl to his left, and tries to apologize before flipping over your drink and causing an even bigger mess. 

“Sweetie,” You grit your teeth together, “I think you’ve had enough.” 

Hoseok turns to you, eyes wide and glassy.  It’s weird to see yourself like this.  Even though it’s not you - not technically - it’s your eyes and your mouth and your bright red cheeks. 

Huh.  So this is what you look like drunk. 

“Uhhhh….” Hoseok hiccups, “I have?” 

You feel something like fondness bubble in your chest.  

“Yeah.  Shall we step out of the game?” 

Momo - that girl who lived in your dorms freshman year - sighs softly, “Shit.  Look at him taking care of her like that.  That’s so romantic.” 

Sana giggles and tries to help Hoseok sit up a little straighter, “It is romantic.”  Her eyes flick to yours, “Maybe you should get her some water?”

“Yeah.”  You stand, grabbing Hoseok’s hand and pulling him up with you, steadying him when he inevitably stumbles into you, “C’mon baby.   Let’s get you some water.” 

Hoseok nods placidly, following you as you tug him towards the kitchen.  There isn’t anybody else in there and you thank god because Hoseok really is a mess right now, and you can’t really focus on anything else but trying to sober him up. 

“Come here.”  You lead him to a bar stool and sit him down, pressing his back against the surface of the kitchen counter, to stop him from toppling over.

Hoseok’s eyes trace your face carefully.  He bites his lip and smiles. 

“Hi.” 

You smile back, “Hi.”

“I’m kind of drunk, right?” 

You nod, “Kinda.” 

“Guess you were right.”  He teeters slightly to the left, and you brace him carefully by the shoulders, “Are you mad?” 

The question takes you by surprise. 

“Why would I be mad?” 

“Because you said I wouldn’t be able to drink so much and I didn’t listen to you.”  He gives you a look that sits somewhere between guilty and cute, and if he wasn’t so drunk you might think he’s trying to flirt with you.

“You never listen to me,” You remind him studiously, grabbing a bottle of water and handing it to him, “Here.  Drink up.”

He takes the bottle and brings it up to his mouth, taking a long gulp and pulling away with a dramatic swipe of his mouth when he’s done.  He raises a brow.

“I do listen to you.”  He whines, “What about the project?  I agreed to do what you wanted to do.” 

You purse your lips, “That’s one time.” 

“And Jungkook.”  He squints an eye, “I didn’t flirt with him.”

“Twice, then.”

“I’m sure there’s others,” He says confidently, “I just need to remember them.” 

You laugh when he tries to tap his finger against his temple but fails miserably, using the hand holding the open bottle and spilling water down the front of Sana’s dress, instead. 

“Look what you’ve done now,” You chide, shaking your head fondly.

“Woops?”

“Woops indeed,” You grab some paper towels and dab at the front of the dress, trying to take away as much moisture as possible. 

“Woah, woah, woah,” Hoseok pushes you away gently, “Are you trying to get into my pants, mister?  I’m not that easy y’know!  I’m a lady.”

He’s smiling now, his eyes a little less glassy, and his face a little less flushed. 

“A lady huh?”

Hoseok tilts his head to the side, studying you carefully - as though he’s seeing you for the very first time, almost.

“Yeah.”  He licks his bottom lip once, “A sexy lady.”

You burst out laughing at that, and Hoseok laughs too, before a throat clears itself loudly to your left.  Your head snaps round and you find Taehyung hovering in the doorway.

“I heard about your girl.”

“I am not his girl,” Hoseok snips, sounding a little too close to home for your liking, “My name is Y/N.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “Hi Y/N.”

Hoseok lifts an enthusiastic hand and waves.

“Hi Taehyung.”

He trails over towards the both of you and crosses his arms, raising a thick brow, “How are you feeling?”

“A little dizzy.” Hoseok hiccups again, “Who knew alcohol could make the room spin that fast?”

Taehyung swallows down a smile and turns to you.

“Maybe you should take her home…”

“But I don’t want to ruin your night,” Hoseok pouts like a baby and you think that might be the very first time your face has ever pulled that expression, “You were having fun, right?”

You shrug. 

“It’s alright.  There’ll be other parties.”

“That’s right there will be,” Hoseok stands, a little wobbly but on two feet at least, “And I’ll be at all of them too right? Because I’m your girlfrieeeeeend.”  

He sings the last syllable of girlfriend - like he’s actually happy about the whole thing.  You try not to think back on what Taehyung and Jin said to you before, about Hoseok always having had a thing for you and snort out a laugh.

“Yeah.  You’ll be at every single one.”

He smiles, self-satisfied, “Good.”

“There’s no one home,” Taehyung whispers to you, laying on the innuendo thick, “Feel free to make as much noise as you’d like….”

You hate the way your cheeks pink at his suggestion and even Hoseok looks a little shy. 

“Taehyung!” Hoseok shoves his friend’s shoulder playfully, “Are you encouraging fornication?  You know we’re not married right?”

Taehyung barks out a laugh at that, unbidden.  He looks sort of annoyed with himself for it.

“I’m just saying,” He says, “The night is young.  Enjoy it.”

You slip your hand into Hoseok’s and tug him towards the front door, “We will.  See you later, Tae.”

“It was nice meeting you again Tae-Tae,” Hoseok christens his friend with a brand new nickname, “I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other in the days to come!”

Taehyung does smile at Hoseok then, despite himself, and your heart warms at the fact that he seems to be warming up to you.  And okay, right now it’s not actually you, but he’ll never know that.  And maybe when things go back to normal, and you’re in your own body again, Taehyung will still like you. 

(You try not to think too hard on why you want Hoseok’s best friend’s validation that much.)

“See you guys!”

God.  This night is really turning into something else.

//

“I can sleep on the couch.”

Hoseok looks like he might throw up.  You’d decided to bring him back to his own home.  It didn’t make sense not to take Taehyung up on his suggestion that you take advantage of the empty BTS frat home. 

The two of you are meant to be dating, after all, and if you ended up staying in separate rooms for the night it just wouldn’t really make sense.   Not with how drunk Hoseok had gotten at the EXO party, anyway.

Of course, you aren’t exactly following through on Taehyung’s insinuation to make things… sexual.  But he doesn’t have to know that.

“You’re not going to sleep on the couch in your own home.” You tell him sternly, “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Hoseok shakes his head sharply.  He groans.

“That’s going to look weird when the boys get back.  They’ll wonder why we didn’t just sleep together.”

Hoseok’s bed isn’t tiny, but it’s not huge either.  There’s room for the two of you, you suppose, but you can’t imagine it’ll be the most spacious of sleeping conditions.

“Fine,” You set your jaw despite the way your heart trips in your chest at what you’re about to suggest, “We’ll just share.”

Hoseok turns to you, eyes wide.  He seems to contemplate that for a moment, before shrugging.

“Sure.  Let’s share.”

There’s a moment of almost awkward silence, where the two of you just stare at each other.

“We should… Get comfortable?”  You smile weakly and Hoseok pulls a face.

“This is fucking weird isn’t it?”

You snort violently, “So so weird.”

His eyes zip over to the closet and you lick your bottom lip, nodding.  Are you going to change in front of each other? 

Not that seeing your own naked body would freak you out, but you’ve attempted to avoid making eye contact with Hoseok’s bits as best you can the last couple of days.  It seems redundant, almost, to ask each other for privacy.

“I’ll go first.”  Hoseok announces, zipping over to the closet and wordlessly pulling out an old AC/DC t-shirt.  

“Are you going to just…. Do it here?”

Your question comes out as an insecure squeak.  He turns to you and sighs heavily.

“I mean, if I go to the bathroom what difference does it make?  It’s your body, anyway.”

You nod, speechless.  He’s right but the whole thing just feels weird.

Something in the atmosphere shifts, as Hoseok pulls himself out of Sana’s skintight dress.  He struggles with the zipper and you bite back a chuckle, moving towards him and stilling his hands.

“Here.” You whisper, “Let me.”

Hoseok meets your eyes as you pull the zip down, slowly exposing the expanse of skin that is your back.  He freezes for a moment, eye contact held for what feels like eternity.

And then, he steps out of the dress.

Hoseok opted not to wear a bra.  Of course he did.  Sana would have told him off for even attempting it.

“You uh….” He’s still staring at you, “You can pull this over my head.”  He holds the t-shirt out, “I won’t look.”

The sentiment pulls at your heart.  

“Okay,” You breathe, taking the t-shirt and folding it over his head.  Hoseok pops his arms out through the holes, and when his head breaks through too, he smiles at you.

Softly.  Gently.  Warmly.

“There.” He whispers.  

Your noses are a hair’s breadth away from one another.

You clear your throat, “There.”

Theres a moment held between the two of you.  Like a spell you’ve been caught under.  Even though you’re looking into your own face, you can see Hoseok shining through your eyes.

He’s there.  He’s there and he’s looking at you and your skin prickles at the way he’s looking at you.

Then, he coughs gently.

The spell is broken and you step back.

“You should change too.”  He tells you, hand scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

You nod and pull your own t-shirt off, pushing down the jeans you opted to wear and leaving Hoseok in a pair of briefs.  He smirks.

“You just gonna sleep in my underwear?”

There’s something burning behind his words.  You bite your lip.

“No.  I’ll put some pants on.”

Hoseok laughs almost throatily as you do so, pulling out the first pajama pants you find.  They’re Christmas themed.

“Those are my favorites,” He tells you as you slip into them, and you scoff playfully.

“Of course they are.”

There is another moment of silence as the two of you contemplate Hoseok’s bed.  You know what comes next.  Your heart feels like it’s beating out of your rib cage when you gesture towards the sheets.

“Should we….?”

“Yeah.” Hoseok smiles softly, “We should.”

The two of you climb in.  It’s a little awkward at first, a mess of limbs and hair.  You can’t imagine Hoseok is used to having to share his bed with someone else, much less with himself.

The thought almost makes you laugh. 

But finally, you settle down.  You roll over and click the bedside lamp off.  You’re both swathed in darkness and you stare up at the black ceiling, feeling ache usted all of a sudden.

“Y/N.”  Hoseok whispers from beside you.

You roll over carefully, and suddenly your noses are touching.  Hoseok doesn’t move away.

“Thanks.”  He breathes gently, “For coming to the party.  And for not getting mad when I got too drunk.”

You feel yourself smile in the dark.

“That’s okay.”

“You’re…” He takes a moment, seemingly searching for the words, “Just.  That’s it, I guess.  Thank you.”

“Don’t sweat it,” You answer softly, feeling like you’re still trapped under that spell, from before. “G’night Hoseok.”

He breathes out softly, and the air hits your cheeks.

“Goodnight.”

And when you fall asleep that night, your dreams are suspiciously void of anything but romance.  You’re falling in love, obviously, and you seem incapable of stopping yourself.

//

The first thing you notice when you wake up the next morning is that there are a pair of soft arms wrapped tightly around your waist.  You look down, across the expanse of Hoseok’s sturdy chest, all the way to the two little hands clasped together in front of you.

The memories of last night come rushing back to you and you smile to yourself, almost embarrassed at the softness the two of you displayed.

You try not to think about Jin and Taehyung’s words.  About how Hoseok has always been into you, and instead focus on the matter at hand.

Because of course Hoseok’s body has reacted quite prominently to the soft female body cuddled up next to him.  You’ve got a boner.

Well Hoseok has a boner.  For you.  

It hurts a little if you think about it too much, but there is undeniable hardness settled between your legs.

“Fuuuuuuck.”  You groan, trying to maneuver yourself out of Hoseok’s grasp, and only causing him to further tighten his hold.

“Hoseok,” You try instead, shaking your body a little more violently, “Hoseok…..”

This time you pinch his forearm - a little forcefully but what else are you meant to do?

And that seems to do the trick, as his eyes shoot open and his arms fall away from your waist.  He jumps up, almost scared, and you laugh at the look on his face.

“Shit.”  He moans, holding a hand to his forehead, “Do you always get hangovers this bad?”

You nod, once, and he grumbles pitifully. 

You notice that the shirt that Hoseok was wearing last night has coincidentally ridden up your thigh, exposing the flesh even further, and without warning Hoseok’s body reacts pretty positively to that.

Which is to say his dick gets harder.

You try not to think about the fact that technically you’re turning yourself on, when Hoseok’s eyes graze the problem you’re having downstairs.  He gasps.

“Shit.” He looks up at you, “Fuck.”

Your cheeks pink and so do his, and the air is suddenly filled with embarrassment.  He tries to apologize.

“Oh fuck I’m so sorry Y/N.”  He scoffs, “Little fucker can’t take one day off.”

You laugh at the look on his face, despite yourself, and shrug, “I mean I guess I’m flattered.  At least your dick finds me hot.”

The words fly out of your mouth without warning.  Hoseok’s eyes darken just a little.

“What?”

“I just mean….” You try again, “It’s a compliment really, right?”

He licks his bottom lip, “Yeah.”

His gaze is heated when it meets yours and something in your stomach drops.  Hoseok’s dick hardens even further (if that’s humanly possible) and before you do something crazy - like have sex with yourself - you jump out of bed.

“So I should go and uh… Sort it out.  Will a cold shower help?”

Hoseok crinkles his nose, “Amongst other things….”

You cannot possibly take anymore of his teasing, so you hurry yourself off to the bathroom, intending to stand under a shower of cold water until this boner disappears.  But, of course, God has other plans.

Because just as you slip out of Hoseok’s bedroom, you find Kim Taehyung standing just outside your door, with an older, distinguished looking man.

Taehyung throws you what looks like an apologetic look over the man’s shoulder, as the mystery man in question turns around slowly.  When his eyes meet yours the resemblance is uncanny.

This is Hoseok’s father.

“Hoseok.”  His voice is low and gravelly, almost stern, “Good morning.”

Your spine straightens like a rod.  Your throat dries up impossibly quickly.

“Uh…. Hi.”

“Taehyung tells me you have company this morning.”  His eyes flick down from the top of your head, to the bottom of your feet, “You should invite your girlfriend to have breakfast with us.  We have much to discuss.”

The bedroom door swings open again, and your chest tightens when you feel Hoseok freeze beside you.

Hoseok’s father smiles, shark-like, “Ah.  You must be the elusive Y/N.”

You feel Hoseok swallow, his whole body rigid and stiff.  He tries to smile.

“Uh yeah…. That’s me.”

“I am Hoseok’s father.”  His eyes judge every inch of your body, “But you can call me… Dad.”

The words sound anything but friendly.

Oh fuck.

//

[apotelesmaa]

I never understood why blackstar killed mifune tbh like he wasn't a bad guy he was just tryna protect a kid

Iirc they both went into the battle in ch 57 accepting it to be a battle to the death (stupid and unnecessary but whatever) and were both trying to kill each other. Mifune was kinda like if ur a real warrior you’ll kill me. or something. It wasn’t like… black star being evil and killing a guy just for shits and giggles but it was definitely a stupid resolution to mifune’s story. I don’t think it’s fair to hold it against black star (mifune is also kinda to blame) I think it was just ohkubo making a bad writing choice.

mifune fully went into the battle prepared to die and set it up as a battle to the death to which black star obviously went “alright!” And then they both proceeded to try and kill each other. Since neither one of them would back down they both fight to the point of exhaustion and black star finishes the fight by impaling mifune and then collapsing and mifune’s body fucking dissolved like he was thanos snapped. So like. Kind of a blameless murder? I guess? Mifune certainly did not hold it against him and even compliments black star’s growth. Mifune black star is like 15 what is ur problem. If black star hadn’t won mifune would have 100% killed him but like. Incoming long rant about that particular choice.

I had to double check the wiki to ensure I wasn’t getting stuff wrong and was reminded that in the manga black star chooses “the path of the warrior” and in the anime he’s like “I’m not going to be a demon or a warrior I’m choosing my own path” & he lets mifune live which… common anime W I guess. I’m not sure if ohkubo had any say in that or if it was the anime team trying to wrap up black star’s arc asap before they ended the anime but I do feel like that would have been a much more satisfying conclusion to that part of his character arc. I think ohkubo tried to lean too far into making him An Epic Powerful Super Cool Warrior which is always such a boring character archetype but it’s even more lame when you’re doing that to the character who has (and I say this lovingly) been the deeply unserious comic relief.

I would have liked to see black star mature and chill out and still hold onto his goal to surpass god/dtk/whatever *without* trying to make him into a battle hardened cool warrior or whatever ohkubo was attempting. Because at the end of the day I don’t think there’s enough of a meaningful difference between “the path of the demon” and “the path of the warrior” as ohkubo defined them. Like… yeah the star clan were a bunch of ruthless killers on the path to becoming kishin eggs or whatever but I don’t think “well MY path lets me be the judge jury and executioner but in a cool way where I just kill fellow warriors” is the best counter argument. Like yeah ur not eating the souls (& mifune didn’t even leave a soul for some reason?) but you don’t *need* to kill people. And at the end of the day you’re still taking a life regardless of the reasoning behind it. Like… if your path to becoming more powerful still involves murder I don’t think you can argue you’re doing better than the people who consume the souls for power. Again would have LOVED to see kid’s opinion on that given his whole death god philosophy but unfortunately he was too busy being kidnapped.

Not saying black star’s entire character was given up in favor of that writing choice but it just felt completely divorced from everything else about him? Kind of like if you found out the silly clown at the circus was a super serious paralegal on the side or something. Or seeing someone in a mascot costume taking off the head and going that is an entirely different person. The anime’s choice just feels better - he doesn’t want or need to take a life to become powerful because he doesn’t need to rely on that he can become just as powerful without anyone needing to die. And it lines up more with his character. He is at his core a good kid who loves his friends and hates what his family stood for and I think choosing to show mercy even against mifune’s “this is the true path of the warrior” philosophy would have been more in line with his character rejecting what the star clan stood for.

I don’t know. Super disjointed and you literally Did Not Ask for sloppy character analysis on black star (if you can even call it analysis) but I think at this point asking me a simple question about soul eater and getting a lengthy borderline incomprehensible rant is par for the course. Uhhh I’ll leave you with this: apparently according to ohkubo mifune literally isn’t Japanese he’s just a foreigner who was like samurai cool I’m gonna be like that and he changed his name which is. So funny. Tsubaki and Black Star (who *are* Japanese and do have family connections to samurai) just staring at him like 😐😑😐 as he lectures them on what it means to be a samurai. in the middle of the Amazon.

[luxrayz64]

star thoughts after reading btw

i think something can be defined as good by virtue of quality (ie being well written) but still be really fucking awful. warrior cats is that to me

obviously they fumbled the end of this arc bad. splashtail is ultimately poorly characterised, flies completely off the handle into a complete fucking caricature.

like, we do know why; curlfeather was fucking with him Bad through the whole book. we see in the prologue that this is why he killed harelight. but cmon dude, the immediate jump to threatening kits? feels like there should've been more of an arc to get to this point.

also evil atheist as per usual. people who reject god for whatever reason will murder your children

the way riverclan immediately folds too... I stand by my bitching abt tigerbabygirlstars attempted annexing of riverclan. but holy fuck the way they were written to just fall apart is insane. he had maybe three hardcore supporters? it felt like a lot of riverclan became suddenly insanely crueller than they were - am i meant to believe gorseclaw was living in fear, when he was blocking the shadowclan patrol on the island and jeering at them?

like this happened overnight too. this was insane

anyway

i do love nighthearts growth through this arc. I love how intensely he is Best Friends with frostpaw throughout. her number 1 cheerleader. I do still kind of wish he and sunbeam had broken up but not as bad as i wish moonpaw of next arc was their kid instead

the conclusion of sunbeam and berryhearts arc..... I don't know really

berryheart is, i think, a very real villain, in that she is a horror story that has happened to a lot of people

she's been radicalised into a hateful husk of herself. the people around her are either encouraging this in her or dont know how to help her. she was, more than anything, probably just scared. she wasn't like this before.

it's the kind of thing that happens all the time in real life, watching your mother or another beloved family member get radicalised and not knowing how to reach them as they become hateful, knowing that this is not the person they used to be

i do kind of like that they treated berryheart with so much kindness. with her family choosing to remember the person she was, rather than the person she died as. sunbeams reckoning with just how far gone she was and struggling to remember the kind mother she'd known vs the cruel cat she knows.

she still went to hell. she cannot make up for what she's done. but she did still love sunbeam. the love was there. even if it was dulled and twisted and hard to see or feel. whether or not that matters is different person to person. and it was important to sunbeam

god i wish curlfeather got that much though

i do actually like that curlfeather was too stubborn to apologise. that she feels frostdawn should have been grateful. I love that characterisation for her. I love that frostdawn doesn't forgive her. I think that sunbeam and berryheart are a great mirror to frostdawn and curlfeather, being two radicalised mothers who hurt their children to fix a perceived wrong, fucked it all up bad and then died to save their children but never apologised for it.

the love was there. sometimes that doesn't matter. it didn't to frostdawn.

god i still want to know more about her so badddd. I wouldn't mind seeing her return somehow like how tigerstar haunted the series up til oots

as for frostdawn herself, holy shit i cheered when she got to take down splashtail. i fucking love that she had to choose to come back to riverclan. that being part of this clan is hard and difficult and that they ask too much of her and always have.

even after everything, she still just wanted her mum. cries.

getting to see jayclaw too!! oh i want to know his thoughts so bad. he just wants things to be easy for her. I love that both her parents are a little bit selfish in their own ways. wanting to be with his daughter instead of encouraging her to live......

was also just very happy with how fucking climactic this book was, with a full on war finally FINALLY breaking out. this arc has been ridiculous promising war and then not fucking following through.

idk im tired of typing i probably have more to say. I think i liked this arc overall even though it stretched a little thin and fumbled in quite a few ways. it was good for wc standards though. was never 'bristlefrost stands next to the moonpool for several chapters hoping her boyfriend who she fell in love with off screen' bad.

[randomshyperson]

hey mary, do you like Loki? Did you watch the finale?

(this ask has spoilers)

Before the show, no. I didn't like Loki at all. This is funny because MCU Loki was the only version of the character I couldn't stand, while in Assassins Creed, Loki easily became one of my favorite video-game characters. Of course, that's on Disney and the way they poorly wrote the characters as this sociopath genocide who envies his brother and never tried to reconnect with his original race or anything. Even after Ragnarok, with Loki stealing the Stone, he was just off for me. And then the first season came, and he was still showing dictator behaviors, acting like he had the right to control everybody else, and I was like "Ugh white man" - Yes, MCU Loki is a white cisgender dude, and this is from a critical point of view. Disney never worked with the possibility of him being genderfluid, and a fucking 1-inch note on the side of the screen during the credits doesn't change the way Tom Hiddleston has portrayed the character as a cisgender man. And don't get me started on how problematic the whole Sylvie Female Loki is okay- Do you wanna see a true genderfluid Loki? Go watch the Netflix "Ragnarok" Show. That said, I obv pretend Disney never wrote shit and Loki has always been explicitly genderfluid, and try to write him like that as well.

Anyway, I really liked the finale, especially if you compare the overall quality of this season with the first one; The show got better. Really better. it's way funnier, the rhythm is finer, and the dynamics between the characters work well. Even the photography is prettier. Of course, nothing is perfect. They got rid of the self-incest part (thank god) but somehow brought misogyny back on. Where did Sylvie's development go? Renslayer's? B-15's? Every female character is either evil or unimportant. Sylvie was literally the main in the first season but we barely got to see her now, only for her to be left with no ending. And the fact that even Kang's new variant got more screen time than Renslayer is a crime. At least we got a lot of Mobius, he's such a sweetheart.

But yes, I do like Loki. I didn't adore the finale, but I liked it a lot. Excluding the issues I mentioned before, Loki finally got his well-deserved development and GLORIOUS PURPOSE. I was so happy I got the reference and then I got so sad. He's alone, that poor soul. And I was left speechless, for a good moment I literally had to pause the show, when we got the "centuries later" logo. His willpower and determination to do the right thing after so long? Amazing. Two words to show the most unique and incredible growth a character ever had in the MCU before. Loki really became the master of time to save his friends, only in the end for his purpose to be alone without them. I AM NOT OKAY

btw, I would love to know what you guys thought about the ending, the whole god of stories being a thing now; did you guys like the show, I think it had one of the best endings for Marvel, just behind Wandavision (both shared the same problems, open holes in the narrative for future projects probably).

Good news for anyone who actually read to the end, this means I finally get to write my TVA!Reader x Wanda series, the most slow burn, enemies to lovers, ride-or-die couple ever wrote it; yay!

[vickyvicarious]

Thanks to y'all I finished the Marsh Masterpiece and you weren't exaggerating and, as you had pointed out, it sucks at depicting the aftermaths of assault (among the things that made my Syrian ass sigh as much as every other anti-middle eastern propaganda shit out there) bc it handles trauma so bizarrely? Holt is tortured by the caricature, and upon seeing Paul L who he admired react with terror about that same caricature, he proceeds to lose respect for him for being unmasculine. Paul proceeds to care about his kidnapped fiancee's state of purity above all. Marjorie is attacked by the bug in her own bed and her reaction to Holt's fear of the same bug is contempt. There was a rife opportunity there for exploration, like how shared trauma between lovers affects their relationship. Look at how the once meek and scared Harker forsakes his soul if his love is forsaken, how he called the vampires devils of the pit and now chooses to share a bed with a devil, or how the once bubbly and confident in her goodness Mina asks him to vow to brutalize her and internalizes her Fallen state as deserving. Boom, cause and effect- the villain has irreversibly changed them and their relationship and we see how they deal with that. With the Beetle, what was even the point?

The saddest thing about this is that it reminds me of how much HAS NOT changed in media depicting assault. It's for so many times JUST for shock value and/or demonization of a group of people. Modern police dramas and fantasy series are notoriously bad about this, though not just them. But yeah, great to know that people always loved sexplotation crap...

First of all: I sincerely apologize for my part in getting you to read the entirety of this book. (said jokingly, but also a little bit not, haha)

And YEAH, everything you said is so right. There's not just a weird handling of trauma, but this bizarre disconnect between all the characters. None of them have empathy for one another, even when the source of their fear/trauma is literally the exact same person (though 'caricature' is in many ways a better word, not like the Beetle gets much personality outside of a bunch of racist stereotypes in a trenchcoat), most of the time even via them acting in the same ways. And so the result is this story where none of the characters really connect with one another in a meaningful way. That's definitely not the only problem, but - as I saw in a meta from @animate-mush earlier today - in The Beetle, things just seem to happen to the characters, and the horror is more about their helplessness. In Dracula, the characters feel and do things all the time! Often, those aren't the right feelings or actions, or the characters wind up feeling like they're participating in the evil, thus fostering that horror of complicity. But in this book, our ongoing jokes that nothing anyone does affects the plot at all are... not really jokes, they're pretty true. If all the POV characters had done nothing at all, the Beetle still would have hypnotized someone else to steal Paul Lessingham's letters, still would have terrorized/kidnapped Marjorie, and still would have died in the train crash (setting aside the sequel-bait "or did they live after all...?" moment). Not only did they do very little in the first place, what they did was irrelevant. I guess you can say that ties into the theme of the horror, but, ehhhh.

And again, you are absolutely correct about the missed opportunity for conflict/growth between the couple. They spend almost no time together outside of flashbacks, and don't confide in one another at all, let alone explore their changed relationship. But also, to zoom out from just them... for a novel which is at least 70% people telling one another stories about what happened to them, no one actually reacts to those stories very much. In Dracula, Jonathan's diary provokes strong reactions in everyone who reads it, and directly/very importantly informs their next actions. Mina's account of Whitby gives Van Helsing the push to start the hunt for vamped!Lucy, and Seward's records give the clue that Renfield is connected to Dracula in some way. Even the Captain of the Demeter's log, read after his death, gives added context to the hunt and helps set them on their box chase which is of vital importance. The characters not only tell each other their stories - and write letters, and look up records - but they are changed and brought closer by the sharing of their experiences. The whole process is a unifying one.

The Beetle doesn't do any of that. After hearing Holt's account, Marjorie and Sydney unsympathetically take him to revisit the source of his trauma. Sydney, despite knowing she's telling the truth, tries to dismiss Marjorie the entire time she's talking to him. Champnell privately judges Paul Lessingham throughout his story. Marjorie and Paul don't really talk at all! Even when all of the characters come together for the final chase, they spend half the time talking over/insulting/arguing with one another. Both because they haven't all shared information fully in the first place, and because none of them have been changed or emotionally affected too much by one another's stories. The whole book reminds me of this excerpt from a critical essay about Dracula where the author claimed that there's a horrible bitter rivalry between all the suitors and their proclamations of love and friendship are lies. It's the worst bad faith interpretation of the text... and one Richard Marsh, seemingly, would have looked at and went "let's make that canon!"

Finally... it really is sadly true how little some things have changed. I mean, certainly, you can find a lot of much better depictions of trauma and aftermath (and companionship and less racism and better writing and-) nowadays. But equally, you can find plenty, scads upon scads, of the same kind of awful tropes as Marsh used (I can easily come up with some common ones in police detective shows especially). Maybe the worst part is that they can normalize terrible associations/expectations in a casual audience without them even realizing. And even in more nuanced stories, lots of people have very reductive interpretations. (See: the above mentioned Dracula essay. Or any of the many Dracula adaptations that claim to be more feminist or something while playing into just as bad and in some cases worse tropes as the original.) In a lot of ways, many of our modern tropes and interpretations around race/sex/gender/etc. are often not any more enlightened than Victorian ones were. Not always, of course! But more than enough.

[kcuf-ad]

A Perfectly Sane Ramble On An SML Animatic

Okay, so I have been lately obsessed with CosmixToons with their SML animatics. I have seen their otherworks like the FNAF one and the OC ones and they are fine and really well made, but I am mostly talking about their SML animatics. Why do I love them? Because of the whole reason of how... well made it is. The character designs are straight out of Hanna Barbera. All of them are well made and a ton of fun. You can tell that they are made with a lot of fun as my personal favourite will always be Kill The Lights, but this one...

The Both Of Us, or how it is named, This town ain't big enough for the both of us, is something that I am fascinated at how this works on so many levels. It is an AU, clearly, but the way it is made, is really interesting for me for no reason. The first thing that I got from the animatic is this:

(Sorry for the Youtube title and bar) is that Jeffy is evil. Now, the thing about Jeffy is that he is a little shit, like a big piece of shit at times, but it is not shown that he is pure evil as he does have moments where he loves Marvin and Rose, but to see that he is completely evil and took over the world. Now, that is something I would pay to see what happened. Why did it happened? My headcanon is that he was corrupted with the subscribers, views and likes, like a clout chaser, because he was SML's most famous character and he brought in the most views. That got to his head to the point that he eventually ruled over the world and would not be shocked if he killed Marvin and Rose in this.

I love this design and shot of Evil Jeffy in this:

The Second thing about this is that:

Penelope is the heroine of this story/animatic. Now, I knew that she has to be important due to the post before this was released, but to see that she is the heroine shows some character growth and an interesting character to save the day and beat Jeffy. Btw, if you asked why she looks so different from the Puppet Penelope, it is because CosmixToons dislikes her design and re worked her design. I love this design as it is almost the stereotypical Tough Girl hair, but you can still see a lot of differences from it.

The third thing about this is:

THIS WOLVERINE STYLED WEAPON! I do not know what the hell is that, but I am all for it because it ABSOLUTELY SLAPS FOR NO REASON AT ALL! Also his red eye?!? Absolutely cool looking.

The next thing is that caught my eye is that Cody, Joseph and Chef Pee Pee (Yes, that is his real name) are part of the resistance against Jeffy and it shows that it has been going on for several years now. This is interesting to me because I wonder... who is left out of the cast? I think it would be Simmons, Brooklyn T Guy, possibly Jackie Chu and Karen, but that is about it. I love these designs by the way, blending the alright puppet designs into their designs.

I just love this to death.

This. This is both adorable and tragic to death cause this implies that Junior is dead. The main focus of the channel is dead by the hands of Jeffy and it shows how it affected Penelope where just remembering it brought her to tears. This is one of my favourite things from the animatic. When I say I like Junior and Penelope, this is the version is what I am talking about. As this works on so many levels. I love this so much.

I think that is about it, it took me 20 minutes to write all of this and I can not believe that I wrote this much for an SML animatic.

[thenukacolachallenge]

some spoiler-y thoughts about tears of the kingdom thus far:

-FUCK GLOOM HANDS. i hate that everyone at nintendo saw our fear of spooky grabby hands and said “fuck yeah lets keep doing this forever”. i’m tired of being groped by very old men goddamnit! and then some of them turn into Phantom Ganon???? holy shit, that is a difficult fight. 80% of my deaths in the game so far have been at the hands(no pun intended) of these fuckers.

-ZELDA TURNED HERSELF INTO A FUCKING DRAGON AND I SOBBED LIKE A BABY. bruh i was not ready. SHE SACRIFICED HERSELF and her personality! but like, i havent finished all the main quests even though i got all the dragon tears/memory things so like, if Zelda IS a dragon, then who the fuck is showing up all around hyrule looking like her? is Mr. Dorf doing an evil magic to look like her like in that one memory? that can’t possibly be the case for all of the Zelda sightings. i’m so confused but so fucking intrigued.

-seriously though, watching Zelda sacrifice herself in order to save Hyrule and support Link is so upsetting. this girl was 16 the day the Calamity hit, and she hasn’t known a moment’s peace since then. give a bitch a break! but hey, at least she’s doing stuff in this one, whereas in most Zelda games, she’s just.... kidnapped.

-SIDON’S ENGAGEMENT STORY IS BULLSHIT. there is ZERO evidence of any other kingdoms existing for Zora outside of the Domain in Lanayru that King Dorephan rules over, it’s JUST to piss off people who ship Sidon with Link and that’s incredibly homophobic and annoying(especially since i had to fucking rewrite an entire part of my OC’s story due to it). and like, i feel bad, bc Yona seems like a lovely character, but she’s going to be HATED in the fanbase bc of the bad writing.

-speaking of questionable writing, there’s still so much i’m very fucking confused about. TotK obviously takes place several years after BotW, but they don’t specify how many and it creates a lot of confusion. why have some characters obviously aged up but some are still basically the same age? like, Hudson and Rhondson have a child who’s old enough to be sent back to Gerudo town, but Finley never hit her growth spurt(even though she clearly stated last game she was old enough to have supposed to hit it by botw)? what the fuck is that about?

-also, WHERE THE FUCK DID THE DIVINE BEASTS GO????? you can’t re-bury four fucking giant robot constructs in the span of maybe a decade, especially with Ganondorf reviving and creating a massive earthquake that unearths a fuckton of other shit. like, not having the Sheikah Slate i get(which is why the Purah Pad exists), and all the shrines and towers probably went back underground, but that part makes no goddamn sense and i don’t like it.

-i’m kinda sad Teba wasn’t the Sage of Wind and instead it was his son, Tulin. he really only got to shine in Age of Calamity, and most Zelda fans didn’t even play it bc it’s non-canon. the disrespect on my poor mans.

-i do love that so many of the towns are under new leadership now. it really feels like the world is evolving in that aspect. Teba and Paya being in charge of their respective towns is lovely to me.

-i love the idea that Link gave Zelda the house he dumped literally thousands of rupees into in Hateno, but like. where did he live? did they sleep together in the same bed? it’s implied Link no longer has a house bc you can make your “dream home” in Tarrey Town or w/e but like, ????? what’s that all about? Zelda just kicked Link’s ass out and made a secret room in the home HE invested in lmao, typical royal colonizer behavior(joking)

-i love that Grante, Robbie and Jerrin’s son, changed his name to Granteson so he could work for Bolson Construction. that’s genuinely adorable. he was already one of my fav tertiary characters just bc he’s Robbie’s son but this makes me like him even more. i also love that Jerrin is involved with stuff at the Lookout Landing! let Robbie’s wifey take care of stuff. even if it’s just cleaning. give her something to do besides glower at a machine her husband built lol.

-Kohga being still alive is hysterical, and the Yiga clan evolving to live partially underground is a lovely touch. them taking over old abandoned areas in the game is great as well. i also love that they flat-out do the “leave Mighty Bananas on the ground as bait to lure in unsuspecting victims” bit bc that’s EXACTLY how i imagined my OC fought them in BotW. i totally headcanon they stole that idea from her.

-tbh i’m kind of enjoying exploring the depths more than i am the sky islands. maybe it’s the fear of heights, or maybe it’s just that i really like that it wasn’t advertised at all. i thought it was just gonna be land and sky, but no! we’re going underground too babey~

-i love the addition of caves, wells, and other underground spaces. it makes a lot of sense for a game like this to have these things, and it makes me kinda sad they weren’t really a thing in the last one.

-the fusing thing is just okay. they didn’t really fix the issue people had with durability in the last game, so that’s annoying, but it is fun to make new weapons out of things at least.

-overall i really like the game so far. even though it’s a world most people have explored through already, there’s enough change and new content to make it fresh and engaging, and even though there’s another crisis, it’s heartwarming to see how people are finally being able to rebuild after the century-long crisis that was the Calamity. i’ve beaten one boss character so far(the Rito one) and i’m looking very forward to the rest!

[5-pp-man]

ok i finished the anime

i rlly liked it as an addition to the franchise / alternate take on the story. it highlights some characters who never really got to do much (mostly just the exes who all originally got beaten to death) and gives them a lot more character and new dynamics to explore. they're a lot of fun! I'm happy they got to live and move on with their lives in this version, like what Scott's exes did in the og. also, one of my least fave things about the original -everyone is mean to knives- has just been completely written out? She was included in the group in the og, but it sort seemed that she kept inviting herself since nobody even liked her being there. I like how she and Stephen were friends again in this version :) and im happy she got to join the band. But in terms of character. idk she just feels really different here, since most of her story centered around Scott and he was absent for a long time, she sorta speedran the whole getting over him thing. The natural progression just wasn't there, when in the og story she said it took her a whole year, almost the duration of the whole comic. Also I really liked Envy and Kim's stories in the comic but they were barely in this :( Kim and Ramona's dynamic was one of my faves but they barely interacted here...

It just seems that Scott's whole memory suppression thing and nega-scott were gone. like completely. and it wasn't even acknowledged? which is sad because that was the thing that really got to me in the original. and ill say it. i think the whole thing with future Scott was kinda dumb. it just casually threw aside everything Scott did to become a better person, and Ramona and Scott's promise to hold onto one another. it just acted like that never happened. did he not accept nega-scott so that he wouldn't repeat his past mistakes again? where's his growth? why'd he do all that shit? idk I just find it kind of far fetched that he'd freak like that and make this whole master plan and go insane training for 10 years. it feels. out of character. I do think it was sweet of Ramona to counter his plan so he'd learn of their story anyways. Also, pet peeve, but I feel like they made Ramona a little... too cool? Like in the comic that's certainly how she came across in the beginning, but the whole point was that that was how Scott saw her. Cool and mysterious. And then he didn't bother learning more about her. That's where that whole joke about her age being a mystery came from, because Scott never asked her, but in the anime they just keep repeating it as if she doesn't want people to know how old she is...? But what I liked about Ramona in the comic was how it slowly became apparent that she was just like Scott. She ran away from everything, she wasn't put together at all. She'd rather let Scott deal with all her "evil" exes because she was still busy running from them all. In this one they showed that part but she was just sort of... missing the vibe here because they seemed too busy trying to make her perfectly capable of resolving all of it by herself. When in the og she KEPT RUNNING because she was scared of committing until the very end. And this is a v small thing but Ramona kept changing her hair colour without changing her haircut. i know that probably done to make animation easier but eh.

BUT. I really like how they played Scott Pilgrim (the song that Scott Pilgrim was based on) way at the end :) kind of bummed it wasn't for the whole end credits though

do i think it "fixes" the original story? fuck no. but was it fun? yeah, sure.

[evilvillainapologist]

So I've finished Book Three of 2ha and I have thoughts... 

They're going to be negative, so I won't tag this, so it won't show up in the 2ha tag. I'm also putting it under a read more. (It's not about the rape.) 

So they're back at that situation. Rip in the fabric of thingie, evil ghosts coming into the world, somebody is getting shanked. Chu Wanning lets Mo Ran bleed out, fixes the rift. Up to here, all good. 

And then. 

This fucking book. 

Ruins everything. 

Suddenly, we learn that Mo Ran misunderstood something. 

Chu Wanning wanted to save Shi Mei, wanted to save Mo Ran, but he had to stay away for their safety, so it was never his fault. He never did anything wrong! 

What kind of lazy, sorry-ass excuse for a plot twist is that, ffs! 

CWN was never wrong in the first place! Of course he would have chosen to protect the rest of the world, including everyone from the sect, even at the cost of one of his disciples! 

That was the whole beauty of it! That he had to make this incredibly hard decision and he made it and now he has to live with the consequences. 

The whole issue between him and Mo Ran has never been a misunderstanding, it has been that they never fucking communicated, never bothered to understand each other, that Mo Ran took that one moment of pain in his life and used it as an excuse to be the biggest fucking piece of shit you can imagine and never even considered that maybe what he did was worse, so, so much worse than what CWN had done. 

And now he has the chance to go back and do it better. But he is still stuck in that same fucking mindset, right up until that point he realises it was a misunderstanding. 

What were those first two books even for??? What were those two years in which they grew closer to each other, learned to be by each other's side peacefully, that could have served as Mo Ran's character growth, if not a huge slap in the face the moment we learn it was all just a misunderstanding. 

No need for character growth then. No need for Mo Ran to learn anything. 

It could have been his chance to realise, he did not have to go down that same path again. Maybe have him be in a similar situation. I mean, he was, already, watching Chu Xun sacrifice his own son to save the rest of the people. It could have been his chance to start an actual emotional connection with CWN and outgrow his hatred, not because it was a misunderstanding, but because he learned to forgive. Maybe could have learned that CWN hated himself for that decision, was plagued by it, yet still had to stand by it. Learned to make different decisions, learned to actually talk to that person he had by his side for ten years. 

But hey, no need for any of that. After all, it was only a misunderstanding. 

Everything, every single little thing they learn about each other in those three books, they learn either while one side is not aware of it (Xia Sini) or from another person (Xue Meng). They never learn to actually communicate with each other; Mo Ran simply holds on to his irrational hatred all this time, without ever questioning it. 

And that hatred? 

What is the author trying to tell us about how justified that hatred is by turning CWN's decision into a misunderstanding? That it was actually justified? That Mo Ran was right to hate CWN the way he did, if only it hadn't been a misunderstanding? 

CWN had to be perfect, flawless, not make a single wrong decision, he had to sacrifice himself and die for Mo Ran, unblemished, for the author to consider him worthy of Mo Ran's love. 

What kind of fucked up, lazy writing is this??? 

There were a lot of parts of that story I still liked. A lot of the scenes were still quite nice, even though the author is clearly not experienced enough to make the story stand on its own without the CP, and even though she tends to overexplain things to the point that they grow tedious. A lot of the NPC dialogue could have been cut. But still, it was a fun read. 

But that plot twist? Made me lose all trust that she could bring this story to a satisfying end. 

[tarobytez]

disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant. 

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist. 

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is. 

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”. 

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me. 

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.  

Oh fucking boy. 

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully. 

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled. 

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability. 

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community. 

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged. 

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people. 

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted. 

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows. 

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig

[decadentparadisekitty]

me personally i didn't feel that he grew past it in the first part of the comic.

Like, if he was capable of acting rationally due to growth, he would have NEVER pretended to be a cripple. That's not a position from which John could have effected any kind of change. it was a sign that all he knew how to use h is powers for was just to destroy, destroy, destroy.

I mean, he convinced Seraphina that cripples arent just people who she could control. But like...this coming from even a mid tier would've made a similar difference, and he would've been able to protect people who were messing with low tiers fr instead of a solid half of the time.

But that's not what happened. What happened was, a behavioral therapist made him realize that he used his powers for shitty things, and then traumatized him to never want to use his powers ever again. How John was affected was thinking that he should've never been given powers, because all he's capable of using them for is controlling other people.

The fact he pretended to be a cripple from the start is proof that he doesn't have a healthy relationship with his past, and once Arlo beat any sense of trusting most people out of John, John fell apart. He no longer viewed the concept of protecting other people from himself to be of any value.

So, he started using his powers again, not for justice for the weak, but to punish the strong.

I don't think anything about uru-chan's characterization of him felt like an ass-pull for that reason. It's easier to root for pre-exposed john because he never did anything outrightly morally wrong really. But I honestly think even after he starts being a shithead, he's still really sympathetic.

The only two characters in this story with little to no moral blemishes during John's crazy arc are Remi and Sera. Even then, Remi and Sera are prone to violence to get their way, like they're high tiers to their core.

For me, it's incredibly easy to sympathize with someone who's experienced the evil tendencies of a human who thinks he's superior. To just want to throttle everyone who's treated you like dirt, to just be ANGRY and not putting change for the better first because you're just so rationality erasingly ANGRY.

How could anyone in John's position not be absolutely enraged. He gave high tiers a fucking CHANCE, on repeat.

Remember he's viewing them as a group, not individuals. Remi didn't deserve John's wrath, (you wont get a defense of blyke and isen from me im sorry, it's incredibly hard to sympathize with people who changed right when shit started affecting them personally.), but John hated her anyway, because she's still a high tier who still deals with things as high tiers do - shutting people up with raw power if things get bad enough.

Not to say there's something wrong with Remi for that - power should only be used when necessary, and Remi is quite careful. But the fact she can, it just changes dynamics considerably.

HE ALSO HATES HIMSELF FOR THIS

john always felt sympathetic to me in ways the other high tiers just weren't, because he's damaged. He knows what it means to stand at the very bottom, and not just from Wellston.

So... I have mixed feelings about this chapter.

On the one hand, everything’s been cleared up! Where everyone stands has been flat-out stated so that all readers can be on the same page. John is very clearly not a good guy anymore, no matter how sympathetic he was in the past, and trying to argue that he’s not is just wishful thinking at this point.

On the other hand... I’m not too happy with this new direction. John was quite clearly set up to be a sympathetic protagonist, powers be damned, and he was a good one. He had in the past fallen victim to an unhealthy mindset and become a toxic person, which he had recovered from to become more healthy and willing to work constructively towards a better society. Nowhere is this more prevalent than in the flashbacks he shares with Sera - he singlehandedly convinced her to reject the trappings of a toxic society. That arc is extremely cathartic to read as a result.

All in all, John was great. He was easy to root for and feel for, and his struggle seemed so organic - he could have just shown off and become king of Wellston, but instead he recognised his weaknesses and played to his strengths, trying to create reform from the ground up, even if it mean he had to sacrifice a great deal of personal comfort and get socially ostracised and beaten up every day.

There’s a reason John at the beginning of the story we so compelling, and that was his motivation. He had recognised a failing and a shortcoming in society, and he was willing to do anything to fix it organically, rather than just jumping at it from a position of power like Rei did, and the superheroes did. These characters showed us why John’s organic approach was so essential in a society so opposed to change, and we respected John for his goals.

This was also a reason why the twist that John was a high-tier was so good - reliably, one who is oppressed will be looking to fight oppression, but John is made so much more interesting because he very specifically isn’t one of the oppressed group. In fact, he’s one of the elite. Everything he suffers, he suffers out of choice and not necessity. Sure, he may have experienced oppression previously (whilst researching John, Isen found records that before his second-year in Bostin, John was very lowly-ranked, perhaps even a true ‘cripple’), but he was very quick to shed that and embrace elite life when his true ability became apparent. Invariably, John at the beginning was an altruistic individual who had grown from his mistakes and decided he would give up everything he could have based on his ability - a high social standing, a universal respect, and a comfy life - in favour of trying to combat the hierarchy. This is what made his friendship with Sera so powerful and great - he worked for it, and worked to help her break out of a toxic mindset like he had done. It’s why Arlo’s betrayal hurts so much - John offered olive branches, tried to make Arlo see that there was a better way, and yet Arlo still looked at him and saw someone to be taken down.

This is why I took such a dislike to the Joker arc. It took everything impressive and compelling about John’s character and took the tipp-ex to it like gritty live-action reebok would have done. The fact that John’s character was boiled down to “lol AGRESSIVE EDGY WHITE BOI” was in part frustrating because we’d specifically seen him grow past this, goddamn it, and because it took away everything that made him so compelling.

Now, we have other characters - namely Remi, Blyke, and Isen - stepping in to fill the role of Plucky Heroes Working to Better Society, with Remi specifically following a similar trajectory to John at the beginning of the story.

Just one problem.

If this was the story that wanted to be told, why did we spend 100+ episodes on John’s character arc, which was erased with the purchase of one (1) mask and some very bad decisions? If Remi was supposed to be the ubiquitous hero, then why didn’t we also start with her as the protagonist? If John was supposed to become an evil dickbag and a villain, why didn’t he start out as a thinly-veiled dickbag who played with others and manipulated them because he wanted to watch the world burn, instead of a sympathetic protagonist who suddenly does a 180?

I know it sounds like I’m bashing unordinary - and that’s not my intention, I really do love the comic, and Remi, Blyke and Isen, I would die for - but this complete butchery of John’s character vexes me to no end, precisely because he was so compelling.

Right now, it seems that the Joker arc is being salvaged, and things are being clarified after the muddle that had thrown the status quo into a cell and mangled it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to shake up the status quo - but the way it was done here also twisted the characters, making it seem like the story was driving them instead of the other way round.

I feel this like from Isen sums it up.

If someone had told me this about John before the Joker arc, I’d have asked them which dark AU this was from. Now, it fits John’s character, but at the same time, John’s character no longer fits him as we knew him. He’s spiralled into anarchy and chaos with seemingly very little reason - sure, Arlo had him beaten up and Sera was picked on after she lost her ability - but given that he’d been taking this shit on the chin and wearing it, that shouldn’t have been enough to make him go full dark side!

However, I do feel the story has taken on a direction I’m more on board with; namely, that students are taking responsibility and trying to better their society. Even so, I still feel a little sad about what we lost. I enjoyed Remi’s line about John, and it’s satisfying to see her recognise that John’s not just some Edgy but Saveable Good Boi UwU (looking at you, Kyle Ron), but still, the wording was a little bittersweet.

I, for one, would have loved it if that were true.