#and the cumulative pressure

[ribosomeraisin]

just a tag rant. again

[archersartcorner]

Forgot how much I liked this guy… and wanted to play around with the lasso fill on ibis again, don’t use it a whole lot but it’s a lotta fun to get these kinda lines! Wish procreate had a similar option lol

[kira-akira]

What I Want You To Know About Long COVID

Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.

Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.

COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.

Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).

There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.

So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.

COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.

The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".

Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."

There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.

You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.

I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.

This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.

Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.

Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.

Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.

Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.

Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.

Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.

And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.

Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.

I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.

[risestarkiss]

Being Big Red

Rise Ramblings #312

In “What Was Meant To Be” and “What They Became,” I discuss how the turtles were created by Draxum to be weapons and then how the boys were embraced by Splinter to be a part of the Hamato clan.

I also discussed how Splinter viewed television as a window into his former life. He used television as a means to drown himself in a never-ending cycle of reminiscing the past and mourning his former self.

Splinter’s crushing depression, though never voiced, impacted the turtles’ emotional growth and development. As a result, all four brothers had to cope with their father’s lack of attention and his expectations for their lives in their own way…

However, I believe that no one had more pressure placed on them than Raphael Hamato.

Raphael is naturally easy-going, sweet, fun-loving, and supportive. But, as the oldest/biggest turtle, he became the impromptu leader of their little team by default. Consequently, he takes on several different roles for the sake and well-being of his family.

Their day-to-day training regimen is directed completely by him.

He is the boys' moral compass and who they go to for guidance.

He's the team’s backbone, support, and backup, which often cumulates in him acting as a physical shield when things get rough.

And, most significantly, Raph is the leader even when he himself wants nothing more than to crumble to pieces.

Raph is so physically imposing, strong-willed, and devastatingly kind-hearted that it’s easy to expect these roles from him.

But, Raph is also just a child.

In reality, these roles should never have been Raph’s to bear…

Parentification is a process in which a child or adolescent is forced to act as a parent to their siblings (or to their actual parent) through providing emotional support (Emotional Parentification) or physical support (Instrumental Parentification) in order to maintain the household.

I believe that Raphael was subjected to both, but was especially subjected to the former.

All of the roles described above are the roles of a supportive parent to their children (or Sensei to their students.) To verify this claim, you needn’t look further than the roles that Splinter encompassed in any other iteration.

With Raph, none of this responsibility comes naturally. He has to work hard to live up to the pressures and expectations placed onto him, resulting in a dissonance between his responsibilities and his true nature.

I believe that you can see the evidence of this dissonance in his chosen form of dress.

Have you noticed that when Raph casually dresses himself, he mostly wears white?

Even Donnie picked up on this trend when he chose outfits for his brother in "The Clothes Don't Make The Turtle." (See "The Fashionista" for a full breakdown on Donnie's impeccable fashion sense.✨)

Yet, when Raphael is filling a role, or dressing to impress others, Red is his automatic go-to.

It’s almost as if the title of “The Red One” was not one that he chose, but one that was merely placed onto him.

But I digress...

Raph is able to be a pseudo-parent to his brothers and serves to fill in the gaps that their actual father could not fill. However, with no outlet for his own insecurities, all of that pressure had no relief.

And, if you understand chemistry, pressure, with no release, creates an explosion.

“Acting out” is an unhealthy defense mechanism in which one expresses their unacceptable feelings through physical actions.

In this case, the "unacceptable feeling" is disappointment, not at his brothers, or with his father, or with any external force, but with himself. And with no outlet and with no one to turn to for support, that disappointment turns into red hot anger.

He’s so disappointed with himself, in fact, that he reaches his breaking point.

Then finally, finally, he opens up.

And at long last, he gets the support he so desperately needed.

Thus, he is able to ultimately let it all go...

It's so lovely to see that his family does not disappoint.

○○○○

Next | Being Baby Blue • Being Purple ○ Part One • Being Purple ○ Part Two • Orange, Baby!

Finale | Being Hamato Yoshi

[covid-safer-hotties]

With the toll of new COVID-19 infections regularly topping 1 million a day and weekly deaths creeping toward the 1,000 mark, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has launched a campaign aimed not at protecting the public from this ongoing pandemic, now in its fifth year, but at washing its hands of responsibility.

CDC Director Dr. Mandy Cohen held a press conference August 23 to review the state of the COVID-19 pandemic and encourage the public to get their winter COVID-19, RSV and flu vaccines once they are made available. While bluntly acknowledging that “COVID is with us,” she tried unconvincingly to assure reporters and viewers that “we have the tools to protect ourselves.” She then added, as a way of shifting the blame, “We just need to use them!”

Dr. Cohen was silent on who was responsible for the failure of most Americans to get booster shots or otherwise protect themselves from a disease, which can be fatal for many and cause lifelong debilitation for many more.

She could have named the Democratic administration of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, which ended the COVID-19 emergency more than a year ago and treats the pandemic as a thing of the past. She could have named Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump, the promoter of quack remedies like ivermectin and bleach, who recently welcomed into his campaign the anti-vaxxer and enemy of science and public health, Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

And if she had been equipped with a mirror—and a conscience—she could have pointed to herself and other top CDC officials, who have collaborated in the anti-scientific rampage to shut down both mitigation efforts and even elementary data collection on cases of illness, hospitalization and death.

Most importantly (and therefore least likely) she could have acknowledged that within the framework of the capitalist system, the profits of giant banks and corporations are far more important than the lives of human beings. That is the meaning of the incessant claims that schools, factories, public transportation and facilities must be kept open, to save “the economy,” despite the inevitable spread of the infection as a result.

Dr. Cohen, like her predecessors and colleagues at the top of the public health establishment, puts political pressures above science and medicine. The nearly hour-long briefing was simply political theater, where a panel of experts attempted to place the public health agency in the best light despite acknowledging the monumental number of daily infections that have seen hospitalizations and fatalities climb.

Meanwhile, schools across multiple states have announced closures—affecting thousands—just as the new academic year has begun, in response to mass infections among faculty and students.

So far this year, more than 26,000 Americans have died from acute COVID-19 complications, and more than 800 per week are being killed by a preventable infection, a figure 20 percent higher than last year this time. At the current rate, it is expected that between 50,000 to 60,000 Americans will die from COVID-19 in 2024, a rate two to three times higher than fatalities from flu. However, these do not take into consideration excess deaths, and given the complete dismantling of the reporting systems, these figures are known undercounts.

Such figures could only appear low in comparison to the colossal death toll of the first three years of the pandemic, when 352,000 died in 2020, 464,000 in 2021 and 260,000 in 2022. In 2023, 76,000 COVID-19 deaths were recorded. All these numbers are underestimates, as excess mortality figures are considerably higher. The cumulative death toll from COVID-19 is likely well over 1.4 million in the United States and approaching 30 million worldwide.

Neither did the panel address any concerns over the fact that millions continue to suffer from Long COVID, which has taken a significant toll on the health of Americans and the world over. It bears mentioning that a recent study noted that 410 million people across the world have had Long COVID with a $1 trillion impact on global GDP. Yet, no treatment for this condition exists. Without health insurance and means, issues of brain fog, chronic fatigue and sleep disturbances become part of one’s physiognomy.

Much about Dr. Cohen’s characterization of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic is deeply flawed and should have been taken up by the press, who remained silent on the matter. First and foremost, her claim, in response to a direct question that COVID-19 “is endemic,” is completely misleading.

An infection is endemic when it is contained, not spreading uncontrolled and not causing significant impact on the society. COVID-19 is none of these. It remains a pandemic, with new waves of infections where millions are being infected daily by a virus whose mutation far outstrips the efforts of public health agencies and pharmaceutical companies to provide vaccines, medicines and mitigation practices. It continues to cause large-scale social disruption, economic loss and general hardship.

The opposition of both capitalist parties to any significant effort to fight the pandemic was on display last week. The Democratic National Convention, like its Republican counterpart in July, was a massive superspreader event, with thousands of delegates and media personnel congregating in an enclosed arena, where there was continuous cheering, shouting and singing. There are already anecdotal reports of widespread sickness in state delegations returning from Chicago.

As for the Republicans, Trump staged his appearance with Robert F. Kennedy Jr. on Friday afternoon, beaming as Kennedy announced he was folding up his independent presidential campaign and endorsing the ex-president and would-be dictator. Kennedy said he was working with Trump on staffing agencies like the CDC, NIH, FDA and USDA from the standpoint of ending the “chronic disease crisis.” By this he means, of course, ending efforts to fight diseases and letting children, the elderly, and the entire American population suffer the consequences.

Fundamentally, all large epidemics and pandemics are serious social issues that require broad-scale infection control in place to disrupt and prevent disease. And with respect to COVID-19 and all future pandemics, these require an international collaborative perspective.

In 2024 so far, 179 million people were infected in the United States, a total that is eventually expected to surpass 2023, when more than 248 million Americans, or three-quarters of the population, caught COVID-19. SARS-CoV-2 wastewater levels throughout the pandemic suggest that there have been more than 1.1 billion infections in the United States, between three and four for every person in the country.

This begs the question how are those most vulnerable, such as the elderly, immunocompromised, and those with chronic disabling medical conditions, which represent a significant portion of the population, to protect themselves from perpetual mass infection?

For the CDC director to present public health efforts as a matter of individual, personal choice is a gross falsification of reality. The policy of mass infection has been forced on the population.

As for having the tools to protect themselves, what is being offered are simply vaccines and more vaccines as a means to prevent COVID-19. As the WSWS recently noted, “Despite the limitations, the uptake of the vaccines is vital for the health of the population. The shots have a strong, proven safety record and do prevent severe disease and potentially reduce the risk of Long COVID, as studies have indicated. However, they do not prevent infections and the immunity they offer is short-lived given the constant mutation of the virus.”

The vaccines by Pfizer and Moderna carry a cost of $120 to $130 per shot. In some regions, these can be as high as $160 or even $200. However, the rescinding in March of $4.3 billion from the Department of Health and Human Services in COVID-19 supplemental funding means access to free vaccines for the 26 million uninsured and tens of millions more underinsured, essentially all from working class families, will only mean that the vaccination campaign will simply languish as it did last year when only 7 million Americans accepted the boosters within six weeks of their delivery to pharmacies.

As for other tools in their toolbox, Cohen refers to anti-viral treatments like Paxlovid, which are regularly being denied to patients by their physicians or when they actually are given a prescription, face the daunting price tag of $1,300 to $2,400 per course because their insurance denies them coverage. Meanwhile, repurposed medications like Metformin, a drug that treats diabetes, which has shown anti-viral properties and shown in randomized trials to reduce COVID-19 viral loads and decrease risk of Long COVID, remain unmentioned. In particular, this raises the question of why there are so few tools in the toolbox, and why some are being removed, such as the ability to wear N95 masks in public.

The arrest of an 18-year-old New York man in Nassau County on Tuesday who was wearing a black ski mask utilizing the recently passed mask-ban legislation will only embolden police departments and threaten the public who face possible detentions and arrest simply on charges of police suspicion.

At the Democratic National Convention, guidance was issued forbidding mask wearing by attendees unless “it was necessary due to a disability” and this at the discretion of security.

[rmbunnie]

One of the most poignant things about tlt to me is the way that so many things that could have fulfilled Harrow were always so insanely close to her, but everything about her life on the ninth prevented her from ever connecting to people or being vulnerable in the way that she would have to be to even know that being fulfilled then and there was an option. That one convo Ortus and Harrow have in the dream river version of Canaan House after she realizes that its a false reality, and she's shown that everyone who could stay with her did stay behind to support her. When Ortus apologized to her for how everything ended up, and told her he should have understood more about the situation before. When she mentions how she couldn't trust that her perception was accurate to reality, and then he confides in her that long after his dad died in that ritual, he would hear him turning the doorknob outside the door and its not succumbing to madness it's just that extensive pressure shapes your mind sometimes. Like Canaan House is fake, but that is the real Ortus and the real Harrow and real tenderness that could have been expressed before one of them died if only. All the love Harrow or Gideon could have ever wanted, the other one wanted it too, and the only thing keeping them apart was the cumulation all of the tragedies that were ever part of their home and everything that ever resulted from them. And of course it's a main theme of the book that even if everything could have been fixed and wasn't, the love and understanding that could have fixed it and didn't can and should be expressed just for the sake of that love existing in the open, regardless of whether or not it can do tangible good anymore. And that's beautiful! but it still stings that Harrow spent all life since eleven fully convinced her perception of reality was irreversibly ruined, when one of TWO existing peers could have absolutely assuaged that if even just one thing was a little different.

[astralnymphh]

okayokayokayokay how abt farm!ellie and r who live in a cozy lil house by a lake or river or whatever and one day ellie and r are by the river and r is js like “i wanna swim” and strips and goes skinny dipping and ellie joins because shes horny nd lets be real in every fic r has hg on a LEASHH and they fuck in the water 🤷🏻‍♀️

this is so lazy but please tell me u get the idea

- home improvement anon

sorry I took so long home improvement anon my inbox is approaching 100 asks SAVE ME

imagine ellie gets all puffed up, too horny, too excited, and claims with a resolute firmness to her tone– "m' gonna eat your pussy underwater." and before your stammers can form coherent questions she draws her head down and disappears beneath the bubbly depths, forcing your legs open with two taut grasps. subsequent to that, you then feel a wagging warmth wriggle lighter than a feather on your folds, slowly dipping between and eventually sucking the whole of your clit into her mouth. through the wavering surface, you can sorta make out the rotund shape of her head pressed fore to your groin, but the sensations absolutely throw you overboard. head swinging, eyes tunneling on the strings of cumulus clouds like a fresco to the sky, heat burning every unwoken tear– because that girls tongue does not lie, flattening your pretty little folds out with her tongues width and shaking her head uncontrollably, warbling the surface above. unfortunately, ellie isn't a native fish to these waters and needs her oxygen. coldness cumulates on your cunt without her tongue, and next thing you know, a big bubble lathes the rise of ellie's head, whacking strands of her hair back as she surfaces like a damn mermaid. a hand smears across her face to clear her internals of any leftover water, sniffling and speaking to you with a groggy blockage in her voice, "mhh– fuhck, wan' me to go again? no– y'know– fuck it, m' going back down there." because ellie harbors some kind of personal goal to eat you out fully underwater, her own holy grail of dumbassery. you stutter, "e–els!" but that girl has already dived down deep and thrusted her wormy tongue inside your gummy hole, pushing her face into your cunt with unfathomable pressure in her pep.

this would be a funny one shot idea tbh

[theemporium]

Yay congrats!

My order: a smut-berry daiquiri (21 - if you want to come, you’ll have to beg.”)

Hot hot, can’t wait!

thank you for requesting! i partially blame @hischierhoney for my feral nico mood🤠anyways, enjoy!

21. "If you want to come, you'll have to beg."

.

It was a stupid fight. 

An incredibly stupid, downright dumb fight that escalated far more than it should have. And to be honest, on any other day, it would have been a small fight that you both would have rolled your eyes and laughed at the very same day because it was stupid. 

Today, however, was not one of those days. 

It had been a cumulation of things that led to the tension in the fight: between Nico spending every free moment on the ice or at the rink and you being swamped with projects at work, the two of you hadn’t had time for each other. It was something you were both at fault for, and the work stress did not help the situation. 

And maybe—just fucking maybe—you missed having each other’s attention. But somewhere in the stress and the tension and the pressure, you both seemed to snap over something as stupid as one of you forgetting to unload the dishwasher. 

Which led to you giving Nico the silent treatment on the first day off that the two of you had lined up.

And you regretted it almost the second you started it because half an hour in, you missed him. You missed being able to curl up on his lap. You missed listening to him tell you stories about the boys that you had missed in the last few weeks. You missed standing in the kitchen, both of you moving seamlessly around each other whilst you cooked together. You missed him and his smile and his arms wrapped around you and—

You just really missed your boyfriend. 

But you were stubborn. One of the most stubborn people he had ever met and, despite knowing how you felt considering the fact you were lingering in the living room with him instead of locking yourself away like you usually did when you were mad, you weren’t just going to give in and break the silent treatment. 

Which meant Nico had to get creative with the ways he got you to finally break. 

“I—” You cut yourself off, bottom lip tucked between your teeth as you felt his soft kitten licks against your clit. 

“C’mon, baby,” he mused, a hint of something teasing and smug in his voice as he squeezed the fat of your thighs. “Gonna keep hiding those pretty noises from me still?” 

You pressed your lips together, determined to bite back the moans you so desperately wanted to let out as you pushed your face into the arm of the couch you were currently sprawled on. 

“Hm, still being difficult?” He murmured, his warm breath fanning over your soaked cunt and you couldn’t resist the urge to buck your hips a little. “Look at my girl, so fucking wet and ready for me. Bet I could just slide right in, you’d take my cock so well. Like you always do.”

And at that, you couldn’t help but let out a pathetic whine.

“There’s my girl,” he hummed, pressing a soft kiss to your inner thigh as his hands pressed your hips down into the couch. 

“Nico,” you groaned, squirming under his hold with a small huff of annoyance when you felt him continue to give your thighs the attention your pussy wanted. 

“You finally done with the silent treatment?” He asked, spoken so casually like he was talking about the weather. Like his face wasn’t buried between your legs moments ago.

“Please,” you grumbled, your pride long forgotten as you glanced down, the sight of him grinning up at you with a few strands of hair in his face making your stomach twist with desire.

“Nuh uh, honey,” he shook his head, keeping your legs spread just how he wanted you. “If you want to come, you’ll have to beg. Let me hear that pretty voice.” 

“Nico,” you whined but he lightly nipped your inner thigh in response. 

“You sound pretty when you beg, baby, let me hear it,” he murmured before he leaned down, licking a slow, broad strip along your cunt. He delighted in the way your back arched off the couch in response. “I know my pretty girl can be good for me, yeah? Beg and make those pretty moans and I’ll make you come as many times as you want, schatz.” 

And truthfully, you would have been a fool to turn an offer like that down.

.

[eatmangoesnekkid]

Drinking alcohol unconsciously is entering into a state of hypnosis. When you drink alcohol, you are weakening auric field and arriving into a more receptive, relaxed state of consciousness where "entities" have an easier access to your mind and body. Alcohol is called "spirits" for good reason because it can mess up your cognitive and motor functions, kill your brain cells, and make you more susceptible to spiritual and physical harm. This doesn't mean you can't have 1-2 drinks occasionally, but drinking alcohol every week, using alcohol as a coping mechanism for being human and dealing real human shit, thinking that you can't socialize unless you are drinking or allowing yourself to be pressured into drinking, depresses (or presses down) your energy/frequency and makes you too dense and heavy energetically. No wonder you can't maintain a workout regiment or are constantly depressed or tired. It's not you, my love. It's the cumulative frequency of the entities. -India Ame'ye, Author

[infiniteglitterfall]

here, have some Official-Looking Info on Autistic Burnout

“Having All of Your Internal Resources Exhausted Beyond Measure and Being Left with No Clean-Up Crew”: Defining Autistic Burnout

Although autistic adults often discuss experiencing 'autistic burnout,' and attribute serious negative outcomes to it, the concept is almost completely absent from the academic and clinical literature. Lay summary Why was this study done? Autistic burnout is talked about a lot by autistic people but has not been formally addressed by researchers. It is an important issue for the autistic community because it is described as leading to distress; loss of work, school, health, and quality of life; and even suicidal behavior.

This is one of those "WE ALL KNEW THAT" studies, where they have to study and write about Things We Already Know in order to make them part of the Official Body of Knowledge out there, and maybe even get useful research done on them.

I went digging on Google Scholar because I want to be able to send my smol child's summer day camp director something that actually explains why he's only shown up two days in the past two weeks.

I would kind of rather have something in the form of a cute handout, but I didn't think of that before I hit Google Scholar. (Also, the first thing I found in a regular Google search was kind of basic and kind of confusing; it seemed to be referring to shutdown, but was calling it burnout.)

What were the results of the study? The primary characteristics of autistic burnout were chronic exhaustion, loss of skills, and reduced tolerance to stimulus. Participants described burnout as happening because of life stressors that added to the cumulative load they experienced, and barriers to support that created an inability to obtain relief from the load. These pressures caused expectations to outweigh abilities resulting in autistic burnout. From this we created a definition:

Autistic burnout is a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic life stress and a mismatch of expectations and abilities without adequate supports. It is characterized by pervasive, long-term (typically 3+ months) exhaustion, loss of function, and reduced tolerance to stimulus.

Participants described negative impacts on their lives, including health, capacity for independent living, and quality of life, including suicidal behavior. They also discussed a lack of empathy from neurotypical people. People had ideas for recovering from autistic burnout, including acceptance and social support, time off/reduced expectations, and doing things in an autistic way/unmasking.

Oh, wow, this is a good burn:

...mental health treatment/therapy as a means of remediating burnout came up, but in the context of a missing resource, a negative experience, or unrelated to burnout (e.g., for treating a co-occurring mental health condition).

Yeah. That tracks.

[accio-victuuri]

xiao zhan - GQ February issue cover story Q&A 📝

They have experienced real things. There is no camera facing you. Without lights, you are living your own real life.

GQ: When did it become clear that you wanted to be an actor?

Xiao Zhan: When the public paid more and more attention to me, I want to say, why can’t I do it? I think I can. Sometimes I get shaken and think it’s so difficult. Why can’t I do it? For example, when it comes to lines, why are my lines just not good? Why can’t I speak well with others? Is it because I'm from the South? I don't think so, and then I think, how can I say it well? I can do it, let's give it a try.

GQ: In your opinion, what are the professional standards for actors?

Xiao Zhan: First of all, being professional is an unavoidable topic. You can have a non-major background, but you must have excellent professional skills. This is what I want to do, this is who I am. I feel that I am not enough, and i’m too far behind.

After becoming professional, attitude is very important and whether you love it is also very important. Do you just treat it as a job, or do you really like it? These are two concepts. When you see it as a job, you may not be able to go very far. But if you really like it, you will cry for it and laugh for it, which may be the motivation for you to stick to it.

I also have a strong body (laughs). I used to not feel tired when I was in my twenties, but now I feel very tired after staying up late. It's a terrible thing to be. A strong body is important, it is your foundation.

GQ: When you acted in which role or drama, did you feel recognized?

Xiao Zhan: When I was working on "The Wolf" at the beginning, I was under a lot of pressure. My acting teacher would give me a lot of advice and guidance, and I would constantly overturn my own performance every day. t was a period of confusion. After you get over it, you will find that you have grown. When you start acting later, you will gradually find a little bit of feeling, and then step by step — this is a cumulative process.

I feel that I have acted too little. Compared with some of my predecessors, who have acted in many works in their thirties, my current works are still too few and I have not accumulated enough.

GQ: Are you anxious?

Xiao Zhan: Yes, because I think (improving acting skills) is a cumulative process. You can’t make a big step forward with just one movie. This is difficult for me to happen. So you have to keep filming, but you have to keep filming good films and don't consume yourself.

GQ: What are the considerations behind the expansion of the three film and television dramas to be broadcast in 2023 from costume dramas to period dramas and urban dramas?

Xiao Zhan: Actually, I didn’t think anything about it. It just happened naturally. I didn’t deliberately change the themes that I had acted in before. I just read the script and the script was handed to me at the time. I felt attracted to a certain script at the moment, so I chose it. It just happened to be a subject that I had never acted in before.

GQ: Do you feel tired after always acting in costume dramas?

Xiao Zhan: There are many types of costumes. Don’t divide them into costume dramas and modern dramas. It’s nothing more than putting on a hood and changing clothes. In fact, the core is the same, but also just completely different.

GQ: Once your drama is aired, will you follow it?

Xiao Zhan: I won’t follow it, but I will watch it, and I will choose the scenes that I care about to focus on, so I can find problems for myself.

GQ: Will you be able to watch the barrage?

Xiao Zhan: I used to really know how to do it. I felt very happy and laughed with everyone, but now I can’t do it.

GQ: What kind of role do you want to play now?

Xiao Zhan: If I could choose, of course it would be the best one I haven’t tried yet. I need freshness. If I ask you to do the same thing every day, you will be bored.

GQ: What kind of actor do you want to be?

Xiao Zhan: I want to be an actor that the audience can like.

GQ: Have you already done this to make people like you?

Xiao Zhan: No, no, I think it’s far from enough. I once thought about whether to be an actor with a personal style or to be an actor that the audience likes just by looking at you. At present, I want to be an actor who makes the audience like you. Maybe everyone is not your fan, or even not particularly interested in you, but you know that he has a drama, Do you want to watch it? His dramas are all good. I want to do this. This is my current goal. Is it possible to become the actor I like? This is a rule.

It’s a long road, take your time.

GQ: Who are your favorite actors?

Xiao Zhan: There are many. For example, Zhou Xun has always been my favorite actor. I recently watched her play ("Waving in the Poison of Anger"), and it was really great.

GQ: What are your career plans in 2024?

Xiao Zhan: Make more movies and work with more good teams. This is the only goal at the moment, and I won’t consider other things for the time being.

GQ: Do voices on social media bother you?

Xiao Zhan: It doesn’t bother me. It’s been so many years and I’m still worried. I’m still alive. (English) It’s really okay. Just like I know exactly what I'm doing, every time. To make a choice, you have to clearly know what you are doing, what you want to give up, and what you want to make. So, fortunately, the team may have more troubles.

GQ: Your personal life has not been affected?

Xiao Zhan: Very normal! I can go out for a ride or a walk. When you walk on the street, no one really cares about you. It's really not what everyone thinks. Like this, then I can walk around freely,

GQ: Is this an escape moment for you?

Xiao Zhan: It’s time to relax. Why do you want to escape? I am also in the third dimension. Where do I want to escape? This is my life. I am the same as everyone.

There are many things I particularly want to do, such as taking the subway and shopping in shopping malls, which are very similar to when I was in school, and maybe I will do them in the future.

GQ: Do you miss the ordinary life very much?

Xiao Zhan: It’s not that I miss it, it’s that I think I should do it. It’s because of my popularity. I will really take the subway, maybe tomorrow. It’s so normal. I used to take the subway every day. for me there’s nothing I can't do. What do you think I can do? Say hello and leave. It’s just that I don’t want to cause confusion and trouble for everyone or cause a bad reaction.

GQ: You have not appeared on variety shows in recent years. Is this a conscious choice?

Xiao Zhan: Because it’s not suitable. With my personality, people get tired in variety shows. I want to take care of everyone’s feelings, which makes me very tired. Now that I know this is the case, If there is a result, then just don’t do it.

GQ: What was your original intention in entering the entertainment industry?

Xiao Zhan: I really came in inexplicably and ignorantly. I used to watch talent shows and interview the top contestants. How did i get to this point? I accompanied my friend to participate in the selection, but my friend failed and I was selected. When I was a child, I thought these things were far away from me, but when it comes to myself, it is really like this. I think it's amazing. I participated in the draft and got to where I am now. It's amazing. Life is really interesting.

GQ: What things have you not thought of before after entering the industry?

Xiao Zhan: It is a very cruel thing not to eat wantonly. When I see my former high school classmates who have children and gained weight, I will sigh, I want this too— eating recklessly, their living conditions make me feel that if I had not chosen this path at that time, maybe we are all the same, having to socialize and endure hardships — rushing to design at night, you don't know how tiring it is to do design, but life is like this, there is no way.

GQ: How did choosing this piece change you?

Xiao Zhan: Maybe I lack a lot of life experience. In this regard, my classmates and friends are far better than me. They have experienced real things. There is no camera facing you. Without lights, you are living your own real life.

GQ: Are you an emotionally stable person?

Xiao Zhan: It's relatively stable, but once I touch some points, I will become very unstable.

GQ: For example?

Xiao Zhan: It’s just... some things that cannot be said. Haha, maybe when something incredible happens, you will think, what are you doing? I will be very angry when something happens. Maybe it's some privacy issue. If this point is exceeded, I will "run away".

Everyone has their own boundaries, and some people have no sense of propriety. I stay away from such people, but when the boundaries are broken again and again and the bottom line is touched, I will get very angry.

GQ: You once said that you have a particularly strong side in your personality. What do you mean specifically?

Xiao Zhan: In principle, I am a very rigid person. If I insist on something and I think it is right, it will be difficult to be convinced. For example, if I want to be an actor, I don’t want to do anything other than being an actor. If you come to Siam, let’s debate. No one is right or wrong, the team is also for your own good, Isn't it a good thing to have a lot of work? But for me, I have to subtract because some things are really not what I want.

GQ: Do you have a perfectionist side?

Xiao Zhan: I just want to do it well, just try my best right now. Maybe the result is not good, but what should I do? This is all I can do.

GQ: Can you accept failure?

Xiao Zhan: I can accept it. I might not have been able to accept it a few years ago, but 30-year-old Xiao Zhan has learned to accept it (laughs).

-END.

[finniestoncrane]

Hi you got me absolutely hooked on golden age scarecrow, could I request some general fluffy headcanons about him?

(P.S. your writing is amazing keep up the good work!!)

Scarecrow Headcanons my sweet bug, my softest boy!! some soft headcanons for this little beanpole!! i wanted them to be sort of relationship based, but they can be platonic or romantic 🎃🧡 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: all fluff here friends!!

you're held in high regard if you've managed to make it into his list of trusted people

and without even realising that you needed to prove yourself you have, just by being kind to him

which sadly is not something he experiences often, if at all

so you're special, which means he's a little bit obsessed with you now

there's not many cumulative minutes in the day where he's not thinking about you

his work is still important to him, but he finds now that it's easier to be distracted, especially when you're the thing distracting him

you're a reason for him to keep working though

or to keep committing crimes...

because he's addicted to buying you gifts, so he needs the money

very crow-like in the way he'll approach this

anything he thinks you'd like, he has to get it for you, bring it to you, present it to you and wait to be applauded or praised

and you can win his loyalty by receiving his gifts kindly, especially any books he brings to you for you to read

that's one thing... if you're not a big reader, you better get used to it

he doesn't mean to do it in a strict or pressured way, but he will quiz you on the books he has gifted you

and he does expect you to read them all

if you asked nicely though, i'm sure he wouldn't mind reading to you

especially if it's on a stormy night, reading by a dim light, that's definitely one of his preferred bonding activities

and since you're one of his trusted people, you're one of the few to actually be allowed into his book filled apartment

he likes having you there, because you've never judged his space

and you actually seem to make the place warmer, which is helpful, because he never seems to pay any of his heating bills

eventually he'll accept gifts from you

at first, he'll be completely put off by it because he might feel like a charity case

but a nice scarf for the winter, a new pair of fuzzy socks for wearing at home, a book he hasn't read yet (if that exists)

he'll accept them gratefully and will even attempt to offer you genuine warmth in return in the form of a very bony, very awkward hug

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Michael Berzatto is immortal

Being the eldest and Donna's favest, came with a price.

He paid with his own life.

In a sense, Michael always tried to shield his 2 younger siblings from the liabilities of being a Berzatto.

That's why he was their "best friend". Because his life mission was protecting/shielding the two cubs, from the enemies.

Whether that meant trying to protect them - to the best of his abilities- from Donna herself, from the pressure of handling the family business that was always about to go under, never really thriving, from themselves and their own shortcomings, etc... He took the blows so his siblings didn't have to. -They did anyway, but he tried to prevent that-.

Pushing his baby brother away -even when Carmy didn't see it or feel it that way- was his way to protect him and set him free so he could realize his full potential, which Mickey knew was never gonna happen if Carmy was confined within The Beef's kitchen making sandwiches.

And among probably a million other stuff his role entailed:

Being always Sugar's airbag when her savior complex got the better of her and exposed her to Donna's wrath.

Being the one who picked up the pieces of, or tried to mend, all the broken relationships in the family, such as Donna's failed marriage, and the toxic mother-daughter relationship Donna and Sugar had all the time.

Being Carmy's best friend because otherwise he wouldn't have any.

IMO in essence that's why Michael ended up killing himself: always trying to be everyone's best friend, or in other words "The Shield".

He was "hilarious". Aha, yeah right. Tell me more...

He carried all that pain inside

Mikey wouldn't express it because that would have been detrimental to the role he felt he had to play in the family. IDK to what extent that role was self-imposed or actually assigned by others at a fairly young age, when he didn't know better, or couldn't fight back, anyhow, he eventually ended up buying fully into it. And one way or the other the result was the same: The cumulative effect of always being the shield was what ended up killing him.

The bullet was just the consequence, but his role was the actual cause of that pain and ultimately his death. A role he could never break free from because he chose the addiction path, or fell into it. But the point is that because of that he couldn't break that cycle he was trapped in of being the scapegoat and in a sense the martyr of the clan.

Canonically the reason for Michael's death was never disclosed, we just know for a fact that he left no suicide letter explaining his motives, but he did leave a note for Carmy, to make sure he knew he loved him (yes, I have a lump in my throat as I type this, moving on) and enough encoded info for him to find the money and hopefully save the place.

My HC is that that was precisely the last straw for Mikey. He couldn't take the guilt of knowing or thinking that he was gonna lose the family business. He couldn't even afford napkins FFS!. He couldn't take the pain and guilt of not being able to fulfill his role this time around. He couldn't take that, which he experienced as a failure and he couldn't forgive himself for that. So he checked himself out, permanently.

My other HC about his death is: Had he received the help he needed, he probably would have been a survivor by now. It breaks my heart.

That's what I want for Carmy soooo bad. I don't want him to follow in the footsteps of his brother, because when Carmy received his inheritance it wasn't just a restaurant and a debt he couldn't afford. It was more than that. It was THE RESPONSIBILITY to succeed where his hero brother had failed. That's how he took it.

And that's a very heavy burden for anyone, especially for someone as mentally "compromised" as Carmy.

Now, as far as I'm concerned, that stopped being a "burden" when Syd came into his life.

She INSPIRED HIM to get better, to turn that place around and make it better, to elevate it and in that way honor his brother's legacy.

It stopped being a heavy burden for him, that could ruin him as it did to Mikey because Syd gave him purpose and he didn't have to carry it all by himself anymore, he had her, and Sugar.

The BEEF had broken that family apart and THE BEAR, the restaurant he wanted to share with Syd, brought it back together.

It's important to notice that Syd was the one who brought Nat on board, not Carm. He accepted that, of course, but he only offered The Bear to Syd. Not to his sister.

Back to Michael: By being the SHIELD for years and focusing on the restaurant that was constantly diving, staying in the family home living under the same roof as Donna, being everyone's best friend, cutting Carmy off cold so he could fly away and be who he had the potential of being, he also allowed Sugar to make her own way away from home, which eventually led her to Pete with whom she raised the beautiful family she never had.

And in a final leap of faith, Mikey left the restaurant and the $ to Carmy trusting he was gonna succeed at what he had failed. And also trusting that Sugar was doing that too, family-wise.

I don't think Michael knew or even expected that by doing that he was gonna bring the family back together like he did, he just meant to inherit the business to Carmy, knowing Sugar had her part covered, in his mind she was fine because she had Pete.

But ultimately his legacy is what brought the two siblings back together, so the family was no longer broken, and then what Carmy decided to do with the money was going to determine if he could save the business or not, but he passed along that torch to Carm because he couldn't fulfill that "obligation" he felt he had. The rest is history.

Carmy, on the other side of the story, experienced this act of sacrifice as some sort of punishment, he probably thought his brother, his best friend, hated him and could only move on from that mindset when he started dreaming of The Bear with Syd.

Before her, his dream was intrinsically intertwined with Mikey, his best friend. He didn't give a flying fuck about the restaurant, he just wanted to reconnect with Mikey through food, as he had always done throughout his life, he wanted that back.

Carmy didn't care about the family business, he cared about Michael.

But Mikey, who had taken responsibility for the family business, did care. Way too much, in fact. He had to be the strong one for too long so Carmy and Sugar could be free. And that ended up killing him when he felt he couldn't live up to that responsibility.

In an extremely dark parallelism, Carmy's mental space, which we got to see in S1, was the exact same that Michael had:

Both, as a result of trauma/addiction.

For Carmy, it was always about the people. Even when he pretended it wasn't:

Then came the star, her dream.

Now, looking at the glass half full:

IMO Michael did succeed though.

Because now we see that Natalie is raising a happy/healthy family and that Carmy has the restaurant and he has Syd. It doesn't matter what it looks like now. This story is not over.

Carmy has Syd and Syd has Carmy and at some point, they won't look like the Syd and the Carmy we saw in S3, this is just a transition to something better, after they learn all the lessons they have to learn and make each other better at this.

In his own very atypical way, via The Bear, Carmy is also raising his own family. For now, he is repeating the same pattern he learned from Donna → the only family he ever knew.

But he's also raising a happy family, he just doesn't know it yet. He will find out at some point, and get a star in the process, for her. Not for the star itself. Because Sydney is his purpose.

Sydney is what Michael lacked. He just had "the burden".

But with Syd's and Natalie's help and the whole found family Carmy has formed at The Bear, he will turn that dumpster he inherited into a Michelin star place for her. And by doing this he will be elevating and "healing" Michael's legacy.

What was about to disappear under Michael's rule, will thrive under Carmy's and Sydney's. It's already thriving, actually.

And therefore, both Carmy and Sugar will end up happily ever after, they’ll do it together, so all in all, Michael will succeed. All he wanted was for his siblings to be happy and to live their dreams. And he, in a sense, died for it.

He didn't die in vain.

That's why the show started with his death and it will end honoring his memory. Full circle. I'm sure.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[hananoami]

tfw you have something sitting in your drafts for so long you don't quite remember what exactly you were gonna do with it... i think i was planning on making a post about all the easy ways to obtain diamonds with sylus through achievements? IDK anymore. it's been almost a month now since the opposing vision update, so i'll just use this post as an achievement haul and list those that are still in progress~

List of Achievements with Sylus that can be obtained for ez diamonds:

[Progress] Trial of Energy I = 20x 💎 Requirement: Complete Directional Orbit: Energy - Stage 30.

[Progress] Bettle Fighting Master= 30x 💎 Requirement: Obtain the ultimate prize in Incident: Beetle Fighting Tournament.

[Progress] Amateur's Lesson = 20x 💎 Requirement: Act for the director with Sylus in Incident: Role-playing: 2.

[Kitty Cards] Normal: Meowket = 20x 💎 Requirement: Trade cards with Sylus in a round 1 time.

[Plushies] Energy Support = 20x 💎 Requirement: Cheer for Sylus until the progress bar is full 5 times in a game.

[Plushies] No Escape = 30x 💎 Requirement: Sylus needs to not suck when he uses his evol to cheat at claw machine and get you the plushie that is marked with his red energy.

[Spare Time] What's On Your Mind = 30x 💎 + Focused (title) Requirement: Have Sylus visit you at Destiny Cafe (on your homescreen) and bother him by tapping on him 10 times to get his attention.

[Spare Time] All-Night Company = Humming Melody (chat bubble) + 30x 💎 Requirement: Spend your Quality Time with Sylus for 15 days.

[Spare Time] Pressure Destroyer = 30x 💎 Requirement: Work or Study with Sylus for 3 consecutive weeks.

[Spare Time] Body Is Weapon = 30x 💎 Requirement: Work out with Sylus for 3 consecutive weeks.

[Spare Time] Weekend Workout Star = 30x 💎 Requirement: Exercise with Sylus for up to 7 times during the weekend. More details can be found here about this achievement!

I'm still working towards [Powerful Punch] and [Ultra-long Standby]. These two Spare Time achievements are cumulative ones that require you to check in with him for x amount of days in Quality time. I'm close, but one requires 60 days so... there is that. I'll probably make a new post about it once I achieve them.

Good luck if you're farming!

[mdhwrites]

I’ve been watching Amphibia while studying. I should definitely do a rewatch during the summer, but it’s occurred to me that Amphibia’s strengths are criminally underrated.

Amphibia feels like a more focused show than TOH. It has its flaws ofc especially in Season 3, but Amphibia’s cast comes across as a lot more developed than TOH’s cast. I mean, Andrias got a dedicated flashback episode and Belos didn’t???

Amphibia’s execution of the found family trope is one of the best things I’ve seen in animation. In contrast, I always felt that King, Lilith, Eda, and the Hexside crew are plot devices to get Luz where she needs to go. Eda has some depth but generally speaking TOH never “got into their heads,” unlike with the Plantars, Sasha, Marcy, Grime, and Andrias.

And I gotta praise Amphibia’s ending!!! I wish more kids cartoons embraced the idea of permanent, bittersweet change. The idea of letting things go but not forgetting them.

So while I agree Amphibia is more focused, I actually don't think that's what the bigger difference is between TOH and Amphibia that I think needs to be highlighted. No, instead, I'm interrogate something you said: Does Belos not get a dedicated backstory episode? For that matter... Does he potentially get MORE time spent on backstory than Andrias?

Andrias literally only gets The Core and the King. He actually gets VERY little screentime, mostly because the effects of his cruelty are more important than what he does himself. So for backstory, he gets 11 minutes. MAYBE you could stretch to like 12 or 13 if you want to include hints to Lief but that's all post her time with him. So 11 minutes because Andrias only gets one segment, not two.

What does Belos get?

Well... I think everyone just forgets about Elsewhere Elsewhen. That IS backstory. That is previous characterization. It's not a flashback but it is still interacting with a Belos earlier in the timeline, like a backstory exposition dump or a flashback does. And interacting with Philip is the main purpose of the A plot of the episode, even if it takes a bit to get to him and then he dips out before the end.

As the author of the journal though, he also counts for backstory whenever passages of the journal are told to us. It's unreliable but it is still previous characterization. So stuff like Eclipse Lake and the end of Looking Glass Ruins adds a little here and there.

Then of course... What the fuck do you call Hollow Mind if not a dedicated backstory episode to Belos? The majority of the run time is literally go through his brain, and his memories, to show his rise to power. His backstory. And while there is technically a B plot, it doesn't take up much time so probably at least a third of the episode is spent on this and these are 22 minute episodes. If just two thirds get spent on backstory, that's more than Andrias gets.

So why doesn't it feel like that? Why does it feel like we get a VERY complete version of Andrias' backstory, despite seeing cumulatively three days in a row of his life, while it feels like we were never told Belos'?

Efficiency. Amphibia is a VERY efficient work. It crams a LOT into its run times. It's part of why the episodes are so satisfying because they actually manage to tell complete stories with morals, sometimes their own A and B plots in an 11 minute segment and actually move the characters forward a full step within the span of that time. It does this while also being hilarious and action packed, much more than TOH or, honestly, a lot of cartoons. Not every episode segment counts for this but ESPECIALLY the important ones do and The Core and the King should be taught in classes for how to get across a character's motivations and backstory in a nuanced, breezy way while also being DENSE. AS. FUCK.

In eleven minutes, we get a clear idea of the utopia that Andrias used to live in, the cost of that utopia, the pressures upon him as a prince, how deep his relationships are with two other characters, Lief gets some genuinely good characterization that helps explain her choice, a logical progression of events that matches with the sillier side of Andrias we know of, an escalation and then a climax. We can VERY clearly see what Andrias lost, what he is trying to get back, and why he would want it back on multiple levels, both societal, familial and even personal, that will motivate into being a MONSTER for a thousand years. All while still being a lot of fun and having some really great jokes. It introduces so many elements but it never feels bogged down by any of this. Instead, it chose the PERFECT moment to get across everything it needed to and left very few questions that you as an audience couldn't figure out yourselves. This also all while being explicit about much of the motivation and what not instead of relying on background details.

Which TOH can't claim for Belos. In Elsewhere Elsewhen, we see that Philip hates witches, that his journal is unreliable and that he has ALWAYS been an asshole and a manipulator. That's befitting who he will be but doesn't actually tell us jack shit. It also includes I guess how he met the Collector but that's moving plot, not expanding on your villain. Because the journal is unreliable, it tells us very little to nothing about him except for some reason he donated his journal to the people he fucking despised. Then Hollow Mind shows how he came to power... But not who he is. Not his motivation, what he actually wants to accomplish besides murder, etc. like that. The paintings in the background tell you far more just by being far more suggestive of what he's been through.

TOH is fucking awful when it comes to density. Most episodes, not even just Belos, have the problem of only taking half steps. Each of Belos' parts are those half steps. Revealing only one or two elements when it easily could have shown more to be more satisfying. As an example: Amphibia has a GREAT episode between Ivy and her mom about rebellion, the consequences of fighting what your parent wants for you, why they might do the things they do, etc. like that. In 11 minutes, we get a genuinely complex relationship between Ivy and her mom who haven't had much talk about each other or their relationship up until now. Meanwhile, TOH decides to focus on Luz being expelled for the episode about Amity and Odalia, meaning Amity is in like... Three, maybe five minutes of that episode? A full minute of that being the intro to the episode where she's just showing off the abomaton?

Because it isn't actually focused on Amity, the relationship between Amity and Odalia isn't actually explored. Because they can't explore that, they also need to now make Odalia cartoonishly villainous so as to fit the fact that Luz also spends very little time with her due to making the conflict be about Hexside so we have to waste some time with a stock standard montage of Luz, Willow and Gus trying to get back in. And by the end, what is the resolution between Amity and Odalia? "Get in my way again and I will kick your fucking ass."

Much deep. Very brave.

There's TONS of stuff like this where Amphibia is genuinely the work trying to do more interesting, more meaningful and deeper things than TOH and managing to do it in literally half the time. If not even less. That breakneck pace is part of what makes Amphibia feel like a kids show but it's also what makes it just more enjoyable to watch.

Which actually makes TOH fit in better with our current era of streaming television. TOH is constantly baiting you for the payoffs it promises. It keeps swearing that its elements are deeper than they appear so make sure to tune in next week because this SURELY can't be all there is to, right?

Unfortunately, that is all there is to it. And once you realize that and look at the show with that sort of lens, it starts falling apart. It's part of why TOH should be thankful it was shortened. It lets people more easily claim that it just needed another season. Another fourteen episodes. That TOTALLY would have solved all the problems with episodes that happened even before the shortening.

That is extremely rarely how this works everyone. Sorry.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[quarterqueens]

what if we fucked on the olympic anti-sex beds haha: a lawlight fic

this is no longer even slightly timely BUT do you guys want to read a fic about lawlight fucking on those olympic anti-sex beds anyway. yes the anti-sex qualities of those beds were disproven but it's sexier if they weren't. au where cardboard can't be strong.

The room is dark, the light that falls through the closed curtains moonlight soft as L lays Light down on the bed. He has locked the door and it’s only the two of them — L who belongs in this room and Light who doesn’t, Light who is crossing into enemy territory.

L is careful with him. He presses one hand against his shoulder, to keep him still, firm but gentle, more gentle than Light has ever been touched before, then crawls on top of him and leans down and kisses him chaste. 

He doesn’t move like a man who is careful during sex; there is something about the deliberateness of his movements that speaks to a familiarity with roughness. It’s the bed, Light is pretty sure, which is cardboard and flimsy, not designed for two. 

He doesn’t mind. This is not usually what he likes, either, but now he feels something close to reverence; in other circumstances he might be embarrassed by this but now he is not. Now this care is practical, useful, the only sensible route to take. 

L lowers his groin to Light’s and Light lets out a long groan, a noise that’s barely voluntary. L leans down again and kisses him into silence. “Careful,” he says, voice low, not quite a whisper. “We mustn’t be heard.”

Light shuts his eyes. He can smell L around him, like cederwood and sage and a body that has been in motion; a clean scent, not unpleasant. L’s body is so hot and he can feel it descending towards him before L presses his lips to his throat and kisses a line down it, along his artery, into the dip of his throat. 

Light whines. He twists beneath L’s hips and L grinds against him, slow. 

He moves like he already knows Light’s body. And in a way he has — he has seen Light, surely, dancing across the piste, his sword on hand; he must have thought of how best to defeat him. Light has thought about the same. And so it’s only natural that each touch sends heat swirling through Light, sends electric sparks all through him, that it all seems to curl towards the core of himself.

Light has had lovers before, and many of them knew just what to, but this feels different; it feels like the cumulation of a conversation they’ve already had. 

L trails a hand towards Light buckle, a question more than a demand, and Light catches it. He opens his eyes to find L watching him, cautious, waiting. Some men look impatient when stopped in this way but only looks like he’s waiting to be told how to proceed. 

“Just this,” Light says. “Just — this is good.” 

“Alright,” L says, his voice quiet. He sounds like he wants to know more — not in the wheedling way some people get, but because he seems interested in Light. But now isn’t the time and he must know this because instead he leans down again and kisses Light’s collarbone and Light lifts his hips to meet L’s, clothed but warm nonetheless, the pressure aching but wonderful. 

It has been a long time since he had sex that did not feel desperate, sex that felt languid, like it could easily be had again and more; their time here is limited and he knows this but he is also sure, without asking, that they can find their way together again, if needs be. This was not a chance meeting; it was meant, their stars tangled together. He’s sure of it because he’s never before met someone like L — L isn’t so special, or at least he isn’t here, but he feels suited to Light, his second half; meeting him had felt like finally slipping a sword into its sheath, like discovering the place where all his sharp edges belonged, where they could not hurt, where they were wanted. 

And so there’s no need to rush. He does not want to rush. He does not want to hurtle through this the way he always does, as if he had to race to discover an unfortunate ending; instead he lies back and allows L to kiss him warm beneath the throat, cants his hips into L’s, and allows his mind to fall quiet.