#and the backhanded compliments she gives omg

[cherry-bomb-ships]

Real talk I think Cherry Coading and R. Marie should switch evil genius partners for a week and see what happens

[ghostcrows]

probably was so obvious to other people but "wealthy" is throwing me...i never thought of haley as coming from a rich family even tho it makes perfect sense like her family is off on some 2 year long vacation and she's always like "where's the freakin mall in this town"

do you think she ever talks shit about penny for living in a trailer.

[yesimwriting]

in ur bestfriend!felix series do you think farleigh cares for the reader even if it’s just a little bit? like we all know how he can be (#1 shit stirrer) but it really got me thinking!! i don’t think he cared much when she first started hanging out with felix he was probably like ‘whatever just another one of his charity cases’ but would that change later on when he sees how felix really does care for her and she’s not going anywhere anytime soon or ever possibly sorry for the long rant!! i was rereading and the one u wrote were he refused to let her get high because of felix made me think 😭🫶

a/n omg me and @ker0senebunny were just discussing their dynamic potential

farleigh and reader have such potential for an oddly endearing frenemy arch,, they definitely still bully each other, but they bond over gossiping and (lightly, at least in reader's case) judging others, especially after farleigh finally realizies that reader isn't another one of felix's phases

also can def see them growing a smidge protective of each other?? like if farleigh makes a mean joke about reader they laugh,, but if someone else makes it they both kind of side eye each other 😭

anyways here’s a drabble that also briefly features slightly flustered felix and socially unsure ollie

"Here." Farleigh's standing in front of your spot on the couch, arm stretched forward lazily. You blink, eyeing what looks like a joint skeptically.

Farleigh isn't quite looking at you as he continues to hold out his offering, but he isn't moving away. You extend a hand, taking it from him cautiously. Smoking tonight wasn't really a goal, but you're not exactly feeling against it.

You sit up a little straighter, mentally debating if his attempt at socializing with you is a result of the small scale setting of tonight's plans or if he's just that high. Maybe it's both. "Thought I was on weed probation."

He sighs. "Do you want it or not?"

You tilt your chin up to frown at him, "Moody."

Farleigh's eyes finally meet yours. His scleras are tinged pink, making his gaze seem far off and slightly irritated. You bring the joint to your lips out of the instinctual desire to seem amicable. Farleigh's far from your best friend, but recently, there's been an undertone of understanding in your catty comments. More like Farleigh laughing with you than at you.

He steps past your legs before sitting next to you. Not the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you, but still, strange. Normally, on more low key nights like this, when it's just some of Felix's closer friends hanging around in an off campus apartment instead of a full fledged rager, Farleigh's close to the center of the action. Maybe he's more bothered by Oliver's presence than you thought.

After a beat of silence, Farleigh explains flatly, "It's different tonight." You're not sure you're following, but there's a good chance that Farleigh's high enough for it not to matter. "You're not drunk and tonight's...calmer, there's nothing for Felix to worry himself sick over."

You roll your eyes. "Felix doesn't get worried sick over me." You take another hit of the joint, pretending the gesture doesn't feel performative. "And either way, it's not his issue."

Farleigh scoffs. "Please."

"Please what?"

He leans forward, propping his head up on one elbow. "Sometimes you seem so smart, it's nice to know that in some ways you're still like a little kid."

Not the worst backhanded compliment he's ever hit you with. "Mhm."

Farleigh lets himself slump against the couch before extending a hand in your direction. A silent request. You hand him back the joint. "Oh, you're cold? Take my jacket. You're thirsty? I've already gotten you a water. You're tired? Give me a minute to say goodbye to some friends and then I'll tuck you in, lovie."

The general teasing is easy to dismiss until he tacks on Felix's favorite nickname for you. It doesn't feel right to hear it in a negative context. "Leave him alone. Felix is my friend and he's nice." You tap your fingers against your knee, body feeling much too relaxed for the annoyance that wants to break through. "It's not weird or anything."

Farleigh takes his time letting more smoke fill his lungs. "Defensive." You roll your eyes. "Look around, every girl here wishes Felix was that friendly with them." His sentence is a hint too loud for you to be comfortable. The last thing you need is for some girl to take it the wrong way and blame you for it. "His new lapdog probably feels the same."

It takes you a second longer than it should to get the reference. You're not exactly close with Oliver. He's new, and Felix really enjoys his company, but you've yet to bond with him. Something in you just hasn't been able to get there yet. Sometimes you'll see what Felix sees in him, but that isn't the same as feeling close to him. You want to like him, though, so you're sure it's only a matter of time before you click over something. Felix and you spend too much time together for it not to work out between you and Oliver eventually.

"That's mean." You turn to better face Farleigh, your shoulder sinking against the seat's cushioning at an uncomfortable angle. "Like really mean."

Part of the defense is instinctual. You're not one to make fun of people behind their backs just to act like you're friends in front of them. But it's also more than that. Felix wouldn't let anyone talk about you like that, and without him or Oliver there to fight against Farleigh's snark, it feels wrong to let that kind of thing go.

"Fine. Better analogy. Sometimes the way Oliver looks at Felix feels like he wants to be his escort, or something."

You understand what Farleigh's getting at almost immediately. There's this urge to please quality about Oliver that you can't judge him for. People want Felix to like them. People want Felix to love them. It's not a draw you'd ever fault anyone for falling for. But something about the concept of an 'escort' in this context makes you want to laugh. You bite your tongue.

Farleigh holds out the joint again. You take it back instinctually, taking a quick hit to avoid having to say anything right away. "Yeah, but isn't that everyone with Felix?"

You're not sure what the goal of your response is. A poor attempt at changing the subject and steering the conversation away from making fun of someone with no one there to defend them without alienating Farleigh entirely. It's a joke, and not a very good one, but with the way you and Farleigh start cracking up, no one would ever be able to tell.

"We're..." You try through a fit of giggles, "We're awful."

"No," Farleigh shakes his head once lazily, "Not awful. We're familial bonding."

You squint at him as he plucks the joint from between your fingers. "We're not related."

Farleigh brings the joint to his lips, taking a deep inhale. "No," he mumbles, "I'm just getting ahead of the inevitable."

It takes you a beat longer than it should to understand his reference. "Farleigh." He's smiling slightly, the look smug. "Felix and I are just friends. You know that."

His head falls against the back of the couch. "Does anyone ever get along with their in-laws?"

You steal the joint from him before letting your back hit the cushioning. "Shut up."

With your body angled forward, you can see the center of the living room. Felix is near the entrance to the kitchen, Oliver by his side.

When Felix's eyes land on yours, he grins. You smile back before finally bringing the joint back to your lips. By the time you're exhaling, you can see Felix nudging Oliver's shoulder.

"Here we go," Farleigh sighs, taking back the joint.

You ignore the comment in favor of tracking Felix's path across the room. The world parts for him, as always.

"Hi." You beam, stretching a hand forward as soon as Felix is within reach. He grabs your hand immediately, squeezing your palm against his. "Felix, Oliver."

Oliver nods once at the acknowledgement, "Hey."

Felix tugs on your arm gently. "Lovie, where've you been?" His thumb brushes against your knuckles. "Been looking for you."

"I've been here," you admit, "I was waiting for you guys to get back with everyone's drinks and then Annabel wanted to sit...and then Farleigh."

Felix nods as if you've said is something of great importance. "Farleigh treating you okay?"

Farleigh tilts his head, halfheartedly glaring at Felix. You grin. "Yeah, we're just chatting."

"Chatting," he muses, looking between you and Farleigh. Before you can respond, Felix is moving to sit, taking up the last of the couch's remaining space. He looks up at Oliver, noting the lack of room for a fourth person. Felix squeezes our hand. "Sit with me?"

You nod, instantly understanding what he's getting at. You're sure Farleigh will hold you leaving your spot to give Oliver the opportunity to sit next to him against you, but there's not much else you can do, so you stand.

Felix is pulling you towards him before you can fully register the fact that you're standing. You frown, an attempt at a wordless scolding. He beams at you, the picture of affectionate innocence.

As soon as you're sitting on his lap, he's setting one hand on your knee and the other on your shoulder. Felix is always warm in the same way. There's a soothingness to it, a familiarity that you can always trust.

Oliver doesn't move until Felix's hand drifts away from your leg to pat the now open spot on the couch. Farleigh leans back slightly to make it easier to throw you a look that seems to say that Oliver's proving his earlier point.

You don't generally find Farleigh's snideness funny. You're not in the habit at laughing at his comments or behaving differently in hopes of winning him over. But, there's something about the solidarity of the look paired with your high. You laugh.

"What?" Felix asks, leaning forward to rest his chin against your shoulder.

You shake your head. "Nothing." A pinch of guilt nips at you. "I'm--I'm high."

"Could tell." Felix grins, dipping his head forward to press a kiss against the start of your back. "Farleigh's a terrible influence, hard to imagine what the two of you were up to before me and Ollie got here."

Maybe it's the lingering guilt, or maybe it's because Oliver's been almost completely silent since he got here and you know what it's like to be that person. You don't know what it is, but something makes you want to look over at Oliver. "Don't know, what do you think we were up to, Oliver?"

"Oh," he starts, tapping a finger against the edge of his solo cup as if something about your sudden attention startled him. "Up to no good, 'm sure."

You smile. Oliver and you may not be close, but at least he doesn't have an issue with carrying on a bit. Some of Felix's friends do. The first time Felix left you alone at one of these things, you made the mistake of making a joke in front of a girl who just stared at you.

"Little faith," you accuse with a shake of your head that indicates a disappointment your smile doesn't match.

"We were talking about inevitability."

Felix turns his head to look at Farleigh, "And what's inevitable?"

Your nails press into the skin of your leg. Some instinct tells you to beat Farleigh to the punch. "Oh, our wedding, apparently."

Felix tenses. "Wh--what?"

"To Farleigh," you clarify as quickly as possible, "I promise I'm not planning on proposing any time soon, so you can relax."

His hand finds your knee again. "Right," Felix sighs through a dry laugh, "Cause I--" Felix pauses, his forehead falling to your shoulder. "Farleigh...he'll say anything when high, it's..." He scoffs.

You turn your head with no warning. Felix's head slips off your shoulder. He pouts. "So the thought of being married to me is that bad?"

"No." He stretches out the vowel sound in an attempt to buy himself some time. "I--" He leans in closer, eyes flitting away from you and towards your lap. "I didn't--not like--"

You laugh. "I'm making fun of you, Lex." His skin is still slightly flushed, a pink tinge to his cheeks that's almost masked by the low lighting. "Y'can relax."

Felix's lips part in mock offense. "Lovie." He leans his head forward, hiding his face against the side of your neck.

You giggle, lifting a hand to brush your fingers through his hair. "I know, I'm mean."

"Very." He's quiet for a moment, head resting against you even though the angle can't be comfortable. "It wouldn't be bad." Felix whispers the sentence so quickly and quietly you almost feel like you've imagined them.

Before you can respond, Felix lifts his head slightly, setting his chin back on your shoulder. "Me and Ollie were talking about leaving early, watching that movie you rented." He squeezes your arm, the gesture warm. "If you want to."

"Yeah," you grin, "Sounds fun."

----

taglist; @vader-is-hot @spiritofbuddha @getosangie @freyafriggafrey @ilovehyperfixating @aryiannarae @willowpains

[richeeduvie]

roman being all pouty and sad cos he’s fucked something up and baby’s like ‘you want a kiss?’ and he’s all ‘i don’t deserve it’ :(((( and she’s like omg shut up you’re getting one

"Your dad isn't going to remember this tomorrow. It was one fuck up."

Roman's got his arms crossed on the bed, but his hand goes up. Casual, whiny disbelief as you rub his thigh.

"Can't you just call me a little bitch-nothing? Some fucking freak who doesn't even deserve your bone-crushing heel or an insult?"

"I think if you'd really want that, then the best thing for me to do is just...not insult you. That'll really hurt you, hm?"

"...Fuck you. It would make me feel better. But you're right, I don't even deserve that."

You tilt your head coming into him on the bed, lying at his side.

"I didn't say that. You said that."

"Yep. But you and me - our brains are in kahoots. We share everything, so you did say that. You think it."

"I think you deserve everything."

"Oh, fuck you."

Roman sounds disgusted by your compliment. That's how you know he finds your words genuine. They're so genuine that he can't stand to believe it.

"You want a kiss?"

You smile softly and pull something from his furrowed brow. Roman's looking down. You know Logan got to him today. And he can handle the punches and backhands, as much as you don't want him to - but the words get him. You see it in the twisting of his face, how he makes himself small. Not for the sake of humor or when he wants you to be over and above him in the bedroom, but because that's what he feels he should be.

"Nope. Don't think I deserve one so...fuck off with that."

Your eyes soften and get low.

Oh, Roman.

You want to roll your eyes, flick his ear but that's not a kiss. But an forceful kiss is easier for Roman to take than one he's asked for, or one you've asked to give.

"Roman. I'm going to give you a kiss."

"Okay. You do that."

He's got his voice pitchy, cartoonish and sarcastic. And he can't stand to look at you. Roman knows your eyes are soft and that'll mean all the more worse, heavy feelings on his heart. Things he believes he doesn't deserve.

He's done so much worse and gotten so many more kisses before. Today means nothing.

"Do you want a kiss?"

"Jesu-" Roman scoffs, arms moving against his chest. "What are you doing?"

"Asking you if you want one. And you should probably take up the offer."

You brush your hands through his hair. He looks sick. Perfect.

"Will you stop making me feel peevish and fretful with the desire to remember I have a vocabulary? Cause with the previous terms and the ones I'm thinking of to describe you nowwww...you probably don't wanna hear them. I don't even know why I'm being generous, today was a bitch."

"Let me be generous. It's the least I can do." You put a palm on his chest, nose on his cheek. No matter what, Roman will take you in. You watch his eyes almost come to a close. You know his heart is tense by the way he swallows. "It's the only thing I'm made for and all that."

His words thrown back at him. Quite softly too.

You know you want it. You need it. You don't think he's ever not needed you - if what Roman said about you and him being one and the same is true, than he's never not needed you.

He blinks up and he looks like he's about to vomit. Or that he's smelt something awful.

"Fine. Fucking - Mouth on me. Now."

You smile.

"Of course-"

"Oh, please - not the...just kiss and go. Don't make it fucking weird."

You kiss him on the mouth, hand curling on his shoulder. There's no surprise in the way Roman pushes his head up into the kiss. There's no surprise in the way he forces the kiss to go on for an almost-forever when you try to pull away.

[randomwritingdrabbles]

The way murther would have a completely different dynamic if they were genderbent, like omg.

Twas reading some Merlin fics and came across Murther as you often do in the merlin ao3 fandom and it occurred to me that while I'm kinda meh for canon typical Murther (I like Lance or Gwaine with him more and also Arthur having to be like "So this is my wife, the queen. And this is my soulmate, the court sorcerer... It's complicated, don't ask.") Genderbent Murther would be genuinely feral.

Here me out, Arthur doesn't want to be a knight as a goal, he wanted to be a good prince and being a knight was part of that. So it goes to imply that female Arthur wouldn't be some burly knight or do a Morgana type 'imma learn to fight anyway bitch' thing, fem!Arthur would do her best to be the best princess she could be.

Where Arthur is a fantastic fighter, f!Arthur would be impeccable at playing the political field and reading people. F!Arthur would be the perfect princess and would fucking know it, she would still be arrogant but instead of bullying the stablehands with knife throwing it would be a backhanded compliment about someone's outdated clothing styles. Princess Arthur would be a completely different character.

Merlin however is from the boonies, peasant women can't afford not to work so female Merlin would have been raised very similar to the boys and likely the only change in character she would have would be a much higher likelihood of knowing genuine self defence.

No one is sending a young unmarried woman off to the capital on her own, she would have been taught at least enough to stab a man where it hurts, if not kill him outright.

Imagine the dynamic with this flip in the personalities though!!!

Perfect princess Arthur being saved by this random peasant girl weilding a knife and the fucking audacity. Just the dynamic of the definitely not scheeming princess and her definitely not a terrifying assasin maidservant.

I honestly think they'd get together in like five minutes flat. Arthur not wanting to have her agency taken by a man meets hella cute and also sexily violent Merlin? She'd climb that peasant girl after the first thwarted assassination attempt.

Especially given that lesbians weren't really seen as a thing back then or if they were, were considered 'training' for their 'real' relationships, so people legit would either not notice or just wouldn't give a shit.

Arthur wouldn't be able to be blatant so she would 100% train her maidservant into the perfect spymaster/assasin and unleash her on her political enemies. Merlin thought the princess was a prat for all of five minutes until said prat gave her bedroom eyes and then 'thanked' her for saving her life... Merlin now has a hot gf, a weird dragon friend, and is getting advanced stabbing lessons... she is a fulfilled bitch.

(Arthur takes the throne because she actively ousts Uther. He tried to marry her off and she already had a shakey relationship with him cus he doesn't know how to raise girls. He is now 'taking a medical vacation' and Arthur rules as queen. Magic is legalised cus merlin legit could not last a full week without this observant version of Arthur noticing the magic.)

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

legend of ruby sunday let's gooo

TWO SHADES OF RED

ruby is so overhwelmed bless her lol

hOWS YOUR UNCLE. YOU SEXY BITCH SDKLFJ HOW YOU THINK!!!!??

they are making unit too quirky for them not to become a spin off lol

15 WILL flirt with your staff kate and you WILL endure it

screaming the clip was just the first clip. whats gonna happen

"Even I got that" SDKJ THE META

IS THAT SIGNIFICANT"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ya'll are so self-conceited. millions of people are called susana. / i say this while vibrating at the rate of a neutrino star

"susan IS the name of my grandaughter" NOT WAS. IS !!!!

"we'll get him" is that a musk ref. rtd, musk is not a genius lol

"but what for" asking the tough questions

(also regeneration as a disguise…. what a good idea)

JUST DONT GO CHANGING YOURS OOK

"cant we just pipe in a bit of applause " the meta……..

mel pulling a 73!yards ruby

"we have another mystery woman" "ruby sundayyyyyyyyyyy" "you could've warned me" wtf i love tem. i love this. absolute bonkers vibes for a finale. (the horrors will start at any second)

ruby/rose flirting…….. ?? :eyes emoji:

doctor who wasMEANT to have a bunch of middle aged / old

women characters

stsly i love this energy "I love devina" amazing.

"you love to break the rules" she knows her uncle so well

WE CAN SHARPEN THE IMAGE. ENHANCE!!!

im enjoying how the fantasy / scifi plot mystery is tied to this very real personal thing for ruby.

ruby rose holding hands………………. im seeing.

"they never give me proper work" gee i wonder why rose!!! you think your mom wants you out there doing torchwood style suicide missions. cmon.

"he was a postman. she was a dinner lady" hmm

MEL IN HER LIL' ORANGE SCOOTER. OBSESSED!!!!!!!!

CARLA ON ACTION!!!!!!!!! GO GO GO

go get miss flood??????? A???????????

IM ALWAYS HIDING MYSELF AWAY

dont leave it to her oh my god. rip cherry.

(btw god bless. the hallway crack from the christmas special is still there lol)

ms flood nailing the old relative backhanded compliment

IT'S ABOUT TIME I CAUSE TROUBLE FOR MYSELF

HE WAITS NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!

NOT QUITE. NOT YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im vibrating so much

oof this is so good. this is so TRUE. "you need roots of your own not a senile old man" updated to "i bring disaster"" aggg

15 is so healthy guys. so healthy

"what if you just said hello to her face?" i cant believe this is happening ya'll. russel really said "the five doctors was BULLSHIT. im gonna fix-it fix this shit" and went and did it. icon

ill have some of that <3 !!!! (lol thats right kate. he'll never trust u like them!!! deal with it)

a phoenix is just a bird until it burns… awesome. what the fuck does that mean

thats right stammer. you're barred from unit. motherfucker 15 is so rude. love him

MANCHESTER MOMENT

MASSIVE INFORMATION FROM THE VHS. I LOVE THIS ABSOLUTE NONESENSE.

ooo the music did a little thing. hold on to your butts babes we about to get DRAMA

unit has better toys. but are they competentent? LOL

clara and the leaf energy tbh (complimentary)

(oh is ruby susan's daughter therefore 15' daughter????) love the snow thing tbh . rtd was like im about to give dw fanartists an easy motif to add to their art for years. thanks king "time has tides and hollows and secrets"

(this transition effect………. very pertwee era intro….. :eyes emoji:) memory is time!!!!

"you cant move" omg impossible mission moment. fathers day moment. 15/ruby dont know how to step moment!!!!!!!!!!!

this is rtd's thought process lol "time … memory… ah shit.. MEMORY TIME MACHINE THERE WE GO"

damn carla and ruby got me here.

"my memory of this keeps changing"

rip chipzode probably

T.T rubes

what the actual fuclk

Close the window!!!!

when is that thing, inspector spacetime???????

it's the beast!! (carla dont name the undefined thing on the "everything becomes what you name it season" o h my gOD)

I AM IN HELL

im loving the coloring/lighting in this episode. everyone looks very sharp and nice

"i bring disaster" hehe

finally some good fucking [kate vs doctor antagonism]

15 frustrated because he finally has to come back from buying the cigarattes/ bread

"FINISHED? STOP GRIZZLING AND FIX IT". mel!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats

mel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you mel!!!!!!!!!!!!

rtd said im gonna write a season that is SO self referential. thank u

for writting this show for the weirdos only. (We might run out of disney money tomorrow but TODAY we relish)

brigadier picture!!!

missing episodes restoration commentary? lol (if i was rtd i would have named harriet ms. bachel color)

"i'd remember a handsome chap like you" um. let's no go there!!! thanks

i told u doc u absolute anxious nerd. there's millions of susans!!! (not convinced this isnt anything yet)

the music is doing things

"being an ambulance?" mel u have always been in doccy who. catch up!!!

reverse the polarity of the VHS

(ALSO very 00's/90's "therre's something hiding in the music if u play it backwards Zeitgeist ("Blink"'s dvd easter egg realness))

donna this is all ebcause you had to go and spill that damn coffee. chodizee's blood is on YOUR hands

leave the tardis alone… "then they get wise, and they try to destroy it"

"thank you, and i love you, and good bye" aaaaaaaaa

our tecnology spreads lies and fraud!!! im gonna count that as aBINGO. taking my prize in cash beebs. thank!!!

"you do not question, you move" ummmmm

master? rogue? valeyyard? rassilon? omega? suttek? omega??? rani?? ???

harriet arbingers. rip.

A DREAM OF A WORLD WITH ORANGE SKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol love this. going over the theories

THE MARA MENTION!!! TEGAN NATIO N WE R I S E

suketh!!!!!! well there it is lol (damn wish i had rewatch Pyramids so i could be more excited about this dklfjsdklfjdskldfs) (also def saw ppl on reddit calling that "second anagram" ou t sdklfjsd)

"did you think i was family, doctor?" rude.

CONCLUSIONS!!!

tbh this had a looooot of good character moments but i think it was mostly a "putting the chessboard pieces in place" episode. still tho damn, those characters moments. highlighting carla/ruby giving me emotions, sutekh/doctor taunting, doctor/kate antagonism MY BELOVED, ruby/rose (best ship name?????), doctor/mel!!!!!!!!!!!!!! being everything!!!!, doctor finally dealing with the susan of it all!!!! (ilu for this rtd). doctor/ruby being super cute and queer before experiencing THE HORRORS, idk how i feel about the reveal since tbh i didnt care much for that serial sdlfkjsdfds but hey. anyway excited for next week. tv show reveal def coming for the second-act-reversal !!!!!/is a hopeless case ALSO enjoyed the filming of this as well (snow! vhs effect!!!) and this is def the most interesting UNIT has ever been lol

[lily-alphonse]

Omg pls do smth for Haley x Sebastian. I can imagine her hating him for being the ‘town freak’ but she actually loves him yk yk??

Hi Seph! I had an insane brain blast for this one and I would love to write it one day. I'm going to try to summarize as best as I can because my brain is absolutely sprinting with this idea and I already have the makings of a full fic formed lol. 

I checked AO3 for funsies and was surprised to find they genuinely are rare, I was expecting more. At the time of my search I see ten, you can click here to see existing Haley/Seb on AO3.

I actually have a plan for these two to hook up in my SamAlex series (it isn't posted anywhere yet but sooo soon, you can check out the ask its based on though) but that's more casual, let’s give them the makings of a real relationship this time.

I might have seen this somewhere but I love the idea of Haley going to Sebastian for weed, and that's how they get closer.

I need Sebastian to SAVE her. That’s what got me all fired up. That’s my climax.

Ok so initially, Haley definitely just sees Sebastian as a freak, especially because he was even weirder in high school while he was figuring out his style and stuff. 

She dreads that she has no other option but to go to him for weed, preferring to go through Sam whenever possible, but Jodi is really strict you know, he can't always be meeting her for stuff like that or keeping weed in his place. 

So she has no choice but to meet him.

Sebastian has changed. He's grown, he's gotten his style together. He's kind of punk, but Haley doesn't hate it. (I'm imagining @modern-gremlin 's interpretation of Sebastian for this). Haley's even a little intrigued, but won't admit it to herself. He's not the kind of guy she usually goes for.

The first time she meets him at his house on the mountain she complains about the trek, but she’s wearing fashionable heeled boots and Sebastian looks at her like she’s stupid. “Nice boots.”

“Is that sarcasm?”

Sebastian can't tell if she’s asking that seriously or not. It makes things awkward (high implications that Haley is autistic I love autistic Haley fanon). “Maybe” he decides to answer.

She waggles a gloved finger at him. “No, no. I don’t take sarcasm. I will thank you for your compliment, and your backhanded joke is ruined,” she says matter-of-factly.

Sebastian, amused and a little high, just chuckles and says “Okay.”

“Thank you. Now where’s my weed?” 

Sebastian shakes his head to himself, an incredulous smile glued to his face. He can’t quite shake his sarcastic tendencies when he gestures back to the house, “After you my lady.” 

She nods and flips her blonde hair behind her.

They start meeting up regularly, usually once a month. Always short business dealings. At first Sebastian does offer to smoke her out so she can test it, but she refuses. More than potentially being awkward, she really prefers just to smoke at parties. It's not that she doesn't trust him, she supposes she does if she's buying weed from him, and he never seems to short her.

I want to have a buildup bonding moment where she learns something about him that's surprising and she likes it. Maybe she comes by and he is working on his motorcycle (🥵 every Sebastian lover when we get that scene) and after that starts opening up to him a bit more.

She starts letting him know about the parties she is going to in town where she's taking the weed to. When it seems a little sus or new territory, he asks her how she's getting home and stuff like that, just to make sure she's safe, and she laughs him off. She's a big girl, she can take care of herself. He assures her anyway that if she's ever in a bad situation she can call him or Sam. They are often in town on the weekend anyway. Haley is touched at that.

She decides maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get high with him sometime. I’m thinking the first time is a fun little hangout with a group though I’m not sure who exactly yet. Essentially I need them to get high and have a good time and with their guards down there actually starts to be a little romantic tension between them but they can’t do anything about it because of the others there. 

Next we get a party scene where Haley is kind of checked out and uninterested in hooking up or playing any racy party games because unfortunately she’s kind of hung up on Sebastian now. Both are individually having their own 'damn I might have caught feelings' moments.

A few days after those realizations they stumble across each other by accident and are both sober, that's important. They have a cute little sober moment like she comes across him in the woods as she’s taking pics, or he takes her out on his motorcycle. By the end of it they are officially both interested in each other. They are looking forward to seeing each other again, but neither of them has spelled out that they're dating. 

Then, first conflict. Something happens, probably some kind of miscommunication. They don’t end up reconciling before Haley gets herself into trouble at the next party she goes to.

This bit originally got too graphic for this post so I will just say, she ends up in a bad situation, and manages to call Sebastian.

Sebastian comes in fully prepared to do jail time. I'm not pretending he is a big guy, I know that, he knows that. He has just seen some shit in his life and knows how to defend himself. Plus it helps that he is pissed. He majorly fucks up the bad guy and rescues Haley.

She's super out of it but murmurs his name. "Seb..."

“I told you I’d come get you,” he says, choking on relief. 

Haley smiles a little and closes her eyes again. He picks her up, walking out of the party cradling her in his arms. 

And then we could get an epilogue of them properly reconciling and becoming official and all that teehee

This ask is a part of the (now closed) SDV Rarepair Challenge! Check out the other answers here, and make sure to boost your favorite so it can appear in the final fic poll! More info on that here.

[icanseethefuture333]

do you get compliments on your appearance a lot? like irl? and is that echoed in tarot readings or any other readings you get? because i feel like i'm constantly told i'm pretty in readings but irl people don't say it to me as much. or it's brought up to me in very backhanded ways. omg IDK what kind of treatment hot girls get bc i think i just glowed up 😭😭

I get compliments a lot, yes, but maybe you should check your birth chart to see why you don't get as much attention or praise in public. For me, I have a Leo rising, 5th house stellium, and sun dominant, so I attract attention or people even when I don't necessarily want to (especially as a teenager because I was terribly shy!). I have had people be really nice to me, but also very rude to me as well (people publicly body shaming me for no reason). I think regardless of appearance or being considered attractive, Leos command attention, or its hard not to notice them because their features, aura, or style is so prominent. If people give backhanded compliments, it could be because of jealousy. Which reminds me of Cancer risings, Libra risings, Scorpio, Gemini, and earth sign placements. Karen Mulder said no one told her she was pretty growing up and then became a supermodel, she has a taurus stellium. Jisoo from Blackpink said people in her family would call her ugly and now she's the visual of a famous girl group, she has a Capricorn stellium, as well as her Venus and Pluto in Scorpio in the 1st house, which explains the envy she experienced throughout her childhood.

[evebestt]

Well the battle of the Grandmother's is a battle of wit (That's fairly one sided), As Rhaenys is holding baby Jace and baby Daeron because Jace shrieked his tiny head off seeing his grandmother hold ANOTHER baby and as Viserys's favorite cousin she MUST hold his child at least once. Alicent's jealousy that Rhaenys can easily settle two one year olds without any sort of difficulties, and her snark.

Backhanded compliments and Alicent rhetorically asking if anyone's ever seen a Targaryen with such dark curls.

Rhaenys replying quite frankly that yes, she has seen other HALF Targaryens with such dark hair, her own mother and uncle in fact.

Omg all the babies screaming for Rhaenys’ attention, and her happily cuddling them all and settling them in 🥺 but yes I do think the Battle of the Grandmothers would be a bit one sided, and not nearly as obvious as the Battle of the Grandfathers. It would mostly be Alicent feeling jealous at the easy confidence and coolness that Rhaenys projects, and how easy she slides between her roles of mother, grandmother, Lady, and strong political force. And Rhaenys would only really give Alicent the attention required to give the Queen, and other than that just ignoring her.

Until Alicent brings up the dark hair, and you bet you ass that Rhaenys is ready to go through her entire family tree and name every other half Targaryen who’s had dark hair — herself included if you go with the books. @youleavethetardisbrakeson and I have joked that in regards to the babies coming out with dark hair, Laenor could have just been like “yes they take after my grandmother on my mother’s side, there’s some strong Baratheon blood in there” 😂

[fairycosmos]

Chloe can I ask for some wisdom? Do you think it is unreasonable for me to dislike my sister in law after she brought up the size of my nose numerous times when I said it was an insecurity of mine. They tried to make it seem like a backhanded compliment because their nose is “so small” in comparison and they aren’t insecure about it at all but it’s like okay but I’ve said stop talking about it. Everyone acts like I’m crazy for feeling this way

not unreasonable at all! literally what is her problem omg. i think your feelings are absolutely justified and it's ok to be down about this - you've communicated that her comments are hurting your feelings and she's still continuing to do it and somehow you're the one whose being made to feel at fault in that scenario?? that's objectively fucked up for real. and im really really sorry that the people around you won't acknowledge your feelings and call her out on her crap. honestly it's just a very weird insecure move in general to pick at someone else's appearance, i rly think she has her own issues and she's projecting them onto you for whatever reason. honestly if i were you i would only engage with her when absolutely necessary from here on out unless or until she properly apologises/cuts it out - she doesn't deserve your time or energy like at all lol. people can say that's an overreaction all they want, but it's bully behaviour and you truly don't have to put up with it or give her any more attention over it. sending a massive hug your way. X

[the-chickenshit-oddity]

B99 Obsessive Rewatch Season Two

rewatching B99 and taking notes. also, sometimes i get ideas of stuff i wanna see played out more, so i post them as prompts and link them here. spoilers for all of season two.

2:1

Jake as an italian mobster kinda

Is this the first holt&jake hug we’ve seen?? Rayray doesnt even flinch so cute

Jake’s rapidfire recap : fixed a boxing match / smoked a whole cigar w/o vomitting / was in a room w/ 10 Sals

Jake lies to amy about liking her

Jake has “lady hands”

Holt says he’s seen MOVIES PLURAL

Awesome begins with an O, JP 2013 probably

“i am feeling trepidation at the prospect of a parentless existence” = baby holt’s parents had a thing when he was 7

Weirdest thing in the whole episode is mobster jake being beaten by a cop on mob turf and none of his mobster buddies helping out

Baby holt snuck into daddy holt’s office to check out his collection of antique globes = daddy holt issues ref above

Proud daddy holt. Forgot to note if it happened in s1 so we’ll consider this the beginning

Jake unlies to amy about liking her

Gina and boyle shag again

2:2

Terry’s getting snipped and gina is way creepy

Boyle has a sister (probs castle girl) that we never mention again?

Wunch appearance and holt is a dramatic shit i love him

Wunch&holt : wunch shot holt, holt tried to get her fired, wunch destroyed holts file while UC, holt embarrassed wunch in front of derrick jeater who??

Amy’s fierce when someone’s fucking with her career we stan

Charles has seen the little mermaid

Holt’s a great amy dad cause both of them are ambitious nerds

2:3

Jimmy jabs est.2008

Jake knows rosa’s friend katie (and s1 amy’s friend kylie – how the fuck)

Lots of parallels to FRIENDS. Accidental sex tape, two guys accidentally nap together, probs other stuff, where’s the downstairs officers brooming the ceiling?

Squad screams like maniacs in the bullpen and random background people literally dont even care – ie this is such a habit people are over it

Bomb suits kinda look like minions or is it just me

Hitchcock is evil – do we think he’s related to gina or what?

Amy wins

2:4

Halloween heist

Holt is a master jake player, all rejoice

Holt says watch from kevdad & kevdad dead

I want ginas jacket

Jake has cousins ie jake has aunties??

2:5

Trust levels off the charts. Leaping at terry, telling holt the truth and asking amy for help. Okay so that’s only jake but still

Wunch is evil

My man holt is sooo tense, how long do we bet till he blows up?

Amy is giving toddler mom vibes rn somebody give her a margarita

>> amy has to babysit some random kid and realises he’s identical to jake in behaviour

Im gonna need baby terry being a disco champion thing

>>Omg!! Holt caught the disco killer, maybe disco killer killed disco nerds, ie holt saved terry’s life!

Lmao kev passive agressive is my life

Holt is a regular holmes wtf

How did jake get guest pjs, im sensing a food/drink related accident which makes twice this episode with amy’s car

Holt&jake teaming up is my fave thing ever

Terry at a soccer game for his kids would be terrifying

2:6

I’m in love with jake’s “why am i an idiot” face

Amy goes to holt screeching “captain” like he’s her dad, i need an amy prequel series, i love her

Rosa’s really backhanded at compliments it’s awesome

So cops hate lawyers and firepeople?? Who are they buddies with? (except for the criminals eh)

Whats a pow wow?

Is this a “season’s main human-mess that needs holt guidance” thing? First was jake, this feels like amy’s

2:7

When did holt get stabbed IN THE NECK??

gina get off on chaos like a demon she’s evil

precinct lockdown ep – all of those people are terrible and i hate them

why does terry’s wife not care about her brother being a dick?

2:8

Terry and amy waterboard themselves for some reason

So cops hate mailpeople too

Forgot holt had a gambling addiction

Coping stuff : holt workouts / terry self torture wtf? / gina meditation

Jake&rosa friendship is great

2:9

Holt wants bland ugly food, like how picky can you get

How is jake inviting teddy to come a proof of teddy being romantic?

Note to self : never go to a themed hotel they’re haunted

“pb&js are so simple a child could make them” makes me see neglected baby holt making himself food as best he could >> tie in with no dad baby holt thingy

Rosa got possessed by the devil

Lessons : CB > RH cooking stuff (epic fail)

Wheres the award for the most awkward double date ever?

2:10

Doug judy’s back

Jake has no ability to hold grudges?

Doug judy’s got real nice teeth

Amy stand up to holt, holt likes

I’m not interested in the whole boyle/linetti storylines :/

2:11

Holt took all night to think of an insult for wunch but burns people left and right no problem >> my boy doesn’t actually hate her?? Omg is this some weird non-sexual game they play? Gross

Amy&rosa in a car for four hours? I need to see it

“uncle ray” talks about work so much even his NEPHEW knows who’s who. 1) was kev not there, because no cop talk policy 2) was he EFFUSIVE??

Most of what i’ve learnt from this watching session today is that i’m real hungry why do they keep eating

You know what’s inconspicuous? Two guys sitting in front of windows with massive cameras. Totes invisible

Jake&charles have a roomie breakdown, gina&amy have an existential crisis, terry is a mom and rosa&holt are ...there

Man i do NOT want to shag in my boss’ house, i mean rosa’s got her own flat, cmon

Kev making bacon smiles on his pancakes totes goes into my kev&holt get baby martin for holidays headcanon (see season one obsessive rewatch)

“this isn’t my first rodeo” jake abt dealing w/ scully >> fits into baby jake shadowing scully for junior cops thingy (also in s1 obsessive rewatch)

“brothers fight but they’re always there for each other” says the only child (fun fact, only jake and gina are only kids (except for maybe terry cause i can’t remember))

2:12

I love the amy drunkenness scale

A fondue stick in a fanny pack sounds like a disaster waiting to happen

Beachhouse w/ the boss episode

Amy&gina&terry get paired up lots

Why didn’t they turn the holt party into a movie night??

Au where boyle is a seduction coach

Gina turned not-evil for a second

2:13

Amy’s def of partner : bounce ideas, eat street meat & stake out, burnt coffee

Jake hasnt been to the dentist in seven years (at this point i’m thinking he was kidnapped and doesnt remember his season one dentist trip)

“it’s payback time” to the drug dealer who killed all of jake’s family

Gina’s got two grandmas

Charles want to have a bowling business

How do terry’s biceps have their own biceps???

Holt likes the name todd, didnt he have an ex called todd?

Isn’t yahooanswers dead? How does jake know stuff now?

2:14

If s1 is parenting Jake and teaching Amy independence, is s2 about parenting Amy and bonding with Rosa through evil humour?

Jake tells terry he loves sofia??

Rosa’s enemy marker-hoarder carla biancci in 2nd grade turned bully till grad

Jake tells sofia he loves her

Gina being a dick after saying something true – a trend?

Charles’ dad was a florist and now i want a classic flower shop romance

Sofia breaks up ouchhh

Eww gross wunch kissed holt i need brainbleach

Charles doesnt think his dad loves him?

2:15

Rosa’s parents are “smiley morons & hug freaks”. Did not seem like it in the coming out episode?

Second massive cop lasertag game thingy

Holt confused face implies he never saw titanic

Note to self try to make a blondie sometime

Holt apologises the next day for trying to disqualify gina from pers.test >> did kevin tell him his type didn’t fit him?

Gina thinks holt flirts with her so she’s a wunch but on their side?

2:16

“if u love s/o u’ll remember what they look like” but KEVIN HAS A PORTRAIT MATE

Oh this is the “i’m sorry you weRE STABBED” episode

I want marvin the geriatric bank robber to be buddies with gina??

Im lowkey upset that kevs buddies with gina tho, he’s not evil enough

Ray talks about jake to random waitresses and his painting teacher

Okay i get it, amy and charles are too simpy, rosa’s too unhinged, we don’t talk about hitchcock and scully, terry’s got his own shit, so that only leaves gina and jake and it cannot be jake, so. Yeah okay gina and kev are buddies

Ray called jake a genius just cause he heard him practice his holt impression, how cute

2:17

Jake’s a creepy girl stalker?? Poor jenny gildenhorn

Rosa has a grandad

Amy plays french horn

Jake answers amy’s proposal with “yes a thousands times yes”

MARCUS DVRs BONES THE HOLTCOZNER BEDROOM WEIRD DVR QUEUE SOLVED EXCEPT WHYS HE IN THEIR ROOM??

2:18

Dickhead peralta shows up, i hate him :(

Holt’s “unsolvable” riddle “There are 12 men on an island. 11 weigh exactly the same amount, but one of them is slightly lighter or heavier. You must figure out which. The island has no escapes, but there is a seesaw. The exciting catch? You can only use it three times.”

Jakes allergic to bees and dickhead knows about it

I’d go on a sudoku cruise too amy

Honestly this riddles fucking easy im so angry

Amy’s right tho, you do 6v6, one side’s heavier, then you divide that one 3v3, one side’s heavier, you do 1v1 and either they’re equal and the last one’s the heaviest or one of them’s already the heaviest

I cannot tell you how infuriated i get everytime im reminded of dickhead peralta’s later character arc.

2:19

s/o framing jake as druggie

spoiler its sofias druggie bossman

holt : “sarcasm the cowards lie” ouch

oh yeah also terry and holt missed ginas dance thing and shes upset

and also charles gotta work with the two giant babies

2:20

Jakes unhealthy obsession with his job episode 40 of 40

Rosa&holt scheming to avoid personal chats, relatable

Rosas dads a teacher, two sisters

2:21

Jake and amy have a crush on the same guy till the guy likes amy and jake likes amy more

Terrys looking into a new job and boyle gina holt get weird about it

2:22

Jakes on a treasure hunt, terry’s looking into a school for his kids again?

Holt v wunch 1946th time

Bingpot

The velvet thunder is probs thor’s more dramatic second cousin

2:23

Wunch got holt transfered sad face

Rosa’s bday

Wunch being incredibly sexual-harrassy again

Rosa likes gilmore girls

Weird sex thing from wunch again geez

Rayray does the robot yay. Dude was there a cancel-scare?

[shethinks2much]

Over Explaining Myself (like always)

I say to you “omg you FINALLY look good” but I say it from the purest part of my heart. Yeah I mean well and in my eyes I’m giving a compliment, but how is the receiver to feel? How would you feel? Sometimes good intentions that come across poorly intertwine with failing to be perceptive of the other side. That eventually turns into something bigger, which is, ignorance. If I don’t become more considerate of your feelings and I repeat certain actions, how am I serving you as the person you are? Now, as the person who received that so called “compliment” yeah you couldn’t scream at the me, right? Because after all, I wasn’t aware and my intentions were good, PLUS it was my first strike. So you swallow your pride, become the bigger person, and ACCEPT me for who I am and what my intentions were.  

But then AGAIN, I do the same thing. I strike unintended hurt. You get upset. I then wonder why you are upset. You tell me why you are upset and I hear you, but I just don’t quite understand you. I listen, but I just cannot interpret what you said.  I look to you in complete confusion. At this point, all I’m seeing is a reaction while missing WHY you reacted. 

“I gave her a compliment!” I thought, while you think, “she gave me a backhanded compliment?” We are then on different pages. I strike again with my comments and keep unknowingly hurting you. You tell me how it makes you feel and I respond with “but I didn’t mean it that way” and “it’s not a big deal”. BUT, to you, you were hurt and it was a BIG deal AND you told me that too. You just said you were hurt to me but to me, that doesn’t matter as much bc I just didn’t mean it. You feel that I cared more about defending myself than just stating and acknowledging how it came across. The cycle then repeats and I’m oblivious to how you work, so I keep hurting you. It makes you feel crazy inside for having every ounce of emotion being passed off, minimized into nothing. You then would start to get upset and frustrated because I haven’t taken the time to consider your feelings. You have understood that yes, my intentions weren’t bad, but I haven’t taken the time to learn how my unintentional actions can sometimes resonate poorly. 

xoxo,

Psyche Abyss

[takalzuoom]

Hi! I really enjoyed your headcannons about Leona and Riddle as reader’s besties. Can I please request best friends hcs for Vil and Malleus?

Omg I’m writing this in English

But I’m so glad you enjoyed the riddle and Leona scenarios 🙈

Oh my god i literally loved writing this like- this is probably one of my favorites to write, i’m sorry for the wait but tysm requesting 🙈

May have overindulged in malleus… 😺

𝐕𝐢𝐥

oh my god

Even if you're nice i can immediately imagine the plastics

HE INVENTED THE BURN BOOK

With you vil (and sometimes) rook, you're unstoppable and cause people to have nightmares

In order for you to even be seen together, you have to have pride in your appearance, But if you have opposite aesthetics,i think you’re gonna have to be pretty tame cause if you get a little too … wild, he’ll literally bully you💀

But other than that- he's an absolute menace- like he’d absolutely throw away your lunch, look back at you and smile saying ‘you’ll thank me for this later’

IF YOU TRY GIVING HIM A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET HE’LL ‘SMILE’, CHUCKS IT SOMEWHERE, AND APPEAR WITH MATCHING LUXURY BRAND BRACELETS CLAIMING ‘ i won't have that fake metal touch and ruin my skin. You're welcome by the way’

You never knew what happened to it, but once you see it sitting prettily on his vanity, you know the gesture meant a lot to him

Okay listen- you literally become his emotional support friend

He won't go anywhere without you😭 that's only if you’ve been friends for super long and know him- like really know him

(Your relationship reminds me of me and my sisters, her constantly calling me into her room to hang out while she does whatever with hair and makeup while I’m on my phone talking to her)

Though some people point out that you're basically his assistant, you both know that's just chatter as Vil trusts you immensely.

Cause he’s someone who solely believes that you should do important matters yourself, but he’s let his guard down and let you lighten his load a bit

(That’s an unspoken indicator that you values you far more than you’d ever know)

The industry is hard and you can’t trust anyone- so knowing youre there in his corner, or even there in general relaxes him a bit, though its very uncomfortable at first

He may appear to be a diva, but even he sometimes gets caught up in his head.

While i dont see him skipping meals, he will calorie count

And if it’s a bad day / week, I can see him freaking out if even one minisquill of pigment is out of place. He’ll probably throw his things on the floor and grip at his hair as he refuses to cry.

He has a lot of pent up rage so 😿

You will definitely have to keep an eye on him. Don't confront him in public or else he will point out your flaws, bringing the unwanted attention to you

“Stressed? Potato are you feeling well? You don't look… heh, well as you do usually “ he gives you a once over “so go along to your dorm and catch some rest…”

You always know what gossip’s going on.

How Leona failed his last test. Or malleus cried in class. How Riddle talks to animals. You. Know. Everything.

I see him as valuing your opinion, so sometimes when he isnt sure if he likes how a shoot / a photo came out, he’ll ask you- sometimes taking your judgment other times doing the opposite

Screams at the tv 💀

Like yall could be watching cheer and when they’re at Daytona he’ll shush you any time you try to talk, or (when he knows no one is in a square radius of his room, dorms closed, windows locked, rook hunting- he’ll start screaming

Has no problem confronting people, if one of your friends block you for no reason, he’ll go up to them (when he deems fit) and ask why they’d do that

Basically an extrovert adopting an introvert if you truly think about it

PETTY. THIS MAN IS PETTY.

SO MANY BACKHANDED COMPLIMENTS THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHEN HE SAYS REAL COMPLIMENTS

He’s gotta keep you on your toes

“…What are you wearing?”

“…I thought it was cute…”

“oh… well you look like the ugly duckling who got dumped in oil and cooked alive- go change”

If you think he doesn't give you a weekly makeover and give you a proper skin care routine, you're deadly mistaken

In his free time I can see him totally helping you with potions and chemistry, and since he’s into skin care and make up he’ll just suddenly nerd out while looking at different skin care products

… close to being a Karen- has class and he’s socially conscious so he isn't

Also will help you with social media rules and social rules if you‘re oblivious about them (like me)

Will give you pep talks that will linger with you for months, maybe even a whole year as Vil knows what he’s talking about

You need him as much as he needs you, and if someone tries to tell you differently, they’ll suddenly have the worst luck 🤥

He tries to keep you out of the spotlight as 1/ he doesn't want you to get involved and 2. It’s his spotlight. So when you're out you’ll have to keep yourself disguised since he’s as conscious about his reputation as he is his skincare

Gives you the ‘boys are shit’ talk

“but you’re a guy”

“no. i’m a queen, rook is a boy”

“excuse you but i’m a man”

But over all, yall are staying best friends - forever 😈

Keeps you away from neige

matching outfits that aren’t tacky

𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐮𝐬

omg, omg my little pony didn't prepare him enough for this

In order for you guys to become friends, you’d either have to not know who he is, be paired up as partners, or talk to him as a dare 💀 (Please keep that one to yourself, cause his three musketeers will literally ruin you)

But please, he's so happy that you actually talked to him. just walking with him to class will lift his spirits, and he’ll look forward to talking to you again

And, yeah at first he’s awkward, you are too cause ‘why are people looking at me like they’ve seen a ghost’

But please. Be kind. He’s a sweetie 😿

Gives you the weirdest nicknames, ‘child of man’ being his favorite

call him mal or mal-mal and he’ll gleam with delight

But the more you spend time with him, figuring out he's more… odd, than intimidating

The people in diasomnia are blessed with actual sunshine and thats bringing his retainers through a loop becuase- what the fuck is wrong with malleus?

Sebek is losing his head and lilia,albeit amused since he never saw this side of him, wants to know what’s going on. and silver’s in one of his classes so he knows

You definitely get cornered by them💀 sorry bro but they’ll probably threaten you DBFNCOISUJGR

And when sebek literally degrades your entire bloodline and calls your mom a ‘wench’ you start to avoid malleus :(

He tries to talk to you but you're always either in a hurry or whisked away by one of the first years…

“Oh… I see”

Cue sebek, lilia and silver watching from a corner

So a week passes

…and 17 diasomnia students have ended up in the infirmary because of the constraint lighting strikes-

And three of them finally put 4 and 4 together and realize they’ve possibly made a mistake (lilia already knew this, but he just wanted to see what happens- cheeky little bastard👹)

And malleus, finally having enough comes up to you as you’re playing with grim, freezes everything in time expect you and just- talks

10 minutes later y'all are friends again and going to get lunch😻

Ignores his retainers for a day

He’s definitely a passive person. Not being able to say his disdain for things out right, but with carefully crafted words he could call someone’s mom a whore and they’d be thanking him for the supposed compliment

Honestly if people see you around malleus they’ll genuinely think he’s threatening you / holding your family hostage

“Blink twice if youre in danger”

“Why would they be in danger? Are they being threatened? If so…” 😟

But then again- scary dog privileges👁👁

Which has resorted to multiple rescue attempts from the first year squad

He’s a little jealous when they succeed cause he wants to join in on the fun too :((

You join the gargoyle research club! He asked you and since you didn't have anything going on at the time, and needed some kind of breather from… the trio of mayhem

Plus he looked so… lonely 🤥

LOGOWEAR FHG PLEASE HE’S NOT A CHARITY CASE CAUSE HE MAKES BEING ALONE ALL MYSTERIOUS WHEN IN REALITY THE MLP THEME SONG IS BLASTING IN THERE

Some times he’ll say there’s an emergency meeting and takes you out of class just to wander around the school after coaxing from lilia

He loves hearing about your adventures with the first years, loving the way your eyes sparkle and you talk animatedly about what goes on. Just.

*sighs dreamily*

Out of all of them i think it’s easiest to get into a relationship with malleus

Please do makeovers with him. Stick those saturated butterflyclips in his hair and attempt to do different makeup and hair styles on him and he’ll be so happy, on the inside, with a slight smile is on his face on the outside

Don't let sebek catch you though-

“What are you doing to the young master! Let go of him this instant!”

YOU TWO HAVE FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS SHUT UP.

Extra credit points if its mlp related

(Malleus watches mlp literally fight me- yall binge it too.)

I WILL KEEP PUSHING THIS

Flexes accidentally 🧍🏻

Like no, he’ll talk about how on break he went to some exotic island like its nothing you only found out that it was rich and exotic when ace and deuce look like they were about to faint when you told them he invited you

I WANNA MAKE RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS FOR HIM CAUSE UGHUREGHF- he will secretly court you if he likes you 🧍🏻

Okay back on track, even though he’s the ‘big bad malleus’ he has bad nights too, where he just cuddles into his covers, and hides himself from the world, that was truly when you realized he’s just like everyone else. That he’s not some robot. Some kind of a golden pedestal that sebek constantly has him on

You platonically cuddle cause he’s so touch starved- he’s either FREEZING and incredibly warm. No in between.

Sebek has approached you repeatedly asking you ‘how to get closer to the young master’

And you, still. Not over him practically calling your mom a whore, tell him to just, open his eyes a little more walks around with his eyes wide the next day- GBFNVIOSEF IK HE’S NOT FULLY OBLIVIOUS BUT WHEN IT COMES TO MALLEUS, C’MON

Out of everyone, i don't think you’ll have any true fights, malleus treasuring you, one of his only friends, so he makes sure communication is there

Y’all are 4lifers. You're his ride or die.

You also help him try to talk to leona more cause he, for some reason, wants to be his friend and- oh my god the chaos that ensues

[serpenteve]

shitty things mal has done (in the books)

a salty essay by @serpenteve (formerly snarkydarkling)

ignores alina’s existence for ¾ of S&B even tho he’s supposed to be her best friend like ??? ok there friend of year

“omg alina is actually fucking hot now??? hands off! i saw her first!”

shames alina for daring to fit in at the little palace

shames alina for ….wearing black?? ha ha ha ha ok who made malware the fashion police????

shames alina for daring to crush on someone who isn’t him even tho he’s probably banged half the first army

shames alina for being well off for once (”And here you are, safe and sound, dancing and flirting like some cosseted little princess.”) yEAH FUCK YOU TOO MALWARE AJSHAKJDHSFK (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻

“I love you, Alina, even the part of you that loved him” like whoa talk about a backhanded compliment and if we’re gonna keep holding ex-lovers against each other then alina might as well have responded with “yeahhh i love you too malfeasance, even the part of you that fucked zoya, kissed ruby, and fingered anya” like oh my god mal get a fucking grip

he’s literally the happiest son of a bitch in the entire country at the beginning of s&s, completely ignoring the fact that alina is now sickly, weak, and terribly unhealthy because she’s suppressing her powers like he literally could not give two shits about alina’s well-being aS LONG AS HE’S DOING WELL THATS ALL THAT MATTERS (And you know he’s extra gross when even the villain of the fucking series is like ?? tf you holding yourself back for ??? you look miserable??)

when they’re on the darkling’s ship he’s more worried that alina might end up enjoying herself with darkles than like…oh, idk..getting fucking tortured by him???

actually ATTACKS nikolai for daring to make a sensible proposal to alina

mal@nikolai: “You don’t have a right to her.” me@mal: HAHAHAHA STFU YOU SELFISH ENTITLED PIECE OF SHIT OH MY GOD THE IRONY

doesn’t even let alina answer nikolai’s proposal bc why would his girlfriend need to think for herself??? have her own agency??

straight up admits he doesn’t even want to help ravka he just wants to get in alina’s pants

whines and complains and generally acts like an oppressed fuckboi the entire time alina is trying to rebuild the second army and save her goddamn country

“since i dont fit in for once in my life, im gonna act like an immature shithead and make your life miserable too wah wah wah”

omg alina dares to flinch when malodorous tries to kiss her? should we let her explain herself or should we act like crybaby and go shove our tongues down zoya’s throat?

“psshhh its YOUR fault i kissed zoya!!! if you hadn’t dared to reject my magnificent self then i wouldn’t have had to kiss her obvs!!!11!”

“omg i can’t believe you care about saving your country more than fucking me?? selfish bitch!!!”

“i dont care that ravkas in a civil war and you’re our only hope of winning!! im going thru an identity crisis and i need you to stroke my ego 24/7!!!! im not a soldier, im not a tracker, so who am i alina/?? TELL ME WHO AM I???” a tool is what you are, you entitled prick

“i liked you better when you were insecure and powerless. where is that girl??? i want her back!!!!”

“how dare you crush on a prince who actually treats with the respect you deserve??? fucking gold-digger!!!”

abandons alina during his shift because he was too busy getting drunk and nearly lets her fucking die if tolya hadn’t intervened like yOU HAD ONE GODDAMN JOB MALPRACTICE

sabotages alina’s plan to kill the darkling

spends all of r&r resenting having to help alina & nikolai save the goddamn country like can you make it any more obvious you’re only here to try and get into alina’s pants again????

“i am become a blade” is probably the most unintentionally hilarious and anti-climatic conclusion to mal’s irrelevant identity crisis like yes, good for you malware, you’ve finally embraced your identity as a tool

“listen i don’t have an army or a crown but if you don’t choose me you’re basically a gold-digging materialistic whore but no pressure lmao”

hades was so repulsed by mal’s gross ass that he sent him back two seconds later

[theowritesstuff]

How do we feel about Jake absolutely falling head over heels for a rival driver and absolutely wanting to impress him but fumbles because it's Jake?

Jake just absolutely being a dork and fumbling around him in their downtime at races. The others would absolutely make fun of him and Jessie would 100% try and get the dudes number for Jake.

Idk I thought it was a cute idea-

- 🔪

Hey 🔪 anon! You’re my first emoji anon omg 🥺 I’m gonna use gn pronouns for this, I hope that’s okay

So Jake falling for a rival racer is one of my favorite concepts ever!!! At the beginning he’d definitely have the same sort of relationship he does with Jessie with them. Like, he’d say things sarcastically or make some backhanded comments, but the racer would just laugh, and say something flirty to Jake, and it’s like a switch has been flipped.

Jake does a complete 180 and is like “this is the loml” and of course, Jake being Jake, would try to woo them. Before races he’d chat them up, attempting to lean against a car, but standing a but too far, and he sort of just stumbles.

And we all know that sometimes Jake has issues with words, so he’s constantly fumbling with what to say around them. They give him a compliment on his driving? Poor boy looks like a fish out of water.

It’s obvious to Jessie, and let’s be honest, the rest of the crew, that Jake has fallen head over heels. He probably got a few strict words from Kevin about dating a competitor, but when they all see Jake interact with them they’re all like “ohhhhhh he fell hard”

Back to Jessie- a part of her feels bad, not for Jake of course, but for the other racer. They’re constantly flirting with Jake, and he just doesn’t seem to have the ability to flirt back without making a fool of himself. So one day she finds them before a race. She introduces herself as part of the Bobby Spencer team, and basically says something along the lines of “jake? He’s an idiot. But he really likes you, so could I have your number to give to him?”

And Jake totally doesn’t see Jessie talking to them, and immediately get jealous. Because of course, if there was going to be someone else that flirted with them it’d be the one person he seemed to always be in constant competition with.

Jessie would probably tease Jake about how she got their number, then eventually give it to him, when it looked like he was going to explode. Jake immediately texts them something like “hey -jake martin” and not too long after gets a reply “hey jake, great driving today. wanna go to the pit stop to celebrate a great race?”

From then on, it’s pretty hard for the crew to pull Jake away from his phone. He’s just constantly staring at it, a dopey grin on his face.