#and thats on chronic dissociation

[kkoct-ik]

do you support endogenic systems/plurals?

i respect all neurodiversities and human beings

[satansloveclub]

Realizing as I get older, I am really bad at social cues and have a hard time understanding sarcasm, but I know when they are joking, but it always take a second to be like ohh they are joking like ohhh my god

[trickinabucket]

Hey

We went into the path of totality for the eclipse

It was amazing! I’m lucky as fuck.

And also unlucky as fuck, bc i already know i wont remember shit abt it, in the grand scheme of things.

[adolins-heart]

I feel like every time I look at someone and go "is x normal" they look at me like I've grown a third head bc no it's not

I rlly need to stop functioning under the assumption that anything abt me is normal

[pileofblanks]

Man i feel quite miserable and idk why

[moonphaseswrites]

andre nikto headcanons!!

based off of a few canon things but most go based off the harsh exterior the series give

just a few, may continue on another day...

sfw

ive heard people headcanon him having did, and i know in canon that he has acute dissociation disorder, that his voices are really just alters. he just refuses to acknowledge their names or that they each have their own personalities and names they prefer to be called to differ between them. absolutely despises it when his lover tries bringing that theory up, or when he 'blacks out', which usually is just an alter taking his place for a while, sometimes itll be one that likes them and will cuddle in bed.

hes constantly muttering to himself throughout the day, whether thats telling his 'voices' to shut up or occasionally repeating a few words from conversations he has been in or that he just happened to over hear. it ranges from curses to dumb phrases he may not understand.

under the mask and eyeblack, along with the harsh disfigurements along his face, there are several old scars that run down from above his eyebrows all the way down to the bottom of his crooked, fucked up nose. its a pain in the ass to make the eyeblack stick and not come off too much, but theyre healed enough that its not an absolute pain to do.

due to his 'voices', he has chronic insomnia from all of the obnoxious chitter chatter he constantly hears in his head. he almost never gets the peaceful silence that he craves, this is connected to the reason why he constantly tries making his team shut up whenever interacting isnt important and why he hides away in his own barracks when able to. although, occasionally he will appreciate his partner talking in whatever language they please, not usually even paying too much focus onto their word usage. the same with krugers annoying use of english and german towards him, the austrians attempt at making sure the russian is still domesticated and not feral, keeping him in the loop if he accidentally hides away for a few days after a long hard mission.

he does canonically have a normal usage of "we" and "us", usually when the 'voices' are constantly nagging and bitching about being included in onto his conversations instead of him trying to pretend they dont exist. because of them trying to be involved in his daily life, he sometimes will directly mention them to people, talking about "them", "the voices", and "useless chatter boxes". if his partner refers to him in a plural sense, like lovers or beloveds, he just fucking melts, unused to people mimicking his plural usage in a non mocking way.

nsfw (under the cut line)

he is an absolutely ruthless top, the type to overstimulate you to the point you quite literally pass out underneath his touch. he isnt at all gentle with it either, any whines or begs are returned with "you can take it", "shh.. shh... relax, precious, just a bit more..", or some russian phrases you cant even decipher at this point, hardly even recognizing them.

aftercare is sometimes rare. yes, its still there, but he will either tell you that youre on your own or just straight up walk out on you, just because everything going on his head is just becoming way too overwhelming. like all he can hear in the moment are screams from his alters all trying to tell him what they are wanting and some of said screams are coming from ptsd of different missions and places. it sometimes hits him like a brick.

when he can and does give aftercare, its usually in the form of a quick wipe down, head to toe, cleaning any drool or over substances off of your body. as little as he could care about getting things dirty, its something that he doesnt really have to talk throughout or do too much touching. yeah, hes not big on much physical touch, but its better than trying to bathe with you.

he definitely loves receiving head, being in full control, doing just about every little thing he wants?

knife play. loves digging his knife into you, carving his initials in you... oh no, not in english. no no. hes carving his russian initials into you. right on your inner thigh, constantly telling you to relax and to quit squirming. well, thats when hes spekaing, most responses are him squeezing your other thigh in warning with an occasional russian demand.

loves ramming you into the bedding. just washed the sheets and/or made the bed? too bad, its going to be messy and dirty when hes finished with you. biting into any bits of skin he could reach with his mouth. ignore the gaps in his bites from where a few teeth are missing from back when he was being tortured, a few are gone from battle, but he doesnt mind, anymore that is. just bite into the pillow and enjoy his harsh thrusts.

[buggitino]

i hate people who say that mafuyu is “system coded” because no the fuck she is not

emotional dissociation is a type of dissociative amnesia, but that doesn’t automatically mean she has DID or OSDD. more often than not, chronic emotional dissociation is a result of high stress and/or depression. it is a symptom of DID, but mafuyu does not hit nearly enough checkboxes to qualify for DID itself

and before anyone starts talking about “yuki” and “the good girl” and “OWN” - she is fully aware of OWN, “yuki” is an online name, and her “good girl” persona is just that: a persona

i wish these people would realize that everyone has “parts” of themselves, and its NORMAL to feel like a different “part” when interacting with different groups

putting on an act for people isnt the same as having alters, and thats what mafuyu is doing

the only reason “OWN” exists during the first story is because mafuyu doesnt trust the others enough to reveal her “true self” (that being the emotionally disconnected mafuyu instead of the “good girl” mafuyu that she initially displays)

“OWN” is not a different “mafuyu”. shes fully aware of OWN because she is actively creating music under that username, and if the people saying shes “system coded” had any critical thinking skills, they would’ve been able to tell that she was pretending not to know about OWN with the group because she doesnt want them to see it yet

in other words: she lied to them. fucking obviously.

also, need i remind you, OSDDID is formed in childhood as a result of prolonged and extreme trauma. the cutoff age for development is 9 years old, as that is when most childrens emotions, interests, and sense of selves integrate (the only way for those things NOT to integrate is if the child is experiencing trauma that is extreme enough to force them into dissociating to escape it ON TOP OF the trauma being severe enough that the childs brain deems it necessary to pocket the memories away from the “core”)

mafuyu did not dissociate during childhood, nor were her memories compartmentalized the same way it would in the case of OSDD or DID. at that time, she was only teaching herself to hide her true feelings from her mother and be a “good girl” according to her mothers standards, not escaping from reality. repression is not the same as dissociation or DP/DR, though it can lead to those things if it happens for long periods of time (as seen in mafuyu’s case), and dissociation/DP/DR is not the same as having OSDDID.

i don’t think mafuyu’s mother is abusive. and, yes, i’m talking about the “you don’t want to be a bad girl, right?” stuff. i really do think her mom believes she has mafuyu’s best interest in mind and is trying her best to help mafuyu. her way of going about it isn’t great, but i think a lot of the stuff that people are saying is “manipulative” or “guilt-tripping” just isn’t. yes, she’s been manipulative and guilt-trippy, but it’s never an intentional attempt to hurt mafuyu. she’s overbearing, and i can see how her helicopter parenting can be interpreted as abusive, but she cares for mafuyu. she’s had this idea of her daughter for 17 years, so i’m not surprised she gets shaken and lashes out when that idea is very suddenly challenged by mafuyu’s interest in music. this isn’t to excuse her behavior, but at least her reactions are appropriate with her context. i don’t think mafuyu is traumatized, i think she’s a 17 year old who’s never openly communicated with her mother. i don’t think being told “don’t you want to be a good girl? don’t you want to make your mother proud?” is traumatic (even with the “tone”) - especially since that is literally the only thing that happened - i think mafuyu never went through a rebellious phase (which, btw, i know she’s a fictional character, but every child has a rebellious phase. being told “don’t be a bad girl or i’ll be upset” doesnt nullify that. if mafuyu HAD gone through a rebellious phase, i guarantee her mother would’ve gotten over her fantasy and started cultivating more realistic expectations for her daughter)

but, if we’re going with the “no, mafuyu IS traumatized!!!!” thing, then the most she’d be dealing with is depersonalization, and this is taking into consideration the action itself as well as the severity of the child’s interpretation. her mothers alleged abuse is one salient memory out of the potential thousands or hundreds of thousands that a child’s brain uses to drive the development of “personality” and “beliefs”. the single core belief of “if i’m bad, i’ll make my mom upset” is not enough, traumatically speaking, to develop the “system-type” OSDDs, and it DEFINITELY isnt enough to develop DID. so, coming from a system member, please for the love of god stop telling the pjsk fandom that mafuyu is system coded. i think colopale has done enough damage to the younger players with kanamafu, you people are making it worse.

ok rant over (for now)

[t6fs]

OC smash or pass

[Copied Rules: pretty self explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc).]

I didnt get tagged by anyone I am doing this because I feel like it. fwm

Name: The Sixfinger'd Scrimshander

Age: 11,003 32

Gender: any

Sexuality: Hole

👍

Top, but vers

Autism

Thoughtful, helpful

Will handmake you a priceless piece of art thats also a gimmick tool in some way

Can hold its breath for 6 minutes

Very loyal

Immune to Mirror Goobers and other such nonsense

Flexible, good endurance, multiple rounds

Full body tattoos

Constable hater

Monster Hunter (?)

not human (an alien)

Two,

Can and will purr while cuddling

Legally Blind = Sees best with its hands

Six Fingers with a high dexterity

Rubbery anatomy (tentacles, 3 tongues)

Honest

Very high pain tolerance

22 piercings above the collarbone

Incredible listener, asks good questions and pays attention

👎

Blunt and direct to a fault

Will break into your house, never knocks

Cannot process the passage of time

Strong prey drive that must be accounted for

Post-nut existential blues (crying)

Constant dissociation

The Poet lives in its head and he sucks

Masochist to an uncomfortable degree

Won't bottom

Smokes

Takes forever to reply to letters

Will not pick up on flirtation or subtext, forcing you to ask directly if you want things from it sexually

Monstrous Anatomy (shapechanges into a very large monster that is mostly just unsafe)

Impossible to get rid of

Couldn't lie to save anything's life

Debilitating chronic illness that wipes it out every few months and makes it delerious

Impulsive in ways that can lead to your house burning down

Almost never apologises

everything it cooks is a biohazard (EXCEPT its "bone tea")

weird and bashful about legs

[vibes-on-the-fritz]

[im going to preface this post by stating i am extremely dissociated in this moment and therefore may not be as clear as i would like to be]

im so tired of having to be ok. im in pain and its ok if that sucks. just because its not something new doesnt mean its not taking up mental energy. im dizzy the vast majority of the time and cannot stand without falling, and its ok if thats frustrating. i should not have to put a positive spin on my disability for abled people to be comfortable with me talking about it. i do not have to be ok with my chronic pain, even if its a low pain day. idk im just so tired of pretending like its comfortable to exist in this shitty body.

[this post is about physical disabilities, do not derail]

[mechs-headcanons]

HELLO I COME WITH SCHOOL/EDUCATION HEAFCANONS. And also some learning disability/mental illness headcanons

Jonny: started school when he was younger, and got the VERY basics down, like basic reading, writing and math,but due to him having (undiagnosed) dyslexia he had a lot of trouble with writing and reading, and was eventually pulled out of school early anyway bc his dad didnt think it was teaching him actually important skills

Marius: intermittently on school growing up,had to help out a lot at home and with hunting since his parent was chronically ill and couldn't do it anymore. Did manage to get into college and had a lot of promise, probably was in mechanical or biomechanical engineering, but wound up dropping out a couple weeks before starting their PhD courses bc his parent died and he turned all his focus to helping fight in the war. I think he may have had an eating disorder (at least disordered eating patterns) growing up bc of the scarcity of food. And anger issues that he repressed (theres something else going on in his brain but I haven't decided what yet. He is full of unresolved and undiagnosed issues that would make his life So much easier to know abt. currently leaning towards ocd)

Brian: before getting blasted off into space the first time, he went to a very prestigious school/college and was actively pursuing two PhDs, one in medicine and one in some sort of scientific field. He skipped two grades at some point, and I think he came off as a little arrogant so I don't think people liked him very much, but he kept his head down and did all his work so I don't think the teachers cared much. Then he disappesred like a month begore his graduation, anf on the planet with the priest he didnt continue svhool amd just immediately got to doctoring. Autism and depression haver I think. As well as struggling with dissociation and derealization, wich got worse after being mechanized.

Raphaella: Actually has a PhD and was researching cures for fatal sicknesses that hadn't been studied as much at the college she graduated from, before going off the deep end and trying to figure out how to bring people back to life. Insomnia haver.

Nastya: had the Best schooling in her castle, but was homeschooled and isolated from her peers, and compared to her brothers education it was clear that they got to learn and do A Lot more than her. Had to teach herself a lot of things because even though she was the last of her siblings left still at home, her parents never spent much time with her and often kind of brushed her off. Another autistic girlie with the added sprinkle of depression.

Ashes: went to school for maybe a year or two before getting tossed between institutions and orphan houses, Mickey and the sevens taught them everything they needed to know like math and reading, mostly so the could do things like cheat and all that. Not the most thorough education, but it was something

Ivy: never really went to schools, but practically Lived in the massive libraries of her home planet, and the librarians taught her all sorts of things, anything they could when she asked. She had am insatiable curiosity that nothing could ever satisfy. Shes great at reading, but math (pre-mechanization, and even a bit after) was always a bit of a weak spot for her. I saw someone once mention they headcanoned her as dyspraxic and thats so real that its joined my arsenal of headcanons. I also think she has carpal tunnel and (canon) she has memory issues. I think shes got low empathy too. Audhd Queen

Toy Soldier: the widow didn't exactly teach it to read and write, but it did learn through observation when she read to it her husbands favorite books or wrote down grocery lists for it to go out and buy. Most of what the widow taught it was ettiquette and information on how gentlemanly soldiers should act, everything else it had to learn on its own because she expected it to already know these things. Can't do math beyond basic addition and subtraction (and like, the Very basics, adding and subtracting from anything higher than thirty it has no idea wjat to do) because of this. I would also like to raise dyspraxic ts. And I think its got some sort of anxiety disorder that it doesnt believe it has, because it would have to be a person to have one of those

Gunpowder Tim: theres just. Something going on in xyr brain that I can't even fathom. Fae have so many undiagnosed issues and refuses to address any of them except the PTSD. Was in school and finished high school, but was drafted when they were eighteen/nineteen and couldn't go to college. ADHD and seasonal affective disorder/seasonal depression haver. Dyscalculic too I think. I don't think he ever did the Best in school, but they did Try a little bit. She had other things going on. Totally unrelated but she absolutely has a fear of needles

Aurora: I don't think she ever really went to school? I think everything she learned was from her first moon mom, carmilla, and the mechs. Obviously the cyberians never really Taught her anything. Just forced her through a body horror novel. So she knows a decent bit abt science and reading and what the mechs are all interested in, but not much else

I think they've all got a variety of mental illnesses and things going on but I need to like. Actually iron out some of my ideas for them

-✨ who has too much time on their hands and is thinking abt the blorbos

all of this is so yes,,,, dyspraxic ts,,.

[system-of-a-feather]

We would love to hear more about being a "system of zero" - is it related to ur Buddhism? It sounds v interesting

Kind of? Its one of those things that I think is something that happened and is the best way of describing our experience as it just kind of innately formed, but our Buddhist perspective made it so we were 100% okay with it and 0% motivated to change it

I talk a little more about it in depth here and here, but full fusion into what we call "Feathers" is different from how we've experienced fusion in the past in the sense that past fusions (while we were still dissociative enough to have it be a CDD diagnosis level) usually eventually form a sense of self, identity, and what not; they would hold their fused parts identities but then there would be this third blend that had a name and traits about them that they'd identify with and that would be a lot more "this is [insert part] and they are easy to define with [traits and core beliefs about self and what not]".

XIV 2.0 was a somewhat temperamental, combative and abrupt but also very good at understanding, listening, and caring; he was very anti-america and pretty anarcho-communist in ideals (different in practice but).

Riku TM was very sociable, a bit of a martyr complex, very knowledge and curiosity driven, chronically and sometimes toxically optimistic / positive; seemingly likable and sociable but also somehow less authentically compassionate and understanding than XIV against most awareness.

Those sorts of descriptions felt very easy to make and they developed this concept of self that each individual part had and held onto about what made them, well them. They meant a lot to each of those parts and honestly, they still mean a lot to a lot of those parts when we choose to engage specifically in one of those lens. There's the whole person vs parts language, and for us, they're entirely synonymous beyond the context; but for the sake of discussing identity, sense of autonomy, and self in the level of "headcounts", each of those parts felt like they were a person of their own that was a part of a larger thing. There was a sense of autonomy, independence, distinction and definition to those parts. They could zoom in on themselves and find their fused-parts and if they focused they could also find those parts having that same sense; but even without doing that, Riku TM and XIV 2.0 - for example - were concepts, entities and identities that identified well... just as themselves.

Our fully fused state "Feathers" very much doesn't really have any defining personality traits or desires or labels or identity traits of really any level that we really feel strongly belong / are attached to us and nothing really gives us a sense of "that's me" or "this is what makes me me" or "these are things that I am proud of and hold close to me because I did it" or anything like that; and that include the name "Feathers".

There are things you can use to describe our fused self that we'd go "Oh yeah thats a fair description" (buddhist, generally trans, Asian American, On the Left Politically, we like birds, etc), but that acknowledgement of "yeah thats fair" comes from a very detatched observation and objective lens as we take the perspective of someone looking at us. It's very hard to argue that I'm NOT Asian American, NOT trans, NOT politically left, and NOT Buddhist when you look at how we act, so I guess we are those things.

But if you were to ask us things that really make us who we are? Eh, our existence in itself is the only thing that defines us as "Feathers". We like birds, but thats subject to change and we are okay with that. Our sense of self doesn't rely on birds, or really any personality trait or behavior or identity label. Feathers simply is Feathers and Feathers simply exists.

And as a result, there isn't really much in our life that makes us go "oh I'm me, I'm a unique and individual person, I am separate from others, I am an individual that exists in this world, I can be defined by things and I have things that truly make me Feathers rather than anyone else" other than just that I experience myself.

So I don't really identify as a person or really have an identity or sense of self - but not in the "unstable sense of self" way that is discussed clinically in some disorders like BPD, but more in the "I don't operate with that as a concept, the only thing that I do have is my existence."

Riku TM and XIV 2.0 have a sense of self, a sense of definition and seperation from not only part to part but themselves and others / the world. Feathers just... doesn't.

Feathers is an experience, a concept, a shared experience of multiple parts, but they're not really a *person* because they're not exactly this independent and autonomous thing.

It's kind of hard to explain if you aren't there, but I kind of like to think of it as like... ya know, Imma still Yongey Mingur Rinpoche's analogy from the book I'm reading because its a good analogy to the simultaneous acknowledgement of a thing existing without it really being its own independent thing

But think of the concept of "space". Most of space is empty, it doesn't really exist and it doesn't exactly do much on it's own. Its a general concept of things beyond the Earth where a lot of other things exist. Stars appear, planets appear, things move and explode and fade out of existence. The stars and planets and all that are Things, but Space is more of a Concept than a Thing. Space is made up of many impermanent pieces that pop up here and there, but space in itself is this constant binding concept that ties those impermanent pieces together. Space continues to exist regardless of the more concrete and tangible yet impermanent pieces that come and go

Similarly, my parts are like stars and planets - they are Things that are defined, more tangible and impermanent; they come like waves and sometimes they are clear as day, other times they are out of my awareness. Feathers - our fused whole - is more like Space. Its constant, always present, but hardly defined by anything other than the emptiness it has and the occasionally appearing impermanent pieces that are a part of it.

Feathers exists as a thing of its own in the way space exists as a thing of its own; yes kinda? But generally speaking, there is no real good way to define where Space Begins and Ends and thus is hard to really say that Space is a Thing of its own. You can throw definitions and things that seem to be good measures of what Space Is, but most of those things are likely more impermanent things and aspects of space; just things that seem to stand out the most and stay around the longest.

But thats all really like esoteric ramblings to really just say that Feathers doesn't exactly identify as a Thing or a Person or a Self or a Part. Feathers is just an experience and an existence and it's just the mental space / sense of self (or lack there of) that we spend a lot of time in.

So if we were to define our headcount as JUST our fused self, on one hand you could say we are a System of One, but if you wanted to be most accurate to how we feel, we are honestly a System of Zero.

And I feel like we were Just Fused Like That and because of our Buddhist background, we looked at it and went "Huh, nice, thats cool and nice, I'm perfectly fine existing like this and find no need to create any limits or definitions to this experience"

We find it very freeing and peaceful to not really identify with much of anything too seriously. Feathers is Feathers and that simplicity of self is just such a simple self to live as and live in.

Can't have identity crisises if you don't have an identity in the first place /j

[rin-and-jade]

Guys, did you know that alters still and will form/split from little T's and Micro T's? Well now you do!

Whenever you are living your life, doing your day, with no recurrence of childhood trauma for a good while.. but you still seem to have new peeps? Yet you don't know why?? Fret not as i tell you some, although not an extensive list of reasons such as;

The Lil' T, things that aren't as severe as the Big OG Trauma but still enough to waver you:

Financial issues

Relationship conflicts (hostility, or inconsistent emotional support)

Having debilitating/chronic health issues (be it physical or mental)

Neglect, victim of harrasment/bullying, invalidation and etc (in mild forms, clarification on below)

The Micro T, that are capable to annoy you like a fly, though you still have a limit to these type of T's:

Working a job with high demands, or a stressful environment

Chasing a deadline (and not just this once)

Bad triggers

Involved in arguments often (aha, i know you still think about it)

Now you're asking, "what should i do then, Jade?" and because you need some prompts (tips), here you go:

Relaxation techniques: when you feel like you're going to explode (or something lit up the fuse recently) then its logical to blow the fire out before it can actually explode. Things like having a warm shower, taking care of yourself, or some time off to wind down for a moment will help.

Regulating feelings: antsy? mad? upset? or "dshsdfhgjfds"? Instead of shoving the feelings away, please let yourself feel it, acknowledge that you are currently feeling and understand why it happened, what's the cause, talk it out to someone to feel better but yelling inside or writing in the private server also works.

Outlets: If you feel like writing down isn't enough/helpful, then maybe doing art, crushing some empty cans, or going to your trusty support group will do just fine.

Therapy: got money but not people? Do yourself a favor and try it, you'll learn lots of coping mechanisms, plus you'll have support and someone to talk to so thats a big win.

Mindset: Having an accepting and self-supporting thoughts are way better than devaluing and adding extra blames and faults as it perpetuates the cycle of stress and pressure, so why not go easy on yourself from now on?

I know you might think that its not severe enough, its not bad enough, but from now one you have to think differently, no matter how big or small, it is still stress, and when stress builds up all those things happen. (to top it off with other issues such as bad internal communication and brain fog) And it make sense because the severe ones are enough to form new peeps, same goes for the tiny ones but are consistent, okay?

I personally struggle with this LOTS even if traumas from the past aren't happening again yet i still have subsystems and all, and after a good while of practicing, it now barely happens. Hope this is also helpful for you guys since the previous post about dissociation was a hit!!! Click here to see it

Edit: it came to my attention that i forgot to clarify that yes, harassment, bullying and etc as it’s own severe form and can be classified as the OG Trauma, though there are minor forms especially in bullying where it’s extents from calling names and other stuffs that aren’t as harmful in a physical form.

- j

[randyisrad]

hello shuake nation . i'm here to deliver my goro bpd essay that i promise like 2 months ago .

1) fear of abandonment/drastic efforts to avoid abandonment

I'D LIKE TO START THIS ONE OFF BY . showing examples of him being abandoned. Shido leaving him and his mother before he was born, and it's implied that his mom talked about it like. all the time (also not great for small child !) his mom attempting suicide , and goro being passed between foster homes.

goro goes to the most extreme lengths to prevent being abandoned again . creating an entirely different version of himself to get people to like him, assassinating people at shido's command so he won't toss him aside , and (this one might be a little bit of a stretch) murdering akira . this boy does nawt like being abandoned ! ! !

2) unstable relationships, often switching between idealized and devualued

do i even . need to explain this one . (im going to anyway)

goro's relationship with akira is SO unstable . he cares about him so much and that . really scares him , but hes so unbelievably jealous of him and feels that akiras "better than him" and thinks he pities him so he hates him . he praises him one minute and even if he hates it he genuinely means it , but internally he's terrified of akira looking down at him so he has such an anger towards him . akira is 100% his favorite person and he doesn’t know how to process that so he lashes out . i dont know how to put everything into words but im keeping this one shorter cuz its pretty self explanatory and if i got the chance i would not shut UP about it so

3) unstable identity and sense of self

he literally has 2 personas . one crafted out of lies and images of who he wishes he was, and the other crafted out of the hatred he holds . thats unstable as hell

4) impulsivity in at least 2 areas that are self destructive

went to his dad when he was 16 telling him abt his persona so he could get close enough to ruin him , constantly carrying out hits for shido to get close enough to ruin him , turning himself psychotic with his personas power . the list goes on

5) frequent suicidal ideology/behavior

goro turned himself psychotic , was fully prepared to be killed by the phantom thieves as long as they died with him, had no plan for what would happen after he murdered shido, fully accepted his death in maruki’s reality , etc .

6) emotional instability

he tries to keep a calm demeanor , but due to being neglected in his childhood , goro has no emotional maturity . he’s constantly lashing out , specifically at akira and the other thieves . he has a meltdown in front of them despite being deathly afraid of being vulnerable , and he has a habit of blaming every issue on akira like it’s his fault . this one is also a little bit of a reach , but he shows a bit of his true personality to akira after their rank 8 battle , and tells him he hates him . it doesn’t make a lot of sense for him to tell akira this , especially if he’s trying to keep up the detective prince charade , which he goes back to shortly after this .

7) chronic feelings of emptiness

this one is hard to directly point out , because it isn’t explicitly shown in game , but it’s obvious if you read in between the lines . we don’t know a lot about his childhood besides what he says in the bathhouse , but he seems sort of apathetic and empty about his circumstances .

8) emotional outbursts

this one is really similar to the 6th diagnostic criteria , but once again -- he lashes out at akira and blames him for his situation even if it isn’t his fault , lashes out at the phantom thieves , and has a meltdown in front of them . but i’d specifically like to mention the scene in his bossfight when his charade flickers , and loki is seen for a brief moment . he wasn’t trying to summon loki , but he’s so emotional that he comes out anyway .

9) stress ideation and severe dissociative symptoms

i can’t specifically think of any examples for this but . it’s real in my heart . trust . but if goro has ALLL of the other symptoms , it’s so very likely for him to have this one , too .

and that concludes my goro akechi bpd essay , i hope you enjoyed goro nation . :3

[afuckingsystemsthoughts]

sysmeds have made a horrible stereotype for DID/OSDD systems thats hard for them to live up to. the stereotype is "you need severe abuse or you cant have DID! you cant have fictives or factives, only one abuser introject and almost entirely brainmade alters! you are only valid if you have terrified littles stuck in trauma time and youre faking if you have littles that act like actual children! since chronic pain/fibromyalgia/immune system problems are often caused by stress you arent a valid DID/OSDD system unless you have one of those! you either have blackout amnesia between switches and severe dissociation every second or you dont have DID! and osdd is just mild DID for the people who werent traumatized enough!"

this stereotype is based in misinformation and media stereotypes. its not based in the patient reports, studies, and documented lived experiences of real DID and OSDD systems. the real lived experience documented in medical journals includes fictives, factives of friends and family, littles who hold no trauma and act like children, other stress related health issues besides the hyped ones or none at all, greyouts being more common than blackouts, and what sysmeds consider "severe abuse" causing osdd. theres people who developed DID from medical trauma and people who developed OSDD from severe bullying, people who developed DID from being in a frightening household because the parents fought, broke objects, etc in front of the child but the child was never abused and people who developed DID or OSDD from neurodivergent trauma. the most common cause of DID is emotional neglect, and in studies it has been proven emotional abuse and neglect cause more damage to the brain than physical and sexual abuse combined. developing DID or OSDD from any trauma that lasted for a period of time to the point it felt inescapable, even if you only remember neutral or happy memories and dont remember feeling like you were in inescapable mental pain, is valid. its more common for DID and OSDD systems but really common for DID systems to have little to no bad memories and just neutral or good memories of their childhood.

[the-tricksters]

so, i found out yesterday at my doctors appointment that i:

1. most likely have POTS

2. have moderate to mild hearing loss

3. will need to see someone about my chronic pain as it's pretty severe

before the appointment, i wrote down all my symptoms that indicate POTS, and the list ended up being roughly 4 pages long

the doctor read through every single symptom i had, asked more thorough questions, then gave me referrals to cardiology! she said it sounds very likely that i have POTS, and that i should definitely see someone soon as my symptoms/chronic pain are really severe

she also listened to me and gave me referrals to audiology when i told her about my hearing problems! she actually had me take a hearing test right there at the office, and my hearing loss was between moderate and mild, at 35 decibels (some sources say thats only mild, while others say its between moderate and mild). not the worst, but definitely enough that it impacts me on a daily basis. im going to get otc hearing aids for now until i can see an audiologist and see if those help at all!

and!! i got referrals for neurology, as my fainting/migraines/possible dissociative seizures are definitely something worth looking into!

overall, the appointment was absolutely wonderful! the staff was amazing and listened patiently to all my problems and took me very seriously! i was so happy that i wasn't dismissed this time!!

i can't wait to see cardiology and audiology, those are the ones im most excited to get answers from

so yeah! hopefully i can get appointments in this year and see everyone i need to!

- 🐀

[0809sysblings]

so. mikoto's (past ig?) fixation that Milgram is some reality show/program. a lot of people discuss this from the lens of fear and anxiety. like having to do with being watched. which i don't disagree with! but i think there could be another perspective to view this from that i haven't seen ppl talk about really.. (tho i think thats more reflective of me than others). which would be it's a coping mechanism, not necessarily a fear.

mikoto struggles a lot with denial. obviously. and denial is a coping mechanism. because reality is scary. and finding reality scary is a problem that resonates greatly with ppl who struggle with dissociation. cause i mean. thats the whole point of dissociating. reality is too overwhelming, so you dissociate.

the scariest thing for me is that this is, in fact, reality. over the years ive heard ppl who don't normally dissociate discuss their experiences with dissociating. and its usually something along the lines of what was happening was scary to them. they were scared that nothing felt real or that they didn't feel real, etc. i could never relate to this tho. what i find scary is when i suddenly realize that i am real and that my life is real. i find feeling real scary. and for as long as i can remember i have taken comfort in the idea that i'm just in a video game or TV show. and i think this is closer to the experience of those with chronic dissociation, just from what i've seen from others and read.

if Milgram is a reality show program, then that means none of this is actually real. he can't actually be hurt. this will just be a silly little event and then once it's over he can go back to his life.

but i think these two statements "his belief that this is all just a reality TV program is connected to his fears and past experience with being watched (stalked)" and "his belief that this is all just a reality TV program is a coping mechanism" can coexist and could both be true.