#and thats all they’re thinking about
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I think the fact that since these people aren’t purposefully writing say an autistic or ADHD character, it means they don’t over think it. They don’t forget that this is still just a person with depth and heart. They pull from the archetype/trope bag, decide which ones they like, and then they build onwards without thinking too hard. They’re allowed to be “a character coded with X” and not “the X character”.
Could someone please tell me why the best, most well-written neurodivergent / autistic - coded characters are always BY ACCIDENT
#does that even make sense#not autistic#its also easy to say that since it IS an accident the author doesn’t have room to be mean spirited#they make and love this character#and thats all they’re thinking about#so those quirks can be loved by other characters#and less likely for them to be a villain#but someone innocently misunderstanding
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“he was mentally ill. this monster was a- was a sick fantasy. a product of his dementia.”
“…i saw it too. does that make me disturbed? demented? does… that make me sick too?”
#txf#the x files#dana scully#fox mulder#folie a deux#this episode … this EPISODE!!!!!!#genuinely so indicative of how much they trust each other….#between mulder just . having to rely on scully for the last part of the ep#scully thinking he’s off his fucking rocker and still looking into what he asks her to look into bc she TRUSTS him . bc she LOVES him !!!!#and maybe he’s a little nuts but goddamnit she will at least check it out !! just in case he’s right!!!#AND she lies for him all the time . i mean she always does this whenever he decides to go nuts But specifically in this ep…#looks skinner in the eye and goes . yea man im totally fully with mulder on this . and he’s definitely not being weird and i definitely kno#what’s going on with him#she lies for mulder all the time its soooo…#anyways . drawing wise this drove me nuts i hate drawing mulder . he’s so hard for me to draw#they’re kinda kirie and shuichi coded in the bottom part but . well . why not . might as well be#ALSOOO i chose that quote for the bottom bc . well . does she think he’s crazy? like actually for real?#i feel like every time scully talks about mulder (up to season five at least as thats where im at) its contained in some way?#in her reports . to family . to skinner . to mulder !#i think the only time she’s Really honest is in the confessional but even then…#bc its not like she’s against speaking her mind . i mean generally and situational but for ppl she’s close to she usually isnt#but when it comes to mulder it always feels contained and like she’s making excuses for him (he is always her exception .#llike whenevrr he gets some disease or affliction or whatever she ALWAYS jumps to going ‘but well… sometimes there’s this excuse’ and she#does this w a lot considering shes science focused but w mulder shes always like . well he ISNT crazy because uhhhh .#this hyperspecific scenario that is in no fuckin way the case)#but does she think he’s crazy? does HE think she thinks he’s crazy?#is he asking about this specific case or is he asking in general? over the entirety of the show?#its been five years scully. is he crazy? sick? demented?#has this all been a sick fantasy fueled by mental illness? youre the doctor scully . surely you have the answer?#anyways i dont think she knows . and if that is the case — what does that mean for her?
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What if TAZ Balance, but isekai? (Or, voidfishing woopsie made Taako think he’s an isekai protagonist.)
[Image description:
Digital Illustration styled like a manga cover featuring Taako, Magnus, Merle, and the Red Robe. Most prominent is Taako, dressed in purple starry wizard hat and cloak atop his chef’s outfit, holding onto a chef’s hat with little chibi Merle and Magnus excitedly popping out. Taako is looking down at them confusedly.
In the background is the Red Robe, their figure faded into the dark background, but their hand is visible, holding up seven red strands trailing off into the background.
In the middle is the title, in ornate lettering, says “Transmigrated into a (disgraced) chef, destined to save the world?!” Beneath it says “Vol. 1”, stylized as a closed umbrella.
End description.]
#the adventure zone#taz#taz balance#taako taaco#merle highchurch#magnus burnsides#barry bluejeans#illustration#Yknow how in some isekai plot; sometimes the protag thinks they’ve been transmigrated into a new world#but its actually a regression plot all along and they are the OG protag?#Anw if the Luc made a slight woopsie in voidfishing (like not fully erasing the memory of their original world;#then the boys would have memories of not being from faerun; as well as weird memories of their past#and what they’re supposed to be doing in this world#thats basically kinda an isekai plot lol#Especially since ‘being from another world’ is just about enough to qualify as an isekai#anw this is a very silly idea I had so I had to make it a reality#I actually wanted to make the title slightly longer as well but it didnt look as good formatting wise
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gempearl has been so insane in the past two sessions like what the heck. the divorce arc is not even that angsty anymore this is like watching a romcom where the two leads so OBVIOUSLY still want each other but they are just so ?? dumb ??????
gem has way more confidence in pearl's skills to kill and survive than pearl herself ?? pearl calling gem beautiful and awesome ??? "you've got ants on your pants" "yeah, they are called pearl" ???? THEM BOTH COMING BACK WITH A CAMEL ?????
and there's way more crazy things. they are insane for each other. they are never leaving the sunflower field nor the murder camel. they need to kiss each other so bad
p.d; imagine etho and impulse looking at each other awkwardly while gem and pearl are arguing (fighting to not jump from their camels) thinking "why are we even here". this camel shit is too serious i love it
godddd theyre insufferable i want them both dead <3
they never left that sunflower field. it’s always been about the 2v1. its about how in Gem’s eyes Pearl betrayed her in such a dishonourable way but in Pearl’s eyes it’s just the logical choice. they’re actively clinging to the very thing that symbolised their connection in the past season, now with the knowledge of how it will end if they were to try again, Gem now knowing that Pearl won’t choose her— why? why can’t she just give her this one small mercy? if she’s going to kill her anyway why can’t she at least make it honourable? why can’t you do it yourself, Pearl?
but of course. in Pearl’s eyes she can’t just do that. why risk her life here? they’re just in the middle of the season, there’s no need to have an all-out duel, she’s on her yellow life and all that…
and so that just leads to. whatever this mess is!!! yeah no im just spitballing sorry anon i agree this whole arc is so dumb and funny because on one hand you’ve got an actual conflict but on the other you get “you’ve got ants in your pants” “yeah they’re called Pearl”
oh yeah on Pearl’s end it has been made so very obvious that Pearl got Impulse/Tango on the camel just because Gem doesn’t want to. and she’s trying to make her jealous or whatever. poor minecraft men being subjected to yuri divorce
#while im just rambling and spewing out random stuff#ever think about how the ‘Pearl you’re capable you don’t need Impulse’ conversation. parallels SL ep 4. the dragon fight. of all the people#on this tab list i think youre the most capable of doing a good job. no? ok#Gem has always known that Pearl is capable of killing her. it’s literally true. they’re evenly matched. thats why being 2v1’d feels even#more insulting#in conclusion: strangling them!!! <3#life series spoilers#wild life spoilers#gempearl#mcyt
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you know what. if we’re imagining Fox as being 17-19 then offering her french toast was actually a genius move on the Bizzies’ part. because from experience the number 1 way to get a teenager to trust you is to give them free food
#fox being a teenager is something that is so important to me#when it’s not making me feel sick to my stomach#bc like that age range specifically has a lot of people in their 20s being like oh you’re a baby#and then there’s like well yeah I know i’m young but it’s hard to feel young when this is the oldest you’ve ever been#and that’s where i think fox’s want to prove herself comes from. she’s like i know i’m young but i am capable#but like she doesn’t understand how young she is because how could she#that being said i don’t think the warriors infantilise her#like she was picked to go to the meeting. I just think there’s some sort of we won’t send fox on that mission with an unspoken we think#she’s too young to handle it#but like it’s tangible enough that she tries to make herself seem older (i’ve spoken about the difference in how she says her name before)#also there’s no way they infantilise fox bc she clearly respects them. implying that they do treat her as an adult#that’s part of why I don’t like the whole mother figure cleon thing starting to float around#that i fear will inevitably be part of her fanon characterisation#bc 1) there is like at most a 13 year age difference between her and fox. she could not be her mother#and 2) the warriors are more than just those 7 like they run coney. i just really don’t think all those members would respect a leader who#morhers them. and then also she’s so cool. and i think eventually ‘mother figure’ characterisation will ignore canon that she is incredible#and i do think the warriors (or at least the 7) are probably really close. but like thats bc they’re all friends#this might be hypocritical of me bc i believe i was the first person to talk about the swan/cleon sister agenda#but that’s different. you understand. seeing one person as a sister is different to seeing a whole group of people as your children#i would apologise for putting the whole post in the tags but we all know it will happen again and i am not one for empty apologies#warriors musical
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Nejiten Kids Designs | NejiTen Family Head Cannons
I was doodling a bit and I figured I’d express my idea of how Tenten and Neji would contrast in training their children:
How Tenten trains with her kids :
Of course they’d be impressed by how their mother never misses her mark.
Dialogue:
Tenten: C’mon now, kids. Remember what I taught you!
Meiten, Nozomi, Hizashi: Perfect aim!
Neji: your mother is Konoha’s Legendary Weapons Master for a reason.
Vs.
When Neji trains with his kids:
Tenten finds it hilarious that Neji insists on forcing the three of them to try and work together to land a hit on him…kind of like how Gai used to make Lee Neji and Tenten spar when they were gennin….
Dialogue:
Neji: what is going on with you three? You lot got easily tangled up!
Tenten: pfftttt~ heehee
Meiten: Papa is so merciless when we train together! No fair…
Hizashi (to his brother): Ugh, Nozomi got in the way! Not mom laughing at us…
Nozomi: Hizashi, get the hell off of me! I lost focus ‘cause of you.
#naruto#tenten#neji hyuga#nejiten#sketch#art#neji x tenten#neji#boruto au#boruto next generation#Hizashi Hyuga#Nozomi Hyuga#Meiten Hyuga#nejiten comic#nejitenmonth2024#illustration#artists on tumblr#manga#boruto fanart#i am a firm believer that this team alone could've ended that war quickly#these two as parents would be absolutely wild#think about it#Tenten’s long rang weapons specialty and Neji’s Gentle fist#they have their own mini army#of course Tenten would laugh at her kids#They’re all hot headed like their mom even though they look like dad#Neji has his hands full with them kids LOL#HE WANTED MORE THAN ONE THATS WHAT HAPPENS#three mini Tenten’s in attitude that look like him#riku’s art
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all im saying is ive never seen someone criticize those marylily or dorlily fanart/fics where they’re harrys mothers and theres no james in sight
#yall will force lily to be a mother bc of ’canon�� but yall dont care about james //responsibility// being a father ??#yall are not the feminists you think you are#the absolute stupidest reason to be against jegulus fr#’how can you take harry from lily?’ ok and what about all the wlw lily ships where they raise harry ?#where are you THEN ??? asking how they can take harry from james ????? WHERE ARE YOU THEN#a woman will always be nothing but a mother#even before she even is one#*lia voice* ever since she’s been a daughter she’s been a prisoner#why is harry ONLY lilys goddamn responsibility#free lily from being a young mother fr..#a dad is a babysitter and a mother has to lay down her life and freedom for the child#which is why yall dont actually care#you just want to be anti jegulus and loud about it#i dont even ship jegulus#ahfhsjsj#maybe reevaluate your stance on the heteronormative nuclear family dynamics and how they’re anti women#bc yall are just pushing the heteronormative agenda with this absolutely lacking take#ok anyway#interesting hill to die on from a girl who hates mlm ships having kids and doesnt ship jegulus#but thats a whole other thing#so!
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Part of me wants to write fan fiction bc i haven’t written anything in a while and I don’t want to get rusty but I’m too embarrassed and idk what to write
#I do have. like. ideas I guess but not enough to really get something going#ALSO I GET REALLY EMBARRASSED#need to say that twice bc just the thought of it makes me nervous and get all shy and stuff#or maybe it’s cringe#bc I’m remembering the fan fiction I used to write when I was 12#and not even that far back#thinking about my old webtoons and the old scripts for my current webtoon#I read them back and I’m like ‘wow this is not it’ and they’re not even that old???#sure I’ll make a physical representation of my blorbos kissing and being emotional#but WRITING IT??? yeah THATS too much#I wanna write tho….ughhhh#if someone gives me a prombt MAYBE I’ll write something…it’s a lot easier for me to get motivated when I’m doing something for someone
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#art summary#i have to clear out my phone. im hoping that if i remove all the nier rein screenshots ill have space#im almost certain its all the rein screenshots cause. they’re bigger than most pics and i had a lot#otherwise im not cooked but god i hope its that easy#i dont make resolutions but i hope i draw more next year#the problem with art summaries is youll have months where you draw a lot#months where yiu draw 10 good things and then every other month is empty#but you drew. so you cant look at art summaries with emoty months and get sad#but like i didn’t draw as much this year lmao too much going on in my head#i was gonna say i rarely drew but i draw so much more than the average person#what i really mean is i didn’t finish anything#i was in my dA gallery the other day and I really used to draw a fully colored piece everyday on high school#absolutely mad. and we (me and my friends) all used to do it#i just had a thought: a majority of my friends draw <- thoughts for later#i had to answer the door so I forgot what i was talking about#i think that. what i was getting at was that behavior really screws up what’s a healthy relationship with art?#like when you’re a kid you have time and when you’re inexperienced and don’t know you’re more forgiving on your mistakes#whereas now if i draw one thing a week thats a job well done to me. im so busy i can’t take it out on myself and i dont#and of course the sms algorithm but I don’t play with the algorithm#but yeah everyone i grew up drawing with friends or ppl i follow stopped drawing or just posting a lot and I’ve been thinking about it a lot#an artist i really like used to post a whole bunch of art dumps everyday. just doodles on different series and i loved seeing them#but they stopoed posting. working on being that kind of artist for me. we got xx art at home situation#if any of that makes sense
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the ‘personality’ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that they’re Real but i’m a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how they’re from the narrator’s consciousness which is sick as hell#and i’m unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i don’t know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( i’m not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i don’t know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and it’s all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the ‘what if their blog self Was Real’ but i’m not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably don’t think i know enough and i don’t think they’ll approve if i try. so i Don’t#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but that’s incredibly hopeful#i’ll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to ‘oh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidents’#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that i’m stupid because i didnt try#even though i’m trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else i’ve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends ☝️#man i can’t even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasn’t allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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I’m so sos tired but i think bitb will save me . it’ll fix me trust. I’ve watched it so many times but this’ll be the one
#wampus rambles#i miss tgemmmm forever mourning that i missed the t-shirt#they’re so doomed can’t wait to watch them all die again#I think i did a poll once or i reblogged one about whether y’all thought Rand survived but i forget the results#May go searching#imo? i flip flop. i think it’s more tragic if he survived tho soooo#slept like 3 hours the last two days i think it’s getting to me but thats on my brain for being evil
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i fear that i don’t acknowledge enough the fact that i KNOW rhinedottir's evil !!! and she's horrible !!! and that she's wholly ireedamable !!! i know and love and respect that fact !!! i'd shoot myself in the frontal lobe if hoyo made her out to NOT be wholly evil !!!! but the reason i always go on and on and on about her humanity and complexity is because. SHE IS ALWAYS DUMBED DOWN !!!! TO JUST THAT !!!! it's literally the greatest and most moving theme (IN MY OPINION!!!) in genshin, that human beings are COMPLEX !!!! and they're MORE than just evil or bad or wtv. we see this through every character to almost ever be introduced to us -> literally just take arlecchino as an example. if anyone was at all paying attention to the discourse around her when the fontaine teaser dropped (and. 4.0 in general) it was the BIGGEST thing to watch people argue between "she's a harbinger, so she's clearly the most evil and the big antagonist of fontaine because of these accounts we have right now !!" versus the argument of "we've only seen ONE perspective of her so far, and it's no duh that all this stuff sucks -- but there's no way she's JUST gonna be all these horrible things,, because literally nobody to exist is just horrible and cruel with zero to no good in them. and also that'd make a shit narrative by hoyo in a story driven game" AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED !!!! we saw !!! in REAL time !!! that while arlecchino was rightfully cruel and horrible and, yes the things she did were fucked up beyond belief and she should absolutely not be excused for any of it - she is NOT just evil ! she's shown to care, albeit in a fucked up way that only shows she's even more deranged ; but what's so incredibly important about her is the way that her being "evil" doesn't mean she's incapable of anything else. She is evil, yes— but so many of those evil actions have *motives* and *reasons* that explain them (but not excuse or condone!) and, although they don’t save her grace or anything of the sort, they DO show her true character. AND YHATS SO IMPORTANT!!!! She’s capable of being an antagonist while still being justified in some form, and given nuance and backstory and redeemable traits
I am !!! NEVER !!! going to say rhinedottir is a good person. she isn't! no shit sherlock ! how the fuck do you think im gonna go on and ignore the fact she sent both her kids to their deaths, and also fed one to another. dare i say, that is NOT anything good !!! suprise of the century !! woah !!! -- but what i AM gonna say is that she's much beyond that? hello !! not only has the point of her having not a zero good trait or will in her body been. proven false over and over and over again. but it's such ! Sad and not compelling is character choice for her *not* to be nuanced and complex and justified in a fucked up !! — like do you REALLY think hoyoverse (who is clearly capable of, and likes to make) complex characters, who are horrible, while not being *only* those horrible things, would pass up a golden (haha) opportunity to make a characters whose entire existence is JUST that??!,!2????
believe what you want! Do what you want! This is a silly video game that will be eroded along with time in a hundred in so years ! But god so help me, please don’t be willfully ignorant to the complexity and nuance of characters, just because you want a villain. No villain , real or not, is entirely evil. People are complex and multi faceted and people really, really need to hop off this cart of going “okay but stop saying she’s multifaceted because it takes away from her being evil” because it DOESNT! If anything, it makes her so much more compelling . Which is something some people can apparently. Not handle.
#this isn’t even MENTIONING that she survived the cataclysm and#the implications that you guys are going to immediately villainize the one that got their nation destroyed. rather than the ones#that destroyed and cursed the people of it#HELLO.#-> I don’t see asmoday fans! or phanes fans!#because people are SO ignorant to things when it isn’t shoved in your face#you guys care about Rhinedottir this much because she’s so publicized. but celestia is JUST as bad and I have yet to see more than like#three fans of them. the group/faction who fit people’s perception of Rhinedottir even more than#Rhine herself#(not including the istaroth fans. you are all lovely. I love you guys.)#(thank you for being insane over her.)#-> like yesss guys! let’s demonize and antagonize the war survivor who went through just as much trauma as everyone else#who was just human (a point which was just established in the Fontaine quest to be HUGE when it comes to such extensive trauma like that)#and is clearly fucked up in the head. a tad against her decison#IM NOT SAYING THAT EXCUSES HER??? NO SHIT IT DOESNT???#but GOD so help me. THATS HER REASON!#HER OERSONAL JUSTIFICATION! MOTIVE!#why do people have to be so obsessed with making her an unjustified and evil entity when she’s. not that#she’s justified! even if it isn’t by a practical standard!#but I need YOU to put yourself into her shoes for a second#how the fuck would YOU react to your people being murdered and cursed#being wholly antagonized by everyone to live#experiencing isolation from society#and then going through the whole ‘like teo thirds of my magnum opuses just died’ thing#this isn’t even! to MENTION! the fact she holds a fucked up sense of affection for them?#do you truly think she felt NOTHING#I don’t care if you wanna talk about her sending them out to be killed. that doesn’t meant she can’t feel grief#they’re DRAGONSdeidgned for destruction what the fucj did you expect#-> hate her all you want! that’s okay! but don’t villainize her for no reason other that uoucamt think beyond surface level#crepe rambles
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the way people speculate about pedro’s sexuality is so fucking bizarre
#all the comments and jokes are so weird to me#like they think they’re being funny but its really just extremely invasive#and maybe thats rich of me to say considering what ive been posting on here for the last 10 months but this is on a whole level of weird fr#the folks that say hes open about being gay literally when did those words come out of his mouth??!
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things i would talk about on a nalu podcast if i had one:
-batshit insane 100yq theories for nalu
-nalu headcanons
-general nalu scenarios
-analysing their interactions and convos
-just sobbing about them
-how lucy rewriting END has been forgotten for 100yq so far is wasted potential
-any of the songs that i listen to being connected to nalu
-just screaming about them
-about how all of natsus development has been thrown away in 100yq
-about how yokai lucy was wasted potential for nalu development
-crying about future lucy
-cool au ideas
-annoying mischaracterisation tropes (natsu fuckboy trope)
-how i think fanservice in 100yq is worse than in the og ft and it ruins the story moments
#theres more but i cant think#mmm nalu#these are just some of my opinions btw so#if u disagree then :) thats fine#yeah they’re all centred about nalu like nalu is the centre of my whole world so
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if i have to see one more ‘their sibling dynamic is unmatched!’ comment underneath every dazai + yosano post, video, whatever i think im going to start biting people
#mmmm its giving weird when the fandom exclusively ships him with like literally ANY male character they can#ppl will ship dazai with aku before they ship him w yosano#there are about 20 ships for dazai w characters that he wouldn’t touch w a ten foot pole but you draw the line at a WOMAN?#or they just make her a lesbian so they can say THATS why they don’t like it 😭😭#at the end of the day think what you want and portray what you want#just massively offputting that people will put him romantically with everyone BUT her#id like to state as well im not FREE from#hypocrisy like im a dazai chuuya liker#but i can also recognise that <3 that isn’t all and that it strikes me as odd that nobody is ever willing to consider dazai + yosano#when they’re comfortable paring dazai with every other member of the ada
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updated personas/subroutines: (disclaimer: i still don’t think im plural, sorry)
Pepper/Clover: the main one, not even one of the subroutines really, just the blank slate object which all the others act upon. The physical body. The only persona recognized by society.
Autopilot: the regular forms and functions of being a human being. Wake up, brush teeth, go to class, come home, go to sleep. Sometimes one of the others sneaks in and replaces it without my notice, especially when I’m talking to other people, and I don’t care for that shit at all. Routine.
Rambles: Vile little subroutine that makes my mouth move well before my brain. Sometimes I feel like I’m going on and on and I can’t stop. I don’t like conversation much because having to talk necessitates Rambles and then I feel totally out of control and I hate it. Objectively this one has its uses but it’s also my least favorite.
The Wretch: Self-loathing subroutine. Convinced it’s a worthless fuckup and probably correct. Self-sacrificing while being selfish, apologetic while seeking sympathy, paradoxically victim and passive-aggressor. The worst of both worlds. I actually put a lot of time and effort into being properly accountable the way a human being should be, but sometimes i get overemotional and I spiral and that part’s The Wretch i think.
The Doll: Control, poise, perfection, submission, obedience. Maybe if it’s perfect we can get it right this time. If it’s just perfect then nobody can criticize it. Next time it’ll get it. Never does. Masking, I think? Maybe some kind of fucked up anti-masking? Can’t keep this one up for long. Wishes it could just be quiet for once and let our actions speak for themselves, but people keep trying to talk to it, and it inevitably slips away. Probably used it more when I was working.
The Dog: Playing, eating, sleeping, rolling, getting off, singing and drawing. Simple bodily expressions. Not so bright. This one doesn’t get much of an outlet. Kind of a lump, occasionally whipped into shape by expectation. I actually kinda like being this one but it’s impossible when being perceived by another human being. The most invisible persona of them all. Immoral (amoral?) and therefore unsustainable long-term
The Magician: Doing, studying, creating, dressing, presenting. A self-styled scholar. Flashy and stylish and confident. Would describe itself as “dark academia” or something similarly edgy-but-trendy. Work and school romanticized, transmogrified into an exciting fantasy. Useful for being productive.
The Witch: Free of responsibility to society or others or ethics. A heartbreaker maneater homewrecker bitch. A natural disaster. An expression not of individuality or self, but force and violence. Claiming anything it wants by any means necessary and destroying everything in its path. Selfish to the core. Chained up in a basement somewhere. It exists but it’s cruel and it sucks so I never ever let it out. But I like to remember it’s there. A trump card, a concealed weapon. Break glass in case of emergency. I feel the shape of its outline like a knife stashed in a boot and I know I could use it if I ever needed it.
Honorable Mentions:
Poetics: Playing with sounds, words, grammar, languages, ideas until they sound musical and pleasing. Etymology research, vocabulary buff, eidetic memory for certain words and phrases, but only when they sound “right”. Possibly used for all five senses, or possibly shares overlap with Composition (visual) and Kinesthetics (touch)
Faux Marxism: Self-righteous understanding of the dialectical materialist view of history. Used mostly for impassioned speeches at inopportune moments (Rambles) or in response to perceived political threats. Poetics and Faux Marxism are both very invested in learning as much vocabulary, history, languages, and multiculturalism as possible, but for very different reasons.
Horndog: you could take all of sexuality and sprinkle it across all the other different subroutines, OR you could concentrate it into one horrible little guy.
Puzzles: The subroutine that just will NOT let a problem go until it’s solved. Character designs, meaningless research inquiries, computer software. Very very very very rarely, actual assigned tasks. The Magician wants what Puzzles has.
Hibernation: Comfy cozy blanket pillow sweater cuddle nap pile. Memorized the rhythms of the winter hibernation episodes of Tanoshii Moomin Ikka and plays them in a loop continually year-round. This one might be straight-up biological. I think I might have a vitamin deficiency.
Fog: The squishy slouchy sweaty medium that fills up whatever psychic dream space all the other personas occupy. There used to be a sense of “me” but it got covered up by all the fog what seems like years ago. That sense of wholeness, control, totality, unification. It existed once. I like to think it’s still out there, somewhere, if I just get my meds right or get enough sleep and if I can just synthesize all the others maybe I can feel “like myself” again. But all the fog covers it up. Memory issues. Whenever I get a sudden moment of clarity, and I realize I’ve been one of the more loathsome subroutines, someone I don’t recognize, I’ll have just stumbled out of the fog. Always comes with a feeling of “Why did I just say that?” Or, “What did I just say?”. Dissociation, maybe???
????: see previous. The negative space that fills everything else in. I don’t even know whether to call this one “Selfhood” or “Synthesis” or “Control” or “Autonomy” or …”Me”. That’s probably most appropriate but it feels like too foreign a word to make sense of. Whatever was here once got swallowed up by the fog, and I don’t know what it is anymore. If it was here I think I could feel like a present sensor and agent in my own life again. This is probably what people expect out of “Pepper” or “Clover”, the flagship of the armada, the face and voice of the operation. I don’t know where that person is. All the subroutines (personas?) are trying to emulate her, stall for time until she comes back. She might not ever be coming back. We might be all we have.
#welllll this is a little prolix#uhhh i’m trying to make sense of things for myself a little bit#i got my psych to up my dose so i’m hoping that helps#even if i don’t get the ‘self’ back i want to feel more in control of which persona i’m deploying at any given time#i hate feeling so out of control of myself#and i think typing it all up gives me a better sense of like- what tools i have available#now that i can see the whole arsenal i might be able to make better use of it#ummm#i really really can’t stand rambles and the wretch i was getting angry just thinking about them#BUT#obviously they’re not doing it to be terrible#there’s some kind of unmet need here#i might rename them to something a little more neutral and try to get to know them better#and then i can give them a proper outlet and maybe they’ll stop ruining my life so much#ugh it makes my fucking skin crawl trying to even acknowledge them as “me’ which is why i keep switching tenses#but i guess im me and thats something i do so i should try to be better#whatever#also yeah not really ready to admit there’s some kind of plurality here so for right now this is all a thought experiment#umm i do have some kind of learning disability and some pretty infuriating memory issues#but like i don’t really get time loss and i don’t really properly switch i just get weird moments of clarity#lucidity???#anyways#um#if you got as far as this thanks for reading#this is probably waaY too much information for any given person to have about my psyche but it’s all sufficiently abstracted i think.
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