#and that. possibly. other sticks will also have an instrument assigned to them

[storgicdealer]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SKIPS AND HOPS AROUND

HELL YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

oh my god. it will be the first time ill ramble RIGHT after an episode releases.

[vynegar]

Analysis: Which other NXX member it would be most painful for them to see Rosa choose instead of them

Tl;dr

Luke → Artem

Artem → Marius

Vyn → Marius

Marius → Artem

(it was actually an artemsweep until the last minute but we’ll get there)

I really wanted to be able to answer this question with a perfect 1:1 assignment where each member shows up once as the worst option for another, but I just couldn't get it to work. Mostly because of Luke; I don't think he'd be the most painful option for any of the members to see, since there's really no way you can compete with the childhood-friend-reunion AND he's a secret agent who's dying. I feel like the others would have to accept that, since they'd have no chance. He’s also the person who would stay the most aloof during the early (i.e. first year of the game) squabbles among NXX for Rosa’s attention, which separates him out as seeming more secure in his relationship with Rosa because everyone knows how important they are to each other.

Luke → Artem

The same feeling of separation that makes him an impossible choice for the others also made it a bit difficult to decide who it’d be hardest for him to see Rosa with. He’s very much his own biggest obstacle when it comes to them getting together, and the way he’s been concealing his feelings for about a decade makes it feel like he’d already be halfway resigned to Rosa being with someone else. His struggles when it comes to Rosa are so internalized that the pain of seeing the other NXX members just pales in comparison.

Vyn and Marius might worry him because of the danger that their status brings (where is the Luke reaction to hearing Rosa got kidnapped in Unconcealable!!), but sticking with the prompt of what would hurt the most to see, I would go with Artem. Since Artem was also someone who hid his feelings for a long time and tried to care for her from a distance, I think seeing Artem and Rosa together might make Luke think what could have been possible for him, and regret that he hadn't tried confessing. The game generally uses parallels between relationship dynamics to strike an emotional chord, so I think it’s fitting to choose the most similar relationship as the one that would hurt Luke the most.

Marius → Artem

As much as it pains me to not pick his ultimate petty-frenemy-teacher for Marius, I kept forcing myself to stick with the prompt and go from there. The important thing was what would “hurt” the most, so I decided to reason out who would strike the insecurities of each character the hardest. I also tried to think about any recurring themes in the storyline of each character, and that led me to Artem for Marius.

One of Marius’s biggest struggles is balancing the many facets of his life and personality. In Rosa, he’s found someone who not only accepts every face that he has, but also gives him space to take off the masks and truly be himself. Rosa was even instrumental in preventing him from sacrificing his artistic identity Z, so her support for him seems even more powerful and unique. If Rosa ended up with Artem, Marius would be losing that special presence in his life to someone who’s as straightforward and uncomplicated as they come. I think seeing that happen could make Marius question once again how feasible it is for him to keep every aspect of his identity, or at least whether he could find a partner who could handle it.

Another reason why Rosa is important to Marius is that he’s always longed for someone brave enough to face every adventure head-on with him. Marius is the one who most readily accepts Rosa taking the lead on things, their interactions and investigations feel the most like they’re on equal footing, and over and over Marius sees that she can hold her own in each part of his life, business, artistic, or personal. If Rosa were to be with Artem though, they would be partners in an even truer sense because of their shared profession in upholding the law, and that’s a connection that Marius could never have with her.

Artem → Marius

When I started thinking about this question, Artem was the only one I was certain of, and even when I was stumped on the others, I didn't want to give up on this post because I HAD to speak my truth re: Artem → Marius.

I know Artem and Vyn's prickly relationship is so memorable, but since I defined the question as "which person would it hurt to see the most", I had to pick Marius. Yes, Vyn would probably annoy Artem the most, but seeing Rosa with Marius would bring up all those doubts about him not being romantic, exciting, interesting enough for her. Marius is charming and trendy and youthful and perfect for hitting Artem’s insecurity of being awkward and inexperienced.

Vyn → Marius

Up until a few days ago, I actually had Artem down for Vyn (ARTEMSWEEP!!). Then when I decided I really wanted to consider this a meta and try to base it on analysis of canon, I thought over it, once again focusing on insecurities and any recurring themes in the card stories, and went back to Marius.

There are many similarities between Vyn and Marius, but many of the major struggles Vyn might have in the relationship are things that Marius doesn’t have to deal with or is too well-adjusted to be troubled by.

Marius enjoys a high social status on par with Vyn's, but he's free of the kinds of oppressive traditions and customs that caused Vyn to leave his home country. Despite the tragedy and difficulties they've experienced, Marius also has a genuinely loving and supportive family, who also have/had loving and committed relationships. Maybe partially as a result from these factors, Marius is still a relatively optimistic and idealistic person, even while being steeped in the cutthroat world of business. Vyn on the other hand has an extremely strained relationship with his family to the point that he struggles with the idea of it, has mostly seen romance in how it ruined his father, and has become cynical after growing up amongst cruelty and ridicule.

In addition, a major theme of Vyn's second year of cards has been the building desire that he has for Rosa, and his fear of it overwhelming him. Marius is similarly proactive in his romantic pursuit of Rosa, and one of the more forward LIs when it comes to seduction, but fearing that that desire might consume and destroy them isn’t one of the obstacles in Marius’s stories. This could be seen as another issue of Vyn’s that Marius is able to effortlessly keep in check. (I consider this more of a secondary point though, since it could just as easily be a point for Artem and his glacially-paced relationship of two dense bricks. (My other reason for picking Artem would have been too OOC, which is why we couldn’t have the Artemsweep, rip.))

--

Anyway thanks for reading and feel free to let me know if there are any choices you really agree or disagree with! There’s such a gap in canon with the way we never see other the other NXX members when we’re on a certain LI’s route, so things like this are interesting to think about.

*Bonus: if the question was “who would it piss them off the most to see Rosa with?”, it would ABSOLUTELY be a vynsweep with vyn → artem. no there is no reasoning for this it’s just something you feel with your gut

[wizardofrozz]

CT-2697 Sawbones

It’s backstory time! Saw’s time on Kamino was not fun but it does shape who he ends up becoming and I thought it was finally time to put together a cohesive summary. So here we go...

warnings(!): trauma, slight medical horror, violence

Sawbones was part of a batch of cadets that were assigned to be trained as medics together. From oldest to youngest based on CT numbers: CT-2525 “Quarter” (who belongs to @hetalianskywalker​ ), CT-2697 “Sawbones”, CT-6116 “Kix”, CT-7007 “Jax” (who Hannah and I made together lol), and CT-9181 “Aiden” (who is another one of my OCs).

When Sawbones was a cadet, around the physical age of 12, he started to suffer from debilitating migraines that were so bad that Kix would end up crammed into a pod with Saw as he sobbed, begging for the pain to stop until he finally passed out. His batch tried to keep it a secret from the Kaminoans but the pain eventually got so bad that Saw would almost pass out in the middle of training. Once it was obvious something was wrong, Saw became the subject of a long list of experiments. Eventually, Saw found out that his cerebrospinal fluid pressure was too high, which was what was causing the migraines. 

Sawbones wasn’t always the angry, harsh medic he eventually became. Saw was a very soft-spoken, curious little kid that laughed more freely than most of his batch mates. Even before his batch found out they were going to be trained as medics, he loved to learn and specifically loved science. When he started to struggle with migraines is when his batch started to notice a difference in his personality, which wasn’t a surprise. High CSF pressure can cause changes in personality.

Saw spent a lot of time being tested on as his symptoms got worse. The migraines continued to hinder his ability to train to the point that there was a good chance he wouldn’t leave Kamino. Saw had repeated spinal taps along the length of his spine and various instruments used to measure the pressure in his skull. He went through numerous brain scans, eye exams, and breathing treatments as he continued to deteriorate. It wasn’t until he had a seizure for the first time that the Kaminoans finally operated on him, removing a piece of his skull near his ear. When the surgery didn’t help, they eventually removed some of the excess fluid and created a treatment to stop the overproduction of fluid. Once he was older, Saw realized that all the things he had been put through were unnecessary, the Kaminoans could’ve fixed him and they didn’t. He was nothing more than an experiment to them. 

During these treatments, he still participated in training when possible, sticking close to his batch but he didn’t miss the looks he got. The cadets whispered about him, wondering what was wrong with him? Saw’s personality was changing and that’s where his anger really started to grow. He became cold, his curious expressions shifting to something more calloused, and he started to lash out. Most notably, when another cadet thought it would be funny to tease him and poked the back of Saw’s neck, the spot where he recently had a spinal tap. Saw didn’t even remember moving until he came back to himself, straddling the cadet with his hands around the other trooper’s throat. Kix pried him off the other cadet but that was only the beginning of some of the worrisome things Kix and the rest of their batch started to notice. 

Saw caught up in the training department once his CSF pressure was back to normal and his trainers noticed that despite being a bit behind the rest of his generation, he was an exceptional medic, having memorized the anatomy for more than a dozen species. Sawbones was also an above-average marksman, scoring within the top percentile repeatedly. Saw’s trainers eventually petitioned for him to be assigned to a battalion when the time came and the request was approved. 

It took until after joining the wolfpack that he went from CT-2697 to Sawbones. A name he earned for an extremely gruesome procedure he performed in the field as well as his tendency to perform the tasks/objectives that others may have shied away from. Sawbones may have been a medic but he also did some terrible things in the name of the Republic. 

A/N: I plan on doing another post about Sawbones and Keda’s relationship and how they meet. I also have a SFW and NSFW alphabet done for Saw if anyone’s interested 👀

Tags: @dukeoftheblackstar​ 

[unrestedjade]

Baseless Ferengi headcanons no one asked for and that get increasingly queer-navel-gazing and self indulgent because the horrible space goblins have consumed my brain:

- Mobile ears, because if hearing is so well developed and important to them they should be able to aim those big stupid radar dishes. Also because then they can emote with them and that's cute. THE AESTHETIC IS PARAMOUNT.

- Since they canonically sharpen their teeth with chew sticks and sharpeners, their teeth must grow continuously. So I submit: subcultures that let certain teeth grow out as a fashion/political statement. Ferengi punks and anarchists with 5" tusks. Ferengi with all their teeth filed flat (mom and dad HATE it).

- Corollary to the above, most of their teeth are crooked. At the least, they don't share our fetish for straight teeth. What if their teeth are deciduous, and there's no point in trying to force them into perfect alignment, since they'll just fall out and get replaced? So like, sharks but their teeth can also grow longer with no limit. WHAT HAST EVOLUTION WROUGHT ON FERENGINAR :V

- Parents nagging their kids to sharpen their teeth "or they'll grow up into your brain and you'll die :)"

- Personal space? Don't know her.

Okay I need a cut because there's too many now. WHOLE SOCIETY OF GAY HOMOPHOBIC UNCLES AND AUNTS GO I HAVE A PROBLEM

- I can't remember who on here put forth the idea of them having retractable claws but Yes. :3

- Pushing back against the worst canon episode a bit but: relative ear size being the only obvious sexually dimorphic trait, and even that having enough of a gray area that the only way to be 100% sure you're talking to a male or female Ferengi is if you do a blood test. Unless they're intersex! *shrug emoji*

- This is why they're so fanatical about gender conformity and their Victorian "separate spheres" attitude to men and women's roles. Capitalist patriarchy is fragile! And as artificial to Ferengi as it ever was to Humans! (self-indulgenceeeee about gender shiiiiit)

- You know how with domesticated rabbits, the rabbit getting groomed and paid attention to is the boss? Yeah. Go ahead and paint your bestie's nails, just don't be surprised if she cops a little bit of an attitude with you from then on.

- Their fight/flight/freeze/fawn instincts skew heavily toward the last three, and what a lot of other species read as annoying sucking up is the Ferengi in question feeling anxious and unsafe. Especially if they don't feel integrated into the group. Even being at the bottom of the pecking order is better than not being in the flock at all.

- If they DO opt for fight, it's ugly and typically their last resort. Bites or scratches will get infected without intervention-- microbes that their immune system can handle could cause big trouble for aliens. You might wanna check for full or partial teeth that break off and get lodged in the wound, too.

- Too many of these are tooth related but I don't care. :B More teeth stuff: you know what else has teeth that grow constantly? Puffer fish. Likewise, Ferengi can chew up mollusk shells as easy as potato chips, and they need the minerals for their teeth. (Imagine grandpa Sisko offering Nog a crayfish for the first time and watching as he just...pops the whole damn thing in his mouth and crunches away...)

- Their staple foods seem to be grubs and other arthropods, high in protein and fat. I've unilaterally decided their cuisine also involves a lot of edible fungi, ferns, plant shoots and seeds. Gotta get those vitamins. Overall flavor profile leaning toward umami, vegetal, and fresh herbs, and pretty mild (or "delicate" if you wanna be snooty about it, which a Ferengi probably would let's be real).

- Not much sugary food. I'm basing this solely on Quark's aversion to root beer as "cloying". Which could definitely just be his personal preference, but most of the people I hear hating on root beer cite the actual sassafras/sarsaparilla flavor (saying it tastes like medicine) not the sweetness. Nog might be the weirdo outlier for being able to enjoy it.

- Their home planet isn't bright and sunny, so their eyes are better at discerning shades of gray in low light conditions, with relatively weak color vision. Which could explain why they dress Like That.

- Conversely, human music has a reputation for stinking on ice because a lot of it is juuuuust lightly dissonant or out of tune because we can't pick up flaws that small. Ferengi can, and it drives them up the *wall*.

- Music? So many different kinds. Traditionally, maybe lots of percussion and winds, and water as a common component of many instruments to alter pitch or tone. Polyphony out the ass. Some of the modern stuff is an impenetrable wall of sound if you're not a species with a lot of brain real estate devoted to processing sounds. Pick out one melody to follow at a time.

- Yes, back to teeth again I'm sorry. It's a sickness. At some point in their history, pre-chewing food was just something you did for your baby or great grandma as a matter of necessity. Possibly your baby gets an important boost to their immune system and gut biome from your spit. At some point takes on a more formal intimacy aspect and gradually drifted from something all adults and older kids do to something only women do. Your husband and older kids have perfectly functional teeth, but you love them, right? =_= (Think old memes about husbands being useless in the kitchen if little wifey isn't there to cook, but even more ridiculous. Ishka was right about everything but especially this. Thank you for making your family chew their own food, Ishka. Not all heroes wear capes. Or anything!)

- How did they get started on the whole men: clothed vs women: unclothed nonsense? My equally stupid idea: men just get cold easier. Those huge ears dissipate a ton of body heat. Cue Ferengi cliches like "jeez, we could be standing on the surface of the sun and my husband would put on another layer." At some point, again, this got codified and pushed to ridiculous extremes in the name of controlling women and keeping everyone in their assigned box, to the point that women just have to shiver if they really are too cold and men have to pass out from heat stroke if the alternative is going shirtless, because That Would Be Inappropriate.

- Marriages default to five years, but they're also the only avenue for women to have their own household or any stability. Plus their religion places no emphasis on purity save for pure adherence to the free market and the RoA. So, curveball to the rest of their patriarchal bullshit: female virginity isn't a concern in the least. Bring it up and they'll rightly side-eye you.

- Family law is absolutely bonkers and lawyers that specialize in it make BANK. I feel like custody would default to the father usually but oh wait, the maternal grandfather has a legal stake in this, too, and your next father-in-law is asking HOW many kids are you dragging into my daughter's house, etc etc. Growing up with a full sibling is way rarer than growing up with half or stepsiblings, since it usually takes both men and women two or three tries to find someone they vibe with. (Not love, unless you're super cringe.)

- A misogynistic society is a homophobic society. Imo those flavors of shittiness just come in pairs. Homosexual behaviors are fine within certain parameters (aka "always have sex with the boss") but not on your own terms. To add spice, bisexuality is their most common mode (because I'm bi and these are my hcs for my fics I'm not writing, so there), but capitalism demands fresh grist for the mill so you better get het-married and pop out some kids you lowly peons. You have a choice so make the proper one. :)

- Corollary to the above, that doesn't keep all kinds of illicit "we're just friends with quid-pro-quo benefits for realsies" affairs of every stripe and every gender from going on everywhere. Many Ferengi have a lightbulb moment somewhere in early adulthood when they figure out their dad's business partner or the "auntie" who visited their mom every month had a little more going on.

- Plus there's way more gender non-conformity and varying degrees of trans-ing than the powers that be have a handle on. Pel isn't unique, even if most would have to somehow make it out into space to be able to thrive.

Damn a lot of these are just my personal bugbears plus THE GILDED AGE BUT WITH HAIRLESS SPACE RODENTS ain't they

- Women can't earn profit, okay. But lending or "lending" things to each other isn't commerce, riiiiiiight? To be assigned female is to master navigating a vast, dizzying barter/gift economy. Smart boys and men leverage this, too, and there are splinter sects that view this as the purest expression of the Great Material Continuum.

- Of course plenty of women make profit anyway, and just do their bast to dodge the FCA. The tough thing about insisting on using latinum as currency is that cash can be so hard to track, you know?

- Because of the RoA, guys are discouraged from doing favors or giving gifts without setting clear expectation of getting some return on investment. This can twist into an expression of friendship (and of course women do it too), and the ledger will keep cycling between debit and credit among friends for decades. A common mistake aliens make is to tell them recompense isn't needed without explaining why, or return their favor or present with something that zeroes out the debt. The Ferengi will assume you want to break off the friendship. (I cribbed this from dim memories of an African studies course I took in 2007 and whose textbook I know I still have but I can't frigging find it...)

- Flirting, they do a lot of it for a lot of reasons. Roddenberry made it clear that they're just straight up pretty horny, but there's no reason it can't pull double duty for building alliances with other people, smoothing over feuds or disagreements, or cementing friendships. Ferengi who are ace and/or sex-repulsed are possibly viewed similar to the way we'd view someone who's "not a hugger/not big on touching" and if they flirt just don't get offended if it doesn't go any further; aro Ferengi don't garner much comment aside from an occasional "wow how badass, never falling in love with anyone."

- where to even start on making sense of the Blessed Exchequer??? Like seriously, what is this literal prosperity gospel insanity, I need to force myself to re-read Rand and like, some Milton Friedman for this shit. Help.

- fuck I'm probably going to actually do that, RIP me...

[allthebestscreennamesaregone63]

tagged by @xplore-the-unknwn Thanks for the tag!!

(rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to get to know better)

name: I go by Livia Rosethorn online if I must give a "real name". I go by "Scrabble" at work... there's a joke there, feel free to ask about it. I may make up another name, just for lols... OH! Also Mortalia Westinra.

star sign: Aries

height: 5′6.5″

time: 1:35 pm

birthday: April (Aggressive Incoherent Mumbling)

favorite bands/artists: so many... right now, I like Ashnikko, Rain Paris, and Aronchupa/various artists. MCR is of course a classic, and my "guilty pleasure" band is of course panic! at the disco. I also got a twitter account for Ice Nine Kills, so they are of course pretty high up there too, since we all hate twitter and its associated drama.

last movie: I think I rewatched Rogue One? Maybe?

last show: Star Wars: Rebels.

when did i create this blog: 2012 I believe. (I'm an ancient entity, fear me.)

what i post: Star Wars, horror, funny things, random shitposting...

last thing i googled: a 1973 version of Walking Tall. My grandparents couldn't remember an actor's name and I love being helpful. It's my toxic trait. <3

other blogs: um... I have twitter for my faves ICE NINE KILLS, and for them only. I have Facebook, but I rarely use it.

do i get asks?: no. I got anon hate the last time I made a post about Br*cenat, but that's on me for being a former marvel stan. I would love some asks! Please come bother me! :D

following: "Got a secret, can you keep it..." - The Pierces

average hours of sleep: too much... 9 to 10 hours a night if I can manage. (My depression manifests as lethargy, you see.)

instruments: I'm looking into guitar and drums but ultimately the violin or fiddle is appealing to me for some reason.

what i’m wearing: A R2-D2 shirt and black shorts. I'm actually sticking to my chair. Its uncomfortable.

dream job: Archivist. Librarian. College Professor. Something NOT IN RETAIL, WHICH SUCKS ASS.

dream trip: I'd like to go to Italy? Or Spain? Possibly to Japan.

nationality: Assigned American at Birth. It's terminal.

favorite songs: At the moment, I'm fond of an Uncle Kracker song that was rereleased on iTunes called "Break U Off." Originally on Osmosis Jones Soundtrack, and it is a banger. I also like "Toxic Love" sung by Tim Curry. I want them to rerelease the Ferngully soundtrack, and I'm no longer asking politely.

last book i’ve read: Currently reading Thrawn Ascendancy: Chaos Rising. I also need to finish an Animorphs reread.

top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: New Rome (Rick Riordan), Mysterious Benedict Society's World, and possibly Anita Blake's St. Louis... Or maybe Tortall/Winding Circle.

Time for you guys to answer these questions!

I tag... nobody, actually. I don't want to be a bother.

[lightacademic]

Study tips for people who’ve never had to study before

It recently came to my attention that there are a whole load of ~highly achieving~ students out there who’ve never had to learn to study, but suddenly being naturally gifted just doesn't work anymore. I’ve been in this exact position & came out of it ok, so here are some important things I picked up along the way/wish I knew back then.

Habits. If you build good study habits early, before things start getting intense, you’ll be well set for when the stress comes. Maybe always finish your homework before tea, or come home and study for an hour before you change into sweats. Association is helpful - if you have an established routine for something else, like getting a coffee or sports training or practicing an instrument, say you’ll always study directly  before or after that. Make it work for you.

Little and often. People say this about languages but it’s the same for anything. Half an hour every day is so much more effective than 3 hours in a day, once a week, and you won't feel wiped out afterwards either. This works for long term projects as well - breaking things down into manageable chunks and doing one little bit per day is much less overwhelming than sitting down and telling yourself you’re writing your whole essay today.

Time management. Parkinson’s law is real. Set yourself a limit, say you’re going to write this essay before tea, or you’re going to do this maths for no more than 2 hours. Things will drag on and fill as much time as you allow them to, especially bigger projects, so stick to a schedule. If at all possible, aim to have bigger assignments complete at least a week before they’re due, so you have time for printer problems, formatting disasters, etc etc. This ties in with organisation, which is equally important. I don’t mean perfectly drawn schedules and bullet journals (even if thats what studyblr wants us to believe) but get a diary, I use a page per day diary but you can use a notebook, wall planner, whatever. Put deadlines and classes and exams and everything in there asap, and then day to day you can make a to-do list of smaller tasks. These should be flexible, so if something comes up or a task is unexpectedly complicated, you can adapt and just add it to the next day. Don’t set your expectations too high - its better to set out to work for 4 hours and achieve that than to say you’ll do 8, only manage 4 and feel like a failure.

Your environment is important! Your desk does not have to be all white minimalism and pastel highlighters to be a good study space, but try make it as clear as possible, well lit, and free from distractions. The bigger the better. Make sure you have everything you need within reach, including a plug for a charger, if you use a laptop. Quiet is ideal but not always possible, so make yourself a playlist of background music (or try one of mine, here.) Libraries are great, because they’re literally designed for reading in and having people working around you can be really motivating. Avoid procrastination at all costs. Leave your phone somewhere far away, turn it off, or use the forest app. And try not to work where you sleep, because that won't help with your work or your sleep (bedroom is fine, in bed is not.)

Test yourself. Repeated retrieval is the best form of learning, so if you have past papers or quizzes thats great, use them! If not, writing your own questions or getting some study buddies and writing questions for each other is a good way of studying, because it forces you to think about the material in a different way.

Teach others. It’s great if you have a friend or two to revise with, but if not, try writing presentations, talking to yourself, a pet, a plant... anyone who’ll listen. Break down concepts into simpler language, as if you were explaining it to someone younger. Use flow charts and clear diagrams, and be concise. This will not only consolidate your understanding, but you'll get some great notes out of it (and presentation practice.)

Your notes do not have to be beautiful! I love looking at these aesthetic studyblr notes as much as the next person but realistically that takes hours and calligraphy is not an efficient use of your precious time. Try to keep them as concise as possible - bullet points are good - and use no more than 3 colours per page or they’ll lose meaning. Don’t go too hard with the highlighters. Arrows and annotations and post it note additions are all excellent - don’t rewrite what you’ve already got! That is not good revision. I’m sorry. Try using a whiteboard.  For short answer questions, calculations, quick diagrams - anything you’d use scrap paper for - a mini white board is great. I mean something like this which is cheap and also better for the rainforests than using a whole bunch of paper that you’re just going to throw out. I *borrowed* mine from school which I do not condone but may be an option.

Take regular breaks. A good rule of thumb is that your break should be around 25% of your study time, so if you study for an hour - 15 minutes off. Study for 8 hours - 2 hours off. And take your breaks properly - get up, leave the room if you can. Get some fresh air, even if thats just opening a window, drink some coffee water, have a snack if you need it. Try not to fuel yourself on junk food - biscuits are essential but have some fruit or nuts or something as well - they actually help your brain work and you’ll feel better for it.

Don’t compare. I know this is easier said than done, but study for yourself. Find your own method, whether that’s what everyone around you does or not. Try not to compare grades, either. A little bit of competition can be healthy, but (especially around exams) don’t listen to the people who “only did 12 hours last night.” Equally, ignore the people who say they haven't studied at all and don’t let either of them get to you. You know how hard you’re working, and who know how efficient they are?

It’s never too late. This is maybe the most important thing to take away from this. You may have weeks, even days until your final/assessment/essay, but it is not too late to start studying. I’ll make a post about how to cram later, but even though its not ideal, it can definitely be the difference between a pass and a fail or an A and an A*. So if you think you’ve left it too late - you haven’t.

Good luck, and feel free to message me if you want more tips/details/a sympathetic shoulder to cry on about how hard all this is <3

[catboyshinsou]

it doesn’t have to be 18+ but i keep thinking of like,,, singer/performer y/n x keigo ??? like he goes to a performance and gets flustered or soth over the lyrics or the choreo,,,, thank you <3333

Eyes don't lie

pairing: Hawks x gn! performer reader

warnings: none rlly ? choking mention maybe

summary: hawks is assigned as security guard at an upcoming artists show

a/n: sorry it took so long :P also i hope this is okay for u even if i drifted from the request a bit <3

In a world full of quirks, heroes act as celebrities and law enforcement. There wasn't one country or place you could go where people didn't adore heroes, even in the tiniest villages you could find one or the other All Might or Endeavour fan lurking around the streets.

You yourself weren't a fan of heroism. You could appreciate the ones that dedicated their life to it, whether it be as a part of hero society or a mere fan but the streets just weren't your terrain to play on.

Yet you loved the spotlight, being admired and making people smile. Being on the big stage and having a stadium chant your songs with you while your dancers and band hyped everyone up. That was what you'd craved all your life.

It was the first time in a while since you performed in Japan. You tried to visit home as often as possible and give it the best performances even if your management wanted to focus on your breakthrough in the west. It wasn't like you didn't have a big enough fan base in the west to not sell tickets but somehow your management wanted to make you a real deal, even though you did this for fun not fame.

“KYUSHUUUUU! HOW ARE WE TONIGHT?!”

After your band played the opening of your intro song, you stepped on stage with confetti flying through the arena. The crowd cheered at your appearance while also humming along to the melody. You adjusted your outfit, pulling on the places that had moved from their original position while getting ready to start the night.

It wasn't unusual for heroes to be recruited as security forces in public events. Especially with the League of Villains on the rise and using public spaces to intimidate people, the commission was extra careful on the streets.

Hawks, currently number 3 hero on the Japanese Hero Billboards, sat in the security booth with his feet kicked up and a soda can in his hand. The venue was his patrol territory, it was close to his agency and had the best layout for him to keep an eye on everyone.

Though he didn't do this on his own accord. Concerts were worse to watch over for him, the music and constant movement made it hard for him to actually listen to potential threats. His feathers sensed everything, even giving him a light headache from having to process everything but still stay alert enough to react as fast as possible.

“I know I haven't been… too present in Japan the last few months…” You walked around the stage, waving and winking at the front rows as your stage crew changed the setups. The spotlight only showed you, everything else in darkness except for some flashlights in the crowd and light sticks that weren't yours, blinking in a colourful pattern. You weren't sure if it was trying one's best to support or mockery but either way you appreciated the effort.

The crowd booed in response to your comment on your almost year abroad, all in a lighthearted manner of course but your tummy couldn't help but turn. Especially at this next number which was again, not entirely your idea but part of the plan of breaking through in the west. At least they gave you the opportunity to choose the song.

Hawks watched you intently, cocking an eyebrow at your trembles and tight grasp around the mic. There was a bunch of his feathers placed around the stage area to keep you as safe as he could and the one that you had around your neck was the loudest of them all.

Of course nobody in the audience noticed your nervousness, it took a trained eye to look through the cover of a pop star but your elevated heart wasn't from your performance and the shaking in your hands most definitely not from you being tired. He looked into the crowd.

Was there anyone suspicious he had missed? No that couldn't be. Him and 3 of his sidekicks were watching over this place, there couldn't be any type of danger around. Maybe it was something personal? An ex maybe? Would that pose a threat to you or the crowd?

Hawks’ thoughts were cut off by a synth or some type of organ playing two chords and the lights getting brighter on stage. This hadn't been part of the rehearsal in the morning, was this the reason you trembled so much? A new song?

The crowd went quiet as you positioned yourself in the middle of the stage, mic clipped into the stand and your foot tapping to keep you on beat. When touring through England especially, you had heard this song up and down on the bus you used whenever you travelled in the country.

The simplicity of the progression that pulled through the song, the adding of instruments as a way to build up for the high of the song to then slowly dropping instruments until it came back down to the organ and guitar as it was in the beginning…. Something about it had just struck you and you were more than glad to perform this in your own rendition in your home. Yet you couldn't keep focus on what was happening.

Come on, breathe, y/n you've practiced and it will be okay… Your inner monologue went wild as the synth waited for you to finally start the song. The crowd became restless at the tension you'd built up with seemingly no resolve, you felt more judgment on you than normal.

Your eyes searched for something to ground yourself with, like you used to when you were a rookie. Anything or anyone to look at while you performed to keep your nerves from getting the best of you.

Then your eyes met those of the pro hero assigned to security this time. Hawks’ yellow eyes sparkled as he winked at you with a smirk. His arms rested on the railing of the security lounge, laying over each other and hiding most of his face. The red wings poked through from behind him and you could see that he took off his signature feathered jacket. You took a deep breath before intently looking him in the eyes.

“I'm going back to 505… If it's a 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive…” Your hands grabbed the mic and the stand as you swayed to the beat, lulling the crowd to do the same and take out their lights. There were quiet screeches from a few people who seemed to know the song. But you didn't let them disturb your new found focus or let them stop your new found anchor look.

“In my imagination, you're waiting lying on your side… With your hands between your thighs…” The guitar kicked in. Your hands left the mic and you stretched them into the air to get rid of their stiffness. The confidence of the first song came back to your core, no trace of nerves found in any of your movements.

The pro hero lazily stared at you after your first eye contact, relaxing as the feather around your neck got quieter. He raised his eyebrows at that last line, even if he knew that it probably wasn't at all intended for him. Your not breaking eye contact suggested something else but he wouldn't fall for the invitations of a worldwide known pop star. He was more than just smarter than that.

“Stop and wait a sec���” You stretched out your hands towards the security manager and tilted your head as you sang the next words. You had loosened up quite a bit as the instruments joined for the first verse. “When you look at me like that my darling, what did you expect?”

The hand slowly came back towards you and softly grabbed your neck before smoothly rolling into a cheek hold. “I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck… Or I did last time I checked…”

Pro hero Hawks had been trained to be a hero longer than he could remember. His training included quirk enhancement, multiple language studies and espionage training which had also taught him to stay cool in every situation.

Yet his cheeks flushed red and he rose from his slouched posture as your pointed at him and almost seductively grabbed your neck, all while not breaking your eye contact with him. He cleared his throat multiple times and averted his eyes whenever it became too much for him. Hawks couldn't be charmed by such simple actions. That's what he told himself anyways.

Having regained your confidence after fearing that your audience would be disappointed, you closed your eyes and went through the rest of the song in the lower register of your voice. It was nice to perform something like this between your usual set. It almost cleansed a palette like coffee beans after entering a perfume shop.

But then the bridge hit. The kick drum and snares were hit in unison before a quick second of silence fell, your hands flinging towards the mic and you opening your eyes on beat. “BUT I CRUMBLE COMPLETELY WHEN YOU CRY. IT SEEMS LIKE ONE AGAIN YOU’VE HAD TO GREET ME WITH GOODBYE”

You opened your lungs and let out the higher notes, almost screaming them out as your eyes looked at Hawks again. The instruments filled the room completely, screaming in their own way but also complementing each other.

Like a wave, Hawks was hit with your passionate voice singing him those words as if they had been only written for him. His embarrassment to be addressed in such a manner switched to curiosity and excitement. He tipped one of his sidekicks on the shoulder.

“Make sure we act as security on their next performance in Japan too.”

“But Hawks, we aren't a security agency-”

“Oh yeah? Well for them we are, I want to be part of the security team for every japanese performance to come.”

In a stern but gentle voice, Hawks commanded him to find your manager to arrange future collaborations. His flushed cheeks reappeared when you finished the song and just stood there, eyes closed and sweat glistening on your face as you breathed out the last emotions of the song. Something about you looked, ethereal. Was that the right word for it? He didn't know, but it felt right in any way .

[skekheck]

All About the Seven Clans: The Dousan

This post contains everything I could find about the Dousan. Some information written here are from older material and may either contradict statements or is no longer relevant. I will do my best to string it all together as coherently as possible. If there is information that I am missing, please let me know and I’ll add it!

Clan Index: Dousan Drenchen Grottan Sifa Spriton Stonewood Vapra

Overview

An elusive clan that lived in the Crystal Desert, also known as the Crystal Sea and Desert of the Dead. Being the most spiritual of the seven clans, their lives revolved around Thra, its mysteries, and the cycle of life and death. For these reasons other gelfling clans were suspicious and even afraid of them. The skeksis encouraged this by spreading their own rumors and barred the Dousan from becoming guards at the Castle of the Crystal for they found their worship of death revolting.

The Dousan’s clan color was orange, their totem animal the Daeydoim, and their core elements were the skies, endless heavens and the studies of its celestial bodies, and lightning. Their sigil color was dark yellow/orange and their pennant colors were orange, blue, and yellow.

Characteristics 

The Dousan had one of the most striking features among other gelfling. Their skin were mainly blue, but had hints of yellow that started at the forehead and could extend down the face. Eye color tended to be very light, almost off-white in some cases, sticking to yellows, greens, and browns. Darker eye colors were also possible. Primary hair colors were purple or white with strands of dark brown and/or white. It was commonly styled in braids, ponytails, dreadlocks, and sometimes a combination of all three. Some also preferred to shave their heads. In concept art, a Dousan’s wings were white with black spots.

As they were a minimalist clan, the Dousan dressed for function over appearance and adorned themselves sparingly. They wore long flowing cloaks that protected them from the weather and were light enough to travel. They were crystal-weaved from the crystals scattered along the desert which made the Dousan blend into its sparkling, ever moving sand currents. Much like their pennant, their clothing sported dark blues, yellows, and oranges although black, browns, and reds were also worn. It was common for Dousan to have head protection, whether it were hoods, headscarfs, or other head covering. Of the few accessories a Dousan had were their bone charms, attached with simple marble and string. Spiritual leaders carved their bones with geometric patterns.

Tattoos

Arguably the most prominent feature of the Dousan were their tattoos. They weren’t just tattooed on the face, but their bodies as well. Each tattoo told a story, usually of significant experiences from their adventures in the desert. It also doubled as protection from the Three Suns. Common colors were deep blue, green, and gold, found in abundance from the pollen and plants of crystal palms. Rarer colors were white and silver. If the Dousan desired these colors, they would had to go get the material themselves. This was one of the few instances of materialism they displayed. 

The tattooing process was long and painful. It was performed with Crystal Skimmer scales, a mallet, and plenty of ink. The scales were laced with thousands of small spikes and could be cut and shaped into different patterns. The tattooer, which was always an elder sage from the Wellspring, would place the scale spines facing down and pounded onto the skin so it was kept in place. Drops of ink would then be inserted into an opening carved within the scale and then bled into the skin. Because the spines were not closely knitted, the process was repeated several times to get a rich solid color. 

Connection With The Skeksis (and Mystics) and Belief System

They were one of the few gelfling clans far removed from skeksis influence. The Dousan even went as far as omitting prayer and rituals based around the lords which was considered heresy. SkekMal the Hunter seemed to have been the only skeksis that interacted with them, but his visits were rare. This doesn’t mean the Dousan were completely removed from their involvement with the Lords of the Crystal. They supplied them with incense and desert-specific animals such as the peeper beetle and guided the Hunter when he needed passage through the desert. Instead, the Dousan were influenced by the skeksis’ other halves: the urru.

There was conflicting information surrounding just how many were involved (either one or two) and the name(s) are not confirmed. However, according to Songs of the Seven Clans, “guardian” and “navigator” were named. Deduction suggests they could be urZah the Ritual Guardian and urGoh the Wanderer.   It was also not exactly known why the mystics taught the Dousan as the mystic way was to observe not intervene. But the Dousan inherited their beliefs and adopted an introspective nature. They were taught how to meditate, guard rituals, and listen. They also had beliefs in sacred geometry, represented by the bone charms they wore. The Dousan believed they were given the responsibility by Thra to contemplate the mysteries of life. Much like the mystics, they surrendered themselves to Thra’s will and wisdom and never interfered in the grand scheme of things even if it meant losing the precious gifts Thra provided for them. 

Then, of course, was their apparent worship of life and death. They believed the threshold between the two realms were very thin and thus created a tradition around the inevitable. That being said, the Dousan believed death was not the end nor should be caused for fear or sorrow. When life ended, it began anew in Thra’s lush beauty. For many Dousan, becoming comfortable with death was a lifelong spiritual pursuit. They were also the only clan who viewed Mother Aughra and the skeksis as mortal beings instead of immortal deities. 

While the mystics taught the Dousan their ways, the clan eventually forgot who they were. Their likeness was illustrated within the Wellspring Cloister, but they were constantly misinterpreted as the skeksis (which was discouraged by elder sages). The Dousan had simply referred to them as ancient sages. 

Lifestyle

When the Six Sisters were given their duties, the sister which would become the first Dousan maudra was given the heavens to study the suns, moons, and stars. It was there that they made their home in the Crystal Desert.  

The Dousan were nomads. Living in an arid climate plagued by storms and sands that continuously shifted discouraged permanent settlement outside the Wellspring. They made their homes out of sand skiffs (also called sand ships), their trusted Crystal Skimmers, and camps. Because of this constant change and travel, the Dousan had particularly simple and immaterial lifestyles. They had very few possessions and only carried what they needed. 

Due to the scarcity of materials, they used whatever they could find including the crystals found in the desert and the remains of deceased animals. They were particularly skilled in bone carpentry, utilizing bones and other animal remains for tools, shelter, ships, and instruments. Their preferred weapon was the bone dagger. The Dousan traveled all throughout the dangerous desert, but there were places even they refused to go. They believed the Circle of the Suns, a ruin located deep within the Crystal Desert, was cursed. The clan unanimously agreed to forbade anyone from traveling there.  

Daily Routine

Daily work was put into two categories: body tasks and spiritual tasks. Body tasks involved food preparation, collecting water, seeking shelter from storms, scavenging, and other types of physical labor. They were assigned during specific times of the day or in cases of emergencies. The rest of their time were dedicated to spiritual tasks. Most of it involved meditation but also included minor things like incense making and fire burning. It helped remind the Dousan of their communion with Thra and the Crystal and reflect on their own mortality. These rituals helped the clan face the harshness of the desert, approaching dangers and finding the paths to precious resources.

Diet

The Dousan were mostly vegetarian but they weren’t strangers to meat. They refrained from eating diurnal animals and hunted nocturnal insects, birds, and other animals instead. Their primary source of food came from the flowers and vegetation that grew in the desert which, unlike animals, had no restrictions. Water was collected at night as that’s when desert dew was able to form and were collected in shallow water traps. Considering the environment they lived in, they rationed their food and water but doing so taught the Dousan about self control and restraint. Before eating, they would take a moment to acknowledge the plants and animals who gave their lives so that the gelfling could consume them. 

Some notable Dousan foods were fruits found at the Wellspring. They had slightly hairy, leathery rinds with yellow meat. The taste was described as sweet with a “green” after taste resembling that of meadow grass. A delicacy among the southern xerics were raw spine flower blossoms drizzled with nectar from the flower’s pollen.

While not eaten for food, the urdrupe berries were another staple vegetation of the Dousan. They were hallucinogenic and when eaten helped one converse with Thra and see the future. Taking urdrupes was a notable occurrence among shamans. 

The Xerics 

The Dousan had a particularly large population, but rarely would congregate together and were always apart within the vastness of the desert. Therefore, a highly organized system of close-knitted groups called xerics were created. There were twelve in total, which were made up of 12 - 30 gelfling. Smaller xerics were solely reliant on sand skirffs while larger ones needed the aid of Crystal Skimmers, sometimes more than one. A Dousan was assigned to a xeric by the Dousan Maudra and her council of sandmasters and elders based on the gelfling’s aptitude and skills. When a gelfling was assigned a xeric and left the Wellspring it was an important day and often celebrated. Each gelfling were given specific roles depending on the size and territory of that xeric.

Sandmaster: Also referred to as a captain, they were apprentices selected and trained by the Maudra. They often made decisions and acted on her behalf as well as commanded over their assigned xeric. The sandmaster carried a horn made of bone that would summon the Dousan together in emergencies. They also carried a smaller bone-like whistle to command their Crystal Skimmer if they had larger xeric.  They held the highest rank above the other roles in the xeric unless the Maudra was present.

Second sandmasters: Dousan who worked and trained under the sandmaster should they need to take over. They also served in the xeric’s council, making decisions along with the sandmaster and elders before action was taken. True to their namesake, there were two of them and they held the second highest rank in the xeric.

Guardian: Gelfling that were given this role were usually the elderly members. They were ritual guardians well versed in meditations and practices observed and performed by the Dousan. They were in charge of delegating daily spiritual tasks and acted as mentors. Being a well respected member of the xeric, they held a similar ranking to the second sandmasters and served on the sandmaster’s council. 

Pilots: Important sand sailors who worked in and out of transit. They were in charge of controlling sand skiffs. They seemed to be specific to smaller xerics.

Navigators: Similarly as important as pilots although they were found in all xerics. They were readers of the skies and kept an eye on the constantly changing dunes. Some navigators were far-dreamers. 

Crystal Skimmer Trainer: A role only found in larger xerics. An offset of normal pilots who directed and trained with Crystal Skimmers. It was said it took a great deal of bravery and fortitude to build strong bonds with Skimmers as they were headstrong but otherwise loyal. During bad storms, the Dousan would climb into a Crystal Skimmer’s mouth for safety. They would also use the insides of the beast’s gums to store supplies.

Sand Sailors: Also called Sand Mariners, these were ordinary ranked Dousan. Sand sailors was also synonymous for the entire xeric crew aside from the sandmaster.

Dousan Song and the Language of Silence

As with all gelfling clans, song was an important part of the Dousan’s culture. It was said that theirs were unequaled as it invoked the very song of Thra and knitted the realms of the living and the dead together. The Dousan believed they were carried to them by the winds of the Crystal Desert.

But the strangest thing about their songs was plenty of it were silent. Even outside of that, the Dousan rarely spoke with their mouths. Rather they used a form of sign language called vojeye and communicated with each other with quick articulated hand gestures. It benefited both the body and spirit. Speaking would take away too much moisture so not talking conserved it. The sign language granted them a greater spiritual connection, being undistracted and always listening, they were able to hear Thra. Even in environments like the Wellspring, the Dousan preferred communicating in vojeye.

They also sung in vojeye. When a songteller, an uncommon role in the clan, “sings” they did so in a flurry of hand gestures. It became a beautiful fluid dance where entire stanzas and verses were told without sound. Much like many things in their culture, their songs were highly protected. On the rare occasion a Dousan sung instruments weren’t always involved. The songteller would simply use their environment or own body to create sound, like tapping their fingers against their knee. The only other times Dousan sung out loud were at funerals and the chants and prayers heard within the Wellspring Cloister. 

Day of the Dying Sun

The most sacred Dousan holiday was celebrated when the Dying Sun was visible in the sky. The Dousan would gather in threes, removed their head coverings, and performed what was called an empty dreamfast. It was a dreamfast with no memories or voice, instead a shared meditation in silence. It would last until the Dying Sun dipped below the horizon. The Dousan saw the Three Brothers as representations of life and death, with the Dying Sun represented as the journey to death. They believed that by empty dreamfasting they shared the journey of the Triple Sun’s dying incarnation, better preparing themselves for the day they too would make that journey. 

Trial of the Daeydoim

The trial was inspired by a re-imagining of Raunip’s story, something that the Dousan deeply related to. A star that fell from the heavens was given a name by Aughra and believed it was a native of Thra until it learned the truth. In contemplation of everything it learned, it wandered the desert for all eternity to find its final resting place. From its footsteps sprouted the Daeydoim.

The challenge was performed only twice in a Dousan’s life: once as a youngling when they were preparing to leave the Wellspring and second as an elder when they retired from their xeric. They would go out into the desert with nothing but a red sheet of clothing, leave the Wellspring in the dead of night, and not return for three days. If they returned, they were rewarded with milk from the Wellspring Tree. If they were a younging, they were allowed to stand by the Maudra and council to be assigned their xeric and role. If they were an elder, they were granted their “Last Home”, a hut by the Wellspring and a seat at the elder’s council. It’s unknown what the Dousan do during the trial and not all return. 

Dousan Funerals

While funerals performed by other clans were somber, the Dousan’s were livelier. These were one of the very few times instruments and verbal singing were performed. The deceased would be buried underneath the soil of the Wellspring Tree and their belongings be piled into a pyre. The Maudra lights it and the other Dousan would celebrate the life of the fallen through songs and dance. The members of the deceased’s xeric would sing about their favorite memories about the gelfling. What remained of the deceased’s belongings were scattered among the sands of the desert by wind, signaling a final farewell. 

Incense

The incense made by the Dousan were highly sought out by the other clans and could be found all throughout Thra. Even the skeksis used their incense during their own ceremonies. Its aroma was described to be savory and heady and produced a blue smoke. 

Incense making was reserved only for elders at the Wellspring. The incense took the form of palm-sized chips which were burned in torch wells under enchantment until their signature blue smoke filled the air. Traditionally, the incense was made from dried bark from aging parts of the Wellspring Tree. it was grinded into fine powder and compacted into bricks using sticky sap also found from the Great Tree. It was left out to dry in arid conditions where the fine dust dried rapidly and hardened which was then carved into chips. 

The Wellspring and Oszah-Staba

The Wellspring was the hometown of the Dousan. It was an oasis found within a valley far up north of the Crystal Desert and nestled around the Claw Mountains. It looked like a dense jungle with amber red and gold trees and a large lake with the Great Tree towering over it. The Dousan’s communal hearth was located near the back end of the lake. Tents, canopies, and Last Homes resided near the lake’s edges many of which were temporary. Only elders and younglings who had yet to be assigned to a xeric lived there. Most other Dousan only arrived to trade, refill supplies, or had wounds tended to. Only times when all Dousan congregated at the Wellspring were for emergencies or certain celebrations. 

The Oszah-Staba, or simply the Wellspring Tree, was the Dousan’s Great Tree.  It was characterized as an upper canopy of enormously broad leaves that provided shelter to travelers and prevented storms from reaching the Wellspring. It also produced a white milk from its leaves when cut which had lightning repellent properties. Dousan would smear this liquid on their clothing and skiffs for protection.

In the J.M. Lee book series, the Wellspring Tree was barely a waterlogged tree trunk beneath the lake. All the Dousan believed it had died except Periss, who kept insisting it wasn’t. When Periss helped Naia and her group to the Wellspring, he had them assist him in reviving the tree. With the help of Amri, Naia’s healing, and (with convincing) the entire Dousan clan, Oszah-Staba was revived and sprouted back to its former self just in time to dissipate the incoming storm that would had otherwise destroyed the Wellspring.

The Wellspring Cloister

Walking down a promenade hidden under the sand lead to the Wellspring Cloister that lied within the crags of the Claw Mountain. It was a temple carved by the Dousan over hundreds of trine. The entire cliff face as well as its insides were etched with figures and pictographs. It was written record of the Dousan’s wisdom, which included illustrations of the passage of time and the clan’s history. Among its notable illustrations were of gelfling, storms, the Wellspring tree, and the mystics. Within the temple was a large effigy of the Crystal of Truth, which was the size of an average gelfling. The Dousan would come to the Cloister to pray and at least three would be found there at a time.

Relationships With Other Clans

Due to cultural differences, the Dousan rarely leaving the desert, and misunderstanding, other clans were highly suspicious and generally found the Dousan morbid and creepy. Many of the stereotypes revolving the clan were most likely perpetuated by the Skeksis, but these beliefs were held through the Gelfling Rebellion as well. The Dousan’s quietness and being highly protective of also created the assumption they were aloof and unfriendly.  However, the Dousan never prioritized their traditions over connecting with outsiders. They just had an individualized connection with Thra that was sacred to them and them alone so they never felt they needed to explain it to others. They were otherwise friendly with other Gelfling.

That doesn’t mean they didn’t share the clan-first mentality. Taking a mate from another clan was seen as a capital offense. At least before they were taught by the mystics they treated gelfling who committed this crime more brutally, going as far as to hunt them down even when they left the desert.

The only true clan relationship the Dousan had with was the equally nomadic Sifa. On the rare occasions they left the Crystal Desert, they would go to Cera-Na and trade with them. It was noted that every time the Sifa’s mother ship, Omerya-Staba, were audibly amazed at the sight of it. They dedicated a song to the vessel titled “the Sifa Mother of Sa-Schala”.

Aside from Cera-Na, Dousan travelers were also spotted in Ha’rar’s port markets but these visits too were infrequent. 

Legacy and Connection With the Firelings

The Dousan may be the only known surviving clan after the end of skeksis rule. A village within an unspecified forest was founded by Chal the Explorer, an exiled Dousan early into the Age of Division. While not clearly indicated, the inhabitants may have been descendants of the clan and practiced aspects of their culture although plenty seemed to have been lost. It’s unknown if this village was kept a secret during the Age of Division and gelfling lived there, it was the origin place of another clan, or the descendants found out about it and settled.

Other descendants of the Dousan were the firelings, or at the very least the first firelings, as Chal was the father of Cindrah. They remained untouched by skeksis influence and were able to flourish during the Age of Division. There seemed to be small evidence of some of Dousan culture as the firelings had a group system similar to xerics early on in their history.

Notable Dousan Members

Rek’yr: The charming and slightly rebellious sandmaster from the late Age of Division. He was the captain of the southern xeric and former guide for the Hunter. He helped the gelfling resistance by guiding the gelfling to the Circle of the Suns with his Crystal Skimmer Bennu.

Maudra Seethi, the Skin Painter: The Dousan Maudra during the late Age of Division. She took the legacy of funeral rites seriously and made it her duty to pass them on to the next generation. Her transcendental dream-etching were said to be glimpses into the afterlife.

Periss: Younger brother of Sandmaster Erimon. Because he had conflict with the Dousan ways, he ran away and became a thief who wandered around Cera-Na and Ha’rar stealing all the riches he could find.

Erimon: A well respected sandmaster who commanded over a smaller xeric. He constantly butted heads with his brother over their ideologies and always had to fix the messes he made.

Chal: A significant member of the Dousan who lived early on in the Age of Division. An explorer who was cast out by his clan for being eloped to a gelfling from another clan. He discovered Mithra and the future home of Kensho and was the father of the first fireling.

Kataal: A Dousan who lived early on in the Age of Division. He and his xeric chased Chal across Thra to punish him for committing heresy.

Maudra Io: A Dousan Maudra from an unknown time period within the Age of Division. Her Skimmer, named Urami, was famous for its lineage went back to the Skimmer of the first Dousan that entered the desert.

Kensho: A descendant of the Dousan born in the Age of Power. Once an acolyte who made himself an offering to save his clan, his destiny became intertwined with the fireling princess Thurma who got involved with the re-breaking and re-mending of the Crystal of Truth. Later he gained the power of absorbing the darkening and became the leader of the Gelfling Nation.

Kolba: Another descendant of the Dousan and mother of Kensho in the Age of Power. She resided in the village founded by Chal.

[Sources: Song of the Seven Gelfling Clans, The Dark Crystal Age of Resistance, Inside the Epic Return To Thra, Official Dark Crystal Website, Song of the Dark Crystal, Tides of the Dark Crystal,  Heroes of the Resistance, Author Quest: The Gelfling Gathering, Power of the Dark Crystal, the Dark Crystal Bestiary]

[applejongho]

a vampire's guide to blood dealing | bang chan

genre: humor, supernatural, adventure, dumbassery

pairing: vampire!chan and female vampire!reader named Mei (platonic)

description: Newly turned vampire Chan and old vampire Mei form a friendship through their shared hunger for blood, but can’t help but get into wildly bloody situations as their friendship blooms.

word count: 5.9k

warnings: mentions of blood, vampires, swearing, (a small amount of) violence

author's note: SURPRISE, I'M YOUR SECRET SANTA @meiiyue!! Did you guess me correctly when you had a hunch as to what my identity was at the beginning of the month? ;) You've made my month of December so much fun and I can't wait to start talking with you not behind my chanon pseudonym >:) anyways, chan and mei being dumbasses together, I had a HELLA fun time writing this and I hope you smile when reading <333

masterlist here!

SHE HAD KNOWN when the tea on his desk, next to the scattered medical papers and signatures that bound people to donating blood, was just a bit too red for any normal tea.

There was also the fact that the tea smelled like blood, but then again, everything smelled like blood at a blood drive. Being a vampire, Mei had to pinch herself every few minutes so she didn’t salivate all over the floor and reveal her bloodthirsty identity. She had no idea how the biology major that was running this drive, and also clearly a vampire by his red tea - Christopher “Chan” Bang - was holding himself together. Perhaps the tea was what kept him tethered to reality. But a vampire running a blood drive - that was the act of a being who had lost his mind.

Mei sat in Chan’s desk chair in his office - a white, cramped, doctor’s office that smelled like hand sanitizer - waiting for Chan to realize she was there. She had her feet propped up onto the table, black boots obscuring what seemed to look like calculus homework or chicken scratch. She couldn’t tell. So he studied here as well. Mei couldn’t help but laugh as she looked around his office: paintings of instruments that looked like they came straight out of a museum adorned the walls, a printer sat in the corner that looked like it would fall apart if it was asked to print one more paper, and a coffee pot with stains that would likely never come off. This was most certainly the living space of a tired and stressed college student - he had hidden his vampirism well. She doubted he even used the coffee pot anymore, Mei herself couldn’t bring herself to swallow anything except for blood.

She wondered how she hadn’t noticed the other vampire sooner. But now that she had found him, she was determined to befriend him and possibly help him; he couldn’t have been a vampire for too long. Mei shuffled her feet so they sat over some chemistry homework instead. She hoped she looked intimidating because it would have been embarrassing for a two-hundred-year-old vampire to not strike some sort of visceral and primal emotion into a baby vampire.

Like on cue, Chan entered the office with such frantic movements that she swore he would trip on himself. He had tousled black hair and a white lab coat snug on his shoulders that looked a little too perfect to be a real lab coat, like one a small kindergartener would wear on career day. He also carried a clipboard, and seemed to notice his franticness before he noticed Mei because he made eye contact with her but was much too delayed in his reaction to say anything until at least a few seconds later.

“Hello?” He said after a few seconds, staring at her. He looked like he was going to pass out with her feet on the table, or maybe he was just startled that someone was so confidently intruding on his space. Mei kicked her feet back onto the ground.

“Hello,” Mei said in greeting, then gestured to Chan’s cup of tea on his desk. “May I ask what kind of tea this is? It has such a wonderful taste. I couldn’t help but have a taste.”

He looked like he was going to pass out. “It’s a really, um, exotic flavor,” Chan said, placing his clipboard down on his desk. Mei glanced at it. It looked like a medical form. “You wouldn’t like it. Or, no, I’m really surprised you like it.” His voice had a clear accent - British? Mei was slightly surprised he wasn’t asking why she was in his office. He was probably too worried over the tea.

“Oh, it was bloody delicious, whatever it was,” Mei said. Chan looked like Mei had just found his illegal drug stash. “Okay, I’ll stop teasing. I’m a vampire. And I’m going to be terrified if you’re not also a vampire because it would be weird if you were a human drinking blood.”

Mei hadn’t realized Chan was on edge until his shoulders shrunk down a few inches and he gave a small smile. He was refreshing to see at ease - Mei was far too used to people being scared of her. “You are?” He asked in that hopeful fledgling tone that made her heart clench.

She nodded. “For two hundred years. I’m assuming it’s hardly been a month for you.”

She could tell he tried not to be phased by her age. It was routine for humans and young vampires to not be able to comprehend her age. “Three weeks, actually,” he laughed nervously. “I signed up to run this a few days before I got turned. I would have never accepted had I known...”

He trailed off, but Mei understood. “Baby vampires are usually more thirsty than adult vampires, and even I felt a little unhinged walking by all of the vials. I can’t imagine how you feel.”

Almost on cue, Chan reached for his tea cup and took a long, quenching drink. Mei watched him drink. He let out a breath after he finished, and his hair flopped in front of his eyes. “It’s painful,” he said simply. He let out a nervous laugh and scratched his head. “I was going to come in here for a break from the smell. But you’re here.” He stared at her for a moment, and Mei could see the gears turning in his brain. “Can you help me?”

It was such a vague question, but Mei nodded with certainty. Can you help me be a vampire? Can you help me not kill everyone in this blood drive, because I seriously might? “Let’s first give you a mask to wear. Like one of those disposable doctor masks?”

“I already thought of that, it doesn’t work,” Chan groaned, but Mei shook her head at him. 

“Do you have gum?” She asked. “Peppermint flavored?” He wordlessly gestured to the main drawer in the desk, confusion etched onto his face.

Mei pulled out the gum. “I know you don’t want to eat it, and you don’t need to.” She unwrapped a piece, but threw out the gum, holding out the wrapper for him. “Stick this into your mask. I don’t think it will mask the scent completely, but it will certainly be a distraction.” She raised her eyebrows at him and urged him to take the wrapper. He took it, looking at her with wariness stretched across his face.

“Really?” He asked, pulling a blue mask out of his lab coat. He grinned and slipped the mask on, sticking the wrapper in it.

“Absolutely,” Mei said, not absolute at all. She had thought of this out of the blue. He seemed to relax at her certainty.

“Thank you,” he said. Even with a mask on, Mei could tell he was smiling. It was a smile of gratitude, a smile of being seen. “It’s... it’s so relieving that there’s another vampire on campus. It’s nice to know you’re here. Even if you broke into my office and ominously waited for me in my office chair.”

“That’s what I’m here for, I suppose,” Mei laughed. “I would say that I’d help you with the blood drawing, but I’m a music major. I certainly don’t have any license to perform anything related to human health.”

“Can you help me pack up the vials after the blood drive is over?” Chan asked quickly. “It’s just me and two more people, and they’re assigned to clean up. I’d trust you to, you know, not tamper with them.” Mei noticed he avoided saying the word blood. He must have been fighting his thirst harder than what he was letting on.

“Yes, and take another sip of your tea,” Mei recommended. He did so, rather rushed. He wiped his mouth and pushed his mask back on when he was done and gave a cooky grin that she could see through his eyes.

"I have to get back to... the blood tests, but I suppose you can stay here." He stood, silent for a moment. "Feel free to do my chemistry homework if you're bored."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Mei said sweetly, causing Chan to give a snarky eye roll. Then, he exited the room to continue with the blood drive.

Nearly six months later and with another semester gone by, Chan and Mei had formed an unlikely, yet close friendship. Mei preferred to say they were blood-bound because between Mei's music theory classes and Chan's cellular biology homework, the two of them had no academic similarities. They had first hung out together in the library of the university, both always carrying opaque flasks of blood that felt like an inside joke between the two of them. They had upgraded to spending a few weekends together, and now they were practically inseparable. Chan knew all of Mei’s quirks, like how she had to practice guitar in the mornings and piano at night, or how she had to always be in the same practice room to get anything done. Mei knew Chan’s sense of humor, which was essentially knowing his entire personality - quick puns that could slip by as casual comments, or teasing that was prolonged and never-ending. He had gone an entire month speaking in a British accent when Mei had mistakenly called him British. There were certain phrases he had taken upon himself to abuse profusely.

“Bloody hell, I’m Australian!” He had told her, giving a teasing grin. “Aren’t you old enough to have traveled to other countries to know their certain accents?”

“I’ve been all over Europe,” Mei had corrected. “Mostly Spain, Portugal, and France, and not so much Britain. There are so many different dialects of English in Britain that I had just assumed that your accent was from there, so shut up.”

Chan had taken a sip of his blood tea and had given the evil look of a taunting younger brother. “Then I suppose your mind isn’t as sharp as you thought it was. It makes sense, considering you’ve been un-alive for more than two centuries.”

“I’m going to stake you,” Mei had said sweetly.

Another fond memory was when they had gone to a museum so Mei could narrate what actually had happened in history as they walked through exhibits. What they discovered instead was a love letter Mei had written to a female lover when she was a young vampire that had an entire exhibit to itself. And, as historians usually were, they had erased the gay undertones of the note. Chan had to stifle giggles as he read an excerpt from the exhibit’s description that very proudly declared the note full of heterosexuality, while Mei had to hold back on murdering every employee in the museum. Mysteriously, that was the last time they had ever gone to that museum.

Yet none of these experiences or moments could top the underground blood ring.

Mei and Chan, during the semester, stole small amounts of blood from the monthly blood drive a few biological science majors held, enough to keep them satisfied for at least until the next blood drive. But now the spring semester was ending, and unlike winter break, summer break was much longer and hotter. Neither of them loved going outside because, as vampires, too much time in the sun would make them thirstier and sometimes blister.

“So what should we do?” Chan asked, sitting with his legs crossed on Mei’s couch in her apartment. “You’ve been a vampire much longer than I’ve been one. What have you done in the summer?”

“Back when I got my last degree, cameras were really terrible and too weak to see me,” Mei said, squinting while reading something on her computer. Mei had gotten a creative writing degree back in the 80s in Spain, and a history degree in the 60s. She liked to point out frequently that she would have gotten many more degrees, but sexism prevented her for a long time. “Which had made it much easier to steal blood or drink from a sleeping person, regardless of the season. But cameras are much better nowadays, and while they still wouldn’t be able to see either of us that well, they would see things being moved around and possibly changes in shadow. And we don’t want that. Also, with you being a new vampire that’s not an expert at stealthily drinking blood from someone, we can’t just have you slinking around peoples’ houses at night.” She sighed and shut her computer, then gave Chan a look that made his spine dance.

“I have a few ideas, but none of them are that ethical or easy,” she said, grimacing. “Do you have any?”

Chan pursed his lips. “I could try hosting another blood drive?” Chan suggested, then discarded the thought. “Or we could go to the hospital I intern at and steal blood from there.” He said that calmly, normally, and Mei was a little shocked at how nonchalant he had become regarding blood acquisition. He used to cringe when Mei gave crazy stories of how she had taken blood from people.

“Hospitals should keep their blood, though,” Mei said, ignoring Chan’s surprised expression. “It’s one thing to take a few blood vials from healthy college students. It’s another to withhold a hospital’s stock that could potentially save someone’s life.” Chan wanted to mention that the blood collected from the university’s drives eventually made it to the hospital, but he didn’t want to create an ethical debate. They were already unethical as it was, being undead beings that drank blood.

“Okay,” he said, sighing. “So what are your ideas? Because those are mine.”

Mei gave a little smile, and Chan got nervous. “Mei, what are you thinking?”

“I was thinking of an illegal blood ring,” Mei said casually, then folded her arms over her chest and frowned at him when Chan gave an expression that was equivalent to her saying she had murdered someone. “I know your track record is perfect, but as a desperate vampire, I don’t know what else to tell you. Would you rather starve?” Chan opened his mouth to speak, but Mei held up a hand. “Hear me out.”

A million thoughts were running through his head, but Chan did as she said. She was right, he did have a perfect track record because it was imperative for someone that wanted to go into medicine that it was spotless. A blood ring was the perfect addition to his record if he wanted to throw away his degree and any chance of employment.

“There are more blood rings than you’d think, and a lot of them aren’t nearly as scary or dangerous as you might think,” Mei started. “Think of doctors that are fed up with blood donation regulations because certain people, such as gay people, can’t donate blood. Think of psychopaths that want to sell tainted or drugged blood to scrape a profit. Think of people without ID that need blood but can’t get it through lawful means. These are the types of people we’d encounter, and considering that we’re both strong and smart vampires, being friendly with them, stealing blood, and then jetting wouldn’t be hard. We’d only have to do it once,” she said as Chan’s expression darkened with doubt. “I don’t love the idea either, but I think it’s doable. Allow me to ask around, and I should be able to find a place for us to go and get our blood within a week.”

“And what about next summer?” Chan asked. “And the summer after?”

“By then, you’ll hopefully know how to take blood from humans in their sleep,” Mei said evenly. “I should have taught you earlier, but I didn’t. Please, Chan,” she said and gave a look. “Just go with me. I promise things will be fine. And if it doesn’t, we can just change our names and go to university somewhere else.”

“You’re insane,” Chan groaned. There was nothing smart about this plan. Chan could name several things that could go wrong off of the top of his head: the blood they could get would be so drugged that both of them would kill someone in their insanity, they could get caught or ratted out and lose their place in the university, or they could simply get killed by the blood dealers. But Chan begrudgingly agreed with Mei because it was the only plan they had. And blood, as delicious as it was, was slippery to deal with. This was simply one shady deed in a life that would last an eternity. He was too young to understand the small weight of this blood ring that would carry on his immortal life. He had to trust Mei.

“And besides,” Mei said, climbing off of her bed to grab a bag of blood from her fridge, “you can think of it as a heroic job. Maybe we can rat out the blood dealers to the cops, steal their blood, but then tell the police they destroyed it all in a hairy crossfire. You’re not the bad guy, Chan, nor a vigilante. You’re just a vampire that needs his needs met.”

So a little more than a week later, Chan found himself in the passenger seat of Mei’s Toyota, Mei driving like she was on her way to the grocery store to pick up some eggs. “Mei, I don’t know if we should do this,” Chan said, shifting nervously in his seat and rubbing his hands together.

Mei turned smoothly to a dirt road. The highway they had been on before had been smooth, so the new bumpy terrain made the two of them bounce around in the car. It just made Chan even more nervous - this was territory that wasn’t crossed often. “Chan,” Mei said in the same way a mother would soothe a child, “we’ll be fine. Like I said before, I wouldn’t be able to do this alone. You’re here for backup. I told the dealer you have a black belt and can make shit fly if things don’t go as planned.” 

“I don’t have a black belt,” Chan felt he had to point out.

“And they don’t need to know that,” Mei said calmly. She turned again. Somehow this road was even bumpier. Chan felt like he was going to throw up. “You’re here for looks and intimidation. And if things do go awry, you look strong enough to do damage.”

Chan groaned. It was night out, and Mei turned off her headlights. It wasn’t a problem because both of them could see fine during the night; it was so no one else could see them. “Just relax,” she continued, which made Chan even less relaxed. “Think of the blood.”

Thinking of blood did make him feel better, much to his relief. He sat dazed while Mei navigated through the dirt path, thinking of the result rather than the work he had to do to get there.

Mei parked the car in between some trees and the two of them got out. Mei adjusted her hoodie and sunglasses, which made Chan pull out his sunglasses as well. He felt like a fake criminal putting them on. They only did this in movies. “This way,” Mei said, her voice amplified because of the silence that hovered around them. Trees were everywhere and Chan had no idea how Mei had managed to maneuver the car into the forest. He hoped a quick escape wasn’t going to be needed.

Mei trudged through the forest, Chan following. She led him to an old shack that looked like it was one breeze away from toppling onto itself. Chan had to duck to not hit his head on the door frame. The inside smelled exactly how a dilapidated and abandoned shack should smell like - grimy, slimy, and dusty. Then, of course, there was the smell of blood. He knew Mei could smell it too by how she stood straighter, or perhaps that was to seem more intimidating, because Chan had just noticed a few more figures already in the shack.

“I presume you’re Em and Bert,” said a cool, feminine voice across from them. The blood dealer.

“Bert?” Chan growled, quiet enough so that only Mei could hear, but she only smiled.

“That’s us,” Mei said, her voice devoid of the humor and carefreeness it usually held.

Even in the shadows, Chan could see the other woman give a smile. Despite the hood and mask she wore, the blood dealer wasn’t too incredibly intimidating. Chan thought she was sitting at first, but she was just short. A small lock of curly and blonde hair stuck out from her hood, giving the illusion that she was a small child. He almost snickered, but he was nervous himself.

Then he paid attention to her bodyguards. Three bodyguards were surrounding her, all tall, dark, and intimidating. The one to her right looked like he had muscles that could clock him into next week, while the one to her left had eyes of steel that he could feel scanning him. The one in the middle, right behind her, had the veiniest hands he had ever seen. He imagined them choking Mei or himself and he shuddered. Like the girl, they all had hoods and masks to conceal their identity.

“And do you have the money?” The girl said, a lilt to her voice. Mei nodded and pulled out enough money in cash to pay for an entire semester of school. Chan was amazed at his self-control to not do a backflip in the middle of the shack. Where had she gotten so much? He decided he’d have to ask later, or never.

The girl’s expression didn’t change at the sight of the money. “Put it on the table,” she said, then waved a hand to a three-legged table that sat in the middle of the room. Mei placed the wad of cash onto the table, then swiftly stepped away from it like the table was going to suddenly grab her hand if she didn’t move fast enough. 

Chan was hit with a pang of anxiety. Why hadn’t Mei asked to see the blood first? The bodyguard to the girl’s left pocketed the money. They could be murdered right there, and Chan still had to study for his anatomy final. He glanced over to Mei, who appeared to be unfazed. He gave her a look that he hoped she interpreted as, “do you still have an ounce of sense rattling in that brain?”

He didn’t need her to answer, however, because the girl motioned her hand. The buff bodyguard to her right bent down and picked up a box - Chan’s heart sank - a small box. His vampire senses started screaming because now the scent of blood had a visual paired with it, but there wasn't even that much. At most, this box of full blood vials would last Mei and Chan a month, which was less time than the two of them had for summer. The bodyguard placed it onto the same table where Mei had placed her money. This time, Chan took the case of blood. It was heavier than he had suspected, but it was still so little.

“You promised more,” Mei said evenly, echoing Chan’s worries. “I brought the money you wanted. Where’s the rest?”

“This is all we have left,” the girl said smoothly, and Chan had read enough crime novels to know that was a twisted truth. Likely, someone else had outsold them. And based on the amount of money Mei had given, that was an accomplished feat.

But even so, Chan could smell more blood somewhere, much like a human could smell both cookies and brownies being baked in a kitchen. Was it the blood from the girl and her guards? He didn’t think so, because that wasn’t the case when he was surrounded by fellow university students.

He didn’t have to look at her to know that Mei had smelled as much. Mei’s mouth twitched.  “I see more right there,” she said, pointing vaguely towards the girl. The bodyguards stiffened.

“We have no more,” the girl repeated, her tone stricter than any of her bodyguards’ body language. Her eyes narrowed, and Chan caught the hue of them - blue. “Perhaps if you had offered more money, or if you were a bit more reputable, I would have-”

The girl was unable to finish her sentence, because Mei had darted forward, faster than any human could have ever moved. Before Chan realized what she was doing, Mei already had a hold on a second box, identical to the one he was holding. It must have been hiding somewhere, and for whatever reason Mei had managed to see it.

Chaos ensued. The girl screamed, Chan screamed too, and Mei had delivered a blow to the muscular bodyguard, sending him to the floor. He realized that he was supposed to act the part of the strong sidekick, but Chan’s rationality and legs had a different idea. He was not fit to fight. While Mei sized up another bodyguard, Chan took off running. He ran out of the shack, blood vials rattling violently in his hands. He realized too late that under no circumstances could he drop the box of blood - it would defeat the purpose of Mei’s inception.

To his chagrin, he realized one of the bodyguards, the one with veiny hands, had taken off running behind him, and Chan deliriously wondered if he was good at playing piano as he dove into the dark forest around the shack.

“Stop!” The bodyguard yelled as if Chan would obey. He ran further into the forest, grateful it was nighttime. He could see easily, and based on how the bodyguard faltered around the frequent trees, he didn’t have the same advantage. Chan slowed his running when he saw how far behind the bodyguard was and crouched by a particularly large tree, cradling the vials of blood like they were a newborn baby.

He heard the bodyguard come closer, but Chan had faith that he was hidden and quiet enough to not be noticed. “Shit!” The bodyguard swore when he must have been about ten feet away. Chan remained perfectly still, crouched low, not breathing. He was dimly aware of the spiraling and sharp pain coming from his toes because of the way he was sitting, and he decided to ignore it. Then, without warning, Chan lost his balance and toppled onto the forest floor, the vials crashing into each other and creating a cacophony of noise. It was Chan’s turn to swear.

The bodyguard was upon him within seconds. Chan had barely gathered himself and the blood, and was still struggling miserably on the forest ground, pain exploding from his toes. “Are you insane?” The bodyguard growled, his voice rough. Chan squirmed away from the bodyguard and barely missed the bodyguard’s lunge towards him. He couldn’t tell if he was trying to reach for his neck or the blood.

“Yeah,” Chan answered him, tripping into a standing position, but the guard was too close for him to make a run for it. The adrenaline racing through his system had adrenaline, and briefly he wondered how Mei was doing. Could she hold off two bodyguards and that girl on her own? He wasn’t doing well even with one. His knees began to shake, and for a moment he wished he had never become a vampire - he wouldn’t have ever been in this situation. He wouldn’t have been moments from death or capture.

“You must be truly desperate if you’re willing to steal from people like us,” the bodyguard snarled. “What were you gonna do with it all, resell it? Give it to authorities to rat us out?” He backed Chan into a tree. “Or fucking drink it?”

Chan’s eyes widened, and a lightbulb glowed in his mind with a ridiculous idea. For the past few months, Chan had adjusted to being a vampire, but he couldn’t help but often felt alienated even with Mei being a new addition in his life. He avoided drinking blood in front of a human and even broke out into a sweat when it was in a concealed and opaque container in fear of their terrified reaction. Now, Chan took this opportunity to turn the tables in his favor. He just hoped he wasn’t the greatest fool for doing it.

“It tastes like cranberry juice,” Chan said in a voice that was much too cheery for how unhinged he felt internally. Then, without warning, he uncorked one of the vials of blood and chugged it. He let it slosh around in his mouth as a red sea, he gurgled it, he let it run over his mouth and onto his chin, and he prayed to some god, a god that likely had damned him already, that this plan had an ounce of sense. At least the blood tasted good.

“What the fuck?” The bodyguard choked, which was precisely the reaction Chan had hoped for. Chan kicked out and slammed his leg into the bodyguard, causing him to sputter in surprise before falling to the ground. His head connected with a tree and the sound was sweetly sickening. Chan stood, staring at the man lying unconscious on the floor, staring at his hands, staring at the blood. He must have stood there for a few minutes in stunned silence, before being interrupted by screams and shouts coming from the old shack.

“Seungmin!” A masculine voice shouted, and Chan assumed the voice was referring to the knocked out man lying on the forest floor in front of him. Unfortunate for both of them. A few more screams, and then, “-in the building!”

He heard a crack, and the most horrible, loud sound of splitting wood, metal chafing, and tile cracking overcame all silence in the forest. Chan cringed as he ran back towards the shack, fearful of Mei’s safety.

He emerged from the forest, only to have Mei dart in front of him to seize his wrist. Her hair, done in a ponytail under her hood, had become exposed and frazzled, but otherwise she seemed fine. She was carrying the second box, that special box, under her arm, and Chan wanted to cry with relief. They were both okay, they had done what they had come to do. “Car!” She huffed, then took off running, still gripping Chan. He felt like a rag doll being yanked by his five-year-old owner as Mei dragged him towards their escape.

He threw himself into the car, Mei already driving before his butt hit the seat. He placed his box of blood at his feet and felt out-of-body as Mei drove like a demon out of hell out of the forest and onto the gravel road. Chan had never felt so happy to feel the motion sickness that came from the rough terrain. He glanced over to Mei, who had ripped off her sunglasses. She looked like she had just slain a dragon and was glowing with adrenaline. Chan was filled with the happiness of knowing her. How could he ever have gotten so lucky? He broke into a grin, then began crying with laughter.

“We did it!” He cried, and Mei joined in with him after a few moments. He could hear the tension, fear, and anticipation leave her body as she laughed - a joyful, boisterous, and relieving laugh that seemed to be perfectly in rhythm with the car bouncing on the gravel road.

“We did, didn’t we?” She choked out after her laughter subsided. “But God, Chan, you look like you were shot in the mouth. What happened?”

Chan suddenly remembered his silly vampire distraction, and he burst into laughter all over again. “I scared the daylights out of the bodyguard that chased me by chugging some of the blood,” he giggled. His head was going to fly off of his head in the next few seconds. “It was all I could think of to distract him.”

“Oh my God, Chan,” Mei laughed. “That’s brilliant.” Mei turned, and the car gave a few jolts as it tore into another dirt road. “I destroyed the shack. It was sort of an accident, but it was only a matter of time.”

“And how’d that happen?”

Mei chuckled. "Throwing a bodyguard enough times against a wall causes a lot of strain on the house. I think I crushed everyone in the shack. Oh!" Chan's mouth dropped open as Mei reached into the center pocket on her hoodie and pulled out the wad of cash that she had used to pay for the blood. “There’s this.” She threw it into his lap, and Chan jumped as it touched him.

"Mei!" Chan gasped, unsure whether to laugh or be terrified. "We literally stole from them, and now we cut them short of-"

"Yeah, and they cut us short too," Mei shrugged, having an ethical compass of a seesaw. "Their leader, the little girl, promised me a second box. I was essentially paying for two boxes and she only gave me one. It's only fair. Well, at least for us." Mei stared off into the distance as she drove. "And I bet you smelled the blood of the second box, too. Perhaps she thought she could undercut us. Either way, I hope all four of them are screwed either financially or physically. Honestly, I might have killed the ones in the shack. But now I can pay for my next semester and not die of thirst over the summer." 

She said all of this causally, and Chan didn’t feel like lecturing her. He had sins too, lying unconscious in the forest. Chan also decided not to ask where Mei had gotten her money. He didn't want to, because he knew she didn't have it before this. "I mean, they're blood dealers," he said instead. "I don't think they care about laws or rules. But still..."

"Still nothing, Chan," Mei laughed. "We did it. Can't we celebrate?"

"Ah, two vampire college students stealing blood from a shady group of people that we might have killed. Congratulations to us," Chan said in a mocking voice, but smiled. "We certainly did it. Let's never do it again."

"You can say that again," Mei agreed. Her mouth quirked upward, and she barely suppressed a giggle. "Honestly, I thought we were screwed the entire time," Mei said carefully. "I thought they'd have backup in the forest or around the shack. Me reaching for that second box - that was pure stupidity."

"But we got our blood," Chan said with a note of finality.

"We got our blood," Mei echoed. Against all odds, they had pulled off a plan only a college student could conjure. "If we can do this, finals will be easy."

"Are you sure about that?"

Chan and Mei bickered back and forth over if finals or stealing illegal blood from shady vandals was harder (finals won) until Mei got onto the highway. Homebound and their goal accomplished, the two vampires laughed all the way home. In the sky, the moon's white rays glowed on them, the foil of the sun that they had grown to love as creatures of the night.

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In addition to utilizing your specific job skills take a look at your list of "soft" business skills as suggested by Knew Money.com. These skills include time management, leadership interpersonal communication, and project-management.

Set Financial Goals

One of your main goals should be to choose the career that will allow you to earn enough money to fulfill your financial objectives. If you're looking to own a home for your vacation in every continent and travel to these places on your private jet and earn a living as a retail clerk will probably not assist you in achieving your goals. Although you might have to compromise however, your chosen career path must be able to assist you meet your financial goals.

Examine the Benefits of Retraining

Make sure you are able to afford college and finish school without needing to borrow money. It could be necessary to go back to school to get your dream job. If you've been working in public service for at least a few years, you might qualify for programs to pay back student loans.

Review Your Social Needs

It is possible to spend more than a third of your life with people you interact with. So choose a career that allows for social interaction. It's possible that you're not an active person If you're a loner or do not like to be in contact with other people. Careers that allow you to work alone or from a distance is a smart option. If you love to meet new people, you could be able to find a job in sales satisfying, in which you interact with the public.

Conduct Informational Interviews

The University of California – Berkeley recommends an informational interview is the best option to make a career decision. Many people are happy to speak briefly with you about their work and the advantages and disadvantages. They can give you guidance from them on selecting a career and whether they would choose the same career path if given the opportunity. You should start and end the meeting punctually Ask questions with a keen eye and be attentive to answers.

Self-Assessment tools are readily available.

Make use of DIY resources to help you narrow your options, and aid in selecting a career. To help you assess your ability to perform certain types of jobs, you can take online tests. To make sure you know the requirements for various types of jobs, read the job descriptions online and career information offered by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Numerous workbooks and books can also be found to guide you through the self-assessment process.

A Career Coach is available to hiring

If self-help tools don't work for you an experienced career coach can help you determine your potential for success in various fields and help you navigate your way from the job you have now toward your dream job. A coach can help you quit your current job and start making progress.

Live the Real-Life Experience

Think about the businesses that hire temporary and interns to evaluate candidates before offering an opportunity to work. The opportunity to gain practical experience in the workplace where you're interested. Job shadows, internships and temporary assignments provide you with an authentic view of a typical day in the life of a profession.

Be Patient

Finding the right career is an process, not an occasion. Even though an entry-level job in your field might not be the ideal job for you, it may assist you in climbing the right path to get your dream job. It takes time to build your career making goals and sticking to a plan can help you reach your goals in the field.

[onthepageoftears]

Kill Your Darlings — Ch. 2 (Jaskier x Assassin!Reader) || Witcher

A/N: Hey everyone! The second chapter is here! This also fills another box for my @thewitcherbingo​ sheet, as will some of the other chapters for this series. 

Please don’t forget to leave comments/feedback, they are much much appreciated :)

Summary: Y/N finds out that not every assignment goes as expected...

Bingo Square Filled: Spy/Assassin

Warnings: language, mentions of death, alcohol consumption, mentions of r*pe, mentions of killing/murder, anger, violence

Words: 3,013

Support Me?

Please Don’t Plagiarize my Work!

It didn’t take long for you to make it to the city; the paths were sparse and you happened to only run into one group of Nekkers and a couple of bandits on the way there. Soon, you found yourself standing in the middle of Hierarch Square, scanning the notice board for any sign of your target.

It was late at night, but the torches in the streets lit the city up just enough for you. The square was far from empty despite the time of night; drunks stumbled along and beggars huddled under whatever they could to get some sleep. You supposed cities were meant to always be lively — but this liveliness was far from happy. It was a dark and dreary place, especially at night, when the only thing to guide you was the dim glow of the torches and the sound of whispers in the darkness.

Your eyes glazed over the notice board. It was littered with pleas for killing monsters, finding lost persons — you would keep those in mind for later. For now, your eyes only yearned for something, anything, that would lead you to your target.

Luckily, tucked in the top left corner of the notice board was a particularly bright flier. You reached up and pulled it out from underneath a missing person’s poster — your skin itched to pick that up as well, but you shook off the feeling. Rauf would want you to finish your assignment as soon as possible, no matter what.

The flier was a mess of colors and advertisement material that you didn’t care about. The first thing you saw was ‘Jaskier’ in big giant letters; then, a sketch of what you assumed to be him. You snorted at the smolder your target bore — perhaps he posed like that to make himself feel more handsome, more important. Your eyes focused on the bottom of the page. It had the date of the performance, the time, but most importantly, the place.

Kingfisher Inn. You folded up the paper and placed it in your pocket — it didn’t matter when the bard performed, only where he did it. Bards tended to stick around their venues for a while, in hopes the innkeeper would ask them to perform another night. They also tended to mooch off of their free stay there, for as long as they could.

You stepped away from the notice board and headed in the direction of the Inn. You had only been to Novigrad a couple times before, but you had to become pretty familiar with the streets. As an assassin, knowing the ins and outs of different cities was almost mandatory. Tracking a target and losing them just because you didn’t know where the hell you were was more embarrassing than it was a setback.

Thankfully, you didn’t have to wander around the streets of Novigrad too long, since the Kingfisher Inn was relatively close. You rounded a corner and just missed tripping over a passed out man — you were close to the inn, alright. And soon, the sound of unrestrained cheers echoed from the large building in front of you.

The first step of securing your target was to scope the building out. You first noted the lack of guards as you stepped into the inn, then the vastness of the space. It had a good crowd, with around twenty people sitting just on the main floor. You had seen crowds like this before, but what really struck you was the quality of the inn. It was probably one of the nicest taverns you had ever gone into; there was a proper stage where bards would perform, along with a separate somewhat higher section with even more tables. The ceilings were taller than you had ever seen, with balconies that looked over on other floors. The stage itself had large red curtains draping along the outside, with candelabras lit on both corners.

The crowd looked like they were anticipating a performance, so you tried to make your way to the second level of the inn as quickly as possible. You walked up the stairs to the somewhat higher floor and found a table in perfect view of both the stage and the rest of the tavern. As you sat down, a poster on the wall next to you caught your eye. It was the same one crumpled up in your pocket, only bigger.

“Can I get you something, dear?” The server brought your attention away from the poster.

“Um, yeah.” You tried to make your voice hold utmost enthusiasm; though you didn’t want to drink on the job, scoping out a location meant looking as natural as possible. And in a tavern, looking natural meant getting seemingly shit faced. “I’ll have a Viziman Champion. Please.”

You tried not to think of the cost of your drink as the server walked away. The pay for your jobs was usually a good amount, but it didn’t come too often. Rauf had a whole guild of assassins to deal out assignments too, and he was especially conscious of the favoritism he could show you. So, when you didn’t get assignments from him, you did some side work that people posted on their notice boards; some like the missing persons cases, others for help around farms, etc. It wasn’t a glorious amount of work, but it held you over until Rauf contacted you for another target.

“Your drink.” The server placed the drink in front of you with a smile. She gestured to the poster on the wall next to you. “Here for the show?”

You watched her from under your hood. “Yes. He any good?”

“Jaskier?” She giggled a bit, then frowned when she realized you weren’t joking. “Yes. Why, he’s one of the best around. I mean, just look at the crowd.”

“Hm.” You glanced to your left; the crowd grew twice as big since you sat down — it must have been getting closer to the performance time. You turned your gaze back to the server and leaned forward, bringing your voice just above a whisper. “I would…keep a distance from him if I were you.”

Her eyes widened in slight fear, but soon returned to a playful glint. “Ah, right. The charm of celebrity bards. I hear they’re quite handsy.”

You breathed in sharply, then sighed. “You could say that.”

The server smiled at you once more before leaving to tend to other patrons. You made a mental note to watch out for her the rest of the night, just in case she got too close to the target. The bard probably preyed on his fans, making her especially vulnerable.

In cases like these, it was important to stick to the basics of your training. Watch from a distance. Keep a low profile. Attack when the time is right. These cases usually went the same; you watched the person in their unwarranted glory, waited until they thought they were safe and alone, then attacked. The job was done quickly, quietly, with little to no issue. Patience was one of the biggest factors of the job — that, and ruthlessness. But you would have time for that later.

You were tentatively sipping your drink when a loud cheering erupted from around you. Your eyes searched the crowd, looking for the man you kept on your mind since you got this assignment. It was the sound of a lute that brought your attention back to the stage, simultaneously bringing the crowd to a low murmur of excitement. Then, a man stepped out from the side and walked to center stage.

In almost a second, you knew it was him. He wasn’t sporting the famous smoldering expression, but he had the same hair that was brushed to one side; and, even though you were relatively far from the stage, you noticed his eyes were more lively than either of the fliers showed you. He seemed…harmless.

But your mind quickly pushed that away as he started strumming his instrument. Men could easily falsify a sensitive, caring exterior. You had seen it many times with your own eyes; some men liked to be seen as kind, but behind closed doors they were monsters. Others were monsters through and through. There were cases of both, and each time, you felt the same amount of satisfaction when you got to watch them die.

You watched your target’s mannerisms through his performance. Smiling at the crowd, sending a wink to particularly beautiful women. It made your stomach rumble with anger, so much so that you finished your drink before the first song was over. For the duration of his performance, you ran a finger over the dagger you kept up your sleeve — it was a reminder of the assignment, of the reputation you needed to uphold during this mission.

Your eyes never left your target during the performance. Not when he jumped down from the stage to interact with certain audience members, or when he took a break to drink some ale. You didn’t even look away when he would casually look up towards your section of the tavern, sometimes seemingly right at you. It didn’t matter if he suspected something suspicious — so long as he didn’t bring it up to anyone else. But even if you couldn’t keep your stealth, you would finish your job, no matter who got in your way. The bard could hire a mass of professional guards and you would kill him before the sun rose.

The end of the performance could not have come quicker. You grit your teeth as soon as the crowd erupted in cries and cheers of joy; you clenched a fist as the bard bowed with a bright smile. Rauf would be disappointed at your lack of emotional control.

Save it for the kill, Y/N. You closed your eyes and bit your tongue to try and contain your anger, at least for the time being. Right now, what was important was following your target’s every move.

Your stomach dropped when you looked back to the stage — it was empty, with no sign of your target. Shit. You sat up from your spot and craned your neck, searching for the bard in the crowd of people. Instead, you saw drunk after drunk, no bard in sight.

“Looking for someone?”

Your head snapped to the person standing on the opposite side of your table. Your eyes widened slightly, just for a moment. Never, in your years of work, had a target come to you.

The bard placed his lute on the table and sat on the bench across from you, his eyes still sparkling from the performance he had given. You blinked for a moment, trying to compose yourself. This was not apart of the plan. This was never apart of the plan. You took a deep breath and leaned back against the wall behind you.

You must always be in control of the situation. One wrong move and you’re the one being killed. Or worse — made a fool of.

“Rating, from one to five. Go.”

You blinked slowly at your target. “Excuse me?”

“Rate my performance. I know you have an opinion — no one sits in the best spot of the tavern just to ‘enjoy a beverage’.”

You grit your teeth at his eagerness. He was more annoying than you could ever imagine. “Two.”

He leaned forward, waiting for you to speak. When you didn’t, he scoffed. “What, a number like that and I don’t even get a sentence explanation?”

“I’ve seen better performances from bards on the streets.”

“Okay. Ouch.” Your target turned his head just in time to catch the server from before. She was already blushing by the time she walked over to the table.

“Oh. Um. Hi! How can I help?” You narrowed your eyes at the bard, waiting for him to make a wrong move. One sharp turn, one wrong comment — you would jab him in the neck right in front of the crowd if you had to.

“I’ll have the usual. And you?” He turned to you, once again waiting for a response. You didn’t give it. He turned back to the server. “Your finest mead will do fine.”

The bard looked like he might speak again until another cheer from the crowd cut him off. He turned to look at the stage, where a group of bards had started another set. While he was distracted, you scanned his features. Your impressions of him from before were right; you noticed, as he turned to face you once again, that his eyes were a stark blue, matching the blue of his doublet. They would be mesmerizing if you didn’t have the compelling urge to stab him in the jaw.

“You look like you don’t belong here.” He said it matter-of-factly, only clicking his tongue when your eyebrows raised at his forwardness. “I mean it as a compliment. Beautiful people, such as ourselves, have no business in a city like this.”

“And why is that?”

“Novigrad is great, don’t get me wrong. But the people…” He jutted his head towards the crowd behind him, the crowd that was just calling his name and admiring his talent. “They can be quite sad.”

Your mouth twitched slightly at his ignorance. “You don’t say?”

“Cities are full of people searching for something more than what they have. But the real adventure, the real thrills — are out there.” He gestured in the air towards who knows what. “Besides, all cities are a bit dingy.”

The server returned to place the drinks in front of you, not failing to blush as she smiled at the bard.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and thumbed the handle of the knife that was positioned just inside your right sleeve. Though you didn’t expect your target to come to you, it could work in your favor. But, if you wanted to get the job done with a relative amount of stealth, you had to isolate the bard and make sure no one noticed him leave. The second part was already done; the people were too busy downing their drinks to worry about the likes of him — especially since the new bards were filling the tavern with upbeat music. You decided to swallow your pride and pull out the charm.

“Do you have a room here, bard?”

He nearly choked on his drink, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before answering, “Do—do I? Yes, I have a room. Why—exactly, would you like to know?”

“You say this city is dingy.” You leaned forward, making more deliberate eye contact from underneath your hood. “I’m just wondering if your room is.”

The Bard’s eyes lit up, his mouth slightly ajar. He quickly closed it, composing any confidence he had left. “We could…finish our drinks first—“

“I would rather we didn’t.” It wasn’t a lie — though, you weren’t opposed to lying in favor of the greater good.

He nodded and stood from the bench, picking up his lute before giving a slight bow. “Right. Follow me.”

You followed after him, making sure no one paid you any attention. The server from before was distracted as she cleaned up a mess on the floor, and everyone else had their eyes glued to the stage. Everything was going smoothly as the two of you walked up the stairs to the next floor, where you assumed the rooms were located.

The bard kept looking back at you, sending you nervous smiles. Something about his demeanor made you question his past actions — but only for a second.

Your target led you to a room at the end of the hall; he spoke over his shoulder, “I have a…friend, he was here before, but he left. I’m only telling you because he is quite messy, so that’s why there are clothes everywhere — and, here we are.”

He held open the door for you, gesturing for you to go inside. You blinked at him until he gave in and walked inside himself. For the few seconds you stood in the doorway, you admired the similar vastness of this room to the main tavern — there was a very large bed, a nice table with nearly full bottles of alcohol on top, and a large dresser he didn’t seem to be using. But you shook the admiration away, instead walking into the room and closing the door behind you.

When you turned back around, the bard was pouring yet another drink at the table. You took a few tentative steps towards him, making sure he didn’t turn around.

He was putting the cap back on the bottle as you slid the knife out of your sleeve, and in one swift motion gripped the handle.

You let out a slow, yet sharp breath. For the twelve. Letting the anger finally fill your veins, you held the knife so the blade lined up with the length of your arm. The more fire that crackled in your fingertips, the more you wanted to get this kill over with.

For the twelve.

You lifted the blade and took your last step towards the target, holding it so you could plunge it in the side of his neck. He cluelessly hummed to himself and continued to drink from his cup.

For the twelve, you recited in your head, then pulled back your arm a bit, and, with one brisk movement, you stabbed him in the neck.

Except, you didn’t.

You frowned as you looked up to your wrist, where it was stuck midair. It took you a second too long to realize someone’s hand had stopped your wrist; it was a tight grip — a very tight grip — and just as you were about to react, the hand pushed your wrist towards you with so much strength that you couldn’t even push back. The sharp pain of your own knife being sunken into your shoulder made you cry out — but then, another pain erupted in your skull, turning everything to darkness.

———————————————————————————————————

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[luvdsc]

miss cat!!!! you're the absolute cutest!!!!!!!! im so not over ittttt. also im really sorry for this, since i know you made a really long post about this,,,,but what are some tips you'd give to someone studying for their finals? or just some study tips you use in general? with relations to not getting distracted and memory? thank you do much 🌷

🥺🥺💘 omg honey bee!!!!!! you are the absolute cutest!!!!!! but really, thank you so so soooo much, lovebug 🤧💗 and omg it’s ok, you don’t have to apologize! i have a hard time concentrating and getting distracted, but this is what worked for me when i studied! i listed some new tips and compiled some answers from my previous asks as well under the cut. hopefully, these will be helpful for you, sweetpea 💐 also, best of luck with your finals and studying! 💛

start studying early — cram studying is honestly the worst, and you’ll feel overwhelmed as you try to fit as much test material in your brain as possible the night before. count how many chapters you’ll be tested on. for example, if there’s seven chapters, then start studying eight days before your exam. focus on one chapter a day, set aside 1-3 hours for this chapter, do the practice problems, review the homework problems your teacher assigned, and take handwritten notes on the important parts or things you have trouble remembering. personally, it’s easier for me to concentrate on one chapter a day. the eighth day (aka the day before the test) is for reviewing all your compiled notes and doing one or two practice problems from each chapter. i know this sounds really tedious and boring, but it definitely helped me tackle a big exam in a calm and steady pace without having a mental breakdown the night before the test. 

take handwritten notes — you remember information better when you handwrite notes as opposed to typing them up. you’re also less likely to get distracted and browse the internet on your laptop if you put it away and use an old fashioned notebook to take notes in class. 

rewrite your notes — this is the best method of memorization for me personally. i like to rewrite my notes or key points when i’m studying because it helps me memorize information better as opposed to just reading over my notes.

don’t multitask — multitasking divides your attention up and only makes you distracted. it’s so much harder to memorize things when you’re focusing on a billion things at once. focus on one task at a time.

teach someone else what you learn — this is kind of silly, but if my roommate or friends weren’t around, i would explain terminology or class material to my stuffed animals. it really does help though! when you recite information you know out loud, it helps you memorize and soon enough, you won’t even need to look at your notes to recite them!

use quizlet — when i have a ton of vocabulary or terms i need to memorize, quizlet.com is my go-to! this is the only time i prefer using the computer to study as opposed to handwritten notes. i type up all the words on there and spend time playing the fun vocab games they have, and it’s not as tedious or boring as just straight up reading notecards and memorizing the words.

go backwards with studying — if your test information builds up on material you learned from previous chapters, then disregard this tip. however, if each chapter is focused on a different topic, then study the first chapter you learned in this class first and then the second chapter and so on. this is because you’ve probably forgotten the material from these chapters since you learned them a while back and will probably need more time to study them. on the other hand, the later chapters that you just learned last week are still fresh in your mind, so you can easily review those chapters later using less time.

take breaks — i have a hard time concentrating for long periods of time, so i take a ten minute break after every hour of studying. i stand up, do some stretches, go eat some fruit, walk around for a bit, and then sit down and study for another hour. if i’m too antsy, then i take a five minute break after every thirty minutes!

make a list of your goals — studies have shown that students who have a list of goals and write down their goals are more likely to accomplish them (i had to research this and write a paper about this for my engineering class). your goal can simply be to pass a class. write that down and put it somewhere you can see it everyday, like on the wall in front of your desk.

make a schedule and stick to it — this is very important. designate certain times to each subject and stick. to. the. schedule. once again, studies have shown that people are more likely to study if they have a schedule written down and placed somewhere they can see it and be reminded of it. having a planner is always useful!

find a quiet space to study with no distractions — study somewhere away from other people. keep the space simple and free from distractions. for example, hide any clocks, your phone, etc. try not to use your computer/laptop either if you can.

prepare all your material beforehand — make sure you have all the materials you need with you, so you won’t find excuses to get up and look for things and stop studying. check that you have all the pens, pencils, papers, highlighters, etc. you need beforehand.

wear comfy, plain clothes — this is actually important because if you keep fidgeting around in uncomfortable clothes or playing with sequins on your shirt or whatever, you keep getting distracted.

make up tricks to memorize your material easily — make rhymes, song parodies, alliteration tricks, mnemonic devices, etc. or associate terms you need to memorize with something you like to help you memorize them easier (ex: PEMDAS). 

make a music playlist — this is based on personal preference though; some people study better in silence. i study much better with some sort of music playing in the background. don’t choose music with a ton of singing or a lot of instruments playing at once. studies show that classical music is best for studying! make a nice playlist, so you won’t be distracted and have to keep skipping songs to find a good one.

[creativejourneysbct]

BCT Studio 1 Project 3: Makey Makey Instrument – the Zen Keys!

Our third studio project tasked us with using the Makey Makey and the Scratch software to create our very own “instrument”. 

After some time thinking of possible instrument ideas, we decided to go with something relatively simple in concept. Our group had been somewhat burned from the previous project, where we built our board game around a spinner which was something that – while simple in appearance – was an unknown element that effectively cost us having a final working model to show at the end of the project. To avoid facing such a fate a second time, we settled on the general design of our instrument to consist of a board with 5 buttons that would toggle the desired sound elements. Simple, but we’d rather have something simple that works than something overly complex that doesn’t.

We then thought about what kind of sound the instrument would make. An initial idea was to have it work as a hip hop beats maker, with each button controlling a part of an instrumental track, allowing the user to physically interact with the music by adding and taking away loops with their hands. We concluded that, while this was an interesting concept, since no one in the group was particularly musically inclined, we didn’t want to go down that road and find out that creating individual parts of a hip hop instrumental required more knowledge than we had. In other words, we wanted to avoid that “marshmallow” altogether. However, we kept the overall concept of a user toggling parts of an audio experience and planned to focus the instrument on something that requires less musical knowledge - nature. Plus, there have even been studies to suggest that nature sounds can increase relaxation (see reference at the end), so we decided to create something to do just that. Thus, our final idea concluded in the creation of a nature soundscape, where the user can interact and toggle different parts of the soundscape using the buttons of our instrument. Effectively, the user would be able to control their level of immersion by adding layers of nature sounds.

First, we used Scratch to write some code that would play the desired nature sound when one of the five designated Makey Makey keys was activated by the button press. Fortunately, Scratch already had a selection of nature sounds for us to choose from, so we didn’t have to make our own or dig through other sound websites. We picked the following 5 sounds to be in our nature soundscape - birds in trees, water droplets, frogs, rain, and waves. We wrote some code that would play the desired sound when a designated key was pressed. For example, when the down arrow key is pressed, Scratch would play the sound of birds chirping, and turn it off when the down arrow was pressed again. This “down” arrow key would later be mapped to a button on our instrument through the Makey Makey.

We also planned to use Scratch to display a visual representation of what sounds were playing at any given moment. This would allow the user to have a better understanding of what’s going on, especially since some of the nature tracks could sound relatively similar in parts. When playtesting the instrument prototype, it became clear that sound alone wasn’t enough, and it could get quite confusing trying to figure out if a sound had been toggled or not, so a visual aid was clearly necessary.  The end result was to be a grid of icons that would illuminate the corresponding icon for whatever sound was playing. But, for this early stage of the process, we just wrote a program that displayed the icon of whatever button had been pressed on the screen, as we still hadn’t figured out how to use Scratch to make a grid of icons with each icon operating independently yet.

Next, we used the Makey Makey and some tinfoil to construct a rough prototype of what the final instrument would be like.

When I pressed a tinfoil button, the assigned sound would play, and the corresponding icon would appear on the screen. 

It was still far from a final product, but it gave us an idea of what the user experience would be like, and an indication that the concept we were building towards could work.

We then started developing the buttons for our soundscape board. One of the key lessons we’ve learned for the creative process, from exercises such as the marshmallow challenge, is to test and prototype thoroughly throughout as well as try differing ideas and approaches. Thus, Matt, Connor, and I split up to create our own prototype versions of the type of button we’d use and then reconvened to compare and pick the best option. 

In the end, we chose Connor’s button design, (pictured right) which used the sponge material to provide an effective “bounce” after being pressed, returning to its usual state. This design consisted of a piece of tinfoil at the bottom, separated from another piece of tinfoil by some cardboard. The top piece of tinfoil was attached to the sponge and would be pushed to touch the bottom piece, completing, and then breaking the circuit when springing back – acting as an effective switch that would toggle the nature sounds.

We then started the process of making the real buttons that would be used in the final soundscape. In terms of sizing, we had already found a large piece of wood that we would use for the base, so we wanted our buttons to also be large to make the experience as immersive as possible. In keeping with the natural aesthetic, it was important that the buttons remained circular, as we wanted to avoid any sharp corners as these aren’t found in nature. Even the board we used as the base had rounded corners to maintain the natural aesthetic.

We decided that this would be a great opportunity to use the laser cutting facilities for the first time, as it would provide a clean finish to the buttons as well as give us a valuable learning experience, as this is something that will undoubtedly be used in future projects as well. 

First, we used Adobe Illustrate to create the very simple design for the material that would effectively replace the cardboard element of the prototype. This consisted of us using two circles one larger and one slightly smaller, to create 5 duplicate rings that we would cut out in the printer. We found some dark acrylic in the maker space that we could use as the material. Upon further consideration, we decided to use two rings per button for added height, to make the buttons require more of a “press” when being activated. We also had some excess acrylic to allow for this, so we duplicated the rings we had to print out a total of 10, with 2 rings per button.

It then came time to use the laser cutter. Chris – the head of the maker space – guided us through the process and we came away with some pretty clean results. The laser cutting facility does appear rather complex at first, so I’ll likely need some more assistance when doing this again in the future, but it was a useful way of familiarizing myself with the facility in advance.

I then used a word processing software to create some simple icons that we then printed out, laminated, and put on top of the buttons. It was important to use the same icon images that were to be used in the software to ensure the experience was as easy to understand and intuitive as possible. As we learned in the Intro to Creative Technologies classes, iconography plays a large role in the quality of user experience.

After using the hot glue gun to stick the pairs of acrylic rings together, we used a different spongey material and the laminated icons to recreate the prototype in a much cleaner final design.

To help make the user experience as seamless as possible it was important that the user wouldn't be required to hold the Makey Makey ground wire for the instrument to work, as is often the case with Makey Makey projects. To avoid this, we had to create a common link between all the buttons that would be connected to the Makey Macey’s ground wire instead. This involved connecting copper wires to the tinfoil base beneath all the buttons. Initially, we tried soldering the copper wires to the tinfoil for a clean look, but this proved to be too brittle, so we used some tape instead, which was still discrete enough to not hinder the natural aesthetic. We drilled a small hole beneath each circle of tinfoil to feed the copper wires through so we could stick them to the back of the board, where they would be connected to the Makey Makey’s ground wire. This allowed us to keep that part of the wiring hidden from the user.

To further enhance the clean, natural aesthetic of the Zen Keys, we stuck two pieces of wood to either side of the board, to provide elevation so that the Makey Makey and its wiring could go underneath and be hidden from the user.

We then used the hot glue gun to stick the buttons down onto the soundscape board. 

We also added on some leaves and sticks that we’d collected outside, to provide a nice natural finishing touch to the final design.

On the software side, we had finally managed to create our initial vision of having a grid of icons, with the active sounds highlighting their respective icons. 

We did this by splitting up the code into 6 separate parts; 5 for each of the sprites representing the different nature icons, and one default background that had all the icons visible in the grid formation. The individual sprite code consisted of the icon and a red circle around it, and this would be shown over the backdrop of the default icon grid whenever activated. The end product resulted in exactly what we had initially envisioned - when a sound was activated, its icon on the grip would have a red ring appear over it, and these icons could be activated and deactivated independently of each other, providing a clear visual guide to the user regarding their input.

Finally, we hooked the Makey Makey up to the laptop and the soundscape worked pretty much exactly as intended.

Overall, I am really proud of this project. We achieved our goals both aesthetically and interactively. 

The general design of the product was the highlight for me. The large, expansive size of the board provided plenty of space for the large buttons and natural decorations. The icons were clean and matched the software. Speaking of, getting the software to work exactly as intended from the start, especially when we had no idea how to do it in the beginning, was another triumph. Another design process element that we carried out well was continually testing and prototyping our ideas as we went along so that when it came time to laser cut and laminate icons, we already knew that the concept would work.

The only issue we faced was that one of the buttons didn’t work as consistently as the rest, so it wasn’t very reliable for toggling the nature sound it was responsible for at the showcase. It appeared as though the tinfoil under its spongey surface wasn't springing up as well, thus not breaking the circuit when intended to and making the switch faulty. Given more time, it would've been beneficial to take it apart and fix it so that the whole soundscape worked flawlessly. Regardless, this was still a minor issue that had a minimal impact on the overall user experience.

While the button-making process taught us a lot about prototyping and using the laser cutter, when considering how much time it took to get right, it’s fair to say that next time it may be worth it to just purchase a button. Especially when considering more complex projects in the future, we may not have the time to spend constructing our own ones. That being said though, it was nice being able to make our own, large custom buttons with our own icons. Plus, doing this a second time would likely not take as longs since we’d have a better idea of what we’re doing, so there’s still an argument in favor of making our own buttons in the future. It will have to be something judged on a case-by-case basis.

An idea that could be developed with this soundscape is incorporating it into an educational game of sorts for children, where they are played a sound and have to identify it by pressing the correct button. This is an idea that became apparent to us while showing it to our peers and thinking of other use cases for such a design.

Another way to enhance the general nature simulation element of the soundscape would be to incorporate virtual reality to properly transport the user into nature, not only by sound but visually as well. This is a bit more complex, but it would be great for maximizing the immersion if we could use a VR headset for the user to wear that displays a 360-degree image of a forest while they activate the different nature sounds.

This was definitely the best project we’ve done so far. Granted, that isn’t saying much given that our last project didn’t technically work, but this soundscape genuinely seemed to impress a lot of peers when we showed it off in class. We also connected a pair of wireless headphones to the laptop, to provide a more immersive experience.

All in all, the combination of an aesthetically pleasing nature-themed design language with an easy-to-understand software and user experience provided an impressive and immersive instrument experience.

Reference: https://www.health.com/condition/stress/why-nature-sounds-are-relaxing

[wisdomrays]

TAFAKKUR: Part 308

THE SHAPE OF THE UNIVERSE: Part 1

Ancient people, considering it very important to determine Earth'shape, derived two important clues from the night skies. According to Aristotle (384-322 bce), these were lunar eclipses and the North Star. Lunar eclipses occur when the sun, Earth, and the moon line up in such a way that Earth temporarily blocks the sun's light from reaching the moon while its circular shadow gradually crosses the moon's face. The North Star appears lower in the sky the further south we go: at the Equator it lies directly on the horizon, at a latitude of 45 it is 45 above the horizon; and at the North Pole it is directly overhead. However, it is not visible south of the Equator.(1) As both of these indicate a spherical Earth, the scholars of that time discarded the idea of a flat Earth.

The more challenging question was how to determine Earth's size. Eratosthenes of Alexandria (third century bce) had a simple yet brilliant idea: insert a gnomon (a vertical stick) into a level piece of ground. This enabled him to determine noon's exact time (when the shadow was the shortest). It was also used as a compass, for in the Northern Hemisphere the gnomon's shadow points north.

But can such a simple device determine Earth's size? Aswan, located about 500 miles south of Alexandria, sits on the Tropic of Cancer. So, at noon of June 21 (the summer solstice), a gnomon inserted there has no shadow. By doing just that in Alexandria, Eratosthenes found that the angle was 1/50 of a circle's circumference (i.e., 2p/50). In other words, the angle at Earth's center corresponding to the arc between Aswan and Alexandria on Earth's surface is 1/50 of a circle's circumference. Since the distance between Alexandria and Aswan is 500 miles, Earth's circumference should be 25,000 miles, which is its actual circumference.(2) Thus, Earth's size and shape was pretty well established over 2,000 years ago.

This knowledge was lost to Europe when the ancient civilizations crumbled. But Islamic civilization and culture, which was rising at roughly the same time as the West was declining, produced scholars and scientists who translated and refined quite a bit of this ancient knowledge. For example, in 1424 al-Kashi used Archimedes' method of computing to determine its values to 16 decimal places. Ulug Beg compiled the greatest star catalog known at that time. During al-Ma'mun reign (813-833), al-Khwarizmi measured one degree of latitude on Earth's surface and obtained the result of 57 miles. This means that Earth's circumference is 360x57 = 20,520 miles.(3) Thus, in the ninth century, Muslim scientists knew that Earth was spherical and had a good idea of its size. Most Europeans at that time, believed that Earth was flat and the universe impenetrable.

The Qur'an describes Earth's geographical shape and change in that shape: Do they not see how We gradually shrink the land from its outlying borders? Is it then they who will be victors? (21:44).(4) The reference to shrinking could relate to the now-known fact that Earth is compressed at the poles.

At a time when people generally believed that Earth was flat and stationary, the Qur'an explicitly and implicitly revealed that it is round. More unexpectedly still, it also says that its precise shape is more like an ostrich egg than a sphere: After than He shaped Earth like an egg, whence He caused to spring forth the water thereof, and the pasture thereof (79: 30-32).

The verb daha' means "to shape like an egg," and its derived noun da'hia is still used to mean "an egg." As this may have appeared incorrect to pre-modern scientists, some interpreters misunderstood the word's meaning as "stretched out," perhaps fearing that its literal meaning would only confuse people. Modern scientific instruments recently established that Earth is shaped more like an egg than a perfect sphere, and that there is a slight flattening around the poles and a slight curving around the Equator.

THE WEST RECEIVES "LOST" KNOWLEDGE

An enduring Western myth is that Columbus had to overcome a pervasive belief that he would sail off the edge of a flat Earth by sailing west to Asia. This myth stems in part from compressing the past and conflating the early Middle Ages, when Europe's belief in a flat Earth was widespread, with the late Middle Ages, when Europe's knowledge had caught up with and partially surpassed that of ancient Greece and medieval Islam.

During the Renaissance, Europe came into contact with "lost" knowledge by translating Greek and Arabic works. One important book was Ptolemy's Geography, which accepts Earth's spherical shape. Geography once more became available in the original Greek, which was not widely known in the thirteenth century. This book was translated into Latin in the late fifteenth century and became widely known. Columbus owned a copy printed in 1479.

By the time of Columbus, the idea of a spherical Earth was widely accepted in theory. Columbus believed this and wanted to sail west to the eastern shores of Asia. Earth's size was the real issue. Ptolemy's estimate was as much as 20% too low. Also, he vastly overestimated Asia's size. The resulting map depicted an Earth with oceans between Europe's western tip and Asia's eastern tip, which was well within range of the provisions that ships of that time could carry. Columbus' estimate of the distance to Asia was wrong, as was his assumption that there was no land between Europe and Asia. Fortunately for him, these two "wrongs" made a "right," with all of its attendant fame and glory.

THE SHAPE OF THE UNIVERSE

So far, we have given external information (i.e., lunar eclipses and the North Star) about Earth's spherical shape based upon its position in the universe. If we use this method to determine the universe's shape, we must observe it in an external manner. As this is not possible, let's reconsider the question of Earth's shape with a slight change: Can we determine Earth's shape by using measurements and observations done only on its surface, and thereby acquire intrinsic information that can inform us of the universe's shape?

Karl Gauss (1777-1855) answered this question positively by inventing "curvature," which measures a given surface's "bumpiness" at a specific point. A flat piece of paper has no bumps and so its curvature is zero. But if we look at a sphere at each point, we see some bumpiness. Gauss called such bumpiness "positive curvature." Another kind of bumpiness is "saddle-shaped." We can think of positive curvature at a point as follows: If we put a piece of flat paper on a surface at that point, the surface lies totally on one side of the paper. But in negatively curved space, this cannot happen.

To describe this concept formally (minus some technicalities), assume constant curvatures on the shapes in question. In other words, the shape is totally symmetric and every point has the same amount of bumpiness. There are several ways to describe curvature. Gauss's formulation for curvature is brilliant. But before that, let's look at his intrinsic proof for a spherical Earth. Imagine an orchard so large that any deviation from flatness is perceptible. First plant trees on the Equator every 100 kms (the approximate distance between two meridians on the Equator). Then plant another tree 100 kms (the approximate distance between two parallels) north of each tree, and do this several times. If Earth is flat, the distance between them would be same. But since the distance between the two consecutive trees (on the same parallel) decreases, Earth is spherical.

Having seen that an intuitively positive curvature implies a spherical shape, we want to follow this method to get an idea about the universe's shape. Georg Riemann (1826-66), trying to do just that, invented "curved space" and explained how to compute its curvature. We could launch six probes at equally spaced points along the Equator, and have each of them continually monitor the distance to the two adjacent probes. If space is flat, the distances at any point in its journey would equal the distance from the probe to Earth's center (an equilateral triangle). For negative curvature, the distance between probes would grow faster than the distance the probe had traveled from Earth; in positively curved space, the distance between probes would grow slower than the distance covered by the probes since leaving Earth.

There are two common misconceptions about the curvature of space. The first one is that curvature is a rather vague or qualitative concept. In reality, it is quite precise and assigns to each point in space and each direction at that point an exact number determined by the shape of the space near the specific location. The second one is that to describe curved space, one must think of it as "curving" into a fourth dimension. This can be useful in visualizing curved space for people familiar with four-dimensional Euclidean space (four-dimensional coordinate space). Unfortunately, science popularizers and science fiction writers often lace this concept with mystical overtones. This is more likely to confuse average people. In other words, measurements made in ordinary three-dimensional space may disagree with the results embodied in Euclidean geometry, for curvature measures the degree and kind of deviation from the Euclidean model.

Riemann also proposed a radically different (non-Euclidian) model for the universe: "spherical space." This would be the case if space had a constant positive curvature. Based on this, he said that the universe should be a hypersphere (a three-dimensional sphere). The usual sphere is two-dimensional and lives in three-dimensional Euclidean space. In general, n-dimensional sphere is described as in the (n+1)-dimensional Euclidean space, and the set of points whose distance from origin (the point 0) is 1.

The more intuitive way to describe hypersphere comes from the usual sphere. Starting from a point in the sphere called the South Pole, and as we go in a direction in the sphere, we see concentric circles becoming larger until we reach the Equator, after which they become smaller and we finally reach North Pole. The situation is similar in hypersphere. Start from a point in the sphere called the South Pole, and as we go in a direction in the sphere, the concentric "spheres" become larger until we reach the Equator, after which they become smaller until we reach the North Pole. We can generalize this concept for any sphere of any dimension.

Earlier philosophers speculated that the universe was infinite in extent; others (e.g., Plato, Aristotle, Newton, and Leibniz) rejected this as implausible. But the alternative seemed equally dubious: If it did not go on forever, then "like the flat Earth" it had to end somewhere. And, what was beyond that? This model solved the Euclidean paradox of the universe's "edge," for if the universe is positively curved, it can be finite in extent and still not have any "edge." In Riemann's model, every part of the universe looks just like every other part, as far as shapes and measurements go.

Qur'an 51:47-48 mentions the universe's spreading out or expansion in space: And the firmament: We constructed it with power and skill, and We are spreading it. This verse reveals that the distance between celestial bodies is increasing, which means that the universe is expanding.

[whenallelsefails-eatpie]

Finally Answering Questions for y’all

Q1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

I used to wish I was taller because I already am tall for an (AGAB)female (5′8 1/2) but then I learned about platforms so. 

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

Monkey Ball or Sonic Adventure Escape the City...I only had a Gamecube.

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Warning: Uses humor as a defense mechanism but will quickly become extremely invested in you  and give you immense amounts of unending love if they vibe w you

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

Melancholic

9: Are you ticklish?

extremely, on my back and sides (use this information wisely. I take no responsibility for involuntarily punching anyone who tickles me)

10: Are you allergic to anything?

absolutely nothing, allergies are to weed out the weak. (jkjk no eugenics here sis you slay that epipen)

11: What’s your sexuality?

~ pansexual  ~ (prefer agab [not cis, those are two different things] females)

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

tea, then coffee with cocoa. I don’t enjoy cocoa or coffee as much separately.

37: What is your eye color?

hazel/green 

38: Introvert or extrovert?

I’m ambiverted but lean toward introversion. 

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

oh yeah absolutely, I personally just prefer that the tattoos aren’t on your face.  Or with piercings that they don’t take up so much of your face that I can’t see what you really look like.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

pink, red, or platinum 56: Something that calms you down?

reading, playing instruments, taking a bath, cooking or baking

57: Have any mental disorders?

yessir. ADD, anxiety. and I used to have really bad depression. Now my depression is simply manageable lol. 

73: What is your MBTI type?

INFP (enneagram 4)

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

surprisingly yes, will I come close to passing out? Maybe. But I can.

87: Do your socks always match?

never, I hate matching my socks unless the socks are funky and need to match to give them the biggest bang for their buck. 

92: A store you hate?

Dick’s sporting goods. I have been dragged around that place for hours and absolutely nothing there interests me. (edit: I found a beanie that I liked but my previous opinion still stands)

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

start counting and never stop. If you mean in terms of actual measurements like cups/ounces, I can drink 20. What can I say I’m from New England.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

Definitely fly because that might help lessen my fear of heights

95: Do you like to wear camo?

literally shoot me if you ever see me wearing camo. please, I beg you. that will be me at my lowest point 

96: Winter or summer?

Autumn. Next question.

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

3-4 minutes. It’s all that breath control from musical theatre.

99: Someone you look up to:

Jughead Jones. Yes I said that, fight me. He is completely himself and he allows the different facets of his personality to shine through to people that he loves and cares about. He is loyal and caring but also unique and resilient. Plus his fave food is burgers which is an instant win for me.

100: A store you love?

Hot Topic, Barnes and Nobles, Savers or any thriftstore 

102: Where do you live?

New England bb (; gettin that dark academia aesthetic straight from the source

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

Amber

105: Do you drink milk?

You mean out of the glass? Like a psychopath? Like a serial killer? Absolutely not

106: Do you like bugs?

I do! Except for spiders and mosquitoes (although I’m warming up to spiders)

109: Can you draw:

Eh yeah ig, well enough. I draw realistically but I’m not great at animated style. 

111: A question you hate being asked?

“Are you a boy or a girl?” (like why? does it personally affect you? are you planning on boning me? if not then buzz off)

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

Yes, but only at night when the beach is quiet. I’m not a huge fan of the beach during the day

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

Rainy or sunny. Don’t go givin me the clouds with none of the drizzle.

119: Favorite thing about a person: 

Personality first and foremost. Humor and kindness. But physically; their smile and mannerisms. 

120: Fruits or vegetables?

Veggies (or berries i like berries)

121: Something you want to do right now:

Run away... ahah. But in all honesty I would love to go mushroom foraging rn, or possibly go on an adventure. Maybe go put on clothing meant for an entirely different time period and run around Target idk.

123: Sweet or sour foods?

Definitely not sour I hate sour. Spoonfeed me wasabi, that I can handle. But if you make me eat a Warheads I will cry. 

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

I personally have a lot of problems with the funeral industry, so I would rather not take up space and rot preservation chemicals into the earth. But if I had an interim tombstone with no body underneath, it would read “Live Laugh Love” bc ~irony~

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

that I’m very individualistic and stubborn

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

Yes absolutely, that’s what they’re there for.

134: Do you like roller coasters?

Do I like feeling like I’m about to full send through the crust of the earth and die? No. No I do not. (I am a simple person, I go to carnivals for the food and to feed off terror.) 139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Cookie

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

OH YEAH absolutely, I am a repressed gen z homosexual raised in a homophobic religious atmosphere, I am practically born with a therapist assigned to me.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

Definitely good -_- unfortunately. Catch me bein the mom friend.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

I prefer giving, but I am learning how to recieve. 

144: What makes you angry

People who live their lives in willful ignorance despite the endless resources available to them and let that ignorance hurt others.

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

All of em. Gimme em all. I don’t like boys as much currently but I would still probably lay my life on the line for some. 

147: Are you androgynous?

Yes. It’s more fluid than it is being in consistent limbo between masc and femme. Usually I’m androgynous but I often swing wildly between both ends of that socially perceived spectrum. 148: Favorite thing about yourself physically?

My hands or smile(product of bracesTM). But I have been told I have nice hands. 

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

I am a very strong blend of wise and class clown. I can do em both, I can do em well, and I can do em whenever. I also care a lot about others but I don’t change myself to be accepted by them. 

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

MLK Jr. --> I want to gain perspective on some of the current global issues. Jesus --> I’ve got a lot of questions for that dude. JRR Tolkien bc he’s incredible or Joan of Arc for the same reason

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

Ooh well, as a woman not many eras are desirable. But um probably either the 70s or Ancient Greece

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

YES. GIMME UR FINGERS > i meant that to sound much less threatening than it did but my statement still stands. 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

Yes it’s literally one of my favorite things to do. I hab empty lap. *pat pat* U may lay your head on it and watch Rilakkuma and Kaoru with me while I play with your hair. pls. 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

Women..... That’s it. That’s the tweet.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

That I am not a member of the alphabet mafia. (It’s not currently safe for me to come out) Now tell me *shines light in your face* who are your contacts?

164: Do you have long or short hair?

I have medium hair. It’s around the length of a bisexual bob or a good mullet. 

165: Shortest/Longest your hair has ever been:

Shortest was a pixie cut, almost buzzed, amazing. Longest was to my butt and was literally the worst experience in existence. I shall to this day actively rebel against having hair like that again. 

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion?

Organized religion can suck it. You can’t organize your relationship with God, nor can you stick it into a little manmade box and pretend that you have the ability to create a perfect faith which others have to either follow or perish. It’s arrogant and damaging and hurtful and not at all what Christianity is supposed to mean. 

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

I do. I think it’s important and something we need to think about. I do believe there is something after death, and I like to believe that my life has meaning. I think that questions of creation are important questions to ask and we can’t just ignore them.

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

Yes! It’s fun! Pretty colors!

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

Absolutely. And the ones I didn’t feel like answering I simply omitted.

[tomasorban]

Inanna: Relevance and Return

The Sumerian Goddess Inanna came to the notice of modern women in 1983 when Diane Wolkstein and Samuel Kramer published Inanna: Queen of Heaven and Earth. But she first appeared in recorded history about 5,500 years ago. Written myths are almost always pre-dated by many generations of oral traditions, so it plausible to assume that her stories were passed down orally through many generations before writing became extant. Throughout the centuries she has morphed and changed as she moved from culture to culture, empire to nation. Over the years Inanna became Ishtar, Asherah, Astarte, Astoreth, Aphrodite, Ainina, Danina, and possibly Dali of the Georgians. Her worship died out slowly in the Middle East between the third and fifth centuries A.D., but she left her mark in Marion theology with hymns of lamentation attributed to Mary, but taken straight from Inanna’s lamentations for Damuzi.

Inanna was the goddess of sexual love and war. She was fierce, conniving, intelligent: quick to anger, but just as quick to reward loyalty. There are many stories about her, such as The Epic of Gilgamesh, Inanna and the Huluppu-Tree, Inanna and the God of Wisdom, The Courtship of Inanna, and The Descent of Inanna. It was the latter that caught and held the interest of women involved in Goddess Spirituality.

Although the myth is titled The Descent of Inanna the salient point is actually her return. The tale begins with Inanna’s decision to visit the underworld to meet her sister Ereshkigal, Queen of the Underworld, who is mourning her dead husband. Bad blood exists between the sisters—Inanna has been instrumental in the death of The Bull of Heaven. The other gods gossip about Inanna, speculating about her motives—perhaps she wishes to make peace with her sister, perhaps she wishes to steal her powers, but Inanna keeps her own counsel and determines to go alone.

Wisely, before she goes, Inanna concocts a plan with her trusted handmaiden, Ninshubar, giving her explicit instructions about what to do if her mistress does not return. Then, girding herself with seven powers, she rides away, driving her own chariot toward the underworld.

On hearing of Inanna’s arrival, Ereshkigal orders the gatekeeper to close the seven gates of her palace. As Inanna requests passage through each gate, she must divest herself of one of her powers. In the end she arrives in Ereshkigal’s hall naked. Her arrival coincides with the entrance of the judges of the underworld. They sentence her to death and stick her body on a meat hook, where it hangs for three days and three nights.

Meanwhile, Ninshubar has begun making the rounds of the gods. Each one turns her down until she reaches Inanna’s father, Enki. Enki heeds Ninshubar’s plea. He scrapes dirt from beneath his fingernails. Mixing it with a little spittle, he fashions two tiny winged creatures called gala to sneak past the gatekeeper and fly down into Ereshkigal’s realm. To one he gives the life-giving plant and to the other the life-giving water. He whispers instructions in their ear and sends them on their way.

Down in the underworld Ereshkigal continues to mourn, wailing unceasingly day and night. She is pregnant with her dead husband’s child. When the gala find Ereshkigal they hover by her ears and mourn with her. When she groans, “Oh, my liver!” they groan, “Oh, my liver!” When she cries, “Oh, my heart!” they cry, “Oh, my heart!” Ereshkigal is so grateful to be heard and comforted on her own terms that she offers them anything they desire. Following Enki’s instructions, they ask for the body of Inanna. Anointing her with the precious life-giving water and plant, the galas restore Inanna to life and together they set out on the journey home.

Once again, however, the judges intervene and refuse Inanna passage unless she finds someone to take her place in the underworld. She promises to find a replacement and, accompanied by a posse of enforcing demons, she storms up into the sunlight.

Thus begins a round of visits to Inanna’s hairdresser, her son, and her brother, all of whom have mourned her with the proper mourning rites. Faithful Ninshubar offers to take Inanna’s place but the goddess vehemently refuses. Finally they come to Inanna’s consort, Damuzi, who has barely noted her absence. He is sitting under a fig tree, feasting. Inanna, incensed at his indifference, orders the demons to grab him. But Damuzi calls upon Utu, the sun god, Inanna’s brother, to honor an old debt and rescue him. Utu helps him escape the demons and he manages to hide. The demons, however, are relentless in their pursuit and eventually run him to ground

Even then, his luck holds. Damuzi’s adoring sister intervenes and begs for his life, promising to take his place underground for half of every year. Tired of the whole business and possibly half-inclined to take Damuzi back, Inanna agrees.

This is a complicated tale, dovetailing and interweaving in places with other cycles and creatures of myth. It is a multilevel teaching story, depicting what Joseph Campbell called the hero’s journey; explicit directions on how to properly mourn a death; the advantage of prior planning; faithful service; parental love; the courage to face the unknown and the bad consequences inherent in wrong action. Lots of information to be packed, condensed and synthesized into one fabulous story.

At every level this myth resounds with true situations in which humans of every age find themselves. But it specifically appeals to modern women, because in Inanna we find a heroine who predates the extremes of patriarchal culture in which we find ourselves enmeshed today. She acts independently, while remaining in good relationship with men—her father, brother, and hairdresser. She has a strong, solid friend and ally in Ninshubar. She is not afraid to face the unknown and perseveres in the face of loss and sacrifice. Like many women she struggles in relationship with her mate.

But the part of the story with which women resonate most strongly is the journey of relinquishment, the egoic death, and the restoration of power. Using this part of the myth, circles of women have been manifesting and enacting their own rituals of letting go, creating space, and allowing new ways of seeing and being to take the place of what no longer serves them.

Sometimes the journeys are entirely imaginary, taking place as guided meditations in quiet, dimly lit rooms. Sometimes women build metaphorical gates as simple as seven scarves laid in rows across a room. Sometimes the gates are more elaborate structures, painted and adorned.

The gates may be assigned particular attributes—names, colors, stones, trees, etc. The seven chakras lend themselves particularly well to this rite. Furthermore, the descent and return may be pinned to a particular life passage like a marriage, a birth, the loss of a job or start of a new career, the death of a beloved mate, child, pet, or friend. It works well for any occasion that requires a relinquishment or some kind of death but also offers renewal and restoration.

In every ceremony I’ve been privy to or had described to me, there is always a time of study and preparation. Women do not undertake such a ritual unprepared or in ignorance of what it means. Always the gatekeepers remain present and aware, careful to gauge the mood of the group and the progress of each participant.

Inanna, with her link to sex and death, is not to be invoked without safeguards in place. Her myth specifically calls for opening the doors between the conscious and unconscious mind incrementally and ceremoniously. The story warns us that the journey is a long and dangerous one, a risky business that requires gravitas and can involve tears, howls, vomit, diarrhea, or ecstasy.

The Descent offers a chance to look clearly at tired habits of thought and action. A woman may finally admit to an addiction or see how some long-denied pattern of action has failed her time and again. The Return offers a chance for something to be born or recovered. A woman may reclaim a talent or a forgotten dream, put aside years before, that suddenly offers itself, once more, as a viable choice. The possibilities are endless and unique to each individual on the journey. The point is change.

The Goddess, in every form she takes, is all about change. Inanna, the Queen of Heaven, replete with every kind of talent, adoration, and power, begins her journey because of a desire to change. We don’t know why. Often in old teaching tales the questions left unanswered hold their own secret wisdom.

Perhaps she doesn’t know. Perhaps she longs for mystery. Undoubtedly she is aware that in undertaking this journey nothing will ever be the same again. The point is she decides on change and then rides out to meet it. A wise woman once told me, “Change or die!” At the time she terrified me and I had no idea what she meant or why she would say such a terrible thing. But her words continued to ring in my ears through the years every time I had a choice, every time a risk presented itself or a circumstance demanded courage. Her directive did indeed change my life and always for the better, though at times it took a little hindsight to understand how.

Inanna’s descent and return exemplify the “both and” inherent in Goddess Spirituality. One may change one’s self and hence the surrounding world both by releasing and/or embracing. Possibly, yesterday’s release will one day become tomorrow’s embrace or vice versa. The journey is an ongoing process of dismantling and rebuilding that goes on throughout life. Inanna’s ritual gives us focus, a sacred space in which to step out of time and consciously enact a psychological process that one way or another life will force us to undertake anyway. Engaging in it willingly, we emerge chastened, humble, and radiant, suffused with the power and strength of an ancient archetype. Inanna returns in glory to walk the world anew, as she has so many times before.