#and that way involves not being able to see a child in distress

[iturbide]

Robin's mom has chronic Adopt Child Syndrome in every universe i see

I can't help it, this is just How She Is in my imagination. Wren sees an abandoned child, asks "whose child is this?" and before the words are even out of her mouth that kid is in her arms and she answers "mine now."

[xspeter]

𖦹 part of the “dancing with our hands tied” collection. main masterlist

𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇... Luke discovers the three times he denied his feelings for you, and the one time he accepted them.

W.C: 5K

Incident One: The Nurses Station

Luke knows that you’re annoyed with him, it was written all over your face. You wouldn’t say it aloud, of course not, you were too sweet, but you had no concept of a poker face.

He thought it was cute, the way your eyebrows knitted and your shoulders tensed. The way you avoided looking at him because you knew he could see right through you.

You suck in your bottom lip as you waltz over to him with a pack of bandages and alcohol. You sit on the stool in front of him, knocking his knees open with your own so you can roll yourself between them, the wheels screeching a little as you do.

You stare at him with an intensity Luke has only ever seen from you once, and it’s when he was in an all too familiar situation with Lance Tenning.

The situations were all too eerily similar- both involving something being said about you. It didn’t matter if it was to your face or behind your back, Luke just couldn’t tolerate it. He couldn’t listen to your name get thrown around in the mud because you rejected the Ares child, not when you were so sweet and kind.

So, of course when Luke heard Lance whisper to his dimwit friends about how, “That bitch just can’t stop slutting herself out for Castellan,” he had to intervene.

And it’s not Luke’s fault that Lance got all defensive, and it’s not Luke’s fault that Lance pushed him, and it definitely wasn’t Luke’s fault when Lance ended up on the ground with a fresh black eye.

Luke can’t help but grin as the sight of Lance writhing beneath him replays in his mind, and you glare up at him with that knowing look in your eye. “I don’t know what you have to be smiling about right now.” You spit.

Luke furrows his brows, allowing you to inspect his bloody knuckles, before he grins and uses his free hand to brush a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “I’m here with you, why wouldn’t I be smiling?”

You scoff, rolling your eyes with a shake of your head. “Right, of course.”

“It’s true!”

You don’t say anything, just beginning to clean his knuckles. The sting is so familiar to Luke that he barely even reacts, just placing his other hand behind him and leaning back.

It’s weird, because Luke knows you’re mad at him. But you still handle him with so much care, so much gentleness- as if he’s fragile and the slightest movement could shatter him to pieces. It’s sweet, and just another example of how much you care.

He doesn’t know what he did to deserve a friend like you.

Luke can see you itching to ask him something, from the way you keep glancing up at him and the constant gnawing on your lip. And Luke knows you won’t ask- not be your own volition, anyway. You didn’t like confrontation, in fact, you made it a point to stay as far away from it as possible, so unless Luke said something, you never would.

“What’re you thinking about in that pretty head of yours?”

Luke notices the way your breath hitches at the word pretty, but he doesn’t think anything of it. You’d always been particularly sensitive to compliments, not just the ones from him. You let out a brisk sigh, finally able to let out the question you’d been holding in.

“Why did you do it, Luke? Again? After I already told you to just leave it alone?” Your voice waivers slightly, and he can see the obvious distress in your eyes. It made him almost… regretful. He never wanted to be the reason you felt anything other than happy, but he knew you wouldn’t understand it. You were so quick to let people walk all over you- let them treat you like shit and then say it was all fine and dandy.

Luke couldn't do that, though. He’d honestly rather die than watch you break yourself for people who didn’t give two-shits about you.

His lips thin, and he watches as you avert your gaze from his face and back to his hand, beginning to wrap a brown bandage around it.

“You didn’t hear what he said about you, Sweetheart. I couldn’t just listen to those awful things and pretend it wasn’t happening!” He sucks in a breath, waiting for your response.

You tense slightly, eyes darting between his face and his hand. “I never asked you to do that. I can handle myself-”

Luke snorts, interrupting you abruptly, “Can you? Because the last time this happened, you were going to let him get away with it. And that time he’d said it straight to your face!”

You finish tying his bandage swiftly, immediately dropping his hand and practically sprinting as far away from him as you can get.

You run the bridge of your nose, “Because I don’t want to start any problems! Lance isn’t just going to stop because you hit him a couple times, so there’s no point to it!” You scoff out a laugh, running a hand through your hair. “I mean, why do you care so much anyway?”

Luke goes silent at that. You were his best friend, of course he cared, but…

Why does this feel different? He wouldn’t beat someone for any of his other friends. Hell, he’s not sure he would do that for anyone. So why did he do it for you?

The answer is on the tip of his tongue, itching to be said and confessed, but he just can’t figure out what it is, and it’s driving him mad.

“‘Cause you’re my best friend!” He says it with a wince, like the words are foreign and wrong. And you flinch back at the phrase too. It makes him nauseous.

He watches as you swallow, hard. Eyelashes fluttering as you blink back the glossiness forming in your eyes. “I know that.” You mumble, “I’m just so sick of watching you hurt yourself and other people for me. I’m not worth getting kicked out of camp.”

Luke’s heart breaks a little bit when you say that, because he couldn’t believe you would even think that. To him, you were worth everything. Getting kicked out of camp, getting exiled by the gods, fuck- you were worth the world. All you had to do was say the word and Luke would be on his knees in front of you, praising the altar that you so graciously allowed him to admire.

He risked taking a step towards you, and he let out a small, relieved sigh when you didn't take a step away. “Do you seriously think that?”

Your eyes trailed his body, all the way from his lower stomach to his eyes, and Luke couldn’t help but shiver as they did. He closed the distance between you until you were nearly chest to chest, your breathing slowed and eyes wide. You were so goddamn beautiful, it was almost painful.

“Do you really think… I wouldn’t betray the fucking Gods if you asked me to? That I wouldn’t do anything for you?” His voice was low and husky, fingers grazing your arm and trailing up to your cheekbone. “I would rather I got kicked out of camp before I let some piece of shit like Lance Tenning speak a single word about you.”

You were nearly speechless, unable to move as the space between you got smaller and smaller. “Luke..” You whispered. And Luke felt it, that familiar twist in his gut, the one he couldn’t name.

And just as he was about to understand it- to accept it- some little kid ran into the room, crying about a cut they got on their hand. You didn’t even spare Luke a second glance as you rushed over to them and whispered sweet nothings in their ear, crouching down and kissing their hand better.

But, even as he excused himself and began the walk back to his own cabin, the strange feeling never really did leave him.

Incident Two: The Lake

Percy Jackson is the most oblivious person Luke has ever met.

It was seriously obvious to anyone with eyes that Annabeth was in love with him, especially after their quest last year. Her lingering touches, smiles a bit too wide, eyes glued to him anytime they were within ten feet of each other. It was completely obvious.

Even now, as Annabeth and Percy chase each other in the lake, hair sticking to their skin and water dribbling from their eyelashes, Annabeth's crush is noticeable in the way she looks at him.

Luke thinks it’s cute, honestly. He wants his little sister to find someone that loves her just as much as she loves them, and Percy Jackson was definitely that guy. He just needed to stop being an idiot and realize it.

“Hey, Luke?”

Luke’s ears perk up at the sound of you behind him, and he looks away from the two teens and towards you.

You and your light pink one-piece swimsuit. You and the little bow in your hair, watching intently as you tug it loose and let your hair cascade down your shoulders. You and your perfect lips and nose and-

“Can you help me tie this, please?”

You turn your back to him, and Luke swallows hard once he realizes your swimsuit is open back, which allows him to see the curve of your spine and the pretty freckles and moles that dot your skin like stars.

He watches as you struggle to tie the bathing suit strings around your neck, fingers moving around with zero coordination.

So, despite the obvious burning in his cheeks and the unexplainable feelings that brew in his stomach, he says: “Um, yeah. ‘Course I can.”

His breathing slowed as you whispered a quiet thanks, allowing Luke to softly brush your hair over your shoulder and take the strings from your fingers.

He tied it effectively, probably taking much longer than he should have, but he couldn’t help it. Not when you were so close and he could smell your perfume- lemons and vanilla. It was honestly the most intoxicating thing he’d ever smelled.

He tightened the bow around your neck, touch lingering on your back as his hands ghosted over your skin. He sucked in a breath, watching as his fingers trailed to your shoulders, as if they weren’t his own. And maybe they weren’t.

Slowly, he placed a small kiss on your shoulder, relishing in the way your breathing hitched and your spine shuddered.

And then there was that feeling again, the one he doesn’t quite understand. The one he just can’t place his finger on.

You turn around as Luke’s plush lips leave your shoulder, eyes a bit wide and lips parted, like there’s a question you’re dying to ask but you don’t allow yourself to.

You giggle nervously, glancing at Luke’s pink cheeks and tucking a loose piece of hair behind your ear, the way you always do when you’re nervous. “I, uh, thanks. For tying it! Not for… anything else. Obviously.” You ramble.

Luke just nods, crossing his arms over his chest. “It was no problem. I mean, what else are friends for?”

He pretends he doesn’t notice the way your eyebrows furrow and your shoulders deflate a bit at the word friends. Because, that's what you were, right? That’s all you were. Luke couldn’t understand why you’d ever be disappointed because of it.

You blink a couple times, doing your best to hide the way your voice shakes. “Yeah. Friends.”

Luke grins, happy that you’re both on the same page, and gently taps your arm. “Good. Look, I have to go make sure nobody drowns, but I'll see you later, alright?”

You nod, waving him off with a small mhm. But, even as Luke walks away and the smile returns to your face as you greet one of your sisters, the disappointment that lingers in your eyes doesn’t leave his head.

Why would you be dissapointed? And… why did he feel the same?

Incident three: The Bondfire

Luke wasn’t one to get jealous. He had no reason to be, he was perfectly content with where he was in his friendships and he didn’t have any girl he was involved with.

So why did the sight of you giggling with an Aphrodite boy make his blood boil?

The boy, Carter Rhodes, was notorious around camp for dating around. Almost every girl had a story with him, and Luke had thought you knew that, so why were you talking to him?

He watches as Carter leans into you, his lips inches away from your ear. You throw your head back and laugh. Actually laugh. Not the fake giggle you usually give people, no. It’s the laugh you give Luke when he visits you in the nurses station. Or when you spend the night with him. Or even when you’re just with him!

It's his laugh. So why were you letting Carter fucking Rhodes hear it?

“Uh, Luke, are you okay?”

Luke’s head whips to Percy, who’s giving him a disturbed look. It’s then that he notices he was gripping his plastic cup so hard, it had crushed in on the sides.

Luke swallows, blinking a few times to try and clear his mind, but the image of you and Carter doesn’t leave. “Uh,” He sniffles, eyes darting between you and Percy, “I’m all good.”

Percy nods, a sarcastic uh-huh falling from his lips. His blue eyes trail to you, and a smirk creeps onto his face.

Sure, Percy was oblivious when it came to his own love life, but yours and Luke’s? He was basically an expert.

Percy takes a seat on the log next to Luke, watching as the brunette boy struggles to keep his eyes on the ground and not on you. It’s amusing, honestly, the fact that Luke thinks he’s anything but obvious with his feelings for you.

“I get it, man. It’s hard watching the girl you like flirt with other dudes.”

At first, Percy’s comment doesn’t register in his brain and he agrees that, yes, it is hard watching the girl you like flirt with other dudes. And then he think real hard.. the girl you like..

“What? I don’t like her! I mean, I do like her as a friend but, I don’t like like her.”

Percy watches with amusement as Lukes cheeks turn a shade of pink and he trips over his words, practically shaking as he tries to shut down the accusation. The blonde sighs, shaking his head with a tut. “Oh, Luke. Sweet, innocent, Luke.” He claps a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it obnoxiously. “You are absolutely whipped.”

Luke scoffs and shrugs Percy off of him, shooting him a glare. “Right, like you’re any better. I see the heart eyes you and Annie give each other. But, me and Y/N aren’t like that! We’re just- just friends.”

The word feels like poison on his tongue, practically burning as he forces it out. It was true, you’re his friend! So why did he hate saying it?

He thinks back to that odd feeling he gets in his stomach when he’s with you, wondering if maybe, just maybe, there was some truth to Percy’s words.

But he immediately shoots the idea down. Even if Luke did see you as anything other than a friend, you’d never feel the same. You’d seen Luke at the lowest point in his life, right after his quest. You’d seen him angry, you’d seen him cry. How could you ever love someone so… unloveable?

Percy goes a deep shade of red, eyes widening as he immediately deflects. “Annabeth and I are not like you and Y/N! I don’t even- even like her. Gods, gross..” He pretends to gag, but Luke sees the way the blondes eyes immediately trail to where Annabeth sits talking to her siblings.

Luke lets out a chuckle, standing and ignoring the pop in his knees. He claps Percy on the back, “Keep telling yourself that, Lover Boy.” And swiftly finds his way over to you.

It’s ridiculous, yes. Luke knows that, but he wasn’t doing this out of jealousy. No, it’s because he’s worried- just like he usually is. He can’t help it! You’re just so naive and trusting, someone’s gotta be there to make sure you don’t get hurt!

Carter spots him first, and Luke pretends the immediate frown that falls onto his face as he does doesn’t make him proud. Like Carter knows that as soon as you see him, whatever bullshit he was trying to do with you would immediately be discarded.

Luke walks up right behind you, placing both hands on your shoulders and rubbing them just the way you like it. “Hey, Sweetheart.”

Your neck cranes as you look up at him, a wide, toothy smile on your lips. “Luke! Where’ve you been?”

He shrugs, sitting on the log next to you and continuing his massage on your shoulders. His thumbs move to rub circles into your back, on the places he knows you get tense the most, and you let out a low moan of approval, eyes falling shut. “‘missed you.” You breathe.

Luke chuckles, watching as Carter pretends to not be as angry as he really is. “Sorry, baby. Had to give lessons to some of the younger kids today.”

He doesn’t miss the way goosebumps rise into your skin despite the warm fire, or the way your spine goes completely rigid at the nickname. A proud smirk spreads onto his face as he finished his work with a chaste kiss to you shoulder, making sure to let it linger for longer than he normally would.

When he comes up, he pretends to finally notice Carter, putting on his best shocked face. “Oh! Carter, my bad, I didn’t see you. How’ve you been?”

Carter gives him a mean mug, jaw rippling as he nods. “Sure you didn’t, Castellan.”

You look at Luke with confusion, and then back to Carter, obviously being able to sense the thick tension between them. “Carter, what’s wrong?”

Carter blinks a few times, before his face relaxes and the sultry smooth smirk returns. “Nothin’ babe,” He places a gentle hand onto your thigh, thumb tracing small circles into it. “Just can’t believe how pretty you look.”

Luke doesn’t miss the wink Carter throws his way, or the way your cheeks flush as you giggle nervously. It was nearly unbelievable the audacity Carter had! To touch you right in front of him- to make you blush and giggle like a schoolgirl in love?

Luke sighs, leaning close and whispering in your ear. “Let’s go back to my cabin, yeah?” Immediately turn to him, and Luke knows he’s won. Honestly, did Carter ever even have a chance? It was almost cruel to let him think he had.

You swallow, eyes trailing Luke as he stands and offers a hand to you, a casual grin on his face. You say a quick goodbye to Carter without even sparing him a glance, and take Luke’s hand.

You let him lead you away, but Luke looks over his shoulder and smirks at Carter’s look of disbelief. He sends him a wink just as he did earlier, and then turns back to you.

You're looking at the ground in front of you, lips parted as you glance towards him. Your hands stay connected the whole way back to his cabin, but no words are exchanged between you.

He's not surprised to find the cabin empty, instead he relishes in it. The Hermes Cabin had so many residents, moments of solitude in it were hard to come by. So when they did, he always made sure to enjoy them as much as he could.

He drops your hand as soon as the door closes behind the two of you, plopping onto his bed with a sigh. He watches as you wrap your arms around yourself, maintaining a large distance between the two of you which he finds strange.

Normally, you always join him on his bed, allowing him to play with your fingers or hair and having deep conversations that he always enjoys. But, no, tonight you’re looking at him like there’s a question you want to ask, like it’s practically burning in your throat and you need to spit it out, but you don’t. You let it burn, gnawing on your lower lip.

His eyebrows furrow and he stands, walking towards you. You don’t move back, but you don’t look at him either. Not until his hands are on your upper arms, holding you in place gently. He tilts his head slightly, “What’s the matter?”

You suck in a breath, finally looking up at him through your lashes, and then your gaze finds the floor again, as if it hurts to look at him for more than a second. You stumble a bit as you talk, “Is there a reason you were being so weird back there? I mean, you’re never… never really that touchy when we’re with other people.”

Luke thinks back, remembering how he’d rubbed your back and shoulders, called you baby, kissed your skin… and he realizes that you’re right. The most he ever does in public is give you a quick kiss anywhere but your lips before he leaves you, and that’s that.

He doesn’t call you pet names, doesn’t touch you. So why did he do it now? His mouth goes dry, but he makes sure to keep his cool and calm exterior, dropping his hands from your skin, and shrugging nonchalantly. “Uh, no, not really. I just missed you.”

You snort, and squeeze your arms tighter around yourself. Finally, you look up at him, and Luke can’t help the way he basks in it. Your look, no matter if it’s angry or happy or sad, leaves butterflies in his stomach that he can’t explain.

“So, that’s all? You just missed me?”

He nods, “That's pretty much it.”

He doesn’t miss the hurt that flashes in your eyes. You never were good at hiding your emotions, no matter how hard you tried. It’s something he lov- liked about you. Something he liked.

Your arms fall to your sides, nostrils flaring a bit as you scoff. “Really? It’s not because you were- were jealous that I was finally talking to someone who might like me?”

Luke couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him. Did you really think Carter wanted to be with you for anything outside of another two week fling? “Please,” He sighs, “You had to know Carter was just flirting with you to have sex with you!”

You stare at him with wide eyes, jaw hanging open as tears well in your lash line. He doesn’t understand it- why were you being like this right now? Couldn’t you see he was just looking out for you like he normally did?

“What if I wanted that too, huh? What if I wanted to stop waiting around like an idiot for someone who will never see me as anything more than a friend!”

There’s that word again, but this time it’s like a punch to the gut. It’s like bitter poison falling from your mouth, like the wrath of the Gods had finally caught up to him. It hurts more than he’d like to admit.

He risks taking a step closer to you, but you take one back, maintaining distance between you. “What are you talking about, Y/N?”

The question hangs in the air like smoke, filling up his lungs and leaving him unable to breathe. Because deep down- he thinks he knows. Deep down, the answer shines like a light in the middle of the darkness, begging to be seen. But he doesn’t want to see it yet- can’t let himself see it yet. He doesn’t deserve to.

Your head turns to the side, arms crossing over your chest once more. “Nothing. I have to go.” You murmur, beginning to walk away from him, but in a desperate attempt to get you to stay he snags your wrist.

You tug at him, something you rarely ever do, and it leaves him nearly speechless. Still, he persists, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

You freeze, but Luke doesn’t miss the way your voice waivers as you whisper, “If you can’t tell, then I won't be the one to tell you.”

With that you break from his hold, slamming the door shut behind you and leaving him completely alone. Now, that solitude he’d reveled in feels like snow creeping into his skin, encasing him in an endless chill.

Incident Four: The Apollo Cabin

Luke knows that you know it’s him knocking on your window. None of your siblings, with the exception of maybe one, have people sneaking in at late hours of the night.

He also knows that you’re not asleep. There’s no way- not after what was said between the two of you barely two hours ago. That's why he continues his knocks, coming up with new combinations, partially out of boredom and partially to annoy you enough to force you to open it.

And it works, he watches with a shit-eating grin as the window rolls open and you glare at him. “What?” You growl, glancing behind you to make sure none of your siblings woke up. “What do you want?”

He bites the inside of his cheek, gesturing for you to move back as he makes the familiar crawl through your window. He lands softly, so familiar with the environment that he knows where to step so he makes the least noise. “Couldn’t go to sleep knowing you were mad at me.” He mumbles.

You deadpan at him, a hand on your hip as you shake your head. “I’m not mad. Will you go back to your own cabin now?”

He shakes his head, eyes lingering on your messy hair and bare face. You never wore a lot of makeup, there was no point when the sun would melt it right off, but seeing you like this- unfiltered and completely real, he’s not sure you’ve ever looked more beautiful.

“You’re mad, Y/N. I know you are.” He sighs, and you swallow, wrapping your arms around yourself and looking to the side. “No, I'm not.”

He likes your stubbornness. Likes the way your lips pucker out slightly and your skin prickles with goosebumps when a breeze slips through the open window. He likes everything about the way you look at him, even when you’re angry.

“Yes, you are. And you have every reason to be. I was.. being selfish. I shouldn’t have dragged you away from Carter because I was mad you were talking to someone outside of me. It wasn’t fair.”

He doesn’t miss the way your eyes shine a little, biting on your lower lip in thought. “Luke-” You start, but he doesn’t let you finish. “You’re allowed to do what you want. And.. if you want to have sex with Carter then, you know, you can do that.”

You chuckle, shaking your head with a sniff, “I don’t want to have sex with Carter.”

He can’t help the relief that floods his veins as you say this, letting out a small groan of approval. “Oh, thank the Gods. You are way too good for that douchebag.”

You grin, stepping closer to him. Luke inhales as your familiar scent fills his nostrils, and it smells like home. Like something he was always meant to know.

“Yeah, wherever. Will you stay here with me tonight?” You ask, though Luke knows you already know his answer. Still, he amuses you, nodding dumbly and allowing you to lead him into your bed.

You settle under the covers, which smell like you, and he feels your limbs tangle together and your head find his chest, like a lock and key molding together in the form it was always made to be.

Your body is warm, warmer than his anyway, and your skin is so soft. Years of handling medicine has done you justice, a huge contrast to the roughness of his own, years of training has left him battered and scarred.

Still, you trace lines into the skin of his stomach, ear flat against his chest giving you full access to the beat of his heart.

“Luke?” You murmur, and he hums, running a hand through your hair, gently brushing out the knots. “Yeah, Sweetheart?”

You’re silent for a moment, before finally you softly say, “It’ll be us forever, right? No matter what happens?”

Luke is almost shocked how fast the word yes fills his thoughts. He hasn’t ever thought about what would come after camp, after you both left and your lives changed and you grew up.

Would you be there for that? Would you want to be there for that? He hopes your answer is yes.

“Forever.” He whispers, kissing the top of your head and pulling you tighter against him, “I promise.”

You sigh happily, closing your eyes and drifting to sleep. It’s then that Luke realizes what that feeling in his stomach is. The one he can never name, the one that begs to roll off of his tongue like hot acid.

Because , while Luke knew he himself was unloveable, with his trauma and scars, did that mean he was unable to love? Did he even deserve to feel that?

He's not sure, but right now, with you laying on his chest like it’s just the two of you in the whole world, he thinks he accidently let it happen.

He fell in love with you without ever even knowing it, and he’s not sure he ever wants to stop.

taglist: @apolloscastellan @ddarling-ddearest-ddead

[hikakaomybeloveds]

*VENT POST*

cw for mentions of cocsa, grooming, and intrusive thoughts (specifically surrounding csa)

note: i am talking about my own incredibly personal trauma here. please do not speculate on what may have happened to me outside of what i say here, and please do not ask invasive questions. thank you

okay. i need to vent rn.

i'm so FUCKING SICK of antis.

i'm so sick of them and their stupid fucking rhetoric around fiction.

i am a survivor of cocsa. i lost my early teenage years to grooming due to the vulnerability caused by that sexual assault. i am proship and a shotacon who ships both shota/shota and non-shota/shota. THEY ARE COPING MECHANISMS. shipping yuu and tsubaki has genuinely *made me feel better and less gross* about being in a relationship with a 17-year-old when i was 12 because i was being groomed. i don't know why. i can't explain it. i just know it helps.

i also have HORRIFIC intrusive thoughts that often involve graphic imagery of me committing csa, specifically against my own siblings. don't feel this needs to be said, as it's kind of in the name, but these thoughts bring me immense distress.

antis will say, with their full chest, that i'm a groomer and pedophile and need to be kept away from children because of the things i ship and the kinds of characters i am attracted to. they will tell me i should not be able to see my own siblings because i'm going to harm them. this is DEEPLY triggering.

i live in fear that one day i will hurt a child. i don't want to. i know that. but i've had intrusive thoughts about it regularly *since the age of 11*. i am so scared that one day i will act on those thoughts. and regularly seeing people call me a child abuser for the way i cope with my own trauma is absolutely not making that any better.

genuinely fuck antis and their moralizing bullshit about the ways fiction affect reality. try this on for size: you are actively triggering a childhood sexual assault and grooming survivor when you call shotacons or proshippers in general pedophiles.

fuck you.

[thenightfolknetwork]

Ok so, I'm not...supposed to exist?

I am—er, well, was an imaginary friend. My "brother" was a lonely little boy who was quite neglected looking back, and he wanted someone to spend his time with, a "sister".

So he dreamed, and I came to be. Now, even as a child he wasn't the most imaginative sort, preferring to imagine things he could see and wonder about what was rather than make something new completely from scratch. So, in his mind, his sister looked just like him, just with longer hair. I think that's one of the reasons i'm...like this.

Most children describe their imaginary friends as fantastical, with great glittering wings or neon spots and the like. Most children stop talking or believing in their imaginary friends around a certain age. Most children cannot see someone else's friend. No one, outside of the child, can see an imaginary friend.

Until now? I think? These are all observations I've made.

I remember only existing when my brother was around. We would play and "go on adventures" and just have fun. When it was dinner time, I would sit beside him and eat... but couldn't eat. I would say things to make him laugh, but no one else would acknowledge I was there. I didn't think much of it at the time since..well, I couldn't think. I wasn't real.

As he grew, he must have imagined me growing as well. As he learned, I did, too, and must have adjusted accordingly. Unlike his peers, he was convinced that I was a person and was angry when people told him otherwise.

We got older and he got more insistent when suddenly, people started to play along. Pretending to see me and talk to me when it was clear that they couldn't. I think this was when I started to...feel things? Think?

We fought, my brother and I. He was graduating secondary and heading to Uni. I asked him why he still imagined me when it was clear he didn't need me anymore. He said he did need me. I didn't believe him, we argued, and he left.

I was still there.

Before, time almost seemed to...skip? Think cutscenes from those video games everyone seems to like playing. The day ends, I blink and it's morning, no sleep needed. Brother was distracted? Time skips until he addressed me again.

I've never not been without him before. I panicked. I collapsed against the wall and I felt it. The cool wall, the tears streaming down my face, my brother's hug when he came to apologize. I don't know how to handle it.

When we sat down for dinner, his mum and dad addressed me and asked if I was alright, as if they had always known I existed. They could see me and my distress. I tried to explain, but everyone looked at me confused. They told me that of course i existed, I always did.

But I know the truth. There are no pictures of me in this house. There are no school records of me or medical ones. I have no bedroom or clothes of my own. I did not exist.

I don't know exactly when I became "real" but I am now. I just...I don't know what to do? I wasn't real and now I am and everyone calls me crazy for thinking otherwise. How does one exist? My brother is leaving for Uni soon and everyone expects the same of me, as if I've been accepted into one. I haven't, I've checked.

Why do I exist? Why does no one acknowledge that I never did?

Please.

I'm scared.

I'm so glad you've written in, reader. Quite apart from the existential questions your situation raises, there is also rather a lot of paperwork involved.

It is possible to live in the UK without being part of the civil bureaucratic system – indeed, there are certain isolated genuses whose right to do so has been fiercely protected over the generations. But it's a tremendously difficult way to live if you have any intention of engaging with the economic, education or healthcare systems.

The Bunbury Institute of Manifested Personages should be your first port of call to tackle the logistical and legal difficulties presented by your case. They'll be able to get you sorted with all the documentation you need to prove your existence, including a Certificate of Corporeal Incarnation, which will stand in where others might use their birth certificate.

Once you legally exist, you'll be able to open a bank account, apply for a passport, and essentially make whatever choices you want to make about how to spend the rest of your existence. Which brings me to the real heart of your letter – the emotional impact of your change in circumstance.

Sudden onset incarnation is a profoundly disruptive experience no matter how, when or to whom it occurs. Even if your family were able to understand the situation and support you through it, it would still be an extremely difficult situation to navigate. As it is, the nature of your previous existence and the way your incarnation has taken effect means they're just not able to.

You ask why nobody acknowledges your previous non-existence. Generally speaking, most people find it extremely difficult to the point of near impossibility to really understand divergent realities. It's not that your family are trying to undermine you – they are literally, psychologically and biologically, incapable of understanding how you have come to be.

I strongly recommend you find someone to talk to about this issue as soon as you can. Without your legal paperwork in place, it will be difficult to access mental health support either privately or through the NHS. However, the Bunbury Institute and other such charitable organisations may be able to put you in touch with support groups for others like yourself.

What's important is that you know, you're not alone in this. Whatever your family may believe, your experiences are real and valid. And, now, so are you. It's going to be a big adjustment, figuring out how you want to live in the world now you're here. Try not to get too overwhelmed. Take things one day at a time, try to keep an eye on the positives, and give yourself the grace and time you need to process the negatives. In time, I feel sure you'll be able to build a life that feels right for you.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[lopposting]

I think carlo died shortly after his graduation, at the rose estate incident, when the disease was purposefully unleashed on a group of people.

The strange circumstances surrounding Carlo's death.

We're told through the loading screens that "Geppetto's son" died from the petrification disease, but there's also a couple of baffling details about his death.

The Stalker

The stalker makes a series of cryptic comments that don't seem to add up with what we are being told through-game.

My god... No... I'm sorry... I was too late... I wish I'd got here sooner... If I had known this would happen...

If Carlo was already infected by the time we see him talking to the stalker and before his collapse, then he would already have been for dead. "If I had known this would happen.." If she had known what would happen, then what could she have done if she got there sooner? If he died from a disease she could not have prevented, then why is she too late? Yes, it's not impossible for her to feel that way, or that she shouldn't prevent the earlier death of a dying boy, but it still strikes me as odd if Carlo ultimately died from disease related complications.

And if Carlo died from the disease, then why is the stalker involved at all?

The uniform

We see his death "first-hand", and he's lying on the floor, seemingly still dressed in his school uniform. [He's lying face up, almost as though to show us the easily identifiable tassel]

From what we see of the disease's victims (Antonia, Sophia, NPCS, and Romeo), and because of the nature of disease itself, it seems as though it's a slow and suffering end. If he died from disease, we would have expected some time to have passed between his meeting the stalker and his death. And yet, he seems to have died not long after his graduation. Why do we know this? Because he is still wearing his school uniform.

Who knows, maybe he just liked wearing it. But it's this little detail coupled with other factors that makes it seem strange.

The petrification disease

Carlo came from aristocracy, and we can see that the very wealthy and affluent people of Krat could afford medical care (namely, Antonia). Death by the petrification disease seems to be long, slow, and suffering, as Sophia seems to allude [as is the nature of disease in general]. But above all - the disease is by name and by nature, debilitating.

And yet, Carlo seems to be neither hospitalized nor quarantined, and seemingly died wearing the uniform. If some time had passed between his graduation and his death, would Carlo have snuck out somewhere, sick to the brink of death, dressed in his school uniform of all things, only to collapse and be found by the stalker? He would barely have been able to move.

[Is his graduation and the school outfit meant to tell us that it has been mere hours between him meeting the stalker and his death?]

Why are we being shown this memory?

All of the memories we see are what we can infer to be important or pivotal moments in Carlo's life. But what about this one? Why are WE the audience being shown this?

We see him as a distressed child over being left at a boarding school, and we see what is perhaps the very moment he lost all faith in his father, and we see his death. These are all pivotal moments. But it's the importance of the stalker that confused me. All of these moments seem emotionally charged, and sure, this was probably a bad memory for the deceased Carlo; But surely he had a plethora of them. What's so important about Carlo being rejected by the stalker?

It crumbles into dust, and several yards later we see the same person standing over his body, saying she was too late. The stalker memory is immediately followed by Carlo's death. I think the reason we're seeing this moment is because we're supposed to assume that this is what lead to his death. The graduation memory "ends" with her arrival ["Oh, She's here! Grab her!"], and she's later seen mourning over his body, so there's an almost immediate connection with his death, and between the last memory and the previous one.

Carlo's ergo

Maybe he was attacked, instead? But Carlo must've had the petrification disease, because we have his Ergo, and Ergo is the "natural" result of the disease. Non-withstanding the game's entire plot, Pino undeniably has his Ergo: his memories appear to us in the end section of the game, and we remember things we could not possibly have remembered ("Carlo").

And yet!!! [again].. Let's make some assumptions, that Carlo was perfectly healthy otherwise on the day of his graduation. He is rejected by the stalker, who then leaves, and not long after, she has returned to find him dead of the petrification disease. If it hasn't been much time, and he appeared otherwise completely healthy when meeting the stalker, he appears to have succumbed to the disease within hours.

The Rose estate incident

If Carlo died in the Rose estate incident - in which a great number of people were killed, why does the stalker stand over Carlo specifically, as if she’s personally “responsible”?

And If the attack at the Rose Estate was indeed a biological one (in which the disease was purposely unleashed on a group of people), and both Romeo and Carlo had not yet contracted it by the time they were graduating; there would have been some time in between his graduation, the stalker, and his actual death. Why would Carlo have succumbed so quickly to the disease - shortly after we see him meeting the stalker - when others, namely Romeo, seemed to have survived for longer [long enough at least to strike a "deal with the devil" to fight the epidemic]? I'm not sure. But if we can ignore the details of exactly how he died, I can make a couple of assumptions of what happened.

Putting it all together

What I think happened is that the Rose Estate attack happened on the last day of school, and that the attack was a biological one. If Carlo and Romeo grew up in a world without the petrification disease, then this would be the moment it was unleashed on their world. If he died in the Rose Estate attack, and he was at school, then it reasonably had to have been the final day he was there [because the school was closed after the attack].

Carlo asked her to teach him. What's she going to do, drop everything and train him right then and there? When we see Carlo asking to be trained by her, ostensibly he is asking her to take him with her ("I'm off"). The reason why she feels partially responsible for his death is because if she had taken him with her at that moment, then he would not have been there when the incident took place.

Also, we know that Gemini stayed behind with Carlo, who is said to have been a friend of Sophia's, and later became our little lamp guy. So if he were a stalker, this is where he would've also contracted the disease.

To reiterate, assuming that the stalker could have prevented his death entirely - shortly after meeting her is when Carlo got sick at the Monad house. If he had left, he would not have been there to contract any disease. I think Carlo being left behind was what "killed" him.

Why Graduation day?

As we can see, Carlo is lamenting that his father didn't show up for what is presumably his ceremony. This an event in which parents, caregivers, and community members would be expected to attend, meaning the school would have been open to outsiders.

Why the charity house?

Because of the Monad family, Sophia, and to overthrow Valentinus.

Some more loose assumptions and thoughts

The graduation ceremony is when (I’m assuming) the parents come to pick up their children. 

“He didn’t even come to your graduation?” 

So this ceremony has passed already. Would the parents show up to the ceremony, leave, and come back to pick up the kids on the next day at a boarding school? Probably not. They were probably there to pick up their children. Maybe the orphaned kids were staying at the charity house? [To be honest, I'm not sure how boarding schools work]

When Lampwick says, “It’s lucky you have any family at all”, perhaps it suggests that he had no background. Meaning both Carlo and Lampwick were left behind at the charity house on graduation, hence they both got sick. If Geppetto had shown up and taken Carlo home, he probably would’ve lived. So the graduating class of the charity house are leaving, and Carlo is asking to go with the legendary stalker?

It doesn’t sound like two boys grappling with the end of their lives. If they are infected at this point they don’t know it.

I'm guessing this is akin to high school, given that they were training to be stalkers, and specializing in your field would be like post-secondary.

[theinnerunderrain]

The apple of his eyes [Yan! Kazuha x Amnesiac! Reader]

Warnings: Yandere themes, amnesia, manipulation and gaslighting, objectification.

-

Love is a fruit that is always in season and within everyone's fingertips. There is no fixed constraint on who may gather it.

Kazuha reasoned that even if the affection was contrived, it was nevertheless a fruit of blessing and therefore only needed just that little prodding in the right direction. It was his own fruit, which he voluntarily spent time tending to by providing it with continual water, ample food, and trimming at the margins to allow for the healthy growth of new twinges.

"Who are you?"

Kazuha was a bit saddened by your sincere interest as she heard the inquiry leave your lips. But perhaps it was the results of his own behaviour—his failure to effectively manage his emotions. It was an error that he didn't intend to make but committed due to his strong sentiments towards you, which he vowed to better control.

He simply lost control and devoured a touch too much of the fruit.

But how can you condemn him when you're just too sweet for your own good?

"...Ah, you do not seem to remember me."

He mumbled, attempting to seem as miserable and distressed as he could, hoping to elicit your sympathy and cause you to shed your sense of guilt.

"I-I apologise for forgetting. If you just tell me, I might be able to recall certain things..!"

The sound of your bewildered voice prompted a ghost smile to briefly trail the edge of his lips, but the room's obscurity prevented you from seeing any of his smile because of how quickly it vanished.

"[First Name]."

He pronounced your name fluently, as if it were a weekly incantation he repeated to himself as part of his meditations. As though he was so accustomed to saying your name that it became an intrinsic part of his personality.

"There's no need to panic. You can refer to me as Kaedehara Kazuha, your friend."

His statement fell off the tip of his tongue, however it wasn't entirely a lie given that you two were friends prior to the occurrence. He wasn't really lying about anything; considering how close you two were to one another, some people might have even assumed you two were in a relationship.

So he didn't have to feel guilty about anything.

"Ah, so we're friends..!"

You inquired, gazing at him with anticipation as he finished speaking, as if it were a comfort to have a friend by your side who could assist you find your way down the memory lane. As you searched for memories of this alleged friend of yours, the term "friend" kept resonating in your head.

Yet nothing came to mind.

But the name Kazuha does sound oddly familiar, doesn't it?

Kazuha.

Kazuha.

Kazuha.

"You were involved in an accident, one that rendered your mind unconscious and blank. We are lucky enough to have you alive and well."

His lips were as seamless as caramel as he chatted, examining your visage for any indications of emotion as his crimson gaze skimmed over it. However, the only impression on your face was one of utter uncertainty, as if he were some kind of parent attempting to explain to their infant child the significance of the very first day of preschool.

"What sort of accident was I involved in?"

You asked, concealing a few stray hairs behind your ears while you awaited the man's response. The murmur of small ripples squirting against the ship seemed to resonate in the atmosphere, and the wobbling of the vessel made you feel somewhat apprehensive, even if you already got a sense of déjà vu simply being inside the boat.

"That's something I'm not sure of. A Crux crew member discovered your body lying on the shore. Here, drink some water."

Kazuha leaned over the bed and reached for a cup of water, pressing the rim of the grey cup on your lips and tilting your head back so the water would easily flow down your throat.

"I hope that helped you feel much better."

He smiled, setting the cup back to its original position, and then wiped the excess moisture from the corner of your lips with the sleeve of his shirt. Even someone with no memories would be able to tell that possibly Kazuha had a bit too much fondness for you based on his almost too endearing stare.

Yet you made no attempt to question him, only allowing him to gently care for you. Perhaps too afraid or too hesitant to freely question the young man.

"Now, as much as I would love to answer your question."

Kazuha positioned a gentle caress on your shoulder and cautiously eased you into the mattress. He then reached for the blanket and slid it over your body merely enough to encompass the majority of your body. The blanket smelled like syrup and leaves, much like Kazuha, and felt warm against your body amidst the cold night.

"Why don't you rest, and when the moment is right, we'll discuss tomorrow?"

+

What he was doing wasn't wrong.

Kazuha didn't force you to do anything and he didn't tell you any nasty falsehoods. He just added more components to the story.

Kazuha wouldn't even perceive it as pressuring since he wasn't employing any violent methods to ensure you comply with his dictates. So what if he was required to coerce the intimacy between the two of you?

He was essentially repainting over your image of him, as though he were commencing with a blank canvas and rewriting one of his compositions. Kazuha might even claim that your creation is his finest. Given that Kazuha was not a scientist and could not just concoct a love potion, it certainly necessitated some trial and error. He was aware of your doubts about him, yet you were forced to rely on him because you had no other reliable source.

To ensure that the fruit he sought blossoms properly, it just required a small amount of encouragement and a few words. He'll just have to erase your memories when you start to retrieve them, persuade you that you're mistaken, and how could you honestly trust yourself. Shouldn't you be relying on him instead since your mind is filled with voids and empty memories of the past?

You don't have to think of anything.

Let him serve as your compass, like a gardener steadily guiding his fruit in the right direction.

He should manoeuvre the fruit into his hand since there are no set restrictions on who has access to you.

Kazuha wasn't going to let anyone steal from him or ruin the quality of his produce.

Not after he worked so hard.

Not after he had to give you a little shove.

Not while you're clutching to him so affectionately and feeling grateful to your close friend for saving your life.

Not when his fruit is so luscious and red that it is at the pinnacle of its prime, able can be devoured at any time.

If Kazuha had to eliminate innumerable vines in order to obtain the fruit he desires, it wouldn't be beneficial for anyone, would it?

Just be good and listen to him.

[glaciertea]

Masterlist here~

Tales the Songs Weave

Ch.6<< >>Ch.8

Notes: Miguel is letting those barriers drop, ooohh. And the attraction is most certainly there.

CW: Sexual daydreams, Masturbation

Chapter 7: Even if It's For One Night

Word count: 4.1K

Nearly a week passed as you scoped out the door whenever you heard the chimes. 

You two maintained your everyday messaging, as you refrained from distressing him about stopping by, taking in what he told you.

Yet, a part of you still hoped he strolled through that door.

“I appreciate the donations, but not when there are so damn many of them!”

A woman a few years older than you stumbled out with an enormous box on both arms, her wild, wavy hair peeking out from the sides.

“Remind me to never take donations unless cash is involved.”

“A charitable donation is a charitable donation, Ronnie. Rather you like it or not.” You didn't look up from your phone as you giggled at something on the screen.

“Money is also seen as a charitable one! So make it easier for me.”

Ronnie peered over to her employee, whose head still refused to rise from the device.

“Who are you texting?”

“Take a guess.” You tilted a bit to acknowledge her.

“Ah yes. Him.” She teasingly piped.

Ronnie plopped the cardboard box of fabrics and other accessories on the counter.

“When will you tell me more about him?!”

“What is there more to say that I haven't already said, Ronnie?” You sighed and began to scoop out the cute clothes.

Rompers seem to be back in style.

“Uh, besides the name and that he's a ‘great guy,’ not much is being fed to me. I need the buffet, the nine-course meal.”

You gave her an impassive face. Your boss placed a hand on her forehead, dramatically but carefully, flopping her back on the check-out countertop.

“I'm practically starving. You're just letting me fade away. You dangle the sandwich, yet reel it back whenever I'm in reach.” She exaggerated, making sure to enunciate. Every. Single. Word.

“I thought you wanted a full thirty-course meal? Why did it get reduced to a sandwich?”

“Don't change the subject" She stuck her tongue out. “And it was nine, but come on! Just tell me something. You always smile at your phone when you tell me you're texting the guy.”

She threw her arms up in a very animated manner.

“Ronnie, you'll survive.”

The woman grumbled and wrapped her arms around her chest like a pouting child who didn't get their way.

Then her face did a one-eighty.

“As your superior, I command you to tell me.”

“Oh for fuc- Ronnie, that's abuse of power! That's in the work guidelines for beginners.” Your hands slid down your face in pure agony.

“Nuh-uh. Um, um, obstruction of the peace.” Ronnie countered.

“I don't think you're even using that correctly.”

“Obstruction of the peace!” Ronnie's batty grin only disconcerted you more than before.

“Oh my gosh. He's tall, dark, and beautiful. There. Has the appetite been fed?” You began to dump the clothing back into the box, already exhausted from your "leader's” shenanigans.

“Hmm, let me think–no.” Ronnie frivolously perked her elbows up, her balled-up fingers smushing her cheeks. “Not until I see concrete proof. Hard evidence.”

You groaned, plucking the box off the wooden surface. “I swear you are just a handful. If you need me, I'll be in the back sorting clothes.”

“Aw, you're going to do that for me? You are so sweet! But don't think this conversation is over. We are jus-”

Before Ronnie could finish, you zipped off in the opposite direction, yelling that you were ‘too far away to hear the rest.’

You unleashed a lengthy exhale after that agonizing ordeal. You were aware that Ronnie didn't want to organize, so she found a cheeky escape route. And you couldn't criticize her curiosity. 

When the dead workdays pop up, you're usually on your phone texting him. Giggling like a schoolgirl who somehow was able to obtain their crush's number.

He manages to make your knees all jelly, so flimsy. The grasp he has you webbed in is ridiculous. How you're caught up in the bewitching netting. Is it wrong? Is this an inappropriate way to envision someone you're admiring? 

Spinning one into a web is usually viewed as distasteful, deceptive, and abysmal.

Sickening. Revolting.

Yet this web, like most, is silky and luscious. You don't seem to believe you're the prey–far from it. Restrained in the powerful strings is something that beckons you. What you seek.

Awaiting him, trusting him. Knowing that the mesh is used to protect. In a way that serves not only him but you as well. You don't sense any threats. No harm from him to you. You're confident about it. It's as if you fully know. Comprehending it in all of its certainty.

Besides, the only time you'll undoubtedly feel threatened, afraid is if you are bound, dangling exposed for him to take in every part. His claws and fangs grazed, scraping across your delicate skin, leaving tiny scratches all over.

His eyes locked on yours. Mouth gagged as you wouldn't be able to beg, but your body does it for you. His hands will grope every inch... his full lips kissing down so slowly, so hungrily until he reaches right in between your trembling, soaking thi-

You slapped yourself mentally and physically.

“Stop it, you pervert!” You quietly hissed and began to sort through the clothes, struggling to remove all those thoughts from your mind.

Pretending that the tingly sensation isn't sparking in-between said thighs. He shouldn't have this effect on you. But the state he put you in speaks otherwise.

Ronnie was skimming through a stack of books she's been purposely evading for the past week when she heard the hanging chimes near the front entrance jingle.

“Oh goody. A person.” She mumbled in a snarky tone before putting on her half-assed customer service voice.

“Hi there. Welcome to Adequate Antique Aaa–Abs-o-licious!”

Ronnie was fully astonished by the colossal, hunky model of a man standing in her tiny shop.

She continued to stare as Miguel stood there uneasy, his eyes covered, but the expression was undoubtedly frigid. 

Soft rock played on the overhead speaker as the gawking from Ronnie lasted another thirty seconds until Miguel cleared his throat, breaking that unwarranted silence.

“Oh! Right. How may I help you, my good sir? Anything you have particularly in mind? You're also very, very welcome to peruse our many, many trinkets.” Ronnie shoved the books aside. An overly flirtatious grin crossed her lips, her eyebrows bouncing up and down.

“I'm looking for somebody who works here. They should be in today.” Miguel's stoicism refused to leave.

Ronnie's attempted wooing fled as she scrunched her face at him. “Someone who works here–oh. Oh! You're tall, dark, and beautiful!”

Miguel was taken aback by the sudden exclamation.

“Tall, dark, and beauti-”

She interrupted Miguel before he could even question what she could possibly imply by that.

“Yeah! No, I'll go get her for you!”

Miguel was blurred by the woman and the situation as a whole.

“I can go look for her–”

“I have someone up here to see you!”

Miguel slightly flinched as Ronnie shouted and whacked both her hands on the hardwood counter before turning her attention back onto him.

“She'll be up here soon.” Ronnie beamed at the even more exhausted Miguel.

A few seconds passed when a new voice emerged from the side.

“Why bother giving me this beeper if you're never going to use- oh! This is a very pleasant surprise.”

You internally screeched and flipped around. A smile spread across your face as you took a few steps toward him. He was actually here. 

Miguel softened. His body unwinded as he warmly gazed down at you. “I managed to sneak in some free time and wanted to take a peek at the store myself.”

“I'm so glad you stopped by. You okay? They didn't harass you about this, did they?”

Miguel's stomach had those metaphorical butterflies floating endlessly. His own smile forming over your worries.

“Ah, no, not as much.” He had to lie. He didn't want you fretting over him.

“Good. That's good. I'm glad they're easing up on you.”

You didn't mean to come off as nosy. It was a sudden switch for you. A new defensive mode whenever something was visibly agitating or troubling him.

The sensations he brings.

Ronnie darted between the two, seemingly drifting into each other's eyes. Even if Miguel was wearing sunglasses, Ronnie knew what was up. Coughing loudly to break the ogling, you both jumped back as Miguel scratched his head, and you turned your attention to your employer.

“Sooo, are you going to introduce me?”

You puffed some air out, disregarding Ronnie's shit-eating grin.

“Ronnie, this is Miguel. Miguel, this is my boss, Ronnie.”

“Hm, so this is the famous Ronnie I've heard about.”

“Gasp! I'm actually talked about outside of work? I knew you secretly adored me!”

You groaned as the humiliation settled almost instantaneously. Miguel just offered half a smile before dropping it a second later. He honestly didn't know how to react.

“And I prefer infamous!” Ronnie pumped her chest with way too much pride.

“You do know infamous isn't a good thing.”

You tried to clarify, but Ronnie bolted to the next thing.

“And Miguel. My my, aren't you a gorgeous man? Girl, you didn't tell me he also had an inviting, buttery voice.”

Your right eye twitched. Miguel tensed from this encounter.

“Actually, she didn't tell me much about you besides your name and that ‘you're one great guy.’” She indiscreetly winked, as you were ready to slam your head down on the counter. Maybe hard enough for a concussion.

“But I do know how happy she gets whenever she's talking to you. I swear her face lights up with this adorable twinkle when her Migg-”

“Okay, that's enough!” You stumble your body in between Miguel and the timber furniture.

Miguel and Ronnie stared anxiously at your sudden outburst. The music continued to whisk over them for a couple of seconds until you gulped audibly.

“I didn't mean to yell. That shouldn't have come out like that. I'm sorry, Ronnie.”

She waved her hand dismissively.

“Nah, it's all good. Go ahead and take your break. I'll finish up your tasks. And hey, it was nice meeting you, Miguel. Take care of my girl.”

Miguel blushed before bobbing his head. “Of course. Nice meeting you as well.”

You scampered to grab your things as the two headed out. You called out a goodbye to Ronnie and went to enjoy this time.

You both decided to head on over to an Asian street food restaurant. Thankfully, it was slow, as only three people preoccupied the other tables.

“Have you ever been here before?” You scrolled down the digital menu, figuring out what you wanted.

“No. I don't think I've even ventured this far out of work.” Miguel observed the area, taking note of all the different Asian cultures plastered on the walls. 

“How far is your job from here?”

“It’s about a thirty-five, forty-minute walk.” 

You began calculating the distance from there. “So around two miles? Twenty minutes is equal to a mile, right?”

He nodded. “But I bought it down to ten. I'm sure you can figure out how.”

You blinked until it hit you. “Ah yes, you swung on by.”

Miguel shot you a disappointed glance as you goofily grinned. “Are you sure you aren't secretly a spider person?”

“I don't have that terrifyingly stellar intelligence.” You lightly tapped your noggin. 

Eventually, you two ordered, plunging into that soothing silence. The warmth he cascades upon you has your stomach in knots. You squeeze your legs together, trying to furiously distract your mind from something else. 

Then Miguel took a sip of his water, some dribbling down the side of his mouth. You squeaked as your subconscious pried its way through, wanting those certain thoughts to emerge. 

“I remember you telling me that you have sensitive eyes. Is that why you wear sunglasses even indoors?” You locked those feelings back. 

“Si. That, and I don't think many would find my eyes appealing to gaze into. Why I've been called ‘vampire’ so much. ¡Esa mierda se vuelve tan molesta! ¡No sé por qué sienten la necesidad de bur-”

“Your eyes are appealing to me. They are very breathtaking. Like staring into two dazzling rubies.”

He reclined back in the seat as the compliment caught him completely off guard. He can't remember the last time a flattering remark was made. Maybe as a joke, or when Peter bizarrely proclaimed he has ‘very ravishing red orbs,’ but not genuine praise.

You purse your lips, chastising yourself secretly for even blurting out something like that. 

“I-I'm sorry. I should've been more mindful of what I said.”

He removed his glasses and placed them on the table.

A string snapped.

You glimpsed at the shades, then back at him, before a smile took over. You leaned forward as you both got lost in each other's words. 

The food was steaming hot, emitting heavenly scents of herbs and spices. Mouth-watering, you promptly begin to chow down, humming in satisfaction.

“Always the best to come when no one is barely around.” You declared, stuffed with a mouthful of udon.

“No need to rush. They're able to be precise with the cooking.” He mindfully slurps some of his miso soup and sighs out.

“Mhm!” You gladly agreed, gulping down the tasty noodles.

“Oh! I was meaning to ask. Are they finally used to you taking well-deserved breaks? They must be if you took an afternoon one versus your usual night ones.” You held your bowl of udon up, offering some to him before he politely declined.

“Yeah. I told them I needed to pick up a few pieces for this upcoming project I'm working on, and they were fine with it.” He took a swig of his condensed glass of water. 

Lies. Miguel recollected the events that led up to this spontaneous outing.

He was already seething when an anomaly nearly threatened to disrupt a canon event due to ridiculously cocky rookies who took the situation too carelessly. He doesn't enjoy shelling out verbal lashings. In fact, he can't stand them. But if others refuse to understand the dire conditions they're in, then it's the only means necessary to get the point across. 

And on top of that mess, he still wasn't at the shop. Every time he would pluck up the effort to go, he would repeatedly hinder his opportunities. 

Internal excuses after excuses. If he's not present, disarray will happen. If he's not here, who will scrutinize the multiverse? Who will conduct sweep checks to make sure the technology is in proper working order? There was too much on his plate, and each day he wasn't there, the more his temper was easier to set off. 

But a few hours earlier, something possessed him as he requested Jess and Peter B. to come to his office.

“The other day, I stumbled upon an ample amount of curios I exactly needed for this new project I'm undertaking.” Miguel's back turned as he searched, trying to remember the name of the store. 

“So you need one of us to pick up the par-”

“No! You two will stay here and keep an eye on things.” He hissed as Jess folded her arms over her prominent, protruding belly. 

She decided to let that rude, interrupting outburst slide. For now.

“Miguel, are you okay? You've been seeming more, um, what's the word I'm looking for?”

“More of an ass?” 

Miguel scowled at Jess as she held that unshakable glare whenever he got this way. 

“Uh, no, not necessarily that. More piqued, disgruntled! Yeah, that's it!” Peter patted where the sling for Mayday usually was. 

“Look. I'll be gone for about a couple of hours and then back with the goobers.”

Peter was perfectly fine with that response, but Jess's skeptical eyes and frown practically dug into his skull; however, she opted to take his word with a pinch of salt. 

The accumulated goggles of spider-people ticked Miguel off as the murmurs of their superior, nonchalantly walking out of the lobby, was going to be next the buzzing topic.

Though it didn't matter, as far as he was concerned, getting to you was his main priority. 

“Miguel? You okay?” You rested your hand on his, which would dwarf yours, as concern registered all over your face. 

“What?” He rocked a bit, skimming the area, before his awareness landed on you.

“You seemed lost in thought for a good while. I thought it was because you were enjoying the food so much that I decided to let you be. But it started to scare me when you wouldn't answer after five minutes.”

He peeked at the table that lay nearly empty dishes. Did he become so absent-minded that he managed to finish his entire meal without uttering a single word to you?

And yet, you remained poised, uncomplaining. 

“Here, let's get back to the antique shop. The lunch rush hour is starting to pick up.” You whirled around, minding the influx of hungry customers piling in. 

You paid for his meal and yours as Miguel tried to intervene, but you heavily insisted. In a battle he wasn't winning, he let you be.

Jostling out and heading back, you made small conversation. You were still quite concerned, wondering what was dwelling in his mind. 

“Did you enjoy the meal?” You swayed your arms back and forth in no particular rhythm.

“Yes, it was delicious; the flavors blended well. And I will pay you back for my half.”

“You don't have to! It was my pleasure to-”

“I insist. Tell me the cost, and I will pay you back for it.” He instructed more than asked.

A surge rushed through your veins and directly to your lower region. “I-I will think of something instead.”

“Good gi- good. That's fine, just let me know.” He caught himself before that inappropriate comment slipped. He didn't know what seized his mind to nearly exclaim that. 

You didn't catch it. He thanked the universe, as he would never forgive himself if you did hear that disgusting phrase from him. 

The remainder of the stroll was mute until returning to the shop. Ronnie fanatically welcomed you both back, questioning and teasing about the outing.

“Did you enjoy yourselves? I know I sure would if I were by this godly, glorious man!” 

Reprimanding her, you swiped up Miguel's forearm, leading him away as Ronnie cheekily yelled not to destroy her things.

“Don't get too handsy, if you catch my drift!”

Ultimately overlooking that, you and Miguel browsed the many knickknacks and ornaments encompassing every cranny. Miguel was in awe of the countless artifacts and objects. 

Though it didn't beat the liveliness from you as you described the items, elucidating the sea of stories behind a chunk of the goods.

He got lost in your love for this.

How you're able to enjoy the simplest things in life. How you manage to discover the inner beauty and soul in things, no matter how dented or defaced they appear. How you make it look so easy. Yet, how would you react to the heinous crimes he committed? Would you still find that same beauty and soul in him? No, clearly not. 

He convinced himself otherwise.

Plucking an electronic gizmo from a stand, you brought it up to his face when you noticed him wearily zoning out. There was something draining him, and your instincts to alleviate it kicked in.

“Miguel, do you think this piece will help with the project you're working on?”

He inched his head down to see a gear with a tiny motherboard covering the surface.

A crooked smile tugged from him as fingers curled around the miniscule tool, brushing against your palm. “Yes, this will be fine. Thank you.” 

That electrical touch he gives never fails to give you shivers.

That softness you hold never fails to bring him to his knees. 

“I know how you can pay me back.” You shifted through some bins in search of more gear for him. 

“Oh, and how is that?”

“There's a botanical garden near here, and I pass by it every time but never get the chance to go as I use my off days to rest up.”

“So, like a hangout or a date?” Miguel rummaged in the bins with you.

“Whatever you want it to be.” You grinned, carefully headbutting your head on his bicep.

His breath hitched, cheeks heating, as his stomach began to twist. He shouldn't. He shouldn't. 

“Deal then.”

A string broke.

That joy never wavered from either one. 

“Oh, and by the way.” Miguel pulled himself out of a trance. 

“Hm?”

“Tall, dark, and beautiful?”

“...Ronnie!” You jerked yourself to your feet and began to admonish your guilty leader, as Miguel held in his laughter. 

Saying his farewells with a container stuffed with gadgets that he'll cram somewhere to find uses for them later, a hunger bellowed within. His thoughts were rampant. Never ceasing. Not even the rosy pink and sunset orange skies wouldn't sedate his brain from going back to you. 

A date… no, you are only hanging out. That's it. 

He doesn't imagine the bright smile you'll have as you stroll by an array of flowers. Or how beautiful the hues from them and the sun will bring out your skin tone. Or what adorable outfit you'll choose to wear. Or what you will chat about…

He doesn't think about you lying on the ground, hidden from the public eye, enclosed by Mother Nature's blossoming fluorescence. Your stunning legs folded around his waist, nails dragging down his back as he strenuously thrusts into you when he–

A sudden thunderous clap roared from above, knocking him back to reality. To Miguel, the dark clouds arose to freeze that line of lust. Miguel closed his eyes. You mustn't have them as well. It was only his sick, perverted imagination going in that direction. 

He decided to just dawdle the rest of the way back, even if the rain caught him. He'll deal with the plethora of complaints from Jess later. Right now, he craves that alone time.

Halfway there, Miguel eventually accepted that you would never cross the path he chose. Especially for a man like him. And he wouldn't blame you one bit... 

You grasped your pillow for dear life as a finger plunged deep within your folds.

“Mi-Miguel! Deeper!”

Your faint whimpers were drowned out by the thunder. You leaked on your fresh, crisp sheets. Just as the nightly rain drips, so do you.

“Don't stop; please never stop! Oh Miguel!”

You gasped out his name. It felt so sinful on your tongue, yet flowed out like smooth, red wine.

Adding another finger, your eyes rolled in the back of your skull. The only thing that plagued, no, graced your mind was the thought of his long digits pumping into you.

The more you imagined, the more your pointer and middle fingers slipped in and out in rapid succession. Your velvety, wet walls clenching so nicely.

Could you take him? Will you feel every part? Every throb, every vein? How warm would it be? Cozy? Or burning due to the desires you'll both share?

You whined in sync with the roaring bolt. You shouldn't be doing this. You shouldn't.

But you couldn't stop.

Unbeknownst to you, in the middle of the city, in the middle of it all, a grunt sprang out in his own room, the walls concealing his impurity.

“Yes, just like that. You're such a good girl.”

Miguel lay spread on his mattress as he vigorously pumped up and down. His unrestrained clawed hand moving at speeds that no human will ever be able to keep up with.

Veins coursed all over his girth, no matter which angle one peeked at. He was burning, his length on fire. 

He squeezed, emitting another grunt. Globs of precum ran down as he tugged brutally and madly. He imagined it was you riding him for dear life.

“Montas a papi tan bien, bebita.”

He groaned as rumbles from the sky joined in. His mind crossed you with every jerk.

How tight would you be? Would he be able to force every inch? He would make it work. He wants to mold you just for him, that you can take it all.

Will you spill over as he thrusts into you at a swift pace? Squirting out all over his tongue or cock?

He growled as his imagination ran feral. His palm slapping against his balls, propelling his hips at irregular tempos. He hears the rain violently drumming against his window, overlooking the ones who look up. 

Yet, the only thing he wants to gaze down upon are those pretty lips wrapped around him. Looking up at him.

Looking up with lust and love. Genuine love.

The downpour can cover his wrongs, but it won't matter. His thoughts for you will fall from him.

He could not stop. He knew he could've.

Yet he should have. He knows he shouldn't stop. The flames spread, shining more within the concealed darkness.

[elfqueen006]

Human Moonpie Headcanons

CW/Tags: AU, parenting, religious bashing, slight horror elements, implied possession, etc.

• Full name is Miranda Durand-Cofer. Is 8-10 years old. Likes cats and princess movies.

• She's still blind but Shaun makes sure she's properly accommodated while not making her feel left out or "othered" from her peers.

• She loves to explore and color. Her favorite colors are purple and pink!

• Very chatty, but says the cutest (and sometimes weirdest) things.

• Wants to be a fashion designer when she grows up!

• Now, I used to have an idea that Shaun had a one night stand with a girl in college and they now co-parent. But after hearing of Olivia and their implied history, this could be applied to them but she mainly resides with Shaun.

• I feel like not only would Shaun be a good dad, but he probably had it in mind when starting his career. He'd have to settle down at some point, right? Though balancing work life and a child can be tricky, especially with the subject matter he portays in his films.

• I feel that now that a child is added to the mix, his uncle, Abraham Cofer, comes down on him much harder. Badgering him about introducing Miranda to "devilment" and "horror porn". Which Shaun rightfully goes off about this, seeing as he would never put his daughter in a position where she would experience anything inappropriate.

• There are times he tries to at least give Abraham updates on her, just to have some semblance of normalcy. And I think Abraham would want to be involved in Miranda's life, but he is an old man who is stubborn and stuck in his ways and probably thinks being involved means Shaun should see things his way about, well, everything.

• If Miranda has the clairvoyance that Shaun is implied to have in the Character Reveal Trailer, there's a chance she'd have the ability to see Sunny Day Jack without watching the tape.

• If we have a co-parenting situation with you and Shaun. Maybe the events likely to happen in the game with go a bit differently. It would still be horror, but with a different approach.

• Kids are not an uncommon factor in horror. They can range from being victims, killers, and even mediators of sorts between the dead and the living.

• Jack loves children! And I think if ever encountering Miranda and she was able to see him, he'd adore being like a big brother figure of sorts. Like Shaun, he wouldn't dare put her in a scenario that would harm her. Still, keeping in mind that he's a yandere, I don't think he'd be above using her innocence to his advantage; planting ideas in her mind that her environment might not be so safe.

• Shaun isn't fit to be a parent, in Jacks' eyes. He's too career oriented, makes indecent material, and is overall too lax in his parenting! If Jack had it his way, Miranda would be under his care 24/7...

• Strange occurrences start happening with Shaun soon. He has more nightmares, calls with his uncle distress him more than normal. It begins to scare you and Miranda so you take her to your parents for a short amount of time so he can calm down.

• After about a month or so of missed calls and frantic texting, Shaun is... completely fine! He'd been attending some therapy sessions and taking some time off work to get his head straight. In fact, he might just go into a different career path.

• He's eager to have Miranda in his arms again, and he reassures you and her that he'll always be here to spend time together... <3

[paganwitchisis]

Vampiric Antidote - RATED E 18 PLUS.

Pairing - AFAB Female Tav/ Astarion.

After a visit to the House of Hope, Female Tav is infected with a poison from the Incubus inhabiting Raphael's room. This poison makes Tav lustful and in a state of distress. 2 days later, they reach camp and Astarion sees her condition. Being familiar with this particular poison and the effects, he knows he is the only one who can save her. This is after Cazador has been eliminated and Astarion has chosen to stay a spawn and not sacrifice his brethren. Established Romance. Fluff and smut ensue. 3rd person POV, no descriptions on Tav so you can imagine your own character in their place.

A Chance Encounter - RATED 18 PLUS

Pairing - AFAB Female Tav/Astarion.

What if 1 year after beating the Netherbrain, established spawn Astarion and (AFAB) Female Tav roam the Sword Coast and run into a complication? Instead of being heroes, they accidentally find Tav’s abusive parents? This becomes a hard situation for Tav, and Astarion has to help her through it. Bonus! Add to this a greedy god getting involved and a deal being attempted against our favorite couple? Astarion has his hands full, but there will be a happy ending! Heed the tags for trigger warnings.

Unwanted Advances - RATED 18 PLUS

Pairing - AFAB Female Tav/Astarion

Set after Cazador was defeated in Act 3. Astarion was in the party walking the streets of Baldur’s Gate when he was groped and propositioned by a stranger. This leads to expected reactions from himself and the group. What becomes of him and the situation? Read and find out! There is smut towards the end. AFAB female Tav x Spawn! Astarion. Tav is not specified for race but is a fighter, so you can imagine your Tav in the place.

Foot Fetish - RATED 18 PLUS

Pairing - AFAB Female Tav/Astarion

Astarion has a secret fetish, one that Tav explores with him.

You're Mine - RATED 18 PLUS

Pairing - AFAB Female Tav/Astarion

This is a take on how Astarion feels and reacts when he watched the Bhaalspawn Tav fall to her father and get resurrected again. Anticipate emotions and a lot of smut.

Kiss and Make it Better - RATED 18 PLUS

Pairing - AFAB Female Tav/Astarion

Set six months after the end of the game, spawn Astarion and Tav have been adventuring when they run into fairly tough bandits. Astarion must help Tav sew up a wound in a very unfavorable location, but Astarion makes things better. Expect smut and fluff!

Always There for you - RATED 18 PLUS

Multi-chapter- Complete

Pairing - AFAB Female Tav/Astarion

Set after the main story and features female Tav and Astarion. Tav and Astarion decide to do missions in Baldur’s Gate together but after two months of back to back missions Tav finds herself wanting. Since the missions don’t allow the couple much time to dote on each other, Tav begins to miss Astarion and yearns for him. Tav takes things into her own hands in regards to her desire so she would not pressure Astarion but the trouble is, she cannot find completion. This goes on for weeks until Astarion finds out the hard way but not as you would think. As you can guess, smut is involved and it ends up as a sweet, sweet ending.

Chapter one - A Solution to the Problem

Chapter two - Revelations

Chapter three - Redo of their Special Night

The Price of Freedom (Multichapter) - Complete. RATED 18 PLUS

Pairing - AFAB Female Tav/Astarion

While on a separate quest, it is discovered that Tav is pregnant with Astarion’s child. Problem is, Cazador finds out as well. Things get pretty dark as Cazador abducts her along with Astarion, intent on nefarious purposes. Will the couple be able to heal from his onslaught and what of the child? Read and find out! (Heed the tags! This plays out differently than other Cazador dark fics)

Chapter 1 : A Hot Tip

Chapter 2: A Fight for Their Lives

Chapter 3: Revelations and Comfort

Chapter 4: Intimacy and Confessions

Chapter 5: Family Gatherings

Chapter 6: Torture and Survival

Chapter 7: Fight to the Death

Chapter 8: Healing Begins

Chapter 9: Date Night

Chapter 10: Planning the Future

The Unexpected Adventure - Multi-chapter fanfiction (Complete)

RATED 18 PLUS!!!!

Pairing - AFAB Female Tav/Astarion

Set after The Pale Elf quest line in late act 3, what happens if spawn Astarion and female Tav, who are in an established relationship and in love end up swapping bodies by accident? Hilarity, arguments and misadventures await. There is plenty of smut and adventure as there is more than meets the eye and growing pains all around as the pair figure out how to cope while their friends help them as best they can. Look forward to some twists and fun!

Chapter 1 - Farm Animals and Books

Chapter 2 - A Learning Experience

Chapter 3 - Surprise!

Chapter 4 - Towards the Future

What Love Can Change - Multi-chapter fanfiction (Complete)

Rated 18 plus!!!!!!! ADULT FIC!!!

Feeling ill one night, female Tav went out for air in Baldur’s Gate only to be kidnapped, beaten, and raped. After the incident, Astarion is out for blood and walks a fine line between supporting his significant other and tracking down the monster who did this to her. Consequences unfold from the altercation, and Tav ends up with child, changing the dynamic between Astarion and Tav. Will Astarion get vengeance for the woman who laid beaten in camp and will he stay with her when it is discovered she is with child? What will she do with the pregnancy? Additional situations unfold, and Astarion learns how love can change a person. Fluff and smut along with action and drama occur! Spawn Astarion x AFAB Female Tav. HEED THE WARNINGS.

There is a LOT of smut so be warned!

Chapter 1: The Night that Started it All

Chapter 2: Catching the Beast

Chapter 3: Escaping Notice

Chapter 4: Party Interruption

Chapter 5: Married at Last

Chapter 6: Honeymoon Part 1

Chapter 7: Honeymoon Part 2

Chapter 8: Honeymoon Hiccup

Chapter 9: An Adventure Into the Deep

Chapter 10: You're Alive!

Chapter 11: Date Night

Chapter 12: What to Expect When You're Expecting

Chapter 13: First Marital Fight

Chapter 14: Resolving Differences

Chapter 15: Battle with the Hag

Chapter 16: Astarion's Patience and Suspicions

Chapter 17: Sins of the Past

Chapter 18: A New Dilemma and Answers at Last

Chapter 19: The Heartbeat and a New Bond

Chapter 20: The Attempt

Chapter 21: Memories and Love

Chapter 22:  A Solution to Her Dilemma and Secrets Revealed

Chapter 23: The Bond

Chapter 24: The Threesome

Chapter 25: The Night Before

Chapter 26: The Final Netherstone

Chapter 27: The End Battle and A New Beginning

Chapter 28: Kidnapping, a Birth and The End

Winterchill Fever - Multi-Chapter Fanfiction (SEQUEL TO WHAT LOVE CAN CHANGE)

Rated 18 PLUS!

Set after Baldur’s Gate 3, spawn Astarion’s oldest child is struck with Winterchill Fever (pneumonia) and is highly contagious. Astarion separates himself and their son from their family to protect the rest of the family as Astarion nurses his son back from the grips of death. This is a dadstarion fic that is indirectly associated with my other fanfic called “What Love Can Change” however you don’t have to know that fic to read this.

Chapter 1: A Slice Of Life

Chapter 2: The Winterchill Fever

Chapter 3: Answers

His Real Family - Multi-Chapter Fanfiction (Complete)

Rated 18 PLUS!

Pairing - AFAB Female Tav/ Astarion

One day an elven woman shows up at the end of act 3, claiming to be Astarion’s betrothed from when they were young and he wasn't a vampire. Astarion doesn’t believe it. Tav is already pregnant with his child and Astarion has no intention of leaving Tav. What happens when this woman won’t take no for an answer and things arent as they seem? Things become intense! Read and find out!

Chapter One: An Unwelcome Surprise

Chapter Two: An Explanation and Danger

Chapter Three: Solace

Chapter Four: Interrogation and A New Problem

Chapter Five: A Happy Ending

Pint Sized Terror - Multi-Chapter Fanfiction

Rated 18 Plus (Complete)

Pairing AFAB Female Tav/Astarion

Due to unforeseen circumstances, Astarion is turned into a small child again! Tav and the gang have to figure out how to help the tyke while taking care of him. Things aren't all sunshine and rainbows as trouble finds them. Set after Cazador’s demise in Act 3. Spawn Astarion

Chapter One: A Difficult Problem

Chapter Two: Pranks

Chapter Three: Accidental Fire

Chapter Four: Getting You Back

Elven Judgement - Multi-Chapter Fanfiction

Rated 18 Plus

Set after the events in Baldur’s Gate 3, Tav and spawn Astarion are expecting a new bundle of joy when Astarion reconnects with his parents. Things don’t go as planned with the soon to be grandparents! Expect drama, suspense, fluff, smut and an overly protective Astarion!

Chapter 1 - The Unexpected Visitor

Chapter 2: Conflict

Chapter 3: Attempted Stress Relief

Chapter 4: Bandits

Chapter 5: A Marriage Proposal and Celebration

Chapter 6: Argument

Chapter 7: Marriage

Chapter 8: The Abduction

Chapter 9: In Sickness and In Health

Chapter 10: Erasing the Pain

I also have more works on Archive of Our own but not all of it is Baldur's Gate

AO3 Master List of All My Work!

Dividers are credited to @cafekitsune who does a masterful work on graphics and design!

[coochiequeens]

A piece about surrogacy that focuses on the baby.

We are putting the interests of adults above those of children

Helen Gibson 11 May, 2024

Many readers will have seen that surrogacy clip which went viral on Twitter this week. A man, complete with false nails and hair in pigtails, having a newborn baby handed to him, ostensibly for the bonding process of “skin to skin”; a process usually reserved for the baby and their mother, in order to calm the baby after delivery, stimulate her milk production, and encourage the expulsion of the placenta. The baby in the aforementioned clip was distressed, and shuddering. As the man, apparently the father, held the baby, she started to scream. Not the cries of a hungry newborn, but the screams of a desperate infant.

Whether you’re a mother or not, most people who see such footage will have a visceral reaction 

For the tens of thousands who have seen the footage, the majority of us, I think I can safely claim, felt sickened to our core. For here is surrogacy in all its raw truth. A baby is born, and handed away from the mother it knows and wants, and to hell with the consequences. Whether you’re a mother or not, most people who see such footage will have a visceral reaction.

Of course, the optics of this particular case put the situation even more clearly: a man, cosplaying as a woman, able to design and commission a baby in order to validate his lifestyle choices; with no thought for the impact on the newborn child, desperately flailing and wanting her mother. This particular situation jarred with so many because it so obviously sits at the centre of the Venn diagram between surrogacy and gender ideology, with all the latter’s negatives for women and children already understood by most of the viewers of the clip. 

Outside of feminist Twitter, many people have never given surrogacy any thought at all

Outside of feminist Twitter, many people have never given surrogacy any thought at all; but this is what it is. This is what it looks like. Newborns handed away at birth, with no thought given to their needs or welfare, or who the commissioning parent might be. No follow up by any agency, clinic or social services after delivery. No tracking of the child or idea of where they end up living, or what happens to them. In many US states the baby buyers gain parental rights at birth and the baby removed, often abroad; the mother simply seen as a vessel, in all but name, with no rights to the child or recourse if she changes her mind. If the Law Commission of England and Wales, with the Scottish Law Commission, gets their way, it’s where we’ll be headed in the UK, with oversight and granting of Parental Orders by the Family Court stripped away for surrogacy “teams” proceeding on a new Pathway.

And surrogacy can be far darker even than this video suggests. In March, a Chicago veterinarian was charged on suspicion of distributing child sexual abuse images, just days before he was due to fly to California and collect his son, who was born to a surrogate mother. The child is, as I currently understand it, living with the arrested man’s husband and in-laws. Three weeks ago, the anti-trafficking charity Unseen declared the first cases of forced surrogacy in the UK being reported to their modern slavery helpline in 2023. Meanwhile, we have seen a post which shows a pregnant surrogate mother expressing concern at never having met the commissioning (single) father of the child she is carrying, even online. “I’ve been informed the parent has hired someone to come pick up surro baby after delivery to take him back home(china). Idk how to feel, I would have thought the IP would be more involved…I Guess i just would have thought he’d want to at least be there for the birth:/”. 

And for a very English spin on things, in April the multi-millionaire British socialite Alice Naylor-Leyland had her fourth child, born to a surrogate mother in the US. “I’m aware it was greedy to have this burning desire to complete our Family, but due to too many complications, setbacks and miscarriages & then being told I was no longer able to carry, we decided to venture down the world of Surrogacy”. Naylor-Leyland was already a mother of three but decided to outsource the risk of “complications and miscarriages” to another woman instead, in order to fulfil her dream of a fourth baby. 

Surrogacy only exists to satisfy the desires of adults, and to hell with the consequences for women and children. The numbers have ballooned around the world since the first cases of surrogacy in the 1980s. Tens of thousands of children have been born through “gestational surrogacy” in the US alone; the industry is worth billions. Thailand, which banned international commercial surrogacy in 2015, has recently announced it is to lift its ban on the practice; meaning within the next few years we will see Thailand become the main surrogacy hub for south-east Asia, with women undoubtedly being trafficked in to, and within, the country in their hundreds, if not more, to meet the new demand. 

Surrogacy is growing, just as social media is helping more people come to understand precisely what the practice is, and what it means. Seeing babies taken off their mothers so freely is so shocking that most people who witness photographs and videos which show surrogacy happening can’t believe it is legal. As I have written about previously in The Critic, the women involved in surrogacy are groomed by the industry in to not realising they are the mothers of their own children, even in cases where they use their own egg; believing the lies peddled to them by a rapacious industry, that they are doing something “kind” and “beautiful”. A mother is the primary safeguarder of her child; if the mother in the case of surrogacy doesn’t believe herself to be so, who is acting to keep the child safe? Certainly not the agencies, who are incentivised by both money and an apparent evangelical commitment to the ‘miracle’ of surrogacy. 

The test for whether or not surrogacy is acceptable to its supporters seems to be “she consented”. That old chestnut, which allows so many despicable practices to flourish, while those who might be expected to be tasked with thinking about them shrug and are relieved of the intellectual burden of doing so. 

And is it true consent if it is bought? Is it true consent if she doesn’t understand she is the mother, even when her own egg is not used? It certainly can’t be construed as consent in cases where the woman is coerced, pressured by family, or, as in one case we saw, offered up for surrogacy by her own husband, without her prior knowledge.

It is extraordinary to consider, that in this time of hyper awareness of social injustice, when every perceived slight or misdemeanour can be considered a cancel-worthy offence, that so many think nothing of the process of commissioning a baby to order: anonymous eggs harvested from a twenty-something woman and chosen from a catalogue, surrogate mothers matched with strangers by agencies, and ditched when they have one too many miscarriages. That so many think so little of women and children says so much about our society. None of it good.

This is the X account mentioned in the article

This is who posted it

[matan4il]

Do you have a favorite underrated Buddie scene?? I mean we have so many epic heavily loaded scenes we all concentrate on that it feels like some of the ones that would be heavy fodder in other Fandoms get overlooked.

For me it's that tiny moment during the call center fire when Eddie called out for Buck and we see him look back then say here hold this to the other firefighter, I gotta go help my boyfriend right now. I'm not sure why the subtlety gets me so much. Maybe the underlying fact that Eddie is "with Buck", meaning Buck should be leading. So it kind of cool it shows Buck will still follow Eddie any where. I don't know I just love that little moment!!

Hi Nonnie, thank you for the lovely ask and for your answer. I love it!

Oh, I feel like with my weekly Buddie meta I have probably yelled too much about too many things, so I'm not sure I have a right to speak. Even if I did, I'm not sure if my choice would be exactly "underrated," but I guess I would say the 202 to 204 arc of Buck being introduced to Chris and choosing to step into Eddie's mess with him.

Everything about this is gold, any one of these could qualify IMO as an underrated moment in Buddie's love story:

The way Buck wants to know who Eddie is trying to call in 202. Damn, Buck, YOU WERE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS TWO SHIFTS AGO, KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS!

Eddie's hesitancy, but willingness to share the most pressure part of his life, the most vulnerable part of his heart, with the guy who was a dick to him just two shifts ago. I GET IT ALREADY

The way Buck keeps encouraging Eddie to believe the best possible scenario when it comes to Chris, a child he literally has no investment in, and Buck's doing it even at moments when Eddie is not giving an indication of being distressed. This is where Eddie first sees Buck is marriage and co-parenting material, and there's no faster way to Eddie's heart than that

Eddie choosing to let Buck drive him to Christopher's school, meaning reserved Eddie allows the guy who was a dick to him just two shifts ago to witness his emotional re-union with his son, and accepts that he will introduce them to each other as Buck will drive them both home at the end of 203, NO I AM NOT OKAY

Buck choosing to get involved and help Eddie with Chris by introducing him to Carla in 204, just everything about that ep is WILD and I have not been able to shut up about it since s2, but really the most significant thing will always be the way Buck doesn't have to be told to step into Eddie's mess with him. Buck WANTS TO

I hope this kinda answers the question? Thank you again and have a lovely day! As always, you can find my ask tag here. xoxox

[queenofthursday6599-blog]

I am a “Gregory was never involved with Ruin” truther to be completely honest.

He wasn’t the one who sent Cassie the distress call message in the first place. He’s been missing for a while from what the missing posters of him imply and just how destroyed the Pizzaplex is. Considering he almost certainly went missing in whatever shut down the Pizzaplex, and just how thoroughly destroyed and graffitied the building is and how much worse the animatronics have gotten in condition.

And to be perfectly blunt I don’t think it’d be possible for him to be the one contacting Cassie in any of the endings, on the radio or in the elevator.

Radios don’t work underground unless it’s from very short range because rock blocks radio waves. So who ever was talking to her over the radio always had to be pretty close by in order for her walky-talky to be able to receive the signal.

And when “the real Gregory” starts talking the first thing he says is that he’s not in the building, but that message itself is coming from the walky-talky. Basically contradicting itself. That can’t be the real Gregory on the radio if he isn’t close by, because radios have basically no range while underground. Because it also insists that “Gregory” isn’t in the building, and hasn’t been there all night.

Not to mention "Gregory” somehow being able to track where Cassie is and direct her when he’s not in the building. Implying he somehow managed to remotely hack into the Pizzaplex’s systems, in order to get access to the cameras to see where Cassie is.

I 100% think someone other than Gregory dropped the elevator, because it just flat out doesn’t make sense for Gregory to have done it. Or have the ability to do it from outside the Pizzaplex

My current running theory is that this was all planned out by either the Mimic, GlitchTrap, and/or BurnTrap, depending on if they’re connected or flat out the same entity. In order to try and turn Cassie into the new Vanny.

I am just going to treat them all like the same thing, and call them MimicTrap, because even if they aren’t the exact same thing, I still think they’re all rooted in the same goal of being the new William Afton.

You see MimicTrap’s last successful minion, Vanessa, got deprogrammed and freed by Gregory, meaning the eternal work of Afton killing children in Pizza restaurants could no longer continue.

And that’s not something MimicTrap is alright with no matter what exactly the basis and context of his existence is. Afton’s digitized ghost returned from hell by way of Fazbear Ent’s penny pinching, a Mimic program that inadvertently got trained up on Afton’s serial killing ways either by observing Afton directly, or the Mimic getting fed information about Afton’s crimes by Fazbear Ent in order to create Help Wanted.

All of that is irrelevant to what the thing’s goal is: Continue William Afton’s serial killing legacy, which is easiest to do with a human puppet to do so.

Animatronics are big, clunky, obvious, and only permitted to be in specific locations, humans don’t have those kinds of draw backs. Humans blend in with the populous, and roam free without restrictions be they mechanical or by human expectation.

[Animatronics can’t leave their designated pizzerias, that would weird out and alert everyone that something weird was going on.]

Now why would MimicTrap choose Cassie as his new minion/victim? Because she’s the ideal new Vanny.

She’s familiar with FazTech and the Pizzaplex due to her dad working as a technician there, and Cassie herself spending a lot of time there. Cassie was a daycare kid, and had her previous birthday party there.

Cassie is a lonely but loyal child who’s only [human] friend, who MimicTrap has accumulated enough data to convincingly replicate, has gone missing. So MimicTrap has something to lure Cassie deep into the Pizzaplex with, it has leverage.

[Just like the Fruity Maze girl and her dog, he’s using a child’s close attachment to something to lure them away to a secluded location, by pretending to be the child’s friend.]

So she has skills/knowledge that would be useful for MimicTrap’s minion/puppet to have (being able to mess with/manipulate the Animations just like how Vanessa herself could).

MimicTrap also has something that he can use to lure her into position, and leverage against her in order to get himself free. Along with trick her into interfacing with the V.A.N.N.I. mask and get her the ocular implant that ties her directly into the network.

Gregory, or at least the promise of rescuing Gregory. Cassie’s only human friend, who is, as far as she knows, missing.

All that to say, I think MimicTrap faked “the Real Gregory” betraying Cassie at the end of the game, in order to get Cassie to hate Gregory or at least not trust him any more. Meaning that if Cassie ever encountered Gregory again after this, which is pretty likely if he’s still running around with Freddy’s head, Vanessa, and looking into Fazbear stuff, she wouldn’t trust him.

She wouldn’t trust the only person, to have ever gotten one over, on any form of William Afton, and Survived. The one who escaped, the one who took out the corrupted animatronics, the one who freed MimicTrap’s previous minion and shut down it’s hunting grounds for who knows how long.

This combined with Cassie’s attachment to Roxy, who already hates Gregory for taking her eyes and wrecking the Pizzaplex, means she almost certainly wouldn’t believe anything Gregory said or tried to do to help free her in the event of them meeting again.

Which also plays into MimicTrap’s plans, which I think changed when Roxy intervened. Originally I think MimicTrap was just going to go fully Vanny on Cassie and just take over her brain/body the way he did Vanessa by using the V.A.N.N.I. mask. This changed when Roxy tried to fight the endo MimicTrap was inhabiting.

This girl had Roxy’s loyalty, even after she’d shut the animatronic down. And MimicTrap had already altered Roxy (and the other animatronics) programming once, back when he had Vanny under his thrall. Now that he was free and had access to the network once more, and was no longer being stone walled by M.X.E.S. he could do so again.

So what does he do? He ensures she’s trapped in the Pizzaplex with him and Roxy, while also ensuring to poison Cassie’s friendship and bond with Gregory.

Roxy becomes the good guy by being her only remaining friend and “protecting her” from MimicTrap (who’s not trying to attack her anymore), along with affirming her new hatred/dislike of Gregory. MimicTrap starts slyly altering Roxy’s code and Cassie’s perception of reality via the V.A.N.N.I. mask to mold her into his new minion, and Cassie falls even deeper down the rabbit hole.

So yeah those are my thoughts.

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

Hi! Happy lukewarm Tudum day, I hope you're having an okay one :) all things considered... If you're taking asks right now I'd love to hear your thoughts. I've been reading again about attachment styles (secure, avoidant, anxious, and I think another I'm forgetting right now) and it got me wondering about ST characters and how they might fit in these categories. I remember kaypeace21 mentioning attachment style in an old post (the one about parentification) but it wasn't a focus. Any thoughts? Thanks either way! ^_^

I haven't really been keeping up with Asks, to be honest. The past school year was very rough, as I keep getting additional responsibilities as I'm there longer (without decent pay, of course). Now that it's summer, though, I suppose I have no more excuses. I think I knew I'd never be able to just walk away from this community.

So, attachment styles. This is a difficult thing to really get into since we know very little about most characters' early childhoods. Attachment styles are rooted in the attachments developed with caregivers in infancy, though they develop from there. That is to say, someone who forms an insecure attachment in infancy isn't doomed to treat all social relationships that way forever. These initial bonds do often tend to influence later bonds, though.

This is going to be a long one, so the rest of the post is under the break.

The attachment styles you mentioned go back to the work of Ainsworth in the late 70s. She devised the Strange Situation observational experiment, which involved an infant child being introduced, separated, and reunited with a caregiver and an unfamiliar adult. Attachment styles are determined based on how the child reacts to these situations, demonstrating how much security they derive from their caregiver. What constitutes a caregiver can vary based on culture and individual circumstances, so it need not be a parent/guardian.

The four attachment styles based on this theory are as follows:

Secure Attachment: To the child, the caregiver is a secure base from which they feel safe to explore unfamiliar situations. The child is upset when the caregiver leaves, but the bond isn't damaged, and the child is fine when the caregiver returns. This is the result of a healthy bond between caregiver and child. Funny story, in grad school my classmates and I got a look as to what this might look like in dogs when my professor brought his dog to class. The dog enjoyed coming up to all of us as long as my professor was there, but he left the room for a minute to fetch something, closing the door behind him. His dog stopped sniffing around all of us and immediately went towards the closed door. My professor walked in a moment later, and the dog's tail was rapidly wagging. I'm not aware of any research into whether this theory holds for dogs or other animals, but it was an interesting thing to watch given that we just learned about attachment styles.

Insecure Avoidant Attachment: The child avoids the caregiver, interacting little with them, and not being upset (or even noticing) their departure. The child may avoid eye contact when the caregiver returns. The bond, if it was ever there, is not re-established on return. This is generally the result of a caregiver not being emotionally available to the child. It's can be, but is not necessarily the result of abuse or neglect, as an emotionally reserved caregiver can unintentionally withhold affection. These children often come to see attempts at bonding as being met with hostile or dismissive reactions. A child like this could grow up to see self-sufficiency as the only way to go, as they don't expect emotional reciprocity, and will avoid getting too close to people, favoring more casual relationships.

Insecure Anxious-Ambivalent (originally Insecure Resistant): The child becomes very distressed upon separation, clinging to the caregiver, usually while crying. However, upon return of the caregiver, the child resists reattachment, sometimes to the point of kicking and yelling. This can be the result of inconsistency in the caregiver-child relationship, resulting in the child being confused as to how to navigate it. The child essentially never knows when anything will be ok, resulting in great distress whenever a situation is unfamiliar. A child with this attachment style may be afraid of abandonment, and could continue carrying that fear with them as they grow up if the situation continues that way. They may feel unworthy of love and need regular reassurance.

Insecure Disorganized: The child appears confused and/or afraid. The child shows some aspects of both avoidant and resistant styles, but there's a marked difference in intensity. The child may actively fear their caregiver, and it can be a sign of an abusive caregiver and/or childhood trauma. As a result, there's a real lack of any clear pattern of behavior relating to the child's relationship with caregivers. Survival could be a matter of reacting to individual situations without any real underlying schema having been formed. A child with this type wants love, but has no idea how to get it.

I dare say that most of the cast probably has a Secure Attachment style based on their behavior in the show. There are some exceptions, however. I will not be trying to classify El, as her, ahem, unique socialization complicates matters.

Mike Wheeler: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he has an Anxious-Ambivalent style. He can be very emotionally reactive and sullen, and he does seem to have a fear of loved ones leaving him. This could potentially be the result of Ted's lack of emotional reciprocity. Karen was likely a very loving mother during Mike's infancy, but Ted being closed-off could have resulted in a lot of confusion for Mike. Mike gets clingy, suspicious, and jealous with loved ones when he suspects things aren't going well. This comes from his fear that he's not good enough for their love, and, as a result, he's deeply touched by Will's reassurance in the van, likely owing to his low self-esteem.

Will Byers: He's a tough one. He doesn't seek out relationships, which suggests Avoidant, but he has one loving parent and one asshole (later absent) parent, which suggests Anxious-Ambivalent. At best, Lonnie was emotionally distant, if not outright abusive. However, we know Will has great bonds with Joyce and Jonathan. I suppose it could be argued that there is still a lack of consistency, as a result of Joyce having to work a lot and Jonathan being a kid himself, but we don't know enough about how that worked in Will's early childhood. He does lack the emotional reactivity that goes with Anxious, though. I'm going to lean towards Avoidant, though, as Will does seem reluctant to get too close to anyone. His first friendship was with Mike, and Mike made the first move there. We don't know how he met Lucas and Dustin, but I can't see him taking the initiative based on what we know about him. He also befriended both Max and El because his friends did. He seemingly made no friends in Lenora, and, unlike El, he didn't seem to care much. His focus seems to be more on not losing his current relationships, particularly Mike.

Jonathan Byers: Insecure-Avoidant. He's very similar to Will, only he's had to serve as the caregiver for Will, which might complicate things. I'd say he's definitely Avoidant, though. He has no real drive to form relationships. His relationship with Nancy developed only because he spent a couple very traumatic weeks with her where they pretty much had to bond to survive. He did genuinely like her, but he likely never would have attempted to get into a relationship with her under normal circumstances. Now that he's in it, he's terrified. He's in too deep, and he has no idea how to handle that. He's afraid it's going to turn out like his parents' relationship. He's friends with Argyle, but it seems to be a largely casual friendship (up until recently, anyway). Argyle being an outcast stoner is probably what made him an appealing friend for Jonathan, as he doesn't have to worry about emotional closeness.

Steve Harrington: Insecure-Avoidant. We know he doesn't have a good relationship with his parents, who never seem to be around. He's confident and easy-going, likely the result of having to learn to fend for himself emotionally. He's had several shallow relationships, both platonic and romantic, owing to his fear of getting too close to someone. We only see him get close to three people: Nancy, Dustin, and Robin. All three of those relationships we can see Steve get antsy about being too close. He fears that Dustin is choosing Eddie over him. He was devastated by Nancy saying their love was "bullshit." And he's almost afraid as he confesses to Robin that he developed feelings for her. When he pushes through his fear, he's able to really click with people, but it always requires a real feat of courage from him.

Ok, I can't do anymore than that, I don't think. There's others who would be interesting to look at in regards to attachment, but, like El, have too many complicating factors. Hopper has had trauma in his past with Vietnam, his daughter dying, and his marriage collapsing. We don't know how he was growing up. Max has dealt with divorced parents and an abusive stepbrother, so it's hard to determine what might be the result of attachment style and what might be the result of her own traumas.

I do enjoy your thought-provoking Asks, though. I've missed doing these types of psych analyses, which is a bit ironic considering it's largely what I based the blog on when I originally created it.

[jupitermelichios]

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 3 Warning

Just got back from seeing vol 3, and it's great, really good film, but I also genuinely think it has been rated incorrectly. I don't normally disagree with the BBFC, but if I had seen that movie at 12, it would have given me nightmares for months.

It also contains a lot of themes and moments which hit common triggers.

The movie contains themes of: animal abuse, torture of both animals and people, child abuse, animal death, medical abuse and medicalised torture, genocide, and gore

I've included a list below the cut of upsetting or potentially triggering things which happen (in as spoiler-free a form as possible) but I would definitely recommend talking to someone who's seen it before making a decision about going if any of the themes listed above are likely to be an issue for you, and if you have kids or young teens who want to see it, I would highly recommend seeing it yourself or talking to someone who has before deciding whether to take them. (And if you don't know anyone who's going to see it, feel free to drop me a message, i'd be happy to help)

Like I said, it's a good movie, and obviously is has a happy ending, it's an action-comedy blockbuster, but it gets really dark in places in ways I definitely wasn't expecting based on the trailers and the previous two movies.

More details under the cut

The movie contains multiple flashbacks to Rocket's backstory as a baby racoon who was experimented on

While not graphic, there are two scenes showing him being opperated on, and in one of these he is conscious and clearly in great distress

We see the aftermarth of one of the experiments when Rocket is still a baby, which leaves him bleeding and in pain

Other animals who have been experimented on appear in the movie. Most are cyborgs (having some robotic parts) and all are designed to be unsettling to look at, even though the characters themselves are sympathetic, including a rabbit with robotic spider-legs, and a walrus with mechanised eyelids which resemble the eye-opening device from a Clockwork Orange

Rocket has a relationship to his creator which strongly resembles that of an abusive parent-child relationship

As a child Rocket is forced to watch another animal be tortured and then killed

Rocket witnesses the other animal experiments, including one who is framed as basically being his adoptive mom, be murdered

The Guardians discover the people who made rocket are now experimenting on human-looking children. We do not see the children be tortured, but we do see them in cages

A character gets their face peeled off, and the raw muscle underneath is shown on camera

An entire planet is destroyed, killing every inhabitant, and this is not the usual upping the stakes style destruction seen from space, we are on the ground as it happens, and have met some of the inhabits who we see die

The initiating event of the movie involves Rocket not being able to recieve urgent medical care because his childhood abuser is preventing it

[sophieinwonderland]

I think people who say things like "trauma is the only thing that creates systems" might not be completely overgeneralizing the concept of trauma as some people think. Some people do go too far with this idea, but I do not think of it as the primary concern.

Rather, these people say that trauma is intentionally hidden by your disorder, and if you're not aware of being traumatized but still have issues, it could mean there are hidden memories causing those problems. This way of thinking could potentially lead to false memories being created.

Saying that everything can be traumatic does have some truth to it because trauma comes from someone not being able to handle difficult or distressing situations. But whether something is trauma or not depends on the circumstances and a person's ability to cope. For example, if your parents had a few arguments without yelling or physical violence, it's unlikely to be as traumatic as ongoing arguments or violence, especially if you're involved in the conflict. The latter situations are much harder to deal with and often do result in trauma, while the former might not be traumatic at all, especially if you have coping skills or the conflict is peacefully resolved.

But I have to say, it's kind of strange that you would bring up what you consider more commonplace adverse experiences as a means to argue that not everything should be considered trauma. I get your point on a surface level, but it could inadvertently make people think that trauma has to be really obvious and severe to be taken seriously.

It is important to note that trauma can manifest in various forms, and sometimes it might seem like it's just a normal part of life. But that doesn't mean it's okay or good or normal, and if someone is negatively affected by those experiences because they couldn't cope with them when they were a child, it should definitely be acknowledged as trauma.

To be clear, I was referencing a very specific type of post. The "everything is traumatic" posts I often see used to convince endogenic systems they must secretly be traumagenic.

My problem is posts that will just be like "You need trauma to be a system, and also basically any common childhood experience is traumatic."

And it's not even phrased as "X can be trauma," but "X IS trauma"

The "parents arguing is trauma" is a real thing I remember seeing with that same wording. (I think it used that wording. But like, it was over a year ago so I can't be certain.)

My concern is vulnerable people coming into the community, and being essentially told "you can't be a system without trauma. And by the way, if you have any neurodivergence at all or if your parents ever argued, that's a traumatic experience."

Saying that everything can be traumatic does have some truth to it because trauma comes from someone not being able to handle difficult or distressing situations. But whether something is trauma or not depends on the circumstances and a person's ability to cope. For example, if your parents had a few arguments without yelling or physical violence, it's unlikely to be as traumatic as ongoing arguments or violence, especially if you're involved in the conflict. The latter situations are much harder to deal with and often do result in trauma, while the former might not be traumatic at all, especially if you have coping skills or the conflict is peacefully resolved.

Totally agree. And there are a lot of other ways parents arguing can be traumatic. Too much to discuss in detail. And I tried to acknowledge that when discussing this.

But a lot of this nuance gets lost in these "everything is trauma" takes.

I certainly don't want to say that parents arguing or being neurodivergent can't be traumatic. But if every argument between parents caused childhood trauma, then there would be no kids who aren't traumatized and therefore every system and singlet would be traumagenic.

And it's hard to balance these positions that anything can be traumatic with the fact that not everything is traumatic by default.

[mandy4ever69420]

in seasons 1-10 the only times mickey shows interest in topping (incomplete language - referring also to having sex with women) it's been an expression of psychological distress or being unsafe. this pattern emerged by coincidence mostly but fits pretty well also into mickey's casual tone leading people to not take him entirely seriously.

see: "my dad will kill me" - it sounds like hyperbole, because people say things like this as hyperbole, so ian assumes he must be at least slightly overreacting

especially when he refers to incarceration his casual tone laughs off "being somebody's bitch" and people don't tend to take prison, even child prison, as seriously as i think they should. mickey generally builds a pretty impressive defense mechanism against facing how scary things are by saying them straight up so people don't follow up. a lot of his plot involves the story asking you to take something seriously that he says as though it's a joke. this also has to do with the complicated maneuvers he has to do around the closet. when mandy says he only asks for "girl-on-girl porn" it did immediately occur to me that he'd found a non-gay way to ask for gay porn.

mickey's sleeping with women is another topic where he can mostly find it easy to look away from the hard parts of how it feels. technically speaking, none of the women he slept with did anything wrong. though it does feel relevant to note: we are introduced to the fact that mickey covers for himself by actually having sex with women (rather than implying it, or just bearding like ian and mandy) a literal single scene after he confronts a manipulative pedophile. in a similar piece of framing, we don't learn mickey is gay until after we've learned that his dad is a nazi

his deal with byron is kind of an outlier as the least outright sad occurrence of this, because he's not actively having THAT much of a meltdown. he is, however, making a very direct point, basically to ian's face. both ian and the viewer are made excruciatingly aware that this guy is not somebody mickey would ever seriously pursue. he does it to hammer home the point that he's never going to seriously want to pursue anybody BUT ian. mickey is immediately cognizant of the exact kind of self worth meltdown ian is having (because he's seen it before) and this time he's figured out the retrospectively obvious fact that the best way to get ian out of his own way is to just piss him off. when he tried making his devotion more obvious to reassure ian in s6 it just fed into ian's guilt complex about making mickey act like he loved him. byron is given the unfortunate hand of being picked out as a sort of a parody of everything mickey doesn't want in life. sorry dude.

i've said it before but to reiterate: the fact that mickey is making a strategic choice here doesn't negate that he's feeling vulnerable and hurt. he's just not one to linger on that sort of thing and prefers to move forward with gritted teeth. pragmatism in the most ridiculous dramatic way

i think there was a pretty good opportunity to tie all of this up^ with like a nice bow in 11.03 by either working with a "maybe the discomfort gained from a lifetime of being pressured into something i wasn't that into doesn't have to have power over me anymore even just once to prove my point with someone i do trust" angle OR by taking this from an potentially miss-able subtext into something more overt - if mickey's worrying about being the "man" is it an indication that something else is going on in his head that we need to worry about?

so it's just. infuriating to me that instead this episode is written like an intro to gay relationships. because we couldve been making points here people. nevermind that it barely sidestepped the slightly interesting "bottoming isn't womanly, and womanly isn't bad" there was much more potential there! well let's simply hope that framing mickey as making some sort of concession by regularly bottoming, whoever decided to write that isn't fucking anyone. because jesus christ