#and that shit star did at the end? FUCKED UP
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astonmartinii · 14 hours ago
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day one: when you wish upon a star | lando norris social media au
pairing: lando norris x fem reader
he's been begging max to set him up ... and look who has him in the grid secret santa!
christmas song: my only wish (this year) - britney spears
MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
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f1
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liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 1,209,488 others
tagged: carlossainz55, pierregasly & landonorris
f1: it's that time of the year again... it's secret santa time!
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user1: THE SPEEDOS????
user2: 100% from valterri
user3: what do we have to do to see them on tho ???
user4: HUH?
user3: we're all thinking it??
alexalbon: since you're a blabber mouth @charles_leclerc PLEASE PUT MORE EFFORT INTO YOUR GIFT THIS YEAR
charles_leclerc: my gift was great last year idk what you people are talking about
alexalbon: if i unwrap a calendar i will set horsey on leo
charles_leclerc: @rspca GET HIM
user5: i love with secret santa you can really tell which drivers are actually friends lol
user6: charles... we're looking at you last year
user7: the teaser showed that max got lando ... could be interesting after this season
maxverstappen1: not that i need to ... but i have a plan
user8: really?
maxverstappen1: i have concepts of a plan!
landonorris: please don't like gift wrap like a litter box or something
maxverstappen1: oh i like my cats much more than i like you why would i do that?
maxverstappen1: AHA! I HAVE IT
landonorris: that sounds ominous
carlossainz55: is it something to do with his pathetic crush on a certain someone
landonorris: LALALALALLALALA SHUT THE FUCK UP I DON'T WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW ABOUT THAT MAX PLEASE DON'T I'M SORRY ABOUT AUSTRIA
user9: well now it needs to happen...
user10: whoever came up with the grid secret santa i need to give you a big fat kiss
maxverstappen1: you might not be the only one ....
landonorris: SHUT UP
maxverstappen1: hehehehehee
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yourusername
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liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris and 14,055 others
yourusername: gift giving is my love language
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user14: okay lando i kinda get you
user15: she's friends with max and looks like that and hasn't been hooked? where is the hope for all of us
maxverstappen1: hideous personality 👍
yourusername: and you're my best friend so what does that say about you?
maxverstappen1: i have zero standards?
yourusername: girl fuck you
user16: i hate bitches that can actually wrap gifts
user17: leave me alone with my crinkled shit held together with a whole roll of tape
landonorris: my love language is words of affirmation :3
yourusername: okay mr praise kink
landonorris: WHAT? NO?
yourusername: whatever you wanna say babygirl
landonorris: oh i ... um - yes!
user18: oh brother this dude stinks
alexalbon: he is even worse in real life
oscarpiastri: but it is just as entertaining
landonorris: i'm glad my low self esteem is so funny for you guys
yourusername: you're amazing lando - don't think badly of yourself :(
landonorris: did you or did you not call me a 'stumpy, entitled british bum' the other day?
yourusername: well that's because you were fighting max and unfortunately we're two trauma bonded cats and he therefore comes first
yourusername: but i still love you!
landonorris: LOVE?
user19: someone check on him?
oscarpiastri: i just found him passed out in his driver's room
georgerussell63: that's becoming blackmail material
landonorris
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liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 803,405 others
tagged: maxverstappen1
landonorris: didn't manage to win the championship this time round but i'm hoping max got me something good in the secret santa to say sorry
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user20: thank god this season is ending
user21: i think it would've killed me if this title race went to abu dhabi again
user22: it's pookie on pookie crime
user23: i fear one of the pookies may have killed the other if this went on any longer
maxverstappen1: wouldn't you like to know weather boy
landonorris: um yes? i hate surprises
maxverstappen1: i think you might like this one 😈
landonorris: that emoji makes me think you've been scheming
maxverstappen1: maybe i have? you'll just have to wait and see ...
landonorris: STOP I CAN HEAR YOUR EVIL LAUGHTER FROM HERE
landonorris: seriosuly how many of you are in on this it sounds like a pack of hyenas this is meant to be SECRET santa
alexalbon: what do you mean i don't know anything about this ...
landonorris: alex YOU CAN'T STOP LAUGHING AROUND ME
alexalbon: maybe i just find you real funny lando?
landonorris: really?
alexalbon: NO
user24: they are enjoying torturing him way too much
maxverstappen1: call it karma for all the shit he talked throughout the season
landonorris: NOO I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING A NICE GIFT ???
maxverstappen1: oh it's definitely a gift for somone...
landonorris: i deadass won't come to the paddock
yourusername: you'll win it soon lands - just wait for max to retire so i can support you wholeheartedly
landonorris: why not now :((((
yourusername: don't worry babe he's old he'll retire in no time
landonorris: yay 🥳 🙌 😀
maxverstappen1: excuse me?
landonorris: is four championships and y/n not enough?
maxverstappen1: no!
maxverstappen1
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liked by charles_leclerc, alexalbon and 1,302,558 others
tagged: yourusername & landonorris
maxverstappen1: not just because i want another trophy, but i'll pick up my best secret santa award now thanks
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user25: he didn't ???
user26: i think he did
user27: is that not like prostitution?
maxverstappen1: i don't think giving lando a chance to embarrass himself on a date is prostitution
user28: do you have any faith in him?
maxverstappen1: in him? no. but does y/n also have horrible standards and is easily impressed? yes.
alexalbon: he folded so quickly i hope they got it all on camera
oscarpiastri: that was so humiliating it might have to go on a more x rated website
landonorris: OSCAR????
oscarpiastri: it was harrowing mate but she seemed to like it so go you?
carlossainz55: that was a crazy reaction for it to just be y/n
maxverstappen1: i think you're trying to be funny but it might JUST be a skill issue
landonorris: JUST Y/N? KILL YOURSELF
carlossainz55: woah where is the christmas cheer?
landonorris: i will run you over with my sleigh
landonorris: THIS IS THE BEST GIFT ANYONE HAS EVER GOTTEN ME PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE
user29: bro is so down bad that he just took carlando out back and shot them
user30: bro is so lost in the sauce that he is threatening a festive hit and run
yourusername: okay max we can stop pretending that i wasn't also begging you to set me up with lando
maxverstappen1: but it's so funny watching him make a fool of himself
landonorris: HUH???
yourusername: newsflash baby, i'm just as in love with you as you are with me
landonorris: AHHHHHHHHH <333333333
landonorris: i'm sorry i'll get back to being in love with you one sec
landonorris: @alexalbon @georgerussell63 @oscarpiastri @carlossainz55 SUCK ON THAT
landonorris: okay i love you y/n :3
yourusername: i love you too you crazy boy
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landonorris
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liked by maxverstappen1, alexalbon and 1,430,973 others
tagged: yourusername
landonorris: christmas wishes do come true!
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user34: so how long do you think he's had that shirt in preparation?
landonorris: 18 months at least - i have faith in myself even if the others didn't
user35: i can't tell if that's creepy or?
landonorris: IT'S ROMANTIC
yourusername: kiss me it's christmas!
landonorris: only because it's christmas?
yourusername: i guess i can give you a couple more passes...
landonorris: not to be dramatic but now i know what it feels like i might die without it
yourusername: not dramatic at all !!!
maxverstappen1: it is kinda dramatic ...
yourusername: SHUSH!
maxverstappen1: i knew you were mushy about this (your diary reads like a very badly written romance book) but good lord this is awful THESE ARE PUBLIC COMMENTS
yourusername: I FUCKING KNEW YOU READ MY DIARY
maxverstappen1: duh! how else did you think this little scheme came to be?
yourusername: ugh i guess
user36: so like where do i get an f1 driver bestfriend who will invade my privacy to get me a bf?
user37: might just start throwing my diary in the paddock at this point
alexalbon: ur so pathetic i love you
yourusername: excuse me old man
alexalbon: old? OLD?
yourusername: i don't care to google you but i've seen you try and read a menu and scan a QR code so stop declaring your love for my boyf or i will keep going
landonorris: she's so possessive 😩😩😩
yourusername: i ate too many grapes on new year's eve to not get and keep my man
alexalbon: trust me, no one wants ur man
yourusername: tell that to the teenage girls in my DMs
user38: it's a pleasant surprise to see that y/n is just as down bad as lando
user39: match made in heaven ... this MIGHT make me a max verstappen fan
user40: i fear this will be an f1 custody battle for the ages
yourusername
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liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 78,209 others
tagged: landonorris
yourusername: my only wish this year was to finally get you <3
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user41: i already liked this queen but a queen who loves britney spears christmas... that's mother
user42: one of these most underrated christmas songs ever
oscarpiastri: ... some people have even witnessed her live rendition of it
yourusername: don't sound too excited about it then
oscarpiastri: i appreciated the enthusiasm but like i feel like it was a PRIVATE moment ... not for the whole of the garage to see
landonorris: someone is missing lily ....
user43: i am trying to be joyful as per the holiday season but i am absolutely seething with jealousy
user44: hey siri play that should be me
yourusername: nope sorry never gonna happen :P
user45: okay girl you've made your point no need to rub it in our faces
yourusername: actually i think i will! my bf is pretty why wouldn't i show that off ?
user46: yall can hate her for this but realistically this is how we'd all be if we pulled lando
landonorris: you guys acting as if i'm the catch when it's literally her...
user47: do we think santa's elves can make me a lando norris? REAL ANSWERS ONLY ...
maxverstappen1: WOW you wouldn't think this was a double date trip ...
yourusername: you can't complain about BOTH of us pining and then be annoyed about us being lovey dovey
maxverstappen1: i can and i WILL
landonorris: you know what max you can complain all you want because this has been the BEST secret santa ever
maxverstappen1: so you won't call me a dirty driver next season?
landonorris: eh?
yourusername: make no mistake lando, i may love you but my loyalties on track remain with max
landonorris: as long as you're still coming home with me i guess i'll deal with it
yourusername: luv u xxxx
landonorris: i love you tooooo xxx
user48: is y/n going to do more for the on track tension than the literal fia?
yourusername: always gotta be a woman sorting everything out
user50: babe i think max is just afraid of you and lando is so in love he'll do anything for you
yourusername: AS THEY SHOULD BE
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fin.
note: and on the first day of christmas aston martini gave to me a smau that undos all of our max vs lando tension from the season !! thought i'd treat yall to the first day early <33
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sukurarose92 · 18 hours ago
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Okay, a friend of mine said "obi-wan about Anakin" and it gave me several silly ideas so i'm gonna share them. Insert random headcanons about Anakin and his catch-it-eat-it diet below the line.
I'm just imagining Anakin opening cabinets, getting down on the floor and searching. Army crawling to look under tables and cabinets, pausing to sniff once in a while.
"Its around here somewhere... i just know it"
"Did you lose something?"
"No. There's an ant in here"
"Oh?... did you see it?"
"No. I can smell it. Its taunting me"
"You can.... smell the ant?" -there is a moment of silence "AHA!" "Oh. oh no. Anakin please don-- oh stars"
It's too late. Anakin has already put it in his mouth. This ties into coming from a planet where food is a little more scarce. He was raised where if you can catch it, you eat it. and obi-wan's reaction implies that he knew it was coming. which led me to headcanon number 2. This is not a new occurrence. You ever imagine the other jedi masters watching this mid-twenties fresh baby faced knight trying to wrestle a small reptile from the grubby hands of feral desert child? Because i have.
Anakin is upset because he caught it to eat it and obi is trying to convince him that there is plenty of food in the cafeteria, please do not eat that.
Perhaps, an 11 year Anakin running by with pudgy stuffed cheeks, obi-wan hot on his heels, shouting frantically "WHAT IS IN YOUR MOUTH?!"
Hearing from another room "SPIT THAT OUT THIS INSTANT! YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT'S BEEN!" Followed by the sounds of a scuffle, which is certainly Knight Kenobi trying to wrestle Anakin's mouth open like an unruly dog with a wrapper, attempting to get it out of him mouth. then a sharp yelp "you BIT me?!" if it's small enough to fit in his mouth, it's going in. Bugs. Lizards. if he catches a small rodent he'll cook it first. but he'll eat it.
Headcanon number 3. Obi-wan is utterly devestated when he discovers that Ahsoka will also eat small critters.
Anakin spots a bug and stares at it, moving to stalk and it sets Ahsoka off. Next thing you know, her pupils have turned to slits and she's fallen into step, stalking alongside him. It doesn't matter who catches it first, Anakin gives it to Ahsoka because he's a good Master.
"here. i had one earlier. you can have this one"
"thanks master!"
Obi-wan is making an utterly despaired sound in the background.
"oh. i'm sorry master obi-wan. did you want that?"
"oh no, snips. obi-wan's a picky eater. he doesn't eat bugs"
"force have mercy. there's two of them"
Next headcanon. fuck naming them. there's too much going on here.
Obi-wan has no spice tolerance, which is a huge issue considering that he spent years hiding out on Tattooine where EVERYTHING is spicy, including the meats. This means that he has to find alternative means of getting his nutrients.
This ends up being a diet comprised of desert grasses, roots, mushrooms, legumes, and insects.
he's scooping out the insides of a giant millipede while staring into the distance, disassociating through dinner. He spends so many meals half to tears because "Anakin would've loved this" -- both the mean and watching Obi-wan suffer through eating bugs.
Next headconnon.
Anakin is a little shit.
that's not a new idea, you say. i know. that part is canon. hear me out though.
Freshly Knighted Anakin taunting Obi-wan with his own nuggets of wisdom
"a varied diet is paramount for a healthy body, master. it's important~" and he's holding up a grasshopper.
"no, thank you, anakin. there is plenty of nutritional value to the temple made meals. i'm quite alright."
"but master. i caught this just for you."
"that's very kind but i simply couldn't" Obi-wan is not very fond of bugs to begin with but he's less fond of them when Anakin decides he wants to chase him with them. "no! stop that!"
"c'mon master, eat it!"
"stop that, you menace!!! anakin no!"
obi-wan afterwards is bent over, hands on his knees after force running around the temple with Anakin chasing him. He's gasping for breath.
And then Anakin just approaches, still holding the bug and Obi-wan has clearly hit his limit of what he's willing to put up with and Anakin grins before popping it in his mouth.
"look at that, master. my force running has gotten better. i can keep up with you now~" 😇
"we-- *gasp* should've left you on Tattooine-- *wheeze* where we found you, you brat" *various dying sounds*
"but ya didn't~❤️"
Obi-wan is ready to kick his ass.
I doubt that it's the only time this has happened. Which brings me to my final points. The addition of Yoda to this horrible shit show.
Anakin's bug buddies, Ahsoka, and Yoda.
We have Anakin chasing Obi-wan once more with a different insect. This happens to be a bad time to be wandering the halls. Obi-wan head to do a, rather graceful, flip to avoid taking out Masters Yoda and Plo Koon while on the run. Anakin is close behind and he barely has time for more than a shouted apology.
Anakin has his bug held high and is excitedly telling his master that "this one is crunchy. you'll like it!" with a little too much glee.
Yoda watches Anakin pass by. takes a deep breath and uses a long frog-like tongue to snatch the bug right out of anakin's hands.
"running in the hallways, against the rules, it is." ☺️
anakin, who knew his master wouldn't eat it and had planned to have it himself when he was done tormenting obi. -- "😟 my bug"
Yoda is, fondly, referred to as "Master Steal your lunch" by Anakin the next time he sees him. Yoda, seeming to sense his error, and enjoying being a menace as much as Anakin, even if it's kept under wraps for the most part, sees an opportunity to ruin someone's day.
He snatches a fly from midair with his tongue and then wipes it off on his robes before offering it to Anakin, well aware it had his saliva on it, as a replacement for his pilfered snack.
There room is draped in horrified silence.
obi-wan is nearly in tears
"oh, merciful force. Anakin, i beg you... don't... "
Anakin seems to have a silent conversation via eyes before he smiles pleasantly, takes the fly, thanks the master so very pleasantly, and just pops it in his mouth, to the unending despair of his master.
Obi-wan has his head in his hands, mortified by this nonsense.
"please, Master Yoda, i beg you, don't encourage him"
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imagine if your boyfriend was like I can smell an ant. and started tracking
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Note
Hellows...we needs more star sanses! Requesting for these beautiful skeles in a first meeting with a fem reader, but they kinda bumped and accidentally kissed each other. UwU
pls. take ur time and take care of yourself too 💛
I'm Sorry, got stressed that ink's part didn't get saved and never touched this again- I'M SORRY TRAVELER!!
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Featuring: Dream, Blue and Ink.
Masterlist
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Blue
"Shit shit shit I'm late!"
You breathe heavily while running as fast as you could, you've woken up an hour later than normal, trying to get to the cafe you work in as fast as possible, this has happened before and your boss was not happy about it. You were barely even awake, since your vision was a bit dizzy from not eating breakfast and rushing, that you didn't even see the skeleton with a blue cape in your way, bumping into him and falling down.
You let out a squeak as you felt his chest hit yours, his teeth against your lips, a short kiss that you quickly broke by moving your body up, facing the monster's empty sockets as a darkish shade of blue spread all over his face.
"I'm so so so so sorry sir!!" H-here, let me help you out.."
As you got up, you extended your hand towards the unknown skeleton, which he grabbed as support to get up, passing his hands on his clothes to try and get some dust off.
"Uuh... Thanks..."
When he looked back, you were no longer standing in front of him, it took him a while to see you in a crowd running inside his favorite cafe..
Dream
Another day, another room to clean... You were taken by Nightmare as a maid, not that you had any better choice since between old guys who'd give you a tight, sexualized uniform plus giving you glares and staring at your private parts and the king of negativity who'd let you live on the palace and give you a good enough payment + an actual proper maid uniform, you didn't have to think twice, did you?
"Huh? What was that noise?"
You turned your head around not seeing anyone, yet the sound of a vase breaking certainly caught your attention, maybe it was killer and dust fighting? No.. they were on a mission.. maybe one of Killer's cats decided to roam the place and broke something? Well, whatever it was, you were the one that needed to clean it anyways.
Your footsteps echoed though the hallway, you signed seeing the broken glass on the floor, quickly grabbing your broom and sweeping it to the trash, yet you almost didn't hear heavy breathing since a figure ended up bumping into you full force, throwing both him and you on the ground, your lips smashing into his for seconds before he lifts himself up.
"Oh gosh, I'm so so so sorry! We need to get you out of this place!"
You look at him with a confused expression as he grabs your hands, lifting you up too.
"Uhh... Sir I work here.."
"What?"
"Dreamy boy come back here!"
Killer's voice was heard from the distance, the unknown skeleton looked back and started running, disappearing on the halls as you see both Killer and Dust run past you with a knife and bones on their hands.
"There isn't a normal day in this godman Castle.."
Ink
It was a beautiful day outside, birds were singing, flowers were blooming, on days like this, humans like you... Were walking home with groceries bags on your hands.
It didn't take long for you to get home, you lived some minutes from the market anyway. You unlock the door with the key, placing the bags down on the kitchen table and begin to unpack, organizing everything in their designed places.
"Fuck I forgot the eggs."
You sign, hitting your forehead with your hand as you turn around, ready to leave, were the eggs necessary now? Not really. Then why did you go to the store again? Because you knew you'd forget about them the next time.
The cashier looks at you confused and holds back a giggle when he sees you carrying the box of eggs on your hands, scanning your card and asking if you want a bag, which you decline, it's just some eggs, they really aren't that heavy, he smiles and wishes you a good day for the second time.
You were getting close to your house, you smiled, thinking about getting back in your pj's and watching cartoons all day, or maybe playing some video games..
Your thoughts are quickly interrupted by a skinny skeleton running against you, bumping into your body making you trip and fall, his teeth ended up pressed against your lips, yet the kiss was broken quickly as he lifted himself off you.
"Heh, not even taking me to dinner first?"
He giggles as you look to your right, seeing the eggs cracked open on the stone ground.
"My eggs!! Fuck now I'll have to go back to the store again..."
You mumbled touching the open box ripped on the ground, you turn your head to look at the man, yet in his place was a note and a 5 dollar bill.
'Sorry there!' was written on the piece of paper, leaving you with five dollars and already a bad start to your morning.
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carmyberzattosjournal · 2 days ago
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S2 Entry 2: Soothe the Goosebumps
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Image credit: @neverscreens
Summary: Carmy’s girlfriend (who he calls Darling) soothes him down from an impending panic attack with apple cubes. (1346 Words) FLUFF.
Warnings: Swearing, hurt, comfort, fem reader/lass who is a trauma surgeon, she/her pronouns, finger sucking (light), impending panic attack (panic attack doesn’t happen), praise kink, feeding kink?, subby!Carmy. Mentions of Donna Berzatto.
Notes: Thank you for reading and sharing! This is a work in CB Journals Season 2 and will be tagged with #cb journals s2.
Sideblog for commentary and social stuff: @m-z-shoroi
Prompt: String Lights
“Do you not decorate for Christmas?” she asked. “Not even string lights or a mini tree?”
No. Fuck Christmas.
The silence, and the subsequent recoil evident on her face when I looked up from the apple I was dicing, is what told me I’d said that aloud. My stomach flipped. Hands abruptly turned cold for some reason. Heat flooded into my face.
I can’t even begin to explain to you the biblical level of shit I was in that week. That whole month, honestly. The review didn’t go well—we weren’t given our star, which meant that not only did all my bullshit that I pulled in the restaurant after having that mental fucking breakdown after the walk-in incident severely strain all my interpersonal relationships, it also did fuck all to give us any sort of results. If we’d gotten the star, then maybe, maybe, it would’ve stung just a little less. The wounds haven’t gone away—the repeated flare-ups of fighting between Sugar, Richie, Syd, and me are evidence of that—but the star would’ve been salve on the cuts. Maybe taken away some of the burn. No, it just redoubled everyone’s rage at me (including my own. I was getting dangerously close to hating myself more than I hate the fucking Devil at this point). So, the burst of fighting at the top of November turned into all-out war for the rest of the month. We’d found something of a balance before—minus the flare-ups—where I’d do a new menu every month using seasonal ingredients. I’d be mindful of what the kitchen staff could do, Syd and I would actually properly collaborate on them, so she didn’t feel voiceless (even if working with another person drove me fucking insane sometimes), and Richie and I would, generally, as much as we both could corral our familial trauma, try to stay out of each other’s way. Sometimes even get along a bit.
“Carmy?”
Now? Now I lost all fucking control of my restaurant. Syd and I were battling over the menu because even when accounting for her notes, she wanted to scrap whatever I did. Richie was so far out of my grasp that Sugar maintained a demilitarized zone between us, acting as the Secretary of State—or I don’t know, a fucking messenger pigeon—bringing things back and forth, all while trying not to (and failing on multiple occasions) explode at either of us for our bullshit. And it was bullshit. We’re fucking adults, I keep trying to act like a fucking adult and get a handle on myself so this doesn’t fucking happen again—I’m in therapy, for fuck’s sake!—and yet Richie and Syd insist on being fucking children about it.
In retrospect, I don’t blame Syd. If your coworker spiraled off the fucking deep end, and all you got out of that was the trauma of surviving that spiral, would you even want to fucking look at them again? She worked her ass off to make The Bear what it is, she put stock in her own identity as a chef, and wants, more than anything, to be able to take pride in her work.
I said I wouldn’t stand by and let her do to herself what I did to me, right?
Am I not her Devil?
So here we are, December three days away, still without a fucking menu.
“Baby? Sweetheart? Hey.”
Shit. Shit. Fuck. I dropped the knife onto the cutting board. “S-sorry. Sorry, I-I should explain—”
“I just wasn’t expecting such a strong reaction.” She held her hands up, palms out towards me. “It’s okay. It just caught me by surprise is all.”
“Christmas-Christmas is fucking traumatizing.” Why did it come out like a question? It’s a fact. It was fucking traumatizing. I closed my eyes, trying to retreat to the quiet dark, where it’s stable, where it’s safe. “My-my mom, she would, uh, she would do this-this big feast. Seven Fishes... And it was-it was always such a fucking disaster. And-and she would always explode at the tiniest thing. I-I hate fucking Christmas and New Years a-a-and-and fucking birthdays. Fuck birthdays.”
Something burned in my chest. A deep sort of fiery sting that took me two heartbeats to recognize as stomach acid bubbling into my esophagus. I grasped at the pain as if I could somehow get ahold of it and remove it from me, could toss it away like a wet paper towel, but all I found was the front of my apron.
“Hey, hey, you’re okay.” Oh no, Darling sounded worried. I fucking hate when I worry her. I pried my eyes open and found her expression contorted in concern, eyebrows scrunched together, corners of her mouth turned down. “What’s wrong? Pain? Nausea?”
I tried talking, but I couldn’t produce sound past the hot iron burning my insides. Blindly reached for the quart of water and chugged a few sips down. It provided some relief initially, but the flames came right back.
“Hold on.” She rifled around the cabinet above my head and pried off the lid of the baking soda container. Put two pinches in the quart. Swirled it. “It’ll taste weird, but it should help.”
Metallic. Metallic, bitter, kind of salty? Like I licked a dirty penny or something. Weird doesn’t sum it up, it’s fucking disgusting. She rubbed up and down my sternum as I gulped this vile concoction down.
“It’s a base, it’ll help neutralize the acid,” she explained. “Just take little sips until the burning stops.” I’m sure she knew I understood the logic, but I appreciated her talking to me anyway. It was comforting. Something to focus on. Something to drown out the memories of ma’s yelling bubbling away in the back of my head.
Goosebumps exploded on my arms when I took another gulp of the baking soda water. It just kept getting worse. Now the weird taste was lingering on my tongue well after the water was gone, but my chest still burned like a brand was on it. Darling rubbed her hands up and down my forearm, trying to soothe the goosebumps away.
“I’m-I’m sorry,” she mumbled.
I responded too slowly. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Not even giving me this horrible shit; it was helping the heartburn.
“No, about the whole…” she gestured in a wide circle. Ah. About Christmas and shit. Got it. “It’s gotta be tough. With. How much those things are engrained in society and all.”
I shrugged a shoulder. Grimaced and got another wave of chills on the next sip of baking soda water. She picked up an apple cube and pressed it to my lips. It wasn’t meant to be an intimate gesture—I’m getting better at reading her face and knowing what the intention behind anything she does is—but something deep in my core tightened and warmed when she fed me the morsel of apple, when the tip of her finger rested just a second too long on my lips. I must’ve had a certain look on my face because she made the cute little cooing sound that meant she figured something out. Cupped my face with her other hand. Stroked my cheek.
“That better, pretty boy?”
She brought another apple cube to my lips, kept her eyes locked on mine—this piercing gaze halfway between interrogative and fascinated, like she was a cat observing a new toy, trying to figure out how to pounce on it. My navel flooded with heat, dick twitched in my sweats. Half of me wanted to shrink in place, become tiny and insignificant, small enough to fit in her pocket like a pathetic but endearing pet. The other half of me got lost in her eyes, in those shimmering river stones, in the perfect architecture of her eyelashes, as if admiring a fine work in some pretentious fucking museum somewhere. She let me suck the tip of her thumb clean. Dragged it slowly over my tongue.
I nodded. Yes. Yes, it’s better.
The fuck was I even stressing about before?
Tags: @carmenberzattosgf @jess248 @catharticconsolation @persymons @morgthemagpie @glitch0o0 @nox-is-thename @forgechildofheph @leminjelly @fridavacado @lumoslemon @cyarskj1899
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dragoncarrion · 1 year ago
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OH RIGHT i read the new skybound tf comic yesterday
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ruanbaijie · 9 months ago
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我这不想着,话没说完,你就不用走了吗。但这话,总有说完的时候嘛。
THE SPIREALM 致命游戏 (2024) 1.77 adapted from the danmei novel Kaleidoscope of Death 死亡万花筒 by Xi Zi Xu 西子绪
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torchstelechos · 4 months ago
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Any time I think about Loop in an actual capacity and the soul crushing torture of watching someone else go through what you did and thinking there was someone else like you, someone who could understand what you went through, only for them to beat something that held you back easily, and then they figure out what went wrong, only for you to realize its your fault. It was always your fault. You cant go back. You cant fix it. Youve lost it all, and its all your fault. LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAA-
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feroluce · 5 months ago
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So I went to the wiki page for the henghill Bullet & Brain mission of 2.2 looking for some dialogue I had missed and
a) I found something incredibly tasty that slotted into some other thoughts I'd been having, more on that on another day, and
b) I saw this super fun little trivia at the bottom, which!
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I knew Penacony characters like Boothill took a lot of inspirations from old movies, but I didn't realize it was even in his and Dan Heng's relationship, that's so cool!!
It fits them very well, it's such a fun reference. "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" was an old buddy Western film (from 1969- nice) about a pair of outlaws. Butch Cassidy was the leader of a gang, and described as clever, affable, and talkative. Meanwhile, his closest companion, the Sundance Kid, was known as a man of few words.
Cassidy's original birth name was much more plain, but similar to Boothill, he took on a new moniker when he became an outlaw. "Cassidy" had been the last name of his beloved mentor, who taught him how to shoot and ride. And Sundance Kid was known as he was because Sundance was the name of his hometown, and it was the only place that had ever managed to catch and jail him, back when he'd been younger (also similar to Dan Heng, but ouch).
These two stick together like glue throughout the length of the film- through Cassidy's leadership of the gang being challenged, through a train robbery gone wrong, through being pursued by mercenaries, and even through fleeing to Bolivia and trying to start over together.
I don't want to say too much more, since the mission title is referencing one specific movie that I've never seen. I kinda wanna watch it now, though, just to see the inspiration that went into Boothill and Dan Heng and how they get along. I just think it's really sweet that these two were literally made to be the best of bros, how lovely is that. 💕
#honkai star rail#this can be ship or plantonic tbh yall are always free to tag my ramblings as you please haha#just! they're so sweet!!#FWENDS#i would love to see more of them being a dynamic duo further down the line ♡#i think the film moved things along a little quicker but the real life Cassidy and Sundance were actually in south america for a few years#they fled there to get away from pursuers along with Sundance's girlfriend Etta Place.#supposedly they managed to buy a small ranch and the three of them lived peacefully (and even lawfully!) together for like three years-#-until the law caught up with them again#at some point Etta Place returned to the US reportedly due to illness rather than not wanting to get caught like in the film#Sundance may or may not have escorted her back. but whether he did or not he returned to South America with Cassidy#the two of them eventually got into a huge firefight with authorities where Sundance was fatally shot and Cassidy chose to end his own life#that's the most common story anyway. some also say Cassidy snuck back into the US again where he lived quietly until his death.#but it reads kind of like rumors of Elvis Presley sightings to me BSMZKNSKS#the film ended much more happily with the two of them getting into shenanigans and a freeze frame of them in a hail of bullets haha#i wanna see Dan Heng and Boothill fight together too it would be so cool aaaaaa#they would be great at getting into shenanigans! as we've already seen!!#fun bonus info: Boothill's ult literally puts black bars at the top and bottom of the screen to look like a widescreen Western movie#fun bonus info 2: Cassidy was regarded with respect by some people bc he never stole from the poor he only robbed big companies#this is actually nicer than Boothill is in canon bc he openly admits he will rob someone blind if he doesn't like them BSKZKKZMSKDK#(although I feel like its implied he has more standards for this than he gives himself credit for.#like he makes it pretty clear he doesn't particularly like Argenti at first and thinks he's annoying as shit but I'm sure he didn't rob him#...would have been real fucking funny if he did though oh my god I would love to see him try that. it absolutely would not work BSKZKNSKSJS#hsr#henghill#bootheng#dan heng#boothill#hsr boothill#hsr dan heng
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ettadunham · 2 months ago
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sometimes i remember the hunger games and how nobody actually paid attention to what was in those books
#americans close your eyes and ears right now#i'm well aware that my political takes are way too spicy for you all#and i really do wish my media diet didn't contain so much us-centric shit#but alas we're all suffering here#and i could say that 'oh actually it does matter who your president is for us in the world'#but it doesn't. it really fucking doesn't. that's kind of the point.#oh i'm sorry my spicy takes are already starting#anyway it is wild that you all can understand katniss assassinating coin at the end of mockingjay#but get super upsetty that chappell roan won't support your favorite presidential candidate with her full chest#like come on none of you actually thought that her using the phrase both sides meant that she was a republican or even a centrist#that's just copium#you all knew exactly what she meant#but i guess encouraging people to think critically and get involved with their local elections and politics as well is... bad now?#also... why do you all care so much about a random pop star's opinion and whether or not she dares to criticize a government#like... she's right but i'm sure 5 years from now if she survives in the limelight her edges will be completely chipped away#by all this insane reaction#and before anyone comes for me... no i'm not saying you shouldn't vote. please fucking do.#neither am i saying you shouldn't vote strategically or encourage other people to do so#but if all your energy is spent policing people who criticize your chosen party because of their own principles#then there's something seriously wrong with your politics#and all you're signalling is that you truly do not fucking care about the issues that they care about#if anything..... you RESENT them#and then the same people bring up the parable of the 'unjust man'#or how it's never the right time to talk about gun violence in your country#harm reduction is all good and based but attacking people who are leveraging their support to push your party left#is not. it's not even fucking helpful#anyway. don't base your lives and politics around pop stars.#even if they are more based than you 🤷#i think i'm done now thank you tumblr for letting me have insane rants in my tags that hopefully no one reads#idk i just find this all depressing. i wish you all cared more about the world outside of your bubble. i wish we all did - myself included.
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dutybcrne · 9 months ago
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Kaeya is definitely the sort of parent who prefers to sleep in the same bed as his baby.
#hc; kaeya#//Birthed that little nugget; like FUCK is he going to leave them out of arms reach#//Especially the first few days after the birth; he'd be SO anxious every time they've gotta be apart#//ESP considering the kinds of shit he gets up to; the last thing he wants if sb with a grudge getting em & him being too far to get there#//Takes a good long leave until they're able to be left with a sitter (gets Noelle to deliver him paperwork so he can still help)#//And even then; after leave’s up; prolly brings the baby in to work to have around for paperwork duty#//Might leave them to Noelle or Lisa if he HAS to head out; or might suck it up & make the trek to the Winery to ask Addie for help#//Gets a protective barrier between himself and the baby so he doesn't accidentally smother them & around the bed so they don't fall tf off#//Love the idea of him being like. Ahsoka’s mom in Star Wars; brings the baby along during patrols when they are old enough to handle it#//Deffo gets an earful from Addie the Instant she hears abt it#//Prolly teaches the kid self-defense Real early on like his dad did for him; too#//Makes Kae feel a little more reassured and comfortable giving them more space/time on their own the older they get#//V smotheringly protective at first; but gets better over time; esp if the kid wants to be more independent#//Or enough ppl tell him to let the kid be such. Knows they gotta fend for themself at some point but like#//He hated having to do so whenever his dad had to take care of things; & felt like he had to even at the Ragnvindr’s#//Never wants his kid to feel that#//Might end up parenting them the same way he does Klee with enough encouragement/time accepting this#//But the first couple years would be Rough#//Idk; brainrotting of Kae being a parent 🥺#//Rotating the concept in my brain like a centrifuge jdbfbw#//Deffo would be easier on him overall if he had a partner/co-parent; he for a Fact would not mind having a kid without one#//Even with the stresses of it all
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dwemers · 3 months ago
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I’m so excited I’m like literally shaking
#so I work at like seasonal job multiple stores and shit some more far out and in the boonies than others#and like before I was at my current job I managed this shitshow camp store#literally was so horrible but only bcs my boss sucked and pushed all his responsibilities to me while I still had to do MY JOB#like darkest time of my life trying to keep that store from falling apart until eventually I was like fuck this#transferee to a different property in a different state and like stalked this lady who would come help us and she hired me as her assistant#like truly amazing I love her so much my boss is the fucking best#but now at my property we have a camp store with no manager being run to the ground#so they asked me to go manage it…#and lLIKEEEE ITS IN THE HIGH CIUNTRY#SOOO NO SERVICE LIVING IN A TENT SHARED SHOWER DORMS#IM SO EXCITEDDD#and also I’ll be at 9k feet elevation SO ILL SEE STARSS!#im at 5thoussnd feet rn and it’s just not the same#my shitty store was at 7 thousand but the year before I lived at 8 thousand feet and the stars are so magical#but everyone else I work with feels bad I ‘have to’ go up there and run the store for a few weeks#I’m like literally MY PLEASURE#working in a camp store is literally summer camp vibes#and I’m such a retail girl boss they didn’t even brief me they were like you know how to open and close a store#AND I DONT HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF INVOICESSS#that was my nightmare at the last place like they taught all the managers how to recieve and pay invoices but no one else really understood#sooo like a day before months end when invocies HAVE to be paid I’d get stacks from every store on property#and like just my store was already a lot to go through bcs we did groceries and gas and beer and retail merch#but lol I came to my current place and they have a whole office just for that lotta sweet lady’s in accounting I’m like damn??#they did me so dirty????#best part about being a warehouse girl with previous retail management experience is thissss#pray for me though I haven’t managed other humans in 2 years and they’re union employees so I just have to follow all the rules#love the union but I’m scared of breaking any labor laws since I’ve never managed humans in the state in living in#last state was horrible there was no lunch break laws
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aromanticasterisms · 4 months ago
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my god lingsha's design is so ass. my god
#personal stuff#seraph plays star rail#main takeaways from this quest r designs i'm not a fan of. and weird fucking dialogue#what the hell was march talking about with that giant mech line. i have literally no idea what she was referring to#also yanqing going ''oh i forgot to ask yunli to return my sword'' ?? he did. he literally did. it didn't end well but he didn't Forget. wh#also like. maybe i'm just petty but the facial expressions in conversation#you guys can't have this serious conversation return to a more solemn default expression?#why are you guys smiling talking abt tingyun's ship crashing and everyone dying. come on#but god yeah lingsha's design is just not hitting for me. i wanted to be excited since she's based off of nuwa but like goddddddd#it's bad. the situation is dire.#also having a literal Snake abundance character who has an interest in the arbor. they're like okay we didn't set up tingyun well enough#let's try this shit again.#i guess?? otherwise why make her Like That and crank that shit up to an eleven#okay i am enjoying feixiao's design a bit more#but like my god. some weird lines from her for real#the whole ''yeah i made up a new title for myself'' just felt so cringe. maybe bc i'd already seen the line and didn't need to see it twice#also yeaaah let's repeat my backstory dramatically to these two people who already know me. ??#okay ruan mei is resurrecting tingyun i guess. cool#thinks mournfully about gallagher and misha.#but yeah i AM enjoying the yanqing moments. he's my little guy#also huaiyan's big anime sparkle eyes are very funny to me.#OKAY OKAY. second half of this quest was quite good.#i liked the little expedition w yanqing yunli and march. good setup of tension#and then everything from there to the end i enjoyed. i liked seeing hanya and xueyi again even if the circumstances were. well#and dan heng's interactions w the trailblazer in the shackling prison waa. waaaaaa.
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futuristictheoristcowboy · 1 year ago
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i think its funny that in good omens some 11 year old swearing technically did more in stopping Armageddon successfully than the demon and angel main characters who spent the entire series trying to stop the end of the world. like girl, they didn't even get trialed for saving the earth, they got put on trial for being gay with each other really
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the-acid-pear · 7 months ago
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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.
#luly talks#i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad#rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck#gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles#(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something#so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still#i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was#OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence#dsaf#roger jones#dsaf roger#btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment#probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc#jake is so confrontational though#hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude#except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff#because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen#not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway#yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact#im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking
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lilgynt · 1 year ago
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naturally i’m gonna be very upset at 6:09 am after an all-nighter over my brother and his actions
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#personal#not the middle one we’re okay rn and talking again and he helped me get with my new job#even tho we haven’t spoken about the door and im not supposed to know he paid for it#so good but watch out#the eldest one i’m like hey i was gonna forgive ghosting me or flaking on plans you made with me for our dad#or not communicating that you already got everything done with said dad and all i really knew was my dad asking asking asking for his#eldest son and struggling for an answer for him#and even like not checking on me at all after i got kicked out and bringing a girl back and asking me to pretend to be asleep#god i regret not sleeping in a rest stop like planned that was so much worse#and also you and other brother just ignoring me begging for help telling you i got back into my ed and honestly going through the worst#time of my life also weed dependent to just cope and also my job sucked. minor but still#but again was ready to let it go bc you were so obviously in pain at the funeral i couldn’t be mad at that#but like why. after i offered to clean up after ur dogs did you um. ask me to do it again#then cussed me out after i asked that you don’t ask on the dot of when my shifts end#and then after mom told me i was selfish while struggling with a full time job and taking care of my dying father and struggling with that#and i was just asking what ur living situation was bc i felt like. hm. being told i’m awful for struggling during my dads death is a lot#instead of just saying no you go on a rant about how when we finally want to move in with you you’re doing something else and general#shit giving. instead of again. just saying no. or hell. checking on me.#so it’s like i’ll love you until every star gives out i can’t fucking look at you bc i’m so hurt#we haven’t talked since then and im not gonna hear from him till he asks what i want from christmas or he needs something#christ last time he checked on me was a segway to helping me going about the hoarder house as he loves calling it#i can’t believe i sent him photos of our dads writing saying i love you and his only question was is it still hoarder central#i was gonna type something mean i’m gonna lay down#i don’t want any gifts why would i want a gift. told him that i was hurt and didn’t want a gift my birthday and he responded and it’s gonna#and he’s didn’t respond*#be the same game during christmas#you brought a girl over on such an awful fucking night for me why would i want a gift#and it’s not like he hasn’t been there and doesn’t love me it’s just i’m hurt#and it’s not like he had all this space and my other brother and i never used it! i got kicked out and stayed a night!#other brother moved in with you! sorry circumstances led to me staying longer! just say no!
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illithiddies · 1 year ago
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Hm. Having thoughts
#rant in tags just to get it off my brain. its personal shit not entirely bg3 shit.#but I think I've realized very suddenly that I've been pushing my own boundaries for the sake of companionship#and the irony is BITTER considering the character ive just spent the last month obsessed with.#and that this problem involves online spaces about said character.#i will absolutely give the bg3 fandom credit for handling topics like SA better than the star wars fandom ever did while I was in it.#i was so aggressive to defend my own space and peace of mind due to that and I pushed a lot of people away. I cut a lot of people off.#But then I wound up in spaces that ended up making me feel like I was walking on eggshells constantly for even just liking#certain characters or being too old. But now that im out of those spaces im just. fucking lonely man.#i miss having people to talk about fandom with.#i miss having people to bounce ideas off and enjoy hours long conversations about meta and story ideas.#i miss it so much. but i think as soon as i got into bg3 and dropped that defensiveness i think i left myself TOO open.#im too eager to insert myself into a spaces that im realizing very frequently go WAY the fuck past my comfort zone.#and obviously im minding my own business. even in the past i never sent hate. i just blocked and cut ties and moved on.#i can click out of a discord channel when i realize a topic isn't for me.#but my realization today is that im doing that so frequently that im wondering why im bothering at all?#why am i driven to befriend people if it's clear that their favored topics are ones I can't stomach?#I can acknowledge that im not mentally going to be safe in a space but why have I been forcing myself to ignore that?#i dunno it just. felt very strange to realize this suddenly#questlog
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