#and suddenly we're just working to keep the family going lol.

[transxfiles]

idk man at the end of the day my sister and i are just coworkers in the same house. pulling different shifts at the family factory. her room is our breakroom and if either of us need a smoke break we go out to my car and drive around until the boss realizes we've been gone for 3 hours and then we gotta explain ourselves.

[ibetonlosinghuskies]

patience and pleasure pt 6

summary: as paige packs to move to uconn, she starts to doubt herself. grasping for a sense of security, she goes to the one person she knows can make her feel better. azzi.

disclaimer: as always everything i write is fictional!

warnings: fluff, angst, emotional distress, mild anxiety mention.

word count: 4.6k +

author's note: ik this probably isn't what you were expecting lol, very sorry. i will be giving yall what you want very soon.

~flashback to july 2020~

paige's pov:

i can't believe i'm doing this.

playing at uconn has been my dream since i was a kid, but now that it's finally happening i feel paralyzed. packing my stuff made things feel final.

i'm really leaving minnesota. everything i know is here.

who's going to build legos with drew? who's going to make my parents coffee in the morning?

my hands shake as i fold another shirt, memories flooding my mind. friday night games, late-night drives with the team, sunday morning cartoons with drew.

what if i'm not ready? what if i can't handle the pressure?

i'd been doing a good job keeping all this to myself. putting on my best smile for every interview, every photoshoot. i had a good enough support system too, my family, friends, fans. but behind every "congratulation", i felt their expectation. a standard of perfection only a prodigy could fulfill.

what if i let everyone down?

i can't let them see me crack.

it's not like i'm not grateful for the opportunity. this is all i've worked towards for years. it just hurts to leave everything behind, especially for a future i had no control over. i felt safe here, in this moment, i'm full of potential.

the weight of my potential weighs heavily on my shoulders, keeping me up at night.

i sink to the floor, surrounded by half-packed boxes. part of me wants to unpack it all, to pretend that time isn't moving forward.

my eyes snap up when i hear a knock at my bedroom door.

"hey kiddo," my dad says warmly, leaning against the door frame.

"hey," i reply weakly, putting on a smile. i feel his eyes scan my face, his expression warming with sympathy.

he knows my smile is fake.

"already packing? you don't leave for another week, it shouldn't take you that l—" he stops mid-sentence looking at my closet. "but with that shoe collection maybe you should've started a month ago," he teases, trying to make me smile.

"i just want to be ready," i say, sounding more insecure than i expected.

"it's okay to be scared, you know?" he starts, his voice gentle. "i know this is a big change."

"i just don't wanna disappoint anyone," i stand, continuing to pack my stuff, eyes glued to the floor.

"you could never disappoint us," he assures me. "we're all so proud of you, no matter what."

a mix of gratitude and homesickness rushes over me. i crumble over his words, a few tears escaping my eyes. walking slowly, he grabs me in his arms. we stand there for a moment, the heaviness of change lingering in the air.

"you know," he says suddenly, "i think azzi's still in town at her grandparents. why don't you give her a call?"

he's right, i usually visit her around this time of year. the thought of azzi brings a small smile to my face. memories of our summers spent together fill my mind—trips to the fair, month long sleepovers, sleeping in her clothes.

"not everything has to change, paige," his voice knowing, eyes gauging my reaction.

if anyone could understand what i'm going through, i'd be her.

"yeah, i'll give her a call," i nod, trying to shake my heartache.

"good," he says, walking to my door. "don't forget to leave some of your shoes behind. we don't need the whole state of minnesota wondering why there's a shortage."

i roll my eyes, laughing. "i'll think about it."

he gives me one last warm smile before closing my door. i take a deep breath, reaching for my phone.

azzi's pov:

i'm sprawled across my bed, scrolling through my phone when it starts buzzing. paige's name lights up the screen, and i can't help but smile.

"hey p," i answer, my smile showing in my voice.

"hey az," she replies, and immediately i know something's off. her voice is quieter than usual, lacking its usual charm.

"you okay?" i ask, sitting up straighter.

there's a pause, i can almost feel her forcing a smile through the phone. "yeah, i'm good. just...packing."

packing. right. she's leaving soon.

i'm hit with a wave of anticipatory grief. i've been trying to avoid thinking about what it's gonna be like when she leaves. we'd fallen into such an easy routine. she's spent countless summers at my grandparent's house, becoming part of my family.

"how's that going?" i ask, trying to sound hopeful.

"it's...going," she laughs gently. "it's just a lot, you know?"

i do know. the spotlight she's received these past couple years has been intense, but paige made everything she did look effortless. her confidence carried off the court, giving her a new charisma.

she was so easy to love.

"yeah...it's a big change," my voice matching her quiet tone.

there's another pause, the soft hum of the phone. i listen for her breath, a sigh, some background noice. but nothing. i feel her worry through the phone.

"can i come over—"

"you should come ov—"

we say at the same time. "i'll pick you up tomorrow morning," i smile at the thought of finally getting to see her.

i hear her take a steadying breath, "okay," her voice sounding a bit lighter.

my mind starts to wander. what if i don't see her again for years after this? all this time, and i never thought i'd have to confront my feelings for her.

"hey, i'll call you later, okay?" i'm sad to end our call, but i didn't have time to waste.

"uh yeah," she says, sounding a bit disappointed. "talk to you later."

i hang up the phone, my mind racing, filled with all of her favorite things. that minnesota lynx jersey she loves, her favorite snacks, the lego sets she builds with drew.

i can't let her leave without knowing how much of me she's taking with her.

i start in my closet, sifting through my clothes. my fingers brush against the fabric of my favorite hoodie—the one paige always steals when she's here.

i pull the hoodie closer to my chest, hoping that, for a moment, i could capture the warmth of her hug. a mixture of my perfume and her shampoo. i swear no matter how many times i wash the damn thing, it always carries a piece of her. like the intricate stitching holding the fabric, our bond sewn into the core of who we are.

i run my fingers along the seams—strong, resilient, trustworthy. i guess some things are too deep to be washed away. maybe it'll remind her that no matter how far she goes, a part of us will always be intertwined.

she should have this. it's practically hers anyway.

next, i move to my bookshelf, scanning the titles. my eyes land on one of my favorite john green books, looking for alaska. every once in a while she'd ask me to read it to her so she could fall asleep. paige always claimed my books were boring, but sometimes i'd catch her leaning in, eyes wide and attentive, consumed in the story. maybe she'd finally get around to reading it herself.

lastly, i grab some scissors off my desk and head for my front porch. the old basketball hoop stands sentinel, a silent witness to countless hours of our shared passion. i run my fingers along the worn metal, remembering all the times we'd scrimmage until the streetlights flickered on. our laughter and trash talk echoing through the quiet neighborhood.

i tilt the hoop towards me cutting off a piece of the net. the frayed edges feel like memories slipping through my fingers.

she was my champion first.

before the world knew 'paige bueckers', i knew paige. the slight competitive spark she'd get in her eyes before every shot. her confident sway as she played, turning my front porch into an arena.

everyone is finally gonna see in her what i've known for years.

back in my room, i surveyed my collection. each item, a different memory. i reach under my bed, adding the final touch to my gift—an old lego set paige and i bought together a long time ago. i put off building it with her, claiming we should save it for a special night.

there is nothing more special than tomorrow night.

i want everything to be perfect. i find myself frantically cleaning the house at 2 am, as if paige hasn't visited countless times. i organize my bookshelf, fold clothes, anything to keep my hands busy and my mind from wandering to her.

my exhaustion finally takes over and i lay sprawled across my bed. i try to sleep but she's all i dream about.

except these aren't the usual dreams.

a sequence of different visions flash through my mind, in each of them i'm losing her. we're on a basketball court, but something's off. paige is wearing a uconn jersey, looking different in a way i can't quite place. older, more independent. i'm still in my high school uniform. we're on opposite sides of the court, the air between us heavy. i call out to her but no sound comes out.

i want to tell her something. but my throat tightens, restricting like it's trying to hold her too.

i wake up before the sun, in a cold sweat. it felt so real, almost predestined. a heavy ache in my chest lingers, still unable to articulate what i need to tell her. the thought of my nightmares becoming real ignites a motivation in me to figure it out. fast.

i close my eyes again, hoping for dreamless sleep this time.

tomorrow, i'll find the words. i'll make sure i do.

paige's pov:

the sun peaks through my blinds, waking me up earlier than usual. awaking to the sight of half-packed boxes leaves me disoriented. but my heart flutters when i check my phone to find seven unread text from azzi.

i'm gonna miss stuff like this the most.

glancing at the time, i start to pack a bag to stay the night. she technically didn't say i was sleeping over, but i know us well enough to know that i will.

i start throwing things into my bag—my favorite hoodie, some shorts, and a pillow. then i pause, remembering the last time we hung out at her grandparents' place.

everything i needed was already there.

i empty half the bag, smiling to myself. the hoodie she'd always let me wear, my toothbrush, that book azzi's always bugging me to read, even my favorite pillow. they're all still at her place.

i'm reaching for my phone to tell her i'm ready when i hear my doorbell. smoothing out my hair, i nearly trip down the stairs running to answer the door.

i take a quick breath. even after all this time, i still want to look good for her. the moment i open the front door i'm met with azzi's smile, carrying two coffees in her hands.

everything i need is right here.

"i'm surprised you're not still in your pajamas," she smiles, handing me a coffee.

"what? no, of course not. i've been up for hours," i lie, letting her roll her eyes at my comment.

"mhm," she turns walking to her car.

i glance at her while she walks, her attitude showing in her posture. within just a few seconds, i already feel lighter.

the drive there is both long and short. as we pull up to her grandparents' house, i feel a wave of nostalgia. how many summers have i spent here? how much of me will i be leaving behind?

azzi's grandma is already at the door as we get out of the car. "paigey!," she calls out, her voice warm and welcoming. "how's our little superstar?"

"hi grandma fudd," i mumble, as she pulls me into a hug. i feel like a kid again in her arms.

"look at you," she says, holding me at arm's length. "more beautiful every time i see you."

i blush bashfully at her compliments. "hey, what about me?" azzi pouts from behind us.

"oh hush, you too," she pulls azzi into a deep hug. "i'm glad you finally came, paige. i was worried you weren't gonna make it this year. azzi here hasn't stopped talking about you since your last visit."

i shoot azzi a look, raising my eyebrows at her. she blushes, looking away.

once inside, memories pass me by like a warm summer breeze. the creaky third step on the stairs, the faded marks on the doorframe where azzi and i measured our heights every summer. old family photos lining the hallway, many of which include me.

azzi leads me up to her room, her hand gently tugging at mine excitedly. i let her lead like it was my first time in this house.

as we enter her room, i can't help but notice how clean it looks. her bookshelf organized by size and color, desk clear and neat. i almost miss the messiness of it all, the way her personality leaked all over her bedroom walls.

had she cleaned everything for me?

i scan her bedroom walls, all of which are covered in photos of us. photos from practice, summer trips to the lake, championship games.

her bedroom a museum of us, a bold testament to our bond.

"you kept all of these?" i asked softly, touching the corner of a photo from years ago.

azzi shrugs, a slight blush coloring her cheeks. "of course," she clears her throat nervously. "only because i look so good in them," she laughs failing to hide her affection.

i turn to her, ready to tease her about being sentimental, but the words die on my lips. she's holding something behind her, smiling with her eyes.

she takes a deep breath, bringing her hands forward slowly. in them is a carefully wrapped package, similar to the half-packed boxes littering my floor at home.

"i, uh, got you this. well, more like...put together." she hands me the box.

my fingertips brush against hers, heart racing as i look up into her eyes. "az, you didn't have to—"

"just open it, p," she interrupts, her voice soft and eager.

i unwrap the box, finally catching sight of its contents. it feels like all of the air has been sucked out of the room, it's all too much for me. her favorite hoodie, a worn copy of looking for alaska, a piece of frayed net from the hoop on her porch. and...is that the lego set we bought a long time ago?

all pieces of us, delicately put together in a small brown box.

"az..." i whisper, blinking away tears.

"i wanted you to have a piece of home to take with you," she explains, her eyes seeking my reaction. "so you didn't forget me—us."

i look up at her, my vision blurring the edges around her face. a warmth in my heart builds, surrounded by fragments of us. the finality of it all finally hit me.

how can we pack all of us into a box? years spent together, inseparable for the longest time, just to be neatly packaged in a cardboard box.

there's still so much i want to take with me. how do you package the sound of azzi's laugh? the feeling of her hand in mine? how do i fold up the comfort of her presence and tuck it neatly into a suitcase?

our friendship is a living, breathing thing. packing it away feels inhumane. she will never be a cardboard box i push into the back of my closet, the back of my mind. azzi's warmth pulses underneath my skin. she's the movement that pushes the blood through my body.

i realize something now. home isn't minnesota. it isn't my house or even this one.

home is azzi. and i'm about to leave it behind.

the weight of this box, however light in pounds, pulls me to the floor. my knees buckling underneath me, unable to form a coherent sentence. i'm drowning in a sea of emotions, waves of nostalgia and fear crashing over me. i cry, clinging to the box, like a life vest. my breath comes in short gasps, like i'm barely keeping my head above water.

i hear her call my name, but i can't respond. her voice feels far, muffled by my own emotion. i want to reach out, to tell her i'm okay, but my body won't cooperate.

azzi's hoodie wraps around me like a buoy, keeping me from sinking into the depths of my fears. the book, a raft of memories. the piece of net becomes a rope, pulling me to the shore of home—to her.

i can feel her worry radiate off her in waves, matching the momentum of my fear.

azzi's my anchor, solid and hopeful, grounding me in this storm. her hands cup my face, holding me like water, wiping away the flood.

her touch is gentle, safe. i lean into it instinctively, she always knows how to bring me back to myself.

looking up, i meet azzi's gaze. her eyes are a mirror of my own—a mix of worry, empathy, and something deeper. something that's been left unspoken between the two of us for a long time.

i feel her eyes search my face, a warmth that cuts through the chill of my tears.

azzi's looking at me like i'm her anchor too like she's just as terrified of drifting apart.

"paige, look at me," she says softly, also crying, wiping away my tears before her own.

i force myself to focus on her face. the wetness of her eyelashes, the trembling of her breath, her flushed cheeks—anything to slow my thoughts.

she sits on her knees, catching my tears in her palms. "you're not losing me, okay?" her voice reassuring, but also breaking between her tears.

"okay," i mumble sniffling. before i can thank her or apologize, she pulls my forehead to her lips. they tremble softly against my skin, her sadness showing but insistent on soothing me first.

azzi pulls my head into her chest, stroking my hair gently. i wrap my arms around her waist firmly, thinking that maybe if i hold her tightly enough, i can keep her here—in this moment, forever.

my tears begin to settle as i focus on her heartbeat, trying to memorize it. each beat a resilient promise, a faint whisper of trust, something to hold on to.

we stay there for a moment before azzi pulls back, staring at me with such a tenderness it almost sets me off again.

my eyes fall on the lego set peeking out of the box, and i can't let but let out a shaky laugh. "you're finally letting me build this," i smile, "it only took me almost moving away, huh?"

azzi's face breaks into a small grin, relief showing in her eyes. "like i'd trust you to build it on your own. someone's gotta make sure you read the instructions."

"hey!" i gasp in mock offense. "instructions are for people who don't know what they're doing, i'm a professional lego architect."

"oh we'll see about that," she jabs, opening the box.

azzi's pov:

as we build the lego set together, i can't help but steal glances at paige. i read the instructions to her but she's definitely not listening. already working at the pieces, her focus is unbreakable. her tongue pokes out slightly as she concentrates. it's so quintessentially her, it makes my heart ache.

the day passes by in a blur of laughter and shared memories. it isn't until i notice how dark my room has gotten that i realize we've spent hours on my bedroom floor.

"see, i don't need instructions," paige says, proudly showing off the part she's assembled.

"yeah, whatever," i laugh, admiring her confidence.

we're interrupted by a soft knock at my door, the scent of fresh-baked cookies wafts from behind the door. i open the door to my grandma, always the perfect host, holding a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

she smiles warmly, "i thought you two might want a cookie break."

paige lunges up from the floor almost pushing me over, reaching for the plate. "you're gonna have to send some of these to connecticut," she says, between mouthfuls.

she laughs at her comment, "i wanted to give you this also," in her other hand she hands me an old film camera. "maybe you can capture something special," she smiles before closing the door.

"your grandma makes the best cookies," paige's voice muffled under the sound of her chewing.

before she can react, i snap a photo of her. the camera clicking in a way that makes me giggle.

"hey, i wasn't ready!" she snatches the camera out of my hands. "you're always the model anyways," she says, snapping a photo of me.

i give her a fake smile, still reaching for the camera. "happy now? give it back," i laugh, chasing her around my room.

"not until you give me a real smile," she holds the camera above her head.

"that's not gonna work, we're the same height, stupid," i reach for the camera nearly knocking it out of her hands.

"one picture, with a smile," she takes the camera up to her eye to look through the viewfinder.

i give her another impatient smile. she kneels down dramatically, shifting back and forth while snapping photos.

"okay, my turn," i reach for the camera again.

"these aren't real smiles," she pokes my side, making me giggle. "see there it is, hold still."

i drop my smile and pout dramatically. paige moves the camera away from her face and lunges towards me, jabbing at my sides. "stop, paige," i giggle, swatting at her hands.

she dodges me, her fingers continue relentlessly. i push her onto my bed, using my body weight to keep her still. we fight for a moment squirming around my mattress before i pin both of her wrists down. satisfied, i grin down at her. our laughter comes to a soft stop and we're both breathless.

"see, was that so hard?" paige tilts her head to the side, still out of breath. she attempts to reach her hands up again but i tighten my grip.

"oh, whatever," i roll my eyes, leaning closer to her, my hair draping over her face.

"can i tell you something?" she starts, her voice sounding a bit more serious.

"hm?" i respond, still satisfied i could hold her still.

paige hesitates for a moment, her eyes searching mine. "i've never actually had my first kiss," her cheeks flushing a light pink. "i thought i would've by now, before college, you know?"

i loosen my grip on her wrist, "oh, i had no idea. i figured plenty of guys would be lining up to kiss the paige bueckers," i tease.

"i guess," she looks away bashfully, "i just want it to be with someone special. someone i care about," her voice lowering to a whisper.

there's a silence that hangs between us. i feel my heart pounding in my chest. "like who?" i ask quietly.

i need to hear her say it.

her eyes flicker to my lips briefly before meeting my eyes again. "like...you," she says nervously, almost asking it like a question.

was she saying what i think she was?

"really?" i lean closer to her, my eyes wide and hopeful.

she lets out a nervous breath, her eyes intently locked on my lips. "yeah," she whispers, blinking quickly.

before i can overthink it, she leans in, closing the gap between us. her lips meet mine softly, and my hands reach for her face. i feel a nervous tremble in her lips, soft and warm. the pure flavor of her lips, tasting like vanilla and chocolate. her hands move to my waist, her thumb swaying slightly. we move slowly, gently, not wanting to rush this moment.

our kiss is tender like a warm summer night. her lips move sweetly and determined like she's thought of this before. her hands stroking softly saying "i've wanted this. wanted you."

when she pulls back i feel a new kind of emptiness. how am i going to live with the absence of her touch? she's opened a crack in my heart, long enough for the light to come in.

kissing paige was like sunlight embodied.

we stare at each other for a moment. caught in this new in-between.

what do you say after you kiss your best friend? how do you tell her it was your first kiss too?

"i'm glad it was you," she smiles, sitting up.

"yeah, me too," i murmur, my voice full of emotion. i lean to the side, still dazed from her touch.

"it's getting late, we should probably—" she starts.

"yeah...um," i respond uneasily, standing up to walk over to my closet. i grab one of my old t-shirts and a pair of shorts. "you can wear these to sleep in."

paige takes the clothes from me, her fingers brushing against mine. when we touch this time, it feels different, heavier. she heads to the bathroom to change, and i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding in.

even being just a room over, it feels like she's slipping through my fingers. i'm reminded of my nightmares from last night, paralyzed by the thought of losing her.

i need to tell her.

i grab a piece of paper and pen off my desk, my hands quivering slightly as i start to write.

the first part of the letter flows easily. but as i continue, i feel a shift. the truth hanging in the space between my pen and the paper.

she deserves the truth. and i owe it to myself, to finally tell her.

my heart races, searching for the right words as i continue...

i reread the letter, feeling vulnerable under my own words.

what if this ruins everything? what if she doesn't feel the same way?

i glance at my bedroom door, knowing paige could return at any moment. the panic sets in and i make a split-second decision. my hands shake as i tear the paper in half.

the first part, full of friendship and encouragement. it's a bit more sentimental than usual but not enough to make her suspect anything. i fold it neatly, placing it atop the other objects in the box. it's safe, expected.

the second part, my true feelings for her. i can't bring myself to throw it away, but i'm not ready for her to read it either. i tuck the small slip into the final pages of the last chapter of the book i'm giving her.

maybe one day i'll find the courage to tell her. maybe someday she'll finish the book and know how i really feel. but for now, this feels safe.

i don't know if i'm hoping she finds it or not.

as i hear the bathroom door open, i quickly close the book, sealing my fate. my heart pounds with the weight of my unspoken words.

my thoughts cease when i see her in my clothes. she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, looking unabashedly herself. for a moment, i see our future. imagining our closets becoming one, holding her as she falls asleep, an endless sleepover.

how am i supposed to let her go?

she catches me staring and smiles softly, a knowing glint in her eyes that makes my heart ache. without speaking, we settle into our usual routine. i let her sleep on my favorite side of the bed, she shifts around, trying to get comfortable. eventually, she turns on her side, her back facing me.

right before i drift off to sleep, i hear her call out to me. "azzi," she whispers softly into the dark.

"hm?" i answer, struggling to keep my eyes open.

"can you hold me?"

her voice gentle and vulnerable, as if i could hold every piece of her together. "of course," i wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her in closer. she sinks into my touch, her breath slows.

she drifts to sleep quickly in my arms, our heartbeats syncing. the weight of our unspoken words between us, laying heavily on my chest, pushing me towards a deep sleep.

i dream of never having to let her go.

[diagonal-queen]

Your blog is very safe, me thinks. Very comfort, if that makes sense lol. I have a request, feel free to ignore this but I can't help but to wonder what a few BSD men would be like with a very mature/maternal and responsible s/o who tends to put themsleves last and burn themselves out (preferably fem, as I am an older sister who has taken on the role of caregiver and project HEAVILY) I'd like to see Fyodor, Poe, Ranpo and Jouno. (You can throw in anyone else if you want)

BSD boys with a self-sacrificing girlfriend

♡ pairing: Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Edgar Allan Poe, Ranpo Edogawa, Saigiku Jouno x fem!Reader

♡ synopsis: How are they with a caring and self-sacrificing girlfriend?

♡ cw: Swearing, use of fem titles, she/her pronouns, mentions of stress and burnout.

note: Thank you for the sweet message anon <3 it's truly a shame that you and i are the exact same person who have experienced the exact same burden of raising children we didn't choose to have. but i've moved out now so i'm free!! come live with me queen tf we're besties now. apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Fyodor:

Fyodor is a trad man. I'm sure he has some weird beliefs about how women are supposed to have some normalised feminine traits, but this is too much even for him.

It really pains him to see you be so selfless, truly. Though he admires your kindness and patience, he just wants you to be content. He wants you to be comfortable.

Does he enjoy having what is basically a personal maid around? Yes, yes he does. Does he feel guilty for feeling that? No. But does he recognise that your current self-sacrificing routine is unhealthy? YES HE DOES.

So...he simply does not make you do anything at all. If you want to do something for him that's on you.

If you want to do something for someone *else*, he probably won't really let you. Unless it's like family or something, then he understands, but no, you're not helping that random child get their kite unstuck from that tree no matter how much you want to, myshka.

Fyodor absolutely doesn't involve you in his work. He knows that'll only stress you out more, and that's the last thing you need. As such he keeps you away from his coworkers (especially Mykola. Sorry Mykola lovers)

He comes to value his time spent relaxing with you, because he also acknowledges that he could use a break every now and then as well. There's nothing quite as comforting to him as lounging around alongside you- you don't have to be talking or even doing the same thing, as long as you're there together.

Listen, Fyodor does care about you, and he values your health and wants you to be relaxed and uncaring as much as is possible. But if you, his sweet woman, wants to make him a cup of tea, who is he to turn you down?

Poe:

I don't know exactly how to explain Poe here. Just hear me out

He is genuinely so like stressed and anguished about your lack of self-preservation in favour of caring about others. He constantly thinks about it and writes tragic poems about it and shit

Like he's like 'my love......she does not see herself as i do, as a beautiful star....with every act of kindness her light dims ever so slightly...until she's reduced to nothing.........the irony of the good deeds of man..............;-;'

HE'S SO SAD OKAY HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND WANTS TO SEE YOU RELAX FOR ONCE

He will go all out in his attempts to make you feel calm and comfortable and happy. Oh he will buy you SO many presents it's disgusting. He will rent out whole restaurants and like even theme parks and shit if that's your thing. He'll stop at no lengths to give you some respite, and it's honestly quite sweet

All that being said, he does love that you're so attentive and caring about Karl. He's definitely watched you play with him and then started blushing super hard because the word 'parents' suddenly crossed his mind and now he's thinking about children and aaaaaa

ABSOLUTELY writes a scenario in which you can relax. Whatever you want- an empty beach, a forest, a liminal space, he'll write it all for you, and gift you the book so you can go there whenever you want :>

He's basically a sugar daddy, except you're in an actual relationship and it's not all about the money. Your boyfriend just happens to be loaded as fuck

At the end of the day, Poe is such a hypocrite because he himself is such a workaholic that he practically lets it consume him, too!

You're both absolute messes. Drink some water and sleep for god's sake. And for the love of all things good take care of each other.

Ranpo:

Bro knows exactly what's up. Sorry, he's got you all figured out fr

That doesn't mean he won't let you baby him though. At first. He'll just let you, along with everyone else, clean up after him and buy him shit

BUT soon, soon he realises that this behaviour is rather detrimental to your health. He sees the circles under your eyes, he notices these things. And he's like '...oh shit'

Ranpo doesn't have any shame or reservations. He straight up confronts you about it. 'Why don't you ever take care of yourself?' And he's not playing around this time

And no matter what your excuse is, he's like 'not good enough. We're going to get ice cream RIGHT NOW and you're going to talk to me about this. Now lead me to the ice cream parlour immediately'

(I may or may not be paraphrasing this particular quote)

The point is that he presents you an avenue to open up about your struggles, stress and psyche. And he really does want to help- the fact that he gets ice cream out of this is just a bonus

From here on out he'll keep an eye out for you. Every time you find yourself getting overworked or burning out he'll make you take a break. This could be a nap or sending you home or a surprise outing- anything to get your mind off work and people.

Ranpo is a stickler for the rules, sure, but he's also lazy as shit. Any time he doesn't feel like working, you're now not allowed to work either. You have to hang out with him or else (he'll be a little sad)

He doesn't necessarily introduce any...permanent solutions to your predicament, but he does have you looking forward to your couples-down time each day, and that's something!

Over time, you do learn to balance yourself and external responsibilities. And he will absolutely be taking credit for it lmao

Jouno:

Jouno is very...self-important, we'll say. Not like, completely selfish or anything, but very much tends to prioritise his own opinions and time and such.

You make him do a complete reassessment and breakdown of all of his thoughts and beliefs he's built up over the course of his lifetime

/j but really, you're unbelievably different from him. You're both willing to put yourself in danger or wear yourselves down, but *you* don't have anatomical medical adjustments that practically make you invincible.

Jouno wants to protect you- and he's not willing to negotiate. He's not letting anyone hurt you, even if on accident. He's especially not willing to let anybody take advantage of your generous nature, which is probably more likely anyway.

He's such a scary dog actually (lol get it?? get it cause he's one of the Hunting Dogs? DO YOU GET IT-) he'll accompany you anywhere if you ask him to.

When he wants to do something for you, he will do it. You're not lifting a finger miss girl

Like he really will take care of you! When he's off work, of course. His job is kind of important, but you best believe you're getting pampered when Jouno is off the clock.

My mans is romantic as FUCK: cooking you nice dinners, reading to you before bed, massages, cuddles- as well as engaging in your interests alongside you of course

He just thinks it's so cute to see you engrossed in something that YOU enjoy, and will encourage your down time

Jouno is gonna make sure that you take care of yourself too, because when he's not around, who better to look after anybody than you? That's the most important thing to him.

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen

[venusmage]

Commission/Life update for 2024

EDIT 9/16/24

As of now I've resolved around 15 commissions since this post was made at the start of June! This is much faster than I was going the past year. They're going well and I thank everyone again who has been so patient and kind. I've gotten nothing but kindness as a response to the wait, even from those who have been waiting for over a year by now. Thank you.

I recently started two new jobs and school again, so I'm a little busy. BUT everyone is (albeit not at a super fast speed) moving up in queue! Once the owed "Full" commissions are done, I expect to get through Sketch Coms even faster and currently I'm at a good pace to be done by the end of the year.

The best days to reach me are Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays at the moment. Otherwise it might take me a day or so to get back to you. I work on my own projects on the weekends to preserve my sanity, lol! Just know if I'm drawing something else, I haven't forgotten my queue!

------

Original post:

Just want everyone to know I AM okay now and life has gotten better recently. However the past year and a half have been extremely difficult and I'm only now getting back on my feet. I generally don't like sharing life details publicly, but as a freelancer with clients that have been waiting for a while I feel like transparency is key.

If you don't want an explanation for the delays and just want to know my completion timeline, that's totally okay. Here is all the info up front. I'm going to continue updating my commission queue as usual and will not be accepting any more orders until ALL of the queue is completed. I'm working on finishing the half and full bodies first since they've been the longest waiting in queue. Then the rest. I don't have a set date in mind for when they'll be all done for good but the goal is by the end of the year. I think that's more than doable for me now. If you're a client of mine and have questions/concerns, please message me either here or on Discord and I'll do my best to help you. My username on discord is the same as my Tumblr username. Twitter and Ko-Fi are also options but I don't check them as frequently. I usually work Monday-Thursday so that will be the best time to shoot me a message or expect an update to the queue.

Information on what's been going on is below.

CW for mentions of death, financial hardship and homophobia.

As a few of you might remember, in 2019 I was disowned by my mother for being a lesbian. I made the choice to go no-contact. Since then, up until LAST YEAR, she's routinely harassed me or had other family harass me, stalked me on social media, tried to get to me through the website I take commission orders, and threatened me multiple times. I was forced to move across the country both because I felt unsafe and because my partner had family elsewhere that were more accepting. I've had to change my phone number twice.

It's been extremely difficult both financially and mentally to keep my head above water. In 2021 my grandfather died and I still haven't felt like I've been able to properly grieve. I wasn't able to see him due to her and I wasn't invited to his funeral. We were very close and he meant the world to me. In 2023 my grandmother passed away very suddenly as well, and my mother used it as an excuse to harass me over ko-fi/my professional email. It was such a horrific experience that I fell into a months long spiral that I only just now feel like I'm climbing out of. This is when commissions first stalled. I was also starting to get overwhelmed, as I had to take on more work than I could realistically handle in order to pay bills and rent. That's really it - I just had to take more orders so we weren't kicked out of our apartment, and as my mental state deteriorated I couldn't keep up.

The good news is that my wife and moved earlier this year we're living with supportive(!) family now and our financial burden is much lighter. This gives me time to work on my backlog without re-opening. I'm also going to school again, back in college starting this summer for a second degree. For my own health after commissions are finished I'm likely going to take a break on opening them for a good while, even though I really enjoy doing them.

In the past two months amazing and not-amazing things have happened. The amazing thing is I got an ADHD diagnosis, something I didn't even know had been ruining my life for years. I'm still getting used to the proper medications but I'm already seeing a big improvement. It's as much of a relief as it is frustrating. My mother also reared her head again (like she usually does at least once a year) - this time, though, I learned she'd had a stroke. While I'm not involved with her anymore, I think most people could understand how it would still be a very weird and upsetting situation. As of right now I'm free of her once again, she seems to be making a good recovery and will hopefully continue to live a happy life far away from me. Still, those two things back to back have been a LOT to deal with on top of just trying to get better in general. I stepped away from the internet for a while for my own sanity.

The downside to being a freelancer is that there's not always a safety net. That's what happened to me. Thank you all very much for being kind and patient, I genuinely have had nothing but polite interactions with all of you and I really appreciate it. I'm sorry my personal bullshit got in the way of getting my work done for you. This is the longest I've ever taken to complete commissions and it's something that I'm deeply ashamed of. I promise they will get done. Being medicated and starting to recover from the family drama has revitalized me a bit. If you have any questions or concerns please reach out.

[galaxy-fleur]

I hope it's okay to drop this here, since i've been seeing it pop up alot in this fandom sooo here goes

What kinda dad do you think Leon would be like? Parent in general and all that wonderful jazz :D

Also it seems to be quite popular headcanon that he'd be a girl dad, i can see the appeal and i find it super cute lol

Girl dad Leon, my beloved... I'm gonna be writing this with post-Death Island Leon in mind, since that's the best way I can imagine him being a father in my mind!

Leon is a family man at heart, it's nice to imagine him having the freedom to retire and build a simple, comfortable life he deserves. It definitely wouldn't be easy to adapt into a much simpler lifestyle after the one he's known practically all of his life at that point, and there will be challenges associated with that process, but it'll all be worth it in the end. The idea of actually starting a family of his own was always more of a distant idea than anything else for him. Something way on the back of his mind that he never once considered becoming an actual reality he could achieve in his lifetime.

After all... no kid deserves a father that's not only absent for long stretches of time, but also poses a danger to them due to his occupation. Not to mention his drinking problem. The idea of burdening someone with having to raise a kid practically alone, all while also having that same kid at constant risk of kidnapping or something even worse happening to them because of their association with him... Leon wouldn't want to inflict that upon anyone. It wouldn't be fair of him at all, regardless of his own selfish desires.

But once he gets to settle down and get comfortable with a simpler life? That distant thought of his suddenly becomes a very real possibility he might start to consider more often than he's willing to admit. Though I do think his partner will have to be the one to bring it up with him directly. He might become almost painfully obvious with his inner workings without even realizing it: smiling wistfully at the kids goofing around with their parents out in the neighbors' yard, bringing up his childhood memories in conversations way more often than usual, even looking into silly family videos out on the web instead of the usual trashy romantic comedy.

He thinks he's being subtle about it, he really does. Still, it's one thing to think about becoming a parent, and it's completely another to actually have it as an approaching reality. Whether the decision to have a kid is going to be planned, or a somewhat unexpected surprise (if we're talking the natural way here), I kinda feel like he might have a little nervous breakdown about it at first.

It's excitement, happiness, anxiety, and doubt crashing on him all at once. A part of him is so insanely happy and in absolute disbelief that he'll actually be a dad for fuck's sake! Moreover, that someone he loves actually wants to start a family with him! On the other hand, he's almost more terrified than he's ever been before.

What if he's terrible at it? What if he disappoints his partner because he has no idea what he's doing? What if he hurts them both accidentally? And if his partner is pregnant, what if they end up getting hurt, too? Pregnancies are mortifying!

Point is... poor guy is going to have to sit down and calm down for a moment. There will be a long, important conversation in order. He needs to realize that he's not in this alone, and that there is no need for him to put so much pressure on himself. Take it one day at a time. He has that luxury now, after all.

He might get a tad overprotective and overbearing with his partner if they are pregnant. He means well, he really, truly does. He just wants to be the best partner he can be. But it can get rather frustrating when he keeps following them around like some kind of guard dog, not even letting them do as much as cook for themselves without butting in with the: 'you don't need to do anything, sugar, I got this'. While some might have no issue with it at all, a more independent person can start feeling a tad suffocated.

His protectiveness comes from a good place. In his point of view, having an entire kid growing inside you is an insane feat in and of itself. He doesn't want to be one of those partners who do nothing and just sit back while their spouse struggles on their own. In a way, he sort of overcompensates for his own feelings of inadequacy. And while he will always be a bit paranoid and overprotective, he will back off if asked to. It really depends on the kind of person his partner is. But healthy communication goes a long way.

Though he'll still be a nervous wreck when his kid gets born. He won't show it in front of his partner, though. If there's anything good that came out of his career as a federal agent, it's an ability to push through his fears and anxieties, and stay cool in stressful situations. He'll actually be a great supportive presence to be around. It's kind of humorous, really. He was such a major worrywart throughout the entire pregnancy, but at the most stressful time of it all, he's cool as a cucumber. He'll ensure that everything is in order, take care of all the rising issues on the go and keep murmuring soft encouragements.

He can't do much about the way his hands are shaking, though. And he'll definitely full-on collapse onto nearest chair or bench once it's all over. And yes. He will cry when he sees his baby for the first time. Depending on how tough the birthing process was, it might turn into a full-on ugly cry, too. Poor guy is overwhelmed and just can't help but let it flow free out of him in a form of tears. I also feel like he'll end up holding his partner's hand and thanking them tearfully. For giving him something so wonderful like this. He's a bit of a mess, but it's very heartwarming to see.

I also feel like he'll be so very torn at all times between staying by his partner's side and visiting his baby (since this IS a girl dad Leon ask, let's say it's a daughter! :3). He can't help but wish he could clone himself, so he could be at two places at once. He'll still get emotional whenever he sees his daughter for a few days at least. It just doesn't feel real to him at all. That this tiny little human lying in the cradle in front of him is his daughter. Something created out of love and happiness, instead of blood and violence.

Would be straight up terrified of holding her despite literally learning all the proper way to do that months prior. She's so small and fragile, and while his form is no longer as robust and muscular as he remembered, he still feels like he might hurt her without meaning to. Needless to say, he'll be standing there like a wooden post once she gets put into his arms. It's a bit funny to look at. Watch him absolutely melt however, when he reaches out to gently brush his finger over his baby's cheek and she grabs onto it with her tiny hand.

...Needless to say, another crying session might be in order. He'll get his bearings together soon enough. Just give him time.

As an actual dad, Leon is clumsy and a bit of a goofball, but he truly does his best. He makes some stupid mistakes sometimes, can be a bit overbearing, and is awkward with discipline. But he's also fiercely affectionate, very involved in his daughter's life, and is always there to be her support when she needs it.

He adores his daughter to bits and pieces. Leon is a quick learner, so there is no need to worry about him being unable to take care of the baby when she's in her first months of life. In fact, he gets almost scarily good at it. Him being pretty unaffected by having to deal with gross tasks is a pleasant bonus. After encountering all kinds of disgusting things in his career, changing diapers and burping a baby is a breeze. He's also a great entertainer. And while a newborn baby might not get any of his cheezy jokes or lame one-liners, she sees her dad smiling and laughing down at her, so she joins in on the fun as well. It's cute.

And hey, his daughter might be onto something with finding the jiggling of his keys the most hilarious thing in existence.

He's bad with dealing with her crying, though. Not because it annoys him or anything, but because he instantly gets a bit too anxious for his own good. What if she's in pain somewhere? Babies can't tell you where it hurts! Do they need to call a doctor? Oh, no, it looks like she was just hungry. That's a relief.

His heart is too fragile for these scares, or so he says.

As his daughter grows up, some things get easier, while others get harder. Leon always knows how to make her laugh and cheer her up, though some of his jokes will make her groan and roll her eyes at him as she grows older. But it's sweet to see him be his silly playful self with her. It can get hard for him to separate from her as she grows older. Leon knows just how rotten and dangerous this world can be all too well, and the idea of not being there with her to protect her when she needs it - is terrifying to him.

But he needs to accept that his daughter needs to make her own decisions, even if they might not always end in her favor. What he should be focusing on, is showing her that she can always come to him when she needs it. And he can't do that if he smothers her. It's a process, and it'll probably be stressful for all parties involved. But he'll come to terms with it eventually. And it'll definitely make his heart feel way lighter once he sees his baby having fun on her own and flourishing in a way he always knew she would. Even if it tugs at his heartstrings to know that she's not that tiny bundle of joy anymore. But she'll always be his precious baby.

Leon is also a bit clumsy when it comes to discipline, mostly because it's hard for him to distinguish that delicate line between being too harsh and being too soft. So, he just starts avoiding enacting any discipline in the first place. Not the best choice of action on his part, and he knows that, but he just can't help himself. I do think he'll have at least one moment of accidentally raising his voice at her, probably as a gut response to something like seeing her try to touch a hot kettle or something of that sort. He'll feel terrible for scaring her right afterwards. He might need some encouragement from his partner on that front.

Overall, I see Leon as a dad who's not perfect by any means, but he tries his best and loves his kid with all his heart. And that's what really matters at the end of the day.

[evilkitten3]

Mutual, I'm lowkey obsessing over your tags about akatsuki Tsunade, can you elaborate more the basic timeline? Like how this would affect Tsunade's arc in classic and such

tbh i hadn't really thought about it lol

but.... let's say it happens during the search for tsunade arc? orochimaru and jiraiya are both gunning to get her on their side but you know what? the shark man said please. get your shit shizune we're going with these guys if you poison the little red-eyed shit on the way no judgement (kisame: maybe don't though?)

jiraiya is pissed, orochimaru is torn between being amused bc wow and being in agonizing pain bc his arms still don't work, naruto keeps trying to get her to come heal lee (and now sasuke) but she's having none of it so she just throws a file of miscellaneous notes at his head and tells him "find someone with good chakra control and pray" (sakura: omg i have good chakra control!!!!)

weirdly the member of team seven affected most by this is sasuke bc sakura has absolutely no fucking clue what she's doing at first and it takes her like an extra month to wake him up, so he needs to get back on his feet before he can decide if he wants to run off to orochimaru or not. lee is.... kinda sol, frankly. sakura works really really hard to help him out, and she's eventually able to get him to a place where he can do a few things, but by the time she's good enough to really be able to help him it's way too late. fortunately he's adapted somewhat, and being lee he's surpassed what anyone thought he'd be able to, but he's never going to be what he could've been. gaara feels terrible about this ofc but lee isn't the sort to really hold a grudge, even if pretty much everyone agrees he'd be perfectly justified in doing so. gai never forgives tsunade, though, not really.

concerning tsunade's role in the akatsuki.... the thing is, it's her own grandparents who started the whole jinchuuriki mess. and she's seen with her own two eyes what konoha did to places like amegakure; she was part of it. she doesn't like that the jinchuuriki die post extraction, so she starts looking into how to make that not happen, but if she does succeed, it isn't until after the gaara debacle, so chiyo still dies. her biggest motivation here is naruto - she doesn't agree with him, but he reminds her of nawaki, so she really doesn't want him to die if at all avoidable. she doesn't get too involved in the actual jinchuuriki capturing process tho; she's more useful patching people up after.

having said that, she doesn't fully agree with pain and konan's plan, she just can't really think of anything better. tobi tells sasuke about itachi while tsunade is patching him up, and since it's her family that led to this, she's pretty on-board with the whole "fuck this stupid baka village" thing (ofc she's been heading down that path since joining the akatsuki, so this isn't like canon!tsunade suddenly making this call; there's a couple years of character development first), so.... she's effectively on team sasuke at this point, and once he splits from the akatsuki she does as well.

iirc, post danzou, sasuke spent about eight and a half volumes just kinda adjusting mostly offscreen to his recent ert (eyeball replacement therapy), before skewering og white zetsu and fucking off to go accidentally reunite with zombitachi, but aside from decking itachi through a few trees on sight, idk how much about all that would change. immediately after, when sasuke brings back orochimaru, they have an awkward reunion, followed by yet another awkward reunion when orochimaru brings back the four dead hokage. she's both very happy to see her granddad again, but it's hard for her to tell him (and hiruzen, for that matter) that she deserted the village completely, even if she doesn't regret her decision.

now you may be wondering: weren't shizune and tonton also around? yes! but when sasuke went after danzou, they stayed behind, leading to shizune finding and managing to save konan after tobito killed her. there's a potential romance subplot there as well but i accidentally ruined it for myself by saying aloud "two girls one pig" and then regretting my whole life.

the other survival is jiraiya; he becomes hokage instead since it's either one of the sannin or one of the elders, and as much as he doesn't want the job, he really doesn't want them to have it. this in part means he can't go spying in ame himself, although he very nearly does after orochimaru's death gets reported, but instead he sends someone else. that person dies, but manages to get the information back to him (it has to be someone important to naruto, and it can't be kakashi, so maybe iruka? but idk how he'd be in espionage. maybe one of naruto's classmates did spy training offscreen? it's entirely possible with jiraiya as hokage instead of tsunade but idk). since jiraiya isn't a healer, he'd either need to be injured badly enough for danzou to be able to step in without him being able to object, or sasuke would just need to have his fight with danzou somewhere else (so the raikage's arm might survive also).

the final thing is that, unlike in canon, this version of tsunade never got naruto therapy'd, so while she does eventually get over the hemophilia somehow (maybe just existing in the relative vicinity of hidan did the trick), she never really dealt with the grief that caused her to leave konoha in the first place, so that's still very much there. however, i think maybe this could work to the story's advantage - instead of just naruto vs sasuke, it could be naruto and sakura vs sasuke and tsunade. tho in this instance sasuke really isn't alone, and isn't really trying to be by that point. it's more a battle of "do we try to fix the system from within, or do we really need to start from scratch for things to improve in any meaningful way", but ultimately the winner is the realization that four people from konoha not only shouldn't but honestly can't be the only ones making this call. if the world is going to move forward, it can't be dragged by a single person, or even two people. it's gotta be a group effort. idk if the story should go into the details of what they decide on, bc i'm definitely not politically savvy enough for something like that, or just have an open ending leaving whatever happens next up to interpretation.

(sorry this took so long lol i kept having to do things XD)

[cowboybarzy]

Can you write something where Mat and his girlfriend get pregnant and it’s not bad but it’s super unexpected and they are very surprised and unsure about everything when it comes to a baby?

unexpected - mat barzal

thank you sm for the request!! loved thinking & writing about this!! sorry for the delay, this has been written for a long time I just delayed posting this lol

word count: 1.5k

PART 2 OUT NOW PART 2.1 PART THREE

Pregnant. Not one, not two, but four tests confirmed it. Crap.

Tears escaped your eyes, the anxiety eating at you until you ended up crying on the bathroom floor. You were not ready for a baby at all. You loved your boyfriend a lot and had just moved in with after two years together, but both of you were still young and your careers were just really taking off. You had finally gotten your masters and years of hard work and landed a good job and Mat had just signed an amazing deal with the Islanders that would put his career on another level. Throwing a baby into the mix, when you were both so busy already, was not ideal. However, picturing Mat with a little baby in his arms made your heart melt.

After you calmed down and processed the information with a clear mind, you had a couple of hours before Mat would be coming home from a road trip. No matter how many times you played out telling him the news, you got more and more anxious. Mat was a sensitive person and you knew he wouldn't get angry or leave you, but this was huge news at the wrong time.

"Babe? I'm home!," Mats voice rang through the apartment. You hadn't heard him come in or even checked your phone where he'd let you know he was on his way. You smiled softly at him from the couch you were sitting on when he stepped into the living room. He sported a big smile on his face and held a small bouquet of flowers in his hands. "How are you?"

You stood up to hug him tightly, burying your face in the crook of his neck. He was only gone for a few days, but you'd missed him terribly, especially now with you being unexpectedly pregnant, you really needed that hug. You pulled back to kiss him and thank him for the flowers.

"Maty? I need to talk to you." You suddenly got serious, sitting back down, not being able to keep this news bottled up inside you any longer.

"What's wrong?," he asked with concern in his voice when he heard how chocked up you got. With a deep breath and nervously fumbling with your hands, you just blurted it out: "I'm pregnant."

You looked up at him and saw his face go blank. He stared at you for a few seconds before sitting down next to you. "Wha- I- How?"

"I don't know," you whispered. "I guess when I was sick a couple of weeks ago I missed a day or the meds messed with it, I don't know."

"Fuck." He slid his hands through his hair. After a long nervous pause, he broke the silence again. "What do we do?"

"I don't know." You exchanged a glance. "I mean it's not like we're in a bad place right now, but it's not how I pictured us having a family."

"So you wanna keep it?"

"I don't know," you answered. "I think so."

He nodded, buried his face in his hands and then finally got up. "Ok. I- I need to process this." Then he turned around and left. You broke down crying the second you heard the apartment door slam shut. You knew he wouldn't be thrilled, but you didn't think he'd leave you.

But not even a minute after you heard the door slam, Mat came rushing back and wrapped his arms around you. "I'm sorry," he whispered against your head. "That was such a dick move. I'm sorry."

You cried more, clinging to his body for comfort. "Please don't leave me again. I'm scared. I don't know how to do this."

"Fuck, me too. I'm sorry, I panicked. But I won't leave you again. I promise," he mumbled and kissed the top your head. "We'll figure it out, eh?"

You nodded, staying silent, kind of just processing the fact that you were going to be parents.

***

Over the next couple of weeks things were definitely a little bit awkward in your relationship. You didn't really know how to act around each other, still adjusting to the enormous news you got. But you shared small gestures, glances, and kisses to reassure each other you were in this together and that you wouldn't leave the other.

Today, you had your first doctor's appointment, and you were definitely nervous. But the idea of having a little Mat walk around definitely grew on you and as scared as you were, you couldn't wait to see the little baby.

And you were glad Mat got to be there as well, holding your hand and asking the doctor just as many questions as you, if not more. "So it's ok to have sex?"

You turned red when he asked that question, but the doctor just chuckled. "Yes, that's perfectly safe."

"And there's some foods she can't eat, right?"

"Yes, I'll give you some brochures that will outline what's not recommended and if you still have questions you can always call and ask. Want to see the baby now?"

She got everything set up and walked you through whatever was showing on the monitor. You were shaking, anxious but excited at the same time. When you finally heard the heartbeat, your heart burst. But it wasn't until you looked over to your boyfriend and saw the huge smile on his face that you started to tear up. You squeezed his hand and his eyes wandered to you. You shared a meaning look, before looking back at the screen, watching the baby.

"Looks like you're about 9 weeks along. The heartbeat is strong, everything looks good." The doctor ran some more tests and took some pictures, before giving you a couple of minutes.

As soon as the door closed, Mat leaned over and kissed you. Surprised by his abruptness, it took you a couple of seconds to adjust, but then you kissed him back with just as much passion. Seeing your little baby and hearing it's heartbeat made you overcome with so much happiness you could burst. "We got this, eh?," he laughed, pressing kiss after kiss to your lips.

"Yeah, we got this."

***

Later that night, you woke up by Mat shaking you awake. "What?," you asked groggily, slapping his hand away.

"Should we get married?" Well that question certainly woke you up.

"What?," you asked, finally opening your eyes and looking up at him.

"Should we get married? I mean, we're having a baby. Shouldn't we be married? And a house. We need a house. This apartment isn't big enough. The little guy is gonna need space and a yard and-"

You stopped him with a soft chuckle by placing your fingers against his lips before he hyperventilated. "Maty, relax." You sat up and turned your bedside lamp on to be able to see him better. "We don't need to get married, not right now. And how do you know it’s going to be a boy?"

“I have a feeling.” He shrugged with a grin.

“A feeling? Okay. What if we have a girl?”

“A mini version of you? I don’t mind that at all.” You leaned against him with a smile. “You don't want to get married?"

"Of course I do, but this isn't how I imagined it. I don't want to get married because we have to. We can take our time, no rush." You stroked his cheek and kissed him gently, before falling back into your pillows.

"Ok, so no wedding any time soon, what about about a house?”

“Ma-at! I’m tired. Can we talk about this tomorrow?,” you groaned. He laid back down behind you, but hovered above you, holding himself up on his elbow.

“You’re saying no to marrying me and me buying you a house?,” he teased. A small grin formed on your face.

“I didn’t say no to the house.” He chuckled in response.

“So you’re gonna let me buy you a house?”

“I mean, I’m not gonna stop you, but we can take our time with that, too. Babies don’t walk until around their first birthday.”

“No, I’ll buy you a house. You’re carrying our kid. Seems like a fair exchange.”

You opened your eyes and turned to look at him. “Yeah, it does sound fair, huh?” He chuckled and tickled you, before calming down to kiss you. “Now will you let your pregnant future house owner sleep in peace, please?” You turned back around, getting comfortable.

“You could also be a fiancée,” he said to which you kicked him in the legs. “Ow! I’m just saying.”

“You can propose to me, but don’t do it because you think you have to,” you explained again, hoping he would let you sleep now. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to his body. His hand slipped under you shirt, nestling on your lower stomach, right where the baby was.

“Okay, we’ll talk about it again soon.”

“Mhm. G’d night.” You placed your hand on top of his. You were suddenly filled with so much warmth and happiness and you knew everything would be fine. You might have a lot of learning to do when it comes to raising a child, but you’d figure it out. Together. “Love you.”

“Good night. I love you.”

[ahlis-xiv]

Well it's been about two months so I suppose I need to post an update about why I fell off tumblr and pretty much all socmed.

(warning: family member death, terminal illness, animal illness)

On August 1st my husband, Travis, went to see his PCP about these odd hearing issues he'd been having with certain sounds. The dr., after hearing his symptoms and learning about other issues that had happened earlier on decided to do a CT scan to see if it would turn up anything.

And it did: the scan revealed a tumor had begun to grow in his left occipital lobe. After that everything was a series of revelations one worse after the other. We went to the ER, had more scans done, and that tumor in his brain was a result of metastatic colon cancer. He has lesions in his lungs, liver, and a significant primary tumor in his sigmoid colon.

I'm not going to go into the terrible nitty gritty of what all that entailed except overnight our lives came crashing down. Since then he has had surgery + gamma knife radiation treatment to deal with the brain tumors (he also a much smaller other lesion too besides the bigger one, but it did not need physical removal) and has recovered very well from it. We have been running between doctor visits, doing blood work, chemo, having home health visits and trying to keep our wits while letting the relevant people know what has been happening.

Right now I am his primary caregiver and staying busy looking over him as he follows through on his current chemo regimen of infusions every 2 weeks plus an infusion pump he takes home with him for 48 hrs post-infusion day. He's about to have his 3rd infusion and so far he's handling it as well as expected for a 1st line treatment plan. Further surgery is not planned but it's not off the table, we just need to see how these drugs are handling his cancer and go from there.

And as if this wasn't awful enough between all of this happening my mother had to go to the hospital for similar gallbladder issues that I had a few years ago, and then my uncle (my father's twin brother) suddenly passed away and none of us could go to the funeral in Greece. Toasty Marshmallow, our wonderful and precious cat, has also started to have some balance issues with his back legs and we're still trying to find out why; he has a vet appointment for some more labs and x-rays later this week. ALL of this happened within the span of a month. Needless to say, I have been having A Time of It. Travis was not given a great prognosis, as is typical of stage IV cancer, but we are trying to remain optimistic yet realistic. We will do what we can and what we must to keep him happy and as healthy as possible, for as long as we can.

Now that we've gotten into some semblance of a routine with what has happened I think I can finally breathe a little and get back into something to get my mind off the impending everything that is my life now. I might even play XIV again and pick up where I left off lol.

Guys, life as you know it can end in an instant. Go hug your fam, your pet, and if not that take a moment to breath and be thankful. Nothing is forever, but enjoy it while it's there.

[bobbydagen24]

anyone else here read this fan fic? I absolutely loved it in fact I finished it a few weeks ago and I just went back and reread chapter 16 and my god its still Heart-breaking.

the person who wrote it did a great Job with the characters honestly its everything I Really wanted to see with the Brothers after TBT and chapter 16 where we get the big confrontation.

where Branch loses it after the Bros tell him they're going to leave soon but try to Reassure him that they will all still be in each other's lives is just Heart Breaking AF.

another Detail I Really appreciated was even after all the major emotional Drama was Resolved and the family did come back together the writer still had Branch admit to himself that he may always have some issues with his Brothers due to their History.

it was just nice acknowledging the family wouldn't just suddenly be perfect with each other given all the History but they were still going to try in the present day to keep the family together.

Honestly after finishing Reading this Fic I felt a little Bummed out when I Remembered that this wasn't actually a cannon story I'd just Read lol.

I know at the end of the day its a franchise meant for children so we're not going to get a slice of life Drama Tv show like this Fan fic felt like.

but I do Hope we see another Christmas Special and or Tv show in the future that maybe covers some stuff similar to this.

like Branch Fearing that after his Brothers leave they will just never come back and cut off all contact with him again.

and maybe a nice little mature acknowledgment that his Abandonment issues wouldn't just suddenly be fixed because the Bros sang one song together in a life or death situation.

and it'd be nice to see them having a more serous Reaction to seeing Branch's Bunker and seeing the paranoid crazy Hermit life he lived for so long.

I know they have keep things light for the kids but as we saw in the first film and unlike in TBT there can be a good Balance between serous and light hearted content.

so I Have my fingers crossed for a future Holiday Special and or Tv show that could expand on the family stuff a bit more in an interesting emotional way.

what do you think?

[fruitybashir]

it's been 3 minutes since i read the last chapter and i just wanna ask how are our boys doing right now? will they eventually tell kris' parents that they were fake-dating but are together now? was the first officially-in-a-relationship sex good? how long has bojan been in love with kris? did he realize it during their whole friends-with-benefits thing or earlier?

okay okay okay lets get into it

1. how are they doing right now? well timeline wise, currently they are suffering. but right after the end of the fic? doing fantastic. im imagining since its a friday, kris takes another sick day and bojan skips his classes just bc fuck that, and they just went through a lot and finally have each other again and theyre both not willing to let the other out of their sight again for even just a second. kiki has probably noticed kris has not been doing so well lately, so he gladly covers kris' shift. they're gonna just lie in bed a little bit, answer texts from the other guys making sure the others know theyre doing fine, and then they take jans advice and fuck like rabbits.

on saturday they go to band practice together again and maybe just bc kris is a little shit hes gonna go "yeah the song was nice but the guitar could use some improvement" and maybe thats when they start working a third guitar into songs instead of just kris taking over bojans parts? who knows?

2. will they tell kris' parents that theyre fake-dating but together now? i think kris would want to keep that one a secret, mainly bc he knows theyre never gonna let him live it down and maks definitely wont, but he (very begrudgingly) does tell them. and they have a good laugh about it. for all eternity. bc i think miha and chantal are the kind of people who would find that shit hilaaaaaarious and bring it up all the time, they think its very very funny

and they also obv love bojan and are very glad to have him properly in their family now <3

3. was the first in-relarionship sex good? it was the fucking best. they didnt have to hold back anymore and enough "i love you"s were said to fill a book with it and then some. it was incredible.

4. how long has bojan been in love with kris? god i wish i knew. i just write the guy, i dont know what the fuck is going on inside his head. i think hes had a mild crush on kris for a while, over the last few years, not very deep or meaningful, mostly when kris picked up jan or smthn bojan would go "damn hes handsome" but that was the extent of it - also bc he was still struggling with his sexuality then.

i think over the holidate timeline .. hm. i imagine that crush skyrocketed when kris just slammed him against the wall that one night and then proceeded to give him the best head hes ever had lol. and i think he definitely acknowledged it as a crush then and it slowly developed into more. i think he maybe realised he was in love shortly after kris stayed with him when he was sick? the major factors there being that kris didnt just take care of him, but actually cared for him. he didnt just drop off some meds and left, he actually took the time to stay with bojan, took a sick day just to be with him, cooked for him, made sure he ate and drank enough, kept him company, everything. thats already an admission of love if you ask me. (both platonically or romantically) but that really did a number on bojan.

i even think bojan let himself admit that it was love pretty early on, but always had the safety layer of "we're just doing this for fun, so its okay if im in love with him bc the "only" consequence is having my own heart broken lol" but then when kris wrote him dopamin and bojan realised this could all be real, suddenly there were more potential consequences to deal with and well you read the last chapter lol

[bomberqueen17]

assorted, and snippet

it is a rainy sunday. we had a glorious last-gasp-of-summer week, 70s and sunny and lovely, and then last night as the sun went down it suddenly got cold and is going to stay that way.

today's my late father's birthday. he'd've been 79 today. farmsister asked the family groupchat if we wanted to do anything special but like, what? no, so we're just having our normal sunday family dinner. she decided to make enchiladas because while the tomatoes are done, there are still tomatillos, so she's roasting those. i decided to thaw a pork butt and i'll make a sort of al pastor kind of pulled pork for the filling, later. but at the moment i'm out in my cabin, which is a disaster area and needs cleaning. but at the moment i'm just listening to the rain on the metal roof, and i have the propane stove on to get it up to room temperature in here, and i'm dying to take a nap but probably won't.

i told myself i could sit for an hour and maybe write. I sorta don't want to write, I sorta want to fuck around and nap, lol. I'm at a bit in Peace-Tied where I'm trying to fold in stuff I wrote ahead that doesn't quite fit now, so that's complicated-- I've been resorting to using two monitors to have the old doc open in a window so I don't have to tab back and forth. But Fit For Thrones is also in an awkward spot where I wrote stuff ahead and like not a lot has changed, but I realized there needed to be a new thread introduced, so I've got to work that in, and I'm realizing a scene I wrote ages ago that was just fluffy and didn't show a lot of character development is going to have to get overhauled to fit the new concept in, which at this point is just a slight complication but later I wanna hang like a whole plot off it, so it's gotta be here-- if I put it in later it won't have any support and might not really properly hold all the weight it needs to, so. And this scene was just fluff anyway and needs more stuff in it. So that's fine. But it's hard. Because of course all I want to do is skip ahead and write the juicy weighty scene this is gonna support. But if I do that (again, as i've been doing a lot in this series, ugh) i'll get there and it won't fit and i'll have to do more of this fiddly kind of work.

I did only miss Friday's update because I was physically too busy at the time, though. It's the wind-down of the farm season but that just means people have started to peel away to do other things, there's not actually a lot less work, and so those of us left are kind of juggling a lot more balls, even if they're less heavy than they were. (more wittering specifically about FFP behind the cut, and a snippet)

So I have a bunch of stuff allllllmost ready to post, but a bunch of tricky work to do for the continuations of them. There has been a spate lately of very nice comments, some rereaders and some new readers, and I appreciate all of you and it keeps me going, really it does.

I can't find the one, though, someone commented on the latest FFT that they thought Morvran might wind up a bit subby perhaps, and I literally cackled out loud. (Someone else was speculating that he's more traumatized/demi/gray than pure ace, which I also have been trying to convey-- he's ace-spec for sure but gray, is where I'm headed with him.)

I don't think Ciri is going to wind up being particularly domme-y in her preferences-- she also would like a pretty lady to push her around please-- but understand she was raised by a bunch of dommes all around, so I had a very early slightly-cracky notion that she thinks this is how het relationships have to work (this did bear fruit in an outside-of-series published work on AO3 thanks to the Smubbles folks, here: What Every Young Woman Needs)-- but there's an excerpt here I haven't quite yet fit into the FFP continuity, which I suppose I'll put here for everyone's delectation (Ciri POV, of Morvran):

He glanced up only briefly at her arrival, flashing her a quick smile but returning to whatever he was writing, clearly intently focused. She propped a hip on the edge of the desk, waiting, and he finished writing the line and looked up at her.  There was something about the way he looked up at her, like this, something open in his expression that usually wasn’t. It sort of made her want to pull his hair, and made her suddenly understand some things about the way her-- Geralt and Yennefer had acted, around one another. She’d always thought Yennefer was perhaps too mean to Geralt, but she could suddenly understand Yennefer’s perspective, and see that maybe it… well maybe it wasn’t being mean.  But. She didn’t know Morvran near well enough to offer to pull his hair.

[onecantsimply]

Hi. I'm back. After like a month or two. Maybe more of not updating, I'm back. I've basically been doing things on Wattpad and Ao3, but I've never took the time to go on here unless I needed to take in my daily dose of Jack content. For once that I didn't update... that's my bad LOL-

Okay. I’m doing a JTR oneshot on here- I discussed something with my best friend over on Discord- And I want to try it on here just to give a sample-

So I present to you... Metal Bat, the Yandere JTR Jikenbo x GN Reader I actually want to update lol-

This is basically a Goro Majima Reader x Yandere JTR Jikenbo characters. But be aware that Reader is already in a relationship. With Jack. And he will not let them go HH-

Characters like Kiryu and Jack do not belong to me, nor does the concept of Majima belong to me.

Now that we're done with that... let's get this going.

Warnings: Some violence, Gender Neutral Reader, Reader being addressed as Sir because "Mx" sounds too weird in a non-disrespectful way, Reader being crazy because they're basically Majima-

————

"Wh-Who are you?" A male mumbled to a black haired man who carried a suitcase of money. 

"I saw that shit, Kiryu-chan!" Another person's voice spoke. The pair looked towards it, seeing someone carrying an umbrella over their shoulder with a grin. They had an eyepatch over their right eye, as well as a suit over their figure. "M-Mx-?! Kiryu-?! You mean..." The first man mumbled. "Yep! The Dragon of Dojima, Kazuma Kiryu-chan!" The black haired man silently bowed his head. "It's been a while, Sir (Y/n)." Kiryu spoke as the person in front of him chuckled, the two men behind them following after with soft glares over their faces. "Put a lid on the formal shit. Heard you were gonna head up yer own family soon." They spoke while walking around Kiryu to the man on the floor. "By the way... this bar over here." (Y/n) looked up at a building. "That's where your sweetheart works, right? And I hear she's real easy on the eyes. Everyone's sayin so." (Y/n) continued to walk around Kiryu's figure. "They all just want in on the action!" He stayed silent with his same expression as he saw the person lean in. They then looked back at the man on the floor. "Anyways, whaddya wanna do with this fool?" He jolted. "I'm sorry! I didn't know it was you, Sir Kiryu!" He shook his head. "No, it's fine." The male spoke. "Too soft, Kiryu-chan! Soft as a marshmallow! You gotta make things right! Like this!" 

(Y/n) whacked their umbrella into the man's face. 

"I ain't even done!" 

They continued to smack their umbrella down on the unfortunate man's face again and again. 

(Y/n) then turned the umbrella around, aiming to stab the man right in the face. 

Well, that was until their wrist was suddenly grabbed, stopping the man from his own possible death. 

"The hell?" (Y/n) glared at Kiryu. "He's had enough." The male replied. "But I was only doin' it for you." The person tilted their head with barely saddened eyes. "And I say it's enough, so-" Kiryu was cut off. "Oh...? Well, fine then." (Y/n) nodded. "But when ya get your own men, you're gonna have to lay down the law. Let's roll." The person turned as their men did the same. "Yeah. I'll keep that in mind." Kiryu replied. "But..." This made (Y/n) stop. "Huh?" They looked back at Kiryu. "But what?" They questioned. "I'm going to do things my own way." Kiryu answered. (Y/n)'s eyebrows seemed to furrow as they walked towards the male. "And what way is that?" They questioned. "It'll be the right way." Kiryu answered. "The hell? You tryna start shit?!" (Y/n) leaned closer to him, their remaining eye glaring into his face. "I'll fight ya right here, right now!" They spoke. "No." Kiryu firmly answered as he stood his ground. "I've got no reason to fight you." He spoke. "There's no point." He added. 

(Y/n) immediately slapped the male across the face. 

"How 'bout now?" They questioned with a grin. "That enough reason to fight?" The person asked again. "... If I've made you angry, Sir (Y/n), I apologize." This response only seemed to irritate the person even further. "What was that?" They questioned. 

(Y/n) then whacked Kiryu across the face with their umbrella. 

"C'mon! Show me you've got some balls and fight back!" 

He received another hit to the face, making blood trickle down the side of his head. 

"And with that... Are we done here?" Kiryu questioned. "Huh?!" (Y/n)'s eyebrows furrowed yet again as they tossed their umbrella off to the side. They then took out their Demonfire dagger, pointing it up to Kiryu's face. He stood entirely firm without any sense of hesitance. "You talk tough... But I wonder how long that'll last." (Y/n) spoke. 

(Y/n) pulled their knife back before stabbing it at Kiryu's face. 

Yet, he stayed entirely still, his figure still entirely still. 

Just like a statue. 

As (Y/n) expected... 

"... Whatever." They sighed as they tilted their head. "No point? You're just makin' things harder on yourself. Deprivin' yourself for no reason." (Y/n) slightly leaned towards Kiryu while sheathing their dagger. They then placed a hand over his shoulder. "You think the world gives two shits about if there's a point or two? Keep that up, and it'll break ya." 

(Y/n)'s eyes somewhat reflected of sadness. 

"You can see it however you want. But... Nothing you can say is going to change my mind." Kiryu answered. "... No matter what happens?" (Y/n) tilted their head again. "... Right." Kiryu nodded. The person took a few steps back with their arms crossed in thought. But in a simple minute, they grinned while looking at him with clear mischievous intent. "You got it then! I'm gonna see those ideals of yours to the end! I'll have my remaining eye on ya 24/7!" Kiryu could feel his brows somewhat furrow with confusion. "What?" He questioned. "And then, when there's a point... Are ya gonna be willing to fight me?" (Y/n) leaned forward with anticipation. "... I won't know till the time comes." Kiryu answered. "Hell yeah!!" 

The person clapped their hands before punching their fist into the air. "Then all I need to do is come up with a plan to make ya fight me! Let's bounce, guys!!" They turned to their men with a laugh as they bowed their heads. (Y/n) walked past them before stopping, looking back at Kiryu. "See ya soon, Kiryu-chan! Looking forward to some fun!" He only stared with narrowed eyes as (Y/n) continued to walk out of the alley. "Man, this is gonna be sweet!" They jumped into the air before clapping one side of their foot with the other. 

- Later on - 

It was now night time within London, with (Y/n) silently walking down the dark streets. Rain showered down on the surfaces of the ground and the roofs as the person continued to make their way down the soaked streets. They could both hear and feel the pattering of the rain on their figure. It felt... odd. Weird. It didn't feel right. The person then continued to walk forward as they heard men ushering prostitutes towards them. Some had played along as others immediately walked away. (Y/n) then made their way towards a certain house. As they walked towards the window, they saw a silver haired man cooking something. A post it note was beside him on the counter.

(The man kept that. -(Y/n))

They softly chuckled before tapping on the window. The man looked back, only to stop once he saw them grin faintly. He only smiled in reply while walking over, opening the window. "You could have used the front door, Dearest." He spoke. "So? It was easier gettin' your attention like this, Jacky." (Y/n) crept in through the window before shutting it behind them. "You're drenched!" The silver haired man spoke with worry. "Eh? This? Nah, don't worry about that." (Y/n) smiled. "You'll get sick! You brung an umbrella. Where is it?" Jack questioned. (Y/n) stopped. "Ah... Wanna leave that for later, Prince?" They answered with a question. "That's the fifth one you've lost, (Y/n)." The man sighed. "Ah, come on, Prince." They walked over to him. "I was talking to Kiryu." Jack looked towards (Y/n). "Do you mean whacking him?" He questioned. "You know me so well." They smiled as well before they looked back at the food. "Watcha cookin', Prince?" They questioned. "I planned on serving this to you when it was actually ready. However, you got home a little earlier than I thought." Jack smiled faintly. "Oops?" (Y/n) arched an eyebrow. "The only thing you need to say that for is being drenched and getting the floor dirty." They looked down at the ground. "... Oops." Jack gently pushed them out of the kitchen. "Go take a shower." He spoke. "Fine, fine." (Y/n) took off their shoes before heading up the stairs.

Whilst they had done so, Jack had continued to cook.

It didn't take long until (Y/n) had came back down with more casual wear. "My Dear... Why do you wish to wear that?" Jack questioned. He turned off the stove before gently adjusting (Y/n)'s snakeskin blazer. "Is it not comfortable?" They smirked faintly. "... You know... You don't need to be like this with me." Jack gently placed one of his hands by their face, seeing their smirk slightly drop. "... You know fully well I can see through you like a mirror. What's wrong, Dear?" He questioned.

(Y/n)'s amused expression, as well as the rest of their smirk seemed to drop when they leaned into his figure with a tired sigh. "... Difficult day?" Jack questioned as he gently hugged them close. They silently nodded as the male brushed his hand through their damp hair. He then gently pulled away. "Why don't you tell me about it by the table?" Jack smiled faintly. "Alright, Prince." (Y/n) faintly nodded with a soft smile.

[mad-hunts]

details about ocs! // 🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits? (and/or) 🍝 SPAGHETTI — what is/are your oc's favourite food(s)?

ASK MEME - details about oc's!

hello, hello, @oculusxcaro! i really appreciate you sending me this meme through my inbox — allow me to first address three of barton's more neutral / questionable traits. so, this may not be a surprise, but barton is definitely a bit... eccentric. i mean, especially to outsiders who do not know the true inner workings of his 'family business,' as he does actually make normal dolls as well. and so he does live up to his moniker ( the dollmaker ) in more ways than one. as to why barton makes actual dolls as well as his more twisted creations, part of it is because the cloth dolls seem to serve a role in his grotesque dollmaking: he came up with the idea to insert hidden messages in these dolls with information about the main victim that the prospective cloth doll is 'modeling,' so to speak ( so they'd essentially be a carbon copy of the doll he made using a real person, except while they were alive ) because some of his clients started to express a desire to feel more connected with the 'doll.' and he thought this would be a good way to keep their business. though, now he does it for everyone who purchases a ' doll. ' which is absolutely horrifying to think about, of course, but barton has also taken to creating cloth and / or different kinds of dolls as a hobby since winslow ( his surrogate father ) was a toymaker and it reminds him of the man.

plus, winslow was the person to teach him everything he knows regarding how to make the dolls in the first place, so he feels somewhat guilty for just using them for his own... less than savory purposes. but yeah, that is one way that barton is eccentic, and another would be that he can be surprisingly playful sometimes. however, if you are a stranger or if he doesn't know you very well in general, you aren't very likely to see this side of him. his playful / teasing side is mostly reserved for his closer friends, his family members and his romantic partner. like, just imagine the kind of playfulness that comes with completely catching someone off guard by suddenly saying ' trust fall ' out of absolute NOWHERE and letting yourself fall backwards, which leads the other person into a state of panic but then barton catching himself at the last moment. and him being like, ' ahhh, you really thought i was gonna fall back in hopes you would catch me only so i can crack my head open, didn't you? i wouldn't do that. i mean, look at those stick arms. we're gonna have to start calling you skelly if you don't get any meat on those. ' ( lol... )

so, there's no malice behind it, he really just jokes around with the people in his more tight-knit circle sometimes. as for what i'd say a second neutral trait of his is, is that he's a very ambitious person. barton strived for nothing less than A's and maybe the occasional one or two B's whenever it came to high school because he wanted to get into the best medical school that he could in the future — and this carried on into his premed years, though he might've suffered from an extreme case of burnout because of this during his junior year. this was also around the time that his past girlfriend, auriel, disappeared however. so that kind of added onto the situation and made it worse. anyhow, barton has always tried to strive to be the best at his job, despite it being completely wrong morally and has grown somewhat of a reputation with gotham's underground for being one of the best people to go to if you can't go to the hospital ( either because you have committed a crime or a myriad of other reasons ) , but you still want top-quality medical care.

thirdly, and last but certainly not least, is the fact that barton is bold. he is the kind of person in which, if someone tells him not to do something in a bad situation because it's too dangerous or what have you, that he will do it anyway. and despite him generally not being a good father as a rule, he has demonstrated a desire to protect his children over all else in a few situations. which is a rather fearless thing to do when you're being held at gunpoint or outnumbered. his former boss, in particular, had wanted to kill one of his children as punishment for trying to leave him but barton said ' nope, that's not happening, ' and hopped right in front of them. needless to say, they both ended up getting out of that situation alive, but yeah.

another way in which barton is bold is he will stand up to people if they try to hurt his friends and although his definition of friends is... a bit different than normal, to say the least. and this is because barton can very well feel cognitive empathy towards them even if he has difficulty with empathizing with them on an emotional level. once again, it just kind of depends on how close you are to him, but barton has this funny way of appearing as if he doesn't care about someone at all but will turn around and scare off any people who attempt to torment certain people in his life. but anyhow... i'm getting a bit off-track here. i hope this was very informative as to what some of barton's neutral traits are!

[blazetbw-art]

Heya! Responding to the "reblog if you want people to ask you things" post: what's your favourite piece of headcanon (Sonic-related or otherwise) that you'll hold onto no matter what?

Still figuring out the new hellsite after migrating from a couple of the old ones. Glad to see you're still around!

Yodel! And thanks for the peep~

I've...honestly never been asked something like that before, or if I have, it's been a long long while lol. Let's see... favorite Sonic headcanon at this moment in time-

I like the idea that the world is generally at a point of relatively "world peace" that Eggman is literally the greatest threat to it.

Not that the writing has to be that deep, and sure spice can be added where one wants, but the amount of control and power this one guy has is kinda crazy.

Granted, I'm not too knowledgeable with the stories across other media beyond the games and maybe a few cartoon series. So for the sake of things, keeping the scale based around what I'm aware of in-game. He has access to SO MANY resources, or better yet, can recycle and extract even in the most minute details, and likely owns or has owned or controls several companies / areas of land / cities etc. It's not the complete control that he wants, but more than anyone on that planet likely will ever have access to at such a scale.

And yet...the (human) population as a whole is just "ok" with it? Or at least docile enough to not feel affected by him, until things go awry and suddenly they're involved and panic in a fright, if civilians. It's not to say that this world doesn't have conflicts we wouldn't be familiar with, else why would something like G.U.N. exist otherwise? Something that existed long before Eggman, Sonic and likely anyone of the current living and existing cast members, save for the likes of Chip, Chaos, Emerl, etc.

Chances are there's potentially other organizations just like it too, but they all leave him alone because they know they're simply outclassed by this one solo guy. This mad man who can make an entire space fleet and surround the world at his leisure, crack open the world and create amusement parks in his visage multiple times, while still discovering new forms of power and working to force his hand on them. THEN in the next breath just going- "Eyo, Imma televise a family friendly competition, watch/stream, buy my stuff and join the fun." beyond the usual bait to get Sonic and friends to pay attention.

Otherwise, people are just kind of living simple lives, probably rolling their eyes every time Eggman announces something until, "ah crap it got loose, fuck... I'm calling out sick tomorrow". Otherwise, people are just kind of living simple lives, probably rolling their eyes every time Eggman announces something until, "ah crap it got loose, fuck... I'm calling out sick tomorrow". It's a very "The City of Townsville" kinda vibe, but on a world scale. And everything that isn't human just catches all hell, save for the events of: - Sonic Adventure 1 & 2 - Shadow the Hedgehog - Sonic 06 - Sonic Unleashed - Sonic Chronicles

Potentially maybe even Sonic Lost World and Sonic Colors, if we're thinking about all that debris from the destroyed amusement part falling to the planet's surface. --- So uh...yeah- o < o / Thank ya for the question~

[hils79]

Hils Watches Love Me, Love My Voice - Ep 4

First of all shoutout to this post because when I tried to take the below screenshot it was suddenly blocked despite all the other episodes being fine. Turned off Hardware Acceleration as instructed and it immediately worked. Reblog to save the life of a liveblogger/reviewer

I love that Gu Sheng having to work with one of Mo Qingcheng's fans is the closest we've had to any sort of real drama, and this is being played as funny rather than angsty or dramatic. Like 'awkward, my employee has a crush on the dude who keeps flirting with me'

I love how brazen he is. Openly admitting he's trying to get a girlfriend. I wonder who it could be... Also, LOL at Gu Sheng in the background pretending not to eavesdrop

I would like a man with a nice voice to recite poetry to me late at night when I can't sleep

That does not sound pleasant

Confession: I am in my 40s and it literally never occurred to me that conch shells have creatures living inside them or that you could eat them. I mean I couldn't eat them because I am allergic to mollusks but people can and do eat them. Every day is a school day as they say. I do enjoy these little recipe segments.

He just did the dorkiest little laugh it's a shame I can't capture video/sound. So cute.

Oh no I'm in danger. Look how soft he looks in this sweater.

I was just thinking this is the most heterosexual drama I have watched in ages. But there we go the intern has a crush on Mo Qingcheng. Get in line, my dude.

Wait, what? Don't the rest of them literally work and live in a recording studio? One that is specifically designed for them? Why do they need to use hers? I mean obviously I am ready for them to finally meet but do better with your plot device shenanigans.

Uh...you've literally had a crush on him since before this drama started.

Yes, it's definitely that and not all the cute flirting you've both been doing

Ohhhhh! Now I understand! She was just going to record her parts in her studio. I thought they were all going to record together for some reason. Except apparently he wants them to do that? Amazing.

The intern has a lil dragon/dinosaur on his shoulder. Adorable.

This poor girl. Everyone is staring at her and being weird because they all know Mo Qingcheng has a massive crush on her.

I would literally die of embarrassment if I was her

Of course he had to cancel. It's only been 4 episodes. I did think it was a bit soon for them to be meeting in person.

Excellent!

Oh, wait, I was wrong. Maybe they are going to meet.

This is all very cute

I mean I'm not sure anyone would expect a cardiologist to also be a famous voice actor

He sure is! Also, I headcanon manager lady as bi now.

Yeah, I tend to remember people if they have a cute animal with them

The boys are making fun of how he eats. That's how you know they're a family

I thought she said she had to go back to school after she'd recorded her song. I mean don't get me wrong I would totally ditch school to spend the day with my voice crush who turns out to be hot and also a doctor

I love how much they roast him

Ooh we're at the getting into each other's personal space stage already

He's so pretty

[apoptoses]

🕯Prayer circle for your current wip🕯The excerpt you posted last week was so insanely good. The whole premise of Armand going back to Venice to reminisce and heal plus your take on post-canon Devil’s Minion (which is unlike anything else out there) makes it SUCH an intriguing concept, I hope you can get past whatever it is you feel like it’s holding you back, you’ve got this queen xoxo DA aka @apoptoses’ one woman cheerleading squad 🥹

Thank you!!! Reading that excerpt back, it feels like someone else wrote it lol I think my issue was I had so many open doors where it could go that picking just one or two has been a challenge. But I worked it out, I got Daniel's motivations sorted and now we're onto the smut like we should be.

Because it's hard right, when these characters can live centuries and experience all sorts of lives, and have all these potential distant relatives out there. There's so much to mourn, to decide what's worth keeping in their lives. There's a lot of complicated feelings on family from Daniel's end, having grown up in the 50s when parents were so checked out and absent. And for Armand who got kidnapped multiple times- how does he decide what's family? How does he decide what he feels like he's lost and what parts of his past to keep?

So we're gonna have a little funeral for the two boys who lost their lives as a result of events in Venice (yup, Riccardo is in it too!). And Armand is gonna mourn his mortal life and then he's gonna take these vampire drugs and let Daniel have him the way he used to have him when he was alive.

Here, for being my cheerleader 🥹:

Armand nods. “Yes. That. Any way that you make me do that will be a new experience for me. And you certainly should know what you’re doing, I’ve seen you work on mortal men enough times to know you’re always very successful.”

Daniel laughs. “That’s a way to put it. So you want me to teach you some things, then. You want to be bossed around by someone more experienced.”

“Yes. But it won’t be simple for you. After all, I’m a good Orthodox boy. I could take some convincing.”

Armand looks up at him, chin raised in defiance. He means to look sincere about it, to challenge Daniel, but when he glimpses his reflection in the mirror he sees only petulance. The hard set of a mouth, locked into place to compensate for the heart that’s jack hammering against his sternum.

Daniel arches a brow at him. He leans in for what Armand assumes is a kiss, and so he lets his eyes fall shut in anticipation. But Daniel’s mouth misses his, it goes along to graze his cheek instead and leave goosebumps in its wake. His lips are smooth as silk, they ghost along his skin so lightly it sets Armand’s entire face tingling.

And god, if that is all it takes to get the golden haze creeping into his vision then what is this experience going to be like, when he layers mortal desire atop his immortal senses?

Daniel’s mouth finds the shell of his ear, traces along it and leaves Armand gripping the edge of the countertop tight. When Daniel takes a step into his space his kneels fall open without his mind even issuing the command. It’s automatic, his body and its urges taking over so that his hands fly from the counter to grip at Daniel’s bare chest.

The hair there is just enough to dig his fingers into. A bare thread for Armand to cling to when Daniel’s cold breath hits his ear.

“I don’t think you’ll take that much convincing. You’ve always been greedy, Riccardo has told me about that,” Daniel murmurs.

Armand swallows thickly. “Riccardo was nineteen. He would have fucked a hole in the wall, had it been the right size and depth.”

“Mm, but he wasn’t the one dragging his friend out of bed to fuck. And he’s not the one with his legs spread, exposing himself on this counter either.”

Armand had been so focused on Daniel’s lips that he hadn’t felt the towel fall open. And suddenly its as if all his senses rush to that one place, to his bare cock between his thighs. He has the urge to cover himself but it would be pointless now. He dropped his modesty the moment Daniel looked at him like one looks at a defiant child, amused and assured he would win this battle.

“So you can pretend all you want,” Daniel continues. “But I think you’ll roll over and beg for me within the first few minutes. Especially if I don’t take the drugs at first, because that’s what you want too, isn’t it? You want to be back on the other end of things again, being toyed with by a monster who can’t feel the same things as you.”

Heat rushes to Armand’s chest and turns his skin pink. Caught. He’s a fish in a barrel for Daniel, a bear who happily wanders into a trap. He nods.

“You think you’re such a locked vault of secret ideas and desires, but you’re not. I know what you want without you even having to say it. You spent years when I was a mortal teaching me all about you,” Daniel says.

Your support means everything to me!! ♥ xoxo