#and sometimes I remember old jokes!!!
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I’m clipping from the Ze, Chilled, and Junk streams on my break and I love them so much,, it feels so nostalgic and there’s very clear chemistry of old friends just hanging out,, plus Shellshock is super nostalgic as well as them trying out that new racing game
#they reminisce a lot on old times and still make new memories together you gotta love it#and sometimes I remember old jokes!!!#unrelated but on a prop hunt stream they did a couple months ago they were on the fish cone map and I was like:#wait…. THEY ACTUALLY ADDED THAT TO THE MAP??? I GET THAT REFERENCE HOLY SHIT#(it’s an old mark bob wade jack reference if my yt brain remembers correctly)#and CHILLED!! I will never stop praising him for how understanding he is of other peoples needs!! outside of his menace of a persona#he’s super empathetic and always makes sure everyone is happy whilst sticking to his morals as well#I’m gonna make a separate post about how awesome chilled is in terms of streamers and people I think#private recording 1#youronlychat
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q!étoiles whiteboard fox drawing :D (close-up and extra doodles under the cut ^^)
the drawing of the eye is q!slime's :D also was rewatching sanders sides while drawing (hence the snake janus doodle) ^^
#qsmp#q!étoiles#étoiles#was rewatching sanders sides while drawing and man. every time i rewatch this series i remember why i still like it#← even though it's been like. 5 years? i still love the series though some of its half-a-decade old slang and jokes make me cringe sometime#i have so many sanders sides hot takes. so many#but i'm talking a bit much abt sanders sides when the main drawing is of q!étoiles lmao#it's always a lot of fun drawing in whiteboard fox with its limited colours because it means i have to shade in creative ways#← like how q!étoiles' hair is shaded with lines of green and his skin is blushing with lines of dark blue#was thinking abt q!starcicle again and had to draw the guy#also realcowboysdrinkjuice has the massivest brain ever with q!étoiles and his tail having a leaf?? i rlly wanted to draw it it looks so fu#(i rlly doubt he'll see this but realcowboysdrinkjuice if you see this i hope that was okay ^^ i'll absolutely change it if you'd prefer))#moral's murals#just noticed his eye is kind of off. this is actually so awkward#I DON'T KNOW HOW I FORGOT TO MENTION??? this whiteboard q!étoiles was drawn to match the whiteboard q!slime i drew a bit ago!! :D
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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being a queer woc in a male and white dominated field is so exhausting bc you could say something absolutely correct and get a blank stare, and then your white male colleague could say the exact same thing and get all the applause. i’m going to beat some of u with a baseball bat lmao!
#caroline talks#this is a joke btw#but also—#i think i should be allowed to punch someone once a week. just square in the jaw. lemme just. lemme just.#being told ‘use your words’ as a kid when i would punch guys for being annoying#and now I’m just like ‘um. you know what! yeah I’ll use my words but I’m remembering. RIGHT. 8 year old me was right.#sometimes u silly boys don’t understand words! :) let me use a language you DO know :)’#which is. kick to the balls. punch their nose. twist their wrist. y’know? :)
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why does everything i get really into always end up being so god damn niche. by the year 2035 i am going to be blogging exclusively about the interpersonal relationships between the pillbugs and snails hiding underneath the bricks lining the flowerbeds in my parent's garden.
#im falling hard into the virvox guys rn sowwy. i like em a lot hee hee. i didnt realize just how small the fanbase for em was tho#actually i didnt realize how small the company that makes them were either. i got so used to the yamahas and cryptons of the vsynth world#that i forgot that like honestly. a lot of the voicebank makers and some of the software makers themselves#theyre like companies of like maybe 5 employees with like no funding LOL not a bad thing but i forgor#but yeah i was looking up to see if there was like. a fanon reason why people shipped takehiro and ryusei? not judging because i get it#i like took one look at the virvox guys and immediately slotted them as a very strange boyband (a catboy and a middle aged dragon man....)#and also took a second look at takehiro and ryusei and assumed they were childhood friends. i saw the doujin flash before my eyes#but also looking into it it seems the fanbase is also like. 20 people. and like 3 of them ship that#and at least one person ships whiteCUL and ryusei? why not LOL when it comes to vsynths sometimes a ship can be spearheaded by like#one very prolific artist HGDJKDFSHDJK which actually reminds me. honestly i dont really have many vsynth ships#i guess i dont really partake in a lot of shipping stuff deeply but i like romance!! you know i like love stories. you know this#i mean i keep calling the eclipsed sounds characters the celestial polycule for a reason tho. im not joking around about this#this is serious to me. they are stars and moons and suns and together they hang out and kiss. in the sky. this is serious to me#also i do like solaria x eleanor forte actually. its a bit random but i understand it. i understand it#and of course the aformentioned takehiro x ryusei. and also the whole virvox polycule. get that old man in here too#(what do they call people like me. a multishipper? i do that a lot. you know this from my otome game fanart LOL)#OH and i dont remember either of their names rn but i like that the cevio bank anju inami voiced has like a big fat crush on like#that girl with the brown hair. i like that theyre like. besties (turning into something more wink wonk)#thinks with all my brain. i think thats it. i dont know why theres so little. i think its because i think of them as like#audio sample libraries first and foremost and i forget about their characters and relationships LOL#but im not against the idea of making some audio sample libraries kiss...... not at all#picks up a guitar sampler and a sound effect cd. presses them together.#hee hee. they kiss
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social anxiety can be really funny in retrospect bc it will have you saying shit like 'is it weird to call a doctor's office and schedule an appointment?"with 100% sincerity and panicking about it as if that's not the silliest thing in the world
#this is a personal post about my own experiences having grown up with a debilitating social anxiety disorder#that is more or less under control thanks to meds#if you are scared of calling doctors offices or ordering subway or Being In Public i am not mocking you#anxiety disorders are disorders BECAUSE they are debilitating phobias that lacks logic#(hence why CBT for anxiety often talks about thinking through anxiety with logic)#mostly it's remarkable how far i've come in just four years (i was looking back through old personal posts) and i'm making a joke about tha#bc it feels silly from the other end! but i also remember being that person. i remember how fucking horrible it was#and the thing about anxiety is it does look silly or baseless or stupid from the outside#and sometimes we even see that. but that doesn't change the fact that our brains and bodies are working against us#social anxiety really fucks with your perception of reality. i don't want to say like.. to the level of delusions but it will have you#Making Shit Up. felt extreme social anxiety getting food at a buffet as a child. like to the point where i didn't want to do it if i didn't#have someone else with me bc i thought doing anything Alone was Weird. including. walking#my brain was just gaslighting me to the point of paranoia and of course anyone who's been gaslit or otherwise manipulated#feels stupid once they have the benefit of hindsight. especially when the call was coming from inside the fucking house!#because it seems 'obvious' now. but that doesn't matter!#which is why i'm saying like. if you are the person feeling Wrong being alone in public or making phone calls#i Have Been There. I was there for most of my life lol. i spent more time constantly anxious than i have spent with controlled anxiety#i Remeber what it was like. so this is not me saying “git gud” it's me saying “damn getting better and having hindsight will leave you#thinking about the past in a different light!" which is just how the progression of time#and character development works lol#anyway#the queen of trash has spoken
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Confession that will get me cancelled: I will sometimes reference super mario logan videos cuz I used to watch some. and they were honestly really funny if you ignored the problematic bits.
#I AM SO SORRY EVERYONE. but some of those jokes have stuck with me for years.#UNIRONICALLY THE EPISODES HAD A REALLY GOOD FORMULA. LIKE WTF.#I’m not getting over the episode where they were gonna fail the test but Cody let them copy his test#and then the teacher said ‘you did really great Cody!’ he said ‘I got an A?’ the teacher said ‘yeah on all 3 of them!’#‘YOU IDIOTS COPIED MY N A M E TOO?????’ bro that was hilarious 😭😭😭#also the episode where Junior believed the Sun was a planet. bro. the plot twist that they sent him to the sun not because they believed him#but because they thought a kid stupid enough to believe you could land on the sun deserved to be sent to it 😭😭😭 WTFF#there are some episodes I remembered really liking but I don’t remember why#and as much as I’d like to rewatch them I… don’t think I can……..#I think if I went to rewatch old SML videos I’d be shot#also the journey to find the specific episodes would probably be a disaster#anyways that is my confession. I do not support SML or the problematic things in the episodes I liked.#it was just genuinely really funny and clever sometimes. unfortunately. I only watched it cuz my siblings did. side note all the special ed#kids in highschool loved it and I was confused cuz I was also a special ed kid who had seen it like. how did this ableist bs gain such an#autistic following. I’m telling you it’s because the episode formulas were actually really good. this sucks. I wish it wasn’t so problematic
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finished watching the Book of Atlantic movie~ at first I was kinda bummed up bc I couldn't find to watch in full HD, only 720p maximum, but then I saw the cgi and realized maybe it was a divine blessing in disguise
#black butler#kuroshitsuji#book of atlantic#that was like 2017#cgi in anime was always a huge hit or miss#especially in the beginning#but OH MY GOD#even the people dancing here cgi???#i remember seeing some post joking that 80% of the budget went to ciel's contract eye glow in one scene#and look i get it#it's a movie you want to cut some corners#fine#but i just wish studios would allow themselves to be properly animated like the old days#og anime was rough sometimes#but when they but their soul into it you would feel it through the scene#idk how this started as an basic comment#and turned into a mini-rant abt modern animation#i'm sorry
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waking up at 4am because team meeting is in bumfuck NOWHERE
#i love my friends and cherish getting to see them (getting motion sick by the most convoluted train route you've ever seen in your life)#context: in the social circle im one of the bitches that lives 2 hours away on default settings#but today it's even “bumfuck nowhere” for them!! which means im going into oblivion. fun!#mind you this is europe#in europe you'll HAVE trains that go in the middle of nowhere but sometimes the train station are like. two bricks and an old sign.#great for pictures! not great for feelings of safety!#*shrug* it'll be fine! if it isn't then *shrug 2* worst case scenario i die! (me dying is not a likely scenario and ill be okay)#don't mind me im just giving myself a peptalk in the tags#remember what you're doing this for maiora!!!!!!!! PEOPLE LAUGHING AT YOUR JOKES IN PERSON!!!!!! /hj#okay but genuine real talk ill be fine there's nothing that can go wrong that i can't handle#shut up maiora
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thesis: for all that it's weird about things like food and elitism and government secrecy, sharlayan must be at least kind of normal about sex and relationships or otherwise people wouldn't be constantly being like "HEY warrior of light did you know alphinaud GOT IT ON at the studium??"
antithesis: due to extratextual restraints, no one close to the player can be either confirmed or denied to even have romantic tension in-universe with anyone else. both y'shtola/runar and thancred/urianger are examples of dynamics that are affected by this, where the parties can only be repeatedly indicated by the story to be Nebulously Close to each other because everyone in the story close to the WoL must be able to be in a relationship with anyone and no one. thancred is even suggested to have stopped having casual hookups at some point since ARR, in part because urianger dunks on him about it. read by itself and not as an expression of extra-textual restraints, this suggests the party, almost all culturally sharlayan, are kind of weird about relationships.
synthesis: because sharlayan is literally just a giant college town and basically everyone works for the university-government, its people have arrived at a cultural double standard on this point. while as a cultural and political matter, sharlayan sexual and romantic norms are more or less do what you want, live and let live, as a professional matter you gotta have that shit on lock once you get your archon mark. it's necessary to keep every single matter of state and society from descending into an avenue for grad student cohort incestuous bullshit. you can still court and love and marry and hook up with whoever, no one cares, but you must keep it to yourself. your juvenile relationship drama will not imperil my grant application!
#it's kind of weird and notable that FFXIV has exactly two main characters who have “haha you've hooked up with so many people” as a gag#and it's alphinaud and thancred. both men. both raised in sharlayan. both have jokes made at their expense on this point by sharlayans.#in this model urianger ribbing thancred about his drunken hookups is simply how adults in sharlayan relate to one another#sometimes you dunk on your bro like hey remember the time that our somanoutics study group fell apart? why'd that even happen?#oh bc you got wine drunk and hooked up with Scronchifaut? oh my god i totally forgot about that. haha. anyways what are you drinking tn#not merely as a matter of dunking on your bro but as a matter of cultural norms replicating themselves through your behavior#between alisaie and krile with alphinaud and urianger with thancred you can make a case that dunking on your buddy's old hookups#is a common and culturally supported behavior in sharlayan that operates to remind people to keep their shit on lock#shitpost: i got a good feeling#meta: durai report
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the problem with carulia is that there isnt a rly good classic multi chap au fanfic for it for me to loose my mind over. and most of the multi chap fanfic that is out there for it straight up bad if i remeber right 👍🏽
#like not bad bad like mischaracterizing bad yk. i also havent read a lot in a while but yk#i remember there was this one fanfic called hook line and sinker that like in the old og carulia server was joked abt as like#thee caruia fanfic and so many people had read it and its so bad and not good#bad carulia characterization !!! it was like carmen youre Perfect at everything and julia is so flustered by your flirtatiousness and ugghh#ihate u ppl sometimes !! specifcally the people of ao3 bc omfg#how come people like saw carulia and saw the interactions that show their relationship and the actual dynamic they have#and only like. take the fact that theyre in love from it and just add a dynamic that so not their dynamic and so bad over top of it#just uggh. im sure there is a lot of rly good carulia fanfic out there tbh. but also not searching for it rn its wayy too late#i was just thinking bc im like. jealous/envious whichever one means i want what u have NOT i dont want u to have what u have#whenever luce mentions w.a.r. like pls i also want a thee multichap fanfic tht makes me feel insane for my fave ship#andi have been in fandoms/had ship were they have had tht nd iwant it soo badly w carulia.#ig i will have to write one then but also i dont have any multi chap au fanfic ideasss 😭😭😭#and i shldnt be coming up with any at a point were im not even working on my non au mostly one shot ones lmao#flappy rambles
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gradually learning that coping w my anxiety is gonna require a level of what feels rn like narcissism (but i know logically is not). i have to respond to "what if everyone hates me" with "so what if they do, they can all have bad opinions if they want to, i hate some people too that's just life". going out wearing outfits i like but am nervous about with the mindset of "i look hot as shit and anyone who disagrees is wrong because it's subjective anyways". about half of trying to get over my fear of social situations has been me hyping myself up by telling myself that not only do i have as much of a right to be where i am as they do, someone there is going to be happy to see me for some reason
#also just. its easier to respond with hyperbole? its easier to go in completely the opposite direction bc it still feels funny#same energy as 'i want to die' jokes -> 'im the best person alive' which im also switching up#and trying to combat my paranoia abt someone/something else being in my house with 'so what its my fuckin house and ill kick their ass'#'who gives a shit the world is gonna end someday' flavour of optimistic nihilism also works pretty well for any situation#levi.txt#recovery is weird yall. its fucking weird sometimes hsdhkdfsjl#a lot of this comes from past bullying but i remember as a kid having the thought that i was too selfish bc of the churchs teachings#and it was shit like. wanting junk food when i wasnt allowed to have it. being honest abt how i felt abt my looks/talents#putting myself/my comfort first before letting people push me around. not always agreeing with my parents#and i decided to purposefully work on that by basically putting myself last as often as possible#like i was A Child committing to basically a vow of self deprecation. i was seven years old. needless to say it was a bad decision#so yeah its gonna feel like unbelievable levels of self aggrandizing behaviour#but if thats what it takes to get me to healthy levels of self love then whatever im gonna do it! im not even hurting anyone
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You want to know how bad my memory is?
I was writing last night and I just straight up forgot that Sanji exists. I have been watching this show since 2012, he was my fave Strawhat outside of Luffy pre-TS, and I FORGOT HE EXISTED.
I was like 'hm yes well the ones who would understand are Nami and Robin... W- wasn't there one more I was thinking of a moment ago? Wasn't there another one who'd Get It?????'
'it's not Chopper. Definitely not Usopp. And it's not Zoro. That's all the remaining Strawhats at this point in the story. So... Why am I convinced I'm forgetting someone? Let's go through the arcs in my head agai- OH MY GOD, I FORGOT SANJI'
#When I tell you my memory is shit... 😭 I used to own a Sanji shirt. What the fuck??#When that post about the memory issues finally leaves my queue#Like I joke about it but this shit can be genuinely terrifying. Like knowing my brain is getting worse. Knowing I'm probably forgetting#Seriously important things and just 'oops I can't remember haha'#It's scary.#I'll never get better because I'll just relive the pain over and over because my brain refuses to remember the help and progress I make#Every day I wake up back at step 1 it's so depressing and scary and horrifying and I hate it#I can never process anything bc I just forget and if I do remember it's like a punch to the chest for the first time every time#And people get SO sick of you after a while. Constantly asking for help. Never remembering anything. They get so annoyed with you.#Anyway. On a lighter note (not actually) I'm trying out a new one-shot :)#Not to speak ill of the 'soon-to-be' dead but Garp was a shit grandfather#So I was like What If Me And Luffy Had The Same Reaction#Because self love starts in recognizing your self through the other god damn it#Even if I finish this idk if I'll post it bc of how personal it is but it has been very cathartic to write#Then again I could just publish it anonymously so my irl friends won't see it. No harm no foul.#I (kid) once pushed my mom (grown adult) out of my room when she caused me to have a meltdown so I could 100% see Luffy doing the same thin#In my defense she had a habit of taunting me and destroying my stuff to punish me after inciting meltdowns and I just wanted to be alone#I was like 7 years old at the time (hell year hell year) so I doubt I actually hurt her. She just looked surprised. I remember that.#Sometimes I wonder why I identify so much with werewolves and then I remember ah yes. The childhood of being treated like a monster.#Like a freak because when people kept pushing your boundaries you'd rather bite than let them do whatever they want to you#Oh boo hoo such a terrible thing for a child to be... Protective of themselves...#ANYWAY. like I said this wasn't going to be much lighter.#I want Luffy to punch the lights out of Garp to protect his friends. Not even in-canon just in this fic#Ik in-canon Garp is a complex guy and loads of fans love him but... Smash eggs make sandwiches know what I'm saying?#Yeah GROOVY
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ALSO sry im so talkative today idk whats gotten IN to me but anyways. its sooo crazy 2 me that ppl have other birthdays that arent the sake day as my birthday like obviously i know ppl do but its crazy to me. bc january 13th is like My birthday ykwim. like its such a good day to have a birthday on so beautiful 1/13/2005 gods specialest girl was born ykwim.
#also the cafe is plsying so much lana del rey im rly scared guys. ive never listened to ldr outside of nightcore when i was 11#but ya i loooove having a january birthday bc it makes it so easy to figure out how old i was during an event. bc its like. ok unless the#event happened in the first 12 days of the year i can just subtract 5 from the year it happened and thats how old i was. ykwim. like 2007 i#was 2 rhe entire year basicslly 2012 i was 7 the entire year its awesome#whereas if i had a september birthday. Like some people (my sibling). itd be a wholee production like ok was it before or after the end of#september. which is isnt rly that difficult but i have trouble remembering what specific month a thing happened in#but i can remember seasons. which again like ig isnt the difficult bc if it happened in wjnter etc. spring etc. summer etc. but if it#happened in fall id probably be confused..#basically january is the best month of the year and the most beautiful girls are born then#a fun fact is i wasnt born on friday the 13th. i was born on a thursday#BUT my 1st birthday was friday and so was myyy 16th i think. idr. but yeah sometimes its on a friday which is cool :]#and another fun fact is it was a sunny day but (according to my dad) there was a random lightning strike like. right when i was born. so#basically i think im rly rly quite special. joke. i think that lightning strike was god saying Lord well hold on. why would god he saying#lord. thats kinda funny. thats like if i went Connor i am going to put this guy in situations. which tbf i do refer to myself in 3rd person#mentally On occasion. but anyways. sry i distracted mysekf and forgot what i was gonna say. its tly funny to imagine god just being like#Lord almighty.#speaking of idk if you guys know this abt me but i say lord almighty and jesus christ and good lord etc so much. and i didnt always i like#started saying them a year or so ago and now i cant stop. i wasnt even raised religious im not religious in the slightest . but my first#reaction to things now is Lord almighty... like girl you do not even know him.#anyways thats all. sry
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fellow children of divorce: do y’all ever make a joke and then immediately know from the response that literally everyone else in the room has parents that are still together
#like ik this isn’t the case for everyone but my parents had a very amicable divorce#i was less than a year old so i don’t even remember any of it and they’ve been friends ever since#they were always very committed coparents which i’m endlessly grateful for#so my jokes are always SO light hearted. but sometimes they do not land#people get very awkward and uncomfortable and i’m like ‘NO ITS FINE WE’RE ALL VERY HAPPY AND FRIENDLY’ and then they just think i’m crazy#me: this isn’t a SAD joke it’s just a REGULAR joke#mine
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hearing people say something was their childhood is an experience because I don’t remember mine. There are bits and pieces here and there, but most of what I “remember” is inferences from information given to me by my parents and siblings and close friends I’ve had for years. I don’t remember my childhood. I never have.
#justletmetalk#I like to joke about having a bad memory but it gets really disturbing sometimes#Especially when I realize how gullible I am because of it#We met when I was younger? Well I suppose I have no choice to believe you until someone tells me otherwise because I have no memory of not.#It’s so genuinely terrifying sometimes#To just. Have no memory.#I can pull up /some/ thinhs#Like an old friends name or a repeated experience#But that’s it#i only remember those because of how often I would practice to remember that friend and how every single day I would read the same posters#Plastered on the wall in my kindergarten home room over and over to feed my boredom#I don’t know what my teachers name was#Or any of them from previous school years#not anymore#It sounds like such a small thing but listening to my mother in her late forties name her teachers from first grade and her best friends#Really just scares me when I compare it to how little I know about my childhood#Vent
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