#and since we live in a Society and nothing is free he has to do her bidding in order for her to actually do it

[citrusinicake]

edit: just realized i forgot to put the timelapse whoops

[dhampling]

the sunwalker's gift gn!reader, 3.3k

“What is all of this in aid of, anyway?” He asks in a lazy drawl, seemingly unbothered. “The adventuring stuff. Do we have a destination yet?”

inspired by this ask where the reader finds a ring - after a lot of searching - that allows astarion to walk in the sun, and proposes with it. enjoy! wc: 3.3k cw: none. gn reader, fluff, all good stuff. no use of y/n. like one vague reference to sex. that's it. liberties taken with the idea of the sunwalker's gift.

Tardy.

“Here then, yes?”

A gentle dirt path carries to the town boundary, the marker one of dry wood and old brandish. Windows of amber; smoke rising to the stars, a biting chill settling on the ground as gateclose approaches.

You turn the map in hand to compare against the settlement before you.

“Think so.”

Astarion takes your arm in his, leaving the map hanging free in his wake. 

It takes all the will you can muster not to take his hands in yours and spin him in some sleepy glee-bound whirl in the sheer ecstasy at the thought of what you have planned - instead pulling each other something ragged down the slope in a half-step, half-cant; giddy at the thought of Firewine by a fireplace as your breath clouds the air foggy past your heads.

You’re in a position where - maybe for the first time since the Netherbrain fell - you can see the end. 

And it’s close. Ridiculously close. 

You want nothing more than to drop and do it now. Knees muddied in the dew-thickened dirt clod and breeze heavy with frost under the big pale moon - teeth chittering, looking up to him;-

Gods. You can picture it. His eyes hooplike with uncertainty, the one last drip of doubt teetering on his tongue - is this some kind of cosmic joke? - a quiet whisper under his breath, a little tilt of his head. Hair rippling in the moonlight. A moment of mutability as he reconciles all you are, all you’ve become together. That there’s a future in which sincerity is all he knows moving forward.

No.

Before morning, for sure.

-

The gate welcomes you in one last waning breath as the guards head to their watch turrets until dawn, and it takes a minute to truly come to terms with civilization once more. Your eyes flit to each of the little flickering lanterns and candles in windows; to the railings adorned with browning vines and disused terracotta pots.  

It’s been months since you and Astarion have been somewhat settled anywhere. Since the Absolute fell and you set off for adventures beyond anything you or he could ever imagine. Navigating the Underdark together, treading darkness above ground; wherever, it wasn’t of any real importance. You’d find lodging where you could, eat with whoever welcomed you; and you did it together.

Of course, your ulterior motive has managed to remain a secret. From clandestine discussions with the Society of Brilliance all the way back to the Gate; to fevered exploration in the deepest chasms of Sembia. Nights spent looking over the ferryboats on the Sea of Fallen Stars and discussing so many different futures the two of you could live. 

He is completely disarmed and unsuspecting at your side. Radiant. Hopeful. The world is changed and he wants to see every bit he passes with eyes wide open to good fortune.

“A town called Tardy? Really?” 

He sneers.

You shrug.

“It has a fun ring to it. Tardy.”

The word bounces on your tongue as you taste the mull-soak set between your teeth. 

A wordless mission to stave off the chill now has you settled fireside in the closest inn with mulled Glowfire. The clock ticks and there’s lively chatter a little behind you in the main tavern room.

“The Scoundrel's Cellar, though. Now that’s a good name.’

He takes a small sip. 

‘Why Tardy?”

You turn your head to him with a tight quirk of your upper lip.

“You’re asking me why?”

“Not really.’

Astarion looks at you and smiles.

‘It’s just… nice. To be able to talk at such leisure like this, I think.”

His cheeks are ruddied by the lashings of wind, the hint of a twinkle in his eyes as he reveres you. Hair a little unruly in the mop of curls atop his head but still unbelievably well-kempt for a man who's been on the road for months now. Lost wholly in his sheer exuberance, his joy in living despite the lack of a pulse. His chalice is close to his chest as he warms his hands.

You daren’t linger on your own appearance, thinking a silent prayer that the bathroom has a mirror. 

It’s a long moment before you reply.

“Yes! Yes. Absolutely.”

He throws you a quizzical glance but the smile doesn’t leave his face as he shifts to look down at his drink.

“I sometimes picture having a fireplace, you know. How-’

A brief pause.

‘How nice it’d be to sit by it, on an evening like this. Home.”

Astarion stretches a palm outward to the flame and closes his eyes, basking in the scalding heat. Amber shades. Pallid skin a perfect canvas.

“What would you be doing, by the fire?” You query softly as you watch the gentle flickers of his hand, outstretched.

“I- I’m not sure.”

Something resembling a coy smile creeps onto his face, overrun by a timid quiet uncharacteristic of your long-term lover. You lean over to him and take his nimble fire-warm hand in your own. A small kiss planted firmly on the hot skin.

“Go on.’

The willing smile on your face as you egg him on, chin to palm. He tilts his head coquettishly. 

‘What do you see in that beautiful head of yours? Because I can see it now - a sitting room full of tapestries and hangings; all of your design, of course. Patchwork blankets. Big comfy seats.”

“Ugh. Fine. Yes.’

Any ill-mannered jest fades almost immediately as he looks into your eyes and beams once more. He is safe here. He knows it.

‘I’m thinking big seats. Maybe-’

He brings his arms out wide.

‘Maybe this big? Possibly bigger? Somewhere to lounge, naturally.’

His hand finds yours in the low light once more, a tentative clutch as he maps out the vision in his head. 

‘Soft carpets on stone floors. Incense - none of the dull stuff though, darling; only pure patchouli - and… and lanterns with glass of all colours, so the room glows with light constantly.”

“So we’ve set the scene. Then what?”

Astarion rolls his eyes at you fondly.

“And then… I don’t know. A little cat on the cushions. Books, papers scattered on the carpet as despite the fact we have those big comfy seats; I’m not seeing myself to be inclined to move Her Majesty.”

“After the cat at the Last Light?”

“The very same. But I want a girl cat. Boy cats feel… weird to me. Cats are girls.’

He grimaces and waves his chalice-hand.

‘Anyway. Her Majesty on the lounger, me on the floor. I’m drawing up patterns early into the morning. Big, thick shutters over the windows; but it doesn’t matter because the lantern light is so vivid, and you;-’

There’s a feather-soft look to him when he does look at you.

‘Oh, you.’

You become aware of him drawing small circles with his thumb, eyes unmoving; unblinking. 

‘Always you. My love. Should you decide to join me in long-term domesticity-’

He plants a kiss on your hand as you did his. Your stomach is pure cream as you listen, nodding slowly with lids of honey.

‘Then you. Everywhere. Beside me on the carpet, laughing in that delicious way you do. Astride me in our bed -’

You smirk. He looks at you a little deviously.

‘Well, not just bed. Anywhere, really.”

“Is that what the loungers are for?”

A small grin.

“Maybe.’

You gesture for him to continue with a knowing grin.

‘Anyway. Yes. The future. Us. A townhouse somewhere in the Gate.” He sips slowly while pondering.

“What about younglings? You were fond of Yenna.”

The wine erupts down his pale chin in shock, eyes like saucers.

“I’m sorry?”

“Children.” You repeat, holding his gaze with firm affection. 

He moves to laugh but there’s a wavering indecision in the way his brows crease.

“Is that even possible?”

“I don’t know. But if it is?”

He stops to think for a moment when the call for Grand High Lord Supreme General Admiral Ancunín - his favoured travelling name - comes from the frazzled barmaid at the front of house to signal your rooms are ready, and all discussion overruled by the fact you’re both bone-weary beyond belief.

As your hand moves to your pocket, you feel it.

Sequestered away in the little velvet box you bought from the Night Market months ago and kept for this. 

Later.

-

Hours on and you’re settled. A small room with an adjoining washroom - modest, but surprisingly comfortable; and just as you’d hoped, there’s a balcony. 

Astarion lounges on the bed with a large leatherbound book, looking fondly at you from time to time as you busy yourself with your recent findings, taking inventory and stashing bits away in their respectively labelled bags of holding.

“What is all of this in aid of, anyway?” He asks in a lazy drawl, seemingly unbothered.

“What?”

“This. The adventuring stuff. Do we have a destination yet?”

“No, not in particular.’ You turn to look at him over your shoulder.

‘Why? You’ve not been bothered before?”

“And I’m not now. But I am curious.’

He grins devilishly on the bed and flips the book closed, placing it next to him and sitting straight - legs crossed. 

‘What’s the plan, lover?”

“Who says there’s a plan?”

He’s got you right where he wants you. 

You feel yourself becoming giddy again - heart wholly aflutter. You’re aware that he’s attuned to the regular pitter-patter between your ribs and despite the conscious attempt to regulate yourself back to calm; you almost want him to find you out this way. 

“Nothing. I’m just wondering where we’re - well, wandering. It’s beginning to feel a little aimless”

There’s a moment of silence, prolonged as you fiddle further with your trinkets.

“I-’

You reach for the box in your pocket and run a thumb over it reactively.

‘I’ll tell you later. I promise.”

He looks at you with a curious furrow, trying to eke out a little more information in the quiet din but you’re wise to it at this point in your relationship. You simply yield into his glance with a pleading smile. 

“Okay. Okay. I’ll leave it with you. But I do expect answers!”

You heave a sigh of relief. He’s definitely picked up on it.

Once all of your spoils are packed away you take a trip downstairs to purchase more wine and request a bath to be drawn - after all, you’ve been on the road with rivers as your only source of cleanliness for gods know how long.

There are nerves. Of course there are nerves, small pins prickling from within and setting you ablaze with each new thought of him beside you for life, threads weaving a rich tableau life together. Lilting violins and piano sonatas. Finery for days. Some small townhouse, just as he’d described it downstairs. 

But you found the thing you’d set out to find on your adventures. Where you head next is entirely up to the both of you.

Provided he says yes, that is.

You imagine the worst possible rejection he could give you - “No, darling. Let’s keep things as they are for now.” - and yet the thought of him calling you darling in that syrupy murmur is rousing enough to keep you afloat. 

The bath is tepid, door open whilst Astarion watches from the bed between pages.

“More wine, love?”

“Please.”

Calm. Rain on the thatch roof. 

He perches on the side of the washtub, one leg crossed over the other as he passes you a glass full of red. Hums absent-mindedly as he swirls the perfumed waters with a dainty hand. 

Your mind drifts to the ring. How beautiful it’ll look in place.

He looks at you with that curious glint in his eye, and you roll your head to the back of the tub in an attempt at meek avoidance.

“Pretty.” He quips. 

You laugh quietly.

“Hm?”

“You. Pretty. Hair all mussed like a siren. A vision.”

He lifts your wrist from the water and kisses the back of your hand a few times over, while you squirm in jest. He only retaliates by kissing you harder with a fiendish giggle. 

“You’re one to talk.”

The lantern by the mirror lights the tips of his curls from behind. Angelic.

“Yes, I am beautiful. So are you. My darling.”

It must be late now. Maybe late enough.

As you lift from the water - assisted by your lover’s hand - and enrobe once more, you feel it.

Now.

-

Astarion begins his usual routine of light-proofing the room and blocking the shutters as the threat of sunrise looms on the horizon.

Well. Light.

The rain doesn’t show any sign of ceasing.

Nonetheless, you feel ready. A habit you can’t wait for him to break, checking the shutters for cracks.

“C’mere.” 

He turns to you and looks you over.

“Hm?”

“Come here! Please! I’ve got something for you and it simply can’t wait any longer.”

The box is light in hand, soft. You’ve checked it multiple times for the ring and all is in place.

The way he steps to you is cautious. Catlike.

“Is this the thing? Is it finally time?’

You pull him in next to you on the edge of the bed, taking both hands in yours.

‘I can see that little box. Hopefully a trinket worth the hours of agony I’ve endured waiting for you to reveal your secrets.” He grins, pulling you in for a gentle kiss.

You don’t say anything, freeing one hand to take the box.

“This is-’

A sharp inhale.

‘This is it. Wherever we go from here, it’s mutually agreed. All of it. But this is what I’ve been looking for, hence my leadership skills taking forefront again.”

“Don’t tell me. It’s a Bracing Band!’

You shove him gently and he giggles, reinforcing his clutch on your hand. 

‘Okay, okay. I’m done. Show me.”

He waggles his fingers around your palm and grins expectantly. Gods. You rip the bandage off and open the box to him.

He’s seen a picture of it before - it’s in one of his books, that’s where you got the initial idea - but you know he hasn’t read it or he’d onto you weeks ago.

And he doesn’t recognise it. 

“I- What is this?”

A gentle whisper as his eyes run over the golden rays cast with aged enamel. 

“A ring.’

Astarion’s death glare takes a new form, this time wholly inhibited by the uncertainty in his frozen hunch.

You stand and spin to a kneel on the floor in front of him.

‘A special ring. Really, really special; in fact.’

Plucking it from the velvet, you hover the band over his fingertip.

‘Firstly though. Marry me?”

You don’t think you’ve ever seen him so completely and utterly shocked. 

Mouth firmly agape as red round eyes attempt to scan yours for any sign of deceit, jowls trembling a little in the yellow lantern glow. A small gulp as his lips meet once more.

“You picked an inn called The Scoundrel's Cellar, in a town called Tardy, in the middle of a thunderstorm; to propose marriage to me?”

“Had to be here, had to be now. Couldn’t wait any longer. You’ll understand in a minute, I promise.’

You rise a little to cup his jaw in hand, sinking into a chaste kiss. 

‘Astarion Ancunín, will you marry me?”

“Gods!’

There’s a brief tremor as his lips wobble, then a practised breath as he speaks. One hand reaches for your flushed cheek to mirror the gesture. 

‘Of course I will, you brute. Maybe you could’ve done with a better choice in ring, of course; but I can learn to love it, I’m sur-”

“You are beyond insufferable, Astarion. Kiss me right now.”

The immediately resulting kiss is brimming with yearning. A cup full to spilling as he takes the ring in your hand whilst you put it on him. 

He hunches all the way over to meet you on raised knees, grabbing at body-warmed bedclothes for one another; tenderly, in peals of quiet laughter between breaths and silent shouts.

“Wait. I’m not done.’

He’s giddy now, too. Knee bouncing. 

‘There’s a reason it had to be that ring.”

“It’s hideous, pet. Give me a reason to love it.”

You spin to your feet and to the furthest shutters, opening them a slight as he watches on in guarded curiosity with the biggest smile lingering on his face. 

The first hint of light. 

“C’mere.”

“You’re bossing me around an awful lot today, my darling betrothed.”

The weight of the moment is colossal, ocean deep. Despite his sheer joy he won’t come willingly. The burns from the dock the day the Absolute fell were molten for weeks and you still both have night terrors ringing loud with the sound of his agonising yells. 

A gentle hand extends to him. 

“The Sunwalker’s Gift.”

Then it clicks. Slowly. The final puzzle piece.

“No. Surely.”

“Yes.”

“It can’t be.”

“It had to be.”

“What if it isn’t?”

“Then we have a wedding to plan in the Underdark. But I wouldn’t traipse across the realms on just an inkling, you know.”

“I know you wouldn’t.”

“Well then.’

Your hand waits expectantly, fingers mimicking his waggle.

‘Just a finger. Please.”

He sits on the bed, spinning the ring mindlessly; before he looks at you with a resolute nod.

“I’ve trusted you with far worse, all things considered.”

Astarion approaches slowly and meets your hand, interlinking your ring fingers together and waiting for your word as you position yourself within the light.

“On three?”

Three arrives and nothing happens.

Hands raised, fingers lit in a single low beam of early light. Frozen.

“Astarion? All good?”

He moves your hands wholly into the light. Nothing. Twists the tangled fingers as if examining for damage. Rain careens into the window.

“I- Yes. Yes. All good.”

Dumbfounded.

You erupt into a bubbling grin, pulling him to the balcony doors and planting another soft kiss onto bewildered lips. Looking to the worn bronze handles with a brief head tilt.

A simple, overwhelmed nod. Brows knitted together in a milky daze, mouth slack. He looks like he’s going to collapse. 

The doors edge open and you cautiously step to lead him by arm.

Nothing. Not a single sizzle, no cinders. Forearm, arm, body; head.

No tug on your hand as he races back indoors. No wretched cries of pain nor gasps of hurt.

It’s a few seconds before he speaks. The sun now burns bright enough to see the streets below with razor clarity.

“The rain. My- my hair-’

Barely above a whisper.

‘Looks perfect. As it always does.’

Your eyes don’t leave him. Not once. He’s completely floored, gazing into the middle distance mindlessly. 

‘Love, sit.”

You gently tug an iron-wrought balconette chair over to him and help him to find purchase atop it amongst his overwhelm.

“I- I love you. Thank you.”

“Anything. Anything for you.”

He shakes from his haze once wet through, lightning on the horizon awakening the Astarion you recognise best. Closes his eyes with a soft smile.

“You’re going to catch your death out here, you know.”

His grip on your hand is vicelike, clutching it to his chest with zealous reverence.

“Then we’ll have to have a hot bath later. Right now though, I think a celebration is in order.”

You free yourself from his grasp for two moments, barreling back inside for the last of the wine and the large bedsheet. You place both chalices on the iron table and sit beside Astarion outside in fits of laughter whilst wrapping the sheet over both of your heads. He snatches your hand back and kisses it for an age. Devoted.

“To Tardy?”

He lifts his chalice in his free hand, and you do the same in yours.

“Tardy!”

[coralinnii]

I love the villain scorned by the world feat: Azul genre: drama note: continuation of reincarnated into a new world as the bad guy AU Azul ver, not gender specific reader, no pronouns used, use of non-canon characters (Neveah), 1.4k word count

I know people wanted to see more of the female and male lead’s downfall but Azul’s story has so much potential for drama that I just can’t skip it. This is more of an interaction between villain/ess!reader and the female lead and things are getting interesting. There’s more to the story

Is it funny that the more I write Azul’s villain/ess!reader, the more they’re starting to be like how I think Jade would act…just sassier

You became the talk of the kingdom for quite some time and you weren’t surprised. You had your engagement annulled and disowned from your family but you managed to disgrace your former fiancé the prince and his lover with their affair. Instead of a fallen noble, you became a surviving noble who became a victim of unfaithful love. All according to your plan.

Free from your downfall, you find yourself living in comfort in your own house close to Azul. The royal family and your own parents have requested your attendance but you declined their letters, playing your victim card to the fullest.

“Oh no, how could I possibly return back to the palace where I had my heart broken?” “My family disowned me. The least I could do is respect their wishes” Good riddance to that stifling environment.

You did notice that you never once received a letter from the young prince, the male lead though you would scoff and burn it if he did anyway. You figured that he was too prideful to address the affair with you. He wasn’t regretful for his actions nor was he regretful he got caught. The original series seriously had a bad cast.

Though it could also be that since the disgraceful act the male lead was sentenced to house arrest to “reflect on his actions”. From your sources, he’s just been angry all this time, especially when he hasn’t been able to meet with his beloved.

Speaking of which, the female lead has been busy through all this fiasco. Crying and spinning the tale of how she was a helpless victim in this mess as well, saying how she was clueless throughout everything since being so new to the noble society.

Please, Jade has better acting skills than she does. You supposed you could commend her for her guts.

Like how she was gutsy enough to visit you in your own home.

“I’m so glad you’re willing to meet with me” Neveah smiled but you didn’t return the smile, choosing to sip your tea.

“You should be glad, considering I probably would have ignored you” you replied indifferently. “It just so happens that I wanted to ask you a few questions”

“Oh? What kind of questions?~” That exaggerated childlike tone of hers really rubbed you the wrong way.

Fighting through your irritation, you questioned her “I’ve heard that you’ve been attempting to meet with Azul for the past few days. Curious since you two aren’t even acquaintances”

“But, we are! Me and Azul are really close~”

“That’s not what Azul says, and you will address him as Count Ashengrotto” you rebuked her claim, a little snippier than you wished but your patience is not unlimited and the ditzy lady is truly testing you.

Azul mentioned his troubles to you when you asked about the visible stress on his face. Apparently he has unfortunately been bumping into the female lead at his businesses and she has been trying to interact with him, even offering to have tea with her…in his own restaurant.

“Tricking her would be akin to taking candy from a child, but even a child is more worthwhile than speaking with her” Azul sighed in aggravation with his brows furrowed. You kept a sympathetic expression but you felt a sense of joy over the silvernette’s words. There’s nothing wrong in secretly taking glee in your crush sharing your disdain over the same irritance, right?

“Perhaps you should take a short rest, Azul” you suggested, “This stress will do you no good and you can’t afford to make mistakes due to your clouded mind”

Azul sighed but nodded “you may have a point”

“Would you like to rest on my lap? I wouldn’t mind after all”

“You-!”

Refocusing your attention away from your memories, you sharpened your gaze at your uninvited guest. “Considering Azul is someone dear to me, I worry about your intentions in approaching him”

Then, the situation took an interesting turn.

The young lady in front of you, undeterred from your stare, smiled brightly which some could compare to something angelic…to some. But her words did not match her innocent appearance.

“Are you worried that I would approach Azul the way you did?”

You didn’t break your expression but you must admit you were close to. Is she insinuating…

“Isn’t it weird that the famously lovesick fiancé of the prince suddenly changed?” Neveah questioned, putting on a confused pout on her lips. “No explanations, like a whole new person. The story has changed”

Oh, how interesting.

“So you’re interested in me” you finally smiled back “What can I say, I realized one day this was not my love story so I decided to change my ways”

“Is that so?~”

“Yes. But back to the topic,” you took control back of the conversation “You haven’t explained your reason for approaching the count?”

Whatever calculating look you thought you saw in the female lead disappeared as she smiled even brighter than before, fully committing to her innocent appearance.

“I just felt so bad in interfering with your engagement that I’ve been avoiding the prince in respect for you, not even replying to his letters. Then maybe you can reinstate your engagement with your beloved”

My beloved? You truly had difficulty not outright laughing out loud over that idea. But it was an interesting tidbit the female lead gave, knowing that the prince has been sending her letters meant that those two are still in contact. Just because she said she doesn’t reply, she could still be reading them.

“I’ve been trying really hard to forget the prince so I’ve been visiting the Monstro Lounge to get away” she continued her story, managing a tear from her eyes. “And I’ve been seeing the count there so I thought we could be friends”

So this is how she’s been fooling the masses. You’re willing to admit that she’s definitely a better actress than you initially give her with her sweet words and unassuming “innocence”. But you knew the story she conveniently left out.

Breaking the engagement between the royal family and your (ex)family of duke status, the male lead has been in hot water ever since as his reputation has affected him to the point that his right to the throne is in jeopardy. Azul on the other hand has been making a name for himself and his value in the kingdom is very attractive to many pursuers.

“How shamelessly greedy of you, Ms. Protagonist” you smirked at the female lead who continues to put on a sweet facade, you commend her ambitions at least. She really wants her happy ending.

But you’re done with this conversation already. You got your answers and have no interest in keeping company with this eyesore for any longer.

“That’s all I need to hear, I believe it’s time for you to leave” With that, you waved to your guards who were standing by to escort the lady to the door.

“Wait, then will you take the prince back? And convince the families to restore the engagement” Neveah quickly asked you before she was ushered. Ah, so that’s why she came to see you. You never did bother to ask…or care.

“Firstly, I don’t have the habit of picking up trash I already tossed out” you calmly stood up from your seat, smoothing down your clothes of creases, and gave a smile towards the female lead before speaking again “Secondly, I’m simply respecting what you said to me. Do you remember? You couldn’t stop from loving who you want”

You watched Neveah stutter and stumble, trying to find the right words but you weren’t interested anymore so you proceeded to leave the room first with some parting words before your guards walk the female lead out of your home.

“I’m letting you love the prince like you said you wanted, and I’ll love who I want, and I intend to fight”

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

It’s one in the morning let’s talk Six of Crows analysis - it feels like it’s been ages since I did any analysis, which is like the entire point of this account so sorry about that but here we go: We should talk more about Adem Bajan you guys okay because first of all he effectively comes to represent the vast majority of everyday people in a clear juxtaposition to both Inej and Van Eck, but he also is in a position of far less choice than I think we give him credit for.

As a reminder, Bajan is a young Suli boy (presumably somewhere around 19 but we have no confirmation of that) working in the Van Eck household teaching Alys music. He is highly implied to be having or to have interest in having as affair with Alys, and was Van Eck’s chosen jailer for Inej at the beginning of Crooked Kingdom. Van Eck claims he made this choice because he thought “a Suli boy would be most conspicuous” when he was attempting to lure Kaz into a trap to save Inej, but it was also an inarguably smart decision in that, as Inej even comments herself, Bajan was easy to talk to, made her feel nostalgic, homesick, and alone, and very nearly succeeded in drawing information out of her without having to restore to torture. If anything, resorting to torture was Van Eck’s major mistake at this point but that’s really a conversation for another time. Bajan is a really interesting character because he doesn’t want to hurt Inej and specifically encourages her to tell him things so Van Eck won’t escalate things further, but when Van Eck does escalate things Bajan is unable - or possibly unwilling - to stop him. For this Inej calls him a monster, and when he claims he did nothing replies “no, you’re the man who stands idly by congratulating himself whilst the monster eats its fill”. She draws a Suli phrase on him that effectively means he’ll be rejected by the community forever and his spirit/soul won’t be accepted, and she describes it as the worst fate or something along those lines sorry I can’t remember exactly. But what’s the most interesting thing is that even though he claims not to believe in any of it Bajan gets noticeably upset by this and says “that’s not fair”. Inej is surprised that he’s this soft, and there’s a very clear juxtaposition between the lives they have lived.

BUT - let’s look at this from Bajan’s perspective. And remember - this is important - Bajan is not described as an employee of Van Eck’s, but an indenture. An indenture. So Bajan is a young boy indentured in a foreign country to a man as high up in the country’s government as you can get and who has clearly been illustrated to the reader as a terrible person on several different levels that I won’t dissect in too much detail right now. He appears to have acclimatised himself to Kerch surroundings and acts with elevation above his status, because that’s what he has to do to survive in the upper echelon of a deeply classist society that actively diminishes and disapproves of his culture. (<<if anyone wants references for that let me know and also I’ve written about it quite a bit before so that’s kicking around on my page somewhere) He refuses to speak to Inej in Suli because “it makes me maudlin” and my question to you is: is he rejecting the language to further attempt to fit in and as a product of internalised prejudice, or because it’s so incredibly painful to be half-connected to a culture not only that he has forced himself to reject but also that he feels he can never safely return to? Probably both. He tells Inej he doesn’t believe in Suli superstition, religion, or culture, and yet is deeply upset when she uses it against him. Is this because he actually does believe, or wants to believe, in the Saints and the Suli interpretation of them but has rejected them for survival and the supposed betterment of himself? Possibly.

Bajan strikes me as very similar to Jesper in the way he presents himself as free, flirty, and casual, but had a considerable weight to almost everything he says and considerable pain hidden closer to the surface than he may have realised. I think there are parallels between him and Inej if we want to see them, but also a very stark difference in the way Kerch and Ketterdam have treated them. Bajan may not be privileged but even as an indenture he has - or at least as far as we know has had - a far safer and kinder experience than Inej has. This could be related to gender since the hyper-sexualisation of Suli culture is mostly centred on women - “the Menagerie always stocked a Suli girl” (I’ve intensely analysis this quote before so I won’t now but ugh there’s so much to say) - but we do know there are young boys captive at the pleasure houses as well although less commonly and it’s also possible that this difference is linked to Bajan’s decision to turn his back on Suli culture in order to appeal more to Kerch society whilst Inej continually embraced her culture and arguably became more religious in response to her experiences.

This is complicated because I’m not entirely sure how I feel about Bajan. I understand and support Inej’s perspective and everything she saw whilst in a far more dangerous position that he was, but is it possible that this was a lonely boy who saw someone he thought was like him and tried to communicate with her the only way he thought was safe? You are completely isolated in a foreign culture and hate yourself for having suppressed your own upbringing in order to survive, but now you meet someone else who yes, is in more danger than you, but who you might be able to help so that she can help you in return. You aren’t safe to speak freely and so you subtly tell her that you are an indenture, hoping she acknowledges that none of this is of your free will and because you know that she was indentured too (and remember from a societal pov there is very little understanding of what indentured girls at the pleasure houses actually go through and although that doesn’t excuse ignoring Inej’s trauma it may explain why he doesn’t fully acknowledge that their positions aren’t equal), you tell her that speaking your own shared language makes you feel maudlin, hoping she realises that you desperately miss your homeland and using your language makes you feel even further from your family than you already are because you can’t share it with them. She doesn’t seem to be taking any of it in, your employer has every intention of hurting her and you don’t know what else to do, so you make a last plea: you ask her about home. You think you’ve already made it clear that speaking about home is painful, so you ask her about it to invite that pain, to share it, so you both understand. But it fails, because she only sees your employer puppeteering you. You openly beg her to tell him the truth so that he won’t hurt her but she refuses to comply, and after all of your efforts and your desperate attempts to connect and beg her to help you both go home, her response is to turn your home against you and banish you from it for eternity. So when you see her the next morning, how could you possibly look her in the eye?

Bajan did not make all of the right choices in his brief time on the page. He didn’t. But maybe he was trying really hard, and he had no other options left.

Anyway I’m not saying this is definitive one way or the other it’s just an interpretation but I find him a very interesting and very sad character and I although I support all of Inej’s actions in these scenes from her point of view I do find myself wondering how she appeared to Bajan and how he felt in the aftermath.

[msfantasy-comics]

The Perfect Match

Roy Harper x Reader

Summary: A head cannon in which you are Roy’s perfect match.

Masterlist - Tip Jar

Independence

Throughout Roy’s developmental years, he was always treated with excessive handholding, rules and over exertion of authority.

This has led Roy to feel resentful of constraints.

In his former years, Roy relished the freedom and exercising autonomy through the Outlaws.

Roy really appreciates the sense of freedom you give in your relationship.

Roy: “Would you be upset if I cancel our date tonight? Jason’s back in town.”

You were fully dressed up, ready for your hot date.

Y/n: “Nope.”

And you really meant it.

You took advantage of your hot fit and took yourself on a date.

The flexibility you give him is one of the key factors to your loving relationship.

Adventurous Spirit

Given Roy has spent most of his free time training and practicing the art of archery, Roy needs a romantic partner who shares the passion of adventure.

Roy: “Wow… I never seen anyone shoot the ground when the target is only 5 meters away.

Y/n: “I was just testing the bow resistance…”

Roy: “Uh-huh…”

Whilst you may not be the most talented archer or most fit individual. You are always keen to try and participate.

Your enthusiasm to do better is infectious and Roy just loves and appreciates your willingness to try and do better, especially when it comes to his interests.

Y/n: “Roy did you see, did you see?! I hit the outer ring!”

Supportive and Empathetic

Roy has had to endure many hardships throughout his developmental years which has plagued him every so often during his adult hood such as;

Addiction issues - not only does Roy have past entanglements with addictions which leads him to live a clean life. He had developed a critical eye for intentions, as a trusted friend was the cause to his addiction. Now, Roy analyses everything for deeper motivations. That’s just the result of the trauma and it’s a the reality in which you had accept. Whilst it can be insulting and exhausting to be under the microscope, you always speak your mind freely and bluntly.

Relationship dynamic of being in a team - it’s a struggle for Roy to build trust in others due to his past experiences. He has trouble letting people in, but once your in, you most certainly not getting out. You appreciate the value in which Roy holds you and makes you feel extra safe and comfortable knowing that Roy, no matter what, will always be there for you.

Responsibility as a hero - Roy has had to endure the heavy burden of protecting society as nothing more than a well trained human. Society is never short of criticism and Roy is hard on himself enough as it is. This can lead to feeling emotionally and physically strained. Roy cannot handle the criticism of his short comings when it comes to his romantic entanglements too.

Roy: “Y/n, baby, I’m so sorry I missed your birthday party, it’s just, this woman, and her child-“

Y/n: “Roy! I had the best birthday ever! I took lots of photos, so you could see it all when you finished your patrol. But we can do that later, do you want me to draw you a bath? Have you eaten yet?”

Roy: *pant* “aren’t you-“ *pant* “upset with me?”

Y/n: “Don’t be a silly goose, I know you wouldn’t miss anything intentionally, must’ve been really important. We’ve been together for years, think I don’t know you by now?”

Sense of Humor

Even in the hardest of times, it’s at times easier to just have a laugh.

Roy appreciates that you don’t take difficult situations to seriously and just have a laugh with him.

Roy thinks your extra-adorable since you kept notes on his funniest one-liners.

"Some days, I wish I was a firefighter. All you have to worry about is fire."

"We're supposed to be professionals, yet here we are, running around in spandex, talking to ourselves."

"All these costume changes, and I'm still trying to figure out my life."

In a crowd full of hero’s your laughter amongst the dead silence is always appreciated.

[mswyrr]

wheel of time 1x06: romance and narrative economy

I think this episode is a great example of how to convey a complex and powerful romance in a limited amount of time. True, the episode is just over an hour long, but not even all that time is focused on the romance and yet it hits beautifully.

Their first move is that, since the audience has been introduced to Moiraine, one half of this grand love affair, the story begins with Siuan's origin story - we begin with the home where she grew up, we begin by learning the innermost rooms of her heart.

We see the last time she ever felt wholly safe and loved and free to be herself:

The day we see with her father is also the day Siuan begins to come of age, leaving this place of innocence and total safety - because of how magic is handled in this society, there are limited spaces for her to embrace her power, have the opportunity to learn, and be accepted as a grown woman.

Notable that, in her parting, her father uses these words to connect them, to create a bridge between this home and the life she will build:

Look at me. You're gonna do great things. And if any of them bastards tries to shame you, you show them who you are. Siuan Sanche. Daughter of the river. Clever as a pike. Strong as the tides.

Her father is giving a vision of herself--and the knowledge that he loves her deeply--to her that she can hold close for the rest of her life.

Then we see Moiraine and Siuan as mature women in the Aes Sedai order that has formed their adult selves. We witness the power and burden Siuan carries as the Amyrlin Seat, the masks these lovers must wear to pursue the larger goals they share - but that very sharing separates them. It requires them in different places; it requires that they conceal who they are to each other as well as their true inner selves.

It's after this display of politics and power that we learn that, despite all of this, Siuan and Moiraine trust their inner selves to each other.

Before meeting her lover, Moiraine strips herself down to her own girlish state - no formal, restrictive outfits, no ornate hair, no carefully chosen jewels. Just her.

It's in this exposed state that she approaches the magical portal

And everything comes together! Moiraine walks into Siuan's innermost heart, her childhood home. This is the secret place they share, the place they built together (presumably?) with their magic and where they love each other. Siuan can still be safe and free with someone - she has a family still, and it is Moiraine.

In this place of safety there are echoes of their lives outside, however:

Moiraine: Am I forgiven, Mother?

Siuan: I hate it when you call me that. So much for the Amyrlin Seat remaining neutral, without favorites…. No life. No love of one's own. Nothing but the Seat.

Moiraine: When have we ever followed the rules?

And, of course, there's the deliciousness of Moiraine's "on your knees" and how it interplays with Siuan's earlier command, as the Amyrlin Seat, for Moiraine to kneel before her. In the Tower, one must obey the Seat or face punishment; in love, one obeys because one wishes to, an even stronger compulsion than threats of violence one might argue lol

This play of identities and truths--innermost heart and their political identities, their status and power--culminates in Moiraine turning her political punishment, framed as a command to swear and oath of obedience to the Amyrlin Seat into a personal oath--a wedding vow, if you will--to Siuan herself.

Siuan: You are exiled from this Tower. To ensure your acceptance of this penance, you will swear fealty to the judgment of this Seat on the sacred Oath Rod. Swear your oath, Moiraine Sedai… before your sisters, in this… sacred Hall. The One Power renders it unbreakable and eternally binding. By the Light and my hope of salvation and rebirth… I, Moiraine Sedai, swear to obey the judgment of the Amyrlin Seat and never return till she calls me home, or may the Creator's face turn from me and darkness consume my soul.

Moiraine: By the Light and the hope of my salvation… and rebirth… I, Moiraine Sedai, do swear to honor and obey Siuan Sanche… Daughter of the River… clever as a pike… strong as the tides… and never return until she calls me home. Or may my Creator's face turn from me… and darkness consume my soul.

Moiraine is the only one giving these "wedding vows" and yet we know Siuan commits to her just as much - because Siuan shared her father's parting words--the ones she has kept close to her heart, the core inner self she has protected with those words--with Moiraine alone. By sharing those words Siuan committed to Moraine and now Moiraine is using them to commit herself to Siuan.

Moiraine touches Siuan's true, innermost heart even in this moment of her exile and them being parted by fate for a long period of time. In this moment of farewell she reflects back to Siuan the little girl she was, the woman she has grown into with that love at her heart, the love she shares with Moiraine. She reflects back their shared purpose and love for each other, even though Siuan has to be the one to command this exile.

And once again, tears mark the separation from home/heart and the blessing of giving someone a vision of themselves they can carry with them while you are parted.

It's really gorgeous work all around - but it starts with the writing, which is a master class in depicting a complex romance in a limited period of time.

[submissivegayfrenchboy]

24 / 04 / 2024

FINDING YOUR PLACE AS A WHITEBOY - A BNWO SHORT STORY

A young white man was walking when he saw a large, muscular Black man walking two handsome young men on a leash who were obviously his human dogs. He was so immense that the heads of the slaves barely reached above the giant's navel. They wore only a tiny pink chastity cage and nothing else, and they were completely shaved except for their hair. It was a way of keeping their identity and being able to recognize them.

“Poor unfortunate boys”, he said to himself.

The huge Black man sat on a bench in a park and his human dogs did not reach beyond his knees. On his orders, they licked his very long shoes, only to publicly humiliate them.

The white man thought that these two young men were enslaved since the Debt Act, created to make a person incapable of repaying his debt a human property. In reality, this Law only applied to white people owing money to Black people, in order to discreetly but gradually and concretely begin the slavery of Whites towards Blacks.

Nowadays it was really common to see white girls leashed by Black women, white girls leashed by Black men, whiteboys leashed by Black Women or Men, or a Black family, a Black couple or an interracial (Black man and white woman) couple. They were just dogs. Walking on their knees or hands and feet or standing but behind their Master / Mistress. Nobody looked at it, because most of the living pets were whiteboys and everyone agreed that whiteboys aren't useful to society so they deserves to be enslaved.

These young men leashed by the Black giant were probably students who couldn't pay their rent on time, or something like that, but it didn't matter anymore.

From now on they will remain for the rest of their miserable lives the human dogs of a huge Black man.

They didn't seemed to enjoy their life, and that's why the free whiteboy realized he should tell his opinion to the Black giant.

“He has no right to treat them like his dogs, they are humans after all. I’m going to go tell him what I think”, he naively decided without thinking.

The white man shouted : “How dare you treat his two poor boys like dogs? 😡”

The Black man stood up very calmly and the white man realized that his head was reaching under the muscular giant's pectorals.

“Oh my god you are so impressive, I completely forgot what I wanted to say... 😳” said the skinny white guy.

"Yes, I'm much more muscular than you, boy" replied the Black master in a loud voice. "These two white dogs belong to me. But if you were so shocked, you wouldn't be envious of their fate, as it seems to be. To my left is Asslicker and to my right is Dicksucker Would you like to become Feetlicker and worship a Black master?"

Faced with this giant, the boy realized his inferiority and immediately accepted. On the master's orders, he immediately went to buy a leash and a chastity cage, returned to the park, undressed, threw away his clothes and offered his identity papers to the Black giant.

The Black giants put the collar around the slave's neck and pulled the leash: he now had three little white dogs as slaves. One to lick his huge ass, the other to suck his big cock and the other to worship his long feet. The doggies were forbidden to speak without permission from the master, but he was so tall that he could not hear them speak or whisper.

"I can't believe you just asked him to take you as a slave" said Dicksucker, one of the slaves already purchased. "you realize that you have just given up your freedom. Why did you do that?"

"Are you kidding? I'll be able to lick feet for the rest of my life. The beautiful life I dreamed of is finally mine. Yay!", Feetlicker answered.

Asslicker was shocked. "We had no choice, but you did! Why would a white boy want to belong to a Black man as a dog for eternity?"

Feetlicker, the new dog, had never been so happy. Euphoric, he replied: "The better question is why aren't white boys already the property of Black men? They are superior to us in everything! I have never had a girlfriend, a stable job, faithful friends. At least my place in life is assured! I would have preferred to have been born in a kennel and to have been bought by this master since birth to be his dog!"

"You're really crazy, you disgust me 😒🙄" said Dicksucker, who hated his life in the service of a Black giant and hated this law too.

Yet Feetlicker's devotion was rewarded and the ingratitude of others punished: Asslicker became the Master's human toilet and never saw the outside world again, condemned to eating the shit and drinking the piss of the Master's many friends and family members.

As for Dicksucker, he was sold to an African brothel to suck huge black cocks for the rest of his days.

While Feetlicker was the happy dog ​​of a protective black man who made him lick his immense, very muscular body and fucked him to reward him.

The moral is that little white boys who are incapable of managing themselves can only find happiness and usefulness in the service of black men, and that it is the future of humanity to enslave them.

END OF THE STORY

Other story about a whiteboy being a pet

@blacksupremacygoddess @tidodore2 @leftprogrammingroadtripdean @wileyct @awhitegirlspassion @rape-and-raceplay @rainykpoptravelcreator @gayhopefullove @lovefanfiction01 @innerpiratefun @bnwo @blackcockriders @bnwoserverworld @blackmasterdominantforgoodfag @whiteboylovesblack @whiteboyforbbc @bbcaddiction2 @mnwosupporter

[cripple-woe]

PLEASE READ THIS IF YOU CAN SO YOU CAN KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO TRANSGENDER PEOPLE, POOR PEOPLE AND LEFTISTS IN THE UK RIGHT NOW!

Don’t let Rishi Sunaks current agenda fool you. While he is blaming transgender people for things that aren’t even problems (fun fact: more MP’s have been reported assaulting people in the bathroom than transgender people) you need to be aware of what he is doing.

The price of oil has surged 30% since June,

They are trying to ban protest and free speech,

4.2 Million children (29% of children in the uk) are living in poverty,

The inflation rate is 6.7+.

While people are starving, while kids are going to school with broken shoes and empty bellies, this man is ignoring it and complaining about how he doesn’t like transgender people. He will continue to ignore real issues and harass transgender people so that you don’t notice all of the things going wrong.

He’s banned people from hospital wards that match their gender identity, meaning many trans people may avoid being hospitalised when they need to because they will be put on the wrong ward, which may mean people don’t get the healthcare they need and may even DIE.

In the past five years, hate crimes against transgender people have gone up 186%.

Over 300 transgender people have been murdered in the last year.

Trans people are 770% more likely to commit suicide, mostly because of this cruel persecution from the government and society.

Taking away the rights and ruthlessly persecuting and attacking a group of people who only make up 0.5% of the population is fucking ridiculous. Trans people have done nothing wrong.

Rishon Sunak is a fucking fascist, the whole Tory party are fucking fascists, and if you vote for them you’re also a fascist.

Oh, and by the way, because I’m a very intense leftist, this could be sent to my college and they can send me to a radicalisation/terrorism course for expressing my political views about you know… not wanting to be killed by the governments cruel policies. Yes, you heard that right. If you are communist, anarchist or even just too intensely left for their liking, they can shove you into a radicalisation programme and forcefully influence your views. This country is going to hell and we can’t keep ignoring it.

They are also freezing income and National insurance tax meaning most people will be getting pushed up into a higher tax bracket that they just cannot afford, the rise in tax will be unpredictable and most likely more than the current tax, on this monetary note, our knife crime has risen 80% no doubt because of inflation and cost of living creating a higher general crime rate and therefore increasing this crime alongside it.

This section is directed to the Americans: please help spread this word. Many of us in the UK are reblogging and raising the alarm for you. Please, do the same for us. We are quickly falling into parallel situations, and people seem to have no clue what’s happening in the UK despite the fact it’s no secret.

~ Thank you.

[potahun]

Mysterious Lotus Casebook and the Analogies to Being Queer

this is not breaking new grounds or anything, there seems to be broad consensus in the (tumblr) fandom that LHL is a lot about being queer. there is also this brilliant meta by @seventh-fantasy about the jianghu being a queer space, which i love, and which dealt with the gender perspective for li lianhua in particular

having that in mind, i want to say how much i love that li lianhua and fang duobing's stories feel like analogies to two different queer experiences

we see li xiangyi in a few flashbacks and in how others viewed him before the east sea battle 10 years ago. we know he became the n°1 swordsman in the world, established a para-judiciary system and order in an otherwise lawless jianghu, that he used to duel just to win the right to pick flowers from someone's garden as gifts for every single lady in the sigu sect, and that he dated qiao wanmian and intended to marry her (judging by that flashback where he's seen drinking with shan gudao and the boys)

a lot of it is very heteronormative, and even a bit performative. and i don't want to say it's not genuine, i actually rly like the idea that many of those actions felt perfectly real to him at the time, and i genuinely think he had that show-off streak in him when he was a teenager

but regardless, everything about li xiangyi follows the heteronormative expectations of society, including his achievements, which command, among other things, admiration for his fighting prowess and his ability to establish rules. which is of course, ironic, as pointed out in the meta referenced above, since the jianghu itself does not follow those rules (and we slowly learn in the story that there was criticism of him for this even in-story).

but then we get to li lianhua, who does not fight, but cooks, learned to sew, to plant flowers, turns down every lady who looks his way, and who does not interfere in jiang hu matters if he can help it. and in particular, we get the conversation he has with qiao wanmian in ep 18, where she confronts him about his identity and asks him:

"if you'd already come back, why did you never reunite with us?"

and his reply is:

"all of this is so far in the past, now. i'm very tired. i just want to be free."

li lianhua is constantly put in contrast with li xiangyi. where li xiangyi performs, li lianhua just exists in the jianghu. where li xiangyi fulfils expectations and surpasses them, li lianhua turns his back to expectations. where li xiangyi establishes a domain and protects, li lianhua wanders freely, all by himself. where li xiangyi conforms to heteronormative standards, li lianhua doesn't.

we know that li lianhua is an unreliable narrator in that his opinion on his own past is biased, his knowledge incomplete. and he lies. almost compulsively. but there are also truth bombs that he drops between the lies. i personally believe that his willingness to detach himself from all the expectations thrown upon him and to finally exist away from norms, is part of those truths.

and this is very close to a type of queer experience, where you come out of some event or another in your twenties, suddenly realise you're queer and oh my god, it's time to live differently. and you start rejecting the norms and maybe your old friends wonder what got into you.

in the same conversation in ep 18, the following exchange happens between li lianhua and qiao wanmian:

LLH: "when we met each other, I was young and ignorant. I didn't understand what the feelings i felt for you were, either." QWM: "what do you mean? are you saying... you never loved me?" LLH: "back then, we were young. nothing of what we said then can still count now."

it can be interpreted in different ways, but it sure fits a queer narrative extremely well. the feelings were real, but he didn't understand whether they were romantic or not, he just followed the norms. but things are different now.

enters fang duobing

fang duobing feels like a different queer narrative. by family background, fang duobing is a person who has equal ties to the imperial court as he does to the jiang hu. the emperor and his family wants to engage him to the princess of the court, a perfectly normal thing in the societal context he lives in, and a luck few can hope to have. what does he do?

flee

i often joke that fang duobing's sexuality is to be a detective on the jianghu, but it really does feel like that kind of narrative. fang duobing never has any doubt that his place is away from the rules of the imperial court. In ep. 1, he tells his servants:

don't worry. once your young master makes a name for himself as a renown detective on the jianghu, they {his parents} will understand that, compared to the imperial court, i am much more suited for the jiang hu.

and yes, this is about escaping the rigidity of the court as such, but it's also analogous for the freedom to be who you are, to be queer, to not conform.

and fang duobing never backtracks. his parents want him to conform, and they want him to have the comfort that comes with this lifestyle. he rejects it thoroughly and consistently.

it's also interesting that in ep 25, once they meet the princess and they have gone through a case together, fang duobing still rejects the idea of the wedding. when li lianhua tells him "the jianghu is a place full of grudges and sinister schemes. why not become a carefree consort prince?"

fang duobing only looks forlorn and retorts "li lianhua, can you never say that again, please?"

in contrast, though, he has no qualms planning his whole life on the jianghu with li lianhua in ep. 15. so this is not about settling down with someone.

it feels very close to being confidently queer and knowing it from a very early age, and then rejecting the heteronormative expectations thrown upon you with assurance.

...

anyway, so what i want to say is: li lianhua is a tired millenial who discovered he was queer in his mid-twenties after a mild depression; fang duobing is a gen-z baby queer who doesn't know his queer history but is so confidently queer and he's never looking back

[sorcerersandskillusers]

Gogol character analysis: The Maddening Paradox of Free Will

I recently did an analysis of Gogol and Chuuya and how they explore the idea of freedom and control so differently, but i wanted to make a more full length version for Gogol original: here

Gogol's motivation is one of the most interesting I've ever seen, he takes a concept like wanting freedom, which is a very common motivation for protagonists and hero's. And twists it to be the complete opposite, where he views his emotions, and morality itself as a prison which he desperately wants to escape

Gogol is essentially trying to prove that there is no actual limit on what a human being is capable of doing, that the restrictions of society are just a cage that he can escape from to be truly free.

"No human could melt someone's face with acid for no reason." "No human would be willing to help destroy the whole world." "No human would willingly work for a demon." "No human could ever kill their only friend in the world."

That restriction is what drives Gogol to do so many awful things, he wants to prove that humans are capable of it. To him, we are all trapped in this cage of what we can and can't do, taught to us by our parents and teachers. The illusion of right and wrong. He wants to break free from that and truly be free as a bird.

And at first Gogol thought if he could over come the fundamental instinct of all living things, too survive. Then surely he must be truly free. But a key realisation changed his mind at the last minute.

Gogol tries to act the opposite from how a regular person would in any situation, his mad jester persona is a really good example of that, "Who in their right mind would dress like a clown and parade around giving the enemy quizzes and telling jokes?"

And this is why he chose not to die, it is human instinct to end your own suffering, so surely since his quest for free will was causing him so much suffering, (We know he felt extreme guilt over hurting those politicians), if he was just trying to escape that guilt and pain once and for all, it would prove nothing.

He looks so genuinely sad here, he clearly wishes he could go back to living a life of blissful ignorance, and not be tormented by the bars that surround him. But dying in that cage would mean nothing to him, so the act of dying is not enough to break free.

So if he can't prove his free will by taking his own life, then how can he. He needed to do something so unimaginably irrational, which would hurt him so much without any benefit to him, that there was no way it was simply instinct or emotion. And that's where Fyodor comes in.

I believe Gogol agreed to work for Fyodor because he was the epitome of everything Gogol hated in this world. He is the master of manipulation, so surely if Gogol could break free of his manipulation, he could break free of the prison in his own mind right? And on top of that. What sane person would agree to help the very thing they despise most?

But Gogol found something he didn't expect in Fyodor. Understanding, something no one else had ever had. a person to easy the loneliness of his mission, his first and only friend.

Killing Dostoyevsky, the only person who ever understood him and the only person he considered his friend. He would gain nothing, he would have to live with the crushing guilt and loneliness for the rest of his life, it would be the worst possible thing to do, so much worse then dying. It would the last thing any sane person would want.

Gogol's character so so incredibly interesting, I can't wait to see his backstory and find out what he has planned in the future.

[weebsinstash]

I'd be judging the hell out of Mom!Reader for naming her twins GABRIEL and GABRIELLA!!!! (Not judging her that much for instigating Miguel to get me or something, I mean. Stockholm syndrome is a bitch. and also. I get it, the power of big d and all that stuff) GIRL. That's the SAME NAME!!!!!

Smh there's so many beautiful names in spanish but MomReader and Miguel 2 are lacking in the creativity department.

Miguel over here watching Mom!You being so radiant and joyful while showing off her chunky babies and he's sending sly glances to you, lowkey being a snob as he thinks "OUR babies would have much better names" and before he knows it he's building up this little fantasy in his head by accident. He keeps hearing these little stories or details from the other you and the other him and in his head he keeps thinking of what he would've done, how he thinks it would've gone for you and him, and you two are not even in a relationship. In fact depending on how drawn out this gets, you haven't even been in the Spider Society for several weeks and are at home with no intention of ever coming back, heartbroken, alone

I even thought of "what if an afab Reader got so desperate to escape canon and have freedom again that she gets pregnant by a stranger and literally carries a full pregnancy so she can abandon the baby, because the kid will eventually become a Spider and maybe they'll take over the canon and then you'll be able to do whatever you want" because you're just. You're so upset that canon is controlling your life and basically like ENSLAVING you that you're desperate

Lmao Peter B sneaks back to see you even though he isn't supposed to and finds you, he's ecstatic, "oh my god you're SUPER pregnant!" and he knows he isn't supposed to see you but he zips it and goes back home and, months later he visits you again with gifts, "so where's the baby?" "I dunno, where IS the baby? :)"

Would the baby technically be an anomaly since you weren't supposed to have it, not like this? What if they had to get rid of it to re-stabilize the timeline or whatever? Now you're being EXTRA shunned because, "wow you went through all that just for yourself huh 🙄 you'd rather abandon a baby than get married..." like people just beyond appalled with you, meanwhile you feel extra victimized because, wow that was all for nothing, you're trying to rethink strategies since "the contigency" didn't work out.

Or less dark but imagine dumping that kid and then some time later you're invited back to the Spider Society and it's like "oh hey Miguel what's the deal with this random baby you're taking care of" and you don't even recognize it, don't even know, you didn't even look at it hard enough to ever really know what it looked like, and, well, WE know whose baby it is lmao. You thinking you escaped from it and it's off living its own life and is going to someday free you and they, maybe not even realizing your intentions and just thinking you were scared, are raising it to give it back to you. I'd go absolutely wild lmao. Their shock when you break it to them "I literally nicknamed it Connie as in contingency, I never even knew what sex it was, I never even fed it, oh my god get it out of here, you're ruining everything"

Miguel MAKING YOU raise it even if its like tbh a fucked up little accident, or, if it's the whole "anomaly baby's gotta go" situation, after the, uh, disposal, he realizes he's pushed you way too far and you're too stressed and scared to think and behave rationally anymore and THIS is where he basically assigns himself as your caretaker and eventually takes you for himself which is kiiiiiiiiinda for the best because you're losing it a little. Like idk I imagine with LYLA maybe he has her programmed to tell him his own canon or he can look at it himself but like, what if he avoided spoilers because he wanted his behavior with you to be authentic or whatever. Like Miguel 2 might let him know "yeah dude turns out we hook up with them in a lot of different universes, it's almost like a separate canon like Peter Parker having Mary Jane" and Miguel takes some sneak peeks at other realities and then he shuts himself off from it so he can move forward of his own accord, but he now knows a sort of guideline and maybe some things to avoid doing (he can see the reality where the YouTwo disaster is going down and he's like "I would NEVER make MY You feel replaced *acts like having Mom!You and Miguel2 around doesn't count, the denial is stored in his ass, that's why it's so big*")

He's got a little notebook or data log where he takes down notes and details on things you like, things he notices about you, things you do often, habits, favorite foods, favorite color, how often are you doing your laundry (he knows you keep re-wearing that bra, girl), are you making your bed, how well are you functioning. Jesus, he literally has technology that can recreate extremely hyperdetailed recreation simulations; if he isn't outright putting camera bots in your room, he can "recreate" however you've been spending your day. He can learn all your routines and rituals and habits, decide what things may be problems, what things you might need more of in your life, he's, studying you really, with a romantic and almost scientific obsession

Not to be all 50 shades of gray in here but would Miguel eventually come onto you, all pent up and control finally bursting, "if we were made for each other, you must like taking it as hard as I like to give it" and whether you want it or not he takes you, and your bodies feel like they fit together perfectly, he stretches you out and fills you up JUST right, you can't help but have your eyes roll into the back of your head with how good it is, and of course he used any good reactions out of you as an excuse/"sign" he's doing the right thing and to keep going, that you're consenting, that he's finally winning you over

Who know; the two of you might start having those babies faster than you both initially thought 😳

[andreafmn]

So I am OBSESSED with your Carlisle fics.

I was hoping I would request an imagine with a female reader who is asexual and afraid Carlisle won't want her, but of course, he is totally loving and accepting of her.

Thank you and I hope you're well.

Word Count: 2.7K

Paring: Carlisle Cullen x Female!Reader

Story Description: Rejection after rejection was the way (Y/N) went through life because of her sexuality, or rather lack thereof. But when she meets Carlisle Cullen, as in love with him as she is, she can't help but let the fear of her past keep her from telling him that she is asexual.

A/N: Loved writing this request and I hope I did it justice. 😊😊 My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts to support me and my love of writing or buy me a coffee

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As You Are

Delving into a relationship is no easy task. It’s allowing someone to know every part of you, every moment and secret that has made you who you are, and hoping they accept it without an exception. It’s one of the most vulnerable and exposed anyone could be. 

But there was a rather daunting sense of defenselessness that came from admiring your sexuality. Especially to a world that might not understand. The same world that valued love in the same standing as intercourse. 

(Y/N) had always felt like maybe there was something wrong with the way she loved. That whatever it was she was missing from the checklist society had written for her would be completed by the next person she fell for. Because maybe, just maybe, someone else had what she needed. 

But, as time went by, and partners came and went, nothing magically sparked inside her. And she feared that it never would. 

Until she met Clara. Well, @clara1986x on an internet blog site. 

(Y/N) needed to understand what she was feeling –not feeling. She did what any teenager with an avid curiosity, a life-changing question, and no answers would do. She turned to the internet. For hours she sat in front of a blank search bar, scared of what lived behind the screen. There were no expectations, but there was that underlying fear that there was something wrong with her.  

But, pushing it off wouldn’t change whatever results would pop up. With shaking hands, she typed slowly as she took deep breaths to calm her racing heart. It pitter-pattered against her chest as it hammered in her ears. There was no turning back once she hit the enter key. 

I do not feel sexually attracted to anyone… is there something wrong with me?

The first thing that popped up on the results page made her eyes fill with tears. There is nothing wrong with you, the page was titled. Could it be true? That whatever she was feeling was normal?  

She clicked on the webpage and a personal blog loaded on her screen. 

There Is Nothing Wrong With You

If this page showed up in your results there’s a huge chance you may think that you’re lacking something in your romantic life. News flash! There isn’t. 

Let me guess, you think if you’re not sexually attracted to your partner then it means you don’t really love them. Well, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. There are many ways to love and be in love with someone without adding sex to the mix — it also never has to be added for some. 

Have you ever heard of the term asexual? “The word asexual combines the prefix a-, meaning “not” or “without,” and sexual, referring to sex. Asexual is first recorded in the late 1700s, originally used in biology to refer to organisms, especially plants, that had no sex organs.” [That’s from the dictionary]

In the simple (and broadest) of terms, an asexual person is someone that doesn’t feel sexual attraction toward others or low to no desire for sexual relations. But since we know that sexuality is a spectrum [even if so many people don’t want to agree] this might mean something different to everyone that reads this. 

So, why am I focusing only on the most basic form of asexuality if there is such a big spectrum? 

Because I used to think there was something wrong with me. I used to search in partners for something I was lacking and no one could tell me why I didn’t feel like most people did. I didn’t want to have sex, with guys or girls. I never felt the need to establish a relationship with sex to admit I loved that person. And before you ask, yes, I have tried sex before; no, I don’t need to find the right person for it; and no, I’m not missing out. 

Being asexual doesn’t mean I don’t want to fall in love, or have a partner, or be with someone for the rest of my life. It simply means that I don’t need sex to “seal the deal.” I want the romance and the giddiness, I want the hand-holding and the kisses, I want everything that comes with being in love, I just don’t want sex.

Hi, I’m Claudia and I am asexual.

“Hi, Claudia,” (Y/N) cried as she finished reading the post, a smile spreading across her face. “I’m (Y/N), and I think that so am I.” 

It was the first time in her life that she had heard of the term, let alone found someone that felt exactly the same way she did. For the longest time, she thought she had been an anomaly in the population. That something had been wired differently inside her and she needed to be fixed. 

There was nothing wrong with what she didn’t want. Love had never had to equal sex, and she could be in love with someone without adding it to the equation. She did not need it to feel complete.

But that didn’t mean that everyone else understood what it meant. 

As she left high school and entered college, her dating pool expanded. But their mentality did not. It seemed she was stuck in a vicious cycle that she simply could not break. (Y/N) would meet someone new, they would go out on a few wonderful dates, and form a connection. Yet, when the time came to speak about the dreaded s-word, they all seemed to be taken aback. With some it was a quick rejection, sex was too much of a deal breaker to not have. With others, it was a slowly dying fire that, at the end of the day, always died out.

Whether it was that they didn’t want a relationship without sex or they didn’t want her without the promise of sex, she had not met someone that could accept her as she was and all that she would not offer. 

Until Carlisle Cullen.

After an unlucky slip on ice on her way to visit her mom’s new home, (Y/N) found herself in Forks Community Hospital with a twisted ankle. Thankfully, her condition wasn’t dire and her head could focus on the Adonis-like statue that had been caring for her that afternoon. 

She had heard of the handsome doctor from her mother a few too many times. No one in town understood why an accomplished doctor like him could end up in a small town like Forks. Much less the fact that he was a single man with adopted teenage kids. There was a peculiarity to that family that no one got but rarely questioned out loud.  

No comment from her mother could have ever prepared her for the man that stood before her. A man carved out of perfection by the very hands of whatever god was real. A vision of blonde hair and unnatural amber eyes. 

“Well, Miss (Y/L/N), I think as long as you stay clear of any slush in the street, you’ll be good,” he smiled. “Just make sure to ice that ankle every couple of hours and you should be okay.”

“I’m just staying the rest of the month in Forks. I’ve got a job lined up in Seattle, but my mom recently moved here,” she said. “So, hopefully, no more mishaps.”

“That’s a shame,” he responded. A grin so mischievous on his face she could not help the flutter in her chest. “That it wasn’t you that moved here, that is.” 

“And why is that?” Her curiosity peaked. Was the doctor flirting with her?

“If you were new in town I could offer to show you around under the guise of it being a date,” he started. “I could take you out to dinner, show you how beautiful the woods are during winter –when you’re not falling on ice–, maybe end the night with a kiss.” 

“Do you usually hit on your patients like this, Dr. Cullen?” (Y/N) played along, a sense of confidence overtaking her senses. “I’m pretty sure there’s a rule against that.” 

“That would only apply if you were my patient after you left through those doors,” he smirked. “But that could only happen if you were staying. What a pity.”

“Nothing’s stopping you from doing it for the time being,” she teased. “Better than to always wonder what if.” 

“You make quite a valid point.” 

“Then, do it,” she smirked. “Pretend I just moved here and ask to show me around. I might just say yes.”

A hearty chuckle left Carlisle’s throat, his eyes glittering with the fluorescent light of the hospital room. “Alright then, Miss (Y/L/N),” he smiled. “Since you’re new here, it would be an honor to show you around town. Would that be something you would like to do?”

“That sounds perfect, Doctor Cullen.”

And the rest was history. 

Weeks turned into months, her office job turned into a local administrative assistant in the hospital, and her apartment turned into a room at her mom’s house. It wasn’t anything like what she expected her life to turn like, but something about Carlisle told her he was worth the change. 

Yet, as perfect as their relationship seemed, there was always something lingering in the darkness. To (Y/N), everything felt too good to be true, but she had yearned for so long for a relationship that felt right. She carried with her every rejection, every disappearance, every weird look. She didn’t want things with Carlisle to end because of what they would never have. 

Not even when he confessed to himself and his family being vampires did the pressure of speaking about her sexuality –or lack thereof- alleviate. It felt easier for her to accept the fact that supernatural beings roamed the earth than for her partner to understand that she did not feel sexual attraction. 

It was a backward way of thinking, she knew that. But she couldn’t help and remember all the times she trusted someone enough to tell them about being asexual. Every repudiation toward her because of her sexuality had left an irrevocable mark on her heart, a pain that remained quietly festering deep within her soul. 

But Carlisle could tell there was something wrong. He always could. As someone that was used to harboring big secrets, it was an easy task to know that (Y/N) had a big one weighing on her heart. 

He didn’t want to push her. Her secrets were hers to tell and he had never wanted her to reveal anything she did not feel comfortable saying. It did hurt, he could not lie. Carlisle had tried his best to let her know he was a person she could trust, that nothing she could have said, done, or felt would ever be able to push him away. 

The worst part, he knew Edward knew what her secret was, and so did Alice. But they had both said it was something that only (Y/N) could tell him, on her own time. The only thing they could say to appease his mind was that it was not a bad confession, but it was hard for her to talk about. 

Still, even if he had agreed to allow (Y/N) to speak her truths on her own time, it pained him to know the worry she carried with her whenever she was around. She deserved to feel calm and loved when they were together, and that was what he wanted the most. 

“How’re you feeling, darling?” Carlisle asked one day. “I brought you a blanket.”

(Y/N) was standing on the back deck of his home, staring at the setting sun on the horizon. Her hair was slightly drenched from the rain that had fallen, but she did not seem bothered by it. She allowed the man to drape the blanket over her shoulders, sighing as the warm fabric embraced her body. 

“I’m okay,” she smiled softly. “Just thinking.” 

“What about?” 

She took a deep breath, knowing she had put off the conversation for too long. There was no reason to keep hiding it. He had trusted her with the biggest secret he had, and she needed to trust him enough to share hers. Whatever happened after was something she could not control. She just had to be brave enough to face whichever outcome happened. 

“There’s actually something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” she started before leading him to join her on the white couch. “It’s not anything bad, but it’s something that’s very important. And I’m just scared of how you will react.”  

“Darling, you can tell me anything,” he smiled, taking her hands in his. “There’s nothing you could say that would ever push me away from you. I hope you know that.”

“I know you’re a different man, a completely different person than anyone from my past. But I can’t help being scared to talk about this when everyone I’ve told this before left once I told them this,” she sniffled. “There’s been this festering fear inside me for the longest time because I’m scared that it’ll make you look at me differently and reject me. I don’t know if I could take another one.” 

“(Y/N), you know I love you and you can trust me with anything.” 

“I know that, Carlisle, and I love you too. And that’s the reason why I’ve been so afraid to tell you this, because I really don’t want to lose you.” 

“You will never lose me, (Y/N). But, please, tell me what it is. I don’t want you to have to keep carrying this in your heart.”

(Y/N) knew the moment had come. Regardless of all her fears and concerns, they had gotten to the point where she couldn’t hold back anymore. 

“Carlisle, I’m asexual,” she breathed. “Which means I don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone and I have no desire to engage in any type of sexual activity. It doesn’t mean that I’m not in love with you or that I don’t want to have any type of intimacy. It’s just that I want everything that comes with being in love and in a relationship just not the sex part.” 

Carlisle took her in his arms, embracing her tightly as she cried onto his chest. He brushed her hair softly, kissing the top of her head comfortingly. All he felt at that moment was how much he loved her. 

“Thank you for telling me, darling,” he spoke softly, his hands caressing her cheeks as he stared into her eyes. “I know how hard it must have been for you to tell me that and I’m so grateful that you trusted me enough to tell me. And I want you to know that I love you completely and utterly as you are. I don’t need physical intimacy to know that I want forever with you.

You are more than just a body, (Y/N). I love you because you are a smart, caring, kind, and wonderful woman. You accepted me —my family— as I am, supernatural being and all. I’ve gone centuries without sex and I can go centuries more without it as long as you are by my side.” 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear those words,” she cried happily. “I wish I hadn’t been so afraid to tell you sooner, but I’m just so glad that I did. I love you, Carlisle, and I want forever with you. Just as you are.”

(Y/N) couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. Even as Carlisle kissed her tenderly, it never faltered. 

She had gone her whole life searching for the person that would accept her for who she was without the expectation that her sexuality would change. It had made every rejection, every broken heart worth it because they had brought her to him. 

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[agirlandherquill]

Ruin's Reprisal - WIP Intro

I was recently tagged by the lovely @mysticstarlightduck in a post of theirs and it inspired me so much I thought I'd put my own spin on it for my novel!

rules are simple, or to my mind, easily breakable (not that I will, because this rule is so broad and so fun) - pick a WIP and post something about it!

so without further ado, here's my WIP Intro!

Title - Ruin's Reprisal

Genre - Fantasy/High-Fantasy (if that's still a thing, sure hope so)

Tags - (ought to come up with some, shouldn't I? ah, well, I'll update this when I do!)

Synopsis - like me with my edits on the manuscript, it's a work in progress

Disgrace. Servant. Murderer.

Three people with nothing in common, except that they were wronged.

And now, they’re willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. Which means taking the one thing that their society rests on; its sins, its saints, its deaths and broken dreams.

The unlikely band of criminals are going to steal the crown.

Everything depends on one heist. Take the crown. Free themselves.

Will any of them survive? Or will they fall to the country that took everything from them? 

Only time will tell.

And they’re running out of it.

Plot Features, Tropes, A Little Warning Of The Chaos You'll Find

Heist. One big, life-risking, soul-aching heist

I killed for you. Because of you.

Life-saving debt, and then some

Royalty, a Court, and gut-wrenching normality - add a hint of rebellion while you're at it

Gifts and Curses, what's the difference?

My heart is in your hands, literally.

Morally Grey Characters

Deniable Feelings

Lies, lies, lies

A Wedding and A Funeral

I'm going to die. I AM GOING TO DIE.

Ballroom dances. Need I say more?

We had a plan. We had many plans. What now?

You love me. You won't hurt me.

Sacrifice

You made me feel. I need you to stop. I need you to break me because I cannot do it myself.

The Crown was never yours, it's mine.

You were supposed to come to me, to be with me, and I'd have made it all stop.

Slow-burn - light that fire, watch it burn

Limping into battle - best idea I've ever had.

Revenge. Revenge. Revenge.

He broke you? I'll destroy him.

I have hated you since the day I met you, and it still isn't enough.

Heroes and Villains

Light and Dark

Framing for a crime

Who knew a letter could destroy everything?

Character Portraits

Edeva Vitaire - Once a woman with everything: title, gowns, respect, the lot, now she is nothing more than an Exilza, someone exiled to the Half-Lands for a crime she did not commit. Edeva has learned the hardest of ways how someone can lose everything, and she knows what to sacrifice for revenge - she wants her mother's killer more than she wants her innocence restored, and she has only learned to survive in the wilds this long because of it. Mild-mannered by birth, spine steeled by survival, Edeva will do whatever it takes to get answers, even if it means partnering with the last person in the world she would want to help her.

Lucien Vaisey - Trained from birth to serve and protect the Alvarros, Aliria's Royal Family, Lucien understands duty more than most, and what it costs. His sword is at the mercy of other's commands, except when it comes to protecting those he cares for, then, this soldier truly becomes something fearsome.

Fenley Evander - Outcast by nature, damned in soul, Fenley is one of the few with a stomach for violence, and the darkened desire to do something with it. He kills for coin, to maintain a balance in the world, but there is no balance in himself. Plagued by a power deemed unnatural, Fenley is forced to hide his true nature, until the time calls for it. A dangerous man as ever lived, Fenley does not mourn for where his afterlife lies, instead he devours the fear others bestow upon him. He feeds the emptiness inside, and still he continues to hunger for something far harsher than violence - revenge, and to obtain it, he will stoop to wretched depths - manipulation, murder, and even betrayal - no man, nor woman, on this earth can possibly get in his way.

Chapters!

Part One:

Hunt & Hunter

Monsters & Mavericks

Saviour & Solace

Ashes & Absolution

Murders & Markets

Blood & Bravery

Cabins & Crime

Invitations & Irritation

Farewell & Forever

Emancipation & Exile

Puppet & Puppeteer

Part Two (this is as far as I've got with edits and changing chapter names so far, I'll update when I get more done)

Dance of Dismay

Lament of Larkhill

Rumours of Rage

Night of Nothing

Aches of Affliction

Trials of Twilight

Climb of Contemplation

Death of Diplomacy

My Inspiration!

This section is simply me getting to ramble about the things that stoked the fires of my imagination - movies, books, shows - songs, all the works! (as and when i recall/think of more, i'll add them to the list)

The Cruel Prince - had to go far into the depths of my memory for this one, but it was this series that truly got me invested in the likes of Fae and that sort of fantasy, and I took a lot of inspo from that! (in the early days, the Haelish were Fae but I wanted to go outside of that character stereotype and create my own fantasy bloodline/species, for lack of a better word)

Throne of Glass - to this day i'm still in awe of the world, the plot, the characters, everything and though i've only read it once parts of it have stuck with me

Six of Crows - the heist aspect of my novel shockingly came about before i'd read this but it certainly helped that part of the plot along

Red Queen - the villain of my novel, not saying who because who enjoys massive spoilers? (spoiler alert - not me), was deeply, deeply inspired from this series - I'd wager it was the first fantasy novel I'd read that gave me an insight into a truly 'dark' character, and I loved that, and of course, I used it as inspiration and to this day I am still torn between preferring a villainous character to a hero - it's one of the tropes I really, really enjoy

Far From Home by Sam Tinnesz - this was one of the very first songs I'd found for my initial writing playlist, and it's been played many, many times since

Lovely by Fleurie and Tommee Profitt - this embodied the regality and the tension that takes place in so many parts of my story, it was impossible not to be inspired

To Be Alone by Hozier - my ears will never forgive me for this, but it's true of any Hozier song, but this is one of my favourites

Pirates of the Caribbean - grew up watching these repeatedly, needless to say some of the characters did give me inspiration

The Mummy - one of my absolute favourite movies of all time, Rick O'Connell's attitude was an important factor for me to take inspiration from, he's such an interesting character

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

Pieces of us

I'm still suffering over beefleaf if yall were curious.

Inspired by NF-Wait

"If you've come here to laugh at my misfortune, feel free to do so, I'll laugh with you!" Shi Qingxuan says cheerfully as he sinks a load of laundry into the cold water of a patchy wooden basin, the off-white robes looking nothing like the kind he used to wear not too long ago. They appear simple and modest, more likely hand-me-downs from the people living in those slums - had the Shi Qingxuan of the past been forced to wear them, he would have wept at the mere sight.

But it seems as though he's grown accustomed to his new lifestyle. He's sat atop the one step in front of his shoddy house, the basin between his legs as he works, and had He Xuan not known anything about him, he would have never guessed this to have been the former Wind Master.

But then again, had anybody looked at him as well, donning black robes and a blank expression, they probably would not have guessed him to be Black Water Sinking Ships either.

Appearances are deceiving.

"I have not come to laugh at you." He Xuan finds his voice at last, monotone and inexpressive. He does not elaborate on the reason that he has come, though, largely because he does not have one.

At least, not one he is able and willing to admit out loud.

"Then what brings the great Black Water Demon Xuan here?" Shi Qingxuan asks just as cheerfully, standing up to shake water off the robes he had been washing.

He Xuan does not respond. Shi Qingxuan does not seem to mind him standing by the little gate to his cottage, so he lets the silence stretch for longer.

When Shi Qingxuan limps to hang the robes on the clothesline, He Xuan looks away with something dangerously close to shame in his eyes.

"You've been...well?" He Xuan asks and berates himself mentally immediately after. What kind of question is that? A life on the dregs of society, disabled and void of spiritual energy could in no way be good, try as one might. He feels ridiculous for having asked, for even being here in the first place.

He wants to leave and yet his feet won't move.

"I've seen better days." Shi Qingxuan laughs, but in the crystalline sounds the hint of regret is damning, "But life goes on."

Does it? He Xuan wants to ask but he doesn't find it in himself to.

"I do miss being able to shift into a female form, though." Shi Qingxuan continues, "I'd always been more comfortable that way, but it's not like there's spiritual energy laying around to be used."

He Xuan looks away again, trying to find something to think about other than...what happened. But the more he stares at the impoverished landscape bordering the grandiose capital, the more he feels an almost-guilt, almost-regret.

And almost-yearning.

Shi Qingxuan limps to hang up a surprisingly pristine bedsheet in the sun to dry. He Xuan must admit that, despite the decrepitude of Shi Qingxuan's current abode, everything appears as orderly and clean as possibly can, giving the house an air of nobility even in such a desolate place.

"Either way," Shi Qingxuan says, "If you're here just for a visit, I'm sorry to say that this host is rather modest, I've only some cheap wine and stew leftovers to treat you with."

"No need. I will not stay for a meal."

A look of surprise (almost concern) passes Shi Qingxuan's features. "No? How come?"

"I am not...hungry."

"Since when are you not hungry?" Shi Qingxuan laughs, "Are you ill? You used to always be munching on something wherever we hung out! Looking back, I should've definitely seen the signs!"

The humorous tone of the other settles into He Xuan's heart like a thousand swords, so striking that he flinches imperceptibly as he hears them.

Spending time with Shi Qingxuan feels like a thing of a bygone past, a memory from lifetimes away - almost as if it had not been He Xuan there by the Wind Master's side, entirely dissassociated.

He will never be able to call any of those memories his own - they did not belong to him, He Xuan, but to Ming Yi, a mask, a fraud - but he does revisit them sometimes.

(Which is why he has locked up Shi Wudu's head in a small corner of his cellar instead of placing it in the main hall of his palace as he'd initially intended - the satisfaction of revenge always seemed to be overshadowed by Shi Qingxuan's screams ringing in his ears, haunting him like a wrathful ghost that could never be apprehended).

Shi Qingxuan drags his broken foot through the dirt, limp as the arm that hangs at his side, immobile. The small yard is surprisingly well-maintained, but the earth is nevertheless rocky, and Shi Qingxuan trips onto a small, sharp stone, a yelp leaving his lips.

He Xuan moves before he knows it and catches Shi Qingxuan right as he was about to hit the ground.

It feels both foreign and familiar to find himself holding the other in his arms, like revisiting your home town after a century only to realize everything has changed and not even the people you knew are there anymore.

He Xuan locks eyes with Shi Qingxuan, though, and he knows he's still there, the one that He Xuan knows, the one that He Xuan...

Shi Qingxuan rights himself and smiles sheepishly as he disentangles himself from He Xuan's embrace. "Sorry about that, it seems that god or mortal, I am inevitably clumsy. I really need to ask for help to get rid of all of these stones one of these days, I keep tripping-"

"Qingxuan."

He Xuan's voice is level and firm, almost like a warning but in reality, a plea.

Shi Qingxuan understands and shuts up, looking towards He Xuan with an unreadable expression, a mix of emotions in his eyes. He had been trying to act casual, but the slight tremble in his fingers had given him away easily. Whether the tremors were from fear or anger, it was hard to say.

"The past is the past." Shi Qingxuan begins, tone unusually level. "It cannot be changed or altered. One must accept the hand that has been dealt to them... sooner or later." He sighs, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips. "This is how it was always meant to be."

He Xuan looks at the former Wind Master, at the beauty and refinement of his features, at the broken limbs, at his modest livelihood, at the way that, despite it all, he persists.

The sky turns dark and droplets fall from the sky, slowly then all at once. Shi Qingxuan curses at the heavens as he struggles to save his freshly washed laundry.

A pair of deft hands and quick feet join him silently.

The pitter patter of the rain fills the silence as they take shelter in the small hut.

On a small table, the Windmaster fan rests like a centerpiece. Dust has gathered on the fine handle.

[fandomtrxsh19]

WHAT I, AS A THEATRE MAJOR, THINK THE BG3 COMPANIONS FAVORITE MUSICALS ARE

Lae'zel: Addams Family

What seems like a serious and dark exterior hide a funny and charming center is the perfect show for Lae'zel. At first glance, she's like Wednesday. When we meet her, she's prickly, judgmental and focused. But, the more we get to know her, we see that she's loyal and sarcastic. I could totally see her singing Pulled after meeting Shadowheart.

Astarion: Chicago. 100& Chicago

A show about a vaudeville star who commits murder and, along with her prison bestie, tries to get into the spotlight of the newspapers that's a satire on the criminal justice system and the media is right up our favorite vampire's alley. Not only is Cell Block Tango his anthem, but I could definitely see him singing "Roxie". Shout out to Caberet though, since I think Astarion's true anthem is that of "Mein Herr"

Gale: A mix of Avenue Q and Company

Instead of a B.A in English, I could totally imagine Gale singing about a B.A in Magic.

"What do you do with a B.A. in Magic, What is my life going to be?"

Behind all the laughs, he would appreciate the story of a fresh college grad trying to go through life after graduation.

Gale has a sense of humor. We all know that, but that's not all to our favorite wizard. I could totally imagine Gale singing "Being Alive". Out of the companions, I feel like he's the Bobbie of the group. Idk why though. Ig Vibes?

Karlach: RENT, Spring Awakening and/or Shucked

Rock and rebellious in nature, shows like RENT and Spring Awakening are about people who are in the shadows of society and the troubles they face from those in the spotlight. Songs like Totally Fucked, The Bitch of Living, La Vie Boheme, and One Song Glory show off the classic barbarian rage and rebelliousness that Karlach has due to her past. But, she isnt all angst. Nope. Songs like La Vie Boheme, Today 4 U, Independently Owned, and Woman of the World show off her positive and in the now attitude. Also, Shucked is hillarious and I feel like all those corny jokes are right up Mama K's alley.

Wyll: Classics (My Fairy Lady, Carousel, etc)

From what I know about the Blade of Frontiers, he's a kind hearted and helpful soul. But underneath, is hiding a dark secret. Like these classic Rodgers and Hammerstein Shows, a lot of people focus on what he gives out into the world. But, underneath the spectacle often lies a dark story. (i.e Oklahoma)

Shadowheart: Hadestown

In a lot of ways, Shadowheart is a lot like Eurydice. They're independent, headstrong, and somewhat reserved. A lyric that I think describes Shadowheart is "All I've ever known is how to hold my own". Ever since she lost her memories, she's been very determined to complete her mission. I feel like the song "Flowers" is sort of an anthem for her. If you think of another show that might fit God's favorite princess better, feel free to add on!

"Is anybody listening? I open my mouth and nothing comes out Nothing, nothing gonna wake me now"

Minthara: Sweeney Todd

Well, the only way to get Minthara to your party is through murder and this is THE show that comes to mind when you think about murder sooooooooooooooo

I don't know enough about Jaheira and Minsc, and I cant think of anything for Halsin, so if anyone wants to add on, feel free to.

[realistically-shifting]

🛶 do you have any DRs that are NOT based on fictional worlds or some type of fame DR or waiting room?

💍 are you married in any of your DRs?

🫶 who is your favorite person in your DR that is NOT an S/O?

🐶 do you have any pets in your DR?

🛶: I do! I’m copy-pasting from another post, but I have a DR where I’m part of a nonbinary idol group called ‘N.B’. The group has five members, ranging in age from 21 to 30, and all of us typically present neutrally but we fluctuate between feminine and masculine too. The five of us work with smaller artists to develop our albums, plus each member has an album dedicated to their personal music preference mixed with pop. We’re globally popular across age groups and genders, and we probably have fan blogs dedicated to the femme and masc versions of ourselves. I haven’t even finished the script yet, but I’m excited. I wonder what this will do for my fear of publicly dancing/singing in my CR.

💍: Generally speaking, I have S/Os that I intend to marry, but I haven’t experienced it yet. That won’t stop me from taking this chance to talk about them though!

In my zombie apocalypse DR, Orion, I originally had 12 wives (and Remus is our husband). I’m not sure if I should add them back to my script atm. I didn’t include all the faceclaims because I don’t remember the t.o.s and I don’t want to be flagged, but-

Carina is a botanist and gardener who takes care of our current greenhouse. She somehow manages to spoil Hana more than I do, and almost all the rest of us spoil Carina too.

Daphne is a MMA trainer with a passion for picking fights with the Helvigs. Felix falls for her taunts quite easily. She keeps all of us in shape and all of us have to be trained by her.

Ivy is a mechanical-electrical engineer and was actually my girlfriend in college before we were separated, thought each other dead, and I met Remus. We were in a band together in college, we both love mechanical-electrical engineering and music.

Circe was a lawyer before the apocalypse, now she’s taking this free time to study more branches of law while we go over what the new society should look like.

Aaliyah is an investigative journalist and radio personality, she also has a radio show. She set it up after the apocalypse, since she had nothing else to lose anyway.

Sylvie is an assassin. Is, not was. But since we don’t really have people we want assassinated, she’s basically retired. When she’s not training or helping Daphne train us, she’s lounging. She can be really intense with her eye contact, but I love that about her.

Valentina was a logistician that’s currently helping to handle our supply distribution. She and her twin brother are typically fighting, but he lives with us because they’re inseparable after what happened during the apocalypse.

Lucia was an architect, now she’s using her education and skills for some urban planning. She loves having something to sip on (as an oral stim, not alcoholism), so she often has a glass in her hand. She’s super giggly and she’s tied with Carina for most spoiled because we can’t seem to help it.

Nadia’s educated and trained as an ethicist, but she prefers beekeeping. Hana prefers it too, since the honeycomb from Nadia’s hives are perfect for her sweet tooth. When she’s smoking, her personality completely flips and she loosens up.

Adele is a general surgeon that would love to not be working, but the Helvigs like putting her to work. Even with super healing, we still need things taken out, aligned, etc.

Jade was a psychologist. She was working towards her own private practice before the apocalypse, now she has her hands full with us. But she’s considering training people to be counselors to take on some of the work.

Yasmin is a political historian that was working as an archivist, books and research are part of her special interests. She’s super easy to get gifts for, since she loves old books and the apocalypse happened and everything.

Other than them, I don’t have solid plans to marry in most of my other DRs. My only other husband would be…

🫶: HANA To be honest? My CR little sister who shows up in about half of my scripts as my little sister. If not her, then Juliet Starling, who is my opposite aesthetic best friend in my Lollipop Chainsaw DR.

🐶: Yeah! Not many, though. In several witch DRs, I have a white Burmese Python named Velvet. She’s just a baby and she’s the sweetest thing. She’s my familiar, so she helps me with my magic, protects me, and we have a psychic connection that allows us to communicate. This is what she looks like at only four months.

I also have a Bernese Mountain dog named Titan. Technically, he used to be Remus’ trained dog, but the hard truth is that he just likes us better lol

Thanks for asking!