#and since then we like call each other to talk about our concert experiences and idk I just feel appreciative that someone lets me yap

[bewitching-666]

🥹

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for wanting a material thing rather than an experience for my college graduation gift, and being upset I still don't have it?

I skimmed through some other AITA posts to prepare me to write this one properly, and saw someone use the term "validation bait." I bring that up because I fear this post may read like that once all is said and done, but I genuinely am worried my perspective might be skewed. I encourage you to enter "Reddit Mode" if you decide to reply after your judgement with additional context and feel the need to be blunt.

Background context: I have an older sibling who graduated before me during the beginning of COVID. While his gift was delayed as a result, we as a family (three children one father) ended up going to Disney World, NASA, and Universal Orlando in 2021 to celebrate his accomplishment. It was a great trip, aside from the horrific humidity and the hurricane that just barely missed us. Later on, I asked my sibling if that was what he actually wanted to do, and he said our father proposed some ideas because he didn't really have any and Florida sounded like a good idea to him. My asking this will make sense later, but putting it here seems the most logical.

Additionally, it may be important to know that my father goes on a lot of trips. At least, more than anyone I've personally known. I'm not gonna try to calculate the exact number, but I will say in the span of less than a year (after the family Florida trip), he went to both Canada and Mexico for a week each, on top of additional excursions to Florida and Vegas-- almost all also including bringing his girlfriend. At the same time, he claimed assistance with college tuition was out of his budget, started having me pay rent on a part time job, and told my younger sibling fixing the AC in their car would cost too much as well. Even I know something doesn't add up here, but maybe I'm taking it too personally. End background context.

Fast forward to spring of 2023, and it's my turn to graduate college. Here's the thing: my brother was asked at least a year in advance to his graduation what he would like to do. I wasn't asked; I had to bring it up myself, and I waited until my graduation was only two months out. It was also over a phone call, because my father was out of town for at least the fifth time that year already. I dropped the hint that, for my graduation present, I would really like to get a nice gaming desktop. My father's response was, "... We'll see." Later on, he elaborated through text stating, "I took everybody to florida because i think graduations should be more about memories than what material thing you can get out of your dad."

Here's the thing: it's no secret to my dad that I'm a gamer, and I like video games. Additionally, it's no secret that a gaming desktop is something I have wanted for a decade. Even since middle school I've talked about gaming desktops and how much I wanted one. Even so, I happily played games like Saints Row III on a laptop that chugged along at 12 frames per second and took every crash in stride. I also thought that this kind of gift would be a relief to my dad, as my thought process was it would be far less expensive than taking an entire family somewhere out of the state for a week. Not only that, but there wasn't really anywhere I wanted to go. I don't have the desire to travel like he does; I don't mind taking my time off at home or locally, and relaxing with the things I have rather than spending a ton on a fancy dinner or hotel or concert.

So, naturally, I was confused, dismayed, and heartbroken. While I started crafting a text response explaining why a gaming desktop would not just be for personal use, but would also be advantageous for my career (my degree was in animation and I learned surface level coding for making video games), I also wondered why it was wrong for me to want a "material thing" even if it wasn't something necessarily "useful." Because while, yes, a gaming desktop would have the power I needed for more intensive animation projects, that wasn't really why I wanted one. But I figured explaining as such would help convince my dad why it was a good idea.

My dad ended up calling me before I could finish crafting my text, so I did my best to explain my standpoint, as well as pointing out how the specs for a gaming desktop are pretty much parallel with the specs for a desktop for things like 3D rendering and animation. He stood his ground on "making memories" as well, and also hinted that I was acting entitled for asking about my graduation present. I think I pointed out to him how he asked my older brother far in advance what he wanted for his graduation, but those details of the conversation are a little faded with time. I did end up sending my text after that phone call anyway, as I felt it better explained what I was thinking and feeling than I could say in verbal conversation (I've always gotten a little flustered talking to my dad about things I want that he doesn't approve of).

Fortunately, after reading my text, my father seemed to come around, and invited me to put together a list of parts for my computer, since I wanted to build it. I got really excited and got the help of my computer-savvy friend to put together something I thought was reasonable-- it had a really good graphics card and processor, and I made compromises on some of the other parts to lower the cost. I haven't looked at the list in a while, but the total cost-- tower, two mid-range monitors, basic keyboard and mouse-- was something like 2.5k approaching 3k. Mid range (at least, it is these days) I think, but it would be enough for the things I wanted to do.

I put the list together, and emailed it to my dad. The assumption I had, was he would purchase the parts, and then we would build it together (or I would build it alone). However, later on I went to ask him if he had gotten my email, and while he said yes, he also said, "I'm not paying for the whole thing. I can't afford it, and it's not fair to spend more on you as an individual than what I spent on your brother as an individual for the Florida trip."

I find the latter point somewhat fair considering I'm the only person who benefits from this gift, but the first point, given the background context on my father's habits, I'm not sure how much I believe. But arguing with him would have been pointless. I definitely would have liked to have had that information beforehand, but it ultimately didn't change much.

This is getting long, so I'll try to summarize the rest. This was just the first instance of my father changing the goal posts for my graduation gift. First, he tried to convince me that getting a prebuilt tower would be just as good. I did the research, and a tower with the graphics card I wanted would have cost as much as building my own tower and buying a monitor, keyboard, and mouse, and still not have been as good in other specs anyways. Then, he tried to tell me he was only going to give me $1000 towards the computer. I pointed out paying for my older sibling for the Florida trip would have cost at least $1500-- if I hadn't done the research, I wouldn't have known any better and just blindly agreed. Then, two days after my graduation, he stated that he wasn't going to give me the money for the computer until I had secured a full time job.

At that point, I just gave up, and agreed.

Fast forward to now. I'm still working the part time job, I barely make enough to put a couple dollars into savings, no one is hiring me full time, and my dad hinted that, instead of doing presents for Christmas this year, we all agree to go on vacation somewhere. Not only that, but his family in Canada just told him they're going to Mexico in November. Not only is my dad implying we should go too and I should pay a portion of my own way, I have a further feeling he may say that this will be our Christmas as well. I still don't have the computer, even though my dad has noticed how much I'm struggling.

If I had the computer, I wouldn't have minded the vacation-- but I feel like my wants and feelings have been completely pushed aside in favor of what my dad thinks is good and/or right, and the wind has been taken out of my sails regarding my graduation entirely. On the other hand, maybe he's right that I focus too much on a material thing and should redirect my attention to an experience and go somewhere to relax/get away from daily life.

Am I a materialistic asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[svt-kiki]

( 🩹 )　𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐏　⌅ .

꣑꣒　　kiki　+　misamo　──　heisei galz　...　98%

THE famous jp girls in kpop 🤩

THE BIG 4

like their impact is insane??? they literally paved the way for japanese kpop idols in industry

as seungkwan once said, svt and twice’s comeback schedules often overlapped with each other, it didn’t take long to form a friendship within girls

fans favorites are isac moments ! they always greet and cheer each other, sometimes kiki just blended within twice and spend time with them since all of twice girls adores her, make once jokingly mourns they can never beat kiki

they have few of matching accessories and that led kiki to have dating rumours with all of them ( once & carat’s inner joke )

although they being iconic twiceteen friendship, she’s close with most of twice girls ( jihyo and kiki is bestie )

꣑꣒　　kiki　+　yuta　──　kiyu　...　94%

the most iconic friendship among the 3rd gen idols !

DEFINITION OF ETERNAL PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP

they met when svt & nct were doing promotions at the same around time, aju nice & fire truck back in 2016

had known each other since then, became friends shortly after

yuta silently pulls out kiki’s chaotic side successfully

they are the main reason for other ncteen friendships, they all grow closer to one another like “oh it’s kiki / yuta’s bestie’s member”

besically have joint custody for shotaro

she roots his solo activities passionately

he asked her for help about the acting project a lot

kiki is very proud of him, teared up when saw yuta on the screen for the first time

they held the famous washoku house party time to time when they miss their home country’s food

꣑꣒　　kiki　+　changkyun　──　kikyun　...　87%

the wiseman said, kiki and yuta are 100% platonic friendship but kikyun let us feel there’s a slight possibility of something else

and that’s true

🚨 sexual tension 🚨 ( not in public eye ofc )

she’s close with the most of monsta x members ( they adore their little sis too much ) and changkyun is the closest among all of them

he speaks to her in casual manner since their birthdays are less than a year apart and that makes them in the same grade in japan

but he calls her noona which is kinda confusing to other people especially if u consider he is not her member, but it’s their own way to communication

always hyping up each others solo work, mention in vlive and stories

midnight calls when someone is struggling to sleep, til one of them fall asleep over the phone

he teaches several languages esp how to do french pronouncing

꣑꣒　　kiki　+　seulgi　──　seulki　...　73%

call each other jagiya quite casually

quite suspicious potential gay couple

they’re just not LOUD, but if you take a look closer you’ll notice something… is going on…

talking like everything is normal while their faces are just really close and lips are just inches apart

someone said “they should be banned to interact publicly unless we all gonna have serious problem to our heart,” and that’s true-

attends each others concerts and fangirling over with it

seulgi: *sends lots of pics from japan trip* kiki: why she visiting japan more than me this year 🥲

˖˙ ᰋ 𝒽𝗈𝗇𝗈𝗋𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 ── 𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌

꣑꣒　　kiki　+　gaeun　──　kieun　...　61%

carats can’t take them without crying 🥹

like they tried to hide how much they care each other and success with it but that hug? after they find out gaeun couldn’t make a debut? one of the most sick moments in the entire pd series

the experience in pd 48 literally traumatized kiki

carats suspected the ranking manipulation in the program caused an eternal beef between some of the topsides in pledis ( including han seongsu himself ) and kiki and that’s

now it’s rare to see their interactions in public but most of kiki stans are aware of the preciousness in their friendship

꣑꣒　　kiki　+　minhyun　──　kinhyun　...　53%

nothing crazy, just good old friends

minhyun knows every juicy tea related to kiki he has a LIST of people who has a crush on her ngl

kiki is still close with all of nu’est boys, kinhyun is the most contacted pair, keep in touch time to time ( i mean they are the og oppas… just bring back nueteen like yeogi ga heavennnnn )

both love reading, exchange the book information they read and talk about it

sending the coffee track to each other’s drama 100%

꣑꣒　　kiki　+　yunjin　──　kijin　...　44%

yunjin being the representative of longing kiki committee in the 4th gens 😂 ( like there’s too many idols who look up her as their idol )

they knew each other before the produce 48 program, kept contacting even after yunjin quit the trainee and went back to the state

not she shouting eonniiiii from across the hallway of hybe building and jump up to her back

(    📁    )   :   NAVI   :  MASTER LIST     

(    tag list    )   :   @smh-anon @jennwonwoo @angie-x3 @scarlet789

[translucent-at-best]

Scatter-brained...

Today was one of those days that I scrolled all the way down my message threads to find your voice notes. My brain keeps trying to convince me that it's weird to still be grieving you like this, but deep down, I know that's not true. You were an amazing person and it only makes sense that you left such a mark. I really miss you, Big Spoon.

I went to a SiR concert a couple weeks ago and at the end, him and his brothers D Smoke and Davion sang "Love's in Need of Love Today" by Stevie Wonder and dedicated it to the memory of their mother who recently passed. It was beautiful and definitely got some tears out of me, but I didn't record it and now I'm stuck sitting here wishing I could relive that moment.

I've been getting followers out of nowhere lately. Usually there might be a lil influx after posting a picture, but I haven't done that in weeks. I don't know how y'all are finding me, but hey!

I dropped my sister off at the airport earlier last week. She came out here for her birthday and we had so much fun. It wasn't until she got here that I realized that it's been a minute since we've just had time to hang out on our own. The past few times she came out here, it was with our cousin and the times I've done the traveling, I'm going home to see the whole family.

We got to catch up on so much and she is one of my favorite - perhaps my absolute favorite - person to talk to. I love being her big sister and I miss her a lot. I really wish she would move out here. Not only for selfish reasons (I promise), but also because I feel like given her work history and experience, she could really thrive out here.

Sometimes, I really would like to eat a whole cucumber. Especially that salmon everything bagel recipe. That Logan look like he know what he doing. And I know mandolin slicer stocks must be going crazy right now.

I miss Waffle House. Need me an All-Star Special with a chocolate chip waffle in the worst way.

You know what's some really beautiful shit? That moment right before somebody's son covers my pussy with their mouth for the first time. I'm hopeful and waiting, he's excited and plotting, we're both hyper-aware of each other's bodies and movements, the air is thick with anticipation... And don't let me feel his breath on my lips. Shitgotdamn. That specific sensation should be bottled and sold.

My supervisor at my last job texted me yesterday asking if we could talk over the phone. Don't y'all know this woman called me for a therapy session? She was crying and said she's been feeling super overwhelmed lately and since I know the most about her living situation (after sitting next to each other every day for the past two years), she thought it'd be good to talk to me. My flabbers were gasted.

Although I will say... she's a lot better as a friend than she was as a supervisor. I enjoy being able to tell her when she's doing too much and - this is being said without a hint of sarcasm - I sincerely think she may be on the spectrum. For a few reasons, including but not limited to the fact that her and social cues seem to always miss each other.

[tomorrowxtogether]

TOMORROW X TOGETHER Unpack the “Story of Growth” in New Album The Name Chapter: FREEFALL

"I thought about how far we���ve come," says Beomgyu

In the music video for TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s new single, “Chasing That Feeling,” Soobin, Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai quite literally crash-land back on earth. It’s an apt visual for the focus track off their latest project, The Name Chapter: FREEFALL, which brings the boys back to reality after their spring EPfeatured a dreamy stint in a Neverland setting.

While TXT’s discography has explored young love and other narratives, so much of the group’s music hovers around themes of growing up in an increasingly complicated world. “We want to talk about the experiences that are unique to our generation,” Hueningkai tells Consequence. The Name Chapter: FREEFALL is the group’s first LP in over two years, and their longest collection of new music since 2021’s The Chaos Chapter: FREEZE. There are a few new angles to this project — a harder commitment to rock along with playing around with Jersey club hallmarks — but it’s a TOMORROW X TOGETHER project through and through.

“Happily Ever After,” like 2021’s “Ice Cream,”sounds bright but contains more serious themes in the lyrics . There’s also a song dedicated specifically from the members to their beloved fan base, MOA, titled “Blue Spring.” With more lyrical contributions than ever before from the members themselves, it’s exciting seeing TXT continue to develop as artists and creatives, and Soobin, Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai are back to reflect on the process. Read the full interview with the members below, and catch the music video for “Chasing That Feeling.”

I feel like this album goes bigger with ideas you’ve played with before. Where “Good Boy Gone Bad” and “0X1 LOVESONG” played with rock sounds, “Growing Pain” dives all the way in. Meanwhile, “Chasing That Feeling” is straight-up 80s synth. What are some words you guys would use to describe this project as a whole?

Soobin: I’d call it a story of growth. It looks at the growing pains of our generation and picks up where we left off in our previous album. The main backdrop for the previous album was this beautiful but irresponsible Neverland. This album is about leaving this Neverland and facing the real world. Growing pains are inevitable in this process, and we wanted to delve into that in this album.

Yeonjun: I’d say a soundtrack for today’s youth. We wanted to talk about the courage and determination of today’s youth to face reality head-on.

I feel like you guys have accomplished so many goals we’ve talked about over the past few years. In 2022, you told me you hoped to perform at bigger venues, and to do well at your first appearance at Lollapalooza. You’ve since crushed a stadium tour, dome concerts in Japan, and headlined Lolla! How does it feel to see those things happen in real time? 

Taehyun: As you said, this year has been a really big year for us with our Lollapalooza headliner set, first U.S. stadium tour, and most recently the “Back For More” (with Anitta) performance at the MTV VMAs. It’s an incredible honor to perform at such iconic venues and events and be able to share our music to connect with a wider audience. I’m very proud of the hard work we put in, but we won’t be able to do this without our fans’ support, so we are truly thankful for them.

To that point, now that you’ve accomplished a few really huge goals, what do some immediate next steps look like for you? What are some smaller goals you have for finishing out 2023?

Hueningkai: The new album is another opportunity for us to connect with MOA, so I just want to enjoy myself and cherish each moment. As it’s our first studio album in a little over two years, we really gave our all into it. I hope that the album resonates with as many people as possible around the world.

I’m obsessed with “Deep Down,” it’s easily my favorite on the album. The synth-pop direction is so fun. Do any of you have special memories from being in the studio, for this song or others on the album?

Beomgyu: It was a lot of fun recording “Deep Down.” “Deep Down” talks about how a “horn,” something that you try to keep hidden, can actually be a crown, or a source of hope that represents who you are. There’s a clear connection to our debut single, “CROWN,” so while recording, I was reminded by those times as a lot of different emotions came to mind. I thought about how far we’ve come, both as individuals as well as artists.

Which song on the record do you feel is the most quintessentially TOMORROW X TOGETHER?

Hueningkai: I’d say “Happily Ever After.” It’s a song about coming to terms with the fact that there are no fairytale endings in reality. And with that realization, instead of giving into despair, you can decide to write your own story. That’s something that we as a group have tried to do with our music over the years. We want to talk about the experiences that are unique to our generation. I’d say that it’s a song that really speaks to our DNA as a group.

I know how much you guys love the song “Blue Spring,” and it’s so different from some of your other songs dedicated to MOA, like “Sweat” or “MOA Diary.” Why do you think the song fit with the concept of The Name Chapter: FREEFALL?

Beomgyu: This album looks at the pain and challenges of reality, but within this reality, there are still magical moments that we share with one another. On “Blue Spring,” we compare our fans to spring that brightens up a blue world. Our fans have always been part of our magical moments that fuel our spirit, so it felt right that this song was included in the album.

I love seeing you all becoming more and more involved with lyric writing with each project. Do any of you have something you’ve learned about your songwriting process during the making of this album that you’d like to share?

Taehyun: I think we have become better at putting our honest thoughts and emotions into our lyrics. This comes as a result of many hours of writing that we put in over the years, but I think it also has to do with the fact that we have become more confident in the kind of message and music we want to share with the world. I hope many people can feel that when they listen to our music.

All five of you wrote for the lyrics in “Blue Spring.” Do you have any dreams of someday sharing an entirely self-written project?

Yeonjun: That’d be amazing. Manifesting that for the future! I do love working with other songwriters. I’m always learning a lot from them. We also feed off each other’s creativity, so it’s an experience I very much enjoy.

Is there anything else we haven’t touched on that you’d like to share?

Soobin: This album talks about reality as it is, which is also reflected in our visuals for the album. We shot the music video for our lead single at Universal Studios, but it looks as if we land somewhere in a real city like New York or London. We wanted to show a world seen without a filter, so I think that’s another element that our fans can enjoy along with the music.

[hyenahunt]

Saga: Rivals - 21

Writer: Akira

Season: Winter

Characters: Jun, Hiyori, Seiya, Jin, Mika, Madara, Akiomi, Sora

Proofreading: 310mc (JP) & hyenahunt (ENG)

Translation: kotofucius

Akiomi: Ahaha… Oh, how I wish you'd told me that much sooner.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Location: Reverse Live Stage

Time: Hours later. Reverse Live, at the start of the second day.

Jun: “♪~♪~♪”

“Lilith! The original heretic! The revolutionary who spoke against God’s deception when none dared to!”

Hiyori: “Lilith! The mother of humanity, flung into the depths of Hell! How she screamed of love and sang of hope, no matter how far she fell!”

Seiya: “Lilith! That is who we are! Buried in the depths of history, we are the true idols, long forgotten by the world!”

Hiyori: “How long it has been! How I waited to meet you again! In the darkness, you were the only light I could see!”

Seiya: “I love you! I’ve loved you since this world came to be!”

Jun: “Destiny split us apart, and yet, we’ve been brought together once more!”

Hiyori: “Never shall we part again! Your warmth is forever ours!”

Jun: “Now, let us embrace! Let us love together, even if the very world forbids it!”

Seiya: “We are Lilith! It is to love you that we’ve arrived…!”

“♪~♪~♪”

Jin: …Ooh, how passionate. Or maybe over-the-top. Kinda like Valkyrie, actually.

Mika: Hey, you ain't ever gonna catch us sayin' love, love, love over an’ over like that! We’re passionate but artistic! Even if we’re speakin’ about love, we’d be a lot more subtle 'bout it.

Madara: Hahaha. It does seem like a refined… or rather, popularized version of Valkyrie’s methods.

They’ve got extravagant production for their stage too, probably thanks to the big shots all wanting to suck up to Hidaka Seiya —

So, their melodramatic lines suit the atmosphere, actually.

But unlike Shu-san, they’re not drowning in their own world. Instead, they're opening it up to the public; they gaze into their audience’s eyes and actively pull them in.

Akiomi: Lilith… I’d been wary of what tactics they might use, but they've been taking an unexpectedly materialistic and straight-forward approach.

They maximized the promotion, stage production, and everything else they could; and even shamelessly used Hidaka-daisenpai’s fame to call in an army of fans.

War is essentially about numbers. With everything so perfectly coordinated like this, well, there's no way to fight back through ordinary means.

Hidaka-daisenpai has truly made the most out of his advantage as an active, highly popular, professional idol.

He is on a completely different level from us, who finance our own small-scale concerts within the confines of an idol training school.

Even budget-wise, he definitely has one or two more zeros on us, I'm sure.

Madara: Hahaha. Especially when we as Ba-barrier don’t really have that much work, so we have no funds for battle, either…

We've turned our lack of cohesion into our selling point, making a novel show with each of our unique charms and gaining an upper hand that way.

In other words, we resort to clever schemes to put up a semblance of fight, so we’re at a disadvantage against planned head-on attacks.

Mika: …They’re so vulgar. I don’t reckon I like ‘em. They’re totally different from Valkyrie, 'kay?

Sora: HaHa~♪ Yep, totally different!

Valkyrie paints a single color over and over until it reaches a density no one can reproduce —

But Lilith kinda takes a bucket of paint and goes “splash!” with it, I guess~?

…And by spilling that much paint, they erase all the other colours.

Jin: Ooh~… I thought I heard grumbling. Turns out it was the defeated Akiyan and his merry men.

Akiomi: You're truly something… We're your good rivals and comrades from the same school, who have been supporting you this whole time both behind the scenes and out in the open — Is that any way to talk to us?

Madara: Hahaha. I’ve got no comeback since we did lose spectacularly last night!

Smashed to smithereens, in a most dramatic death! If Rain-bows are rainbows, then we must be fleeting fireworks!

Mika: Why're ya havin’ so much fun even though we lost, Mikejima-senpai?

Madara: Well, when the opponent did such a fine job in gaining the upper hand on us, the loss felt conversely exhilarating, see!

I quite enjoy defeat, actually! Especially when it’s the result of an all-out fight!

Mika: I can’t understand that feelin’…

Valkyrie an' Lilith are totally different, but fer some reason it jus' reminded me of the time when fine kicked us down.

Madara: Hmm. Their methods indeed resemble that of the former fine…

If there's a quantifiable way to win, then pouring all you possess will bring definite victory.

In the war last year, Eichi-san used all the lofty assets available to him to invent a game board that worked to his advantage.

Well, he was only making the most of his perks as a rich heir with money and authority… so it wasn’t exactly a low move.

Akiomi: Hmm. In this case, all participating units are new groups formed specifically for Project-Saga…

More often than not, it’s the audience’s first time seeing them.

As it’s hard to tell everyone apart at a glance, Lilith ends up standing out due to their expensive costume and production. Their lavish extravagance only makes them all the more eye-catching to the audience.

Not to mention, the famous Hidaka Seiya is in the group. That’s more than enough name and power.

Though yes, of course, these things don’t decide the entire value of an idol.

But under these circumstances, it becomes a challenge to even put up a fight. Without a good strategy on your side, they'll simply overpower you.

Madara: Wow, how ruthless! I guess miracles don’t happen all the time! Hahaha☆

Mika: Seriously, why d’ya look like yer havin' the time of yer life? I’m right frustrated, personally~ Unlike you, Mikejima-senpai, I ain't a fan of losing!

Madara: Alright! Let’s turn that frustration into motivation, then! We might’ve lost yesterday, but let's win today!

Liltih may have wiped the floor with us, but we're steadily winning against all the other units we’re up against! We still have a chance!

Akiomi: That's right. The rule isn’t as simple as retiring with one defeat.

While we’re nowhere as active as Rain-bows, we're still one of the most senior players of Project-Saga —

As a result, we've amassed fans through all our activities. We won't lose so easily to newbie units.

Sora: Yeah! Schemes and tricks are Sora's specialty~ Magic exists for the oppressed minority!

Even if the conformist majority closes in on us, we'll sidestep them and make a miracle happen!

Mika: Ahaha. Everyone in Ba-barrier's so tough an' dependable~ ♪

Jin: Haha. Who'd have thought you'd get along so well, Akiyan?

You’re definitely having fun being an idol, aren’tcha? Unlike me, you retired with regrets.

Akiomi: On the contrary, I have left my regrets behind.

We had accomplished our role with the success of Rainbow Stage, so we could’ve dispersed right then and there…

But that performance garnered us a good reputation, with many fans requesting that we continue…

And I thought we might come in handy someday, so I continued on with Ba-barrier.

Compared to the other Mentors out there, I am a level below them in terms of achievements, so I did have my reservations. But well, I’ve always been the shameless sort, anyway.

Jin: Really? You’re more competitive than shameless, in my opinion… The more people look down on you, the more you fight back to prove 'em wrong.

I’ve always admired that side of you since long ago.

Akiomi: Ahaha… Oh, how I wish you'd told me that much sooner.

Jin. We are giving our all just to hold our current position; I do not believe we’ll have the leisure to protect you.

However, you are the main character of Project-Saga, so by all means, find a way out of this predicament with your own two hands.

Lilith may prove to be a much stronger opponent than we thought, but if it's you, then surely you'll be the one to win — I’ll say this even without anything to back it up, just as I did in the past.

Jin: Thanks. I think having you there to always tell me that… was what helped me to hold out much longer than I would've on my own.

[ ☆ ]

✦✦✦✦✦

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[lexusiswriting]

A love you deserve (Ricky Olson) - Part 8 of ?

Hi guys!

I know I said in the last part that this story will have 2 more parts, but apparently it would be more than that, haha. I hope it's a good thing.

Warnings: none.

Tags: @multifandomcrackhead, @nicelittlenightmares,@roll-tide-babe89, @skulliecadaver-blog, @21-century-tae, @melissa-anderson, @abiomens (thank you for reblogging! <3), @w743, @insanitywulf, @awkwardalex, @philomenie

Requests: OPEN.

_____________________________________

After 6 years, Lexus’s point of view

6 years ago, I promised Chris I would be happier, and I like to think that I kept my promise. Not fully, but I’m definitely better than I was.

A wish that I always had was to have my own personal record label, where I could help the new bands to make a name for themselves, and I’m happy it actually came to life. Our beginning in the industry was rough, and now I could make it all easier for them. Even though we were busy with our band as well, the boys helped me in every possible aspect to make it work. After we celebrated one year of the record label, people started to say that everything that was signed by me turned to gold, and that was the best compliment I could have ever received.

Our band was doing better than ever. We have received lots of awards in these past years, our albums were doing great, and we were touring all around the world.

While professionally everything was going great, when it came to love it was a completely different story. It took me a little over a year to forget about Ricky, and it was the most difficult thing I had to do. He never contacted me since that tour, and I tried to avoid him at all costs. Now, I don’t have a problem when someone mentions him, but it seems like our paths don’t want to connect anymore.

After the worst year of my life, something great happened. While we were working on the album that was released in that year, we got a call that changed our lives. More precisely, my life.

The one and only Corey Taylor called to let us know he has a free spot on the Knotfest with our band’s name on it. We thought it was a joke at first, but he said how perfect we would be in the line-up. Of course, we accepted it, and we got the chance to play on the same stage as Korn, Trivium, Parkway Drive and of course, Slipknot.

While we were on tour, Corey and I got very close. At first, we would only share about our experiences on tours or talking about music in general. Then we started to know each other better and got to see what an amazing man he is, making me laugh in every occasion he got. He had a little acoustic concert on one of his free days, and I was the only one to get an invite, and he played my favourite song from Stone Sour, even though it was not on the set list. After this concert, he asked me if I would go on a date with him after Knotfest ends. I said yes.

We started dating shortly after our first date. Our relationship was always seen as weird, because to the world we seemed very different. It was true, he was more extroverted than I would always be, but we made it work. After one year, he proposed. To which I say yes.

After 3 months into our marriage, I found out I was pregnant. We were both extremely happy when we got to hold our baby girl. I remember when I got to hold her for the first time how I thought she was the most perfect thing in this world and still is to this day.

It’s hard having this kind of career and being a mother at the same time. But for our little angel, I would do everything in my power to have the most perfect life.

_______________________________________

Today was a special day for me. While I was driving to my record label, Chris called me saying he will visit me there. Our schedules rarely matched, so seeing each other was really hard. But I still consider him my best friend.

When I opened the door, I was greeted by Stephanie, my receptionist.

“Hello, Lexus. Chris is waiting for you in your office.”

“Thank you, Stephanie.”

While I was walking to my office, with lots of papers in my hands, I tried not to drop them.

“Chris! I’m so happy to see you!”

I put the papers carefully on my desk and turned back to Chris to give him a hug.

“I missed you so much, Lexus. I think it’s been 3 months, right?”

“Yeah, too much if you ask me.”

We both laughed, and then I sat on my chair, while Chris sat on the one in front of my desk.

“Well, even though I truly missed you, that’s not the only reason I am here.”

“Is this reason more important than me?”

“Of course not, but it’s really important for me.”

He seemed worried. I saw him playing with his fingers, trying to find the best way to tell me about his problem.

“So, the thing is that… our contract will come to an end soon. We can have a new one with the same record label, but I wanted to ask you if there is a possibility to sign with you.”

At first, I didn’t know what to say. I sat there for probably more than a minute to think about it.

“Look, before you answer, let me say just one more thing. If you don’t feel okay with having Ricky here, I get it and I promise it will not affect our friendship at all.”

“I don’t have a problem with him anymore. What happened, it’s in the past. I think we can act like two adults now, right?”

“Of course. I can assure you, he is not that much of a jerk now.”

“I would be happy to have Motionless here. But I need to talk to all of you, to make sure the contract is fair for you all.”

Chris had the biggest smile on his face. I was doing this only for him, for every little thing that he helped me with.

“Is tomorrow at 3 p.m. alright?”

“Yeah, we will be here.”

He hugged me once again, spinning me a little. After I was back on the ground, his eyes moved to my desk.

“What’s with all the paper work? A new band coming in?”

“Oh, no, it’s nothing important.”

He raised his eyebrow, feeling that something was going on. For the moment he was too happy to bother with it, so he left the subject in the air.

[splattergai]

Hello! We'd like to make a request for a headmate template!

There's a species one of our headmates remembers from their timeline - it's called a starsinger, and it's an alien whose consciousness originates in outer space but is drawn towards planets that have music on them and takes a form based on a song. We'd like one of "Moonlight Drive" by the Doors! (Although if you know any other songs by the Doors, please feel free to incorporate inspirations from those too! As well as any knowledge or vibes you have about psychedelic rock.)

I imagine them as having had a timeline where they came to Earth (specifically California) in 1968 (the year after the song came out) and got involved with music, either playing in bands and/or as a music reviewer/journalist. We would also like if they'd had period-typical addictions but recovered from them and now has a system role that has to do with managing addiction recovery, since that applies to us in this life.

They'd be an age slider whose youngest age is 21 (the age that starsingers are when they take form on Earth) and whose oldest age is the age someone who was young in the 60s/70s would be now. Other roles we'd like them to have include interest holder (for classic rock/music in general - they like older music the best but want to learn about all music) and socializer (or at least have them be pretty social; we go to concerts and karaoke a lot and I think an alter like this would enjoy that).

Feel free to give them non-binary genders/neopronouns, interests/aesthetics that fit the time period, and some connection to space (including the moon, I'm sure they loved seeing the moon landing). For orientation, we'd like them to be asexual and not romantically interested in binary women, ideally some kind of aro-spec. Also objectum for musical instruments and/or music itself!

Thank you for your time!

Name(s): Apollo, Ranger

Age: Age Slider (21-55)

Species: Starsinger

Kin(s): Musickin (general)

Pronouns: they/them, ne/nymph, rock/rocks, stone/stones, dream/dreams, moon/moons, luna/lunas, star/stars

Gender(s): Bassguitagender, endversic, moonguardilyrical

Orientation: Asexual polyromantic aliquaromantic, soundrum, music box objectum, guitarum

Other: Harmonic Attraction, electric guitar soundstelic

Role(s): Interest Holder, Musicnaut, Addiction Manager

Likes: looking at NASA photos, stargazing, concerts, singing, karaoke, space

Dislikes: Complete silence (the kind where absolutely no noise is going on, including ambient noise)

Sign-Off: 🌓🎸

Description: Often will attend social music related events such as karaoke, open mic nights, and concerts and engage with the people there. Really enjoys talking to other people about their music tastes and learning about the history behind each genre. Has a very diverse music taste, but prefers classic rock and stuff from their time period. Their style often includes dark blues and purples, sometimes also using brighter colors as accessories in order to intimidate space. They're very kind and understanding to others. Uses their experience from their addiction recovery experience to help the rest of the system manage current addiction recovery. Rants to others regarding facts about space, and keeps up with astronomy news.

[jokertrap-ran]

[スタオケ] La Corda d'Oro Starlight Orchestra Mikado Ukiha Cast Story Chapter 8 Translation

*Starlight Orchestra Masterlist | Mikado Ukiha’s Personal Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Mikado's Route Tag will be #Ukiha’s Star

After the opening performance in Kyoto—

Mikado joined the Glanz Symphony Orchestra.

Ukiha: Hehe. You’re definitely looking like part of the Starlight Orchestra now, Genichiro.

Otone: There’s one for you too, Mikdao-kun! See~?

Ukiha: Am I to change too? In this bus?

Otone: Of course! We have to make adjustments if the size doesn’t fit~

Otone: Okay, take off that coat, yeah? Then put this on~!

Ukiha: Very well. If I am to change here, then may I have the privacy of this bus as a fitting room?

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Akira: …He’s takin’ an awfully long time, ain’t he? Hasn’t it been ten minutes since he went on the bus to change?

Lynn: Maybe the size wasn’t right after all? Who knows, maybe he’s actually built underneath all that.

Takuto: Is this his first time dressing himself? He seems the type to usually need help getting dressed.

Akira: What era do you think we’re in right now? We aren’t in a period drama, you know.

Genichiro: It’s not exactly like something out of a period drama, but I have helped dress Ukiha-sama on occasion.

Genichiro: The housekeeper, Fuki-san, and I have both done so…

Takuto: Holy crap! Really!? And you even look proud of it!

Souji: The hem of his clothes are pretty long, and he’s changing in a cramped and unfamiliar location… What if he fell and hit his head?

Genichiro: You make a good point. I’ll go in and check up on him.

▷Choice: Please do. / I'm coming with you!

Sakuya: Huh!? No, you’re not! Don’t stick your neck into every little thing. Genichiro: —Ukiha-sama, I’m coming in! Genichiro: …Urk!

Ukiha: …Oh? Are you alright there, Genichiro?

Ukiha: It is dangerous to be standing right outside the door, and you will dirty the outfit that was prepared for you.

Genichiro: …S-Sorry. I’m… fine.

Ukiha: Sorry to keep you waiting. I had to change in an unfamiliar changing room, you see.

Takuto: Thank goodness you’re alright with changing on your own!

Souji: Looks like he didn’t hit his head.

Ukiha: …Sorry?

Lynn: Ahh, no. We’re just talking to each other.

Lynn: You really are something, Mikado-san. You look good in a tailcoat, and it looks like a perfect fit.

Ukiha: Yes, thankfully.

Ukiha: What do you think…?

Akira: Oh, it fits you like a glove. You look pretty dashin’ in it.

Lynn: Not bad.

Otone: Let's all give it our best tomorrow then~!

Takuto: Ooh! Why don't we all take a commemorative photo since we're all in matching outfits?

Takuto: We've yet to take a photo with both Mikado-san and Washigami in it, right?

▷Choice: Let's do it!

Ukiha: A… photograph? Of me and everyone in the Starlight Orchestra?

Akira: With us, your friends.

Otone: Gimme a mo~ I'll go call the others over.

Ukiha: …Are you sure I am allowed in this photograph?

▷Choice: Of course you are! / You're getting in the center, Mikado!

Ukiha: I see… Very well, I will gladly join in.

Ginga: What, what? What's this I hear about a photoshoot? Don't tell me I'm doomed to be the designated photographer whose only purpose is to press the shutter button and nothing else…

Rei: My, oh my. That tailcoat really suits you, Mikado-kun.

Takuto: Come on, Concertmistress, Mikado-san!

▷Choice: Looks like we're together in the center! /This will be memorable!

Ukiha: Yes, let us join them.

Ukiha: The fact that even I get to experience something like this is all thanks to you inviting me to join. The Starlight Orchestra.

Ukiha: So, I am thankful for having met you…

Ukiha: Thank you, (L/n)-san.

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

—Even after having held the best concert of our lives, we weren't even given the chance to say goodbye to him.

He’d made his choice. The place where his skills would blossom would no longer be the Starlight Orchestra, but rather, the Glanz Symphony Orchestra.

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

—It felt suffocatingly lonely. The happy memory of the past only felt like yesterday.

Ginga: …Yo. So this was where you were. I was looking for you, you know.

Ginga: Come to The Magnolia. There's something I'd like to show you. 

Ginga: It probably has something to do with whatever's making you look so glum.

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Ginga: This is it.

What Ginga had wanted to show me was a piece of old sheet music.

Ginga: A certain composer wrote this piano score. I'll give it a spin, so listen in, alright?

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Ukiha: …!

Ukiha: Could you please refrain from playing that particular piece?

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Ginga: I knew it. This is a piece composed by Mikado Izumi, his father.

Ginga: Mikado Izumi was originally skilled at composing contemporary music, which was what made this simple and warm song unique.

Ginga: That was what made it popular… but this piece came under fire when word got out that it was written by a disciple of his.

Ginga: They say that this was proof that it had been ghostwritten, and it had even become a hot topic amongst people who knew nothing about music.

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Ginga: I think Mikado’s doing his best. And I'm sure something did happen— something that he can't share

Ginga: Plus, that’s not all there is to it. I'm sure he's living with an enormous burden on his shoulders…

Ginga: So you can't really blame him for his decision.

▷Choice: I couldn't be of any help… / I wonder what I should have done to change his mind…

Ginga: There was nothing you could have done. He may have been a member of the same Orchestra as you, but this isn't something that you can share the burden of.

▷Choice: What about now? Is there still anything I can do? / There should be a way to help him.

Ginga: …I truly wonder if there is.

Ginga: Family, people, money… There are many complicated factors at play here. And, honestly speaking, this isn't something a high-schooler like you can do anything about.

Ginga: Although, I do understand where you're coming from…

…

Ginga: In any case, this song's really nice, isn't it?

Ginga: Whatever the circumstances behind this piece, there's still no doubt that it is a masterpiece! It's too much of a pity to let it be forgotten.

…

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬Ukiha’s Star♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Previous Part: (Chapter 7) Next Part: (Chapter 9)

[definitelyranyata]

Every once in a while, we should all get a break. Everyone deserves one! Every after exams, a semestral break occurs. This serves as a reward for student’s hard works. From those all-nighters, becomes all-day adventures! The semestral break isn’t just a pause from academics, but also a chance to learn new hobbies, engage in new activities, and most importantly, make memories with the people you love.

My semestral break was fun! I’m very happy I got to spend time with my family, because I rarely see them. We all went to Bambanti and rode on the carousel. I haven’t ridden one ever since the pandemic started. After riding the carousel I saw one of my boardmates, and we watched a concert of the famous band “SunKissed Lola”. I am so happy I got to watch a concert! I haven’t watched one. Before the pandemic, my favorite band “Ben&Ben” went there, and I didn’t get to watch it due to the traffic and the amount of people. Anyway, I really, really enjoyed watching the concert!! But sadly, I had to leave because I spent almost an HOUR watching them, while waiting for the band to play my favorite song of theirs and also because we didn’t get to go around the booths. Some of the booths were closed, but I saw the others and they were pretty! I can’t believe the amount of effort and time they took to finish those. Some of the scarecrows scared me, like the monkey-like one. But still, it was a very enjoyable experience! I also finally got to buy those balloons with lights! We got home late, but I am very satisfied with that experience! The next day, I and my dad planned to change our screen protectors due to the cracks. We went in the afternoon, but our problem was we didn’t have any parking space. I’m happy I got to go through different routes! Sometimes, going the same way to the place and back, it bores me. So seeing new sites make the ride less boring. When we got there, the sky was so pretty! And after repairing our screen protectors we went  to this café called “Brews and Bouquets”. I got a Salted Caramel Latte while my dad got an Americano. Their drinks were very delicious. I was very satisfied! We got my mom and sister drinks because they called us and said they also wanted drinks. I spilled their drinks a little bit…but I’m glad my sister didn’t get mad. She can get dramatic and then she doesn’t want the drink anymore. She didn’t finish her drink so I did. I never would've thought strawberry drinks would taste this good! I’m not a fan of strawberry drinks because their too sweet most of the time, but this drink wasn’t too sweet! I enjoyed it very much. This is a very memorable moment for me, because my parents are busy and so am I so we barely get to spend time together.  I also got to spend time with my cousin too! I missed her so much! We barely talk anymore due to us both being busy with school. We both talked about what’s happening in our lives. We both ranted to each other about our problems. We also played badminton together! It was fun!!  Thanks to her,  I finally know how to serve in badminton! She also told me she got me a ribbon flower bouquet from her classmate, and she got me a sketchbook as a belated Christmas gift because we had some… issues during the Christmas vacation. In exchange, I got her a bracelet. Thought, I don’t know if she’d wear it because I don’t think she’s a fan of bracelets… but I hope she still loves it! Even if  she started school early she made sure she’d spend time with me. That’s one thing I love about her. Despite our families having issues she still remains being friends with me and being with me.

The semestral break gave me a chance to catch up with my sleep and improve my health. During school days, I sleep VERY late due to the amount of work given to us. I also got in touch with my creative side. Ever since school started, my skills in drawing and my imagination had sadly started to decrease. I’m so glad I got to practice my skills even in a very short amount of time. I finally got to fill the pages of my empty sketchbook.  There are some times where my drawings don’t look good nor reach my expected output, but I always tell myself that I’ll improve more with practice. I took care of the dog while my parents were gone, and got productive with my chores,  which made me very happy of myself because I tend to get lazy and only do some of my chores, or I don't do them at all. I also tutored my sister in her Chinese lessons. My parents and her look up to me to teach her because I was an honor student in Chinese. There are times that she didn’t want me to teach her, which is very annoying, but no matter how hard she resists on me to not teach her I always still do. I’m very happy to give her tips in her lessons.

Sometimes, I want the semestral break to last longer, but nothing ever lasts forever. It sucks I had to get back to school again. But the semestral break gave me a lot of lessons and I can’t wait to apply it in my everyday life. The semestral break also showed me that spending time with people you love most is important, because you’ll never know when they’re going to be gone. It made me appreciate the small things in life like just simply spending time with my family in our house playing PANTS or watching our favorite show. Going back to school is dreadful, but at the very least, I'll have these memories with me. The time we spent with each other is definetly worth more than anything in this world.

[sofeashabani]

sleeping over at someone else's house

as gauche as it is to start a sentence with "i'm a part of gen z..." i don't think there's any other way i can start this, so here it goes: i'm a part of gen z, which means i don't have the kind of close-but-not-really, community-based, interpersonal relationships previous generations have had. i'm awkward on phone calls, i hate texting and catching up with people via text, i want to meet up with friends i haven't seen in a while but i'm too anxious to follow through with any of it.

that said, this year i slept over at five of my friend's houses. (six, if we're also counting yayah, but i never count yayah - i'm so close to her it feels more like i'm sleeping over my sister's place.)

first: alli. we'd met at the noah kahan concert and i mentioned i was going to manchester and could drop by paris for a bit, and she offered to have me stay over hers for the weekend. i'm tempted to say this is the first time i've stayed over the house of someone i barely know, but that wouldn't be right: a year prior, i stayed at nisa's house in dublin. i had never even met her prior, the only reason i knew of her was because her dad was friends with my dad. but i knew alli, had talked to her for hours while in that queue, stretched out on her blanket and letting her talk my ear off about hazbin hotel. but it was the first time i ever stayed over the house of someone who wasn't muslim (excluding michèle, my airbnb host when i first came to poitiers - i sure do have a lot of exceptions, huh?) and it was an enlightening experience, to say the least. it was most definitely the first time i ever stayed with an american, the longest i'd been in the presence of an american for an extended period of time. it was the first time i realised that speaking in english for so long and all the time wasn't as natural as i previously thought it to be. it felt like a performance, one that slipped when i got too tired. though i knew the references and could make appropriate jokes, there was still a cultural divide. i constantly felt like i was being tested. on what, i had no idea. i didn't think she was malicious enough to, because why would she anyway, but i felt it regardless.

i was grateful then to stay at raja's house in manchester a few days later. here, i could feel myself shaking off that anglicised, americana!sofea persona like a well worn coat. here, i could fully be myself, a distinction i hadn't known existed until then. manchester was lovely. exciting at first until the thrill wore off and i became aware that manchester didn't have that much going on for it. but still lovely. it just reminded me too much of the monotony of poitiers. though raja is one of my closest friends, until that point i hadn't been very close to her at all. in our friend group, i was always much closer to the other girls - yayah and i have always been close of course, both emotionally and physically, as we'd sat next to each other in class every year since we were thirteen; zaiti and i have a lot of interests in common, we can talk for hours about movies and books and tv shows and we have; becky and i got closer by nature of the two of us being prefects, and we'd shared many a conversation whenever i drove her back home after school in our senior year. but i didn't have much of that with raja. i don't think we ever had a single substantial conversation, just the two of us, while we were in school. i think she thought me too annoying and strict and overbearing, especially in our senior year, because i'd been elected head girl and took it far too seriously than i had to. but i'd mellowed out afterwards of course (at least, i hope), but still, there wasn't much time for us to talk. i went to her birthday party when we were at school. we talked in the group chat. we went out to eat whenever we could, but always with the others too. the first time i ever had an actual conversation with her via dms was when she was freaking out about her relationship with her then-boyfriend of several years. i was in la rochelle and was therefore the only one awake when she called me, crying, and then hanging up, texts coming in in rapid succession. i tried my best to talk her down, offered any bit of advice i could think of, any solace i thought might help, keenly aware of the fact that i didn't know her well enough to know what would help, not really. so staying at her manchester house two years later felt like a big deal to me. and i'm really glad i did. we talked for hours and hours, and exhaustion came from not getting enough sleep, not from thinking and speaking in a language i wasn't born into. of course, we spoke a mixture of english and malay, but i'd always underestimated my need for malay in conversation. it's when i feel the most myself, when i have the ability to mix between the two. one cannot exist without the other, and all that rot. to her credit, raja did try to show off manchester. we had waffles with some other friends from school, who were also living in manchester. raja and i saw challengers in the cinema, sharing a cup of ice cream and a packet of chocolates. she came in in the middle of the night, fresh off of going to a football match, jumping off the walls and raving about how electrifying it all felt. i was helpless to watch and listen, unable to feel anything but joy, happiness transmitted by proximity. i feel closer to her now than i ever have, and i don't think our relationship could've ever developed into what it's become today if i hadn't stayed at her place that april.

i stayed at her place again in june, before we took a plane back to malaysia for the summer, but briefly before that, i stayed at our mutual friend qilah's house. i knew qilah far, far less than i knew raja. for one thing, the last time i had seen her was in primary school - over ten years ago, really. we weren't in the same class then; we knew each other by association. but raja had gotten covid from our summer trip to lyon and the south of france, and had to quarantine for a week. so she asked around and managed to get me a room at qilah's house for a few days while she recovered. the kicker was that qilah wasn't even home - she was off in iceland or something. so i was staying in her room and had to somehow coexist with her housemates, people i had never met in my life. later, in the groupchat, becky would marvel and say, "i swear sofea's such an extrovert you could throw her anywhere and she'd be fine." it's true to an extent, i suppose. i always feel like my extroverted tendencies tend to come out whenever i feel like other people aren't as extroverted. like, if i'm surrounded by people who are all timid and shy, i somehow feel like it's my duty to be the one asking where everybody's from and getting the conversation going. the opposite, and i clam up quick. but luckily, in qilah's house, her two other housemates were the quiet types who were deeply interested in my life in poitiers, so i had assumed an extroverted persona as if by default, without even realising, Sofea with a capital S, the girl people were used to meeting back in school. it helped, i think. i was able to make friends with those girls, making an already awkward living situation marginally less awkward. it also helped that they were very friendly, too. it never bodes well when people aren't as open to making friends as you are.

the fourth home i stayed at, i stayed for about a month or so. it was the height of summer in paris, and it was the olympics. i was a volunteer at bercy arena and my friend teha was gracious enough to let me stay at hers for the duration of my volunteership, for a fee of course. i had only met teha once before: a year prior for lunch when i came to paris to send in my ballot for the election. we'd only ever exclusively chatted via instagram dms - i don't fully remember how exactly we got to talking, but it was borne completely online. essentially living with her in her studio apartment for over a month was definitely awkward at times, and i definitely felt like i overstayed my welcome at times, but it was clear that we were both ignoring any awkwardness to make it easier on the two of us. teha was easy to get along with and incredibly patient given i was sleeping on the pullout couch in her living room. i loved the neighbourhood she lived in, loved how close it was to the metro, loved how quaint and quiet it was. we watched movies together, ate together, talked shit together. it was the closest i had ever gotten to having a roommate (living in a dorm with five other girls during my year doing the pre-france program doesn't count, i think) and i definitely had my fair share of stumbles. but teha, bless her, never made a big deal out of them.

though i loved staying at hostels, the price didn't always agree with me. sure, for the most part they were cheaper than the hotels, but they still cost a pretty penny. so i swallowed my pride and anxiety and asked mayanne, a volunteer i met and worked with during the olympics, if i could stay over her place for a few nights for my chappell roan concert. she enthusiastically agreed, and when the concert was cancelled and our team managers asked if any of us would want to spend a few days volunteering for the paralympics, i took it as a sign and stayed with her anyway. i volunteered for two days, happy to relive the volunteering days if only very briefly, and stayed with mayanne the whole time. this was the second time i stayed with an american, and like alli, i became painfully aware that i wasn't fully comfortable speaking in english at length, for so long. plus, what i tended to do when i spoke with americans was emulate their accents a little bit - it felt more natural to me to carry on a conversation that way, but at the same time felt unnatural, if that makes any sense. that first day when i settled in, we talked so much and for so long that i began noticing that i was accidentally slipping malay filler words in conversation, like a multilingual cliché. i loved talking to mayanne, i really did - it was like a therapy session with someone who gave back as good as they got, who validated everything i ever felt and said all the unspoken things out loud - but it was still tiring. i'd known for a while that by nature of the way i grew up, so entranced by western media and by extension, white people, in all the movies and tv shows i watched and singing all my favourite songs, i always thought i "fit better" with westerners, whatever that meant. i could make their jokes, i understood their references, it felt natural to talk to them. at first. but my two experiences staying with westerners have definitely disillusioned me a bit. for good, i think. i think i needed it. needed to snap out of it. i think i spent so much of my life wanting to get closer to them, wanting them to see me and know that i was just like them, even though i wasn't really. i knew, objectively, of course, but it's hard to unlearn something so internalised. it just took me a little longer to realise.

i like when things line up thematically. i especially like it when thematic full circles happen in real life. and here is one, lining up and linking closed so perfectly you would've thought it was planned. so far, i don't have any plans to stay over anyone's house in 2025, but of course, i'm not ruling anything out.

[missing-assignments]

Loneliness becomes a confusing thing to me who has the soul of a social butterfly but not its body nor its wings. How shall a bird take flight without its wings? But should the bird without a soul spread its wings and fly?

I yearn for the interaction and the embrace of people. I believe a full day should be utilized to its full potential when hanging out with one's dearest friends. When does it seem clear that I cling too close to these people?

A problem I face is that I'm unsure how to differentiate between true romantic affection or platonic relationships. My dearest friend who I have spent most of my days with since elementary school until now may be as a brother to me all those years, but in a blink of an eye, I shall question it. Am I merely friends with him or do I like him? My heart is heavy as I try to understand my feelings. How shall others perceive me when I don't even truly understand myself?

I mistake true romance, true friendship, and true siblinghood. I mistake admiration with romantic affection. When my Taekwondo coach, who does very high kicks that look like straight lines and fights courageously and who gives off youthful vibes from his mullet and his speech and manner, performs impeccably in his poomsaes, do I cheer and clap for him because I admire him and wish to be like him one day or is it because I like him? The thought of it is preposterous, I'm sure of that, but it feels like it, although I'm very sure and aware of its immorality and how it's a vile thought. Did I glee because he noticed my Babymetal shirt and said, "You're a concert kid, too?" (a very direct translation from "kamu anak konser juga?" in which anak konser or concert kid means frequent concert-goer), and then fistbumped me, which was then commented by another coach who said we were similar to each other ("kalian sefrekuensi") that stretched until that night where I couldn't sleep because I kept on thinking about it? Did I squeal mentally when he praised me for having high kicks that were still leagues below his kicks? Is that still admiration, or is that affection? Where does the line begin and end?

When are actions done for formality, when are they done consciously, or when are they done merely for the attention of others? When are actions done for the attention of others, when are they done with affection, and when are they done 'only as friends'? When he returns my hug, is it because he truly wants to reciprocate the action, or is it because he feels the need to because of our mere status of dating? Is he someone who I loved dearly with my entire heart, truly because of his charm, his personality, the way he talks, the way he interacts with me, the way he carries me in every game he played with me, the way his body towers over mine in height and size, the way calls me by my first name rather than my online tag or my nickname, his 6.79/7 report card grade that his mother was deeply disappointed in, the way he helped me with my homework despite me bragging about being one of the smartest in my grade, the way he buys me things or pays for me, the way he insists I should never ever ever repay him, the way he called me 100 times worrying about me when I was asleep for half a day, the way he accepted my confession by saying thank you first and giving me a heart attack, or was it because I was desperate to experience the love from others and hopping on a trend called dating? Were the tears I cried on the night he broke up with me because he was busy with school by Discord call because I was devastated he'd 'leave' me despite saying I was the most important to him and I'd one day celebrate Chinese New Year's after I said I didn't after he'd wish me a happy and prosperous CNY, or was it because I was devastated I no longer had a status and someone to stick to like glue? Is he someone who I genuinely loved, or someone who I used like a pillow to cling to in my sleep? Did I want him or did I want to feel what it felt like yearning for him?

It's ironic that I have the childish incapability to understand these 'mature' themes although wanting to grow up fast. I'm very mature for my age, I swear. I'm more advanced in studies and mental capabilities than the average person of my age, I swear. But that shall be another topic for another day. I must not dwell about so many problems in the span of 4 hours at midnight. It's not good for my brain.

Does a flightless bird wish for the ability to fly? Does it ever question its ancestors' decisions to give up the freedom in flying? To cage itself to the ground by choice is a tragedy. Why? Did the bird find pointlessness in flight unless it was absolutely essential? Does the soulful bird with no wings have to lose its soul, too? The flightless bird won't gain the ability to soar its wings in the sky, no, but there's no saying that the soulless bird won't find freedom in the sky it mindlessly soared in.

Find solace in seeking opportunity, dear bird. One day, the skies shall welcome you with open arms. The endless seeking will conclude by the seeked revealing itself. Heaven has a fate set for you.

(11/7/24, missing-assignments)

[0rea10]

Good Times

In this blog, I share about my experiences during our semester break. I really enjoyed it and I hope you will enjoy reading it too!

I woke up late today, as usual After I got up, I went ahead and eat my breakfast. like my usual routine I fixed my bed and since I felt a bit sticky and weird, I immediately showered I felt so refreshed after that! I had nothing else to do afterwards so I just watched on our TV. Of course, I had lunch, and it was okay. I did some chores afterwards and like I said earlier, I had nothing to do so after doing my chores, I watched some Korean TV shows. And after that, I had dinner and slept.

Of course, I woke up late, again. This only happens when its weekends or know I have no class, I don't know why. And just now my goes, I eat breakfast, which is usually cereal. sometimes it's bacon and other limes its egg. Anyway, after that, I fix my bed and shower. I had come chores to do so I did it after I showered, and my mom told me “Good job!"' like always. I was a bit hungry after I finished and thankfully our lunch was ready. I don" know if I was just hungry or not but the food was delicious.

As usual, I woke up late had breakfast, and fired the bed. I was just about to do my chores out my friends suddenly came to our house and said we were gonna go to Claire’s house, who is another one of my friends, so I asked my mom for permission, and she said okay so we commuted our way to her house. In we bought some r ice cream on the way as a snack. We basically just do random stuff like playing, watching, and cooking. We watched some cringey musical stuff and sang. we didn't have lunch, so we just cooked some spam and ate it with rice. And alas, we had to say our goodbyes, but we still have a hangout planned tomorrow to too so what I said earlier was a bit like the usual routine I eat breakfast, fix the bed, and shower. Remember the hangout I mentioned? I just checked my messenger and apparently Claire is going to the Bambanti Festival today, so her dad said that we should go with them so we still can hang out with each other. And her dad suggested it so who am I to refuse? So, I immediately asked my mom for permission, showered and changed my clothes. I waited for them to come pick me up and after a while they came, and I got in their car. Throughout the trip we just talked about random stuff until we were at the Sky Park in Ilagan, where the festival is usually held. After we got out of the car, the first thing we did was take a picture. We then went to the booths and checked them out, and my favorite was Cordon’s booth! I really liked the vibe and concept of their booth; it was unique! Me and my friends just walked around the place since the only thing you can do there is sightseeing, eating, and watch a concert at night.

We got hungry after a while, so we bought some snacks and walked around again. Soon after that, they got bored and started playing on my iPad. Claire’s dad was calling us to eat pancit Cabagan, so we tried to find it and we did but my other friend, Grace got lost for a while but fortunately, she found us. While we were eating at Claire’s dad got us a book about Isabela, containing some stuff about animals, places, and such. But Claire’s dad only asked us about the animals there like, their scientific names. Me and Nicole, who is also my friend, decided to share the same plate since we knew we couldn’t finish it on our own. We bought some stuff on the way to Claire’s house, we decided to stop by for dinner at her house. We also had to ask our parents to let us have dinner at Claire’s place, which wasn’t really that hard. While we were eating at Claire’s dad asked us if we wanted to have a sleepover here or were gonna go home after eating because, if so, then he’ll prepare in advance. So, we asked our parents for permission. Well for me, it was slightly hard to but through it all, I ended up having my first ever sleepover! After dinner we decided to go to their backyard and decided to play Marco and Polo. We had lots of fun and after that, we also played the game Mafia in Claire’s room. While we were playing, Claire’s dad knocked on the door and Claire asked who it was to which he replied to as “your snack giver” it was a pretty funny response, but we were mostly overjoyed because we had midnights snacks. We continued playing but we also watched “Our mighty yaya” before sleeping. We slept at around 3 AM and surprisingly woke up at around 7 AM. Our breakfast was delicious! it was shabu-shabu made by an attorney himself! He’s Claire’s dad. Convince my dad but since I am 13 now, he gave it a thought and asked some weird questions.

I told my mom that I was gonna go home after breakfast, but they extended it until lunch because my friends wanted to spend more time. We also played again after breakfast and finally had lunch. We went home together and when I got home, I immediately showered because I didn’t bring any extra clothes there. But after that, I did my chores, and my family was gonna go there but I was too tired to go so I stayed home with my cousin-in-law who is probably around her 20’s. She had three kids, two of them being boys, while the youngest one is a girl, who is currently 2 years old. The youngest one, Ryah, is very chaotic and she likes cats, like really like cats. She would scream and laugh when she saw a cat. I was also on a video call with my dad, and she kept messing with my iPad for some reason. Anyway, my family finally got home after a few hours, and I drank some hot chocolate before sleeping.

I woke up early today, like around quarter to 6 AM which is surprising considering I’m not in the dorms right now. But I slept again and woke up then ate breakfast and of course, fixed my bed. I don’t have any chores to do today so I just lazed around watching and playing badminton with my little sister. Since I had nothing else to do, I showered my dog, who is blind. His breed is Shih Tzu, and they have large eyes, so it was bulging out one day and we had to take him to the vet and after he got treated, he was blind. And this super common when it comes to Shih Tzu’s so, now you know.

Today is the second to last day of our semester break, so I helped my sister do the laundry, mostly just hanging the clothes but at least I helped. So anyway, as usual my breakfast was cereal, no surprise. Lunch was pretty okay but I always liked our dinner more. Since I wanted to spend more time with family, I did some activities that included us bonding with each other. I also hung out with my friends and bought some afternoon snack at a café which what we used to do after school during our elementary days. And finally, dinner, my favorite time of the day. They usually asked what we want for dinner which for me, I can’t decide on what I want to eat unless someone gives me options, but I can say for sure tuna is my favorite food, specifically Century Tuna.

[girlivealwaysbean]

it's been a year since i lied to you and told you that yes ive moved on so can we please be friends again. can you really blame me? i thought getting good at suppressing our memories from that one month meant moving on. i didn't know that i would feel a lump in my throat when you called me suddenly in the middle of a sunday even tho the plan was to talk once a week and we had talked only 3 days before. i didn't know i would feel butterflies in my stomach when i heard your laugh so close to my ear, but can you really blame me for being reminded of you giggling talking about the logistics of kissing on your study table?

but it's been another year since we've talked on the phone. those memories are so distant and blurry and full of light and happiness that i can't even believe they happened to me, it feels like they happened to a different person. so you don't have to worry, because ive moved on now.

remember when i used to tell you that i miss you so much i can't think about anything else, that i spend all my day reading our old chats? and you used to say, you need to stop and there are other people in the world? well, you don't have to worry about feeling uncomfortable now. i passed the exam i failed because i was too heartbroken over you. i go to tuitions and then i go to internship and i come home so late that all i do is eat and sleep. ive been doing better these days.

and you were right, there are other people in the world. but do you know, i asked a girl to come watch barbie with me, and she made a disgusted expression and said she'd already watched it and she hated it? this happened after we shared a coffee and realising we live next to each other and finding out that she watches kdramas and i listen to kpop. so surprising isn't it? someone who probably understands toxic masculinity and gender roles are fucked up still has internalised misogyny in her? nobody can compare to you, you lecturing me about feminism in tenth standard and your little book club with assigned reading as a thousand splendid suns and you having tears in your eyes showing us harry styles with pride flags in his concerts and you being mean and blunt saying i need to talk about my internalised homophobia. im starting to think you were one in a million and i was a fool to lose you, and an even bigger fool to have had you back and then lose you again.

but do you understand now? you told me you didn't, two years ago. i asked you, don't you understand that i was going crazy dealing with my psychotic family and i was depressed and tired and couldn't talk? and you said no, you're sorry, you really don't, you don't understand how someone can not share why they're sad to the person they supposedly love the most in the world. as i was writing this, daylight by taylor swift started playing. ironic, isn't it? there are many memories ive tried to erase from that one month, but this one i cannot forget- me coming into your room the night we planned and asking you if you're sure about this and is this like an experiment thing a oh what's kissing like thing or is it a we're in love with each other thing, and you smiling softly and saying girl yes i am sure it is one hundred percent a we're in love thing.

ive been getting better at sharing my sadness with my loved ones. my parents haven't stopped fighting, my dad shouted at my mom today morning because my brother lost the car keys, but it's okay, ive learned to tune it out. he only lives here for half a month, he stays somewhere else the other half so it's been easier to bear. my sister moved out, finally. ive been sad because of it but i know she's obviously happier there so it's okay. we have a neighbor and they have this tiny tiny annoying si kid she always comes to her house after her mom scolded her to sulk and watch tv with us. how is your little sister doing? i think of her when our neighbor devil comes. and how is your mom doing? are they settling in well to the new city? and how are you doing? have you been okay? we don't have to be exes trying to be friends again. but can't we just be childhood friends (if age 15 was childhood) who drifted apart briefly but found their way back to each other? please?

but it's okay, if we can't. cause like i said, ive moved on.

[leonbloder]

Learn to Fly

If you pushed me to name my favorite rock band, I might waver a bit before telling you, but ultimately would finally say, "Foo Fighters."

Since I'm being open about things, I would name Foo Fighters my favorite rock band mainly because of the band's lead singer, primary songwriter, and founder, Dave Grohl.

Dave Grohl is just an extraordinary human.  Not only is he a great musician and songwriter, but he's also been in two bands inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: Nirvana and Foo Fighters.  

He's also personal friends with Paul McCartney, has performed in front of Presidents, won Grammy's, and overcame incredible odds, tragedies, and emotional struggles. And he still finds joy and wonder in the world with great humility.

In case you're wondering, I have a man crush on Dave Grohl.

I got to see the Foo Fighters when they performed in Las Vegas in 2019, and it was one of the best shows I've ever seen and one of the great spiritual experiences I've had at a concert.

One of my favorite Foo Fighters songs is "Learn to Fly."

I love the song so much that I decided to emulate Dave Grohl and get a feather tattoo on my arm (he has one on each of his) to remind me of the lyrics from the song that really speak to me:

Now, I'm lookin' to the sky to save me/Lookin' for a sign of life/Lookin' for somethin' to help me burn out bright/And I'm lookin' for a complication/Lookin' cause I'm tired of lyin'/Make my way back home when I learn to fly high

This song was on replay for many road trips I took over the summer and has continued to find its way into my playlists.  Those lyrics speak to me of faith, hope, Divine providence, life's purpose, and so much more.

Then I heard Dave Grohl talk about what the lyrics meant to him when he wrote them.  In an interview, he stated, "I just always wanted to be a pilot."  

I've written and read enough poetry and other stuff to know that there's always something more underneath the artist's stated reasons why they wrote a particular thing.  

I  suspect the same is true for Grohl and  "Learn to Fly" as well.  There's more to the story because there's more in the lyrics.  

Even in his simple statement about just wanting to be a pilot, there is a lot that Grohl was feeling and expressing when he wrote the song.  

You see, when fans like me sing along with "Learn to Fly," we are undoubtedly filled with our sense of how the words land on us, the images they conjure in our imagination, and our unique longing for more.

Because in the end, every one of us longs to fly, to trip the light fantastic, soar high above the brokenness of our lives, and maybe even touch the face of God.

Scripture and other holy texts created by inspired people to express their divinely imprinted longings work this way, too.  The words land on us where we are and call us to imagine something more.  

Despite how or when they were written, those words have the power to inspire us, fill us with dreams, and keep us wanting to learn to fly if we are willing to let them.  

The 13th-century poet Rumi put it like this:

God has created your wings not to be dormant as long as you are alive you must try more and more to lift your wings to show you're alive.

May you lift your wings today and every day, inspired by the words you read and hear from saints of yesteryear and poets of today.  May you learn to fly in your faith and in your life.  

And may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you now and forever. Amen.  

[quarantinehomies]

John: Patient Zero

     September 30th, 2022. I’ve been feeling sick for a little while, so I decided to take a COVID test outside. I’m chatting with a friend at a table while I take my COVID test since I don’t really believe I have it. As soon as I deposited a drop into the antibody test, the two lines instantly appeared. Panic. I call everyone that I’ve been in contact with for the past couple of days, I contact my teachers telling them about my situation, and I contact the school to get instructions on what to do next. Zeltzin comes out and tests with me and she tests positive while I test a second time, still positive. Valerie, Richard, and Lily test next, however only Richard tests positive. So, Richard, Zeltzin, and I quarantine in Richard's room while Valerie and Lily play it safe and quarantine in Zeltzin/Valerie’s room. Though soon Valerie was in Richard's room too. 

     I had never gotten COVID before, so all of the symptoms were new to me and also I had never had to quarantine in place. I felt really guilty for getting all of my friends sick, and making them have to quarantine with me. I felt even worse after I realized that we could no longer go to the Kid Bloom concert that we had all bought tickets for a couple days before. 

     The only things I really remember from being in Richard's room were watching insane amounts of serial killer documentaries on Richards TV, taking care of a friend's dog for a day, and Zeltzin dying in the corner of the room. Everything else during that time was a complete blur. Zeltzin, Richard, Valerie, and I spent most of the many hours in the room watching the Dahmer documentary series and other various serial killers. I made many jokes about the serial killers, many of which did not land so well. I was very silly over the entire course of the quarantine experience. One of the days we were quarantining, a friend (not infected) wanted us to watch over her dog while she went to a theme park. This was a very interesting and fun experience because it taught me how much I would not want a dog. Coco, a white mixed breed dog, was fine to spend time with all morning, but once we wanted to eat some lunch, he would not stop barking. It was incessant and the only way I could get him to stop was supplexing him. 

     I only brought a few worldly possessions to the room: my camping mat, a blanket, a pillow, and a camping chair. I used these items to their absolute limits during the few days that I stayed in Richard's room. There was nothing more rewarding in the mornings when I would pack up my sleeping stuffs, throw them on the dresser, set up the camping chair, and then sit there for the rest of the day. I would sit there. Just sit there. All day long. In my chair I would sit. My throne. My safe space. Mon amour.

     When Lily finally also tested positive, we all moved over to Zeltzin and Valerie’s room. Richard, Lily, and I slept on the floor while Zeltzin and Valerie slept on their beds. We never really moved around a lot from each of our positions, so time was also a blur in this room too. This time, I had brought my bass with me to the room to play and keep myself busy and Richard used my acoustic guitar. The time we spent together in this room wasn’t boring since we could all keep each other company. Richard and Lily spent almost a little too much time together… couldn’t tell you why.

     The time I spent in Zeltzin’s room was actually quite fun. We would play games, like scribbl.io, and talk with each other almost all day. The one caveat to this time, however, was that I was the designated food orderer. Any time that we wanted lunch or dinner, I was the person that had to ask someone who was not sick to get us food. This was a bit of a pain when people were busy when we were hungry. The main people I want to shout out is Cynthia, who got our food for us 

     During the last 3 or 4 days of being in quarantine, I felt completely fine and not sick, however, 2 faint lines persisted each day and I had to keep telling myself that tomorrow would be the day I could finally leave. It was when Zeltzin and Valerie tested negative first that started my biggest descent into madness. This proceeded all the way until October 8th, when I finally tested negative for COVID. I was ecstatic. The day after I tested negative, I went to a quinceanera to celebrate.