#and she is legitimately incapable of caring about anyone other than herself and it makes me so mad

[wastedonthesebutterflies]

Fuck her

[reasoncourt]

if anyone is wondering why i care about taylor swift discourse it’s genuinely just because i think people lose their point in their hate for her. and they lose perspective.

like she’s actually not the most evil woman in the world. she gives her workers insurance (bare minimum) and good bonuses (she’s mega rich so also bare minimum) and she buys carbon credits (bare minimum but also opens an interesting convo - i.e. how much should we value carbon credits?). she doesn’t use her voice enough imo but she also doesn’t speak out of turn (i.e. she doesn’t pretend to be well-versed and authoritative on topics she has no knowledge in (arguably she should educate herself on certain topics but tbh i’m inclined to view it as a positive that she doesn’t introduce global political issues beyond “trump bad” to her crazy af fan base… like she could do more but i also don’t have much faith in her politics cause she’s so so so out of touch so i prefer the silence)).

an important note here is that i do think she’s absolutely fucked for not condemning the genocide of palestinian people (especially when she’s supposedly close friends with the hadids who are outspoken on the issue and would greatly benefit from her public support (obv she shouldn’t just speak out bc it affects her personal friends but the fact that she isn’t speaking out when she has personal friends is honestly bizarre to me)).

but she's not unique for any of this. she does more than most of her peers and also way less than she should. that's all i see.

and yet ultimately it’s like - people side with kanye when he put a naked wax figure of her in his music video without her consent when she was 25. that situation was obviously misogynistic but people hate her so they largely glossed over it and decided she deserved it for "lying"about a phone call she didn't lie about. people also seem to think it’s funny that football bros are making ai porn of her (arguing she “deserves” it) despite that line of thinking obviously being detrimental to all women and especially those who are so much more vulnerable than her. people got angry at her for donating $250,000 to help with kesha’s legal fees in her case against ‘Dr. Luke’ because they considered it a publicity stunt even though taylor swift wasn’t the one to make that donation public. people called her performative for taking a man to court for sexually assaulting her and only asking for $1. and obviously they would’ve criticised her for asking for more.

the thing that really aggravates me is that there is so so so so so much to criticise her for. but it’s so so so so so obvious that a lot of people just hate her and don’t actually have any legit problem with the things they say they have a problem with. their favs could do the exact same thing and they won’t find any issue with it. cause they just really hate taylor swift and won’t step back a bit in order to just critically think about what their principles are and how those principles apply to this situation with taylor swift and whether they’re actually consistent with those principles and will apply them to someone other than taylor swift.

there are such valid points and important discussions i see being completely missed because the complaint is about Taylor swift and people seem to be incapable of thinking beyond the fact that they just, first and foremost, hate her

and let it be said that this is not a taylor swift defence post. i could not give a single shit about her specifically. i do find her music fun and nostalgic but i also think it deserves more criticism than it gets (but that’s not what this post is about). it’s just that she’s one of the most talked about people in pop culture and i feel like legitimate and productive discourse is rlly hindered by people’s disproportionate focus on her

[eternalfarnham]

The core of Aigis's crisis, in The Answer, is that she has exactly two invested human relationships, one of which only half-counts because it's with a dog, and the other just died.

Note that in the post-Nyx "epilogue" month, where relationships formed via SEES kinda-sorta persist (MC-Yukari-Junpei trio, Ken and Shinjiro, etc.), no one remembers Aigis besides the protagonist, or even mentions her unless she's right there. She's some girl in their dorm. This influences her self-perception and indecision in the Abyss – Metis is the way she is, fixated on a single person and incapable of caring about anyone else, because Aigis was that way.

Compare/contrast Yukari – she ends up putting herself back into the position of "enemy of SEES," contesting them for the sake of achieving (the truth behind her father's death/the MC's resurrection), failing to acknowledge her relationship with Mitsuru (who takes her side partly due to the history between them, and who reminds her of that fact).

Aigis... just genuinely doesn't have anyone in the way she had the MC, not like Yukari does. The question of suicide via sacrifice is a real and legitimate one for her; it's why she gets Metis in the first place! Metis is both her capacity to care (the part of her that wasn't mechanical and rote) and her fatal flaw, her failure to recognize that there are other people to care about in her life, represented pretty directly by Metis insisting on being Aigis's "sister" and living exclusively to protect her. Aigis turned herself into an Arisato (complete with Wild Card!) and generated an Aigis to never, ever let her go like she wished she could've in the first place!

This is part of why I think Junpei's point, that they are nowhere near guaranteed a win in a rematch with Nyx, is so much more thematically potent than Akihiko's "respect MC's decision to sacrifice himself, because changing the past is wrong!" The world is full of people. Everyone's alive. "Accept loss" falls flat for me, considering the whole Great Seal thing and also, just, my entire understanding of life, but "there is no quantity of losing others you can experience that can make life stop mattering as a general case, because the world is full of people, and the best way to keep going is to keep caring about people and finding people to care about" works for me.

And this is absolutely not a tack any other Persona game could take about its MC! It's been noted that SEES aren't quite friends as a group, just psychodrama paramilitary coworkers, but it's that awkwardness and growing into imperfect relationships with one another that lets them live without the MC. Yu Narukami is more of a "most important person" to the Investigation Team – Yosuke, obviously, and Teddie, and arguably Rise – but they do at least have dynamics with one another, kinda, Chie-Yukiko and Naoto-Kanji.

Joker is the person who matters most to every single Phantom Thief, absent dead family members and NPCs who spend most of their time offscreen, and Royal makes it clear that they don't have the same "any cost" dedication to any of those dead family members or NPCs that Aigis and Yukari had for P3MC. Does Ryuji even hypothetically have more important dynamics with anyone? Certainly not Akechi. Not Yusuke. The Phantom Thieves would risk killing the world for Joker's sake. It isn't even really a question!

P3 was just so thematically aberrant compared to the rest of modern Persona that I can't help but admire it. I disagree with many of its takes, but by god does it have them.

[kxjostarr]

what type of bender are you?

Waterbender

Like I said at the beginning of the quiz, the elements speak greatly to how you approach conflict, inner turmoil, etc, so now how do we define what your element actually says about you? Waterbenders, as a whole, are incredibly emotional beings. Perhaps the most emotional of all four elements. What they say, the decisions they make—it’s all based on what they feel in that moment. This isn’t to say that Waterbenders are incapable of thinking through their problems. They absolutely are, but only after they’ve calmed down. Waterbenders have to work through their emotions internally before they can reach a level-headed decision.

We see this most frequently in none other than Katara. As compassionate as she is, Katara has a temper that throughout Book 1 initiates her most powerful bending (at least at the beginning of her training). Throughout the show, especially when her and Toph have their arguments, she is shown reacting like a harsh sudden wave, not considering her words as she typically does. Waterbenders also place an incredible amount of value in their community. They want to take care of the people around them. Now this doesn’t mean that other benders don’t or can’t feel the same; it’s just especially important for Waterbenders. They protect their own first. This is shown across every water tribe.

From the Northerners to the Southerners to the Swamp People, they all focus on their own before considering others around them, doing whatever they can to protect the people they care about. Huu crafts a seaweed monster to keep outsiders away. Katara, as Sokka and Aang are being forced to attack each other, sacrifices her own morals in order to protect them and bloodbends Hama. This is what makes Waterbenders stand out. It’s their need to do whatever it takes to protect the ones they love. Other elements can imitate this need, but there are unique factors to each one that could interrupt such a desire.

Nothing interrupts a Waterbender. Now, as Earthbenders are progressive, Waterbenders are adaptive. They evolve and change with their surroundings, preferring to go with the flow rather than combat it. It’s important however to note that Waterbenders aren’t always pacifists in this respect. While they willfully respond to change, they’re also incredibly capable of enacting it. Avatar Kuruk even confirms the value of this as his parting advice to Aang is to be attentive and active. However, it is possible for Waterbenders to remain stagnant without a trigger that elicits any form of change.

This is seen in the Northern Water Tribe. For generations, they followed the same rules, separating the men from the women, training one side as warriors and the other as healers. It’s only when Katara arrives that this changes. She challenges the system, going so far as to fight Pakku herself, but still this isn’t enough. Not until Pakku picks up the betrothal necklace. This ties back to the loyalty of a Waterbender. Only when Pakku has a personal connection to Katara through her grandmother, does he begin to legitimately consider Katara’s stance.

So what happens to Waterbenders without a community, who’ve shut themselves off emotionally? I like to call them Frigid Waterbenders. These are Waterbenders who crave a community, who are inherently emotional, but for one reason or another, they’ve shut themselves off. The community they may have had once is gone or lost, and now it feels like caring for anyone only leads to heartache. A good example of this type of bender can be seen with The End of the F*cking World.

James is a traumatized boy who convinces himself that he’s a literal psychopath, that the emptiness he feels is something intrinsic to him. This is until he meets Alyssa. Alyssa quickly becomes his community and he’ll do anything to protect her including getting shot in order to secure her safety. If you believe yourself to be this type of bender, try to open yourself up. Closing yourself off isn’t the solution to your problems. You’ll find your people one day. Water is unpredictable and overall, Waterbenders are emotional beings, approaching conflict with what they feel and this can change. Storms can be weathered and above everything else, the ocean will always be there. It will change currents and so will you, but you will always be there for the people you care about.

[work-of-waking-up]

In Defense of the Psychopath

Alright, wanna venture into my crazy ass brain? I’m going to start by saying one thing that will set the tone for everything else that follows: Villanelle is not a psychopath in the way that we currently understand them. Why am I even bothering to write about a fictional character, you ask? Because representation is important. Media portrayal of various mental and behavioral health topics (including ones that people might not think need to be discussed) is important and this show has a big audience. I also just want to contribute to the conversations that are taking place because I am seeing A LOT of them and the reason for that I believe boils down to the fact that Jodie makes Villanelle so relatable and people want to know what that means and looks like for them. Even those who felt they could relate to Sandra’s Eve, or the relationship between the two, maybe questioned what that meant the further they went down the path with them. “It’s probably a bad thing I relate to a psychopath, right? But she can’t be a psychopath because she cries and she feels things! Psychopaths don’t cry, which means she isn’t realistic so therefore it’s okay that I relate to her! Right? Or are my assumptions about psychopaths and people with antisocial personality disorder wrong? I relate to Eve but look what she is underneath it all...so does that mean I relate to that part of her too?” Not only is villanelles character relatable, but people see the freedom inherent within her, the freedom that Eve sees, and they realize that, at least on some level, they want it too. The show has (unintentionally I think) created a massive dialogue which is super cool and you can tell everyone involved on the show is aware of that now, I mean they have a consulting psychiatrist so I think that speaks for itself. This is less of a commentary on the character herself and whether or not she is a genuine psychopath, and more so a commentary on the conversations she has inspired and why... For the record, this is literally just my opinion sprinkled with a few facts, nothing else.

So, the term psychopath gets thrown around in the show, more so in the beginning, MI6 explicitly labels Villanelle this way, even going so far as to use her in a presentation about psychopaths, although I think that was more so to gauge Eve’s response than anything else. The reality of Villanelle, which we come to learn, is that nobody has been able to get close enough to really know the truth. Anna and Konstantin both got close but we never hear either of them use that word (Konstantin says it once but he clearly doesn’t mean it, it was more of an attempted manipulation tactic). They make it clear that she has, and can, and WILL cause damage, but that’s as far as they go. Eve is getting close and she tells Villanelle when they first meet that she knows Villanelle is a psychopath but it’s obvious from Eve's behavior and things she says later on that she truly doesn’t believe Villanelle is what everyone says she is. It’s easier to label her as a psychopath because that alienates and isolates her and her behavior completely. She is an outlier with behavioral anomalies and therefore it isn’t necessary to look any closer. For MI6 and others (not talking about the shows creators) to label Villanelle as a psychopath is easy, it’s lazy, it’s reductive, it serves a single purpose... a means to an end. They (anyone other than Eve basically) simply do not care about Villanelle’s truth. But as an audience we are lucky enough to see more of her with each episode. The psychopath label begins to fade and Oksana is what’s left. We know based on what she has said that she is aware that people think she is a psychopath, a monster, a person built to kill. It’s not always easy to decide that who you are is different from who you’ve always been told you are, especially given her history. Villanelle hasn’t told us yet if she thinks (or knows) that she is a psychopath, but it’s clear towards the end of last season that she no longer wants to be the person that they (meaning the twelve, Dasha, Konstantin, etc.) created. We see moments where she clearly has no remorse and clearly enjoys what she does, but then we have little moments sprinkled in between where she very obviously struggles, even if its short lived. And those moments are important. We have the moment where she struggles with the choice to shoot Konstantin, saying he is a good person, she thinks. This comes shortly after a conversation she had where Irina tells Villanelle she thinks she is a good person because she is sad, so we know she is thinking about it, we know the awareness is there, and it becomes more and more there as times goes on. I like to think of it in terms of having moments that are pure Villanelle (ie the way she killed Inga in the Russian prison), and then we have moments that are Oksana, vulnerable and emotional. Villanelle is a creation and a mask whereas oksana is the truth. Those moments are starting to really mean something. I'm not even going to start with her trip to find her family, that’s its own thing, but it's a Really Big Thing.

So. Villanelle is not a psychopath in the way that we currently understand and perceive them. Yes, she displays psychopathic traits, and yes, she absolutely has antisocial personality disorder. I read an article where the psychiatric consultant for the show (makes it pretty obvious how hard they worked to make Villanelle as realistic as possible) said that the Villanelle in Luke Jenning’s books scored a 32 on Hare’s psychiatric checklist, but I like to think (and I think a lot of people would agree) that number is a bit high, at least for Jodie’s Villanelle, maybe not even hitting 30 at all (close though, let’s be real lol). The max score is 40 which would be a fully blown primary psychopath. For reference, Ted Bundy scored 39. This checklist is flawed though, mostly created and based off the prison population. Which is why it isn’t used as a proper diagnostic tool. 32 is apparently extraordinarily high for a female (think Aileen Wuornos), which brings me to my next point which is that because it’s hard to measure a lot of the classic traits objectively, there is not a ton of solid data surrounding psychopathy, and even less of it is on female psychopaths. Like most things in life, psychopathy exists on a spectrum, there are levels and layers. It’s not black and white, there’s no definitive test (psychopathy isn’t even in the DSM-5 because as I said earlier it’s extremely hard to measure objectively) and it's important to distinguish between someone who exhibits psychopathic traits and someone who is actually an identifiable psychopath. Chances are high that someone you know displays at least one characteristic shared with psychopaths and this doesn’t make them one.

I think what’s important about this is that mental disorders (mental illness/personality disorders/etc.) of any kind are much more nuanced than a lot of people tend to think they are. That they exist less in black and white and more in shades of grey. Jodie Comer is absolutely remarkable for showcasing that through portraying the different layers of Villanelle. Her performance is a literal gift. We cannot keep thinking and acting like we know everything about how a person thinks, feels, and behaves based strictly and entirely on one label. The thing that has stuck out to me the most, the reason I decided to even write this bullshit babble, is that one of the most searched topics about the show is whether or not it’s realistic that Villanelle cries, and honestly how sad is that? That makes me sad for V. Is it more realistic for her to develop connections and cognitive empathy if she was made into a psychopath vs if she was born that way? Is there a legitimate difference between the two? And how do we even decide which one is applicable for someone? It’s important to add that antisocial personality disorder is not the same thing as psychopathy or sociopathy. You can have aspd and not be a psychopath. Research has shown that about only a third of those diagnosed with aspd would meet criteria to be considered a psychopath. Society is not doing a great job at getting people to understand this. But to be fair, understanding personality disorders specifically has been somewhat problematic, a lot of diagnostic confusion and overlap between disorders. A LOT of work needs to be done. But as far as portrayals go, society has strictly chosen to go the route of giving us psychopathic characters and having them be inherently violent, incapable of remorse, feelings, or change. Poverty of all emotions. Subhuman. They are made out to be so abnormal and unrelatable to the point where the character of Villanelle has sparked so much debate and fascination simply because she exists in a way that actually IS relatable...and layered and beautiful and thrilling. We thought she would be the bad guy and yet we root for her at every turn, we cry for her, we want good things for her! We see her darkness and without question or hesitation we forgive it. She makes us question what we’ve previously been shown. Questioning whether or not it’s realistic that she acts the way she does is less important than questioning our own personal assumptions and beliefs and where those come from. I think that’s awesome. Villanelle is truly a gift. She is hands down one of the most well written fictional characters, which is saying a lot considering when you put something, or someone, in a box it doesn’t leave tons of room for expansion. and I honestly don’t even really need to say this, but.. Jodie Comer.

[thecandywrites]

Blood For Gold Chapter 15

Oooh, Audra's deepest darkest secret becomes known and puts her that much closer to danger of entrapment while the Voyambi's have to admit the ugly truth of their current view of their own heritage vs their station in English society.

@punkhorse96 GURL. Buckle up Buttercup because we are almost getting to the peak of this roller coaster. Because the Komoba battle will be the peak, the court case- the fall and then it's the throws and twists and lurches to follow.

Also Stregabor from the Witcher? Who else could play the most devious of mages? Who else I ask you? Who?

Blood For Gold

Chapter 15

“Oh there you are Axal, I need you for just a moment.” Yalin insisted as she saw him leave his rooms, having waited outside of them for the last half hour for him to emerge since she had gotten up extra early to catch Axal at the earliest moment possible.

“Is everything alright?” He asked as she grabbed ahold of his hand and drug him down the hallway.

“Yes, yes, of course, it’s fine, I just need a private word with you.” She did her best to reassure him but Axal could sense her panic before she pulled him into a spare room and dismissed the servants in the hall so their ears could not eavesdrop.

“Do you have any affection for Ramsey? I need you to be completely honest and transparent.” Yalin pressed.

“I do.” Axal slowly nodded as he frowned deeply in confusion at her, not knowing where she was going to go with such a line of questioning.

“Then I need your help to find him a wife as soon as possible.” Yalin insisted.

“Uh, I don’t..quite..” Axal frowned deeper.

“Axal, I will be perfectly frank and honest with you, Gregori has long had his eye on your sister Audra for Ramsey ever since Ramsey said that she was the only one for him at her wedding to Count Edward Morrigan of all places.” Yalin began. “And it is clear that Audra has no interest in him and I have already given Audra my word to protect her from a marriage of convenience but little love and I fully intend to keep my word, but before Gregori has a chance to pressure her into a match she will find no joy or happiness in, I need to find another for Ramsey. Do you know of anyone, anywhere, in any court who could both be a lady of good wealth, breeding and most of all availability?” Yalin pressed him as Axal simply blinked in surprise at her as realization seemed to dawn on him.

“I must be clear, I have no issue with you having affection or attachment or romantic entanglements with Ramsey. And Audra seems happy for your happiness. And I know she must love you. And I know she would rather much leave Ramsey’s heart to your care than her own. But Gregori has his mind made up and I need someone who will satisfy Gregori’s need for an heir from Ramsey, so that leaves your sister free to pursue a union with another who can give her the love and care she deserves without the expectation of an heir because such endeavors would endanger her life, but...you see what bind we are in.” Yalin expressed.

“Yes, I’m aware. That’s why I have already reached out to Lady Octavia Lafronze, she’s only 27, she can still bear a child or a few even, she has a companion who can pose as my own wife if we need to keep a ruse going for the public. She will be here only the day before the Komoba battle. She’s on her way already. Audra knows of my attachment to Ramsey and until Octavia can get here, she has agreed to “play along” until then and even Ramsey has agreed to switch his “interest” when she does arrive. And Lady Octavia will fill our need. We just need to be patient.” Axal revealed.

“Oh thank the heavens.” Yalin breathed in relief as she leaned against a nearby table and clutched her middle.

“Ok, so here is the other thing. Audra’s case against the Morrigans, I don’t know if it would be best to go forward. I fear it may be more troublesome than it’s worth and whatever justice that Audra has already gotten, I fear that is all she may ever receive.” Yalin hinted.

“Audra prizes her peace. She may not want to revisit the past and rehash and open up old wounds. I will feel her out on this.” Axal reassured her.

“Thank you.” Yalin nodded as she blew out another breath of relief before Yalin gave him a reassuring squeeze to his hand before she hastily made it out of the room and quickly went down to breakfast before an attendant came and handed Axal a note, instructions to him written by his grandmother as Axal nodded and quickly asked for directions to where he had just been instructed to meet with the rest of his family before he went back into his room to get redressed in the approrpriate attire.

By the time Yalin got down to breakfast, hardly anyone was there.

“Where is everyone?” Yalin asked as it seemed that only the Voyambi’s and the Raymonds were at breakfast before Jane came into breakfast and sat down next to Charlotte.

“Jane dear, do you know where Audra and her family are this morning?” Yalin inquired.

“Yes, Audra’s grandmother got her up quite early this morning and they asked for breakfast to be brought to the gardens, they are all preparing for the kamoba battle. Apparently they all plan on participating.” Jane answered.

“Ah, that...that does explain it.” Yalin realized as she sat down as she noticed all the Voyambi youngsters seem to eagerly inhale their food before excusing themselves from the table, Ramsey and Charlotte included, leaving just Jane with the Duke and Duchess Voyambi and Gregori and Yalin.

“Do you not wish to see the training yourself?” Duchess Voyambi asked her curiously once Jane was invited to sit closer to them towards the head of the table.

“No, for the last two years I have watched Audra continue her training in private, although my parents forbade her from actually wielding any weapons, she was able to practice with sticks in the gardens and practice the drills in her room after waking up and before going to bed. Mouras take physical fitness to an extreme, even the women are trained like soldiers.” Jane explained.

“Like the orcish shield maidens of old.” Duchess Voyambi noted to her husband with a grin which he soon mirrored.

"And warchieftesses too." Duke Voyambi grinned.

“It is quite the spectacle. I remember watching my Dearest train for hours before the battle, even the exercises are quite intense.” Gregori noted with a sweet adoring smile to his wife that she did her best to return but Gregori could see something in her eyes and that her smile did not reach them as he gave her a curious look before she quickly looked away and blushed just a little under his scrutiny.

“Well it’s been ages since I even tried the exercises, I think it would do me good just to try to see how much I still remember.” Yalin said as she excused herself from the table after eating only a few bites, to get redressed into the more appropriate attire as Gregori got up and followed his wife before Jane excused herself from the table as well, leaving the Duke and Duchess Voyambi to sit in bewilderment.

“What is troubling you Dearest?” Gregori asked as he helped loosen the ties of her corset and untie her dress from her body.

“You are.” Yalin confessed.

“How do I trouble you?” Gregori asked before Yalin turned around and faced him.

“Audra drank a gallon of mourkatili. A gallon of it Gregori. With such a dosage, it is a miracle she is even alive. She is tainted and poisoned beyond repair. She can not bear Ramsey heirs and Ramsey needs a legitimate heir and woman of good breeding and nobility to give it to him. Likewise, Audra deserves a mate who can be loyal and faithful to her and I know her well enough that she will not put up with disloyalty in her marriage mate. She deserves faithfulness and devotion in all things. She has suffered more than enough as it is and before the ball at Havenfield, she came to me at the Gold Finch and asked me to guide her to a match who would treat her with kindness, respect, reverence, loyalty, devotion and faithfulness.” Yalin insisted.

“Do you think Ramsey incapable of giving such things to her?” Gregori posed.

“Yes, because he is already giving those things to her brother, which Audra is actually happy about. It would make her miserable to know that Ramsey would have to choose between Axal and herself and she would much rather have Axal be with Ramsey privately. But publicly, she can not be expected to act the perfect wife in public but in secret to know that she would share her husband with her brother of all people. And separating Axal from Ramsey would hurt all three of them. You and Ramsey both need to give up on the idea of Audra being Ramsey’s future wife and we need to consider other possibilities and I gave Audra my word that I would guard her against a marriage such as that and I have every intention of keeping my word. She is not the same woman who her master makes her out to be. She has suffered and changed too much at the hands of the Morrigans and she can not produce heirs. She is of no use to us, she is a dear girl but she is a lost cause.” Yalin maintained, choosing her words carefully.

“Oh I disagree, I think this palace is the perfect place for her and she’s plenty useful still, I think she’s finding her stride here and just because she can’t have heirs, doesn’t mean she can’t mother Ramsey’s illegitimate heirs to adopt them and make them legitimate and Axal is free to stay and keep Ramsey company as long as Audra plays her part publicly. She can have whatever affairs she wishes to have, because such seed taking root is obviously null and void.” Gregori readily shook his head no in friendly disagreement.

“How?! How in the world, is she still of use to us?” Yalin demanded.

“Dear, did you not get enough sleep last night? You aren’t thinking this through or not seeing this clearly then. We can use her treatment from the Morrigan’s hand to win over all of their fortune to her in court. You read the letter from the Mage, we have more than enough proof to string them up in the town square. She’s still an heiress of a great fortune and breeding.” Gregori insisted.

“But what of Jane? Of young Count Edward the third Morrigan? Jane is only a teenager and the young count is still a child. What would become of them?” Yalin asked.

“Audra has a good heart, she has affection for Jane, she will make sure Jane is taken care of and of course Jane, by Audra’s insistence is innocent. Besides Audra’s brother seems to like her enough. I’m sure he could always play the hero and take her and her little brat of a brother with him back to Dorierra to live happily ever after and save her from her monstrous parents and the Morrigans can be made an example of. Think of all the gossip papers you will sell telling everyone all about it.” Gregori incited.

“But what if Audra does not want that? Doesn’t want to be in our family? We can not force her to marry Ramsey just because you want her wealth and the court may not do as you say, we can’t afford to buy off every judge and juror to win it in Audra’s favor and the Morrigans have enough wealth to appeal it to the highest of courts where such measures are forbidden.” Yalin pressed anxiously.

“Oh once she sees all the benefits of being in the second most powerful family in England, no woman can resist. A life of lavish luxury with only having to smile and wave and play the tiniest of parts to enjoy it. The komoba battle will reawaken every moura instinct she has, she will see reason and see that our family is the only family she needs or should want to be a part of.” Gregori insisted as he kissed his wife’s knuckles sweetly before he called for her attendants to help her get dressed as she stood there in only her shift, her clothes long since fallen off to the floor.

“I’ll see you down in the gardens Dearest. Don’t worry about a thing, I have it all under control.” Gregori reassured his wife sweetly as Yalin just stared in thinly veiled horror at his back. She knew her husband well, he was not going to be easily swayed and she feared of what other measures he had already taken in the endeavour.

Gregori left and immediately went down to see you in particular as Demsey and his own brothers had gotten changed into appropriate fencing attire so that they could participate as well since Demsey and his siblings, his brothers especially had done nothing but gawk at you and the other mouras in small, very form fitting white work out clothes and bits of white leather armour in places in the outfit.

Demsey had thought he had walked into a fevered dream, watching you wield a sword and a small shield like a true shield maiden and every orc instinct had been screaming at him that at last, he had found a true warchieftess and he needed to show off to you his own fighting ability, as limited as it was compared to the other fighting styles you were clearly displaying. Being in high society, he was used to fencing and shooting, but that was the extent of it. Some of the common orcs still held brawling battles with the weapons of wars of old, like battle axes and broadswords and the like in the clan halls, but such things were seen as unseemly to the orcs in higher society and seen as barbaric and Demsey and his family as well as the other orcs in high society had made efforts to distance themselves from the “common” orcs in such things in order to be accepted by the rest of the gentry.

But now- seeing the style of which mouras fought- the style similarities were clear and perfectly natural. However the manner of the komoba fighting was much more aggressive and meant for a battlefield, meant to actually slay and kill your opponent, with the match only ending when it was clear that the opponent would be one pass from a weapon away from decapitating or dismembering the opponent with blows that would kill the other in quick succession. It was both beautiful in it’s violence, devastating in efficiency but yet had a dramatic flair that was impossible to resist being drawn in to see how each match would play out, where fencing played out on a thin strip of space, this was set in an octagon shape. The spaces lined out with paint in the grass itself.

One had to have a keen eye and lightning fast reflexes to strike and counter strike and the weapons, although these were made of wood or very dull metals, they were dipped in paint to show all the blows and strikes and “kills” that shown up on the white leather armour of the participants with barrels of water and cloths to wipe away the paint after each match with buckets and buckets of paint for the weapons to be painted in- in every color of the rainbow and then some.

Your paint color of choice was a brilliant turquoise and Demsey had watched with eager anticipation how when sparring with your grandmother- whose color was a brilliant copper orange- how your grandmother who was clearly the master and teacher of the group, all others taking instruction from her.

At first she had simply gone over the drills with you, all of you sitting in grid pattern, doing the exercises and drills with your grandmother staying close to you, using surprising gentleness in her critique, offering just as much praise as she did censure about your form of the various stretching poses and fighting poses as she was the first to spar with you, seeing how much you had remembered and how much your body remembered and how much you had lost over the last two years of neglecting the practice.

At one point she had blindfolded you and had short staff and a longer one in each hand and walked around you and occasionally would gently tap at your body to signify attacks, some of them light, some of them more forceful, to see how you reacted, evaded and counterattacked, leaning on your other senses besides sight to do so and Demsey had never seen anything more captivating and it made him ache and yearn to be a part of it, thus, the fencing attire, he and his brothers now sported.

Not even boxing fighters in a ring had so much contact with their opponents as this style of fighting did. Sometimes the key was to keep the enemy at a distance, other times it was to get as close as physically possible to deliver the devastating blow, sometimes it even involved grappling and pinning the other to the ground first. It struck Demsey to see the methods and philosophy behind each move and style of fighting and how it seemed to encompass everything and style and way of thinking and how there was clearly an array and a scale to it. Some of the styles were very simple, others- much more complicated but when blended made something awe inspiring.

Gregori had watched the match with your grandmother until she noticed that Gregori seemed to be waiting to speak with you and ended the session for the moment so that you could speak with him in private.

“Yes?” You asked Gregori as he pulled you aside and took your arm into the crook of his elbow after you had wiped off all the copper paint from your body so that none would get on Gregori or his clothes.

“How are you liking things here at the palace?” Gregori asked.

“It’s a palace, everything is exquisite.” You answered pleasantly, already on guard as you could tell Gregori was about to try his best to sell his son to you as a husband.

“Has everything been to your liking so far?” Gregori asked.

“Yes,” you nodded as you smiled politely.

“Could I speak candidly with you?” He asked politely.

“Please do, I thoroughly enjoy honest and candid conversation.” You encouraged him.

“I understand that from partaking in mourkatili, even with as high of a dose as you have been forced to partake in, that your reproductive abilities are hindered.” He began.

“That...is true.” You nodded, even though in truth you had tried to take pains to use eastern medicine to recapture it. But you could not be sure of your results.

“I want you to know that if you and Ramsey were to ever enter into a romantic attachment that you should know that we would never, ever, expect you to mother heirs. Your life is worth more than any hiers you would risk your life trying to bear.” Gregori assured you.

“...ok.” You blinked in surprise as you frowned in confusion, which was utterly adorable.

“You see Ramsey has had several lovers and already has many illegitimate heirs and if you were to ever marry, you could always save those illegitimate heirs and make them legitimate by adopting them. It would bring them out of poverty and give them the lives they rightly deserve but yet, Yalin and I, our hands are tied so to speak to do any better for them than we already have.” Gregori explained.

“And I understand that your brother and Ramsey have already become attached and it would only be right that he should remain by your side, to live out his days to make sure that you never again suffer and both of you could live perfectly comfortably and happily here with us.” Gregori offered.

“But such a life...it would not be honest,” you began to softly and gently counter.

“But it would be fair. So far the investigation with the Morrigans have found solid evidence and proof of their attempts to murder you. The courts will surely award all that they have to you for recompense. We have the power to make that happen. We can elevate you to that of Dauphine in English society and as a Dowager among the stables. We can get you justice and revenge for what you’ve suffered. We had a mage help with the investigation. He found your scene catcher spell, with the password, we can have all we need on Agnes and Richard.” Gregori revealed as you blinked in surprise as fear seemed to bloom in your chest. If they had already broken the password, you could be finished.

“But Jane and I corrupted some of the feed. The moment of Edward’s death, he was in the act of…” Your voice broke as even now tears came to your eyes at the horror and violence of the moment came flooding back to your mind. “He was in the act...of raping me and he had….he had a heart attack and died. It was so horrific. I had Jane help me strike it from the record. So just by that alone, it’s corrupted and it’s been tampered with. It won’t hold up in court.” You confessed lowly as your big gold eyes welled with tears.

“Just that admittance alone is enough to justify why that isn’t in the record, the judge will allow it and allow the rest of it to stand on its own and it will be taken as gospel and if there is anything else that you would like to keep from it to preserve your own integrity and dignity. That will be allowed as well. You are a lady after all. Not everyone needs to see every little thing, this investigation is to expose the Morrigans, not you.” Gregori reassured you.

“But what about Jane and little Eddie?” You asked.

“It is clear that you wish to protect them, that is truly amiable despite their parent’s treatment of you. I believe your brother Ocearian can save Jane from the shame of what her parents have done. She is, as you say, innocent. Ocearian I’m sure will happily take Jane home to Dorierra and with her- little Edward.”

“What if I want Jane to have her fair share of her family’s wealth? I don’t want to leave her or her brother with nothing and no choice but to flee to Dorierra. What if they wish to stay here in England. Could I at least leave Broadcove to Jane and Edward?” You asked.

“If that is your wish. Of course, it will be all available to you do as you wish with it.” Gregori agreed.

“Do you need my answer now, or can I think it over?” You asked him.

“Think on it as long as you need to, no rash decisions need to be made today.” Gregori reassured you gently which you greatly appreciated.

“Then do you have a piece of paper?” You asked him before he produced a small notebook and a small pencil.

“This is the password to most of it, it should give everyone all they need for the court case.” You said.

“Excellent, I shall get my best men on this, you will get justice and your just rewards for your pain and suffering, I swear and promise you.” Gregori grinned victoriously as he kissed your temple the same way his own daughter before he left again and you returned to the others.

“What was that about?” Axal asked you.

“Gregori asked for one of the keys to my ace. I gave a small one to him.” You hinted as you dabbed at your eyes as you steeled yourself for what was to come, both in the battle and in the court case afterwards.

“So you’re going through with the court case? What about your precious peace?” Axal asked.

“I’ve had a year of it. After this court case, I’ll have a lifetime of it.” You said as you got your wooden weapons redipped in your preferred paint.

“But what was his price for it?” Axal asked.

“That IF Ramsey and I were to ever get married, that I would consider adopting his illegitimate heirs and share Ramsey with you, whereas you would get to live with me and “protect” me from further abuse here. I didn’t give an answer one way or another and all I told him was that I would carefully consider it.” You reassured him before you got into sparring positions with Axal.

“And when Octavia comes, I’m sure she’ll happily comply with those terms as well.” You offered as you blocked his attack and counter attacked with ease. “Just make sure Ramsey knows to put on a good show of being captivated by her and wanting her and only her when she does come so I can get off clean.” You insisted as you dipped and dodged his attack and struck a gut blow with your shorter “dagger” on his middle.

“I will.” Axal reassured you.

“And what will you do with your hundreds of thousands of pounds?” Axal asked.

“Share them with Jane so that she is taken care of as well, hell I’ll even give Octavia a share of it, if it means I don’t have to marry Ramsey and you for that matter so that you can care for Octavia’s lover as your own wife.” You readily offered.

“Because I’m sure Yalin and Gregori only wish to see Ramsey happy, and once they see that I can not make him so and that you and Octavia can in all respects, then that can settle the matter.” You insisted.

“But what about Duke Demsey, won’t he need an heir?” Axal questioned as he used his shoulder to knock you away and off balance before you regained it.

“He does, that is what gives me pause. I do not think his affection for me may outweigh his own obligations and duty to his family. But we are still only friends. He may not wish for anything more from me. There may be another he has his eye on anyway, I will just have to wait and see. For all I know, I’m offending him even now. Proper English ladies do not participate in hunting or fencing or anything like that. It’s unladylike. So the fact that I know swordsmanship may be turning him off of me as we speak, look, even his own sisters sit by the side and only watch and do not participate themselves.” You mused as Axal and yourself finished your own sparring to rest and take a breath of air as you sat in the shade of a nearby tree and watched the others spar as you sat side by side.

“He’s an orc, his orcish heritage means shieldmaidens and warchieftesses are coveted. If anything I think you’re turning him onto you now more than any other. You were too focused on sparring with Grandma to notice how he was practically drooling and because of that, he was the first to insist that he dress in fencing attire to properly take part in all of this. He’s a decent swordsman, but that is all he is. He has no other skills, at least any that I can see.” Axal mused as he watched Demsey and Sierge fence each other in the very English style.

“In this society, he doesn’t need any other skills besides those, and even though they have that past, clearly they don’t embrace it in the present.” You shrugged as you again nodded over to where Amara, Kiera and little Callie watched on.

“Do you like English society?” Axal asked.

“It has its quirks and moments, rules of etiquette are extensive and date back to the medieval period for most of it and they like to pride themselves for having “polite, civilized and polished society”. But with industrialization, their business practices can be barbaric and ruthless, some men make or lose their fortunes in weeks or months, bask in the sunlight one moment or be shattered on the rocks the next with the tides. There are terms like “old money” and “new money”. The Morrigans have the old noble heritage even though most of their wealth has been amassed fairly recently, just in the last two generations. But the Morrigans are considered “old money” and the Voyambi’s are considered “new money” only because they’ve had their noble title and wealth within the last three generations. Their classed society makes movement restricted and women are property of their fathers then their husbands and I’ve seen women in this society choose peace over their dignity because while they are expected to be at home and run the home, their husbands are expected to bring income yet can splurge most of that income into gambling or whores or misstresses of plenty, even Richard has several whores, his favorite lives in Broadcove and his little bastards are being trained as stable boys and game keepers or gardeners, he keeps her to her appartment of rooms like a parrot to it's cage and his illegitamate daughters are being brought up to be ladies maids in the house in fact my first paid companion was his eldest illegetimate daughter came with me to Mirador as my own maid because I felt sorry for the way Agnes always treated her, in fact most of Richard's bastards followed me to Mirador because I treated them like people. Who had no power over who their father was. It is wholly barbaric in of itself. But because that is the norm, it makes competition to find a gentlemen in both name, status and breeding important, but of character- with how polite society and it’s customs dictate, it’s a gamble and true happiness in marriage is a chance. Not a given,. And what a man may be like in public may not be the same kind of man in private. Yalin and Gregori seem to be the exception, not the rule.” You admitted as Axal blinked in surprise at your revelation.

“Do you think you’d be happy with Demsey though?” Axal pressed.

“I honestly don’t know, we get along and we are friends and we have moments where possibilities threaten to ignite but something keeps it from actually doing so. I tried feeling him out last night to see if he would be open to anything and he...he was withdrawn and wouldn’t...he would not make himself available in spirit, he was...he was closed off to me, even with drink in hand, I could feel it in his energy, he was missing someone. He really had to push himself to stay with me mentally- in the moment. Which makes me think that there might be someone else that has caught his mind and heart, who is not Kate Whitesale, or me. But someone else, someone in the past. Maybe one of his workers, maybe one of his secretaries, maybe his favorite maid at Whydah. But polite society means I can not ask him about any of it or even his sisters who would be offended at me implying anything by asking while being none the wiser and completely unaware of their brother’s private lives and are purposefully kept in the dark about almost all of it." You sighed in defeat as Axal just stared in bittersweet fondness at you.

"And who am I to demand answers to such questions from him? He has made no declaration of intent towards me other than friendship. He has only stated that he wishes to be my friend. That is all he has said. And that is all his actions have said as well, at least so far. And I have no choice but to take him at his word. But the longer Demsey and his brothers participate but his sisters do not, makes me think that the same applies even in their family, even with them being orcs, notorious the world over for their proficiency and fierceness in battle even evenly among the sexes, which again leads to be believe that I offend him in the knowledge that I can fend for myself physically.” You confessed lowly to Axal before Demsey approached.

“You fence well Demsey.” You praised as you noticed he was drenched in sweat already and smelled wholly delicious as the very inappropriate thought of licking some of that sweat off of him popped into your head before you tried to swish it away mentally as you damned your own body for it's natural physical reaction to him.

“Thank you, I didn’t know if you had noticed, I know my skill can hardly compete with your own.” He praised which surprised you.

“Well you could always spar with her. See for yourself.” Axal suggested as you turned and looked at Axal incredulously.

“I would be honored.” Demsey readily agreed.

“Are you sure?” You asked Demsey.

“Yes, I’m sure I could learn several, if not dozens or even hundreds of things from you, if you would be willing to teach me.” Demsey insisted as you blinked in surprise as your jaw fell, leaving your mouth just slightly agape, just a little as your mouth ran dry as your brain once again was eager to supply all of the things you’d like to teach him, like making love to you right for starters, before Axal practically pushed you towards Demsey who offered his hand to you to help you up off the ground before you took his hand and let him help you to your feet.

“You would not feel emasculated or embarrassed if I bested you?” You asked. “I do not wish to embarrass you, especially in front of your family or mine.” You whispered to him as you walked with him back to the group.

“Not at all. You are granddaughter to the Great Saharan Viper, and her most prized pupil, how could I possibly be embarrassed to lose to such a champion?” He flattered you as you blushed and smiled bashfully and had the ground had the slightest bit of unevenness, you probably would have tripped and fallen straight onto your face.

“But my skills are rusty, I have not held a sword in two years. I may have forgotten most of it.” You tried to excuse.

“Audra, you will not hurt my pride, do not disparage yourself. I was watching you, you have retained more skill than I think you give yourself credit for. It’s like riding a horse, once you learn, you never fully forget and the style is most intriguing to say the least, so what color should my weapons be dipped in?” He encouraged you as he stood with you in front of the other buckets of bright color paints.

“Whichever strikes your fancy, and whichever you like best.” You shrugged before he chose a wonderful purple color that was a nice contrast to your own turquoise.

“Are you sure you want to try this? The rules of komoba are wholly different from the fencing you are used to. Because all those rules that fencing prides itself on- get thrown out and no longer apply, the object is to strike down your opponent by any means necessary, using everything you have to your own advantage and what can get you disqualified in fencing get you a win in komoba.” You gently warned him.

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life, komoba is...everything a proper fighting sport should be, realistic with real battlefield applications, fencing is pointless on a real battlefield.” Demsey reassured you and once again those butterflies started fluttering in your stomach as your heart fluttered delightfully as your smile turned bashful once again and your cheeks flushed beautifully. It seemed Demsey’s own reserve the night before- had seemed to vanish now as a new boldness seemed to take hold of him and you adored it.

“Then why don’t you use the battle axes that orcs are supposed to be so fond of?” You questioned only to see him falter slightly.

“Um, well, I’ve...never had an opportunity or reason to wield one before. My grandfather’s from the war- they along with his armor hang on the wall, and the late king gifted my grandfather a golden enamelled set but they are strictly decorative.” He revealed.

“So...you have no experience with any other weapons besides the swords of the fencing variety?” You asked him.

“Not even broadswords or longswords or…” You asked him in confusion as Demsey’s shoulders sagged in shame as his head dropped a bit as he had to shake his head no.

“No, the commoner orcs still practice such things in the clan halls and of course soldiers do. But since my family and others who are in the gentry, we do not partake in such things and take pains to distance ourselves from such things for fear of others in the gentry to view us as “barbaric” too.” Demsey confessed lowly.

“But do you think such things are barbaric?” You asked worriedly because if Demsey thought komoba was “barbaric” you were going to force yourself to lose interest in him because you were sick of having to divorce yourself from your own moura heritage, you had done it enough with the Morrigans, never again would you do it, you had sworn yourself an oath.

“No. I think it’s part of our history that we should be proud of. In fact I insisted that Whydah have a proper gymnasium to take up the practices again, granted in private because to do so publicly would damage our reputation.” Demsey tried to explain as his cheeks flushed into a deep pine green.

“But komoba is by far the most elevated form of fighting in the world. And it’s a sport I wish I had much more experience with and I wish I could build a proper komoba battle ground at Whydah so that we could take up the sport there too.” Demsey offered, trying his best to not to sound as hypocritical as he felt.

“Well, I’m biased but I feel the same way, that komoba is the best form of fighting however I can understand the need to protect one’s reputation. The Morrigans forbade me from holding any kind of weapon, often instructing the chefs to serve my dinner to me precut so that I would not wield so much as a dinner knife because they thought my komoba training was unladylike and uncouth and would tarnish the Morrigan name and wished to divorce me from it and any other parts of my moura heritage that didn’t fit the more proper “English” lifestyle.” You explained.

“And such measures are an egregious sin, no one should be so divorced from their own heritage, especially when such a heritage is so rich in tradition and color and splendor.” Demsey tried to praise as you just shook your head because clearly Demsey had done the same to himself and his own heritage.

“So, obviously, you clearly resent their efforts in thus.” Demsey realized from your tone since it had sounded pretty resentful to him which gave him hope that he could seperate himself in your mind and make himself as appealing as possible because he wanted to accept you and your heritage with open arms.

“I do. Which is why I’m surprised you asked to spar with me.” You noted.

“Why?” He asked curiously.

“Because while you are eager to learn the komoba style from me, I see that your sisters sit on the side lines, watching with eager eyes and jealousy to watch Benny and Calla and their siblings as well as myself and my own siblings of both genders take part in the komoba training. And it makes me wonder if you or your parents would be taking the same stance with them learning it as well. Orcs are known to have shield maidens and warcheiftesses do they not? Or does your family also wish to distance itself from that history in order to embrace the more proper “English” ways? Especially in it's womenfolk?” You questioned as Demsy looked at you in shock yet realization as he looked from you to his sisters and back to you again as once again, shame and embarrassment began to eat at him.

“Audra, please, please forgive me, I didn’t even think...or consider...any of that. If you will excuse me for just a moment, I need to rectify this, immediately.” Demsey realized as he put his weapons down in the grass and immediately left and went over to his sisters who were sitting under a canopy to protect them from the morning sun.

“What’s wrong? I thought you looked to be just about to get your wish and get a chance to spar with Audra?” Amara asked curiously.

“I was...until she brought it to my attention of how unfair it is that Sierge, Tzane and I are trying to partake and participate but that you and Kiera and Callie are being excluded and it isn’t right. You all should feel just as welcome and just as included to participate in this as we are.” Demsey insisted to his eldest sister.

“Thank you! Finally!” Kiera exclaimed exasperated before she got up and went over to Benny and asked if Benny had an extra set of komoba clothes as Amara smiled happily and did the same with Calla as Callie bravely went up to you as you readily agreed to let her borrow your own spares as all of you re-entered the castle to get redressed just as the Duke and Duchess Voyambi left the palace to join everyone in the gardens as Yalin also emerged wearing her own day komoba battle clothes from her youth, although she did have to be squeezed and cinched into them because her body had changed a fair bit since her youth.

“So where are you ladies off to?” Yalin asked.

“Oh the Voyambi ladies wish to also try to learn komoba with us, we were going to be lending them our spare day clothes for it.” You readily offered as the Duke and Duchess were surprisingly pleasant with the news.

“Oh of course. With such masters of the sport here, it would be a shame to not take advantage of such an opportunity.” Duke Voyambi reassured his daughters who practically squealed in delight.

“Thank you Papa,” they thanked their father with a kiss to his cheek before you all eagerly went back to your room to change.

“Thank you for saying something to Demsey.” Kiera thanked you as you finished with Callie’s suit and then turned your attention to Amara.

“You’re welcome. Whenever I see injustice and unfairness, if I can equalize it, I like to try.” You answered her.

“Women in English society are restricted enough just in the wearing of our corsets and being “polite” in society, especially on the train to gentlemen who feel entitled to converse with you and invade your space. No need for much more than that is there?” You giggled as you laced up the covers over Amara’s forearms.

“No truer words have ever been spoken. That’s why we never go anywhere without our brothers for that very reason.” Amara confessed.

“So in Dorierra, how young are you when you first learn komoba?” Callie asked.

“Three. As soon as we learn to walk and don’t fall over just trying to walk from one end of the house to the other as young toddlers do.” You answered her.

“Three?! That’s when orcs of old used to learn to fight too!” Callie offered.

“Speaking of, have any of you ever learned any of the old ways?” You asked them as Kiera, Amara and Callie all shook their heads no.

“No, once grandfather got the Duchy, he forbade our father from ever learning any of the old ways. Because the gentry turned their noses up at us and the other orcs, trolls and the like who had gotten into the nobility at the same time were our only society. But at the same time, the common orcs who fought side by side with him in the war, would not socialize with us either, thinking that because we had the duchy, that we were too good for the likes of them. And they wouldn’t even let us go to the clan halls, thinking that we would take them over with just our nobility instead of honoring the old ways of tradition. They would allow father and grandfather into the fencing houses but as soon as they would enter, the other patrons would quickly leave. It wasn’t until Demsey and Sierge were born and were brought to the fencing places that others found that they had no skills whatsoever, and would lose almost every match that they accepted Demsey and Sierge and then Tzane until they got to be proficient. But the moment any of them use their full strength, they get disqualified for “overpowering” their opponents. It pushes them to walk almost impossibly fine lines and it’s only when Demsey championed for the unions that we got welcomed back into the clan halls again, but only for meetings to discuss clan affairs, never for the fighting or anything like that.” Amara explained.

“Oooh, that, that explains it then. I know what that is like. The Morrigans forbade me from even wielding a dinner knife, much less any other kind of weapon. Because they didn’t want any parts of my moura heritage to tarnish their Morrigan name and proper English sensibilities. And I know what it’s like to divorce yoruself from your own heritage to survive. So your family has my sympathy and empathy in this matter.” You offered before you left the room.

“Yeah, that’s probably why I’ll never settle on English soil then.” Benny confessed to you and Calla as you left the room and locked the door behind you.

“Oh poor Sierge, he’ll be so heartbroken to hear that.” You cooed to her sarcastically which got her to snort a laugh.

“When I had said something to Sierge about how it wasn’t fair for him to participate but his sisters were simply watching, he insisted that proper English ladies never should be allowed to participate, and no lady worth her honor in English society would even want to because it should serve as a distinction between the sexes’.” Benny confessed which made you and Calla gasp.

“But yet one word from you and Demsey had the opposite reaction.” Calla realized.

“What I’m curious about is, how you responded to Sierge’s comment.” You put to Benny since the Voyambi sisters had practically jogged down the hallway to get to the courtyard as quickly as possible.

“He couldn’t say much around the mouthful of golden yellow paint I put in his mouth with the short dagger stick before I put him into the ground so hard all the air got knocked out of his lungs, I think he’s probably still throwing up from having swallowed so much paint.” Benny proudly beamed which got you and Calla to bust up laughing.

“Put him in his place, I like it.” You offered with a mischievous smile.

“If he thought that way about proper English ladies, what did he think of us then?” Calla asked Benny.

“Oh he thought we were the exception because we were moura and would continue to be the exception because of it.” Benny answered.

“Double standards at it best I suppose.” Calla sighed tiredly.

“Well then let’s not waste this opportunity to show off how truly amazing mouras can be.” You insisted.

Meanwhile Bellfast, the Mage came to the Palace of Windsor to see Gregori personally, as he watched from a safe distance to see you and the other moura’s leave the palace for the gardens.

“Ah, Bellfast, my good fellow, Lady Audravienne has given me the password to the scene catchers.” Gregori happily said as he showed Bellfast the password.

“Yes, I already have divined it and the second and the third.” Bellfast reported with a meaningful look to Gregori before Gregori quickly led the way to a private office.

“And?” Gregori prompted.

“You need to see this.” Bellfast insisted as Gregori had ushered Ballfast into a private office as Bellfast cast the moment of Edward’s death onto a small mirror in the office as Gregori watched on intently. Frowning in disgust at the scene before a loud crash boomed through the room and Gregori gasped as his eyes went wide as he covered his mouth with his own hand and watched as the scene unfolded before Gregori’s own servants knocked on the door to make sure he was alight and safe which Gregori quickly reassured them and ordered them to leave immediately and to not say a word of the sound to anyone or they would be whipped and then dismissed immediately.

“Who else has seen this?” Gregori demanded of Bellfast.

“Only you, myself, Audravienne- because she lived through it, and Miss Jane Morrigan who came up with the third password to help Audravienne destroy it. It was completely struck from all the records so that even the sound of the crash was gone, the Morrigans were out to dinner and little Edward was asleep, but even the other servants heard it down into the basements. But Jane bribed them to keep quiet about it and old Edward’s doctor simply said he died of a heart attack and the bed was quickly set to be burned and was ash by the time the Morrigans got home. I can recreate the bed if need be.” Bellfast offered.

“No need right now. Do not let on that you know of any of this. I have my own uses for this. For now, only use the first password that Lady Audravienne has provided and compile all you can in a case against the Morrigans for time’s sake and make the second and the third passwords appear invisible and all that they contain inaccessable for now and do not use anything that is protected behind those other two. String everything else together in such a way that the poisoning of Edward is hung on the Count and Countess Morrigan so that they could fully inherit the estate sooner but make it so that it looks like they are framing Audra for it, which they clearly feel she did, and obviously their poisoning of Audra and all abuses to her by them and by the old Edward, I want any judge and jury to find Audra as innocent as the white dove she is and will continue to be and appear so, but also, if Lady Audravienne will not cooperate further, do your best to hang the Wolf Eye on her and obviously the murder.” Gregori instructed.

“That won’t be difficult to do. Also I have recreated all of Lady Audravienne’s mail and all four postmen are currently in prison and their confessions are on the record, as are all the servants who were involved in Lady Audravienne’s poisoning. But all the others who were involved with covering up Edward’s true cause of death are still free and Lady Audravienne's servants at Mirador that followed her from Broadcove are most intriguing." Bellfast said as he handed the latest report to Gregori who took it and read it over, almost giggling in his chuckle as he read it over.

"The Morrigans are of course panicked but claim they have the proof of the Wolf Eye coming from Audra, which other than coercing their own remaining servants to say so, the scene catchers clearly contradict which means we can pin insanity onto them and Dr. Rickets is simply awaiting instruction and of course is eager to say either way in order to keep his liscence to continue to practice his medicine, he claims he did something to the mourkatili to make it less lethal and less damaging to Lady Audravienne's person, claiming to the Morrigans that such measures were to "intensify" it's effect but in all actuallity it was only to protect your interests and claims that he can cure Lady Audravienne so that she can bear heirs without any ill effects and reverse the mourkatili, even at such a dose as was given to her.” Bellfast offered.

“Excellent.” Gregori beamed proudly. “How much is owed to you for such services?” Gregori asked as he went into his own box of funds in the room.

“Oh, for now my bill is with the Morrigans, but I will still happily take my agreed payment from you, however when Lady Audravienne wins her case, I’ll ask for a tip from her in her preference.” Bellfast began to chuckle darkly which Gregori soon mirrored as Gregori handed over a thousand pounds in a stack of bills.

“Yes, she will. I can’t wait to see what she is truly capable of. For now though she is hesitant and weary, let us win her trust and confidence first and only if she becomes uncooperative, then we can use this as leverage, but otherwise she has been a dream to work with and responds best with a gentle guiding hand and kindness, which considering the abuse- is no wonder to anyone. Yes, tender loving care will be all that is needed to pacify her and keep her happy and content. After the komoba battle, every moura instinct in her will be truly awakened and she will come to all of her senses that the Morrigans tried to dull. Oh and if I may request one more favor, just incase Dr. Rickets can not provide what he has offered, find the best mourkatili antidote you can with the added benefit that Lady Audravienne’s womb will be restored to her and her full health that she enjoyed when she left from Dorierra, just in case Dr. Rickets is not to be trusted.” Gregori requested before Bellfast simply took a very fancy glass bottle, wrapped in silk cloth to keep it safe, out of his coat pocket and unwrapped it before he put it on the desk in front of Gregori with a smug grin before handing over the silk itself.

“Only have her drink it after the court case, for now the mourkatili will still show up in her hair under blacklight, since it will purple, if it is still strong within her, it will also show up in her eyes under black light as well.” Bellfast instructed.

“Excellent.” Gregori beamed before he took it and rewrapped it and put it into his own pocket.

“Good work Bellfast, as always, you are the best Mage in all of Europa and I’m so happy that you answered my invitation.” Gregori praised him.

“Thank you for the invitation in the first place. I will happily use these funds to further my own research.” Bellfast grinned as he took his payment and tucked it away into the pocket the antidote had previously been put into before Gregori saw his guest out before he called his servants over.

"Do not let the Dauphine or anyone else know that the Mage Bellfast was here today, this report was sent by a messenger and there was no sound of a crash in the study, was there?" Gregori practically snarled at his servants who nodded yes as their knees had to be locked to keep from knocking together in fear.

"Yes your Grace." They answered obediantly before Gregori smiled victoriously and straightened up and returned to the gardens where your grandmother was now teaching all the Voyambi's, the Duke and Duchess included the basics of Komoba along with Yalin who he took aside and slipped the report into her hands.

"Just delivered just now from the Mage from a messenger." Gregori told his wife as she read it as her eyes got as large as saucers.

"Oh my, this is the scandal of the century." Yalin had to admit.

"And I can't wait to read all about it in the gossip collumns when the matter is brought up in court." Gregori incited with a scheming smile to his wife that she was powerless to resist from mirroring.

"Yes it will." She agreed before she got back into the grid to finish her own refresher course in kamoba.

[johannas-motivational-insults]

I’ve seen a lot of people saying things along the lines of ”portal!Catra just wants to be with Adora and doesn’t resent her so obviously Catra is uwu soft baby who just wants to be loved and doesn’t actually want power” and implying that all Catra needs to find happiness and fulfillment is to give up the power-hungry charade and go be with her girlfriend. As an abuse survivor myself, I find this troubling on a number of levels, and I have a few things to say to this:

1) Portal!Catra is not real Catra.

Portal!Catra is something straight out of a really ooc high school au. She is very different from real Catra, and the contrast is meant to be shocking (much like the asshole au version of Buffy in BtVS 3x09 “The Wish”). It’s a reflection of how people are shaped by their circumstances, it’s not a character study of Catra’s actual wants and needs.

The Catra we saw in the portal, before she remembered her real history, was not dealing with the fallout of a lifetime of abuse. She did not know to be afraid of Shadow Weaver. In fact, she rolled her eyes and groaned when Shadow Weaver scolded her and Adora for goofing off and said she had high hopes for both of them. Real Catra would have killed to hear Shadow Weaver say she had high hopes for her, and here she was acting like it was an annoying lecture she heard all the time. The Catra of this “perfect world” has not spent her whole life being tortured and degraded and humiliated and told that she would never amount to anything.

So yeah, it makes sense that this version of Catra is happy for her friend who got promoted, in contrast to real Catra’s reaction. In this reality it’s good for the whole squad, and they all got the chance to prove themselves in Thaymor. In this reality it’s not a reminder that no matter what she does, she’ll never be as good as Adora, always be seen as useless and never get a chance to prove her worth. This Catra knows maybe she could become a Force Captain one day too. And if she didn’t, maybe it wouldn’t be the end of the world; she hasn’t been told time and time again how incapable she is, so she doesn’t have her canon self’s all-encompassing urge to prove people wrong about her.

In the portal reality, Catra wasn’t blamed for Adora’s failings or treated like a nuisance - a sidekick at best, a liability at worst. She wasn’t pushed down so Adora could be lifted up, they were lifted up together. Of course this Catra doesn’t resent Adora the same way she does in canon or have the same obsession with proving herself.

2) “Just being with Adora” is what caused this problem in the first place.

Catra spent her childhood finding solace in Adora while battling a growing resentment towards her. We’ve all seen “Promise,” this fact is right there in canon. Just being with Adora was Catra’s strategy to try to stay happy throughout her childhood, but it wasn’t working.

Adora was the only good thing in Catra’s life, but this relationship brought her pain as well, and not just from Shadow Weaver. She felt like Adora didn’t respect her, didn’t believe in her. And it’s hard to blame her when you see some of Adora’s cocky posturing, like the “sure you did” and “riiiiight” comments. Adora’s just teasing and playfully asserting dominance (perhaps even trying to flirt a little), but to Catra it doesn’t feel playful, it feels malicious and disrespectful. The one person who makes her feel like she’s worth anything at all so casually dismissing her abilities is devastating.

Sacrificing her need for respect and validation to go be with Adora is not going to fix Catra’s problems. It is not progress, for Catra or Catradora. It’s regression into the unhealthy dynamic that caused much of the conflict between them in the first place.

3) There is no reclaiming this “ideal Catra.”

This may seem like a callous thing to say, but it doesn’t matter what Catra could have been under better circumstances. We are all shaped by our experiences, and no amount of love or therapy will undo what we have already gone through and how it shaped our psychology. All we can do is learn how best to live with who we are now. I’ve had to learn this the hard way, as someone with an acquired disability and a boatload of trauma. There is no ideal version of yourself to get back to, only future versions of yourself to work towards.

This is as true for Catra as it is for anyone irl. It’s not fair to say that Catra “at her core” just wants to be safe and loved and with Adora and therefore all her other needs borne of her abuse and neglect are meaningless. That’s extremely negligent, actually. That attitude minimizes Catra’s trauma, implies that she just needs to learn to get over it and then she won’t have these “impurities” in her personality anymore.

Catra has been abused, and she will always be hypersensitive to indicators of abuse. She’ll get triggered and riled up by seemingly innocuous things when it feels like someone is trying to dominate or subjugate her, take away her agency. She is always going to need to feel a certain sense of power and control just to feel safe and comfortable. In certain situations and around certain people she may feel safe enough to let that guard down and just relax and trust, but that’s a privilege, not a right. On that note...

4) Catra does not need to chase this ideal for anyone’s comfort.

Yes, Catra needs to change. She needs to stop pushing away everyone who loves her, she needs to curb her self-destructive impulses. She needs to take steps toward not just redemption, but healing. This will only be possible once people finally start to acknowledge her trauma, but that’s a whole other story.

However, Catra does not need to change the ways her abuse has shaped her. That’s impossible, and an unfair expectation. Healing from trauma is not the same as erasing it, and this is a very common misconception in the real world as well as in fandom. It’s also an extremely harmful misconception.

Now, this idea in particular is a popular theme in discussions of Catradora’s relationship dynamics, the implication being that Catra will only be happy/healed if she can get to the point where she not only can, but wants to yield control to Adora and that if she can’t/won’t then she doesn’t really trust her and their relationship is broken. The yikes level of this argument, especially in NSFW contexts (which is where you will often see it), is off the charts. It is not fair to expect an abuse survivor to put herself in uncomfortable and potentially triggering situations just to prove she trusts her partner or to demonstrate personal growth. Period.

Now, that’s not to say expressions of trust on Catra’s part wouldn’t be good for the relationship. Adora wants to take care of Catra as much as Catra wants to take care of her, and feeling like Catra trusts her (in those contexts or in others) would certainly stroke Adora’s ego. The problem lies in it being an expectation or us treating it like a milestone, something to celebrate. If Adora is a good partner she will work with Catra as she is and let her express trust in ways she feels comfortable with, rather than pressuring her to do things she’s not comfortable with to prove her feelings for Adora or illustrate her progress.

In short, erasing her history and ignoring her abuse is harmful.

Like I said, portal!Catra is not real Catra, and we can’t treat her like she is. It makes zero sense to ignore or villainize her perfectly legitimate need to feel powerful and in control over her own life just because someone who lived a totally different life didn’t have that same need to the same degree.

And I know I will get comments that canon Catra doesn’t really want power either, but I disagree. Catra doesn’t really want to rule the world, it’s true, but she wants to prove that she can. We’ve seen her enjoy being in a leadership position because she’s good at it and it reminds her of her own competence and worth. Just because she found no satisfaction in losing her soul to take over the world does not mean she finds no genuine fulfillment in being in a position of influence.

Even regardless of how much she enjoys it, Catra is still drawn to power because she has grown to associate it with positive outcomes like safety, agency, and self-actualization. Yes, power may not be Catra’s ultimate goal, but that doesn’t make it meaningless to her. And I really wish people would stop acting like a perfectly normal response to abuse is a character flaw that needs to be fixed.

It seems a lot of people are quick to forget Catradora’s real history as depicted in “Promise” because they like the “Remember” version of their relationship better. Because they like this version of Catra better. It’s understandable - who doesn’t want to see Catra happy, right? But like Adora so devastatingly told Catra (and all of us), it’s not real.

We need to stop pretending it’s real.

[sepublic]

Ideas for a Blight Twins Episode

          Continuing off of some ideas from a previous ask;

           Jerbo and Edric isn’t a very popular ship (not disliked, just not widespread), and I know there’s no canon basis whatsoever for Vinira, alas... But I really do like the idea of Edric learning to be his own person, apart from Emira, WITHOUT necessarily finding this through romantic love? It’d be a way of showing that other forms of love are perfectly valid… And it kind of reminds of some of those aroace headcanons I saw for Ed, a while back!

           Maybe it could even tie into his insecurity of not wanting to be alone… Thinking that because he’s aroace, he’s somehow unlovable, and incapable of feeling loved; And his clinginess is a desperate way to avert this view of himself and his identity! So having Edric find meaning and identity by hanging out with, say, Lilith, Luz, and King… I think it’d be a great way for him to learn that not only is romance not required to ‘be your own person’, that you’re not somehow less grown up for not being in love… It’d also make him finally getting a ‘pet’ for himself more meaningful, too!

           (And I see Edric as a kid at heart who never really got to be himself and had to grow up fast, and even as a rebel he still doesn’t let himself relax.)

           And Edric is able to find solace in multiple different relationships at once, instead of clinging extremely to the one he has with Emira… Relationships with different meanings, with Lilith being a surrogate mother, Luz being a regular friend/sister-in-law, and King… Well, I’m not sure WHAT King is, a little brother? Regardless, it’d really expand Edric’s horizons and allow him to experience ‘love’ in a different way that isn’t necessarily related to just being a blood sibling… Which could alleviate his concerns about never having a bond as close as his with Emira.

           THAT could then tie to Edric realizing and understanding Emira’s desire to be her own person more… As for Emira and any interactions with Viney, she might simply recognize how Viney and the other Detention Kids found solace through solidarity and shared similarities, and interactions; But still manage to be their own people! Though, they aren’t siblings, so there might be more of a desire to meet someone who can make it clear to Em that, no, you aren’t going to lose your identity by being close with your sibling…. Again, this ties back to my idea of Eda being a good mentor to Emira as well.

          At the very least, being around Viney, Jerbo, and Edric, who are understandably more sensitive, could lead Emira to being a lot more mindful and understanding of how others feel, and not necessarily steamrolling over that like her mother Odalia would… THAT could translate to her paying attention to Edric’s concerns and at least respecting them, instead of just casually throwing them to the side; Even if she still disagrees, at least she considered his side of the story first!

           Emira is someone who got defensive, in her attempts to be ‘herself’, by feeling like she had to push Edric away and become closed-off… When Edric suggests discussing their worst fears, Emira looks away as she says something that shuts him down- Even if it WAS likely honest, she low-key discouraged any further openness between the two at that point. And while it’s important for Emira to be her own person… Perhaps by opening up to Viney and the others, she could realize she’s still her own person, and better able to appreciate that- Especially since Emira opening up allows herself to be, well, herself around Viney, instead of just the confident mask she’s put up as a charming Blight!

           And because the twins are more honest and open with each other… It could lead to them being even closer, as again- They no longer fear having to hide or suppress parts of themselves, in fear of jeopardizing their conformity (which they mistake as synonymous with their bond), and in turn, they can enjoy one another while being happier individuals… And NOT worry about losing themselves in the process, because they know who they are, they know the other twin respects that, and they have other connections as well!

           …Legit, I have to wonder how Amity would react to all of this. If she may feel obligated to step in, or just stand back and let the Twins figure themselves out… Obviously she’d CARE for the two and be concerned. But at the same time, they ARE closer to one another than Amity… And I can see Amity being afraid of either twin singling her out as a new sibling-bond to form in the absence of their other one, for Emira to get away from Edric’s in her case, and Edric to replace the one he can’t back with Emira. Maybe it could lead to either twin trying to be more appealing to Amity, being less themselves to get her approval; And Amity, who initially may find it amusing, quickly shuts them down because she sees herself in them… And she does NOT want to make others feel obligated to change themselves for her approval, because they feel like they have nobody else!

           Which, that’d likely lead to Amity either participating in encouraging either sibling to mature, to grow… But given how she’s got her own issues, more than likely she’d recognize that it’d be mutually health for them both to split off for now. At the very least, she doesn’t want to risk taking advantage of Emira or Edric… And either twin might feel disgruntled at Amity, but then remember they were also cruel to her in the past ‘for her own good’, but on the other hand, THAT hadn’t been for her own good after all- So who was to say that Amity was correct, pushing away the other twin and not accepting their friendship (laced with dependency) ‘for their own good’?

           Regardless- It’d probably make Amity feel worse if one twin, or both, began to depend on her. She already feels like she has to conform to what her parents expect of her, what Boscha and the others expect of her as the top student… So it’d just put more pressure on Amity to take care of others, VS herself; Especially since she admittedly is not responsible for Emira and Edric’s identity issues this time, unlike with Willow. Plus, she may not be in the right mindset to help them either, as she’s still figuring herself out with Luz…

           Not to mention, Emira and Edric may or may not have reservations about having to depend on their own little sister for help; And they might be too aghast at forcing Amity to take care of the other. Maybe they wouldn’t want to keep bothering her after everything else, after seeing how much they already hurt Amity, who tried to be both like AND unlike them, paradoxically, at the same time (tried to have the same talent but not be a rebel). There might be the insecurity from Ed and Em both that as lonely individual who barely have their own identity, they might just screw over Amity further… Amidst some pride and shame at being seen like in front of their little sister.

           Though, I can ALSO imagine a hilarious scenario where Emira and Edric viciously compete for Amity’s affection, offering incentives and favors, maybe aggressively downplaying the other and holding a bit of a grudge… Until for her own health, Amity tells them to STOP, and leave her alone and figure their own issues out, on their own- Or with literally anyone else!

           I can totally see them going to Luz for help, though… Or again, maybe not- They might see Luz as too cool for them by this point, since Emira and Edric DO seem legitimately fond of Luz, as someone who is likely their only friend outside of the family, and the only person who actively reciprocated friendship with them and wanted to earn approval! Emira and Edric might feel obligated to still be those too-cool-for-school twins, so they may avoid telling Luz about their own problems to ‘live up to her expectations’, afraid Luz would no longer like them as much for being so ‘pathetic’… When in reality, Luz likes the twins as whoever they are, whoever they choose to be! She’s interested in getting to knowthem, whether or not that identity matches the façade the Twins have put up or not; It makes no difference to her.

           Still, I can see Emira and Edric trying to start ‘fresh’ with a total stranger… But as I said before, Edric isn’t identical to Emira and vice-versa. So ultimately, while I think Emira would have more of those reservations about opening up to Luz, as I mentioned earlier; Edric is someone who’d just want companionship, and thus be more liable to others’ opinions for approval. In this scenario, this could be good for him, as then Edric would be more receptive to genuine, positive feedback from Luz… as well as Lilith, etc.

           Like, I’m just imagining a hypothetical episode of the Blight Twins doing some soul-searching, beginning with the separation and following Emira and HER misadventures with Viney… Emira assumes it’ll be oh-so-easy, that she can rely on that charm and confidence and just that, no being open or honest and vulnerable… Which then leads into that fan concept of Emira trying to connect with Viney, but because Em refuses to be up-front about her feelings because she thinks she has to be ‘cool’ to get affection from a stranger, Viney just thinks the girl is out to murder her!

          Emira gets more and more frustrated, ends up accidentally tormenting Viney while Jerbo and Barcus are forced to defend her… And eventually Luz or somebody else, maybe Willow, just throws in their two cents and tells Emira to be straight-forward; Exactly like that ‘Stop lying, stop manipulating, just be nicer’ meme, and Emira is just utterly lost and baffled; But she finally obliges and it works out! And after experiencing happy, formulating relationships, Emira appreciates Edric’s concerns more, and then wonders what happened to him and how he’s doing…?

          And then once THAT ends, we immediately cut to see what Edric was doing; And how alone and dejected after she basically ‘ditched’ him, we have a humorous montage of Edric wandering Bonesborough like a traveling vagrant without a home, connections, or identity…Even though he’s not, but he’s being dramatic! And as he sits by himself alone, he ends up picking up a pet or two that he befriends, because it just strolls up to him and sits down besides Edric in mutual solidarity, as he starts talking to it… Openly appreciating the company, and then maybe projecting some of his own insecurities regarding him and Emira.

          Then maybe the ‘pet’ leaves him by that point, and Edric starts crying out in abandonment! A mean yet hilarious wake-up moment, perhaps alluding to Edric pushing people away for being too clingy and projecting his needs onto them. Maybe Ed DOES find a proper pet, then or later…! Either way, his wandering leads him to the Owl House- Either he sees Eda and the others selling stuff and follows them, he just ends up there on his own, or he deliberates on his other connections, dismissing going to Mittens as ‘too desperate’, even for him; And then he brightens up and remembers Luz, remembers how she always makes people happy, including Mittens of all people! If Luz can help Amity, she can help Edric… And somewhere along the way, Edric is surprised to find himself valuing an unexpected bond with Lilith, and maybe the other Owl House residents as well!

           Certainly not Hooty, though, even if him and Edric may share issues of being ‘desperate’ for companionship. Hooty is a freaking war criminal. Actually… perhaps like Eda in Episode 9, talking to Hooty will help Edric realize where he messed up, and/or come to an epiphany of what he might become, or do to others! In turn, he appreciates Emira’s decision more… Maybe Ed bolts off, understanding how Emira may have viewed him, but he also still needs to figure out how to value himself, and Emira’s desires VS Emira just not wanting to be with someone so ‘desperate’, as it leads to Edric thinking he needs to be more confident just to win back his sister. Either way, Hooty is left in the dust mid-sentence, RIP. Maybe Edric even narrates his realization aloud, ending on him declaring that he doesn’t want to be like Hooty, right to Hooty’s accursed face!

           As Edric gets along with everyone, maybe he picks up a pet, possibly with Viney’s help… And he learns to respect wild animals as their own creatures with their own lives, and not just toys for him to kidnap and take into his own possession! Edric respects the autonomy of these animals, that they don’t owe him anything and he can’t just force a bond… And like with Emira, he better understands how his sibling felt!

          The two meet again, talk awkwardly, mention to their individual journeys in passing, possibly with the others watching- And they have a tearful reunion hug! Maybe Amity even joins in, because why not- She’s happy to see her older siblings healing like Luz did for her, and this could make all three Blight kids better with one another. Of course, Ed and Em ‘ruin’ the moment by teasing Amity but messing with her, but in the end everybody is happy, and Luz does that ugly-crying face from the end of Understanding Willow, reveling in and appreciating wholesomeness.

[adventures-in-poly]

0 Posts in 2020

You’d think that I’d have something Very Profound to say about the interactions between the pandemic and poly, but it turns out I haven’t wanted to write about that subject very much at all. I won’t say that the pandemic has sucked all the inspiration from my brain, just that it has shuffled inspiration around in unexpected ways and away from writing.

The pandemic has felt like it’s pressed the pause button on my poly life. My husband (M) can’t go out on dates because OTHER PEOPLE ARE DANGEROUS. I also can’t go out on dates for the same reason, but moreover, I choose not to go on dates because I’m just So Damn Exhausted. I’ve seen my boyfriend (Crow) only three times this year: once before the pandemic and twice since, and that’s only possible because his house has this large porch where we can do social distancing outside. I haven’t kissed him since January and I’ve only hugged him once, masks on and faces turned away, and I held my breath the whole time. I haven’t had sex with anyone in over a year, and I can’t even “blame” that on the pandemic. It’s a choice. Guess I’ve gone full asexual, and I say “guess” because, while asexual is an accurate descriptor, I still don’t feel really great about adopting that as a personal identity. I’m not even upset about the no sex part though. I’m happy about it. My Magic Wand knows exactly what I want and all the nuances of my body and it’s much less painful than skin on skin.

The pandemic is NOT a good thing. It is NOT a good thing that millions of people have died, and it is NOT a good thing that we as a community are touch-starved and relationship-starved and can’t seem to figure our shit out.

That said.

I’m going to be honest. It has felt nice not having to worry, poly-wise. I hate that that’s a thing that I feel, but this blog is and has always meant to be about honesty. It feels like a relief knowing that I am not going to be in a situation where I have to watch my husband drunkenly and sloppily hit on other women at parties that we are meant to both enjoy. It feels like a relief knowing that he isn’t going to tell me, “I’m going to meet someone that I’ve been talking to on Tinder”, that the bomb isn’t going to fall on me. Because that’s what it is. “I came in like a wrecking ball.” The fear that someone else will enter our lives - my life - and I’ll have no control over it, and I’ll hate it, and I’ll lose myself.

I have a lifelong fear of being replaced. Of being “not good enough”. I hesitate to call it a fear of being unlovable, because I’ve never doubted that people love me and like me. I think they do. But the fear is that, when my needs butt up against someone else’s, theirs will always win. As a child, my parents taught me all about caring for other people, being generous, being self sacrificing, being kind. They immigrated to the US from England a few years before I was born, and as a result, I was brought up with a European mindset (others before yourself) in an American environment (look out for number one). And, as a result -- even though my parents were extraordinarily caring, even though I was an only child, even though they were generous with their time and attention, even though I had a very happy childhood -- I somehow learned that I would always be second place. Always the one to sleep on the floor at sleepovers so the guest or the host could get the bed. Always the one to get a boring piece of cake so a louder and therefore more deserving child could get the piece with the flower. Petty shit like that that translated into real adult problems. Just two nights ago, on New Year’s Eve, I had told my husband I’d wanted us to change the sheets, and as I ascended the stairs to bed I forlornly reminded him that we hadn’t changed the sheets - terrified and fully preparing myself to be let down because he was having a good time at an online New Year’s Eve party and of course that meant that my needs would subside. (They didn’t. The world doesn’t work like that. My husband shows me over and over again that my needs are important to him, and yet I Still Never Learn.)

I can say with full honestly that I am no longer really jealous of my boyfriend and his wife anymore. I used to be, a little. I used to be jealous that he would want to visit her at her shift before he came over for dates, or that he’d want to bring her to casual outings with me, or that at any point the two of them could decide they’d want to move back to San Diego and that would be that. I don’t feel those things anymore. I haven’t for a long time. It’s some sort of consequence of she and I becoming legitimate good friends, plus me and my husband moving an hour away, plus just being too damn old and too damn tired to give shits anymore.

Then again, their relationship was never the kind that was going to prick my skin up and put me on guard. I was the new person, not her. I don’t have a complex about older, more established relationships.

But the idea of my husband finding somebody new, even though our relationship is solid? Sends me into chaos. Even now. I wish I could say that it’s changed in the 5 years since we opened things up, but it hasn’t. It hasn’t really at all.

I’d wanted this blog to document my journey from new to seasoned poly, from a jealous wreck to someone who had learned to love herself and meditate through the pain. That’s not what happened. I’m not sure if it’s ever going to happen. My husband hasn’t had enough actual relationships to give me practice experiencing the very discomfort that makes me want to scream until my insides explode out, and the few times it has happened, I felt like I was living in a shock chamber and turning into the kind of person I don’t want to be.

I wanted to evolve, for the sake of my readers, into someone who fully accepts a poly lifestyle. To show that it can be done. No -- to show, specifically, that I could do it, that I could logic and reason my way through all the shit and prove myself to be better than my jealousy. I don’t think that’s what’s going to end up happening. I think it’s no secret at this point that I don’t really love this whole poly thing. I am still actively choosing it, but not always for reasons that I endorse. What if I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore? Would I lose my husband? Would I lose my boyfriend? Could I ethically give up my relationship with my boyfriend to create monogamy with my husband? Could I ethically ask my husband not to go on dates while I still retain my relationship with my boyfriend? It’s all shit, really. None of it is a good outcome. And the pandemic has allowed me to stall my non-decisions for a year because it’s not like we can see other people anyway. And isn’t it great when some external force gives you a reprieve from the things you’re afraid of.

But while the pandemic has put my poly life on pause, it’s put my healing and growth around poly stuff on pause as well. Sure, it feels fucking great on the surface, but it’s not actual growth. I’m not forever in a place where I will feel secure. It’s going to end eventually (vaccinate me, babyyyyyyyy!!!), and the parties will start again, and the dates will start again, and my terrified introvert ass is afraid that everything collectively will swing in the opposite direction super hard. Free love! Casual sex everywhere! Everyone wants to hang out all the time! How could you possibly want to be alone at a time like this! And that fear extends beyond poly stuff and beyond just me and my husband - I’m not ready for the world to become a giant party. I don’t want that world. I don’t want to live in that world but I also don’t want to miss out on the collective bonding experience that is almost sure to come from the end of Covid. So the reprieve I’m feeling now is only surface level great because it’s a pause, not an end, and I don’t feel any more equipped to deal with my jealousy and my social anxiety and my feelings of not being good enough than I did at the beginning of this damn pandemic.

Part of me wishes I could “get over my shit”, and part of me wants to cling onto my shit and defend it. Like why am I the one who has to change, why am I the one who has to evolve, what’s wrong with feeling the way I feel? Why is this a “my shit” thing, like I’m alone and all my problems are caused by my own feelings? Why do other people NeEeEeEeEd to go on dates and have sex. Why does my husband need that. Why am I not good enough. Why is the problem that I feel jealousy and insecurity; why is the problem not that he feels [insert whatever he feels here. unsatisfied? no, that’s not it. incapable of being fully satisfied by a single person? that seems extreme. incapable of surrounding himself with platonic friendships in the way that comes so naturally to me and many of my women friends, and much more able to connect with people he is in a romantic/sexual relationship with, and so needs to create many romantic/sexual relationships to fill that void that otherwise would be filled with friendships - which is not actually something I believe about him, I think he could make really great friendships with the right tools, but is something he’s expressed to me and is also something that’s pretty common around people raised as men? is that too harsh?]

I’m trying to look for a good ending for this post, but, like an explanation for my feelings, I don’t think I’m going to find satisfaction here.

[cartoonfangirl1218]

This is an absolutely mess of an outline of a fic that I’m never gonna write so any brave souls who want to try go ahead. But it’s basically it’s what if Ash and Doña met in a night of drunken insanity. Most of it rips off Crazy Ex Girlfriend. And I blame @just-a-random-soul-things​ for all of it. All of it. So if you want to see it (and the gifs) check out under the line.

So anyway it begins with Doña playing pool by herself in a bar. For every shot she makes in, she takes a shot. Flashback to hours earlier showing her fight with Esteban. Esteban saying she’s changed too much from what she was to a greedy selfish person and she saying he was self pitying and frozen in time which helps no one. So drunk Doña

Ash comes around (this would be pre malvago Ash so she has dark hair), totally drunk.

Taking food from Doña’s plate which is like a total berserk button for Doña whose protective of ehr food (cuz trauma) and since she’s already a bit drunk herself she pushes Ash with her pool stick. Ash grabs one from a nearby table and before you know it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itQPOuwyfHA Then the owner comes, "You're banned! Both of you are banned from here! Get out!" https://64.media.tumblr.com/6bb1c083fc65d4e4435937d84cf1de4f/tumblr_pwgowfdRM01vehswro1_r1_540.gifv (the picture is better in gif form but tumblr is being crappy so here’s link to gif)  Ash/Doña: "Me?!" 

So both irritably stumble away, still fighting. Doña gets into the carriage and Ash just tries to take over and pushes the original driver so they start fighting over the reins until they suddenly hit something. They had hit a cat. And before they know it the owner comes out. 

Doña totally freaks out and tells the owner it was some strange pirate who hit the cat, not them. Not them at all. The owner is just like, "A pirate..How is that even-" 

Ash: "Yes, I know it's unbelievable but that's why you got to believe us-her. She doesn't work well under any sort of pressure and is incapable of coming up with a believable lie to save her ass." Doña: How can I be calm under pressure? It's so bloody!

Somehow the owner believes them, and they end up going with him to the vet to make sure the cat is okay and wants to confront the carriage driver for reckless endangerment.That's when Ash realizes the little snag in their lie, that the carriage driver would say they hijack the carriage. So the only thing to do is to erase his memories.

First, she casually asks who is the carriage driver around these parts. Dona wants nothing to do with this but she has no choice because she inadvertently helped to hit the cat. Besides Ash is scary so it’s best to do what she says.

So casually engage in chit chat, find the carriage driver's name is Sergio and head to the boarding house he is staying at. They trade small, vague bits of info that dona is a merchant and Ash is studying magic....neglecting the malvago part. With some quick talking on Doña’s part, they convince the owner to let them into his room in the boarding house and are relieved to put all this behind them and never see the other again. Ash works on the amnesia spell over the sleeping Sergio and Doña is of no help as she unashamedly admires the man's extensive skin care items and writes down what she wants to buy for her store.

They’re finally in the clear, and they celebrate with the free samples a man is offering (again, this all started because they were drunk and they're still not in the best decision making mode here). The drink is suspect https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNiY3t-QSso

“I'm so sad!" "I'm going to kill him!" (You can guess which is which) 

Anyway after coming off their drug trip and hungover in a surprisingly vulnerable states (they are truthful drunk. They've reached that level.) they spill everything to this total stranger. Doña tells about the flood, the starvation, the death etc. Ash gets it that the rich would never understand and the only way to survive is to be tougher than everyone else.

Ash hints at Zopilote's ruining of her life, and bits of Victor and Carla and how she left them for training. That she misses Carla so much but she had to finish her training first because it's not like she can depend on Victor to be the savior. Only magic can do that cuz in this world, power is all that matters. And thus starts the bad advice. Ash tells Dona she is being stupid in catering to the needs of Avalorans. She was on top as Magister, she should do whatever it takes to stay on top. Sabotage, manipulation, anything. And anyone who says otherwise like that pompous Chancellor is just trying to protect his job, not help her.

Doña, on the other hand, enables Ash's frustration with Victor. Saying that if he was a good husband, he'd hiked himself and Carla up to the magic lair despite the danger because that's what love is. So they're just like "Men" and then they turn to each other. Because they're drunk they think it is an absolutely brilliant idea to confront the jerk who (had a completely legitimate reason to) kicked them out of the club. It’s oddly very girl empowerment moment. 

And the owner reminds them, they are still banned.   They leave, a bit shocked that they did that and actually sort of stood up for someone other than themself. 

Anyway they don't dwell on it and go get their drink on again. Yes, their dancing is bad like this but they had fun

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzasG3O8lE4

Then the night ends and the sun rises and they leave to never see each other again.

Doña: This is weird but you-you remind me of when I used to have adventures with my sister. I mean sort of. She was a lot sweeter than you. So much nicer. And not as harsh. And we didn't get into carriage stealing or anything illegal or-and- okay this metaphor is falling apart. What I meant to say is that I had fun. You’re awful and attacked me but I think I get you. 

Ash:

Ash: But we’re never-

Doña: Yeah never. Never going to speak of this. I don't want to see you again. So I guess nice knowing you-you um... I didn't get your name 

Ash: It's..oh what the hell, I'm never seeing you again. Azula.

Doña: Hortensia 

And then they leave. Completely forgetting each other's names and most of the night in a hangovery blur. Some of it intentional cuz cringe that they messily told all their dirty laundry to a stranger. But the advice remained with Ash resenting Victor even more and Doña putting her manipulative powers to win. 

[agreste-image]

☕️ your classmates!

Well, this is going to get a little long, probably. I mean, there’s 14 other people.

In general, I like them all to a degree. Some I consider my best friends, some I’m just not close to, others are...

Not nice people.

We’ll just go for a paragraph per person. Skipping myself, obviously, I’m not my own classmate.

Soooo... Chloe, then. She manages to fall under both not a nice person and a best friend. Even I’m not really sure how. She can be kind when she wants to be, and she was my only friend for years. I hope I can help her be more of herself, not just a little platinum blonde echo of Audrey, because I think she’s struggling too.

Alya, I’d like to think, I’m kind of close to. Not as close as I could be, considering she’s dating one of my best friends. She’s a nice person, wayyyy too freaking brave, though. How many time have Ladybug and Chat Noir had to physically relocate her out of the danger zone of an akuma? I guess it’s kind of admirable, though, that she’s willing to do that for the sake of providing information to the public. Sometimes, though... she needs to do actual research... I’m definitely a huge part of that whole nightmare situation, though.

Her boyfriend, though. That’s Nino! You guys have probably seen me talk about him on here sometimes. He was the first one to actually give me a chance when I started going to public school, everyone else just assumed I was going to be like Chloe. He’s kinda my hero? All he knew about me was that I was friends with Chloe but all it took for him to decide to befriend me was watching me try and get gum off a seat. He knows what his goals are and he goes for them, though he does get pretty frustrated when things don’t go the way he hoped, but he’s quick to forgive other people when they mess up and damn I know that’s hard to do. He’s ALSO recklessly brave, like Alya... I thought I was going to have a heart attack when Anansi was a thing. Augh.

Sabrina is... weird. You’d think I’d know her a little more, given she’s always with Chloe, but I really don’t? I don’t know if I’ve ever spoken to her one on one. She’s eager to please Chloe, but I don’t think that extends to anyone else, not quite the same way. I know a lot of people feel bad for her because she basically acts as Chloe’s servant, but I, uh. Don’t? Obviously it’s not a good relationship, but I remember bits and pieces of the One Time Sabrina was partnered with Marinette and Chloe on a project, and Sabrina’s capable of being just as mean and manipulative as Chloe. She’s just more submissive, for some reason. I dunno.

Rose is like what I would be if I was incapable of truly recognizing the cruelties of people. It is SO strange. I’ve never seen anyone as optimistic and bubbly as her. I like being around her, but in small doses. She can be a little airheaded sometimes, which makes planning things with her just a bit of a headache, because she’s always so excited about everything...? Once you get it all ironed out fully, though, usually it’s okay. She’s not a planning person, definitely spontaneous, or at least that’s the impression I get. She’s the singer for a rock band, actually, Kitty Section. I play keyboard for them sometimes.

I feel like I have to talk about Juleka after Rose. They’re a pair- dating, maybe??- I almost never see one without the other. Juleka’s pretty opposite to Rose. Rose is bright and loud, Juleka’s dark and quiet. Short and tall, outgoing and shy, confident and too hard on herself. She wants to model, or did at one point, and I fully believe she’d go quite far if she put her mind to it, but she is so. Painfully. Shy. It’s nice to see her with Rose and her other friends because she’s not trying to curl in on herself and not be seen. Unfortunately, because of that shyness, I really don’t know her very well. I’ve made some attempts to get to know her better, but, ah, to get her to talk requires Rose’s presence, and third-wheeling is awkward.

Kim is... yeesh. Competition is fun, but life isn’t a competition!! You don’t have to constantly dare everyone to ridiculous things. Sometimes it’s fun, but my god, Kim, dial it back. I’ll give him this, he’s calmed that down somewhat in the last few years. but beyond that, I barely know the guy. I’ll admit, my most prominent memories of him usually involve akuma, so that probably makes me subtly wary, but those weren’t his fault. I should try and hang out with him sometime, really, and actually get to know him.

I don’t know Ivan very well either. He’s quiet, seems grumpy a lot of the time, but I think that’s just his default expression. He and Mylene seem very happy together, which is. Surprising to me. Mostly because of how they got together. I know he’s ridiculously honest, I’ve seen him try to lie and it was... so embarrassing to watch. I should try spending time with him as well.

Max I’ve been around, but again, am not super close to. I’ll be perfectly honest, his intelligence is a little intimidating at times, while occasionally making things awkward when he takes stuff too seriously. But, wow, he made Markov. Who I would count as a classmate if he was able to participate, but he’s not, at the moment he’s... well, not recognized as a person, legally, yet. 

Alix is always the one taking Kim up on his dares. Usually, her conditions are that he stop making dares, which makes me laugh. She’s very comfortable and confident with who she is and doesn’t ever seem afraid to speak her mind, which does lead to some fights when she won’t admit she was in the wrong for a little while. She comes around, though. I admire that, and yet again, I realize I should probably try to spend more time with her.

Mylene, poor girl, she’s such a scaredy-cat. I’ve literally seen her jump at her own shadow before. From what I’ve been able to gather, she’s a very caring, kind person who will always do her best to help others, even when she’s on the verge of tears from how frightened she is. I wish I could help her with that, but I don’t want to give her a heart attack by approaching her. (She seems pretty easily distracted at times.) I think she could be an actress, if she wanted to be. She’s not half bad at it.

Nathaniel is a VERY talented artist, and I’ve encouraged him multiple times to at least consider doing it as a career, or side-job, at least. He’s shy about it, especially after Evillustrator regarding himself and Reverser with Marc (another class), but he’s been working off and on with Marc on a small series of comics. I swear, he never puts the pencil down, and I don’t ever want to interrupt him while he’s in the zone, so he’s another one I’ve mostly observed, but would like to know better.

Marinette. Where to begin with her? I can easily describe her as our everyday Ladybug. She’s a wonderful girl, always taking the lead, doing her best to help everyone within reason and not backing down when threatened. She’s gotten the attention of celebrities, for crying out loud, my own father and Audrey Bourgeois and Jagged Stone all acknowledged her talents and that makes me unbelievably proud of her. Sure, she...may not have been able to get a proper sentence out around me for a few years, and sometimes we don’t even say anything, but that’s alright. I know the reason behind it, even if I can’t do anything with that information, and I understand that feeling. Being around her is comfortable. But I don’t know her as well as I’d like to. I wish I could ask without making things potentially weird. Besides, she’s almost as busy as I am. Class rep, clothing design, helping with her parents bakery, helping all of her friends. Our schedules almost never line up, I think...

...Lila. I put off talking about her as long as I could, and that turned out to be a good few hours as I slowly answered this ask. She breathes lies that can be unraveled with the slightest bit of research, but nobody ever DOES and it infuriates me to no end. Lila made me regret being kind and giving her repeated second chances because my refusal to tell someone about the lies I caught her in got Marinette temporarily expelled and ostracized, and I’ll never forgive myself for my part in that. I have to be around her that much more than anyone else because of course she somehow managed to get Father’s attention and started modelling with me because for some goddamn reason she wants to be around me for some fame to rub off on her. Or wants me. One of the two. I legitimately hate every second I’m near her.

That should be everyone in my class other than my teachers. I realize, reading back over it, that I don’t know most of them too well, which makes me feel a little bad, but hopefully I can correct that. 

[the-dread-papyrus]

What Type of Bender Are You?

Your Result: Waterbender

NYEH HEH, AFTER READING THE DESCRIPTION I FEEL THIS IS ACTUALLY NOT TOO FAR OFF.

Like I said at the beginning of the quiz, the elements speak greatly to how you approach conflict, inner turmoil, etc, so now how do we define what your element actually says about you? Waterbenders, as a whole, are incredibly emotional beings. Perhaps the most emotional of all four elements. What they say, the decisions they make—it’s all based on what they feel in that moment. This isn’t to say that Waterbenders are incapable of thinking through their problems. They absolutely are, but only after they’ve calmed down. Waterbenders have to work through their emotions internally before they can reach a level-headed decision. We see this most frequently in none other than Katara. As compassionate as she is, Katara has a temper that throughout Book 1 initiates her most powerful bending (at least at the beginning of her training). Throughout the show, especially when her and Toph have their arguments, she is shown reacting like a harsh sudden wave, not considering her words as she typically does. Waterbenders also place an incredible amount of value in their community. They want to take care of the people around them. Now this doesn’t mean that other benders don’t or can’t feel the same; it’s just especially important for Waterbenders. They protect their own first. This is shown across every water tribe. From the Northerners to the Southerners to the Swamp People, they all focus on their own before considering others around them, doing whatever they can to protect the people they care about. Huu crafts a seaweed monster to keep outsiders away. Katara, as Sokka and Aang are being forced to attack each other, sacrifices her own morals in order to protect them and bloodbends Hama. This is what makes Waterbenders stand out. It’s their need to do whatever it takes to protect the ones they love. Other elements can imitate this need, but there are unique factors to each one that could interrupt such a desire. Nothing interrupts a Waterbender. Now, as Earthbenders are progressive, Waterbenders are adaptive. They evolve and change with their surroundings, preferring to go with the flow rather than combat it. It’s important however to note that Waterbenders aren’t always pacifists in this respect. While they willfully respond to change, they’re also incredibly capable of enacting it. Avatar Kuruk even confirms the value of this as his parting advice to Aang is to be attentive and active. However, it is possible for Waterbenders to remain stagnant without a trigger that elicits any form of change. This is seen in the Northern Water Tribe. For generations, they followed the same rules, separating the men from the women, training one side as warriors and the other as healers. It’s only when Katara arrives that this changes. She challenges the system, going so far as to fight Pakku herself, but still this isn’t enough. Not until Pakku picks up the betrothal necklace. This ties back to the loyalty of a Waterbender. Only when Pakku has a personal connection to Katara through her grandmother, does he begin to legitimately consider Katara’s stance. So what happens to Waterbenders without a community, who’ve shut themselves off emotionally? I like to call them Frigid Waterbenders. These are Waterbenders who crave a community, who are inherently emotional, but for one reason or another, they’ve shut themselves off. The community they may have had once is gone or lost, and now it feels like caring for anyone only leads to heartache. A good example of this type of bender can be seen with The End of the F*cking World. James is a traumatized boy who convinces himself that he’s a literal psychopath, that the emptiness he feels is something intrinsic to him. This is until he meets Alyssa. Alyssa quickly becomes his community and he’ll do anything to protect her including getting shot in order to secure her safety. If you believe yourself to be this type of bender, try to open yourself up. Closing yourself off isn’t the solution to your problems. You’ll find your people one day. Water is unpredictable and overall, Waterbenders are emotional beings, approaching conflict with what they feel and this can change. Storms can be weathered and above everything else, the ocean will always be there. It will change currents and so will you, but you will always be there for the people you care about.

If you enjoyed this quiz or got any questions, feel free to hit me with that follow (yes, i am a clout chaser) : ig: @uhlocalghost tumblr: lukawriting.tumblr.com ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/lukawriting Also check out my friends who helped me with this: Raquel - ig: raquelerz Cat - tumblr: katarasocean.tumblr.com

[shapeshifting-wildcard]

What Type of Bender Are You?

Your Result: Waterbender

Ah... an interesting result.

Description under the cut because it is long.

Like I said at the beginning of the quiz, the elements speak greatly to how you approach conflict, inner turmoil, etc, so now how do we define what your element actually says about you? Waterbenders, as a whole, are incredibly emotional beings. Perhaps the most emotional of all four elements. What they say, the decisions they make—it’s all based on what they feel in that moment. This isn’t to say that Waterbenders are incapable of thinking through their problems. They absolutely are, but only after they’ve calmed down. Waterbenders have to work through their emotions internally before they can reach a level-headed decision. We see this most frequently in none other than Katara. As compassionate as she is, Katara has a temper that throughout Book 1 initiates her most powerful bending (at least at the beginning of her training). Throughout the show, especially when her and Toph have their arguments, she is shown reacting like a harsh sudden wave, not considering her words as she typically does. Waterbenders also place an incredible amount of value in their community. They want to take care of the people around them. Now this doesn’t mean that other benders don’t or can’t feel the same; it’s just especially important for Waterbenders. They protect their own first. This is shown across every water tribe. From the Northerners to the Southerners to the Swamp People, they all focus on their own before considering others around them, doing whatever they can to protect the people they care about. Huu crafts a seaweed monster to keep outsiders away. Katara, as Sokka and Aang are being forced to attack each other, sacrifices her own morals in order to protect them and bloodbends Hama. This is what makes Waterbenders stand out. It’s their need to do whatever it takes to protect the ones they love. Other elements can imitate this need, but there are unique factors to each one that could interrupt such a desire. Nothing interrupts a Waterbender. Now, as Earthbenders are progressive, Waterbenders are adaptive. They evolve and change with their surroundings, preferring to go with the flow rather than combat it. It’s important however to note that Waterbenders aren’t always pacifists in this respect. While they willfully respond to change, they’re also incredibly capable of enacting it. Avatar Kuruk even confirms the value of this as his parting advice to Aang is to be attentive and active. However, it is possible for Waterbenders to remain stagnant without a trigger that elicits any form of change. This is seen in the Northern Water Tribe. For generations, they followed the same rules, separating the men from the women, training one side as warriors and the other as healers. It’s only when Katara arrives that this changes. She challenges the system, going so far as to fight Pakku herself, but still this isn’t enough. Not until Pakku picks up the betrothal necklace. This ties back to the loyalty of a Waterbender. Only when Pakku has a personal connection to Katara through her grandmother, does he begin to legitimately consider Katara’s stance. So what happens to Waterbenders without a community, who’ve shut themselves off emotionally? I like to call them Frigid Waterbenders. These are Waterbenders who crave a community, who are inherently emotional, but for one reason or another, they’ve shut themselves off. The community they may have had once is gone or lost, and now it feels like caring for anyone only leads to heartache. A good example of this type of bender can be seen with The End of the F*cking World. James is a traumatized boy who convinces himself that he’s a literal psychopath, that the emptiness he feels is something intrinsic to him. This is until he meets Alyssa. Alyssa quickly becomes his community and he’ll do anything to protect her including getting shot in order to secure her safety. If you believe yourself to be this type of bender, try to open yourself up. Closing yourself off isn’t the solution to your problems. You’ll find your people one day. Water is unpredictable and overall, Waterbenders are emotional beings, approaching conflict with what they feel and this can change. Storms can be weathered and above everything else, the ocean will always be there. It will change currents and so will you, but you will always be there for the people you care about. If you enjoyed this quiz or got any questions, feel free to hit me with that follow (yes, i am a clout chaser) : ig: @uhlocalghost tumblr: lukawriting.tumblr.com ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/lukawriting Also check out my friends who helped me with this: Raquel - ig: raquelerz Cat - tumblr: katarasocean.tumblr.com

[sociopath-analysis]

Sociopath Profile: Malty S. Melromarc

Adventurer name: Myne Sophia Other names: “Bitch”, “Whore”, “Witch” From the web novel The Rising of the Shield Hero (2012-2015) and its light novel (2013-present*), manga (2014-present*) and 2019 anime adaptations Voiced by Sara Emi Birdcutt (JP) and Faye Mata (EN) *Present valid as of mid-June 2021.*

There are plenty of good reasons that she has become one of the most hated characters in anime in 2019. Notably since she is completely detestable, thoroughly remorseless, and utterly heartless. Renaming her “Bitch” is putting it mildly. In the anime, she proves to be the main antagonist and unsurprisingly, she fits almost all the symptoms of psychopathy.

[SPOILERS BELOW; SPOILER-FREE VERSION HERE]

It should also be noted that she is revealed in the original story to be a soul fragment of the goddess Medea Pideth Machina. She is basically the culmination of Medea’s worst traits without the power to back it up. (I will make a profile for her later.) As such, she makes for a textbook psychopath. Everywhere except the web novel, Malty is just a terrible person.

Pathological Selfishness. It is abundantly clear from all of her actions that she doesn’t care about anyone who’s name isn’t Malty. This is shown by her readiness to continually backstab others even when they assist her.

Grandiose sense of self-worth. When her mother determines that her sister Melty is a better fit for the throne, she completely disagrees. She believes that she is entitled to the throne despite all the evidence to the contrary. Not only that, but Malty is incredibly bratty and deeply believes that everyone is only around to benefit her.

Lack of empathy. Malty fails to show any true emotional attachment to anyone. Not even her own family. She once tried to burn Melty alive with her fire magic and also marked her for death purely out of spite. Her mother notes that she takes pleasure in the suffering of others, pretty much confirming how little she cares about other people.

Superficial charm. Her flirty and charming exterior is only a front for her extremely loathsome personality. She acts nice and will be supportive to Naofumi, but she shows her true colors after accusing him of rape. One main tactic of hers is behaving in a friendly manner all while secretly plotting to use someone eventually.

Pathological need for stimulation. Ruining people’s lives is something that she deeply enjoys doing. She’s also rather sadistic seeing as she’s basically a serial killer who doesn’t even personally get her hands dirty. She has manipulated circumstances to have people executed under false pretenses for nothing other than her own entertainment. Not only that, but her mother implies that she’s definitely not a virgin and sleeps around quite a lot before becoming an adventurer. She also frivolously spends the kingdom’s money on her owns personal whims.

Pathological lying. To the point where it is outright compulsive. She literally can’t help herself from lying all the time. It should be noted that much of the plot was kickstarted when she accused Naofumi of rape for no reason other than just her own amusement. And even when telling the truth would help her, Malty will still lie. It’s to the point where she has to be forced to tell the truth by using a slave brand. This is how pathological her lying is.

Conning and manipulation. Her lying and superficial charm are not just there for no reason. She uses both to her advantage to get whatever she wants or screw over others. Malty doesn’t feel normal emotions, but she is more than willing to fake them whenever it is necessary. When joining Motoyasu’s party, she continually strokes his ego to use him as a pawn. After she and the party abandons him, she pulls the same trick on Ren, only to betray him later as well.

Short-sighted decision-making. Her biggest problem is this. She does not see any further than the opportunity to hurt people she doesn’t like. If telling the truth would be beneficial, she would basically be forced to tell the truth by threat of pain. She constantly makes sadistic decisions even if it would be disadvantageous for her. Where other villains would know when to back down, she fails to ever know when to just. Fucking. Quit. The only think keeping her being a legitimate antagonist is the fact that she’s protected by her royal connections. Without that, she is not nearly as clever as she initially appears.

Lack of remorse and personal responsibility. Finally, it seems that Malty is completely incapable of accepting responsibility for her own mistakes. If anything goes wrong as a direct result of something she did, she will never fail to find someone else to pin the blame on if she can. Even as she is being tried for her crimes, begging for her life, she’s never truly apologetic since she never even takes the time to apologize for anything she did. She’s just trying to get herself out of the horrible situation that she got herself into. And it was all her own fault.

Female Sociopath List

[dixbolik-lovers]

I’M ENJOYING THESE TOO!!!!! I would never ask you to stop ;3c

Hysteria

-She’s extremely active and athletic. She can’t stand sitting still for any reason, and actively struggles to do so for very long. She loves being moving and active, doing things and running around, and in all honesty, it’s impossible to keep her down for very long. She gets stir-crazy easily too, and absolutely despises being forced to stay in closed-in spaces. 

-None of the other girls like her very well, if at all. Most of them actively dislike her for being loud and irritating. However, Hysteria has absolutely no problems with this. She likes being around everyone else because they pay attention to her. With no concept of the differences between positive and negative attention, she’s as content as can be with everyone despising her. She’s well-aware that everyone hates her, and she’s very okay with this. 

-She’s almost always covered in open wounds and other injuries. This is partially because she doesn’t care if she falls or runs into things, partially because she keeps hurting herself on purpose, and partially because her body kind of just Does That. She doesn’t really seem to care. 

-As mentioned earlier, she has absolutely no concept of the difference between positive and negative attention. Any attention is good attention in Hysteria’s mind, and she legitimately doesn’t care if she’s hated and hurt or loved and treasured. So long as people are looking at her, so long as everyone’s attention is right on her where it belongs, she’s happy. Being hurt doesn’t bother her a bit, so she’ll take all kinds of punishment if it means being paid attention to. Even hitting her would make her happy. 

-Her durability and regeneration are insane, even by the standards of subconscious beings. Hysteria can heal from almost anything, and at speeds that make everyone else a little bit uncomfortable. Her healing is on par with Judgement’s, even, and there are some rumors that she might even be sort of immortal. She doesn’t seem to feel pain properly either. 

-She’s very excitable and intense, and both her personality and body language show it. When talking, she frequently yells and waves her hands around, seemingly has no concept of controlling the volume of her voice, and will even get physical with people if they don’t pay the proper level of attention. She frequently uses all three of her mouths to amplify her volume to downright ear-splitting degrees just to try to get people to look at her. 

-She’s not very smart, but her thoughts move quickly... usually in convoluted circles. She comes to a lot of weird conclusions and has a lot of strange ideas, most of which are downright incomprehensible to others. 

-She’s very, very willing to make a fool of herself in order to get attention. The concept of shame is missing from Hysteria’s vocabulary, and it shows. If she’s convinced that it’ll get people to look at her, Hysteria will do virtually anything. As such, she’s very gullible, and it’s easy to talk her into things. 

-Everything always has to be about her. Even simple conversations that aren’t about her get on Hysteria’s nerves, and she’s not above throwing fits when she gets annoyed by that. She has a rather bad temper on her, especially when she feels ignored... which is any time everyone in the near vicinity isn’t one hundred percent focused on her and her alone. 

-Deep down, she’s ridiculously insecure. Attention is all she has to live for, and she feels empty and alone when people aren’t looking right at her. The only time she feels like a person is when other people are feeding into her, and she gets panicky when she’s ignored for very long. She tends to feel close to disappearing, something which only gets worse when she’s alone. Being by herself is the worst thing that can happen to her. 

-On that subject, she has some pretty major dissociation issues. She frequently feels like she’s not real, or that she’s somehow imagining the world around her. Only interacting with other people makes her feel alive. 

Avoidance

-She likes to mess with her hair, and finds herself fiddling with it when she’s bored or anxious. It’s more an idle habit than anything, but it does turn into a bit of a nervous tic when she’s particularly upset. She’d like to mess with other people’s hair too, and that could possibly be one of her few kind moments, but she knows that no one would ever allow her to.

-She doesn’t have eyes. As in, the place where her eyes should be is just smooth, white skin, as if eyes were never there in the first place. She’s entirely blind because of this, but somehow gets around without any form of sight. She’s surprisingly good at navigating the world too. 

-She likes wearing high heels and other tall shoes, primarily because they make her feel important. She enjoys being taller and bigger than the others... even if her body is too skinny for her to have much real strength. 

-She has a childish personality and is surprisingly easy to please. All it really takes to make her happy is listening to her and making her feel the slightest bit important. She’ll easily latch onto those that try to get close to her, making an utter nuisance out of herself in a poorly-guided attempt to impress them, but all the while, her foul personality does little to change. She likes attention, but she can be entirely self-sufficient as well, fueled by her own endless complaints. 

-Her voice is very high-pitched and shrill, and she tends to speak very loudly. This is mostly so people have no choice but to pay attention to her, something which she takes great pride in and uses to her advantage. 

-She’s by far the least intelligent of the girls. She’s ignorant, self-centered, and firmly believes that she can never be wrong about anything. She blocks out everything that she doesn’t want to think about-- something which she’s far too good at for her own safety. She ignores anything that she doesn’t like, denies that anything could possibly be her fault, and insists that she’s always right.

-Her entire personality is lazy, and she detests doing anything for herself. She’ll try to rope other people into doing things for her, and comes up with all kinds of creative excuses as to why she’s “incapable” of handling things on her own. This makes her extremely difficult to deal with, and means that others are far from fond of having to interact with her for long. 

-She’s an absolutely terrible influence on anyone who stays around her for long. Somehow, her poor behavior winds up rubbing off on those close to her, and anyone who sticks around for long will wind up acting a little bit too much like her. For all she’s a simple-minded loudmouth, she can be surprisingly compelling, and even though no one really knows why, she’s good at dragging people down with her. 

-Her favorite place in the World of Fog is an abandoned playground. Nothing there is in particularly good repair, but Avoidance enjoys it nonetheless. She spends her time sitting on the swings, talking to herself and dodging any responsibilities that could possibly be thrown upon her. 

-She’s tall and strong, but only uses her strength to bully others. She always wants people to listen to her and do what she says, but even then, she’ll quickly get bored of what she’s doing (or afraid of the consequences) and flee, dumping all of the responsibility and aftereffects onto the person she forced to work with her. She’s a very dangerous person to associate with. 

-In keeping with her childish, mean-spirited, and immature nature, she has a strong tendency towards throwing fits and temper tantrums. When she gets upset, it’s a screaming match, shouting at whoever’s offended her and trying to do them physical harm.

Secrecy

-Her skin is deathly pale, as well as extremely thin and soft. You can see the greyish-veins underneath her skin, and much to Secrecy’s annoyance, she bruises and cuts very easily. Her physical body is rather delicate. 

-She loves learning new things, no matter how useless or trivial. Because of her lack of sight, it’s impossible for her to read normally, though. If she could ever swallow her pride enough to let it happen, she’d greatly appreciate being read to. However, she’d consider that kind of thing to be showing far too much weakness, and would react disdainfully to anyone who offered. 

-She has three eyes-- two where they should be and one vertical one on her forehead-- but all of them are blind. All three have a thick, white film over them, leaving her about 80% blind. She can still make out vague shapes, shadows, and light to some degree, but there’s no color or detail to the world around her. She typically uses her magic to get around, feeling out her surroundings with tendrils of energy and seeing where resistance is met. 

-Her mouth is sewn shut with thick, black wire from end to end. The stitches are loose enough that she can still talk, but only barely. Moving her mouth isn’t particularly painful, but the stitches do provide a very convenient excuse when she decides that she doesn’t want to say anything. 

-She usually wears a massive, ground-length cape-- the darkest part of her otherwise-pale outfit. The cape is more than big enough for her to hide in, which is exactly what she does-- curling up inside the fabric when she’s alone in order to block out the world around her. The cape also serves to make her look bigger than she is, something with Secrecy enjoys. 

-Despite her own levels of immaturity, she’s generally rather sensible and practical. Secrecy doesn’t get carried away with fantasies or unreal ideas, and her introverted, level-headed, reclusive nature means that she clashes horribly with the rest of the girls. She’s very calm where most of them are constantly wound up, which doesn’t really end well for anyone. Secrecy is viewed as frigid and unapproachable... which just makes people want to get a rise out of her. 

-Even considering how sensible she can be, she’s also extremely lazy and standoffish. She hates helping people and being social, and really only interacts with others with the intention of making them feel bad. Being forced to do things she doesn’t want to irritates her like nothing else. 

-She lacks all forms of empathy. While she’s capable of some degree of sympathy, she purposefully chooses not to feel it, believing that such soft emotions are wasted on others. 

-She loses her temper easily, and tends towards the passive-aggressive when she’s angry with someone. She gets vengeful when she’s angry, holds long grudges, and will stay mad at someone until they all but beg for forgiveness. She’ll never forget someone who’s wronged her... which means a lot of issues when she’s surrounded by people who never do anything else. 

-She loves knowing things that other people don’t-- for no reason other than to feel superior. It makes her feel important to be in on something that the person she’s speaking to isn’t, and she thoroughly enjoys dangling such information over people’s heads. Even when she doesn’t actually know anything important, she’ll pretend like she does just so she can feel special. 

-Her magic is the second strongest in the group, falling only behind Judgement. Said magic is the main form of sensory input for Secrecy, and she relies on it heavily. She can both move massive objects and exercise the most fine control with it-- something which she’s very proud of. As weak and delicate as her physical body is, she far prefers to move things and get around with her magic, rather than relying on the much weaker body. 

[tarralin]

Whirlwind

SFW ((Word count: 3496))

A/N: This is almost a month late but here we go! A few of us were greatly inspired by this glorious creation by the amazing @pastel-hideout (thank you for doing the Lord's work👏👏) when fangirling led to brainstorming which led to this smut-off challenge issued by @darkmindsthinktwistedthoughts and @xathia-89 with a few others of us joining in. Part 2 will be hosted over on @spicytarralin at a later time

Sir by @darkmindsthinktwistedthoughts

Yes, Professor by @jennacat84

A Towel is Optional by @xathia-89

~☆~

She should have been home hours ago yet here she was burning the midnight oil on a Tuesday after both of her teammates packed up their desks with no prior notice, leaving her to thread together the monthly financial reports alone. Truthfully, it really could have waited until tomorrow-- or even Thursday-- but working so close to the wire always filled her with dread and stole her sleep anyway.

A few too many power surges during video game marathons as a kid had drilled home a habit of frequent saves and a need to hoard duplicate reports like a dragon collecting its treasure. Habits she was eternally grateful for in times like this as they enabled her transform the seemingly mountain-sized workload into a manageable molehill.

Aaaaannnnnddddd I'm done!

A perk to being the only soul in the office was no one around to witness the unladylike victory dance as she pranced barefoot to the printer or her horrible rendition of a Broadway musical number with the innocent corporate report portfolio as her prop. Until lively clapping sounded immediately behind her, startling her to the point of knocking her off balance from the grand battement she was performing and sending her promptly to the floor.

A chuckle rumbled from the white-haired culprit as he extended a hand to help her up. “I was unaware we had a little mouse scurrying about during the nights and giving free entertainment.”

Her ears burned from being caught as a cold sweat ran down her back at the embarrassment. She accepted his hand to right herself and inspect the portfolio's contents before correcting him. “Only tonight. I'm not in the habit of pushing things off to the last minute… and I thought I was alone.”

“You were until a few moments ago,” another chuckle as his gaze latched onto the reports in her grasp. “I was just informed two of my lead accountants left the company without warning this afternoon and abandoned their work. I just came to take care of it myself but it looks like I was beaten to the draw. It's reassuring to know there are reliable individuals here who will rise when others fall. Let me take those off your hands.”

He reached for the folder only to be denied when she pulled it back out of reach. “I'm also not in the habit of releasing sensitive documents to just anyone who claims to be a boss. Especially when I, personally, have never seen his face. I apologize for any offense but I'll drop them off at the office myself, thanks.”

The casual smirk faded as surprise flashed through in his golden eyes before his grin returned, outstretched hand sweeping the room in an open gesture for her to lead the way.

Emboldened by his quick acceptance, she trotted away toward the elevators--

“Ahem…”

--until his voice stopped her and she watched the man bending to retrieve her heels from the floor. “Don't you need these?”

I'm going to have potato chips for ears before the night over if I keep this up. She managed to avoid eye contact as she slipped back into the death traps of fashion but caught sight of a growing grin as he waited patiently.

“I've never actually been to the executive floor before.” The typical droning elevator music had been cut at the end of business hours, plunging the ride to the top floor in the eerie silence she hated and felt a need to fill the void. “So this is a bit of an adventure.”

“Nothing too grand, I assure you. Just a few conference rooms and the private offices of the department heads.”

She shrugged at that. “Still a first and-- whoa!”

The entire floor appeared encased in sparkling crystal in the moonlight. Frosted and etched glass separated each room and office instead of plaster and drywall, giving an illusion to privacy. Dimmed lights along the wall base lit the floor path to the center hub where a circular receptionist desk sat like the heart of communication it probably was to the handful of walkways.

And he said ‘nothing too grand’.

“I have a strict open door policy.”

“ ‘Open door’? There are no doors at all to open.” Her eyes scanned the area for where the portfolio was supposed to go until they landed on a silver box to her left similar to a post office mail drop. As she approached it, an engraved plate denoted it as the ‘after hours’ report drop.

“Feel better?” The gentleman questioned with a raised eyebrow and the same smirk from earlier after her bundle landed inside the box with a distinctive thunk.

“Yes, I can now sleep soundly without it looming over my head.” She answered firmly, turning back down the short hall. She only made it a few steps before the jingle of keys sounded throughout the floor. She turned just in time to witness the man unlocking the box as if he had a thousand times, tucking the portfolio under his arm like a morning newspaper.

Yup, my ears are definitely burning to crisps.

She tried to evade him but the elevator just wouldn't move fast enough and he stepped onto the platform right as the doors closed behind him. She didn't dare say a word, thinking back to earlier and worried about how long he had watched her gather the reports together. She was so sure she had been alone until he appeared out of nowhere like a ghost.

I'll probably be fired in the morning.

The landing bell signaled the end of the line and they both exited into the parking garage, waving to the security guard before he caught her attention by holding up the folder. “I assume you'll be available for questioning should I require any clarifications?”

“Actually, after that performance, I planned to live under a rock for the rest of my life.”

“Depriving the world of such a delight? And people call me a tease.”

She shook her head with an eye roll, fighting against the fresh wave of embarrassment that threatened to singe her ears and cheeks again. She never had trouble remaining professional at work before, why was it so hard now and especially in front of this man? She needed to wrap things up and be on her way before she made a fool of herself any more than she already had.

She turned to him once reaching her car. “It was an honor and a pleasure meeting you, but now I have a suitable rock to hunt down and so I bid you goodnight.” There. That was mostly professional, right?

“The honor was all mine,” he extended his hand casually for a parting shake. She hesitated when she caught a glimpse of mischief sparkling in those golden eyes but shook off the feeling and accepted his hand firmly. Of course, it was a trap. Instead of releasing her after the appropriate time, he turned her hand in his and brought her knuckles to his lips. “As was the pleasure.”

That promptly turned her brains to mush incapable of words. With only a nod, she retrieved her hand and loaded in her car to finally make her way home.

~~~

Instead of being fired the next morning, Mitsuhide Akechi himself walked the finance floor until finding her desk to hand her a crate loaded with binders of financial reports for the last two years.

“I have some concerns but can't locate exactly what's wrong. I've already distributed your usual work to others as this will be your priority for the next week. You'll report directly to me only and the conference room at the end of the hall is yours for the time being as well.” Like a whirlwind, he was gone again, seemingly oblivious to the excited chatter following the shocked silence he rendered across the floor with his mere presence.

Even with such vague instructions, it didn't take long for her to find his ‘concerns’. The reports before her spelled out a textbook case of money laundering. However, the culprits were good at covering the tracks and distinguishing the pseudo-businesses from the legitimates would be the most time-consuming. But not impossible. All she had to do was find the patterns within the numbers…

It didn't take the whole week. By lunchtime on day three, she had her final report ready with her findings. Even with the evidence in hand, it was hard for her to believe that she had been working alongside the culprits for so long. No wonder they up and left all of a sudden, they must have known their thievery had been found out.

But why didn't Akechi seem surprised?

After presenting the information, he only smirked up at her as usual. “You even tracked down the ‘business’ owners. Impressive.”

When you say it like that… “Y-you already knew?”

A sigh as he righted the report in front of him into place. “I've known of those two's illegal activities since before they began.”

“Then why didn't you stop them?”

“ ‘Never interrupt your enemy when they're making a mistake’, plus it was quite entertaining to watch their poor attempts for a little while.”

“ ‘Entertaining’?! Who on Earth would just sit back and watch while people steal from their company? And what was the point of having me investigate it if you already knew?”

“Because, my little mouse, if you brought me the correct names it meant you played no part in the scheme.”

Ice flashed through her veins. “What's that supposed to mean?”

He stood at that, circling his desk to loom over her. The gaze he leveled her way froze her feet in place and, for a moment, she really did feel like a mouse caught in a predator's trap. “You didn't really think there was no backup plan, did you?”

Only sheer will kept her from trembling as realization struck. Just a few weeks ago, her identity protection plan had notified her of suspicious activity but assured her they had it taken care of. “They… they tried to pin it on me.”

“Indeed, luckily it appears you made some smart choices. And of course, I happen to be a little more than the average businessman.”

And here I called Dad paranoid for buying me that protection...

“Also,” his voice switching back to business mode as he paced back to his chair drew her from her panic. “Your thorough investigation shows you capable of filling one of the empty lead positions.”

“You're promoting me?”

He blinked up in genuine surprise. “You have an objection?”

“No!” She recovered. “It's just… a lot to take in and definitely not the direction I thought things would take.”

“Oh?” He grinned with genuine interest. “What direction was that?”

"A few days ago I thought I was fired!"

A chuckle while he sipped at a coffee mug. "I'll email you a briefing on your new duties and you can visit HR once you've moved into your new office."

"Thank you!" She turned excitedly on her heels to begin her new journey.

~~~

Akechi became a familiar face on the finance floor after her promotion, claiming an interest in overseeing her transition and supplemental training himself. Though it seemed he had more of an interest in seeing how far he could push her past her limits. For weeks, each visit rendered her with a heightened pulse as his words always held a double meaning that never failed to pull very not safe for work images to mind. He never touched. Nor pushed further if she showed the teeniest hint of resistance, switching back to complete professionalism that only flustered her more most days.

That changed one day when she needed paper for the floor printer.

The supply closet located to the left of the elevator and stairwell was so small it was nearly impossible for two people to fit into the space packed with Xerox packages and janitorial supplies.

Nearly.

“Little Mouse.”

She jumped at the shattered silence until recognition of his baritone registered. “Mr. Akechi, can you please stop doing that?”

“But you make it oh so tempting, I can't help myself.”

“And you said you were more than an average businessman.”

His familiar chuckle pranced across her ears, sending delicious shivers down her spine. “Up to now, I have been. Took pride in my self-control. Imagine my surprise when I witnessed a carefree spirit dancing on my financial floor and suddenly taken by an overpowering urge to join her.”

She blinked up at him silently while he stepped so close she could feel the heat wafting off him though, as usual, he never touched. His words sounded more and more like a confession, an impossible confession. She was just an accountant-- No, wait… Her throat finally opened up for her to ask the question suddenly screaming for an answer. “Did you really promote me for my capabilities, or only to get close to me then?”

The question was out but she looked away, unable to witness the answer with her own eyes. Slender fingers whispered across her jaw, coaxing her to look back up to him. Those same fingers traced her bottom lip once she did, the liquid heat of his eyes taking her breath from her.

“I was already infatuated before walking you to your car, I will admit. Then I pulled your employee records. Spotless with nothing but positive words from your previous superiors. That, alone, wouldn't be very impressive to me but were you aware you have a letter of recommendation from Tokugawa? Those are not easily achieved. Honestly, I have no idea how those other two ever thought they would manage to frame you for their misdeeds. Which is why I gave you the chance to prove yourself first but had the termination papers ready to sign should you have failed that little test, feelings present or not.”

“But I passed.”

“I knew you would-- hoped even. You are talented and earned that position yourself, have no doubt in that.”

“Alright…” Now, how the hell am I supposed to address the other thing?

As if he read her thoughts, he brought the tip of his finger back across her lips to softly silence her. “I know this is not the typically ideal setting for such a conversation but I couldn't hold back any longer when your snark offered the perfect opportunity, Little Mouse. However, you need not worry about rushing me any reciprocation. Take your time to think about it and I will deal with my own troubles in the meantime. Should you choose to explore further, you need only call me by my first name.”

Her heart raced again. He really had thought of everything, even a clear route to refusal… One she didn't need. She didn't need any more time.

He had just turned to leave when her hand landed on his shoulder, stopping him in place.

“Mitsuhi-”

His lips were on hers before she finished the name, demanding entrance that she gave willingly. Her fingers tangled in his blazer lapels in a feeble attempt to hold onto the world around her while blindsided by such feverish desire as he all but devoured her, his tongue coaxing hers to dance with him.

It wasn't until the prep counter edge hit the back of her thighs that she realized her skirt hiked up past her stocking bands as he settled her effortlessly atop its surface, the cold of it a stark reminder to their location.

“Wait,” she gasped once gathering the resolve to break the trance.

His palms dropped from her hair to the counter instantly at her plea while his forehead rested on hers, patiently waiting for her next words.

She smoothed the wrinkles in his jacket her fingers had created as her breath returned. “Not yet, not here.”

“Too soon.” He nodded in agreement as his own eyes cleared of desire's fog. “I'm sorry, it has been quite some time since I've lost rein of my emotions and it looks like I still have a ways to go before I can properly control myself around you.”

She couldn't help the soft giggles bubbling at the confusion clear in his brow. “Usually, I'm the one who has to control herself.”

“No, I don't believe that.”

She ignored his usual teasing while hopping off the counter to right herself again. His fingers brushed lightly through her hair to fix wry tufts while hers continued to focus on his blazer lapels and shirt collar. Only when she finished did she look up into his eyes while claiming his hands in hers. “I am interested but I've also rushed into things a lot in the past and they always ended horribly for everyone. I'm only just now starting to feel confident in my position and think it best-- given my track record-- to go slow.”

His head rested leisurely back to hers and she wondered how he could stand the heat emitting from her flushed face? She barely could. His smirk returned to its rightful place as his thumb ghosted over her bottom lip. Whatever he was about to say, was lost to the door handle clicking.

Mitsuhide had two paper boxes on the counter in the next instant and another occupying his hands before the door cracked open to reveal one of her subordinates. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, what perfect timing!” Mitsuhide grinned to the intruder. “We were just thinking we would need the trolley, but not with an extra set of hands.” The box in his hands shifted so suddenly the poor man at the door nearly fell backward as he tried to catch it, just for Mitsuhide to load another box on top. “You got those, I'll take these, and you can handle that last one, right Little Mouse?”

Proving he truly was a whirlwind incarnate, Mitsuhide was out the door without another glance behind him.

~~~

The premiere performance of Madama Butterfly sold out almost immediately and yet what was it he waved in front of her face one autumn Thursday morning? He even arranged her the day off to prepare for the evening. No dress? He arranged that, too; curating a selection to choose from, as well as a hair and makeup appointment if she desired it.

The show itself was as beautiful as it was heart-wrenching, even with Mitsuhide distracting her a sizable portion of the time by monopolizing her hand with soft caresses and softer kisses over every inch of skin. Afterward, he insisted on showing her the best view in the city which happened to be the rooftop of the office building.

“I didn't know all this was even up here.” She didn't even try to hide the awe in her voice as she took in her surroundings. If she didn't know any better, it would be easy to believe they were in Central Park with the colorful flower beds lining sections of expansive lawn covering a majority of the roof. A covered patio near the door sat upon a raised dais that overlooked the city with an outdoor kitchen and bar. No additional lighting was needed due to the glow provided by the surrounding city life.

“There are only a select few who do, plus the gardener who values his own secrets enough to keep mine.”

“Do I even want to know what that means?”

“Probably not.” Rumbling laughter as he looped an arm around her waist to guide her to the patio where a sake warmer awaited. If anyone had told her at the beginning of the month she would end up enjoying an exotic brew with the boss on the rooftop lounger, she would have laughed in their face! But here she was gazing over the city skyline in an elegant dress and gorgeous hair, a nearly forgotten sake glass in one hand while Mitsuhide occupied the other as he's had during the opera.

Each deliberate drag of lips across her knuckles sent heat racing through her veins that had nothing to do with the sake. Only when he was satisfied no part of her hand went untouched did he move on to continue the trail across her wrist and forearm. Molten gold irises held her own captive as the knuckles of his other hand softly traced her jaw.

"Have you had enough of the view?"

There was no mistaking the true question being asked. The weeks since their closet confessions saw many dinner and lunch dates. Weekends were designated ‘adventure’ days when they found local activities to do together, even if just strolling the shoreline or boardwalk. Almost every outing ended with at least a soft kiss on the top of her head, more than a few escalating to being pinned to the wall much as she had the counter in the stock closet. But every time he would cut it short with a clear question and an easily accessible way out for her to choose.

This time, she didn't.

~☆~