#non monogamy

[genderqueerdykes]

happy pride to polyamorous people, non-monogamists, relationship anarchists, swingers, people who follow to multiple models of love, people in kink families/houses, and anyone else who feels their love and the way they conduct their life does not suit the amatonormative "one partner for life" model. i hope you have an amazing time loving and being loved and enjoying life

[snowmenatwork]

GUYS I just saw the cutest poly quote from the randomest minecraft video, they said:

"two hands, each one can have a ring"

AHHHHH THAT'S SO CUTE OMG

[bloomshroomz]

So, we're ten days into pride month. Things are a bit confusing for me right now. I’m trying to figure out what I want, or what I need.

I know that I’m aromantic, but…

I want companionship. I want commitment.

I want to kiss someone. I want to make out with someone.

I want to cuddle and watch a movie with someone.

I want to spoil someone. I want to be spoiled.

I want to love someone. I want to be loved.

I want emotional intimacy. I want physical intimacy.

I want these things with multiple people.

I don’t see any of that as inherently romantic… Maybe it would be easier if I did? Something about that feels wrong, somehow. Why do I have to slap a romantic label on it by default, when I know that none of these things need to be confined to romance?

People aren’t usually committed to you unless you’re their partner. I’d like to have a few partners. Do I want that to be romantic, though? I mean, I know that I don’t want it to be romantic, because I don't want anything to be romantic. But, am I opposed to it?

I don’t know. I can’t tell.

Most people would call these feelings romantic. Why does it feel so much more complicated to me? Why do I have this weird disconnect?

Sometimes I feel like it would be easier if I just tossed out the aromantic part of who I am. Just being bisexual would make things so simple. But I don't think I can just flip a switch like that. Can I?

Do other people feel this way?

Is it just me?

Edit - 6/20/2024

A lot of people have been giving me the same advice over and over, and while I appreciate the sentiment, I've probably heard it before. Like, a lot of "you should look into QPRs/cupioromanticism/bellusromanticism/etc." when I've already known about those things for years.

Please read this post before giving advice or input, especially if it involves labels or attraction/relationship types. I know a lot about labels and attraction/relationship types; my struggle isn't coming from a lack of vocabulary. Thank you.

[bynux]

Imagine that board gaming is a very important and valuable interest to you. It's integral to the way you express yourself and share important moments with people you care about.

You meet a partner who's your dream person, but they only want you to play board games with them. It would be a deep breach of trust for them to find out that you've played a game with someone else. You enter the relationship, thinking "I love this person dearly. Board games with other people are something I can give up to keep them around."

Over time, you find a bunch of different two-player games and land on a few that you really enjoy. You start to play those games more often. Chess, checkers, UNO, mancala, reversi, pick your poison. Eventually it becomes a routine.

But there are only so many two-player games, let alone ones you haven't tried already. You start to realize that different people have different play styles that you'll never get to try your hand against. Your attention is drawn to three-, four-, even many-player games that you're missing out on. You're curious about Wingspan, Pandemic, Catan. You want to try games like UNO with more than just one other person and see what effect the Reverse card should actually have. Meanwhile, you and your partner continue to play the same three or four games, only occasionally trying something new. It feels…unsatisfying.

So you ask your partner if maybe you could try playing chess with another friend who you think might pose a challenge and offer a different perspective…and they're hurt by this suggestion. "Is playing with me not enough for you anymore? Am I not enough for you anymore?" You realize they're not going to budge, and you grow frustrated, or even resentful, that such an important part of your life has to be locked down for you if you want to keep this person you love.

A lot of people are perfectly content playing board games with just one person. But out of those who aren't, some resort to playing games with others in secret, especially if losing the relationship will create undue hardship (housing, finances, etc). Others leave their partners, amicably or…otherwise. Others still, arguably MOST, simply consider their need for other board games to be a personal flaw, convince themselves that they're being selfish, and continue to let the resentment grow.

Congratulations, you now understand what monogamy feels like to a non-monogamous/polyamorous person.

[noahizslay]

being aro and polyam is very funny cause you don't understand either romance or monogamy so you're affected by amatonormativity and mononormativity and in short it sucks.

[gigglingauspice]

was having a conversation with a friend about what a “normal” amount of partners to have is. This is about any kind of committed partner— not just romantic or queer platonic, but sexual, alterous, wavership, and “undefined but my partner regardless.”

If you have more than nine partners, good god do I respect your time management.

[xxcalicofemmexx]

polyamorous wallpapers! ft. the og polyamorous flag my beloved 💖💖 everyone say thank you jim evans!

requested by 🐌 anon

Polyamorous: Someone who can fall in love with more than one person at a time; Desires a relationship with two or more people at once, with full consent from all involved

[joy-haver]

Sometimes for relationship anarchists there is the question of “when do you break up with somone if a relationship can take many forms.”

For me, a relationship is about building one another, growing together. If all my attempts to help someone grow are futile, that’s not a relationship. If they aren’t helping me grow and live in ways that are kind and good for me, that’s not a relationship. Relationships are also about joy, and rest. And if I cannot be joyful or restful, it’s not a relationship.

Things don’t have to be intense, frequent, high commitment, high stakes, or anything like that. But they do need to be constructive. And they need to be places of rest and respite rather than places of despair

I truly believe all people can be helped, all people can be in good relations, all people can grow and be joyful.

But not all people can be helped by me. Not all people can be joyful with me. And that is okay. Pretending it’s working often stops them from finding the relationships that really would help at the end of the day. You don’t have to keep dating someone just because they haven’t done some big thing to hurt you. You can just break up cause it’s not working any more. I think you should give the other person the courtesy of explaining that, and I definitely think you shouldn’t ghost people unless it’s a genuine safety issue. But you aren’t under an obligation to date or be in any relationship with anyone.

[polyamorouspunk]

Why are we surprised that people can’t handle polyamory when people can’t even handle monogamy. You date too many people in too quick of a succession and you become a “serial monogamist [negative]”.

[autumn-applepie]

Midnight comfort doodles,, gay people,, <3

I've realized I've got Kinitos to doodle cuz I've promised that and I'm so sorry I'll try to get back on that on my study breaks /gen

For now have a midnight comfort doodle that I just speedrunned while binge eating 2 huge ass bag of chips that I bought at the store at like 9pm

Featuring @goldenstrwbrry 's clam man again,, so soft about him brain full of clam man,, /silly

NL!Kinito really do be out there pulling people, we're at a score of 6 confirmed bitches pulled and I'm being forreal

[willubgood]

[payneandagony]

Let's talk jealousy.

Before you scroll on, this post is for everyone not just the poly/enm people.

Has your partner/lover/spouse spend time with someone else, even just their friend, and it drove you juuuuust a little crazy? Did you fixate on imagining what they're doing at any given time? Maybe they came home and told you about how they had lunch together or a sweet intimate moment?

That's totally okay. You're not a monster. You are allowed to have emotional responses to things. This goes for those of us under the non-monogamous blanket too. We're not immune to these things.

I heard a while ago on the Multiamory podcast (check it out) someone describing jealousy as a secondary emotion. There is often an underlying feeling behind it; sadness, anger, frustration, fear, loneliness.

It could be the fear of being replaced, a common one for the monogamous one's reading. It could be frustration at being left out of the fun, or a fear of missing out. Sometimes it's anger that they chose someone else to spend time with but god damn it you wanted that weekend.

Combating these uncomfortable feels can be done a number of ways, but generally:

- Start by identifying the root, do a little introspection and try to determine what emotion(s) and thought(s) are behind it.

- Jealousy around an activity might be countered by asking said partner if you can do the activity together later.

- Fear of missing out can be a bitch, ask if you can tag along next time? That one can be difficult even for platonic relationships.

Communication is key, it's been said to death but it's true. Don't simply communicate the jealousy, communicate the root feelings and thoughts and maybe together you can brainstorm a way to alleviate it somewhat.

[bynux]

Polyamory Tip: When determining how much you can juggle before being polysaturated, don't forget to count yourself.

I've realized recently that when I overextend, I neglect my own needs before those of my partners. I've also realized that if I reframe it as being in a romantic relationship with myself, I'm less prone to this because I'm more cognizant of my own needs. If you aren't keeping your own care in check, you're not gonna have the energy to meet anyone's needs.

[muzzleoleum]

i have so much love to give, i am so full of love and that's an incredible thing, i love being able to love, and love wholly, i love that i can loving animally and fully.

[noahizslay]

am i the only one who thinks that qprs, platonic marriage, other forms of non-romantic relationships, non-monogamous and polyamorous relationships should be recognized legally?

like fuck amatonormativity and mononormativity!

free the aspecs, non-monogamous and polyamorous folks!