#ethical nonmonogamy

[bloomshroomz]

So, we're ten days into pride month. Things are a bit confusing for me right now. I’m trying to figure out what I want, or what I need.

I know that I’m aromantic, but…

I want companionship. I want commitment.

I want to kiss someone. I want to make out with someone.

I want to cuddle and watch a movie with someone.

I want to spoil someone. I want to be spoiled.

I want to love someone. I want to be loved.

I want emotional intimacy. I want physical intimacy.

I want these things with multiple people.

I don’t see any of that as inherently romantic… Maybe it would be easier if I did? Something about that feels wrong, somehow. Why do I have to slap a romantic label on it by default, when I know that none of these things need to be confined to romance?

People aren’t usually committed to you unless you’re their partner. I’d like to have a few partners. Do I want that to be romantic, though? I mean, I know that I don’t want it to be romantic, because I don't want anything to be romantic. But, am I opposed to it?

I don’t know. I can’t tell.

Most people would call these feelings romantic. Why does it feel so much more complicated to me? Why do I have this weird disconnect?

Sometimes I feel like it would be easier if I just tossed out the aromantic part of who I am. Just being bisexual would make things so simple. But I don't think I can just flip a switch like that. Can I?

Do other people feel this way?

Is it just me?

Edit - 6/20/2024

A lot of people have been giving me the same advice over and over, and while I appreciate the sentiment, I've probably heard it before. Like, a lot of "you should look into QPRs/cupioromanticism/bellusromanticism/etc." when I've already known about those things for years.

Please read this post before giving advice or input, especially if it involves labels or attraction/relationship types. I know a lot about labels and attraction/relationship types; my struggle isn't coming from a lack of vocabulary. Thank you.

[pocket-poly]

[submissivefeminist]

If your partner is insisting that this is how polyamory is done, I'm gonna insist you find a better partner. The One Penis Policy is misogynistic, transphobic, and fetishizing in all the worst ways. ⛔🍆

[sixpossumsinaclownsuit]

Remember kiddos, polygamy and polyamory was only demonized for four core reasons:

Tw: homophobia, sexism, religious commentary, political commentary, oppression

1.) America wanted more taxes

Part of the legal institutionalization of marriage is that there is tax benefits for the individual parties when they get married, and financial ties/power is attorney between married people. It becomes messy when these ties extend to multiple people/marriages and the I*RS wants they tax money, and America would rather just make an entire way of life illegal than make laws and systems that accommodate people. See point #4 for more on that

2.) Puritan culture (aka thinly veiled sexism)

Puritan culture relies heavily on systems of control that villainize sex and women (that's a whole other conversation but I won't digress), and lots of marriages/polygamous marriages having sex with each other is obviously bad bad bad!! Hard to control!! Save the defenseless women from their pimp husbands! Orgies, the devil's work! And...

3.) Homophobia

Good god, women being in marriages together! Married to a man, but what if these women end up by being married to each other by extension! And having sex with each other! And what if a woman marries more than one man! Would these men become inferior to their wives? Would one of these husbands be less dominant than another? Would the men function in these complex marriages like a woman?! Disgusting! That's gay (derogatory!) Would these husbands be having sex with each other? But that's gay and gay is bad! Sex is bad! God, purge these sinners of their Sodomy!

(Surprise surprise, homophobia has very little to do with actual gay people and has everything to do with puritan culture, control, sexism and the demonization of sex, and points two and three are actually the same thing)

4.) Christian nationalism

Polygamy and nonmonogamy is normalized and integrated with several non-Christian and alternative Christian cultures going back thousands of years, like Islam, Mormonism, feudal Japanese/samurai cultures, Hinduism, several Native American cultures, etc... even in the Bible in Judeo-Christian history and biblical era cultures nonmonogamy was normalized. Banning nonmonogamy in America is banning the right to engage in non-christian religious rite and practice. It's only something criminal to post-puritan Christians and those beliefs becoming law, regardless of other religious beliefs and practices also existing in America, is the unseparation of church and state.

So before you tell a polyamorous person "oh that's cheating with permission" or "I could NEVER do that," or "I love my partner too much to do that/cheat like that," remember that these are the institutions and the propaganda you're upholding with your judgement. Supporting/ being kind about polyamory is religious tolerance, and biting your thumb at the I*RS.

Tl:dr, the dissolution of separating of church and state, puritan culture and the sexism/homophobia associated with puritan culture is why nonmonogamy is demonized and why polygamy is illegal in America.

Tone indication/post intention: satirical and exaggerated tones criticizing longstanding institutions of oppression with the intent to explain why judging, hating or criticizing nonmonogamous practices is oppressive and a result of propaganda. This post is not intended to persuade people who practice monogamy to practice nonmonogamy instead or to demonize monogamy. It is intended to advocate for breaking the stigma around nonmonogamy.

[polyintheburbs]

Science and shit

[ncsf]

Celebrate Metamour Day on Feb 28!

Metamour Day was created to honor the relationships between you and your partners’ partners, however that might look. It is not about forced compersion. It’s about communal appreciation within our family structures and modeling positivity to the world around us. Metamour Day is a recognition of the unique and special relationships between metamours.

Order your Metamour Day cards from Bloom Community: profits from postcard sales will be donated to OPEN (Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy), a nonprofit organization dedicated to fostering the polyamory and non-monogamy movement by advancing cultural acceptance, building political power, and supporting non-monogamous communities and leaders.

You can also celebrate Metamour Day on February 28th by sharing our graphics by Anna D. Hirsch in English, Spanish, French, Norwegian, Maltese, German, Italian and Hebrew.

[poly-problems]

Today's #PolyProblem: Trying to convince AI Spock that polyamory is logical*

*or at least, that it could be the logical choice for his bourgeoning (and precarious) relationships with Nurse Chapel and T'Pring?

...how do you think I did?

so uh, what are the chances Spock explores polyamory in SNW season 3?

[touch-starved-lurker]

❤️‍🔥POLYAMOURY❤️‍🔥

[akayna]

🥰 What is/what do you think would be poly-saturated for you?

😍 What’s the BEST thing about being poly for you?

🥵 Do you have a type and if so how obvious is it when comparing partners/crushes?

😮 What surprised you the most as you’ve explored polyamory?

🥰: It would be when I feel like I am unable to devote the time and attention I would like to to my partners if I add anymore. I would say I am not saturated at this point, but I'm also not explicitly looking for additional partners (tho, I will admit, having a local partner would be very nice)

😍: knowing that I have a strong support network. We all have each others' backs. Also, I do enjoy the affection from various quarters at any given moment ;)

🥵: yeah, fuckin nerds, man. That's the type. Also, they all seem to have some flavor of neurodivergence... ADHD or autism or anxiety or depression or bipolar or some combo and then some.

😮: maybe a little less polyam-specific, but because I began my exploration of being bi at the same time, I have been surprised by how often I get ghosted by women - either before we even meet up or after a date or two. Just. Poof. I've not had a single guy ghost me, but ladies, all the time.

[bloomshroomz]

Polyamorous Flag Poll [for fun]

Original Pi ........ Gold Infinity Heart ........ Gold Stripe

White Chevron ........ Circle ........ Pink

Black Chevron ........ Green ........ Red

[pocket-poly]

Two years down, many more to go. And I so excited for it. What a tremendous impact you've made on my life. And the ripples those impacts continue to make. The amount of synchronicity involved in the universe allowing us to be together is not, for one second lost on me. I feel so incredibly lucky to have you in my life. To be loved by you, and to share my life with you in all the ways I can.

Thank you. For loving me. In all the ways you do. With such patience, care, transparency, thoughtfulness, and consistency! You are magic to me in so many ways! I love you redgrasshopper!

Happy 2 Years, my love! I am so looking forward to celebrating with you next weekend.

[queencolondarkwing]

Um…

some couple just approached us on fetlife and want us to eventually move in with them so they can financially support and date us. The woman also said she may want to have my primary partner’s child.

I’m not monogamous, but I’m beginning to feel I may believe in reproductive fidelity because the idea of that offended me deeply. We have been building a life together and haven’t had our own kids yet. I would at least insist we have kids first before he branches out, but this woman is older and on a timeline…just…I know it’s hierarchy…but ain’t no way. Kids are a HUGE commitment and not just some willynilly decision that this lady and her hiss and are talking like it is. I think she just wants a mixed race child tbh…

keep in mind we haven’t even MET these people yet and only started talking to this older couple days ago. I don’t romantically connect to people easily. We mainly are swingers/open relationship and not polyamory (but open to it). It took 7 years of slutting around before I got with my partner. I’m very picky. They seem to assume we wanna jump into a relationship. And also that they can create a closed relationship with us (he hates condoms apparently) when we are both very popular in the swinger scene right now.

like nah I don’t know anything about either of you yet. Chill. Let’s take things slow. I view them talking about us moving in as they’re younger human sex toys when they don’t know us yet to be a massive red flag, but we agreed to hookup in a few weeks to at least test sexual compatibility. We aren’t committing though.

[steffyanie]

as a polyamorous person i get so delighted by fandom polycules and triads , honestly!!!

polyamory provides So Much fulfillment in my life, especially being aroace and experiencing attractions in so many ways outside of "the norm". i just want other people to know it is possible to thrive in connection and communication with others!!

love is alive and well in so many vast and beautiful ways if you let it be

♡♡♡

[ncsf]

Women's Health: “What Does It Mean To Be Monogamish? And How To Know If It’s Right For You, Per Relationship Experts”

🚨📰 NCSF Media Update

“‘Monogamish is a term that describes a relationship where the primary relationship structure is monogamy, but with some allowance for sexual activity outside the relationship under mutually agreed-upon circumstances,’ says sex therapist Shadeen Francis. ‘You can think about it as a monogamous relationship that has more negotiated flexibility.’”

// NCSF Media Updates are a sampling of recent stories printed in US newspapers, magazines, and selected websites containing significant mention of BDSM-leather-fetish, polyamory, or Lifestyle issues and topics.

These stories may be positive, negative, accurate, inaccurate or anywhere in between. NCSF urges everyone to make comments that dispute stereotypes about alternative sexuality. //

[akayna]

What is something you feel poly people need to work on? Any discouraging trends you notice?

I mean EVERYONE can always use more work on communication. Every person's communication styles are different and require practice to navigate.

The thing about communication is that it's more than just talking - it's also listening and pivoting and navigating and reassessing. It's a process not a one and done thing.

[anarkistiope]