#and realize that we may have some accidentally unreliable narrators

[doubleslashkarma]

So my running theory is that the time the new people spent in the snow prison was an unknown, decently long time ago.

Because if you think about it, it doesn't make any sense that the prison was directly before the ice like we saw it. We know those ice cubes were down there for a while, they've been down there since the abandoned facility turned dungeon was first discovered. We know the people were frozen inside from the teaser images of ice melting.

Why did the Federation let the ice cube prisoners out at all, and why did they want to protect them? Aren't they the ones that arrested the new folks in the first place? Why were they all arrested? Why were they FROZEN? I'm gonna be honest this started as a theory post and has quickly devolved into me having so many questions about the ice box gang

[lurkingshan]

Earlier this week I read a couple smart posts by @impala124 about Yeong's self-destructive tendencies and by @solitaryandwandering about why Yeong pursued this relationship and how he may not have ever fully committed to letting Gyu-ho in, and something about their characterizations of Yeong in this relationship was scratching at my brain. It wasn't that I disagreed with them, because they're not wrong about some of his behaviors, but that it didn't feel like the full truth of this relationship. So I will attempt to tease that nuance out now.

I think a lot about how Yeong is the narrator of this story, and so everything we see is filtered through his perspective. This is much more evident in the book, where he is literally telling us what happened with his patented combination of distancing wit and biting self-loathing, whereas in the show they have intentionally gone a bit beyond his perspective to show us the characters existing outside of his head. We've all reflected over the last couple weeks on how that has changed the tone of the previous sections and relationships. But this part of the show is the most similar to the book, and that makes sense because Gyu-ho is the only character in the book besides Young who feels fully fleshed out and real on the page. He is deeply important to Young, and that comes across in how Young writes about him. And I think that comes through in the show, as well, both in the way Yeong behaves with him, and in the way this story is framed and shot to essentially make Gyu-ho feel like the light in his darkness. Young/Yeong/Sang Young Park deeply loves this man, and regrets losing him, and blames himself for most of what went wrong, and that colors everything about the way the story is told.

When we were discussing this part of the book, many of us noted that Young is something of an unreliable narrator, because you have to read between the lines to find his true feelings buried under constant obfuscations and emotionally distancing rhetoric. I think that same feeling came across in the show, but without the benefit of being able to see into him a bit deeper like in the book, it may be hard to see how much of himself he put into this relationship, and how sincerely he tried, and how external forces constantly worked to reinforce that he did not deserve and couldn't have it. I think it helps to look at his actions rather than his words, because this man does not like to speak about his sincere feelings very often:

Yeong was the one to pursue the relationship, going out of his way to find Gyu-ho again and ask him out after their initial encounters, and going back for him after initially parting at the train. I read that moment where the loud girls passed him as Yeong getting shaken out of his stasis and realizing he was missing a chance to have something real with Gyu-ho, and he didn’t want to lose his shot.

He put it out there first that he wanted their relationship to work out, a stunning moment of accidental honesty for someone who normally pretends an indifference he doesn't feel.

He took Gyu-ho seriously enough to disclose his biggest shame. I do not think he did this to try to push him away; he did it because he sincerely liked and cared about this man and he wanted to protect himself if this was something Gyu-ho could not accept.

Despite the fact that their sex life is stymied by their conflicting challenges and role preferences, Yeong was content. In the book we hear him reflect directly on how surprised he is to be this happy with someone without an amazing sex life, and that happiness shines through in the show before he sinks into depression.

Gyu-ho was not the first of Yeong’s boyfriends to meet the T-aras, but he was the only one Yeong was confident they would approve of, and he seemed so happy as he walked home with Gyu-ho after their meeting. He knows this man is special.

Yeong invited Gyu-ho into his home to live together--the home he previously shared with Mi Ae and seems to consider his safe haven. He wanted him there, and he trusted him to be there.

Despite their petty arguments about chores and how to manage their shared space, he sincerely makes room for Gyu-ho and wanted him to feel like it's theirs (though he doesn't always recognize how his own behavior makes that harder), down to matching couple mugs and the development of shared habits.

At several points in their relationship he encouraged Gyu-ho to get what he needs, even if it means going outside their relationship for sex (we only see this hinted at in the show), while he himself stays content with what he gets from Gyu-ho even as their sex life really falls off. Both his depression and his Kylie are at work, but Yeong never wants to leave Gyu-ho even in his darkest moments, or even as he claims things have become dull. Even when they were fighting in the midst of Yeong’s worst depressive episode, he said he was thinking about their future together.

When things started to get really dire, Yeong did not give up as he would have in previous relationships. Instead he suggested and booked them a trip to reconnect and spend quality time together, despite his financial stress and time limitations. And when removed from those huge stressors, they did reconnect and reaffirm their feelings, and we saw Yeong's happiness rise to the surface again.

The way Yeong began emotionally distancing once he realized he could not go to Shanghai was telling; he retreated back to his more indifferent persona once he believed the relationship could not work out as a way to protect himself--because he was devastated.

All this to say: Yeong cared about this relationship so much, and he really tried. He tried harder than we've seen him do with anyone else. He did not hold himself back or intentionally push Gyu-ho away until the end; this is simply who he is and what he can give to a partner.

Which brings me to the real main source of this relationships' downfall: disease, stigma, and homophobia. The thing I want to be really clear about here is that while Yeong did not make perfect choices, and there may have been a way for he and Gyu-ho to work out if he'd believed more in the strength of their partnership to overcome further hardship, he is not wrong to believe that Gyu-ho was negatively affected by his disease or to decide that he did not want to be a source of hardship for Gyu-ho. It is a factual statement that Yeong's Kylie resulted in Gyu-ho not getting everything he wanted and needed, and would have continued to deny him opportunities if they stayed together. Yeong is not merely imagining that his partner could be affected by the limitations Kylie puts on his life; that's very real and actively happening and constantly reinforced for him. And he loves Gyu-ho, so much. He doesn't want to be the reason Gyu-ho doesn't get everything he wants, and he's ashamed to hold him back. I wish for his sake that he could have made different choices, that he could have tried working something out that they would both be happy with, but lord do I understand why he didn't.

[spamtonology]

I accidentally deleted this anonymous ask while it was still in the drafts, but thankfully I have the screenshot and the answer, so here it is:

I overall agree with you on the fact fans are taking a lot of this at face value and going to extremes rather than applying any nuance to these characters, but let's not be condescending to these same fans.

We still know so little about these two (or more?) characters beyond the fact they're connected to Spamton, so it's very difficult to theorize who these character are at this point right now and the only real evidence we have comes from Spamton himself, and as you said, he is an unreliable narrator. Other characters' perspectives would help a lot with solidifying any theories here.

 That being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with coming up with your own ideas for who these characters may be, that is the nature of fandom, especially active video game and TV series fandoms where new entries are expected. Gravity Falls is, in my opinion, one of the best examples of fandom theorizing and being proven right or wrong that I've seen in the case of cartoons. This is fun to do and keeps the fandom busy while waiting for the next entry!

It is within a fan's right to portray Mike and Tenna as they please, and should canon disprove them, there is always the beauty of Alternate Universes being a thing.

 I do have some ideas for who they are, though they are pretty surface-level and I'm going to wait for the canon story to drop before jumping to any conclusions including their morality and ethos with relation to Spamton.

It is interesting that you made the point that fans portray these characters at two extremes of good versus evil, then you come up with your own speculation for the next chapter claiming these characters would still be at extremes of good versus evil, just in reverse. It makes me a little confused at your point, since you lamented about fans taking things at face value, and then you do the same yourself.

Deltarune and Undertale are notably stories with nuanced characters where the strict rule of good versus evil is often bent or broken. Just look at Deltarune chapter 1, which has the best example of averting this trope with Susie actively going against Ralsei's speech about heroes versus villains, deliberately choosing to take the villainous side before realizing a few things about herself.

 If you don't want fans to take things at face value, don't do the same yourself. It's entirely possible that these characters are just as nuanced as anyone else in the story, and in my opinion it would be a lot more interesting to see them portrayed as complex characters rather than simple tropes, especially in how they might have treated Spamton, and how Spamton might have treated them back.

 A smug, condescending tone with a "I told you so" angle isn't going to help any fan, it only makes you look rude and in the case that you (or I) are proven wrong, it makes you look foolish.

If you want fans to look deeper into the narrative and break free from the rigid trope of good versus evil (that is, morally gray characters), by all means do that! I absolutely encourage the fandom to do just that, but don't be hypocritical about it.

And adding a point a mutual elsewhere said: Tenna is implied to be the final  boss for chapter 3, and the two final bosses previously have not been very savory characters. Still not on the extreme of evil, but definitely not on the extreme of good either.

[m0srael]

Torch Your Inhibitions

2k | E | Read on Ao3

Third installment for @magpiefngrl's 2021 Summer Writing Challenge. Prompts: Bonfire + Sex Pollen + Unreliable Narrator. I joked about making this just a whole lotta nature-based group sex and...well... Thanks @nv-md and @devilrising for making this even better!

“Malfoy, are you sure the invitation says no pants allowed?” Harry says to the mirror as he grimaces and tightens the rope holding his robe closed around his hips.

“Yes, Luna has been very clear about the order of this evening’s events, and frankly it just seems... neater to me. You disagree?”

Harry forgets to reply for a moment, distracted by the broad swath of pale chest Draco’s own robe has left exposed, one hard, pink nipple on full display. Draco doesn’t notice that Harry’s jaw has gone slack as he’s too busy readjusting himself under the thick, burgundy fabric that makes his hair seem more golden than usual.

��Well, I mean, she’s not going to check, is she?” Harry manages to say, despite the marked blood deficit in his brain. “Bloody hell, what am I saying, it’s Luna of course she’d check.”

“Right. So…” Draco murmurs , matter-of-factly, as he moves to stand close behind Harry, making eye contact in the mirror, “knickers off, Potter.”

Harry tells himself he doesn’t know what Draco is about to do, but the moment he feels the fabric shift against his arse he freezes, hoping beyond hope that he has guessed correctly.

“Alright?” Draco whispers on a smirk into his bare shoulder as an unsupressable shudder shakes through Harry.

Harry can’t speak, so he just nods.

Draco slowly gathers up the bottom of Harry’s robe in his fingers until he can slip his hands underneath it, letting it cascade down his wrists. He hooks his thumbs in the elastic band where it wraps around Harry’s hips.

Harry’s eyes fall closed as Draco’s fingers drag against his skin, down and down Harry’s thighs, until his pants fall to the ground.

Draco makes a soft sound. When Harry’s eyes fly open he realizes that Draco’s gaze is fixed to the tent in his loose robe, all the more obvious now that his cock is free.

“Steady, Potter. We haven’t even made it to the party yet,” Draco growls, before turning quickly and stalking out of the bedroom.

Harry groans and covers his flaming face, letting his head thunk against the wardrobe door. He doesn’t understand what it all means.

He and Draco have been living together for a year and a half. For the first six months they avoided one another almost entirely. The eight or so months after that had been punctuated by short, fiery conversations as they felt each other out, slowly arriving at some mutual understanding and even cautious friendship.

The last few months, including the very moment Harry finds himself in presently, have been an unending nightmare. He never realized how tactile Draco is with friends, but he touches Harry all the time.

When Draco needs a glass from the cupboard over Harry’s head, he plants one hot palm firmly on Harry’s lower back to steady himself. When they sit on the couch watching films, Draco always slides his cold feet under Harry’s thigh for warmth. It only takes half a pint at the pub before Draco’s leaning into Harry’s side, and another half before Draco drops his head onto Harry’s shoulder and presses his nose into Harry’s throat.

Draco also apparently has some aversion to closed doors. Harry is sure it has something to do with growing up in the Manor, being shut in for so long with such terrible people. It doesn’t really bother Harry, who also hates feeling trapped.

Though...he did accidentally walk in on Draco in the shower, mid-wank, last week.

Harry had stood, mesmerized in the doorway, watching for longer than he would ever admit (even to himself). He only averted his eyes when Draco noticed him, and said, “Are you going to stand there gaping, or are you going to help, Potter?” He laughed mockingly as Harry hurried down the hallway shouting apologies.

A tiny part of Harry’s brain recognizes Draco’s behavior as flirtatious. The other part--the louder part--knows that never in a million years would Draco Malfoy share Harry’s secret desires. This is just how Draco is with everyone. Harry only started to notice it once they lived in the same house.

“Harry...I know you told me to stop asking, but...you’re sure you’re okay with this? You want to go? The details of the ritual were pretty clear, and Luna did say that no one was obligated to--”

Gods, did Draco think he was that naive and squeamish? No, he would see this through, if only to prove a point.

“Yeah, yep...yes. I’m okay. I mean, I want to go. I’m...curious. NO! I mean, well...I want to...support Luna, so…” Harry trails off as he joins Draco on the front steps.

“Uh huh. Convincing,” Draco smirks, “if you want to leave, you can. Okay?” he finishes in that soft, pedantic way of his before taking Harry’s hand and apparating them to the coordinates from Luna’s invitation.

*

Luna had insisted everyone arrive rested and well-hydrated, and Harry was glad he’d taken her advice.

Before the sunlight faded completely, they set up the May Day altar together, followed Luna in a series of prayers for fertility and abundance, and danced around the maypole. Neville had even brought everyone a seedling to plant somewhere in the forest or take home to plant in their garden.

Harry would be feeling a little silly about all the neo-pagan pageantry, if his stomach weren’t tying itself into knots the further the sun falls below the horizon.

Before he knows it, Seamus is tossing a lit torch onto a giant pile of logs in the center of the forest clearing.

“Happy May Day, everyone!” Luna sing-songs as they all assemble around the bonfire.

She reaches into a fold in her robe and pulls out a small pouch.

“It’s time for the most important rite of the evening. I hope you all took the time to read the pamphlet I included with your invitation. If you’d like to forgo participation, I suggest you step away from the fire before we begin. If anyone is still unsure about what this part of the evening entails, please let me know now! There are no silly questions!”

Harry watches as a few people say their goodbyes and apparate away. He lifts one foot slightly as if to move away from the fire before catching Draco’s eyes across the circle. His brow is furrowed—he looks upset. His eyes are glowing in the firelight and he flicks his tongue out along his bottom lip. Harry plants his feet, nodding slightly as if to say yeah, I’m okay, I’m staying.

“Alright, everyone! Take the hands of the people beside you!”

Harry’s hand closes around Neville’s on one side and Pansy’s on the other. He makes eye contact with Neville and can’t stop the manic, high-pitched laugh that ekes its way out of his throat. Neville just smiles warmly and squeezes his hand. Harry’s stomach flutters.

“Have you all got the kits we sent with your invitations?” The group murmurs affirmatively. “Good! Just in case, there are extras in the basket over there! Can’t be too careful!” says Luna as she opens the pouch and dumps sparkling powder onto the fire.

The flames turn a brilliant deep purple color and leap up six or seven feet, giving off thick plumes of lavender smoke. Neville inhales and sighs deeply.

Harry closes his eyes and lets the fragrant smoke overwhelm his senses. He feels a soft breeze caress his hot skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. He gasps as his robe rustles around his thighs.

Every ounce of nervousness melts out of him and into the earth. He’s distantly aware that there are people moving around him but he can’t be bothered to open his eyes and look at them; he feels better than he’s ever felt in his life.

Gentle fingers slide into his hair, making his mouth fall open to receive an eager tongue.

“Harry…” Neville whispers into his mouth before kissing him soundly. They stand for a while, lips sliding over each other’s mouths and palms moving over each other’s bodies.

“Mm, s’good…” Harry slurs as someone unties the rope around his hips and slides his robe off. He shivers at the sudden kiss of cool air and curling smoke.

When he finally pries his eyes open his view is full of the top of Neville’s head, now on his knees in front of Harry. Harry rolls Neville's head in his palms until their glassy eyes meet. Harry hadn’t realized he was so hard--he groans as Neville takes him in hand and begins to stroke him lazily.

A hand slides around his chest from behind and a soft, warm body presses flush against his back.

“I always thought you were fit...” Pansy mouths against the back of his neck. Her small fingers tease his nipples as she rolls her naked body against his.

Harry shivers again when the thick smoke parts and his eyes land on Draco across the fire. He’s kissing Seamus deeply, one hand wrapped around the back of his head, as he strokes them both with one hand. He gasps when Draco opens his eyes and turns his head slightly to look right at him.

Making sure he didn’t chicken out, probably.

Harry’s head falls back onto the top of Pansy’s as Neville takes him into his mouth, inch by inch, humming around him. Harry’s first orgasm rolls through him almost without his knowledge, every cell in his body pulsing as Neville moans and licks him through it. He watches as Neville pulls off and strokes himself to completion, one hand gripping Harry’s thigh tightly.

*

He’s on his knees in front of Pansy, who he’s backed into a tree at the edge of the clearing, his face wet and hot, when he hears that voice.

“My loves,” Draco purrs. The clearing is filled with the sounds of heavy panting and urgent moans.

As Draco leans over Harry’s shoulder to kiss Pansy, his cock rests hot and heavy on Harry’s shoulder. Harry slides his tongue out of Pansy, replacing it with two fingers, to press his mouth to Draco’s throbbing flesh. Draco curls his fingers in Harry’s hair, pulling hard.

“Harry...need you…now...” Draco pants, pulling his head further back so they can make eye contact. Pansy moans loudly and Harry can feel her tighten around him, hips rocking forward onto his fingers.

Draco pulls Harry away from the clearing, the light and sounds from the bonfire growing distant and muffled. He urges Harry onto his back on the forest floor before straddling his hips.

“So...beautiful,” breathes Harry as he runs appreciative hands over Draco’s scarred chest, “want you so much…”

“Want you too, for so long, Harry,” Draco replies as he pops open the cap of the little bottle of lube Luna had sent them. The handmade label reads ‘A Happy May Day is a Lubricated One!’ complete with little drawings of butterflies.

“What?” replies Harry, hands stilling in confusion.

Harry can’t temper the sound that tears out of him as Draco wraps his wet hand around them both and begins to roll his hips. Harry thinks he’ll come again from that alone, but before he can Draco’s hand is gone.

“Aren’t you glad, now, that you listened to the no-pants rule--ah--Potter?” Draco quips as he lowers himself slowly onto Harry.

“Mmmm, yes, yes you were right,” hisses Harry as waves of heat and sensation roll up his spine.

“There, that wasn’t so difficult, was it?” Draco teases on a breathy laugh that quickly becomes a low moan.

Harry’s hips press up to meet Draco’s every slow, languorous thrust. Harry drifts, pulled under by Draco’s fingers and his lips at Harry’s ear whispering all kinds of incredible things.

You’re all I want, Harry. Need you, all the time, not just tonight. Please, I’m yours, I’m yours, Harry.

When Harry comes, he cradles Draco’s face in his hands, open mouth pressed against the corner of Draco’s mouth. Draco immediately follows, breathing out Harry’s name again, and again.

Harry can’t stop the laugh that forces its way out of his chest, and he’s delighted when Draco laughs along with him, folding forward to rest his forehead against Harry’s.

*

When Harry wakes up the next morning his memory of the night before is complete in his mind, but it feels wrapped in a purple-tinted haze. It takes him a moment to realize that he’s not alone in his bed--Draco is tucked up against his side, breathing gently.

Harry turns to watch him sleep in silence for a moment, finally admitting to himself that Draco really had been flirting with him the whole time. He wants to laugh at the absurdity of it all, but he doesn’t want to wake Draco.

It takes him a moment to notice that Draco’s eyes have blinked open sleepily.

“Mine?” whispers Harry.

“Yours, Harry.”

[strandedcrow]

As asked for, here it is,, me thinking about Sapnap’s character and how he could hurt us so bad if he wanted to.

So part of what I’m about to go into is based in canon, but is not canon itself. That bit serves as a speculation of one potential way Sapnap could play his character (but currently doesn’t really seem to be?). And this is just me talking about characters for fun, not a serious prediction or critique or anything :)

And, because this is built entirely around his dynamic with c!Dream, about half of this is about him. 

(also here is the obligatory disclaimer that this is all about the dream smp storyline and characters, so i’m talking about roleplay, not the actual content creators themselves. also, heads up, i briefly talk about the beginning of the march 1st tommy stream.)

I already talked about how Sapnap’s character is endlessly loyal to Dream on a surface level, and how the reason he was so upset about Dream saying Spirit didn’t matter was because of how he was punished for killing Spirit, but when Tommy used Spirit against him, Dream went and told Tommy he didn’t care about Spirit. This gave the impression that Dream only cared about Spirit when it was Sapnap who used them, not Tommy. 

But now let’s talk about how Sapnap is, as is everyone else in the server, an unreliable narrator, and how Dream definitely did care about Tommy using Spirit’s leather as leverage against him. A lot.

Spirit, for anyone who might have only heard of the horse, was Dream’s pet on the server back when it first started, before Tommy even joined. They were Dream’s prized pet and a horse he genuinely cared about. Sapnap then borrowed them and ended up causing them to die to the mobs that night. Given this was before lore and before anyone had actual characters, the reactions they had were more reflections of their actual reactions to it than anything planned or acted up (although still acted up to a degree seeing as they're all friends playing minecraft on stream together, but not to the degree we would expect to see today on the server). But, these early days are treated as being canon in the server’s storyline, and the members who were around back then do tend to treat this time period as canon in terms of their character’s backgrounds and personalities, so I believe that these reactions should be treated as canon.

So for those unfamiliar with the death of Spirit, and who have not actually seen what happened for themselves, a brief explanation of how they reacted: Dream was upset. The two had been joking around until a skeleton shot down Spirit, and Sapnap went silent in that way we all know and recognize as the immediate realization that “Oh I just messed up bad.” After about a minute of sapnap’s shocked silence, Dream figured out that Sapnap had killed his horse and was in a mix of disbelief and being sad over the loss of his pet while Sapnap was continually apologizing. Dream did genuinely care about Spirit, and was upset when they died. Looking back at this through the current lens of Dream’s character, this was the moment Dream had his first attachment on the server ripped away from him, and by his own best friend.

Dream cared about Spirit. A lot. He griefed Sapnap’s house as an act of revenge over their death. This could be considered the first time Dream snapped, if we view his pre-lore self with the same familiarity we have with his current in-lore character.

When Tommy used Spirit as leverage against him, Dream snapped for the second time.

During the meeting with Dream following Tommy and Ranboo robbing George and griefing his house, Tommy attempted to use Spirit’s leather as leverage to bend Dream to his will. And it worked. Not for long, but it still worked. When Tommy brought out Spirit’s leather to use against Dream, he backed down immediately, and the atmosphere of the meeting between Dream, Tommy, and the others present (Tubbo, Fundy, Quackity, and Ranboo) shifted entirely. 

Dream’s initial reaction to Tommy bringing out Spirit was to grow quiet and listen. 

“Dream you don’t have anything on me anymore, because you don’t have the discs.”

“What if I get it Tommy? Right now I have nothing, but what if I get it?”

Fundy and Quackity joined in with Tommy, excited at the realization that they were the ones with leverage against Dream for once. Dream finally snapped. Dream denounced Spirit, which Sapnap heard and seemingly took at face value. Dream gave Tubbo the exile or war ultimatum. Four days later, Dream commissioned Sam to construct Pandora’s Vault.

Dream’s obsession with controlling attachments on the server shifted from wanting to have the discs to use against Tommy to wanting to have leverage against everyone once his own attachment was used against him for the second time, once unintentional and once very intentional. 

Which takes us to Pandora’s Vault. It was painfully clear from the moment that Tommy started his stream that something was about to go very wrong. And everything started off as the fighting and shouting back and forth that we pretty much all saw coming with those two being kept together in lockdown where Dream had already spent the past month in solitary confinement. But it was established that the fighting we were seeing had been going on, likely for the entire past week, and had reached some form of plateau.

Even Sam was encouraging patience from Tommy, indicating that things had been consistently bad the entire time that they were both in there, and that further escalation may have stopped. They were fighting continuously, with Tommy insulting and hitting the cat that had been given to him to keep him company while stuck in there with Dream, while Dream talked about how he loved the cat and would try and stop Tommy from striking it.

And then Tommy killed the cat. 

And Dream’s initial reaction to Tommy killing the cat was to grow quiet and listen. 

We all know what happened after that. 

So, time to bring this back around to Sapnap and how his character has so much potential to absolutely destroy us.

(This is where I start talking more about hypotheticals than analysis of his character as he is in canon currently.)

I’ve mentioned before that Sapnap is loyal to Dream, and how he is constantly seeking Dream’s approval despite constantly being put down by him. But why? Why would Sapnap be doing this? What is a reasonable explanation for his character to behave this way other than the current, vague explanation we’ve been given that he still views Dream as his best friend? Why does he stay loyal to Dream when it mostly just leaves him hurt and taken advantage of?

Maybe it’s because he sees the state of the server as it is right now as a home ripped apart by a friend that he is responsible for breaking in the first place.

He sees his best friend, who he hurt, and sees that he still hurts, and returns that hurt to everyone around him tenfold. Sapnap holds himself responsible for the state that his best friend, and subsequently the rest of the server, is currently in, and he thinks that helping to fix his friend is the key to fixing everything. That it’s the key to ridding himself of the guilt of accidentally killing Spirit and setting off Dream’s downward spiral all those months ago. 

Sapnap sees the world crumbling down around him. Sapnap sees a country blown to bedrock. Sapnap sees his friends getting hurt and killed by each other. Sapnap sees a child being brutally murdered. And Sapnap sees his own mistake at the core of all of it.

Sapnap needs Dreams approval because he needs to be forgiven, not just by Dream, but by everyone else he thinks he caused to suffer.

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 3 of 26

Title: Acceptance (The Southern Reach #3) (2014) - REREAD

Author: Jeff VanderMeer

Genre/Tags: Horror, Science Fiction, Ecological Horror, Cosmic Horror, Weird, First-Person, Second-Person, Third-Person, Unreliable Narrator, Female Protagonists, LGBT Protagonist

Rating: 10/10

Date Began: 1/11/2021

Date Finished: 1/20/2021

Area X, a self-aware wilderness along the coast, has existed for decades behind a mysterious border. The landscape itself annihilates humans and repurposes them for its own ends. Hundreds of people have died attempting to uncover its secrets. But no one has yet discovered its origins or true purpose.

Now, Area X has spread past its former borders, perhaps to the entire world. Acceptance follows several key figures through the history of Area X, and their attempts to fight against an impossible threat.  

You feel numb and you feel broken, but there’s a strange relief mixed in with the regret: to come such a long way, to come to a halt here, without knowing how it will turn out, and yet... to rest. To come to rest. Finally. All your plans back at the Southern Reach, the agonizing and constant fear of failure or worse, the price of that... all of it leaking out into the sand beside you in gritty red pearls. 

Full review, major spoilers, and content warning(s) under the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Extreme body horror, altered states of mind, and psychological manipulation, including hypnosis. Several characters lose their sanity, and you see it happen in real time from their perspective. Intentional self-harm/mutilation as a plot point. Some violence and gore. There are brief references to animal abuse and terminal cancer. Not many happy endings in this one.  

This review contains major series spoilers. It’s also super long, as the book covers a lot of material. 

Acceptance is the most narratively ambitious book in the Southern Reach trilogy. While Annihilation and Authority feature a single protagonist/perspective, this one has four rotating POVs and one guest narrator partway through the book. It also covers a broader timeline than previous entries, from the origins of Area X 30-ish years ago to the ongoing present-day apocalypse. Acceptance is one of the few books I've read that utilizes first-, second-, AND third-person narration in a single volume, adopting whichever one makes the most sense for the character and their situation

While this sounds complicated, it's basically just a way to tell four different stories at the same time. VanderMeer also uses each storyline to address the major questions of the series. How did Area X come to be? What happened to the biologist? What was the former director of the Southern Reach trying to accomplish? And perhaps most pressing-- what is the fate of the world now that Area X has spread? Not everything is resolved, but it's definitely a conclusion.

The stories have some unifying connections, containing similar themes and callbacks/references to each other. However, for the purposes of this review I will be looking at each story and protagonist individually.

First up is Saul Evans the lighthouse keeper. He's been mentioned before, but never in much detail. Going in, we know a few things-- (1) he knew the director/Cynthia when she was a child and (2) something happened to him that turned him into the Crawler, the eldritch creature which writes the sermon on the walls of the tower in Area X. In Acceptance, we learn he's a former preacher who had a crisis of faith and left his old life, taking up the role of lighthouse keeper on the forgotten coast. It's implied this is partially due to him realizing he's gay and fleeing the resulting homophobic fallout. His past vocation explains the elevated, sermonic language of the words in the tower.

From the onset Saul is an intensely likeable character. He's trying to build a happier and more genuine life for himself. This part probably takes place during the 70s or 80s, but he's cautiously optimistic about his new life with a local fisherman named Charlie. He also forms an unlikely friendship with Gloria (aka Cynthia), a local kid who loves exploring the coast. However, he is tormented by the "Séance and Science Brigade", a shady organization that investigates/worships(?) paranormal phenomena. They sabotage the lighthouse beacon, which we learned in Authority is a marvelous piece of technology with a mysterious history. Shortly after, Saul accidentally absorbs a fragment of the beacon into himself, and shit goes downhill real fast.

While the catalyst of Area X may seem a little weird, the reader can piece together that part of the beacon has extraterrestrial origins, and Saul unintentionally activates part of it. The gradual shift from a normal life to something deeply unsettling has its appeal. I especially like seeing his logs/journal entries and how they devolve as proto-Area X overtakes his mind. The disturbing bar scene near the end is great as well. We know going in that this story has a bad ending (from a human perspective), but learning specifics about Saul as a person gives this more impact. Saul's is a sad tale of a man who wants to make a better life for himself and gets screwed over by bad luck.

Cynthia/Gloria/the former director is the next perspective character. In Annihilation she serves as the antagonist, but in Authority we learn it isn't that simple. She had ulterior motives, handpicking the biologist for the expedition in order to use her as a weapon against Area X. And, of course, we learn she was the little girl in that old picture of Saul, which means she probably grew up there before the border came down. 

This part opens with Cynthia/Gloria's death as "the psychologist" in Annihilation, but told from her perspective. From there, the pacing is a little slow, in similar style to Authority. We learn how Cynthia lived her daily life, how she infiltrated the Southern Reach, and her interpersonal relationships with Grace, Whitby, and Lowry. However, her storyline ramps up when detailing Area X and the lead up to twelfth expedition. Lots of old scenes/dynamics from Annihilation hit different with the new context. Especially interesting is the interview between Cynthia and the biologist; turns out there was a lot more context that the biologist obscured in her story. On some level we already knew she was an unreliable narrator, but it's fun to have it pop up again in a different book entirely.

I admire how VanderMeer makes someone who comes off as a throwaway villain into the one of the most complex, important characters in the series. This part is also really cool as it's written in second-person perspective, and the story justification for this (Area X examining her memories) is neat. While I like Cynthia's characterization in this part, the additional bits in Saul's story and his interactions with Gloria add helpful context and emotional impact. The end of the book being her letter to Saul is so damn sad.

The third main storyline follows Control and Ghost Bird in the "current" timeline-- exploring Area X in the immediate fallout of Authority. I love this part for several reasons. The contrast between the two leads and how they perceive themselves, Area X, and the current situation is great. Control is very much losing control, feeling "the brightness" taking over (a callback to Annihilation). Meanwhile, Ghost Bird is in her element, seeing and experiencing things the regular human characters do not. There's the sense that she's truly something "new" in terms of both humanity and Area X.

We also learn a ton of stuff about Area X that is hinted in earlier volumes but confirmed in Acceptance. (MAJOR SPOILERS) The first is that Area X isn't on Earth at all; something briefly hinted at in Annihilation, when the biologist doesn't recognize the stars in the sky.  Instead it mimics Earth, or something representative of it. The second big thing is that time works differently here. The uncanny state of decay noted in earlier books isn't actually a direct result of Area X. It's just the passage of time, because way more time passes in Area X compared to the "real" world.

The guest narrator/story is told within the Control/Ghost Bird storyline. The two meet up with Grace, who has managed to survive the Area X attack on the Southern Reach. She took shelter on the mysterious northern island and discovered an old journal written by... the biologist from Annihilation, which details what happened to her over the last THIRTY YEARS (yeah, the time thing) until she finally decided to give into Area X.

This section is sobering and sad; basically a glimpse at how the biologist's isolation slowly made her go mad. She finds an owl (hello cover) that she believes is her husband post Area X conversion and the two live together for decades. When it dies, the biologist loses the will to keep fighting Area X. It's ambiguous if the owl really is her husband, or if she's just projecting, but her heartbreak at the end is probably the strongest emotion she shows in the series. But what is interesting about this part is it confirms a cool detail. Injury and pain can halt the progression of "the brightness" within someone. Which is how the biologist managed to survive 30 years, how Grace survived what turns out to be 3 years, and so on. Even more interesting, when someone DOES finally succumb after warding off the brightness this way, they turn into something more strange and alien. Hence the moaning creature, and Saul/the Crawler. It's also probably why some creatures have incongruencies, like the dolphins with human eyes.

The biologist? She transformed into a giant, oceanic eldritch abomination COVERED in eyes. Just primo aesthetic. We get to see her from both Ghost Bird and Control's perspectives. Ghost Bird feels solidarity and a sort of euphoria meeting her alternate self. Control... basically breaks in the face of something like that, full cosmic horror style. Again, the contrast here is really appealing to me.

Both of their story arcs end in a way that is narratively satisfying, though the ending is open. The future seems hopeful in a bittersweet way, but presumably Area X has destroyed humanity as we know it. Whether that's a good or bad thing depends on your perspective and is a central thesis of the series.

So, I said I'd discuss how this series approaches aliens. While there's an appeal to anthropomorphic alien species one can talk to and communicate with, I think an "unknowable" perspective is more realistic. After all, who's to say alien life formed under similar conditions or has any resemblance to our own? The extraterrestrial element in The Southern Reach is very much this type. But it's a fine line to walk in fiction, because handwaving the weird alien stuff as impossible to comprehend (and thus conveniently ducking any responsibility for explaining it) is lazy writing when done wrong.

The thing I find interesting about this series is the human characters understand lots of the what of the alien elements, but not the why. For example, Area X transforms humans into various plants and animals. We know it instills a sense of "brightness" in humans exposed for too long, which encourages assimilation into itself. Humans infected in this way, even if horrified or resistant, have thoughts of this being inevitable, even a good thing. The biologist takes samples in Annihilation and finds several plants and animals have human cells. Control logically knows what Area X does to people, but he is ultimately helpless to resist the process when he experiences it firsthand.

As for the why of it all... we don't really know! There's multiple ideas presented throughout the story. Ghost Bird probably gets closest to the "truth"; that Area X is part of a machine organism from a dead alien civilization, and that it has a bizarre effect on Earth's biology based on its now defunct programming. Other worlds would have their own Area Xes based on this idea, as it's implied the Earth version is just one piece of many. But it's worth noting that Ghost Bird is a creation of Area X and sees things differently than the other characters. Unreliable narration is ironically consistent through the series. So it's hard to say if this is true or not; perhaps it's silly to think any explanation would be understandable to a human mind. Obsession with finding the answer is a recurring theme that drives characters insane. I think this is an interesting compromise when discussing the unknowable; to have some facts and theories but not necessarily a concrete answer. 

If I have a criticism for this book, it's the role of the "Séance and Science Brigade", especially in Saul's storyline. While they're set up earlier in the series, we only really see them in this book. Our limited perspective via Saul leaves a lot of ambiguity as to their purpose, function, and goals. There's an implication that Control's family influenced the organization's decision to sabotage the beacon and create Area X. But I consider the subplot with Control's mom/grandfather to be one of the weaker ones in the series, and this book didn't help. The S&SB comes off as campy and ineffectual, which is perhaps intentional? But since they're narratively the fanatics who caused Area X to happen, I really wish they felt more sinister and impactful. There's some attempt to make them scary, but it's not very convincing when compared to Area X. Kind of like a Saturday morning cartoon villain vs the unknowable cosmic horror of the universe. This is a nitpick, though.

While rereading the series, I discovered there's a planned fourth book which may or may not star a minor character from Saul's story. I'm interested to see what else there is to explore about Area X and the Southern Reach. As it stands, I still really like this series. Between the horror and general weirdness, it's not for everyone, but it sure does appeal to me. I think this is one of those series that you'll either adore or hate. Obviously I recommend it.

[iloveyouthree-thousand]

FFH: the good, the bad, and the missed opportunities

A’ight people, I saw the movie, I slept on it, and here are my *spoilers* thoughts (this ended up being really long feel free to ignore it): 

First missed opportunity: instead of having that intro video be a shoddy Midtown News Crew production, have the music fade into a title screen that reads, “in loving memory: a film by Peter Parker”, and swap the blurry photos out for quick iPhone clips and videos of Peter and Tony, referencing the homemade video at the start of HC and bridging a little bit of the gap between HC and IW

Second missed opportunity: don’t blip May away. Her casual relationship with Happy? Go for broke, put some depth behind it--have Peter ask them, confused, “what exactly did I miss here,” but instead of a comic beat it’s May and Happy exchanging sad glances, it’s May sitting Peter down and telling him about how she moved in with Tony because there was nothing left for her in the city. Have a powerful scene where May tries to reconcile the person she is, post-snap, with the person that Peter remembers, where she says, “a lot has happened, and Happy is a part of my life, now, but if it’s too much, too soon, we can go back to the way things were. Just you and me. Because as much as I care about him, you will always be my priority.” Not only would that give us much needed May/Peter heart-to-heart, but would show some of the real effects of the Snap.

I didn’t like the scene at the press conference much--because it felt like they took the ‘awkward teen’ trope a little too far--but that panic attack felt real and it hurt, and called back beautifully to Tony’s struggle with anxiety in the movies. 

I. Miss. The. Guy. In. The. Chair. Seriously, two weeks have passed since arguably the most important adult in Peter’s life, behind May, passed away. Remember the end of Endgame? Where Peter comes back to school and Ned just holds him? I cried. Sobbed. Bring back some of that emotion. Give me back the Ned Leeds that would do anything for Peter and vice versa. Give him an arc. Don’t just make him comic relief. 

While we’re on the topic of relationships: Peter and MJ. The concept? 10/10. I love this weird, slightly morbid MJ with Tom Holland’s dorky and painfully awkward Peter. The execution of it, though? Meh. I think the part that makes it so fast and stiff is Peter’s whole plan. He announces, at the start of the film, that he’s basically in love with MJ. Where the heckity-heck did this come from? I think it would’ve worked a lot better if you had MJ and Peter constantly sneaking off and accidentally running into each other on the trip (which would make sense, because he’s got Spidey-business and she’s observing him) and keep peppering in sweet little conversations at each of these meet-ups until Ned says something like, “dude, what’s up with you and MJ?” And Peter goes beet-red and defensive because nothing is going on, man, we just keep running into each other. It’s totally a coincidence. But then he starts thinking about it, and maybe he does like her, and then all at once he has a full-blown crush. And it feels hopeless except... he’s almost certain she’s been following him, because this is too weird to be completely coincidental, and maybe, just maybe, it’s because she likes him, too. Then go to the scene where he’s about to admit his feelings and boom! I know you’re Spider-Man.

Having Tony’s glasses be the thing he leaves behind for Peter? Wonderful. Mysterio wearing the Edith glasses was an amazing way to set up the emotional final battle scene, because the glasses represent Tony, and Peter’s guilt in the third act is driven by the fact that he screwed up, that he trusted someone else to be the mentor that Tony once was to him. Pete finally realizes, though, that Tony entrusted the glasses to him--and not because he needs to be the next Iron Man, but because Tony believed in Peter Parker. When Peter takes the glasses back, he’s shouldering that legacy, he’s remembering that he can do this, and that, even when he thinks he can’t, even when he thinks he’s going at it alone, Tony is still here with him. Even Dead, I’m The Hero. 

Also, Mysterio in general is great. He really makes you root for him, even when you already know the twist. My little brother didn’t know that Beck was the bad guy, and lemme tell you that poor little sucker was shook. The one scene I might’ve omitted or cut down significantly is that little origin story at the bar... it’s just a little too cliché.  

Okay. The origin story. The thing that’s got people heated. Look, the I-became-a-villain-because-Tony-was-mean-to-me is basically a Marvel trope at this point. And this does kinda feel like a desperate attempt to have Tony in the movie without really having Tony in the movie. But. Hear me out. I do hate that they went and re-edited those scenes. Honestly, though, you need to remember that Beck is an illusionist and that his whole schtick is making people believe what he wants them to believe. He’s the epitome of an unreliable narrator. He’s proved time and time again that, no matter how convincing he is, you can’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth. So do I believe that Tony stole his tech in any way, shape, or form? Of course not. Beck is a pathological liar who is attacking a child just because that child happened to be cared for by Tony Stark. 

Another missed opportunity, in my opinion, and I get that most of these are unrealistic because they require RDJ, but just think about a scene, after it’s all over, where Peter sneaks into Stark Industries in the dead of night with his old internship keycard. Pepper finds him there (because of course she’s still at work), watching old memories on the BARF tech. She asks him about something she heard on the news, something about a night monkey and a fire monster, and his face falls. “I kinda screwed up, Ms. Potts. I just--I know I don’t have to be him, no one can do that, but I still... I just want to make him proud.” And Pepper wordlessly takes the VR glasses off of him and puts them on herself, and the room switches to one of her memories, one of her favorite memories, where Tony is holding a newborn Morgan with a faraway look in his eye and Pepper tells him, gently, that Peter “would’ve been a great big brother, don’t you think?” And Tony would scoff and say something about how Peter would have Morgan swinging up the Chrysler Building before he could even say underoos, but then his eyes would go soft and he’d whisper, “even though I have a sinking feeling that those two together would be the death of me... I don’t think there’s anyone else I’d rather have my little girl look up to.” When the video finally turns off, Peter’s crying into her arms. “He is proud of you, Peter. And he always has been.”

Lastly--I think they missed an opportunity during the mid-credit scene. Instead of Peter’s date being MJ, have it be Morgan. Cut to them swinging through the woods, running up to the cabin, and zoom on a very scared looking Pepper rushing them inside when they get close. And Peter asks what’s wrong, because something is clearly wrong, but Pepper forces a smile and tries to sound casual when she tells Morgan to show Peter the room that Tony built for him, because he might be staying with them for a while. But as Morgan pulls him up the stairs, his super-hearing catches the muffled audio of the TV, and his heart drops, because he swears to God he hears them say: “this just in, local menace Spider-Man is revealed to be sixteen-year-old Queens resident, Peter Parker.”

[caledfwlchthat]

Characters:  John Egbert, Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas Ships:  John/Dave/Karkat, John/Dave, Dave/Karkat, John/Karkat Other Tags:  Post-Retcon Meteor, Dream Bubbles, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Xenophobia, Closets, Coming Out, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Troll/Human Sloppy Makeouts, Polyamory Negotiations, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Fat Vriska Jokes, Unreliable Narrator, References to Depression Rating:  Not Rated

Hi followers, now that Polyswap reveals are out (a few days ago now), I can fess up to writing this 20 kw JohnDaveKat thing about making out in literal supply closets, that I wrote for @cassandraooc (check out her art and AO3, she’s tops!).  Shout-out also to @katreal-fic for her help as a sounding board and general pompoms while I was writing this.

R^4 fans:  this was my May/June, I have not forgotten you!  But if you like all the dream bubble romance and the awkward poly negotiations Rose and Kanaya have been having about Dave, you might give this one a look too.

Process discussion (as best as I can recall it) under the cut, as with other swap assignments I’ve done, for anyone who’s interested in the (long, spoilery) story of what the hell I was thinking exactly when I wrote this thing.

So my giftee’s prompts were -- by her own admission -- written in a bit of a sleep-deprived haze (I had to laugh as I read them, haven’t we all been there at some point, I know I lost some sleep over mine).  We were each required to provide between three and six prompts for polyships (3-6 characters each) that we wanted to see depicted in gift fic or art.  Cassandra’s OT3 was JohnDaveKat, which sported a string of elaborate sub-prompts (“medievalstuck!”, “soulmates!”, “haunted house!”, etc.) -- along with an invite to not use any of those and just write whatever I felt like.  Other prompts for Dave/Sollux/Karkat, Jane/Callie/Roxy, and Rose/Kanaya/Jade were basically completely open-ended.

I’m trying to remember exactly how I seized upon the idea I ended up executing.  Although some of my other works feature polyships, such as Kankatrezi (The Cafe Mocha Caper) and Daverosemary (foreshadowed in R^4), the process of how they got together is important for me in ways that I don’t care about as much for canon ships.  I felt some resistance to just picking one of the ships and starting to write it as if it was already established.  Also, people who know my writing know that I like to stick close to in-game or post-game AUs, or at least the broader Homestuck setting, rather than non-game AUs or other settings that remove the characters from the context that made them who we recognize them to be.  So I was going to need some runway and a satisfying premise to run along it with.  But by golly, if Cassandra wanted JohnDaveKat, she was gonna get JohnDaveKat.

The JohnDaveKat prompt I personally found most hilarious and awesome was

John gets turned into a Trickster, and finds Karkat and Dave. In the ensuing candy fueled mess, a lot of pent up emotions and secret crushes get revealed, including Dave realizing and admitting that John was probably his first crush on another boy though he was in denial at the time, and Karkat admitting that his own pitch crush for John never went away. (For his part, John finds out that he might, in fact, be a bit of a homosexual.)

Another JohnDaveKat prompt that turned out to figure in heavily later with the work I ended up producing was

John decides to surprise Dave and Karkat with a visit, only to find them already *quite* busy. Before he can think of what to do or do enough thinking at all to leave, he gets caught, and Dave notices evidence of interest, knows Karkat's still got some pitch feelings, and has some of his own, suggests maybe John stay a bit and they talk over some things and maybe do other stuff later too.

Going with Earth C could also bring the Epilogues material into play, and I briefly toyed with an Epilogues-related scenario that could score multiple polyships at once, before remembering that the Epilogues are hugely polarizing and maybe I want to be double sure about my giftee before giving them such a gift in a fan swap.  A combination of Tumblr-stalking, re-reading the prompts and discreet inquiries showed that my idea wasn’t going to work, largely because Ultimate Dirk is a legendary piece of shit and his presence over against End-Of-Act-7 Dirk would cause real friction with Cassandra’s requests -- which leaned fluffy and offered bonus points for “DirkJake” and “Dirk and Dave being good bros who love each other”.  Maybe I could have just done something similar in a separate Earth C AU without a lot of the Epilogues baggage, but by that point the specific discarded spin on the idea had so thoroughly colonized my brain that I just had to ease the whole thing carefully onto the shelf.  I’d still be keen to write that other fic sometime.  Just not for this particular fill.

So, I took a break for a few days before revisiting the prompt and asking what else I could do.  When I think of John, Dave, and Karkat together, my mind goes immediately back to the “EVERYBODY STFU, I HATE YOU BOTH ETC” memo, in which Karkat tries to dissuade Dave and John from encouraging Terezi’s and Vriska’s flirtations, respectively.  This convo is burned into my head because I’ve VA’ed it -- I draw a lot of inspiration for character dialogue from the time I’ve spent doing goofy voiceovers for them.  And there is a lot of grist for the mill here:  Karkat alluding to his pitch crush on John, Dave making fun of Karkat for being gay (while not realizing or admitting how he might be projecting), John being totally clueless about whether he’s attracted to Vriska.  All of these are compatible with the “pent-up emotions and secret crushes” Cassandra asked for, and favors Dave <3 Karkat <3< John as a baseline.

Now, one of the reasons I love writing dream bubble fic is because I am fundamentally lazy.  I can basically use any canon Homestuck pesterlog as a prompt and run with it.  So that’s what I did here.  In the moment that they realize that it’s a dream, the participants are forced to reckon with the way dream bubbles respond to their innermost thoughts.  Deep desires manifest in weird ways; emotional distances contract, go non-Euclidean.  Despite this, the association with dreams simultaneously offer a layer of abstraction or remove to Dave and Karkat -- allowing them to access and slake those deep desires without having to take responsibility for it, either with themselves or each other, during waking hours.  In that sense, John opening the closet is like walking in on them a second time -- the dream bubble itself is their main outer closet, and they already know the jig is up when John diverts the pesterlog down Memory Lane.  This then raises the question of whether they might have wanted John to discover them, deep down?  Perhaps John’s convenient remembering is a sort of wish-fulfillment dream summoning.

From there I already sort of had the fic’s contours and decided it would be best written from John’s POV.  The other nice thing about the dream bubble setting was that it let John participate even during the meteor journey, when Dave and Karkat must have been messing around trying to reverse-engineer their own sexual preferences.  How gay is Dave, and how troubled is he about it at this point in his history?  How does he feel about John finding out?  Does Karkat somehow have some symmetrical hangups that leave him struggling as much as Dave, or is he just a giant crab?  (The literal vs metaphorical closet thing was accidental at first, but once I discovered that I ran hard with it.)

There were still some problems I struggled with, such as how to get John to fall for Karkat pitch-ways when he’s said in canon that he isn’t gay, and when Karkat has said in canon that he’s not pitch for John anymore.  The second problem is easily dispatched by pointing out that Karkat isn’t a reliable narrator of his own preferences, by construction.  As for the first -- John might be no Casanova, but he loves his friends and is fiercely loyal to them, and he also saves his anger for either really important moments (like his GAME OVER fight with Caliborn) or utterly trivial moments (like Con Air not being as good as he thought).  This seemed like a good place for the former.  Once that was laid out, the trio coalesced nicely -- Dave and Karkat need John to keep them honest, and John needs Dave and Karkat to keep him anchored.  John <> Dave and Dave c3< (John <3< Karkat) were dynamics that just showed up on their own.

The interpretation of the ending is left open, but the other difficulty I left unresolved is the timeline mismatch between pre-retcon and post-retcon, and the question of which John it was exactly that showed up in Dave and Karkat’s shared dream.  Pre-retcon Davekat didn’t happen because Dave and Karkat were fighting over Terezi, but post-retcon John died in the explosion of LOWAS and couldn’t live happily ever after having so gloriously enabled post-retcon Davekat.  And I wanted them to live happily ever after.  The two most obvious interpretations I could think of were (a) the three are all on Earth C and dreaming together of each other -- or, more poignantly, (b) pre-retcon John is starting to integrate some of post-retcon dead!John’s memories.  The second possibility leads in the direction of Ultimate John (what would that even be?) so I made sure to place the ending in a time frame that gives the Epilogues a miss -- although the background DirkJake also signals that this is probably an AU that diverges after the ACT 7 victory.

All in all this was really fun to write!  There were lots of other great prompts in the collection, but the ones that grabbed me looked like they would spawn more 20-30 kw novellas and I need to get back to my poor neglected serial!  I’m looking forward to making my way through the treats that others posted, eventually adding some of my own, and of course going through Cassandra’s other stuff.  (Maybe that awesome fantroll Friendsim project will be the next thing to eat my life after this.)

[ayearofpike]

The Lost Mind

Pocket Books, 1995 213 pages, 16 chapters + epilogue ISBN 0-671-87269-9 LOC: PS3566.I486 L6 1995 OCLC: 32826282 Released August 1, 1995 (per B&N)

A girl is dead in the woods. Unfortunately, the person who finds her is no help, because not only does she not know where she is or how to find help, but she also doesn’t know anything about herself. All she knows, instinctively, is that she shouldn’t let on where she was or that she found the body first, at least not until she can learn some more about what happened and how they both ended up where they did.

I was really looking forward to this reread, and I’m disappointed that it sort of falls flat. Pike does that thing where he perfectly captures the tone I want — the sinister anxiety of not knowing, the ultimate unreliable narrator who doesn’t even know her family, let alone what happened to have her wake up next to a murdered girl — but in the end doesn’t give enough details to satisfy the plot resolution. And honestly, I’m kind of torn about it. Part of what makes entertainment “good” for me is how much I am trusted to put together the pieces and figure things out over the course of the story. But it shouldn’t be on me to CREATE a major piece that fits into the hole in the puzzle. 

It seems a little bit like a wasted opportunity, to be honest. This book is not only shorter than a lot of what he’s written so far, but I could swear that the type size is larger too. There was room to put in some of the things that I thought were missing, but I guess he just didn’t think of them as needing to be included. But I’m ripping this story down before I’ve actually recapped anything, and I need to do that to get there. (On the upside, they’ve gotten rid of the die-cut covers that shred on your bookshelf.)

We start, as mentioned in the woods. Our main character awakes as though from the dead, unusually cold and covered in blood, though she’s not seriously cut anywhere. The blood, it seems comes from the blonde girl lying nearby, who has been stabbed multiple times in the chest. And the knife that probably did it is within arm’s reach. As our protagonist racks her brain trying to think of where she was or what she did the night before, she comes to an unsettling realization: she can’t remember anything. And by “anything,” we mean

where she is

who she is

where she lives

where she comes from

NOTHING.

All she’s sure of is that she didn’t kill this girl, but that if she tries to report anything she’s the immediate and only suspect. And going to jail is worse than having no memory or personality. (Except she does, as we’ll see, which ... we’ll get there.) So she pockets the knife and blunders her way out of the woods, where she finds a car. The key is in her pocket, and there’s a clean sweat suit in the trunk. But she’s not ready to admit culpability in the blonde’s killing — she just wants to stay clear. She rinses off as much blood as she can in a pond before changing and climbing into the car, where she finds a purse with her ID. Apparently she’s Jennifer Hobbs from Carlsrue, Oregon, but none of this rings a bell or turns on any lights. All she can do is drive, toward the hint of lights in the distance that she thinks may be her town.

You might be thinking there’s a first suspicious plot question here. Why wouldn’t she drive AWAY from the town if she didn’t know anybody or anything, rather than putting herself at risk of implication in the death? I didn’t actually have a problem with this. Obviously it was a huge shock to wake up with no memories, and it makes sense to me that she wants to try to find them again, maybe through immersion in where she’s from.

So Jen calls home and talks to her mom, who wants to know if she’s with Crystal. She assuages her mom’s worries, sort of, but doesn’t go straight home because she doesn’t want to be questioned about her change of clothes. Instead, she gets a snack at Denny’s, where they ask why she’s out so late without Crystal, then finds a trash bin behind a store to dump off her bloody clothes. By the time she gets home, her mom is asleep, but she doesn’t know which room is hers and accidentally wakes her little brother, who insists they share a donut and talk about stuff that Jen doesn’t remember or understand. 

Jen quickly falls asleep after this and dreams of a fortune teller near a wide river, who she torments with a sharp knife after smoking a powerful drug that dissociates her from her body. She is woken by her mom at the door, who asks if she’ll drive her little brother to school. Another slip: Mom refers to the kid by his name, but apparently Jen’s always only called him by a nickname, Gator, after his propensity to bite as a toddler. She gets him to guide her to school by letting him sit on her lap and steer, which is another weird thing for him, but hey, nine-year-old gets to drive so he’s not arguing too much.

The first person she encounters at her school is her boyfriend, a football meathead who immediately asks her for three hundred dollars. Obviously she doesn’t know why or remember agreeing to help with this, but she says that she might have an easier time finding the money if he walks her to all her classes. Only halfway through the day she has to bail because she’s learning more about Crystal, i.e. that she’s not in school and her teachers think it’s weird that Jen doesn’t know why. So she goes home and finds last year’s yearbook, and learns what we already suspect: Crystal is the dead body in the woods.

This realization hits Jen like a ton of bricks. She’s crying and she’s not totally sure why, seeing as she doesn’t remember anything. When she eventually calms down and reaches for her phone, she sees that she has messages on her answering machine. Three are from Crystal’s mom, growing increasingly frantic. The fourth is Amir, who wants to talk about last night. Finally, someone who was there and can help her figure out what happened! Amir is worried that Crystal might have run away, for obvious reasons. When Jen doesn’t get it, he says it’s because Crystal found out about their affair. So now not only was she the last person to see Crystal, and the one person in the world who’s closer to her than anyone else, and she woke up next to her body and a knife, but now Jen has a motive.

She calls the police and anonymously reports the body in the woods, then hides the knife in a nearby park. Denny’s calls and wonders why she’s not at work, and then her boyfriend calls and wants to pick up his money. She puts them both off, because she knows that the police are going to be around eventually, probably sooner than later. When they show up, she realizes that telling the truth (that she doesn’t remember last night at all) isn’t going to help her stay out of jail. So she makes up a whole bunch of details that probably create a story with more holes than if she were just to say hey, we went to Crystal’s boyfriend’s house and got so drunk that I woke up at like 2 without any memory of what happened. The detective is all over her on the inconsistencies and lapses in her memory (what is Jen’s boyfriend’s last name?), and ultimately she asks him to leave. Which he does, with the warning that he’ll be back with a warrant.

Her little brother asks why she’s having trouble remembering things. She says that this has to be a secret between them, and then she goes to read her diary and try to put some pieces together. She doesn’t really like the person she’s reading about, but she does learn that her boyfriend is in major gambling debt and that Amir has only been around for two months but that he wouldn’t let Crystal introduce him to Jen for some reason. Before she can get much farther, her boyfriend shows up asking for the money. Obviously Jen has been preoccupied and doesn’t have it handy, and while she’s scrounging it up her boyfriend takes off his clothes and stretches out on her bed, thinking of either a consolatory (sorry your friend is dead) or celebratory (I can pay off my bookies) screw. As Jen no longer has the baggage of actually knowing this person that she’s apparently been dating for two years, she can send him packing without remorse.

Amir shows up almost as soon as the now-ex is gone, in tears because a) his girlfriend is dead and b) the cops came and grilled him on suspicion of her murder. He thinks he’s being unfairly targeted as a brown Muslim, which ... yeah, probably, but also he was her boyfriend and one of the last people to see her alive. But Amir’s story to the police exposes the holes in Jen’s made-up facts even worse. Plus, he told the cops how he was planning to break up with Crystal for Jen. It pretty much totally screws her, but weirdly at that moment her dream comes back to her, and she asks Amir about Egypt and drugs. He says that hashish was common, but that he never did it because of what it did to his sisters, how it put them in a vulnerable position to be murdered. 

When he’s gone, Jen falls asleep again and dreams of Egypt, of an ancient graveyard dominated by a statue of three warring demons, and of the same mystic refusing to give her information about the truth of the soul, but she gets her knife out and torments her more. Again she wakes up to her mom, who is sitting on the bed this time. Her mom wants her to get a lawyer, but Jen doesn’t want to, for ... reasons. Instead, she goes to see Crystal’s parents, to sit in her room and try to understand their relationship. Crystal’s diary is sitting on the desk, and there’s a recent entry about a dream she had. About an ancient graveyard and an old witch and a sharp knife.

Next she goes to Amir’s apartment. He’s out, but she talks to the landlady, who laments the loud arguments that Amir and Crystal were having near the end and how he seemed sick but insisted on watching movies in her living room the night Crystal was killed. She lets Jen into his apartment, where sure enough she finds a hash pipe. Only there’s no way he could have done it, because he has an airtight alibi of actually being somewhere else.

Jen gets home to find the police in her house. They give her a hard time about not being there, and produce a warrant to take her clothes and her shoes from the previous night, as well as searching her room and her car. It’s not looking good for not going to jail for murder; the detective tells her that he’ll be back in the morning, probably with a warrant for her arrest. She does take a minute to enlist Gator to sneak out and steal Crystal’s diary out of her room, which he does because he hopes it’ll help her prove she didn’t kill Crystal. Comparing and cross-referencing the diaries, Jen learns that yes, Crystal and Amir were fighting but that no, she never actually slept with him. Why would Amir lie about this? What does he know?

There’s only one way Jen can think to figure this out: dream some more. In the dream, the mystic tells her about how the human soul is too grand to be born into one body. It takes three, but the three parts are never incarnated in the same place, because terrible things can happen if they all come together. The three-demon statue is symbolic of this: an explosion of uncontrollable evil. However, dream-Jen is not deterred by this. If anything, she wants to make it happen even more, to the point where she’s willing to kill the witch to stop her enforcing her considerable will and magic on her son to stop him going. 

Apparently dreaming works, because Jen wakes up knowing what to do. She starts by writing a suicide note. There’s a police officer guarding her house, but she knocks him out by mixing him up a fresh thermos of coffee with a couple sleeping pills mixed in. She pockets the rest, takes the officer’s gun, and heads over to Amir’s place, where she forces him into her car at gunpoint. They drive out to a certain spot in the woods, where she makes him lie facedown on the ground while she swallows the rest of the sleeping pills. Then she ties him up and marches him to the spot where they found Crystal’s body and makes him explain.

Amir confesses that he smokes hashish to try to reach his soul, which is part of why he came to Oregon to seek out the other parts of it. He’d flipped on Crystal, going from amazing love to deepest hate (which is a sides-of-the-heart discussion that Pike’s brought up before, maybe from Hinduism) and thought maybe Jen would be his correct answer. Only when they all came into his apartment that night, the demon door opened and everyone’s souls left their bodies. Amir managed to gain control, not just of himself but of Jen’s body. He forced her to drive Crystal to the woods and murder her, all while he sat in his landlady’s living room. And then he brought his soul back to his body, but Jen’s was totally gone.

And here’s the big hole that I’m left trying to fill myself. If Jen’s soul departed when it was forced out of her body, what the hell is in there now? Like, SOMETHING is giving her emotions and desires and needs to act upon. SOMETHING is motivating her to stay out of jail, to protect her friend and her family, to try to teach her degenerate ex-boyfriend a lesson. What is it? Is it the physical memories of having spent time with these people, manifesting in her mind as a placeholder? Is it just a blank slate from nowhere? Is it part of Crystal’s soul that flew out or broke off when Jen was stabbing her to death, too traumatized to remember anything? There’s no answer, and it’s unsatisfactory. Like, if her soul is just gone, then what is driving her to keep saving her own life?

Also, without actually knowing that this was something that could work, Jen sure did take a massive risk overdosing on sleeping pills before switching bodies with Amir. She says she’s going to kill him with ultimate suffering, so he can feel a fraction of the fear that Crystal had, and she pulls out a syringe and stabs it into his neck, saying she’s about to put a bubble in his vein. This is the act that finally frightens him out of his body and forces him into hers, where he then gloats about winning and leaves her to die in Amir’s body, tied up in the woods.

What he doesn’t know is what kills him. Jen planted the knife just underground, by where she tied Amir’s body, and it’s not hard for her to dig it up and cut herself free. She is amazed to find Jen’s body in the car, a long way to make it on thirty phenobarbitol pills. She drives it home, puts the body in bed, waits for it to stop breathing, and then walks back to Amir’s apartment, sad but relieved.

The epilogue is Crystal and Jen’s joint funeral. Jen’s mom shows Amir the suicide note, which insists that she didn’t kill Crystal but that this is her only way out, and Amir suggests she should believe the note. Then he goes to find Gator, who is confused when Amir calls him by that name but then joyfully realizes that Jen perhaps didn’t die after all, that maybe she just needed to remember in a different way.

And that’s The Lost Mind! Better than a lot of stuff from this era, but still with some holes (and at least one is a monster). I don’t mind figuring some stuff out for myself, and I don’t mind an author keeping me in the dark until the appropriate moment. But eventually, they better turn on the lights, because it’s not my job to write the story, and ultimately that’s what happened here. I love the idea, and I love the tone. But who is Jennifer Hobbs? We don’t ever actually learn this, and the whole story suffers as a result.

[superfluouskeys]

May I ask what you don’t like about Isabela’s portrayal?

Of course!  My thoughts on this might not be super well-organized but I’ll do my best!

1. Her design is male fantasy bullshit.  She’s not wearing pants.  It’s actually worse in inquisition--like at least in DA2 her corset thing looks like it’s kind of doing something for her.  In DA:I her boobs look ready to fall out.

2. I love the way she’s set up in her first appearance, but after that her obvious ability is shoved aside.  Instead, we get cheap sex jokes and this weird, infantilizing kind of vanity or self-absorption that’s never really addressed in a way that makes sense.  One can headcanon that it’s a cover-up for deeper insecurities and fears, but I honestly don’t think it’s written with that in mind--I think the fact that it can be read that way is an accident.  I think it was written as a sexist stereotype.

3. On that note, her whole character arc being written off as ‘selfishness’ really rubs me the wrong way.  She stole the Qunari relic not realizing what it was and what it would cause, and then got in way over her head and didn’t want to deal with it.  She’s one shipwrecked, crew-less woman who’s not used to needing anybody’s help, up against these two very powerful figures, and she can’t please both of them and also save her own skin.  Not knowing how to deal with that isn’t selfish, and it isn’t shallow, which as far as I can tell is legitimately how it’s treated in the game.

She’s written as having a cavalier attitude towards the problem, and again, you can headcanon that it’s a cover-up or the narrator is unreliable, but I honestly think that that interpretation is an accident.  And the thing that bugs me about it is that Fenris, for example, has a really well-written and nuanced story arc throughout the entire game.  Isabela was not granted the same care.

4. The way other characters talk about her is literally disgusting.  I can’t stand it.  And I don’t know how to spec rogues or make team comps that work, so she sometimes ends up getting left out bc I don’t want to hear the dumb shit other people say to her, which is not her fault.  I think it’s Anders who says something like oh sleeping with Isabela is a given it’s unavoidable.  Like shut the fUCK up you should only be so lucky sewer man.

5. This is more of a gripe with the way the game is set up but the way her quests time out it’s super easy to accidentally lose her as a companion without fully realizing what was going on with her part in the story.  For such a crucial piece of the puzzle, it seems like that shouldn’t be allowed to happen.

6. Her cattiness with Aveline is stupid male bullshit.  At first it really bothered me.  Some of it is funny, because it comes off as more good-natured ribbing than unnecessary sexist contentiousness, but there is literally no reason for those two characters to be in conflict except that men think women who are really different hate each other for no reason.

7. While we’re on the subject, the hypersexual thing is also male fantasy bullshit, and for me personally it’s just kind of exhausting to listen to.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Unfortunately as far as I can tell these problems persist in the way she’s written in fanfic.  And I want to like her.  It’s a feeling I’m experiencing keenly now as I’m writing about my problems with her portrayal.  I’m thinking, man, you know, she’s got some great one-liners and parts of her romance are good.  But it’s shallow writing.  It’s like someone threw a bunch of bullshit together and accidentally created an interesting character, but then doesn’t quite know what to do with her, so we get the weird sex/shallowness jokes.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense or even fully encapsulates my thoughts but here it is hahaha.

[man-i-dont-know]

BNHA Chapter 165: Thoughts and Spoilers

This chapter is lacking on action, so bombastic commentary won’t be present, sorry, but this chapter is interesting to think about, and I did do quite a bit of thinking. Anyway, getting into it (this chapter is a gold mine for background character faces, so I recommend going through it once just to see them).

This test is exactly like what we thought it would be, a test of personality. The teacher fears for her students, because they are going through the years that form who they will be, and right now they are turds. The high school students are here to set an example and to help settle the kids and make them more understanding, though the people suppose to be setting the example are not exactly.... ummm... role models? That is probably the best term, and we’ll get more into that later.

Bakugou immediately devises a plan, and I love seeing this, it really solidifies his character for me. In the past he has been described as a ball of instincts, reflexes and battle knowledge, and his standing in class also proves his intelligence. Due to his personality however, I came to the conclusion that he thinks like this: “What? Of course I got the answer right. Show my work? Well isn’t it obvious?” This kind of intelligence seems to sprout straight from the mind, but Bakugou’s plan showed that his thoughts are grounded in logic. He immediately realizes that they lost the initiative, and that there is a “boss” lurking within the crowd somewhere. This knowledge was probably gained from first hand experience of being the “boss,” but the fact that he understands and can verbalize this dynamic impressed me greatly. Knowing and verbalizing are two very different skills, and I assumed that Bakugou could not verbalize his intentions quite like that before. It is possible that this is proof of growth, that he is actually talking with comrades and setting down some base work (even though his ultimate plan is to humiliate the boss... he still has a ways to go). Though I personally believe that the boss is, pretty obviously, that weird side-part kid who has already dissed Bakugou. Bakugou is put on the side after the supposed boss says that violence won’t work and accurately guesses about his upbringing, stealing the advantage once again.

Inasa then tries, and he makes considerable progress compared to Bakugou. He starts with something safe, heroes, and works from there. His personality is much better for this type of thing (as the meat grinder guy says in his 100% necessary narration), and starts telling the kids what type of people they should be. This gets shot down too however, since the kid he was talking too pointed out that he wasn’t in any place to talk from either. This made me think some. Inasa took a good approach, no B.S. and just told them what a good person should do and two thoughts hit me. 1.) If Inasa admitted his mistake and continued to push the thought, would he have succeeded? Would humility work in this scenario or would the kids see that as completely destroying his credibility? And 2.) Was lecturing them in the first place a good idea? This could very well be showing that lecturing about something good with good intentions is still lecturing and no one really has any moral high ground, so a fundamentally flawed approach. Inasa apologizes for overstepping his bounds and he tags out (with a fiery flare).

Then we get a handful of panels that show... something. Bakugou wants to settle this with violence (shocker), but Todoroki stops him, and says that there is a better way. Bakugou claims this was how he was raised, but he remembers when he accidentally eavesdropped on Todoroki confessing to Deku about the abusive upbringing he had and the overwhelming hatred that Todoroki still carries. Bakugou stops, and lets Todoroki do it his way. This is improvement, this is consideration and empathy. Bakugou has impressed me twice this chapter, and his growth and improvement may appear small, but it is certainly there, he is growing and learning.

Endeavor is also growing in the stands slightly. He admits to All Might that he understands the difference between them as heroes, but in his words it shows that he also rejects the part of All Might that made him the Number One Hero, Endeavor rejects the so-called “crowd-pleasing,” because he wants to be the strongest. I have already shared my opinions on why All Might was ranked higher (a general feeling of security), but All Might took the conversation in an unexpected direction (at least it was nothing I predicted, though it makes sense). All Might states what made him want to be the symbol that he was, he spoke about wanting to be hope for the innocent and a warning (”warning,” is not aggressive) for criminals. He spoke about the sacrifices that he made for it, which Endeavor knows about Sir Nighteye, but he says it passively, with no meaning, for such a terrible guy, being respectful of the dead was surprising. All Might also shares some understanding, he knows the situation Endeavor is in and tells him this, “you don’t have to be the same type of symbol.” This struck me. I always wanted Deku to grow into something different than All Might, but I feared him falling into All Might’s legacy, but here is All Might, telling a man who hated him for years to be a different symbol. A different symbol was something I hadn’t imagined for anyone other than Deku, I suppose I imagined a symbol-less place until Deku matured. As much as everyone hates Endeavor, I see genuine potential from him. He is already growing and maturing and seeking advice, he won’t be any symbol of hope, but he certainly could become a symbol of strength. If he mellows out, becomes calm, confident, swift and determined, he could set people at ease, or at least ward off crime for a time. A good analogy would be this: Endeavor is a standing army, scary yes, but it would be comforting to know that it stands with you rather than against you. We might have a couple symbols before Deku takes the stage, and I am okay with that, plus, the fan art could be really cool. Blue background All Might, “Peace,” Red background Endeavor, “Strength,” some other primary or secondary color background hero, “some abstract idea.” It could be cool.

Unfortunately, Endeavor does not comprehend the word “chill,” and whips around when Todoroki steps up to bat and screams his support once more. Todoroki understands the generals of what you have to do to get people to trust you, but he can’t seem to execute it. He basically gives a character description of himself and the kids lose interest, or they are amazed by his total lack of social skills. Todoroki is forced to retire and try again later.

The next idea is brought up by Camie, and Bakugou agrees. Show off our quirks and show them who we are. This is a good take, “lead by example,” but those leading kinda don’t know restraint... so this could get rough. But once again, the kids steal the initiative. They activate their quirks as well, but only after a brief discussion that explains where all this confidence comes from. The live in a world where they hear all the criticisms of heroes all the time, and with the fall of the symbol of peace, the raise of the League of Villains, and several other social factors, to them, this generation of heroes can not be trusted or that they are unreliable, thus, they believe that they can be better. This is good in moderation, but it seems that the presence of this “boss” has jacked up their pride one hundred-fold. The boss probably took advantage of this social criticism of heroes to wreck havoc, meaning, the boss is a turd. The display of quirks by the high schoolers is the best way to show that they are competent and that their unease and pride are... unfounded? That seems a little harsh, maybe just the realization that they are safer than they believed will settle their spirits.

Well, that’s all. I said this my last post, but I am glad that this arc is right after the raid arc. It is a good change of pace and it looks more closely at the specifics and technicalities of what it means to be a hero instead of just punching villains. The only other comment that I want to make is this: I am curious as to what Camie’s quirk is, we haven’t seen her use it yet since last time we saw her do anything was actually Toga. So I am curious as to what it is, how well she can control it, and what her role will be in appeasing the children. Thank you for reading this and I hope you have a great day, and happy new year.

[pluckyredhead]

Daredevil 101: Foggy Finds Out, Part 2 (Ghost Stick Boogaloo)

[Content Warning: Severe mental health issues portrayed rather sloppily, suicide attempt, discussion of violence against sex workers.]

Last time on Daredevil 101, Matt was found in basically a catatonic state by Karen and Foggy - both of whom thought he was dead, and only one of whom knew he was Daredevil. By the next issue, Matt’s still out of it, and Foggy’s not particularly happy with anyone:

IDK why Foggy’s a redhead here but WAY TO GO, KAREN. Yes, she kept Matt’s secret from Foggy - but it was Matt’s secret to tell. Just because Matt’s not in a position to be yelled at right now doesn’t mean Foggy gets to take it out on Karen.

And Matt’s really, really not in a position to be yelled at:

Hooboy. I don’t believe anyone in Matt’s entire 53-year history has ever suggested therapy but, like...he should probably go? Right away? Honey.

Eventually, as he is wont to do, Matt decides to escape from the expectations of his two favorite people by climbing out the window and running away. It’s fairly distressing to his loved ones:

THESE TWO. HOW I LOVE THEM.

So where is Matt? Well - possibly predicting DD Season 3 - he’s gone to see his mommy:

Maggie tries to comfort him, but if confession could make Matt feel absolved of this he’d probably have gotten it over with a long time ago, repressed memory or no. (Though to be fair, I can only think of one example of 616!Matt taking confession, and that was this year.)

Leaving Maggie, Matt briefly flirts with the idea of just ending it all:

Having decided not to kill himself, Matt returns to Jack Batlin’s hovel, only to be confronted by a surprising figure from his past:

I mean, technically neither of you saw anything, and also shut up, Stick.

I’m not really sure how to take his presence here, because on the one hand, if it’s all in Matt’s head, that means that Matt’s way of coping with his mental health issues is to imagine his former mentor hitting him in the face with a cane until he feels better, which is appalling.

But if Stick’s really there, it means there’s a possibility for him to come back in DD Season 3, which is also appalling.

Anyway, Stick or Matt’s hallucination thereof goes away long enough for Matt to greet Karen. He attempts to do so with a kiss, because he is a moron:

Matt takes a beat and apologizes - for yelling at Karen just now, and for, um, faking his death at her. I like this moment because it acknowledges simultaneously that Matt is having - and has been having - a really hard time, and yet he also treated his loved ones in an unacceptably cruel way, and though his illness is a reason, it’s not an excuse.

Meanwhile, there’s one person who never really gets an apology:

Foggy looks so young and sweet in that first panel, MY HEART.

Anyway, I’ll come back to this later, but please note that Foggy’s betrayal here centers entirely on being lied to and he has no problems with the basic existence of Daredevil.

He’ll have to wait to get proper closure on this, but meanwhile Stick is still beating Matt up, this time almost definitely inside Matt’s head - and he’s brought help:

Is this the first time Matt’s been beaten up by hallucinations of his various selves? It’s definitely not the last. Oh, Matt.

Seeking some kind of closure, he goes to the brothel where he accidentally knocked the prostitute out the window, all those years ago:

Matt sort of vaguely explains his purpose, and the last woman explains that the girl in question, Lyla, was a runaway fleeing an unhappy home, and in a way maybe it’s better that she died and got out of this life young. I realize we have a little bit of an unreliable narrator situation here but I’d be okay with 100% fewer “better dead than a sex worker” opinions out there, fictional or not!

(This won’t be revealed for a couple more years, but "Lyla” turns out to not be dead, in a particularly dumb retcon. Not that her not dying is dumb, but the reveal is...well, you’ll see.)

Anyway, I guess putting a name to the accident makes Matt feel better, because he declares himself ready to put it behind him. At which point Stick drops a fairly hilarious bombshell:

Yeah, Matt’s just been killing people pretty much his whole career, it turns out. Here are the most damning phrases to me: “some beaten an inch past their lives,” “you saw them as worthless maggots who deserved what they got,” and “faceless thug.” Matt habitually beats people to death, apparently, and then forgets about it because they deserve it???

(Stick telling him that taking even one life is too many is an interesting contrast to MCU Stick, who is constantly urging Matt to kill. But 616!Stick only kills Hand ninjas, who aren’t really alive to begin with.)

Anyway I think this is a real YMMV piece of canon. Personally I feel like it’s a pretty lukewarm approach to the ethics of killing, especially since DeMatteis would leave right after this arc. It just sort of throws down the idea that Matt kills people all the time, wags a finger at him, and leaves. Either dig into what this means, for Matt and for superheroes as a whole, or leave us with the polite fiction that superheroes (and head trauma) never ever kill. Don’t half-ass it like this.

And speaking of half-assing it:

Matt just needs to accept all the parts of himself! That makes it okay to commit habitual manslaughter! Phew, what a relief. Time to eat a Pop-Tart and dance around Karen’s kitchen!

HOORAY!

(No, seriously, I’m glad Matt’s feeling better and that he and Karen are okay, but see what I mean about half-assing it? You can’t be like “Matt, you kill people all the time” and then have him immediately get over it, especially in a story about how he developed a split personality disorder due to repressed guilt over accidentally killing someone ten years ago.)

With that, DeMatteis is off the book. Our next long-running writer will be Karl Kesel, but before he takes over there’s a brief fill-in by Ben Raab and Shawn McManus, which touches on the state of Matt and Foggy’s relationship. It’s...not good, and Matt doesn’t make it better by snooping - specifically, on Foggy at work with a client named Martinique:

"Something’s not kosher here...” Please note that Matt, as always, is very upset by Foggy being attracted to someone else. Please also note Matt creeping on Foggy’s “pleasure centers.”

Matt announces his presence. Foggy’s not happy to see him:

“Things may never be as good as they once were, but they can at least be good...” That’s practically up there with “Was anything ever real with us,” my goodness.

Please note that nowhere on this page does Matt use the word “sorry.” And yes, this is the first time he’s spoken to Foggy since before his “death.” Wow, Murdock. (Also, get a haircut.)

Matt does not trust any woman who flirts with his Foggy, so he tails Foggy to his meeting place with Martinique and finds a horrifyingly trippy carnival full of monstrous puppet versions of his enemies. And at the very center:

It’s the classic superhero dilemma: Matt can only save one of his loved ones! And this time, he chooses Foggy.

All the trappings of the carnival fade away to reveal...Martinique, of course, a.k.a. Lady Mastermind:

Right, so this makes no actual sense, because it’s not public knowledge that the “old” Daredevil is back. Martinique should be operating under the impression that the “current” Daredevil would show up in a black costume and not give two shits about either Foggy or Elektra. Also how would she know how Bullseye killed Elektra, anyway?

She takes off, and Matt and Foggy are left together:

Again, this doesn’t make a lot of sense, given that Elektra’s not dead anymore, and Matt knows it. He doesn’t say that he knows Elektra wasn’t really there (in which case his choosing Foggy over her would mean very little), so is the implication supposed to be that once you die once Matt doesn’t care if you die again? This is all very silly.

Anyway, that’s...kind of it? No “Nelson v. Murdock”-style fight here, just Matt saying that he wants to be friends again with no actual apology at any point, and Foggy very slowly thawing over the next few issues. There’s no yelling, no catharsis, nothing. Feh, I say!

(I will reiterate what I noted above - Foggy’s only upset about being lied to. He has no ethical problems with Daredevil’s existence or vigilantism in general, and isn’t particularly troubled by Matt’s propensities towards lawbreaking, violence, or nearly getting himself killed. Because, of course, in the comics Matt is just one of many superheroes and is practically legally sanctioned, or at least not an outlaw - and Foggy has been friends with Daredevil for many years. Whereas in the MCU, Matt’s the first real vigilante and the first with a secret identity - the Avengers are (or have been) all government sanctioned and public, and Matt predates Spider-Man and the other Defenders. MCU Foggy doesn’t really have a framework to accept Matt’s extracurricular activities in the way 616 Foggy does.)

Next up: Brighter days for Daredevil and company as we head into the Kesel run...and finally meet Rosalind Sharpe!

[purplepints]

1/4 I think the lack of Derek and Stiles in Season 6 was the main reason Teen Wolf got cancelled. That, and the fact that people didn’t care about Scott and the newbies enough to watch a Season entirely focused on them and in which Tyler Posey got all the unadulterated screen-time without other actors ‘stealing’ his spotlight for once. Scott McCall may be the main character of an ensemble teen show, but he’s definitely not its main draw.

All 4 parts of your Ask together, Anon —

1/4 I think the lack of Derek and Stiles in Season 6 was the main reason Teen Wolf got cancelled. That, and the fact that people didn’t care about Scott and the newbies enough to watch a Season entirely focused on them and in which Tyler Posey got all the unadulterated screen-time without other actors ‘stealing’ his spotlight for once. Scott McCall may be the main character of an ensemble teen show, but he’s definitely not its main draw.

2/4 The Teen Wolf writers knew this; the producers knew this; the actors knew this; the critics knew this; EVERYONE knew this. That’s why Jeff and Posey tried to bait viewers into watching season 6 using Dylan O’Brien’s name and rising star status and promised them lots of Stiles screen-time even though they knew Dylan was unavailable due to conflicting work schedules and that Stiles had only a bunch of scenes and a very limited role throughout the whole season.

3/4 The result? Viewers saw right through their bullshit and stopped watching as soon as they realized that the fan favorites were barely in it. (The ultimate bait was begging Tyler Hoechlin and Dylan O’Brien to come back for one last cameo in the finale, though.)

4/4 It’s not a coincidence that season 3B, the Stiles-centric season, is the highest rated and most critically acclaimed Teen Wolf season ever and that the ratings started tanking in Season 4, when the show writers and producers chose to destroy and sideline every single character – especially the fan favorites – and decreased their screen-time in order to bring the focus back on Scott.

* _ * _ * _ * _ * _ * _ * _ *

Pints says:

TW started keeping Derek and Stiles apart in S3b. S4 was a whole ass mess, S5 failed to regain momentum and S6 was the nigh inevitable result of years of letting things skate. S1-S3 felt more like an honest progression of a show getting its legs under itself, which isn't too odd. A lot of shows have okay-to-good opening seasons then hit their stride, and a lot of stuff people griped about in S1-S2 seemed to be smoothing out. It was also early enough with few episodes that I'm sure lots of viewers expected the show to come back around and touch on some of the things mentioned previously. I think by the end of S3 (S3b, specifically) people had started to cotton on to the fact that some things were just not going to be revisited or explained. By the time S4 rolled around, we'd lost Gage, Sinqua, Crystal, Daniel, Max, Charlie and even Keahu.

During S4, TW seemed to hit a wall and also very obviously started to ignore character growth & experiences in favor of throwing a hundred new things at the audience. It wasn't just the loss of established characters and voices or perspectives, it was that loss coupled with the lack of exploration and growth in the remaining characters storylines. S5 continued that trend, as well as not having Hoechlin (or much of Ian or Seth, who were absent for much of S5 when storytelling could have used them), separating the mains and purposefully using horribly cliche 'miscommunications' to push everything along. Unfortunately, it just worked to push viewers away. By the end of S5, TW had done every single character so dirty that you could reasonably argue they had to be doing it on purpose, because few Productions can or would fuck themselves over to that degree accidentally. I think that's where TW really lost its audience, because even if your faves weren't around or focused on, what was happening didn't make sense. It wasn't just that some characters were gone, it was that a ton more had been shoved in nimbly-pimbly and not developed alongside the remaining cast from previous seasons being under utilized AND again, events that should have been discussed or folded in just got dropped.

S6 came along and used the same playbook as S4 and S5: add in more characters, throw convoluted storyline around, etc. Worse, I personally think it was clear that by this time a lot of the Production was just phoning it in. Nothing the characters were doing in 6B made any sense, and while having Hogan and Wagner back might have been a 'finish where we started' story wrap up, it just fell flat. I also absolutely hate unreliable narrator as a surprise ending simply because it gives the production a stupid easy way to shrug off their gross inconsistencies. It was poorly done and everybody knew it.

Again, the problem with Teen Wolf was the writing and production, not just the actors. I will say that I am old af and enjoy lots of ships, lots of characters and lots of different things, so I don't watch or read things based off of a specific ship or character. I wasn't a big fan of Stalia, I was cool with Stydia, I enjoy Sterek and Steter, it's not a focus issue for me.

You're welcome to check my tags regarding the business/real world side of stuff (#tw biz, #tw schedule) I was using at the time S5/S6 stuff was going on to discuss contracts, actor availability, episodes, etc. If you want to see my slow descent into Facepalmville over S5/S6 you can look at my '#Pints Live' tag for my live blogging.

[wontonsupremacy]

Rant/Column of Human relationships: The Judgement in continuing or cutting people off, what factors affect us?

As a starting thesis I’d like to say this is a rant, but also a pseudo Journalist attempt. Think of it like Sex and the City where the narrator rants and hypothesizes about “current dating culture”. Except mine doesn’t have sex in it quite yet. -- Scroll all the way down to see the conclusion if you don’t want to see my rants lmao.

So what happenned was that Kim and I have been hanging out wayyyy too much too closely when we still really don’t know each other. Its been highly stressful already and me getting Assistant Director to her Director was something I was scared of.  She has alot of classes and alot of things going on despite her becoming director, and with the change of directors I realize there will be huge changed in the committee-- as well as members leaving. The problem is that the committee is already wayy smaller than it should be that we have had to have other directors and ask for volunteers so much. She has family issues, especially with her dad and I realize that she probably didnt need to hear anything from me quite yet. But with me becoming assistant director, many things have come up, and I’ve also had to come up to tell her about the committee issue last friday.  Already there’s huge conflict inside me about her, because I obviously knew that I should have been soft with calling her out as a director. I also realize that I was highly stressed at her, not anyone else but her because she kept asking me to hang out, to come see her at union board, to come to here and there THEN whine about not getting her homework done. I’ve witnessed that she spends more time on youtube videos streaming while she does her homework, and lets just say it is highly frustrating for me to hang out with her when I could be productive, when I also definetly am not “part of her distraction” to do her homework and youtubing.  I guess this is how Kuro felt too, but its not more so of her and her lifestyle, but the fact that I want to help her and support her and root for her mental health and all that, but she’s not helping herself and I feel like I’m just wasting my energy and feelings. I definetly feel like Kuro. I just sigh and I don’t want to be tied down to this.  I have things to do as well, and as much as I love hanging out with someone like her who is equally needy, straight up with opinions and roasting, has a strange sense of humour and doesn’t like to deal with drama, -- I think our friendship may already becoming an end if I don’t keep my distance with her.  A match may light up quicker but go out sooner.  Lets just say that for both of us, it was necessary to take a step back, distance ourselves and at worst cut ourselves off from each other to maintain peace. I was becoming really crabby and irritative at her. I miss her, we know, we both probably do inside but I know Kim doesn’t miss me because she’s probably already smashed the door to her emotions toward me. I’ve already emotionally betrayed her- but it was necessary for the both of us right?  And its not like I had to do a “talk” about this feeling. It’s more so that I think I used the committee issue to stress talk and she got the hint. Which I must be more than grateful for, especially because I’ve been so busy that I only got irritated about this an hour ago when I accidentally thought of her and checked if she had messaged me-- and ofcourse, my butthurt ass saw she hadn’t even read my apology I typed last Friday, which clicked me on and infuriated me in some way, brought back memories of why I had been so angry, and I am typing right now.  I haven’t heard from her at all, and I’m glad that I’ve met Kuro already that I don’t have to bitch at her. I think on the positive side, I could practice being more open hearted, understanding, and more casual and lenient to this kind of lifestyle. There’s a girl that talked to be from a dating app recently and she’s like me, and I’m like Kim to her. She wants faster and more frequent texting, warming up quicker and more real talk. Lets just say I’ve already found red flags and decided not to go with it because of my anxiety. I told her me and her would just be friends, and if she responds I’m hoping not to respond anymore.  I guess its exactly that. Being stressed over small things aren’t a thing for certain seasons of certain people. If I can’t be open to that, then its the end. I think that’s what I can change if Kuro ever came back to be a friend to me, even if its not a relationship this kind of issue can definetly become a big issue to someone who wants frequent contact.  Rushing things is bad-- I guess I should put it that way, but its exactly that. Matching someone’s life tempo/speed is a thing, and should be a thing. If you can’t deal with it you leave.  Conclusion So in the end it comes down to:

Do you like this person enough to go through with dealing with them, their lifestyle, their life tempo/speed, and if you can keep that up with them-- and if they can keep up if you can’t.  It’s a cooperation, human relationships. But sometimes we need to realize who is a priority, you? or them? And the judgement that goes into this ultimately comes down to weighing their value against your life, including your own health and future possibilities you might be missing.  A good example of this would be Kade. I hated him for a huge chunk of my year I met him, we were nothing more than casual friends who ranted to each other, but lets say when he made a point in saying he didn’t want to hear anymore and he was done, I was done with him too. But I found out I actually really liked Kade, and despite him being such a rude and sassy Queen, I got over my offended ass and stuck my hand back out to him to say “How’s it going?” after a bit of a hiatus. As it turns out, he liked me enough too to say “I’m doing way better than last year.” and eventually we were visiting each other’s houses back and forth.  So do I like Kim?  It would be nice to have her over again, with some changed to how frequent I hang and how long. Occasional stay-overs would be cool. Occasional hangouts outside would be cooler since I can go home without begging for a ride.The importance here would be to find an ideal situation for a good friendship balance. My friendship balance with her is alot more distanced from her than what I’d imagined, I’m surprised, myself, but this is how comfortable I actually am around her, and not right now.  What should I improve to make this work- am I capable of these improvements?  I will have to definitely be capable of maintaining emotional distance from her. I will also have to be even more straightforward with my insecurity with her and to be nice about it. I will also have to definitely organize not only my personal life and time around her, but also “union board me” and “friend me” (via Alexis the dumb adviser, shitty I have to agree to this). This includes knowing when to call her out on certain things, and when to not, when to wait until the time is crucial. I’m definitely rooting for only mentioning things she’s doing “wrong” or “difficult” if it has become a large issue, she wants/asks my opinion, but also when there is a huge need to-- do not be “helpful” as a friend as an assistant director.  As a friend I will also need to not talk about work related things too much, if the topic comes up I will have to maintain my assistant director viewpoint. I will focus on being straightforward, to voice my opinion in other things, to joke and proceed as usual-- but I will need to clarify my own needs, to organize and manage my own time, and learn to mind my own business, but still be considerate to others. This consideration definitely has to include certain comparisons and mentioning of member/friend names to make a certain point to Kim (using Kade vs. Her was a really bad idea). The biggest issue I would have changing though, is that she will only contact you if she needs you, likes you, feels ready to talk to you, or has a specific reason she has to contact you. -- I will not ever, be able to catch her on my needs, ask her for a reliable favor, or maintain contact on stable ground. I will have to be okay with her being unreliable, expect inconsistency, and expect her to leave if she does one day and be okay with it. The thing is, it’s not that I’m not trusting her anymore, or the fact that I will never get emotionally close to her anymore either. The importance is placing trust in this negative factor of hers that I don’t like; placing trust in her consistency. In this case, I trust her to be consistent in being inconsistent, unreliable, and contacting me only on her terms. Now, I have to use these factors positively.  How?-- Usually people who act a certain way thinks it is completely normal to act this way, hence, I can act the same way and it will be justified. On the positive side, I only have to meet with her when both of us truly want to , she will never be two-sided if I do meet her, and if she hits me up that means she actually enjoys my company. When she doesn’t, she has a clear no, and whatever I send her is simply answered as ‘no’. I will have to read her action as the response, and not wait for an actual response. In general, I do like Kim a bit. Not the absolute dismay if I have lost her already, but knowing these changes, I feel better already, and I think I’m capable of these changes. This will lead to a way more casual friendship (as friendships should be in some ways?), and I think is balanced for our current closeness. We are still somewhat strangers and I think its good to clarify where we stand and how to move from this step.  As far as the improvement goes, I will see her Tuesday, and I will not stay extra hours unless she asks. If she reads my messages, messages me again to hang, that means we are not as done as I thought. But also I will see her replying at all as a sign of friendship, if not, I will appropriately see it as an end and leave it at that.  The rest? I need to chill and freak out less too quickly. Holding a casual feel is the best thing I can do. 

So here’s a list for me:

(1) Maintaining emotional distance (2) Straightforward communication of insecurities  (3) Be able to organize work and friendship separately  (3(a) -- Holding back opinions during work (she is the director) (3(b) -- Continue as usual but maintain assistant director attitude on certain topics, but also be considerate. 

(4) Trust in her consistency: she will only contact her if she wants to, she is unreliable, and she will leave if she wants to. 

(4(a) I can act the same way and she will be okay. (5) Read her action, don’t wait for her response.  (5) (example:) Don’t stay if she doesn’t ask you to. Don’t go by her terms if I have other things to do.   Only meet her if she asks.  Don’t hang if you don’t want to. Ask her if you want to, but don’t expect a response.  Do not expect anything that you haven’t asked for.  Don’t ask too much because she may not be capable of it. If she offers, she is capable of it.  Let her lead until she asks you to help.