#and quite frankly im done with it
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idk what girl out there needs to hear this rn but your big/pointy/crooked/etc nose is SO cute and also i’m SO gay for you like insanely gay for you
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#met so many women with the most attractive pointy noses i have ever seen#and EVERY time theyve told me they hated their nose#like!!!#girl im going to kill society for you who tf taught you that i’ll bite them#the world making so women insecure about their best features is the beginning of my villain arc fr#had ANOTHER girl tell me she hated her nose today and i am frankly quite done with the nose slander#i love all of your noses i want to place little kisses on them and boop them with my finger#if you talk shit about ur beautiful nose anymore we WILL have beef😤#im gay and i like sleeping
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has this been done yet
#it’s quite frankly a film that makes you feel every emotion very intensely in a very condensed amount of time#and im sorry if its been done but yeah#the band#my posts
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if you think im mean about my sister a. shes abusive and rwinger and has been bullying my whole life in spite of my trying again and again at bidding for connection with here so atp idrc bc ive tried so hard with her and shes never changes and i just cant be assed but also b. you have no idea how much im holding back for her sake.
#my moms the good person here bc she told me to cool it down about her. if she didnt say anything i'd be popping off near daily.#be thankful she pays for your house at all lil bitch. or considers you fucking at all. or thinks about you ever.#if i were her i'd drop you entirely atp. w your disrespectful entitled fucking ass.#be thankful ANYONE bothers to take care of your pets when you have your lil breakdowns. you have no fucking idea how hard it#is on people for you to do this. if you do it again on purpose knowing that imma tell them to let the dogs suffer bc its your#responsibility not theirs. and if you cant find someone to take care of them when you have issues then you need to give them tf away.#bc quite frankly? no one on this side of the family owes you jack fucking shit. be thankful you have a fucking roof over your head#bc better people than you get kicked out on the street for the most tame shit. be fucking thankful you little fucking cunt.#if you ever try some shit i will rock your fucking world. you're lucky i havent yet given what you've done to me my entire fucking life.#feel spared by me.#also again- if you think im being too harsh- you have no idea what sparked this. and i wont mention it bc the less ppl know about#the shit she pulled the better off & safer her victim is. just know that it sparked a fight response in me. not many things do#that besides people who threaten my or people i care abouts safety.
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Sigh i hate being on yt
#vent#I said i was gonna make a 4k sub special. But quite frankly i get get myself to work on it#Im not fixated on sprunki as much. I still like it but my motivation is gone#My adhd has been rlly bad recently and im bouncing around like crazy#I never expected to get 4 thousand ppl to follow me. That's so many ppl#I missed when ppl didn't expect so much from me. I missed when ppl were ok with me only making an animation like. Once every 3 weeks at most#Missed when i didn't have so many eyes on me. This is so stressful#'dw im still working on the 4k subscriber special!' a fucking lie#Cuz i don't want ppl to hates me. I don't want to loose fans. And im pretty sure nobody cares ant sprunki anymore so i don't think its gonna#Get any attention anyways#Holds my head#I hate yt i hate what it's done to me. I wish i could go back in time and stop myself from uploading that stupid twiddlefinger animation#I HATE IT HERE IM SO TIRED. I.M LITERALLY JUST SOME GUY WHO LIKES TO ANIMATE. IM NOT UR ENTERTAINER#How do ppl deal with this. I hate it. I hate it i hate it i hate it. I would delete my channel if i didn't have a petrifying fear of#Having something of mine being lost media#I love all those who truly love my work. But those who expect me to upload stuff that they only like forever and ever is less than the#Number of genuine fans. I can't keep doing this. I might need a break again. Im spiraling again#Im sorry. Im so tired. I rlly am. I missed whenever i only had 600 subs.#Sigh. Ok im done#text#text post
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idk if keeper is in the air this week or something but i suddenly have the desire to write kotlc fanfic again ???
#and it’s not even about gay telepaths…….#well still telepaths i guess but different ones than usual#and if i get around to writing it it’ll have to be a qualden fic/keefitz fic style long time jumpy fic#simply because of the parallels i’m trying to draw#and quite frankly i do not have time to write that before unraveled. though i don’t think the plot would be altered too much with that#although sokeefe does play a major role just. vaguely to the side#either way i know im deep in the kotlc brain because im relating every song on my playlist to keeper#which i haven’t done in. a while#august rambles
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fatui zuha with mentor balladeer is slowly becoming my favorite thing to write hehe
#✎ᝰ dried ink on paper.#just a small snippet from my fatui zuha fic that actually made me giggle when writing it out#fatui zuha who is frequently known to go on his poetic-like rambles amongst his fellow harbingers who quite frankly don’t entirely ..#understand his musings that tend to be about the oddest and meangingless of things in their minds w/ the balladeer being a common victim ..#due to being his mentor. in this au he was the one that actually recruited zuha into the fatui and has since then kept an eye on him ..#and his overall progress :) ….yea i’ve definitely brain rotted this idea a shit ton as you can tell although in this fic i dont rlly go ..#into heavy detail aboht zuha’s recruitment and the events that led up to that point - that is a whole other piece in and of itself#my hope is to get this done before the end of the month but honestly speaking.. im not counting on it😭
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really hate that mentioning my… struggles with my ex— and interacting with lesbian and dyke posts have signed me up for a subscription to brain rotted t*rf takes all over my for you page.
thanks tumblr. ( guess it gives me a reason to liberally use the block button )
#trans rights#trans people are valid#trans people quite frankly are hot as hell#make my nonbinary heart pitter patter#those other people do not deserve a place in the lgbt sphere#and quite frankly have no sense of nuance to any of thir half baked agruments in the name of their hateful agenda#how they cant see them veering closer and closer to cis white dude territory they claim to hate so much is beyond me#know im shouting into the void but im frustrated#i should be able to talk about abuse and celebrate wlw without being funnelled into that bigotted sphere#it is really insidious that abuse survivors are so easily caught by that sort of funnel#not that theres anything to be done about it since t*rfs tend to loudly take over these conversations#as a shield for bigotry and utter lack of commitment to their own healing#and commit abuse to other women trans or cis#auuuuuugh#goes without saying that if you dont support trans rights gtfo my page
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stromer tess and chucky isabel.... oh what a beautiful morning. the sun is rising. life is vibrant and joyful once again. the bit in 11 where tess runs after danny when he's getting arrested again but as mcstrome is actually gonna make me crazy if i think about it for too long. so of course i will pivot to imagining leon climbing out of matthew's window and breaking his heart and neither of them really getting over it, surely that will avoid the crazy. (it will not.)
(also if we Really want to 2015 draft class it up we need a place for minchy, if he doesn't have one already)
dylcon as exes where they cant stop coming back to eachother and hoping each other has changed even tho they know they havent but they still mean the world to eachother and connor will say anything to get dylan back (i only lied about being a theif and i dont do that anymore (lying about not theiving)) and dylan wanting the truth/an honest man (i dont want to have to make that distinction) and also like connor lying about truly everything except loving dylan and dylan’s trust waning over time and obviously he deserves better and he deserves an honest man but connor’s so fucking bright just pulls everyone into him and compels everyone (something something about dylan previously thinking that he’s better, somehow, than any crew connor’s ever run with because he can tell when connor’s lying and which promises to trust and which to throw out and disregard but it turns out he’s not any better because he keeps coming back ?) AND SIMILARLY w mattleo like of course matthew (ans leon) act like it was a whatever one night stand bc that’s what they’re used to but like. it wasnt. not really. and the drunkest leon’s ever been he confesses to connor that he’s been in love twice in his life and climbing out matthew’s window broke his heart and he’d had half a mind to convince matthew to run away with him and build a life together but he’d had the job to do and that’s when he knew that he wasn’t really made for ‘build an honest life together’ type of love (connor also reminds him then that he didnt even tell matthew his real name, and what? you were going to have this great life and the whole time he’d be moaning out tim?) connor and leon here are like. noone else gets us/noone else deserves our nonsense/the least amount of collateral damage because theyre kinda as bad as eachother but they have so much trust in one another that they know they’re liars and thiefs and the way theyre living has a time limit and somethings gotta catch up to them eventually but until then. they’re together in this and they’ll go down together too. also an argument to be made that here connor and leon are like a binary star system orbiting eachother feeding off eachother not really able to survive without one another and absolute hell on anyone around them
#SORRY THIS IS SO LONG#just. UGHHHHGH dylcon exes mattleo messy situationship ending in leon/connor is so endlessly compelling to me esp here because there’s no#pretense of them being good people like here theyre both selfish they care about eachother and they care about the job and they’ll take down#half the strip to do so and there’s no internal conflict here of Oh im not the best person in the world bc theyve been tthere done that been#on the wanted posters been on the watchlists this is their life and quite frankly the only people they can be truly honest with is eachother#sorry this got a little. no childen by the mountain goats rather than quirky crime/comedy box office hit but alas#asks#[redacted] tumblr user
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I will say while I've loved most of elden ring I'm really glad I'm down to just 2 more main boss fights (malenia + maliketh) before I start the endgame boss fights... whew 😮💨
#really gorgeous world but frankly its unnecessarily long. theyre gonna kill me for saying that but its true..#some areas/bosses just become overly repetitive when the game is THAT massive like its unavoidable#they tried rly hard to distinguish every area + honestly its a great effort but it couldve been half the size and just as good#like i just did the elphael ulcerative tree spirit bc i wanted to finish millicents questline. and come on man we didnt need another one#the design is sick + loooove the animation. but its a bad fight not bc of the difficulty but bc its janky as hell#lock on doesnt work properly bc of its size and the way it moves. u cant see shit on ur screen fighting them melee its just hack n slash#and theyre always in the most dogshit arenas possible for them like spaces w no maneuverability. its just not fuuuun#especially after youve fought 5 or 6 already earlier on in the game..#and its cool to have variations like the scarlet rot ones but we already HAD one of those just before lake of rot!! the gimmicks worn off#i did everything except maliketh in farum azula today as well and again. it didnt need to be that long. killing beastmen gets boring#after like the first 20 combat is just mashing buttons.. even the platforming is getting dull bc ive done 120 hours of it now#and theres only so many combinations of ladders and hallways and so on that u can possibly cram in here..#i say all this with fondness like i truly do love it. but it couldve been a lot tighter! regardless ill still 100% complete it#and i get most ppl dont try to get every single armament and talisman etc so they probably dont waste time FULLY exploring like i am#ahhh. anyway ill probably do malenia and maliketh tmr bc im right outside both of their arenas. and then call it quits this weekend#ill get my first ending next weekend probably... and hopefully by june ill have 100% and then i can play something else 😭#ik the dlc comes out in june but ill probably take a month or two break before i get to that#it doesnt even neeeed a dlc.......its excessive as it is just make a new game by this point ahhhhh#anyway its like 1am i need to SLEEP. i said i would go out to watch for northern lights but its overcast and im tired and my roommate#didnt wanna come with.. so i was gonna go to bed early instead but i guess that didnt happen lol#gonna feel like shit tomorrow bc i have to be up early to take my meds and she'll wake me up anyway.. but cross that bridge#typing is getting difficult bc im so sleepy okay goodnight everyone#.diaries
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"But don't be mistaken. Our bond runs no deeper than that."
Yeah, alright Lae'zel. Who are you trying to convince, me or yourself?
#like babes we're in the high range already and I have barely done anything#you love me#not even astarion likes me this much yet and Im quite frankly an expert on gaining his approval by now#bg3#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate#baldurs gate#the dark urge#lae'zel#lae'zel of k'liir
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thinking about him ( anarky )
#♱ ⁺ . ⋆ ˙ * 𝙾𝚄𝚃 𝙾𝙵 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰.#lonnell ‘lonnie’ machin the character and my oc of all time#i want to add him on here so bad but i post a forty paragraph meta on him and anarchist philosophy i will sound like the most annoying -#person on earth .#also. a lot of people just. have a very bad understanding on anarchism and left-leaning ideologies as a whole#and there’s an obvious reason 2 that. ( red scare; demonization of leftism; etc )#plus there’s rly no reason to go into lonnie’s character without engaging in the political aspect. bc bro is quite -#literally an anarcho-communist#AND the comics and arkham games have done him so fucking dirty#like. lonnie was literally created to educate others on anarchism and to deliberately go against the ‘molotov throwing anarchist’ archetype#he still does ‘questionable’ stuff but frankly the people he does it to completely deserve it#and other dc media have just completely bastardized him entirely#never forget the r.ed hood v. anarky comic where lonnie decides to endanger innocent people#like why the fuck would he do that !!!!!! he works IN FAVOR of gothamites not AGAINST them#nobody understands him like i do. im tired of living like this#anyways if i add him on here his vibe will be mostly influenced by the batman (2022) + other noir and thriller media
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#dont feel like typing a whole essay today but quite frankly the kpop idol girls give me dysphoria asdlkffasd not ina gender way in an im a#normal looking east asian woman and these alabaster white clearly-had-a-lot-of-eye-surgery done girl like...yeah they do disturb me#in a way that feels personal#it really.....................................................no analysis at this timei think. just. i wish id stop having to see it and i#might have to curate my dash accordingly no hatred towards those who love kpop but yeah i cant be having with this
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ohhhhhh my god my lead actress's big brown eyes...... girl you're killing me......
#and my male lead is quite literally blonde with blue eyes it's ridiculous#he's ok tho. actually i did find out today he played clarient in marching band in hs#so that's a red flag but hey i just need him to act and he's been pretty great at it. red flags are allowed <3#he also got us our other guy we needed for some small scenes. so he's been invaluable despite the serial killer eyes#in truth he actually looks lke a panda to me. there's nothing wrong with his serial killer blue eyes i'm being mean#sorry for being anti men who play clarient. in my defense i've known those guys and i have never met one that didn't annoy me a little#anyway. she has beautiful big brown eyes and he is there. and our other guy is beautifully tragic and doomed <3#that was my criteria for casting him. i said 'he needs to look beautiful and tragic' and then we found him#he did great today. i don't know if he likes me but he showed up and he wore all the outfits i told him to wear so#actually i think i act weird around good looking men. i think it's because once a hot guy is around i get one notch lower on the hierarchy#and i'm usually up there. frankly. so i don't like being lowered...#i mean you guys will see what he looks like eventually i'm gonna post the link to the film when it's done and i'm graduated#but he's Hot. i was scared of him for a moment. he was wearing sunglasses. and then i made him walk up a bigass hill#and then i made him be in vaguely homoerotic pictures. his words. he didn't seem to mind there were jokes had. jests even#and tomorrow at 11am im gonna make him stand on a bed and put stars on a wall while yelling at him to smile and look pretty#and well. that's awesome. heirarchy is restored once we all remember that i'm the guy in charge......#anyway. i had an eventful day. 8am to now. i gotta go to sleep girls.#unfortunately that's not happening soon due to i've committed myself to reviewing today's footage. ok
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Girl help I keep thinking about freaking persona 4
#i have banned myself from engaging with any persona 4 related content (except for memes my sister sends me)#because yeah its genuinely deeply upsetting for me and i always feel like absolute shit#but aghhh for some reason my brain has been fixated on it this week thinking about all the offensive garbage it is#and i keep thinking of all the evidence i can gather definitively proving that the writing is sooooo homophobic/transphobic#which is a very easy thing to gather up and prove since its all over the damn place lol#but like im just so fixated on how awful the game is and how the fans are even worse and i have this urge to argue forever#something im sure a lot of yall can relate to#cuz god it hurts to be screaming at people that theyre hurting you and for them to just say no to you as if its up for debate#if this sounds dramatic cuz its Juat A Game liiiike no its not Just A Game this is about#my daily life requires me to argue my existence constantly and its the same for every other damn marginalized person out there#and idk if youre still gonna either ignore or deny that persona 4 isnt batshit insanely offensive then youre stupid#i dont have the patience to argue shit like this anymore because theres no way someone with a brain can deny shit like that#and quite frankly even well intentioned queer fans who try to make headcanons that either say fuck you to the game#or hcs that do nothing at all to challenge the bigotry in p4 are kinda annoying to me#cuz it hurts too much to play along like yeah id LOVE to just slap a rainbow on kanji and a trans guy badge on naoto#and call it a day and enjoy the game outside of it all but thats kinda impossible#when these two characters entire existence revolves around the bigotry and its done in a way that hurts like hell to see#its too real for me to enjoy even if i make positive ‘fuck you atlus’ fan art#yeah ughhhh whatever its just annoying cuz I’ve been doing a good job at blocking this game away from my life#cuz it brought nothing but anger to me but its just been something thats been stuck on me lately#and im really not sure what triggered this or why its been lingering so long like please stoppp#its really embarrassing to be having bad mental illness over a shitty bibleo game 🙄
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Ignore
#delete later#as awful as the past couple of weeks have been in terms of intrusive thoughts and random waves of panic and intense emotions and#blankness. there have also been random patches that have been. okay. and that is how i know my medication is working#bc the times ive been like this and not medicated? there has been no reprieve#like although i feel. awful and useless and am internalising my work failures in a non helpful way that im trying to fight#i am having moments of#hey we're okay. they raised an issue in a way that was gentle bc youre a good employee usually. and honestly although you#feel terrible for fucking up. someone you care about very much died a month ago. you have been experiencing a mental health#almost crisis (i refuse to call it a full crisis bc im not self destructing really badly) and quite frankly the fact that you're functioning#at all is. pretty decent. youre trying. i am of course having moments where im convinced that they hate me and want to fire me immediately#but that has no evidence. and the fact that i know it has no evidence is a pretty insane piece of progress#shout out to my therapist from two courses ago who drilled the moral shit into my head.#she genuinly helped me a lot with this.#also was really really hoping for the usual christmas bonus this year bc my finances are tighter than usual but the company had a#lean year so no bonuses for anyone. so dont have the leeway to try out sliding scale therapy for a while. but it is what it is.#this will pass. its just been a rough four months and i havent had a break. ive also been waiting fir thr other shoe to drop at work#and it finally has so i can at least stop torturing myself over maybes. im getting my meds. i can refer myself to nhs depression#therapy. which will be mostly useless and the same as it always is but it tends to help me feel like im trying to progress which is still#helpful in some small way. it will be what it will be. one day at a time and all that jazz#this is also how these things go for me. i lose it slowly over a month or so. have a horrific couple weeks until a day of a genuine#full breakdown. i survive that day and the day after and then slowly start clawing myself up again. ive just had a few breakdown#days this time. what can ya do. is what it is. im sure I'll have another breakdown soon as i can tell im not done crying#and will almost certainly have a breakdown at my parents bc i am not good at hiding the dead eyed look and mum will#definitely clock im being weirder than usual with food and touching things. so there'll be a#anyway nevermind. ill do what i must
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i think ppl were hoping me becoming poor would make me as bitter as they are but... nah
#i move about the world different sorry#i have my reasons to be upset but i dont let it consume me and become my personality#going to therapy ever since i was like 12 has done wonders for me#you hafta realize that- i could- if i discarded all my values and desire for wellbeing- probably get whatever money from my dad.#my conservative dad who wants me to not be myself and would probably try to black mail me about it like he did when i was a kid#you dont understand how much i have to hate someone. to not be around someone. to PREFER to be poor than interact with them.#im by no means comfortable. sometimes i have periods of comfort other times i have no money and barely anything to eat.#id rather starve than go back to that abuse. you might feel different but thats bc like i said i move about the world different.#you dont know what that abuse was like. after experiencing it you might choose the same.#and no i personally dont consider that me 'having options'. i really dont see sacrificing myself and living as a shell of my former self#as an option personally. its either die by starving or die by sacrificing myself and quite frankly atp im choosing the former.#ive already tried the latter and hated every second of it every time#the only bitterness i have about being poor rn is at yall who wanted me to become poor. so no. it didnt work out in your favor.#not sure why you thought it would. i hate yall.#dont get me wrong- i hate the rich too for this- but ig i dont see them as subhuman or whatever since i lived like that#the uberwealthy though? yeah idk. still dont like the nazi rhetoric of calling them subhuman but i dont have any real#sympathy for them. most of my sympathy for rich ppl anyways is when they're kids and how that fucks em up but if they become#corrupt selfish adults i dont have sympathy for them atp.#and to be clear- im not saying the benefits of having money somehow hurts them- there are negatives to it though if your parents#suck and think buying you things = love. and make you dependent on your parents bc you've had everything taken care of for#you your whole life so you have no real life skills so you cant as easily leave. which is worse if your parent is abusive.#also dealing with other rich kids? sucks! depends but it almost always feels like a dick measuring contest.#being isolated your whole life + not knowing how to take care of yourself- the number 1 thing animals teach their children first +#not having any genuine friends + not receiving genuine love? kinda turns ppl into super villains ngl#if i didnt have dogs who taught me a lot of shit id probably be a super villain too ok lmao
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