#and ppl posted on their like literally yesterday
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out of the depths of fuckin nowhere while running a fever last night my torchwood obsession was re-awakened within me. and also apparently livejournal still exists and people still post there???????
#i cannot even describe to u the depths in which torchwood controlled my life at one point#i was like 13/14 and it consumed my every waking thought#i would incorporate it into any piece of work i had to do at school#me and my close friend bonded over it and became inseparable#we were Known in class to be fuckin weirdos about it SCREAM#our Teachers knew bc we would fuckin talk/write about it all the time#anyway at 2am last night i realised i still had every ep title of season 2 memorised in chronological order 👍#and when i googled it just now to see if it rly was that ingrained in me#the first suggestion that came up in chrome search bar was a link to fanfic on live journal 😭😭😭#and ppl posted on their like literally yesterday#help#send fuckin help im gonna fall back into this fandom so fucking hard again#brb finding all the old fics i have bookmarked and re-reading them#no don’t look at the 80+ tabs i have open of unread buddie fic that’s been there for months stop it don’t perceive me#bp
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is anyone else’s tumblr app acting annoyingly strange. “no posts to be found” every time i try to look at someone’s blog or the ‘for you’ tab… posts with tens of thousands of notes apparently have no tags or replies… i feel like i’m in a ghost town
#was like this all day yesterday too?? i miss reading ppl’s silly little thoughts in the tags :(#to be clear this is like a glitch not my dash feeling dead#it tries to tell me that a post has no replies when i can literally see that there are like. 5 replies or whatever#and blogs that i know are active show up as empty
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need 2 isolate myself and unfriend everyone #asap
#this guy who is still my friend i guess annoys me and ive been avoiding him and he confronted me and cried yesterday and i felt bad but more#ab the situation than our friendship because he puts himself into places without friends by being judgy and rude and wondering why ppl dont#wanna stick around him idk. i guess we're still cool but he clings onto me and its really annoying bc i want him to stop but i dont want to#be rude and hes just getting on my nerves and ik its bad to be like annoyed w ur friends but i literally just .our energies dont match and#its so exhausting to be near him so i need to do the right thing and tell him the truth and let him decide if he wants to cling on more or#not but i already did that tbh yesterday like. i told him i genuinely dont have the energy to match his and he asked 'when can we go back to#being normal' ?? i just said i felt better and comfortable being more alone and off than w him cant he stop. do i need to break his heart#hes really intelligent and hes able to tell these signs so idk why hes so hellbent on being stuck on me when ive literally said he tires me#cant he leave me alone. i already feel bad enough for feeling this way but last yr i didnt get to have any other friends irl bc he would#just cling on and drag or follow me and i barely had time to spend with anyone else and im stuck in a club i dont care for now bc he kept#pushing. like two or three of then actually idk why he cant just understand i dont want this nor any codependency w him anymore when ivebeen#like telling him already#sorry i have tutoring soon but im exhausted and feel horrible but whatever ill be fine etc i just need him to stop#on a brighter note. idk. im going to disney soon#post#vent#to delete#my lover please come home . only person i can admit my feelings directly to !. not on a vague tumblr post lmfao#/nbh btw obv bc why would i post it if it was#i need to play genshin kaedehara kazuha save me please give me a big fat kiss now
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Wearing my clown makeup today bc I thought Rocky might actually drop the album lmaooooo
#text post#I'm willing to be patient tho#and HIGHJACK and Tailor Swif are lovely to have to tide me over in the meantime lol#(tho I do not understand the controversy over the latter bc like. idk i looked up the lyrics after first listen to confirm them#and like. it's literally nothing other than a quip and play on words with her name. that's it lmao.#ppl up in arms on threads on reddit I was looking in yesterday before the song even dropped and like. this is it fjdskfljdas)#anyway. time to be patient and hope for Sept. maybe Oct. maybe next year or the year after but I like to think eventually#eventually. the album will drop
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just found out someone who has been following me for at least several months ships ch*ngxian so to be clear if you ship them I am killing you with my hands
#I assume this person must have been like willfully ignoring several posts of mine#because I call them brothers all the time and made a post saying ppl who say they aren't are insane literally yesterday#ghost posts#text
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I can be cool, but only on accident
#random post#see me having a 9 win streak on street fighter against 3 ppl that actually know how to do moves on purpose#instead of my tried and true spam all the buttons method#it’s a miracle really. I can’t even remember what the regular moves are half the time 😭#all the cool combos and supers I do are literally always an accident like i can’t figure out how to kick sometimes you think I’m doing#ex moves and shit on purpose? we’ve had this game for like 10 years and only yesterday figured out how to GRAB and THROW people. seriously
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i wish i was as good as you in being feral in tags. i truly try, but it just doesn't come. you, on the other hand, make growling and barking in the notes seem so effortless, i'm in awe
HELLPP IM FUCKING CRYING THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD
the fact that this could have been spurred by SO many posts ive reblogged the past 24 hrs. or like, ever 😭
but see
that's my secret, lissu
im always feral (lol)
and i just live in the tags so that's where it comes out more often than not LMAOO thank u for the compliment im glad my brand of mental illness is enjoyable HAHAHAH
#HAR DE HAR MARVEL REFERENCE sorry i couldnt help myself but ITS TRUE#the way i am in the tags is LITERALLY JUST HOW I ACT ALL THE TIME ONLINE THATS JUST WHAT IM LIKE#also being like very autistic and severely mentally ill and having very little dignity to speak of on this platform helps#AND i convinced myself like years ago that i can say whatever in the tags and maybe 2 other people will see it. this is my safe space#(obviously i know thats not true theres too many ppl here 4 only 2 a time to see me b crazy in the tags but we dont need to talk abt that)#also also if youre wondering how i think of the words i say in the tags. the answer is i dont!!#thank u again bcz i am STILL laughing over this#i went and looked bcz i was like 'what the fuck did i say in the tags that couldve spurred this ask'#now I scrolled like back a days worth but i really didnt need to. i definitely see your point LMAOO#DONT ASK ME ABOUT THAT JOSH HUTCHERSON POST I WILL NOT STAND RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT TEKI OF YESTERDAY SAID#NOR THAT ARTHUR MORGAN ART THAT WAS A VERY REASONABLE RESPONSE IMHO#ALSO NOT THAT WOLFSTAR ART THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY WITHIN THE PARAMATERS FOR THAT POST!!!!!#jesus christ. im doing it again#im---#teki talks#asks
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chronic pain can go die in a hole x
#got ppl in my ear saying i should walk around more but whenever i walk around too much my legs are in horrible pain :))#idk i had a good day yesterday it just sucks that this is the consequences#also all the doctors who keep telling me there’s nothing wrong with my legs can fuck off bc clearly there is#don’t think it’s normal to go most of my life completely fine and then i suddenly can’t walk properly and get pain in my legs 🤔#it’s definitely because of what i think it is™️ and i’m sick of doctors essentially gaslighting me into thinking it’s not#i’ve clearly got some kind of nerve damage or something fucked and no one’s listening to me#idk i’m just trying to manage things and keep up a good quality of life as i can but i keep getting setback by my health kicking my ass#which is literally so fun#idk personal post#lue talks#EDIT: it says yesterday but this has been sitting in my drafts for a while imao#it’s actually been like two weeks and i’m fine now but the point still stands
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sorry wanted to apologise for all that, i find celebrity drama interesting sometimes but realise now yeah you shouldnt have to care about all that and i wasn't trying to say you shouldn't listen to her for any reason or anything like that. tmi social misstep moment. sorry
No big deal! It honestly would've been fine if it was just one person, and I assume you're probably the one who was actually giving Discussion. But there were at least two other anons sending me one or two sentence um actuallys to which it's just like man... nobody asked you.
#jack facts#plus idk if you're a follower or not#i tend to assume ppl who ask about untagged posts surely must be but that is not the case! somehow!#but i had a not so jazz hands anon interaction like yesterday or the day before too#so i'm just kind of like damn can somebody tell me about their pussy or something jfc#the anon function is for when you want to confess your sins against that old man or one hit k.o. my kinks#not for making celebrity police reports or accusing me of fetishizing my own demographics#anyway. none of this is about you person who sent this specific ask.#this is just like. where i'm coming from.#the number of times i've considered just giving up and turning anon off...#but the ratio of non-anon to anon is like astronomical#if i turned off anon i would basically get no asks at all and the nice/actually engaged ones are literally what keeps me going in this life#🤷🏼#reading process
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playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there
#how do i tell her she needs to break up with him immediately. posthaste.fuck it funny post over rant incoming tw emotional abuse i think#nyarla dni#(<- roomie and nyarla have met and i don't wanna air roomie's drama to ppl who know her w/o her consent. anon internet ppl only)#listen i'm normally for gentle advising and that's probably what i'll do since i don't want to stress her out but oh my fucking god what is#his problem. he's constantly putting her in these weird no-win situations where the only right answer is to never be upset or disagree or b#wrong on accident or be misunderstood by him and to tell him everything she's feeling so she's not 'playing mind games' but if she says wha#she's feeling he'll interrogate her and badger her with the same questions over and over again insisting she's unreasonable until she gives#in and says she's sorry with an attitude he likes. i fucking don't like him. and a lot of this is observations from today. the day after sh#GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT AND BROKE HER NECK. WHAT THE FUCK.#it's like he expects to be treated like a king on one of the worst days of her life and when she's upset he's like OH. OH I GET IT.#and lectures her on having attitude and taking things out on others when she's literally not even doing that. not to an extent that matters#anyway. like. there's more productive ways of dealing with that. where you don't treat them like a bad kid for getting overwhelmed#he has made her cry multiple times today. i have been around multiple arguments and fights and he's just genuinely. awful i hate him#hell the first argument i overheard *i* was in tears by the end (luckily they left soon after bc i had to run to the basement laundry#dungeon to bawl my eyes out because 1. i can't handle confrontation 2. i've never seen roomie cry and 3. she just seemed so hurt and tired)#anyway he just left again after a fight because. god this is so dumb. she told him to move while they were sleeping in the same twin bed#(remember she's in a neck brace) and he fucking. left the room for an HOUR bc he thought the only thing that could POSSIBLY mean (as he#insisted) was for him to get out of here and then when she was like oh hey i'm sorry i didn't mean it like that he decided to spend the nex#half hour of his short time on this earth chewing her out for not giving him a lengthy explanation while half-asleep as to like. why he#needed to move (she wanted to grab smth) and apparently he sat in the chair by her bed for like 10 mins before leaving so he probably saw#her fall back asleep. and then he got pissy when after he left she didn't pick up her phone when he was calling her? even though he knew sh#was asleep?? she didn't even know he was gone. fucking. i need to get him away from my roomie YESTERDAY#look. miscommunication happens. i'm not saying he's an asshole for wanting things said clearly. i am pro-saying what you mean.#but if every time your gf tells you what she means you make it into a 30 minute lecture (no matter how small the slight and w/o examining i#you're actually right or not) she's not gonna wanna fucking tell you if she doesn't think it's worth the argument. especially if you never#let her rest until she concedes. apology isn't enough. clarification isn't enough. she has to say how wrong she was and beg and GOD. UGHHH#and he's always on about how she hurts his feelings. a gust of wind could hurt his feelings. he's constantly berating her manipulating her#and then he's like >:( see that hurt my feelings you can't hurt ppl's feelings. you're disrespectful. HE"S THE WORST I FUCKING HATE HIM#look sometimes adversity reveals the truth of a person and this just amplified his shittiness so much. mr OH i slept in a HOSPITAL and it#was so bad... you can't be in a bad mood bc i've been doing the bare minimum and you need to prioritize MY feelings rn. also i won't leave
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researching about russia does make you paranoid because they do go to such extreme lengths sometimes to persecute people who do barely anything against the regime.
like, i know they're not trying to poison ME for just some social media posts, i'm not russian or near russia, but that comes to mind when i feel sick (when I haven't been sick since covid in 2022), or if I get some sort of scam online, I think they're targeting me specifically
It's almost 99% unlikely... but you can't put anything past them at this point.
i mean, if i were actually being effective, which would be more likely if i had a wide audience, i can see they might -- might-- try something. but i'm a nobody.
plus i'm really tired rn which makes me irrational (I'm sooo tired that I think i might be sick, which triggered all this. More than even the normal tiredness after running around all weekend - just 4 visits 4 miles away.... but also with some paranoia about them bc I HAVE had incidents before. when you've had something happen it does appear more prominently in your mind)
I do comment and share things I can't help but share... because I can't stay silent. when people are so immune to seeing evil in front of their face
and I don't look at replies to comments on youtube or instagram bc I know a lot are probably negative, perhaps trolls (i've seen some and I don't need that negativity)
#i unfriended my uncle bc he was making irrational comments on fb#i can't keep replying to his conspiracy addled comments#every time i write about russia he's like waht about america it does all this bad and we aren't free and i'm like#don't you see#and he's like we're propping up ukraine#ha maybe he's targeting me#all this silliness online about nazis and Jews being nazis or wahtever#i literally saw a post today about how Jews are causing the war because they want to make a nother jewish state or??? some nonsens#you have to have integrity and sense of reality#and i know ppl aren't targeting me#perhaps with words i'm not listening to them bc they're iditos#most likely trolls#im' so tired i feel like i may be sick both today and yesterday#my mind isn't working. that sounds like covid#but i have no other symptoms#stomach hurt some last night but...#it's novichok!!#ahah
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#idk if this is angsty or not so im just gonna throw it in the tags#but like. i fully know what my problem is. and how i could fix it. and literally the only thing making me sad and upset is myself#why? because my choice of medium is writing. because that makes it incredibly difficult to get anything out there and get people interested#in my creations. cause visual media is preferred so much over written anything cause its so much easier to consume#it doesnt help that i dont work with popular characters or ships (literally my current work im most excited about is for a ship only *i*#have contributed to so far. like.. we are talking that level of unpopular choices here)#and like. i dont say this to shame or blame anyone. this is obviously my choice. ive decided to do both of these things when i could have i#so much easier. i wouldnt be better at it if i did visual shit still. im way worse at that than writing. ive always been a writer first#but.. honestly seeing the difference with interaction and even in general interest due to these factors...#idk man. again i know this is entirely self inflicted like i chose this. i chose all of these things. and continue to do so#ive literally seen all of this. im not making it up. im not talking about just in general im talking this has happened to me personally#that rare time in june i made and posted art? do you understand the amount of ppl that said 'ive missed your stuff'?#the same people that dont consume my current works due to their form and have never went on the lengths to say the same thing about#my writing? when i took a two year hiatus from all of that basically? but a few months of visual arts?#idk fam im just. i understand all of this but im hurt. you know?#cause i know it doesnt matter. and its so much more difficult. i know there are people out there who love and appreciate what i do#and who understand how important this is to me compared to other stuff and before and whatnot#but at the same time the negatives (that are mostly in my head but they are still real things and they still hurt) are so much louder#i dont know where im going with this. im just thinking. excuse the brain barf#or dont. whatever. im just.. acknowledging my recent feelings. there is a reason i had a breakdown few days ago and yesterday was so rough#i should probably go to bed. sorry about this#its not gonna change anything in how stuff is viewed or how im gonna act about it but just.. you know. putting this out there#the inequality of how art is treated just has me thinking. that maybe im not made for this#maybe i should just be the below mediocre visual artist that does things that give them no happiness just cause it gets more attention#idk. just. yeah#good night#night is an absolute mess on main
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Currently typing this in the bathroom like the hostage i am right now: i will not be working on my lil comic because i am cursed to constantly be involved with the child, i will never have my own kids, this is not the life for me lmao
#literally saw a post yesterday that was like “life rlly be boring asf without kids#like imagine not having then around“#first of all tell me youre a boring sociopath without telling me youre a boring sociopath#second of all i love being able to do whatever tf i want#ppl who have kids are stronger than me and im hapoy to let my gene pool die
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what do you do at your internship if you don’t mind me asking? x
i don’t mind! i’m basically the social media/photography girl. i make graphics and stuff for their social media accounts and take pictures at different events (like practice, tournaments, and stuff like that). i also run their tiktok account!
#yesterday the guy asked me like what i was planning on doing and i told him im gonna stay and work with them throughout the season#he said he’ll include me in their plans and i was like okay 😃 whatever that means#plus the ppl here are nice and fun to work with. and one of them said i was a part of the team the other day 🥺#but yeah im hoping that i can get access to their other social media accounts like insta twitter fb because the guy who currently runs it#1. barely posts and 2. doesn’t post the content i make 🫥😵💫#and the guy and another guy i work close with literally want more content for their social media accounts so 🧍🏾♀️#idk. i’ll figure it out#cause im not making the content for nothing#plus i want to freshen up their accounts because it’s giving…. plain and basic#anonymous
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it’s amazing how I would say I hate all fandoms, really, I do. Including the Naruto one even!! But how many more valid takes and funny posts I see in the Naruto tag compared to other series I’m into T_T I wish I could have at least ONE fun corner to enjoy posts with other stuff I like but newer fandoms lead by kiddies just make me so angry.
#I was litereally 3 mins in the ytt/d tag yesterday and saw smth that made me so angry I had to quit#remember when characters and canon still mattered#good old times#These days it's all just using the skin of canon chars and make them do whatever ooc hellish plot they want them to do#like who am I to tell ppl what to do but why do you even like the series if none of your posts are actually related to what they are like in#canon- I really wonder#ANYWAY don't mind me finding comfort in my old fandoms bc the quality of posts in#newer stuff I'm into is just HELLish bad
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every time I think my brother has grown the fuck up and become a decent person he says some stupid shit again
#our stepdad has been taking moms death REALLY really hard and apparently he was admitted to the hospital yesterday#and my sister sent out a text to all of us abt it#and he's just being a dick??#like I'm not close w my stepdad At All but cmon dude#he's like judging him for being alcoholic#and being like Everyone Else Was A Functional Person After Her Death okay person who had a negative relationship with the deceased#if I thought anything could be gained from calling him out I would but I don't have the energy or patience to start a battle I won't win#'I'm sorry a human being is suffering but blah blah blah' go fuck yourself dude#addiction is a disease asshole!! everyone handles grief differently dickhead!!!#the way he he's barely said shit in this groupchat until now.... 🙄#truly have barely any emotional connection to my stepdad but my brother is just being a dick straight up!#he literally said 'take accountability and grow the fuck up. ppl die and it can bury you or you can take it in stride and live on'#maybe YOU should grow the fuck up and be empathetic to peoples suffering#anyway.#ghost posts#text
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