#thats a jooooke a joke. sorry. i just cant handle anyone being nice to me rn or saying theyre proud of me itll feel so condescending | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

phagodyke · 7 days ago

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was really brave and had my first dental appt in like 5-6 years this morning I only started crying 4 times while trying to do bitewings and then they had to give up on them as usual lmfao

#look man i have a small jaw and strong gag reflex and a pathological fear of feeling like im not in control i cant relax enough to do them #and then i panic and shove them off me without thinking. thought maybe it wouldve gotten better but its so reflexive. man #i feel so stupiddddd and pathetic. third medical appt in a row that ive cried at #the guy was rly nice tho i hunted around to find a dentist w +ve reviews from ppl w disabilities &/or a lot of dental anxiety #no clue why its so bad for me i havent even needed any crazy dental work done before like its not a trauma thing #and fucking praying i never ever do bc good fucking grief. i rly hope i figure this shit out bc i wont be able to afford to be knocked out #anyway i need to stop working myself up abt it my teeth are literally fine. theres one theyre keeping an eye on but thats all #booked the earliest hygienist appt they had which was first thing tmr morning as well so i can get it out of the way stat without thinking #gonna have 3 different doctors appts tmr morning now bc i have gp and audiology appts too im gonna feel so shite #at least theyre in order of how difficult they are/how likely i am to cry at them lmao. itll be fine #man im probably going to have to cry in the work bathroom when i get in im still so on edge i hate this shit i hate it but i went #so im glad i managed to do that at least bc fuck me it wouldve been a waste of £££ to cancel dentists are fucking extortionate #anyway posting on here bc im too embarrassed to text my friends abt it lmao but it was rly fucking scary. for me #ill tell them in person when i can laugh it off so i wont lose any of my masc clout 😌#thats a jooooke a joke. sorry. i just cant handle anyone being nice to me rn or saying theyre proud of me itll feel so condescending #ill snap and get violent or just start crying again. fuuuuucking hell.#anyway almost at work its gonna be a fucking slog again my face is gonna hurt so bad from all this microscopy #yesterday i was seeing the fucking ecoli every time i closed my eyes. should be able to leave earlier if i get everything done tho #had plans tn but im gonna have to dip i think but its okay im at the test printing stage of my cards and my slow cooker is on #so ill have a nice evening regardless. and thats a THREAT. no one try me. okayyyyyy byeeee #.diaries

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