#and one or both of them can realize that their desires change or aren’t right for them

[ozcarma]

I’m actually so upset over the grimmons resolution I’m tempted to start a YouTube channel and make a whole video breakdown of their fucking queerbait

[satorusugurugurl]

Can i please request an experienced reader taking the virginity of gojo, geto, nanami, and sukuna (modern au) please? I really love your writing and all the brainrot it gives me ☺️ happy feel good friday ! ❤️

Cherry Popper!

Summary: You pop the cherries of some of the hottest men from JJK!

Characters: Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru, Nanami Kento, Ryomen Sukuna (Modern AU)

Word count: 9,020

Warnings: smut, language, fingering, p in v, protected/unprotected sex, horny thoughts

A/N: Nonnie, I hope you have an amazing day. This prompt had me squirming! *feral barking*

Gojo Satoru:

Dating the Gojo Satoru was like a dream come true. Not only was the man hot, and he spoiled you rotten, and he loved you endlessly. Not a day went by that you doubted his love for you. But you did notice something was wrong with him when things started to get a little more intimate in the bedroom. 

One night, you were watching Netflix when he leaned over to kiss you, and you reciprocated. That kiss turned into another kiss before it was a full-blown make-out session that ended with you on top of him, straddling his hips; his erection was rubbing against your clothed pussy perfectly. Both your palms lay flat against his chest as you tilted your head back, rolling your hips back and forth, your clit rubbing over the seam in your pants perfectly. 

You were getting lost in the pleasure; the feeling of his cock twitching and becoming fully erect had you eager for more. He looked so fucked, lips slightly parted, cheeks flushed a deep shade of red, and those beautiful eyes slowly widened as you placed both his hands on your breasts. His long fingers twitched, eager to squeeze and massage the super-soft flesh of your chest. Instead of giving in to his carnal desires, he sits up, leaving his hands on your breasts as he takes a deep breath.

“Toru?” Your boyfriend’s eyes roll back at the sultry tone of your voice. “What’s wrong?”

His eyes glance around the room, avoiding yours entirely. “Uhm, Before we go any further, you should know something.” His tongue darts out, sliding over his kiss-swollen lips, wetting them. 

Oh, he was serious. You goofball of a boyfriend was being serious. All horny thoughts went to the back of your mind as you focused all of your attention on him. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” 

The different scenarios he might want to discuss with you flow through your head. Did he have an STD? Was he not ready to take it to the next step? Or did he not see you sexually appealing? The scenarios of what could happen in the next couple of minutes were endless.

“Uhm, well, I've noticed things in our relationship have progressed.” His hands gently squeeze your breasts to emphasize his point. “like how you’re straddling my hips and grinding against my cock. But before we take it further, you have the right to know.”

“Ah~” he gives your tits another squeeze, “know what?” 

“I-I’m uhm—” he uses your breasts like a stress ball, giving them a final squeeze before he lets out a harsh breath. “I’m a virgin.” 

A 404 error message displays in your mind; you blink, look away, and look back at Gojo before repeating the process. As if doing so will restart your brain. Because there is no way I’m a virgin just left his mouth.

“You’re a virgin?” 

“God, why does it sound worse when coming out of your mouth?”

“You're a virgin?”

“Repeating it isn’t going to change the fact that, yes, I am a virgin.” 

His cock is as soft as a marshmallow against you. You realize this might not be the best conversation while you’re on top of him. So, despite his sounds of protest, you crawl off his lap and sit on your knees across from him. 

There was a lot you wanted to talk with him about before you took the next step. “Okay, were you uncomfortable with how things were moving? Is that why—” you nod your head towards his crotch, “you aren’t hard anymore?” Anyone looking in on your conversation would’ve thought you just told Satoru you had run over his puppy.

“No, I’m not uncomfortable, I swear! I just— got in my head, and I realized that I hadn’t told you about still owning my V-card.” He lets out a nervous chuckle. “I just didn’t want things to get hot and heavy  for me to cum too soon and leave you feeling unsatisfied?” 

Not once in the history of your relationship with him had Gojo left you unsatisfied, so there were no worries. You did have to worry about the feral need in your chest. Knowing that he was a virgin and you were the experienced one had you not even concerned about your pleasure. Your boyfriend’s bottom lips stuck out in a pout as he looked you over. Satoru contemplates if he should’ve told you this or not. Why do people make such a big deal over their virginity anyway?

With a far-out look in his eyes, Gojo doesn't even see you coming. One second, you're sitting across from him; the next, he's being shoved back, and his shorts are tugged down. His soft cock twitched as you wrapped your hands around him and gave him a couple of strokes. 

“Fuuck, baby, what are you? Nngh!” his eyes widened, tears pricking his eyes as you took him into your mouth with a happy hum. “Oooh—ooh—haah~!” his fingers interlace through your hair, gently tugging at it. “Well fuck~ if I knew tellin’ y-yo-oooh fuck~!” Satoru clenched his teeth as you bobbed up and down, “Tellin’ you I was a virgin would get you to suck my dick~ would have told you sooner~!”

You hummed, pulling off of his erect cock, licking at the spit coating your lips. “I'm doing it to get you nice and hard~ because I’m going to fuck your brains out~” The declaration had Satoru twitching in your hand.

He was more than to have to fuck him, and he’s suddenly wishing it was your pussy wrapped around him rather than your mouth. But the nerves got the better of him, and he's ninety-nine percent sure that if you were to try jumping on top of him, he'd go soft again. Out of the two of you, you knew what you were doing, so it was better to let you do your thing.

And your thing was fucking torture.

You were sucking the life out of his cock, but every time he thought he would cum down your throat, you would pull away, edging him. It was fun at first, being almost at the edge of blissful pleasure to have it yanked away. But now that this has happened nearly five different times, it wasn't as fun anymore.

Satoru’s eyes flooded with tears as he fisted his hands into the sheets with a groan. “C- can't take it anymore!” Your throat was so warm and wet, but he wanted more; he needed you in the purest, rawest way he could. “Baby, fuck please I’m so hard it fucking hurts!” He wasn't lying about that; his cock was throbbing hard, tip leaking pre-cum. 

“Yeah~ you ready for me to pop that cherry?” Satoru laughs, eyebrows furrowing as he nods. 

“Say it however you want; I don’t care. Just please fuck me.” 

Watching you sit back and strip down had his cock twitching even harder. His eyes rake over your skin, taking in how pretty your tits are, how slick it is coating your inner thighs. You look tameless as you straddle his hips, your wet cunt inches from his dick. Kneeling above him, your fingers gently maneuver the head of his cock against your wet and tight entrance.

Just as you line yourself up, Satoru grabs your hips with both of his hands, his breath shaking as he exhales. Wait, it wasn’t just his fingers; his whole body was shaking. Did he want to do this?

“Toru?” Pulling your gaze from where your bodies are nearly connected, you look into his eyes, finding a man not overwhelmed by nerves but by pure horny intent. “Oooh.”

His cheeks are flushed, his eyes dark as he breathes heavily. You may have looked tameless to him, but to you, the man is fucking feral. It has you feeling things, so many things. Things that have you smirking as you grab him by the back of the head, yanking him towards your mouth in a heated kiss of tongue and moans. Satoru gently bucks his hips as he feels your pussy throb over the head of his cock. 

“M’ gonna fuck you, Toru~ ready?”

“S-So fuck—ah!” He rocks back as you start sliding your pussy down his cock. “Haah! Oh god.” His cerulean eyes dart towards his cock, where you both are connected. “O-Oh my god, oh my god, I’m inside you,” 

“Yeah~? Does it feel good~?” 

“Fuck! Fuuuck, fuck, fuck.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” You giggle as you grip his broad shoulders, lowering yourself entirely down on his cock until he’s balls deep inside of you. “Mhmm~ congratulations, you’re no longer a virgin. You feel so good inside of me~.”

His dick twitches against your tight walls as Satoru gently grips your hips. “It’s bad enough that I’m close to blowing my load from you just lowering yourself down. B-But when you talk like that, I feel like I could cum untouched. S-So maybe save that for when I’m not freshly devirginized.” His pleas are heard, and you decide not to say anything remotely close to that. Instead, you pull yourself up before slamming back down on his cock. “HAAH! Oh fuck!”

You set a slow pace of bouncing up and down his shaft while gripping his shoulders for support. Satoru watches your perfect body bouncing and rocking against him. His hand trail lower, groping the fat of your ass, squeezing it firmly as you continue to fuck him. You look so pretty, your head tilted back and your bottom lip between your teeth as you lose yourself in the pleasure. 

Seeing you so into it made him so close to the edge that he knew he would not last long. “Fuck~ fuck~ you’re so wet, so tight.” He groans out, dropping his forehead to rest on your shoulder. “I’m not gonna last long, sweetheart, fuck sorry.” Hearing that only had your hips moving faster and harder, causing him to grip your ass to ground himself. “Baby, please, please, I’ll cum too soon.” One hand remains on his shoulder while the other grips a handful of soft white hair, yanking his head back so you can look into his eyes.

“You might not last long, but the great thing about this is that we can do it as much as we want to build up your stamina~.” 

Your words seem to unlock something in your boyfriend as his eyes widen as you roll your hips. You fully believed hearing the promise of more sex would be enough to send him over the edge. But it doesn’t. Instead, it makes him snarl as squeezes your ass before thrusting up, fucking into you with full force. Fucking the air out of your lungs, leaving you breathless and stunned as he uses one hand to trail down to your clit, his thumb rubbing the bundle of nerves back and forth. The sudden change, the flip of dynamics, had you falling forward, your face buried in his neck. 

“Oh fuck~ fuck~ holy shit.” You cry out, trying to match his frantic movements but failing. Was he a virgin?! How? How was that possible when he was fucking into you like a porn star?!

“Ooh~ god fuck, fuck!” Your sweet, not-so-innocent boyfriend cries out. “Fuck~ fuck are you g-gonna cum?” He’s suddenly perked up, a new wave of confidence washing over him as your walls clamp down. “Oh fuck, you are!” He grunts out, thumb rubbing faster over your clit. “Fuuuck fuck, please cum~! Cum baby~ cum~!”

You can’t even warn him. His cock is bullying your g-spot while his thumb abuses your clit. You were expecting him to be under your thumb, not vice versa! His eyes widen as you arch your back, eyes ruling into your skull as your walls squeeze his cock so hard it has him whimpering. You cum, screaming his name, squirting all over his lower stomach, pulling him over the edge with you. His cock throbs hard as spurts of cum fill you. He keeps cumming until your orgasm finally comes to an end.

“A-Are you sure you’re a virgin?” You ask between gasps while Satoru peppers hot open-mouth kisses down your neck. 

“Mm, was.” He corrects before shoving you down so he’s on top of you. “I was a virgin.” 

His cock is still hard, your combined cum seeping out around him. “H-heh, uhm Toru—“ you gasp as he pulls out of you before slamming back in. “Nngh!” You cry out, eyes full of tears this time, as the roles have been reversed.

“What was it you said?” And deep, sharp thrust. “Right~ ‘You might not last long, but the great thing about this is that we can do it as much as we want to build up your stamina~?” Your hazy gaze watched Satoru smirking like a madman, a lustful fire burning in his breathtaking eyes. “I’m ready for round two.

And it was that moment you were ready to meet your maker because Gojo Satoru was about to fuck you to the brink of death.

Geto Suguru:

You loved your boyfriend. God, you loved him so much. Not only was he fucking hot, but he was also a complete and total sweetheart. Even though he had gone through so much shit in his high school career, he never once faltered as a good person. He could have gone down a darker path after everything with the star plasma vessel, but he hadn’t. 

Sure, he had gone through a rough time. He didn't sleep well, he lost a bunch of weight, and things just seemed hopeless. But he came to his senses when he saved Nanako and Mimiko from the terrible village they were stuck in. He had every opportunity to take revenge on the monsters that had hurt them. But instead, he called you and Gojo before acting in rage.

The three of you had saved those girls, and they were now under the protection of the high school. Since that fateful night, Suguru started taking better care of himself. He talked things over with you and Gojo, letting you know how much he had been suffering. With both of your help, he started paving his path to a better future—one where he would talk to you and let you know what was going on in his mind. A future was full of love and light.

It was funny to think that it was three years ago, and now you both were living together, on missions as full-fledged Jujutsu Sorcerer. Reminiscing over the past like that made the time fly by. You were looking through old photos on your cell phone when the door to your apartment opened. Geto walked in still in his gym clothes, his hair tied up in a tight bun. He was coated in sweat as he slipped his shoes off and headed into the bedroom.

“Hi Sugu, how was your workout?”

“Good.” He presses a chaste kiss to your cheek. “I’m happy to be home. I missed you.” His chaste kiss turns into another, followed by another, until his lips press firmly against your mouth.

You hum happily, kissing him back, arms snaking around his neck as you pull him down on top of you. He lays on top of you, his hips pressing against yours, as you lick his bottom lip. He allows you to slide your tongue into his mouth, his hands gently grabbing your waist, and you deepen the kiss, tasting the remains of his pre-workout on his tongue. 

Maybe the reminiscing of the past or the traces of strawberry flavor that lingers in his mouth makes you want to get in a workout yourself. You’d been with Geto for over two years, and between finishing school and adjusting to your lives as full-time sorcerers, you hadn’t gotten more intimate than hand stuff and oral sex. Tonight was the perfect night for you guys to take it further. 

You rocked your hips up, pleased to feel his throbbing erection against your thigh. He grunts, breaking the kiss, a string of saliva connecting your lips. His eyes narrow as you rock up against him again, drawing a moan from his throat. 

“Mm, someone’s needy.”

“Mhmm~ thinking about you and how hot you are makes me all horny.” 

“Ooh? Well, let me help with that.” He goes to slide his hand into your pajama pants, but you grip his wrist, preventing him from slipping under. “Want me to eat you out instead? I could use a treat after my workout.”

“No, I want you to fuck me.” 

Your request had your boyfriend blinking in shock for a moment. “Fuck you?” He repeated that as if you were speaking a foreign language; he was incapable of understanding. 

“Yes~ we’ve been together for a while; I want to take it to the next phase.” You tug your tank top off, tossing it to the floor. “Come on, I want you.”

 

Suguru stares at you for the longest time, eyes taking in your bare form before he nods. The tent in his pants has excitement rushing through you. You’d had sex before you and Geto got together. You and Nanami were eighteen and in a hotel after a stressful mission. So you both decided to have sex—several times in one night and a few times after that. But you were better friends than lovers. 

Of course, you and Suguru were both experienced. So this was bound to be the best sex of your life. You couldn’t wait to feel him buried inside of you.

Getting on all fours, you arched your back as deep as you could, your ass in the air. Looking over your shoulder, you watched as your boyfriend rolled a condom over his cock with shaking hands. Aw, the poor guy was so excited he was shaking! 

Suguru was shaking because he was about to have sex for the first time in his life. He never brought it up because who cared about virginity? It wasn’t that big of a deal for guys, well, for him at least. Having that mindset didn’t change the fact that he was nervous. 

He did not want to cum the second he slid inside of you; he couldn't cum before getting you off. There was no doubt he could do that. He'd done it plenty of times before. Making you cum was one of his favorite things to do! On his tongue, fingers, his thigh, getting you off got him off. But cumming inside of you before even having a chance to fuck you, that had him doubting himself. 

“Sugu~ you okay, babe?” 

Suguru blinked, looking at your delicious body. The curves of your ass, your wet pussy eagerly waiting for him to slide inside of you. You were so beautiful, but seeing you like this, so bare and needy, god, it had his body moving on its own. 

“I’m good; I’ll be even better once I’m inside you.” Without cumming first thing. “I’m going to uhm—uh—”

You giggle cocking a brow. “Fuck me?” 

“Yeah, that.” You giggle again, but as he pushes the tip of his cock past the tight ring of muscles, your giggle turns into a soft moan. Suguru bites down on his bottom lip with a growl. You’re so tight and fuck; it was like you were sucking him into your heat. The feeling of you wrapped around him had him gripping your ass for dear life. “Fuck~ fuuuck~ ah~”

“Ah fuck~” you groan as he stops, “Suguru~ baby, no need to stop. I can take you, I promise.” 

“S-Sto—” he groans, “please.”

“Huh? Please, what baby?” 

“Sto—ahhh!” He rests his head against your shoulder blade. “Haaah.” Several hot breaths spread over your skin as he sinks deeper. 

Shit, he was really into it. Slowly sliding into you, savoring every second. “God, you’re being so hot~ savoring it, are you?” Suddenly, a hand wraps around your neck before clamping down over your mouth. 

“Please, Princess, I am begging you to stop talking.” Your eyebrows knit together as you turn to look at him, only to be met with his flushed fucked out face. “E-Everytime you talk to me, you clench down on me, and I-I’m trying extremely hard not to cum and ruin our first time.” Your eyes widen as he exhales softly. “Well, my first time.”

 

“Eh?!” Your muffled scream had your boyfriend growling, his head falling forward.

“Fuck, please, baby!” He drops his hand from your mouth, gripping the sheets instead. “Please, please.”

“You’re a virgin? I thought you had done it.” 

“Who the hell would I have had sex with?”

You blush, feeling a bit silly for your assumption. “W-Well, his name rhymes with Hoe-Joe.” The room is nearly silent, aside from Suguru’s groans. 

“No, hell no, what the fuck, babe?” 

“You both are close! I just thought maybe—ya’ know, lonely mission?” He’s so quiet it has you giggling. “Thought he would show you his infinite void.” 

More laughter escaped you, only to be cut off by Suguru thrusting inside of you. “If you’re going to keep talkin’, at least scream my name.” You cried out, gripping the sheets, crying out softly, as he set a messy pace.

It doesn’t have much rhythm, but it doesn’t matter because he makes up for it with all of his cock. It’s thick and long enough to hit all the right spots. Suguru grips a handful of your hair, tugging your head back as his other hand gropes your ass, thrusting in and out of you at a pace that has you crying big fat tears. 

“S-Sugu!” You cry out as Suguru watches the way your ass ripples with each thrust. And it has his hips moving faster and harder, going as deep as he can. “Y-You liar!” 

“Why the fuck are you calling me a liar.” There’s almost a smug grin on his face as you blubber mindlessly against the sheets. Your walls are twitching, and your legs are trembling as he fucks you closer to your orgasm.

“N-no way! Ah ah!! No way y-you’re a virgin!” He slams into your cervix, making you scream in pained pleasure. “Fuck!” 

“Oh, I am, and this virgin’s going to make you cum so hard you cry more.” 

His once hesitant, messy thrusts find a brutal pace that had you screaming. Screaming his name as he slams over and over into your g-spot. You turn to stare into his eyes, only to have him hit his lips against yours in a kiss of horny need. You cry out, trying to match his momento but failing miserably. It was hard to kiss your boyfriend, who was rearranging your guts.

“Gah~ ah ah! C-cumming Sugu~!!” Suguru seizes up as you cum; your walls contract around his hard cock. Milking him towards his orgasm.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Gah!” His body stills behind you and you can feel his cock throbbing hard inside of you. The condom is filling with his cum, only stopping once you collapse onto the mattress, gasping for air.

For a moment, he was proud he was better off than you. Only to realize just how fucked up and pussydrunk he was when he moved. Suguru feels completely drained. You had milked him for everything he was worth. He slowly pulls out of you, pinching the tip of the condom to prevent his cum from slipping out as he pulls it off. 

He wants to get up to grab a rag to wipe you, but he just wrapped his arms around you instead, pulling me close to him as he lays you both down against the pillows. He was gently running his index finger down the bridge of your nose before pushing hair out of your face. Your eyes weakly open before closing once more. 

“You OK there, princess?” 

“I just got fucked within an inch of my life by my boyfriend, who just happened to be a virgin.”

“Yeah, sorry if I wasn't that good.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Suguru stares at you for the longest moment. “That was the best I’ve ever had in my life. You may have been a virgin, but do not ever do anything differently. Fuck me like that every time, and I’ll be the one to propose to you in the future.”

A sudden burst of confidence spread through Suguru’s chest. “Yeah? You’re gonna propose to me?” All you manage to do is nod. “It was that good, huh?” You nod again, snuggling your face into his chest. “Yeah, it was a pretty fucking perfect first time for me, too.” he presses his lips gently against your forehead, holding as tight as he can as he both doze off.

Nanami Kento:

When you and Nanami first started dating, he was pretty forward with the fact that he had never been with anyone else. Meaning you were the first woman he had ever taken out on a date, kissed, and fooled around with. Despite Nanami’s inexperience in dating, he was the best thing to ever happen to you. So once things started to get a little more heated in the bedroom, you decided you wanted to make his first time as special as he had made you feel and your relationship.

This is how Nanami found himself sitting on the beach in Okinawa under an umbrella, shading him from the blazing sun. You were lying beside him, watching as he looked at the ocean waves. He seemed so content, a book resting in his hand as the ocean breeze blew through his hair. 

Seeing him so relaxed and happy, the way that he made you feel on a daily basis. 

Nanami glanced down at you, catching you staring at him; he didn’t mind; he smiled at you before gently stroking your hair back. “I needed this vacation. Thank you for setting it up.” He laid down on the beach towel next to you, his hand stroking strands of hair back against your head. 

“You deserve a break as much as anyone else.” You gently ran your hand down his toned stomach, catching how he sharply inhaled and his muscles tensed. “Kento, I was thinking about our relationship.” 

“Oh, what about it?”

“I was thinking I am ready to take it to the next step if you are.”

“By next step, I assume you mean us having sex?” Nanami watches as you eagerly nod your head. “Are you comfortable with taking that next step?” 

Your fingers trace shapes over his abs, gently easing him into a more relaxed state. “I’m more than ready to be with you. The real question is if you’re ready.” Your boyfriend’s muscles twitch underneath your touch, and you can hear the soft groan that leaves his lips as your fingers dip lower, brushing over the happy trail that leads into his swim trunks. 

“I must admit, I have been wanting to take it to the next step.” His large, warm hand gently grips your wrist, pulling you away from the hardening bulge in his swimsuit. “And as eager as I am to get underway with it, I would much rather not lose my virginity on a beach in front of other beachgoers if I’m completely honest.”

You wanted to laugh at his assumption you were going to pull his cock out and have sex with him right there. “Then let’s go back to the room. It should be all set up for our special night.” Nanami knew that you weren’t a virgin. You had other partners in the past, ones that treated you not so great in the long run. But he is their loss because you were the most amazing woman in this entire world.

“Special?” 

“My first time wasn’t special. It was rushed and unplanned. You deserve a special first-time Kento.”

Kento is honored that you thought so highly of him. That is the sole reason he’s able to sit up and start packing your belongings. “Well, what do you say we return to our hotel room then? We could have some fun, and then I’ll order our room service.” His smile is so contagious and warm and sweet. That smile is the whole reason you planned the special trip. 

“I love the sound of that.”

Upon arrival to your hotel room, Nia unlocks the door with the key card and steps inside. There’s a bottle of champagne in a bucket of ice on the nightstand beside the bed, along with two glasses. You shuffle past him, heading to the bathroom with your duffel bag over your shoulder.

 

“I just need a couple of minutes to freshen up. Would you mind pouring the champagne?” 

“I would be honored.” He hooked his arm around your waist, pulling you in for a gentle kiss. “Don’t keep me waiting for long. I’m typically a patient man, but you made me feel a little mischievous this evening.”

By the time you run to the bathroom, none of me opens the bottle of champagne and pours both glasses. He hears the door open. He turns around, both glasses in hand, and he nearly drops them as he looks over. You’re wearing red lingerie. The Lacey fabric is see-through, revealing your nipples that are already hard, and he can tell from this angle that you aren’t wearing any underwear. 

His throat is suddenly dry, and he puts the glasses on the nightstand to prevent him from making a mess. Seeing you in such a state had his cock throbbing in his pants, threatening to cum at any minute. If that happened, champagne isn’t the only mess he’d have to worry about cleaning up.

“You’re breathtaking,” he whispers into the space between you as you walk forward. “What did I do to deserve such a beauty as you.”

“I ask myself the same question almost every day I’m with you.”

His eyes linger on yours for the longest of moments before he closes the distance between you. His hands gently grab your hips, using your back towards the bed. Nanami is so gentle, conveying every ounce of love he has for you in the simple caresses of his fingers against your skin. You were beginning to wonder if this would be as special for you as it was for him. Because despite all of the experience, you feel like you’re a virgin along with him.

“I want to feel you.” He presses and gently kisses up your arms. “Every part of you, allow me to drown myself in your warmth, my love.” 

You have no complaints, arching your back, your hands moving down to pull at the drawstring of his swim trunks. His lips move slowly over your collarbone, tongue licking at it, tracing the shape of it against your skin. Kento’s lips gently caress over your heated skin, and your hands push his swimsuit down past his ass, allowing you to freely grip his cock in your hands.

“You’re already so hard, Ken.” Whispering breathlessly against his ear. “You must be as excited as me.” 

While he continues to trace kisses over your skin, you gently take one of his hands and place it between your legs. His fingers waste no time. They push the flimsy fabric of the lingerie, pulling it underneath your breasts before his fingers up and down over your slit, rubbing your slick all over your pussy. 

Nanami grunts as you give his cock, a gentle squeeze as his fingers tease your clit. “You weren’t kidding, you are excited.” His index finger traces gentle hearts over your hardened bud as you had them to him on the beach. “You’re so warm,” he dips his fingers down lower, pushing his middle finger inside of you. “And tight, I promise I’m going to make you feel so good. But before I give you my cock allow me to stretch you out just a bit.” he gently plunges his middle finger in and out of you before adding his ring finger, hooking his fingers up into that spongy spot deep inside of you.

His fingers nearly make it impossible for you to pleasure him as he pleasures you. Your boyfriend doesn’t mind; he only cares about making you feel good and rewarding you for booking a trip for his sake. Your walls clench around his fingers, and he speeds it up at the feeling. Your pussy was telling him that you were close without you having to speak. But just as he hooks his finger into your g-spot to get you to squirt, you grab his wrist. 

“N-No wanna cum with you inside me.”

“Alright, I can do that.”

Nanami quickly kicks his swim trunks off before positioning himself between your legs. He truly takes a moment to take you in as a whole. The way your eyes are slightly narrowed. How your beautiful lips parted somewhat with your soft gasps. You, indeed, are the most beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life, and you were going to be the first woman he had sex with. If things continued to go as well as they were, you might be the only one he ever has sex with.

“Ken?” The softness of your voice draws him back to the current reality. “Are you alright?” 

“Never been better.” He gently fluffs your pillow before taking your legs, allowing you to wrap them around his hips. “I love you; thank you for making this night so special.” 

“I love you too~”

Kento gently kisses you as he pushes the head of his cock inside your pussy. The feeling of your wet, warm walls pulling him in makes him shiver. Your mouth always felt good, and he had always imagined sex to feel like that, but he couldn’t have been more off. Sliding inside of your tight heat is like entering heaven. It feels as though his senses are heightened. You feel so soft and warm, your scent is intoxicating, and everything about you is perfect beyond words.

So many different sensations hit him at once. The only thing that seemed relatively clear for him to do was to fuck you. So he pulled himself out before pushing himself inside balls deep. As soon as he bottomed out, he was pulling back out again, slamming back into you, causing you to arch your back off the mattress, your eyes wide, mouth gaping as a man who had, two minutes prior, begun as hard as he could.

“You feel so good~ fuck, you feel so fucking good.” Nanami typically wasn’t one curse, but the sensation of you wrapped around his cock had him losing his self-control.  “You’re pussy is so wet. How are you so wet?”

“Y-You ha-ah!” Another sharp snap of his hips takes the breath out of your lungs. “Ah fuck! You have that effect on me. I’m always wet around you, Ken!” 

“That’s good to know~” his lips smash against yours, “so you’re telling me whenever I need to fuck you, you’ll be ready?” Something about the dirty words had you clamping down on his thick length. “Oh, my love likes that idea, doesn’t she?” 

“Y-Yes~!”

“You want me to use you~?”

“Yes, Kento!” 

“Want me to fill you with my cock whenever I want~?”

“Ah, fuck~!! Fuuuck yes, Keeen!”

Your boyfriend kisses you again, tongue slipping inside of your mouth as he gently grabs your hands holding them as he fucks into you. You squeeze them as your tongue gently wraps around his as he swallows your moans. This wasn’t just sex for Kento. This was more profound and had more meaning than two people using each other for pleasure. This was love.

His thrust slowed as he slowly thrust in and out of you. His kisses were gentler as his hands squeezed yours as tight as he could. The change was nice; it had your desperate cries of pleasure turning into soft mewls of satisfaction. He followed close behind you, gently moaning into you as he released one of your hands to grab your hip gently.

“I don’t just want to use you whenever I see fit.” He whispers, breaking away from your kiss-swollen lips. “I want to love you like this. For all time.” 

The pure adoration in his words almost has you in tears. “K-Kento~ oh god—love you.” He grins, pressing soft kisses against you before his hips pick up their pace. “Oooh fuck, babe.”

“I-I’m sorry—believe I’ve reached my limit.” He groans against your mouth. “Fuck I’m so close, where do you want it?” His hand on his hip slides between your body, finding your slit with ease. 

“Inside~ please cum inside of me.”

His fingers rub that bundle of nerves in circles just as you liked it. As he pulls you closer and closer to the edge, you kiss him hungrily, your eyes staring into his as your mouth falls open in an ‘O’ shape. The face Nanami knew you made when you would cum. His ministrations increase in speed as he coaxes your orgasm to the surface. You scream, head thrown back as your walls contract around him, squeezing his cock through the spasms of your orgasm.

Watching you come undone all because of him fucking you, it feds into his pleasure. Nanami groans, dropping his beam to the crook of your neck, where he begins thrusting his hip as hard as he can, working you through your orgasm just as he slams into you. His head tilts back, veins protruding in his neck as he growls an animalistic grunt that has you shaking.

“Fuck, take it, love, oooh god fuck!” He feels your walls greedily sucking him dry. “Y-That’s it~ oooh, that’s a good girl for me~!” 

Once you both come down, his hips gently press kisses over every inch of skin he can reach. He pulls back to beam down at you only once, satisfied with your airy giggles. Your sweet soft hand cups his cheek, stroking it gently with his thumb as he slowly somehow manages to pull out of your pussy.

“That was amazing.” He whispered, gently lying down beside you. “You made it a most memorable experience.”

Memorable for him? He was joking. You stared at him in orgasmic bliss as he grabbed the champagne glasses, offering one to you.

“To a fun night and many more experiences like this.” Oh yeah, no, you were screwed as you watched him down the whole glass before crawling between your legs and nipping at your thighs as you shivered. “Relax, darling, I got you.”

Ryomen Sukuna:

You were minding your own business when your roommate walked into your room without knocking. You sighed, throwing your head back as you sat up, ready to start yelling, only to find him flushed and glaring at your bed. With a tilt of your head, you put your phone down, and Sukuna stepped further inside.

“Who's got your panties in a wad?”

“You’ve had sex, right?”

“I beg your pardon?!” 

“You’ve fucked. Like you’re not a virgin?”

Your cheeks burn as you chuck a pillow at his face, which does not affect him as he patiently waits for you to respond. “Why are you barging in on here asking questions about my sex life?!” He says nothing, not even attempting to explain what his reasoning for the impromptu sessions of twenty questions is for. “Oh my god, Kuna. Can you please tell me why?” His eyes roll at the attitude in your tone.

“Some of the guys at the shop were talking about sex and said it’s weird to still be a virgin at nineteen. I’m twenty-one.” 

“Yeah, so am I.”

“And I’ve never had sex.” 

His words don’t seem to compute in your brain as you blankly stare at him before laughing. “Good one, Kuna. You almost had me there for a second. You’ve never had sex, fucking hilarious.” He gets on your bed, sitting in front of you.

“I haven’t.”

“So you’re telling me the Ryomen Sukuna is a virgin?” He nods his head. “How is that even possible?! You're super confident and hot.”

He’s about to snap at you when he takes a moment to process your words. You, his very sexy roommate, thought he was hot. Your confession has him moving in closer, a sinister smirk on his face. 

“I can assure you it is very much true.” a dramatic sigh has you rolling your eyes. “If only there were someone as hot as me who would be willing to sleep with me.” His eyes moved from the ceiling towards you, lingering on your face, waiting to see if you were picking up on what he was putting down. 

“Are you asking me to take your virginity?” 

“Are you willing to help?”

An alternate version of yourself might have said no. But you would get bragging rights. You would be the one to take the virginity of Sukuna himself.  You cross your legs as you pat the spot in front of you. 

“If we do this, there are some ground rules. One, this is a no-strings-attached situation. So when I bring home guys from the bar, you won’t get pissed off.” 

Sukuna threw his head back with a laugh. “You honestly think I give a shit about the men you bring home?”

“Ah ah ah!” You have a finger in front of his face telling him to shut up. “I’m not done with our ground rules! And yes, once I’m done with you, you’ll be very jealous if I bring anyone else home. Rule number two. If you bring any lady friends home, I won’t get jealous of them.” Suddenly, Sukuna had no retort to that. “And rule number three is that we don’t make this awkward after we’re done.” 

“Right, no jealousy from you, me, and no awkwardness.” He held his hand out to you, and you gladly shook it. “Alright, so how do we do this?” 

“Kiss me.” 

For the first time since this conversation began, Sukuna suddenly realized that he had never kissed anyone. And when people typically had sex, kissing was involved. This meant not only was he going to fuck his roommate and best friend, but he was also going to have to kiss you. He wasn’t sure what he was more nervous about. Fucking you or kissing you.

You can see the wheels turning in his head from the look on his face. He was getting lost inside his brain and thinking too hard. Without hesitation, you pushed him back against the bed. Sukuna grunted as you crawled on top of him, straddling his hips. His cock was already throbbing in his boxers, your soft ass pressed against his erection, causing him to let out a deep growl.

“Stop fucking thinking.” You cupped his face in both hands and pressed your lips against his. His lips are surprisingly soft, and unsurprisingly stiff. “Relax, just go with the flow.” 

That was easy for you to say you had done this before. After taking a quick moment to clear his head, Sukuna grabbed the back of your head and brought you closer to his face. Deepening the kiss, his lips matched yours. Both of you feel fireworks go off at the same time; for a virgin, he knew how to kiss. It started slow and gentle. But the more he kissed you, the more desperate it became. He doesn’t even need to flick his tongue over your bottom lip to ask for permission because you’re the one shoving your tongue in his mouth.

He tastes so good; it’s almost like a sake with a hint of mint. His taste has you moaning as you roll your hips back up against his hard cock. He’s gripping your hips as you kiss him with every ounce of your being. Kissing Sukuna was so fucking hot.

Sukuna growls into your mouth, his hands wander further down, groping at the fat of your ass, massaging it, urging you to continue rocking up and down over his erection. This felt one million times better than his hand. All of his fantasies could not have prepared him for the friction he felt. He swears to God he’s already leaking pre-cum into his boxers because of how good you look. 

You break the kiss, pulling away a string of saliva and connecting your mouths. His hands remain on your ass as he watches you reach down, lifting your T-shirt up and over your head. Sukuna had seen you in your bra and bathing suit before. This time, this was different. Because you didn’t just leave your bra on, your bra followed your T-shirt onto the ground, revealing your perfect tits to him. 

“W-Whoa.” Sukuna’s hands leave the fat of your ass more intrigued by the softness of your breasts. He grows them in both hands, gently groping and massaging them, feeling their softness under his palms. “They’re so soft.” 

“Fuuck Kuna~” The mewls of pleasure that leave your mouth have his cock twitching in his boxers. He heard you moan when you would bring home partners from the bar or when it was late at night, and you were getting yourself off. Sukuna always thought you sounded pretty. But moaning on top of him was an experience he never imagined would happen. “Your hands feel so good.” 

He loses all self-control when you reach your hands down, pulling the drawstring of his basketball shorts. The man who had just been so nervous and unsure what to do with you flips you. You’re pinned on your back; Your heart feels like it’s about to explode as he tugs his basketball shorts down, tucking them underneath his heavy, full balls. 

His cock is a fucking monster. It’s thick, long, and bigger than any of the dildos you own. Looking at its red throbbing tip that’s leaking a fair amount of pre-cum, you lick your lips. For you know that his cock is going to hit all of the right spots at the same time. That was if he was able to fuck you without cumming the second he thrusts inside.

“Holy fuck, big dick, McGee. Fucking Christ, where have you been hiding that thing?” so Ana doesn’t know whether to laugh or be embarrassed, so he does the only other thing he can think of; and he rips your shorts and panties off. “Kuna, fuck, those were new!” 

“I’ll buy you another pair, fuck I’ll buy you ten pairs. I just can’t fucking wait anymore.” Sukuna forces your legs open and stares down at your wet, glistening pussy. “Fuck looks like she ‘s excited.”

Do you want to tell him to shut up and not stare? Yes, but it’s hard to do that when he shoves his fingers slowly inside of your wet, pulsing cunt. He works you open, relishing in the feeling of your wet, slick coating his fingers. It was so warm and sticky he could only imagine what it would feel like to have his dick inside there rather than his fingers. It was the motivation he needed to push forward and fuck you like no one had before.

You scream when he curls his fingers up like he had done before. He bites his lip as he curls them upward and finds your g-spot almost instantly. He’s putting the amount of pressure on his thumb as it circles your clit. There was no fucking way this man had never been with a woman before. Because if he hadn’t, he was a fucking sex god incarnate.

“Fuck! Fuck Kuna! Stop! I-I’m gonna squirt! A-And I don’t want you to f-freak!” 

Your roommate laughs; he fucking laughs as he stares down at you with a starved look in his eyes as if he hadn’t eaten in years. “Do it, squirt on me. I’m not like these other fucking men. I want you to squirt all over me because that means I’m doing a good job, right?” His words alone send you fucking over the edge. You scream at the top of your lungs, and you’re sure your neighbors hate you. But you didn’t care; all you cared about was the fact that this man, who is a virgin, was making you squirt so hard you see God himself.

Sukuna’s eyes widen as he witnesses a stream of clear liquid come out of you, coating his hand and his wrist, and it’s so hot. You were panting, chest rising and falling as you came down from the high of your orgasm. In between those breaths, you grab his cock and lead it directly towards your entrance.  Sukuna is shocked at your blunt nonverbal request for him to fuck you, but he’s more than happy to oblige. 

He slowly slides the tip of his cock into it, and he buckles. “Oh fuck. You felt good around my fingers, but damn, it feels like my dick died and went to heaven. Holy shit.” Sukuna, pay close attention to your facial reactions. He knows he has a big dick, so of course, you were going to need time to adjust to a size.

“Y-You can move.” You whine out as he adjusts, putting you into a mating press of all positions for his first time. “Oh my fuckin’ —Ah!” You yelp in pleasure as he pulls out just to start a brutal pace of fucking you with no remorse.

“Fuck, this cunt is so tight~ feels so good~” Sukuna presses his lips against yours, stealing your breath away. “You like that, don’t you? Like being my little cocksleeve? Mhmm fuck you feel so fucking good.” 

“Ah~! Ah! Fuuuuck!!” 

“Hah!” He growled, pressing his forehead against yours, crimson eyes staring into your soul. “That right, this virgin is fucking you so good you can’t even form coherent thoughts, can you?” 

“Kuuuuna~!” You sob as he slams in and out of you as fast and as deep as he can. Just like you had thought, his cock does hit all the right spots. He doesn’t even need to come up with a pace because he just makes up with all the cock he’s packing.

“Oh yeah, baby~ say my name~”

“K-Kuuuna!“

“That’s it~ nnngh, fuck that’s it baby. Say. My. Name~!” The head of his cock slams perfectly against your cervix. Making you cry out,

“Sukunaaa-ah-Ah!” 

Your best friend thrusts in and out of you until he’s losing control over himself and his momentum. He can’t lose control yet. He wants you to finish with him. So he kisses you just like when you first asked him to. It’s deep, and it’s hard, and it makes your toes curl. He feels so good. He tastes good. Everything is perfect in every sense of the word.

“Fuuuuck babe~ fuuuuck yes you are such a good girl, taking my cock like a good girl.” He grunts, kissing you again, his hips bucking, balls slapping the curve of your ass as he slams into you so hard the bed frame starts creaking. “You’re getting so tight around me. Are you gonna cum~? Going to cum all over my fat cock?” 

“Y-yea! G-Gonna cum! Gonna cum Kuuuna!”

Your roommate bites at your bottom lip but gently pulls it back between his teeth, letting it go before he presses his lips against it. His thrusts are messy, and he’s losing all self-control. In an instant, his thumb finds your clit circling gently around it. 

“Cum then, my pretty girl~”

You do as he commands; your legs tremble as he presses you further into the mattress, your knees brought up to your chest as he fucks you through your orgasm. You’re screaming, squirting a mess all over your bed as he fuck you through it. The intensity of clamping down and tumbling over the edge has Sukuna’s hips stilling before he begins, thrusting like a madman in and out of your tight, wet heat as he spills his come inside of you. 

You’re crying by the time his hips slow down, his body collapsing on top of you, releasing you from the position he has you in. He’s panting roughly against your neck as he growls, pulling you to lie on top of him as he plops back on the mattress while your body shakes and trembles with the aftershocks of your orgasm. Sukuna grunts as he feels his come beginning to leak out around his cock, pulling on his lower abdomen before dripping down onto the bed

“Holy shit,” he sighs, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I see why people go crazy over sex.” 

“Yeah, it feels really good, doesn’t it?” You tremble with exhaustion. “God, are you sure you were a virgin? Because I don’t think anybody has fucked me that hard before.” 

“Well, I’m honored,” he grins, pushing strands of your hair back as you turn to rest your chin on his chest. Your beautiful eyes narrow as the post-orgasmic bliss washes over you like a warm blanket. In that moment, he really takes you in as a whole. Your beauty, the selflessness that you showed tonight by allowing him to sleep with you, he’s so entranced that he leans in and kisses you gently. “Say, did we make a rule about not catching feelings for each other?”

You’re too stunned to speak; his words have tased you. “Huh?” Your cheeks are flushed as your roommate scratches the back of his head as his other gently moves up and down your back.

“I know we said we wouldn’t get jealous of any partners we bring home, but if we avoid that altogether, let me take you out properly.” 

“Well, I think that’s a great idea. Because there’s no way in hell I’m letting any of these skanky bitches get a hold of that mega dick.” You kiss him back, giggling against his lips. 

“It’s all yours for the taking, babe. No need to worry about skanky bitches here.” He kisses you again, laying back against the sheets. Who knew going to his best friend for help would lead to the best thing ever happening to him?

Forever Tag List:

@darkstarlight82 @pandoness @nealeart @simp-plague @sugurubabe @chilichopsticks

[sophieinwonderland]

Not that prev religion anon, but the fact is, you’re not just hurting sysmeds “in their bigotry.” You’re hurting pro-endos too, such as myself, by saying these sorts of things so loudly and with no nuance.

I love the idea of a plural God for others, but not for me. I don’t agree with the idea based on my teachings. But furthermore, I don’t agree with my God being used to… further… plural acceptance? That’s not the point of spreading Christianity.

If you’re looking for actual theological discussions, then yes! Fuck yes discuss! But you aren’t. It doesn’t feel like you’re saying God is plural out of any desire for theological debate or a deeper understanding of Christianity. It feels like you’re using it solely to upset anti-endos into foaming at the mouths loudly enough that Christians will look at you and… somehow go, “Oh, this plural thing sounds good!” And that will somehow make plural acceptance a thing.

I don’t like feeling so used. ):

I'm sorry you feel that way.

But furthermore, I don’t agree with my God being used to… further… plural acceptance? That’s not the point of spreading Christianity.

Right. Of course. The point of Christianity is spreading homophobia and taking away people's bodily autonomy...

Yes, I know that's not true of all Christians. But the point I want to make is that... I think we need to acknowledge that the Church is always used for politics. And there's power in whoever can use it best to their advantage. If it's not us, it will be the pluralphobes.

Can I ask, have you thought about what a plural future will entail?

Or, to be more specific, have you thought about the Church's place in a plural future?

Because I have, and frankly, it's more than a little worrying.

Did you see the article about tulpamancy from Rod Dreher?

Either the tulpa is a wholly psychological phenomenon generated by the mind, or it is an unusual way of allowing a demonic spirit to take possession. Or perhaps both. It is at best a sign of great mental disturbance, and at worst a sign of evil spirits inhabiting a person’s body. Whatever the case, it ain’t good.

Then there was the right-winger not too long ago who infiltrated a plurality panel at a gender conference, and claim she felt a demonic presence. She's STILL claiming this plurality conference caused her to be possessed by a demon.

And in fact, the first time I ever brought up the Trinity being plural wasn't on my Tumblr blog. It was in a catholic subreddit in response to members saying that tulpas sounded demonic. (I regret deleting those comments now.)

Like it or not, widespread plural awareness means that plurality WILL become a topic in churches. And we can't afford to allow the narrative to be shaped by the right-wing evangelicals alone. We NEED to get ahead of this and appeal to churches before it comes to that.

Because I already have a pretty good idea of what talking points they're going to be churning out.

They'll say that plurality is evil. That we're getting children to open themselves up to demonic forces. They'll say that our experiences of plurality are impossible because God designed each of us to be one person, and anyone claiming otherwise is delusional. I mean, this is pretty much what they're saying right now, just on a smaller scale.

So this is my counternarrative. God is plural and Mankind is made in God's likeness. To claim plurality is unnatural is to claim God is unnatural. To hate plurals is to hate God. Coming our of the gates with this will be an immense help in the battle to come.

And I do realize that this only applies to Trinitarians, but that's the large majority of Christians.

If you don't agree with my methods, that's fine. But I think the seeds need to be planted now. We have a chance to gain a foothold in this conversation before it really starts. Because let me tell you, once it really kicks off, the rightwing talking points will spread fast and countering them isn't going to be easy. Changing a firm belief is way more difficult than convincing someone who is undecided.

Every sympathetic Christian we can introduce to the idea that God is plural is hopefully going to be somewhat inoculated against the right-wing propaganda when it comes in full force.

We're going to need every advantage we can possibly get when we're going up against these massive right-wing evangelical Christian institutions.

And I've decided that potentially offending a few people along the way, even a few pro-endos, is going to be worth the long-term benefits.

[anemoiashifts]

why everyone won’t shift.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

“do you think everyone will shift?”

no.

“but if they really want they’ll eventually—“

no.

before you pick up your pitchforks & form an angry mob in the comments, hear me out.

first & foremost. what is a want ? a want is something you desire. but not every want is desired. for example, ive been thinking of getting a cat once i move out of my parents house. i want the animal & have the funds for it. when i dig deeper in my desire, i see all the vet trips, the having to feed it & take care of it & i realized that i don’t actually want the cat at the moment. im not ready to make that drastic of a change in my life. on the surface, id like one but i don’t want to take on the responsibility for taking care of a pet at the moment.

i like the idea of getting a cat (shifting) — but when the actual time comes to get a cat (actually shift), i don’t actually want a new pet at the moment (to create that big of a change because i am comfortable with my situation & not mentally prepared / mature enough).

i made a post about comfort already. what previously spoke about can tie into this.

if you don’t actually want something & just like fantasizing about it, that’s okay. but fantasy & imagination needs to be backed by intention. you need intention & effort put into your shifting attempts. ive seen so so many people say “i tried to shift” & all they do is say “i said one affirmation & rolled over & went to sleep & hoped i would wake up in my dr.”

you could say a million affirmations & hope you will wake up in your dr & not shift. you know why ? hope. it’s not hoping you will shift — it’s that internal knowing. it’s letting go fully of the comfort & all you know of this life to go to another & a lot of people don’t want to do that even if they say they do. again, they like the idea of shifting, but aren’t stopping to consider that you’re actually living it.

this isn’t a bad thing. if you actually have come to the conclusion that you don’t want to shift & are in the community — that’s okay. if you’re just interested in the science or content for the subject & that’s why you’ve stumbled across this blog, i don’t have an issue with that.

when i say not everyone will shift, i mean that not everyone wants to shift in the first place despite what they may say. what they want is an escape. time & time again i see comments on tiktok say “i want to get out of this reality”. that statement has nothing to do with wanting to shift — it’s wanting to get out of the situation you are in. you do not have to shift to get out of your current situation. if you live with family or are younger, it’s different, i understand.

if you’re someone who thinks “when i shift, ill be happy.” no no no. happiness comes from within you. while the 3d can bring you momentarily happiness, that only lasts so long. if you don’t have internal happiness & self love those feelings won’t last. shifting — in my option — can sometimes be putting a bandaid on a bigger issue & that’s loneliness & a yearning for another life. you can solve both of those right here at anytime.

lastly, shifting takes effort despite what you may think. “but such and such shifted without trying”. cool, that’s them. but have you ? if you’re reading this im going so safely assume at least a handful of you are saying “no” internally. when you want something you have to work for it. weather that be manifestation or putting yourself first. if you wake up & think “i didn’t shift” or “i hate this world it’s sucks” guess what ?? you’re focusing on the negative. what you pay attention to & give your energy to expands because you’re shifting awareness to it. you make up your thoughts & control them, thus affecting the 3d.

im not saying you can’t shift with negative mindsets or anything. im saying confidence helps a ton. how are you going to believe other people can shift when you can’t even extend that belief to yourself ? you’re making it much, much harder for yourself. doing healing work, finding the root cause of why you want to shift (for love, sense or belonging, etc.) & finding that here first, may alleviate the desperation to shift. when you have a sense of knowing, there’s nothing to be desperate about because whatever happens, you know the outcome already.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

[c-e-d-dreamer]

You Are Not the Kind of Boy (Who Should Be Marrying the Wrong Girl): Part Two

A/N: Don't you just love the (squints at the smudged writing on my hand) tradition of fucking a Duke's son? Prompts are made to be suggestions, right? Anyways! Happy Day Two of @sjmromanceweek! I hope everyone enjoys this very smutty part two of Regency Elucien 😉

Read on AO3 // Previous Part // Next Part

“Promise me, Elain.”

It takes everything within Elain to keep her face neutral, to not give away her swirling emotions or where her thoughts have strayed. She keeps her smile sweet, keeps peering up at Lucien from beneath her lashes. She places both her hands on his chest, slowly sliding her hands down, digging her nails in just enough to feel the way Lucien shudders beneath her touch.

“I said of course.”

“Fuck,” Lucien murmurs, his hands traveling further down Elain’s arms until his fingers circle her wrist, squeezing gently around her fluttering pulse. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

Elain presses up onto her toes, her lips barely a breath away from his. “Show me.”

Lucien’s hands move to Elain’s jaw, the warmth of his skin tingling across Elain’s cheeks. He tilts her face up to his, bettering the angle, before slotting his mouth firmly against hers. It’s a kiss, a proper kiss, his lips moving and slotting against Elain’s. She sighs and melts against him, drawn into his warmth, into his light. She meets him stroke for stroke, finally giving in to her desire to bury a hand amongst the red strands of his hair.

Both their chests are heaving by the time they finally separate. Lucien seems almost reluctant to pull away, leaning in and stealing another searing kiss. With a soft groan, he pulls away completely, eyes burning beneath the red and orange glow of the setting sun. His lips are already slightly pink and swollen from just that one kiss, and Elain is sure she’s never seen a more beautiful man in her life.

Lucien grabs Elain’s hand again, but this time, he starts to lead her across the grass and the field and toward his family’s estate. With their fingers laced firmly together, Lucien guides them both to a door along the western wing, yanking it open and tugging Elain inside.

Elain expects them to have stepped through a servants’ entrance, perhaps to have snuck in through the kitchen or even the servants’ quarters, but instead it appears to be some sort of drawing room overlooking the gardens. Lush rugs cover the floors, thick, gorgeous curtains framing the tall windows along the walls. Whether Lucien notices Elain’s shock or confusion, he doesn’t stop, pulling Elain out of the room into the main hall beyond and toward the large staircase.

“Lucien,” Elain hisses, squeezing his hand tighter. “Aren’t you worried someone will see us?”

“Let them see,” Lucien offers over his shoulder. “They should get used to the sight anyways.”

Lucien turns back around, continuing up the stairs and pulling Elain behind him. It’s just as well. It means that Lucien doesn’t see the way Elain’s face falls, the way she swallows hard. She supposes she should have known. Of course, someone as beautiful as Lucien, a Duke’s son, was sure to have the attention of many in the ton. Of course, Elain isn’t the first person to pass through these doors with him. After she walks away, she’s sure that she won’t be the last.

“Elain,” Lucien’s voice draws Elain out of her thoughts.

Elain blinks a few times and realizes that they’re now standing in a bedroom. It’s like stepping inside an autumn wood. The walls are hues of oranges and reds and golds, curtains fluttering in the early evening breeze of the opened window overlooking the lake. A large four poster bed of dark wood sits in the center of the room, dark green blankets draped across the mattress.

“Elain,” Lucien repeats, his fingers gentle beneath her chin. “If you’ve changed your mind, we can–”

“No,” Elain quickly cuts him off, curling her fingers into fists in her shirt. “No, I want this. I want you.”

Lucien groans again, burying his nose against her hair. “Hearing you say those words… it’s going to be the death of me.”

“Perhaps that’s my plan all along.”

“What a way to go it would be. I’d meet the Mother smiling.”

“You really are a scoundrel, Lucien Spellcleaver.”

Lucien’s smirk has Elain’s heart thudding harder still between her ribs. “Your scoundrel, Elain Archeron.”

Before Elain can even really think on those words, Lucien’s lips are back on hers. One hand curls around her jaw, holding her exactly how he wants her, the other curling around her waist and pulling her close again. His tongue slips into her mouth, curling and drawing a moan from her, as he presses her back against the wall.

He pulls away but he doesn’t go far, trailing his lips along her jaw, down her neck. Heat fires down Elain’s spine, and she presses her thighs together against the flare of warmth low in her gut, as his teeth nip right at her pulse point, sucking the skin between his lips. His hand finds the sleeve of her dress, pushing it down her arm and exposing her collarbones for him to trace his lips across.

“Lucien…” Elain whispers, her voice breathless and chest heaving.

Lucien lifts his head, and Elain is quick to draw him back in for another kiss, already drunk off the taste of him. Already desperate to keep him pressed here against her, their lips sealed firmly together.

“Keep saying my name,” Lucien murmurs against her lips.

“Lucien,” Elain moans, her head falling back against the wall as Lucien’s fingers knead her breast through the fabric of her dress.

He drops down to his knees, Elain blinking in confusion and able to do nothing but watch as Lucien gathers up the skirts of her dress, ducking beneath them. She nearly jumps in surprise when she feels his fingers on her ankle, his touch slowly sliding up over her calf, her knee.

“What are you doing?”

“Something I have long dreamed of,” Lucien answers, his fingers making surprisingly quick work of her undergarments.

Elain feels truly exposed, and she can’t decide if it’s better or worse that she can’t quite see Lucien beneath her skirts. But she can feel him. Feel the heat of his gaze burning straight through her skin. Feel the way his fingers curl into her thighs. Feel his hot breath where it fans out across her cunt. She can feel her own arousal damp and sticky against her thighs, a thrumming need that matches the pace of her pounding heart.

She lets out a squeak of surprise when Lucien licks a thick stripe over her, the sound spilling over into a moan when his tongue finds her clit. Lucien repeats the motion again and again, and Elain has to press a hand over her mouth to keep in the choked out sounds threatening to escape. Especially, when Lucien lets out a groan of his own against her, Elain able to feel the vibrations all the way down to her toes.

“Oh my gods,” Elain sighs, starting to rock her hips against Lucien’s mouth and his ministrations.

Lucien’s grip on her thighs tightens, lifting one of her legs and settling it over his shoulder. It fully opens her up to him, allows him to feast like a starving man, like this is the only meal he’ll ever want. The magic he works with just his mouth draws endless moans past Elain’s lips. It’s licking long, slow stripes and then swirling his tongue in circles over her clit. It’s sucking her clit between his lips and then his tongue breaching and fucking up into her.

Each change up, each groan from Lucien, has Elain grateful for the wall at her back holding her up. Time slips away from her, every point of her body and mind and soul focused on Lucien and the way he works her body. Her toes curl, that heat low in her gut tightening like a coil, like a bow being strung back and ready to strike. Blissful release seems within reach, glittering just ahead of her outstretched hand.

“Lu… Lucien… oh gods.”

It’s the only warning Elain is able to give before her orgasm sends her tumbling down headfirst. Her thighs squeeze around Lucien’s head, her back bowing forward off the wall, as heat rushes through her veins. The hand over her mouth does little to hide or disguise her loud choked off moan, and somewhere in the back of her mind, Elain only hopes there aren’t too many people in this wing of the estate.

Lucien slips out from beneath her skirts, his lips and chin shiny and slick. Elain can feel embarrassment beginning to flood through her cheeks and heating the tips of her ears, but then Lucien makes a big show of licking his lips, eyelashes kissing the golden skin of his cheeks as his eyes flutter. Somehow, he makes the obscene sight beautiful, and all the heat in Elain’s face quickly simmers and begins to flush down her chest instead.

Lucien clambers back to his feet, crowding into Elain’s space again. His hand comes up to cradle her cheek, thumb dragging across her bottom lip. “Elain Archeron, you are something else.”

“You better mean that in a good way,” Elain fires back, daring to nip at his thumb in retaliation.

Lucien chuckles, Elain able to feel it where their chests are pressed together. “Always.”

Before Elain can say anything else, Lucien kisses her again, deep and thorough. Elain moans against his lips, able to taste herself where he slides his tongue with her own. Without breaking the kiss, Lucien’s deft fingers work at the fastenings of Elain’s dress, tugging and untying until her dress is nothing but a puddle of fabric at their feet. The tearing of her bodice echoes in her ears before that too joins the discarded items. He only pulls back enough to tug his shirt off and toss it aside, and Elain has never been more grateful when he dives back in for her neck only because it allows her to simply stare.

Elain is surprised no one has painted Lucien before, that there aren’t statues of him cast in glowing marble. There should be. Hard cutting lines of lean muscle make up his chest and his arms, golden bronze skin on full display. Elain wants to dig her fingernails in and scrape down all those lines. Wants to lick all those lines. Especially the v-lines, like a tantalizing arrow leading beneath the waistband hanging low on his hips.

Lucien’s hands find her thighs again, and Elain lets out a squeal of surprise as her feet leave the ground, Lucien lifting her up with ease. She wraps her legs tightly around his waist, her arms scrabbling to curl around his shoulders. Lucien walks them over to his bed, depositing Elain against the soft blankets and pillows.

He wastes no time covering Elain’s body with his own, the heat and weight of him pressing her back against the mattress. His lips kiss and nip along her neck, traveling down across her collarbones until finding home at her now exposed breast. His tongue moves in those same delicious circles he used on her clit, swirling over her nipple until Elain is arching up against him with a choked moan. He switches to her other breast, laving the same attention, before he continues his path downward. Along her sternum. Down her stomach. Across her hip bones.

“Wait… shouldn’t we–um…” Elain trails off, not quite sure how to say it. It doesn’t help that Lucien’s lips keep distracting her. “Don’t you want me to do something… for you?”

“What makes you think this isn’t for me?” Lucien asks, spreading her thighs wide until she’s on full display for him. “Did you already forget when I said I dreamt of your cunt?”

“If you keep saying things like that, you’ll never beat the scoundrel allegations.”

“Who says I want to?”

Like a true scoundrel, Lucien smirks and dares to offer Elain a wink before he delves back in between her legs. He focuses his mouth’s attention on her clit this time, his hand coming up to join. He sinks one finger into her, the slow drag leaving Elain gasping. She’s still coming down from the previous orgasm, clenching and fluttering around that single digit, and when Lucien starts to move and curl that finger, she bucks up against him with a shout.

Lucien presses in a second finger beside the first, scissoring and curling them, as he builds up a steady pace. Elain’s head feels dizzy with pleasure, her hand reaching down to grip Lucien’s hair, tugging in time with each moan of his name that tumbles past her lips. She can already feel that heat building again, dangerously quickly. Lucien’s name feels like a chant heavy on her tongue. Or maybe it’s a prayer. Either way, there’s no warning to give this time before release yanks her hard over the edge.

Elain slumps back against the blankets, eyes closed and chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath. She feels Lucien shift, feels him slide back up her body and settle over her. His nose slides up her neck, along her jaw to her ear.

“Alright, my love?”

Even with her eyes closed, Elain can imagine his smirk, can hear the smugness coloring his tone. “Don’t sound so proud of yourself.”

“Tired out already?” Lucien continues his teasing despite her warning.

With a huff, Elain opens her eyes just so Lucien can see her roll them. She curls her fingers around his shoulders, digging in and pushing until Lucien falls onto his back beside her. Before he can move, she slings a leg over his, settling astride his hips. She leans forward and pins his wrists above his head, her hair a tumbling golden curtain around both their faces.

“Does this look tired to you?” Elain challenges, raising an eyebrow.

Lucien’s smirk turns into a full blown grin, those golden and russet eyes sparking and burning. The sight is enough to have Elain’s thighs tightening around his hips, to have heat licking up her limbs despite the two releases she’s already had tonight. Lucien breaks the hold on his wrists easily, gripping her hips but not moving her. Like he enjoys having her exactly where she is.

“So feisty,” Lucien comments, his voice almost reverent. “Go on then, Elain. Take what you want.”

Elain settles back on her haunches, but suddenly, she finds herself feeling nervous, unsure. She’s certainly out of her element. She traces a finger teasingly along the waistband of his pants, relishing in the way Lucien breathes in sharply, the way his whole body seems to shudder beneath her touch. It makes her feel powerful, daring. She shifts her hand to press her palm against the hard length still tucked away, watching the future Duke groan and toss his head back.

“Not so talkative now,” Elain notes, moving her hand down before sliding it back up.

Lucien’s answering chuckle is breathless and strained. “And yet, I could have sworn it was you chanting my name mere minutes ago.”

“Perhaps I want you chanting my name.”

“Oh, you don’t even have to ask for that.”

He says the words with enough definitiveness, enough casual ease and without an ounce of doubt, that Elain can feel another blush threatening to spill across her cheeks again. She instead focuses on the laces of Lucien’s pants, a distraction for her hands. When she gets the fastenings loose enough, she tugs his length free, curling her fingers around it. It’s heavy and warm in her palm, and Elain just prays her surprise doesn’t show too much on her face.

She had some idea what to expect, had snuck some of Nesta’s romance books out of her eldest sister’s room, but seeing and feeling are completely different to words on a page, and she’s quite confident that Lucien is what many would consider large.

Steeling herself, she tests out moving her hand, noting what pace, what grip, gets the most reaction from the man splayed out beneath her. True to his word, Lucien starts to chant her name beneath his breath, a harmony to the groans Elain wrings from him. Spurred on by the reaction, Elain bows forward, tentatively licking at the liquid glistening on the head.

“Oh, fuck,” Lucien swears, fingers flexing hard enough against her hips, Elain thinks there may be bruises tomorrow. “If you keep that up, this will end before we’ve really started.”

“Then finish it.”

Lucien’s grin is practically feral, all teeth and burning gaze. Before Elain can even blink, his hands are sliding up to her ribcage, one of his legs kicking out to trap her own. He flips them over until Elain is flat on her back, blinking up at Lucien’s looming figure. Somewhere in the move, he’s fully kicked off his pants, strong thighs now fully on display where they’re cradled between her spread thighs.

“This may hurt,” Lucien offers, his voice surprisingly gentle despite the way he drags the head of his cock through the wetness pooled between her legs from her two releases already tonight.

“I know,” Elain tells him, and she does. She heard the way the lady maids spoke before they were dismissed, but this is what she wants. What she came here tonight for. So she lifts her legs and wraps them around Lucien’s waist, locking her ankles at the small of his back.

Lucien closes the distance between them, locking their lips again, just as he lifts her hips up slightly to a new angle. It’s clearly a distraction tactic, but there’s no distracting from the stretch as he sinks in inch by inch. It’s certainly a new and uncomfortable feeling, but it’s also addicting, pleasure cloying through Elain in a way she knows she’ll never get enough of.

She moans into Lucien’s mouth, toes curling against his back. She digs a hand in the red strands of his hair, clutching and tugging as that pleasure only grows, until Lucien is buried to the hilt, their hips pressed flush together.

“Fuck, if I died right now, I would be a lucky man,” Lucien groans, dropping his head into the crook of Elain’s neck. “Wrapped in your delicious, tight warmth.”

Elain can do nothing but whine high in the back of her throat. She clenches and flutters around him, hips rocking up in a desperate chase of friction.

“Do you like that, my love? Telling you what you do to me? Telling you how I’ll never get enough of your sweet cunt.”

Lucien pulls his hips back just to snap them back forward, building a steady rhythm as he sinks into Elain again and again. And again. She feels dizzy on the pleasure he coaxes from her body, each drive of his hips hard and deep, the drag of his cock dissolving her into a puddle of moans and choked off gasps. She slides her fingers down his back, nails biting against the skin, and tries to meet each thrust with a rock of her own hips.

“Gods, the way you squeeze around me is better than any dream,” Lucien continues, lips slipping against her skin. “You were made for me, weren’t you, Elain? Made to take my cock?”

“Yes,” Elain shouts, giving in to the heat pulling her under. “Yes. Don’t stop.”

Lucien’s hand sneaks between where their bodies are pressed together, reaching down to where they’re joined. His fingers find her swollen clit with ease, tracing tantalizing circles to match the snap of his hips. Elain feels powerless to the way he plays her body, to the fire racing through her veins and pooling low in her gut.

“That’s it, Elain. Come for me again. Come all over my cock.”

One more hard thrust, one more stroke of Lucien’s fingers against his clit, and Elain can do nothing but follow the request. With a shout of Lucien’s name, she arches up against him, clenching hard as an orgasm tears through her hard enough that tears prickle the corners of her eyes. She feels weightless, feels like she’s floating.

Lucien continues to rock his hips against hers, stretching out her release as he chases his own. His thrusts start to pick up in pace, start to become sloppy, and then he stills above her. He groans Elain’s name, warmth filling her where he’s buried deep.

Lucien all but collapses against her, and they lay there still joined as they catch their breath. Elain swears that she can hear his heartbeat, swears she can feel it matching the steady beat of her own where their chests are pressed together. She whimpers quietly when Lucien finally pulls back, sinking back against the blankets with a satiated sigh.

Her body feels wrung out in the best way. She’s half aware of the mattress shifting beneath her as Lucien clambers off the bed. Half aware of the sound of footsteps fading and then returning. Only when there’s pressure between her legs do Elain’s eyes fly open, peering down to find Lucien gently wiping a cloth against her.

“What are you doing?”

“A gentleman always takes care of his lady.”

Lucien sets the cloth aside, kneeling up onto the bed and over Elain. Fingers beneath her chin lift her lips to his. The kiss is gentle, sweet even, and Elain’s allows herself to sink into it even as her heart shatters and cracks in her chest at the gesture. She knows that she should leave, that now is the time to cut ties and walk away. But then Lucien is climbing back onto the bed, his arms curling around Elain’s waist and tugging her into him, and maybe… maybe she can allow herself just one more moment.

He pulls the blankets up and over their still naked bodies, arms holding Elain close. She rests her head on his chest, her ear over the song of his heartbeat. Lucien’s fingers trace patterns up and down her spine, curling a strand of her hair around his finger.

“Elain…” Lucien begins, turning his head so his lips brush against her forehead. “What I was trying to tell you before…”

“Later,” Elain dismisses, pressing a placating kiss to Lucien’s skin.

Lucien sighs softly, but his arms tighten around her. “Alright, my love. Rest and then we can speak.”

Elain nods her head, focusing on keeping her breathing even, on getting her body to relax. It’s not particularly hard with the weight of Lucien’s arm across her waist, the warmth his whole body seems to exude. Not hard with the safety and contentment wrapped up here in these blankets, in this room, with this man.

But it can’t last.

She counts in her head until Lucien’s own breathing evens out, clearly having fallen asleep, and then she counts fifty higher just to be safe. Slowly, she extricates herself from his grip, slipping off the bed carefully to avoid too much jostling. She snatches up her discarded dress and cloak and pulls them back on, running her fingers through her hair and hoping for the best without any sort of mirror. At least the sun has set and the darkness will help hide any dishevelment.

She tiptoes to the bedroom door and pulls it open, peeking outside to make sure there’s no one in the hall. She turns and looks back at Lucien’s sleeping form on the bed one last time, swallowing hard around the pain twisting and writing between her ribs, threatening to rise in her throat like bile. The heat of tears is a familiar prickle behind her eyes, but she pushes that down too, reminding herself that this is for the best. One final huff of determination and Elain steps out into the hall, the door closing behind her with firm finality.

—

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[convex-solos]

tell me felix just how fucked up scar and cub are in this au

Oh anon you are IN for a WILD RIDE here. I will mostly focus on their relationship with each other in order to highlight their key character traits.

I will start by mentioning that Convex’s relationship is full of nuance and is constantly evolving just like the characters themselves.

Some key elements to remember about the characters in order to understand their relationship is that Scar is characterized by a morbid need for attention and would do quite literally anything for the spotlight, while Cub is extremely prone to boredom and has to keep himself entertained in progressively more dangerous mind games and activities.

They both play 4D chess with each other. At the end of act I Scar’s crush for Cub completely escalates in a morbid attachment and downright obsession that will only get worse when Cub convinces Scar he is the only person he has left now.

Remember that Scar has just seen his face, the epitome of his beauty (which equals attention), tarnished forever, he has been humiliated by his defeat. Sure he could get plastic surgery to fix SOME of the damage, but it wouldnt be the same. His ego has been wounded too.

So Cub is there. He is the only person Scar talks to while he recovers and he makes sure to be the only “landmark” that Scar has left. So of course Scar’s obsession with Cub only gets stronger, but Scar knows this. He is aware that Cub is playing him but the thing is. He doesnt care AT ALL.

Cub is willing to give him a chance to be reborn, to forget about his failures and for once in his life take the stage for himself and do as his heart desires. He is enabling him, and that’s all that matters to Scar.

Cub is. Easily bored. He dropped out of med school after refusing to take the hippocratic oath and started a series of incredibly dubious medical practices that he managed to keep for himself, only to satisfy his own curiosity.

At some point he got bored so he decided to bring his attention to the human mind. That’s where Scar comes in. In the story Cub and Scar meet by chance in the middle of the night, they then exchange a few words about the clear luminous night sky above them.

That’s it. That’s all that happened… if it wasn’t for the fact that Cub had visible blood stains on his clothes and Scar didn’t even bat an eye. That intrigues Cub, so when Scar advertises that he’s looking for a roommate, Cub immediately takes his chance. Scar becomes his long term “project” and everything culminates to the end of the first act where Cub offers Scar the chance to work by his side. Perfect, right?

But their relationship is… extremely complicated to say the least. Cub doesn’t do “love”. He doesn’t feel that kind of attraction. Scar’s feelings aren’t love either, they’re more akin to obsession. Scar is extremely unpredictable and that drives Cub insane, but he has to admit he enjoys a challenge and Scar himself doesn’t mind at all how scarily controlling Cub is. He likes the attention :)

Cub promises Scar he will kill Grian when the time is right. You can imagine how ecstatic Scar is, he wants to destroy everything related to his “old life” in order to truly enjoy his new and better life.

When Grian takes Cub’s eye out at the end of the second act Cub’s priorities change. Now he wants to be the one to kill Grian for the sole reason she dared to actually impair him. LOL. Notice the parallels?

Things get worse when they get locked up in prison. Scar is always on edge and is extremely violent. He gets thrown into solitary confinement a couple of times. This is the point in the story where Scar realizes just how empty he is and is just a husk of his old self. He is TERRIFIED of being left alone with his thoughts.

Obsession can imply going through stages of deep hatred for the object of said obsession. So Scar does snap at Cub in this incredibly pressuring environment and it only gets worse when he learns Cub has no intention of letting him kill Grian. Cub doesn’t budge. Scar had the illusion of being finally free with Cub but it was just that. An illusion.

Scar’s mood swings from manic states to depressive episodes so he is extremely delicate to handle with, but Cub manages to keep him loyal to him, LOL! Because at the end of the day they truly only have each other. It’s too late to go back now.

Sometimes Scar scares Cub and they both know. Scar acts like he doesn’t know Cub’s tricks until he does. Their relationship is a constant push and pull, it’s a match made in hell and I wouldn’t have it any other way. <3

[young-adult-catholic]

Can I ask some advice. I was pro choice for years but recently became pro life but now I’m struggling with the realization that all my pro choice friends have really hateful attitudes towards babies and even disabled people that I didn’t notice when I was pro choice. I want to say something but doing so would admit that I changed my mind and I’m afraid they won’t want to be friends with me; they don’t have nice thoughts on prolifers and I don’t want them dismissing me as a brainwashed prude

Hello, thank you so much for your ask! Also, in case nobody else has told you, welcome to being pro life! It is extremely brave of you to make that change when everyone around you has a different view point. As far as advice for talking to them, it is definitely really tough, and I don’t have all of the answers.

My number one piece of advice is to come at it with love and remind them to do the same. A lot of times people who feel very strongly about something feel attacked when they are confronted about it, and it’s important to state out loud that even if you disagree with them, you still love them.

As someone who has been in similar situations regarding different beliefs, if you do feel like you need to speak up about it, you don’t necessarily have to start a debate doing it. A lot of times I’ll say something like “Hey, that’s a human person you’re talking about there” or “That’s not cool, how would you feel if someone said that about you,” which tends to get them to drop the topic.

As far as having a conversation about it, let them come to you and be genuine about it. Explain your points using science-- don’t use religion to convince them if they aren’t religious. Remind them (and remember) that both sides are usually coming at this out of a desire to help women, so we can agree on a lot of concrete solutions that aren’t abortion, such as crisis pregnancy centers and better care for moms. You could also point out that in a lot of ways, abortion is extremely misogynistic and does much more to hurt women-- for example, it’s much cheaper to pay for an abortion than it is to pay for the support the mother will need, so many in society would rather do that then provide women with what they need. 

Another thing to remember is that a lot of pro choice woman have had abortions, and in today’s society, people tend to judge their self worth based off of the actions they have done. So if they have done something “bad” they consider themselves “bad” and they can’t fix that. It means that a lot of those women are going to be more resistant to pro life arguments because they don’t want to be bad, and because if they admit that the unborn are humans, then it means they killed their baby.

This is really tough to deal with, and there is no good answer to it outside of the Sacraments. But I would take the time to remind them that just because you do something wrong, it doesn’t make you a bad person. Yes, there is nothing we can do to undo that mistake, but that doesn’t mean that saying it isn’t a mistake is the right answer. Remind them that you love them (and if they are religious, remind them that God loves them and that they can and will be forgiven).

I know this is long, but I hope that it helped!

[miekasa]

Mieeee please grace us with some mikasa dating headcanons pretty please 🥹✨

First and foremost, Mikasa is a hopeless romantic. Picnic dates, matching phone cases, doing each other’s makeup, matching clothing, hair ties in each other’s cars, bike riding together—name any cute, cliche coupe activity and it’s likely on her bucket list. She doesn’t (rarely) always vocalize this, but the desire is there.

Actually waits to binge/watch shows with you lmfaoo. Sometimes she’ll start a series and realize it’s something you’d be into, and then tries to convert you into watching it with her together (this also provides opportunity for her to lay on your lap).

Strange relationship with PDA. She’s not against it, but at the same time she’s not… actively trying to make sure everyone within a 40 mile radius knows that you’re dating. There are things she’s firm on—insists on holding hands when you can, won’t let you leave her for the day without a forehead kiss—but others are a kinda play it by ear situation. If you’re so caught up that you want to kiss her in public, she won’t say no to that; and, if the moment is right and you two are bit more cuddly than usual on your date, then so be it.

100% an enabler when it comes to things you want to buy. You don’t even need to tell her what it is, she’ll say you should get it. In fact, get two so she can have one, too, you know she’s got a thing for matching with you.

Queen of inconspicuous pictures. A third of Mikasa’s camera roll is dedicated to pictures of you, and honestly she’s got a good eye for photography. She doesn’t show you all of them—likes to look back on them occasionally when she needs a little pick me up.

She wants you to meet/get along with Eren and Armin, but she knows they can be…. intense. If you guys aren’t all friends before, then it’s actually Eren you get introduced to first for three reasons: 1) Mikasa can and will beat him up if he’s acting rude, 2) Mikasa knows Eren isn’t the most… social being and might need extra time to warm up to you, and conversely she knows he comes off a bit strong to some and wants you to have ample opportunity to actually get to know him, 3) Eren is more nosey, so he would have gotten to you first anyway. She’s quite happy that you’re all friends in the end, she thinks it’s cute when you guys hang out alone and when Armin or Eren get concerned about you on her behalf.

She’s… getting better at cooking. The basics were always there, but since getting together she’s been experimenting with new dishes and it’s going well! She doesn’t always have the time to cook, but acts of service is her love language, so being able to do anything for you brings her joy.

Big spoon? Little spoon? It changes, let’s say that. She does like holding you and really, really likes it when you fall asleep first, but she also adores falling asleep with her head in your lap in particular. Something about it is so comforting to her, and she finds herself seeking that comfort out more and more frequently :(( you just make her feel really safe, which isn’t always something she’s been familiar with.

Cheek kisses are her favorite, both to give and to receive :(( her favorite pictures of you two are from her birthday with you kissing her cheek with some icing smeared on it, courtesy of Eren, and then subsequently you kissing her nose.

[itoendme]

been thinking about this since i made this post, and I wanna talk about the similarities between thorfinns relationship with askeladd in vinland saga and shins relationship with kan ki in kingdom becausethis sort of toxic mentorship dynamic and the idea that someone you have never seen eye to eye with can fundamentally change your world view to the point where a previously insatiable hatred for that person dissipates is so intriguing to me.

*spoiler warning for vinland saga prologue arc and kingdom zhao retaliation arc*

(note: some manga panels have been cropped or rearranged just to make them fit better)

there are two big differences between these two relationships that i want to address right off the bat:

1. thorfinn willing chooses to join askeladd’s gang, while shin is forced to work with kan ki

2. thorfinn starts to hate askeladd because of something askeladd did that directly negatively impacted him (killing his father in a way thorfinn saw as cowardly and unfair), while shin starts hating kan ki more on principle (with the first instance where he actually feels the desire to kill kan ki being a result of the slaughter of the villagers at kokuyou hills, which actually positively impacted shin, as it reduced casualties for his army)

with both of these differences stemming from the fact that thorfinn and shin just aren’t very similar characters.

askeladd and kan ki are more similar, as discussed in the post i linked above. pillaging? check. slaughter of innocents as means to an end? check. loss of a loved one that drove them towards a desire for revenge and a hatred of society? check.

but im not here to compare or contrast these characters as individuals right now, im here to talk about the dynamic.

both shin’s initial feeling towards kan ki and thorfinn’s initial feeling toward askeladd is pure hatred. and this hatred in both of them manifests in a desire to kill the object of that hatred.

(and to those of you who haven’t read kingdom and might be saying ‘shin being angry with kan ki doesn’t necessarily equate to him wanting to kill the guy,’ i give you :

the reason shin can’t kill kan ki is because not only is kan ki on his side, but shin is also under kan ki, meaning that if he were to go through with killing kan ki, he would be killed on the spot. but the reason thorfinn can’t kill askeladd is simply that he’s physically incapable of it, seeing as he tries and fails numerous times.

meanwhile, both kan ki and askeladd are aware of these characters hatred for them and desire to kill them, (as neither shin nor thorfinn makes any attempt to hide it) but appear unbothered by it, giving the appearance of just generally caring very little about them at all and not even caring if they live or die.

but the fact is that kan ki losing shin or askeladd losing thorfinn would be a detrimental blow to their fighting force. despite the animosity going one way, in the other direction, there is some level of trust. kan ki tasks shin with leading his army in their escape when he realizes he’s lost the battle with ri boku, and askeladd tasks thorfinn with saving and protecting canute. trusting someone they know hates them with protecting something they end up dying for is, on the surface, a very questionable decision, but it makes more sense when you realize that it’s born from an understanding of the person they are trusting. because shin and thorfinn (but especially thorfinn) are more like kan ki and askeladd than they’d probably like to believe. shin, like kan ki, faced hardship because he’s an orphan, and was treated by society like dirt. thorfinn, like askeladd, sought revenge against the person who caused the death of a parent. coupled with the fact that both shin and kan ki and thorfinn and askeladd have been fighting by each other’s side for years before these requests are made indicates that kan ki/askeladd are able to trust shin/thorfinn because they’ve gotten to know them and understand what drives them despite not getting along.

and then there’s kan ki and askeladd as mentor figures. because, plainly stated, both are absolutely horrible role models (see previous mention of pillaging and slaughtering innocent villagers, which they both do on multiple occasions) and yet both kan ki and askeladd state an intention (though somewhat mocking) to teach shin and thorfinn something.

although shin continues to condemn kan ki’s methods even after kan ki’s landslide victory at kokuyou hills, and although thorfinn doesn’t fully grasp what askeladd taught him about someone’s rage working against them until askeladd is dead, what both protagonists really gained from these questionable mentors was not fighting tactics, but a more nuanced outlook of society.

but im getting a bit ahead of myself, so ill come back to that thought later, but first I want to look at the parallels between shin/thorfinn’s reactions to kan ki/askeladd’s deaths. because despite any feelings of hatred, neither shin nor thorfinn wants to leave kan ki or askeladd for dead.

and in both cases, a realization that they can’t be saved leads to disbelief.

on a very basic surface level, shin is upset about kan ki’s death because it’s a detrimental blow to the military force, and thorfinn is upset about askeladd’s death because it means he’s lost his reason for living. but also, they’re upset because, at some point, the hatred they once felt so strongly has ebbed away. not because they condone the actions of these people, but because they’ve come to realize that there is more to them than the immoral acts that they’ve committed.

and yet this is something that neither shin nor thorfinn wants to acknowledge at first. they don’t want to admit that they care.

and for thorfinn, he doesn’t want to admit that there’s a possibility that why he’s upset isn’t that he wasn’t the one to kill askeladd, but the fact that askeladd died at all.

to go back to my earlier point about the lessons learned from these ‘mentors’, both shin and thorfinn develop a lot over the course of their respective stories, as, at the beginning, both of them are children with a simpleminded view of good and evil, but their experiences with kan ki/askeladd help change that by forcing them to reflect on themselves and their worldviews.

shin witnessed firsthand kan ki doing a lot of depraved and horrible things (like the sculpture made of the dismembered bodies of the kokuyou villagers and the beheading of the 100,000 prisoners of war), but when asked if he thinks people are inherently good or evil, he cites kan ki as an example of why he thinks that humans are neither inherently good nor evil— that everything is about perspective.

thorfinn dedicated 10 years of his life to trying to kill askeladd. and yet he states, when talking about askeladd for the first time since his death, that he doesn’t hate askeladd. he realized that there was more to askeladd than the fact that he killed thorfinn’s father. he may not have been a ‘good person’, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he deserved to die. that despite what he thought when he was younger, askeladd wasn’t his enemy.

[hereforthefanficsandromance]

The Way He Looks at You Series I:XIII

Act I: The Way He Looks at You Chapter 13: The Way He Visits You

Read on AO3 Read on Blogger Read on Tumblr Story Master List: The Way He Looks at You Series

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Chapter Summary

You make a new friend, and see an old one. Rating: 18+ Words: 3.1K

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The room feels empty now that Cal has left and you find yourself unsure what to do now that you have almost complete freedom. You have only spent a couple hours alone since the end of your relationship with Theo and being in a strange place makes the loneliness feel more extreme. You had been so excited to have this time, and now that it is here, you feel lost.

A wicked thought crosses your mind, the chance at escape, you have the resources to do so. There would be a significant head start before Cal would realize that you had run off, maybe enough time to warn your fellow Rebels and get them out of harm’s way. An opportunity to restart, away from the Empire and the Rebellion, away from all the pain that you have felt from both sides of the Force.

Is the risk worth it? You already made the choice, attempting an escape now is risky, maybe more than before when Cal had provided you the choice. Even if you had time to warn the others, you can imagine that Cal would hunt down everyone you cared for and then yourself with a vengeance once he realized your betrayal.

Is that what is keeping you here, fear? You aren’t sure, so you attempt to change how you ponder the feelings inside of you. If there was no risk of anyone being hurt or killed, would you still choose to stay? No immediate answer comes forward, so you sit on the edge of the bed and await clarity on the topic.

Mulling over your feelings for Cal confuses you more, he has given into your every desire and been fair considering his position in the galaxy. However, he did also seduce you in a moment of weakness. You haven’t exactly been in your right mind since Theo broke up with you.

You try to sift through who you are now versus who you were just a few days ago, but it’s hard to remember that person. Several days now feels like several years and you huff before falling backwards on the bed, staring at the texture on the ceiling.

Trying to think back to the woman you were when you first began piloting, before meeting Theo. She was determined but afraid; the determination won out. That woman wasn’t looking for safety in a man, just safety and peace for others. She wanted to do anything and everything possible to fight back against the Empire. You feel you hardly know that person.

Here you are, waiting for an Inquisitor to return to you; worrying for his safety while you spend his money. It’s almost pathetic, you hate yourself for succumbing to temptation. You can’t imagine how your old self would react to seeing what has become of you. There is a deep sense of shame in the decision.

Then another thought hits you, you didn’t agree to stay with just any Inquisitor; you stayed with Cal. He didn’t choose this life, and he is doing what he can to fulfill his duty while protecting who he can. There was even the implication that if the Empire should fall, he would abandon it for you. He isn’t evil; he is just as terrified of the power of the Empire as anyone.

You wonder if staying with Cal won’t do more good in the grand scheme of things. Had you left, Cal would fight back in the off chance the Rebellion attacks and wins. He would cause more loss of life in a last battle.

By staying, you ensure that if the future plays out how you hope it will, that one Inquisitor will leave and take no additional lives.

But if that day never comes, then your choice to stay only makes you compliant with everything you have fought against. There is no obvious answer on what makes sense, perhaps you’ll never know what choice is correct.

You sigh out a breath, so overwhelmed by all the conflicting thoughts in your head. There is half the day left and you are becoming hungry, so you sit up, shaking the conflict from your mind. You go into the bathroom to confirm your appearance is the way you want. Tugging awkwardly at the revealing dress, it doesn’t bother you when Cal is around, but the thought of others seeing so much of your skin makes you uncomfortable.

You finally give up your plight to be more modest and open the front door. You quickly lock up before heading down the stairs and out into the bright day. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the invasive light, but once they do you look for a place to get some food.

There is a small food cart, and you grab something small and portable from the vendor. While you would love to have a full meal, you are also eager to visit the various shops. You eat the snack as you window shop, taken with all the stores in this area. The market is bustling and people seem less weary of you now that you are by yourself. You still receive many glances, likely because of your clothing, but there isn’t an innate fear of your presence.

A small bookshop sits at the corner of one street and you find yourself drawn inside. You feel at peace the moment you enter. It is quiet; the shelves crowded with novels. It is a perfect place to spend the afternoon. You wander through the aisles in no particular order, simply enjoying the peaceful environment. A beautiful book catches your eye and you pull it from the shelves to study the description. Finding a seat in the window to read the first chapter to help you make your decision.

You spend most of the afternoon in a fantastical bliss, going to and from the shelves with a new book in hand. Every time reading the first chapter before returning the book to its home and finding a new one. There was never much time for reading since losing your family. There was always work to be done in the Rebellion and you loved the work. But without direction, you want to find something new to keep your mind busy.

You find yourself lost in the first chapter of an interesting novel when you feel a tap on the shoulder. A small Gree woman is standing over you, clearly the owner of this establishment.

“Struggling to decide?” She asks in common tongue.

You look up at her, settling the book in your lap. “I’m afraid so, there are so many interesting stories and it may be awhile before I can buy another book. I don’t want to make the wrong choice.”

She nods thoughtfully, “That is the trouble with books, you may never return to the story you once loved.”

You frown, “I wish I didn’t have to choose.”

She studies you for a moment, “I may have what you need.”

You tilt your head at her in curiosity. “What do you mean?”

She takes the book from your lap and places it back in its home on the shelf. Then she takes your large hands in her small soft ones and pulls you to follow. You stand and follow without further question but wonder if you should be more resistant to following strangers. Cal said take no risks, but you don’t feel this woman is a threat.

She leads you to the back of the shop towards a rickety old door. You momentarily worry you shouldn’t follow her further, but you want to know what she has in mind. The tiny woman opens the door and pulls you into a room with a workbench and many electronic parts lining the walls.

“I have been working on something.” She says excitedly. “A new way to read, it will access all books available on local databases. The more you travel the more books you can find. You do travel often?” She asks, glancing at your heavy cloak.

“I do.” You say, looking back at her with equal excitement. “Your invention, it sounds amazing!”

She smiles wide at your enthusiasm. “It is, I made it after all. This is a prototype, I will sell it to you at a discounted price. You can test it out for me, send word if you like it or if it needs improvements.”

She hands you a thin book sized datapad. You examine it carefully and press the button to bring the device to life. A huge smile overtakes your face as you learn how the device works. The Gree woman helps teach you the nuances of the datapad. You are both beaming at one another, excited to have someone else match the thrill of a device to read endless books on.

After about an hour of learning how the device operates, you agree on a price. The cost is most of your spending money, but not all. If it works well, you will have endless entertainment when waiting for Cal while he works. The woman introduces herself as Kaahlii and provides you with a way to contact her through the datapad. You introduce yourself and she walks you back into the main store front to collect payment.

“Thank you Kaahlii, I am so grateful for your kindness and am very excited to use your invention.” You say as you hand over the credits.

You quickly realize that you have no way to store the device on your person and Kaahlii notices your strife. “No storage? No problem.”

She heads to a distant corner of the store and brings a black leather satchel large enough to fit your new device. You smile at her and agree on another price for the bag. Just as you are about to shake on the deal you see a package of folding papers for sale on the corner of the front desk.

“I’ll give you the rest of my credits for the bag and the folding papers.” You negotiate. She thinks for a moment then holds out her hand, you eagerly shake it with a smile and pass over your remaining spending credits. She opens the bag and places your datapad inside. Then she walks towards the folding papers counting up how many she has available, even looking under the desk to see if there are any additional.

You watch a bit confused. You had only wanted one package and aren’t sure why she is counting her inventory. She takes the entire stack and fills the remaining space in your bag with all the folding paper she can fit. You furrow your eyebrows but a grin is stuck on your face.

“For trying out my invention.” She says simply.

“You are too kind.” You say back as you pick up the satchel and wrap the strap across your body, ensuring to cover it with your cloak.

She gives you an approving nod and grasps your hands in hers once more. “I want a response when you have used it for enough time, an honest opinion on my work.”

“I will be in touch.” You say and squeeze her hands gently before turning to exit the store.

You are on cloud nine with the lovely afternoon you had in Kaahlii’s shop. There is a bit of shame in spending all your money so quickly, but you feel it was a wonderful investment, like it was always going to happen this way.

The small snack from earlier has worn off and you realize how hungry you are. You find a nearby eatery and order some food before taking a seat alone at a table in the corner. While you eat you eagerly pull out your reading datapad and power it up, searching for all books that you can get in the area. You spend lots of time adding as much as you can to the device, excited to have such easy access to so many lovely books.

“What are you doing here?” A familiar voice sounds to your left, standing at the edge of your table.

You look up, recognition setting in. “Theo?”

He stares at you in confusion before sliding into the seat opposite you. You look around nervously, fearful that Cal may show up suddenly; afraid of what would have to happen if the two saw one another.

Despite the fear, your heart leaps seeing him again. He is as attractive as ever, his messy dark hair falling into his kind gray eyes. They draw you in, reminding you of your relationship together, making you feel special. His looks are enough to make you feel heat between your legs, but you try to ignore it. Theo doesn’t want you, he made that very clear, lusting after him will only cause more trouble.

“Why are you here?” Theo says, his eyes show how concerned he is. “No one has seen you, I thought you went back to Yavin 4, but I contacted the base to ensure you got there safely and there was no word of your arrival.”

The thought of him still feeling concern for your safety warms you slightly. You want so badly for him to take you in his arms and tell you he still loves you. You realize you haven’t answered his question when he speaks again.

“What are you wearing?” He seems a bit horrified at your dress. Though you don’t miss his eyes traveling along the bare skin between your breasts. There is a whisper of lust in his eyes, his pupils dilate, but he seems to resist.

“Theo, I, it’s a long story. I had some things come up, I haven’t been able to rejoin the Rebellion. I’m not sure I ever will.” You try to explain, but you know it won’t be enough, he is going to push for more information.

“Why? I know how much fighting back means to you. Is this about…our conversation from the other morning?” He asks, looking ashamed.

“I suppose it started there.” You try to keep your tone even and not give away the hurt you feel. Unfortunately, your eyes don’t care and tears swell in your eyes.

“I didn’t want to hurt you, I never thought that you would leave the cause because of me.” He tries to explain hastily.

“You broke my heart.” You say slowly, wiping the tears from your eyes.

“I didn’t want it to be this way, I just realized after…that night…that I was falling away from the Jedi Code. There is danger in straying, it could lead me to the Dark Side.” He says quietly, trying to ensure that no one else hears the words he is speaking.

You scoff, “I don’t think that loving me will cause that.” You think about how silly this all sounds since being with Cal. He fell to the Dark Side, and it feels like loving you is pulling him away from it.

Theo frowns, the expression pulls at your heartstrings. Arguing with him won’t change his mind, and you don’t want to have this interaction be on bad terms. You don’t want to see him hurt.

“You don’t understand the training that I received. They forbid attachments.” He tries to reason.

“I don’t understand. You allowed us to date, but you waited until the worst possible moment to break things off. It made me feel insecure, and used.” You say to him pointedly.

He sits quietly, thinking over your words. “I am so sorry for hurting you in that way. I care for you so dearly and I was wrong to not end things before allowing it to go so far.” He says with genuine remorse.

His gray eyes pierce yours, different that Cal’s. Theo’s are soft and caring, he sees so easily into you and you feel calm and safe in his presence. It feels impossible to hold a grudge and you sigh in exasperation.

“I know, it just still hurts.” You mumble.

There is a beat of silence that washes over you both. You are trying to soothe your pain. Theo observes you, wishing he could help.

“What brought you here?” Theo asks, attempting to change the subject.

You feel so torn; you want to tell him the truth, the man whom you have trusted for the past couple years should know. It feels wrong to hide anything from him. But Theo is no longer your boyfriend, and telling him anything would only endanger him.

“I can’t tell you.” You whisper.

Theo sighs, wishing to get more information, he is clearly worried for your safety.

“How long are you staying?” He tries.

“Five days including today.” You answer honestly, there is nothing wrong with providing this information and you feel grateful to speak some truth to him.

You so desperately want to ask for information on the Rebellion, to learn who is still working to fight back against the Empire. To know if any major breakthroughs have come about in the few days that you have been away. But you know better, any information you learn will quench your need for knowledge, but it will put others in danger.

“Is your reason for being here to help the fight?” Theo asks, looking with desperation in his eyes.

You are technically here because you are helping the fight, you just can’t fight anymore. “Something like that.” You say slowly.

Theo nods, “You need to be careful, there is an Inquisitor in the area, I saw one of their ships. I am unsure which one but I do not want you to be in danger.”

He looks at you, waiting for a reaction, knowing how much you fear their kind, especially after what happened to your family. Theo seems more concerned when you don’t react.

“Are you okay? Did you already know?” He implores.

“I was aware.” You say, “You need to leave, the Inquisitors will quickly sniff you out.”

He gives you a charming smile, showing off his white teeth. “I do not fear the Inquisitors, I heard that the one here works alone. Also, I can’t leave now that I know you are here. I need to know you are safe.”

You tremble, realizing that Cal will hunt Theo down if he does not leave you alone. “Please, Theo, you need to leave, I am okay on my own. I’m stronger than I once was.” You feel you are begging.

Theo only shakes his head, “I have to go, I have work to do, but I’ll be around. Please stay safe.”

You watch as Theo stands and heads for the door before disappearing into the early evening crowds. Taking some calming breaths you finish your remaining meal and pack up your things. The sun is setting and you need to get back to the room.

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Need to Rant with Others Who Have Read This Story?

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Love/Like/Hate What You Read?

Comment (please!) on AO3 or Blogger Anonymous/Comment/Message/Reblog on Tumblr Compliments feed me Constructive Criticism improves me

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Next Chapter: The Way He Returns to You

[ridiasfangirlings]

There's too much of Yata not requiring Saruhiko's love so now we need Saruhiko rejecting Yata.

D-do we need that? I could see this being a ‘I choose me’ moment for Fushimi, like him realizing maybe he doesn’t need a partner right now and he’s not actually ready to be with anyone, he still needs to work on getting himself into a healthy place before he can really be in a relationship. I think it would be hard for him to reject Yata though just because Fushimi himself has such a deep-seated fear of rejection, I think he’d feel like if he tells Yata no then surely Yata will hate him and never want to be his friend ever again. Assuming this is post-ROK I could see him struggling with the desire to immediately blow things up himself, like he can’t face the idea that Yata might not want to be his friend if Fushimi rejects him romantically so wouldn’t it be easiest to just laugh in Yata’s face and break things off in the painful way again, and save himself and Yata both the inevitable heartbreak and disappointment.

I could see him pausing and letting that play through his mind, and then he swallows hard and just gives some noncommittal answer indicating he’s thinking about it. This way he can just sidestep and avoid the inevitable question, like maybe if he pretends it didn’t happen nothing will change. Yata’s probably willing to give him time but isn’t going to let Fushimi sidestep things forever, imagine him finally just cornering Fushimi all give me an answer and Fushimi just looks away and mutters ‘sorry.’ Fushimi braces himself to be rejected by his best friend, but instead Yata takes that in and now Yata’s the awkward one, apologizing for cornering Fushimi and he was hoping Fushimi felt the same but he knows he can’t force things. I could see him rambling a little about how he still wants to be Fushimi’s friend okay, he was so worried about ruining things, and Fushimi is kinda blindsided because wait aren’t I the one who ruined everything. Yata gives him this sad but genuine smile and says no you idiot, and makes sure Fushimi knows that even if Fushimi doesn’t have the same feelings Yata still wants to be his friend and go out for drinks like they used to, nothing’s going to ruin them after everything else they’ve been through.

[traumavents]

emotional abuse & physical abuse tw

.

.

. what do you do when your abuser actually does change and apologize and hold themselves accountable? there are so many articles about people reconciling with their abusers and becoming close with them again and I do yearn for this connection but I can't tell if it's the traumabond or a genuine desire to connect. Both? I have a lot of complicated feelings and I don't know how to process the idea that abuse isn't black and white like some people think. This is a grey area.

I don't want to get rid of them but I feel like maybe I'm anti-recovery if I don't? what do you do when everywhere you look, it's a post about how people are inherently evil and can never change and if you think they did, you're stupid and naive. I'm neither stupid nor naive, I just came from a background where I myself have been emotionally and even physically abusive to people I care about because of abuse I was undergoing from a different source, so I have a different level of understanding and compassion for them than normal.

I still flinch and cry and dissociate because of my first abuser, but what do you do when the relationship you develop with your other abuser is more compassionate and elaborate and complex. What do you do when your first abuser primed a much younger you for the kind of abuse you undergo as an adult? I have been processing the secondary abusive relationship for the past couple years and I still find myself flinching (emotionally) like I'd touched an oven. There's a part of me that still considers them unsafe even if I wholly believe they're not going to be that person anymore. I mean if I was willing to change my actions and hold myself accountable, they have that capacity too?

There was never any physical abuse in my secondary abusive situation. Only emotional and psychological. That's not to downplay the severity of those kinds of abuse, just a point of clarification. I know some people will say that it's my right to cut them off even if they're doing better and I know that. That's not my issue. My issue is with the complexity of emotions and processing them. Everyone says "abusers don't change" and I know that's said for the explicit purpose of making sure victims are safe because a lot of abusers don't change and it's dangerous to stick around to see if they do. They don't prepare you for the ones that do.

Everyone has a flippant opinion about abusers, whether you want them or not. I just don't know how to process the actual, grey complexity that comes with the reality of this. If you have advice, would love to hear it but if you don't, that's fine too. I just. Don't know how to process a reality that people genuinely don't prepare you for when stuff like this happens. It's always "cut them off" or "get over it". There's never nuance.

Hi anon,

I don’t have advice but I really think that your feelings are valid and understandable.

I am someone who believes people can change, but that even after changing, they aren’t owed forgiveness or a second chance. If you choose to give that, I think that’s really valid and it’s your decision.

People really want to believe it’s black and white. That abusive people are always completely evil and never anything but. It’s easier somehow I think. But it isn’t that simple. I also think you’re right that the narrative is painted to try and help abused people leave and that’s valid. But you’re also right it can be confusing when someone does change.

I was abused by two people the same way. One of them I forgave because they genuinely realized that what they were doing was wrong and was learned behaviour from growing up. They did the work. They’re in my life now at a limited capacity.

The other never held themselves accountable. Always blamed me. And I haven’t forgiven them or allowed them space in my life.

This doesn’t mean I think you owe someone forgiveness if they apologize but that I think you’re valid to feel how you feel.

I don’t think it makes you anti-recovery. I just encourage you to pay attention to your needs and feelings and do what’s right for you.

[kotos-and-smiles]

Earned Second Chances

Looking back through kot chapters the other day, realizing this idea that Chika has had with Uzuki about having to move on from the past, that the past won’t disappear so all we can do is act from where we are right now, all that is the same attitude we saw Satowa have in ch.104 towards herself, when she expressed her regret over the way she treated Chika in the past, and came to the realization that there was nothing she could do about that past treatment, all she can do is act in the here and now and never let go of his hand again (a promise she’s kept). Like these panels are near paralleling what people’s attitudes have been to Uzuki lately, and something that Uzuki himself seems to be trying to take in and believe himself worthy of. This also honestly could relate quite well to Tomoe, though on a very different scale as it has for Satowa and Uzuki. Also an interesting difference is that this is something Satowa took on entirely herself, this feeling of responsibility and realization that it was up to her to change her current actions and be better now and in the future despite the past, because there’s nothing she can do about the past. Whereas Uzuki has to be told that he doesn’t just have to wallow in self-hatred, not even he deserves that, and that he and Chika both need to move on because that’s all they can do now. That’s really all there is to do. Chika is the one with enough maturity and desire to not let this have power over him anymore to be able to say that to Uzuki. So interesting that in some ways, both Chika and Satowa have realized this about certain situations, while Uzuki is in a very different place to them. 

Of course, this isn’t the first time redemption has been explored in this manga. Not nearly. Hiro, Akira, and Chiharu (Satowa’s mom) have all had similar treatment. It isn’t really about righting past wrongs, cuz sometimes you can’t, it’s all about moving forward and treating each other better now with the acknowledgment that the past happened but doesn’t have to determine their future.

As Isaki mentioned in ch.124, it really does take great strength to be able to face what you’ve done to people in the past, and also great strength to give people second chances. But it is also extremely powerful to decide to act differently now than you did in the past. It is powerful that Chika and Satowa can both realize and be in a place to not let the past hold the reins on their present life and try to move on from it, with the people who have wronged them and with themselves. And both Chika and satowa have had to find ways of forgiving themselves and moving forward for their mistakes in the past for a better future, and knowing they deserve that which was a hard journey for both, as well as having to do that with other people.

I think this is what makes characters getting second chances so believable. They aren’t just given a free pass and forgiven. Their past actions are acknowledged by both parties, it just doesn’t stop either of them from moving forward and deciding a better future. Slates aren’t wiped clean, a conscious decision is made to move beyond the past. This also involves in depth understanding of the characters on both sides, has to be mutual, and forgiveness and second chances feel so earned. It’s not perfect, but it doesn’t have to be, both parties just have to put in the work and open to doing so. And again, it just feels so earned. It’s not that the characters who made mistakes aren’t at fault, it’s that the people they wronged are able and willing to move on from the past together with them.

Anyway, this was far longer of a ramble than I intended and I kinda lost focus, but there are a lot of mistakes made and redemption to be earned in this manga, and it works so incredibly well.

[sg-artem]

Artem’s Enduring Light SSR [Shrouded Daybreak]

Video Translation and Line Translation from Jin Yamashina

First, If you don't like spoilers, this is not the place for you. I will be ranting about this card and all its spoiler-worthiness. Secondly, thank you, Jin, for translating this card so that I could read it a year earlier and sob my eyes out earlier than global. Thirdly, I would like to thank Hoyoverse for having the guts to give us angst cards after so long. It was actually full-on angst for the last half, and if you ignore the after-story, it ends without comfort.

“We’re moving as partners, and share the codename “Cloudbreak.”

The first thing to point out is that I can't believe their codename is Cloudbreak. If you don't know, Artem and Rosa visit Cloudbreak Temple together in Entwined Fate SSR. They also revisited the temple in Paired Blessing, so it's a pretty special place for both of them. The fact that they share the codename cloudbreak just does things to me that I can't explain. THEY CHOSE A PLACE OF SO MUCH SIGNIFICANCE TO BE THEIR CODENAME TOGETHER. Like they might know it but I DO SO DISksjdjS. It's not even just a codename for one of them. It's the fact that they share and have the same codename that just does things to my heart. HOW ARE THESE TWO PARTNERS JUST FKEHFIEIBIEBF so adorable.

“Load, reload, and shoot. I’ve taught you all of these personally, yet you can always surpass me.”

Secondly, as you can see from the image above, Rosa is holding a gun. We're not in the angsty part yet. However, just like in their dating verse, Artem teaches Rosa how to use a gun again in the pretense that she'll need it when she becomes an agent like him. It's just so heart-melting to see all these references from their dating verse in this AU. You can really see how every detail was thought of to make it as sentimental and heart-wrenching as possible.

“Y/N, have you really though it through?”

Next, this freaking ARTEM WING always has the most incredible love languages. Always letting us have the final decision. He has no choice, but we are always the ones with the choice. Reading the card made me realize just how thoughtful this man really is. He didn't enroll Rosa into the organization because he wanted her to think about it with a clearer head. Not just because he saved her but because it is what she wanted in the end. CRIESS THIS MAN, HOW CAN I NOT LOVE YOU. Always double checking if we're sure and, in the end, making us really think through the decision because he doesn't want us to live in regret BHJFHKJFOJSIO. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY CHOICE, YOU LOVELY MAN. Just like how Artem saved Rosa, she will always choose to save him.

“Then proudly stand by your side someday in the future.”

And then there's our dear Rosa. How can I not love how the MC is portrayed. All her feelings and thoughts are what I want to achieve as well. Her desire to save Artem and her selfish thoughts just stay by his side. THIS DAMN COUPLE HUHUHUHU. There continues to be parallelism between their dating verse on how one of Rosa's goals is to stand by Artem's side as partners. THIS MAN ALREADY VIEWS YOU AS HIS WORLD, BUT YOU STILL WANT TO WORK HARDER, HUHUUHU. It's not even the fact that she works hard, but even if she doesn't, Artem continues to accept her and reassure her that how she is right now is enough. She doesn't need to change for him, yet he still loves her very much.

“Then, I’ll choose to let you live.”

“Leave. Don’t look back.... You aren’t allowed to look back.”

AND THEN THE SCENE WHERE ARTEM WAS READY TO SACRIFICE HIS LIFE FOR HER, OH MY GOSH. My heart was pounding so hard at the thought of these two apart. Rosa slowly understood that she never was on probation and how Artem kept questioning her motives to stay. Once again, Artem was giving her a choice. She can live as an ordinary citizen or help the organization with its cause. CRIEESSS. He doesn't want her to be shackled by the weight of responsibility if she doesn't choose to bear it. Even if it would mean her sacrifice and their separation. He still gives her the right to choose what she wants. THESE TWO I CANNOT WITH THEM, MY POOR HEART. I was sobbing my eyes out for these panels. The freaking illustration didn't help because, my gosh, I have never seen Artem Wing look so coldly in my direction before.

Also, another parallelism with Chapter 6 of the main story now. Remember how Artem and Rosa were in those glass containers. How Artem was ready to sacrifice his life so that you could escape safely. He wasn't even sure if she would return, but the fact that he saw you leave safely and he was on the brink of death just killed me. This man, your selflessness will be the death of me. This is why I just love you so much dfkshfkhfkd

“Do you... want a present this year? I’ve wrapped them all, they are hidden at home.” “I wanted to give you some right of choice and a chance of reconsiderations.”

THIS FREAKING LINE JUST KILLED ME. Artem's talking like he isn't going to make it, and he's like saying his final lines to you, oh my gosh. THIS MAN!! Even in his last moments, he thinks about how Rosa can still escape and how it's okay that she's mad at him for betraying her with the organization stuff. The heart-wrenching situation. Also, even in his final moments, he's talking about if she makes it out alive and he doesn't, she still has the CHOICE of not joining. THIS MAN AND HIS CONSIDERATION FJBSFDHHSH. It made the scene so much more angsty, and my gosh, I will never be the same ever again. CRIESSS ARTEM WING!!

“Mrs. Mrs. Wing��

“Mrs. Wing. Mr. Wing.”

LASTLY, THIS GOSHDAMMING AFTER SCENE!! Not the after story but the after scene where Rosa is supposed to have lost consciousness. I can't believe they went back to the time in the car before all the events. Firstly, the fact that he notices her distress and immediately stops the car when she starts crying fkhdskfhks. He just cups her face and wipes her tears like in the romantic scenes you see in movies. (well, he could have hugged her, but that's just my preference HAHAHHAHA) ALSO, MR. WING AND MRS. WING. THEY WERE PRACTICING CALLING EACH OTHER THESE NICKNAMES. I CAN'T. This just absolutely broke my heart. If we think that them dying next to one another, and in their afterlife, this is what they call each other CRIESSSS. The fact that these two will never be separated, even in their deaths, will be my demise. HUHUHUHU

That is all for me, fkhdskhd. Also, can I just point out that Zhao Lu's voice acting was so freaking good??? He nailed all the emotions and the angst 10000% better with voice acting like my God. And the background music, mwuah, it was chef's kiss so good. Also, all the antagonists voiced lines were so good as well. They had the best lines and all the tones that made me want to hate them so much. Overall, it was such a good card, and I'm so excited for this to come to global next year and to hear the other dubs voice it as well AHHHH. Thank you, bye!

Video Translation from Jin Yamashina

[overthinkingtaleblr]

Which Taleblr character do you think is the most likely to argue about warrior cats lore online and why. 5 paragraphs.

Here is my essay on who and why i think is the most likely to argue about warrior cats lore, and what their hottest take would be within 5 paragraphs (this one does not count)

First and foremost we have to consider who even likes reading long, convoluted book series to begin with (this does not actually exclude Johnny Ghost and I’ll get back to that in a minute) and who is argumentative enough to formulate opinions that intense. Examples on who this disqualifies is Papa (because he wouldn’t read them), Sue (because she wouldn’t want to argue about them), and Billy (because he likely wouldn’t want to read or argue about them, but likely has a warriors oc)… but not the Toilet Toucher (I can’t explain that tbh, he’s just a. Multi-faceted man). From there I have to ask, who would be involved enough with the online warriors community to even get into an argument? This is where I disqualify characters like Sally and Gertrude, who don’t really interact with things like the internet much even though both could kill someone over this if they so desired.

Of the top of my head this leaves characters like Spencer, Maddie-Friend, and Johnny Ghost, Toast, and Roast. Ghost is an exception to the previous rules because if Toast is into Warriors, you know he’s told Ghost just about every aspect of the series. They roleplayed it behind the school. I can’t list where every character got knocked out of the running and why, these are just the ones who are still here. Spencer is here because he is the taleblr embodiment of the online nerd who needs everyone to see his perspective of canon as the most accurate version of it, and I don’t think the cat books are beyond his wrath. Maddie is here because I could see her reading them and getting way too attached to a really hated character and spend all her time defending them from 90% of the fandom (probably Onestar). Ghost and Toast would be a group entity because Ghost would be getting all his information from Toast and can’t read the message boards from himself, so it’s more like Toast would read Ghost a take they both disagree with and Ghost would INSIST they tell him how wrong he is. Roast, in my interpretation, is just really emo and probably felt a connection to actually HOLLYLEAF. So. Yeah, king of defending a problematic queen. In order to determine who would be most likely to argue, though, we need to determine what each of them would die for.

Spencer is a lore stickler who needs everyone to be accurate at all times, so petty things like who was right or wrong at any given time aren’t going to draw him in until someone is dead wrong about something. He’s the kind of person to ‘narratively’ defend choices using the warrior code, but wasn’t actually upset at the books for changing the code because he can point at all the bad things the code has defended in the past as a reason to why the clans would change anything. His form of argument is to state where someone is wrong, give them the exact quote that disproves them, and insult them at the end for no reason, which likely starts actual firestorms on twitter. He hasn’t realized he’s only making things worse yet. I think he’d think Mapleshade is stupid, and would find himself in the middle of a lot of arguments as a result, but he isn’t actually impassioned about those arguments. Maddie-Friend I think is most likely to argue that certain characters were written consistently or inconsistently, specifically characters she likes when they change. I don’t think she’d get specifically attached to any background or antagonistic cats, but I could see her getting really attached to a protagonist cat and then not thinking critically when it turns out they suck. Once again, like Onestar— but maybe even Bramblestar. I think her arguments would be the most passionate and from-the-heart, but that she’d be the most willing to back off and change her opinions if she rereads the books with the criticisms of her problematic faves from the internet in mind. Toast and Ghost are probably shoulders deep in the afterlife system of Warriors because… it’s related to their real-life job. When they found out about the Dark Forest plot of the most recent book, down to Imposter Bramblestar, the two probably had a fit. But no— they’d be hardwired on arguing about the afterlife of Warriors and either defending or antagonizing it as much as possible. Roast is a moody dude, and is most likely to pick a problematic cat with a backstory and defend them even though they suck. Scourge? Defended. Mapleshade? Defended. Hollyleaf? Defended. He would admit that Hollyleaf absolutely committed a murder but turn around and say Ashfur deserved it and wouldn’t have any sympathy for Leafpool. Furthermore, because he doesn’t care about the cats he’s antagonizing, he’s the most likely to get into an inflammatory argument and stick with it.

I think Spencer’s biggest hot take would be that he doesn’t like the Supereditons at all. He feels like they do nothing but over complicate the story and timeline, and it’s exhausting to watch characters change into something completely different under new authors. Especially since a lot of the time, it just ends up making already bad cats into something 10 times worse and feels like they’re trying to excuse the fate cats got when things like the code already explain it. I also think that he, as a previous tyrannical god, would see nothing wrong with starclan having final say in everything, including how things play out and who gets to go to cat heaven or cat hell. I think Maddie’s biggest hot take that she wouldn’t budge on is that the medicine in warriors should put in more effort to either straight-up say it’s magic, or replicate real life, because as a doctor-in-training she probably cringes every time she reads about spiderwebs being treated as bandages. I also don’t think she realized the two legs were humans until the end of series 1 and just thought the cats were on an alien planet. Toast and Ghost probably argue with each other over the whole thing with the ancient cats, with Toast saying it was actually pretty interesting to read, and Ghost saying it completely took him out of the plot and he didn’t understand why there were only Actual cat ghosts NOW… They also probably argue about where the books take place, with Ghost going behind Toast’s back to argue it ABSOLUTELY takes place in America without putting any thought into it. I think Johnny Roast would just say “Mapleshade was right” and other inflammatory comments with no other context on a regular basis to piss people off.

TLDR; Spencer, technically, but several others would be WAAY more annoying.

[plrplanet]

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