#and on a waitlist for autism diagnosis

[moodr1ng]

recently been seeing (and seeking) more info on moral ocd and its like wellll it does seem like i definitely have that but talking about the stuff i obsess over w my psychiatrist feels impossible bc i cant admit to thinking about it without feeling like a horrible person, so im just gonna keep sweeping it under the rug lol....

[rhinocio]

only Certain Foods are Acceptable right now, MICHAEL

[kerosene-saint]

just found an old screen shot of a comment on one of my tik toks that told me to take the money I used to get my hair dyed (it was rainbow at that time) and spend it on an autism assessment... as if I could just walk into a facility and say can I have one autism test please and thank you and hand them $100...

[purityvalentine]

Oh yeah

Therapy waiting list is 5 months but at least I'm in the queue now! ✌

Anyway it's 9am goodnight I am sleepy

[noahthetablespoon]

Feeling called out rn

pretending the reason I'm angsty, struggle with executive function, and have insane mood swings is because im cool and eccentric like sherlock holmes and not just an undiagnosed neurodivergent, emotionally unstable teenager with parental issues

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

autism awareness & autism acceptance not either or. not mutually exclusive. can coexist. need coexist.

“there enough awareness for autism already 🙄 we need acceptance”

ok. you aware of high support needs autism? aware what that even means? not “need reminder take meds need remind take shower” “high” support needs autism, but “need full physical help do bADLs lack danger awareness may accidentally hurt self or even kill self without support” high support needs autism? not just higher support needs people who can be independently online do advocacy, but those who need help from others even be online, or those who cannot be online at. all.?

aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people? not just nonverbal nonspeaking people who can write grammatically correct cannot tell apart base on writing. not just nonverbal nonspeaking people who can be online who can advocate online.

aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people who cannot communicate in way that easily understood, either for now, or ever? aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people without functional communication, aware of how without functional communication, how that drastically limit communication, even though behaviors are valid communication? aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people who may never use AAC fluently even with best support?

aware of technically verbal but very limited verbal autistics who may only able say wants & needs but not other things and certainly not online advocacy, “despite being verbal”?

aware of just how much our life depends on caregiver/carer/PCA/etc? aware how vulnerable that make us? aware of abuse from caregivers? aware of caregiver burnout from lack of support for caregivers, & how that impact our care we receive? have you even heard of term respite care? aware of those of us who cannot separate ourselves from caregiver? aware of those of us who cannot participate in autism community without caregiver?

aware of visibly autistic people? aware how we not automatically believed? aware how we often bear blunt of violence because we most easily identified target because we visible? aware visible =/= get support, aware that many those diagnosed severe who now adult so no longer qualify for services under 21 year old, languish in hospitals because nowhere to go? aware how long life saving necessary waitlists are? aware that even to this day parents have to fight school fight day service fight government fight insurance for them give their nonverbal nonspeaking child AAC & be properly taught how use it? actually, are you aware of how properly teach AAC to nonverbal nonspeaking, developmentally delayed child who may or may not have intellectual disability?

actually, aware of autistics with (correctly diagnosed) intellectual disability & how they make up big amount of autistic? aware of institutional systemic & legal impact of mental [r word] right & the human rights abuse justified using r word right? wait, you aware that r word come from old term for intellectual disability, that, actually, still in many laws because no one bothered updating, right? aware of what severe profound ID look like? and aware they real and they still human deserve education deserve life deserve care, yes?

aware of early diagnosis 20 30 or even 10 years ago, not same as now, even less resources & knowledge about autism now? aware that while gender race class 1000% impacted diagnoses, a lot of early diagnosed people early diagnosed because… they die without support unlocked by diagnosis, right? but also, aware that in old times, early diagnosis often did mean doom, not because autism bad or anything, but because severe lack of support & diagnosis can literally bar you from so many things including basic education?

aware that for many people in special education, which impact specific group of autistic people, they not get degree when graduate high school, they just get certificate, which limit their educational & employment opportunities & others?

aware of life saving importance and necessity of masking for autistic of color especially Black autistic people, despite stress inducing traumatic? aware that live in broken system be victim of hate crime & police brutality just as traumatic often even more traumatic than masking? aware that many Black & other parents of color forced to teach their child masking because of this?

are you aware of most marginalized autistic people? aware of leadership of most impacted?

aware you can and need to care about autistic experiences & form of autism you not experience? aware that you can and need to do that without try twist your experience into our experience into our words our community?

aware that advocacy goes beyond about you?

aware that you can’t speak for all autistic? aware that you shouldn’t speak for all autistic?

are you aware of when you need to stop talking & listen & amplify others? aware of when and how to decenter self?

aware that even this long post, barely scratch surface? still so much to say?

[better worded version of original post]

[beaft]

hey it’s obviously not my business telling you how to live your life but i’m gonna suggest smth to u. as u mentioned BSL recently i’m gonna assume u live in the uk. i do too. i was on a two year wait list to get my autism diagnosis. i finally have it and it is a massive relief. i don’t know what the resources are like where you live, but if you can i would seriously recommend doing the preliminary screening thingies and getting put on a waitlist. being able to have actual medical justification for why i am Like This has made a big difference for me and i imagine it would be helpful for you too. sorry, im sure this stuff has like occurred to you before but yeah i just wanted to reach out

i actually did have a free autism assessment a while back, courtesy of my uni's support service, but it was... kind of a mess? everything was super rushed, they weren't clear on what was required, and the assessment mostly consisted of things like bringing out a picture of a cartoon smiley face and asking what emotion it was feeling, or getting me to read a kid's picture book and describe what was happening on each page. the assessor also spoke to me as if i was about four years old, which i didn't much appreciate as an adult human midway through a master's degree. in the end, she told me she thought it was more likely to be severe anxiety, and that i couldn't be autistic because i was "creative" and "found it easy to make friends". i found the whole thing very off-putting, which is partly why i have not tried to seek a diagnosis since.

nonetheless, thank you for the suggestion - i might look into it and see if i can get anywhere. i'm glad it helped you! i think it would help me too - i've just been put off by the long waitlists, not knowing exactly how to start the process, and the possibility that i might wait two years only to get the same result (not autistic, just weird).

[orchideous-nox]

You've been calling yourself autistic without a diagnosis?

Yes.

I feel like this ask implies that self-diagnosis is not valid but in order to identify that you need a diagnosis, you have to self-diagnose to an extent. There's still a lot of stigma around someone calling themselves autistic without a diagnosis, but I'm not doing any harm. I'm not getting any support even though I need it, I don't get any disability benefits. In the UK, it is so difficult to get a diagnosis and you can be on the waiting list for years depending on where you live. My niece tried to get a referral and was told they weren't accepting referrals in our area anymore, it's so shit here at the moment.

✨A little bit of Katie lore here✨

I have been on the general adult autism waitlist since February 2022 (and might not even get my diagnosis until 2025 at this point) so as you can imagine that is a long ass time to deal with life without a diagnosis that allows me to get the support I need. On my mum's side of the family, my brother and sister both have been diagnosed with ADHD as well as cousins who have been diagnosed with autism. There is also diagnosed autism on my dad's side of the family. Neurodivergence is widely accepted at this point as being genetic, or at least you can be genetically predisposed to it, so I don't think I'm reaching. I'm at the point in my life where I can identify my own neurodivergence, I'm 26 years old and I'm aware enough that I can identify symptoms going back into my childhood that I wasn't able to identify then due to lack of education and information at that time. To get a referral, I have to display signs of autism so I'm not just pulling this out of nowhere.

At the end of the day, I don't have to share any of this about myself. My autism is something I am still learning to be open about, it is not an excuse I use and I regularly have to push to advocate for myself as well as hold myself accountable. But if you are trying to suggest that I shouldn't say I'm autistic until I have it on a piece of paper then you are clearly not educated enough on me or the autism diagnosis process to call me out for it.

And if I have misunderstood or misinterpreted this ask then....idk kinda proves my point.

[ribbonmiku]

my case worker thinks i should get Another autism evaluation (i’ve been diagnosed twice!!) because she thinks an adult diagnosis would be helpful. haha. hehe. hoohoo.

haha it’s all so funny :)

the current state of the plum trying to get on disability chronicles. my case worker thinks we should get in with one of those law firms that specialize in helping people apply for disability. because the system is so busted that that’s a necessary service. we live in hell.

well my mom called the firm my case worker recommended

i’m going to blow this whole fucking world up

[mousegirlheart]

have you been able to look into the NDIS at all? You might be able to get some funding even without a diagnosis.

You can contact the NDIS directly and they can connect with a support service to help you, or you can see if there's a support service in your area you can connect with straight away.

https://www.ndis.gov.au/understanding/ndis-each-state

https://ndis.gov.au/contact

ive been trying to apply to the ndis for over a year. they're REALLY fussy over what counts enough to get in, as well as needing extensive medical documentation. what i have is a chronic pain and chronic fatigue disorder (among other things that dont quite qualify for ndis support) and that's either not enough or not clearly defined enough. I've been working with an agency that helps people apply for ndis and they want me to try and get in with my autism but since i was diagnosed before they actually assigned levels, i have to get rediagnosed in december (was a 10 month waitlist)

bureaucracy is a nightmare and it takes FOREVER

[compassionatereminders]

hi this is just a vent because i cant stop feeling bad about certain things its pretty disjointed. feel free to ignore. thank you for the space for this and the patience and kindness you consistently show. it feels isolating in disabled communities sometimes as someone who was medically neglected and falls into the margins of certain diagnoses and is still undiagnosed for autism and never received any official help, it was all off the books type stuff or i simply suffered/failed in silence. i feel like im not "anything" enough to be real or deserve help or community. that my existence is disrespectful or appropriative of the people who have more "real" experiences that should be listened to and lifted up more than me. that i got the "disability lite" experience somehow and would be misleading others if i claimed to be similar to them. "who needs more of some probably low support needs person ranting about their hurt little feelings, dont we have enough?" < evil thing my brain likes to tell me. i dont actually know what my support needs are its all very confusing and apparently only something a doctor can tell you. but i see people say that LSN level 1 autistics are always speaking over people and taking up too much space, and i get paranoid, am i doing that?! is that me? of course feeling this way just makes me more guilty. nobody has it easy, and you cant compare experiences. i know this. but i still feel like im not allowed. im taking something away from people who need it more. its not rational but im consumed by it at times. i had the difficulties of others used to guilt me into doing things as a child and to explain why i should be able to do something. have been dismissed by caregivers and doctors when i finally got brave enough and learned the right language to bring something up. so i just gave up. if i really needed it that badly, if it really was that disabling, someone would have noticed right? people like that dont just fall through the cracks do they? it's prevented me from seeking out local resources like day programs because they have waitlists, though they dont require diagnosis. all i can think is that im some ungrateful low support person whose taking something from someone who needs it more. and thats a horrible thought to have about myself or anyone and not a real thing that even happens. even a word to describe my experience feels like its asking for too much. i haven't even sought out SSI. even though ive never finished school or went to college, had a job, cant drive cant work, and only get by because i have very nice people in my life supporting me financially. i know how long it takes (im usa) to get on SSI. and how likely it is to get denied even with all the qualifiers above. how invasive and invalidating it is. dont know if i can take that process. but i also need more independence and help than im getting right now, because my issues are worsening as i age and i just cant do things or really live life. but it all feels like its not enough, even though i know theres nothing that WOULD ever be enough. thanks for listening.

This is internalized ableism in action. 1. All kinds of people fall through the cracks of the system. All kinds of people, with all kinds of disabilities, of all kinds of severities. 2. The idea that only the most impaired people deserve support and accommodations is far more harmful to ALL disabled people than the alternative. Disability is not a competition, and turning it into one hurts everyone. 2. Having low support needs doesn't equal having no support needs. And you clearly do have support needs that you deserve to have accommodated.

[anonymouse-the-gay]

I’m currently in the process of being on the waitlist for autism eval. And I’ve always had a dream of leaving America when I have the money and am old and mature enough to move across the world on my own. I’m both lgbtq and definitely autistic (hence searching for an eval for 2 years) Except a while back I decided it’d be New Zealand. Except NZ and all my secondary choices are pretty ableist with immigration policies. Canada, Australia, and many others will not let me immigrate if I have an autism diagnosis. And NZ and is pretty strict with it too. I do not want to be stuck in America my whole life as a queer trans autistic person. so I’m thinking of not seeking a diagnosis until I immigrate which is likely years away. So I’m in a tight spot when it comes to planning my future. Any advice or just general words of encouragement tumblr?

[b-blushes]

adults who have paid for a private adhd and autism assessment/diagnosis in the uk - please could you share with me what provider you used, and whether you would recommend them? someone i know is looking for private diagnosis (and help from me) whilst on an nhs waitlist of unknown length. i have no expertise on this as i went through the nhs, so i'm keen to hear from people who've been through the private pathway! if you'd rather send an ask than a reply, my asks are on. and whilst i have anon turned off, i won't publish any asks on this topic publicly. thank you in advance! (:

[librarycards]

hi! anon who asked about an autism dx last time. i have update that the doc enabled accomodations services which alleviates some stress, but she discussed the next steps being 1) to fork out money that I don't have to get a dx or 2) go on a waiting list to get 'officially' assessed. i was wondering from a what the pros and cons of getting ASD on your record are if you don't mind me asking? in how drs treat you and workplaces? ty for your advice and yr overflowing patience w the asks you get!!

to me, the only pro would be if you needed an accommodation, or set of accommodations, and had no other way to get them (no other applicable diagnoses, no way to leverage needs in a job contract etc). under social conditions of ever-increasing ableism, even any accommodations you manage to argue for with a formal dx will be a pyrrhic victory at best, because they'll be contingent upon the institution recognizing you as "special needs" and therefore possibly costly/inconvenient/less important than your (seemingly-)abled colleagues.

my autism dx allowed me to live in the dorms in college (on a quiet floor, in a single room, as outlined in my accoms. plan) and manage major sensory triggers in public spaces (quizzes and tests in a separate room; ability to leave the classroom for extended periods when sensorily overwhelmed). it was what legitimized me to my college's disability services, even as my entire constellation of dx's led them to demand "are you sure you're ready to live here? to be a student? to be in higher education? do you need [insert paternalistic suggestion here]?". talk to any disabled student/worker and they'll tell you that disability services/HR suck major ass. they're there to protect the company, and their bureaucracy is designed to break you down so you'll cost them less money. the purpose of an official dx in these contexts is to get a foot in the terrible, heavy, often-useless door, and nothing else.

in regard to medical professionals, it varies. i have stuff on my chart that's more stigmatized than autism, so i'm not the best person to ask about how autism may individually impact my treatment. but like, as a rule, you can expect to be listened to less/taken less seriously with something like autism on your records, which you likely already knew. this doesn't mean you're doomed never to have good medical care - my current people are Mad/disability/ND-affirming and abolitionist. but it took me a while to get here, and i have this constellation bc i have insurance and connections etc. consider what you want showing up if you ever need to go to the ER, or to a new dr. it is oftentimes easier to ask for what you need specifically rather than associate it with a diagnosis, for all the usual epistemic injustice reasons.

here's what i'd do in this situation: i'd sit down with my supervisor(s) and be like, okay, here's the stuff i need. how much of this is possible/what are you able to provide workarounds for? don't bring formal accoms into it. don't even bring disability into it. i've told people "i get weird about [noise/lights/etc] haha, sorry to be annoying but could you ___?". when you name yourself as the "weird" "problem," express deference, and play it for laughs, you can get quite a bit. it doesn't always work, though, or doesn't work long-term, in which case i'd say the waitlist would be your best bet.

[atticollateral]

Autism Assessment Update (bc it's been almost 3 months since I mentioned it haha oops) (it's a novel. you've been warned.)

tagging @examishbookwyrm bc they did comment on my autism assessment post I made in MARCH!! n i didn't respond...(adhd moment) get honourable mention'd.

--- SOOOO. BIG ASS PERSONAL LIFE UPDATE!!! I have... literally the worst news? Like the worst-worst news I think I will ever share. So imma start from the beginning :> [I detail everything about the assessment in this post. The process, the assessment itself, and the after.]

So. This is part of the NS Pilot Program for assessing people who were going to age out of the early-childhood-assessment waitlist (because hey! it is a 5 year long wait! haha!) which was led by NS Health and the Gov. of Canada (who paid for all the assessments.) It's safe to say that NOBODY is happy! (if you look it up you will find articles on how... awful it's been. Also if you look up articles I might have left out details bc my brain is VERY SPOTTY bc i am enraged) but anyway,

The first part of this is they had been calling my mom during the day; my mother had been working days. So she wasn't picking up. And they weren't answering her calls back or her messages! Already a big red flag. Because they can't get ahold of her they call me. Me! The person they're going to assess, who, at the time, was 18, and perfectly capable of consenting, as an adult, and taking care of their own medical records and appointments and such. They go "Hello, is this (deadname's) mom?" And I go "This is (deadname); and my name is [Chosen]" and they go "Oh, Well. Can you get your mother to call us?" And I said in a tone I believe was very clearly annoyed bc wtf? "Oh, no, you can tell me whatever you're going to tell her!" They tell me "Well we're looking to get you into the NS pilot program for autism assessments" yada yada "is that something you'd be interested in?" And me being me (poor and reasons to think I'm autistic and being on the waitlist) go "yeah!" AND THIS FUCKING WOMAN GOES "ok then get your mom to call us. this is the date. we need her to confirm." and I go "...why?" and they go "we just need to talk to her." and I go "...why can't you just talk to me?" and she just repeats herself so I go "um. ok. well. you have a good day? bye?" and hang up. So i'm simmering; bc I am literally an adult. I don't need my mom. I should be treated like an adult and I'm getting infantilized. I got the woman's name and # so I give it to my mom. It takes another month to get a date for the assessment approved bc they STILL WONT ANSWER HER CALLS OR MESSAGES.

My mother was required to do two prerequisite assessments a week or two before my in-person one. One over the phone and one over zoom. I am above the age of 16 (as stated) and perfectly capable of consent and being an informant. (you are legally allowed to consent to a majority of medical assessments in NS when you turn 16 w/o alerting ur parents, and clearly allowed to do that over the age of 18 as that is age of majority.) So i'm just miffed. They tell her not to tell me anything. She says fuck that (thank the gods) and so she tells me things they tell her. So the night before the assessment I help her with the form they MAKE HER FILL OUT before the assessment like "when did your child start walking/running" "when did they learn to ride a bike" "when did they start talking/writing" stuff like that. and I go ok. sure. autism can show in early childhood, it's a neurological developmental disorder. I get it. Even though autistic individuals can have average, slowed, or accelerated development (IT'S ALMOST LIKE ITS LITERALLY CALLED AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER) There's a question that catches me off guard. "what is your child's dominant hand" ...i'm sorry. back it up. *Yes.* There are studies that say many people who have ASD are left handed or ambidextrous. But oh. My. Gods. Above. THAT IS NOT GROUNDS FOR DIAGNOSIS; and you can also ASK THE KID during the assessment! What kind of question?! [I am right-hand predominant but I am ambidextrous.]

I move on.

I go into the assessment. On the table; the dr's introductory sheet in a photo frame. His title sits atop the document with a head, MADE OF BLUE PUZZLE PIECES alarm bells alarm bells alarm bells oh my fucking god help me jesus christ please help me i promise i'll believe in you if you help me right now please please plea "Hi!" A woman greets us, sitting in an office with the door open. I don't know her name. She doesn't stand from her desk. "I'll be with you in a moment." I laugh awkwardly. My mom says ok as the woman shuts her door. I tell my mom "I hate it here; can we go home?" Because I genuinely feel unsafe; I'm shaking. She laughs softly and goes "It'll be okay." So I put a brave face on bc I love my mom and she's nice and wait for the lady. She calls us in a few minutes later. I don't remember her introducing herself. I don't remember her offering a handshake or any other "polite" gesture. That would be something important to do, and I would have remembered it. She tells us how long it will be and a lay down of what's gonna happen and asks MY MOTHER FOR CONSENT TO FILM ME. Not ME for consent to film ME, an 18 year old. My mom turns to me confused and asks me if I'm okay with it instead. I go "yeah." (I was not okay with it); the woman told us the assessment would not happen if they could not film it. So I agreed; giving *assent* rather than *consent* was something I was pissed off about then and there. The woman asks HER if she'd like to stay so my mom asks ME if she wants me to stay, I hug my mom after I ask her to leave because I'm an adult and can handle myself. I don't need my mom to be there. I sit down. I have my pompompurin stuffed animal with me and a messenger bag with pens and stuff in it because I know there are things to write and don't like using other people's things. She doesn't ask about the bag. She sets up the camera and such, explaining that she'll have to occasionally turn to her laptop to make sure the recording is still going. I have pompom in my lap along with a fidget while she talks. She says something along the lines of "um, you'll want to put that away, you'll need your hands." And I go, rather firmly, something along the lines of; "I'll put it away when I need to use my hands. I am focusing on you right now." To which she seems surprised and goes "um... okay, that's fine." And continues on. (Was she not expecting an adult to have clear boundaries and be able to state their needs?) She offhandedly mentions something about [Dr] perhaps coming in to see me at some point during the assessment. My heart drops. She's not the doctor? She isn't the psychiatrist? What the hell?

The assessment begins. They're giving me tests for children, she said she made it harder. I disagree. I find the tasks easy. Simple games/puzzles. I tell her I like puzzles. She keeps throwing positive affirmation at me; I become annoyed with it after awhile because I know she's only doing it to make me continue doing the activity. It's common for people who work with children. She is infantilizing me. I know I was thinking it subconsciously.

The tests are not geared towards my age range, I notice immediately. I become miffed, going "these are too easy for me so far" or something to that effect. She laughs at me. I become upset. We start the reading part of the test. I read to show reading speed and comprehension. I read out loud to show my pronunciation. I read words that don't exist to show my reasoning skills when it comes to language. I am in my 5th year of high school (I struggle with school). This task is mundane and annoying. I feel like I am in third grade. I feel infantilized. I feel like the tests aren't going to be accurate. I am annoyed. I do it fast as I can to get it over with. Some of the reading pieces she makes me do multiple times.

We begin the mathematics part. I am not good at mathematics. She has upped the difficulty for the mathematics, she tells me. I begin; The first test is a Working Memory test; listing numbers she reads to me in a specific order. I am bad at it after the more convoluted ones. Some of the work is recognizing shapes and patterns. There is addition, fractions, multiplication and division questions. She points out I'm 'doing the test wrong' multiple times. I tell her that this test is stupid (or something to that effect) due to the structure. She laughs at me. There are a few tests I can't do or become quickly annoyed with (naming mean, median, and mode, prime numbers, fractions.) As I haven't done them since 11th grade level (I took a different math course and haven't done math since I finished my credits 2 school years ago.) We break for lunch after doing half of the mathematics.

I return to continue with the mathematics. I am still annoyed even after eating lunch. I had complained to my mother how it felt like torture: No eraser, No Calculator, no Tools, and no asking for help (She is not allowed to give me help, even if I don't know something.) I am on the brink of actual tears in frustration because I cannot receive help. I understand the potential why, but I think it's idiotic.

We begin the writing and listening comprehension. I am made to write an essay on a game I like and why I like it, I am given 10 minutes. I write it about Minecraft and it's offshoots. For listening comprehension, there are a few tests. I tell her about certain parts of what i've heard. Most of them are ads, so telling her what they say is easy for me, because it feels like slush and I have trained my ears to pick up more important information because of APD (Auditory Processing Disorder). She repeats them a few times to get me to tell her more. There are more working memory tests. Something with shapes, form, and colours. One about things she's listed. There's a test where I tell her a story in a picture book based on photos only. I am becoming tired. There's a test where I need to copy a picture. I am not allowed to trace the picture. I am not allowed to hold the picture. I am not allowed to use a tool. She says something about how I should like it because I told her I am an artist. I start going on while begrudgingly doing the test that this is horrible, this isn't what art is, and i'd like to not be doing it this way because it is impractical. She laughs at me again. I am annoyed. I get to take another short break after that.

There is another test when I come back with shapes. I see there are 8 pieces and a grid I must put them in; observing the grid, I go "I need all 8 pieces." She gives me 4 pieces. I frown. I say "I need all 8 of them, can I have them please?" as I put the 4 she gave me into the grid. She hands me 2. I put them in. I repeat myself. "I know I need all 8 of them. Can you give them to me please?" She gives me 1. I become insanely frustrated at that point. "What is this?" I go, "Can I have the last piece?" I ask her annoyedly, and she gives it to me. She's smiling. She thinks this is funny? I put it in the place. I rearrange the pieces into a nicer pattern in the grid because she annoyingly gave me the pieces while she takes her notes.

There is an activity where I have to tell her a story using 5 random pieces of garbage. She shows me how to do it first when I already understand the premise and was going to do it after the verbal instruction and presentation of the items. I know it is to assess my imaginative play. I am an 18 year old artist. This is easier than breathing to me. I do it begrudgingly because I am embarrassed to do it. She laughs at me again. I am so annoyed at this point I am thinking the most angry thoughts. What is her issue??? I don't say anything while I wait for the other tests.

I am presented with a test with over 100 questions. I say out loud multiple times "I don't have OCD" to multiple questions I've been asked before to assess me for OCD. She says something about 'Don't think about it. just answer.' and I say something along the lines of "I've been to therapy since I was about 12. I do therapy speak. I know what the questions are asking me. I can't not think about it." She scoffs at me. I am so irritated. Many of the questions ask me if I am suicidal. Many of the questions ask me if I am paranoid. There are questions about ego, and questions about self-worth, questions about poverty, questions about things that don't pertain (to see if I'm paying attention.) I finish the test. She asks if I answered honestly. I say "I think so." But I my answers will be different tomorrow. They're always different later. That's how surveys work.

One of the last tests is asking me questions and having me answer. Things like "do you have friends?" "how do you feel about relationships?"; I ask her "Well, how do you define relationships? Are you in any? Are you asking me about friendship or dating?" She tells me she has a partner; a husband if I recall. I say something about marriage and romance. She asks me more questions about feelings, boundaries, relationships, and experiences in my life. It is the last test.

We leave the room to talk to my mother in the waiting room. I have not seen [Dr] once. Girl asks me what my pronouns are. I tell her it/its. She complains. I tell her too bad flat out. We leave.

I only learn upon getting home that her name is Alison.

I wait a month for my draft results. I had to get my teacher to fill out a form. I had to sign a consent form for them to do that which they made me do digitally after the assessment and CLEARLY wanted my mother to sign. She gets me to sign it because I'm an adult. She understands.

My mom sits me down. She goes "You aren't going to like this." I frown. "I'm not autistic?" She nods. "You aren't. But they said you have 3 or 4 other things."

Alarm bells again. I get her to bring up my draft assessment on the computer for me to read. I am enraged. They refer to me as "transgendered". They misgendered me. There were numerous, insane typos that would be easy to catch on the first pass.

I begin work on an Essay/Paper telling them why their assessment is bullshit and how I meet the criteria for autism spectrum disorder. (I READ THE DSM-5 AND DSM-5-TR FOR THIS CRAP.) I also berate them the whole time for their behaviour, the nature of the assessment, and lack of care. A week or so later I get the final draft. They still misgendered me; and there are still typos. I get my mom to email it to me and I send it to multiple of my friends, my Therapist, and give her my consent to share it with my Psychiatrist and anyone else she sees fit with her discretion with the password for the protected document, along with a screenshot pointing out the most glaring typo (being misgendered.) My therapist and psychiatrist show it to the Autism Lead in their district with my consent.

I receive an overwhelmingly positive onslaught of "this assessment is bullshit! You SHOULD be angry." The autism lead tells my therapist I do likely have autism based on what was shown and told to her, and to get a second opinion (as she can't diagnose me without assessing me herself). I tell my therapist more about the assessment. She does some research.

The Psychometrist (someone who administers psychological tests/assessments) is underqualified during time of assessment.

Medical Negligence.

[Dr.] Is clearly on grounds to be tried for Medical Malpractice.

I am now working on submitting a complaint and finishing my paper.

I may potentially be involved in legal trouble against the psychologist I never even got to see or speak to.

Fuck that guy.

[cattistic]

Self diagnosed individuals are valid. Self suspecting individuals are valid. Diagnosed (early or late) individuals are also valid.

I don't like how the formally diagnosed choose to fight with the self diagnosed instead of just talking with them and making a community for all. This stupid infighting only helps the ableists as they are allowed, in a sense, to continue doing us a disservice.

Being self diagnosed takes no resources away from the actually diagnosed. Because, fun fact, you have to be diagnosed in the first place in order to access any kinds of resources one needs to deal with their diagnosed or undiagnosed autism.

The real issue here is that we don't have enough resources that everyone uses, that's nobody's fault. We need more resources that everyone can benefit from, not just the diagnosed autistics. I mean, i have heard of even some Higher Support Needs autistics not having enough resources. In my country, there are waitlists for ABA, among other therapy known to help autistics.

I just wanted to get this rant off my chest because the anti self diagnosis crowd is kind of a cult at this point, even if they say the pro self diagnosis crowd is.