#and now they were finally used i'm happy
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Hi, first of all, I hope this ask finds you well 🤗
I wanted to ask, what is your top 10 favorite FirstKhao kisses? 🙃
anon, first of all, thank you for wanting to know but also, you're asking the worst person, because i'm so bad at picking favorites 🥲 excuse me because i was inspired hence the length of this answer. i was also trying my best to procrastinate instead of doing what i was supposed to do (study).
thankfully you didn't ask me to rank them, so in no particularly order of preference we have:
sandray's new year's peck
it's soft, it feels so domestic and sweet. it's just them being happy and content and hopeful for the future. it's great.
sandray's pool kiss
it's such a fucking statement (despite ray not realizing it). the way sand was all stiff when kissing boeing, but when he kisses ray he's immediately into his touch? and how he reaches out to touch ray? how his hand hovers over ray's throat? 10/10.
sandray's smoke kiss
what a phenomenal first kiss, we all have to agree. it's hot, it's gorgeous, and it show so much passion and desire from both parts, honestly. the whole sequence was breathtaking, and i love it. (the way sand pulls on ray's bottom lip and when he kisses ray's hip tattoo? absolute cinema.)
akkayan's "what is our relationship?" kiss
in specific this second kiss out of the three we've got back to back. it's just so cute the way akk keeps saying what aye doesn't want to hear just to get more kisses, and aye happily "punishes" him for it. the way they both smile before and into the kiss. it's for sure one of my all time overall favorite kisses.
sandray's angry kiss
completely different vibes from the previous one. i don't know, it just has such a good build-up. from the moment ray barged into that room i knew he wasn't leaving sand without either getting punched or getting railed. unfortunately, top got in the way for that second option to happen. it's the way ray just takes a breath between kisses and how disoriented sand looked when they were interrupted that does it for me.
sandray's end of the date kiss
it was the perfect end for the perfect day if bostonnick hadn't appeared. were they going to have sex in the balcony of sand's apartment? maybe. but it's not about that. their day together had been perfect. they woke up together, had breakfast together, went shopping together, went to a concert, ate, flirted, ray met sand's mom and sang for him. ray opened up about his mom. they were both on the way to let the other in and give each other a try, and then we know what happened.
akkayan's fantasy kiss
akk has a very vivid imagination. people have talked about this before. how it doesn't start with an actual kiss, but just a cheek kiss, and then it's akk imagining aye wanting him, actively pursuing him romantically, choosing him, kissing him. it's just gorgeous.
akkayan's first actual kiss
"i want to kiss you. can i kiss you?" "if you want me to stop, if you're not okay, tell me. i'll stop." IT'S BEAUTIFUL!!! i'm in awe every time i watch this scene. it's so gentle and tame, and at the same time, it's so heavy with meaning. the way they both feel the kiss? listen, i'm unwell.
sandray's 'sand almost got that d' kiss
no one can convince me sand didn't want to get fucked in that car, and i love how ravished he looks when they are interrupted (again) by mew. but this kiss is here specifically because of the this part where ray so skillfully closes the sunroof with one hand while still kissing sand. i love it. when it came out, i watched this part more times than i'd like to admit.
akkayan's bridge kiss
akkayan's kisses in our skyy 2 were works of art. i lost count of how many times i've watched this kiss in specific. now we know that most of the bridge scene was improvised, hence why akk/first looks amused by aye/khaotung's little pecks before their actual kiss, but it's undoubtedly one of their prettiest kisses. the location, and the sun behind akk's head, the domesticity and sweetness. it's just so so great, i really love it.
special mentions: weed cookie "kiss", cheek kiss after sex and cheek kiss after therapy, because i needed to include them too. they are that special to me.
#anonymous#only friends the series#the eclipse#firstkhao#first kanaphan#khaotung thanawat#th: only friends#th: the eclipse#anon thank you for asking and also i'm sorry for how long this turned out#for someone who doesn't know how to express herself well with words (in any language really) i really like talking my ass off#especially if it's about fk and their characters clearly#also fun fact most of the psd's for these gifs were already on my drafts for like ages now#really a long fucking time#but i never found use for them#and now they were finally used i'm happy
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no thoughts just Heiji Hattori (HD)
#detective conan#case closed#amv#my amvs#eye strain#heiji hattori#harley hartwell#conan edogawa#shinichi kudo#funimation english dub script#video#happy two-year anniversary to 'no thoughts just heiji hattori'!#while it's not my first amv (it's maybe my... fifth?)#it was the first one i made with davinci resolve and the amv that really got me into editing amvs for real#it's the amv that made me believe i could make amvs 🥺#and in remastering it i deeply understood how ambitious it was! i thought i did a lot of audio mixing for 'messed up'#but that's not even close to all the audio mixing i did here--cannot believe that i did all this for my first big amv project#it took about 20 hours *just* to remaster!#which is something i've been meaning to do for a while now so i'm very happy to finally share the results!#to make this a 'remaster' and not a 'redo' the only changes i tried to make were to the source footage and audio#video now uses almost entirely hd remastered footage from my blu-rays or netflix rather than my dvds#but oh gosh was it *hard* not to touch anything else! i'd do so many things differently now#but this video will always be really special to me (and i can't believe i did it at all tbh!)#i hope seeing it in hd is fun too! i'm so blown away by all the love this vid's gotten#and that it helped increase interest in funi's old english dub is amazing and 100% what i was trying to do with it!#thank you everyone for all the support <333 i wouldn't be the video editor i am today without this vid or your encouragement for it <3333#like the original the sources used are mostly from what funi dubbed (but mixed in hd by me!): eps 48-49 57-58 77-78 117 and 118 and movie 3#but i also used episodes 141-142 174 189 239 263 277 291 293 345 479 491 517 and 522#and ova 3 and tv special 6 (episode one) and movies 10 and 13 and ops 27 31 and 33 and the funi 5.2 dvd blooper for the one line lol#the song is 'you're stupid aren't you' by toshio masuda (from jubei-chan 2)
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Hey remember when Kory was a Justice League member with a bangin' costume
#starfire#koriand'r#kory anders#dc comics#justice league#art#digital#fanart#comics#regular#sketch#final#lines#colour#i THINK i'm finally happy with how i do her skin!!!! everyone cheer!!!!#and i'm very happy with some aspects of her body (i used a photo of paolla oliveira as a base) but she might be looking too short#hard to say with her just floating on the void. might just be that i know paolla's real height#her face i'm still experimenting with. and the hair i was happy with at first but now i'm thinking it looks like a wig at the very top#(speaking of the hair: i know it doesn't make sense to be glowing like that with her just standing there but shhhh)#also btw this drawing is actually from 2 years ago ajskdnf i never posted it before bc i wasn't happy with the skin#but then recently i tried it again but with a slightly different brush and it looks sooooo much better so i'm posting now yay#i already have a newer kory on the way though 😈 among other things#oh and i'm trying out new watermarks. if you were wondering.#& btw if you were following me on cara (no one is. i haven't shared the link anywhere.) you could've already seen this almost a week ago 😏
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#I still feel weird about just posting pics of Louis and being like heh he look good#when he's going through such a terrible time#for me all the pictures were always not just that but to sort of celebrate that things were finally finally GOOD#the joyfulness of all that#to be like LOOK at this THRIVING we MADE IT look how far we came etc... and things aren't very fucking great right now#HOWEVER....#idk about you but my dash is depressing af#I think maybe we could use a reminder of joy#and a reminder of happy things and times and that even after the worst things... those times come again#not to get overly precious or deep about it or whatever🙄it's just some pictures on tumblr.com I KNOW#but we are how we live or whatever idk ANYWAY my point is I'm gonna start the queue back up#for now at least#and hope it makes some people smile
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TODAY IS THE DAY!!!! I FINALLY RECORD MY LINES AND AUDITIONS!! TODAY IS THE DAY!! >:D
#after I get back from wherever my mom is taking me and my sisters#she didn't say where we were going but tbf I didn't ask SO#I'll ask later and see if she answers#BUT YES TODAY IS THE DAY I FINALLY RECORD MY SHIZ#my groups and collab buddies will so happy <3#and so will my google drive folder with year old auditions that are probs outdated :p#I already wrote a list of songs I'm going to use for my audition recordings so now!! I just have to sing them#kokarambles
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boyfriend shirt...
update: if you like this art, please go check out this fic that @chessala wrote for it ╥﹏╥
update cont: this is the first time someone's ever written something for art that I've made, and I'm still so happy and touched beyond words that she wrote this. she was even kind enough to share the initial draft with me and asked for feedback and even worked in little suggestions i had for expanding on different parts of the writing, which was so fun and collaborative and I haven't gotten to do something like that in ages. I'm so overwhelmed (in a good way) and it feels like getting to beam the full mental vision of the scenario i had in my brain while working on this piece into the mind of anyone who reads it; ;
i know these close up crops are a bit silly but well. i did my best lol... the full version is up on my alt twitter linked in my pinned post ♡
please also observe the little 🐰 logo.... it is silly & crucial....
#ssmy#sasaki to miyano#miyano yoshikazu#sasaki shuumei#to say this piece exhausted me is an understatement lol...#i had to completely restart 4 times & because i used the same file the whole time my total hours were logged...#and i literally spent over 120 hours on this from start to finish... the last few days alone was over 20 hours...#this final attempt that ended up working was probably at least 50 or more hours on its own...#I'm mostly happy with how it's turned out but I'm kind of frustrated cause people might look at it and think it's just a sketch#when it's actually a fully rendered piece that i almost gave up on multiple times because the anatomy was so hard to figure out#even after making a pose ref in clip studio to help... the 3d puppet models are great but they DO NOT work well for any sitting poses#sorry to complain so much in the tags lol... i am very sleep deprived and just not feeling great about my art...#frustrated that my adhd makes it so that i have a million ideas - but only the capacity to follow through on any of them extremely slowly..#so i end up feeling like I'm just... i dunno. slow and falling behind... agh 😞#I need to sleep.....#update: i finally had a good night's sleep and now I'm feeling a bit better lol
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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Fuschia/Magenta?
#*deep breath kicks down uni door*#VERN!!! VERNIFRED!!! I GOT A HUGE BONE TO PICK WITH YOU!!!!! YES YOU!!!!#“we're only gonna read 1 chap of Don Quixote because it's too much to dive into.”#THIS COMING FROM THE MAN WHO MADE US READ THE ENTIRETY OF DANTES INFERNO#WHO MADE US WRITE 20 PAGE ESSAYS ON THE ODYSSEY#WHO MADE US FOLLOW HIS CANTERBURY TALES HYPERFIXATION FOR NOT 1 BUT 2 SEMESTERS#DISSECTING EVERY. FUCKING. CHARACTER. ACTION.#MAKING ME RESENT CHAUCER TO WHERE I COULDN'T WATCH A KNIGHTS TALE FOR 3 YEARS STRAIGHT#one of my all time favorite movies btw YOU MADE ME HATE THE THING I LOVED VERNIFRED#and you had the GALL to say the class only had 1 chap to dedicate to Don Quixote?#YOU MY FRIEND JUST DIDN'T WANT THE CLASS TO LOSE THEIR SHIT LAUGHING EVERY OTHER CHAPTER#IF YOU'RE AROUND HUMAN HAPPINESS YOU'RE LIKE A WORM DISCOVERING THE BAIT SECTION AT WALMART#ITS EASY TO READ FOR A CLASSIC HAS WIT IS BITTER SWEET AF IS TRAGIC IS FUN AND MAKES YOU WANT TO HAVE CRAZY MAN BIG DICK ENERGY#WHEN YOU HAVE A FOOT IN THE GRAVE#and the banter...THAT SHIT ROCKS#AND IM NOT JUST SAYING THIS CAUSE OF MY OWN HYPERFIX WITH LUIS AND I'M READING FOR RESEARCH#these stories FUCK#I AM SO MAD#SO SO MAD MY PEERS AND I GOT A TASTE OF SOMETHING THAT WOULD'VE KEPT US ENGAGED#AND I AM MAD THAT I RESENTED THAT CLASS SO MUCH THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO TOUCH THE CLASSICS FOR A WHILE#and that it took me until I'm 31 WRITING A DAMN FANFIC IN MY SPARE TIME TO READ THE ENTIRETY OF WHAT I FUCKING MISSED OUT ON#astarion voice: IT WAS RIGHT THERE!!!!!#vernifred...can i can i call you vern?#look...i love you. you were one of the most humble profs i had i looked forward to going to class every mon and tues for lecture and reading#i get the hyperfixations my guy i really and truly do#BUT I STILL RESENT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU FOR THIS ONE#i finally get why luis loved this shit so much too and im seeing more connections with re4 now and it feels like the cherry on top of it all#vern....just....SIGH....GIVE THE DON A CHANCE MAN#FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN WHO WILL BE IN YOUR CARE#YOU KNOW...YOU JUST...MAKE ME...GRRRHFHFHHDJDJ!!! 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼
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SVT coming to Europe for the first time ever in 9 years (not counting Gastonbury, cause that was sold out a year before they were announced, so carats didn't get a chance to go) and it's not even going to be ot13 should be a crime.. AND IT'S BECAUSE OF A SCHEDULE?!
#maja talks#i'm so upset for real#like i'm happy for jun and all but really?#you announced lollapalooza long ago and now suddenly he's got something else?#i'm not even going but got fuck you hybe i hate you so so so much#i will never not be angry about hybe ruining my chances to see svt live#like fuck you so much#(but maja covid was the reason for the 2020 cancelations yeah but hybe is the reason they never got rescheduled!!!)#i saw one of my mutuals from like 2015 make a post a couple of years ago about how she got to see svt as 13 four times in one year#and here i am as a european being shit on for 9 years straight#i hate it here so much and i'm so upset and i probably shouldn't be this upset but i am#fuck hybe and fuck bang shihyuk and fuck everyone that made that fuckass company so powerful#i hate it so much#i knew they were never going to take coming to europe seriously after joining that fuckass company#and yet i can't help but be so damn disappointed#it's been 9 years...#i remember where i was when the 2020 europe dates were announced#i was sitting in a train and i was so happy i was shaking so hard#i got a ticket with a great seat for the Berlin concert and i was so happy#i've never been so excited and happy#and then covid happened and everything got cancelled and they never even addressed it#they only ever said “we were sad the tour ended earlier than expected” in their yt documentary and that was the only mention of it#then the japan dome tour had to be pushed forward (not even really cancelled if i remember correctly) and they made wholeass apology videos#saying how sad they were and blah blah blah still no mention of europe at all#then like the day after europe got cancelled they uploaded a video of hoshi dancing with fans at one of the us stops#and it really just felt like they stepped on my heart and threw it in a trashcan lol#then they joined hybe and hybe got obsessed with dynamic pricing and ruined everything#ruined all chance of us seeing them as ot13#(maybe they'll finally acknowledge us for real when they get back from enlistment in maybe 6 years but who knows)#i for real shouldn't be this affected
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Naegamigiri/Naegirigami/Tonaegiri/PEN TATTOOING IN WHICH THE PEN IS JUST A SCHOOL SUPPLY
Remember this comic I made yesterday that was pretty goofy? Well, I'm adding to it! I MUST! First off, Makoto thought of this idea of giving fake pen tattoos with his boyfriend after going back into memory lane. Like, the thought about his good memories in elementary school watching other children do it or something. Or, I dunno! Maybe there was a foreign exchange student that showed them all. I'm bullshitting through this lore, okay! Regardless though, Makoto never ended up participating in this activity but, now since he's older, he wants to scratch it off his bucket list even if it's a bit silly. Byakuya finds this whole idea stupid and complains on how unnecessary this if for Makoto to do with him. However, the heir doesn't take much to agree though groaning the whole time. Cue the silly comic antics. Also, SOOO imagining the pure utter silence after Kyoko opened the door and saw these two bozos doing THIS of all things. Like, Makoto and Byakuya are embarrassed together and there is nothing they can do about it. Kyoko eventually breaks the silence though by asking the boys the obvious. "What are you two doing?" She 100% already deduced what they were up to of course. She's curious on what they have to say for themselves. This then leads to Makoto stumbling through his words while Byakuya is trying not to die on the spot. Kyoko eventually just chuckles and sits next to them though. After all, there's never a dull moment with these two. Kyoko probably decides to join them at some point too cus why would she pass up the opportunity to mess with Byakuya a bit. Like, the guy's the perfect target for her. His reactions are always so ridiculous due how how hard he tries not to look silly. Another thing I'm thinking is Kyoko eventually bringing up the doodle sketch Makoto drew of himself on Byakuya's side. It's not like she wouldn't notice, no matter how light the sketch is. Makoto eventually is unflustered enough to offer if she wants to draw something too. Byakuya, predictably, immediately says she shouldn't (he's still recovering from the embarrassment) but now she wants to do it even more so he's screwed. Kyoko lets Makoto finish his sketch first though while smirking to herself as Byakuya trembles the entire damn time since Makoto opted to go back to his lighter sketching method as to not hurt him this time. Also, dunno where to squeeze this but Kyoko definitely asks Makoto why they decided to do this on Byakuya's side. Makoto explains that Byakuya wanted to ensure that these stay hidden! He's not risking having the doodles on his arms. Meanwhile, Makoto doesn't mind having doodles on his arms so this side thing is just for Byakuya cus he's a special boy. Byakuya definitely doesn't feel too special after all of this though due to how embarrassed he got. Either way, after Makoto's done with his drawing fully (took him a bit with how much Byakuya was complaining and squirming the whole time), the three take time to admire his wore. It's a rudimentary sketch but they all like it. Or well, Makoto and Kyoko verbally do while Byakuya's coping by being in denial central. Like, he finds it charming but there's no way he's saying that willingly! However, the admiration soon ends and Kyoko takes a crack at drawing too. The whole time she draws, Byakuya's trying so freaking hard to stifle his reactions and squirming while still complaining and that the two tormenting him and how Makoto set the rules that they do each other. So, like, stop! He commands it. Makoto and Kyoko just look at each other before going back to doodling on the guy though. They take turns together as Byakuya is just a wreck since, this entire time, he's been focused on stifling every reaction he possibly can, albeit, terribly. He's not used to all of this attention and specifically this situation. Yet another thing that's foreign to him. Just complains the whole time on how weird it feels while Kyoko and Makoto are just bulling him. Byakuya gets his revenge though. Besides, Makoto needs his fake sleave of tats from his gorls!
#danganronpa#danganronpa headcanons#danganronpa makoto#makoto naegi#danganronpa kyoko#kyoko kirigiri#danganronpa byakuya#byakuya togami#naegiri#naegami#togiri#naegamigiri#naegirigami#tonaegiri#the naegamigiri rambles#text sector#gotta love shenanigans#byakuya totally draws himself on makoto's arm by the way#makoto's just chill with it though cus he's happy to have finally gotten this silly little idea off of his bucket list. was about damn time#byakuya was also just whining the whole damn time#like the entire freaking time even when they were done with doodling fake tattoos on him cus he's just a dramatic drama queen#he's just having a moment tho. give give ya gorl some time and he'll get over it... (he's not getting over it)#though he does have fun a bit when he gets makoto back and also randomly gets makoto's back even after this#gosh. i'm imagining him being super freaking petty now and doodling shit on makoto months after this to show that no. he didn't forget#makoto and kyoko are used to him being petty as hell though.#plus they can play that game too! there shall be war byakuya!#gosh. the more i reread this over and over the dumber this gets. like this is so silly and stupid and just very nonsensical in general#these three deserve to be silly sometimes though! they work hard and are way too stressed!
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💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 you know that post about creating community if that's what you crave?
I made an enormous pile of choc chip cookies and I batched it out for our upstairs and downstairs neighbours, my ma and my great-uncle across town, and my granddad's old pal and his family, and I just got done delivering them and I feel like 🪽🪽🪽🪽🪽🪽
so alight and alive with it all!!!! I love people! I love them!!! I am so full of fruit and phone numbers I probably won't ever call!
Life can be so unbearably sweet ❤️
#I'm badly depressed so it was a rote mechanical baking exercise yesterday bc I've been meaning to bake sth as a housewarming present#for upstairs for like 2 years now. and they're always so nice to us. and they brought dates from the South with them this time#so I got to do it. finally. and their kid is a big k-pop stan so I got the 👀👀👀👀👀 stare from her but she's super sweet too#and I hope the next Korean she meets is more interesting/less of a fake lol#downstairs (young couple) was happy with me (I watched the cookies disappear in real-time)#my ma and I ate some at the old bazaar while cat-watching which 👌 and then my great-uncle actually finished his!#and then late this evening I went over to the H's who are so chummy and sweet and kept me for an hour#and I got to meet everyone after like 2 years of Mr H telling me his daughter and I would be BFFs#(she's really cool. a single mom working in mech eng? here? the coolest literally)#sooooo yeah that's more socialising than I've done in 2024 put together. and all of them are people I like and wanted to connect with!!!#and I got to do it! I got to talk to all of them and all of them were just so lovely#food continues to be my way of prying the door open and it has yet to fail me :D#I feel whole. Finally. I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile with my waking hours.#and all it took was 300g of butter and a slab of chocolate. I got to know so many neighbours. it filled a void I've been sick from.#.........:) yeah.#thought
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If your life circumstances have always required from you an abnormal amount of strength and resilience, I see you. If your inner child lets out a small sob anytime someone compliments you on that strength, I see you. If that strength translates to you being some form of domineering/abrasive because you learned early on that your lot in life was to take care of yourself because nobody else ever did, I see you. If you are so fucking angry all the time and can't pinpoint why, I see you. If you've had to watch as people you care about continue to abandon you in adulthood because you grew up to be type A, controlling and assertive, I see the fuck out of you. It's not your fault that nobody ever gave you a soft place to land so that you could be your true self. And I won't inundate you with condescending platitudes about how you'll find your person/people one day.
Some of us are lucky, but to depend on external sources for your well being is a crap shoot. I won't tell you to keep looking for your home in other people. Home is where you are. Take that strength you've painstakingly cultivated since you were a child, and quadruple it. Become bulletproof, unbreakable. Don't let anyone else find a fault line in you to exploit ever again.
#personal#as someone who tried the route of opening myself up and trusting others even though every fiber in my traumatized body screamed NO#i have been predictably disappointed over and over and over again#i'm not saying isolate yourself necessarily but cultivate a small circle lock it in and stop desiring others to fulfill you#take what you get as a bonus in life but stop thinking that your fulfillment comes from family and romantic relationships#there's a reason these relationships are the most abusive#the more attached you are the weaker you are i hate to say it#and i swear abusers can smell it on you#make peace with the possibility of being solitary in life because until you do others will always be able to control you#i'm sorry that you were fed lies about love and human connection#but the reality is that to most people you are an npc in their life#men are not waiting to be your happily ever after or to finally let you rest after a lifetime of abuse#no matter WHAT they say or how convincingly#if you're a woman seeking a man know that they primarily desire to fuck you and to possess you as a status symbol. that's it.#listen i used to be a love is all you need girl but experience and copious amounts of therapy have taught me that i am all i need.#childhood trauma#childhood abuse#abusive relationships#narcissistic parents#btw this is not an invitation to try and prove me wrong i am happy to have mutuals i interact with#but i am no longer taking applications for new friends or partners#after careful culling the remaining family and friends i have love and care for me just fine i am more than satisfied#now that i've learned how to actually love myself properly there is no void i need others to fill#if i never got close to a new person again i'd be MORE than alright
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Well my first chapter for my Reed900 fic is nearly finished, just have to finish a few more paragraphs and I'm all set. (Which is the first thing I've written in months due to losing interest and struggling with depression)
Then I can finish another chapter for my Ulquihime fanfic when I have the time
With Hookhausen back I might try to start that One-Shot I wanted to do, fingers crossed. If not I'll make a short fluffy piece in my spare time.
Things are gradually looking up for me and my excitement to write again. I've missed writing for the last two pairings, and I'm excited to write for my recent ship; Reed900 who literally had no interaction whatsoever but I'm on board with them, I see the potential😁 plus I'll be writing some background Simarkus and Northara🖤🖤
#rambles#happy to get back into fanfic writing#I've been nonstop reading reed900 fics and I finally caved in and starting a fic of them#I have a good idea of what the plot is going to be about and what their dynamic will be like#but i don't have anything planned for simarkus and northara yet#as for Ulquihime Chapter 3 is under the go it should be a short chapter given that this one is about him meeting Kisuke#so that one should be out in a week or so#now the evilhausen/hook one-shot might take me some time#because originally it just seemed things were awkward but now we have Hookhausen in the same ring again which gives me hope#I'm just so happy to see them together again and it gives me inspiration to write#I'm not sure when I'll start writing for it especially since writing for Evil hausen will be a bit challenging but it'll definitely be fun#we'll just see where things will take us#hookhausen#ulquihime#reed900#simarkus#northara
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remember that time Tom Paris went really fast, died, resurrected himself by became a Time Lord, evolved into a salamander, kidnapped the captain who also turned into a salamander (and possibly would have also become a Time Lord), mated with the captain (apparently REALLY quickly, they weren't missing for that long??), had three salamander babies, abandoned the salamander babies and then he and the captain were magically transformed back to normal with not even a scar? and then it was never, ever mentioned again.
#tom paris#tom paris is a time lord#i think captain janeway must have become a timelord too because she would have evolved the same way so i'm counting it#time lords#doctor who#star trek#star trek voyager#st voy#happy threshold day#threshold#the holy holiday is upon us#they spent all that time telling us that they had no idea how to get tom back to normal#then janeway and tom are magically unsalamandered off screen in seconds#tom had a really busy day#to be fair tho that was more character development in a single episode than Tom had in the whole first season#and he had more to do in that one than he did in the whole first season so you know#janeway and tom paris are time lords and you're not going to convince me otherwise#i really hate when star trek sets up these impossible situations and then the final scene is like 'oh i did stuff and now they're fine.'#doctor who x voyager#just how long were janeway and tom missing anyway??#sorry about the low quality video i don't know how to make gifs and vids and photos and how to get around the locks netflix and amazon have#hopefully some clever smart kid can get a good version of the video and repost this with it so you have decent quality#sorry i am old#and don't know how to use tech#or hashtags
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i just realized one year ago today i realized i was aromantic
#I had been thinking about it for over a year before that but it was the day when i came to terms with it#looking back it's so unbelievable for me how I didn't realize it sooner bc my worldview and feelings were so obviously aro#and i knew I had a different vision of romance and such things than most people but you know how it is#I remember the next day I was so happy. I kept talking abt aromanticism to my cishet friend during one lesson. but it was cool#the breakdowns over it came later. same w/ lesbianism tbh. the first week after I realize sth I feel soo good and then. reality. feelings😐#but yeah hiiii i love being aromantic i love aromantic people#the story HOW I finally realized is so funny tho lol. jujutsu kaisen also played a role in it#okie rant over.#aromantic#aro#i used to be like 'idk if it's aromanticism emotional constipation or problems with social norms tho... maybe I'm not aromantic?'#but now I'm like#WHY NOT ALL???#ok bye#i was supposed to write a cv 🧍
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"deradicalization is best achieved through kindness and acceptance because many radicals feel alienated for one reason or another" and "someone who is hurt by radical beliefs has zero obligation to be kind to someone who holds those beliefs" are two facts that can and should coexist btw
#marzi speaks#this isn't inspired by anything. i'm just reading a paper and thinking abt other stuff i've read/seen. i guess it's inspired in that sense#but like no specific event has occurred to make me write this post it just. happened in my brain#like. my brother fell into that like andrew tate/'self improvement' youtube channel rabbithole a couple years ago#and he's finally starting to come out of it bc my family refused to let that be his only source of input#(thankfully he kept talking to us abt it)#so we were able to tell him that no he is worthy of love and respect as a human being regardless of whatever labels he applies to himself#which kept him from self-loathing his way into total misogyny#but also. when he was really in that shit sometimes he would spout some bullshit! and i did not tolerate it#now i had the most freedom to get mad at my brother without him taking it super personally bc. he's my brother#he has a thing abt authority and bc we're equals he'll actually respond to me better#so we would argue. and all that. and i'm glad we did#bc like. just because i love my brother and i want to see him be happy does not mean i have to let him spout horrible bigoted bullshit#obvs this is a specific example. but it also applies to things like white supremacy groups or fash groups#like yes. showing kindness to these people is the best way to help them heal from these harmful ideologies#but also! holy shit nobody (especially no person of color) is obligated to sit down a KKK member and explain to them why racism bad#yanno?
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