#and now i feel kinda gross cause i ate

[macaroni-rascal]

i dislike my period so much, someone come hysterectomy me for the love of god

[tryingtofindava]

some of the creeps with a cannibalistic reader? :> if thats okayy

── 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐛𝐚𝐥! 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫*ೃ༄

(Includes: Jeff the Killer, Eyeless Jack, Ticci Toby, Masky, Hoodie, Nina the Killer.)

: ̗̀➛Back to source

>>Part 2

╰┈➤ 𝐉𝐞𝐟𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫

He doesn’t hide the fact AT ALL that he thinks it’s absolutely gross.

And he’ll always make that clear to you.

Onetime you were in the woods after offing some poor camper, eating away at their flesh. And Jeff came by because he was on his way back to his hiding spot from the world.

He watches and mocks you the whole time, because he’s an asshole.

“Y/n, that’s fucking disgusting.” (he scoffs while being covered in like 7 different peoples blood…)

Anyways lolz he doesn’t support you :3

╰┈➤ 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐉𝐚𝐜𝐤

Whether you’re a cannibal by choice or forced to be (like him) he feels a weird connection to you in that way.

I’d be a liar if I said you two didn’t bond over the fact that you both have the taste for human flesh. (Which is like, a BIG deal for Jack since he isn’t the most social Creep out there.)

He may even share his little human organs with you, and it may as well become your guys usual hang out plan.

╰┈➤ 𝐓𝐢𝐜𝐜𝐢 𝐓𝐨𝐛𝐲

I’m actually sure he was supposed to be cannibal but was changed later on by Kastoway since it was too similar to EJ’s story and stuff. So it was set that he only ate some parts of his victims on rare occasions.

I’m also pretty sure it’s canon that the way he got the gash on his cheek is because he literally gnawed it off because his gloves prevented him from eating away at the skin on his fingers.

So yeah… he’s probably un phased by your desire to eat people. (Not that he’d give a shit in the first place, he’d probably just tease you sometimes about it)

Maybe even on his mini missions he’d take some human parts from his victims for you to scran on.

╰┈➤ 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐇𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞

Again, another two who find it repulsing-ish.

BUT!!

They don’t make it as obvious as Jeffrey does about finding it icky, though you can still sense their vibe being off ‘cause of your strange addiction.

Sometimes when you eat in the woods they may come across you and watch, though you can’t see their faces from their masks you know that they are silently judging you.

If I’m being completely honest, they’re both more curious about it than anything. They’ll both get over it eventually.

╰┈➤ 𝐍𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫

She’s completely cool and chill about it!!

She canonically dated EJ, so she kinda had to be fine w it lolz.

Her love language is gift giving, and acts of service, so like Toby she definitely brings you humans to munch on.

You want them raw? Okay!! You want ‘em fried? She’s getting the pan out now!

She loves getting her hands dirty for you, and feels no regret what so ever when she ends an innocent person to bring you your dinner!! :)

Half of this was me babbling lolz

[bambiimutt]

I HAVE ANOTHER! Ur hcs are so good bro omg they are so well written 😭❤️ could I have father figure Tim to the edgy teens, but angst?

like for examples: the teen finds Tim having a panic attack and tries to comfort him even though they are bad at comforting, Tim finds out the teen is struggling with a lot, or maybe they have an argument or maybe the teen goes missing for a long time and finally the police finds them, etc👀

SORRY I love angst

Father figure Masky/Tim and teen troubles.

Helping Dad!Tim with understanding you, some angst, he lashes out,just a poor tired man trying to help his kid.

TW!! None I don’t think!

also this songs I feel goes with this.. just the vibes of it.. it really helped to write!

Tim huffed out as his hands used the spatula to stir the food in the pot for the dinner he’d plan to have. You promised him you’d have some father/kid time but as long as you got to go out with your friends. But that was five hours ago and you still have yet to be back.. you haven’t even messaged him. His head is hung low as he ate his food, your plate on the opposite end of the table yet your presence wasn’t there. He shouldn’t be so upset.. though he kinda bailed on for two weeks to do shit that he shouldn’t be doing.. so he can’t be mad at you but still he felt like shit. You promised him; but he still gives you your space and lets you come home whenever.

The trailer is quiet, the lights are dim within the living room as you step in, melting snow falling off of your boots as you slide them off. Your fingers rub through your coloured hair as you peek your head to look around where you could see. “Dad?” You called out maybe a bit too loudly for the quiet home that absorbed you. Your eyes still peered around as you fidget with the cold piercing on your lip, the further you walked into the trailer the more your nose picked up the smell of food. Kraft dinner. Your favourite. He usually makes this when.. ah shit. You completely forgot. You were meant to spend the day with him but you wanted to see your friends.

You quietly ate, figuring Tim had probably gone somewhere. It was cold yet you still ate it, it was the least you could do. Your head rest back in the old kitchen chair, your arms hugging your body around your flannel, damp jeans clinging to your legs due to the snow. It was. A little too quiet.

“Where were you.” You jump softly at the sudden voice, causing you to look up and see Tim walking towards the kitchen, pj pants and a white shirt. He looked like he hadn’t slept. He looked frantic but angry all at the same time. His hands reached for the cupboards, slamming them as he poured himself coffee, cringing at the gross taste. You look around, fingernails picking at the seems of your ripped jeans. “Out.” Was all you got out. You knew where this was going. Another lecture. “And where exactly is out.” He spoke back, keeping that same angered tone. He hadn’t said it like a question but more of a statement for you to answer. You swallow. “With friends.” He breathed in before looking at you “yknow we were supposed to have our day today right? I planned everything out and you bail on me. I was okay with it for the first 4 hours but it’s now..” he looks to the clock on the stove. “Four in the morning. Do you know how worried I’ve been?!” He slams down his cup causing you to jolt again. The snow almost seems to fall more aggressively now. Something you picked up on as you stared out of the kitchen window to avoid eye contact. Funny how beautiful it could be but such angered moments could make things so sicking. The house suddenly seemed foul to you, the fairy lights you helped him put up suddenly became too bright, the food in your stomach suddenly twisted, the anger bubbled.. and bubbled. “Yeah well maybe if you never bailed on me, leave me for weeks on end without knowing where you go, I wouldn’t do this shit. Maybe I’d actually spend more time with you! I don’t even know who you are anymore!.” You finally stand, the strong legs that pushed you up feel shaky all of a sudden. That hurt. That.. tugged his chest in ways he didn’t like. Damn you. Damn you for making him feel what a father feels when they know they’ve failed. “That’s completely different-“

It’s not long before you’re grabbing your patched up coat and trying to rush out of the trailer door. But before you do, you look back. “Don’t say it. ‘I’m your father, it’s different’ news fucking flash Tim. You aren’t my dad. For a while I thought you were.. but you are exactly like him!” Oh dear.. he watches wide eyed as you walk out for house, door slammed behind you and your body running through the deep snow. He should be running after you, what is he doing just standing there?

The bench was. Not comfortable. The snow you wiped off of it had slowly started to cover the bench once more with new snow. Watching your breath turn into to fog put you into a trance, your body shivering as you watched it swirl within the wind. It wasn’t long before there was sirens and a man running towards you with two cops behind him. Arms immediately wrap around you, a blanket placed on your shoulders as the man helps you up. When your eyes flicker up, you see him. It’s Tim. Frantically helping you back to the car, thanking the cops behind him. Once he was in the car that silence itched back again. You stared out of the frosted window. “I shouldn’t have said what I said..” you state.

“It’s okay.” You both stare out of the window, Tim cranking the heat when he notices you shiver. “Do you hate me.” You question, your cracked lips softly frowning as you continue to stare, unblinking. It was quiet as he looks down, eyes closed. “No. No I don’t hate you kiddo.” You swallow before looking at him. “You’re still my dad.” He lets out a soft chuckle “still your dad.” You smile gently, your body finally warming up. “And you’re nothing like him.” His smile softly fades before looking back towards the window and starting up the car. “I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around” he covers it up with a laugh once more. There was an awkward silence for a moment. “Don’t do that again.” Tim speaks up. There’s a hint of a shaky tone, almost like he was tearing up but you wouldn’t pry. You understood why he was upset. “I won’t..”

“Or I’ll kick your ass” he laughs through his shaky voice and looks at you for a moment “love ya kid” he ruffles your hair before placing his hand back to the steering wheel and driving you both back home.

[quitealotofsodapop]

So Mk gets surprise eggo because of paint and confined space and lack of food? Imagine that he has no idea what’s wrong with him, he goes to Lao Tzu, and when Lao Tzu goes “congrats on the baby” Everyone just kinda stops.

And Mk bursts into tears so loudly that all of heaven can hear. He’s all “I can’t have a baby, it’s too dangerous!” And “I’m not ready!” Pigsy and Wukong are trying to comfort him, and the poor boys is just a sobbing mess.

And Lao Tzu is just standing there like “?????”

Sorry MK XD You're getting Egged

Bonus Anon asks:

Referencing this post where someone pointed out that MK could theoretically create a Stone Egg + the sequel that pointed out that he'd most likely do it on accident.

I could see this most likely happening in the Canon! verse since I bet the other au MK's would be more wary of Stone Egg mishaps. But I could 100% see it happening in the SlowBoiled au since that causes more drama.

And as much as I love the idea of MK becoming *ahem* egg'd as the result of a bad guy's plans or a huge catarosphe, I think it would fit more if MK did it completely on accident.

So the idea:

Post S3 MK decides that he needs some "Me time" and takes a break from work and training after the whole "Saving the world from a bone demon"-thing. He just needs some time to shut off completely from his responsibilities in the city. His friends understand and wish him well, even though they're worried since MK won't tell him *Where* he's taking a break to.

"Where" turns out to be a cool cave-let MK found while exploring FFM during S2 with no Monkey King to hover over him. Its quiet, it's secluded, its completely off-grid... But MK just can't relax. His brain is all busy, and everytime he sleeps he sees Her.

So he starts painting. And drawing. And using charcoal. Maybe a little rough pottery with the muddy clay-like stuff in the water? And soon enough he's looking like his Artist Clone with how caked in material he is.

In liu of going to sleep and risking terrible bone demon nightmares, MK meditates like how he saw the Monkey King do. In these moments his thoughts wander into deep, dark teritory. Real "call of the void"-type of thoughts.... hey should he eat something? It's been... oh gosh Pigsy's gonna killl him if he doesn't at least text to tell him how his sabbatical is going.

After his inpromtu vacation is up, MK feels... really gross? Maybe thats cus he hasn't really washed or slept or ate, or spoken to anyone in all that time. Weird.

Pigsy asks him how long it's been since MK last ate a full meal, and huffs with disappointment at his nervous laugh before pouring his son a bowl of noodles.

Bouts of nausea and dizziness follow MK everywhere afterwards. He had no idea why - paint fumes maybe? Did some toxic chemical seep into his skin? Did he get sick somehow from isolating himself in that cave? Is that Jin and Yin trying to take over the city?

At somepoint in the utter chaos of S4 likely as the rest of the gang are recieving training from Subodhi; a certain alchemist meets MK to whisper a few questions into his ear.

Lao Tzu: "I was told that you've been experiencing extreme power fluctuations for the last few weeks. May I run a few test to rule out any abnormalities?" MK: "Oh cool, no probs! Just don't put me in that furnace thing-y." (*a few tests later*) Lao Tzu: "Ok great news, it's not a curse or medical problem." MK: "Phew! Then why is my body feels like its "glitching" all the time?" Lao Tzu: "Thats a decaying glamour spell. Its likely that you had one affixed to you shortly before you were given up by your creators." MK: "Glamour spell...? Wait, then what about my powers wigging out?" Lao Tzu: "Oh thats easy. You're just pregnant." MK (has not Done the Do): "What!?"

Mere seconds after Lao Tzu gives the diagnosis - MK just starts bawling.

He doesn't want this! Not now! He does want to have kid while all This is going on! The world might be ending for Buddha's sake!

MK is having a million panic attacks rn. He wants to have kids, so many, but only in the *Future*! When he's like semi-retired and has a protege of his own to take over the monkey business- HEY WAIT, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!

Subodhi has to drop the big lore that MK is a Stone Monkey - capable of reproducing asexually under extreme circumstances, in order to clear up the whole immaculate conception part.

Then Lao Tzu has to tell MK that the Stone Egg he carries will likely Kill him since he's (mostly) mortal.

MK starts crying before deciding to tackle the issue Later.

Ofc MK simply doesn't want his family to worry about him what with all this Brotherhood stuff going on... so he just keeps quiet for now.

His family are going to find out soon though. And by Guanyin, Pigsy is gonna freak.

Macaque (and later Wukong), just need to sniff MK once after they reunite to notice whats up.

Wukong offers to grab some No-Baby Spring Water immediately if MK doesnt want to keep the Egg. Macaque briefly panics thinking that the kid got knocked up the old-fashioned way... only to panic harder when he and Wukong determine it to be a Solo-Made Stone Egg(!!!). Cue two panicking fellow Stone Monkeys making MK feel even worse about his conflicted feelings on the matter.

Pls add on what you think so far! :3

[toons-and-doom]

(This the response for @asilikesshit I accidentally deleted the ask- I think it was along the lines of like, a hypothetical real dandy world episode but it’s corrupted due to being in a tape for awhile, dandy’s world being lost media, and like- dandy transforming for the first time? )

Imagine if the episode starts out normal but as time progresses the episode gets weirder and weirder until it’s nearly unrecognizable (hehehe parallels to twisted go brrrrr)

Tbh I wanna eventually get around to exploring dandy’s world through a lost media thing. After gardenview closes, all the episodes are pulled off the air and all merch is discontinued. Since this is the early 2000s it’s not recorded well and now in the modern day very few peices of media exist including the toons-

Now Onto dandy

Cw for body horror, emetophobia, gore of the skin variety, and potentially bad writing I felt a lil snazzy and did this all in one day. Its also kinda rambley and there is NO planning plus im tired af

TLDR; It wasn’t fun to say the least. It was a little gross to

No 2nd reading or beta read either we die like the toon handlers probably did

Sorry if this is ooc, and dandy is fucked up when twisted in cannon when I finally design him I’m gonna try and make him make sense so he doesn’t right here

Anyways thank you to my pals on discord for giving me ideas

Now I can finally sleep

Enjoy :3

The first time it happened it hurt. It hurt like hell.

Dandy should have paid attention to how that off feeling had been building up the last few days. Maybe he should haven’t gotten so worked up about this whole ichor operation- Astro was gonna be quiet and none of the others knew. Not that he could help it. If he were to be caught the consequences would have been heavy- perhaps he would have gotten rewritten and redrawn entirely.

Maybe he should have been more cautious and not gotten some ichor onto himself.

Maybe he shouldn’t have then proceeded to continue on with his experiments with said ichor.

One second, dandy had been going back to his resting quarters, taking the long as to avoid any employees which still remain. The next, he’s suddenly doubled over on the floor, his hands having barely caught himself. He shivered. It was like he had been dunked in cold water, a feeling which only intensified as he inhaled shakily.

Dandy tried to will himself to get up, yet his limbs felt painfully stiff, uncoordinated. He gave up getting up when his hands nearly gave out and he’s almost sent face first into the floor. He initially wonders if he had come down with something, but something this intense doesn’t come on this suddenly.. unless-?

Something is pushing its way out up Dandy’s throat. It somehow both burns and freezes his insides. Now dandy’s wondering if it’s something he ate- food poisoning maybe? no, it can’t be that, the only thing he ate today was a cupcake sprout made. Sprout usually made edible food.

Dandy gagged as whatever his body was rejecting oh so violently finally began to choke him. His hands gave out, leaving himself only propped up by his elbows as he heaved. When that something finally did come out, thankfully it seemed to come out all at once. Something about it felt fundamentally wrong but dandy couldn’t exactly tell what- his body gasping for breath. Once dandy could begin to focus again would he begin to dare at whatever caused such a reaction and-

Oh.

Oh.

That wasn’t bile. Or food.

That was ichor.

He knew his little hobby was eventually going to catch up to him- but not this soon.

Dandy mustered the strength to pull himself away from the ichor, now he lied on his back. He knew far too well what pure ichor did to somebody. Just a little bit of it killed humans. It needed to be diluted to be safe for them. While toons like himself could get closer than a human ever could, it wasn’t a good idea.

Strange enough, the cold sensation is beginning to fade, but it’s rapidly being replaced by burning instead. Perhaps ichor brought fever along with it-?

Dandy is brought back to reality as his tongue brushed up against something sharp. A shakey hand comes up to his mouth, and he feels his teeth. In a second he withdrew his hand, a small cut leaking ichor onto the mitten like appendage.

Oh god.

What is he supposed to do-? He’s heard of toons who explode when exposed to pure ichor- is this a symptom you experience before exploding-?!

Think dandy- you can’t die right now- think!

Water. He needs to get water. Dilute the ichor inside him. Yeah. There’s gotta be a sink nearby- maybe if he’s sneaky he can pretend none of this happened!

With newfound determination, dandy pushed himself up onto his feet. Doing such a thing was near impossible considering how uncoordinated he is- and he had to hold onto the wall to stabilize himself. He looks to his right. The door wasn’t that far- he just needed to find water-

So he took a step.

And another

And another

Each step felt like he was walking on hot coals, and dandy couldn’t help but notice how difficult it was getting to remain upright. With each step the wall became more and more of a godsend. He couldn’t help but whine, he’s not used to this kind of pain at all. He tries to power through it as best he can, even as he notices how he seemed almost taller.

He could not ponder this, one misplaced step has sent him back to the ground. He was only barely able to shield his face from impact. He tried to get up once more, less out of determination and more out of a desperate attempt to survive. His legs simply did not cooperate with him, limp but not numb.

Dandy would have opted to crawl, but a morbid curiosity overtakes him. He turns his head, and he nearly wants to throw up.

He doesn’t think his feet are supposed to bend like that. He doesn’t think they are supposed to be that long either. His ankle isn’t supposed to be that high, nor his arch that long. While toons are naturally stretchy, dandy could feel his skin beginning to give way to the sudden growth, unable to adapt at such a rapid pace. He could begin to see a black coating underneath. He doesn’t think muscles look like that either.

The shape vaguely reminds him of a animal’s leg,

Dandy quickly turns his head around. Change in plans- he needs to find an employee. To hell with his plan of secrecy- he’d rather have at least a chance at living! He screams out for help, for anyone really, his handler, one of the employees, he’d even take up his chances with a janitor at this point.

His voice echos across the halls, and he doubts anyone hears him.

So now he crawls towards the door, though it is less crawling and more so just dragging his body against the cold tile floor. He could downright feel the skin throw thinner and thinner.

Snap!

Something slid off his foot.

Dandy already knew what it was. He was already shrieking- hands grasping onto his petals for any semblance of comfort. His hands could only remain on the petals for so long before even that became painful.

Focus. He needed to get help-

Thus, he dragged himself forward like a wounded animal escaping an inevitable fate. The door was so close now- he just needs muster the willpower to get up and reach-

It was only now dandy is beginning to realize the sorry state of his hands. His thumbs were slowly being shriveled up to the point of being absolutely useless. He could feel something lurking just under the flesh of his hands- not like the ichor which coats his body under his skin. It does not stretch his skin until it snaps, rather, it slices through the skin rather effortlessly- a much more merciful agony but still agony nonetheless.

…

Dandy now has three sharp digits on each hand, slowly twitching as he holds one hand up to his face. Each digit represents a color of the rainbow, like his petals…

Maybe dandy would have found it cute if he didn’t feel like he was dying.

… at least now that’s the worst of his problems. The pain from his feel was beginning to subside, and he could tolerate the horrors his hands are undergoing, he might be fine if he can just-

…

it’s like he’s getting too large for his skin. All at once, it’s like he’s tripled in size. The strain is far too much to bear- and dandy is completely lost in the agony and haze beginning to engulf him.

Bones shatter. Skin tears like ribbons

Dandy’s very likeness, torn to shreds, a monster left in its place.

He wants to wake up. He wants to hug pebbles tightly right now. He wants to see the others- he wants to see Astro-

But no. This is his punishment by some sick god.

By the time it is over, dandy does not have the strength to continue, and collapses.

…

The monster comes to, and it quickly gets on its feet. The fluorescents above it hurt its red eyes, and it squints. It appears to be in a hallway of some sort. How it got there does not matter to it.

Not much matters to it. Besides a simple instruction; kill those not like it.

And thank god it can hear someone coming.

~~~

He’s okay guys he’ll learn how to change himself back and learn how to be conscious during the whole thing.

Now I can finally rest

[serendipitysays]

safe foods and some ways to make them better!

rice cakes!! an ana staple of course :-) i love to add either light cream cheese or PB2 to them. it helps when you’re feeling cravings and soooo low cal

most fruits & veggies! PB2 with apples is super good, or if you’re in the mood for citrus, grapefruit with stevia is so delish

hard boiled eggs!! i love these with soy sauce. keeping the egg white in adds calories but the protein will keep you full for longer so it really depends on your hunger level

warm water w/soy sauce- kinda weird but warm water tricks your mind into thinking you ate a big meal. the soy sauce just makes it less gross. be careful tho bc salt water can work as a laxative and uh yk- 😬

pickles are my #1 safe food. they’re so delish and like 5 calories for 4- needless to say they’re the best

dried seaweed 🫶

0 sugar werther’s caramels. i’ve been guilty of eating like the full bag 😭✋ i don’t recommend its really bad for your stomach

gum and iced water 😍 (i feel like this list is getting more and more disordered)

quest bars are actually foul but they keep you full so likeeee????? a wins a win!

i go rabid for fiber one bars. 10/10 will recommend. but they might cause you to binge because they’re genuinely so yum so i don’t recommend breaking your fast with them (been there, done that.)

mmmm halo top

put SUPER hot hot sauce on everything it will make your stomach hurt and make you not wanna eat it

apple sauce and cinnamon :))

there’s so many more but bye for now!

[metalnecklace]

Tanlines

Pairing: Javier Peña x Reader (plus size)

Words: 4402

Warnings: Smut (mdni), Plus size reader, Use of y/n, Daddy Kink (I’m so sorry, I’m ovulating and this got away from me), Unsafe sex (p in v, wrap it up, folks), Finishing inside, Oral (f/m receiving), Spit play, like, lots of it (again, I’m so sorry), Assplay, Tit/Nipple play, Titty fucking, Reader is described as having a larger chest size, Kinda same with ass (She is plus sized after all), Begging, Praise, Marking/Hickies, A bit of fluff at the end, Javi isn’t an ass or tits man, he’s an everything man change my mind, Slight mention of heaven/religious beliefs (not sure if this is a warning but just in case).

Notes: I don’t know what happened, but this is all filth. Thank you for being so patient for this! To be read directly after Sunburn. I tried to make this as non-descriptive as possible in terms of skin colour. She’s tan now, but has visible tan lines. If there are any issues with descriptions or inclusivity please let me know, and this goes for all my fics.

Summary: Javi can finally make up for some lost time.

Masterlist

Sunburn

Yeah. They were embarrassing as hell.

The stark contrast of crisp skin next to skin that hadn’t been touched by the sun was absolutely embarrassing.

And Javi fucking loved it.

“Fuck, baby,” he groaned while pulling the straps of my tank top off my shoulders. “Look at you.”

It had been a few weeks of pain, peeling, and pouting. All I wanted was for Javi to touch me, but I had to wait for my skin to fully heal. Then when it started peeling I was just too grossed out to let him touch me too much. By the end of it we were both so desperate for each other.

I had been out in the garden for the day while he was helping his father. When it was finally supper time he practically ran home. I had to push him into the shower after he saw my tan skin on display. I had already showered which caused him to wear an adorable pout the entire time.

We ate together with his hand glued to my thigh. We were usually very relaxed and wore just a shirt and our underwear when it was just us around the house, but it didn’t help me hide the arousal that stirred between my thighs. When we finished he instructed me to go sit on the bed while he did the dishes.

I was nearly vibrating by the time he finally walked into the room, a look on his face that could only be described as a hunter stalking his prey. I was glued to the spot on the bed, perched there waiting for when he would finally decide to strike.

When he made his way over and placed his lips on mine he kissed me with a fire that made me feel like my skin was burning again. I moaned into the kiss as his tongue swiped across my lower lip, pulling it between his teeth. One of his hands cradled my face while the other buried itself into my hair. He finally pulled away and rested his forehead against mine.

“I need you, (Y/N).” His breath fanned across my lips. “So very much.”

“I’m all yours, Javi,” I said.

I could feel him smiling. “Good girl.”

He helped me stand up and brushed my hair back behind my shoulders. My tan lines were revealed, inch by inch, while he slid my straps down my shoulders. I hadn’t worn a bra since I had been settling in for the night, and when he pulled the fabric of my tank top down further he was able to see where the lines of sun soaked skin ended. His mustache tickled me as his lips traced over each line, pressing soft kisses until they became deeper, wetter.

His tongue poked out to swipe at the skin, causing me to throw my head back in a moan. “Javi, fuck.”

“Mm, not yet, cariño.” Javi hummed against me, setting my skin alight. “I’m going to take my time with you. Show you everything you missed, all because you made a mistake.”

I groaned. Of course he was going to pull that card. He had been an absolute tease the entire time I was healing. When my skin hurt too much to touch he would instead use his eyes. I could barely get through a sentence without him staring at my lips, biting his own until I was a stuttering mess. He’d ask what was wrong, but his eyes held that mischievous twinkle.

When my skin was peeling, I was too grossed out to let him touch me. “I look like a lizard!” I had said one night when his hand was creeping up my thigh.

“That’s alright,” he had practically cooed in my ear. “I can wait. Then my baby will see what she’s been missing.”

The threat wasn’t the usual kind. I was used to being on the verge of tears after he had threatened to not let me cum, and had held true to his word. Or the threat of spanking me if I didn’t smarten up. But that time I wasn’t sure what I’d be in for. Especially since I had to wait to see what he’d do.

His hands slid from my straps to the bottom of my shirt, pulling it up until I raised my arms. “There we go, that’s my girl.”

The air felt good on my skin, making my nipples pebble before his eyes. I didn’t miss the way his tongue darted out of his mouth to lick his lips at the sight.

“My god. It’s like they’re on display for me.” His hands reached up and cupped them, his palms warm and comforting. “You’re so beautiful.”

He lowered his head and brought one of my nipples into his mouth, while his fingers flicked over the other one. I twitched when I felt his teeth scrape against the sensitive nub, and shivered when he chuckled.

“Why don’t you get more comfortable, hm?” His eyes were wide, usually a softer look on him. But the darkness of his pupil swallowed any innocence. He wasn’t asking. “Lay down.”

I did as he said, making sure I put a pillow under my head. He smiled, a softness flashing in his eyes before it was replaced yet again by that menacing look.

“My baby is so good for me, isn’t she?” I felt the rumble of his voice through my veins.

“Yes,” I said, my voice as soft as a whisper.

“Yes, what?”

I gulped. “Yes, daddy.”

His eyes widened for a split second as his lips parted around a tiny gasp.

We didn’t always explore that side of us, and whenever we did he let me be the one to choose that path. However, when we did explore it, I usually found myself getting completely lost in him. It was overwhelming in the best way possible.

I wasn’t sure if I believed in heaven, but I certainly believed in Javi.

“Good,” his voice like velvet wrapped around my senses, “good girl.”

I smiled at him, while he started to strip. His shirt was pulled up and off, revealing his always tanned skin that I was usually jealous of, and the ripples of his muscles as he threw his shirt to the side. His hands lowered to his briefs, and I could see the outline of his cock pushing through. The fabric was lowered so slowly that I was practically drooling by the time the base of his cock was shown.

“Please,” I whimpered before even realizing the word left my lips.

“Patience,” he growled. “You’ll get what I give you, when I give it. Keep those pretty eyes on me, baby.”

My eyes flicked down to his hands once again, and he finally pulled his briefs all the way down. His cock sprang up and bobbed in the air, the tip swollen and a deep pink. I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth to hide the moan I felt stirring in my chest.

He walked forward until his knees met the bed and he started to crawl toward me on them while his hand fisted his cock. The muscles in his forearm shifted under the skin as his fingers squeezed over his head every time his hand pulled forward. Even if he hadn’t asked me to watch him I probably wouldn’t have been able to look away.

When he reached me he parted my legs. I could feel the air cooling where I was wet between my thighs, and his eyes immediately found the spot. He reached his hand forward and dragged a knuckle against the damp fabric, making my breath hitch.

“As much as I love to see how wet you are,” he began, pulling his hand away, “I’m going to ignore this little pussy for now, okay?”

“B-but,” I stuttered.

“Uh uh,” he tutted, shaking his head. “When I tell you I’m doing something, what do we say?”

“Okay, daddy.”

He smirked. “You’re such a good girl, aren’t you?”

“Yes, daddy.” I could feel myself getting wetter, and more impatient, but I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

Javi crawled over me, his length a heavy weight on my abdomen. I sighed as he pressed his lips to my forehead.

“My good girl. All mine.” He said, then he kissed my lips.

We moaned into each other's mouths as our tongues danced together. He pulled away and a string of saliva kept us connected until he was too far away. His lips and teeth made their way down my jaw and neck until he reached my chest. We had an agreement that we couldn’t leave any marks where people could see, which meant it was only when I was getting dressed in the morning or undressed at the end of the day that I got to see the bruises forming the shape of his teeth that littered my breasts and thighs. At times even my tummy had a mark or two sucked deep into the skin.

His teeth nipped at the thinner flesh of my breast and I gasped. He immediately soothed the ache with a swipe of his tongue and the press of his lips. We also had an agreement not to cause too much pain, since I was also a bit of a baby. Luckily he knew me well enough to know my limits, and how to push them just right.

“Want me to suck on your nipples? I know you love it,” he said, his lips brushing my skin. I writhed on the bed when his lips closed around a nipple, pulling it onto his tongue. When he pulled away he made sure to look into my eyes. “You know I love it too.”

I whimpered when he lowered his head once more, kneading my other breast with his hand. His tongue flattened against my nipple as he dragged it over top. He kissed his way across my chest until he got to the other one and repeated the process. When I couldn’t lay still on the bed he finally pulled away, looking satisfied with his work.

His eyes flickered to mine. “I want to try something.”

“I trust you.” The words tumbled out of my mouth immediately, because they were true.

Javi sat up and brought his hand to my jaw. His thumb tapped on my lips until I opened them, allowing it to land on my tongue. I sealed my lips around him and sucked, watching as his eyes fluttered shut and praises fell from his lips. When he recovered from the sensation, he continued to keep his thumb in my mouth while he moved his body so he was straddling my middle. He pulled his thumb from my mouth and grabbed both of my wrists, pinning them above my head.

I shivered as he traced a finger along the tan lines made from my bikini top, over my shoulders, down to the curve of my breasts. He followed the lines until he got to the middle, then paused.

“I want to see my cock between these beautiful, beautiful tits, baby.”

I immediately moaned at the thought. We hadn’t tried it before, but that didn’t mean I hadn’t thought about it.

He smirked. “You like that idea?”

“Yes, please, daddy,” I nearly panted, just wanting him to make a move.

“Gotta make it nice and wet though,” he cupped my jaw again, tapping his thumb on my lower lip. “Open up for me, baby.”

My jaw stretched with how wide I opened my mouth, my tongue laying out on my bottom lip.

He moved himself up until his cock was at my mouth, then he held himself in one hand to guide his cock onto my tongue. I closed my eyes and sighed at the taste of him. It felt like I had been waiting forever to feel the heft of him settling in my mouth.

“Eyes on me, hermosa,” he instructed, my eyes snapping open to obey. “You’re so perfect for me, doing so good.”

I hummed around his length as he shifted his hips, sliding in and out of the heat of my mouth. Although he was turned on before, I could still feel his cock hardening slightly more.

“Oh, baby,” he moaned while tilting his head to the ceiling. “This mouth is so good, so fucking good.”

My eyelids felt heavy and threatened to close, letting me lose myself in the pleasure of making Javi feel good. But even if I wanted to I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. The way his jaw flexed, the muscles fluttering, his hair disheveled, and when he brought his eyes back to mine I was a goner. They were blown nearly black, the intensity making me squeeze my thighs together as they pinned me there. All his for the taking.

It felt too early when he pulled himself away, and when I whined he chuckled.

“I know, mi amor.” He maneuvered himself so he was straddling my upper torso again, stroking his cock that was wet from my mouth. “You like making daddy feel good, don’t you?”

Javi reached behind him and slid his fingers into the front of my underwear. His lips parted on a sharp intake of breath.

“So wet, (Y/N).” He brushed against my clit and my body jerked from the contact. “These panties are soaked, and this poor, little clit wants attention, doesn’t it?”

“Y-yes, daddy,” I said, panting. “Please.”

He pulled away and I whined once more. “Soon, hermosa.”

Javi let go of his cock and it landed on me with a wet slap between my breasts. He brought his hands to my chest and began kneading the skin there, his fingers indenting in and his thumbs flicking over my nipples. His cock was nestled snug as he pushed my breasts together.

I wiggled on the bed as the heat of him soaked into my sensitive skin. Even though he was still a bit wet from my mouth the feeling was too dry, but just watching him turned me on too much to care. Before I could think about it anymore, he leaned down a bit and spit directly onto his cock. I arched my back as much as the weight of him would allow and moaned.

He smirked. “I know, baby, you like that? Want me to spit on these gorgeous tits?”

I didn’t even have to answer, he repeated his action. The heat of his spit warmed my chest, and my arousal practically pooled between my thighs. I squeezed them together to try and relieve some of the pressure while Javi picked up his pace. The squelching of his cock mixed with his spit filled the room, echoing off the walls and into my ears.

My words jumbled together in a mixture of ‘yes’, ‘please’, and ‘daddy’, as he lost himself in the pleasure.

“Open your mouth, (Y/N),” he commanded. I did as he asked, and completely gave myself over to him as he spit directly onto my tongue. “Swallow. Good girl, such a good girl, fuck. Show me your tongue.”

Once again I obeyed and felt him push further forward, bumping the head of his cock against my tongue. Precum leaked from his tip and connected us in a string as he pushed himself between my tits and onto my tongue over and over again. I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he took what he needed and I gave him everything I had.

Finally he pulled away and I whined. “Oh, hermosa, I know you were having fun but I need to be inside you.”

I smiled at that and wiggled my hips as he made his way between my legs. His fingers were bruising as he spread my thighs and eyed the wet patch on my underwear.

“You’re so wet, fuck.” Javi’s voice was strained, but soothing to my ears. “Want me to take care of this pussy?”

“Yes, please, daddy.” I barely recognized my voice in those moments, completely given over to pleasure. “I need you so, so bad.”

“Lo sé, baby,” he cooed while slowly pulling the fabric off my hips and down my legs. “I’ll take care of you. Doesn’t daddy always take care of his girl?”

I nodded frantically, and when he pinched my thigh I gasped out, “yes, daddy, always.”

He leaned down and traced his tongue along the tan lines on my hips. “You look so good like this, but I need to see this ass.”

He wedged his hand between my body and the bed, maneuvering me so I was flipped over. I helped him and got comfortable on my stomach while he reached over and grabbed a pillow.

“Lift your hips,” he said, tapping a finger on my side.

I did as he said and he wedged the pillow under me so my ass was higher up.

“Look at you, being such a good girl, following all of daddy’s instructions.” Javi leant down and placed a kiss on the base of my spine. “And look at this ass, so perfect.”

His hands reached up and palmed both cheeks, kneading them. I felt the air brush against my most intimate parts as he spread me. Embarrassment at being under his watchful gaze crept up my chest, and I hid my face in my pillow. He must have felt how tense I got because he smoothed a hand up my spine.

“Is my baby feeling shy?” I nodded into the pillow. “Oh, you poor thing, there’s no need. Daddy’s got you, just relax.”

I turned my head so my cheek was smushed into the pillow and I could look at him over my shoulder. His hands were on my body but his eyes were on mine, giving me an immediate sense of calm.

Javi had seen every part of me before, and not just physically. He’d seen me at my most stressed, upset, angry. He’d also seen me at my happiest, usually in his arms.

The past few weeks he’d seen me as red as a lobster, and although it was embarrassing, he stuck by my side and reassured me with a burning kiss on my forehead that I was still so beautiful in his eyes.

So why should I suddenly feel embarrassed about being completely bared to him? There was no need. I knew he would always take care of me.

I felt my shoulders melt away from my ears, and it was like each column of my spine slowly unlocked. I became putty in his hands.

“That’s my girl,” he practically purred before placing another searing kiss on my spine.

I felt him spread me once more and he inhaled sharply. His thumb pressed against the tight ring of muscle and I sighed at the feeling. It wasn’t like he hadn’t touched me there before, but it was rare that I was on display while he did. Usually it was just while he was already doing something else, and usually I had something else inside me. We had discussed anal before and it wasn’t something I felt the need to try, but I couldn’t deny how good it felt when he would play with me.

I gasped when I felt something wet land on my asshole, and when he groaned I knew what it was. He spit once again, and the wetness intensified. I moaned at the feeling, wiggling my hips under his grip.

“Fuck, baby, you’re so good for me. Being so patient.” He spit once more, sliding his thumb around and coating me. “You look so good like this, you’re practically dripping for me. You like when daddy plays with your ass?”

“Yes, daddy,” I said, panting slightly. “Feels so good.”

One finger slipped to my clit, while his thumb pressed harder against the muscle. I could feel him slipping in slightly and groaned at the intrusion. Just giving myself over to him had me feeling like I was going to cum any second, and the way his finger circled my clit with perfect pressure had me barreling toward that finish line.

“I can feel you tensing up, baby, you gonna cum for me?” I moaned in response which made him smack his palm down onto my ass. “Use your words, (Y/N).”

“Yes, daddy. I’m gonna cum, daddy,” I whimpered.

“Good,” he growled, then I felt him shift on the bed.

I hadn’t realized my eyes were closed until they snapped open at the feeling of his tongue flattening against my asshole. Another whimper left my mouth that ended in a groan. He still circled my clit while his other hand held me open for his mouth. The sounds of my wetness and his tongue sliding against me were obscene, especially when he started fucking his tongue into me.

I panted, moaned, and writhed on the bed.

“That’s it,” he said between licks and fucks. “Push your hips back, baby, cum on my face.”

That’s all he needed to say before my orgasm overtook me. I pushed my ass back against him over and over while his fingers and tongue worked to bring me back down to earth. When I finally settled my throat felt hoarse and my bones liquified.

His hands smoothed up my sides as he slid his body over mine. I sighed as his weight settled over my back, his hands on either side of my shoulders making sure he wasn’t completely squishing me. Not that I minded. I felt as though he was keeping me grounded, my breathing evening out further and further at the press of him against me.

I felt his cock nestle against my ass, and rocked myself forward, both of us moaning together.

“Baby, fuck, you feel so good.” His lips brushed against the shell of my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

“Please,” I breathed, “I need you.”

“Yeah?” He asked, pushing himself up enough so he could fist his cock and line up against me. “You need me to fuck you?”

I moaned as the blunt head of his cock pushed against my entrance. “Yes, please, daddy. Please fuck me.”

His cock pushed into me slowly, the stretch had me rolling my eyes into the back of my head as my toes curled. I felt like my body was melting into the exact shape he needed, completely made for his cock.

“You take me so well,” he panted, starting a steady pace. “You always take me so well, my good, good girl.”

We gasped and moaned and panted together as his hips pushed into my ass over and over again. He dropped himself down again so he was pressed to my back while he continued to rut into me. My thighs clenched, adding more pressure to my clit, the friction making a second orgasm start to approach faster than I could have anticipated.

“Can feel you clenching around my cock, so warm and wet. Fuck, you gonna cum again?” His words spurred me on, a heat building in my abdomen and spreading down my thighs. “Cum for me, baby, please cum for me.”

I moaned out and felt myself teeter along the edge, just one more push was all I needed. As if he could read my mind his hand slipped up and around my throat, squeezing just enough to cause stars to erupt along the edges of my vision.

“Cum for daddy,” he growled in my ear, his hand keeping me in place while he buried his cock even deeper.

“Fuck!” I cried out, cumming hard underneath him. My senses were filled with his smell, his touch, his sounds. I was all his.

Javi groaned and sunk his teeth into my shoulder, right where the tan line of my bikini strap was, as his body shuddered. His cock pulsed inside me as hot ropes of cum painted my walls. His body melted against mine even further once he was done, and he licked and kissed along my shoulder where I had no doubt there was an indent of his teeth.

We sighed together, finally relaxing fully, and he slipped off of me. He pulled my body against him and held me in his arms. I could feel his cum stick to my inner thighs, but I didn’t want to think about moving until my heart stopped beating so fast.

He kissed the top of my head while his hand cradled the back of it.

“So,” I started, my voice coming out smaller since my throat was still aching slightly, “the tan lines really do it for you?”

Javi laughed, the sound rumbling through his chest and making me smile. “Yeah, I guess they do. But at the end of the day you just do it for me in general.”

I tilted my head up so I could lose myself in the warmth of his eyes. “Even when I was a lobster?”

His lips tilted into a smirk. “I think the lobster thing got me the most.”

My jaw dropped in shock. “Hey!”

He laughed again, pulling my face back into his chest. “I’m kidding, baby. Please try to be more responsible next time, okay?”

My arms tightened around him as I nuzzled my cheek into his skin. “I promise, Javi.”

———

Taglist: @sullyosully @ashleymsnodgrass

[oakparchment]

Blackpink reaction headcannon to you being in to feet

A/N: Personally, I can only get into the whole feet thing when they’re clean, pretty and pedicured; if you’re into it for the opposite reasons then my apologies, that content won’t be explored here. With that being said:

--------------------------------------

Lisa

Lisa is indifferent about it. She struggles getting into feet-play and doesn’t really find it enjoyable. You went at it a few different ways to see if that would change her mind: you lying on the bed whilst she gives you a footjob, her on her hands and knees while you cradle her feet together and fuck the hole that it makes, one time she even tried stepping on you (yikes!) You eventually have a healthy discussion about it and find a compromise. Whenever you get to fuck her feet, she gets to have her ass ate. This might just seem like a win-win situation for you (it is), but Lisa just loves getting rimmed so much that she’ll find any excuse to have it done more. This may or may not have induced pavlovian conditioning. For Lisa, feet play was rewarded with getting her ass eaten. Say less.

Rose

You don’t need to bring it up with Rose cause she’s the one who initiated feet-play first. It’d start with an accidental graze of her foot on your crotch when you were on the couch watching tv. Then she’d return to touch you again a short while later but this time she’d leave her feet resting on your clothed dick. The contact and her implications in this situation had caused you to grow hard under her feet. She rubbed you all over, one thing led to another and before you knew it, you were thrusting up into her tight feetussy; neither of you paying any attention to what was playing on the screen. When she sends you nudes, she now always makes sure to include some feet pics. They’re always cute and well kept. Rose could be a foot model… if that’s a profession that exists.

Jennie

Laughs at you when you first bring it up but is happy to give it a go. Her very initial reaction is a bit mean but at the same time you understand. When you first try it she pretends she’s not into it but is actually really fucking turned on by how she can get you off with just her feet. She doesn’t need to use her pussy, her mouth, or even her hands. She can make you squirm with nothing but her feet, until you’re cumming all over them. It makes her feel dominant, powerful- like she’s a level above you. One time she came home from the gym and during your post-workout fuck, had started to touch you all over with her feet (let’s just say from head to toe she was a bit sweaty and not in ‘perfect model mode’). You told her to fuck off and get in the shower if she wanted to continue with that stuff. That put her back in her place a little. She rolled her eyes and groaned at your response, choosing to let it go and got on top to fuck you as normal... but then she showered after anyways and you guys went for round two (this time with feet-play on the table).

Jisoo

Thinks it’s kinda gross and off-putting. You tried warming her up to it; getting in the bath together and cleaning her feet for her, giving her a relaxing leg and foot massage, then finally getting her to rub your cock with her feet. She gave it a good go for a few minutes, but it’s just not her cup of tea (fair enough). You kissed her in appreciation and then turned her around and railed her into the bath as a thank you for trying. Unlike the feet-play, Jisoo’s moans bouncing off the bathroom tiles let you know that your cock pounding her pussy is definitely something that she was into.

A/N: I’m sorry not sorry about the ‘feetussy’ part HAHA. Thought it’d be funny to slip that in somewhere. Everyone go take care of your feet. They deserve to be treated well too (assuming you treat the rest of your body well).

[weaverpop]

Initial pregnancy announcement Lionsword fic?

Whoops! - A Lionsword Fic

Tw implied intimacy and pregnancy

“Man! What a battle!”

MK’s words was like a calming wave on the adrenaline coursing through Nezha’s veins. While Jin and Yin alone weren’t much of a treat, the artifacts they used certainly didn’t make things easier.

Nezha watched as his father secured the artifact, some sort of magic staff with spikes at the end. It radiated underworld energy something nasty, and Nezha edged away from the aura as best he could without making it obvious. In a flash, Jing sent it away, likely to one of the many celestial vaults, and Nezha was able to relax again.

Though, as he turned back to where the twin demons stood (well, once stood, the pair having taken off), he couldn’t help but feel a tad uneasy. Those two shouldn’t be able to get artifacts like this, not in this capacity. It was concerning. But Nezha pushed it out of his mind, and went to rejoin the others.

The after battle meal made by Pigsy was something Nezha always looked forward too. He had to admit, the man was an amazing cook. And judging by the way Jing was scarfing down his own bowl, he likely agreed.

“Woo! Nothing like a good fight to get the blood flowing!” Mei explained, tossing a dumpling in the air and catching in in her mouth.

“You said it! I’m just glad things are going back to normal.” Nezha calmly moved his bowl away as Tang walked by, aware of the others noodle stealing tendencies. “I do wonder where those two keep getting these artifacts though.”

���Likely from some kind of demon market.” Yellow tusk interjected. “It’s not uncommon for some demons to trade their family weapons or artifacts in exchange for money. Even now.”

Nezha glanced to his father, who hummed his agreement. Nezha was also able to catch Azure giving Jing some of fish. Nezha was a bit confused, even more so when Jing seemed to scarf it down, but summed it up to them being a gross couple.

He turned back to mk, who looked weary now. “You don’t think this might become a problem do you?”

Mk rubbed the back of his neck, before collecting his and Mei’s empty bowls. “I don’t know. I don’t wanna cause any trouble for innocent vendors, but… this feels like it’s getting a bit out of hand-“

“Jing! Good gods man slow down!”

Nezha turned back to his father, who nearly held his bowl protectively, his cheeks puffed with food as he glared daggers at Wukong. The orange simian quickly raised his hands in suprise, clearly caught off guard at the sudden hostility.

“Seriously, you’re gonna choke man. That’s like, your third bowl!”

Jing simply swallowed his mouthful, not letting up. “I feel like I’m starving!”

“I’ll bet.” Macaques ears twitched, looking at Jing with a crooked smirk. “Carrying for two must be pretty rough.”

Nezha blinked, and looked back at his father. Both he and… Azure?? now looked annoyed. Why would they- wait.

Wait.

“You couldn’t have waited until everyone was done?” Azure asked, but Nezha didn’t register it, too focused on Jing. Two. Eating for two.

“Why? It’s not like Jing was gonna eating stop anytime soon.” Nezha felt his heartrate go up, and he blurted out before anyone else could speak.

“Father! Your pregnant?!”

Silence fell over the noodle shop as all eyes turned to Jing, various expressions of shock and excitement playing out. Jing himself just huffed, sulkily stirring his bowl of Seafood noodles (no crab, they learned that the hard way). Nezha turned his gaze to Azure, who tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace.

“Uh, whoops?”

Jing ate his food in a sulky silence, even as Nezha roared and leapt at Azure over the seats. Azure gave a squeal yelp of fear and dodged. Nezha, undeterred, simply rolled and went after him.

Pigsy set another bowl of noodles in front of Jing, Mk taking the empty bowl. They all just kinda watched Nezha chase azure, but not really saying anything until Pigsy broke the silence.

“So, how far along are ya?”

Jing poked at some shrimp with his chopsticks, not meeting their eyes. “11 weeks, almost three months.”

Pigsy hummed, and then eyed him. “and… your cool with it?”

Jing nodded, and bit into the shrimp. Another brief silence, one that Mk broke next.

“Well, congrats!”

“Thank you.” A smile tugged at Jing’s lips, and it widened when he heard Nezha’s victorious yelling and Azures pleas for mercy.

Maybe not the way he wanted them to find out, but… but this was good too. He will get back at macaque though.

[no-stupid-questions-official]

Do other people with issues that cause kinda restricted eating (Sensory issues, ARFID) have trouble eating a food WITHOUT something added after getting used to the food having that added thing? Like I ate ramen with just the flavor packet stuff for years, recently got brave and added egg, LOVE ramen with egg now, but now ramen without an egg added sounds weirdly gross? Like if there isn't that one, not fully necessary. but tasty ingredient my whole brain just goes NO about the whole meal. Like does this happen to anyone else? I feel like I'm in the stupidest prison of my own design here

-

[mammoney-22]

Found this in my drafts so here lol

Headcanon that my MC is straight up an animal magnet. Almost every time they go out, they come back with something. As a result HOL is always crawling with critters they're trying to find homes for -and a few permanent residents because someone got too attached.

Minor edits made May 31st. Mainly grammatical stuff.

At first a few of the brothers were pretty fed up. But anytime a threat of any kind was made towards the animals MC just appeared out of thin air with the most terrifying expression on their face.

*random goat that followed them home, currently eating Beel's snacks -package and all*

Beel, about to lose his shit: How would you feel if I ate you?!

MC leaning into the room, smiling: I'll replace your snacks, but touch the goat and I'll make a real nice roast outta you.

Beel and the goat actually became bffs after this.

Satan sitting in the common room, book in one hand, scruffed puppy in the other: This is the last time you interrupt my reading you little runt!

MC wrapping their arms around his neck from behind, whispering softly: Put the puppy down, Satan.

Satan, slowly setting the pup back on the couch: When- how- ?!

MC: I was summoned.

He still thinks cats are better, but he definitely cried when the puppy left.

Mammon gently yeeting a rabbit (did not hurt it dw) when he caught it eating his money: That's not lettuce ya dumb furball!

*turning around and seeing MC in the doorway*

Mammon: M-MC, um.. when did you get here?

MC, scooping up the rabbit: I mean this in the nicest way possible because I love you, throw her again, and I'll burn every Grimm of yours that I can find ❤

*Mammon.exe has stopped responding because they said they loved him while also threatening him*

He's not turned on or confused thank you

Won't admit he likes the bunny but MC catches him dressing her up in little yellow tinted sunglasses and gold chains like two days later.

*MC regularly comes to dinner with a snake wrapped around their neck or arms, sometimes a lizard tucked in their hoodie pocket, or some strange insect/arachnid perched on their shoulder*

Levi:

Simply stops functioning because not only are you nice to him, but you seem to appreciate the more widely considered 'strange' creatures as much as he does

Generally asks to hold said creature

And take pictures -of you holding the thing obviously

You just.. look so much cooler than him! Obviously.

Mammon:

Poor baby nearly shits himself when you sit next to him and he realizes there's some horrifying, eight legged, kitten-sized thing clinging to your shoulder

He tries to ignore it but he's leaning away from you the entire meal

"Ain't ya afraid of anything, human?!"

Lucifer:

Sincerely doesn't fucking care anymore.

He tried being mad for so long and you just ignored it

I mean, animals at the dinner table? C'mon MC.

Fuck it.

At least your little creatures are less rowdy than his brothers

Asmo

Do you care about him at all?!

Fear isn't good for him

Nor are gross things.

And that spiny, hissing thing clinging to your forearm was the definition of his bane

Satan

Thoroughly amused with his brother's reactions

Finds your creatures fascinating

Not fazed when one makes its way across the table and up his arm

This causes Asmo to nearly faint as the thing becomes much closer to him

Satan obviously shoves it in his face

Till MC basically rips his head off

They're delicate, he gets it now

Please stop lecturing him it's kinda scary

And hot?

[gsstories]

High of the Shroom

Josiah was lost… again. He had wandered off into the nearby forest and had no clue where the way back to the herd was. He mentally scolded himself for doing so knowing full well that his sense of direction was shit. And he was getting so hungry too…

“There must be something here to eat…” The albino deer mumbled as he walked around the forest, looking for some food as to at least make his stomach stop growling when he came across some large mushrooms. “Huh? Mushrooms?”

The mushrooms were pretty tall and rather thin, though the cap was larger than the rest of it. It was a sky blue color with some purple fade and small white spots at the cap. It looked pretty weird but…

“Ah, screw it. I’ll end up starving before getting to the herd.” Josiah huffed as he plucked out two mushrooms and started eating them. “Blegh, could taste better…”

Even through his disgust, he completely ate the mushrooms satisfying his hunger for the time being before resuming his journey out of the forest. He appeared to only get more lost though. Damn.

Meanwhile back at the herd, the rest of the centaurs were just hanging around, the fawns running, playing and causing their little chaos as always. Sun was tending to the young ones while Moon and Eclipse kept an eye on everyone, making sure everyone was safe and checked out. Moon, however, noticed they were missing someone.

“Who is…?” Moon mumbled before suddenly deadpanning when he took notice of the forest nearby. “Of course he got lost again…”

Huffing in frustration, Moon ran off into the forest to try and find the missing centaur.

Speaking of the latter, things were going a bit… weird for him.

“Why is the sky yellow…? Was it always yellow??” The white deer asked as he looked up at the leaves. They were leaves. Not the sky.

Josiah’s eyes were swirls as he kind of stumbled around, holding onto trees as to not fall as everything looked kinda funky. The ‘sky’ (which were just tree leaves) looked yellow, the ground seemed to move like a kaleidoscope, and the trees looked like they had faces! Or maybe that was just the pattern of the wood, he didn’t know, everything just looked so odd!

“I FeEl weeeeIRd…” Josiah said, his speech slurring a bit before he started laughing. “Hahaha, this funnyyyy!”

The centaur laughed loudly as he stopped walking for a moment and started crying at the same time. It was a bit… disturbing to watch.

“JOSIAH!” A familiar voice broke the intoxicated deer out of his daze, looking around for the source of the voice. “Josiah, where are you?!”

“Heeeey Mooooon!” Josiah exclaimed as he appeared where Moon was, startling the bigger centaur who quickly composed himself and crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at the albino.

“How many times have I told you not to wander off? You keep getting lost in these places.” Moon said, not yet acknowledging the fact Josiah was high as a kite.

“Sorryyyyyy, I got curious of the plaaaaace!” Josiah said as he walked away from Moon, stumbling around once more.

Moon DEFINITELY noticed how weird Josiah was acting now.

“Are you okay?” Moon asked.

“Just peachy! There was this- There was this thing! It was blue with purple and white and it tasted funny and I feel funkyyyy!” Josiah said as he giggled as tears ran down his face.

“Don’t tell me you are a poisonous mushroom…” Moon groaned in annoyance.

“I can see the light SPECTRUM!” Josiah exclaimed.

“You ate a mushroom.” Moon confirmed and sighed as he approached Josiah and grabbed his arms. “Come on, we have to go back to the herd.”

Josiah, however, pulled his arms away.

“I don wanna!” He whined as he huffed.

This was starting to frustrate Moon. Josiah was intoxicated off his ass, he was acting weird and was being extremely difficult right now.

“Josiah, I do not have time for games. We have to get back to the herd.” Moon said. “And you have to seriously get that mushroom out of your system.”

“Moooshroom. It was gross.” Josiah said as he made a disgusted face.

“I know, which is why we have to go back so you can rest and hopefully not be so… intoxicated.” Moon said.

“Okaaaaay…” Josiah said, kind of dejected.

Moon sighed as he grabbed Josiah’s arm and started leading him out of the forest. It took a bit but they eventually made it out and got back to the herd. There, Moon had to force Josiah to lay down under the shade and take a damn nap. Once he made sure Josiah was knocked out cold in his sleep, he continued patrolling around the herd, making sure no one else got separated from the herd.

…

Once Josiah woke up, he stood up, ran behind a tree and threw up his digestive system. He moved away after a good 20 seconds of vomiting, feeling like shit as his stomach grumbled now that it was empty again.

“I hate mushrooms…” The centaur mumbled as he went to take another nap.

——

Celestial Herd AU belongs to @missterious-figure!

Josiah be mine!

[lonely-cats-blog]

I left school and went to my dad's office, hoping he could drop me off at home real quick before getting back to work. He said we could but we can't leave just yet, so I waited. We then left 2 hours later.

When I got home I was fucking starving cause I haven't eaten since 10:00 am, cause my schools lunch is unreasonably early, and I asked my roommate if I could her leftovers from yesterday. I knew she wasn't gonna eat them and that she'd say yes, so I probably didn't even need to ask but I'm not that much of an asshole.

And then she was like "oh I'm actually still kinda hungry from swimming 🥺👉👈" mind you, she got home an hour ago and was swimming hours ago by this point, and so my dad told her to put in the microwave and she did and then I didn't have anything to eat and I've been wanting that good all day cause it's good and I'm starving.

And then my dad got food out of the fridge and was somewhat trying to help me choose something, but I didn't want anything else, I had been hoping for that for hours all day and it was part of my plan. He kept insisting that we have chicken nuggets but I ate those when I was sick and we don't have any left.

And we got into this like, mini argument going back and forth and he was like "well I asked you if you wanted to go to Walmart and get a snack when we left the office" BUT WE DIDN'T. he asked me to go to no frills and get a lasagna, those are not the same thing and I would've gone to Walmart to get a snack if he offered it, except for the fact I wanted the leftovers and I had a whole plan for them.

And he put his food in the microwave but on his way over he fucking feel through a vent on the floor that broke off and hurt his foot and then I had to try to comfort him and fix it but he was crying and kept yelling at me to leave him alone and I just wanted some fucking chicken that my roommate was now eating.

And I had to clean up the food that spilled, took me like 5 minutes but it was gross and annoying.

If I had just eaten it no one would've stopped me or given a fuck.

Anyways now I'm sitting in bed and I'm still fucking hungry with nothing else to eat and I wanna go to Walmart but that's never gonna happen now.

[predoom]

ohoneohone

Saturday, September 24th, 2005 2:14 pm but i am too weak to be your cure night started out strong. got kinda wack. want to go on a date to the corpse bride? (157 Comments |Comment on this) Tuesday, September 20th, 2005 12:56 pm ruckus juice dear demar,

i am sorry.

sugar in chicago. Monday, September 19th, 2005 12:19 pm mike murphy all up in demar hamiltons ass went to the alk3/my chemical bromance with demar and nick on the dick. pretty hilarious. the bands let the good times roll. went by pizza metro and made awesome jokes. and ate like 60 bucks worth of super flat pizza. startling revelations about demars life. i like hanging with old friends. down the street from the girl to trevia. kinda chill. matt skiba talked to me about clandestine. pretty amazing. we are wearing all black coming up hats. greg let me dj for a minute and i played some faint and refused. P-Unit. people at my house when i went home. freaked me out. sleeeepover prince. search the net and you can find some amazing pictures. Saturday, September 17th, 2005 4:52 pm reNICKulous woah. got my g.i. joe aircraft carrier in the mail yesterday. its seven feet long. thats like me and patrick stacked on top of eachother. ate a box of life cereal yesterday. kinda gross. somehow with all the chaos of everything i got normal again. its weird to me that 50cents mom is a lesbian. i dunno why. it totally fits and totally doesn't. just like everything else. i saw the motorola commercial we were asked to be in with madonna. yeah thats right- "sell out boy" turned one down cause it wasn't the right situation. haha. we would have had to cancel shows and all- just wasn't right. i just wanted to meet the material girl. we don't do everything were asked to. waited out going over to watch demar pass out and get kissed. instead went to the city. carnival life. we bought ice cream shoes online from hongkong. get jealous. counted freckles. yawn. patrick came over today. we worked on some secret stuff. him and his gee eff are way too lame and cute. i cant wait to see corpse bride. awesomeness. just waiting for tonight to happen.

oops comments wahahaha. Thursday, September 15th, 2005 11:27 pm this week he's mopping floors, next week he's on fries early bird gets the worm. took a headache for my tylenol. went to the cover shoot for spin magazine. it was ridiculous as always. i put myself into the worst clothes i could find cause thats just funny to me on the inside. nickplan and drunkmar showed up cause they keep it the realest. got weird emails all day. pretty standard. someday we'll be nostalgic for right now. but until then you can put it in a pinebox. its funny the mistakes you realize you are making as you go about things. cause those are the worst. it only makes sense when you are that close. otherwise its blurry and filled with lies. and you can say whatever you want but in the dark i know what you look like and think- and no one else does. nothing that needs to be spoken of. im the kind of kid that will go to the goddamned end. file me under: fucking speechless. right to her house. wow, it's been a month. we don't talk. it goes without saying. freckles. kinda dreamy. and i ain't too hard on the eyes. only those arms make it okay. i just don't care anymore. this is the three year boy. this is the lover boy. this is the keeper. the is the one that got away. i drop records, not names. so i'm not letting you in. buzznet updated. please leave my friends or whatever alone, because i have- and im sick of hearing about it. raise your hand if you're excited for fall tour. time to become the person i was supposed to be.

Current Music: you make me wanna lala 12:59 am "growing uuuuuuuuup, i guess i am my own better half" what were they thinking? i'm tired. ate for the first time in what feels like forever today. you know gotta keep that charm. what does that even mean? actually have to get up at 9am for a photo shoot tommorrow. the wackest. i guess it could be worse. i could have to sell stuff or work in a factory instead of just getting laughed at by some dumb photographer cause we don't know how to pose right. flashflashflash. goddamn the new panic at the disco record makes me feel okay in any situation. only two people in the entire world know how it goes. its kind of funny that i get to be one of them. but its strange the way only one person makes you feel electric. like you were meant to be three inches away from them always. but then its gone. or they are. went to green street hooligans. ate your popcorn and drank your soda. cause im kinda a baby. movie dates are funny cause you either watch the movie or you talk the whole time. both are kind of a let down. fall is definitely hug season. bring it on. who knows how it turns out. don't believe the hype. i didn't overdose. this really is me typing.

Tuesday, September 13th, 2005 10:39 pm difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week. oh no oh no. i don't get it but then i don't think i am supposed to. today woke up and bought my friend shoes cause she's rad and i like buying stuff for my friends. i am sick, but it's gonna be okay. i love going to bars with my friends and ordering 5 dollar sprites. yeah i'm that guy. right now i wish this was a lyric i wrote: "i dunno why other rappers try and dis you. cause even my superficial raps are super official". i'm supposed to be waiting by the phone but i'm always at front desk in the hotel lobby. i told my friend that i want to get super big bling jesus necklace- they said it doesn't make sense because im not super into jesus- but i told them that was the whole point. i sing the blues just for the covers of magazines. oh yeah. the rest of my day. ive been going out into the real world alot lately. the sun hurts my eyes but you're making me grin. went to joes house in boy's town- its like one inch big and filled with 80 million things. ebay says that my g.i. joe aircraft carrier is in the mail. but who knows cause i tell people shit is in the mail all the time. its like waking up from a dream and not being sure. for sure. our new video is pretty sweet. hung with the bestest. it feels nice outside. time to go play. i think i am going to be vegetarian again, then probably vegan. cause it just feels right. like you. all i do is watch thundercats and crush hard. what a life.

Current Music: christina milian 2:22 am go right on reds, get left at altars i want to write a "hey momma" song for the emo world. it smells like coffee and rain everywhere today for me.

i have lost all respect for you. before you make accusations, check the scoreboard sweetheart.

just when you are about to give up sometimes a light comes on. like its the only one out there. and when you are unhappy they are a shoulder. and they make you laugh when you get thrown out the window like trash from a car. old friends bend. you got me smiling like it was a dream. and i am slowly letting everything else go.

let go let go.

ive got a crush.

[thenixkat]

also the protag of Kaiju no. 8's name is Kafka which is extremely on the nose

ok i'm watching the first ep

so human civilizations have been fighting kaiju since the 14th century at least. And their really advanced tech is made from kaiju bits another neat design. just a big fat lizard from the sea. Nice coloring and girth

yeah def cleaning up the dead giant monsters would certainly be an important industry we're just like a min in but I can see why folks would be interested in a series that's just about post-kaiju battle cleanup. like that's very interesting

Mc to injured coworker: Don't forget to file a claim for worker's comp

also Kafka is 32 yrs old i'm with Kafka how the fuck does management expect that to get cleaned up by the end of the week? that is a dead animal the size of a city block with its guts splattered across another city block, that shit should take no less than a month to clean

clean yer fucking room

you could have who knows what growing in those beer cans

listen i dont have a foot to stand on about dishes but like, dont put trash in the sink damnit

local 32 year old doesnt like his job and feels like he failed to achieve his dreams

edgy teenager that just joined the clean-up crew and assigned to Kafka to teach him the ropes damn near calls Kafka a loser for giving up on making it into the kaiju fighting forces like damn kid i feel like, as someone who basically shovels shit for a living you get used to gross work. Like, I don't enjoy scraping up bloody dog diarrhea and it smells god awful but I'm not about to be gagging or not able to eat my lunch cause of it. And i've only been shoveling shit for 3 yrs. Man been in monster clean up for how long and still gagging after chainsawing giant intestines really? yeah actually the monster clean-up stuff is neat. I could see a slice-of-life story of a monster cleanup crew just as a whole series

local teen a bit more grateful after making it through a whole day of cleaning shit. Is a lot nicer still calls his ass a quitter damn mfers just having a conversation at the end of the day at their workplace and a kaiju shows up to try and eat a bitch out of nowhere

people with anxiety must have shit bad in this world local 32 yr old impresses teen by saving his fucking life

and being level headed in situation and distracting the monster while telling the kid to get to safety and call the fucking authorities imagine living in a world where natural disasters have teeth and the ability to chase you with intent to devour man oh hey jumping through a glass window causes injuries local teenager comes back to help and does save the mc from getting ate but like, child, uh, you are both bite sized to that spider thing

sir you have broken bones and lacerations and very much bleeding. Pls stay down.

I know the tiger thing is probably supposed to be cool but like… dont keep tigers as pets. or use them as attack animals at yer work place that could go south really fast pls there's bound to be injured civilians

local teenager trying to be nonchalant in saying thanks and that the old dude was kinda cool and made good calls just a bug here

staring at this man while he's having a moment with his new friend the bug (psychically to Kafka): Found You

does that… get elaborated on? I feel like that's something that should get elaborated on

also here's a theory: bug's been searching for Kafka, I have to assume he's not been as injured and bleeding everywhere to the extent that he did today and it followed the scent of his blood to him. Like I have to assume it was looking for him for a reason and that he's compatible with being turned into a kaiju and keeping his original mind and personality intact for a reason as well it forced itself down his throat

that's a thing

and now everyone is freaking out

fucking buff Donnie Darko is still a letdown compared to the literal dragonfly ok that was funny. but uh forced to deepthroat a bug kaiju at least the size of a macaw and length of a small python

outside of the thrashing and gagging as it whent down and he transformed, dude took it rather well. Didnt even throw up this lady really just owns a tiger that lives in her apartment outside of fighting monsters for work. That is not good tiger keeping

just cause yer a bad ass monster slayer doesnt mean you should have a pet tiger who lives in yer appartment when yer off work that you just let walk around unrestrained. That's bad for the tiger, its bad for you, and its bad for bystanders

[theborzoiarebackintown]

I’ve been pretty MIA and it’s cause my entire camera roll is pictures of Charlie’s gnarly butt holes. So last I posted he had to have surgery to get patched up. The big hole right over his hip started coming open within 12 hours and frankly we weren’t surprised. But it gets worse lolol he had surgery Friday, and then at 10 PM Sunday Georgia got into his antibiotics and ate them all 🙃 so that was a call the evet, run to rite-aid for hydrogen peroxide, induce vomiting, clean up nasty vomit, run to my sister’s for bread to help soak up any hydrogen peroxide left in her tummy, and not get to bed till 12. She’s fine and didn’t even have an upset stomach 🙄 Which leads us to Monday morning. Charlie wakes me up at 7 to go pee, I come back in and back to bed till I have to get up at 8 for work. He comes up and starts bugging me as soon as my alarm goes off, I take off his muzzle for him to get water. I fall asleep again by accident. Wake up 10 minutes later to him having chewed open both holes completely. Back to the vet. Redo the entire surgery. The hip bone hole starts opening up again right away. Okay we’ll just have to treat it like an open wound. Two days later the second hole starts to open as well. So for right now we’re treating both as open wounds, just keeping clean and dry and continuing antibiotics. Oh and during this entire thing I’m having an awful sciatica flare up and actually ended up going to the ER last friday cause my leg started going numb. I’m fine and feeling better but good lord can a bitch get a break around here??? Gross pics under the cut if anyone wants to see the progression of nasty. The last picture is from just now. Checkup on Monday to reassess. 2023 sure is off to some kinda start.

GROSS NASTY PICS BELOW