#and now i am having a breakdown because it was all a waste anyway and now i have contributed to fast fashion and air pollution

[ana-isnt-dead]

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[fragglerockopinions]

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[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 11

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Mae Borowski (Night in the Woods)

"Spoilers! She's a college dropout in her early twenties, who suffers from untreated mental illness and dissociation and had a complete breakdown at college, causing her to come home. Now she's living with her parents again, but life in her dingy little hometown went on without her. Her friends are adults now - in a relationship and planning on moving to the big city, or having to waste away in a dead end job instead of following their dreams. Mae is the only one without a new adult role in life. She's not great with people either - she's blunt and often doesn't think things through, and in many ways just doesn't get the world of adults. She's also prone to petty crimes and general anarchy. She's kind of lost and purposeless, and trying to find meaning in life by desperately clinging to the past. Her decision to drop out of college probably saved her life, but it's also put her family in a tough financial situation and is viewed by most people as her just thoughtlessly doing whatever she wants. She's also kind of shamed a lot about not having a job or other productive role in life, despite the fact that her untreated mental issues are actually disabling for her. She also plays the bass real bad. Anyway, i love Mae a lot. Playing this game as a college dropout in my early twenties, sitting in my childhood bedroom in my mom's attic, back in my dingy little hometown, desperately missing my old friends who have all moved on to better, resposible things in life... yeah, it felt like the game was pointing dead at me. Given tumblr's general demographic, i figure i must not be completely alone in this"

Shigeo Kageyama / Mob (Mob Psycho 100)

"autistic. likes milk. if we reach a certain level of emotion we turn into a psychic bomb. cool brothers :)"

Barry the Quokka (The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog)

"Their only skill is working the microwave, they're non-binary, when seeing a trash bin their first instinct is to look through it, they're always the most normal person in the room, they can beatbox, and they were only hired due to being the only one who applied."

Kaveh (Genshin Impact)

"In a fantasy world, be a guy with a regular profession losing his goddamn mind. Poor guy has a guilt complex, (so true) and a lot of deep embarrassment regarding his life.(ehe) He just wants to do what he's passionate about but capitalism is evil and also he keeps getting scammed. Claims to not want anyone to know Things, goes into depth about these Things anyway. Is probably most definitely gay. Can be found face down on a table lamenting his fate. Terrible sleep schedule. (HA) He is such a guy. Wants to believe the world is a good place and people are inherently good. And wants to help people and do good himself. It's just hard. [And he has a roommate. Oh my god he has a roommate]"

"He was, and still is, regarded a genius. He aced his Akademiya days, he has the admiration and appreciation of so many people because he is oh-so remarkable. But what for, when reality is that he sits at home depressed and with guilt consuming him, faking the image people have of him, not only broke as fuck but actually in debt, drowning his sorrows in wine."

Yusuke Kitagawa (Persona 5)

"highschooler who wants to spend the rest of his life doing what he loves. is obsessed with art and beauty and it's on his mind 24/7 received help from his now friendgroup to break from his abusive foster father who he still have complicated feelings with had to move into school dorms and am struggling to live independantly since he'd rather spend money and time on his art but he's still surviving and enjoying the good times id say also ends up saying whatever is on his mind and is pretty eccentric. very passionate about what he loves. doesn't want to do anything else."

Nanami Kento (Jujutsu Kaisen)

"Ex-salaryman, now jujutsu sorcerer. During one life-and-death fight, kept talking about how it was almost six pm with is when he is getting off work at 6pm no matter what because he hates overtime. While his opponent repeatedly almost kills him. Normalest adult in this shonen anime. Teen MC: "Let's go all out!" Nanami: "No. Where moderate effort will suffice, use moderate effort." Some of his quotes from the anime: "I studied at Jujutsu Tech and one thing I learned is that Jujutsu Sorcerers are shit! Then I worked at your typical company and one thing I learned is that work is shit! If both are equally shit I'll take the one I'm more suited to." "You've faced several life-or-death situations, but that does not make you an adult. Finding more fallen-out hairs on your pillow, watching your favourite stuffed bread disappear from the convenience store... The accunulation of these little despairs is what makes a person an adult." "I don't praise or disparage anyone. I adhere to facts and judge on that basis. That's who I am. There was a time when I mistakenly believed society operated the same way." "

[butterflydm]

processing the new! s3! trailer

Okay, this morning my brain was Rings of Power but now the Wheel of Time brain has activated and I must devour and process this trailer before anything else can happen in my life.

Overall vibe: Wow.

Anyway, this breakdown is mostly for my own reference.

Fascinated by the idea that Egwene is potentially going to take a bye on going to the Waste? I thought they mentioned her going at some point in this season in some earlier interviews, though, but now I wonder if her dream training going to be all via TAR?

Them going back to the White Tower after Moiraine's break with the Amrylin seems like it will be very dangerous for all of them, which was a large part of why it seemed plausible to me that they wouldn't (plus Sheriam not being in s3), but I'm interested to see how that happens. It really does depend on what the show views as their most important endgame threads for the characters, which we don't know.

I'm also not sure what's real and what's vision or dream. Because some stuff (dark!everyone) definitely seems like a vision Moiraine has (in the orb that is taking the place of the silver rings?).

Okay, okay. First I'm going to go through all the shots to see what I can see.

0:01: Looks like we're standing at the cusp of Rhuidean. Moiraine, Rand, and Rhuarc (doesn't look like Lan to me) are my guesses for the three at the front. Can't tell who the others might be.

0:02: Moiraine. Dead? Dying? Just injured? Her face looks like she took a slide in some sand.

0:03: Three statues of ladies. Might be in the White Tower? Very big place. We have some people charging forward at haste. Might be Aes Sedai.

"The world is changing."

0:06: Moiraine stands in the rain in a city.

0:07: shot of Rand dressed up... very old-fashioned english lord prep, with very defined lip makeup, in a room that appears to be white. Vision of some kind?

0:08: Lan in the desert/

0:10: Liandrin pulling down some cloth from over her face but I think she might have the lower part of her face covered in blood? Several figures dressed in black behind her. Black Ajah?

0:10b: Elayne puts a crown on over her head. Is that a novice dress? It looks different than the ones from last season? I think? Lots of buttons on the cuff.

0:12: Is that the Hall of Servants in the White Tower, maybe? Siuan talking to Leane, maybe?

"Who knows how deep the shadow's roots have taken hold here."

0:14: Moiraine gently cradles An Orb. My thought here is that this will replace the silver rings from the books. We see threads begin to channel into the orb.

016: wide shot of someone (Moiraine?) standing on a pile of rocks in the desert as the Power swirls around.

0:19: Egwene getting rushed through her Accepted test, maybe? We appear to be in the correct room, with the Power being used on the rings. Sheriam not being there seems odd, because it doesn't seem like the actress was unable to shoot for s3, at least from what she said in her interview a while back.

Moiraine: "I have seen a thousand thousand futures."

0:20: Moiraine lying on the dirt on her side.

0:21: an eye opens. I am not good enough at eyeball recognition to know who it belongs to. My guess is Moiraine, due to context clues.

0:22: Moiraine stands up as the sun potentially is rising behind her.

0:22b: A foot drags through dust. That's all I got. Maybe Rand going through the columns? I'm also bad at legs and feet.

0:23: Nynaeve, back in the Tower in her Accepted clothes? Again, it seems so reckless to go back to the Tower considering that the Amyrlin tried to kidnap Rand. But I guess the Wondergirls are known for doing incredibly reckless things so... that's in character.

0:23b: okay, here it looks like maybe Egwene and Rand are in the Waste together? Her outfit seems odd for the Waste though. They are lying together on a circular rug but not touching at all. Egwene is looking over at Rand. He looks like he might be in pain? Could be a modified version of one of her Accepted Tests or she could really be in the Waste or they could be in TAR. At the very end of the clip, Rand looks over to meet Egwene's gaze.

0:23c: Moiraine is flailing around upside down. Maybe channeling?

0:24: Lan and Rand training together.

0:28: two people walking in the desert. they are becloaked and so I cannot tell who they are.

"In every future where I lived..."

0:29: Rand and Moiraine speaking to the Wise Ones in the Waste, I bet. Rand is down to his shirtsleeves. He is looking over at Moiraine and then she looks back at him at the end of the clip.

0:29b: it's the tree! The big one in Rhuidean that I will surely spell wrong if I try it here. I think we see the tips of the glass columns around it.

0:31: yeah, I think the foot drag from earlier was Rand in the columns because the lighting seems similar in this shot of Rand in what are probably the columns.

"...Rand dies."

0:34: dramatic shot of Rand dying. There's a bloody sword next to him and he's being cradled by a woman who is screaming but things are moving too fast for be to certain who. Blurry face.

0:34b: Aviendha walking in the Waste?

0:36: Lanfear macking on Rand's neck.

"And the only way he lives..."

0:37: Rand nuzzles Lanfear back.

0:37b: completely different setting and outfit, Lanfear is annoyed at someone. I think this is TAR because it's the kind of outfit we've seen her wearing in TAR.

0:38: Lanfear strangles Moiraine in a bed.

0:39: Lanfear strangles Moiraine in the desert.

0:40: Lanfear kills Moiraine on a city street (there is blood)

"...is if I don't."

0:42: Moiraine is telling this all to Lan, the two of them appear to be alone.

0:43: Alanna, Ihvon, and Maksim, prepping for battle. They are in a city of some kind. Maybe Tar Valon. She channels and rips up some massive amounts of pavement, damn girl.

0:44: this looks like Rand having another power explosion, maybe in his room at night.

0:45: Rand is in the Waste -- maybe this is him about to go off to Rhuidean? There's a bunch of people up the stairs behind him, like this is a spectator sport. I think that might be Moiraine near him? Maybe?

0:46: Lanfear, I think in TAR again.

0:46: A wider shot of Rand with the steps and the people who are standing up there, with I think maybe Moiraine standing with him on the platform.

0:47: Warder training in the Tower? Apparently this is the actor tipped as Galad? There are Accepted/Novices/Sisters standing behind and admiring, as they were wont to do with Galad.

0:47b: Lan twirls his sword.

0:48: Blacksmithing is going on.

0:49: A woman who is at the blacksmith's. I thought it was Min maybe but the hair seems way too long.

0:49b: Mat, who is in a very dark place. But hey, new clothes! But also I think he might have blood on his neck.

0:50: Moghedien is talking to Liandrin. Moggy has gotten out of Ishmael's spare shirt and is in a more tightly-fitting black outfit now.

0:51: Moiraine and Siuan kiss in a building that has sides that let in a lot of light.

0:51b: someone kisses Perrin? Is this a Faile sighting? Is that the woman from the blacksmith's in the earlier shot?

0:52: woman with long reddish-blonde hair wearing a dark red shirt and a very dark black hat of some kind? when I first saw her, she reminded me of Elayne but I don't think it's Elayne

0:52b: Egwene. I think she's in TAR, because of the blurry way it's being shot.

0:52c: Rand screams in the glass columns.

0:53: I'm pretty sure this is Janduin finding Shaiel/Tigraine's dead body (and their baby missing). :-( I'm guessing Rand sees it in the glass columns and that's why he's screaming in the earlier shot - they seem like they're in the same position.

0:53b: Liandrin fighting on city streets. Bloody face. It looks like she's fighting Alanna.

0:54: Perrin all dressed up in armor, with flames behind him. Battle of Two Rivers, I'm guessing.

0:55: Alanna is screaming in grief. :-(

0:55b: We are in the Ways, and it looks like Lanfear is leading a shadow!crew of all of our mains, hunting down someone who is crawling on the floor away from them bleeding.

0:58: Rand carrying Moiraine. Maybe unconscious. Maybe.

"You cannot afford to fail again."

[pavlovianfuckery]

it was meant to be a joke but it spiralled

A/N: Re-uploading all my fics after having a slight mental breakdown and deleting everything so this is kind of old, but bone apple tea and all that anyway

AO3

The Master-masterlist

Fandom Masterlist

Summary: Literally just Dream being eaten out, fingered and pegged, that's all there is. I'm welcome and you're sorry

Pairing: Dream/F!Reader

Notes: Pegging, rimming, fingering, no use of y/n

Length: 2900~ words

You rarely see each other in the waking world, and at first, you worry that something might be amiss to warrant him leaving the Dreaming. The restlessness coming off of him in waves doesn't help. Even as he kisses you he seems different from usual, holding on to you like he can't get close enough. 

"What's the matter? Is something wrong?"

His answer is muffled against your skin as he nuzzles your neck, still seeking contact.

"Would you have me?"

"What does that even mean?" You frown, confused, "You don't need to ask every time you want to have sex."

"You misunderstand," he sighs, unwilling to elaborate further.

"Then what do you mean? I'm not a mind reader, you know."

You've never seen him act anything even approaching coy before, but you suppose there's a first time for everything. It's only a second or two, but he still chooses his next words carefully, not meeting your gaze fully as he speaks.

"I want you to possess me, as I have possessed you. I am yours to do with what you will." His expression is more open than you ever recall seeing, vulnerable and wanting. You're not entirely sure how to respond to that, and your hesitance is enough to pull a single word from him, dragging it out of him like a fishhook stuck in his throat; "Please."

The way he says it makes your heart flutter and you sit down on the bed, maybe a bit more heavily than you intended.

"Don't get me wrong, I'd love to!" You assure him, trying to keep your voice steady."But why? What brought this on?"

"Do I need a reason for wanting to give myself to you?" He takes your hand in his and gives it a soft squeeze. "You are my lover, is that not reason enough?"

"That's...fair, I suppose."

He presses his lips to yours, the kiss almost chaste. It soon deepens as he leans into you, unashamedly hungry. Not content with kissing he takes you by surprise by simply climbing onto your lap, straddling your thighs, burgeoning erection obvious as he presses close, almost desperate for contact. The weight of him isn't unpleasant, but he can't exactly stay like that, so when he eventually comes up for air you poke him gently in the ribs to make him move.

"Go on then," It's hard to keep your voice serious because he's just adorable like this, but you try anyway. "Strip for me."

You don't need to tell him twice. The way he undresses is unhurried but to the point, with no teasing or tricks, his gaze fixed on you the entire time. Everything from how he shrugs off his coat to the way he shimmies out of his tight jeans makes him almost seem human. When the last garment hits the floor he wastes no time, ending up back in your lap again. Even more insistent now, he barely gives you time to breathe as he captures your lips with his again, demanding. Struggling to stay still he grinds himself against you, leaving a wet spot on your tank top. Being responsive in bed is nothing new for him, but this is something different, and you intend to enjoy it as much as you can while it lasts.

Gathering his hair in one hand you give it a soft pull, making him gasp and bare his throat, and you can't resist licking one long stripe all the way up his neck, nipping at his jaw.

"You're so beautiful," you sigh, placing a line of kisses from his collarbone back up to his ear, loving the way his breath catches as you bite his earlobe gently. "Have you done this before?"

"I do not see how that matters," he replies, dodging the question.

You try to be patient, but he's not making it easy.

"It matters because I don't want to hurt you."

"What makes you think you could harm me even if you tried?" He scoffs and presses a small kiss at the corner of your mouth, "I'll be quite all right, I assure you."

"But that doesn't mean you'd enjoy it, and I want you to feel good," you retort, resting your hands on his waist, thumbs trailing his hipbones softly. "Let me do this properly, or not at all."

Giving in with a small smirk, it's clear that he's only humoring you.

"Very well," he breathes the words against your lips, voice low. "Show me this "proper" way, then."

Feeling mischievous you simply lay back and drag him down with you, making him let out a startled little huff. He doesn't fight you though, even when you roll over until you're the one straddling him instead, his length rubbing against your still clothed folds. As you pull your tank top over your head, his inhuman eyes follow every move hungrily, glinting in the dim light. Dismounting for a moment you rifle through the bedside table until you find what you're looking for.The harness itself is fairly non-descript, the black leather plain but functional. The dildo itself is less so. It's a smooth, surprisingly non-phallic thing, average in size but with a graceful curve to it and a slightly wider head, fashioned from a brilliant blue silicone with a pearlescent sheen. Retrieving a bottle of lube as well, you place all three items on top of the bedside table, a show of intent. It doesn't seem to phase him though, his eyes soon back on you again as you pull your panties down and get back on the bed, where he grabs greedily at you. His breath catches as you drag your nails lightly down his abdomen, the skin reddening prettily.

"Turn over for me?"

There are a few seconds where you think he might refuse before he rolls over onto his stomach. He really is gorgeous, all whipcord muscle and sharp angles, not a mark or blemish anywhere. Mapping every inch of him with your hands is too hard to resist, and when you trail your teeth and tongue over every notch and dip in his spine, it leaves goosebumps in your wake. Excitement is buzzing in your bones, but it's a bad idea to rush these things. Testing the waters you plant a quick kiss on one soft buttcheek, and when that seems to go over well enough, another, more open-mouthed one. It's only a small shivery intake of breath and you might well have missed it, but it might be one of the most delicious sound you've heard him make, especially considering what he's going to let you do.

Palming his cheeks you knead them gently, dotting another kiss here and there. If his slightly uneven breathing is anything to go by, he seems to be enjoying it so far. Kissing your way up his body, you rest your head on his shoulder.

"Will you get on your hands and knees for me, love?"

That goes over decidedly less well.

"I will not," he bristles, an almost offended look on his face.

"Well, if we're going to do this, you're gonna have to trust me a little bit. I told you I want you to enjoy it, so I'll need to warm you up. Or have you changed your mind?"

"No."

"What's the problem, then?"

"I find the position...undignified."

Lord have mercy. You take a deep breath, trying to be patient.

"If that's the only issue, let's just do it differently? Because I'm not going to fuck you without preparing you first."

"No need to be so crude." He doesn't roll his eyes, but he might as well have. "This 'different way' of yours, then."

Laying down next to him, you tap your chest. "Come here. You've been on top of me before like this, so just...do it the other way around."

His face as realization dawns is truly a sight to see. It might not be a full-on blush, but it's something. There is a moment of hesitation, but in the end, he relents. In a way, he ends up on his hands and knees anyway, though he seems to have no problem with it this way around, funnily enough. Kneading his backside again you gently pull his cheeks apart.

"This okay?"

"...Yes."

Good enough. Keeping your tongue soft and pliant, you give his asshole a few tentative licks, pausing to see how he will react.

"You wicked creature," he gasps, not quite managing to keep his voice steady anymore, "Continue."

That's all the permission you need. Alternating between soft licks and gently running the tip of your tongue around his rim, it doesn't take very long before you can feel him relax, opening up to you. The rest of him is doing the opposite though, tense and almost shivering from the intimate touch. His breathing is loud in the small room as you slip the tip of your tongue slightly inside of him, making his thighs tremble. No longer needing to be quite so dainty about it, you redouble your efforts until he grabs onto your hips for support. As you slide your tongue in as far as it will go, the small sound he makes can only be described as a whimper, and you wish you could see his face right now. It's an almost dizzying sense of power, having the King Of Dreams on your tongue, letting you pick him apart like this. 

Once he's as relaxed as you can get him like this you give his asshole one last sloppy kiss before stroking your hands down his sides soothingly.

"You still good?"

"Yes." This time his answer comes out a bit choked, composure crumbling.

"Good. Need you to move for this next bit though."

Reluctantly he gets off of you, and you file the information away for later; the mighty Ruler of the Nightmare Realms enjoys getting his ass kissed, in every sense.

As he lays down next to you there is a hint of a flush to his usually pale face.  When you reach for the bottle of lube, completely ignoring the rest of the equipment, his frustration is tangible.

"You try my patience," he murmurs, nipping at your shoulder lightly. "Further preparation will be wholly unnecessary."

"Bear with me a bit longer, will you?"

He gives you another small smile before pressing his plush lips to yours.

"I suppose I can indulge you for now, if it pleases you."

"It does." Slicking your fingers up you run your eyes over him, taking him in. He really is too pretty for his own good, all disheveled like this. "Spread your legs for me."

He actually does it without complaint, watching on propped elbows as you kneel between his bent legs. There is barely any resistance as you slowly sink a digit into him, and you can feel the faint thrum of his heartbeat around your finger. Working it in and out a few times, you brush the pad of your finger tentatively over his prostate. You weren't sure if he'd even have one since he isn't exactly human, but repeating the motion makes his breathing go ragged, cock heavy and leaking.

"You like that?" Not waiting for an answer you do it again, making his eyes flutter shut as he nods unsteadily, jaw going just a bit slack.

Pulling out, you add a bit more lube, wanting to be thorough. Two fingers are a bit tougher, but not much. There is a definite blush on his face now, spreading down towards his chest. Increasing the pressure just a tiny bit has him gripping the sheets, knuckles nearly white.

"You're so damn lovely like this, you know that? You're fucking gorgeous, Dream."

You half expect some remark about your choice of words again, but the objection never comes. Briefly considering adding a third finger, you decide against it, since you plan to keep this gentle. Enjoying how responsive he is, you work him over a few minutes more until he's almost putty in your hands. Finally satisfied, you tap his knee to get his attention.

"Still with me?"

Meeting your eyes, his gaze has a glazed-over quality to it.

"Are you quite done teasing me?"

That's answer enough, you suppose, withdrawing from him for now.

"You still want me to fuck you?"

"Yes."

Reaching for the harness you assemble it quickly, slipping it on before settling back between his legs again. Leaning forward you pepper his chest with kisses, working your way up to his neck, unable to resist the urge to leave a lovebite there.

"Can I take you like this?"

"If it means that you will get on with it, yes." The words themselves might be teasing, but his voice is soft as he presses close, your faux cock rubbing up against his real one.

"Alright." You sit back again, adding another healthy dollop of lube, this time to the dildo itself. "I need you to put your legs up for me for a bit."

He complies easily enough, without any commentary even. Holding onto one of his legs for a bit of support you line yourself up, resting the smooth head against his entrance. It's very tempting to make him ask for it one last time, but you manage to refrain, instead slowly pressing into him. The way his eyes gleam as he watches you sheath yourself in him is making it very difficult to keep it slow, but you try nonetheless.

A few shallow thrusts has him groaning, precum dribbling from his cock as you fuck into him. Patience wearing thin he wraps his legs around your waist, grabbing at any part of you that he can reach. Not letting him pull you down straight away, you take a moment to drink him in, committing to memory the way his eyes go half-lidded as you slide into him.

He's still trying to rush you, though. Outright stealing a page from his own book you put your free hand against his sternum, gently holding him down the way he's done to you countless times. You half expect him to start fighting you in some way, but he doesn't. In fact, he leans into it, eyes going dark. Feeling bold, you move your hand up to his neck, squeezing ever so slightly.

"You need not treat me like some fragile thing," he rasps, and the way his adam's apple bobs under your grip as he speaks nearly drives you mad.

The way he words it makes it sound almost like a challenge. You won't take him up on it however, not this time. But you don't need to handle him with kid gloves either. Picking up the pace somewhat, it doesn't take very long to find an angle that makes him outright moan, gripping your hips.

"Is that good?" You can't help teasing him, just a little, but it takes every drop of self-control not to point out that he doesn't exactly look very dignified while getting fucked, since that seems to be a bit of a sore point. He really does look delicious like this though, eyes shining as he looks up at you through dark lashes.

"Yes." The word is a drawn out wavering thing, unsteady as it falls from his mouth. 

Curious to see what other noises he might make, you do your best to keep going, your own pleasure entirely forgotten, every shred of attention on him. Even at a fairly leisurely pace, it's quite a workout though, and you don't know how much longer you'll be able to keep it up. Eventually, it feels like every muscle in your body is burning, and even though you don't want it to end yet, you're only human.

"Can you come like this, you think? Or I can touch you, if you want."

He looks on the verge of falling apart, unable to stay still, his grip on you nearing bruising. Overstimulated to the point of tears he doesn't speak, just fumbles for your free hand, placing it on his neglected cock. It doesn't take much to bring him off, just a few gentle tugs. 

His moans have an almost strangled sound to them as he spills all over himself, coating your hand as he strains against you, hips bucking. Your aim had been to wring every possible drop out of him, and it seems like you might not have been far off. Flushed and out of breath he looks so completely and utterly debauched, hair wild and skin in a thin sheen of sweat, covered in come, some running down and gathering in the hollow of his collarbone.

As you slip from him as carefully as you can he pulls you down, and you don't fight him this time, uncaring of the mess as he clings to you. It feels like every fiber of your body is on fire but you can't help feeling a bit proud, all the same. Settling into his embrace you stroke his hair for a few minutes, content just to be close. Tightening his arms around you, he sighs deeply.

"I believe I...might have needed this," he admits, unprompted.

"In that case, haven't you forgotten something?" You ask, fingers tracing his jawline.

"...Thank you." He's clearly humoring you again, but that hardly matters at this point. "Do you wish for my mouth, or perhaps my fingers?"

You start assuring him that it's not really necessary, but he interrupts you.

"What kind of lover would I be if I denied you your release after being brought to my own?"

What kind of lover indeed.

⁂

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Fandom Masterlist

If you liked this spicy snack even a little, please consider supporting your local smut-slinger and hitting the reblog button on the way out, perhaps even drop a comment if you're feeling generous, it really helps with the motivation side of things a lot!

[solarianradiance]

John: hey karkat! John: watcha up to?

Karkat: FIRST OF ALL. Karkat: IF YOU ARE GOING TO INVADE ANOTHER. ENTITIES ABODE THAT IS HIS HIVE. Karkat: I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO AT LEAST HAVE THE COURTESY OF KNOCKING ON HIS RESPITE BLOCKS DOOR. Karkat: LEST HE RIGHTFULLY BLOW YOUR INCONSIDERATE AND EMPTY FUCKING SKULL CLEAN OFF YOUR CLEARLY INEFFECTIVE SHOULDER OUT OF BEING STARTLED BY YOUR SUDDEN APPEARANCE.

Karkat: DO YOU PEOPLE JUST NOT UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF PRIVATE PERSONAL SPACE AND WHY IT'S RUDE TO JUST COME AND GO ONTO OTHER PEOPLES PROPERTY WITHOUT PERMISSION LIKE THAT? Karkat: ITS GOD DAMN BARBARIC YOU UNMANNERED JACKASS!!!

Karkat: BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WILL ASK IT AGAIN. Karkat: IM DRAWING MY HUMANSONAS.

John: your human...sonas? John: you're being a furry, but with humans?

Karkat: I AM GOING TO PRETEND I DIDNT JUST HEAR THAT AND SAVE US BOTH THE RAGE INDUCED VIOLENCE YOU ARENT WORTH THE EFFORT OF. Karkat: INSTEAD I SHALL GIVE YOU THE BREAKDOWN OF WHY I AM DOING THIS. Karkat: IT IS NOT A FURRY THING. Karkat: IT IS A THERAPY THING.

Karkat: SEE I PROMISED KANAYA ON HER WRIGGLING DAY I WOULD TRY AND MANAGE MY ANGER BETTER. Karkat: WHICH MEANT SEEING A THERAPIST. Karkat: SO BASICALLY WASTE MY TIME HASHING IT OUT WITH A DUMB BLONDE LAVENDER BIMBO THAT SHES MARRIED TO FOR A COUPLE HOURS OF HOURS EVERY WEEK. Karkat: WE WERE NOT GETTING ANYWHERE FOR THE FIRST FEW NIGHTS. Karkat: WHICH I KNEW WOULD HAPPEN BECAUSE ITS FUCKING STUPID AND SHE KNEW IT. Karkat: THEN SHE SUGGESTED THAT I USE AN AVATAR OF MY OWN MAKING TO ROLEPLAY IT OUT AS ANOTHER PERSON. Karkat: WHICH, YKNOW, IM GOOD AT. SO I VERY CALMLY SAID Karkat:"Fuck it, why not?" Karkat: SO I STARTED DRAWING THEM AS SOON AS I GOT UNSTUCK FROM THEIR HOME, JUST SO I COULD WALK THROUGH THE MIND OF A HUMAN THAT SWAPPED HIVES WITH ME.

John: that sound like something rose would suggest. John: glad you're at least trying to hold to your promise, don't see a whole lotta that these days.

John: but now i gotta ask. John: why are you drawing two of em?

Karkat: WHAT PART OF "You are being rude." DO YOU NOT COMPREHEND? Karkat: DONT JUST LOOK AT THINGS THAT ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

John: you said humansona's John: as in plural. John: you're not exactly hiding anything anyways. John: it's right there for all the world to see. John: no need to be krabby about it.

Karkat: I AM NOT BEING KRABBY! Karkat: I AM BEING PATIENT TOWARDS YOUR ASININE BEHAVIOR! Karkat: BECAUSE Karkat: I AM LITERALLY INSIDE MY OWN PRIVATE FUCKING BEDROOM YOU GASLIGHTING PIECE OF SHIT! Karkat: THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF ME BEING IN HERE TO BEGIN WITH! Karkat: TO KEEP MY AFFAIRS PRIVATE! Karkat: WHICH YOU AND EVERY OTHER GOD DAMN SNOOT SERPENT BEHEMOTH OF THE SAVANNAH SEEM HELLBENT ON MAKING PUBLIC! Karkat: YOU UTTERLY INVASIVE AND ABOUT TO BE ASSBUSTED GHOST!

John: ...

John: well. John: exscuuuuse me for taking an interest in my obviously isolated friend.

Karkat: ...

Karkat: YOUVE BEEN HANGING AROUND TEREZI VRISKA AND MEENAH TOO MUCH LATELY. Karkat: TO HELL WITH IT. Karkat: HERE. Karkat: I WAS ABOUT FINISHED DRAW THEM ANYWAYS. Karkat: GAZE UPON MY THE WORKS OF MY IMAGINATION AS TO WHAT I WOULD BE LIKE IF I WAS HUMAN!

John: holy crap karkat! John: these are really good! John: i didn't know you were such a capable artist! John: i'm actually impressed.

Karkat: WELL. Karkat: THATS THE FUNNY THING. Karkat: YOU THINK YOU KNOW A PERS-

John: you said these were your humansonas? John: for therapy? John: why do you have 2? John: and why is one of them a girl?

Karkat: WHAT? Karkat: IS THAT NOT ALLOWED? Karkat: I CAN EXPLORE MY FEMININE SIDE IF I WANT.

Kanaya: In Case You Are Wondering Kanaya: I Too Made A Humansona

John: AAA!!!!!!

Kanaya: BLEEEH!!!!!!

John: KANAYA! John: how long have you been in here with us?!

Kanaya: The Whole Time! Kanaya: Did You Not Know I Was In Here?

John: NO!

Karkat: SEE?! Karkat: THIS RIGHT HERE. Karkat: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. Karkat: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU KNOCK AND ASK BEFORE ENTERING ANOTHER PERSONS RESPITE BLOCK. Karkat: CUZ ITS AS RUDE AS IT IS DANGEROUS. Karkat: YOURE LUCKY IT WAS KANAYA AND I AND NOT SOMEONE LIKE EQUIUS. Karkat: WHO WOULD REFLEXIVELY PUNCH YOU INTO GORE UPON BEING STARTLED. Karkat: SO SAY IT WITH ME. Karkat: WHEN YOU ENTER ANOTHER PERSONS ABODE... Karkat: FUCKING KNOCK FIRST.

[kraro-school-life]

✦ 2. 1. 25 ✦📓✦ Thursday ✦ 19 days to exams ✦

It´s not looking good. I should have known that the good feeling wouldn´t last long, but now I like actually feel anxious about my exams. And what do I do when I feel lost? I plan. And plan. And journal. - Because I really need to figure out what the right thing to do is here.

Below is a lenghty breakdown of everything for my exams:

Yeah I´m gonna just ramble and hope something good comes out of it. Why I gotta post this on the internet? Good question, idk (I don´t have my 'serious stuff' journal with me and I don´t like mixing my journals up)

No escaping this anymore you little prick (me):

I deleted Instagram and Youtube. I noticed that I (when I felt defeated) escaped to yt a lot, and that wasted me a lot of time. In the moment it feels nessecary, like I will literally break down if I don´t take a break, and it was an easy quick escape. I´ve come to the realisation that I literally don´t have time for that anymore. I will try to maybe do a round on the block outside for 10 minutes and come back. Sounds and is stupid, but it helped today. Worth trying.

Physics:

I did the first physics mock exam and bro tears came to my eyes at the end. It was really difficult but not in the normal way? There was only one question I really had no clue about but the rest were just little things that didn´t work out so I got stuck. I wasted half an hour trying to solve a question because I just forgot that the electric charge of a proton IS OF COURSE JUST A SIMPLE +e. I needed double the expected time to try and even find a point where I could start some of the questions… Anyway. Let´s try to identify my problems (there is a lot);

I don´t fully know the derivations by heart and I should (to not lose time trying to remember)

I have to know what they mean IN DETAIL

I lack knowledge about things; like I know how they function, but I have to think about why that is - but I have to be able to aptly explain things, fast

How do I think is the best way to study for that?

TRULY learn the formulas and derivations by heart - Anki flashcards EVERY DAY

Go through every topic AGAIN, and do additional research. Take notes while doing so. Basically make another summary, but with all the explanations you need.

Try doing 1-2 more practice exams

Note: It is hard. It´s really tempting to just skip things praying they won´t be on the exam but do I really want to risk it? No, I don´t. The problem lies in the details, so that is what I need to have down.

Math:

I procrastinate math the hardest. I hate it. Because I trick myself into thinking that I know how to do it. BUT THAT´S NOT THE POINT. I KNOW how to do it, the problem is I need to know it FAST. The teacher even said that there is no time to think about what you have to do. You need to read the question ONCE and know what to do. And the way to do that is practice. I haven´t been practicing. I feel so bad, like I totally thought I was gonna do it, but I let myself down and... I just feel terrible. I hate myself at the moment. Okay, off track; what I want to do:

Know what and how to do by heart (for things I know will be asked) - Anki flashcards (still need to make them), review every day

Do Aussagen über Ableitungsfunktionen durch Skizzen, because I got everything wrong last time.

Practice to prepare for unusual things. Every day. I desperately need to get some math practice. I am begging myself to practice. (I may do a list to help w/ that)

Note: I am losing my mind

Economics:

Maybe the easiest of them all? But takes the most time. I tried thinking about alternative study methods that may take less time, but it really is the best option.

Do that huge fucking summary but write it down by hand. And After you did a page memorise it. And write in full. I basically mimic what I´ll do on the exam. And that is yap as much as possible, but on topic ofc.

Have real life examples for stuff, it helps out a lot

Look on old exams if there are any questions you would struggle with and fill the gaps

Check if you really have everything...

And now to the subjects I don´t worry (that much) about:

German:

review the books again, memorise the authors and years, not much to add here

Polish:

REVIEW the books (all the books TT) again, like watch 5 different summaries and drill the details in your head because holy shit (no explention)

review the theory again and memorise- I´m NOT repeating last year

Art:

I am so grateful for art <3333 the only subject I actually enjoy doing and I know for a fact I´m gettig a good grade in :) Too bad it takes so much time away from my week before all the other exams (because we have to have the plan ready by then), only for the actual exam to be the last one 2 weeks later :/

Oh yeah maybe think about the mediums you should use

Timewise:

for the love of god I need to wake up earlier. I feel like I need so much more sleep than everyone else but I think opting for 8 instead of 11 would be good (especially on the weekends).

I unfortunately will have to study all big 3 (Phy, math, eco) simultaneously to be done in time, so no time to lose here (I mean I already deleted yt, so)

timeplan for weekdays

I feel better now:

I think this helped soothe my worries a bit. At the end of the day I know that I will somehow pull this off, even if I don´t get the perfect grade it´s not the end of the world. And I am lucky that I don´t have to worry about failing anything. I also want to still take time for one more thing: journalling and going outside. I have a feeling that I will need it more than ever during the next month.

Wow. It´s great that I have this outlet, really.

I hope that I will walk out of the exam hall and all 6 times be at least a little satisfied. I hope to make myself proud.

~ ♦️

[skekthesilly]

im playing demo 3 right NEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is gonna be so peaksauce

me gaming under cut (spoilers for demo 3)

4:18 pm, dec 16: ghostwalker??? oooo.... that sounds epicsauce.............. haunted manor you say???? dont mind if i do

4:19: just noticed that my name in shedletsky's dialogue is the same color as when he mentioned some "they're". just an observation. is this important? i dunno. maybe???

4:23:

4:31: IS THAT AMONG US AND LOSS??????????

4:38: DR TRAYAURUS MENTIONED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:54: i love them <3

WAIT I LOVE THIS WAIT???????? WAIT??????? OMG??????

4:57: GREEN AND OURPLE????????????????

5:01: i heart noobador. epicsauce uncle

5:04: oh i did not process that green and purple were red n blues's parents or something like that. "talk about abuse!" oh. oh. you. dont do this to my poor heart

5:10: my siblings told me i can get a special card from cruel king if i kill him a bunch. i feed so bad for him bro hes having a mental breakdown the more i kill him. EVERYONE IN BLACKROCK IS FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEYRE OKAY!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEYRE OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5:15: "you dont have to go through this alone" cruel king do you understand how much i platonically love you right now. tgat sentence struck me with the force of a military fighter jet. oh my god

5:27: currently beating up bubonic plant !!!!

4:12 pm, dec 21: been a bit. played for a bit and got to the manor before remembering i was supposed to post my progress here. anyways, recap of my reactions from last playthru to now:

apparently bubonic plant doesnt drop a call card. shame. i fought them like 30 times i counted

went to go traverse the cemetery!!! also all the old opponents from ch 1 are here but zombies now. is that because of me??? aw man

shoutout to the pumpkins

theres food EVERYWHERE. i guess the zombies need to eat too

found a bunch of bux on the way to the manor and felt really good about myself

butler. why are you green. are you a zombie too

omg its the girl!!!!!!!! the woman from turtle police!!!!! or whatever the place was called!!!! also zamn is her sister okay????

ummm appaerntly im not ok??? theres voices in my head???? because of the swords???? okay. casually foreshadowing. okay. fun fun

WHAT THE FUCK THERES RED TEXT NOW???? WHAT DO YOU MEAN "GET IT" "YOURE WASTING YOUR TIME" IS THIS THE "HATRED" MY SIBLINGS WERE TALKING ABOUT??? OK. LISTEN UP BUDDY. I LOVE ALL THE CHARACTERS IN THIS GODDAMN GAME DEARLY AND I WISH TO INTERACT WITH EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. FUCK YOU

LIKE I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST A HAHA FUNNY... I THOUGHT THE KIDS WERE TELLING ME TO FIND THE TOILET PAPER WHAT THE FUCKKK?????? GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY

thats about it

4:22: is this foreshadowing

4:23: why can you jump off of the balcony. is this intentional??? is this an accident??? is there a secret?????

4:26: yo witch?????? you know shedletsky????? also i noticed telamon and shedletsky have the same color name. theyre probably the same guy. maybe. i dunno. shedlesky's last name is probably telamon or smth like that

4:29: awww terry n jerry.... duo..... thats so sweet....

4:31: what the FUCK is going on someone BETTER FUCKING TELL ME or i am going to TEAR THIS MANSION TO THE BROUND WITH MY TEETH what do you mean the only options are dont tell him and LIE. what the FUCK are you trying t o TELL ME HERE i feel like fucking KRIS DELTARUNE im gonna CRASH OUT

4:34: expanding on the entry above: "you live a life of lies you better start believing it" ok. so im a little silly in th e head. ok. fine. whatever. fuck you. im gonna crash out and the only life im gonna live is the one six feet under after i accidentally skewer myself on a wooden pole while bashing the manor into itty bitty bits. fuck you

4:38: what the fuck is happening to me dude. what does this fucking game want from me. what do you mean i look dead. what do you mean im hearing shit. what do you mean. what do you MEAN. i need ANSWERS and i need them NOW or i SWEAR TO ALL THE GODS ABOVE

7:28 PM, Dec 22: GUESS WHO FORGOT TO POST THEIR PROGRESS AGAIN

went into the basement. so there's just a whole ass forest and graveyard in here??? cool

ugghhghghgh i NEED TO GET BETTER AT DODGING

got into the haunted manor and IS EVERYONE DEAD??????????? FUUUUCK

thats it

7:29: there's a thing guarding the ghost walker and it scares you???? ha ha ha tf2 reference dies

7:34: i love you tutorial terry

7:43: i love all of these dead guys. they're so whimsical. this childish wonder at seeing a living breathing robloxian makes me want to hug every single one of them

7:46: oh i already know, buddy. believe me. i know its gonna be VERY hateful. my siblings couldnt help but tell me themselves. but thank you for your foreshadowing anyways

7:48: hey so like what the fuck

im so hyped. also 7 CHAPTERS???????? DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HAPPY THAT MAKES ME FEEL. ok lemme yap for a bit

ever since i saw deltarune and saw that it was planned to have 7 chapters, my mind has been HARD-WIRED to expect EXACTLY 7 chapters from any game that uses a chapter system. if i doesnt have 7 chapters i get so incredibly upset. poppy playtime? needs to have 7 chapters or else it'll be all wrong. garten of banban? fuck it. needs to have 7 chapters. havent checked on it for a while so it's probably got more than that now (fuck). indigo park? 7 chapters or i'm ending it all (joke). literally i need 7 chapters from everything or else i feel genuine panic that something bad is going to happen to me and i get this horrible feeling in my head and skin. its so weird like what the fuck

(edit fron 10:36, dec 24: skek those are literally the sword fight on the heights swords are you stupid. how did you not recognize that. buddy. pal. buddy.)

7:54: i love you kitchen wizard

7:56: GHOST OTION!!!!!! also i can't touch the ghostwalker? okay dokay. we might be fucked!!!! hip hip hooray!!!! my dumbass will ABSOLUTELY touch that goddamn sword

only those of pure sould can wield it? um . i have voices in my head. i don't think i qualify

oh so i just die if i touch it. sweet

omg kitchen wizard cares about me..... i love you kitchen wizard 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 i m sniffling and weeping all over your kitchen im so sorry its just. im. you. you. i. you. me. gas station. what are we getting for dinner? sushi of course! uh oh! th

8:00: tutorial terry you are so pure i believe you. you have a little brother and everything

8:01: oh my goodness i just moved the giant statues . i suddenly feel an urge to go "oh my goodness im so sorry i didnt mean to move the statues im sorry"

8:03: oh i see now. its a puzzle. nevermind

8:07: ohhh i dnt have a good feeling about this. there's a heal pad right next to me which means there's a boss/mini boss coming up

8:09: woah. masked man from the thumbnail of the new demo. coooool......

8:11: HYPERBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROUND POUND!!!!!!!!! LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2:59, dec 23: im actually so stupid. yknow the room with the moving spikes??? for a whole 5 mins i didnt realize i needed ghost potion

3:01: no dont you dare touch that sword. dont you dare dont ou dare DONT YOU DSRE DONT DO IT DONT oh thank f DONT DO IT FUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

oh hi builderman

3:02: come to terms with my negative traits? either i die or i succeed. win win situation buddy lets do this

3:03: so you're gonna be my therapist now? you better be good

3:06: WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS SO COOL?????????????

3:08: woaaahh. what the fuck. i need a whole game that looks like this dude. also . avarice? rice? i love rice

3:09: i think im madly in love with demo 3 actually

3:13: why are the yous yellow. like telamon. and shedletsky. foreshadowing?

3:17: i love this i love this i love this ARGHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS SO COOL???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRR SCREAMS CRIES

3:21: greed i think im madly in love with you get your ass over here so we can platonically make out OUGGGHHH IM AETHETICALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU RIGHT NOW. YOU LOOK SO COOL IM WEEPING AND CRYING I M BAJGKTHUGNERHVYEVHVGSNMIDJFMGCJIDIGJ SHITS CRIES LITERALLY JUMPS OFF OF A SPEEDING TRAIN

3:24: builderman whenever you say I it wiggles. what does this mean

oh we're gonna face isolation now? fun. my favorite

3:25: DUCKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3:29: F!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3:32: wow. that is a really really big duck

3:34: oh this is such a cool puzzle. oh this is so cool. how do they KEEP COMING UP WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3:36: ohhh buddy boy who do i miss??? well buddy boy this is real fun isnt it

the orange you (builderman) turned hatred red. fun fun!!!

3:38: FUCKING BREAKCORE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDDDDD??????????????????????????????????? YOOOOO

3:41: ouuuughhhh i heart isolation. wah................................ ough.......................... g...................... ourple guy here i come......................................

3:47: woag. flipped the swithc. the. switch. and now there's a buncha symbols in a language i dont knwo. coolsauce

3:49: death? death? in red? like hatred? death?

3:52: did i mention how cool this is

like. ohhhh my god. i love this so so so so so so so much. you cannot even comprehend. im going wild

3:54: wow. wowie wow. im loving the artstyle by the way did i mention that????? this is pretty epicsauce. just saying. fear maze!!!! woooo!!!!!

3:55: writing getting scribblier!!!! oooo!!!! love it when that happens. i just think it looks cool

3:56: KILL your fears? woah. dont use the kill word buddy. thats NOT pg

3:57: it? yeah no i figured that out already by now. builderman's the it. and considering IT is red, builderman's hatred. fun!! we get to fight mr roblox!!!!! hooray!!!!!!!! anyways i need to keep playing, fear!!!!!!!!!!!! lemme at it!!!!!!!!! lemme at you!!!!!!!!!!

i love yuo fear!!!!!!!!!!!!! heart emoji!!!!!!!!!!!

MORE BREAKCORE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY- GETS SHOT

3:59: GABBA DRUMS????????????? I COULD KISS YOU RIGHT NOW

i need to add this to my playlist. I NEED TO TAKE NOTES!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO PEAK???????????????? IM GONNA CRY IM ACTUALLY GONNA CRY THIS IS. AGHRAGHRGAHGR I LOVE THE MUSIC IM GONNA WEEP

4:01: WOAH THAT WAS A COOL EFFECT FOR CALL FOR HELP. SIMPLE BUT COOLSAUCE!!!!!!! the freakin music stopped and everything!!!!!!!!!

4:04: builderman i already knew you were gonna sic me buddy im ready for you pal

ohhhh this is so cool. they even changed the quest name too. leaning on the 4th wall perchance? i love you

4:05: fall into darkness!!!! yippee!!!!!!! hooray!!!!!!!

4:07: the world revolves? revolving? the world revolving? like deltarune? like jevil? the world revolving? jevil is that y

4:11: these goofy silly guys. their names look like bible verses

oh THIS IS SO COOL. HATRED GET OVER HERE SO WE CAN PLATONICALLY MAKE OUT

4:13: i also want to say i love the sound design as well. WELL DONE BLOCK TALES TEAM!!!!!!!! ILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /p

its so funny dude. there's such a well-done creepy atmosphere and stuff but as soon as i win a battle the little jingle plays and its like "good job!! you did it!! im so proud of you!!! hooray!!!"

4:15: "do us all a favor. curl into a ball and wither." i thought you would say kill yourself but im pretty sure that's what you meant bc that wouldnt be very kid friendly for roblox

4:17: fleshy hanging swingset from a tree. you sure this isnt just a metaphor for someone hanging themselves???? buddy????

aw :( i wanted to ride the swing :(

4:20: woah. that is a lot of people in the walls. im impressed. howd you get them in the walls?????

it can fix me??? giggles and twirls my hair.... tee hee... it can make me beautiful??? giggles... is it a girl, perchance????? giggles..... is it a girl??? could we be pookies??? could it really fix me??? giggles....

just like you? oh nevermind

4:24: unwrap the heart??? UNWRAP???? CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omg hatred looks so cooolll!!!!!!!!!!!! that animation was so smooth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dude howd block tales go from joy and whimsy to THIS vro. im not complaining in the slightest. wow

4:26: oh this music boutta be fire OH HERE COMES THE DROP

OPJIOHGIRNHIUIORWNHGYUHRWTIMORWIJIYORWL<IYOWRMITKY<

4:27: dude i need to get good. i need to get good really really fast or else im done for

4:42: ok so this fight is gonna take a little bit

4:49: im havin g so much fun guys

4:57: I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! solo on my 5th attempt!!! hooray!!! im a gamer!!! are you guys proud of me??? i am. i'm so proud of me. can we skip and sing merrily together. can we???? stares at you with my big wet unblinking eyes

5:00: i finished the game at exactly 5:00!!! wow wow wow. wow.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

oh my god

DUDE.......... DUDE......

first of all! LOVED the foreshadowing. that was some really good foreshadowing. very clever !!!!

second of all: this was a MAJOR step up in quality. i mean. WOW. like???? this is wild????? this is amazing???? howd they do that. i LOVE the artstyles and the storyline here and. ohhh dont even get me started on the bosses

ohh my god. i DID NOT expect the game to go into 2d. that is super cool. i need more stuff like that. wow. and the animations were so smooth????? im just. im flabbergasted. im dumbfounded.

the mood is so serious too. we go from "ahhaha wacky silly" to "you need to face yourself and come out clean. destroy your hatred and make yourself pure. you can do this" and im just. im. i

this was such a wild ride. god i love this game. i LOVE the fact that i can also see how much the devs love this game too, and it really really shows because holy shit. holy shit

it's come a very long way from when it first released..... im so proud of block tales....

oh and also the MUSIC??????????? THE MUSIC IS SO PEAK. UGHHHH IM CRYING shoutout to the musicians. oh my goodness. they are literally my idols now

but WOW that boss was hard. wow. hatred was not messing around!! i dies 5 times dude... i didnt even die on griefer's 2 phases once.... (we dont talk about how i died to cruel king)

its. its really really amazing. and there's like... i think 4 more planned chapters as well??? if the quality keeps going up like this then. well pluck my nose hairs and send me to alaska /ref we've got a new favorite game on our hands

uggghhh i need to talk about the artstyle. its so CRISPY n SMOOTH and it looks so good and they made the MOOD SO GOOD. atmosphere so good. so spooky. oh they KNEW what they were doing. i want to open up the dev's head and peek at what's inside because how are they all coming up with this

i love block tales. oh my god. shoutout to block tales for being epic. there's more stuff i wanna keep talking about but I CANT REMBER IT ALL 😭😭😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺

BONUS STUFF HAPPENING NOW!!!

5:23: oh they made the snowy cave from ch 1 scarier......... woagh...... shivers my timbers....

5:25: got another speed spin from the caves!!!! thats all i wanted to do really

5:33: oooh they made the pit spookier as well

5:34: just donated 20 roux to this game because i heart block tales and i want that club animation. also i have like no roux so thats all i could give

5:38: i didnt know i could equip multiple.... what happens now 😁😁😁😁😁 (fnnuy)

9:14, dec 24: okay dokay. gayming time

9:18: currently grinding for the explosion sound effect card

9:43: got bored. decided to try and reach pit floor 30 instead

10:00: hooray. pit floor 30

anyways thats it lmao

[pluckyredhead]

Why was Victor golden in the Titans series (the devin grayson one)

I figured you would know because you know alot about DC comics

This question makes me so happy because a) I get to rec one of my favorite comics of all time and b) the answer is unintentionally hilarious.

So basically, some years prior, Vic's body had been pretty much completely destroyed and his consciousness was absorbed into a hive mind of computer intelligences called the Technis. Then when the Technis was destroyed, Vic basically had a breakdown. In the absolutely excellent JLA/Titans: The Technis Imperative, he came back to Earth, took over the moon, kidnapped everyone who had ever been a Titan, and put them in little eggs underground where they would be safe and happy because they were his friends and he loved them. You know, like you do.

The Titans escaped from the eggs and were like "Buddy...no..." and eventually Gar yelled at Vic enough that he was like "Okay I will stop being a disembodied consciousness that has conquered the moon," but this didn't fix the problem of Vic having no body. Luckily, the Titans happened to have a suit of morphing alien armor lying around that could house Vic's consciousness!

The suit of armor? Was called the Omegadrome.

(This was years before omegaverse was a thing, and also the Omegadrome was created by a previous Titans writer and not Devin Grayson, but I like to think she's amused by it now.)

Anyway, Vic's consciousness was ported into the Omegadrome and now he looked like a beautiful gold man who was naked all the time. Gar wasted no time getting up on that:

The gold body is especially fun because Vic can also shapeshift. He didn't love it, though, because the complete lack of organic body parts made him feel extremely disconnected to his humanity no matter how many times Gar tearfully professed his love. I am not exaggerating about Gar's behavior even a little bit, I swear to god.)

(Dick later revealed that he had cloned Vic's body, an extremely normal thing to do (this is where Tim got it from!!!), and Vic was able to shift into his cloned body but keep his shapeshifting abilities. He later lost those abilities in Geoff Johns's Flash run and went back to being 1980s-style Cyborg, because Geoff Johns is the most boring thinker imaginable.)

Anyway, you should read JLA/Titans, it has every single character of 1998 in it and they are all having every single feeling. Seriously, this story is absolutely epic in scope, the character work is impeccable, and Phil Jimenez's art is, as always, exquisite. Whoever your blorbo is, if they were around in 1998, they are in this book, having emotions and looking beautiful. It is also the absolute pinnacle of Vic/Gar and the reason I consider "Hey rust-bucket! Let go of the frickin' moon already, will ya?" to be one of the most romantic lines in all of comics. PLEASE READ IT.

[lascapigliata]

.

wasted all my time in therapy talking about how bad i am at therapy then did my stupid yoga class and cried at the end bc like an idiot i was like trying to Connect To My Body, awful idea, remembered to take my stupid New meds because i fucked myself up by being so noncompliant, then managed to get a little work done, and just as i was thinking maybe i'll actually go to sleep early or something i saw another FUCKING BUG one of those house centipedes that i KNOW are pretty isolated i KNOW only feed on other bugs i KNOW won't hurt me and it doesn't matter at all bc i kill everything and so now it's dead but it was on the door to my laundry machine and then crawled to thE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR so i opened it and killed it but like idk why it never occurred to me that things could cross that door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have to do laundry tomorrow, how am i going to go in there????

i have always said that when i'm not otherwise depressed the phobia is the worst thing for my SI and here we go again. i don't see a way out of this. if one (1) incident with ants can send me into such a spiral that i'm literally acting like i did back in boston at my worst and forcing myself to stay awake and being too afraid to go in my room because i think there must be bugs there because i haven't been there in a few days like what was the point of any of this and what IS the point of any of this. NOT ONLY do i feel like there's no escape here but i also wasted a year and a half and tons of money and time and everything just to sink back into one of the more humiliating times of my life. i don't want to say i want to die but like i do i can't keep doing This and i don't want to do yet more exposure therapy i did SOmu ch and i worked SO hard even if it was all, apparently, a total waste

and i just have no idea how i'm going to sleep tonight, anywhere. here or in my bed. like i just want to procrastinate sleeping, which has been part of the problem this whole time, bc i'm scared of nightmares et al and if i just force myself to stay awake then i'll pass out at 5 and be really tired and hopefully jsut not dream, which is a decent method except it probably is exacerbating the anxiety and this is what i mean it's just a cycle

and this is something that i should be putting in my jounral anyway bc i keep saying to post this super personal stuff here less so i don't add the layer of needing validation to these breakdowns but something about the idea of writing this down feels even more humiliating somehow probably bc i WON'T get any validation except like, i know if i press post and like two (wonderful, i appreciate you) people like it it won't feel satisfying either bc the ONLy thing that will just feels like having this NOT HAPPEN IN THE FIRST PLACE and i don't know how to do that because I THOUGHT I ALREADY DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[atlasblue85]

hiiiii 🫶 very very intrigued about all of your wips!! but i am going to specifically ask about one way out 👀

hi!! 💜 so you've managed to pick the one wip that i am currently Least sure will ever see the light of day 😅 but i do have about 2k written so I'll share a bit about it and a snippet

the full title for this is "one way out and we're gonna find it" from La Madrugada by Ezra Furman. the way it came to be is in mid january my roommate and I finished watching the show all the way through for her first time, my third, and I was thinking a lot about Eddie/Bobby parallels, as one does.

almost immediately after finishing we started over again from S2, which early on has the arc with Athena and Bobby where she talks about feeling ashamed of going out on dates and being seen in public with him because of her upbringing and community and the shame around being a divorced woman, among other things.

which got me thinking about Eddie/Bobby parallels again but inverted, where Eddie is the one who has to overcome feelings of shame due to his Catholic upbringing in order to go out with Buck.

it's established relationship, but newly so, in which they are dating and sleeping together etc etc except Eddie keeps finding excuses to only do things at his house or the loft until he eventually has a breakdown and admits everything to Buck.

I think what makes this interesting to explore to me is that they are coming at it from such a different place than Bobby and Athena. For one thing those two are older and clearly from the full arc of s2 they are not interested in wasting time, so if the relationship isn't going to work Bobby especially wants to make a quick and clean cut and move on. whereas Buddie know this is it for them and Buck is willing to wait forever, which in Eddie's mind is somehow worse because Buck deserves better. so instead of Bobby getting frustrated with Athena and asking her to leave, you get Eddie angry at himself and believing Buck should leave him.

I also think within the context of the show, for Buddie canon, there has to be some conflict once they get together because a 100% perfect relationship doesn't make for good television, and I think this would be an interesting way to do it.

anyway enough rambling, here's a bit of what I have so far:

He just needed a little more time, is what he kept telling himself. A little more time to work through it and he’d be okay, wouldn’t feel like there’s a vice grip over his heart and lungs and the voices of his childhood priests in the back of his head at the thought of being seen in public with a man. There’s tears rolling silently down his cheeks now as Buck cradles him, and he finally manages to whisper, “How’d you do it? Go on a date with a guy, in public?” “Eddie?” Buck’s hands still from where they’ve been rubbing soothing patterns across Eddie’s back. “I don’t– I can’t–” Eddie tries, but he can’t make the words come, and he grips Buck’s shirt tighter instead. “Hey, shh,” Buck says, his hands resuming their tracing. “You wanna know about my first date with Tommy?” Eddie nods against his chest, and Buck laughs a little awkwardly. “Well, you were there."

[thirdmagic]

i have moved on to watching star trek TNG, with many warnings from people about how its a rough start. which i am ok with, like, i'm totally willing to sit through a rough start to get to the real good, it be like that sometimes and it seems like the show was struggling with a lot of things in its early production. (im not watching every episode and i am using a watch list but only bc 178 episodes is too much lol only sailor moon can get me to do that) and yeah some of the episodes i watched so far were indeed a very rough start despite also having interesting/good moments in between (and i just met data but i love him. data is cute). plus the show is so iconic and influential it feels like a waste not to give it a fair shake now that i'm into star trek already anyway.

mostly though its such a bizarre experience bc its like, basing itself in the aesthetics and world of TOS, but it feels like TOS is the eldest child struggling under the expectations and responsibilities, trying to be on its best behavior, being the perfect paragon child who pleases everyone while quietly going through a slow breakdown which culminates in just total burnout. and watching TNG feels like i'm watching its wild younger sibling going through an edgy phase trying to show off its maturity by proudly and loudly talking about sex and using swear words to shock all the adults around them. but their idea of being shockingly mature/graphic is still kinda tame because they're comparing themselves to their squeaky clean older sibling.

[somacruising]

TALES OF THE RAYS: ION’S 3RD SKIT (ENGLISH TRANSLATION)

This is a direct continuation to Sync’s Side.

Since Ion’s side was finally put up on the Rays Wiki, I can actually take a crack at it now.  Here is the Ion side of the skit released with the debut of his xMA \ Dual Mystic Arte with Sync. I got the screenshots from 八雲貴大 on YT.

    [ SYNC AND ION ARE LEAVING THAT MEETING ]

Ion: How do you think that went, Sync? What did you think of Ix’s gathering? * どうでしたか、シンク。イクスサロンの感想は。

Sync: It was a waste of time. The end result of thought experiments and harboring delusions is a mental breakdown, isn’t it? That’s what the Necromancer is for. 時間の無駄だね。妄想と思考実験のなれの果ては精神の崩壊ってやつなんじゃない？こういうのは死霊使いの得意分野でしょ。

Ion: Hehe… フフフ･･････。

Sync: What? 何？

Ion: Jade said something very similar to you. He said: “Don’t you think you should take a break from your bad thoughts and pay attention to where you’re going?” ジェイドも同じようなことを言っていましたよ。「下手の考え休むに似たり、もっと足下を見た方がいいのではありませんか」って。

Ion: Jade doesn’t have much interest in the humanities. ジェイドは人文科学には興味がないそうです。

Sync: How about that. Well, I’ve already thought about this plenty while I was falling into the Planet’s Core. どうだかね。考え尽くして一度深淵にでも落ちたから避けてるんじゃないの。

    [ LUKE AND LIBERA ENTER ]

Luke: —What the hell are you guys talking about? The meeting is over and you’re still talking about hard stuff. ――何だよ、お前ら。サロンが終わってもまだ難しい話をしてるのかよ。

Sync: You poor thing. You were made with a degraded brain, it’s natural you find this kind of talk difficult. 可哀想に。お前は脳みそが劣化して生まれたからこの程度の話を難しく感じるんだよ。

Libera: Sync, it’s not good to tell people they’re inferior! Anise said so. シンク！人に劣化なんて言ったらダメなんだよ。アニスが言ってた。

Sync: Shut up. We’re not people, anyway. We’re replicas. うるさいな。どうせ相手は人じゃなくてレプリカだ。

Libera: Replicas are people, too. Claire told me that we all share the same heart that thinks peach pie is delicious. Now, apologize to Luke. レプリカも人なの。クレアが言ってた。ピーチパイのことを美味しいと思う心は同じなんだよ。ほら、ルークに謝るの。

Sync: I told you to shut it. *sighs* Whatever, I’m sorry for telling the truth. うるさいな。あーあ、本当のことを言って悪かったね。

Libera: Sorry, Luke. Come on, Sync. As a reward, let’s get some sweets from Nevan. ごめんね、ルーク。さ、シンク。ご褒美にネヴァンからお菓子をもらおう。

    [ LIBERA BOUNCES TOWARDS SYNC ]

Sync: I already told you, quit yanking my arm! You’ll dislocate— だから、腕を引っ張るな！肩が―――

    [ SYNC IS DRAGGED OFF SCREEN ]

Luke: …That Sync, he’s the same as ever. ･･････シンクの奴、相変わらずだな。

Ion: I agree… Or, well, I do think that Sync might have changed a little. そうですね･･････。いえ、でも少し変わったかも知れません。

Luke: You think? そうか？

Ion: I think that Sync would have refused to even be in the same room as me back in our original world. 元の世界にいた頃のシンクなら、僕と同じ空間にいることすら拒絶したのではないかと思うんです。

Ion: But now, Sync seems to be starting to make compromises with himself. けれど今のシンクは、少しだけ譲歩してくれているように感じます。

Luke: I guess that’s because we have no reason to be hostile anymore. 今は敵対する必要がないから、とかかな。

Ion: Yes…that might be right. そう･･････なんでしょうか。

Ion: I don’t know exactly why he’s changed, but I’m glad. I feel like Sync is starting to find more meaning in being himself, rather than just being another one of our original’s replicas. 理由はわかりませんが、嬉しいです。シンクがシンク自身に、被験者イオンのレプリカであるということ以上の意味を見出し始めているような気がして。

Luke: I hope so. I feel like I’m starting to finally feel like I am who I am because of my friends—you and everyone else. そうだといいな。俺は仲間が―――イオンやみんながいてやっと、俺が俺であるって思えるようになったから。

Ion: Including me? But I haven’t… 僕も、ですか？僕は何も･･････。

Luke: What are you talking about? You’re super important. 何言ってんだよ。イオンはすげえ重要だぜ。

Luke: After all, no matter how many replicas there are of Ion, no matter how many Luke replicas were made, you and I are the only ones who met in the Cheagle Woods. だってイオンが何人いても、ルークのレプリカが何人いても、チーグルの森で出会ったのは俺とお前だけなんだから。

Ion: !!

Luke: That’s what makes you special. だからさ、特別なんだ。

Ion: You’re right. You and I are proof of each other’s unique existences. Thank you, Luke! はい。僕たちはお互い、唯一無二であることの証明者ですね。ありがとう、ルーク！

* NOTE: the actual term Ion uses is “Ix’s salon”, which confused me until I found out that a salon can also be an “informal gathering of artists at a notable figure’s house.”

[luckyagain]

You're 25 have some shame

i am 25 so at least my pre-frontal cortex is fully developed unlike yours :)

anyway i'm learning about anti-platelet and anti-coagulant drugs in school right now. and i'm gonna use your anon to brain dump everything i know so that some actual use can come from the three seconds of my life i wasted reading this. okay so from my understanding when there is an injury that causes bleeding the injured endothelial cells release endothelium which promotes vasoconstriction of the smooth muscle cells to prevent blood loss. they also secrete von willebrand factors which bind to the collagen that the endothelial cells reveal underneath them. the platelets are just zooming by in our blood but they stop and bind to the von willebrand factors via their gpIb receptor, this binding also leads to a localized effect. this causes platelet activation and degranulation of thrombin, serotonin, thromboxane A2, and ADP. the thrombin binds to the PAR-1 receptor on the surface of the cell and further promotes platelet activation. TXA2 promotes vasoconstriction and helps promote the activation of the GP2B3A receptor. ADP can bind to either the P2Y1 or P2Y12 receptors, when it binds to P2Y1 it causes an increases in intracellular calcium. when it binds to P2Y12 it leads to a breakdown of cAMP via phosphodiesterase which eventually can lead to the activation of the GP2B3A receptor on the surface of the cell. the fibrinogen is able to bind to the GP2B3A receptor and then be converted into fibrin in order to start the linkage and meshwork surrounding the platelets. and then you have the whole coagulation cascade going on that i don't feel like explaining right now. you have COX-1 inhibitors like aspirin which irreversibly inhibit, via acetylation, the COX-1 enzyme that produces TXA2 so those levels will decrease leading to less vasoconstriction and less activation of the GP2B3A receptor. aspirin has adverse SE like GI issues like ulcers because in inhibiting COX-1 it's preventing COX-1 from producing PGE2 which helps protecting the stomach lining from the stomach acid. aspirin "allergies" work similarly, you can have bronchospams because PGE2 promotes bronchodilation. another class of anti-platelets would be P2Y12 inhibitors. your first-line would be clopidogrel, however, there is some genetic variability in how patient's react to it because it is a pro-drug. other pro-drugs that are irreversible inhibitors are prasugrel and ticlopidine, the latter is specifically not a first-line because it has an adverse effect of causing neutropenia. a P2Y12 ihibitor that is not a pro-drug and is reversible is ticagrelor. all four of these drugs have a rare SE of TTP. You also have PDE inhibitors that prevent phosphodiesterase from breaking down cAMP which would prevent the expression of the GP2B3A receptor. those are cilostazol and dipyridamole, the latter of which is on the beer's list and should not be prescribed to the elderly because there is an increase fall risk associated with it due to it cause orthostatic hypotension. there's also GP2B3A inhibitors that are only administered IV in hospitals because they have short-term effects so that means they are reversible; they are also used when patients are allergic to P2Y12 inhibitors. lastly, you have par-1 inhibitors like vorapaxor that prevent thrombin from binding to the par-1 inhibitor which will decrease platelet activation. and that's all i got because i don't feel like talking about anti-coagulation drugs right now.

[inland--empire]

Well better get this ramble over with sorry if it sucks I am tired as fuck. Anyways this is my au where I assign all the main HLVRAI characters Will Wood songs and give them even more trauma. This will make no sense I can't explain it properly help.

Small guide:

Plot first

Character roles

Character descriptions

Tags for people to see this: @benreyplushie @catbitsysinteractsxd @breakcoreboxcat @pigeonwheel

Ok so like Gordon left the game, but all the characters were still there. The world hadn't shut off for some reason. They were all left stranded in a dead storyline. It was decided that they would simply....build a new Gordon. Of course, this new Gordon is not quite right, but no one knows how yet. They all try to move on.

We now zoom to the future. The Science Team all live in a sort of town together, but it's no longer going well. In the beginning everyone had gotten along well, but because they are trying to progress a story without a main character they are literally breaking their universe, and that is taking a toll on everyone. The characters are pretty much decaying as they try to continue their own story.

Gman is technically running the town, but due to the breakdown he has hidden himself away from everyone else to avoid the guilt of being the one to suggest this. He hadn't meant for everyone to decay, he hadn't known that insanity of this level was a side effect of forcing a storyline. He's slowly losing the ability to talk anyways. Because of his guilt it has gotten to the point where no one is allowed to visit his room but Tommy, and even then Gman can't stand it because of the guilt.

Coomer has stepped up as leader of the little community, and he seems fairly normal, barring the fact his flashes of self awareness are much more frequent and are slowly causing permanent damage to Coomer. He is nearing the point of no return, when he will won't be able to close his eyes to the truth anymore. Of course, how he acts when aware is unfortunately much more similar to the Coomer clones scene then any other time. He desperately wants to leave, and now he has the added bonus of not wanting to die of his mind being wrenched apart. Because of the struggle he has had trouble with interacting with the rest of the Science Team, and he's grown a bit more distanced.

Benrey is still upset he was the villian. He can't get over the fact that he died, that who he thought were his friends killed him. Even if he knew it was coming it still hurts. He's actually the least affected by the mass breakdown. Sometimes he will actually make it worse for people. (he was the first to be banned from seeing Gman after giving him a morality crisis) Benrey mostly just doesn't care anymore. Since the story is over he doesn't have to fit the role of a villian anymore but it's all he knows so he's going to lean into it. He does try to be nice, but it usually backfires.

Bubby literally doesn't care. He's let the breakdown fully consume him, and accepted the fact that this is how it will be. He's actually kind of enjoying it, as now his odd behavior isn't questioned. He also just leaned really heavily into the mad scientist trope. He's currently trying to build a rocket so he can finally see the stars like he's always wanted too.

Tommy is trying to help everyone. He knows this whole situation is hurting everyone, and he just wants them all to be happy. Everyone is glad to have his help, but most people are a little too eager to have someone who is willing to help them in any way possible. Tommy has become a caretaker for everyone, and it's beginning to take a mental toll on his because he can't fix anything and that makes every effort to help people just pointless because nothing will change.

Gordon knows that he is just a copy of someone else. He is keenly aware of this, actually, and Benrey never wastes an opportunity to remind him. He doesn't even know who he's based on because everyone explains Gordon differently so if he tried to be all of them he'd end up contradicting himself which he doesn't want. He's just suffering at this point.

Aight so like...they look different in the au and I leaned wayyyy into puppet imagery so slay. Also I just want to say the black liquid is a physical representation on mental decay. Mhm I am so cool and slay.

Gman

Song; Thermodynamic Lawyer esq G.F.D

Description: Gman looks a lot more like a ventriloquist dummy then anything. His face is too smooth, and his mouth goes up and down instead of opening. There is a large crack in his mouth that allows something dark and sticky to ooze out. His suit is no longer blue, it is the hot pink and black checked pattern of a glitch.

Coomer

Song: Suburbia Overture/Welcome to Mary Bell Township!/Vampire Culture/Love Me, Normally

Appearance: Coomer's eyes are now permantly lime green, and constantly spinning. He had strings, but they are quite obviously broken and drag on the ground. His eyes leak that same dark substance. When his personality shifts, his head cracks open and falls in half just slightly.

Benrey

Song: Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)

Description: Benrey looks the same, except instead of his uniform being blue it is golden and glowing. He also has a halo. Half of his skull is exposed, and he has bullet holes all over him seeping the dark substance. He still has strings, and they seem to be attached to something above him though what that something is no one knows.

Bubby

Song: 2econd 2ight 2eer (That Was Fun, Goodbye!)

Description: Bubby has gained a third eye, it's iris is cyan like his text colour. His arms up to his elbows are blacked and charred, but still usable. All the clothes he wears are torn or shredded but not in complete disrepair, it seems almost artistic. He will occasionally leave wet black hand prints on things.

Tommy

Song: Skeleton Appreciation Day in Vestal NY.

Description: Tommy is missing an eye, and while it's mostly covered up with his shirt he is missing the skin and muscles from his chest. The lost eye had been replace with a button. Parts of his skeleton are visible at times, but the spots seem to move around his body at random. The gaps in his flesh ooze the black liquid.

Gordon (Sunshine)

Song: Dr. Sunshine Is Dead

Description: He appears to be made of fabric, unlike everyone else who either has a wooden or plastic appearance. His right arm is mangled beyond repair. He wears something akin to an HEV suit, but it looks more like pajamas then armour. His right eye is yellow, and his left eye is blue. His hair cannot be taken down from the ponytail, like a doll's hair that has been glued there. He lacks the black ooze.

[electriccenturies]

Autistic Anthropology

(In defence of embracing a certain sort of neurodiversity)

How do you embrace a disability that causes you so much stress? I think the concept of “autistic pride” is hard to swallow for a lot of people, whether because they themselves suffer from their autism, or because someone they love is impacted in such a way that looks an awful lot like suffering. It’s hard for me to come to grips with, too. I have a lot (a LOT) of thoughts on this, and especially about the flattening of the autistic experience by (and for the benefit of) the least impacted among us. It’s hard to look at the mainstream autistic pride movement and come away thinking something other than, “I don’t know if this is helpful for all autistic people…” or “if I had a severely autistic child, I think I’d see these people as my child’s enemy too”. I say this to explain my position, and also so you don’t think I’m doing the same thing here, focusing on only my high-functioning peers while claiming to speak for all. I do not!

(If you are also interested in that other side of things, I recommend you read Freddie DeBoer’s excellent article “The Gentrification of Disability”.)

Personally, I am one of those people who wishes they weren’t autistic. At the same time, I’ve come to understand that there is, indeed, a logic and a sense of community within my experience as an autistic person. I’d like to examine this.

If you are autistic yourself, maybe there will be something helpful for you here in terms of losing any shame you hold in that. And, if you’re not autistic, maybe you can get some insight into a set of social norms that are different from – yet entirely within – your own.

First, a word on language: I don’t particularly care for the word “allistic”, mainly because so few people in the general public regularly encounter it often ends up taking longer than just saying the definition. However, for the sake of clarity here, where it will come up frequently, I am going to define it anyway, and use it in lieu of getting into an argument about what the word “neurotypical” means. So: “allistic”, a word which here means “not autistic”.

Now, on to the cultural relativism bit!

The first order of business is to shift your concept of “pride” and “self acceptance”. Rather than seeing those things as good, or even neutral, you can just see them as the opposite of shame. You do not have to enjoy being autistic to reap the benefits of autistic pride, because guess what — you’re stuck autistic whether you approve of that or not. I will appeal to the autistic sense of logic here: the best option is totally irrelevant; what really matters is the best available option. I would love a cure myself, but there isn’t one and never will be, so why waste my time wallowing in that? How will shame help anything? Maybe the best option is to be allistic, but the best available option is to work with what I have.

The next task is, naturally, to learn to work with it. I think one of the best ways to go about this is to understand your struggles as a culture clash of sorts, and to imagine yourself not as wrong — nor everyone else as absurd — but as simply different. Those differences don’t have to be neutral in practice (and in fact, they often aren’t, at least in the context of being an extreme minority), but they are morally and logically neutral. The same way that allistics often label autistic behaviour as meaningless, I think we autistics tend to do the same in reverse. People seldom do things for no reason at all.

This is the double empathy problem: the breakdown in communication between allistic and autistic people is a two way street. Our lack of understanding is mutual, and — like anything cultural — experiences outside our ‘normal’ can be challenging to make sense of.

Personally, I figure myself a bit of an anthropologist of allistic culture. I think I am pretty decent at “masking” (hiding my autistic traits), meaning that if you talk to me in person, you probably won't know that something is ‘off’. Maybe you’d pick up that I’m anxious, or a bit idiosyncratic, or fidgety, but you probably wouldn’t guess autism. This is not natural to me; it’s a learned process. It’s a learned thing for everyone, I think — autistic or not — but for autistic people it doesn’t ever become automatic or intuitive. The rules don’t get internalized, they just get compiled into an ever-expanding mental resource that you can learn to frantically flip through as best you can in the moment. It’s a very conscious process, at least for me, and it’s draining as hell. More purist advocates of autistic pride will tell you you should simply not mask at all for this reason; I think that will also make your life worse, because you still have to live in a world where 97-point-whatever percent of the population is allistic. This is such an overwhelming majority that it is all but impossible to get by if you don’t know how to adapt.

For any allistic readers who are struggling to conceptualize what it’s like to live inherently outside the norm (which is understandable), I’d explain it like this: top live in allistic society is akin to being in a play where everyone else knows all their lines, but you don’t even have the script. Everyone keeps telling you, “it’s easy, just memorize the script!” and ignores you when you try to explain that you can memorize just fine, the problem is that you never got a copy of the script to memorize from. Still, nobody will give you one, and if you don’t work at picking up little clues here and there as to what your lines are, you will have a very hard time of things. Quite the conundrum! This is where the benefits of masking comes in.

I actually think it’s really important and empowering for autistic people to understand that everyone is ‘acting’ to some extent. Autistics just struggle with it more because the desire to do so is less innate, and because we do not get access to the same level of information as an allistic person does (ie. you can manually learn to read social cues all you want, but it won’t do any good if you’re not picking up on said social cues to interpret). It is also culturally foreign to us, because we tend to value authenticity in a way allistic society does not. If you imagine it this way, it becomes (slightly) less of a burden and more of a tool that you can wield. You can learn the rules well enough to know when it’s worth breaking them. You can gain a level of autonomy that so many of us crave.

In my experience, autistic people tend to see this sort of thinking as manipulative — which it is — but in fact it’s normal social manipulation. Or, maybe expected is a better word. It’s permissible by society, if not by our internal moral code. I think this a nifty little tool for self acceptance; it allows you to see these decisions as functional things for your own benefit rather than as a show you put on for others. I also think autistic people are, on average, well equipped for the skills needed to do this, the innate researchers we tend to be.

So, that’s the first piece of this — understanding the culture you were born into, and learning how to live in it. Here are my, uh, ASDs, if you will, of developing that sort of cultural awareness.

Advocate & Accommodate

One thing I do think autism advocates are largely right about is that allistic society spends far too much time and energy trying to un-weird us. There are autistic traits that are limiting, distressing, or objectively an issue — and those things are worth working on — but there are many autistic traits and habits that are subjective problems. That is, they are only ‘problems’ in that they are culturally strange to allistic people. This also goes for adaptive things that, by adulthood, many of us needlessly deprive ourselves of despite the fact that it would make our lives better at no cost to ourselves or anyone else, all in pursuit of an unattainable ‘normal’.

By this I mean little things, like managing sensory issues, or engaging in activities that are meaningful and joyful,though atypical they may be. As an adult, you can do things like cut the tags off your clothes, or wear your socks inside out to avoid the seams, or use children's fruit-flavoured toothpaste if mint is too much, or carry around a fidget toy, or eat the exact same thing for dinner every day, and nobody even has to know! It’s such a pity that so many of us have been asked to feel shame about our needs to the point where we will ignore them even when meeting them does not come with consequences.

I think autistic people often have somewhat-too-flexible mental boundaries (or ‘poor theory of mind’, I guess) and are so used to acting that we feel like we always have an audience. It’s important to learn when we don’t. It’s confusing, granted, because allistic society does judge, they’re just not omniscient about it.

Likewise, it’s important to learn when not to care about the judgement. Something that has made my life somewhat better is being more open about my diagnosis in the sense of specifics. I don’t generally go around telling people I’m autistic just for their understanding (though I would if I found it productive), but I will say things like, “I don’t want to be annoying, but I’m not going to pick up on hints that I am, so if I’m bothering you you’ll have to tell me directly and I’ll do my best to stop”. Personally, I feel less stressed when my intentions and needs are clearly stated. This is not culturally ‘typical’ for allistics, who are often much more indirect… but I’m not trying to be culturally appropriate; I’m trying to bridge the gap

Script & Study

Many allistic social norms are actually highly scripted, and if you study the reasoning behind it you can build a set of relatively easy social algorithms that can help keep you from getting stuck. I highly recommend giving this a try; I have found that it lets me have a degree of control over something that is frustratingly illogical to me, and it helps me engage with the world sans-shame. Again: I’m not stupid, I’m (cognitively) foreign.

If you are an allistic person reading this, I implore you to use a bit of cultural relativism here as I try to explain the machinery behind things that, to you, might seem base-level inherent to personhood. You don’t think about these things because they are fundamental building blocks of your culture, well-normalized by the way you grew up, but they are not objectively correct. They are only correct through consensus, and, in the case of an allistic person vs an autistic one, because you have a brain tuned to these sorts of behaviours.

Basically, my theory on this is that it’s a lot easier for autistic people to do uncomfortable things if there is a clear answer to “why”. Autistic people value logical reasoning; we can learn the reasoning behind allistic cultural weirdness. If you ask allistic people these sorts of “why” questions, you will often get an answer along the lines of “that’s just how the world works”, or “because it’s polite”, or “because it’s the right thing to do”. Ask “why” again and people get upset because they don’t need to think about that stuff… but there is an answer, they just don’t know it. It’s innate to them, or they’ve intuitively picked up on it. For autistic people, this is our second language, so we have to understand the grammar — so to speak — in a bit more of an active way.

Where I (and many other autistics, I think, going off of what I see in autistic spaces) get stuck is in the ambiguity of neurotypical social interaction. We are literal, black-and-white thinkers in an indirect, wishy-washy culture. This is what I mean about one’s manual reading of social cues being only as good as their perception; autistic perception for social cues tends to be bad, because we work in fundamentally opposite ways to allistic society. Where allistics are indirect, autistics are direct; where allistics value conformity, autistics value authenticity; where allistics need interpersonal rituals to establish their hierarchy, autistics reject the rituals and the hierarchy. It leads to building algorithms that can go something like (for instance) this:

As you can see, you end up with 19 possible outcomes, which is a lot to sort through! It’s easy if you can directly follow a path, but remember: that requires a lot of information that an autistic person might not get access to. Or, sometimes the answers are ambiguous. It’s entirely possible to not only get stuck before getting to the right solution, but to get stuck before reaching any solution at all. I chose this example of small talk because, in my experience, it trips a lot of autistic people up even if they know how to solve it in theory. “Does this person want a genuine response” is a really hard question to answer if you do not understand the norms behind it.

I think the idea that our social skills are not lacking, but merely different, can coexist with the understanding that this becomes a disability when it is such a small proportion of people. You have to understand that autistic people (including yourself) don’t do things for no reason. Our social actions also have a logic to them — more of a logic, in my obviously biased opinion.

… Don’t?

If you are doing conscious cost-benefit analysis, then you can also decide what is not worth masking for. Remember, this is not an exercise in coming across as allistic, it’s an exercise in getting the most out of your life as an autistic person in an allistic world.

An example would be that, personally, I don't really care to put effort into making good eye contact not because I don’t feel self conscious about it, not because I don’t know the purposes it serves for allistic culture, not because it never limits me… but because I’ve decided it’s not worth it. The cost (finding it hard to focus and think, hindering my ability to communicate effectively) is not worth the benefit (allistics thinking I’m paying attention ‘correctly’). I have a hard enough time with oral communication, why would I make it worse for a superficial benefit? If you can justify these little things to yourself, I think it becomes much easier to accept it when people are upset about it. I know I accommodate them much of the time, so I don’t feel any shame asking them to accommodate me on major functional things — that’s called give-and-take! If people aren’t okay with that… well, most of the time they are not people I want in my life.

This also goes for things like recreation. I think you should simply not go to parties if you hate them, instead of trying to force yourself just because you (or someone else) thinks that’s what you’re “supposed” to do. You should not work on “diversifying” your interests just because people think it’s wrong to care so much about something repetitive or mundane. You should not change the media you consume just because others judge, you should not give up what brings you joy for completely arbitrary reasons. If you know what’s arbitrary and what is, well, slightly less arbitrary, then these choices are easier to make.

After this, you can shift to making choices to, at different times, either adapt, consciously not adapt, or to find people who are easier to connect with. That last bit is key, I think. It’s important to find yourself a metaphorical enclave of ‘expats’ of allistic society. This is invariably going to include other autistic people, but it can also include those who are otherwise ‘other’ and more willing to adjust communication styles. These relationships are, in my opinion, generally best when they stem from a connection aside from autism — from a shared interest or activity, perhaps. In my experience, these relationships with others of our culture can be not just fulfilling, but also healing in that things make sense for once. I know how to talk to autistic people in a way I’ve never managed to grasp with allistic people.

I don’t think that experience is uncommon; one of the core differences between autistic and allistic communication norms is that the balance of “information sharing” to “emotional negotiation” is tilted differently. When I talk to other autistic people, I am always pleasantly shocked at how smoothly it goes. We don’t waste time on emotional subtext: if someone has a concern or feels hurt, they say so. Otherwise we simply pass information back and forth, which is enjoyable if you like the same sorts of information. Having people who share your culture and can do such things is vital to a happy existence as a minority.

So there you have it: a different way to view autism, and a less stressful way to make it through the world. I hope this has been helpful, or at the very least has encouraged you to question what you perceive as ‘normal’ or ‘obvious’ — in yourself, or in others. Like I said: it’s a two-way street! We just have to care to understand each other, and keep perspective when we don’t.