#and now I’m kinda stuck
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Anyone know of a safe way a disabled enby could make some money? The DWP is a joke and my reduced benefits are fucking me up, especially with the rise in inflation. Groceries are more expensive, and I’m planning a wedding, which is way more expensive than I ever thought.
#Advice#I guess#Money#I am honestly struggling#I need to pay my fair share of groceries#plus saving for the wedding#it’s too late to change or back out#planned it well before the recent mass inflation#and now I’m kinda stuck#I can make jewellery#I can sing#I can write stories#I was thinking of writing a podcast#I don’t know what else o could do in my state#I can’t even take care of most household chores#I do what I can but I’m disabled#physically mentally and emotionally#how to earn money#I obviously don’t want to scam people#I just feel really stuck#any idea or advice would be appreciated#Of this just floats back into the aether unseen then so be it
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more of that silly au where every1 haunts clover after they kill them in the no mercy route
1st panel:
starlo: ceroba’s got this, no doubt.
dalv: i wouldn’t be so sure…
2nd panel:
starlo: see? she just got em!
dalv: wait for it…
3rd panel:
starlo: wh
4th panel:
starlo: HUH.
dalv: told you.
#uty starlo#uty dalv#uty clover#uty ceroba#flower cameo kinda. if you could even call it that#haunting justice au#this ain’t corn yaoi but i’ll give u corn yaoi fans crumbs i fucking guess#<- i don’t ship it but whateva you interpret it as#i actually made this before beating ceroba. and now i’m stuck on fucking martlet#ughhuhhhhhhh#undertale#undertale yellow
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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man i love open endings. the fact that thanks to yuuji there might indeed be the next time sukuna talks about in case some idiot decides to eat a finger again. and we need fics where yuuji is that idiot
#hiding this in the tags but i think jjk and mha kinda conveyed the same concept#i haven’t mentioned it because sukuita always steals 100% of my attention but gojo’s moment was great too! as i said i think gege stayed#true to his characters till the end and i’ve always thought gojo coming back to life was absolute bs not because i didn’t want him back but#because it would completely ruin what was trying to be told through his story. he carried out the destiny he was doomed to carry out and#gege even specified this for us and /why/ it’s going to be different for yuuji#it can also be found in the way gojo and sukuna fought vs yuuji and sukuna#and it’s rly similar to horikoshi’s concept of the new generation reaching out to the villains and trying to understand them & /that/ is#what ‘the greatest hero’ truly means#ok now i’m digressing because gojo was more about himself and the title he was stuck with but it’s all so similar you know#which brings me to my point (finally)#the fact that the villains always ‘loses’ in the end. and i’m thinking that letting them live would be such a risky direction to take bc#it’s so easy to make it either corny or unrealistic. if the whole thing is about succeeding in reaching out then it’s going to happen at the#very last. and realistically it’s going to be too late. they’re going to be too far gone and it sucks but that’s how it is#shoto can discuss soba with touya but he’s still slowly dying. you know#so the best we can hope for is that the battle the villain fought at least leaves a mark and they sure did#something something the bad guy changing the good guy as much as he changed him#so yeah um maybe i am making sense maybe i am not but i woke up this morning and kinda went insane because it dawned on me that yuuji gave#sukuna another chance to life taking himself out of the equation#UGH. CIGARETTE EMOJI#speaking of which i’ve been (im)patiently waiting for olasketches and cruyuu’s reactions#my fave people on tumblr are genuinely the first people i think about after something good happens#my post
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i saw this video and the brainrot overcame me and i wrote 2.4k words of secret agent!bucky and bond girl!gale except that actually he’s the son of a mob boss that works as a double agent
tags: smut / feelings / angst / injuries / tending of injuries
enjoy?
hold me like a knife (ao3)
It takes only three simple words, and the pain in Bucky’s wounds seem to vanish at once as he fighst a grin — his first smile for days.
”You look horrible.”
Gale speaks in his matter-of-fact and yet oddly tender tone as always, as if he was just observing facts that had no real implications for him; it’s the very same tone that caught Bucky’s interest in the first place before he ever even saw his face.
He loses the fight with the grin, though it’s quickly overcome with a grimace as he leans to the doorframe and accidentally touches on a fresh bruise. ”I missed you too, doll,” he manages to sound nonchalant, at least to his own ears, but the slight tightening of Gale’s expressions reveals he has been caught. A gentle but determined hand reaches for the collar of his jacket and pulls him into the hotel room, Bucky making sure to kick the door closed behind himself. The lock clicks just as soft fingers run down the less bruised side of his face before he’s guided down so the shorter man can press a careful kiss to his lips. His own hands land on his shoulders, running up and down his biceps and squeezing lightly. He’s like a child who has gotten his favorite plushie back after a vaction, he supposes, as he seeks the comfort of touch with the despair of a starving man.
The kiss starts light, careful, Gale clearly trying to determin how much Bucky is hurting — the lower lip is slightly swollen from where it split to a knife — but as Bucky presses himself closer and tries his luck with a tentative lick between his lips, Gale sighs before opening up to him. Bucky only realizes how tense he has been when his shoulders drop and he relaxes into Bucky’s embrace. The hitched breathes and sighs and wet sounds of their lips meeting fill the silence between them, and Bucky can feel life bleed back into him with each little silent ngh that Gale probably doesn’t even realize he’s making.
The slowness molded by the simple pleasure of the other’s body heat close starts to vanish into real passion, the touch of their mouths getting more demanding, but unfortunately a nib of Gale’s teeth on his tender lip makes him hiss in pain, immediately pulling Gale farther away. Bucky doesn’t let him go far, hands now secured around the small of his back, and Gale doesn’t fight him either. He’s blushed by their effort and his lips are slightly swollen now too as his eyes travel over Bucky’s face once more, no doubt noting each of his visble wounds and calculating how many he’s hiding underneath his suit. His eyes stop on the three hazardly done stitches on his left eyebrow, and Bucky knows he doesn’t need to tell him he’s put them there himself, just now on the plane.
He might tell him later, when they’re cooling down under a single blanket and Gale’s playing with his hair or fingers and he doesn’t have to look him in the face as he talks because he knows Gale will be latching on to each word, not missing a single unvoiced moment of pain and fear from his story that he’s not ready to admit even to himself.
Gale hums. He looks like he’s deep in thought, but Bucky can tell he’s still more alert than most people are when they really put their mind to it, just by the virtue of his upbringing. The thought physcally aches somewhere deep in his insides and Bucky realizes more than ever what a bad idea it was to come here like this, he’s clearly too in his feelings to be acting rationally, too raw from the gruelling assignment and worrying about Gale. His arms around the smaller man tighten without his permission but Gale doesn’t comment on it, still carefully mapping out his face with his gaze and fingertips.
”You should be at a hospital,” he finally says, whispers, really, the worry and relief he’s still at one piece battling each other over every syllable. Bucky swallows the lump from his throat and forces a grin. They don’t have long, they never do, and he’ll be damned if he made it all the way back just to crumble at his feet.
(Gale would let him, and pick him back up and put together no matter how many pieces he’d be in, and that’s why he won’t.)
”Nah,” Bucky says, satisfied with how truly carefree he does sound that time, ”I had to come see my baby first.” The endearement works wonders like always. Gale let’s out a silent breath and his eyes soften despite shaking his head slightly before reaching for another kiss. It’s softer, again, taking them back to the start, and that’s fine with Bucky, he’s too tired and tender for all these emotions right now. ”Well, you’re not gonna bleed all over my sheets,” Gale tells him as he pulls back again, ”c’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.”
Bucky lets his mind fade into a pleasant hum in the background as Gale unburdens him from his suit layers, biting his lip unhappily as he uncovers the bruising and cuts all over his torso but not saying anything. Bucky’s merely an observer as he’s pushed into the shower, the water pleasant rythm on his tired body. He leans to the cold wall and closes his eyes, unsure how long he just stays there taking it in before the door opens and closes with silent clicks and a smaller body presses against him. He keeps his eyes closed when Gale washes his hair, humming in content, following the gentle guidance of sure hands he trusts with the essances of his soul. He opens his eyes when Gale’s hands make a long stop on his cheeks again after rinsing the shampoo of. He finds his doll eyes looking at him, thoughtful and scared and thankful and suddenly Bucky feels chocked up again so he takes his face between his hands and presses his lips to the blonde’s forehead and tastes the clean water there.
After quickly washing his own hair under Bucky’s interested eyes Gale drags them out. For himself he pulls on a bathrobe before taking using one of the towels for Bucky’s curls and then the other for delicately tracing down his torso between all the marks of violence. Bucky stays silent even when he starts to disinfect the cuts, giving away his exhauston completely, but the silence is soft like a protective cushion between them and the world.
Once he’s happy Gale takes him by the hand and pulls him after himself. Bucky’s back hits the mattress and he suddenly feels all the tiredness at once at the soft embrace of the clean sheets, and then immediately after wide awake again as Gale’s thighs settle on both sides of his lap, hands automatically coming to rest lazily on his hips as Gale leans over him on all fours to press airy pecks all over his abused face — his temples, cheekbones, eyelides, side of his nose, the sharpest edge of his jawline — as if trying to force a protective spell, or a blessing, upon his skin.
”Sweetheart,” Bucky murmurs dreamily as the other keeps going down from his face, pressing his face into his neck and collarbones and inhaling him like an addict looking for his fix. Gale hums in answer absentmindedly and kisses his way further down. He kisses each of the bruises softly, nibbing at the parts of his skin that are not injured, letting the skin go up and down with his teeth, never biting hard enough to actually hurt but leaving his little signatures everywhere on his abs, navel, hip-joints.
Bucky’s hands have found reign in his hair at some point, long fingers twisted in wet strands and pulling just a little when Gale breathes against the base of cock, pressing his lips there and giving the sensitive skin between his dick and balls like it was something sacred. Bucky hisses in want as Gale guides both of his knees over Gale’s shoulders when he gives more admiring kisses to his manhood, asking to be pressed down to the bed with Bucky, to be let to be lost in their pleasure for just a moment.
Gale goes down on him like he wants to regain him, almost like he wants to hurt him too to replace memories of everyone else hurting him. Bucky groans as his throat clicks when he gags on him, and then moans immediately after, doing it again and again. It’s lewd and dirty and perfect. John can do nothing else but take it and whisper soft praise, ”So good for me darling”, ”Just like that”.
Gale pulls back to breathe properly, and Bucky drags him sitting up by his hair, making Gale whine with a wide smile on his face. ”Show-off,” Bucky accuses him quietly, with a fond little smile, their dicks rubbing together as Gale sits on his lap again. The blondie laughs into the kiss as Bucky turns them around, backing Gale up until the top of his hair is touching the metal frame of the bed.
They stare at each other there for a moment, Bucky taking his time now to look at him, pressing the image to his mind for moments when the warmth of the younger is just a distant memory. Gale bites his lip again, but this time with a happy grin, as Bucky bullies his thighs apart with his own and then presses down on him until his calves are trapped between them. ”Are you sure?” Bucky scoffs, shaking his head. ”Sweetheart. The day when I respond to that ’you know what, I’m good actually’ I want you to end my life with a tool of your choice.” Gale makes a disapproving clicking sound with his tongue but reaches to play with Bucky’s curls again with his left hand, softness in his eyes that makes him look younger. Pain swirls through John at the sight. ”I’m really okay just having you close-” Bucky shuts him up by licking at his lips. ”Shh. Let me, baby.” Gale falls silent, looking up at him with stars in his eyes, and it scares Bucky he knows how much he trusts him. ”Please, let me,” he whispers against his lips again. Gale nods.
John takes one hand to each of his own and presses them gently to the headboard. A soflty whispered ”stay” and then ”good boy” as Gale wraps his slender fingers around the metal there makes the blonde’s breath hitch. John keeps his hands there for a bit before running them down his arms, lips locked in a passionate kiss, the little noises Gale makes into it driving him wild. His own cock is aching and Gale’s drying saliva is cooling and making him extra sensitive, but he still takes his time prepping Gale carefully, taking care of him like he took care of him earlier in the bathroom.
He pulls his three fingers out when Gale’s sounds get loud and keening despite his best efforts of muffling them — there’s no need to be quiet here, but old habits die hard. He lubes himself up and sits up straighter on his knees between Gale’s legs. Gale is breathing hard, chest heaving between them, his hands still around the metal. John leans down to kiss him to not tell him how much he loves him and then pushes into him as Gale’s moans fill his lungs.
He can’t keep kissing him for long, the sudden need to take him hard overwhelming and immediate. There’s spit connecting their heart-shaped lips as Bucky presses his hands on the mattress on both sides of Gale’s head and puts his back into it, his pain, his frustration, and Gale throws his head to the side and smiles, and Bucky’s heart aches again so he fucks him harder, drinking in the happy sighs with his eyes and ears alike.
He notices that Gale’s arms are shaking with the effort of keeping them against the frame so he slows down for a moment, reaching for his hands again and carefully pulling them towards the core of them, waiting for Gale to have them wrapped around his neck before he drives into him slower but deeper. Gale’s gasping for breath with each thrust, his eyes closed and face focused on pleasure, and Bucky would like nothing more than to drag this out until the morning but he knows he needs to rest, and he’d rather fall asleep with Gale wrapped around him than see him leave at dawn to return for the shadows assigned to him.
Gale opens his eyes and they stare at each other, Bucky momentarily posessed by the hazy blue that looks up at him in melancholy, in need, in hope, in love. Bucky is immediately resigned, he wants to tear up his chest and stop feeling or stop the time and stay like this forever. He will give Gale anything he needs, anytime he can.
”In me,” Gale pleads him, and Bucky presses his lips to his forcefully now, overcome by the image of Gale pulling on his clothes and going back to his betrothed with Bucky still dripping from him. He whines aloud at the thought and gives it to him harder, better, louder, and Gale murmurs praise and gratitude into his open mouth before throwing his head back and coming between them. Bucky follows him there and then the room is silent again, both of them breathing hard, the sweat cooling between them. Gale has hidden his face to Bucky’s hair, away from the world, his arms hugging tightly around his neck, wanting to morph into this moment and only breathe the cheap hotel shampoo for the rest of his days. Bucky mouths at his neck, yearning to mark the pure skin that’s not his to claim, at least if he cares about keeping his Gale alive.
Bucky turns them carefully to their sides, slipping away from him. Gale feels suddenly cold and pushes himself closer so he can stay away from the room and the world beyond it for a moment more. Bucky makes a soothing cooing sound for he can’t say to him anything to make it better, and hugs him thight when he feels the first sob force it’s way out of his lover. He’ll hold him close for as long as he can, caress the perfect valleys of his back, and pray they both live to have this fleeting moment again.
#genuinly no idea where this came from and i don’t even know if i like it i’m so bad with angst (and smut)#buck x bucky#clegan#mota#masters of the air#gale cleven#john egan#gale’s dad sold him to marry the next in line of anlther gang to settle his debts#and he made a deal with the fbi to help to bring them all down but that means he’s stuck in the double life for now#and everytime clegan meets it’s playing with both of their lives but esp gale because if his man finds out???#kinda wanna write a super dark continuation like that where bucky would save him at the last minute#writing#agent/mob au#buck#bucky
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okay hear me out
i know that i’ve got a wip for a man eating plants fic (sexual. chil is the only character) in the works right now
but what if i worked on chil stuck in a chest instead
#that one’s like dubcon leaning noncon#with the reader as the perpetrator#and i don’t know how people feel about that#but like#i dunno#he’d be into it pretty quickly if that helps#it’s the nature of stuck fics unfortunately but like#it’s so hot dude what can i say#honestly i’m torn between who should be stuck in the chest#i kinda wanna do two versions and have the reader stuck in one of them#also for him stuck i was gonna try my hand at an amab reader#partially becuase amab doesn’t get as much rep in fandom#but also i wanna fill his ass ya know#but for reader stuck i’d probably do afab#i’m rambling now anyway thoughts?#no tags on this one the future folks don’t get to see this one
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More Odo 🪲
#tj3star#sketch#doodles#pokemon#bug type#oc#original character#odo#gym leader#artists on tumblr#inktober kinda drained me from zelda and splatoon#so I’m stuck on pkmn for now#I like him though very fun to draw
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AN. EPISODE. 🎸🪕🎻🪈🎺🎷🪘🥁🪇
#Malevolent#Malevolent Podcast#WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY#Okay but like real talk can we applaud Harlan for this ep? Bc it’s beautiful#The first like POV shift we’ve had#And it was very cool#But also kinda disorienting bc John does help me see the surroundings better but Mr. Collins here doesn’t have a John#He just has his orchestra#When he was mentioning working usually in pianissimo but using fortissimo this one time that was SO dang clever#And it makes sense why he uses the piano wire usually.. so he can hear his orchestra crystal clear#It was very good writing#But as the ep went on.. ESPECIALLY after he killed the cops whenever Peggy Gordon played I flinched#I heard one 🎵 and then AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#Evil song#But it sucks I’m scared of it and now it’s stuck in my head 😑#Anyway the conversation between Arthur and Butcher was interesting#This ep really makes you realize how Arthur is on the outside; how all those taxi drivers and clients see him#Idk why it’s fun when Collins brings up his eyes#And the big thing#LARSON IS COMMMMMMIIIINNNNGGGGGGGGG#LET’S BEAT HIM UP FINALLY PLZZZZZ#AND LIKE OH MY GOD DON’T KILL DANIEL PLEASE BUTCHER#JEEZ HEARING ARTHUR PLEADING BEHIND THE DOOR NEARLY MADE ME CRY HE’S SO DESPERATEEEEEEEEE#HE CAN’T LOSE HIS ONLY FAMILY#And then it ends how it began: 🎵🪇🥁🎸🪗🎺🎷🪘🪕🪈🎶#This podcast is so gooooooooood
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Never know if I want to stick to just being a South Park account or expand my horizon to other fandoms too
#like I mean I’ll still probably be primarily a South Park account either way since it’s my current hyperfixation but#I also don’t see why I can’t post art and shit for other fandoms too every now and again#like gravity falls is my literal other favorite show#I also feel like sticking to only one show just causes a bunch of problems in the end#because I spend all this time building my audience around one particular show so when that hyperfixation eventually dies out I’m kinda stuck#at the same time though I also don’t want to have to commit to it? if that makes sense?#I feel like if I start making art for other fandoms then I’ll feel obligated to make it a regular thing#and honestly I prefer to just stick to South Park for now#I don’t wanna have to split myself between all these different fandoms yk?#oh well I guess we’ll see how I’m feeling
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It has been a criminally long time since I've posed teensies (no it hasn't I'm greatly exaggerating)
This was actually a fun exercise lol. Taking an oc, one of my favorite characters, and some stolen skin from Minecraft Planet and making them interpretive characters was really fun to do. (Similar to how people drew DSMP and Hermitcraft ppl)
I did this b/c of a childhood Minecraft series that I'll describe below lol (along with progress photos):
Recently I felt this urge to watch a really old Minecraft series called Seedlings. I remember watching the first season when it first dropped on Game Time (I think it was called that???) and thinking it was the coolest thing ever. Rewatching it as an adult, I see how the existentialism is shown and being comfortable with your place in the world is felt. (I relate to Mark so heavily and I have no idea if that's a red flag or not.)
ANYWAYS, I had an interesting hypothetical Season 3 where the NPCs show their intelligence and sentience to the Marked Ones and come to a resolution to the whole violence and massacre thing. It would most likely be leave the server alone and let the NPCs do whatever without interference lol. Thing was I had no ideas for how these hypothetical Marked Ones skins would look. You would think I would try to be basic with it, but I wasn't in the mood to draw a buncha anime peeps. So, what better idea than to use my own Minecraft skins!
The two taller skins are my OC Katelyn, and my interpretation of Goth Teensy both translated into the Minecraft style (which is funny cuz Katelyn was originally a Minecraft character anyways soooo 💀💀💀). Then they are translated out into these new designs lol. Their users would probably be KattoDrago27 and GTeensyGuardian lol
The "Tiny Minumus" as I've deemed him is called King Teensie Grand Minimus Rayman Legends Origins by SnaKke on Planet Minecraft. Go check out their skins they're pretty good. His user would probably be TheGrandestMinimus001
But ye, if you have questions feel free to ask me lol. Have a lovely day <3
#goth teensy looks like a puppy here i love him sm#same with minimus he looks like the most ankle bitter ever#katelyn looks very similar to her actual design at the time which is kinda obvious#but her current design would be a pain in the ass to translate now#also also mini has an invisible hand sticking out from his back to represent the fact that his whole skin is just stuck to one leg#the rest of the bod is transparent#me when i get a little too silly goofy#day 5 of proving I’m goth teensy 1 super fan#rayman#kinda???#yeah im gonna tag rayman here#goth teensy#grand minimus#teensy#teensies#rayman teensies#rayman goth teensy#rayman grand minimus#oc#furry#cat oc#katelyn kyndell#redesigns ig lol#oc refrence sheet#character design#minecraft#seedlings#seedlings show#seedlings minecraft#marked ones
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Got genshin brainrot so I’ve been stewing on my old fan oc and her story; decided to give her a redesign only to scrap it and start anew.
Here’s an assortment of wips and sketches and whatnot from the past month
I’m still not satisfied with her design so this is goin to change like a thousand times probably.
Also if anyone has any idea of how to design a proper polearm for her plz hmu I can’t do gayshit impact style designs for the life of me.
#her story is getting hella convoluted#or maybe it’s just more fleshed out now. who knows#but yea by now I’ve changed her: weapon. eyes. skin tone and nationality. hair. height. and name lol#the core things about her are still the same#like her job and hair color and who and how she meets#more or less at least.#but now I’m debating changing her vision element as well#I’ve already changed where and when she got it#there also might be a possibility of her ascending to godhood later in life as a means to escape her torturous samsara cycle#when I was first making her some years ago I scrapped the idea of her being stuck in a cycle of reincarnations that she remembers#but I brought it back and developed it more#so now it’s actually kinda good. and also an integral part of her character and conflict#luna draws#drawing#oc#art#digital art#sketch#original character#fan oc#genshin oc#genshin impact#genshin impact oc#maybe ignore the stray childe sketch in there lmao. or don’t I think he came out very pretty#genshin childe#does this qualify as oc x canon?#oc x canon
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yk i was having trouble writing tllr chapter 12 because Dew is sick with a fever in the beginning and i just,, idk felt uninspired or something because im not the biggest fan of sickfics or whatever
well now i’m sick with a fever and it’s helll so sorry Dew im gonna have to put you through this now my bad 👍👍 at least i am now inspired
if this post makes no sense it’s because my brain hurts and i’m tired 👍👍👍
#i’m fine it’s just kinda funny#like last night i was writing ahead to chapter 14 because i was stuck on chapter 12 cuz i didn’t know how to write it#and now i’m sick with a fever just like Dew hahahaha sorry buddy but we’re in this together now 👍👍👍 and it’s 105 idk if that’s normal#at least it’s giving me inspiration and i am no longer stuck on it#but i’m too sick to fucking write it!!!! i wanna write uhhgjjfjdjd#ok im done#well actually i had the craziest dream last night#it was about this new animated movie that doesn’t exist and i was watching it/ acting it out as the main character and it was so fucking#cool like i was flyingggg!!! i was a weird purple creature with wings and was flying just like dew it was fucking awesome#like there were so many really cool characters with really creative designs and the antagonist was a weird giant bug who could also fly#so he was chasing me around in the air and it was so cool i was so fast flying around like in a minecraft elytra course#i love vivid dreams like that that feel real and like after the movie was finished i posted on tumblr about how much i loved this new#netflix animated movie and my mutuals were there and also thought it was cool#anyway it was fun i love flying in my dreams i feel so free.. unlike Dewey oopsie sorry buddy#deweyeyeyeye ur so silly i love him SO MUCH#ok im gonna shut up now#wyrms says stuff#fever#fever dream#if i tagged this as irl whump would i also have to tag it as minor whump hahahhaha#idk i wanna play roblox with my mutuals again#mutuals if ur reading this u can literally bother me to play video games all day every day because the answer will always#be an enthusiastic YESS!!!!#i should watch nightmare time today#no dumbass i should REST dumbass ehehheehe#i’m being so annoying again sorry everyone 😼😼😼😼#dreams#wyrms lore
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So I really want to get another cat. Thing is, there’s several reasons why it’d be a good idea (boy has a playmate, I think my ideal number of cats is 2, and give a kitty in need of a home a nice one) but also a lot of reasons I know it’s not a good idea *right now*
First reason is I’m not sure I’m fully ready for it. There’s still a part of my brain that hopes that this new new cat (I’m gonna need another system when I do get one lmao) would act more like old cat and I’ve had enough pets to know that’s a red flag that means you’re not ready yet. It just leads to disappointment when your new pet doesn’t behave like the old one when they were never going to, every animal is a unique individual and no two will give the same experience even when they are similar. And I know this. But the heart still wants
Also two cats, especially when one is brand new to the living situation and is still adjusting, is more work than one and for several reasons my energy lately has been pretty low. So. Am I up for that right now? I’m not sure. I’m sure I could rise the occasion if it’s needed, but like. Would it be a good idea to put myself into that situation at the moment? I’m not sure it would be. Even if I do miss having two cats a lot
There’s also the matter of living situation. Last year I was hoping to move, as I’m getting to the point in my life where it is time to Purchase a living space instead of rent. Which is terrifying tbh lmao, but it is a thing none the less. Plus I just really want a bit more space at this point, and certain conveniences (oh how I long for my own laundry devices) that I don’t currently have. But with old cat, that just didn’t end up being in the cards cause my babies are always my priority above all else (the financial hit also didn’t help - I’m only just recovering from it now). I was simply not going to move while she was old and fragile and dying of cancer
However, my province also sucks! And it recently decided it’s gonna suck even more! Not as much as most of the US, at least not yet, but. It’s not promising. And the long term prospects are also Not Great (both in terms of social things and economically as well like, things are probably going to get worse long before they get better, if they ever do get better). And my city isn’t *the worst* but it’s more expensive than ideal. So it’s like. Do I want to buy a place here? I don’t know. But do I want to move out of this province? I also don’t know
Cause moving adds a lot of factors, even if I stay in the same province but look at a cheaper city. And leaving the province, okay, which to go to? This one’s nice but expensive and has weather I don’t like, and that ones cheap but also there’s a decent risk things will get worse there politically. And then there’s a risk the whole country will get fucked politically next year but I am doing my utmost to not worry about it until it is actually an immediate problem
And then there’s factors like, all the people I know are here (even if I’m bad at seeing them a lot). Familiar grocery stores and restaurants, other amenities, hell, my internet company is not fully national last I checked - will I have to switch providers? Work isn’t an issue as I work from home and we have people in multiple provinces, but like. Literally everything else is. I’ve lived here my entire life. I don’t know what it would be like to move that far. I’ve never done it
(And there’s also like. A sort of political responsibility. I read a lot after the shitty thing was announced and like. Some people are leaving. Some are staying because fuck you, bigots will not drive me from me home, I will fight back. Some are staying because they can’t afford to leave. And some are staying because if everyone who can leave does leave, then who’s left to at least try to fight this shit for those at risk who can’t get out? Especially as while I’m not in the demographic currently at risk, I’m in an adjacent one so it’s like. No, I’m not at risk yet but it’s possible I will be some day, but I also do feel some level of responsibility to try to help those who are currently at risk because I’m not)
And my dad is planning to leave (though unclear how firm that plan is right now and unclear exactly where) and is like ‘well come with me’ and I’m gonna be honest I. Don’t really want to like. I’m in my 30s. There is a part of me that feels like it’s time to get a bit more space from my family. My mom moved already for other reasons, so I don’t physically see her often, but technology is a thing so. Quite frankly my parents are both really bad at having friends so being literally the only person one of them knows in an entire city is kind of a nightmare scenario for me lmao. I need my space. I get annoyed when I get texted too often, I am NOT going to be your sole social contact. And I know that’s what would happen if we both moved to the same place with no one else. And even without all that, we have differences of opinions in “ideal place to live” so. I know they’re (dad goes by they/them) going to try to pressure me but if I’m sure of anything, it’s that I don’t want that
And, to circle this all back, there is also my kitty boy: he does NOT travel well. At all. He has panic attacks in the car that leave him panting and screaming within about 1 minute of being in there. We are trying to work on it, given transport is important for vet visits, but progress is slow. I was thinking he might have to get the old gaba just for me to be able to move within the city. He’s an anxious little guy. It’s gonna be tough for him, both the general realities of moving and the driving to the new place part. And I originally wasn’t really thinking of moving anywhere out of a 20 min or so radius of where I currently live partly for that reason
So to move to another province (and please remember Canada is Huge, like, this would be several hours or even multiple days of driving), I don’t know if I can even do that in a way that’s safe for him. Drugs are an option, but depending on where, it could be an unfeasibly long drive to do that with. And god, planes, I can only imagine how much worse he would be on a plane (even though I’d NEVER let him ride in the cargo, I’d buy an extra seat if I had to). He could have a stress-induced heart attack and die and if this is in transit, I’d be powerless to save him and I’d have to live the rest of my life knowing I killed him
And so with all of that, I’m like. I really can’t get another cat until I know wtf I’m doing and implement that because it would be awful for the new kitty if I got them and then immediately moved somewhere, either close or far. I can’t do that, it would be cruel. So like. Idk, I just don’t know what to do
I’m also aware that like. There are two problems in this ramble and the one I opened with is not really the larger one lmao but like. Genuinely I do not know what to do and that’s scary so I’m just kinda frozen here thinking how nice it would be to have a second floof gallivanting around the apartment but also knowing I can’t really have that right now (unless the cat distribution system decides to give me no choice in the matter lmao but I’m not expecting that to happen)
#this is a long ramble but I am just#I really don’t know what to do#and I’m trying my best to just. idk ignore it for now and hope something will happen#that will make the decision obvious#but right now I just don’t know#so. ramble time lmao#cause even though it’s a low key anxiety by my standards#it’s just kinda sitting in the back of my head at all times and I just feel stuck tbh#and I really really do want to get another cat#but I can’t make that decision until everything else is sorted and I’m mentally ready so#I cannot have another fluffy baby yet :(#I’ve had this drafted for a while but I’ve been thinking about it off and on for like. months honestly#text#misc#shut up nerd
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Small vent
I thought it’d be fun to wear my pride pin tote bag to school because it’s lesbian visibility week and I haven’t really tried to do anything like that before and instead of feeling proud and brave, I instantly became so aware that I’ve never really been visibly out like that in any capacity really. And it made me feel so small and weak that a little pride pin on my bag was making me hide so much more. I know I’ve come a long way and the fact that the list of people who know I’m queer is in the double digits means something to me shows a lot, but god it hurt to know that even that made me so afraid.
#fi thoughts#fi is zooted#I really have come a long way. I’m visible to myself now which is huge#but I still feel kinda shitty#like why can’t I just be proud.#I feel like I need to be better but i feel stuck#vent
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#okay so I’m trying to work on the comic#and now I’m stuck with the drawing process because I can’t decide if I should change the hair or not#basically time kinda pass in the story so my sona could have her hair cut in the meantime#so if y’all could help that would be awesome#💬 chy chatter 💬#📊 polls 📊
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Time for another long day of getting my ass beat by Messmer.
#it ain’t much but it’s honest work#I haven’t been this stuck since orphan#I see why they call him the impaler#I’m out of other bosses to beat so now I have to git gud and beat him#elden ring#shadow of the erdtree#sote spoilers#kinda#idk I think everyone knew getting your ass beat by Messmer was part of this
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