#and mostly ‘here’s some stuff but actually I think it’s bullshit’

[aristoteliancomplacency]

Re: Odin and Mercury (+ a huge caveat that I am not a comparative mythologist. It’s one of those fields (like etymology) that’s obviously valid but also has a lot of dubious bullshit in it and I am not familiar enough with it all to be able to know if a specific author is known for bs or decent material. (I do have opinions on Dumézil tho)).

Tacitus (Germania 9) interprets Odin as Mercury and claims that he is worshipped above all, and that they (the peoples of Germania) make human sacrifices to him. He doesn’t explain why he makes that interpretatio, though. But he’s the earliest (surviving) sources (afaik) for it. So probably a bit of a mess to figure out which later sources are just drawing on Tacitus when they say shit like ‘Odin who others call Mercury’.

However, Tacitus appears to be citing Caesar (De Bello Gallico 6.17.1) who is talking about the Gauls. (‘They worship as their divinity, Mercury in particular, and have many images of him, and regard him as the inventor of all arts, they consider him the guide of their journeys and marches, and believe him to have great influence over the acquisition of gain and mercantile transactions.’) Possibly he (Caesar) was talking about Teutates. Lucan claims the Gauls made human sacrifices to him, but it’s in the Pharsalia which is hardly a work of history, brilliant though it may be.

Back to Mercury, though…

Rolf H Bremmer wrote a chapter on ‘Hermes-Mercury and Woden-Odin as Inventors of Alphabets: a neglected parallel’ in Old English Runes and their Continental Background (online here, if you want to read it). He’s drawing on the Eddic poem Hávamál for Odin… inventing (?) runes when he hanged himself for 9 days, and for the Roman comparison to Mercury he’s pointing specifically to Hermes-Trismagistos. Which seems like a stretch to me, if you’re having to go that far. We’re not exactly talking mainstream, there.

Also he cites Frazer’s Golden Bough and thinks there’s ‘ample evidence’ of human sacrifice to Odin via the hanging + spearing. Which, like. There’s not. There’s some evidence, certainly, of human sacrifice. But the sources that are like ‘they killed lots of people and they hung them from treeeees!’ are Christian. Sooo like. They have an agenda.

tl;dr: I think Bremmer’s probably bull.

It seems like there might be something useful in Simek’s Dictionary of Northern Mythology. Unfortunately it’s not on archive.org or Libgen, but my library has it and I’m happy to go look for stuff if you want.

Instead of doing immediately-useful things, my evening's been spent using my 1950s Welsh dictionary to try and work out what the month words mean

Not all of them do, Ebrill is just April

And actually idk what April is from either, maybe I should get my 70s English dictionary out next

But uhhh a bit of a list?

I couldn't find anything for January/Ionawr, except that ion is Lord

Mawrth/March is after Mars, the god

Mai just says May, but there's a listing above that says "mai - that it is"

Gorffennaf/July - gorffen is "end", so gorffen af, gorffen haf, "end of the summer"??

Medi/September - medi is "to reap" - harvest month!

Hydref/October - autumn!

The closest I got to December, Rhagfyr is rhagof, "before thee" - the. The one before January?? Idk my Welsh isn't good enough I can speculate on centuries-old word mutations

Days of the week, I had a look for too

They're mostly named for gods, same as the English ones

Tuesday/Mawrth, Mars (same as March) - in English this is for Tyr

Wednesday/Mercher, Mercury - in English this is for Odin, Woden's Day - the Welsh is cognate (???) with Romance languages tho, like Mercredi an such

Thursday/Iau, Jove or Jupiter - in English this is for Thor

Friday/Gwener, Venus - in English this is for Frigg

Saturday/Sadwrn, Saturn (same in English)

I haven't a listing for Sul/Sunday tho

Monday, tho, idk if this is the right root, doubt it, but Llun is "shape" "figure" or "form"

I've looked up them on Wikipedia, and that says that all these Norse gods in the Welsh are associated with the Roman gods the English ones are named for, which is interesting

Idk how much this is cs the book I'm looking at is 73 years old, but y'know

It's not quite exact, I spose

Like, Friday/Gwener is for Frigg (goddess of marriage), or Venus (goddess of love)

Tuesday is for Tyr (god of single combat) or Mars (god of war)

Thursday, Jove/Jupiter (sky and thunder), or Thor (thunder etc) - this one matches!

Wednesday doesn't quite tho, Mercury is a messenger, god of trade, and Odin is like wisdom and battle, so far as I can tell

This is not really very interesting, unless you like etymology

I'm gonna track down my English dictionary to find out what the English months etymologies are now, cs that's like. Super useful.

[transmasc-tabris]

More screenshots (bonus, managed to find Bull a shirt and don't know how to feel about that)

[kirislovelygf]

new haircut (sevika x fem! reader)

contents: you and sevika are married, takes place between acts 1-2 (season 2), you give sevika a haircut, found family trope with jinx & isha :(( fun family time :D

wrd count: 1.3k

⍣ ೋ

things have been crazy in the lanes for the past new months. i haven’t seen this many enforcers on our streets since.. actually i've never see this many.

ever since those noxians came and paid topside a visit, that kiraman girl had been on a serious power trip.

she became some kind of dictator down here and now she’s got her men flooding the streets. beating on people, putting up weord propoganda all over the city, arresting good men and women..

all in search for jinx. they're promising bullshit to anyone who turns over jinx to theauthorities but no one down here is dumb enough to do that.

sevika’s been trying to rally the undercity together for some kind of uprising but i’ve been helping jinx keep a low profile.

she’s never been good a laying low.

we’ve mostly spent these days playing in the hideout, taking naps all day, stuff like that. it’s more fun with her new little friend isha.

i’m not sure where she came from, but sevika told me she just.. fell from the sky basically. and just followed jinx around from then on.

the three of us were hanging out one night. i was playing around with my makeup on isha, who’s been begging me to use it on her.

“not too much, she’s still little.” jinx said as she was fixing a new gadget of hers at her desk.

“where you think she’s going? out to party? have some drinks? it’s just for fun.” i chuckled, raising my brush to isha’s eyes.

“close your eyes, sweetie.” i instructed. she did so with a cheeky smile. i smiled at her giddy fingers tapping the metal floor in excitement.

“we’re gonna do some glittery pink… it’ll look super pretty.” i told her.

as i continued, i heard the stomping of boots toward us.

i look over at sevika, home from another day of work.

“hi, vika.” i smiled.

“we doin’ makeovers?” she said jokingly as she walked over.

“yeah, she’s been crying for one for days.” i said. isha whines and hits my knee, making me laugh.

i look up at sevika staring at herself in the cracked mirror. she’s looking at the sides of her head and feeling the back of her head.

“what? realizing you woke up uglier than yesterday? i bet if your ask, she’ll give you your own makeover.” jinx giggled.

sevika stayed quiet before looking over at me.

“you think you can help me with something?” she asks.

“what is it?” i asked, looking for some lip gloss for isha.

“i’m not loving my hair.. it’s hard to tie it up with one arm.”

“what? i love your hair, vika. and i don’t mind doin’ it for you, i’ve said so already.” i said to her.

she chuckled. “it’s not just that. i’d like it better shorter.” she says, glancing at herself again.

jinx looks up and gasps. “can i cut it?”

“no.”

“you want it cut! you just said-“

“not by you.” she grumbled. jinx scoffs.

“i’m great tdoing hair. you think i sleep in these? every night..” she says, holding up one of her blue braids.

"and? you haven't cut your hair since you were a kid. that's literally baby hair-" sevika argued.

“it’s okay, i’ll help.. but i still think you should leave it as is.” i sighed.

“thanks. cause there’s no way i’m letting her near my head with scissors.” she said.

“no haircut is gonna make you look less like a grumpy troll under a bridge... just sayin.” jinx said before putting her goggles back on.

“hey. that’s my wife.” i snapped.

jinx mocks me before going back to fixing her gadget.

i put a bit of gloss in isha before i told her she was done and she jumped up to look at herself.

sevika laughed as isha tried jumping up to see her reflection but couldn’t reach.

she picked her up and set her on her leg so she could see herself. she smiled widely in admiration of herself.

i stand up. “okay.. now, where are the scissors?” i sighed out.

jinx giggled menacingly before going to a drawer and pulling out these sharp, deadly knives attached to each other.

isha gasps.

“oh hell no..” sevika grumbled.

“are you trying to behead her?” i laughed.

“they’re all i got.” jinx shrugged, holding them up with both hands.

i stare at her before she sighs, throwing the giant scissors aside and finding appropriately sized scissors in a drawer.

“thank you.” i said. i look at isha. “you gonna help me, kid?”

she shakes her head “no” and jumps down. i laughed softly before looking at sevika’s reflection.

i sighed out. “okay… are you sure?” i asked her.

“yeah.” she sighed out.

“hm..” i took out the hair tie from her hair and let her hair fall to the sides of her face.

“uh… okay.. jinx, come here, i don’t know shit about cutting hair.” i said.

“no!” sevika protested. i slapped her shoulder.

“stop being a baby! damn! i’m just gonna have her tell me what to do.”

sevika huffs in relief as jinx walks over to us.

“okay.. let’s see… what’s the vision? what’ll make you wanna fall in love with her all over again?” she asks me.

i shrugged. “i love her like this.” i patted my hand on her head. she looks at me with a bored face.

“okay nevermind, bitch. fuck you.” i snapped. she laughs.

jinx hums in thought. “okay.. i got it. we’re gonna go short in the back, long in the front. sound good?” she says.

“i don’t know.. are you sure?” sevika asked.

“yes, just trust me. jeez..” jinx grumbled. i laughed as sevika was getting visibly nervous.

jinx guided me to cut off sevika’s hair in a way that so that it doesn’t look like a chopped mess.

i cut off the last of hair before jinx found a razor to use.

“whoa, hey, im not tryin’ for no buzzcut.” she protested.

“it’s just for the sides, you crybaby.” jinx said. she puts it in my hand.

“i don’t know how you put up with her.” she says. i laughed. sevika grumbled.

“it was funny.” i snapped.

“anyway, just relax, baby. it doesn’t look that bad.” i said to her.

we lightly shaved the hair on her sides before i finally finished.

“okay.. let me see.” she turned to face us with her new look.

“see? not that bad. you look... less terrible.” jinx said.

“yeah, not that bad.” i nodded.

i was lying, i was so wet, holy shit. sevika looked so good with her new hair.

the bangs falling on her eyes, her neck looking clean, ugh i needed her:

she checks herself out in the mirror and isha gives her a thumbs up.

“it’s.. good. thanks.” she nodded.

i took a quick breath before looking at jinx.

“alright, well, we gotta get home.” i smiled.

“already? it’s like.. 7. you don’t usually get outta here till late.” jinx said, glancing at her junky clock on her desk.

“yeah, i’m not tryin’ to run into any enforcers talkin’ about some “curfew.” i'm a grown ass woman, i'll go home when i want." i chuckled, lying about my intentions.

she scoffs. “i get it. see ya.” she waved at us as isha did the same, but more enthusiastically.

she signs “thank you for the makeup.” and i sign back “you’re welcome.” before waving to her.

i took sevika’s hand and dragged her out of the hideout.

“you’re in a rush.” she laughed as we walked onto the street.

i pushed her into an alley and pulled her neck down to kiss her. she kissed me back in surprise but leaned into it when my hands slid up her neck and into her freshly shaven hair.

“i’m so sorry i said anything before about not cutting it. you look so fucking good-“

“yeah?”

before she continued, i kissed her again, this time, she laughed softly against my lips.

i couldn’t stop staring at her the whole way home. we’ve been married for like two years and i feel like i’m crushing on her all over again.

i spent the night our my room letting her know just how good i thought she looked.

⍣ ೋ

a/n: her bob in s2 is so RARARGDHJBGIDWODHNPIDOBUO

[cryptotheism]

was kabbalah 100% biblical analysis with some neoplatonism thrown in for the woo factor, or was stuff like gematria used for purposes outside of being a 13th-century conspiracy theorist?

Really good question!

People have been doing Isopsephy for as long as we've had language. Using math to mess around with written text is done by pretty much any religious tradition with a textual corpus. Once you've assigned special importance to written text, manipulation of that text also acquires special meaning.

By the 1200s, late Platonism wasn't "thrown in" to anything, it was practically baked in to all monotheism. This is especially true for Judaism, which had a very close relationship to greco-roman pagan philosophy. The two influenced each other all the time.

This is especially especially true for Moshe de Leon, who was an avid reader of the Islamic scholarly works coming out of north Africa in the 13th century. Medieval Muslim scholars couldn't get enough Plotinus by way of Al-Farabi and Avicenna, and de Leon couldn't get enough of them.

I know you don't actually think De Leon was literally a conspiracy theorist, but you raise a good question. What exactly he was trying to do by writing the Zohar? According to Gershom Scholem, the text itself pulls from dozens of midrashim (rabbinical commentaries), books of outright mysticism, and jewish esoterica. De Leon was trying to build something that could unite a lot of disparate Jewish theology, esoteric and otherwise.

No small feat! You can't just say "all these things should be unified" you need some glue to hold it all together, and that glue needs Textual Authority. That's where the wacky Isopsephy like the gematria and notarikon come in. By fucking around with the Torah, de Leon could say "I'm not just making this up, its in the Torah. Also I didn't write this, Simeon bar Yochai did. We all love Yochai don't we?" Imo this is the real "woo factor" of the Zohar, but its also a necessary move to give the text authority. It is tactically and expertly applied woo which -let's be honest here- is the essence of good esoterica.

The funniest thing about the Zohar is that when it was published, it was roundly criticized by other rabbis for being full of nonsense grammatical mistakes, ahistorical claims, and even misquoting the bible, but people still liked it. The general response was something along the lines of "Moshe we know you made this up and its mostly bullshit...but its pretty cool."

TLDR; its late platonism all the way down, and yeah gematria is woo but de Leon was using it for a specific and non-woo purpose

[omgfangirlland]

I'd love for a part 2! It'd be really funny if she did get taken in by Slade or by Ra.. But I kinda want her to be taken in by the Winchesters 😈😈😈 (my brain is itching to write another idea but I'm also having a mental block.. Dang it.. So many possibilities.. So many ideaaaas....i wannnnnna write and writeeeeeee but I feel like my head is gonna explode)

-🔱

Here's a kinda part 2/kinda thoughts to add 🙃

I think the Reader knows some things from the goons and the other clients of The Lounge- like one taught her how to throw knives, maybe another gave her the basics for shooting a gun, and another gave her inside tips on stocks.

Either way, along the way, her speech does get better, she still stutters and is still selectively mute, but she grows and learn a lot, one particular man seemingly taking him under his wing while all she needs to do is listen to his madness.

Reader is still a skeptic and swears John Winchester is a madman, but you also know he tips nicely and buys you nice things, from silly drawing books to necessities like jackets and groceries, so you let him talk. Unknowingly, you're actually helping him a lot.

You don't notice it, you have learned to brush it off, actually, but John is always alone. When you first asked him what he'd like and then turned to his left, asking his "friend"(maybe a hunter who died on the job due to John) the same question, he immediately knew. And not like the ghosts would tell you they're dead- they like to be treated s if they're still alive.

Now, years later, when three men walk in, stiff and eyes jumping from one side to the other, you know they're asking for trouble, but you have a job to do. So, you put on a fake smile and ask what they'd like while kindly asking the shining meta to close his wings and, if possible, to dim his light.

Dean and Sam look at Castiel, normal, human-looking Castiel who simply apologizes and seemingly does as told, as you stop squinting. They both throw a glance at each other before turning to you, introducing themselves, and asking about the strange missing people turning up drained of blood, not giving anything away as Dean jokingly calls them paranormal fanatics like old Pops Winchester.

Your smile immediately drops. As you ask why they want to know, and if they know a John Winchester, the brothers have a moment of dread as the possibility of this being another Adam moment crosses their minds.

"He's dead. I'm sorry." Castiel says plainly, deadpan, making Dean and Sam cringe. And you snort, calling him a fucking liar because you just rented the man a room. And when John appears behind you out of no where, is the moment everything went to shit.

Finding out you weren't insane and unnecessarily dipping yourself with pills wasn't something that was on your bingo sheet- alas, the memories of Thomas and Martha were long forgotten, and with the newfound reality came fears bigger than just being homeless. So you stuck with the team, left your... It wasn't home. Housing seemed more fitting.

The impala and the men have become your house along the way, through every bullshit, every almost jail time, every starving con artist moment. And if you and Dean became something more along the way, it felt right.

As it is, despite it all, you still found your way back to Gotham due to another John. You four had met Constantine on a few jobs, mostly demon hunts. The boys hated him, you found him sad, like a wet puppy, and yet he opened so much for you, after all, he's the reason you learned magic. So when he sent a signal for help, you begged your lover and his brother to go help.

The moment you met, the first thing he said is "Don't be mad," and by the time you blinked, you were in the middle of the manor, eyes locked on a pale, shaking Bruce and two happy, teary-eyed Martha and Thomas.

I don't know how to carry it on, so have these headcannon style stuff:

Dean goes out of his way to be even more clingy just to piss off Bruce. He addresses(even if he can't see them) Martha and Thomas as Mama and Papa, and just calls Bruce that or Wayne.

Bruce is beyond angry at the simple idea of Dean, let alone at actually seeing the man interact with you.

Sam is ready to brawl, Dean didn't let him beat John up, but he'll let his dear Sammy throw hands with this deadbeat.

John C. is drinking behind the couch. John W. is sweating in Heaven(CAN'T BELIVE HE MADE IT THERE BTW) as he watches the shitshow.

I have a thought that your mom actually called from the asylum and screamed at Bruce about where her baby is, why is she on the news being called a criminal, and Bruce just brushed it off as another mental break, crying himself to sleep that night.

Discourse insues, yelling, almost throwing shit. Just to scare Bruce even more, Reader fakes a vision where everyone he loves dies, telling him he'll try and fail like he's failed with her, before "passing out".

Cue John C. terrified because 1. he didn't know she could do that 2. he doesn't know she's lying her ass off

Sam and Dean buy you your fav meal and extra dessert after carrying you out to baby and driving off.

Bruce, of course, doesn't let go.

All the kids locked themselves in a room with Damian to keep him from breaking out because he's mad that nobody told him he wasn't the firstborn and that his big sister's mom was actually married to Bruce.

Tag list: @simpingpandas

I feel like @venomsvl and @beyondblissxoxo would also appreciate the tag, but I'll take it down if you two want that.

[r7leee]

shout | d.f.

this idea has been eating away at me oh my GOD

pairing: top!dominic fike x bottom!fem!reader

summary: complaining about being away from dominic, you accompany him on a trip to the studio. little do you know what that’ll entail

warnings: cursing, smut!!! teasing???, breast play, fingering, oral (m and f receiving) p in v, unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it), lots of fun stuff

word count: 3,051, should take about 23 and a half minutes to read (whoops)

“WHAT’S THAT ONE do?” you were currently standing in the recording studio with your boyfriend after he begrudgingly allowed you to accompany him. you were standing at the control panel, eyes wide in awe from the array of buttons.

dominic snickered at you, fascinated. “honestly? i have no fuckin’ clue.” you turned around, a small look of suspicion in your face.

“for real?” he nodded.

“for real.” you shook your head with a small tsk.

“you think there’s like, an owner’s manual or something in here?” you were part joking and part serious, genuinely curious as to what the the button did. dominic laughed as you searched around the room. his arms rested lazily on your waist as he spoke.

“it’s not a car, y/n.”

“let me entertain myself,” you whined, turning around to face him.

“entertain yourself? you need to entertain yourself after you begged me on your hands and knees to come?”

“what? no, i don’t beg.”

dominic knew you were bullshitting. he knew you were because, for one, you had been just a few hours prior.

it was a calm morning. you were laying in bed, drinking your morning tea and scrolling through your phone. dominic was on the other side of the room, changing out of his clothes. it wasn’t like him to get ready so early; he usually didn’t change until noon. “you going somewhere?” you asked, looking up at him.

“ya. needa head to the studio today and start working on the album.” your face immediately turned into pout.

“but i don’t want you to leave…” you watched as he slipped off his shirt and threw on a new one, undoubtedly staring at his toned physique. you knew you’d yearn to lay your head on his chest, staring up in his eyes.

“i’m sorry, babe, but i’ve gotta get this done. actually feeling like going today.”

“but dommmmm,” you whined, your phone fully down. “we can just, like, watch a movie. i have off today.”

he always found it cute when you did this. if he had half a brain, he’d get right back in bed with you and kiss you senseless. but he knew he couldn’t. “you can’t say anything to make me not go,” he said, sliding a tee over his shoulders.

you knew how important this was to him, meaning you probably shouldn’t press him to stay. so, you took an alternative. “can i at least go with you?” you pleaded with him.

his eyebrows raised at the prospect. honestly, it wasn’t a bad idea. but, he knew you’d be clinging to him the whole time, trying to be next to him. if you could just sit there and look pretty…

“okay. but only if you promise to not be a bother.”

“when am i ever a bother?” you asked, though your words were lighthearted. you knew you could never truly annoy him.

he just shook his head. “don’t be coy.”

so, ya, you were lying. dominic retold the story to you as he turned the controls on, prepping for his work. you, on the other hand, were stunned. “that’s not begging!”

“that is like, the textbook definition of begging, babe,” he said, trying to make his point heard. he was busy getting set up and ready to recording.

you just shook your head and sat back. “make it sound like i have some dignity,” you mumbled, mostly to yourself. though, you swore you could see a hint of a smile on his pretty lips.

after a little while longer, dominic was finished setting up and ready to record. he opened up his phone to the notes app, where he kept all his ideas. he scrolled through, softly humming as he found the song he wanted to record.

begrudgingly to you, he walked away and into the studio. with the click of a button, a quick vocal warm-up, and after putting on headphones, he was ready to start. he took a deep breath before singing softly into the microphone.

this song was new. unlike anything you’d heard before. an obvious perk of being dominic’s girlfriend, you heard all his songs before anyone else. you were glad for that because you were sure this one was bound to be one of your favorites.

after a little while, he stopped to take a break. the loss of contact was getting to you, and there was just something about him when he was singing…

dominic strode over to you, the door to the recording room still open, and grabbed his water bottle, taking a sip. meanwhile, you snuck up behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist. “you’re doing good…like, really good,” you mumbled lowly.

he smiled, turning around so now he was facing you. so now he was the one holding your waist. “when am i not?” he quipped, though his tone was lighthearted.

you glared at him, though again, it was light. “shut up.”

“make me,” he shot back. so you did.

without a second thought, you pressed your lips against his. he was a bit taken aback, but he quickly melted into it, kissing you back. at first it was soft and simple. just a little contact.

but, that quickly changed. some kind of fire lit inside you both that could only be put out by closeness. you sloppily pressed your lips against his as you backed him against the wall.

he pulled away for a second, leaving you cut off. he reached to trace your bottom lip gently with his thumb. “see…i know you beg.” his hand slid down to cup your jaw. “i know because if i were to just…” his hand ventured farther. down your side and to the waistband of your sweatpants. he took the elastic between his fingers, pulling softly. “you’d want me to take them off. wouldn’t you?”

you wanted him to be wrong. but the way his fingers just teased the outside of it, pulling the fabric just to let go and have it snap back in place…

you shook your head, wanting to win this little game. “you wouldn’t fuck me in here,” you said, biting your lip. all he did was snicker softly.

“you sure?”

for a couple seconds, the only sound in the room was your panting and ringing in your ears from your heart pounding. your heart pounding because you knew he was right. he always was.

so you wrapped your arms around his neck. tangled your fingers in his hair. and with a sigh, your voice almost a whisper, you asked. “please?”

and he did. within a second, your lips were on his in a messy tangle yet again. it was all teeth and spit. his hands fumbled, cupping your boobs. he kept kissing you, feeling you up. god, it made you clench your thighs tight.

he pulled away just for a second to mumble, “take it off f’me.” quickly, you became distracted with the straps of your tank top.

in those split seconds, dominic had an idea. it made his heart start pounding just a bit faster. without thinking, he quickly reached over the console and pressed a button.

you didn’t even notice, too busy slipping the shirt up and over your head. he mumbled a soft “fuuuuck” at the sight of you in your lacy, black bra. “just fuckin’ teasing me, baby…on the couch.”

you didn’t need to be told twice. immediately, you were laying on the small, leather couch on the other end of the studio. dominic quickly followed, trapping you to the couch. his toned arms always came in handy for things like this.

immediately, his lips were back on yours, the intensity still evident. when he pulled away, your lips were red, puffy, and shiny from spit. his lips didn’t leave you, though. instead, they trailed down your neck, his breath hot and heavy in his wake.

a long, guttural groan was pulled from your throat as he pressed a deep kiss on that one spot on your neck. the one that made you shiver. “fuck…” you softly whined, your hands finding their way into his soft curls.

he just looked up at you with a shit-eating grin. fucker.

he didn’t take up much time there, though. he had other plans.

dominic slid his hands behind your back, propping you up on the couch. he sat up as well, quickly freeing your tits from the confines of your bra. he took them between his rough, calloused hands.

he just kneaded for a couple seconds, causing you to bite your lip. he rubbed the pads of his thumbs over your nipples in tight circles, making their peaks stiffen.

you felt the heat between your thighs grow, shifting so you could rub them together for a bit of friction.

he was quick to notice with a snarky remark. “so impatient, huh? just want it so bad, i’m sure.” his hands slid softly down your sides, resting on your hips before taking the fabric of your sweatpants and pulling them down.

with one swift motion, your panties and pants were discarded, somewhere on the floor. that was an issue for later.

dominic’s hands slowly trailed down your thighs. you swore he couldn’t go any slower. once he finally reached where you were waiting for, he slid your legs apart.

it was no surprise you were soaking. you could have been leaking onto the couch. dominic just chuckled and placed a single finger on your clit.

with the slightest bit of pressure, he rubbed in a small circle. once you started whining and bucking your hips, he extended the circle like a spiral, leading out. denying you what you wanted.

his finger traced the outside of your lips before stopping entirely. you looked up at him, all the air gone from your lungs. “dom, what the fuck-”

“hey, hey, hey. i’m gonna get there, dont’chu worry. patience.”

he often did this: just teased you senseless. but you knew it would always end up with you being more than satisfied.

he repeated his actions, but this time, going back in. going from tracing your lips back towards your heat, until finally, he reached your clit.

his finger traced it, pressing down, eliciting the tiniest little moan from you. with his other hand, he teased your entrance in the same little circles. it drove you crazy.

you were about to retaliate, to tell him to hurry it up, but your words caught in your throat as his fingers dipped inside you. the syllables dissolved and turned to a soft groan, ripping through you.

slowly, his finger worked inside you, hitting your walls so nicely. it didn’t take long for him to add another, going a bit faster.

you bucked your hips so greedily when he hit that spongy spot inside of you. he chuckled, low and satisfied. “ya? that feels good, huh?” he kept curling his fingers up.

all the while, his other finger kept circling your bud. you swore you could feel shock waves from it. it felt so good it hit you hard when he stopped. your eyes snapped open, only to be met with the sight of his head. now between your thighs. holy shit.

without any warning, his lips were now around your clit while he kept working your pussy. you swore you could cum right then.

his eyes looked up at you so sweetly, a stark contrast from the absolute damage he was doing to your clit. licking and sucking and pulling it between his teeth.

his mouth combined with his fingers still curling inside you made it hard for you to stay together. “dom, dom, i’m- fuck, i’m close.”

he pulled away from your pussy for a second. “then do it.”

with his permission, your thighs clenched around dominic’s head so tight you were sure it would pop right off. your moans got louder until they got stuck in your throat, the ecstasy washing over you.

after a couple seconds, you could feel only the bliss from your orgasm. but, eventually, the white faded and dominic let off of you. you sat up as he looked in your eyes. “you’re hard, aren’t you?”

with the straightest face you’d ever seen him have, he replied. “ya.” that made you burst out in laughter. dominic looked down at you, surprised.

“what?” he asked. you kept laughing, clutching the couch.

“i don’t know! it’s just…damn, okay.” he just stood there, mouth open before shaking his head.

“you’re a mystery.”

“no, i’m not. take off your pants.”

the sudden switch caught him slightly off guard, but he complied, zipping the fly of his jeans down and pulling them off. he pulled his boxers along down with them, revealing, as you’d expected, his hard on.

he sat back on the couch, while you kneeled on the floor below him.

you started slowly. just licking a single line up the shaft. he groaned, immediately wrapping his fingers in your hair.

you worked your way back down, swirling your tongue around the tip, tasting the precum that lay there. it was then you decided to take him.

your lips wrapped so perfectly around his dick. he always loved that. seeing you take him in your mouth. he thought it was the hottest thing ever.

you bobbed slowly, up and down, up and down. “fuuuuuck, baby. ya, that’s it. that’s it, you’re doing good…” the praise went right between your thighs, making you shuffle around again.

his hands continued to weave in your hair. they pushed your head further, further, until you could feel the drool running down your face. he loved when your face was sloppy like this.

he kept this up for a bit before he suddenly pulled away. “i don’t wanna cum like this. come on, up.”

yes.

you quickly got up to join him on the couch. “come on, on your back.”

you listened to his command and laid on your back. legs spread. ready for him.

and, god was he ready for you, too.

it took him all but a few seconds to get inside you and bottom out completely. the sudden adjustment made you let out a long moan. this was where you wanted to be. wrapped around him. literally.

he gave you a few seconds to adjust, moving to get in a better position. when you let out a shaky “okay,” he was ready.

he started slow, but deep. his strokes hit just the right spots in you. making you swear you could feel it in your stomach. you threw your head back as he, too, moaned. “you feel so good around me baby. sooo fuckin’ good,” he sang praise.

his pace only heightened from there. getting faster, his thighs started to slap against yours. your body moved back, tits bouncing as he got rougher. faster. harder.

the whole time, you were in bliss. feeling his dick pound into you. you had completely forgotten you were there: fucking on his studio’s couch. there wasn’t any thoughts in your brain besides him and his dick filling you up then going out then filling you up all over again.

and even if you could think, you wouldn’t care. not when he moved your legs to wrap around his waist, hitting a completely new angle. one that made his tip press against your cervix.

his breathing was hot and heavy. you could tell he was getting close. and dominic was a gentleman; you always needed to cum before he did.

so, to help him out a little, you reached down and started rubbing your clit. the bundle of nerves ached under your touch, but it only made you moan louder. you weren’t sure how nobody was hearing this.

it didn’t take long for you to get close again, too. certainly not with the way his hips were all but slamming into you now. “you close, baby?” he asked, feeling you tightening around him.

“ya…ya, ya, dom, keep doing that.” you felt yourself getting closer to the brink. the feeling of his thrusts intensified tenfold.

boy, did he listen. his grunts increased and your moans became higher and higher pitched until you couldn’t take it anymore.

the knot in your stomach exploded and you moaned loud. dominic held you through it, helping you ride out your orgasm. the wave was high as your eyes were screwed shut.

it took a second, but once you came back down, dominic slipped out of you. he took his cock, between his hand pumping it a few times before his own release laid across your stomach.

he collapsed on the couch right next to you. all you could hear was the sound of your heavy breathing. you couldn’t believe you just did that. you just fucked in the studio. hard.

your boyfriend laid next to you and started gently caressing your shoulder. “you okay? you need anything?” you just shook your head, still basking in it all. he snickered and kissed your head.

he stood up, finding his boxers on the floor. funnily enough, they were somewhere near the control panel.

he slid them on, putting one foot in then the other. “so…you wanna hear something cool?”

you snapped out of your daze, turning only your head to look at him. your body was too tired to do much else.

you quirked an eyebrow. and with the same grin he wore all day, he pressed a couple of buttons until a sound was heard.

you couldn’t quite decipher it at first. just shuffling. it wasn’t until dominic moved forward on the track that you heard something else.

your heart dropped. was that…a moan? the audio kept playing. the sounds of your loud, deep moans echoed in your ears. oh my god.

your boyfriend had just recorded you having sex.

there were no words you could muster as he fast forwarded even more, the sounds of his grunts and the slapping of skin against skin now evident. it was so lewd, yet you couldn’t even argue with him. it was kind of hot.

“dom…” the words died in your throat. the audio kept looping in the background. “what- what are you even gonna do with that?”

he just shrugged, clicking his tongue. “i dunno. might wanna pay extra close attention in the new album, ya?”

[dihydromorphinone]

SCHOOL'S IN, ANOTHER YEAR...

she said, "that's fine, what's on your mind?"

i said "your skin."

𓂃۶ৎ psychology professor!geto suguru x student!reader. smut, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort. reader insert, alternate universe, academia au pretty much, teacher-student relationship, forbidden love trope, stupid love at first sight, porn with plot. geto is a teacher and be honest we all wanna fuck him, drug usage (recreational or not), alcohol, partying VERY immature behaviours, age difference (it is legal though!), reader in her early 20s, geto in his mid 30s, office (desk) sex, pussy eating, facesitting, blowjobs, handjobs, semi-public sex, missionary, doggy, yeah this one is freaky, breeding kink, corruption kink, eventual pregnancy, masturbation, phone sex, mutual masturbation, loss of virginity. hard university life www, "secret" crush (not secret at all..), lowercase intended. !! i do not condone irl relationships like this guysss it's power imbalance that's why it seems hot (plus it's sugu) but it can really REALLY fuck your life up!!

masterlist | chapter two

𓂃۶ৎ chapter one; school's in, another year... first day of the new semester and new experiences is here. you arrive at the university, maybe a little stressed, but mostly unbothered; that is, until some fucker doesn't bump into you and your saviour's voice is way too hot for his own fucking good.

an: this one is a little short but i'm testing stuff out!! i can't wait to write more hehehe please tell me what you think about it!  also keep in mind that she's just a young lady entering adulthood, desperate for some new experiences, good or bad. that's why she'll end up making some stupid decisions and... well, i shouldn't be spoiling it now, should i? ;p ALSO IK SUKUNA IS GOOFY ASF FOR NOW bear w me </3

art creds: @/sugurusboobs and @/aliyartss on twt!!

well, fuck. you thought that high school will be your final place to meet loads of overgrown children, but apparently; you were wrong. SO wrong. hoards of new, you guessed, students running towards the door. as if the building was about to disappear. you rolled your eyes, cursing them in your mind; what could possibly get them so excited? well, that wasn't really important. you stood a little bit to the right from the door, not wanting to get injured by the crazy crowd. hey, actually - maybe they were burning someone at the stake? that's why there was a big ass group of people acting like fucking villagers with no manners? you chuckled at your idiotic theory. yes, it was stupid. yes, it provided entertainment. so it evens out.

and as you were thinking about the medieval rituals happening inside, someone bumped into you. quite harshly, might you add. you lost your balance and were about to kiss the floor, when some pair of strong hands caught you. oh, well. your first day didn't even start yet, and you already had a debt of gratitude towards someone, and you were a girl of proper manners - raised maybe a bit too harsh, but you like adapting to the rules as much as breaking them. moral, legal, ethical, social; all are simply just a bunch of bullshit that was created to "invent peace" and by the lucky side effect - enslave someone's free will. rules are necessary, but they need bending sometimes; your lifelong motto didn't really apply to this situation. the stranger didn't need to catch you, but he did, and he saved your pretty little face from getting bruised. that was nice, you thought; apparently, one of the professors who taught psychology was smoking hot. yeah, you shouldn't really look forward to getting an apparent supermodel as your teacher, but... can you blame a girl from hoping? maybe you were still a bit of a teenager at heart, maybe you really needed some dick from a hot dilf… and your sweet, sweet fantasies were interrupted by a rough, rich voice.

"are you alright?" the stranger asked, and fuck, his voice was so hot. hey, you might really be desperate to pounce on some cock… but for now, you should get up, thank the stranger and be on your way. being late on your first day of academic journey wasn't something you had planned, and would most likely want to avoid. you gently removed the big pair of well-built arms off yourself, standing up, turning and bowing low immediately.

"i am fine, thank you. i apologise for the inconvenience. i hope i did not hurt you anyhow. i must be going to class now, but know i greatly appreciate that you caught me," you muttered, a bit too formal for your actual liking. and it seems that he thought so too, because he chuckled and tsked lightly. you bowed again, not sparing him another glance and quickly walked inside to get inside your lecture hall. the masses of people disappeared, so it was safe to enter now; and as your saviour muttered some reply, you were already on your way to find in which wing does professor Geto teach.

well, little did you know he was right behind you, chuckling at your obviously fake politeness. it was quite… intriguing, seeing how people not that much younger than him behaved. zero appropriate behaviour; men just nonchalantly avoided him, with a small portion of them only bugging him to learn more about the subject. women… oh boy. he knew he was handsome - back in his own student days with Satoru, Shoko and Nanami he was the one who got the most confessions, but now? it only seemed to get worse. it was flattering, sure… but at the same time, those young women just saw him as a hot professor, nothing more and nothing less. he was sure that at least half of them had some dirty fantasies about him; it was obvious by the way they wore much inappropriate for university dresses or skirts and pressed their boobs together when talking to him. he was teasing by nature, so he usually entertained them just a bit. but if any of them tried to take it a step further, he'd lecture them about ethics of this - and there were none. in no world a teacher should get involved with a student. and you; apparently, were not like them at all. faked politeness, to the point of laughing, but politeness nonetheless. dressed appropriately and... not sparing him even a single glance. that was something new to him; a young female uninterested by him? well, he only had to hope you'll end up in his class, so he can at least get some entertainment.

and fate seemed to have smiled upon him, he thought, as he watched you enter his lecturing hall. ---

professor Geto wasn't here yet. that's fine, very fine for you actually; since you were both late, you wouldn't have any problems at the start of the semester. and as you looked to find some free spot, you noticed that… well, for starters, there were mostly women in this class. secondly, they dressed in... really revealing clothing. and you're not the one to judge - heck no, there's nothing better than putting on some slutty clothing and make some men pay you for your drinks, but it's a night activity. definitely not a morning class activity. and that amount of girls could mean that you're enrolled in the hot professor's class. the smoking hot psychology teacher could be professor Geto. well, anyway, their clothing is their choice, not yours - so you continued to search for a seat, and you found one empty next to some pink-haired bulky dude and equally built black-haired guy. well, fuck. since there were no other seats available, you came up to them, silently praying that you wouldn't have to deal with three hot men for most of your class hours.

"hi. may i sit here?" you asked, your eyes trying to grace them both with an equal amount of time. you noticed a few interesting details; the pink-haired guy had a killer stare and face tattoos, but he moved some things to the side, nodding at your question. his arms were also tattooed - god, just how old was he? and the dark-haired one...

"suure, mama," he smirked at you, making you glance at his lips, and you noticed his scar. it added some sort of... charm, to his figure. kinda sexy. just like his companion. "what's yo name, cutie?" he asked as you bowed your head, squeezing next to his manspread, trying to fit between the desk and his knees, to which he chuckled and moved his leg a little more. what a fucker. men around your age were really annoying. "it's y/n. yours? ...and yours?" you added, looking at the pink haired guy who scoffed.

"hah, you think you deserve to know--" he got brutally interrupted by the black haired guy, "he's Sukuna, 'm Toji. nice to meet you, baby," he purred, winking. well, fuck. an undeniably hot dude was flirting with you now, and his equally handsome friend was giving him the side eye. you'd surely get distracted a lot; but to be honest, did you really mind? who cares about a simple little life. you were young, you were free; so, you guessed, it's better to act wild now rather than when you're 40. you settled down between them, earning a groan from Sukuna as you unpacked you laptop, not paying much attention to the sound of class door opening and someone entering. until.. you heard a familiar voice.

"good morning, everyone. i apologise for being a bit late," the professor said, and your gaze snapped up. "i'll be your psychology teacher, i'm professor Geto," he smiled, and fuck - he looked so mesmerising. you understood now why so many women dressed the way they did just to get his attention. and his voice sounds familiar, because, well - he's the one who caught you before. you were in his arms. you were in professor Geto's arms. "fuck," you muttered under your breath, but that didn't seem to miss Toji's or Sukuna's ears.

"what?" Toji looked at you, his gaze teasing. "we're taking this class for the third time. this cruel fucker rejected our final papers…" the dark-haired man whined, looking at your professor now. "every year, there's a shit ton of ladies offering himself to him. don't tell me you're one of those girls who fawn over him?" he chuckled, and so did Sukuna; and you just blushed and stared at your new professor. but it didn't really seem you're that fortunate today - because professor Geto's gaze found yours, and oh fuck. you couldn't really look away; and you were seconds away from unbuttoning your dress. but his gaze drifted apart, and you came to your senses; stunned by your own thoughts.

damn, you really needed some dick - that was fucking obvious now. "...no. i'm not," you mumbled, focusing on starting your laptop and taking out your paper notebook. well, fuck.

the class went on smoothly, and you were actually able to focus on the subject. probably because today's one wasn't serious at all; it was something akin to introduction to psychology, and well - everything would be perfect if your newfound friends didn't whine in your ears all the time. man, they really should get a grip. if this major is too hard for them, why don't they just choose another?? well, not your place to find out - since they were studying psychology, they would surely find their answer soon. hearing the professor end his lecture, you gathered your things as quickly as you could, desperate to escape this lecture hall, desperate to escape your professor's eyes.

he glared at you so intently. you were sure it wasn't intentional, it couldn't be... judging by the looks of disappointed girlies, he took interest in no student. which was good - he was at least somewhat ethical person. but some part of you felt hurt. he wasn't interested in you now, and he shouldn't be interested in you even when you graduate. well, you should let it stay as a harmless crush then; it's nice to have a gentlemanly, handsome, really knowledgeable professor teaching your main course. you sighed, catching Toji's attention as the two of you walked out of the lecturing hall.

"wassup, mama? somethin' on your mind?" he asked, making you sigh again. "...no, not really. do we have the next class together?" you replied, wishing that they both had their next class with you. having some company would be nice; you didn't mind being alone, but hey - you were looking to get a bit loose once you enter university, and that was your great chance to do so. you weren't fond of judging people by their appearance, but both of them just looked fucking stoned. not exactly the proper people you should surround yourself with; and your parents would be more than disappointed. but hey! they weren't here, and you're an adult now, even though you don't always act like on, and your mindset is far from fitting someone entering society as a full-time member now.

"yeah, we got all classes together. cool, ain't it?" Toji put his hand on your shoulder, making you push it off and him earn a glare from you. you rolled your eyes playfully, already forgetting about being mopey because your professor fantasies would never come true. "mm, i guess. would be better if you stopped groping me, though," i muttered, picking up the pace and exiting the classroom, your two new companions just swiftly looked at each other before following you.

and little did you know - your professor's gaze never left your form.

𓂃۶ৎ taglist (open!) : @heartsteelkaynconsumer, @xxserenitysnow666xx

[sharksfrommars]

work is boring on Sundays, wrote some Dad Stan Drabble to get through it.

Stan adopts an infant child. I’m crying.

part 2 here

Tw: drugs, overdoses, allusions to suicide

and possible kidnapping. On accident.

Stan adopts an infant child. 

Bumfuck nowhere, Nevada-1977

Stan threw all the drugs he had left down the toilet. He flushed 3 times, staring town the swirling water. Some fish was probably about to have the time of its probably quite short life, but that wasn’t his concern right now. His only concern was the screaming baby in the other room, and their dead mother in the bathtub.

Stan had been her dealer. Clara, her name was. She was a street kid, by herself for the past 5 years. Turned 20 last May. Stan had been dealing to her for a while. Watched her tastes shift to harder and harder stuff. 

He had told himself that it was just a job. She was a junkie, who probably deserved anything that came to her. Like he was. Now, he reckoned with the fact that he never actually believed that. He just told himself what he wanted to hear, what would make it easier.

He didn’t know she had a child.

A child that would never know their parents. He looked into Clara’s eyes, misty with death. It had only been a few hours. They were getting high together. She hit more than she could handle, and Stan was too far gone to do anything helpful. He just fell asleep on the couch, only to awaken to the baby’s cries 3 hours later, hung over.

Stan knew he should leave. He’s the one who sold her the drugs. The neighbours would notice Clara wasn’t around, and surely they’d hear the baby’s screams. They’d come check, the cops would get involved, and Stan had to leave before they arrived. But somehow, he couldn’t. 

Clara was young, so young. Too young to be lying in the bathtub, dead eyed and blue. Too young to be leaving her child all alone, without anyone looking out for them. 

And it was all Stan’s fault. He sold her the drugs. He actively benefited from her addiction. He enabled this, and in that he ruined two lives. And the baby was still screaming, for a mother that would never come to comfort them again.

Stan figured someone at least should comfort them. So he crept into the bedroom, and saw the baby. They were tiny, couldn’t be more than a few months old. They were clearly malnourished, skinny and bloated like the babies in charity ads. It was a miracle they’d even survived. The baby’s crying subsided as Stan approached. They looked up at Stan with their wide baby blue eyes, begging for food, or comfort or any sign that they weren’t all alone in the world. 

Stan met their eyes, and understood something about himself, something he hadn’t admitted in a long time. He picked up the baby, held them close as he rubbed their back. Stanley pines may be a liar, a crook and an overall asshole, but he was built to protect. And by whatever god looked out for crooks and assholes, he was going to protect this child.

“It’s ok baby” he whispered in their ear, “you’re ok. You’re safe.”

Stan went looking around, first for baby formula. He found a mostly empty box in the kitchen, but no bottle. He mixed some up anyway, and found a syringe without a needle that he didn’t think had been used. He boiled it anyway, and hoped to all hell that it was clean enough. The baby seemed to accept it, and calmed down a little in Stan’s arms. 

He then changed the babies diaper, with much difficulty. 

“It’s a girl!” He exclaimed, “now, kid. Do you got a name?”

The baby blinked slowly, and Stan noticed a scrap of paper on the bed, right where the baby was lying. 

I’m so sorry I can’t take care of you, Lola. You deserved better than a mother like me.

The handwriting was shaky, the paper the back of an old receipt. Stan shoved the paper into his pocket, and looked down at the baby.

“I guess you must be Lola. Nice to meet ya, kid. Now let’s get ya to the hospital.”

Stan took Lola to a hospital in Las Vegas, made up some bullshit story about how his “bitch ex-girlfriend” had “abandoned their baby”. The nurses seemed to buy it, and they took her up to the NICU immediately. That whole week, Stan slept on the uncomfortable chairs in the hospital waiting room. Every time he saw her, Lola seemed a little healthier, and a little less stressed. She looked at Stan, wide eyed, any time the nurses would let him pick her up. Sometimes, he’d even convince himself that he saw a smile.

He thought about leaving often. Actually, that was his original plan. Leave Lola at the hospital. She was in good hands now, they’d find her a home. Doctors wouldn’t just let a baby die. But something kept him glued to that seat. He felt like he owed the kid, for killing her mum and ruining her life before it had even begun. It wasn’t a debt that Stan knew how to pay.

After a week, Lola was healthy enough to ‘go home’. Somehow Stan had stuck around an entire week, pretending to be her Dad. Stan wasn’t sure he wanted to take her. He couldn’t be a dad, he was too immature. He didn’t have a permanent place to live, or any money. He was pretty sure that Rico’s gang would be after him soon. And it’s not even like he knew how to be a Dad! He’d never actually met a decent one. Worst of all, Stan didn’t have any family that actually gave a damn about him. If Stan took her, wouldn’t he just be dooming her to the same lonely fate as himself.

But when Stan went to see Lola one last time, there was a social worker there. He explained that Stan likely wasn’t a fit parent, that Lola had been born addicted to opioids and that she was going to be taken into the system. Stan understood, he really did. He just asked for one last moment alone with Lola to say goodbye.

The next thing he knew, Stan had jumped out the window, Lola strapped to his back with a blanket, and was running to his car.  He didn’t completely understand why he did it. Frankly, it wasn’t a stupid thing to do. However, he somehow couldn’t bear to let some stranger take Lola. He’d met kids that grew up in the system, and most of them weren’t particularly happy. So Stan moved Lola to his front as he jumped into his car. He could hear security yelling as he sped out of the parking lot, and out of the city, and out of the state.

5 years later

Forks, Washington -1982

Stan decided a long time ago that Forks was a shit town with nothing to do. He moved around a lot with Lola, having taken numerous part time jobs across the Pacific Northwest under the name “Stanton Pinesly”, but for some reason, Forks was their permanent address. It was where Stan had a cheap apartment, and it was the place Lola had become most familiar with. 

Overall, it was a pretty safe town. Not much happened besides the odd rumour about vampires and werewolves or whatever, which was good. Rico would never find them here. Stan was pretty sure Rico couldn’t survive this far up north. 

“STAN!” Lola yelled, running out of her room. It was early morning, the sun still hanging low in the sky.

“Morning kid. Isn’t it too early for ya to have that much energy?”

Lola jumped onto Stan’s lap, attacking him with the biggest hug she could manage.

“Nuh-uh. I like morning time, Stan. It’s where adventure happens.”

“Sure, kid.”

Lola had always called Stan ‘Stan’. It was her first word, in fact. Stan never referred to himself as her father, not unless they got something out of it. Nevertheless, Stan had raised her like his own. She held his surname (well, his fake one, but she knew she was a Pines), and he kept her fed and healthy. He taught her to read (badly) and to steal (incredibly well). In all ways besides the one, she was his daughter. But Stan would never let the idea settle in his mind for too long. Somehow, being a father for real was a step too far. Into what, Stan didn’t know, but it was too far nonetheless.

Lola jumped onto Stan’s lap, trying to get his attention.

“Staaaan! What adventures do we have today?!”

The kid loved ‘adventures’. Which usually amounted to whatever odd job Stan was doing, or going to the park. Luckily for Stan, he didn’t have anything to do today. His plan was to just lay on the sofa and watch TV. Lola of course had other plans. “Nothin’ today ” apparently wasn’t good enough for her.

“STAAAAANNNNNN!” She whined. Stan hated when she did that. “I wanna go on adventuuuuuure!”

He picked her up like a sack of rice and looked her in the eyes.

“Tough, kid. Ol’Stan needs a rest day. My bones are old.”

Lola giggled. “You’re not old, Stan!”

“Is that so? How old is old then?”

Lola considered this a moment.

“Uhhh…. 20!”

“HA! Gee kid how young do ya think I am?”

“12”

Stan guffawed. Laughed till he couldn’t stand, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Gee Lola. Ya really think I’m 12?”

Lola nodded her head.

“12 is grown up, but still fun”

Stan’s heart melted a little; as sat her on his lap.

“Sweetie, I am 32 years old.” 

Lola gasped in genuine shock.

“Why aren’t you a skeleton then?” She asked. This set Stan off again.

Lola, it turned out, was incredibly funny. 

The phone rang, and Lola rushed to pick it up. She was expecting her ‘Gammy’ - Caryn, who called occasionally to speak to her “grandbaby”. She was really the only one who called these days. 

“GAMMY” Lola yelled, before she got quiet, and whispered “what are you, a cop?” Into the phone. Stan grew concerned. This can’t have been someone Lola recognised. 

“Sweetie, pass me the phone” 

Lola did so without a word. Stan stared at the receiver, he could hear faint maniacal laughing and the song “sweet dreams are made of these” on the other end. 

“…hello?” Stan asked tentatively.

“HI BROTHER, ITS SIXER!”

“…Ford?”

“I SPOKE TO YOUR CROTCH GOBLIN, IT SOUNDED GROSS AND SNOTTY?”

“Ford, what the fuck?”

“LOOK I CALLED JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, IM JUMPING INTO THE FROZEN LAKE TOMORROW.”

“Wait Ford what’s going-“

“IF YOU NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN, ITS CUS I NEVER LOVED YOU!”

“Ford you can’t just-“

The line cut out. Lola looked up at Stan expectantly. Stan figured that Ford must be having some sort of mental break. But he could leave his Brother in trouble. He knew Ford lived somewhere in Oregon. Not too far.�� Definitely drivable.

“Hey Lola, I think I might have an adventure for ya.”

[starlattethesqueakwal]

Just noticed this while scrolling/random Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss rant. :/ (TW: Mentions of Fatphobia, Rape, and other negative stuff.)

The fact that the show has a character, who's canonically plus size, be called a "PIG!" will never not be tasteless like- why does Vivziepop hate plus sized people who enjoy food, like- at all?

It's just so fucking stupid.

Like- she clearly has this thing where the fat characters get hated on for liking food. Which is awful because it basically spreads the message that if you're a fat person who still enjoys what you eat, at all, even if its healthier food, that there's something "wrong" with you and that you "need" to eat raw baking powder or something for the rest of your life, become anorexic, and die to be "healthy" or some shit like that.

Even Bee ends up being disgusted because "LOL ONL SKINNY PEOPLE CAN ENJOY FOOD!" bullshit. Like- the writers do realize that an apple a day or one piece of French toast isn't going to kill you if you're over 120 pounds... right? Like- what the fuck is this?

The merch and stuff even has Mammon constantly around food and its somehow meant to be "disgusting" that he does so. They also made him the sin of "greed", which surprise surprise, also has to do with food! So having the greed character as fat is also fatphobic ESPECIALLY when you make him have food EVERY.FEW.SECONDS to the point where it comes off as a mockery of people with eating disorders.

Hell, if you think about it for more than three seconds, the concept of "sin" is mainly about shaming people with disorders.

"Lust:" Hypersexuality. "Gluttony:" ED. "Wrath:" Mood Disorders. "Sloth:" Iopathic hypersomnia, "Envy: Histrionic personality disorder," "Pride:" Bipolar disorder. Which if anything, makes the ENTIRE concept of "the deadly sins" literally ableist and the fact that Hazbin Hotel exists at all, showing these "sins"/behaviors as presenting someone as a inherently "bad" person for mostly behaviors such as being a sex worker, liking porn, liking food, having mood issues, being alcoholic, and behaviors that make people NOT a "bad person" or a "joke" shows just how inherently flawed Hazbin Hotel is as a concept. I think that I could only list very few scenes where a character was shamed for something actually bad, as then there's the other extreme: Showing a bad behavior as "innocent." Stolas is shown as "innocent" for being a rapist. Valentino is treated like a "sexy goofball" by the cast of the show despite doing the same thing. The men that raped Sir Pentious are shown as "funny." Blitz's murder is overlooked constantly and has no real consequences in the show, etc. Its either a character is shamed for something not even bad or a bad behavior is overlooked. Its so goddamn toxic.

They also make him fully dressed to cover up his so called "disgusting" body when like... chubby people can also be pretty?

The creators even tried to play damage control when once again-

The creators posted that "ITS FUCKING LUNCH TIME" scene after making this post. So... this is bullshit. COMPLETE utter bullshit.

The creators clearly hate themselves and project that hatred onto their fat/disabled/and or poc characters. Also using sins to make themselves look like "better" people for not having certain disorders the same way most hyper religious people do.

They have the poc characters be rapists instead of any other type of villains (EX: Versoika and her crew, Valentino with Angel Dust, Velvette with the "love" drug she made, etc.), they had well-

THIS SCENE.

-and then there's the fat characters and their merch.

When here's a reminder:

You are more than your disability.

You are NOT a "burden", "ugly", or "useless."

You are NOT "greedy" or "gluttonous" for having a eating disorder.

You are NOT "just" sexual thoughts if you're poc.

The entire concept of the "SEVEN DEADLY SINS OOOOOH YOURE GOING TO HELL FOR THIS RANDOM MENTAL AND PHYSICAL DISORDER THATS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL!" is bullshit and this shows just how ironically hyper religious Vivziepop is (transphobia and all) despite her claiming that she is "one of the good ones!"

Also, here's proof that Vivziepop's kendraws screenshots are real:

-and that this post is based:

Goodnight!

[moexycodone]

this video sucks ass lmfao

so heres a list of things i found ass about this video:

the video suggests that the best way to handle modern nazi sympathizers is through ridicule, but that alone isnt rlly helpful. laughing at them doesn’t actively counter their ideology, dismantle their rhetoric, etc. "pointing and laughing" doesn’t challenge the structural and ideological foundations that allow nazis to persist.

literally just fifteen minutes of dancing around the idea of engaging with reichblr members, at one point saying, "use your judgment" when it comes to harassment [1:40]. and then saying "if theyre adults, um, someone needs to punch them in the face" [3:52] casually encouraging assault against innocent people

"holocaust is not a joking matter in any way whatsoever it's it's straight up awful and I disagree with anyone turning into a joke" who joked about the holocaust. who??? nobody on reichblr, as far as ive been here, has joked about the holocaust

the creator claims to respect history and historical research while dismissing entire parts of the history community (reichblr) they personally don’t like. for example, preferring "smart people" in certain history communities while dunking on the reichblr community, this comes off as arbitrary.

the video spends more time ridiculing the artistic quality of fan art but not a single second addressing actual nazis. which i personally think is a waste of time & was supposed to be the point of the video but okay.

"to this day there is still a very vocal minority of individuals that like them [nazis]" no, no there isnt. if there are, theyre not in the reichblr community.

also they use artwork, some from my moots, without permissions. pretty sure thats not ethical. oh and they called their art a "waste of time & skill" which is just a dick move and such an unnecessary comment to make on a video that discusses (or atleast tried to) something so serious as nazis.

"like glorifying nazi germany is horrible" [4:55] no proof of anybody glorifying nazi germany. then continues to say "nobody needs to be drawing that [anime hitler]" which makes me think their supposed idea of a nazi is somebody who just draws nazis then support them.

overall the video feels so confusing. it’s hard to tell what the creator’s actual point is because they’re jumping between mocking random nazi-related fan art and discussing extreme online subcultures without a clear direction. it sounds like they’re mostly frustrated with people who romanticize nazi imagery online—particularly the niche reichblr stuff—but then they go off on tangents about how these people might be dumb, or how their art is bad, without actually addressing the deeper, more dangerous parts of neo-nazi ideology.

the video seems to be trying to say that anyone who engages with or posts nazi-related content (even as art or a joke which ninety percent of the reichblr fandom does) is problematic, but then doesnt make it clear where the line is. are they talking about people who simply appreciate history? or those who glorify nazi leaders and their actions? its unclear.

plus, the mocking tone just adds confusion because they mock the fan art but also say that mocking them isn’t enough, but then the creator doesn’t really offer any solutions or actions beyond "laugh at them."

i did watch this video while half asleep (im also writing this half asleep but shhh), but if i can still find bullshit in ur video with one of my eyes closed and my brain struggling to work i think u may be in the wrong.

in summary the creator js rants, makes unnecessary comments about art they dont like, and cannot even be bothered to point out any real nazis amongst the reichblr community by simply generalising all of us into being a nazi.

its crazy how they claimed artist on reichblr were wasting their time and skill on their art whilst the creator of this video actually wasted their time making this dumbass video that didnt proove or disproove shit.

[orgasming-caterpillar]

Mahabharat characaters on Social Media: pt. 1

Yudhisthir

Mostly reblogs "Am I The Asshole?" polls and somehow each with a detailed and insightfully correct answer. Most people just look for his reblog and then vote whatever answer he's deemed right. That's how he earned the nickname "Dharmaraja"

Always explains stuff to the asks he gets and does it very politely so. You could ask him about anything and as long as he knows about it, he'll tell you about it.

Women respector since before 5000BC.

Never annoyed by hate comments on himself. Calls the fuck out of them if they disrespect his brothers.

Bheem

Posts photos of foods he likes.

Always posts about what he's cooking.

Gives gym tips to beginners.

Probably has "never stop bulking 💪" in his bio

Definitely makes it his own duty to teach his mutuals how to cook.

Arjun

Crazy good archery skills. Knows it. Shows them off.

(most people just look at his arm muscles flexing though)

Arjun: Madhav! Look at how famous this post about my archery is getting. I don't understand though. All I did was hit a bull's eye.

Krishna, looking at Arjun in that video being completely shirtless and slicked with sweat, brown skin glowing under the sun: *sweats*

Doesn't understand the thirst comments. ("Madhav what does railing mean and why does this person want me to do it to them?" "Uhm, it means they want you to "train" them haha. It's a slang. Haha." "*Replies to comment* sure I'd love to rail you")

Nakul

Sexy and he knows it.

Thirst traps.

Actually works very hard and always helps people, but he's such a troll that people just think he's a unemployed gymrat pretty boy until he attends some big event and people are like "YOU HAVE A JOB??????"

Loves his fans (I just know he'll heart each and every thirst comment go argue with a wall)

Always tagging his twin in the most random posts (most of them are jumpscares)

Sahdev

Does not want to be here

Always duets the videos nakul sends him and screams at the jumpscares ("I do not like this TRICKERY!" "The ball hit the camera Sahdev it wasn't gonna jump out the phone and hit you in the face" "I am BLOCKING YOU")

The fans love his reactions. He doesn't know, he never checks the comments.

Gives in after some time and creates a no-bullshit self help account to help people manage their life and work more efficiently

Krishn

The definition of Hot Mess™

On every platform he's on, which is every platform that exists, this man is Chaos. One post will be "My wife is so beautiful" and then "I miss Arjun" and then "here's three legal ways to loophole out of a lawsuit" and then a motivation post and then a video of a cute baby cow he saw on the sidewalk.

Pranks the fuck out of everyone and everything (his favourite victim is arjun)

Professional roaster. Has online beef with Shakuni. Insults in the most insufferable way possible you canNOT find a way to insult back it's so annoying cuz then he's like 😇🦚

Cute couple reels with Rukmini

[circadi1an]

// inspired by mr queen, cybertronian gn reader (but mentioned to be attracted to both genders), megatron x reader

tw for suicide (but its mostly interefered so nothin bad)

— I see your isekai to another world fics, and raise you a reader, whose a former mechanic / petriologist, transported into the world of transformers as a decepticon lackey. The war had just recently destroyed cybertron's life force, leaving only a dead world to inhabit the corpses among the streets. The nemesis is currently still recovering from the lack of medics on board / searching for a new location supplying energon.

— your previous host turns out to be someone who filled out that quota, unfortunate for you. you would've thought you be reincarnated into a forgettable casualty in the war, but noo it seems that everyone recognizes you, vividly you may say.

— actually, you won't forget to mention the elephant in the room. how could you overlook the last person on the list when he always reminded you of his existence every cycle when he visits your lab. the first time it happened was probably the day you found out if cybertronians can get an equivalent of a heart attack (sadly no, the spark isn't strong enough to penetrate through hard metal).

— whoever your previous body used to be seems to have a relationship with every mech in the ship – the frequent greetings from the group of vehicons passing by the hallway, the consistent mocking, with a pinch of manipulation, from the conniving second-in-command, and a surprising rare nod of acknowledgement coming from the silent brood that is the chief of communications whenever you two happened to meet one another.

— overall, your life here as a decepticon is quite comfortable. you would even say you've won the lucky lottery of not reincarnating into a... low ranking vehicon for example. but the truth is, you could honestly care less about all this bullshit. You've had a pretty good life before, working in a high paying job, hanging around with other (wo)men, drinking all day, all the good stuff really.

— So in your desperate attempt to return to your old body, you tried every method to offline yourself. Attempting to cut off your limb? You realize cybertronians can still reattach parts like they were mere toys. Jumping off to space and suffocating from the lack of air? You don't even have a nose, how the hell do you live without olfactory senses. Stabbing yourself in the stomach? Good luck trying, you wouldn't even be able to complete the job without a random vehicon appearing from the walls and jumping you from behind.

—One day you overheard a vehicon, who had just recently interfered with another one of your attempts, murmuring his woes of receiving the lord's ire for not thwarting your plan of early death much earlier. You didn't think of yourself to be that important of a person for Megatron himself to be concern of your life. Sure you're the medic / energon specialist, but in a war where millions of lives were lost as fast as a raging tide over the sand, were you really worth that much to be kept alive?

— It isn't until you had a confrontation with starscream that he had mockingly teased you, you were still kept alive only because you used to have a history together back in your old miner life. You laugh, chuckle even, at his face. There's no way. megatron, the megatron the ruthless leader of the decepticons, who had caused a million lifeless sparks, has a soft spot for you? When you realize the silence around you, every vehicon worker had stopped what they're doing. (wait when did soundwave arrive in the room.) their unspoken words only confirming the seeker's folly, of you and the warlord's past relationship and the seeming favoritism he has over you.

(You'll never mention the regular visits Megatron likes to do in his freetime, coming over to your lab and discussing of your current progress in your recent project. You'll also never mention how this 35 ft behemoth of boss who, for some reason, doesn't know what personal space mean and loves going in close proximity with you. You couldve sworn he either does it for the thrill of one upping over others.... or he just likes playing these games with you, specfically.)

.... perhaps overdosing on medicated energon is worth the shot.

[vicmillen]

Where's the Justice League?

So I been thinking about an AU with a merged setting. You know, where DP happened inside of DC multiverse.

Specifically, I've been thinking about the JL and the other capes, what's Danny's opinion on them and what would keep them out from the Amity clusterfuck.

Here's some thoughts:

At first it just didn't cross the trio's minds that they could or should call the JL.

Sure there's a literal portal to the afterlife in Fenton's basement, and sure there's dangerous beings coming out of it that endangered people's lives. But hey they're handling it! The whole thing is kinda sort of their fault anyways, and the three of them are gonna try their best to hide it and deal with it on their own.

They are teenagers after all.

Then comes the GIW, and Vald. Both of them makes a solid attempt at locking up the ghosty news within Amity. For different purposes, sure, but the results marks the foundation of a solid media blackout.

Fine by the trio, actually, they really don't need more attention being put on Phantom. The less people knows about Phantom, the safer Danny is. Since he's still hiding from his parents and they really don't want to find out if those threats are real or not.

As the danger level ratchets higher and higher though, it's inevitable that the JL would cross their minds. They are teenagers, after all. This world threatening bullshit is starting to get out of their depths, and they do know it. They may make questionable decisions sometimes but they're not complete morons.

Except, they also knows how dangerous it could get if the supers got involved. For all they are teenagers struggling with highschool, they do know what they're doing, mostly. Team Phantom knows how their enemies function, what powers are to be expected, and what equipments is needed to counter those. They knows what to look out for, and what to do when stuff goes wrong. Most of the time anyways.

They don't have the same confidence in the Justice League.

Which sounds like a ridiculous thing to say, but hey. It's a matter of specialization, not absolute power. Besides, with the power and influence the JL have, they really can't risk any of them getting overshadowed.

They've all seen the aftermath of a mind controlled superman.

There is unfortunately, also the uncertainty of if the JL would even be on their side. Sure, the JL sounds reasonable and accepting enough to see through the GIW's bullshit, but that's just another thing that they can't afford to lose the gamble. The Fenton parents and the GIW is already hot on their heels, they can't afford the Justice League hunting Phantom for sports too.

All in all, it took a depressingly short amount of time for Team Phantom to start actively keeping themselves under JL's radar. The firewall around all things Amity gets reinforced, several times, and even the other locals learned to keep the ghosts to themselves.

What happens in Amity, stays in Amity.

So for almost three years Team Phantom deals with their own problems. Without outside help, but also without outside interference.

P.S.

For the sake of this setting, JLD has formed but isn't public knowledge yet, at least not until after the DP related plot concluded. So Team Phantom wouldn't have known to ask for them at that point. Also the whole timeline is completely made up and stretched out as I see fit. Canon is but the sandbox we play in, and it's mashups anyway so.

There are more of this au that I'm contemplating. We'll see if this gets a part two. Maybe about what caused team Phantom to leave Amity.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

I remember reading someone say that they hope Seviathan ISN’T a jerk and if/when he comes to the hotel, he actually wants to help Charlie in her mission of redemption…then ends up with a crush on Vaggie, lol.

Mate, how funny would that be? 😂😂😂 You’re here to genuinely help your ex, then end up falling for her girlfriend. While it isn’t socially acceptable or appropriate, I think it’s cute. I guess Vags has that sort of affect on people.

oh man, if we go the absolute CHAD route for Sevi WHILE imagining him getting a crush on Vaggie... like, dude meets scary lady, doesn't notice how scary his EX gets over him staring at HER girlfriend, and maybe it's time for Sev to have some personal epiphanies?

Seviathan: "Knock knock? Yo Charles-a-lot! This really your hotel?"

Angel Dust: "Oh heyyy, look what the undead boy band dragged in..."

Husk: (snorts)

Charlie: "Sev? SEV! Holy shit what are you doing here!?"

Angel Dust: "Wait a sec, Sev? As in-"

Husk: "Oh shit."

Angel Dust: "Ex boyfriend on the hotel premises oh this is gonna get INTERESTIN'. Bet on how quick he gets maimed?"

Husk: "Fuck no. She'd kill us too."

Angel Dust: "Sigh... S'pose so. Spoil sport spear bitch..."

Seviathan: "I heard about your thing! Figured you could use a hand with the whole... uh... Sinner pet project obsession."

Charlie: "But Isn't there a game on right now-"

Seviathan: "Nah, everything's blocked out by replays of your little slap fight with heaven. Which I totally could've helped with too, if you'd given me a heads up first."

Charlie: "I did call? I said goodbye in case I died and-"

Seviathan: "Didn't hear it. You know I don't check voice mail. Everyone's always blowing up my inbox trying to to hit me up."

Angel Dust: "Oh my fucking gay."

Husk: "Would you hit that?"

Angel Dust: "If I did ya'd have to shoot me afterwards."

Seviathan: "Anyway, that's how I found out you'd actually went ahead and tried this thing out for real! And made a real mess of it. You totally cut off the final quarter of the best game of the year with all that live coverage."

Charlie: "Sorry, sorry- we REALLY didn't have say in the timing on that-"

Husk: "No shit."

Seviathan: "Eh. The team's played like shit anyway ever since I left."

Charlie: "Didn't you get kicked off for hogging the ball-"

Angel Dust: "Shocker."

Husk: "Never would have fucking guessed."

Seviathan: "Not dropping the ball isn't the same as hogging it and I never drop the ball on anything. You sure have though!"

Charlie: "I have? Where? Or er with what??"

Seviathan: "This hotel lobby for a start. Where's the billiards table!"

Charlie: "Ohhh. We don't have one."

Seviathan: "Why the hell not???"

Charlie: "No one's asked?"

Seviathan: "Well what the fuck does everyone here DO all day long? You've got actual people staying here, right? You're not still playing pretend hostess to stuffed animals and stuff?"

Angel Dust: "I kinda hope Vaggisaurus kills him."

Husk: "Don't get your hopes up. You know she's whipped and Charlie's a fucking sweetheart."

Angel Dust: "A bestie can dream..."

Charlie: "No I am NOT playing pretend hostess, thanks for mentioning it by the way, in public, in front of my friends- and yes we DO have guests at the hotel! Some of them here of their own free will even!"

Husk: "Not it."

Angel Dust: "Bullshit."

Charlie: "They have lots of fun activity time too! Even when we're not doing talk circles!"

Seviathan: "Uh huh."

Charlie: "Yes! Mostly we all like watching TV- well almost all of us- or listening to the radio to pass the time, or hanging out chatting, or reading-"

Seviathan: "So they're pussies."

Husk: "Hey."

Angel Dust: "Down, pussycat~"

Husk: (HISS)

Charlie: "They are NOT-"

Angel Dust: "Speakin' of pussy...."

Seviathan: "Yeah we're talking about you, what about it? Anyway."

Seviathan: (puts hand on charlie's arm)

Angel Dust: "Here it comes-"

Seviathan: "I've been thinking about us lately, and-" (spear thuds next to his head) "-SHIT!!! HOLY SHIT?!?!"

Husk: "Damn. She missed."

Angel Dust: "Just an openin' shot, Mr. Whiskers." (rubs all four hands together) "Oh this is gonna be goooood~"

Charlie: "Vaggie!" (BEAMING) "I thought we talked about this?"

Vaggie: (swoops down) "He's not a gust yet, babe, so I can greet him spear first if I want to."

Charlie: "Sev's my ex boyfriend though!"

Vaggie: "I know."

Vaggie: (yanks spear out of wall and holds it under his throat) "What the fuck are you doing here."

Seviathan: "I, uhh- is, is that angelic steel..?"

Charlie: (laughing) "Vaggieeee. You're scaring him~"

Angel Dust: "An' turnin' her on."

Husk: (elbows him)

Vaggie: "We said hotel security would be my thing until the threat of random asshole angel attacks went down, remember hun? This is my day job."

Charlie: "I never said I was complaining! Juuuust commentating!"

Vaggie: "Alright then."

Vaggie: (backs Seviathan against wall with her spear)

Vaggie: "Talk. Now."

Seviathan: (swallows hard) "I'm swinging by to help Charlie with the hotel thing-"

Vaggie: "Why."

Seviathan: "She used to be my girl, a guy's got a responsibility-"

Vaggie: "Did she ask you to."

Seviathan: "No? She, she doesn't have to-"

Vaggie: "Did you ask her if you could help."

Seviathan: "It's no trouble, I don't mind a little extra work-"

Vaggie: "Are you here to ask for a room in our hotel."

Seviathan: "In this place? Fuck no, you should see the digs I have, I've got a-"

Vaggie: "So you're trespassing."

Angel Dust: "Ohhh!"

Seviathan: "I'm wha-"

Husk: "Fucking screwed."

Vaggie: "You came here just to swan all over her hard work and stroke your own ego, is what I'm hearing."

Seviathan: "Hey girl, I'm here to he-ULP-!"

Vaggie: "Shut up." (over shoulder) "Charlie?"

Charlie: "Mm....wellllll... Since he's already here, as long he really does help, I'm fine with it. He's harmless. He'd just... um..."

Husk: "A fuckhead."

Angel Dust: "Don't take my fav word in vain, baby."

Charlie: "He's my ex for a reason."

Husk: "Fuck you."

Angel Dust: "Much better."

Vaggie: "He's your ex for an annoying reason, or for being an actual jerk who's earned getting kicked out on his ass for once in his life kinda reason, sweetie?"

Nifty: (popping up from floorboards) "Is he a BAAAAD BOYYYY~?"

Seviathan: "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAt-"

Vaggie: "What part of shut up there's a spear at your throat don't you get."

Seviathan: (jaw clicks shut)

Charlie: "Nope! He's not a boy boy! Just annoying! Mostly."

Nifty: "DAMN IT."

Angel Dust: "How's the huntin' goin' today, Nif?"

Nifty: (pouts) "The last baby bug got away... I hadn't even finished ripping it's little legs off while the mother bug watched it squirm..." (slinks back under floor)

Everyone else: "....."

Charlie: "... so! (claps hands)

Charlie: "Sev, if you really wanna help out that's fine, we're still finishing up the last touches on the new hotel if you feel like doing a little paint work and furniture moving!"

Seviathan: "....."

Charlie: "Sev?"

Seviathan: "..."

Angel Dust: "Think we broke him."

Husk: "I think it's the fucking spear pressed up against his fucking windpipe."

Charlie: "Oh! Whoops. Vaggie, please?"

Vaggie: ".... fiiiine."

Vaggie: (steps back) (wipes spear on nearby curtains) "Answer her."

Seviathan: (staring) "What's your name?"

Vaggie: "Hotel manager. Answer her."

Seviathan: "Charlie-" (still staring at vaggie) "-I would LOVE to help set up your pet sinner terrarium thing!"

Vaggie: "Our WHAT."

Husk & Angel Dust: "Hey!"

Charlie: "It's a hotel, Sev."

Seviathan: "Uh huh yeah sure, that thing!"

Vaggie: (lifts spear)

Charlie: (gently pushes gf spear back down) "Oh I'm going to regret this... ok. Let's, get you some gloves and stuff."

Seviathan: "Alright!" (holds hand up to vaggie) "Give me some skin!"

Vaggie: "...." (lifts spear again)

Charlie: "Excuse us Sev just ONE moment!"

Charlie: (pulls gf safe distance away)

Charlie: "Vaggie..? You okay?"

Vaggie: "Fine."

Charlie: "You're eye's, um. Twitching." (tenderly brushes fringe away from gf's eye) "Are you okay with this? He doesn't have to stay."

Vaggie: "No. It's fine." (sighs) "I want to be okay with it."

Charlie: "It's okay if you're not!"

Vaggie: "I will be, sweetie. Just give me a minute." (leans up for kiss) "But. I need to go do a Niffty and stab something. Really hard. Right now. And if I stay here one minute more, it's gonna be him."

Charlie: "Okay." (giggles) "Have fun stabbing things that aren't my ex?"

Vaggie: "I'll try to."

Seviathan: "Oh hey I'm awesome at stabbing! And the thrusting!"

Angel Dust: "PLEASE stick around, toots."

Husk: (mumbling) "Please fucking stick him."

Seviathan: "Long hard things are totally my thing, I could give you a few pointers on handling them no problem!"

Vaggie: "No."

Seviathan: "Oh come on, how about a hands on demonstration-"

Vaggie: (at charlie) "Keep him away from the kitchen knifes. He looks like he'd stab himself showing off and make a mess."

Charlie: "Heheh~ I'll try to."

Vaggie: "Good luck with that babe." (smooches her) (flies off to go stab)

Seviathan: "...."

Seviathan: "She single?"

Charlie: "She- NO? She is not??"

Angel Dust: (whisper hissing) "Is he blind? Didn't they just kiss???"

Seviathan: "We'll she's gonna be single soon, but not for long."

Husk: "He's dead."

Demon Charlie: "Her girlfriend is ME, Seviathan."

Seviathan: "Girlfriend? So she's-"

Demon Charlie: "VERY VERY GAY and TAKEN, YES."

Seviathan: "Wait, with you? Seriously??"

Demon Charlie: "Yes. Me. For s e v e r a l. Happy. Years."

Husk: (lifts bottle) "Cheers motherfuckers."

Seviathan: "Ohhh, so all that making out with you she did, it wasn't just her flirting with m-"

Angel Dust: "Holy. Fuck."

Demon Charlie: "SHE WASN't FLIRTING WITH YOU! SHE LOVES ME- SHE WANTS TO KILL YOU!!!"

Seviathan: "I'd let her, to be honest. She's hot."

Husk: "Let her?"

Angel Dust: "Dude."

Husk: "The fuck does he mean, let her? He wouldn't have a fucking choice-"

Demon Charlie: "On second thought maybe you SHOULD'NT help out with the hotel, actually!"

Demon Charlie: (grabbing him by scruff of the neck and marching towards door) "It was VERY nice of you to drop by, PLEASE go have a good rest of your life, you'll probably have a LONGER one if you live it away from here!"

Seviathan: "Aww Charlie, getting nervous over having competition?"

Husk: (spits out drink)

Demon Charlie: "You are SOOOOOO not competition! You might end up being another hotel fatality though!"

Angel Dust: "Bet on which of 'em kills him first?"

Husk: "Shut up I'm trying to listen."

Seviathan: "I just think a woman like that should have her pick from the best hell can offer!"

Demon Charlie: "I'm the princess of hell???"

Seviathan: "Sure, but you hardly ever act like it."

Demon Charlie: "I...! She, she doesn't mind me being like me. She-"

Seviathan: "What, a commanding woman like that is fine with a spineless partner? No offence. But come on."

Angel Dust: "Alright, now I'm gonna kill him."

Husk: "Let her do it herself."

Angel Dust: "Hmph!"

Seviathan: "She's never asked you to try being more of an actual princess sometimes?"

Demon Charlie: "No, she... Not like, not like that..."

Seviathan: "Not like that, huh?"

Demon Charlie: "No." (yanks open door) "And our relationship has NOTHING to do with you."

Seviathan: (grabbing doorframe) "But you know it could."

Demon Charlie: "NO IT WON'T. COULDN'T! WILL NOT, EVER!!!!"

Seviathan: "So why're you throwing me out of your silly hotel thing, then?"

Demon Charlie: "....."

Seviathan: "Scaaaared...?"

Demon Charlie: (drops him) (shuts door) "I trust her."

Seviathan: "Said like no one who ever got dumped so their girl could be with me."

Demon Charlie: "I trust her not to ACTUALLY kill you, I mean."

Seviathan: "Fuck I hope she tries... Maybe I'll let her pin me again."

Husk: (SNORTS) "'Let her'..."

Angel Dust: "He's gonna earn a fucking Darwin award at this rate."

Seviathan: (dusting ash off himself) "Kinda impressed you got all demon-ed so fast for this though. That's new!"

Charlie: "I've told you, it only happens when I'm PISSED. OFF."

Angel Dust: "YEAH DOLLFACE GET HIS ASS!"

Seviathan: "I know but like, it used to take a lot to get you all riled up. I hardly ever got to see you like this in bed even. Maybe if it'd been easier we'd still be a thing?"

Charlie: "You know I realllly really doubt it since I dumped YOU."

Husk: "HA!"

Angel Dust: "WOOOOO! BURRRRRN!"

Charlie: "And I dumped you partly BECAUSE you kept trying to 'rile me up' so you could try having sexy scary demon sex with me!"

Angel Dust: "OHHHHH!!!!"

Charlie: "Not that you ever even DID!"

Husk: "Fuck yes."

Charlie: "Because I always had waaaaay more fun sleeping on the COUCH!"

Husk & Angel Dust: (high five)

Seviathan: "...."

Seviathan: "So that's a no to having a threesome with us once I'm dating your soon to be ex girlfriend, huh?"

Demon Charlie: "SEV-"

Charlie: (deep breath)

Charlie: "... why do you even think you like her, Seviathan? You don't know her. She doesn't like you. You don't even know her name."

Seviathan: "She's hot."

Charlie: "Can We Try To Be More Specific, Please."

Seviathan: "I don't know? It was cute how she tried bullying me against a wall like that. All snapping orders like she was some kinda drill sergeant, or like a hot coach lady, treating me like some kinda bug crawling by her shoe- Who doesn't think that's hot?"

Charlie: "...."

Charlie: "Ohhhh."

Angel Dust: "Oh FUCK!"

Husk: (laughing) "The motherfucking alpha man-"

Angel Dust: "He's a fucking sub!!!!"

Seviathan: "What, like the sandwich? Shit. Are my pants fitting too tight again-"

Charlie: "Angel Dust."

Angel Dust: "Yesssss oh fearless leader...?

Charlie: (covers eyes) (turns) (escapes)

Charlie: "He's all yours."

Seviathan: "Whoa wait, where're you going-"

Charlie: "I'm gonna go surprise MY longtime girlfriend with kisses!"

Seviathan: "Hold on don't leave me with these two! Charlie!?"

Charlie: (already gone)

Seviathan: "For fuck's sake then I'm outta here too! I didn't come here to hang out with lame guys-"

Angel Dust: "Oh my little baby boy."

Angel Dust: (grins) (leans in) ".....how's the idea of a woman standin' over you with a whip make ya feel?"

Seviathan: "Good?"

Angel Dust: "Mm-hmm. An' if ya was wearing a collar?"

Seviathan: "..." (takes off hat) (holds it over crotch)

Husk: "Great. Another horrible memory to drown away with booze." (swigs)

Angel Dust: (draping arm around seviathan) "C'mon, let's find ya a dom who WON'T for real rail you with her spear~"

Seviathan: "Oh whoa."

Husk: "Oh fucking save me booze..." (down in one)

Niffty: (sobbing under floorboards)

Husk: "What the fuck? What's wrong with you?"

Niffty: "Th-the bad boys..." (sniffling) "... why are so many of them turning out LAME? Even the king of HELL asked me if I was OKAY when he stepped out his door in his ducky slippers and found me lying in front of it like a rug! WHAT IS WRONG WITH BAD MEN THESE DAYS!?"

Husk: "...."

Husk: "Here."

Husk: (hands down drink)

Niffty: (hands popping out to grabby grabby) "IT'S SO SAAAAAD HUSK!" (snatches) (gulps) (gulps) (faint thump and snoring)

Husk: "I can't fucking believe I risked my fucking life for this place."

Husk: (smiles anyway)

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

ok some things i LIKED about tua 4 since we all have talked exclusively about what we hated (SPOILERS AHEAD):

idc what anyone says the baby shark bit was iconic every time it came on i jammed

klaus had a comic book storyline from hotel oblivion!! let’s go source material!!

diego and luther being himbos

allison and klaus friendship

the entire birthday party scene was hilarious and fun and so THEM ok

the road trip scene that was in the trailer such iconic sibling goofy clownery they’re fucking idiots

klaus. he was in it. any time i get to see my little freak is time well spent.

incredibly unpopular opinion but i liked the ending i think they need an end from the cycle of apocalypses and suffering like they deserve a rest they’ve earned it and it was sweet that they all went together and the “i love you guys………but you’re all such fucking assholes” and then “fuck you” and everyone laughing and crying and THEN AND THEN ALL THE CHARACTERS FROM THE VARIOUS SEASONS BEING AT THE END i was SOBBING

klaus having a podcast of himself giving himself affirmations like that’s so funny

they actually gave somewhat of a shit about each other like diego was so DAD my babies have grown up but not too much they’re still fucking toddlers

lila is so pretty and funny and hot and unhinged she means so much to me

lila and klaus friendship!! lila and allison!! bonding!!

gene and jean were SUCH classic umbrella academy characters. loved them.

viktor gets all the pussy

i cannot stress how much all of the group scenes were so fucking sibling i love them ok

NO LUTHER AND ALLISON INCEST THANK FUCK

THUNDERBOLT THE GHOST DOG <3<3<3

klaus and claire oh my god i love uncle klaus so much and he loves her so much

seeing sober klaus and how hard he tried and then the heartbreak when that went away because he’s KLAUS he’s gerard way’s trauma self insert. as much as i want klaus to be safe and content and free from all this bullshit it was just so consistent and i can appreciate that. and i cried like a little bitch it was truly devastating but it was just sooooo klaus. also getting to see him make it incredibly clear that he didn’t want his powers back—him being the ONLY ONE who didn’t want his powers back—was important to me idk. and he was LOVED like he has a family!! he is cared for!! ahhHHHHHH!! love it

claire was great and getting to see her and allison and their tumultuous relationship and their love for each other after all of these seasons of allison looking for her and just wanting to be with her daughter

klaus got dave’s dog tags <3

more flashbacks to brellie kids!!

getting answers to some series-long mysteries

the underground subway system between timelines was so fucking cool and mindfucky 100/10

klaus’s look being reminiscent of s1 sorry that was my favourite klaus look ok

their sort of evolved powers when they got them back

so many good one liners and comedic scenes

ben being a crypto bro is SO FUNNY

will add stuff as i think of it. this is incredibly out of character for me i am an eternal pessimist but i did enjoy s4 (mostly because, as an eternal pessimist, my expectations are always low) so here we are.

[pseudophan]

What's the context for this? https://www.tumblr.com/pseudophan/787184045788479488/hi-nora-i-just-wanted-to-remind-you-that-youre?source=share

I tried looking in your archive under #phan but there's so much haha

basically phannies mostly stopped using the #phan tag on here years ago because they decided it was cringe all of a sudden (and some thought dan and phil had a problem with it), but i, being really stubborn and professionally annoying, always thought that was bullshit and kept using it for ages still. of course because no one used that tag we stopped doing well on the tumblr fandometrics top ships lists, which we used to dominate back in the day. that wasn't really an issue for years because dnp were pretty quiet outside of their solo stuff and the very occasional joint content, but then they came back and we all went batshit again and i was just looking at the fandometrics ships like... i know this is super silly, but i love winning and we definitely have the numbers to be on here, like we SHOULD be at least top 10 with the amount we're posting about them, it's just that no one uses the ship tag anymore because it's "embarrassing" or whatever. anyway like i said, i'm annoying and stubborn, so i made a few posts essentially being like "hey i know everyone thinks tagging phan is cringe now but can we start doing it again anyway because i want to win this thing please" and i honestly didn't think that many people would agree and start doing it but it kind of spread like wildfire lmao 😭 the more people started tagging it the more followed because i guess it's less embarrassing if everyone else is doing it too, and when dan and phil posted their videos on here people would reply to their posts telling them to also tag phan to help us win, and it worked! i think the first one they tagged was one of the twitter reaction videos? i was in the queue to see tit when they posted it so it's a bit of a blur, but yeah i'm pretty sure dan tagged phan and we were all like 👀 wait did he just do that because it's a phan twitter/tumblr video or did he see us asking them to help us out by tagging it 👀 and then he tagged his next post phan also and i've never been happier lmfao, HUGE win. phil joined in too and now they're gonna do it forever i guess. one time dan forgot but went back to add it like an hour later, which is honestly just very sweet

idk why this ended up so long and detailed i'm sorry, i'm supposed to be asleep rn but apparently i'm unable to do that so i'm deliriously rambling instead. hope this provided the context you wanted though 😭

tl;dr: i asked everyone to start tagging phan again for the tumblr fandometrics and a bunch of people actually did, then we got dan and phil to join in and now they tag phan on all their tumblr posts

for the record i'm not saying i personally did much here lol, all i did was go 'hey cringe is dead lets tag phan again' and people did. guess everyone was just waiting for an excuse