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i stay getting social anxiety and FOMO from watching stories on instagram and whatsapp i rlly do forget i dont even feel like going to a club or a big party would even b fun for me LOL
#a lot of factors led to me preferring being at home alone#and keeping busy w what i do#a lot of things. moving every single year. not being able to drive. living alone with an elder#n ik that sounds like me complaining but i really feel like my entire life has been me being left to my own devices by anyone who#was supposed to care for and teach me#which was why i was super antisocial and awkward in middle school and i had to learn the hard way how to interact normally with my peers#but its like it sucks theres nobody who will help you learn or grow and you just have to do it yourself#i dont wanna complain too much but like yeah. sometimes it feels like idk what im doing
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life of regret
#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford#gravity falls#my art#no way . i had all of these tags written out on mobile ab stanford and fiddleford post fallout and it CRASHEDDDD#THEYRE GONEEEWW (slipping thru my fingers like sand)#whag freaking ever . i was just talking about how i always forget theres a pocket of time between their split and fords disappearance#and how crazy it is that i had no idea fidds used the gun on ford until last month#it just unlocked smt in my brain thats all.👐 and then i said i was smashing my head w a rock. maybe even 20❤️#tbh i was neutral on fidds back then but i rly rly like him now T_T .. power of other fidd enjoyers lifting me up#i had a lot of fun coloring this one but i didnt know what exactly i wanted to do w it . i had fidds and the gun all finished#but i was like uhhh.. >added the wrapped light#and then i added a whole bunch of scribbled soc of the blind eye symbols but it was waay too crowded/busy#i wish i couldve found a way to keep them😧 u know when HAHAHAHAH u know those ugly like#math prints of just random equations . thats what it started looking like n i had 2 tap out#editing 2 say i posted this and i had that panic NOOO WAIT ITS JOT FINISHED but I Will be Okay.<say it w me#if i spend too much time on it ill just overwork it and then never share so -__-
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tbh i think that even unwinnable fights should be winnable. some of the BEST fights i've ever run as a dm were ones i built kill the players (in a fun way. I had some cutscenes prepped so even the loss would be a different flavour of win)- but then they were clever bastards and managed to either win the fights or pull themselves out of trouble. I think it's perfectly fine to plan for a fight that players aren't supposed to win, but you need to let them. if they can't win, they can't lose, and the meaning of that encounter is diminished. do that too many times, and they stop trusting you to give them roleplay prompts and start expecting to sit there waiting while you drive the story for them.
but if they can win... if there is always the chance to win, no matter how impossible the odds, then they ALWAYS have hope. they always get invested. they feel the big emotions of success or the big emotions of failure, and you fucking Win as a dm/roleplay prompter/lead bastard.
#qsmp neg#qsmp crit#discourse#<- for blacklists#im not grumping or anything im just musing on like. the mechanics of why everyone is so upset about the latest fight#and how it can be avoided while still keeping these fights genuinely difficult and intense#its hard because there's so many players and they all have wildly different strengths and weaknesses#so someone who could take on the code easy needs that enemy scaled differently than someone who isn't a big fighter#but it's hard to do that in a world where they interact w the same enemy#and you only have so much man-power to cater to a big server like this one#and then you bring in the big powerful items that the players can and can't access but which the admins have ultimate power over#and the fact that some of the admins themselves have lag issues or aren't super great at pvp so they accommodate that with better gear#and it starts getting messy#but for the fights themselves yeah regardless of what armour or gear or killing-methods they use there should Always be a win condition#and idk maybe there was one and we just didn't get to see it#but if that win condition is 'parents sit in the safe room with their babies while the others are overrun'#then i think there are ways to build better win conditions#anyway i love game design and player/dm interactions qsmp hire me now i want to know your behind the scenes#jk im too busy to apply#but man. i wanna nerd out so bad that sometimes i think about it
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Preorder will go live on my kofi at 1:00 PM EST on April 6th!
Shipping is 6 USD for United States, 20 USD for Worldwide. Shipping is possible to any country covered by USPS. If your country has any specific shipping stipulations that you know of, when it comes time for the preorder you'll have my email to contact me about any of those extra concerns!
There will be 100 made; manufacturing is currently underway for the lil guys. I'll be sure to update my kofi with further info about the process as it goes along!
#mine yoshitaka#rgg#shameless capitalism#yakuza 3#honestly ty to nati for recommending i look into bigcartel it looked sick bc it remitted sales tax#but unfortunately they required i get a paypal business acct which IN TURN required i open a business account with my bank#which they denied me without a state business license which would be fees and more waiting and registration#like PLEASE I DONT WANT TO START A BUSINESS IM JUST SELLING OFF THE EXCESS HORSIES#needless to say i stuck w kofi but if i ever do get a business going i really do think bigcartel looks neat#taxes: my true enemy#anyways poll i got kind of went around 60- 70 USD for what people were willing to pay for him? so I tried to keep it within that margin#considering shipping#eso_plushspam
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Kyoshi: When I was in the Avatar state against Xu, they kept telling me not to kill him. But I went against their wishes and did it anyway. Aang: That's....actually similar to what happened to me against Ozai, except reverse. They kept telling me to kill him, but I went against their wishes and didn't. Tho I still defeated him. Kyoshi: Oh that wasn't "others" that was just me. I was very loud. Aang: I can believe it, but no no there was def more than one voice. Roku: That was probably me too. Aang: Really????? Roku: Listen Aang, when you have Kyoshi in your ear for 80+ years, coupled with the fact your actions led to that war, you kinda just agree with her after awhile. Aang: I swear it was more people Kyoshi/Roku: We can be very loud Aang.
#avatar the last airbender#rise of kyoshi#kyoshi#chronicles of the avatar#roku#aang#atla#rok#kyoshi got really good at acting over her 230 years of living#i mean tbf she did hang out with an opera company for a good portion#she could've been a voice actor after awhile with all the skills she gained kfjadkjsf;lsa#yangchen was in the background agreeing w/kyoshi and roku tho#kuruk is like 'i mean you gotta do what you gotta do idc'#both were busy throttling szeto to keep him from telling aang not to do it they had their hands full tbh asdkfjs;laf
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do you make enough money from selling prints in etsy to sustain your life? how are you able to afford this beautiful house and time to crochet and go on walks and all of that? i’m not asking for nosiness but because i’m trying to figure out what i would need to do in order to make my life financially sustainable… is art an option… etc
short answer i mooch off my bf <333333333333333
#long answer part 1: i make enough off my etsy to afford my stuff (and i really don't buy much) and help out w th food bills where i can etc#i hvnt been able to do much of that OR save anything for the past couple months bc i hvnt been selling much BUT . things are beginning#to pick up again and i hve new stock to add when i get back from holidays :3#i have a smallish job lined up from my agent which is exciting! but hopefully i will make enough w her doing picture books etc to be able#to pay my keep / save more etc! i hve been anxious abt money this past months but thats just more so money for me to spend on small stuff :#i also dont drive so . i dont rlly hve many outwards expenses . im very lucky to have him hes very kind and lovely !!#if i wasnt w him and he didnt hve a house i would still b living w my mama which i did since i left uni!#long answer part 2: i always make time for goofing off during my work day. always!!!#part of the joys of being a freelancer! i can do what i want!!#i can share my routine in more detail if u guys want but i dont start work until abt 2pm-ish most days bc i dont rlly work well in the#mornings. when i hve more work that might change!! i have enough on to keep me busy but im not rlly hvin 2 manage my time u kno#im very very lucky to be in such a comfortable position :3 i hope one day u can be as comfy !!#oh also. i think once the agency work kicks in i will b fine financially ! and also u can absolutely make a living off etsy when its good#its very good for me ! i was very comfy financially around xmas last year i made a lot#u can do it u can do it !! art will always sell !!
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you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.
There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.
#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional#attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self#sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that#he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been#having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and#out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't#know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know#they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn#if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character#the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense#of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to#unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or#letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated#it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being#about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good#and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good#it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and#gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy#or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal#character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma#impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be#'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto
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Late Night quick thing (New Age Sillies)
Bad news: That joke post about including Reset + Orchid is definitely not canon. (I legit got sad thinking about Reset being in a universe where Orchid isn't- because their stories are so so intertwined- but Nightmare 100% would NOT risk the whole twins exploding Error's soul thing.)
Good news: This means I COULD include Kane (Reset's older brother who usually dies in timelines where Reset is born) and use it to develope his character a bit more! Also! Perhaps a Blue × Dream kiddo is finally in the stars for me to design?
#new age au#really enjoying the idea of Reaper + Geno having an heir at some point (and them sending that heir over to Night's kingdom for#exposure to other places as well as to hang with his third cool knight dad who's hard at work 🙏)#Kane has little to no development besides being a perfect angel (foil to Reset's eventual turn to poor choices) so I'd love to do#to him what I do to every oc of mine. (Namely: Throw them into the Kingdom and see what they do.)#oh! and I could see Blue and Dream (beloved boys) listening to the warnings of possible complications if they try to have a lil babybones#and Dream deciding he'd take the risk and carry the growing soul#(<- though tbf this is MANY years into the future and they'd be well established knights of the realm)#i'm not evil so they *would* manage to avoid the twins curse and have a singular beautiful babybones#they'd get raised partially on the move but stay behind with Night and Error if the two had a more dangerous mission#and grow up to be an obnoxiously powerful warrior following after their dads#(but they'd probably be hesitant to follow into the footsteps of being a knight and might go on a quest with friends before choosing a#final path for themselves)#<- Most spoiled rotten kid ever. courtesy of Nightmare and Error and all their extended family <3#oh last note. Ancha has me cracking up w/ ideas for Cross potentially meeting someone and I was beamed w/ an old ship request post I saw and#I think it'd be funny to include Lust in here somehow... (probably call him smth else as a nickname but y'know-)#like. He works in the city around the castle as some sort of... idk tailor? and he's been making things for Nightmare for years without#knowing because Ccino always was discreet about the orders and providing measurements + always tipped well so it was none of his business#but one day it's like. before a big announcement ceremony or smth and Ccino drags Cross in by the scruff because no one can get him to get#clothes that actually fit aside from armor (hc he steals the others clothes a lot and wears 1 shirt until it's threadbare)#so Ccino makes him go to Lust and Lust is able to get him fitted for sone new outfits because. well. Lust doesn't do much but he's very very#handsome and Cross is super easily flustered and shy around new people and he's awkward and aughhh.#and then he thinks about the interaction for the next month before deciding he's going to ask Ccino to go back there again.#and Lust likes dressing Cross up in new outfits (everyone thinks it's great Cross is loosening up and meeting new friends cuz Lust introduce#s him to people in town) and it takes forever for Cross to get over his worries and ask Lust out to a ride on his horse (romantic. of course#) and Lust agrees because he's charmed.#and the best part would be Cross *actually* manages to keep it a secret. like. no one finds out until one morning Killer bursts into Cross'#room to wake him for surprise training and it's Cross. the weird Dog. and- holy shit did Cross have someone over???#Cross pulls the cool ones frfr 🙏#it's just a casual thing between them with little plot relevance or drama I think. just a chill lil relationship 🙏
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no one asked but idc i think tma Gerry and Needles should kiss
#needles tmagp#tma gerry keay#tmagp fanart#tma fanart#needles tmp#this all started bc I thot Michael and Needles should kiss bc they’re both cunty and pointy#and then me n me bf were like what if Needles and Gerry kissed but also Gerry isn’t afraid of Needles ofc#bc he have a million tattoos and piercings#I think Gerry makes Needles poke holes in him for free new piercings#i want to draw him being bfs w tma gerry and michael#I think its what he deserves#he’s a bottom he needs to be bullied#I do like the idea of Needles dating Gerry first and Gerry holds off on introducing him to Michael bc he Know Michael is gonna act up™️#esp since it’s rly easy to wind Needles up#god Michael would be such a little shit#but then they would both annoy Gerry#my bf says it’s getting your eldritch horror bf another eldritch horror bf to keep them busy while ur away#like when you get a dog for your dog#anyways once again. I love all y’all’s needles designs 😤💖#I love this stupid pointy little twink sm#also don’t ask me how Gerry isn’t getting stabbed let’s just suspend our belief#smth smth Gerry and Needles both read Hellraiser when they were teens and it sure had an effect on them#I just think mister Gerry Keay is not only a monsterfucker but a monster tamer#i want to draw ink5oul next 😤#i also think they and Needles should kiss#I have a lot of thots abt them djfjjfjf#my art#gerry/needles#gerry x needles#yall should help me name this ship i used all my creative brain juice on drawing them
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also the bleaching results are great lol.
#I definitely missed a couple spots but in the back and that’s really not my business#the front looks incredible lol#and I saved $350 dollars#so overall very pleased w the results#i think what I struggled with the most was the back and also trying not to overlap the bleach#idk how long I’ll keep doing this bc I’ve honestly been bored of the blonde lately and feel like I should go dark again#but it’s nice to know I have the option to do it at home if need be
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category 5 poems of a machine event
#sitting here minding my fucking business and suddenly zapped w 50thousand volts of Image#what did they mean by this.#piktalk#its so physical. how does it keep doing that. i cant express that. but thanks i guess [rattling]
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Call me jaded bitter and black but I’ll never care about the nuances of the police fill in on tv. Like we already have to deal with the ‘my dad is a cop :(‘ or ‘my broke brother joined the military’ irl why the fuck am I wasting my brain power on Caitlyn or vi. Like we know materialistically the authority of being a cop can get u what u want faster and that emotionally u either need strict routine with an outlet for ur violence or ur so used to it that u have to be a cop. I still fucking hate u tho like idc about how sad u are about being privileged and I said cop fill in but it’s really every kind of that character on tv like Zuko esque sorry I genuinely have less empathy for you than I do for other people idc
#vis a bit eh#but sorry idgaf about Caitlyn on principal of her being an enforcer#vi can be gay w/ anybody else#do I hate how silco is woobified as a skinny white man especially in comparison to sevika#who arguably has Better morals - if better is defined by not directly doing the MOST heinous shit?#yeah#do I hate how yt ppl are yt ppling for Caitvi and jinx in order to call them revolutionaries or what zaun needs like ekkos not right there?#like his obstacles haven’t been THEM the whole time?#them as in the systems they work to maintain now?#YES#idk shit about season 2 this ain’t about that#if I’m wrong whoops#but yeah I hate that ekko got so little screen time but what little we see of him is taken and jammed into the other characters by fandom#jinx is not a communist bro she’s a white girl who’s mad and gets to break shit for a cause peddled to her by a white man who’s only issue#is his own position in life and fuck everyone else unless it’s to keep them in line and loyal#does she have the potential?#eh. whatever idc#but the whole she carried zaun on her back thing? mm#and it’s not even explored in a humans thirsting for revenge and violence and power fantasies in their idols as opposed to the tangible#change they could make at ground level#ie the idolization of jinx’s act of violence that stemmed from her own feelings of hurt towards her own personal situation which just so#happened to be tangled with the council#vs ppl saying the firelights stopping shimmer production does nothing or their own base is bad bc not everyone is invited. also double#standards. racially charged but we knew that#but yeah not it’s not even explored in that way it’s just genuine ‘the ppl love jinx bc she’s a hero!’ and ignoring ekko and his cause#entirely. do I think this worship could be the shove to rock bottom thatll eventually nudge her in the right direction? maybe idc#but it’s weird that nobody sees this as like weird. like ekkos about that action and has the principals to back it up#like he’s standing on business and jinx is waving a gun around to prove she’s not a naive weak kid anymore and that’s it
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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should i sleep for a hundred million years or purposefully stop sleeping just to see what happens
#i have slept 2 hours and haven’t been able to fall asleep again for like 3 hours and i was really tired and mad abt it but now i am not#tired and not mad abt it so maybe the path i should be taking is to stop sleeping. sleeping a lot gives me little energy and i’ve been#having trouble sleeping anyway so maybe i should use this to my advantage and run my little sleep deprivation experiment that i was#originally planning to do a couple years back but then got sooo eepy sleepy that i didn’t really get far. but maybe that’s bc i wanted to#go 72 hours straight w/o sleep so i could record my response to it. i should be more subtle i think. maybe only a few hours a night#and more 30 hour waking periods. do not listen to a single thing i say ever i’m an unreliable narrator btw. i think i could trigger smth#fun to happen i:m a good age for sleep deprivation to do something fun and interesting to me and i want to play god#but i’d get kinda sad being awake all the time bc sleeping is like my number one coping mechanism. then again the pain of losing#that on top of the physical and mental consequences of sleep deprivation would be like so cool. it would pain me so much#but i find that compelling. do not listen to a single word i say i will realize this is dumb later but rn i do kinda want to think abt#running my little experiments and trying to ruin myself further. i’m such a good thing to think abt experimenting on bc i’m so affected#by things i just wish i had more force of will Does anyone want to kidnap me and keep me awake for 72 hours (i’m thinking electrocution#will be involved) and keep notes i fear i’d give up and i wouldn’t keep good enough track of things which would be so sad#obvi it would be unethical but i’m cool w that. i would also want it all on camera for review purposes. hmm i’m digging this idea. 72 hours#is not very long and i doubt there would be lasting consequences so it seems like a good idea. however i’d want to do this when i have#things to keep me busy and restricted access to places to sleep. okay i must think on this further pay no mind to what i say unless u have#suggestions like how to keep yourself from giving in bc i always have difficulty w that one
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My Country: The New Age, first and last episodes & Hanif Abdurraqib, For The Dogs Who Barked At Me On The Sidewalks in Connecticut (text/audio) image descriptions in alt
#damn imagine if hui-jae was well written beyond like episode 7 or so. wouldnt that have been something.#just saying but if they had actually leaned into the parallels between these three instead of doing ... whatever weird comphet stuff we got#it couldve been so good!!!! or even if they had just let her keep her fun gender!! but no :(#im so glad hui-jae is busy being the occasional third in hwa-wol and mun-boks marriage while seonhwi raise goats in seo geoms village haha#anyway. enjoy yet another half assed post abt parallels and heartbreak in the parallels and heartbreak show <3#also do urself a favour and check out the whole poem hanif abdurraqibs writing is insane#my country: the new age#mctna#han hui-jae#nam seon-ho#seo hwi#caveweb#actually no i still have sth to say. like im not even mad that theres comphet im just angry its so bad like??? what was that#that wasnt even half assed that was like quarter assed at best#also the hui-jae / seon-ho axis is so tragically underused#like i respect that they just fully made them both hwisexual but couldnt we have at least gotten more than some crumbs#they went from vaguely friends to bitchy antagonists to i dont even think of u at all and thats honestly so lame#tension of a wet lettuce leaf. seon-ho was the one who made the first step towards friendship in ihwaru and he also warned her abt his dad#and wingmanned hwi (took hui-jae to see hwi kick ass) like in the beginning he was the one w the people skills!#and u are telling me apart from one extremely unbelievable attempt at a love triangle w the 'last drink' scene u never did anything w them?#like so much of my grief w this show hinges on the fact that there shouldve been more Good Times before everything went to shit#to make it hit harder bc imagine the beef if seon-ho and hui-jae had been actually good friends before he betrayed hwi#them seeing each other at court as the king and queens respective confidantes wouldve been so much better like !!!#wait actually i need to stop here i can feel myself getting hangry i need to eat lunch but imagine. imagine#the good timeline where hwi just got to be fully bisexual and there were more divorce flavours than just hwi/seon-ho and hwi/bang-won...#solarpunk_future.jpeg#nam seon ho#han hui jae#<- thats just bc i never fucking know what the consensus on the romanization of everyones names is#i personally go w the hyphenated method but lots of ppl write each syllable separate and ive seen the kpop variant (written tgt) used too
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i miss germany, i miss the euros, i miss june
#the past month has been so overwhelming 😭😭#i miss my life.......#like i am excited for school but i don't feel like i got to say goodbye to what it was before#i think i expected july to be chill time with friends#but i had so much to do to prep#and my friends have been busy or away or dealing w shit#and so i feel like i've barely gotten to spend any quality time with anyone i care about#since june really#and that trip to germany was so so perfect#so much quality time with so many people i care about#(i miss you guys!)#and it's been so fucking hard to find time to even keep up with my messages and phone calls and ugh#i just feel so ungrounded and disconnected from my friends and who i am#which is so frustrating because i know that like a month ago i felt so FULFILLED#so connected to my friends and my family and my passions and my work.#and yeah i guess this is just what life transitions are#it was always going to be hard to suddenly be around so many new people#i just already feel the temptation to retreat into my existing relationships and i don't wanna do that#but how do i already miss all my friends so much 😭😭 it hasn't even started#ugh i just had an annoying evening and haven't been sleeping well and am tired#i should go to sleep. i'll feel better in the morning#bella things
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