#and its not that hes stupid- he KNOWS people have flaws and he does see them

[firstkanaphans]

RE your tags on the bromance thing - I think I allowed myself to get a little panicky earlier when seeing a few people talk about there potentially being more, and whilst there are a few points made that I can understand, I do feel like the amount of worry I’m seeing it maybe a little preemptive?

Like, I do agree that it feels stupid to put TayNew in a bromance series; if they wanted two actors that are close & have worked together before, why not Tay and Off or New and Gun or something? BUT I did see that Tay and New actually wanted to do a bromance series together, so there’s part of me thinking that this was THEIR choice to do this series and not give it to some other actors. (And let’s be fair, I don’t think there’s anyone else who could have made this show so warm, angsty, and lovely.)

I feel like GMMTV has really been embracing their BLs a bit more if I’m honest, and sure, they do queer baiting in their non-queer shows, but who doesn’t? You can watch anything on Netflix or whatever and find ‘bromances’ that are severe queer baiting.

I kinda feel like sometimes people pile on GMMTV a bit much, all because they’re kinda like the biggest company in the drama community that does decent queer dramas? I don’t know if that’s just me being blind to their flaws, but I sometimes think they get a little more hate than other production companies and not always deservedly? (I mean I know they aren’t perfect and I call out their bullshit myself, but I feel like sometimes it’s ‘cool’ to hate on them?)

Sorry if none of this makes sense and I’m rambling - it’s almost 2am and I really need to sleep 🤣

In my opinion, these claims that GMMTV is going to pivot to bromances because they’re less gay and more profitable are absolutely baseless. Bromances are not new to GMMTV. They’re not even new to TayNew as I believe I’m Tee, Me Too was a bromance as well. Like you said, P’Dome explicitly stated that TayNew wanted to film a show together that was not a BL. Should they not be able to? And weren’t these same people complaining just days ago that CPs are never allowed to act outside of their CP? Now, they’re mad when they do.

What people are losing their marbles over is literally just the cast and crew having a good time with the fans. Did they play into the shipping aspect both onscreen and off? Of course they did! What writer worth their salt would have passed up such a perfect opportunity? But to me, it didn’t feel malicious. It felt like P’Dome was just having fun and giving Polcas a little nod. I almost feel like it would have been more strange if he hadn’t.

People certainly don’t have to like bromances, but it’s like We Are all over again where people were saying its very existence was indicative of the fall of the genre as we know it. And that’s just utterly ridiculous. This isn’t a queer story where the queerness was censored. In fact, there were explicit queer themes throughout. This is just a platonic love story and a lot of people who may not be interested in romantic relationships have found immense value in that.

Like I said in my tags, P’Aof is the Director of Content Production at GMMTV, meaning he is literally the one in charge of what content is being produced, and I’m choosing to trust the gay Thai man who has dedicated his career to this. He has such a passion for telling queer stories. Why would he stop now?

But like you said, it’s become hip to hate on GMMTV. And look, I don’t like corporations either, but let’s not pretend like GMMTV isn’t really fucking gay. Because they are. This is not a company that has ever shied away from explicitly queer content and is actually making more of it than ever before, so I’m not going to fault them for adding a few shows for the straights too. And if they have to make het stuff, I would much rather sit through a bromance than anything else.

I mean Jesus Christ. Peaceful Property was fun. I had fun. And it was also really good—easily my favorite offering from GMMTV all year—so if they want to make a hundred more bromances just like this, I’m certainly not going to complain about it. Some people just don’t want to enjoy anything.

(And go to sleep, Pip! It’s late 😂)

[vexingvorta]

Im not a fan of every argument made here on either side, so first I'll get a few things out of the way;

1, that abuse victims often go on to be abusers themselves if they don't put in the work necessary to heal from their own abuse, that's what people are talking about when they refer to the CYCLE of abuse. To deny that is... Also uncomfortable. Being a victim of abuse does not make you exempt from abusing other people. 2, I wish we'd stop equating toxic with abusive because there is a difference. 3, i don't think autistic coding is really a fair defense of said toxic traits I'm gonna be real. There's nothing wrong with headcanons and projection but just to focus on what actually happened in the series without using headcanon to excuse harmful behavior. I don't know what traits are being referred to as "autistic coded" here so honestly I'm not gonna touch that with a ten foot pole and just focus on what we see;

Its hard for people to accept, but abuse does not happen on accident. Abuse is an intentional choice one makes. And over all, no, Ford isn't abusive. He, throughout the series and due to a combination of his self-centeredness and being a victim of abuse (hell, his self-centeredness was weaponized against him as part of the abuse) was absolutely toxic for most of the time we've seen him.

The argument that he abused Fiddleford is so stupid I'm not even going to acknowledge it. The thing with Stan is, he frankly wasn't around him enough to actually abuse him. A one time event is not abuse. A single fight is not abuse. Abuse is long and drawn out and, as I said earlier, intentional. And, like what was already pointed out, Ford was in a bad state. He'd reached the point of Bill going fully mask off, so to speak, and the abuse now being at it's worst. He was fully isolated and sleep deprived and it made him crazy. Yes, his unwillingness to destroy the journals was deeply selfish and another mark of how self-centered he is. It's the definition of irrational. But, once again, he wasn't in a spot where he could think rationally. (Granted, even if he was, I still don't think he would've been willing to destroy the journals because his self importance and self centeredness is one of his biggest flaws and an important part of his character)

The closest Ford ever comes to being abusive is, yes, with dipper. He starts telling him a lot of the same things we know Bill told him at the start of their partnership; you're special, we need each other, these other people are only holding you back. Nobody understands you like I do. When Dipper expresses concern for Mabel, Ford is immediately dismissive. He looks at Dipper and all he sees is himself, and all he sees in Mabel is Stan. He is the one who pushed that dichotomy, because he really couldn't think outside of himself.

His greatest flaw is that he's self centered and self obsessed. But the thing is, is that he learns his lesson. It takes literal apocalypse to get there, but he does learn and he does reflect and he does apologize and try to do better. He course corrects. Gravity falls, ultimately, is about family bonds and breaking the cycle of abuse. Ford almost continued that cycle with Dipper, but he stopped before any permanent damage could be done, both to their relationship, and to Dipper and Mabels. He fixed his relationship with Stan.

He did in fact have abusive tendencies and toxic traits but ultimately he put in the work to fix them and be better. Ford is a well written and well balanced character. He displays how someone even with good intentions can unintentionally fall back into cruel and toxic habits, and can start repeating the abuse they were put through. He also shows that you can come back from that. That starting down that path doesn't mean you have to stay there. That it's possible to heal and get better.

None of what I'm saying is an indictment of Ford's character. The opposite: he is complex and well written and imperfect, and I love him and his character arc. He could've been so easily made into an irredeemable villain, a no good bastard who's just horrible and abusive. He had all those pieces laid out. But the choice and skill to actually have him go through the motions of falling into abusive tendencies and then getting better is amazing on Alex Hirsch's part, and a testament to his ability to write deep and complex characters.

(also this is just kind of my own aside but the use of "autistic-coded" as like an excuse for how a character acts is really annoying to me for a number of reasons? For one, just off the bat, it's an attempt to make your headcanon sound more canon than it is, but by nature of being a headcanon, it's not really a fair or valid argument here. Second, there are ways to make a legitimate argument and analysis of a characters actions in canon and debate criticisms of their actions without saying "they're autism coded so actually you must hate autistic people", like it's okay, you're allowed to make a legitimate argument. Also, "character did shitty thing because they're autistic" isn't the win you think it is, because let's be real, you're either implying that they have no autonomy over their actions because of their autism, or that you think autism makes people shitty or toxic, neither of which is the win you think it is. Ironically lack of media literacy applies in both cases here, just for different reasons. Okay side rant over, just wanted to throw that out there because holy hell it's something that is used so much in fandom and it gets grating after a while.)

The tldr here is that Ford isn't an abuser. He was abused, he had toxic and abusive traits, but he put in the work to heal and better himself. He's by no means perfect and that's okay, he's a good character, and he's actually trying to be better.

Today in "I hate autistic-coded abuse victims", this shitty take.

Ford did not abuse Stan. He did not abuse Fiddleford. He did not try to drive a wedge in Dipper and Mabel's relationship (he was doing what he thought was best for Dipper and thought Mabel would be fine).

Just admit you hate autistic people and have no compassion for abuse victims. And admit you have no media literacy.

Also, calling a canonical abuse victim an abuser is...uncomfortable, to say the least. Especially with how you're just making him out to be abusive for...not handling personal interactions perfectly. You're demonizing autistic traits. And you need to research how abuse can effect people.

(Also, I know Ford's not perfect. But you don't seem to know that he's flawed but ultimately a good person. You just want a "perfect victim" when it comes to abuse victims, and it's obvious)

[haunted-xander]

Got hit with sudden xbc3 brainrot and it motivated me to finally make the comic idea I got after completing Alexandrias ascension quest!

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Yandere Fae King ////// Flawed Love

All too often there are the stories of fae who despise humans, coming to love a single human who negates everything they've believed. But what about a fae who doesn't hate humans? In fact, he adores them having a whole wing of the castle dedicated to the transmogrified humans he so lovingly collects protects. Samaritans, scholars, and kind people alike lived to chat and entertain the immortal king.

But the Fae King likes to wander. To look at the ever-changing human populace with admiration. He's learned by now that his humans at home are just as entertaining as the ones he sees on the outside. That he shouldn't snatch every human who interests him a little, especially when he's been doing so well (he's on a streak of 5 decades!) There's just one human he's willing to break his hard-earned streak for.

"Ew who would bring their kids to this stinky place!?"

"My Dad, (Y/n) he's also the one who owns the cabin we're going to."

"Well, it better have some AC or I'll be having words with him!"

You, the absolute opposite of the kindhearted tree-hugging protagonist are the hardened city-kid with an eternal sneer. Many who know you will question if you'd kick a puppy that was too loud or not cute enough...and the answer is that you wouldn't because it’d dirty your seasonal Birkin boots. And somehow the human-loving Fae is obsessed.

"Your majesty this is the human you've been drooling over?"

"Yes! Aren't they lovely?"

"They're something."

Fae King doesn't care if the group you're with burst out laughing when he proclaims his love. After he unintentionally terrorized them all with the oddly acting animals and the branches grabbing at them on their journey. It takes a lot for all they've been through to laugh in the face of being responsible. 

"Did you think I was joking? Is that why you're laughing?" 

"Nah man we're laughing because it's them you like!"

"Yeah, if you're a masochist who wants to die alone!"

Despite the usually jovial nature of the Fae King and general goodwill to humanity, he does have an especially morbid sense of justice. Along with his occasional forgetfulness as King of the Fae he was able to spell those he fought with thoughts alone. But that has nothing at all to do with this particular situation as he promises you he has no idea why your friends are still laughing.

"I promise my love, I have no idea why they keep laughing!"

"Its probably because you said something stupid."

" My Venus--"

"Ew and stop with the nicknames it makes you sound like an incel."

"Whats an incel?"

Because you are who you are the Fae King will know all he has to say for you to join him is jewels and diamonds. Never before has he been so willing to lie about what he could do for you if you gave him a sliver of your attention. It doesn’t get any better when you do catch him in a lie.

“Wait! (Y/n) please don’t leave me–!”

Slap

“You idiot! Did you think I’d stick around if you weren’t putting me up in the best hotel? Unbelievable.”

“My bedroom!”

“What?”

“The King’s Master Suite is three times the size of these rooms…will that make you happy?”

“Hmmm…but only for a night.”

“Yes! Thank the stars I’ll carry your bags up for you!”

“As you should. Now lead the way.”

“Gladly!”

Turns out the benevolent, human-loving Fae King is quite fond of your harsh treatment. More than willing to tear century-old curtains because you scrunched your nose at them. Letting you wear the crown on his head because you complimented him. Everyone is aghast at how far the Fae King is willing to go just for you.

“Your majesty, can I ask why you like…that human?”

“Why? Because I do of course!”

“But don’t you prefer the other humans you have? The ones with kind hearts and compassionate morals?”

“My love has their flaws but nothing gets in the way of true love!”

[luvyeni]

SISTER TAMER ,, 黄仁俊

pairings ‎⸝⸝⸝ roommate!renjun x reader wc. 2.2k

genre. smut

🦢◞  includes ... reader is marks sister, oral ( m receiving ), throat fucking, rough sex, degradation, pussy slapping, unprotected sex

request. brother's best friend renjun x reader 🥺 pretty please 🥺

「 authors note 𖹭 」 i like this one , mean dom junnie means everything to me.

❪ masterlist! ❫

renjun liked mark; he was clean, he paid his bills on time and he was an all around good guy. he did have one flaw though, and it wasn't necessarily him, but an attachment to him— mark had a sister; you, renjun didn't like you.

you had moved in a year after he did; you were a freshman in college and your brother had an extra room, and who was he to say no? his name wasn't on the lease— he soon wished it was, cause then he had authority to get rid of you. you were a nightmare. he and mark did everything; the cooking, the cleaning; mark paid his and your portion of the bills, and gave you money that you spent on stupid stuff in his opinion.

“she's just not use to hearing the word no.” mark would say when he'd tell mark about your behavior. “our parents really spoiled her, it's best to just give her what she wants, to avoid anything.” that just pissed renjun off even more; he didn't want to move out, he actually grew to like mark, and the apartment was close to his campus and his job— it was just you; all he had to do was get rid of you, but that didn't seem like it was happening for a very long time.

“good morning junie!” you chirped walking into the kitchen, he grumbled. “i told you to stop calling me that.” you smiled; reaching up to grab a mug from the cabinet, the shirt he was assuming was your brothers raising up revealing a new tattoo on your lower back, along with part of your ass, he was used to it by now; the tiny shorts you would always wear against your brother wishes. “does your brother know you got that?” you smirked. “you gonna tell me junie?”

“it's none of his business, i’m an adult.” you sat down. “besides he won't know, only people i want to see it can.” you winked, sitting down at the table. “mark told you about wearing those shorts in the house.” you rolled your eyes. “please, do you listen to everything mark says?” he was already irritated; and you were making it worse. “what are you two talking about?” mark emerged from his room. “nothing mark.” you stood up from your seat , finishing your coffee. “yo, go put some clothes on.” mark said, you scoffed. “i literally just got up, i wanted coffee before my shower.”

“well you got your coffee, now go out some clothes on,” he said. “me and the girls are going out later tonight, can i have some money?” renjun watched the older boy sigh. “i don't get paid until tomorrow; i just gave you money.” your whine rang throughout the boys head. “please i need it, for drinks.” mark sighed in defeat. “fine , i'll wire you the money, now go get dressed,” he said, smiling while skipping back to your room. “you know you could've just told her no.”

mark nodded, “you heard her about to start man.” renjun sat up. “she could also get a job.” mark scoffed. “don't worry about man, but i do have to tell you something.” renjun nodded for him to continue. “gotta work the late shift tonight, won't be in until the morning.” renjun knew where this was going; it's happened numerous of times before. “mark.” he sighed. “i know , i know but i can't turn this down and you know she's not gonna give up a night out.” the elder boy said. “just make sure she gets in and into bed safely.”

great now he had to babysit a drunk you, on the night he was supposed to be studying. “look, i'll pay the light bill for this month,” he said. “its the least i could do after having to deal with that.” renjun nodded. “thank you so much bro, just make sure she doesn't swallow her tongue, or fall asleep in the shower…” mark stood up from his seat. “again.”

“has anything worked?” yunjin asked. “nothing, he doesn't budge.” you said , downing your second shot. “he's always just so moody.” ryujin laughed. “maybe he's just not interested in you” you scoffed. “maybe or maybe im not trying hard enough.” your friends shook their heads. “and what do you think mark is gonna do when he finds out his little sister is trying to fuck his roommate.” you shrugged. “my brother doesn't have to know everything i do with my life.”

stumbling down the hall of your apartment; putting the code in the door; pushing the door open. “mark!” you shouted, words slurring, taking your shoes off. “mark!” you repeated, walking to the back where your room was— also where renjuns room was.

renjun typed away on his screen, earphones in, not noticing you stumbling into his room— that was until his earphones were snatched out his ear. “what the fuck!” you chuckled. “where's mark?” you sat on his bed. “you smell like alcohol.” he scrunched his nose in disgust. “that's because i’ve been drinking, duh.” he rolled his eyes. “your brother had the late shift, he told me to make sure you get in safe.” he said. “you look safe , now get out and don't swallow your tongue.”

“mmh, don't wanna.” you laid back on his bed. “wanna stay right here.” he sighed, annoyed. “get up.” you ignored him, your skirt rising up, he could see your black panties. “yn get up and go to your room, now.” your hair messily displayed around your head like a halo. “yn im not fucking around.” you sat up, your boobs almost peeking out. “no.”

you could barely register anything before he was out of his chair, standing in front of you. “im so sick of you.” you felt a tug to your hair. “you don't fucking listen.” he growled , forcing you to look up at him. “that shit stops today.”

your panties were soaked, watching him undo the ties of his sweats, using his free had to push them down to his ankles. “re-renjun.” he grabbed your jaw. “shut the fuck up.” he spat, his cock hard in his underwear— guess seeing your panties really got him going. “you talk when i give you permission to, understand?” you nodded. “you have a mouth, use it.”

“y-yes.” your mouth water as he pulled his cock out, slapping it across your cheek. “you want my cock so bad it's disgusting.” he cursed, rubbing it along your cheek. “desperate for a cock even if attached to someone who can't stand you.” he tapped the tip of his length, coating your plump lips in his precum. “pl-please, i want it.”

“did i say speak?” he slapped your cheek. “apologize.” he ordered. “s-sorry.” you stuttered out. “good you do know how to listen when im telling you to do something.” he said. “you're not my , hpmh!” your bratty comeback was interrupted by renjun shoving his cock into your wet cavern. "fuck, just couldn't help yourself.” he growled. “at least your mouth is good for something.” he moaned, hand tangled up in your mane. “tired of you always running your mouth.” he pushed your head all the way down on his length. “fuck , time to put it to good use.”

he pulled out; leaving trail of spit dripping down your chin. “gonna fuck your face.” he shoved himself back inside, thrusting into your mouth. “yeah, fuck!” he cursed, your throat contractions around his cock, the gagging and lewd noises coming from your throat egging him off. “nasty fucking mouth.” he pushed your head down on his length , holding it there. “come on choke on my cock fuck you want it so bad.” your manicured hands holding his thighs. “shit!”

he let your head go, finally giving you air. you sputtered and coughed , black streaks from your mascara running down your cheeks. “im not done yet slut.” he pulled you back , shoving his cock back down your throat. “gonna cum down your throat.” his hips moved back and forth a fast pace. “fu-fucking take it!”

you felt the warmth of his seed, hitting the back of your throat. “shit!” he released your head again. “look at you all messy, covered in spit like a true slut.” his cock bobbing against his stomach. “turn the fuck around.” not giving you a chance to recover from his assault on your throat. “come on do it.” he pushed you back on the bed , flipping you on to your stomach. “put your fucking ass up.” he maneuvered your body.

“soaked right through your panties.” he slapped your ass, pulling your skirt down. “tiny fuckin skirt.” you yelped feeling another sting to your ass. “wearing shit like this to get my attention huh?” he rubbed your cock along your folds. “i asked you a question.” another sharp sting to your ass making you moan in pleasure. “y-yes, all for you.” you gasped.

“slut.” he spat on his cock, using your juices to lube his cock. “beg for it.” you whined, only for him to slap your ass. “if i wanted to listen to you whine like a child would've said so , i said fucking beg , come on , beg for my cock like you beg your brother for money.”

“pl-please junie.” you whimpered, pussy aching to be filled. “pl-please fuck me, i want it.” moving your ass on his length. “i want your cock inside me.” trying to fuck yourself on his cock, he didn't like that. “what the fuck are you doing?” he growled, pushing your head down into his pillow. “did i say do that? you don't fucking listen.” he shoved his cock inside you giving you no warning. “fuck!”

he waited no time, not giving you any time to adjust to his sudden intrusion, holding your waist in his hands , fucking you; your ass bouncing. “you don't make the rules with me , i do -fuck- you understand?” you were too fucked out to answer , but he still wanted one, grabbed you hair , tugging hard. “answer me!”

“fuck yes!” you shouted, neighbors probably getting a sense of what was going on, but that was marks problem; you could barely even function, shouting his name like a mantra as he abused your cunt. “fuck I'm gonna cum!”

your cunt was gripping his cock like a vice, he wasn't sure how long he was gonna last. “fuck!” he hissed. “pl-please let me cum.” you cried , legs burning , tears streaming down your face. “you gonna be a good girl -fuck- when me or your brother tells you to do something you're gonna do it right?” he slapped your cunt. “fuck junie!” you screamed. “are you?”

“i didn't say you can, so fu-fucking hold it.” he grunted, you whined , usually when you had sex , you came whenever you wanted, this was new. “i-i can't.” you slurred. “i didn't fucking ask.” he pulled out , giving your ass one last slap, flipping you on your back, shoving his cock back inside you, hitting a new angle.

“yes fuck!” you screamed. “pl-please.” he grunted. “fuck im gonna cum.” he hissed. “cum , cream my fucking cock like a slut.” the knot in your stomach snapping , cumming, a white ring forming around his cock as he continued to fuck you. “sh-shit.” he quickly removed himself , cumming all over your stomach. “ugh fuck!”

you were heavy breathing, coming down from your long awaited high; renjun on the other hand wasn't done. “get the fuck up , we're not done.” he said. “shit is gonna change around here , even if i gotta fuck it into you.” … you were in for a long night.

…

mark tiredly made his way down the hall to the apartment, ready to hit his bed. “huh?” he noticed three written letters tapped to his door; renjun must've had a girl or some over. ripping the papers off the door , putting in the password , throwing the papers in the trash. “renjun?”

he checked the time, the boy normally was up eating breakfast by now. “jun where you at bro?” he heard shuffling and cursing coming from the boys room , he shook his head , going to check on you— your bed hadn't been slept in. “shit jun she didn't come in last night.” you could be past out somewhere and he wouldn't know. “jun did she come in last night?” he knocked on the boy's door.

“sh-shit that's your brother get up.” the boy shook you, you groaned in pain. “my head.” your voice horse. “my legs.” you were ignoring the boy next to throwing your clothes at you. “junie what-” you suddenly saw the darkness off the blanket covering you. “did you see— what the fuck are you doing?” you shoved the blanket off your head , face going pale , your brother standing in the doorway. “mark.”

“mark bro— whatever went down in this room , i don't want to know , and i never want to know.” he said. “just know it better not happen while im here and keep it down so the neighbors better not come knocking.” he shut the door before any of you could say something. “this is why i said go to your room last night, but insisted on sleeping here.”

“and you let me.” you smirked condescendingly , that pissed him off. “did you not learn anything from last night?” he grabbed your jaw; a loud bang on the wall.

“get the fuck out of his room now!”

©LUVYENI

[eir-trixa]

WOTTG SPOILERS AFTER THE CUT

.

.

.

Can you believe Rick is validating me in my Percy-is-the-most-empathic-character take? I have legal basis but boi does it feel nice to have canon confirmation.

Second that book was short af I got the gist of it all while reading for like an hour.

Third, we addressed everyone else’s trauma. Percy’s still the group therapist LMAO 😭😭😭

Fourth, my son is such a good kid yall, this is why I lose five years of my life when someone insults or when he insults himself jfc my child.

Im honestly still processing and I have to reread the ending. Did it address Percy’s issues? Im going to go with “a bit” and call it a night. I mean, I guess it did? Percy got to unload and help Gale and Hecuba. We got an insight to how he’s managing to stay up and fighting and good despite all the shit he’s put into. Honestly the fact that he saw the humanity in Gale and Hecuba, that he saw their pain and grief and thats what made them trust him, that is so good. And the way he related to them. Goodness. And it highlights again how good a person he is, how much he feels and cares. I mean, he cried cause he had to send Mrs O Leary away, I cant with this kid-

I supposed what Im left unsatisfied with is how he still perceives himself as dumb? Baby, you survived San Fran for two months as a homeless kid without memories and pursued by different monsters who cant die. Youre the furthest thing from dumb.

He cant see this of course and while it was slightly addressed(?) by Annabeth telling him to his face that she doesnt give him enough credit, that he’s pretty smart, I dont think thats enough for addressing this particular issue. There was a time in the middle that he almost snapped because he thought Annabeth probably thinks him too dumb to know what to do next. Which I understand is frustrating to him. But to be fair this book made him look at Annabeth for a solution a lot. Theres also little comments about how when he cant think of anything - which is every 60 seconds apparently according to him- he looks at Annabeth. This doesnt help the co dependent allegations LMAO. Idk, I will die on the Hill that Percy is one of the smartest people in the series, not just emotionally but also in strategy. And theres, of course, nothing wrong with looking at the genius strategist for answers. Ive mixed feelings because definitely this is more of a Percy-insecurity issue than an Annabeth-being-bossy issue. But okay. One more book, heres to hoping we get more heart to heart on that front because Im 999998% sure she doesnt mean to make him feel stupid, Percy’s just got a lot of demons to fight but this in particular they need to figure out together. Still, its obvious how much they care for each other still. If only Dave and Hana did not piss me off at the start Id probably be a little more lenient about this.

Annabeth’s fatal flaw also makes a comeback, we love to see it.

And Sally Estelle Jackson. Now we have to find out wth is Percy’s middle name cause if Sally has one odds are she gave her son too. Trust me. Im Filipino. Iykyk.

Lastly, while I will forever and ever and ever support the trio from pjotv (theyre perfect and have done nothing wrong ever) I can see Rick’s injecting their personalities into the books. Im not sure if he does this on purpose or just subconsciously LMAO. Some of Grover’s dialogue is definitely inspired by Aryan. Percy being Lanky? Walker through and through, especially with his growth spurt lmao, and Annabeth’s confidence? All Leah. I can see what Rick’s trying to do. Ive no opinion on this, just pointing it out. I do love love love the live action. Just. I can see you Rick. You aint slick.

So there. I probably would need to reread the book properly at some point.

[lumosinlove]

Here is my first day of O'Knutzy Week! @oknutzy-week-2024

I ADORE you all for treating these characters of mine to a week of fun. I can't even put into words how much it means to me. I'm so looking forward to reading your creations!

Please enjoy tennis boys...

(There is an extremely brief and not at all graphic description of injury in the beginning.)

Finn O’Hara’s career was ended too soon by a bad knee injury. Logan Tremblay has no coach and a wicked temper that’s hard to control on the court—that is, until O’Hara steps into the picture.

On The Line - Part One

Logan was on a massage table when he saw. He’d been feeling a little stupid. He had been meant to be watching Finn’s game, studying his flaws and his strengths. Instead his cheek was pressed to the towel beneath him while someone dug their knuckles into his calf, and he was watching a bead of sweat find the corner of Finn’s mouth in a close up shot.

“This feel all right?” Hands were on his ankle now.

No, Logan thought, eyes on Finn. This feels like I’m going insane.

“Yes,” Logan said faintly. “Merci.”

Finn had his usual blue Nike hat on, and when he took it off before he served to wipe his face, Logan could see the white, salty sweat stains inside. How long had he had that hat? Logan remembered seeing it in Juniors. How many brand deals had its necessity written into it? Client insists upon…

Logan wanted that hat. He wanted to hold it.

Finn served. A perfect bullet of a thing that sent goosebumps up Logan’s shoulders, but Lupin still returned. It was second set, Finn had won the first. He was set to win this one, too.

Logan’s hotel room door opened and Logan didn’t look up. People came and went every hour of every day. This time, it was, Luke, his closest friend on tour besides Finn, and a room service cart of grilled chicken and broccoli. Logan eyed the chocolate cake slice there, too. One benefit of not having a coach or any sort of team following him around like the others did. He could eat whatever he wanted.

Luke leaned over to see his eyes. “Pascal Dumais is in the lobby. Black’s coach? I was thinking—”

“Non.” Finn was sitting in his chair now, drinking water. He turned and said something to the young ball kid holding an umbrella over him. Logan bit back a smile watching the ball kid do the same. Finn let his own grin cross his face.

Stop it, Logan thought. Stopitstopitstopit.

“He might know someone who you’d like to work with.”

“Non.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “Logan.”

“I don’t want a coach, Luke.” Logan tore his eyes away from Finn. “I’ve told you this one thousand times.”

Black served, and Finn returned, letting out a soft sound while doing it. Stop it. He’s your best friend.

“Don’t you think it could help you?” Luke asked. “Just talk to him, Tremz. Honestly, look, I certainly don’t want you getting any better. I have my own career to think about. But you’re my friend and your temper costs you thousands alone—”

There was a shout from the TV. A horrible, gut-wrenching sound that any athlete could identify. Someone had gone down.

“O’Hara runs for—” said a commentator. “Oh. Oh, oh, oh dear.”

Logan pushed himself up on his hands, dislodging the massage therapist from his back. Luke snapped towards the television, too.

“Shit,” Luke whispered.

Logan couldn’t have managed words if he tried.

Finn was on the ground, first on his back and then rolling helplessly onto his side, his hands locked around his knee. The cry had come from him. Lupin dropped his racket and ran across the court. Logan got one last look at Finn’s face before his view was blocked by the flock of medics surrounding him.

“That…does not look good,” said the therapist and began working again. Logan hardly felt the knuckles against his shoulders.

His heart was pounding. When another sound came from Finn, wrecked and in so, so much pain, Logan flinched.

The hands on his back disappeared in a flash. “Mr. Tremblay, I’m so sorry, did I—are you hurt?”

The camera caught every frantic rise and fall of Finn’s chest. Another close up. Sweat beaded on Finn’s forehead for an entirely different reason and the grimace of pain. His teeth were pressed together, eyebrows drawn. His fall had knocked the blue hat off and his dark red hair looked vivid and bright against the hard court.

Yes, Logan thought. Everything in him was on fire and begging to get that look off Finn’s face. Yes, I’m hurt.

~

Logan knew what the headline would be before he even saw it. Logan Tremblay fined $15,000 for skipping his mandatory press conference to go visit injured Finn O’Hara in hospital.

Finn knew it, too. No sooner had Logan made it through the door than was Finn throwing ice chips at him.

“What the fuck, Lo?”

“You weren’t answering your phone.”

“Fifteen thousand dollars.”

“I think I can afford it.” Logan dragged a chair over from the wall, sat, and didn’t plan on getting up until he knew Finn was going to be all right.

Finn looked exhausted, but the worry on his face was worse. His countless freckles looked stark in the hospital room light. Logan tried to see past it, into the bright eyes that had looked at him for the first time when they were sixteen. This face…Finn. Finn, who Logan had been longing for ever since.

Finn smiled weakly at him. His hands were knotted up in his sweatshirt. His knee was bandaged and elevated on a pillow.

“You could have waited an hour,” Finn said.

Logan didn’t know how to tell him no. No, he couldn’t wait. An hour would have been torture.

Finn cracked a smile. “But I guess you would have cursed out a reporter and made it twenty thousand.”

Logan couldn’t help it. He smiled back. Where he was bad with words, Finn was understanding. Sometimes Logan thought Finn could read him with just one look.

“Remember Rome?” Finn asked. “Where we met?”

Logan closed his eyes. Finn read his mind with just one look. “Of course.”

“I was dreaming about it, I think, when they put me under.”

“What, me beating you?”

Finn laughed and Logan had to look away. He reached out and brushed light fingers against the bundle of bandages.

“No.” Finn sighed and leaned his head back against the pillows. “That pool. And that wine.”

The almost kiss, Logan thought. One look at Finn, who was smiling slightly, and he knew he’d been read again.

“It was a good night,” Logan said.

Finn nodded. “Hm.” He tilted some ice chips into his mouth and crunched them. “Ended a little soon for my taste.”

Logan smothered a smile with his hand over his mouth. He wasn’t sure why they danced around it. It wasn’t like it wasn’t allowed. Male players dated female players all the time. Only, they never had to play against each other.

They listened to the buzz of the lights. A nurse came and went with water and pain medication. On top of the sheets, their hands found each other. Finn’s was cold from holding the ice and Logan encased it in his own.

Quietly, Finn said, “I think it’s over.”

“It’s not over.”

“I think it is.” Finn’s eyes were on his knee. “It’s not good, Lo. It’s just…It’s not good.”

“How long?”

“I’ll heal up okay, but…But knees are fragile and this isn’t the first time I’ve had a problem. Well, this is more than a problem, but…”

“Give it time.”

“That’s not what they told me.”

“It’s not over. Your game is too beautiful to be over.” You’re too…

Finn’s lip trembled. “Thanks.”

Logan wanted to fix it. Now. Now.

But Finn was Finn and so he let out a slow breath and tilted his chin up. “Maybe it’s okay.”

“It’s…okay?”

He closed his eyes. “I’m alone in hotels. I mean, besides my coach, besides the trainers. But that’s what this life feels like sometimes. People telling you where to go and sleeping in strange beds.” Finn looked down, then carefully back at Logan. “I love the game. God, I do. But…maybe I want something different now. I mean, a family. A…a partner.”

Logan’s stomach tightened. Finn, off somewhere, with—with someone. With someone. Someone who didn’t know him. The possessiveness that burned through Logan’s chest ached.

“It takes a specific kind of person to want to live this kind of life,” Finn said.

“Why do you think I work alone?” Logan said.

Finn huffed out a laugh. “I mean someone who’s separate from tennis.”

It was a slap. It was a knife. “Do you…do you want them to be separate from tennis?”

Finn sighed. “I want them to love me. So many players have people who follow them, and are with them, but are they with them? It’s all about the player’s dreams. Tennis. What they want. I mean, I’m racing towards…titles. Yes. And I love it but, I want to make sure I can—you know. I want to make sure my person isn’t ignored. I want it to be equal.” He looked at his knee, seemed like he wanted to speak again, but didn’t. 

Logan just held his hand and tried not to say anything stupid.

“Don’t you get lonely?” Finn asked softly. “With no coach, no team…”

“I have the game,” Logan replied. “The titles. And you.”

“Maybe me.”

“And you,” Logan said fiercely. “And Luke.” Finn rolled his eyes and Logan couldn’t help but laugh. “Why do you hate Luke so much?”

“I don’t. He’s just…always around.”

Logan laughed harder. “He’s on tour with us.”

Finn’s fingers tightened around his. “Maybe I like having you to myself.”

Logan was going to cry, suddenly and blubberingly. Finn not on tour. Please no.

Finn saw it and gave him a smile, even as his own eyes filled. “Maybe I will be your coach.”

Logan half laughed, half wiped his nose. “Think I’d listen to you?”

There was no hesitation and almost no sadness when Finn answered, “Yes.”

~

Over the next months, Logan was introduced to tour life without Finn. Luke was great, and they hit together, but he wasn’t Finn. He was too serious to be Finn, and Logan had enough seriousness all on his own. Finn, who’d dump the entire pitcher of ice water on Logan’s head just for fun. Finn, who made them take breaks to go find a nice lunch spot in a part of a city they hadn’t been before.

They spoke on the phone. For the first little while, Finn sounded miserable. In pain. But then he started to sound better. He started talking about how much time he had to read, to sleep. To actually watch the game he loved so much. He’d dissect all of Logan’s opponents for him and—and Logan was winning. A lot. It just made him miss Finn more. The money was good, but he had more than enough money. The trophies got sent back to his home in LA, but he was never home.

Logan distracted himself. He got himself up each morning and went through his routine. The hotel staff of whatever hotel he was in brought him a smoothie. He ran. He hit with Luke until Luke’s coach didn’t like how fast Logan could take apart Luke’s game. Then it was just Logan and a random hitter he’d been assigned. He ate room service and watched game tape. It only took him a week to realize he was always waiting for that knock on his door. That Finn knock. Bum-bum-ba-bum. Let’s go, Tremblay, get out of your head for a bit.

By the time four months had past, he thought he’d die if he didn’t hear it.

“I miss you,” Logan said quietly one night, eyes on his dark ceiling. It was so bad, this waiting for Finn, that sometimes that he had to pause and press a hand to his chest. He’d actually asked the physicians about it, just in case he was mistaking missing Finn for an actual problem. They had looked at him funny, told him everything looked and sounded perfectly normal.

What hurts? one had asked.

Nothing. Logan had said. I just wanted to make sure.

Now, in the cool hotel room, the rustle of Finn’s breath on the other end of the line made Logan close his eyes.

“I miss you, too,” Finn said. “A lot. Congrats against Knut, by the way. He a fucking rocket. And he’s only going to get better, what is he, twenty-two?”

“Something like that. I only barely beat him.”

“Sure, but you did.”

“Thanks to you,” Logan said. “I never play better than when we’ve talked about it.”

“Well.” Finn sounded proud. “Hey, you know, I’ll be cleared to travel soon. I might not be playing but I could—”

“Yes,” Logan said. “Please.”

Please, please, please.

Finn laughed. “You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“Please come.”

More rustling. Finn lying down in bed?

“Okay,” Finn said. “Okay, I will.”

Logan rolled onto his side, cradling the phone close. “Hurry.”

“As fast as I can. I’ll look for hotels tonight.”

“No, don’t stay somewhere else.”

“Lo, I can afford your hotel with sponsors, but not like this. I’m not you.”

“No, I mean stay with me.”

This big, cold hotel suite. Logan wandered through the rooms, floated between the hot courts and this cold, cold marble.

Silence on the other line. Logan’s heart picked up, until he heard a breath that he was sure had a smile in it.

“All right.” Finn let out a laugh that sounded like it was covered by his hand. “Okay.”

Logan had to smother his smile in his pillow. “Okay.”

They stayed on the line for what felt like hours—probably minutes—breathing and listening to each other and nothing at all. Completely quiet, but it was the most not alone Logan had felt in weeks.

Finn arrived, suitcase and backpack and those massive headphones that used to be Logan’s. He knocked on Logan’s door. Bum-bum-ba-bum. He looked tired from the plane ride. He opened his mouth to say something, a grin on his face. It was probably going to be something sarcastic.

But Logan launched himself into his arms, clinging tightly around his neck.

Finn grunted out a laugh, but held him back. “Hey, hey.”

Finn rubbed a hand up and down his back once. When had Logan last been touched in a way that wasn’t medical? Finn’s hand cupped the back of his neck and Logan knew he went weak against him but he couldn’t help it. Finn didn’t seem to mind. He held Logan’s weight. It was the middle of the night anyway, Logan could blame it on that.

“Have you been up?” Finn asked. “You need your sleep.”

“I couldn’t miss your knock.”

Finn’s hands stilled. He pressed his fingers into Logan’s spine, right where he was always sore. “I would have…I would have banged the door down.”

Logan laughed and pulled back. He realized how long he had been holding onto him, that he was still holding on. He let go, suddenly bashful.

“I can call for food,” Logan said. “Are you hungry? I mean, come in first.” He laughed, stumbled a little as he stepped back. “Come in.”

He watched Finn drop his bags onto the floor and look around. The main living room was the size of three hotel rooms. The bedrooms were spacious and had a connecting master bath. There was a kitchenette that all of Logan’s sponsors had stocked with snacks and the various energy bars and drinks they represented. Logan hated energy bars. Grainy and chewy. He brought cups of fruit onto the court with him instead and didn’t care how unhappy it made anyone. Logan watched Finn walk around. He’d left his rooms sort of a mess. Finn avoided the various piles of sponsor clothing without comment. He touched the two Rolex watches Logan was expected to put on during post-game interviews and press conferences. Those were supposed to be in the closet safe. He brushed his fingers over Logan’s secret favorite sweatshirt which was draped over the back of the couch—it was Adidas, which he wasn’t allowed. If he ever got caught on camera in it, it would be horrible. He only wore it alone, inside. Or with Finn.

“Must be nice to be number two in the world,” Finn said.

Logan rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s okay.”

I miss you. I miss youImissyou.

Finn smiled and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, it’s okay.”

“Shut up,” Logan laughed. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes,” Finn said.

And, suddenly, Logan had new nights. The days were the same. He left Finn with his crutches and his ice packs and his rehabilitation routine to practice and prepare for his next match. But his nights. Card games with Finn on the balcony. Get out of your head, Tremblay. We’re relaxing now. You’re with me. Video games, side by side on the couch. Dinner in the hotel restaurant, or somewhere in a city that Finn had found. Laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. So happy that it became a blur of one day, I am going to kiss you. Please, let me kiss you one day.

That morning after he won Indian Wells, he sat poolside with Finn and everything was almost perfect.

“You know what I wish Nike would do for once?” Finn said.

“What?” Logan looked over his sunglasses at Finn.

“Dress you in your colors.”

Logan looked over at Finn and laughed. They were poolside, cooling off from a morning run back at the hotel. Well, Logan had run. Finn and his bad knee had rode beside Logan in a golf cart and shouted encouragement far too gleefully.

Now, Finn had a duffle bag in front of him and was ripping into the stuff Nike had sent over for the French Open. Red shirt. Blue shorts. White piping.

“French fucking flag.” Finn sighed. “Typical.”

“I’m French,” Logan replied. “It’s my home court, in Paris.”

“I know you are, but it’s typical.”

Logan smiled, popping another macadamia nut into his mouth. They were good. Spicy and salted. The guy that had brought them a pitcher of lemony ice water had set them down, too. “And what’s my color, then?”

Finn reached over the side table between them and pulled Logan’s sunglasses off his face. “Take a look in the fucking mirror.”

Logan snatched the glasses back. Green, he guessed. Logan rolled those eyes and Finn smiled at him.

For a moment, Logan imagined Finn bracing his hands on the sides of Logan’s hips. They’d dip into the mesh of the lounge chair and bring Finn even closer when he kissed him.

Everything was almost perfect.

Logan put his glasses back on. “Just wait until Paris,” Logan said. “It will be more red and blue than you’ve ever seen in your life.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“Because I’m going to win.”

Clay surfaces were his home. What more did he need?

They flew together to Paris. Finn’s knee was healing, but Logan didn’t let him carry anything. Not his backpack, not their food for the plane.

“You’re worse than my mom was when she came to visit,” Finn said.

They were taken to a new hotel, a new grand suite. If the manager that personally showed them around gave them a particular sort of look, Logan didn’t care. Finn certainly didn’t seem to care. He spent a good part of the tour with his arm thrown around Logan’s shoulder. Forgot my crutch, he said. Need someone to take some of my weight.

Logan was still smiling about that as he made his way along the buffet station at breakfast the next morning. Finn had used the trick again. Knee’s sore, Lo, won’t you make my plate for me? Logan didn’t think he’d ever enjoyed anything more than picking out Finn’s favorites. He was so focused on finding the perfect burnt pieces of bacon that he didn’t even see the waffle flying out of tongs and towards him until it was on his plate.

“Shoot, I’m so sorry, oh my God, I didn’t…oh.”

Logan looked up and the voice—and up. Blond, was his first thought, quickly followed by blue.

It was Leo Knut. Six-foot-something, wicked serve, one-handed backhand, American. Younger than Logan. Rumored to be poised to break all the records. Logan’s, Black’s, anyone’s. And he’d be around longer to do it.

“I’m sorry,” Leo said, truly looking apologetic, and for a moment Logan thought he was talking about the records. Leo looked down at the waffle. “I don’t know if you want that, but…there you go.”

“It’s…fine,” Logan said uncertainly. “It’s fine.”

Leo smiled at him. “Okay… Hey, I don’t think we’ve officially met besides…” Me beating you, Logan thought. “I’m Leo.”

“Ouais, I know.”

Leo laughed. “Oh. Well, that’s a little dream come true for my younger self.”

Logan tilted his head. “Oh.” He was pretty used to that. And he guessed it was a compliment—even if he was technically being called old. Also, for some reason he was blushing.

“And you’re…” Leo raised his eyebrows.

“You know who I am, you just said.”

“All right…” Leo’s blue eyes looked him up and down. “Well. Enjoy the waffle. And good luck.”

“You too,” Logan said, and headed towards the orange juice.

When he got back to their table, Finn was looking at him with amused eyes.

“Quoi?” Logan asked. “Shut up, what?”

Finn laughed. “Nothing. Nothing, just…”

“Quoi?”

Finn laughed and held up his hands. “You’re a really nice person, but not many would think it upon meeting you.”

Logan blinked. He looked over at Knut, who was sitting with one of the Black brothers. “What? I was—I was nice. You don’t even know what I said, you were over here!”

“You had his statistics you were thinking about all over that pretty face of yours.”

“I…” Pretty face. “He gave you a waffle.”

“Oh-ho,” Finn picked up his fork. “Yeah, I saw what happened. Octopus limbs, that’s what that one has.” Finn cut himself some waffle. “It was kind of sweet.”

Logan stared at him. Sweet?

Blond. Blue. Sweet.

“What is his accent?”

“Louisiana,” Finn said around some bacon.

“Lou…ouais-ana.” Logan caught Finn smiling again. “What?”

“I just like the way you talk, that’s all.”

~

“Me again,” Finn said later that night, tossing down his cards with a grin.

Logan groaned. “This isn’t fun anymore.”

“Ha, why? Because you’re not winning? You gonna curse me out like you do on the court?”

Logan rolled his eyes. He offered Finn another pour of wine.

“Oo-way.”

Logan could hear the pop-pop of one of a game of table tennis from somewhere. Finn kept glancing towards the sound—even while winning.

“Do you miss it?” Logan asked quietly. He put his card down without really looking at it. He was too focused on this new, slightly unhappy set of Finn’s jaw.

“Yeah,” Finn replied. “I mean, of course. It’s my life. Was.”

Logan nodded.

“But.” He smiled slightly. “This has been…really good, Lo. Really good for me. Thanks for letting me…” Finn glanced around balcony, then over at their suite. “Be here. I’ll need to find some way to pay you back.”

“Non,” Logan said. “You don’t.”

“I do,” Finn said. “I do. I don’t mean—I mean, I pay for the stray dinner but I—”

Logan leaned forward and covered Finn’s hand with his. Their cards mingled and showed between them, but Logan didn’t care about the game.

“I don’t want your money,” Logan said. “I want you—here.”

Finn had his eyes on their hands.

Logan tried to think of a way to tell him that he’d been right. That he had been so unbearably lonely.

And then his phone started to ring.

Logan closed his eyes when he caught sight of the number. “Stupid sponsors.”

Finn cracked a smile and let Logan’s hands go. “Who?”

“My agent. Probably about…” Logan flashed the Rolex he was wearing. “I forgot to put it on last press conference.”

Finn hummed and raised his glass of wine to his lips. “Looks good on you, though.”

Logan took the call inside and blushed the entire time.

~

The crowd was on his side. It was his home crowd. France adored him. He couldn’t walk through the city without being cheered—even sometimes from passing bicycles.

Finn was in his box. Finn, who the commentators had started referring to as Logan’s unofficial coach. Over the last months, they practiced together, Finn shouting advice and commands—bolder and bolder. He ran Logan through drills that used muscles Logan hadn’t even thought of before. Logan was in better shape than he’d ever been in his life, that annoying twinge in his ankle was gone. Not better—gone.

And he was still losing this final somehow. He’d made it this far and Black was wiping the floor with him, literally. Twice Logan had stumbled and fallen into the clay. He was covered in the stuff. His back, his butt, his face. Usually, he loved that. The grit. The taste. But he couldn’t shake this humiliation. The somewhat quiet crowd. This sense that, after such perfection he’d experienced lately, it was just a fluke. That he wasn’t enough.

At one of change-overs, he used his bathroom break. His fists were clenched, his teeth grit. He knew the cameras were just waiting for him to lose it like he always did.

But Finn was watching, right next to his sisters and his parents. He needed to get to the locker room. Then he could throw something.

No sooner had he shoved the door open and stepped inside, than Finn was there. He slipped in silently. Logan didn’t know how he’d gotten in, but there he was. Wearing his old, blue Nike hat and one of Logan’s Nike shirts. He was flushed from the sun and so infuriatingly calm. Hands in his pockets. Logan was standing in a second, throwing his own hat aside.

“I’m losing it,” Logan shouted. “Every fucking shot Black takes—”

But he didn’t get farther than that.

Finn took Logan’s face in his hands, none too gently. He got close. His brown eyes were fierce. Familiar. Logan went slack and quiet in his hold. For a moment, it was just their breathing.

“Get out,” Finn whispered and Logan could feel his breath against his cheek. “of your fucking head.”

And then Finn kissed him.

His mouth was warm. There was the bitter hint of sunscreen. The sweetness of the cinnamon gum he always chewed. Sweat. Logan felt himself stumbled, surprised. As quickly as Finn caught him around the waist, Logan was clutching at his shoulders. Yes. The word sped through and made his ears ring. Finn’s hands swiped down against his neck and then gripped his shirt, pulling back.

Logan was too surprised to chase him. Finn looked down at him, breathing just as hard.

“You are going to win,” Finn said harshly. He took his hat off and put it on Logan’s head, backwards how he liked it. And he let go. He turned and walked out.

Logan stood there. He touched his lips. Finn.

Slowly, he adjusted Finn’s hat. 

Finn.

He used the bathroom.

Finn.

He adjusted the sweatband on his wrist.

Finn.

He caught sight of himself in a locker room mirror. Where his cheek had hit the clay, Finn’s fingers had wiped streaks of red clay away. Like he was still touching Logan. Like he was all over him. People would probably expect him to wash his face while he was in here.

He didn’t.

The sun beat down on him as he walked back out onto the court. The crowd cheered, maybe for him, maybe that the game was picking up again. Logan didn’t care. All he knew was that he felt lighter. He could move easier, he could breathe. Even the sight of Black, waiting for him impatiently, didn’t phase him. Some killer, mentally crushing spell had been broken. Finn had broken him back into himself.

And when he won, Logan swore he heard Finn shout first, seconds before the stadium exploded. Like Finn had so much faith in him that he could see the perfect placement of the ball on Logan’s racket and sense its spin. He probably could. Logan fell down onto his back. He squeezed his eyes shut and felt the stadium thunder for him.

Trem-blay, Trem-blay!

What a come back, what a bloody come back, the commentators were probably saying.

He shook Black’s hand. He threw his wrist bands into the crowd. He kept Finn’s hat. Finn was standing there in the players box with his arms raised, his hands fists and the widest smile on his face. His sisters beside him were jumping up and down, hugging each other.

Fucking yes! Logan saw Finn’s mouth move around the words, reading his lips. He held out one of those fists to Logan, the same one that had gripped his t-shirt not too long ago. Yes, Lo.

Without thinking, Logan started to climb towards his box. He knew they were supposed to use the stairs now, but there was no time. He had to get to Finn. He had been so tired a moment ago that his muscles shook, but he couldn’t feel that now. He needed to get to them, to reach them. His sisters. His parents. Finn, who had changed his world. His entire world. In two seconds.

He felt some of the crowd reach out and touch him, grasping his shoulders. They were still chanting his name. He swung himself over the railing, nearly stumbling once, and then he was in Finn’s arms. Finn thumped him hard on the back and then knotted his fingers into Logan’s sweaty hair.

“I knew it,” Finn whispered hoarsely against his neck. “I fucking knew it, I’m so proud of you, oh God, I’m so fucking proud of you. Lo, I can’t even breathe, you played so well. You did it, your game, oh my God, your game—”

Logan closed his eyes and let Finn wash over him.

“Thank you,” Logan whispered. “Thank you, thank you…”

Finn pulled back to look at him, palm on his cheek. He was smiling so wide Logan thought it must hurt—he also knew the same expression was on his own face. Finn, who deserved it all. This. Logan had the wild, overwhelming urge to give Finn the trophy, the prize money, all of it. It was his.

Logan was so unquestionably Finn’s.

“Lo,” Finn said. There were tears in his eyes. “Thank you.”

He thought about kissing Finn right then and there.

He was enveloped by his sisters. They screamed in his ears and he laughed, loud and delirious.

Even having to give a speech couldn’t bring him down. He thanks the people he was told to thank, and then he thanked the people he wanted to thank. The crowd, he praised in French. In English, his parents. His sisters. And then—

“And—and Finn. My—” My? So many words filtered through Logan’s mind. English, French, it didn’t matter. “Who’s supported me and—” He kissed me. He kissed me. “I couldn’t have done it without any of you. Merci.”

He met Finn in the tunnel, confetti still on his shoulders, still holding his trophy. Finn laughed, let out a long whoop that brought people’s eyes and smiles towards them.

Logan held out the trophy. “Yours, too.”

“It’s not mine.”

Kiss me, Logan thought. Kiss me again. Finn looked like he might.

Instead, Finn just kissed the trophy where Logan had and then raised it above his head with another shout. A few people actually started clapping and Finn turned towards the sound with a grin.

“Okay,” Finn said, cradling the trophy against his side. “Go get on the bike.”

Logan just stared at him. He was still breathing hard. He could feel sweat trailing through the clay on his neck.

Finn pushed the trophy back into his arms and slapped him on the side of his ass. “Hello, what’s wrong with you, get on the bike before you get stiff—”

“If you think I can do anything but be alone with you right now,” Logan said in a low voice. Finn’s brown eyes widened. “You’re insane.”

Finn’s pupils were vast and black. He wet his lips. Slowly, he smiled.

“Get on the bike,” Finn whispered. “Then, we have a party to go to. And you’re the guest of honor.”

[dittolicous]

hear me out

stealth black!sanji where sanji does indeed start losing his emotions and word makes it way back to judge, so he has him kidnapped/his death faked and uses science to rush the removal of emotions along with wiping a good chunk of his memories to make him easier to control... the focus however was high-key placed on emotions such as empathy, humility, kindness, joy, etc. since judge wanted to ensure to an absolute degree that sanji's 'flaws' were wiped clean, leaving only the perfected stealth black he was always meant to be

but judge makes a mistake

in his hurry to eradicate the humanity, he didnt consider the consequences of leaving even an inkling of negative emotions within an abused, aching shell - smattering of disjointed memories, blurry faces in sporatic dreams, voices that are just outside his grasp, a longing for something but yet lacking a name...

injured, raw, bloody from unknown wounds he may be, but stupid, sanji is not

he's stealth black, espionage is his specialty, he knows how the human mind works, how words can be twisted, the ways a tide can be turned with the right leverage. all people, with the right tools, are malleable. he also knows the range of his 'father's' skills, knows how far judge would go to secure a victory, how little he fears damaging his own to get the right outcome...

sanji knows

there is a hole where his heart ahould be, deep, dark, and endless. he cannot feel love, but he knows its absence. there is no sympathy for the innocent lives ravaged in the vinsmoke name, yet its mention brings bile to his throat. he sees the sunrise across the sea with blank eyes and watches it set on the corpses of kingdoms with growing repulsion

his brothers laugh, they were taught how despite it having little meaning to them. they echo the teachings of their father.

sanji had that ripped away. he can recognize a hole when he sees it even if he doesnt know what once filled it. there are no empty laughs. no fake smiles. no uncaring boasts. he cannot, there was no reason for him to (were even the echos of joy a risk?)

instead he burns

hot loathing makes a home in his chest. contemp and fury settle in his lungs, growing with every breath he takes, fueled by the embers of despair settling in his stomach

sanji knows despair, knows how deep their roots take in humanity, that to be human is to suffer... but without the other half, the joy of human connection which makes it all worthwhile, the act of living, he cannot conceptualize the value of being alive in the face of such suffering

instead he stands back and watches. unbalanced, unchecked, and under-estimated, stealth black plans. he'll rid the world of their filth, finishing the job blackleg sanji was too weak to do

for in his hurry, judge forgot about sanji's rage, about the depths of his grief and the ferocity of his burning passion. so afraid of one little boys generosity, he brushes off the dangers of unbridled resentment, that malice cannot always be reigned in by an iron fist alone

and where once, there were certain teachings of honor and integrity, of love and belief to temper this flame, judge left nothing. he took away the soft words of a kind mother, the sharp kicks of a caring father (his real father), the unabashed voices of true nakama...

is it really all that surprising that once loving flames would turn into a blazing inferno, one which burns the world indiscriminately?

judge doesnt realize he didnt defang the wolf, no, he removed the muzzle

tl;dr - if a person is made of burning passion and you remove their kindness, wouldnt that just leaving burning? judge focuses only on getting rid of sanji's soft traits not considering that he'd never actually be able to control a sanji that rages indiscriminately, which eventually comes to bite him in the ass as stealth black sets the world on fire out of self-loathing

[fairuzfan]

I'm sorry for being so stupid with this stuff but what exactly is not voting supposed to do?

I always see people say not to vote and just leave it at that with nothing to do beyond that and I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of not voting is anyway because I don't think the movement is big enough for politicians to really care. I would love it if you could explain it to me please.

I guess my question in response is that I don't understand what *voting* is supposed to do? Like what are your goals for voting? For the "vote uncommitted" campaign, it's to scare Biden enough that he takes some sort of a stance. But for voting for him...? What does that do other than not have trump in office? And "not having trump in office" is an ideologically meaningless position if the person you're voting for is an out and proud genocider. So like, who are you helping if you claim to care about Palestine?

My point is, I genuinely don't understand that if you're someone who cares about people dying — which is what Biden supporters say is the reason they're voting Biden no matter what — then why are you voting for the guy that is killing people so openly? What is the moral reasoning? Is it "sacrifice the few to save the many"? If so, then you're not voting on the basis of caring, you're doing a cost benefit analysis using human lives. That's at its core a morally flawed way to look at the world.

So how can you, as a moral person, agree to subscribe to such an immoral system that forces you to make this "decision"?

I know I'm getting more ideological than practical here but there needs to be a serious reckoning behind why everyone is ok with being part of this system we are in. "Well what else would you have us do?" Some might say. And in response, I'd say, I don't know. But to be a moral person as you claim you want to be, should you not refute immorality as a structural system?

I'm not sure if this answered your question, if not feel free to send again but honestly, my only real response to "what does not voting do" is a headscratch because I don't understand what *voting* does that you believe will fix any of the problems we have?

[mdhwrites]

Recently, I've been poring over the 'TOH critical' tags and, as someone who wanted to properly watch the show, seeing just how many flaws the writing and characters have kinda turned me off from even starting for a bit. Before I found these tags, I would have assumed Owl House was some kind of flawless untouchable masterpiece. Now, I can see that it is immensely flawed. Not bad, but flawed. It has great ideas that it just spaffs up the walls. In some cases that I've seen, it goes against its own message, which brings me to the point of this.

The show seems to have a message of 'be a weirdo! Be who you want to be and don't let anyone tell you to be something you're not'. This 'be yourself' message is fine in a vacuum, but then there's a character who's treatment in the show goes against this. Hooty! From the moment he's introduced, Hooty is presented as a weird creature. Even other people in the Demon Realm find him unnatural. He's kinda in his own world, and he says and does things that are weird. This would work well for the message, but the problem arises from other characters' treatment of him.

Everyone fucking HATES Hooty! They loathe him! They call him names, they hit him, they put him down constantly, the works! Everyone holds him in open contempt! I wouldn't really have an issue with this at first, but Luz also takes part in some of these actions. It would be one thing for negative/antagonistic characters to be doing this, but the self-proclaimed 'weirdo' main characters? She seems annoyed by Hooty's very existence. Don't get me wrong, he IS annoying, but he's also just being himself. He's a proud weirdo and doesn't let anyone stop him from being who he wants.

Why doesn't Luz love him?

He is exactly the type of person(?) who she should feel connected with. And the fact she joins in on some of the bullying is real shitty. Keep in mind Luz was ridiculed and ostracised for being weird, so her then turning around and being all dismissive and annoyed by someone who is, for all intents and purposes, just like her is shitty.

Personally, I would have had it that Luz really likes Hooty. She admires how he's so unapologetic in his weirdness. You could even still have Eda hitting him and calling him names, which Luz calls out. She knows what it's like to be put down for just being yourself, and she's not gonna stand to see someone else get the same treatment.

Or, another idea, Luz starts out sharing Eda's view on Hooty and being annoyed by him. One time, he does something or shows Luz something he's proud of. She calls him or it or both stupid, and Hooty just....cries. I don't mean overblown waterfalls-out-the-eyes crying, I mean he turns his head down and looks visibly upset.

Luz sees that her words have genuinely hurt Hooty. This could be her realising that Hooty isn't just some weird talking punching bag to hurl abuse at. For his weird actions and appearance, he's a person too. Her being mean to him just for being himself, she realises, makes her no better than her bullies.

Then, to make this even more shitty, the characters DO start being nicer to him later on, but only after he's proven himself useful. So that's a good message, isn't it? 'Love is conditional!' It really makes the 'found family' aspect of the Owl House residents feel all the more forced.

Tl;Dr It's okay to be a weirdo, unless you're Hooty!

(But that's just me! I hope all of this made sense and you can decipher what I'm trying to say😊)

So the short answer to this is that Hooty is essentially character/thematic assassination on... Everyone? Because the show wants to say "Be who you are! Have freedom! Express yourself!" Hooty however is constantly mocked, belittled and literally hurt by others with at best an apology. People treat his portable form as gross despite that letting him experience more of life and the one time people begrudgingly acknowledge he is truly good, they then force him to promise to not repeat the helpful behavior. He is not allowed freedom, expression or to be himself without ridicule, EVEN BY LUZ.

This... However has a bigger problem. Hooty is a bit character after all. If you want to claim he doesn't matter because he's just a joke... There's okay precedent for it. The problem is that then you have to ask what he's mocking. After all, gag characters are all about mocking a certain archtype or the like. King's whole point is to mock children who think themselves as self important and point out how deluded and funny that is, or how funny a deluded sense of self grandeur in general is, at least in the first season. As such... What is Hooty?

Hooty is Sheldon. Not literally but spiritually and this is gonna get kind of rough but here me out. For those who don't get the reference, Sheldon is the main autistic representation in The Big Bang Theory. He is also the most antagonistic force within the friend group. Not because he's evil or anything but because he his own certain ways of doing things and ways he looks at things and as such actually has a lot of episodes about expanding his perception of the world and of others learning to understand who he is and why he is the way he is. The show is actually shockingly respectful in this way, at least most of what I have seen of it, and I can portray this with the best joke I can recall from the series. It also will help me later in why The Big Bang Theory is better than TOH at one certain element people REALLY want to say TOH is great about.

The setup is that the other three main dudes are at a white board, discussing plans to go so see a movie. Every plan they devise runs into a road block because of allergies, time, etc. like that, not even only just because of Sheldon's quirks. However, then the lead, the Ross of the group, stops and goes, "I see it." The others squint and look closer before he adds, "It's the only way." The other two agree... And then they all just leave without Sheldon coming with. Sheldon pauses, looks at the board and goes, "They're correct. It was the only way."

I LOVE this joke... Because it's not mean AT ALL. One might think if they're overly sensitive that it is. I mean, how could they leave their friend behind!? But Sheldon is very honest and up front about his quirks and habits. These guys know him well enough that they know better than to force him out of his comfort zone. That he doesn't function that way. Sheldon KNOWS THIS TOO. As such, when presented with the options of telling Sheldon they can't go because they can't go without him or still having a good night and not making their friend feel bad for being why they couldn't go out, they choose to go out and Sheldon agrees that it was the correct option. They respected him while still living their lives.

And this is because The Big Bang Theory's pitch is not to be offensive to nerds like many online people like to make it out to be (I fucking hate people who call it 'Nerd Black Face') but to just make fun of us like any sitcom would. Sitcoms are parodies of real life. They always exaggerated characters we know are somewhat true. We know a Kramer, we know a Ross, we know a Barney, we know a Lorraine. Are they exactly like this? No, it's cranked up so that it's a comedy, that's the fucking point. But this comedic framing also allows it to be honest about ALL sides of nerd dom.

Sheldon is BY FAR made out to be the most successful, intelligent and wealthiest of ALL the guys. Also, all the guys are doing well in their fields and monetarily. Do they have widespread fame and acclaim? Not really but they're not discredited or anything, they just have interdepartmental bickering. That's accurate from literally every scientist I have seen talk about the subject. It's genuine about the good and the bad of the nerd experience while being entertaining.

So what the fuck does any of this have to do with The Owl House? And especially Hooty? It's actually quite simple. While TOH champions having a nerd protagonist, it presents the 'gentrified nerd'. The convenient nerd. They know about fanfiction but won't force you to actually hear about it. They have interests but not hyperfixations. They don't ever get lost down a rabbit hole because they're passionate about something or just want to tell you a neat fact.

Do you know who does though? Hooty. Hooty just wants someone who is willing to listen about his day. He has some weird quirks to how he behaves and he likes some strange things like bugs. He will talk to you for hours on a subject, randomly and just because he can and might forget that you might have other things to do. To me, those are very, VERY accurate parts of nerd life... And we're supposed to fucking HATE Hooty for these things. Remember the only person, in the ENTIRE SERIES to actually befriend Hooty instead of treating him at best as a convenience is Liltih... At the start of her becoming a joke. The only person who shows him real, genuine compassion... Also becomes 'The Cool Aunt' who hyper fixates on niche architecture and has her trauma of working the EC mocked as just being really bad at her job.

It is, genuinely, kind of gross to me. I've actually talked about this before that the show is so hyperfocused on a very specific, very small set of people for who it approves of, which is essentially whoever fits into Luz correctly, that anyone who felt excluded by the show is extremely valid. And yes, Luz has a montage at the start of silly, over the top and extreme behavior... That doesn't continue. At all. The one time she subjects someone to an Azura rant is to torture Eda enough to go to the Convention and that's only because they were already on the subject because King was interested. She quotes Azura but quickly and doesn't lose the thread. She might say a cute word like 'Snorses' but not even enough to make a break in the conversation.

She is convenient. Gus is only interested in human stuff when it's convenient. Willow will put aside her interest in plants when it's inconvenient. Amity just stops giving a shit about being an intellectual AT ALL post her getting a crush. Hunter wears a wolf t-shirt and gets into Cosmic Frontier enough to cosplay it for Halloween... But only Halloween. These are people who are extremely socially acceptable in every way.

Which... explains why nerds love them actually. See, I think Big Bang Theory does deserve criticism, it is by no means perfect and I would be VERY interested in hearing what the Jewish community thinks of Howard who is easily the most problematic character in the show but not all of the criticism is genuine. I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that we're used to a side, gag character representing the kind worst parts of us... But we're not used to being the focus. We can laugh at all the broke bitches who show up in Sitcoms or the jock failures who are meatheads, etc. like that... But laugh at ourselves? Why would we do that? Why would we allow that? We're better than what this show depicts, even if we're not.

It is inconvenient to the narrative we wish to tell ourselves that we are still the outcasts. That are we not part of the dominant culture and so it is unfair to mock our interests and lifestyle. But like... Marvel movies have been the biggest blockbusters for well over a decade and no one bats a fucking at that. D&D is quickly becoming a household name due to its ever expanding influence. We are not the outcasts anymore. Being into a weird cartoon is not some shocking thing like it was 12 years ago when Bronies first made people aware that this subculture of nerds existed. Times are changing but we still wish to see ourselves as only the victims, even as more and more our spaces show that they are just as evil, corrupt, manipulative and cruel as any athletic superstar or pretty boy actor's club.

A lot of these nerds want to believe they are Luz. Never wrong, never giving anyone a reason to dislike them, and always just passionate about the things they like, never annoying. And you know who those people would mock? Who those people HAVE mocked?

Hooty. Because he's more real. He's the demon they wish they didn't have to face in the mirror. See you next tale.

======+++++======

I really do want to re-emphasize this: FUCK HOWARD. Big Bang is NOT good for the jewish community and I don't think if I watched it nowadays I would be able to tolerate his depiction AT ALL. Also, Raj is also probably all sorts of rough too. I'm ONLY defending the nerd portrayal part of Big Bang.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[livmadart]

conanon: woah babyfied shinichi be upon ye. i tried the drabble but idk if its good hope you like it :]

—

the thing is, Ran isn't dumb. many people tend to forget that, minds automatically rationalizing she sacrificed mind for body, utilizing the strength of her punches to break through problems than wit.

which is very stupid for people to think, Shinichi doesn't even have to be in love with Ran to know that she's the best, not perfect, but close enough to it, perhaps, her flaws are what make her human and that's the only thing that makes him think he has a chance with her.

but he's already losing his train of thought, was that because for all his mind was still sixteen, his body was ten years younger, brimming with energy he didn't even notice when he was this young before and therefore, quick to jump ship from the topic than to have a steady streamline?

he was doing it again.

The Point is, Ran isn't dumb. Shinichi knows that. Conan should know that.

but Conan isn't him and the lines between sanity and clarity over this frustrating situation just muddles things up a little. just a little. (it's a lot but he doesn't even have hands big enough to properly unpack the suitcase he's labelled his breakdown.)

so, he slips. he slips and slides. he doesn't know how to be six, even before, he's not what many call a normal six year old. his only saving grace is perhaps what crumbs of the acting lessons his mother once instilled upon him that he did manage to consume.

and he thinks Ran still finds out, she knows him, he knows her.

sometimes, he just wants to stop this farce and to tell her.

(and then he remembers dying. he remembers quiet screams and the steam of what could've been his evaporation, where did his mass all go, really? he doesn't even have time to think of it, mind quiet for all that he wished to speak.

the words always catch in his throat as fear and death grips it with it's nonexistent touch.

he'd never forgive himself if he lets the poison drip from his lips and it makes her feel death's kiss just like he did.)

Ran doesn't talk about it though, just looks at him and he pretends he can't see it, wills his eyes to fog over and retreat into his mind and goes through the motions of whatever kid activity he desperately picked up.

it's when he mimes falling asleep, that thing you do with closing your eyes to try and trick his brain to stop talking, stop thinking and fall, does she tell him.

she knows, she's always been smart, the rush of affection is suffocated by the icy grip of fear, of what ifs, of scenarios where she looks into it and—

she thinks he doesn't remember. she thinks Conan doesn't realize Shinichi is him.

he wants to laugh, hysterical and manic when she leaves and Mouri snores, his giggles are muffled and his ear drums ring.

the thing is, Ran isn't dumb. and honestly, he's starting to think she's right. he doesn't know who he is anymore.

WAHHHHHHHH THIS IS AMAZING?! INCREDIBLE?! I am running around the room rn cause your writing is so full of wonderful emotion!!! This is exactly the kind of angst I imagined in this au!!!

Thank you so much for sharing your writing!!!

[average-mako-enjoyer]

Bigots and Failed Promises of Mass Effect games

(I had this thing in my drafts for almost a month, and it would have stayed there if not for the wonderful post by @androidtrashfire, because I saw it, and I was like: "Fuck it, I have to rant about these games." I love Mass Effect, and I really think we should critique it. We should criticize things we love because silence = compliance.)

So I was talking to @liss-art recently about the bigoted fans in the Mass Effect fandom, and I think I need to make a post about it because it's something that really, truly bothers me, and it needs to be addressed.

Canon

Mass Effect is a story about deeply flawed people with a lot of problems, and through them it touches on issues like xenophobia, sexism, corruption, elitism, morality, identity. That's why we like it, right? But why are there so many bigots in the fandom? My theory is that it happens because Mass Effect, for all its supposed complexity, only touches on these issues without giving any meaningful commentary on them.

Here are a few obvious examples:

The Quarians are a distasteful allegory of the Roma people (right down to their accents). They are persecuted and ostracized for creating Geth, but the game never gives us any socio-political reasons why the Quarians did that. They just developed real AI because they were naive and stupid? Or because they were the only ones smart enough to do it? Did they do it in secret? Why did other races not make the same mistake?

Same with the Batarians. Yes, the game mentions tensions between humans and Batarians because humans try to claim territories that Batarians think are theirs, but that's about it. Batarians are all racist slave traders and they're bad, don't think about it, here's some memes about 300,000 of them dying, good job. And yes, I know you can read more about their history in the Codex (why is it an Asari who writes about Batarian history,btw?), but it's basically the same thing as saying D*mbledore is gay (I really am sorry for this reference). If no one ever mentions this rich Batarian history, then it doesn't exist.

And please don't get me started on Hanar. They "mercifully" saved the Drell by inviting them to their planet, immediately assimilated them into their own faith and also put them in conditions where they have to train as assassins from the ripe old age of 6 and eventually die of sci-fi lung cancer. But don't worry about it, Drell actually love to serve the Hanar, they do it willingly and consider their servitude an honor. Do you really want to criticize some stupid jellyfish who talk funny? Do you really want to talk about why the so-called Council races do nothing about it? LOL

Another thing the trilogy does is present entire races, including humans, as amorphous blobs. Do all Asari believe in the same "goddess"? Do all Turians obey the same Primarch? Well, what's important is that all humans in this bright future speak English.

But what about the genophage? That's a profound story, right? Well, not really, and it raises more questions than it answers. We hear a lot about how brutal, aggressive, and short-tempered Krogans are, but every single Krogan we meet is extremely well-mannered, and they only resort to violence against other races in dire circumstances. So why not save them? Does the game really present you with this moral dilemma or not?

And can anyone tell me why Salarians are allowed to abduct and experiment on sentient beings, and why Turians are allowed to wage wars? Why does no one talk about Asari in this context?

I really want to say that at least the characters are well written, but I can't because they're not.

Kaidan is a good example of this. We are told about his implant, we are told that he has chronic pain, but do we see him suffer from it? Do we see him in those moments of weakness and vulnerability?

The scene where he gets annoyed with Jenkins acting like he's a circus monkey who has to do a trick and biotically throws a cup at him was cut from the game. We occasionally hear him mention some of the side effects of his migraines ("Too many lights, too much noise"), but that's about it. What has happened to "show, don't tell"? And no, I'm not saying that the writers should feed me the story or walk me through it. What I am saying is that if you gloss over your characters' mistakes, flaws, and circumstances, you're getting people to ignore them. Do people who call Kaidan "boring" and insult him think about how his chronic pain, his trauma from Brain Camp, and the loss of Jenkins and Ashley affect who he is? Hell no.

Thane is another great example. What Mass Effect is telling us as a story is that you can completely abandon your family and your child and be forgiven if your reason for doing it is good and heroic enough. Like avenging your dead wife, because of course there has to be a dead woman thrown somewhere.

Everyone's favorite Garrus (mine too) is a cop whose character arc basically consists of deciding that he is above the law (since the law forbids him from killing people he thinks should die) and then involving his squadmate/friend/partner (depending on your playthrough) in the public assassination of his former squadmate, whom he never even bothered to confront first. Are there any consequences for Garrus for his actions? No. Again, it's all glossed over, and that's unfortunate because it removes the conflict and therefore the character development and depth.

And if you're going to tell me that ME is just a space opera, and that I should just enjoy the spectacle and the romance, then I'm going to tell you that I know that, and that I think it's a wonderful spectacle, and that some of the romance subplots are absolutely amazing story-wise, but the superficial commentary (or lack thereof) on the most important issues that ME covers actually harms the audience.

Fandom

On the one hand, we have people making mods that remove all the clothes from all the female characters (or remove all of femShep's organs and replace them with giant tits). We have people reposting that horrible, horrible art of Miranda and Jack fighting, tearing each other's hair and clothes, and maleShep smirking and saying "I should stay". We have people who say ME2 is the best game in the series because "there are no f*gs". On the other hand, we have people saying things like "there are two Commander Shepards - female and the wrong one". We have people who say "only weird people play as dudebro in 2024". We have people who think that simply playing as a female character is some kind of feminist statement, and that it makes them better and smarter than everyone else (the same people who use the term "dude gamer" as an insult). And all of those things are kind of the trilogy's fault.

Both maleShep and femShep have the same story. The only differences are the romance options, sexist remarks directed only at femShep, and flirtations from various NPCs directed only at femShep. What this tells you is that sexism exists in the Mass Effect universe, and only women suffer from it. It also tells you that only women are worth flirting with.

Another thing this game does (and modern games like Cyberpunk do the same thing) is equate the female experience to the male experience by giving both femShep and maleShep the same lines.

So there are some mixed signals here. Sexism exists and doesn't exist in this universe, Shepard is both genderless and very gendered, romances with underdeveloped characters are all over the place, and bigots thrive in this kind of environment.

The lack of commentary, the lack of perspective, the disastrous worldbuilding allows you to freely choose your sexist, racist adventure and not be punished by the story in any way.

Mirrors

There's a passage from Solaris that I absolutely adore and think about often.

"We don't want to conquer the cosmos, we simply want to extend the boundaries of Earth to the frontiers of the cosmos. […] We have no need of other worlds. We need mirrors. We don't know what to do with other worlds. A single world, our own, suffices us; but we can't accept it for what it is."

I think that perfectly describes what Mass Effect is as a universe. And in a way, it's a reason why it's so compelling. It's just empty enough for us to invest in it, to fill in the blanks of that narrative with the stories of our own. And it's also a reason why this fandom is a fucking hellscape.

[antianakin]

The way ppl try to bend over backwards to convince everyone that 'Anakin is the only jedi to be critical of senate and seeing senate's failing is one of the reasons he did what he did' is so unimaginably stupid. Like, come on we are taking about the guy who is besties with the guy in charge of the senate and thinks he did nothing wrong

He does explicitly tell Padme that he thinks the current system of government isn't working, so those people aren't wrong that Anakin is someone who DOES recognize the Senate is failing and is critical of it, but what gets left out of that analysis is that his solution to it is a DICTATORSHIP. Which Padme rightfully points out in the scene isn't actually BETTER than what they already have. Yes, the Senate is flawed and corrupt, but it is still MILES better than a literal dictatorship.

Anakin has a tendency to place his trust and loyalty in specific PEOPLE rather than larger institutions. He trusts Obi-Wan in the films and we see him being friendly with other members of the Jedi Council in TCW, but he does not ever trust the Council AS A RULING BODY, nor does he seem to feel any real sense of loyalty to them as authority figures. The same is true for Palpatine vs the Senate. He isn't necessarily loyal to the Senate just because he's loyal to Palpatine or because he's married to a Senator. In TCW, when he insists on reporting their movements to the Chancellor, he isn't necessarily doing so because he's loyal to THE CHANCELLOR, but because he's loyal to PALPATINE and this is something Palpatine has asked them for. We also see this in how he responds to the two requests made in ROTS for him to spy on people. Palpatine says "you will be my personal eyes and ears in the Council" and it's very personal between him and Anakin as friends, so Anakin never once balks at it or sees it as any kind of betrayal. Whereas when the Council makes the request (through Obi-Wan) to have Anakin spy on Palpatine, the request comes FROM THE COUNCIL, from this ruling body, and Anakin sees it as a betrayal of a friend. He specifically asks Obi-Wan who is making the request, whether this is something Obi-Wan is asking him to do or the Council and Obi-Wan specifies that it's the Council.

So while both of these things ARE true for Anakin, it's because he makes a distinction between the person he is loyal to and the institution they represent. And Anakin is ALWAYS loyal to people above institutions or ideals.

All of that being said, it's absolute bullshit to claim that Anakin is the only one who notices the Senate is a mess. The Jedi obviously DO know this, but, much like Padme, they recognize that it's far better than any of the alternatives. The only other options out there during the time period of the Prequels Jedi are being ruled by a crime organization like the Hutts or the Black Sun or the Pykes, or the Separatists who are being ruled by the Sith and the Corporate Alliance and are literally committing heinous atrocities everywhere they go and even subjugating the planets of their own core members (without those members seeming to KNOW that it's even happening). The ONE other alternative is to be "neutral" and we see how well that goes for Satine on Mandalore when her planet is completely cut off from all trade. So the Republic Senate, as flawed and corrupt as it is, is STILL BETTER than all of the alternative options and the best way forward is to keep working on the Republic from the inside and trying to make it BETTER rather than abandoning it completely or burning it down. Just because the Jedi choose to stick with the Republic doesn't mean they don't recognize its flaws, they just recognize that it's the best system in existence at the moment and the best they can do is continue to fight for it.

It's even more bullshit to try to claim that Anakin committed a genocide against the Jedi because he's upset that they don't recognize the Senate's corruption given that Mace is literally about to take out the corruption at the heart of the Senate and Anakin chooses to kill him rather than let him do it. He also isn't doing ANY OF IT out of some altruistic belief that the people of the galaxy are truly going to be better off with the Jedi destroyed and the Republic turned into an Empire. He CLAIMS he will bring "peace, freedom, security, and justice" but it is a LIE. It is a lie he is telling himself so he can keep pretending he's a hero and not a villain who just committed a genocide against an innocent culture. It is a LIE he is telling himself so he doesn't have to feel the pain and the guilt of what he's just done. He also never ever makes good on that claim. There is never peace, freedom, security, or justice at any point during the Empire's reign, nor does Anakin ever seem to be fighting for it.

Anakin commits a genocide against the Jedi because he wants power and this is how he's been told he can acquire it. It's that simple. Anyone who tries to argue otherwise is an idiot without media literacy.

[austinsastrology8991]

Secrets from > PLUTO < that he told me

Pluto is dark. And its hard to understand him. He is your shadow; he hides from you and you hide from him. But your both watching each other very closely >

> 1 > The brighter something is > The darker the shadow. You cannot expel darkness, you can only accept it. Evil things exist and they always will. NO matter how hard you try to remove something with 'evil eye' or try to fight the good fight; whatever your fighting will always exist and the ever prevailing fight of; 'good vs evil' always will prevail. But everyone seems to forget that the darkness resides in everyone as much as their light does too.

> 2 > Rules don't exist; but we think they do. Rules funnel everyone in similar directions > When you see a rule you are forced to go in certain directions in order to avoid 'breaking the rules' but by not breaking the rules you are 'following the rules' and this makes you go in certain calculated directions (set up by people in power/social constructs) in order to avoid trouble. Or out of frustration you purposefully break them; so rules have a much greater pull on all of us then we all want to give them credit for. Also the mere concept of a law or principle defining how we must live; makes us all compromise into the laws of that are governing us. And thus; we are all products of our environments; of the rules we were forced to obey. Social constructs, government laws, or issues of any sort affect your free will, and whilst you can do whatever you want; there are many punishments awaiting you, which inevitably will affect your overall happiness/contentment because when you thought you could do anything; you realise you are very restricted and you compromise far more often than what you would like to admit.

> 3 > The more you front; the more your showing us who you are > When it comes down to it its actually very difficult to fool anyone. You may have the hang of it; but if you meet someone who also knows how to fool others; you will both stick out like a sore thumb to each other. And well once the jig is up; and the perception of yourself falls as it always does. You will feel like a pathetic person, and so it is almost always worth telling the truth; the longer you lie, the darker the dark becomes. To you and to others. and it will make the shadow work far more difficult to overcome. Embody your light as much as your dark and you will not be afraid of yourself let alone others; and you will not feel the need to 'front' > 4 < The more you prove yourself to others, the more you proved you are trying to prove yourself and rarely did you prove what you wanted to prove. You simply approved yourself as someone willing to prove themselves

> 5 >"When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you" > I love how everyone thinks they are better than one another, because we can point out certain flaws that maybe we are avoiding; to pretend we are better than the other. But your ratchetness is just as ratchet as another, or worse. Does that make you a worser person? well maybe. But that should make you feel pretty stupid for calling other people ratchet. People need to be told what is correct and what is not; but it simply doesn't matter most of the time, because that person usually is very aware of how destructive they are, because its hard to ignore the messes you create, and sooner rather than later, they will find their karma; so why intefere? work on yourself and become an example, don't adopt someones elses kids when they are already rebelling their real mothers.

> 6 >No one can or will hurt you more than who or what you love > your enemies may sting but if your love one hurts you, as no one knows you better than them, when they strike it will hurt. And sometimes you cannot recover a relationship because you 2 have hurt each other too much. Enemies will piss you off, but truthfully fighting enemies is good fun. Fighting love ones is a whole nother ball game and that is a far more plutonian thing. Sometimes it is necessary to hurt those we love so they learn a lesson, but far more often than not ; you both will cause irreparable scars that will leave a sore spot in both of your hearts. > 7 < You are equally as powerful and as powerless as you believe to be. Your flaws are as real as your strengths; and the longer you deny your strength or your weakness, the more it will sting when the realization hits that you are both. You are not worse or better than anyone, and the more someone pretends they are one or the other, the more pathetic they are. Regardless of which form they choose to show. > 8 < You can't blame anyone. Only yourself. If your the vessel of your destiny than everything that passes you is just the current; and you will have a difficult time arguing with the laws of nature. Learn to accept what you are and what is around you, and then you will discover ways to manipulate it. Do not try to educate something that is immovable, but allow it to pass you; in a respectful manner, that is true power; allowing something to exist and not let it interfere with your sense of being. Because you are able to be apart of the dark > notice how any light on in the dark is a magnet to everything that is awake in the dark? > 9 > "The most beautiful thoughts are always besides the darkest" - dark lives in the shadow of light, and because of this many times over when your fighting darkness its when you feel the most powerful; and its because you are actually embodying a more darker aspect of yourself, as you also embody a stronger 'light' within; "dont you know you can only get as high as you fell?"

I don't want to talk about my pluto; I'm just discussing what pluto means to me. There are so many places you can find him, these are just some places I've found him.

[angelsandemons]

So here's the thing about Stolas.

He's not stupid.

These are all on Stolas' phone. They have been long before Full Moon.

He knows what they mean. He's known for a long time that Blitzø was less than thrilled with this set up outside of the sex. What he never understood was why.

And he still doesn't. That's the issue. That's why he approached his confession the way he did, that's why he jumped to conclusions the way he did. Because even if we set aside all the factors in Stolas' life that have been screaming at him for years that he is just uniquely flawed and unlovable, Stolas also has an immense amount of privilege that comes with being an Ars Goetia.

And the thing about privilege is that having it inherently blinds you to its existence. Because a big part of having privilege is having the luxury of taking something for granted that others are inherently aware they do not have.

A white child might be completely oblivious to the fact that calling the peach-colored crayon "skin color' might be an issue. A straight person might be completely oblivious to the fact that couples merchandise being labeled 'his' and 'hers' might be an issue. A sighted person might be completely oblivious to the fact that an independently developed cartoon never offering audio description might be an issue. And this is exactly why some people get so defensive when their privilege is pointed out to out to them: the very idea that something so big could have existed without their notice for all their lives is embarrassing to some people. It feels like an attack, something akin to calling them stupid.

But back to Stolas. Stolas has never had anyone even attempt to explain the issues the power imbalance between him and Blitzø can hold. He's worked out some for himself, but a prince raised by books from an Ars Goetia library is simply not going to have any knowledge of class dynamics beyond a surface level. He understood he was using Blitzø, but not how him being an Imp factored into that. So he spoke to Blitzø as he would an equal, because that's how he sees him: an equal. He knows the rest of the world may not, but he does. so that's all that matters, right?

Except it's not.

Every single one of his microaggressions in the series people have been pointing out since Full Moon aired are things that have never occured to Stolas as an issue. The way he presented his confession to Blitzø, particularly with Blitzø's past trauma (much of which Stolas is NOT aware of) is not something that would have occured to Stolas as an issue. And until someone sits him down and explains it to him better than Blitzø (sort of?) did in a fit of anger and frustration, Stolas is going to continue to think that the issue is that he is just uniquely flawed and unlovable.

[wordsandrobots]

Since you’re THE biggest IBO understander, I’ve wanted to get your input on something that’s been circulating in my mind for a while.

What do you think was Tekkadan’s biggest flaw that led to their downfall?

Heh, well, first off, I can't claim the definite article. Prolific output does not equal authority. But I can certainly try to give you both my understanding of what the text is aiming for and my opinions about the final result.

I have seen Orga Itsuka's biggest flaw termed a 'lack of conviction', although I would argue it's fairer to call it confusion over how to enact his convictions. Because Orga absolutely believes from the bottom of his heart that the most important thing in the world is to create a future for his friends. He just doesn't know how to do that, long-term. He's a tactical thinker, reacting to what's in front of him rather than taking a bigger-picture view. And he's willing to risk everything, including the lives he's trying to protect, to get immediate results. This works well for short-term victories but tends towards blind recklessness. Moreover, since Orga has not actually established for himself what a good future for everyone should look like, he latches on to other people's versions of it. First the CGS, then Naze, and finally, fatally, McGillis. For all his own intense charisma, he falls hard for that of others, and misjudges badly as a result.

This would be bad enough in isolation, but it's combined with Tekkadan's generalised 'all or nothing' attitude to truly terrible effect. I touched on this in the context of Mika and Orga's relationship in a previous essay: the rest of Tekkadan are behind Orga 110% and that creates its own inexorable momentum. We see multiple characters express dismay at looming problems-- Eugene, Biscuit, Merribit, even Shino -- only to set their doubts aside for what they perceive as the greater good. They believe in Tekkadan, more than anything else, this dream Orga has sold them on, and protecting it and advancing its fortunes becomes an all-encompassing goal for which they will gladly lay down their lives.

[As an aside, Shino's conversation with Eugene right before the 'final battle' is a great example of this problem playing out. As much as I rag on him, Shino isn't stupid. He shows repeatedly that despite his gung-ho attitude, he can recognise a losing fight. But he's quick to mask or go back on his doubts and act like Tekkadan is going to pull through regardless, because Orga has gotten them this far, right? Set alongside Eugene's failure to replace Biscuit as the voice of reason, it serves to underline how deeply enmeshed the boys are by this point. They've bet everything on Orga, and can't bring themselves to break with him. Not unrelatedly, it's Shino himself who talks Orga into the gamble that costs him his life.]

This combination -- the boy who doesn't know where he's going and the people willing to follow him anywhere he leads -- is what the show positions as Tekkadan's key flaw and the results of it steadily ramp up as the story progresses. They scrape through Season 1, making a big name for themselves, and reach their zenith by taking down the Dawn Horizon Corps with minimal losses. But then the 'Silent War' hits, dragging them more directly into political power-plays. It goes appallingly badly: they are betrayed from within, their legitimate connections to the Arbrau bloc are severed, and they lose their presence on Earth.

Next they uncover the mobile armour, and while they mange a victory over it, Mika definitively proves that he won't let Orga stop under any circumstances, McGillis is inspired to throw caution to the wind, and Tekkadan's tenuous position inside Teiwaz implodes. They just about got away with jumping on board with McGillis' coup plans, but once they've taken out the 'armour and embarrassed Iok Kujan into the bargain? A lot of chickens come home to roost.

Naze -- the one person Orga respects, listens to, and who actually has the potential to reign him in -- dies as a result of Tekkadan's display of power. Afterwards, Orga knows killing Jasley in return will mean breaking with Teiwaz. He hesitates, visibly, over going through with it -- only for the pressure of everyone wanting vengeance on behalf of Naze, Amida, Lafter and the rest to tip him over the edge. From there, the only possible route to achieving what he wants is the alliance with McGillis, who turns out not to be able to deliver on his promises. Everything falls apart.

Now. The way this is presented carries judgement. Orga is repeatedly castigated for his decisions, including the loss of one of his closest friends. Likewise, the Arbrau/SAU war arc serves as a microcosm of Tekkadan's failings, with Aston's death stemming from Takaki blindly acting according to their ethos. Crucially, Takaki chooses to change for the better, taking one of the other options available to him (with Kudelia's help) -- notably in the same moment Orga is doubling-down on his existing path.

Tragedies are built from characters making the wrong choices and this juxtaposition serves to underline that they are wrong, and could be approached differently. Takaki is correct to hold on to what he has instead of risking it for the sake of an imagined 'better place'. He recognises something Orga does not until after Shino is killed (and lots of other people, of course, but it's framed around Shino's death).

There follow several scenes of Ogra being directly called out. 'He died for you!' Eugene snarls, taking charge of getting everyone to safety. 'You're whining?' Yamagi demands, when Orga reaches his lowest ebb and comes close to abandoning Tekkadan's cause. 'I was under the impression you had a spine,' sneers Rustal Elion, assuming moral authority and refusing to blunt the consequences of Orga's actions.

[When @prezaki asked me to explain my stance on Rustal Elion's intentions, I talked about his gestured-to positive traits. That's not what I mean here: Rustal takes control over the setting and imposes his morals upon it. The tenor of his exchange with Orga is of someone in the right looking down on someone pleading for unearned leniency. Whatever you think about that -- and I view it as a great demonstration of Rustal's inherent contempt for 'little people' who don't meet his standards -- this is functionally what's happening, and Orga is powerless against it.]

In light of this, the manner of Orga's death -- finally taking up a gun and sacrificing his life for his comrades after two seasons of doing the opposite -- is both fitting and a form of redemption. Given the director's original conception of the show being one that ended with every named protagonist dead, a thread of 'just desserts' is undeniably present. Tekkadan are not placed in a positive light for their determination, which comes with a bloody cost, both on their side and on their enemies'. They are fools and upstarts in a world that violently rejects change.

However, like many of the show's components, its authorship is a two-part affair. Mari Okada and other writers argued against the kill 'em all direction, and the end result is far more ambiguous than clean-cut condemnation. To be clear, it is absolutely still saying that Orga and Tekkadan as a whole make terrible decisions. But the more-hopeful-than-it-might-have-been ending allows space for greater nuance. (Which is good - I doubt I would be as enamoured with IBO if it had concluded by thoroughly punishing a group of child-soldiers for being what they are and committed to their never being anything else.)

In light of the actual ending, we can look seriously at the ways the show demonstrates why its characters behave as they do. Mika and Orga's ingrained behaviour is responsible for a lot of what goes wrong, but we are shown quite blatantly that they would not have survived into adolescence if they hadn't developed it. The ever-present threat of what would happen if Tekkadan *didn't* strive to grow stronger and resist the harmful forces surrounding them frames every decision. Even the individuals who mean them ill are the products of the systems that created this whole miserable situation. Nobliss, Ein, Gaelio, Carta, Iok, Jasley, Galan, Rustal -- they each have major personal failings but are equally shaped by their positions in society, just as the boys are shaped by theirs. By being so thorough in constructing an exploitative world, the writers and director hew against reducing the characters down to simply being flawed people.

They are instead flawed people doing their best with limited resources in oft-times impossible circumstances. The story at once highlights the brutality of its protagonists and that they are children, abused by those who see them only as tools, within systems that encourage that perspective. Tekkadan is itself a microcosm of larger patterns, of might making right and human life being exchanged for money. Throughout, lines are blurred between 'proper' soldiers and teenage mercenaries, between businesses and the mafia, between pirates and police. The whole is rotten and while struggling may not be a path to survival, it is at least clearly a path, if you can stick to it.

Thus, any discussion of Tekkadan's flaws must account for the show's refusal to place them in a vacuum. I don't know to what extent Iron-Blooded Orphans is the result of a push and pull between competing ideas about how the tale should go. Yet what was put on screen frequently refuses easy categorisation into straightforward condemnation or sympathy. It's just not the kind of story that allows us to neatly assign blame to zealousness, recklessness or a murderous attitude. All these have too demonstrable a cause and within that context, it's hard to argue they are incorrect as responses. They are, at the very least, eminently understandable.

Errors of judgement on Orga's part and the failure of those around him to moderate his haste play a role in what happens, without question. But to a large degree, no one involved is allowed to be otherwise. Takaki's path is contingent on too many factors to be a widely-viable alternative. Likewise, for all that the eventual escape of the survivors is facilitated by wiser and cooler heads prevailing, it is nonetheless paid for in blood, past as well as present. Heck, Kudelia's character development is about learning the cost of improvement and accepting that cost as necessary -- the same calculation performed by every boy who steps on to the series' battlefields.

In the end, perhaps the most honest answer to 'what caused Tekkadan's downfall' is simply that they existed as part and parcel of the world they were born into. Their 'mistake' was responding to it on its own terms, meeting violence with violence and oppressive hopelessness with desperate hope. They tried to win a rigged game, not because it was the only one in town, but because it looked better than the alternatives and once committed, there was no easy way to turn back.

I think that's a startlingly mature approach to a subject too often reduced to power-fantasies or personal horror. The existence of child-soldiers is a flaw in the real world. Through the way it fleshes out its tragic structure, Iron-Blooded Orphans manages to capture some of what that entails.

-------------------

Thank you for the ask! I don't know to what extent this is the answer you were after. I tend to view Tekkadan's naiveté as a significant single contributing factor, but it's really only a facet of their being stuck where they are, socially speaking. And I wanted to discuss the narrative treatment of Orga's flaws because it's something that could be a lot more clear-cut than it actually is.

[Index of other writing]