#and its also flaring like so bad
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
hi does anyone have ideas for ways to occupy your brain so that it doesn't blast intrusive thoughts 24/7. activities need to also be not super brain heavy and able to be done in bed if needed. for now I'm playing a lot of mobile games and watching a lot of youtube but it's getting repetitive and starting to lose the effect. thank in advance
#chronic illness#spoonie#intrusive thoughts#disabled#my current list of issues is. uh. its a lot#started with severe autism burnout#which caused EDS and dysautonomia to flare like hell#then it turned out i also have hyperthyroidism and probably need surgery#then it turned out what i always thought was just anxiety is actually OCD#and its also flaring like so bad#i had to go back on the meds i was on when i was 18 which are first gen antipsychotics#just to be able to eat and drink without the intrusive thoughts telling me it will kill me#now I'm on two psychiatric medications at once and its still kinda hard to do anything#half the days im stuck in bed because of dysautonomia/postural hypotension#i can't concentrate on shit because of the thyroid and burnout#so even reading and writing are super hard#but i need to constantly be doing something or the thoughts get overwhelming#so like. any advice is appreciated#its also quite likely i will lose the spot in the PhD program because of this#because there is no system for medical leave for us#so me and partner will lose our only source of income#but for now they're still paying me even though i havent showed up for a whole month#so that's a problem for another day#oh i also need a wisdom tooth removed ......#feels like my life has been repeatedly hit with a hammer
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
no1s mad i drew more konbart right?
last drawing is nirvana au // also i gave up on the 1st drawing mayb? i might return 2 it
#i realized im starting 2 feel insecure bc ppl my age r drawing muchMUCH better than me so i tried 2 do things i dont usual do kinda idk#trying 2 prove im not *that* bad @ art lol#which means i tried 2 draw kissing y tf did i try this I DONT I#USE TONE INDICATORS U BITCH!#nirvana au#nirvana!kon#kart#konbart#my fujcing wifi freaked out on me & i drew all of these#so thats fun!!#also i worked on my sketchbook bc NOTHING WAS WORKING sts yestefay was so boring :(#my sketchbook is exploding its more junk then sketch#my junk book#puppee art#i love nirvana!kon oh how k love them so theyre so pretty ((imo))#i drew like 3 sidelrofiles im dying#ALSO IGNORE HOW LAZY I AM DRAWING SUPEEHERO SUITS LOL#IDRC…IDK…I DIDNT WANNA DRAW THE FLARES OR THE PATCHES PLSSSSS#ive drawn sm kon in the last like week?#bc of etsy its honestly great i have like a lil collection of those ty cards i make#uhm#i need 2 stop rambling gn#y am i saying gn???
131 notes
·
View notes
Text
#void fnf#evil art#firecracker#i love them so much#i need to stomp on them like small bugs#i wanna render more of flares skin casuse its meant to reflect like a polished stone#like obsidian#but like to a lesser degree it doesnt show reflectuons very well#its just kinda shiny#also its meant to glitter slightly like sun stone#i want flare soo bad#i love woman...
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hi I'm still surviving yay
#i am going to make it throughthis year if it kills me etc#anyway just went for a walk in the first snow of the year#and texted back all the people who texred me for the first time all month#and know im gonna go home and have hot chocolate and butternut squash soup and crusty bread w goat cheese and balaic vinegar and olives etc#and also danggg its ok that km losing it a bit so far this year i have:#lived overseas for 3 months (culture stress loneliness language learning etc)#dealt w reentry#graduated college#started my first proper grown up job#moved & rented my 1st solo appartment#broke up w my boyfroend#and dealt w my chronic illness flaring pretty bad#oh also visited another like 6 countries in there somewhere?#and enrolled in a 2nd BA degree that im now working on#damn.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
making a collection
making another collection with a threatening aura
#davy back fightbpart 3 letsgo#HOW do the three big guns get wasted on the eating contest... horrible plan.... luffy is fine bc well... but not sanji and zoro like damn.#luffy DOESNT WANNA EAT??? CALL THE NAVY!!!!#what was i saying.... bad idea putting the three beasts there#FRANKY FRANKY FRANKY!!!! they captured the two princesses :(#one sided beef squashed between luffy and foxy. friendship ended with random ex marine guy. now luffy is my best friend#usopp and franky bonding time hell yeah. throw usopp by the head once more pelase#nami with zoros swords just like holding them looks so cool like she should get a few swords too... nami three sword style oda drawing pls#i think this man underestimates nami and luffys power together he doesnt know about shiki#luffy saying he knows its a trap and sorry for being late.... lets go on an adventure all nine of us.... usopp yes anding his lie..... omg#cant believe nami isnt there yet. she could take this guy. oh there she is!!!!! she does look cool with the swords and jumping to get luffy#zoro screaming in agony from luffy getting shot omg THIS FUCKING GUY OF COURSE!!! this looks like its so over#zoro and sanji must feel so useless rn. they didnt even get the chance to fight like damn#komei-kakka??? more like come caca. boom#luffy face down dead on the floor akdjkaa chopper have you tried looking at the wound to see if it harmed him idk#it hit the face akdjskn usopp that was coom also#was robin flirting with the other guy and zoro caught her and she told hum to shut up???#'your friends got the best of me but you are still in my arms an-' 'HEAT EGG!! ALSO YOU'RE ON FIRE!'#flare maneauver that was so slay also luffy and nami in the same frame so twins of them. my children. birthed them one right after the othe#zoro and sanji fighting back to back. back to back to back to you i dont wanna fall right back to us maybe you should run right back to her#that is such a bop song. also post wano zosan. and post wci. see the recurrent theme#fighting in water.... being on top of the sword that was a slay... red hawk ace i will never forget you it seems#foxy liking his jolly roger omg nami fooled him ahdhsjs i think they should have pirate game event every year they yearn for contests#now since this experience foxy should make monthly multitudinary pirate games olympics hoping the strawhats join them a la gatsby#the faces at the mushroom akdhaksjs#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies#kinda loved how robin betted on franky against usopp.... i will take the crumbs
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
you’re not repressing your emotions, you’re just a little silly! and the thought of getting out of bed makes you want to cry but that’s unrelated!
#still firmly in struggle town lads#but now im also having a pain flare on top of the exhaustion#my ribs and back are Fucked#and genuinely the idea of getting up to pee or get something to eat is stretching me thin#just a couple seconds of standing hurts and the fatigue is so bad#and i hate! that theres a little voice in my ear! going well if you dont get up and dont eat youll lose weight! so at least theres one plus!#like fuck me if that isnt disordered as hell#but its fine#its fine#itll be fine#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#spoonie#pots#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#chronic illness
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Oh right, it puffs up a ton with blocking, that's what it was. Normally I'd use the thicker yarn for the toe but finer fibers aside the difference in gauge is too severe for me not to have to do math and shaping if I tried that. Plus, I definitely don't have enough for two toes, and I doubt I'd get the exact same thickness on the second miniskein of this yarn. So, accent yarn. I guess it'll probably stand out better if nothing else.
#thats fine tbh#its also a good quality for the last row and bindoff yarn--i like doing that in the contrasting color and a little extra stretch#to the bind off of a sock is never a bad thing#i hate undoing bind offs that were too tight#i get it right more often than wrong for sure but every time i unpick it i have to cut the yarn repeatedly#at least with handspun it felts back together. with commercial superwash its just the worst#but thats often a weakpoint on my socks so either way i hate joining at all#anyway i often intentionally go up a needle there but bigger needle and thicker yarn would be even better and they flare anyway#knitting#handspun yarn#southdown babydoll#sock knitting
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#(( ooc. ))#negativity tw#venting tw#sorry for bad vibes on the dash today again#will delete this in a sec just lemme vent#so. i bought all the food for thanksgiving....#i cooked it all. his only contribution was rinsing half of the potatoes. peeling 2 carrots. and opening a couple cans for me#even the turkey that was supposed to be his to handle i ended up doing#bc he severely undercooked it so i had to step in to fix that and make sure it cooked properly#and then he said 'okay. you did all the cooking. i'll clean up.'#................... nope. guess who handled that too#while he was just sitting at the table after he was done#i'm the one that put all the food away. wiped down everything. filled the dishwasher#and got it going. gathered up all the other dishes and put them by the sink to wash#so to recap. i bought all the food. made all the food. and cleaned up after the entire meal#if i sound bitter its because i am#when i pointed out that i was having to clean up everything when he said he would his response was just 'sorry i'm such a useless hubby'#i mean yeah kinda#couple all this with the fact that i'm also the one who was up until midnight last night. on my bday. and on my period and exhausted#doing a ton of housework that he was supposed to handle. including cat litter which flares up my asthma when i do it#but i didn't have a choice. just masked up and did it myself bc its not fair to the fluffy bbys if i just let it slide and wait#for him to do it. bc that might be a few days.#sorry to bitch on the dash like this but just. the last couple days especially have been disappointing#between him flubbing my big 30 bday yesterday and now this today......... i'm really over it#gonna be lurking here and pretending i'm not pissed off
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi feel free not to answer this but you're one of the only chronically ill people i know and i probably need to get my blood drawn because i am having Many Issues but i am. super afraid of needles. so basically the question is are needles that draw blood like,, really big? do they hurt a lot? sorry this is probably a dumb question im just terrified auhfguhgahhf
No worries! And in my experience, no not really! My blood draws never really hurt; it's about the same feeling like if your leg falls asleep pins and needles sensations, but only for a split second when the needle comes in and out. If done correctly, you won't feel anything during the actual process, maybe just a bit dizzy & numb. It may sting for a while after the draw (mine still does) but it's really really minor, you probably won't even notice it much. It may also bruise; it's pretty normal too.
The size of the needle varies, though, so here's a word of advice: search out for a more modern, accomodating hospital/lab, and a nurse who works with pediatrics patients, if you can (regardless of your actual age, they are just chiller about anxious people in general imo). Fear of needles is super common and is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about (I actually do well with blood draws but I'm Not Good with IVs and injections, the latter ones moreso than the former), so there is a solid chance they can accommodate you by using a smaller needle or/and local anesthetic (thought I think the last one is... Rarer. My dentist did it, but that man is a force of his own. I don't know how many of his practises are like... Normal).
Getting a good nurse that puts you at ease is so, so important. I cannot overstate it. I don't mean to make this sound bad but I can't lie either, if they mess up, can't find your vein, or just generally suck & rush you & make you feel stupid for asking for accomodations, get up and Leave. Because messed up draws do hurt (not too much, though! I'd say it's comparable to like... Accidentally biting your tongue kinda hurt). I only had one bad experience and I never went to that nurse again.
In general though: the needle probably isn't as big as you think it'd be, it's smaller than the injection ones usually, and you can ask for a smaller one; it doesn't hurt! Actually when I first got my blood drawn from my vein at 10 or so, I was like, wait, that's it? Because of a stupid policy my hospital usually only took blood from the fingertips for kids (don't ask. I don't get it either), and oh god, that hurt Much More than the "adult" one. I was so relieved after being scared out of my mind three minutes earlier. You don't have as much sensation in that area as you for in your fingertips, so if you ever had a papercut and want to compare: papercut hurts more & for longer than the blood draw does.
Good luck to you!! I hope you figure whatever's going on haha. Remember to drink water before the draw to make everyone's lives easier if it comes down to it!
#jay rambles about life.txt#jay gets asks.txt#cw needles#needles tw#I usually don't tag these but this time the description is really graphic so here you go#hopefully that doesn't mess up your search anon lmao#I also didn't want to add it because it's too graphic: I think usually in the USA they use g21 needles. mine uses 23g afaik which is smalle#maybe if you can you can google it or get your hands on smth of a similar size to get used to it! but I've never been scared of needles so#idk how that works#even at its worst the pain I had was like. very There & irritating but not enough to make me tear up or even clench my jaw#I'd say my flare ups hurt Much Worse lol#that was just the accident with the shitty nurse#the other bad experience I had was just me almost fainting. no extra pain! just lightheaded & had to lay down#edit to add because it popped into my head: I actually think most nurses come into the job more prepared for doing these accommodations than#not. especially if you're a teen anon#I started getting those regularly (every 2-3 months) when I was around 14. because pcos#and every time the nurse was like 'don't you wanna... look away or something? do you want us to turn on the music? put a cartoon on?'#and I'm like 'no this is good thank you :]' and proceeded to stare Directly At It. because I'm a freak#she found it unsettling at first and entertaining after that#but also it helps me monitor my hydration level on a more global basis than if or not I feel thirsty but that's a topic for another time
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
the only thing that keeps me going in the school year is academic validation
#i am nothing without praise from teachers/my talent search woman officer thing#and my parents#last year i was crumbling because i kept getting sick and my grades dropped so much#not this year#i cannot do that again#god i always feel like my mental health is better during summer#i just get so bad during the school year#tw for relapse in this last bit don't continue if that's something you can't handle rn 🫶#also i always end up relapsing in the school year#with everything#my ed flares up so bad during school and my coping mechanism for that is not any better#im just trying to stay positive but its kinda hard when all of my thoughts are fighting in my head#bugs junk#vent#sorry guys#like#really sorry#i know i try to keep in positive and funny here#ill be fine soon my posts Will be normal again and sharks/mlm stuff again
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes
#that being said. pressurized cabins drive me insane a little bit#and also it gives you pretty intense sea legs for a While#like. the ones from the first trip hadnt gone away by the return one. so. might be stuck with that for a few days#we shall see#also ajr live fucks severely#the albums were already incredible but that was a goddamn religious experience#like. idk the way i think abt it is theyre more djs than a regular band esp w their performance showing the making of way less sad#like their music is very electronic‚ theyre making mixes of their own sound effects more than singing in one go#so like. the vocals were a teeensy bit rough at times#notably times it has taken me Literally Hundreds Of Hours Practice to be able to consistently sing along with#and times ive found its literally physically impossible to like. no matter what#idc how big your lungs are‚ there is no human on earth who can do that final run of karma in one breath#much less to An Entire Stadium After An Hour Of Jumping And Dancing And Singing Loud As Fuck#so like i dont blame them for that‚ you dont go to live shows expecting it to be 100% perfect anyways jwbdjsbfksb#the trumpet however. well she was certainly playing sometimes. and was very enthusiastic about her flares.#however. in most of their songs they use midi trumpets to my ear at least#meaning she was likely an addition specifically for live performances and in my personal band kid opinion#prooobably was not in any of the like. higher tier bands? idk just. a lot of the mistakes she was making were hitting as stuff that got#taught out of us the instant we joined any band beyond regular concert#so i would guess she was probably just like. a friend who happened to play trumpet in high school or maybe even just middle school#and they knew that the trumpet parts in their pieces were big and distinct enough that like they /had/ to get a live player#and just kinda. didnt anticipate the audition -> performance gap#like. her tone was really fried the whole time like she was playing as hard as possible#which. she was mic'd. have the sound guy turn her up.#the way they did it made it sound like she was using a mute but not. like she only got the bad parts of a mute from it yknow#her tempo and timing were. bad. theres no nice way to put that one it just Was Bad‚ like the trumpet runs in ajr songs arent. complicated#like. quite literally if you handed me the sheet music right now i would have it down perfect in a week at absolute most#and better than that player on sightread. like. we did so many sightreading drills.#like ill share my band kid creds if anyone cares but i need to emphasize this isnt me being braggy like. they genuinely just arent hard#fuck im out of tags. w/e i think only like one of yall also listens to them anyways so i can leave it there
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
*kicking my feet, twirling my hair* so there's this giiiiiirl
#havemt had an opp to talk to the irl i want to about this#letting it out here#i think shes really cool id love 2 make out withher#nothing serious bc in yhe words of loss campesinos romance is boring#but i am down a little bad and letting my autism flare up in hopes thay she kisses me#nervousnervousnervous i want it to go well sooooo bad#and she invited me to the beach the other day and she gave me songs to listen too and aaaaaa#feeling like a bit of a fag atm and its sooooooo#alsoalso shes trans too and weve spoken gender a bit before and it wasnt much then but now im thinking about it and aaaa im so gay#talking about gender is such a love language for me actually like omg let me affirm your gender#im just#eeeeeeeee#just a crush but not i just like her a little its not that deep#havent felt like this for a girl in ages tho so its very 😳😳😳#i was just being playful at first but now i wanna kiss her so bad#shes also talller than me and its fun and silly and i just aaaaaaaaa#ramble
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’ve been trying to get Enya’s y8 lore down for the last 3 days but all I’ve managed is to stare at this blank draft KSKDKSKS😭
#like its not that I don’t know what to type in fact its the opposite😭#its just getting started has been tough…😭 and also the 10000 other ideas at the same time#also working on commississons too so it’s been blank for a while LMAO#and I have to do Leo’s ref…😭 but I always end up getting a new Enyao idea or see a pretty ref I wanna do#plus a bunch of other WIPS#AAAAA I’m just ansty… and need to refill meds again… I’ve had awful focus sjdkdkd#monster has helped at least :’) but only for maybe a day and we’re back at square one#AND MY ALLERGIES… MY BIGGEST BEEF RN#even now I’m sneezing and it gets so bad I can barely get any thing done#I just end up fatigued and congested bc of it…💀#on that note does anyone else who take SSRIS and ADHD meds get a reaction when you go without for a bit…?😭#I mean besides the brainzaps for me its like I end up getting an allergy flare up#maybe once I square the next payment away I should talk to my perscriber about that😭#okay I was going to brainstorm more but ended up talking to the Zhaobot instead…help
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
listen ‘ere boy there is a voice in ur head telling u ur fine and you don’t need to go to therapy tomorrow and that voice is a f u c k i n g liar don’t listen to it boy don’t fuckin’ listen to that rat ass bastard it does NOT have ur best interests at heart
#vent in tags etc etc#aim losing my mind over here#it’s fine#see the thing is I’m so deeply lacking in like. the emotions edition of object permanence. I can have a massively heartbreaking reaction to#smth and then once I’m out of that moment and even slightly distracted it’s like nothing ever happened ??#so like yk I was nearly [radio static noises] over talking to my therapist abt the young csa thing and I’m meant to be starting emdr tomorr#tomorrow* except like for the past two weeks I’ve overall been fine regarding that?? instead it’s the ed and other traumas flaring up so ??#idk how Specific emdr is I honestly don’t know much about it yet but like yk now I’m wondering if I should delay starting that in favour of#talking about the other badtimes tm rearing their heads atm. todays in particular was unexpected it happened this morning and it’s only just#like. hit me and started biting and it’s ?? also dumb cuz like on one hand I’m pretty okay but on the other hand the other half of my brain#is spiralling hysterically to the point where I’m very glad I’m already in bed and like I know [redacted] won’t help but it’s like my brain#is just so lost about how to hold these things and what to do at all so it’s just pulling out the bad coping mechanism and insistently#thrusting it in my lap and waving its arms like it wasn’t even That Bad tm of a situation today but it Was some very specific factors which#are holding hands with Other specific factors and then The Location Of The Events is just#yea okay maybe I will talk to her abt this / these things instead if I can#ah the joys of heavy personal responsibility at a very young age and the severe guilt that gets bred from that and the fantastic experience#of things being so far out of your control and almost destined to fail and the absolute wonder of The Actual Person(s) To Blame Having No#Consequences For Their Actions and ending up feeling like you failed and you’re a complete fraud cuz no good you do will make up for that#one situation and yeah okay I’m gonna go sleep#ugh
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
>:(((
#mental headspace has already been so rough. from literal traumatizing events happening to self esteem to feeling like everyone hates me#but then to boost its been high temperatures. i live in a super old trailer with a tin roof so it's been 80+ degrees in my house for a week#and then my sister whos so fucking irresponsible and refuses to take any safety measures caught covid#i have asthma and a weak immune system. i barely go into a store even because of it and always wear 1 or even 2 masks#because i just CANT afford that fucking risk. im still suffering from long covid from where i caught it ages ago.#she still wont wear a mask so I have to despite it already being difficult to breathe from the heat & humidity#but those paired with chronic pain flare up and again bad mental space and besties imma be honest and say i am at my fucking limit !!!#also my father is a truck driver and the company he works for just took his trip away which will largely effect his paycheck#so yknow. fingers crossed my electricity doesnt get cut off again lmao.#delete later#vent in tags
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
HR and my boss is probably gonna wonder why I never spoke up about one of the chemicals causing me a minor asthma attack and coughing fit and it's because I not only took care of it myself with my inhaler(but still had a persistent cough for the rest of the day) but also I do not speak up for myself and have learned, through the way I was raised*, that I'm going to get yelled at or brushed off more often than acknowledged if I do speak up about these things so I just. Don't. I keep it all to myself and figure out how to fix it myself. Anyway I hope they actually accept my doctors note without any further question so I can go back to work since mom and dad can't and we have no other way to pay for rent :T
#*not really raised but like just experiences ig?#she also asked if i can wear a mask working with these chemicals#but honestly not really? maybe for up to an hour without any sort of break but you can be stuck in those bathrooms for a while on busy days#always using chemicals#i only mentioned one chemical bc i just woke up but also i couldnt even remember its name cuz yknow i just woke up barely 30 mins ago#and a mask isnt going to just fix this problem obviously this hr lady doesnt have asthma or personally knows someone with asthma#anything could trigger it#yeah a mask really did help that one time i cleaned the bathroom myself but also i stood away from the chemical as best i could bc i was#still scared it would flare up my asthma pretty bad like it did when i used it before#the spray i use for the tables is smelly but i work outside anyway so the fresh air and wind really helps to keep it away from my face#(except those times when the wind blew INTO my face lol)#i honestly cant wait to quit tho#all depends on how mom's surgery goes but i think i wanna apply to the library if theyre hiring by time i quit#its not loud or crowded often and i like that#im also considering hot topic or box lunch if theyre hiring#talkies
2 notes
·
View notes