#and it’s a real conflict of emotions for me

[aventurineswife]

anon who requested the IPC worker x Aventurine where reader faked their death :D

a part 2 would be cool, how you go abt it id up 2 u but if u would like any ideas…it could maybe have a flashback of their fakeout death and Aven’s reaction, and then flash to the present where he tries to leave IPC to live domestically w Reader, but they get killed for real in the process (i’m angst #1s lover) and now Aven is stuck in the IPC 😭

“At the end of the world, or the last thing I see, you are never coming home” | Part 2

Summary: Memories of your past with Aventurine resurface, unraveling the intense moments that led to your faked death. A flashback reveals the night you made the harrowing decision to disappear, showing how it shattered Aventurine’s world. Torn between loyalty to IPC and his love for you, Aventurine is ultimately willing to risk everything for a future together. However, when he attempts to leave the IPC, tragedy strikes, claiming your life in reality this time. Now, Aventurine must face an eternity of regret and entrapment within the very organization you both sought to escape. Bound to the IPC, haunted by memories of you, he is left yearning for a life he can never have.

Tags: Aventurine x Reader, angst, fake death reveal, intense emotions, love and loss, tragedy, betrayal, hurt/comfort, forbidden love, character death, emotional breakdown, regret, forced separation, internal conflict, bittersweet romance.

Warnings: Intense emotional themes, character death, grief, betrayal, mentions of violence, flashbacks, guilt and regret, dark themes, potential tearjerker, unresolved trauma.

A/N: AHHHH!!! 😭 THAT'S SO MEAN BUT SO GOOD TOO?! MY BABY!!! 🥺💔

(Part 1)

The memory clung to Aventurine like a shadow—one he could never shake. He could still recall every detail from that day years ago, the day he’d thought he’d lost you forever. In his mind, it was as if he were back there now, reliving the dreadful series of events that tore you from his life.

It had started with an anonymous tip. He’d been in the heart of IPC headquarters, surrounded by the opulent furnishings and hushed power plays that were his world, when he received the message. The vague words scrawled across the screen still felt burned into his mind: An unexpected death in IPC’s ranks. Don’t ask too many questions.

At first, he’d dismissed it as some cruel joke or an attempt to provoke him. But as whispers circulated, he’d felt an ache that reached far deeper than any professional ambition or loyalty to the IPC. His instincts screamed at him that something was wrong. His fingers shook when he finally demanded details from an IPC informant. They had tried to placate him with silence, then with excuses, before finally leading him to a private room where they produced a list of names lost in action. His eyes landed on yours.

His heart had shattered. And in that moment, the world he’d so carefully built around him crumbled. The IPC, his title, every ounce of the strategic power he wielded felt like a joke, a hollow nothing in the face of your loss. Days bled into weeks, then months as he clawed through records, files, and whispers, desperate to uncover anything that could prove this had been a mistake. Eventually, after countless sleepless nights and fading hope, he resigned himself to a cruel reality: you were gone.

In the present, Aventurine had all but lost himself in your kiss, his hands cradling your face as if afraid you might disappear again. But now that he’d found you, he couldn’t imagine letting you slip away. You’d barely finished promising him you weren’t going anywhere when he whispered urgently, “Come with me. I'll leave the IPC. We can start over, together.”

The idea hung in the air, and the look on your face said you wanted it as much as he did. The life you’d built in hiding had given you some solace, but nothing compared to the warmth that had returned the moment you’d locked eyes with him again.

“I want to, Aventurine,” you murmured, your voice soft with hope but tinged with caution. “But you know, you leaving IPC isn’t going to be that simple.”

He gave a wry smile, the familiar gleam of his gambler’s spirit returning to his gaze. “Since when have I ever played it safe?”

It was settled. Together, you and Aventurine began planning a final escape from IPC, the promise of a quiet, shared life filling every unspoken moment between you.

Weeks later, the two of you were ready. Aventurine had secured falsified documents, disguises, and even an old shuttle that he’d salvaged and reprogrammed to slip through IPC scanners. His heart thrummed with excitement as he held your hand, the two of you ducking into back alleys and secret passages within IPC’s labyrinthine halls, moving closer to the shuttle bay with each step.

But just as freedom felt within reach, a familiar voice stopped him cold.

“Aventurine,” called a smooth, calculating voice—a voice he knew well, belonging to his superior within IPC, one of the few who could see through his every bluff. “Going somewhere?”

A team of armed operatives closed in, blocking your escape route, and Aventurine felt his stomach sink as he saw the trap closing around you both.

“What’s this?” he asked smoothly, masking his fear with a cocky grin as he positioned himself protectively in front of you. “A farewell party?”

His superior raised a brow, her gaze shifting to you before returning to him. “Leaving isn’t an option for a Stoneheart. Surely you know that.”

He cast a glance over his shoulder, meeting your eyes, silently urging you to stay close, to trust him just one last time. “Then let me make it clear,” he replied, stepping forward, his voice steady. “I’m done with IPC. And if you want me, you’ll have to get through us both.”

In the ensuing chaos, you and Aventurine fought with everything you had, desperate for one last chance at freedom. But just as you were about to reach the shuttle, a shot rang out.

You stumbled, a look of shock crossing your face as blood bloomed from your side. Aventurine’s heart seized. “No,” he whispered, catching you as you collapsed into his arms. “No, no, please… we were almost there.”

Your eyes met his, filled with a quiet acceptance he couldn’t bear. “It’s okay, Aventurine,” you murmured, your hand weakly reaching to touch his face. “I’m just sorry… I couldn’t give you the life we dreamed of.”

Tears he’d fought so long to hide spilled over as he held you, pressing his forehead to yours. “No, no, please don’t… I can’t do this without you.” But even as he clung to you, your grip grew weaker, your breaths fainter.

When your hand slipped from his cheek, Aventurine was left cradling your lifeless form, his vision blurring as grief consumed him. He’d lost you once before, but nothing had prepared him for the agony of losing you again—for real this time.

In the end, IPC dragged him back, broken and hollow, the final remnant of his old life slipping through his fingers. He returned to the office and his title as a Stoneheart, each day haunted by the love he’d sacrificed to leave the IPC, each night dreaming of a life he’d never know.

And so Aventurine remained, a prisoner of the world he’d once called his own, but now bound by grief—a gambler who’d lost his most precious wager.

[silvertice]

Midnight Love.

Logan howlett x female reader.

summary: Tras soñar con uno de sus amigos más cercanos, ella se ve obligada a evitarlo, negando los sentimientos encontrados. Pero si fue solo un sueño, ¿por qué las sensaciones y recuerdos se sienten tan reales?

Categories: Friendship, Tension, Romance, Confusion, Drama, Unspoken Feelings, Emotional Struggle. {TW}: Dream sequences, Unrequited feelings, Sexual tension, Avoidance, Inner conflict.

Cuando desperté esa mañana, el aire fresco que entraba por la ventana no fue suficiente para despejar la pesadez que sentía en mi pecho. Mis ojos seguían cerrándose mientras trataba de poner en orden las sensaciones que aún rondaban mi mente. Un sueño. Eso debía ser. Pero aún podía sentirlo, ese calor en mi piel, la cercanía de él, su respiración baja y su voz rasposa en mis oídos. Me levanté rápidamente de la cama, como si pudiera sacudirme esa sensación con un simple movimiento, pero la incomodidad no desapareció. ¿Por qué me sentía así? No debía ser nada... ¿o sí?

Estaba tratando de organizar mis pensamientos mientras me levantaba y me dirigía al baño, mi reflejo en el espejo era el mismo de siempre, pero algo en mi mirada me decía que algo había cambiado. Sentía que algo no encajaba, como si en algún rincón de mi mente, todo lo que había sido normal hasta ese momento se hubiera roto en pedazos. ¿Por qué Logan? Era mi amigo, y aunque siempre había sido un tipo atractivo, nunca lo había visto de esa manera. Sin embargo, en ese sueño, él había estado más cerca de lo que debería, mucho más cerca... y la sensación de su presencia había sido tan real que me hizo preguntarme si, tal vez, había algo más oculto que ni yo misma quería admitir.

Al salir de mi habitación, lo primero que vi al dar un paso fuera del pasillo fue a Logan. Estaba apoyado contra el marco de la puerta de la cocina, con esa postura relajada y su típico aire desinteresado. Pero esta vez, algo se sentía diferente. La mirada que cruzó conmigo fue breve, pero pude sentir que había algo extraño en su actitud también. ¿Es posible que lo haya notado? Mi corazón comenzó a latir más rápido, y me apresuré a bajar la mirada, fingiendo que no lo había visto. No podía ser. No podía ser que esa sensación de nerviosismo, esa incomodidad, fuera por él. Es solo un sueño, me repetí. Pero no logré quitarme la sensación de estar atrapada en una mentira que ni yo misma entendía.

Los demás ya estaban ahí, como siempre, discutiendo sobre alguna tontería mientras preparaban el desayuno. Cuando entré, Logan levantó la vista, y no pude evitar que su mirada me recorriera de arriba a abajo con esa intensidad que siempre tenía. Su sonrisa se curvó de manera juguetona cuando se acercó a mí, y antes de que pudiera reaccionar, soltó una de sus bromas clásicas:

—¿Te quedaste dormida, Dormilona?

Su tono relajado y esa forma de llamarme Dormilona me hicieron sentir incómoda, más de lo que me gustaría admitir. Traté de mantener la calma, pero algo en la forma en que me miraba hizo que mi rostro se calentara. ¡No podía ser! ¿Por qué me afectaba tanto? Solo es una broma... me repetí, pero por alguna razón, esa mañana me sentí mucho más vulnerable de lo habitual. Mientras los demás seguían conversando, yo me quedé allí, atrapada entre el caos de la cocina y los pensamientos que no lograba entender.

Logan me observaba con una sonrisa ladeada, seguramente disfrutando de mi incomodidad. Y lo peor de todo es que, por primera vez, me di cuenta de que no podía ocultarlo. Mi rostro estaba claramente teñido de rojo, y no podía hacer nada para disimularlo. Sentí como si toda la cocina se volviera más pequeña, como si sus ojos estuvieran clavados en mí, desnudando esa parte que no sabía cómo manejar. Quería escapar, alejarme de esa situación, pero no pude decir una palabra.

Con un gesto rápido, dejé el vaso en la mesa y, sin mirar atrás, me dirigí hacia la puerta de la cocina.

—Voy a la clase... —murmuré, casi en un susurro, como si eso fuera una excusa válida para huir. Pero sabía que no era solo eso.

Mi mente solo repetía una pregunta mientras mis pasos me llevaban hacia el pasillo: ¿Qué me estaba pasando?

El mediodía llegó como una bendición después de una larga mañana y ya estaba por morirme de hambre. La clase de la que me había hecho cargo ya había terminado, y mis alumnos se dispersaron por el pasillo, dejándome sola en el salón. Finalmente, un poco más relajada y con la mente más despejada, me dirigí hacia la puerta para ir a buscar algo para comer, pero antes de que pudiera salir, escuché un suave golpe en la madera. La puerta se abrió y Logan apareció, entrando con su usual calma, un plato de comida en la mano.

—¿Vas a comer afuera? —preguntó con esa mirada relajada, como si todo fuera perfectamente normal.

Su tono despreocupado y esa sonrisa tan característica de él hicieron que mi corazón diera un pequeño salto. ¿Por qué  hacía que mi estómago se revolviera así? Intenté mantenerme tranquila, pero sabía que no podía evitarlo.

Logan se acercó un par de pasos, sin mostrar ni la más mínima señal de que notara la incomodidad que aún sentía en mi interior. Su presencia era como un peso en el aire, pero a la vez me mantenía atrapada en una sensación extraña, como si no pudiera alejarme de él, no sin sentirme más vulnerable de lo que ya estaba.

Intenté sonreír, pero lo que salió fue una sonrisa nerviosa, casi automática, como si no pudiera evitarlo. Sin querer, mis ojos lo recorrieron de arriba a abajo, como si una parte de mí aún no pudiera dejar ir el recuerdo de lo que había soñado con él la noche anterior. Esa cercanía, el calor de su cuerpo, el susurro de su voz… Todo eso volvía a mi mente con una claridad incómoda. Mi lengua rozó mis labios de forma casi involuntaria, como si aún pudiera saborear la sensación del sueño. Me quedé ahí, congelada por unos segundos, atrapada entre la memoria de lo irreal y la presencia de Logan frente a mí.

—¿Eh? —dijo él, notando mi silencio y observando mi reacción con una leve sonrisa traviesa, como si esperara una respuesta.

Eso fue suficiente para hacerme reaccionar.

—Lo siento, Logan. —dije rápidamente, sin pensarlo mucho— Le prometí a Alex que iba a ir a comer con él.

Tomé el plato de comida que me ofrecía, sin atreverme a mirarlo directamente, y lo tomé apresuradamente. Me di vuelta y salí del salón de clase antes de que pudiera decir algo más, dejándolo allí, parado y confundido. ¿Qué demonios me estaba pasando?

La tarde avanzaba cuando recibí la notificación de Charles para una reunión en su estudio. No era raro que él nos reuniera para discutir temas importantes, y aunque normalmente me sentía cómoda en esos encuentros, esta vez tenía los nervios a flor de piel. Aún sentía el calor de mi piel después del extraño encuentro de mediodía, y esperaba que los otros no notaran nada inusual en mí.

Llegué al estudio de Charles y me coloqué cerca de una de las columnas, apoyando mi espalda en el frío mármol mientras esperaba a que los demás llegaran. El espacio era amplio y elegante, con sus estantes de libros y ventanales enormes que dejaban entrar la luz suave de la tarde, pero por alguna razón sentía como si el aire estuviera más denso de lo habitual.

Cada vez que escuchaba un paso acercándose al estudio, mi pulso se aceleraba, y no podía evitar que mi mente volviera a ese momento en la cocina, cuando había salido apresuradamente para evitar a Logan. ¿Donde estaba él? Mi mente comenzó a debatir entre la incomodidad y la expectativa, y sentía que el peso de sus ojos sobre mí era inevitable.

La puerta se abrió y Logan entró, unos minutos después de que el resto de nosotros ya estuviéramos en el estudio.

—¿Llegando tarde otra vez, Logan? —bromeó alguien, a lo que él se encogió de hombros con una sonrisa despreocupada.

—Tenía cosas importantes que hacer —respondió, como si esa fuera la excusa más válida del mundo, y no pude evitar sonreír un poco ante su tono confiado y relajado. Él lo notó de inmediato y, sin pensarlo dos veces, caminó hacia donde yo estaba.

Sin darme cuenta, de repente lo tenía junto a mí. Su mano, que parecía haberse movido por instinto, se posó suavemente en mi cintura mientras Charles comenzaba a hablarnos sobre los planes del equipo. Fue un gesto sutil y a la vez lo suficientemente inesperado como para que mi pulso se acelerara, haciéndome sentir como si el contacto ardiera a través de la tela de mi camiseta. Traté de concentrarme en lo que Charles decía, pero cada fibra de mi ser estaba alerta a esa presencia a mi lado, a ese toque que parecía tan natural para él y, sin embargo, tan desconcertante para mí.

Me quedé quieta, sin atreverme a moverme ni a mirarlo, y me limité a asentir mientras Charles continuaba, intentando que nadie notara mi respiración algo entrecortada ni el calor que subía por mi rostro.

Mientras intentaba mantenerme enfocada en lo que Charles decía, de reojo noté la sonrisa de Logan, una mueca algo maliciosa que no dejaba lugar a dudas: él estaba completamente consciente del efecto que tenía en mí. Había olvidado su maldito instinto animal, su habilidad para captar las reacciones ajenas como si fueran obvias, y eso solo lograba que mi nerviosismo aumentara.

Antes de que pudiera apartarme, sentí un leve apretón en mi cintura, un gesto apenas perceptible, pero lo suficientemente descarado como para hacer que mi sangre hirviera. Sin pensarlo, lo miré fulminante y le di un leve empujón en el costado, intentando apartarlo y dejando claro que se comportara. Él soltó una risa baja, apenas audible, y eso solo empeoró mi incomodidad.

—¿Hay algún problema? —la voz de Charles resonó, obligándonos a ambos a ponernos serios de inmediato. Nos miró con una ceja arqueada y una expresión entre la paciencia y el reproche.

—Lo siento —murmuramos al unísono, aunque la sonrisa de Logan apenas se desvaneció, mientras yo hacía todo lo posible por recomponerme y no pensar en el toque que había quedado grabado en mi piel.

Cuando terminó la charla, fui directamente a mi habitación, deseando nada más que un poco de paz para despejar mi mente. Me di una larga ducha, dejando que el agua caliente aliviara la tensión acumulada del día, y luego me dispuse a seguir mi rutina de noche. Sin embargo, apenas había salido de la ducha cuando escuché un golpe en la puerta.

Fruncí el ceño, sujetando rápidamente una toalla alrededor de mi cuerpo mientras el agua aún goteaba de mi cabello. ¿Quién vendría a buscarme a estas horas? me pregunté mientras caminaba hacia la puerta con una mezcla de sorpresa y recelo. La posibilidad de que fuera él cruzó por mi mente, pero me dije a mí misma que eso era improbable… o al menos, eso esperaba.

Abrí la puerta y ahí estaba Logan, parado frente a mí con esa mirada directa y desafiante que lograba hacerme sentir acorralada. Ni siquiera dejó que le preguntara qué hacía ahí.

—¿Qué te pasa? —soltó, sin rodeos—. ¿Por qué me estás evitando?

Su tono era firme, y su expresión dejaba claro que no se iría sin una respuesta. Tragué saliva, apretando la toalla contra mi cuerpo mientras intentaba aparentar una calma que estaba lejos de sentir.

—Es tarde, Logan —le respondí, intentando sonar natural, aunque la realidad era que su cercanía y el tema me ponían a la defensiva—. No te estoy evitando. Mañana hablamos, ¿sí?

Pero él no se movió, y sus ojos se mantuvieron fijos en mí, analizándome, como si pudiera ver a través de la excusa.

Intenté cerrar la puerta, pero su mano firme la detuvo. Antes de que pudiera reaccionar, Logan ya había dado un paso hacia adelante, cruzando el umbral de mi habitación y cerrando la puerta tras él. Su mirada intensa se fijó en mí, dejando claro que no pensaba dar marcha atrás.

—No me voy a ir —susurró, con una sonrisa ladeada que encendió una chispa en mi pecho.

Se acercó lentamente, sus ojos recorriéndome de un modo que me hizo sentir expuesta, y cuando sus dedos rozaron un mechón de mi cabello aún mojado, una oleada de sensaciones familiares, pero intensas, me golpeó. Mi respiración se volvió errática, recordando con una claridad sorprendente las imágenes y sensaciones del sueño de la noche anterior.

—¿Qué estás haciendo? —murmuré, intentando sonar firme, aunque mi voz temblaba levemente—. Logan… para.

Pero en el fondo, no estaba segura de querer que lo hiciera. Sus labios formaron una media sonrisa, su mirada brillando con esa intensidad juguetona y peligrosa.

Logan no se detuvo. Dio un paso más, acortando la distancia entre nosotros, y sentí cómo sus yemas recorrían suavemente mi brazo, desde el hombro hasta el codo, en un toque que me arrancó un estremecimiento involuntario. Cerré los ojos, intentando alejarme mentalmente de la situación, pero su cercanía solo lograba intensificar las sensaciones, haciéndolas aún más vívidas.

Me mordí el labio, intentando contener el pulso acelerado y negar las imágenes que se cruzaban en mi mente, recuerdos recientes de ese sueño que me había dejado tan descolocada. Pero Logan parecía disfrutar de cada segundo, de cada pequeño gesto que me hacía perder el control.

-No sé de qué intentas huir susurró, su voz baja y profunda, tan cerca que sentí su aliento cálido contra mi piel-, pero no voy a parar... a menos que realmente quieras que lo haga.

Negué con la cabeza, incapaz de encontrar las palabras, atrapada entre el deseo de que se detuviera y la desconcertante necesidad de que no lo hiciera.

Mis ojos se abrieron de golpe, y me encontré con los suyos, tan cerca, tan intensos, que todo lo que había intentado reprimir a lo largo del día estalló dentro de mí. Las palabras se me atragantaron en la garganta, pero logré balbucear, casi sin voz:

—Lo, yo… anoche soñé…que tu..y yo.

Pero antes de que pudiera decir más, sus labios se acercaron, rozando los míos apenas sin tocarlos. Podía sentir su respiración, cálida y pausada, mientras sus ojos me estudiaban con una mezcla de ternura y malicia.

—¿Así que por eso me estabas evitando? —murmuró, su voz baja y cargada de algo que me erizaba la piel—. No te engañes, princesa… No fue solo un sueño, y lo sabes.

Un segundo más, y su sonrisa apareció, una sonrisa que lo decía todo, dejando en claro que no se trataba de casualidades, ni de suposiciones. Antes de que pudiera reaccionar, Logan se apartó, como si nada, dándome la espalda y dejándome sola en medio de una confusión enorme. Las palabras se enredaron en mi mente, y antes de darme cuenta, lo estaba llamando con frustración.

—¡Logan! —exclamé, siguiéndolo hacia la puerta, aunque él no se detuvo—. ¡Logan, ven aquí!

Pero él solo miró por encima del hombro, con esa expresión tranquila, tan segura de sí misma, como si supiera que había dejado una tormenta dentro de mí. Con cada paso que daba hacia la salida, me sentía más alterada, con el corazón latiéndome en los oídos. Y lo único que podía hacer era repetir su nombre, sin saber si estaba más enojada con él… o conmigo misma.

[thelostgirl21]

You are very welcome.

And while they are extremely well meaning, I read some of the comments in the replies, and I would say to be careful with some over-generalizations.

For example, saying "stay away from apps, it's better to..."

If you go on an app to meet people, there's bound to be other people potentially compatible with you that are going on apps to meet people, too.

Apps can be overwhelming because, just like in "real life" (a.k.a. life offline), they are filled with tons of different and sometimes weird (not the good kind) people.

But there are also gems in there, including introverted people for whom socialization or "naturally making contact with a seemingly nice and interesting looking stranger on the street" doesn't come easy.

And, while I do know people that found the "great love of their lives"™ through a friend of a friend, such situations can sometimes get messy.

Because when you get introduced to one of your friend's friends, that friend can kind of (without any malice on their part) put some pressure on you two to make it work, because they already "ship you two together".

In a context where you have a fear of rejection, you might consciously or subconsciously fear to disappoint or insult your friend should you not be compatible with the one they introduced you to, and try too hard to make it work to "please that friend", even if there are some things bothering you or little red flags trying to draw your attention.

Your friend might often keep asking you "so, how did it go?", while being all excited, and getting overinvolved, forcing you to put up some solid boundaries.

Not to mention that if you bring some of the red flags you've noticed to their attention, they could have the reflex of minimizing / justifying their friend's more worrying behavior, given how positively they perceive them.

So, if telling a close friends to politely mind their own business because it's confusing you doesn't come easy for you, it can become an added challenge on top of already attempting to navigate the beginnings of a relationship.

And those aren't necessarily things people will think to tell you.

Hence why I say that, when people tell you "avoid this or that context for meeting someone", know that there's almost always some type of bias involved.

You'll have people telling you that the best and most enduring types of relationships are those that start with being friends with someone first, because that's what ended up working for them.

But if you ever experience a strong mutual crush that swoops you off your feet, it could work just as well!

What will make it work, ultimately, is how you both take it from there and your ability (yes it's a huge cliché, I know, but it's still true) to learn to communicate needs and wants clearly, and become teammates dedicated to making each other feel safer and stronger together as you would on your own.

Your willingness to pool resources together and use each other's strengths to compensate for areas where your partner struggles more is a much bigger indicator of a relationship's potential success than how, where and when you met.

For example, my partner struggles putting words on emotions and gets easily overwhelmed by them when they get too strong.

I'm the opposite. I can clearly name and identify exactly what I feel, how it affects and influences me in the now, and put it aside to deal with it later if need be.

So, when there's conflict, I've learned that once I've made my case, I must give my partner room and space for him to retreat, think about my arguments more rationally, and then return when he feels more level headed. Otherwise, I'll push him into a corner where he'll start panicking, and use my own strengths against him.

We keep telling people that communication in relationships is key, but seldom take the time to explain the why and/or the how.

The truth is that humans are huge posers that like to project certain images or make things look easier than they are. We have egos, we seek approval, we try to look good in front of others. Couples will want to project the image of the perfect team.

It doesn't show you the amount of work, nurturing and care that goes into those relationships to make it work.

It doesn't teach you that you'll need to "learn how to fight"... but fight FAIR while aiming for win-win resolutions to conflicts.

It doesn't tell you that "good communication" involves establishing your own communication style and rules together as well.

Hollywood and the people around you are selling you a dream often without showing you all that is happening behind the scenes to make those relationships work. And, while there are some helpful guidelines, there's no "one size fits all".

And if you discover people's romantic expectations don't suit you, there are plenty of ways to experience relationships that don't need to fit neat little boxes.

Off the top of my head, I would say those would be some of the most important questions to ask yourself when you're wondering if the relationship could work and/or if it's working:

Does this person make me feel safe in the relationship,

Do I feel like I can trust them, or like I could learn to trust them as we continue getting to know each other better,

How do they respond to me when I expose my own vulnerabilities and insecurities to them (are they supportive and attempting to make themselves appear less intimidating, or are they mocking and attempting to make me feel smaller / defective),

Are they attempting to better understand me and learn to use communication styles that we'll both be comfortable using and clearly understand,

Are our respective needs and wants compatible and giving birth to mutual goals we can both work towards,

Do we make each other stronger and share a similar level of commitment to making the relationship work,

Does it enhance my level of happiness and sense of personal fulfillment in a way that makes me feel like the efforts and time I am investing in the other person are worth it?

And get ready for things potentially "not working out" despite the strong love, mutual understanding, or the amazing communication skills sometimes!

You might discover that you are extremely compatible as people, but that your life goals and objectives do not align. And you may realize you make better close trusted friends than romantic or even queerplatonic partners.

"Rejecting the partnership because you can't work together towards a mutual goal" does not have to mean "rejecting the person themselves".

And yes, you can absolutely stay close friends with an "ex" depending on the reasons that lead you to "break up".

When there's no abuse involved, and it's mostly a question of incompatible goals / lifestyles, there's no reason why you should cast each other from your respective lives.

So, I guess the big takeaway from this is that human partnerships are very complex dynamics that require a lot of time and effort to build and make work. But if you do find a good partner for you (or good partners, as polyamory is also a thing), they can offer you some added sense of safety, understanding, happiness and strength in your life.

Dating thoughts: I envy all the people who met someone for one or two times and already tell everyone: they are the love of my life.“

Of course this is most often not the reality but I wish I could have this confidence, instead I struggle with a lot of aspects

For example many of my female friends told me it is totally normal that some people do not want to hold hands etc in public before a relationship is not official. But I think it is kinda frustrating not to steal a touch here and there.

Never being in a relationship ever before gives me - on the one hand - the freedom to not care about all the bullshit rules people apparently have made up, but - on the other hand - lets me struggle a lot because I do not understand all the rules and immediately interpret it as an rejection

But how to address that without coming off as clingy and hysterical? I don’t think that’s possible.

So I just sit here and wonder.

[lustlovehart]

I would like to tell Azul that I’d like to gather up all of his slime into a bottle and bathe in it. 🫶

—💖 anon

If you tell him anything of the sort, you blink for a moment and all you see is a purple puddle on the floor. But also a freaked out expression from Floyd because what??? That’s not fair :( And Jade is Jade :).

[yellowocaballero]

hi! i've been reading some of your older fics and was wondering if there's any merit in watching buffy for the first time in the year 2024

This may not be obvious, but this is actually an extremely complicated and highly subjective question. I'll try to go on for too long.

As background: my mother loved Buffy and its spin-off Angel growing up. It was our Bible (besides the actual Bible). Not kidding, she was on the forums and fan groups and wrote fanfiction for it and everything (These days, she's really into kdramas and Asian dramas, and calls me about how the Thai seem like big fans of gay people). So I'm quite biased.

BTVS is both a product of its times and ahead of its times. It was a show about feminism and the struggle of living in this world as a woman, when very few shows were doing that. It was the first show to have a long-lasting lesbian couple, and the first show to depict a kiss between them. For better or for worse, it was one of the codifiers of broody vampire boyfriend. It was pretty unafraid to be experimental in a lot of what it did. It had incredibly complex and nuanced character work and growth that I still aspire to. Spike's arc is still matched in quality only by Avatar's Zuko. Angel's long term arc, from Buffy to his spin-off series, still makes him one of the most complex characters on TV. It had the most complex depiction of depression on TV at the time and I still think it's one of the best. I think the show had very high highs.

It also had very low lows. Some of the feminism is problematic in retrospect. The sapphic couple has a rather famous element that was severely problematic. There are, overall, some deeply atrocious arcs that I can appreciate objectively but not in practice. Xander: a whole-ass character aged awfully. On a meta level, the workplace conditions were bad (thanks, Whedon.) There are no people of color. The spoiler's sake I won't go into detail on this, but in general the good stuff was so influential and the bad stuff was just awful.

I think these days people tend to brush off the entire thing because it's Whedon. That is more than fair. But I'd also say that Whedon & Buffy is extremely similar to Brian Michael Bendis & Ultimate Spider-Man. Bendis was fantastic at writing sassy, bouncy, permanently stressed-out teens - issue was, he wrote entirely different serious adult characters the way he wrote these sassy teens. Same with Whedon: the annoyingly constant quips are perfect for Buffy, because that's who the characters are. They're awful in Marvel, because Steve Rogers is not Xander. Kinda similarly, Buffy was genuinely feminist for 90s TV - issue is, Whedon has not grown or developed his views, and now his works feel so sexist (oh my fucking god why did you treat Natasha like that). After a certain point it's egotistical: you're writing like that because you're Joss Whedon and it's how you write, not because it's what's best for the characters and story. But it was really important to me to get the character voices right, and it's freaking difficult to endlessly write dialogue that distinct, full of voice, witty, and clever.

I think BTVS & Angel TV's greatest influence on my writing is how intensely character-driven both of those shows were, and how intricate the characters were. What every character did was something they would do, if that made sense. Even the stuff I hated to watch, that made me uncomfortable, was the culmination of so much (usually). I think I also picked up the constant wit and humor lol. On a personal level, the conversations I would have with my mother where she broke down the character motivations and composition of the story was my first exposure to looking at storytelling from an analytical perspective and a framework of critical analysis, which was an approach I carried into the rest of the media I consumed and that was the primary reason I was able to become a decent writer. Thanks, Mom. Have fun with your kdramas.

TL:DR: There is merit, especially if you care about good character work. There are things about it that may make you want to drop it, which is extremely valid. Season 1 is rough but interesting, Season 2 and 5 are the best, Season 3 is pretty good, Season 4 and 7 skippable, and Season 6 is........epic highs, epic lows......

[modernvintage]

I’m rewriting one of my fics to be original fiction and it’s really fucking hard. Because I want it to be good.

Not that it wasn’t. For a fic, I was delighted with it and I got good feedback. But there are huge gaping holes and a lot of fandom pandering and whole ass chapters that need to be cut.

But it’s also really fun. Because this fic was an AU and the more I wrote the more it became my own. I am loving what I’m creating now but it’s much slower and more challenging than the fic was. I have picked up a lot of bad habits I’m trying to let go of. I’m relearning my craft from a literary perspective.

And I’m trying so hard not to bash fanfic bc I love fanfic but filing off the serial numbers isn’t always enough.

this comment on that vulture article about the "fanfic-to-romance novel pipeline" is very interesting and not something i've seen articulated...much to think about...

[silverwhittlingknife]

When people say that Dick “has a temper” what do they mean?  Is he the type to blow up over an inconvenience, be impatient, or rage-quit?

Ahhhh, I had a lot of fun with this. Thanks for the ask, anon. <3

My main feeling about Dick's temper is it's an important part of his characterization, and it's a fun part of his characterization, but I also try not to overemphasize it? A lot of my thoughts are here; also @theflyingwonder has some good panel collections here and here and here if you want to see what Dick generally looks like when he's grumpy about something.

General thoughts / caveats:

Anger is obviously not the only emotion Dick ever feels!! He feels many other emotions too!! The fact that he is capable of getting really angry sometimes does not mean that he is angry all the time!!

He's a person who feels emotions very deeply - anger, love, loyalty, etc. - but also has a very conflicted relationship with his emotions. He aspires to be perfectly controlled, like he imagines Bruce is, and he's ashamed of moments when he loses control. Because he's wound pretty tight and represses a lot, his emotions can be a bit explosive when he loses his grip on them.

I would never describe him as "an angry person." He doesn't walk around fuming at the world and looking for things to be mad about, y'know? He's a person who wants to be optimistic and tries to be optimistic. This very much includes when he's Robin.

He wouldn't blow up over an inconvenience unless he was already really upset about something more serious. But yeah, if he's upset about something important, sometimes he'll lash out at whatever's closest.

He's methodical and focused; he'll sometimes get impatient when he's, say, bored by his friends' TV preferences, and in general he gets restless and likes to be moving, but if he's got a challenging task to complete he's completely capable of hyper-focusing on it.

In his civilian life, he generally has a pretty good grip on the anger - so e.g. I don't remember him ever shouting at Clancy or civilian friends in general. When a reporter tries to get dirt on him by interviewing his neighbors at his apartment complex, they universally gush about how nice he is.

Meanwhile, in his vigilante life, he's got a rigid moral code and a rigid sense of duty. He cares a lot about helping people and protecting civilians, and he's emotionally-fulfilled by it, and he can be very kind. But he's also a super-intense person who takes his responsibilities seriously, and he'll get sharp with people that he feels aren't being serious enough. He only screws around when he's with people who are very serious themselves, like Bruce.

In an argument, Dick's generally direct and confrontational: he'll snap at you to your face, not sulk behind your back. Even when he's being a bit more passive-aggressive, he's not subtle about it. If Dick's annoyed with you, you'll know. If he doesn't like you, he makes it obvious.

Jean-Paul: I've seen you with Robin - you like Robin. Dick: You got a problem with Robin? Jean-Paul: No! I like Robin, too. He's an exceptional young man. I just mean... it's obvious when you like someone. And equally obvious that you don't like me. (GK 14)

Dick's just a very dynamic character in general, rather than a static one. When he's relaxed, he can be very easygoing and friendly; if you get off on the wrong foot with him, he's prickly and often harsh. He's got a very serious core, a strong sense of principle, and a passionate sense of loyalty to the people he cares about. Here's a light-hearted moment with Dick and Tim fooling around playing tag:

Dick (grabbing Tim from above): Gotcha! Tim: Augh! (B: Transference)

This is from the exact same arc as the panel at the top - but before Hugo Strange almost kills Bruce. And just in general I think this panel is a good reminder that Dick does all kinds of things that are not about being angry, that he's also the person who keeps Tim fed and repeatedly saves him from falling, that sometimes he'll pour his heart out to Bruce, that he really really really loves his friends, and so on.

Now, all that said, if you would like an extensive deep dive into Dick yelling at people (and really, who wouldn't? yelling is fun!), I've collected a super-long list of quotes which I've attempted to corral into organization. Below the cut:

Dick vs. criminals

Dick vs. Bruce

Dick + list of reasons he gets upset

Dick + annoyance at friends/teammates

Dick + lashing out at loved ones (rare! but, uh, very memorable)

Dick + first meetings with future siblings (+Steph)

In conclusion

Anger at Criminals

Dick's temper is an important part of how he thinks of himself: he's intensely self-aware about his temper and also conflicted about it. It comes up most often when he's fighting criminals, especially when they're threatening people he loves:

Dick (internally): At first, I couldn't believe what they were saying… but as the truth sank in, I felt a rage growing so great inside me - that it felt like I was just a part of the anger, instead of it being a part of me. Kid!Dick: Those animals! They murdered my mother and father! I'm going to the police! Bruce: No... not yet. (Secret Origins 13) Deathwing: You've been so angry for so long, Dick. Learn to accept it because you have no choice. You will become me, Dick, and I know because I am your worst nightmare! I am you! Dick: Never! I'm not you and I'll never be you! Yeah, I get angry. Sometimes I get so pissed I want to break everything in sight. But everyone gets mad. Everyone gets frustrated. But I don't fight out of anger! I fight when there's something wrong that needs to be stopped! And that's why I'll never be you! I don't fight to kill - I fight to protect! And what you said about Batman - well, pal, screw you. He's the best mentor anyone ever had! (NT 100) Dick (internally): I hit him harder than I should. Not sure why. It worries me that it feels so right. (N 2) Dick: I thought I was more in control than that. But I lost it. Tim: It was made right, Dick. The Joker is alive and not well in a maximum security cell. Dick: It’s not right with me. I never thought I could be a killer. I’m wrong. There’s a part of me I never saw before. The rage. I never felt anger like that. I feel like it clawed me up inside. (N 64) Dick (internally): Nothing Jason says can be taken for truth. He says Tim is dead. I'll need more proof than his word and an empty cowl. Because right now, I need to keep that hope alive. If for nothing else, then to keep me from losing control… and I won't let that happen. Can't let that happen. Can't. Dick (punching Jason): WHERE IS HE, JASON? Jason: Depends on what kind of life he led. Dick (breaking Jason's nose, then internally): There goes his nose. Control your anger. (BftC 3) Jason (internally): Dick is different from Bruce. In the way he fights. In the way he thinks. And the way he feels. And he gets angry. Really angry. That anger, it'd make him a great Batman, if he'd let it. He's trying too much to be like him.  The good son. Man, I hate him.  (B&R 25)

So something you'll notice about all of these moments is that Dick isn't proud of his anger. He doesn't experience it as cathartic, and he isn't proud of the things he does when he's angry. His anger is an enemy; it's the person he doesn't want to be, to the extent that after the fact being angry almost feels like an out-of-body experience, because in the burn of anger he'll do things that his conscious mind rejects.

I tend to think of anger for Dick as akin to a temptation. He's strong and talented and smart. He's capable of really hurting people. He also believes - viscerally, fiercely - that it's wrong to do so.

Worth remembering: Dick's big confrontation with Zucco, in most of his origin stories, involves taking the photo that gets him arrested:

Dick (remembering): Twenty-four hours later, we were on the trail of Boss Zucco... and when he murdered his own henchman, I took the photo that sent Zucco to prison! (Secret Origins 13)

And in Batman: Year Three, he's furious when he thinks that Bruce might have arranged for Zucco to get killed - when Dick's calm and thinking clearly, he believes it's wrong to kill even people who are clearly evil. It's only when he's swept up in emotion that he'll get violent.

Anger at Bruce

... Look, I had to give Bruce his own category.

Dick and Bruce have a lot of fights. Like, a lot of fights.

Now, this isn't at all particular to Dick! Dick's just one of many, many, many people in Bruce's life who periodically get fed up with him. So I wouldn't gloss this as Dick being unusually short-tempered - post-Crisis Bruce would provoke a saint (and does! at one point Clark briefly votes him out of the JLA!). And Dick doesn't always get angry when Bruce is being a jerk to him - sometimes he's just discouraged, or depressed.

But at the same time, Dick's not a pushover, and when he's sufficiently provoked, he'll often track Bruce down to confront him / demand an explanation / demand better behavior / etc. Paradoxically, I actually tend to see these confrontations as an expression of Dick's faith in Bruce. He gets angry because he expects better.

Here's a small sampling of Dick-angry-at-Bruce moments (some confrontations, some where Dick's just fuming on his own):

Bruce: Listen to me. Dick: Listen to you? You hand Gotham over to that nutcase altar boy. You leave this kid out to dry without a snowball's chance. Then you throw everything you’ve lived for aside like it was nothing! Killing this creep doesn’t make you as bad as the scum we hunt. It makes you worse. Because they never stood for anything. (R 8) Dick: If you say anything about 'finding myself,' I think I'll puke. Bruce: I thought you'd be glad to see me back. Dick: That depends on why you came back. Bruce: To take up the mantle again. To take back my place. Dick: For how long this time? Bruce: Not now, Dick. We can talk about this when - Dick: Right now. We're settling this right now, Bruce. (R 12 - Bruce has abruptly reappeared in the Batcave after leaving Dick and Tim in charge during Prodigal)

Dick: It was you who told us to stay out of Gotham. I’ve got a life here. I can’t just walk away from that. You’ll have to - (Bruce hangs up on him) Damn you! (N 34 - Bruce has been AWOL for months and now abruptly summons Dick to join him in No Man's Land) Dick (internally): Bruce is playing martyr. Keeping us at a distance. […] Why does it have to be this way with us? WHY? (He punches his car, and his hand comes away bloody.) Uncontrollable rage. The same rage I felt when I killed the Joker. Thought I had it under control. (N 65 - Bruce is accused of murder and freezing out the Bats) Bruce: What are you doing out of bed? Dick: You did it again, didn't you? You pushed everyone away! (N 99) Bruce: I assume this isn't a social call? Dick: What the hell is the matter with you? I mean, aside from the obvious! Ignoring the many layers of denial, and the fifty feet of psychological body armor that you throw up to avoid feeling anything! Aside from that! And the pathological need to control everything on Earth and beyond! Ignoring all that! What exactly is your compulsion, your burning desire to deceive, lie, and manipulate the only people who give a good god damn about you?! Bruce: You getting to a point? (O 21 - Dick just found out that Bruce was secretly funding the Outsiders)

Dick's relationship with Bruce is Complicated (TM), because he's also incredibly loyal, and - despite everything - he loves Bruce a lot. A lot of Dick's anger comes out of this frustrated loyalty - Dick feels betrayed and hurt because he loves Bruce so much. Here's a panel from later in Outsiders 21:

Bruce: You shouldn't place that much faith in me. Dick: I have more faith in you than anyone.

Reasons why Dick gets angry: an incomplete list

So if Dick isn't really the type to, say, rage-quit a game, then what does he get angry about (other than criminals and Bruce in general)?

I've tried to loosely categorize what seem to me to be the main things that can make him lose his temper:

as above, somebody Dick loves has been hurt and he's furious at the person who did it (so e.g. trying to kill the Wildebeests when they threaten the Titans, trying to kill Hugo Strange for trying to kill Bruce, lashing out at Tumult when he hurts Tim),

he's feeling attacked or betrayed and he's lashing out in self-defense (so e.g. a lot of the fights with Bruce, punching Roy after Roy fires him in New Titans, or calling Roy a junkie when Roy tells him he's just like Bruce in Outsiders, or yelling at Tim when Tim's insisting he should be Robin again),

he's angry about a lack of loyalty (so e.g. he's furious and feels betrayed when he learns that Bruce has replaced him with Jason; he's angry at Bruce for picking Azrael as Batman instead of Dick; he's angry at Tim when Tim suggests Bruce might be a murderer)

he's jealous (so e.g. he's hurt and angry when Kory marries someone else; his resentment of Azrael is much more about Bruce than it is about Azrael)

he's angry at another vigilante for behaving too violently/irresponsibly (so e.g. he has multiple fights with Kory insisting that she can't kill anyone; he's similarly furious with Bruce when he thinks Bruce has tried to kill someone; he snaps at the Titans in general after a failed mission; he's harsh about Tim and his team during Graduation Day)

he's unhappy and taking it out on someone else, often to drive them away (so e.g. he snaps at Donna and Alfred when he's depressed about Kory's marriage - arguably there's some supernatural influence here, but IMO he'd do it anyway; he gets snappish with Tim when he's depressed about his own lack of progress with Chulo/in Blüdhaven and also when he's actually mad at Bruce about Jean-Paul; he's very harsh to Babs and Wally when they try to comfort him post-J:LL; arguably most of his behavior in Outsiders after Donna's death falls under this category too),

he's unhappy and he's taking it out on an inanimate object (so e.g. smashing things after hearing about Kory's potential marriage; punching his car until his hand is bloody after Bruce has been a jerk to him, smashing a sign when Babs is jabbing at him by comparing him to Bruce),

his privacy is being violated by paparazzi (Dick hates photographers and will not hesitate to punch them or destroy their equipment)

I think something important about all these reasons is... they're understandable? It's not surprising that Dick is upset about the woman he loves marrying someone else; it would be stranger if he wasn't upset. It's not surprising that he lashes out defensively when he's feeing attacked - this is an extremely common thing to do! Dick's anger isn't a weird cloud of rage that just descends on him for no reason; he gets angry when he has something to get angry about.

That said, he does have particular things he's especially touchy about - loyalty, privacy, control, etc. And his anger can be physical - he does break things.

Dick + annoyance with friends/teammates

Dick calls a team meeting to rebuke the Titans in Titans 13

This is lower-key, so I wouldn't always describe this as anger per se, but it feels relevant: Dick can get snappish if he's in a bad mood, though he'll usually back off if it's pointed out to him:

Dick: Half this world goes to hell in a handcart and you do nothing? Donna: Hey, don't shout at me because your personal life has gone crazy. We had a crisis… Dick: You had a crisis? Who hasn't? And my personal life, for what it's worth, is a: just fine, and b: none of your business. Do me a favor and go. I want to be alone. (NTT 18 - Dick's upset because Kory is marrying someone else)

Dick: Roy! What the hell is this? Why is Lian in the way? She should be in a crib or something, not where people can step on her. Roy: Dick, my daughter is in nobody's way, and I'm watching her every move. Dick: Oh, yeah? Well, I've had it - Roy: Dick, your friends are here to help you and you're not making it any easier. C'mon, pal - calm down. Dick: You're right. I'm sorry. This is all getting to me. Roy: Really? The immediate world and I never noticed. (NT 100)

Dick (surprising Tim): You should've known you wouldn't hear anything. Not in this wind - but if you'd been downwind on the other side, you might have scented me. Tim (startled): Nightwing! Dick: You did want to meet - or do you just like playing computer games? Now let’s make it snappy - I’m in New York on my own business. Tim: And a big fat hi to you, too. (Showcase '93 11 - Dick's upset because he's blaming himself for someone Chulo murdered)

Dick: He didn't send you to check up on me? Tim: Huh? Dick (scowling): Don't play dumb. Tim: Batman? I came down on my own, Dick. What's with the attitude? Dick: Sorry, Tim. I haven't been making a lot of progress since I got here. (N 6 - Dick's self-aware here - he's on edge because he thinks he's doing a bad job)

Babs: Okay, calm down, take a deep breath, and explain again why you’re so angry… Dick: Why am I angry? I’m not angry, I’m–I’m–I’m dismayed, okay? I’m dismayed that there can be a Robin who believes Batman could be guilty of murder! How could that happen, Babs? How could that happen?! (GK 26) Kory: You could say goodbye to your teammates. Dick: They're not my teammates anymore. Kory: They noticed. (TT/O Secret Files 2005)

You'll notice that several of these include Dick backtracking and apologizing. He doesn't hold grudges or fume forever! And Dick's generally self-aware enough to realize why he's snappish once he takes a step back:

Dick: I…I’m sorry…I know this isn’t your fault. Here I’m attacking you - and you’re probably just as scared as I am. I just feel so frustrated. Batman could always remain calm in a crisis. I guess that’s just another difference between us. Maybe I’d be better off if I just cut myself off from all feeling like he does. (NT 77)

Something Dick generally isn't apologetic about: Dick is intensely self-critical about badly-done vigilante work, and in a team setting, he's not that patient with other people's mistakes.

Here's Dick calling a team meeting so he can scold the team in Titans 13:

Dick: Lock the doors, sit down, and pay attention. And that's an order. ... Our performance against Tartarus and the HIVE was unacceptable. Each and every one of you should thank God you weren't killed.

Here's an argument between Dick and Donna in Graduation Day 2 - the context is that Young Justice just screwed up an earlier fight, and Tim's berating himself and Conner while Dick and Donna eavesdrop (you'll notice that like Dick, Tim tends to be pretty self-critical + impatient with teammates):

Conner: The Titans got their lumps. Tim: No, the Titans got our lumps. They were looking out for us. There we were, shoulder to shoulder with the inspiration for Young Justice. And we lose half our team and half of theirs. Conner: Tim, I bet they were a lot like us when they started. Tim: No, I don't think so. (Donna and Dick are eavesdropping.) Donna: He's being awfully hard on himself. Kind of reminds me of someone. Dick: I don't know what you're talking about. Donna: You could tell him he's wrong. Dick: Is he? Donna: We stepped in it plenty of times, Dick. Plenty. We got beat by Dr. Light. Completely pantsed by Trident. We had the ill-conceived idea that the Mad Mod was a threat. There was that time in South America when we left Garth in the sun for three hours. Lots of stuff… We even got kidnapped by Count Vertigo. How embarrassing was that? Dick: I didn't get kidnapped. I got nabbed when I was coming to save Roy. Donna: Nevertheless, they could use a kind word. Dick: I'm not sure a kind word is what they need.

The upshot is that Donna goes to comfort Cassie while Dick goes off alone.

Again, the point is not that Dick goes around fuming about his teammates 24/7! He cares about the Titans and trusts them to watch his back; he feels the same way about Tim.

But in the heat of the moment, he'll sometimes get snappish or impatient, especially with people he's close to. The friends that Dick has who stick around are the ones who are tough enough to stand up to him, and who understand him enough not to take his occasional moods personally.

Dick + lashing out at loved ones

This one's a bit meaner. Dick's really good at picking out other people's insecurities, which he almost never uses against them ... but when he's retaliating, he's got an instinct for what will hurt the most:

Dick: No, I won't stop it. How dare you tell me what to do when you screwed up so badly Raven could be dead by now? Who knows what Mento did to Gar and Vic? Maybe your failure killed Kole. No, I won't stop. I won't! Donna (punching him): Shut up, Dick! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I don't want to hear anymore! Dick: But you're going to, Donna. You made me listen to what you had to say. But you don't like hearing the truth about yourself, do you? The perfect Donna Troy maybe isn't so perfect after all. (NTT 19 - Dick's under an ambiguous amount of Brother Blood influence during this period, but he's also just really upset about Kory, and I tend to interpret BB as "reducing his self-control" not "he's a totally different person")

Bruce: I didn't expect to see you again. Dick: I heard about Jason. I'm really sorry, Bruce. Bruce: You weren't at the funeral. People asked about you. Dick: C'mon, Bruce - talk. Don't turn your back on me. I'm here… now. Bruce: You were lucky. When you didn't listen to me, your injuries weren't fatal. Of course, by the time I properly trained you - Dick: Bruce, c'mon…lay off. I'm not here to fight. Bruce: Then don't! Dick: Are you blaming me? I left, so Jason replaced me, and because I left he died? No way, pal. Jason wasn't me. I was a trained acrobat. I could think quickly in perilous situations. But why did you let him become Robin before he was ready?!? Bruce (punching him): Don't you dare blame me for Jason's death! Don't you dare! (NT 55 - this fight is ofc 110% Bruce's fault even before the punch, but Dick absolutely is blaming Bruce for Jason's death here) Dick (trying to punch Roy): GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, YOU TRAITOR!  Roy: Dick, I'm your friend… Blast it, man - why are you doing this?  Dick: Friends don't turn on friends, Harper. I've been there every time you called me. I sat up with you all night while you were detoxing. That was not a pretty sight.  (NT 101 - Dick's upset about getting fired as team leader)

Dick: I disgraced myself and my uniform. Both uniforms. I have to learn to live with that or quit. No more surprise visits, Babs. Don't make me sorry I put an elevator in this building. (BoP 37)

Roy: Look at you! Your greatest fear in life, the thing that eats at you - is that you're terrified of becoming Batman!! A cold, detached, emotionless loner. I've got news for you, that's exactly what you are. You've become the man who raised you. Dick: Yeah…and you're just like the man who raised you. A shallow, self-loathing, womanizing thrill-seeker. Except he was never a junkie. (O 16) Gar: I guess it doesn't bother you that your new teammate killed your old one? 'Cause it sure bothers the hell outta me. Dick: Enough. I'm here to find Kory and Tim. I don't need Terra's best friend lecturing me about loyalty. (TT/O Secret Files 2005)

Dick + 1st meetings with future siblings (+Steph)

I hesitated including this on the list because it's lower-key and not always anger per se, but I think a lot of times when people say Dick "has a temper," they're not necessarily talking about his angriest moments so much as pushing back against the idea that he's happy or welcoming all the time.

If you're reading post-Crisis canon, Dick's a prickly introvert who can be slow to warm up to newcomers in Gotham. He's not exclusively cranky by any means! But he's not all smiles, either. Here are some snappish moments from first meetings with Jason, Tim, Cass, Damian, and Steph:

Dick: They'll probably switch to another lab, now that you've spooked them. Jason: Then it's no big deal! We'll just locate their new digs and bust them when they take possession. Dick: Wrong! I'll locate the new lab all by myself! You're going home to tell Batman how you screwed up tonight! Jason: Come on... (from Dick's first meeting with Jason in B 416 - Jason attacked a group of criminals too hastily)

Dick: Now, who the hell are you? Tim: That doesn't matter now. Dick, look at this please. Dick: Kid, I don't like games. (from Dick's first-technically-second meeting with Tim in LPoD - Tim's been chasing him all around the circus, and although Dick doesn't yet know this, also broke into his apartment)

Bruce: You can trust her. Dick: Six months ago, that would've gotten you further than it will now. Now, I'm not sure it's enough. Bruce: What more would it take? Dick: An explanation of who she is for a start. (from Dick's first meeting with Cass in B: LotDK 120 - Bruce went AWOL for months and has now resurfaced with a protégé) Jason: It's a new world. It's not all backflips and balance bars. You were good. Were. But Gotham needs a tougher Robin now. Dick (internally): A sneaky, mean little punk. Maybe you hired him before the Joker could. (from the retold version of Dick's first meeting with Jason in N 104 - Bruce gave stupid instructions leading Jason to misunderstand and pick a fight with Dick)

Dick (internally, when he notices Damian's makeshift Robin costume): Damian's costume. Note to self: smack a clue into this kid. Damian: You're embarrassing me! Dick: You do that just fine on your own. (from Dick's first meeting with Damian in N 138 - Damian's probably scared, which means he's snarky; he's making rude remarks and resisting Dick and Tim's attempts to protect him)

Dick: What in the hell were - are - you thinking, throwing someone so reckless into the field like that? Babs: Gosh, Dick - I'm sorry I haven't spent more time trying to train a murderous little twit. (from right after Dick's first meeting with Steph in BG 5 - Steph accidentally froze Damian)

How much you weight these moments depends a lot on your personal aesthetic preferences! I love conflict, and Dick's initially kinda thorny relationships with his siblings are part of why I enjoy him as a character. I don't feel the need to "fix" this kind of grumpiness and honestly I don't even really see it as a flaw? Dick's not morally obliged to like his future siblings on first meeting them, and if he never got snappish with any siblings ever, no matter how annoying they were being, he'd be a lot less interesting to me personally.

For me, Dick's prickly side adds an important nuance to his characterization, and makes it more compelling. He's a human being, not a conduct book! His strength is that he's willing to reconsider his first impressions, not that he never has negative first impressions.

That said, obviously genre and context matter! I have enjoyed plenty of softer takes on the Batfamily in fanworks, and in a softer, gentler world like e.g. WFA, it would be weird to keep Dick's grumpier moments. Also, Dick obviously isn't 24/7 harsh to his siblings - he can also be really empathetic and protective, and although he never gets especially close to e.g. Steph, he does change his mind about her, and he's ultimately a huge source of emotional support to Tim and Damian (they grow on him! ... eventually).

In Conclusion

One of my favorite Dick stories of all time is Nightwing 139, and I think it nicely encapsulates how I see Dick's anger - it's an important contrast to his softer side. He's a person with an instinctive temper, and compassion and understanding aren't always immediate or easy or effortless for him. But he's also a loving person with a big heart, and it's the love that always matters to him in the end.

Here's Dick discovering that Tim is thinking about using the Lazarus Pit, getting angry, and leaping down to try to physically stop him ("He may not stop you, but I sure as hell will!")

Dick (sarcastically): So, Robin... you think maybe we can hug this out?

It's important to me that Dick's first instinct is to have a physical fight, not to try to talk! He does all the wrong things before he does the right thing! He doesn't magically know the right thing to say to Tim right away!

But doing the right thing matters to him, and Tim matters to him, which is why he gets there eventually. When Tim tears up Dick softens at once:

And in the end Dick backs off and lets Tim make the choice, which isn't easy or instinctive for him either! But it's the right thing to do, and it's what Tim needs to pull himself out of the power struggle and realize he's making a mistake, and then Tim stammers apologies and Dick reassures him and they do hug it out, and it's very tender:

Without Dick's anger, you don't have a lot of his stories. But his anger doesn't define him - he doesn't let it. As Dick puts it,

"Yeah, I get angry. Sometimes I get so pissed I want to break everything in sight. But everyone gets mad. Everyone gets frustrated. But I don't fight out of anger! I fight when there's something wrong that needs to be stopped! And that's why I'll never be you! I don't fight to kill - I fight to protect!

And that's a big part of why I think he's great.

[rimouskis]

can I be so open and vulnerable with you guys. the card I was given from people at my old office was sincerely so nice and really validating but also I feel like the main impression I left other people with was "she's really nice" WHICH IS GOOD, I DO WANT TO BE KNOWN AS NICE but also part of me is like... should I maybe strive for "innovative" or "creative" or "a go-getter" because being The Nice One just feels a little mealy-mouthed of me y'know?

[a-shadowedvales]

when jane's powers return in season four (and because they were regained by her confronting and accepting her past, rather than being retraumatised with it!) they're stronger than they ever were. when she starts getting a handle back on them, she very quickly comes to realise not only have they affected her, but her mother, too. one of the biggest losses that came about with her losing them was the fact that she could no longer visit terry in the void; while there was no real communication there, it did allow jane to sit with her, and gain a little more connection than she could in the real world. when she first visits the void after their return, it takes her three hours to find terry, something that is both unexpected and incredibly worrying. but when she does, it's something of a miracle. jane's increased strength and control over the void actually wakes terry up from her catatonic state, but only in the void. there's no way to help her mother physically, but she does do so (unbeknownst to her) mentally. terry is reborn in jane's newfound control over the vale of shadows; she becomes the woman she once was, and while her body remains frozen in a "good dream", her mind connected to jane's own allows her some freedom. jane is able to speak to her mother in the void, is able to be held by her, and while it's still unfair and jane cannot stay in there forever, it's something. this only lasts for about eight months, as each visit slowly begins deteriorating terry's physical and mental state, and jane's health begins declining after spending hours upon hours in the void each and every day.

when jane finds out these visits are actually killing her mother on the outside, she deems to stop, but terry expresses the importance of them being able to speak, that she'd prefer to die on the outside, if it meant she could have just a few months with her daughter like this. terry and jane's connection was always so strong, which ultimately led to terry "waking up" in the void, but even jane's newfound strength cannot save her from the harsh realities. each visit nearing the end of those eight months, terry fades more and more, becomes weaker in the void, and her real body eventually gives up. jane's in the void when her mother eventually passes on, and physically feels their connection weaken, like some part of her suddenly becomes lost in the shadows, a part she'll never find again. jane falls into a depressive state for weeks after her mother's death, given she's technically lost her a second time, but soon comes to realise she was lucky to have even shared those eight months together. it was better than nothing at all. there is a proper burial and funeral, (and when jane dies, she's buried next to her mother) which allows jane some sense of closure. she never fully recovers from losing terry, nor from the fact that she never had a proper relationship with her, but she does eventually find some peace with it all.

[talkorsomething]

I have Got to get more transgender

[meyerlansky]

I have successfully boiled my problem with most of the izzy reads that i hate down to a sentence:

he's not sexually repressed, he's emotionally repressed.

[unicornsaures]

my amrev mooties watching me mass reblog the outsiders stuff and probably being extremely confused or something

[aprilblossomgirl]

the eclipse (2022) | akkayan | ep.5

the curse again? but they got cursed already. / yes. first, their stuff started disappearing. then, they got into some little accidents, and then some car accidents. according to the legend, there’s one more incident left. getting burned. 

[gxtzeizm]

.

[ransomdemands]

//

[animazi]

I’ve been rewatching rebels recently, and do forgive me for being a bit critical, I am very aware that a lot of this comes from my own comparative lack of interest in the uh. Rebels. As opposed to the tcw ladderinos who are there

but the way the show pivots from haha funny silly adventures to malachor is honestly ridiculously quick and for me at least felt really out of left field. + I honestly don’t like ahsokas arc that much? In theory I’m down for it, but in practise I was left wondering where the meat of it was. Seeing ahsoka (and rex) begin to put together that vader is anakin before the big reveal would have been really interesting, and would have made her arc and her general presence + the impact and suspense for malachor so much better. I know why they didn’t do this - ahsoka isn’t the main character - but I think in that case don’t introduce vader as your looming big bad for the early seasons; maybe at most have him make some camos and a few fight scenes, but he is kinda irrelevant to the Rebels? He’s not their former master turned Sith Lord, kanan pretty clearly doesn’t feel more anger towards him than he did to the clones, aside from as a representative of the empire, vader doesn’t have the same meaning to them, and it just doesn’t quite click.

(edit: I do know that what maul says in tcw siege of mandalore + general force bs is enough for ahsoka to put two and two together and get vader , but I still think there is a lot of emotional stuff there (esp with rex involved!) that really feels like it should have been explored better. (+ I am a believer that unless something is specifically set up as a sequel you should be able to watch/read it without having seen the connected works) - I don’t think it’s inconceivable that ahsoka figures anakin is vader without a lot of effort, but showing her putting the pieces together and either rejecting or becoming more sure of her conclusion would have made malachor not only hit harder, and her arc feel less like a hanger on from tcw)

anyway. Please don’t shoot me I still think rebels is mostly really good (I don’t like the world between worlds stuff, but that’s personal, and I didn’t like mortis either) and this lil rant thing was mostly prompted by me getting really bored in ep20 and then checking how many were left and being genuinely shocked ghat it was twilight of the apprentice already. This is all obviously just my own thoughts.