#which is a very simple thing but the focus on character ended up creating such a complex story

[yellowocaballero]

hi! i've been reading some of your older fics and was wondering if there's any merit in watching buffy for the first time in the year 2024

This may not be obvious, but this is actually an extremely complicated and highly subjective question. I'll try to go on for too long.

As background: my mother loved Buffy and its spin-off Angel growing up. It was our Bible (besides the actual Bible). Not kidding, she was on the forums and fan groups and wrote fanfiction for it and everything (These days, she's really into kdramas and Asian dramas, and calls me about how the Thai seem like big fans of gay people). So I'm quite biased.

BTVS is both a product of its times and ahead of its times. It was a show about feminism and the struggle of living in this world as a woman, when very few shows were doing that. It was the first show to have a long-lasting lesbian couple, and the first show to depict a kiss between them. For better or for worse, it was one of the codifiers of broody vampire boyfriend. It was pretty unafraid to be experimental in a lot of what it did. It had incredibly complex and nuanced character work and growth that I still aspire to. Spike's arc is still matched in quality only by Avatar's Zuko. Angel's long term arc, from Buffy to his spin-off series, still makes him one of the most complex characters on TV. It had the most complex depiction of depression on TV at the time and I still think it's one of the best. I think the show had very high highs.

It also had very low lows. Some of the feminism is problematic in retrospect. The sapphic couple has a rather famous element that was severely problematic. There are, overall, some deeply atrocious arcs that I can appreciate objectively but not in practice. Xander: a whole-ass character aged awfully. On a meta level, the workplace conditions were bad (thanks, Whedon.) There are no people of color. The spoiler's sake I won't go into detail on this, but in general the good stuff was so influential and the bad stuff was just awful.

I think these days people tend to brush off the entire thing because it's Whedon. That is more than fair. But I'd also say that Whedon & Buffy is extremely similar to Brian Michael Bendis & Ultimate Spider-Man. Bendis was fantastic at writing sassy, bouncy, permanently stressed-out teens - issue was, he wrote entirely different serious adult characters the way he wrote these sassy teens. Same with Whedon: the annoyingly constant quips are perfect for Buffy, because that's who the characters are. They're awful in Marvel, because Steve Rogers is not Xander. Kinda similarly, Buffy was genuinely feminist for 90s TV - issue is, Whedon has not grown or developed his views, and now his works feel so sexist (oh my fucking god why did you treat Natasha like that). After a certain point it's egotistical: you're writing like that because you're Joss Whedon and it's how you write, not because it's what's best for the characters and story. But it was really important to me to get the character voices right, and it's freaking difficult to endlessly write dialogue that distinct, full of voice, witty, and clever.

I think BTVS & Angel TV's greatest influence on my writing is how intensely character-driven both of those shows were, and how intricate the characters were. What every character did was something they would do, if that made sense. Even the stuff I hated to watch, that made me uncomfortable, was the culmination of so much (usually). I think I also picked up the constant wit and humor lol. On a personal level, the conversations I would have with my mother where she broke down the character motivations and composition of the story was my first exposure to looking at storytelling from an analytical perspective and a framework of critical analysis, which was an approach I carried into the rest of the media I consumed and that was the primary reason I was able to become a decent writer. Thanks, Mom. Have fun with your kdramas.

TL:DR: There is merit, especially if you care about good character work. There are things about it that may make you want to drop it, which is extremely valid. Season 1 is rough but interesting, Season 2 and 5 are the best, Season 3 is pretty good, Season 4 and 7 skippable, and Season 6 is........epic highs, epic lows......

[writingquestionsanswered]

i struggle with writing a continuous long scene. instead, i end up writing short scenes that show the core of that scene almost immediately and then time skip to the next scene. is there a way to cure this? it feels like a lot of "jumping around" and somewhat inconsistent because of that.

Scenes Are Too Short (How to Write a Scene)

The way to cure continuously short scenes is to get a better grasp on what a scene is, what they should contain, and how to structure them. :) What is a Scene?

Long fiction is broken up into narrative building blocks called "scenes," which are almost like mini-stories that build upon each other to advance the plot. Remember: stories are about someone who is trying to resolve a problem in their heart and mind, situation, life, or world. The thing they're trying to achieve in order to resolve that problem is their goal. Goals can be broken down into smaller goals (or steps) that must be completed in order to achieve the bigger goal. Scenes are like mini-stories that focus on each of those steps/smaller goals.

What is the Purpose of a Scene?

A good scene should accomplish at least one of the following:

-- advance the plot by completing smaller steps/goals that are needed in order to achieve the story goal -- advance character development to push them toward where they need to be mentally, emotionally, physically, knowledge-wise, relationship-wise, or situation-wise in order to achieve the story goal

-- advance setting and back story development in order to build toward the climax (where the character attempts to achieve the story goal once and for all)

-- deliver important back story or other information necessary to help the reader understand the plot, characters, or setting and to help move the pieces into place for the climax How Are Scenes Structured? Like any story, scenes have a beginning, middle, ending, and conflict/dilemma. The setting, characters, conflict/dilemma, and goal for resolution of the conflict/dilemma are established in the beginning of the scene. Through the middle of the scene, the characters take steps to resole the conflict/dilemma, encountering obstacles and challenges which they must overcome or find a way around, and making decisions and plans to help them tackle the next step/smaller goal. In the end of the scene, the characters attempt to do whatever they need to do in order to achieve that step/smaller goal. The attempt may end in success (the step/goal is achieved), failure (they do not successfully complete the step/achieve the goal), or the outcome may be left unknown (aka a "cliffhanger.) With the exception of cliffhanger endings, the very end of the scene is used to set things up for the next scene/create a smooth transition into the next scene.

A Note About Conflict, Dilemmas, and Goals

It's important to remember that a scene conflict/dilemma and resulting goal doesn't have to be some big, major thing. It can be something really simple, like maybe a character needs cash for a road trip, so they're trying to get a summer job. The problem is that, on paper, they're under qualified for the job they want to apply for. However, they know they have the knowledge to do the job well, so the scene goal is to convince the potential employer that they have what it takes to do the job. Another example: a character has a crush on another character but the problem is they're not sure the other character is interested. Others have said they might be, so the scene goal is to approach the crush and casually ask if they want to hang out sometime. How to Craft an Engaging Scene In order to keep your reader engaged in your scene, be sure to do the following in every scene:

-- reveal new information (character, setting, back story, plot) -- develop internal conflict, motivations, stakes, relationships -- advance the protagonist's progress toward their goal -- establish the setting (time, place, environment, atmosphere) -- establish the scene conflict/dilemma and necessary steps -- illustrate the obstacles in the character's way -- explore character thoughts/feelings/reactions to scene events -- use a relative balance of exposition, action, and dialogue -- use the proper pace for the scene to maintain flow and interest -- explore story themes and messages -- end with some type of resolution for the scene conflict -- transition smoothly into the next scene Happy writing!

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[dogtoling]

General life- and blog update , since I assume at least a few people might have been wondering where I've been and what i've been up to recently. I obviously haven't been posting or drawing much this year in general. This will probably be an important post if you care about stuff on this blog, and I already rambled on Sheezy, but that site isn't very populated yet and it's also very good at hiding journals so let's just ramble again...

The summary of this post if you hate reading: I'm heavily considering just stepping away from Splatoon. That decision obviously would affect this blog (mostly, my OCs, which is kinda most of the blog at this point). I don't think the blog itself will go anywhere, and I'll probably use it for something in the future... alternatively i'll cherry pick stuff from here into an archive for people who like the worldbuilding.

Longer post under cut:

So what have I been up to this year? The answer is quite simple: NOTHING. Like, actually absolutely nothing. Aside from Art Fight, this has probably been one of my worst art output years of all time, which is really frustrating. That's between my horrendous mental health and depression chasms this year and a complete lack of both focus and inspiration (which can also get chalked down to the depression to a degree, yeah). So the very real reason to why there hasn't been much activity on this blog this year is because I just haven't Done Anything in general.

Now because I know there will be a few people who think "that's fine! you shouldn't judge yourself based on productivity!" you're right! I also agree. However the issue for me specifically is that most (if not all) the time I spend NOT drawing or creating, I spend sitting around wishing I could start drawing or creating, because that is like the 1 thing that keeps me sane on this freaking earth. Unfortunately coming up with OC scenarios in my head doesn't really result in output I can feel fulfilled by in any form as much as I wish it did, lol.

Now; The Issue. It doesn't take a genius to see that if you spend 9 months trying to finish like a dozen OC pages that you COULD do in a week or 2 if you wanted to, then there's probably more than just the problem of executive dysfunction (even though that's at least 60% of it for sure). Obviously my other major problem is that I live by imaginary rules and structures that make sense, but aren't actually useful at ALL in reality and are more than a hindrance if anything (the mental to do-list in my head that says i can't do X until I've done Y doesn't do very much if task Y takes 10 months and I also don't want to do it, and it also has no structured ending).

How does this tie into stepping away from Splatoon, you may ask. Well, the issue is that I have foreseeably fallen out of love with the series. Which isn't exactly news lol. Currently, I'm not even sure i will get the next game, if and when the time comes. Yes, the loss of interest is also expected, given that Splatoon 3 has ended and every fandom has this kind of downtime and lukewarm in-between-titles period. But the truth is that modern Splatoon (almost 10 years old!!!!) is tangibly different from the way the series was back when I fell in love with it. That was Splatoon 1, and while the series has improved in a lot of aspects and is thriving, it's grown in a direction that I just don't really like. Splatoon 3 had the most freaking horrendous, immersion breaking story mode they could've done, then they followed it up with a DLC story that was pretty cool but also compounded a lot of my fears about the series' future and played into every single thing i do not want Splatoon stories to be - fully character focused, random fucking villain, mundane event that's unrealistically world-threatening just because a kids video game needs a scary climax even though it's immersion breaking AGAIN, the whole thing taking place in cyberspace and thus offering basically no worldbuilding even though there is SO MUCH WORLD. I COULD GO ON.

The gist of it is that nowadays, rather than playing Splatoon and being inspired and excited at what comes next, I mostly find myself dreading what dumbass plot they will do next to throw a wrench in the otherwise good stuff. And when that's like THE main approach I have to what's supposed to be my favorite series, it is HARROWING. I can't even really blame the game for this; the story is NOT its selling point, the developers probably do their best to get the bits to us that they really want to tell, and at the end of the day the game is unfortunately a product. Worldbuilding for Splatoon is fun to a point. It's less fun when in order to actually write or create something coherent, instead of filling in the blanks, the blanks are 90% of the freaking thing. At that point you're just better off making something of your own instead of being anchored onto an IP that gives more problems than answers and occasionally shoots you with like a machine gun. Working in the realm of Splatoon is frustrating because more often than not, the questions I have ARE NOT MINE TO ANSWER, and the likelihood that the specific-ass questions I need answers to will ever be actually addressed is really low.

Tying this back to my OCs. Obviously I love my OCs more than I love myself which admittedly isn't that high of a bar but you get the point. The problem is that I spend a lot of time mulling over worldbuilding that, again, frankly isn't mine to do. Because if I want it to be Splatoon, then it should be mostly accurate to how Splatoon is! But the problem with that is that there's really not THAT MUCH worldbuilding in the series that you can work with, and most of the core game mechanics are just abstract enough that it's actually horrendous to try and come up with workarounds and ways for things to make sense that don't require just constructing a full knockoff version mirror dimension of the game and saying fuck everything that's in place here because Inkopolis Plaza literally has no roads in or out of there and I have no fucking idea how that's allowed when your only option is to jump the fence (or, nowadays, take the train which also isnt connected to a street as far as I remember). Between the face value issue and the lack of REALLY IMPORTANT worldbuilding, like - I will always come back to this - THE INK TANK'S FUNCTION 10 YEARS DOWN THE LINE - there's a goddamn ocean of plot holes and things that end up being obstacles to creativity rather than inspiration. I feel like I'm pretty solidly at the point (and have been for a while) where hanging onto Splatoon is really only contributing to creativity block and frustration with lack of freedom and the ability to actually do things.

So I guess those are my reasonings that I've put together just sitting here for the time being. The TL;DR is that I wish I could just do stuff without Splatoon's canon getting in the way, which is a really stupid problem to have if you're making Splatoon OCs. I feel this frustration extremely strongly every time I have to work with actual bigger aspects of the world; we still don't have an Inkopolis map, we don't know what the world around Inkopolis looks like, we don't know what the wilderness is like aside from Just Normal Forest and Desert and very few snippets as to what modern wildlife MIGHT be, I still don't know how the fuck the Inklings teleport to the goddamn arctic ocean to play a turf war at Shipshape Cargo co. These are all actually really important things if you're trying to establish a setting in any kind of storytelling that's outside of immediate city bounds (and even there, you need to know the layout of the city and its important areas). Also a fucking mutant bear and a baby salmon and a squid not wearing suitable gear went to space and fought on a rocket in space. These are some things that would give me peace of mind to not have to deal with in my own writing, probably.

So where do we go from here? Unsure. I haven't really made a decision on this front yet, though right now I'm leaning more towards actually going ahead with trying to do my own thing. That will result in obvious design and setting changes for my OCs whenever I get around to it. This blog probably won't go anywhere (again, unless I impulse delete it during a mood swing like i've almost done on like three separate occasions this year), but it will probably get less use, and I will probably end up making a new blog to post about whatever I end up doing once I get to a point where it feels like it makes sense. There's a chance that I will delete this blog and put all the interesting stuff on an archive blog for the people who are here just for the worldbuilding. My actual true passion for a long time now hasn't even been Splatoon anymore, it's just been cephalopods. I'm kind of done having Splatoon get in the way of the cephalopods, as thankful as I am that it introduced me to them...

If you read this to the end heres a treat for you = 🍪

[unforgivenn]

CHOKING IN WHUMP

I know this is like very basic in whump but its something I just CANNOT get over with.

It’s not just about the physical pain but also the mental and emotional anguish. It’s like a perfect storm of fear and helplessness, and that combination really gets me hooked.

Plus, there's something about the dynamic it creates between the whumpee and whumper. It adds layers of control and power plays, which can make the whole situation even more intense. The way it forces characters into such a vulnerable state is just sooo deliciousss.

What I love the most is the thought's that whumpee gets while being choked. When a character is choking, it’s like everything else fades away, and it’s just them and this immediate, life-or-death struggle. The thoughts are the one thing that changes the whole situation. It ramps up the tension and keeps them on edge, wondering how they’ll get out of it or if they’ll even make it.

Whumpee's breaths are ragged, each gasp a desperate plea that falls on deaf ears. The world seems to be narrowing, collapsing into a pinprick of darkness as their lungs scream for air that isn’t coming. Their mind races, a jumble of fragmented thoughts. Is this how it ends?

Whumpee can feel the pressure tightening, relentless. Their vision blurs, and they struggle to focus on anything but the suffocating grip around their throat. The room spins, and their heartbeat feels like it’s trying to break free from their chest. It’s like being trapped in a nightmare where the walls are closing in, and there’s no escape.

There’s an almost surreal clarity in this moment of terror. They think about everything They won’t get to do—no more sunrises, no more laughter, no more moments of peace. All those simple things I took for granted are slipping away, one choking gasp at a time.

Whumpee's hands claw uselessly at the constriction, nails digging into their skin, but it’s like trying to fight a storm with bare hands. Whumpee's thoughts are a blur of panic and regret, all mingled with a helpless resignation. I’m fading, losing grip on everything familiar.

The worst part? The absolute isolation. In this moment, no one can hear my silent screams. I’m utterly alone, drifting into the darkness with only the oppressive pressure as my cruel companion.

Is this it? Is this what it means to truly lose yourself? To have your life squeezed out of you, one choking breath at a time? The fear grips them like icy fingers, and whumpee can’t help but think that there’s no coming back from this.

Oh god oh god oh god Please please Im sorry im sorry

Please let my family be okay..

Finally.

So, yeah, choking in whump isn’t just about the physical act. It’s about the emotions, the stakes, and the dynamic it sets up. :))

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Plotting Your Novel

Plotting your novel is a multi-step process.

There are a few different approaches and mindsets when it comes to plotting a novel.

The following is a step-by-step guide to plotting a novel.

Generate ideas.

The first step in writing a novel is generating story ideas. 

Some writers like to freewrite and brainstorm.

Others prefer working with writing prompts.

Whichever approach you take, it’s important to spend time coming up with a variety of ideas and choosing a strong premise that lends itself to an effective plot.

Start with a simple, compelling premise.

Once you have a basic idea, it’s time to develop a story premise.

One way to develop a small idea into a basic story is called the snowflake method. 

The snowflake method involves starting with a core premise or theme upon which you build every other aspect of narrative and character as you flesh out the big picture.

Have a clear central conflict.

Creating a clear central conflict will anchor your plot and give your narrative focus. 

If you’re a first-time novelist or new writer, look to thrillers, fantasy or adventure stories for examples of clear good guy vs. bad guy conflict.

Choose your structure.

There are many different models upon which you can base your plot structure. The most common is a three act structure.

Learning the basics of how a three-act story structure can help you start to piece together your plot and structure your narrative.

Trace out general story arcs. 

Start to lay out a storyline.

You don’t have to worry about building the whole thing at once.

Rather you can focus on an act length story arc or even scene descriptions and piece these together as you build out a full-length narrative.

Build subplots.

Once you have a good sense for your main plot it’s time to layer in subplots.

Subplots can often be character specific, so this is a good time to think a bit about the characters you’ve populated your world with and how each individual backstory might come into play.

Good subplots will weave seamlessly through your main arc and help advance your action rather than distract from it.

Think about cause and effect.

Good stories involve a logical series of events that progress one into the next.

Make sure that your scenes are each motivated by something that preceded them.

A good driving narrative should feel dynamic.

A plot should progress forward because of tangible story elements like a character’s motivation or actions that propel your narrative.

If you look at your story arc as a sequence of events, there should be a logical progression where one scene triggers the next and pushes the action forward.

Write a detailed outline.

Before you start writing, you should have a detailed plot outline.

This should catalog the main story and individual plot points.

It should be comprehensive enough that someone who has no knowledge of your story could look at the outline and piece together the narrative of events, identifying your inciting incident, rising action, and climax.

Tie up loose ends.

Once you have a detailed outline, tie up loose ends and fill any plot holes.

Editing is a very important part of creative writing.

One misconception about writing is that editing comes at the end of the process.

Editing is something you should return to throughout your writing process and it’s important to edit your plot and outline before you start writing in earnest.

Don’t neglect character development.

Character is an incredibly important part of a story and helps to balance out plot-based narratives.

Before you start writing you should make sure that you have detailed character arcs and main characters with clear motivations and backstories.

Part of building a good character is building a strong and nuanced point of view.

Balance out the plot portion of your writing process by taking some time to analyze your characters and make sure they are strong, realistic, and nuanced.

Source ⚜ Writing Notes & References Writing References: Plot ⚜ Character ⚜ Worldbuilding

[nanowrimo]

4 Ways To Cure Writer’s Block

Every year, we’re lucky to have great sponsors for our nonprofit events. NovelPad, a 2023 NaNoWriMo sponsor, is a novel drafting software designed to make it easy for writers to write. Today, they're sharing a few tips to help you beat writer's block:

NovelPad loves NaNoWriMo because we have the same goal: Helping authors get the thing done!

Starting a book is usually fun and easy—your fingers dance across the keyboard as you explore an exciting world, meet your characters, and stir up intrigue for the coming plot. But once you get into the weeds of how that all works, and how you and your characters get from Point A to Point B, you might find yourself losing momentum. You might find yourself so encumbered with obstacles that you might get a case of the dreaded writer’s block.

The very good news is that writer’s block isn’t terminal, and I certainly don’t think writer’s block is as enigmatic as some people seem to think. I believe it’s actually quite a simple problem, and usually due to one of a few common factors. Let’s look at four ways you can push yourself through your case of ye olde block.

1. Check in with yourself.

Step one is always to check in with yourself. 

Start by reviewing your basic self-care needs:

Are you staying hydrated?

Do you feel hungry?

Would a shower or a nap be beneficial?

Is it time for a walk or some stretching exercises?

Consider your environment as well. Maybe you need:

Noise-canceling headphones

A change of scenery

A babysitter or someone to help around the house

To open or close some windows

Next, evaluate your level of focus. Is your mind wandering elsewhere? It can be useful to create a "dump list" to jot down anything that's causing you stress, such as work-related issues, pending tasks, or upcoming events. Setting that list aside can give you the tangible feeling of pushing those things off your desk to worry about later.

Once your body, mind, and environment are sorted out, you'll likely discover that writing becomes a bit easier!

2. Look back at where you’ve been.

Even if the first tip did or did not do the trick, let’s take a look at the project itself.

Sometimes writer’s block is a blessing in disguise! Your creative gut might be telling you that something went awry. Try reading your project back and pinpointing where it became difficult to keep going. Consider alternate plots or paths to get your writing flowing again.

If you're managing multiple plots and subplots, identifying the moment you deviated from the main path can be quite challenging. To pinpoint which plot line is causing issues, you can take advantage of NovelPad's handy feature: Plot tracking.

On the Plot Board, you can review every scene of a particular plot in order, making spotting those errors in your plotlines much easier.

3. Rewrite a problem scene.

Once you've identified the scene causing issues, it's time to make improvements! This can be challenging because there are countless ways to approach a scene.

However, don't hesitate to embrace revisions. Often, a scene benefits from a thorough rewrite. With NovelPad Revisions, you can save limitless scene revisions, compare them side by side, and effortlessly switch to the one they want in the live manuscript. This keeps your different versions safe, well-organized, and readily accessible.

4. Freewrite to free yourself.

Freewriting is a great way to get your creativity flowing again. Write some poetry, compose a letter to a friend, or simply let your thoughts flow without judgment. Freewriting without judgment can help turn on your writer mode and even help you solve some problems! It's especially beneficial when you're stuck on something specific, because we often find brilliant solutions when we stop being so critical of our ideas.

Kick writer’s block off your desk with NovelPad! It's free to use throughout NaNoWriMo, and we offer discounts to participants and winners afterward. If you find that NovelPad isn't your cup of tea by the end of November, don't worry—you can still access and download your project at any time. Just write!

Our team at NovelPad believes in making it easy for writers to complete their books. That’s why we built an uncomplicated, intuitive system that stays out of the way until you need it! We want writers like you to #JustWrite without burdening you with excessive features. Speaking of features, software updates at NovelPad are based entirely on user feedback from authors to keep our features sharp, relevant, and minimalist.

All NaNoWriMo participants have access to a 15% discount on NovelPad with code WRIMO2023 — use the code during checkout to redeem your discount. Offer expires April 1, 2024.

Top photo by Richard Dykes on Unsplash.

[crispyanonartnsfw]

sorry, still no new art, work has me tired af and I can't keep posting rushed sketches that I'm gonna end up hating (I'm SSSO tempted to delete some stuff lmao) but I have lots of wips and I'll be patient with myself and concentrate on those !! anyway-

Today I'm here to blabber about one thing that I've basically already storyboarded but Idk if it will ever see the light of day: a Sambastian coming of age(?) comic. I'm just going to put this idea into the world..

Mind you, it's really nothing crazy, but it's long enough to require a lot of commitment - that would mean not drawing anything else for a while, and idk if I'm able to do that while having the attention span of a goldfish when it comes to drawing only one thing at a time.

I could post page by page as I finish them, but my original (maybe too ambitious) idea was to make a Sambastian-centric fanzine to publish all at once, with the various chapters interspersed by some miscellaneous content. I looove the idea of creating an old-style printable zine, I'm just a big nerd for these things and I like printed paper. Realistically thought, the single-page posts are more accessible.

Technically it's an AU because it diverges slightly from the canon SDV universe, mostly in the timeline of the various families moving to Pelican Town. Also it adds to the relationships that all characters have with each other, to what school/uni they attended and stuff like that - which aren't as in-depth within the game.

The story per se is very simple: it follows Sebastian and Sam going from teenagers to adults, their struggles, the ups and downs in their friendship and eventually their romantic relationship. Basically it's the lead-up to Older!Sambastian. It also features other SDV characters such as Alex and Abigail (I would love to have them all if I ever expand on it). It's obviously SFW until they are adults, even if their experiences get mentioned and questioned...just know there is some Seb/Alex and Sam/Penny action lol. It's also quite different from what I've done up until now because this story it's angsty, like, very much so. TW worthy. Uncharted territory fr.

By the way I know I said it's long but it's not actually THAT long for now (15 pages?). The story is made up of snippets from different moments, like little windows in their life (for example there are a couple of scenes set in their first year of high school, but the following one it's set in their third year - some jumps are longer than others). At the same time this type of narration allows me to go back and add missing moments very easily if I ever actually finish this comic and wish to further expand on it.

I don't even know if anyone would be interested in this - except for me and like three darling mutuals who tolerate my ideas - but it would be such a cool thing to dooo ughh 😩😩😩 anyone who volunteers to be my benefactor so I can focus on fictional characters like god intended?? Maybe on a beach with a Campari?? I don't ask of much tbh

[sadie-the-dragon-slayer]

Self / Independent Learner's Guide to Language Learning From Zero

-a mini study plan I used this for Spanish, French and Italian, it is my favourite way of starting to learn. It won't teach you the langauge but if this is your first time, if you feel confused and don't know where to begin, this is for you! -this is kinda romance langauge based but might give you ideas if you are learning from a different family too -this is very notebook / writing based since i prefer learning that way Step 1: Preperation

First of all, ask yourself "do i already have some amount of immersion in this langauge?" As humans, we learn from immersion a lot. Songs, but especially visual media is incredibly heplful. I never studied japanese but after watching a few animes i picked up 5-10 random words. Passive vocabulary, being familiar to most common words will be your biggest friend. If the answer is no, before start studying ANYTHING do some immersion. e.g. I watched dix pour cent for French and learned arrêt which means stop because characters were shouting to each other all the time.

After making sure you have some immersion or if you already have some, PREPARE YOUR RESOURCES. Make a file in your computer, reblog tumblr posts, save links. Search for pdfs in google. (x language a1 pdf / x langauge a1 grammar book / x language a1 reading) Free PDF's and and useful websites. The more the merrier. Why? Because when you actually start learning you will slowly realise them half of them are not actually useful, too advance, too simple, not in your preffered style etc. You will en up using same handful amount of resources again and again but before that, you have to TRY EVERYTHING. You are unique and so will be your learning process.

Google x language A1 curriculum. (you can try adding "pdf" at the end of sentence as well) It "probably/ hopefully" exists. If you can't find that way, learn which offical exam is necessary (e.g. for French it's DELF/DALF, in english there is IELTS and so many more) If you are lucky, you can find a langauge teaching enstitute's curriculum and you can find in what order they teach things. This was very helpful for me because sometimes you don't know what to study next, or just want to visualise what do you need to learn, it is helpful. I printed one out and paste it to the back cover of my notebook. You won't need this one YET. I'll explain in a second. Keep reading.

Get a notebook. I don't prefer books while learning from zero because it will be filled with vocabulary you don't know. My pereference is no squares no lines empty ass notebook and colorful pens. I'm a person of shitty doodles. I love to draw and visualise things. It really helps my brain. In A1, your knowledge is absouletly zero and your brain is about the explode with realising GREAT MASS of knowledge you need to learn in order to be "fluent" . So keep things away from being "too much" if you want to avoid a burnout.

Set a timer. If you want to avoid burnout, the secret is always quit when you feel like you can go another round happily. Quit when you are dopamine high. If you study too much, next day you'll wake up tired, want to rest etc. and make it harder for you to create a habit. I did this mistake with French by studying 4-5 hours everyday for around 30 days. I completed my challenge, completly quit and then didn't come back for MONTHS.

You will be re-studying A LOT. Language learning is repetition. You will start by studying "the A1 curriculum". But, because this is your first time your focus will be on the vocabulary and general comprehension. You are trying to re-wire your brain, and learn a different way of thinking and living. It's not easy. It will take time. It will be painful at times. But it is 100% worth it.

After you finished studying your curriculum, you'll take a short break and then study the curriculum AGAIN. For a second time. Because you already know the basics, this time you will be able to focus more on the little things you weren't able to comprehend the last time. e.g. articles or whatever little frustaring thing your langauge has. Also focus more on basic prononciation and especially reading aloud. Find a realistic text-to-reader. Copy-paste a text. Listen and repeat.

Get a new Youtube and Instagram account dedicated to langauge study. How many good resources exists and where they are is really depens on which langauge you are learning. For english, youtube is better. For French, instagram is better. You have to see for yourself. If you get a seperate account for your langauge algorith will learn faster and you won't be distracted by other stuff. Short form engaging videos are the best for absolute beginners. Re-watch things and try to repeat them out loud. It's called shadowing and is your future best friend.

If you want to learn how to speak, you first need to how to write. If you can't write sentences without looking at google translate (or reverso) you won't be able to make up sentences in your head. If you want to learn how to write, your first need to learn how to read. You need to start in this order but also don't be perfectionist. Do it even if you do it wrong. They will be fixed eventually and won't stick. Record yourself speaking even if the text you are reading is 90% google translated. Why? Beacuse speaking will enhance your vocabulary in a way no other thing can and that's the core of reading. So this isn't a linear thing. It's actually a circle!

Step Two! Ok, Sadie, i got my notebooks and read through all the warnings where do i start? *First page: [] means written is target langauge

[x notebook] x= your target langauge

Add something cute and make you feel happy to open up the notebook. It can a drawing, a picture, anything. First page is your entrance to your new home. Make it welcoming.

*[My name is X. I am Y years old. I live in Z.] *Greetings. Main articles if there are any. Yes, no, please, thank you. *What is your name, what do you do for living, how are you, where are you from, how old are you, how many langauges do you speak, numbers from 0-100. If there are multiple way of saying these things and probably there are, just write one. You will eventually learn others. Baby steps. *write a basic ass text of two people having a conversation asking and answering these questions.

*the alphabet and how to pronounce the letters. basic letter combinations that change into a different sound. a youtube video about this 100% exists.

*personal pronouns and if there is a "am/is/are" verb the conjugation of it. (in spanish there is two unfortunately) *artciles and basic noun endings. a couple exemples of nouns in x form but takes y article. *first 5 most common verbs. learn the conjugation, try writing basic ass sentences. (e.g. to come, go, have, speak)

*three more verbs (e.g. to eat, can, to want)

*take some time to fully comprehend. check your curriculum list to look and see if you want to add anything. e.g.for spanish that can be ser vs estar, for spanish is can be "how to ask questions in french" becaue it's way harder compared to other langauges.

*take some break from grammar and learn some vocab maybe. it can be colors, or feelings. (i am sad, i am hungry etc.)

*start studying most common verbs. usually a form of categorization exists. usually it's verb ending. (unless it's a language like turkish where every verb either ends with -mek or -mak lol.) Start with 10- 15 most common verbs. You will also be learning some vocabulary by default. (try to stick to regular verbs if you can, if not that's fine) (Do not learn any verbs you won't be able to use immediately.)

*Learn basic adjectives and how they work so you can form more detailed sentences.

*After comprehending how to form basic positive negative sentences and some verbs, congratulate yourself, because you deserve it! *Learn how tell time. "What time is it? It's x'o clock."

*learn clothing and how to simply describe physical look e.g. hair color, eye color, beard, glasses...

*learn the verbs of daily routine. be able to write a generic ass "i wake up, i do breakfast, i eat lunch at school, i sleep" sort of text.

*demonstratives. this that. these. those. you can add some vocabulary you like. this is a cat. this is a tree. you can add placement adjectives now or later. (the cat is under the sofa. the bird is on the table etc.)

*Now you know a lot of things! Take some time and focus a bit more on the vocab, let your brain process things, do some passive immersion. avoid a burnout at all costs. *learn how to say "there is" (if you want more vocab transportation and city centre themes can be included.) *learn how to talk about your hobbies. This is the generic A1 curriuculum. You are able to understand basic things, you have a generic comprehension. That's all it takes to be considered A1. If you want to pass it though, what you need is a good grammar source. For French and Spanish Kwiziq was very useful. I couldn't find a good online grammar resource for Italian yet. (please ask more experienced langblrs for recs.) Slowly learn more vocab (since A1 is more vocab based. If you hate Anki and Quizlet stuff check Linguno. Actually check Linguno anyway it's a banger and i'm gonna die on that hill.)

If you don't have have native friend to ask questiones and you don't have any ethical concerns ChatGPT can be useful. I'm using it for French for months. Why are we using this particle here, why this and not that, can you give me some example sentences.... you can play guess the animal, ask for writing prompts and then make ChatGpt find and explain your mistakes to you. It's very handy.

*Don't be scared to share about your journey on Tumblr and most importantly ENJOY!

[snowblack-charcoalwhite]

This is kind of a follow-up to this post about the Targtower brothers dynamic. I just love them. What`s not to love, honestly:

In that post I used the word 'lust' to describe a certain aspect of Aegon`s feelings towards his brother - but upon consideration I believe the word 'desire' to be more suitable. But what are the roots of these feelings and how do they and the form in which they are expressed change with time?

First things first:

1. Long post;

2. Nothing is this post is intended to promote or encourage sexual relations involving minors;

2. I enjoy both platonic (canon version) and romantic/sexual (fanon territory) interpretations of Aegon&Aemond relationship - without belittling any other pairing (canon or not) involving either of them. In fact I quite enjoy some of those other pairings as well.

So, the sensual side of the Green brothers` relationship is not the focal point of the show (or even of their relationship in general) by any means. And it`s not a simple 'I just want to bend you over the nearest piece of furniture and give it to you' thing from Aegon`s part either. It`s deliciously subtle and quite complex even from the beginning of their interactions we see - and it gets even more complicated as they transition into their adulthood.

Teen Aegon is a flirt in general. But when it comes to his brother the flirting intensifies - and begins to resemble 'pulling pigtails'. It`s in the spirit of mockery but one heavily tinged with fondness - and other feelings, deeper and heavier.

It`s the way Aegon's focused on Aemond - to the point that it feels like they are alone, even with other people in close vicinity. This focus doesn`t dissolve even when Aegon looks elsewhere.

It`s in the way Aegon touches Aemond: seemingly carelessly - but there is a kind of hesitance, almost shyness, about his touch. Huge props to Ty for his acting: the not-exactly-platonic undertones are there, yet the vibe doesn`t feel gross in the slightest (the way it might have felt if acted out with less finesse, given the fact that Aemond is a minor after all, and so is Leo) - if anything it`s endearing. And I believe it feels this way because the roots of Aegon`s feelings are not sexual after all.

To Aegon, Aemond is a mystery: he`s his likeness yet his antipode, he`s so close yet so far. He can`t get a full grasp of him however much he tries. Aemond is like some rarity, a mystical object created by the Warlocks of Qarth, the one he wants to dismantle and see how it works but doesn`t dare to do it since he might not be able to put it back together. But first and foremost Aemond is Aegon`s brother - his blood, his companion; the one he wants to feel close to, the one he wants to be like him and tries to achieve it in any way he can - hence the trip to the brothel. It certainly wasn`t a nice thing to do, and Aegon`s train of thought there might have taken various directions at once, but ultimately I don`t think it was about corruption or causing Aemond discomfort but about unity, companionship, feeling close, alike and one - the things Aegon chased after and was deprived of.

A crack-ish side note: Aegon telling Aemond he fancies creatures with 'veeery long legs' with this playfully lecherous grin on his face -

-has never not been funny to me since the moment I realized that adult Aemond, courtesy of Ewan Mitchell`s gorgeous physique, might just have the longest legs among all the characters (or at least he`s damn close to the top).

As the brothers grow up so do Aegon`s feelings.

Both curiosity about the intricacies of their similarities and differences and deep desire for true company and understanding are still very much there. But now there is also so much more. Guilt and shame over not being by Aemond`s side when he needed it most - and seeing a reminder of this on his brother`s face every damn day. Protectiveness that seems misplaced nowadays, but that`s not always the case: Aemond will need Aegon`s support after what happened at Storm`s End - if only he allows himself to accept it. Admiration and envy - about how strong and brilliant his little brother has become, how right he`s turned out to be in contrast with Aegon`s perceived wrongness. And it all comes to a head during the chase and fight scene in episode 9.

A lot of people mentioned that they expected the Targtower brothers to kiss when Aegon pleaded with Aemond to let him go. Well, that`s entirely understandable given that we have this shot:

TGC`s eyes did not just slip there, after all: such things are not done at random, it was a conscious acting choice. And I`m pretty sure Aegon would have indeed kissed his brother if not for Criston intervening and breaking the spell of the moment. Because while under this spell Aegon saw Aemond for everything that he`d ever been to him: his playmate and his toy, his judge and his closest human friend, his solace and his torment - and, perhaps the most important thing right then, his freedom. For years Aemond truly was the personification of the fate Aegon wanted to have - being the second son, free of the burden of the future rule, of excessive expectations, of torturous scrutiny. But also in that moment Aemond literally became Aegon`s freedom, or his best chance at getting it. And so, Aegon was ready to kiss his little brother goodbye - and at the same time kiss his freedom in greeting. But, alas -

-in a few seconds freedom slipped away, and Aegon let go of it - let go of his brother, never tearing his eyes away until the very last moment.

Just look at his face, it`s all there (Tom, you are a genius).

Also, at the risk of sounding like a broken record: Tom and Ewan`s chemistry is everything. In a notably short amount of screen time they shared they have managed to give life to an astoundingly authentic, layered and compelling sibling bond that outshines pretty much every other (not that there is a competition going on but still).

To try and sum all of it up, it`s not that Aegon wants to fuck Aemond - it`s that he wants Aemond, period. And that want, need, desire can take many forms and include many things. Their relationship is complicated, dramatic and wholesome with a side of fucked up - but absolutely beautiful. And I, for one, love it to pieces.

@the-girl-in-the-box here you are!:)

[whizzing-fizzbee]

Hi I found your blog the other day and I fell in love with your writing. I was wondering if I could request something if they are open of course.

Sebastian x MC

The idea that I had was to the song Oscar winning tears by raye

His lips parted, another excuse or apology forming, but she didn’t give him the chance. Instead, she stepped back, her gaze unwavering. “And baby, baby, baby,” she said, her voice laced with quiet, cutting finality, “would you really go ahead? Would you go ahead and just cry, cry, cry?” She tilted her head, her tone almost mocking now. “Cry those Oscar-winning tears, baby.”

Something like this but you can rewrite it however you like, but I feel like the song Oscar winning tears is such a good song for Sebastian and MC because it’s about the man being manipulative to get his way and as much as I love Sebastian, he was very manipulative.

@iloveyou420 Hi, thanks for the request! (My first one!) I do love this song, so I hope I captured what you were envisioning. ❤️ Don't hesitate to let me know if you have any suggestions, I'm all for feedback. (PS: If you like manipulative Seb, keep an eye out for a chapter story I'll be dropping soon. All kinds of manipulation to come.) Thank you so much for reading my work, btw!

Oscar-Winning Tears

Sebastian Sallow x MC (Female named Veronica Greengrass)

Rating: T (language) Word count: 2,503 Themes: Breakup, couple's fight, angst, manipulation, MC is so done Notes: Inspired by "Oscar Winning Tears" by RAYE

It was meant to be, but it wasn’t meant to last. 

That much had become clear to Veronica Greengrass as she stood, teary-eyed in that empty Feldcroft cottage.

It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. There had been too many highs, too many sweet moments worth savoring, for it to end this way. They’d become too close, too simpatico, to reach such a cruel conclusion.

But as she watched Sebastian Sallow toss the final stack of books from his collection into a crate, the reality was clear. He was packing up his life and she wasn’t among the belongings. 

The pair were in Feldcroft for the first time since the fateful day Sebastian killed his uncle. It felt like they’d lived a hundred lifetimes since then, though it’d only been weeks.

Anne was gone. She packed her things and left for London, claiming she’d rather be in St. Mungo’s than look at her twin brother again. 

Ominis was gone, too. He agreed to keep Sebastian’s secret but made it clear their friendship wouldn’t recover. 

The wounds were still fresh, still trying to seal themselves over with scars that would never look unblemished. Veronica was the only one still standing in Sebastian’s life, the only one who had tried to see the light beneath the boy’s misguided darkness, but her own light had become dangerously dim.

She was losing herself in the lies Sebastian had created. The entire falsehood of their relationship shifted into focus when it became clear she was another expendable character in the timeline of his life. She couldn’t carry on this way, not when he made it so clear that he’d be perfectly content to carry on without her.

The fight started simple enough, the same way most did. Veronica questioned why Sebastian was so insistent on selling the Feldcroft cottage. It had been his home for years. It had been Anne’s home – what if she came around, decided to forgive him? What if she wanted to come home?

“I’ll stay here,” Veronica offered. “I’ll take care of the place.” It’s not like she had a home of her own. She was going to spend the summer drifting between her friends’ homes, which she looked forward to, but to have an actual, real place to call home outside of Hogwarts was what she needed most.

But Sebastian merely scoffed at her suggestion. 

“I have no use for this place anymore,” he said. “If Anne’s not here, I’m not going to choose to remain in the place that reminds me of her… of what happened.”

Instead, Sebastian had plans to travel to continue his search for a cure for Anne. He said he had discovered more leads – everything from more mysterious relics to complex potions brewed with elusive ingredients. Anne had begged and pleaded with him to stop his pursuit, but Sebastian was too stubborn to relent. To be fair, he had promised her no more dark magic, but insisted there were more options to explore.

“So then what am I supposed to do?” Veronica asked. “Just sit around and wait for you to return?”

Sebastian blinked. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what about us?”

“We’ll be fine,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “I’ll try to see you as much as you can. Or you could always come with me. The offer still stands.”

Veronica was exhausted. Not just from talking in circles with Sebastian, who kept nudging her to accompany him on his travels, but from the weight of everything that had happened in mere weeks – and from Sebastian’s refusal to discuss any of it.

First, she had battled and defeated Ranrok in the repository, then she lost Professor Fig, her beloved mentor. The trauma and physical injuries landed her in the hospital wing for a week, but she didn’t get a chance to process any of it before Sebastian made the stupid decision to return to the Feldcroft catacomb. Veronica witnessed death twice in mere weeks, and no one took a moment to ask her if she was okay.

“It’s just that… I just feel like I need a break from it all,” she said. Simply standing in Solomon’s empty cottage seemed to be draining her energy as it reminded her of what happened. The candles and trinkets were gone. Stacks of letters had been burned. The beds were empty, their cozy plaid blankets collecting dust.

“I’m tired too,” Sebastian said. He wasn’t even looking at Veronica as he continued to toss his belongings in a bag. “But I can’t stop now. I’m more certain than ever that there’s a cure for Anne.”

“On what grounds?” Veronica demanded. “Sebastian, you were so sure about the relic, too.”

“The relic may have been the answer,” Sebastian shot back. “It might have helped if Solomon hadn’t destroyed it.”

“So without the relic, why are you certain there’s another answer out there? What proof do you have?”

“I don’t know,” Sebastian snapped. He straightened up, his gaze flickering with annoyance. “I read about some elixirs that have healed people with grave illnesses. I figure maybe if I can collect the ingredients, I can find a potioneer to help me brew them.”

“Sebastian, that’s dangerous,” Veronica said. “Those ingredients could be anywhere and you don’t know what’ll happen if you combine them. Anne could get sicker-”

“Well she’s not getting any better, is she?” Sebastian retorted.

Veronica bit her lip to halt a response she’d regret. No, Anne wasn’t getting any better. That was the entire point of Rookwood’s curse on her. And there didn’t seem to be any answers, especially with Rookwood dead. 

“Everyone else has moved on,” Veronica said carefully. “Perhaps you should, too.”

“I’m not giving up on Anne!” Sebastian’s shout echoed through the empty home. “If you want to give up, that’s fine, but don’t pretend to care about her then.”

“I do care!” Veronica cried, tears stinging her eyes. “You know I do. If there was something I thought could help her, you know I would.”

“Then why don’t you trust me?” Sebastian demanded. “I’m telling you I have a lead on a cure and you don’t believe me. Or are you giving up now because this little adventure no longer suits you?”

“That’s not fucking fair,” Veronica hissed. “I’ve been through a lot, yet here I am, standing here with you, trying to help you.”

“A lot of help you are, nagging me instead of planning with me,” Sebastian muttered.

The air inside the cottage seemed to shift. It was early June, meaning the breeze outside was warm and pleasant as it drifted across the flowers in bloom, but the interior of the Sallow cottage felt heavy and stale. Like the dust that coated the cottage’s surfaces and the creaks in the wood floorboards, Veronica felt tired and worn, ready to be cleansed of the past.

Her chest tightened as she grappled with fight or flight mode. She wasn’t one to back down from anything, but right now, she was so damn tired of fighting.

“Fine,” she finally said, coaxing her tone to remain steady and poised. “Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out and don’t need my help. I’ll see you around, Sebastian.”

She didn’t dare look him in the eye as she strode toward the door, her shoes tapping softly with her steps. If she looked at him, she knew she’d lose her composure and her nerve. 

She was about five paces from the door when Sebastian said, “So that’s it? You’re just going to leave me when I need you the most?”

So much for composure. So much for flight mode. So much for trying to leave with dignity and grace. So much for trying to preserve her final memories with Sebastian Sallow with fondness.

Veronica whipped around, her dark hair swaying as she steadied herself to face Sebastian. Months of repressed rage, frustration and wounds threatened to spill from her, despite the way her eyes continued to shimmer with tears.

“You’re fucking joking,” she spat as she glared at him in disgust. Sebastian seemed taken aback by her shift in mood. Sure, they argued and bickered through the course of their relationship, but even in those bitter moments, Veronica had always looked at him with empathy.

Now, her kind eyes had been replaced with a cold detachment Sebastian had never seen from her.

“What about when I needed you?” Veronica continued. “Where were you during everything that happened with Ranrok?”

“You had Professor Fig, you didn’t need me!”

“Professor Fig died, Sebastian. Where were you then? Where were you the day of his funeral? Why did Ominis have to be the one to console me rather than my boyfriend, who was too preoccupied with a stupid relic?”

“I-”

“Where were you when I was in the hospital wing, Sebastian? You visited me once, for about twenty minutes, before you gave some senseless excuse about needing to get to the library before it closed. And the next thing I knew, Ominis was summoning me to the catacomb to stop you from making a mess before I could even fully heal. Where were you?”

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t,” Veronica spat. “Don’t apologize for things you don’t mean.”

Tears were streaming down her cheeks, which had become red and puffy from the sting of them. She couldn’t suppress a sob as she confronted every source of anguish that had plagued her since the start of her fifth year, since the day she met Sebastian Sallow.

She didn’t know how she managed to let him sink beneath her skin. One moment, they were “kindred spirits” wielding wands in the Undercroft. The next, he was holding her, telling her how happy he was to have met her, how he couldn’t help but fall in love with her.

And she believed him. 

Veronica began to question Sebastian’s intentions after they explored the Overlook Mine. She told him about Lodgok and he chided her, calling her ignorant for trusting a goblin. Then she tried to reason with him about the relic and he accused her of not caring about him or Anne.

But despite every ounce of Veronica’s better judgment that begged her brain to be reasonable, she buried her hesitations in the back of her mind. She told herself that Sebastian was merely a boy driven by optimism and the belief that his sister deserved someone to fight for her. He deserved to be loved and appreciated, especially after life had been so cruel during his upbringing. 

So instead of shying away from him, Veronica had foolishly decided the challenge that was Sebastian Sallow would be worth the effort. When she should have dug in her heels, she instead stumbled for the freckled boy and all of his chaos and charm, the endearing and the alarming.

She thought she was fixing Sebastian Sallow. In truth, he was breaking her with his manipulation. 

“What do you want me to say, Veronica?” Sebastian asked, his gaze shifting to frustration. 

“I want you to tell me the truth. I want you to admit that you’ve been using me all along.”

“What?” Sebastian’s eyes sharpened at the accusation. “How can you even say that?”

“Because we’ve both known it all along,” Veronica said flatly. 

She knew she wasn’t going to back down or give in to whatever excuses or apologies Sebastian was going to offer. There was a sense of finality she refused to shed, even when he said he needed her.

“Veronica, I never- I love you,” Sebastian stammered. 

“No, you don’t. You loved what you thought I could do for you. And Anne.”

“That’s not fair-”

“Isn’t it?” Veronica steeled herself and willed her nerves to say the words she’d banished for so long. “Sebastian, you’ve used me from the start. The moment you found out about my magic, you manipulated me. Then you used me to get us out of that scriptorium and to reason with Ominis so that he wouldn’t put an end to any of your antics. And let’s not forget about Anne. I know you paraded me in front of her to make her think having a girlfriend would keep you grounded and serve as a distraction from dark magic.”

“I didn’t think-”

“No, you didn’t, did you? Sebastian, you have not thought of anyone but yourself since the day we met,” Veronica continued. “You weren’t thinking of me when I was fighting for my life against Ranrok and Rookwood. You weren’t thinking of me when you trapped me in your web of dark magic. You weren’t thinking of me when you let me fall in love with you. You weren’t even thinking of me when you decided to sell this cottage, even though you know I have nowhere to call home.”

If Veronica hadn’t been so determined to win this battle for herself, she would have been startled by the tears that were now forming in Sebastian’s eyes. 

“None of that’s true!” he insisted. “I only wanted to get to know you. And when I did, I fell in love with you. I need you.”

“Liar.” Veronica swallowed, her mind screaming at her to leave, to ensure she wouldn’t give Sebastian the slimmest chance at talking her into staying. He’d already duped her so many times and his tears were making it difficult to look at him. She had to be as strong as she knew she could be. She had to feel something other than someone else’s pain for once.

“I’m not lying,” Sebastian sputtered, his hands flailing and his palms opening for emphasis. He reached up to swipe away his tears on his shirt sleeve, but what was once a sympathetic sight now felt pathetic in Veronica’s eyes. 

Sebastian’s lips parted, another excuse or apology forming, but she didn’t give him the chance. Instead, she stepped back, her gaze unwavering. 

“Would you really go ahead?” she said, her voice laced with quiet, cutting finality. “Would you really go ahead? Would you go ahead and just cry?” She tilted her head, her tone almost mocking now. “Cry those tears.”

“Why are you being like this?” Sebastian begged.

Veronica barked a laugh. “I wish I could say now you’ll know how it feels. But we both know that isn’t the case,” she said. “For you to know how it feels to be hurt and used, you have to genuinely feel that way. Most days, I’m not sure you feel much of anything.”

The sound of Sebastian’s sniffling replaced their voices as a solemn silence settled over the cottage. Veronica eyed Sebastian with anguish – half aching as she grieved the end of their relationship and half of it in anger over his final attempt at manipulation.

She turned again to approach the door, pausing as her hand rested on the handle to look at him one final time, for the last time.

“Keep crying, Sebastian,” she breathed. “I hope someday, you’ll realize that your actions have left you with no one to wipe your tears, real or fake.”

[amelee23]

Cleaning supplies... Under the moonlight | Hwang Hyunjin

Pairing: Hyunjin x reader (no pronouns used but they are wearing a swim suit)

Characters: best friend!Hyunjin, reader, David (reader’s boyfriend), Jihyo and Luna (reader’s friends) and Sharon (identity is a spoiler). None of the original characters resemble real people.

Genre: Romance, best friends to lovers, ANGST, hurt/comfort, being saved from a messy break-up, slow burn, star-crossed lovers

Word Count: 8k

Warnings: CHEATING (reader gets cheated on by her boyfriend), toxic relationship, messy break-up, crying, reader becomes very insecure, Hyunjin is there to save the day, and he’s pining hard, reader is wearing a swim suit, I have no idea how heated pools work so don’t quote me on anything, Hyunjin is a poet so; I present to you confessing feelings through love poems, Hyunjin is shirtless, swearwords, reader gets called ‘angel’, kissing, cuddles, a bit of revenge, humor, the tense change is intentional (kinda), hopelessly romantic stuff, poetic prose, metaphors galore and lots of word plays (if you catch them all I’ll give you a gold star.)

A/n: I know the first part of the story focused on the reader’s relationship with her toxic boyfriend, but Hyunjin will become the main focus after the break-up so please don’t let the beginning intimidate you. Also I worked on this an entire week lord send help

Synopsis: Your vacation was supposed to go like this: scented candles, a warm pool and the light of the moon, in hopes of fixing your relationship with your boyfriend. But the universe had other plans. After you found out he has been cheating, you bathed under the moonlight, surrounded by broken roses, being confessed in poems by your best friend Hyunjin, and you’ve never felt so whole.

You've put everything into this vacation.

And that didn't only mean money, albeit it was quite costly. You, your boyfriend and some close friends decided to rent out a vacation house with a gigantic heated pool, to at least create a fun, leisure memory before summertime slipped between your fingers and the sun would grow sad and dim once again. With the price shared by so many people, it was still quite a lot - but you didn't care, because there was more emotion put behind this vacation than mere money.

Perhaps it wasn't the healthiest of solutions, just how when a couple decided to get married to fix their relationship (which to you always seemed like such a horrid idea), you were trying something similar. You wanted this vacation with your boyfriend, David. Things between you haven't been good, that would be the simplest way to put it. His behavior changed, he became more distant, less passionate about your relationship, and one thing led to another and you were fighting because of your growing suspicions. Truth be told, you were terrified. Afraid he didn't love you anymore, afraid he found someone else to spend his nights with.

He had been everything to you, the fiber woven from your cells, the beginning and end of every breath you took - because when you loved, you didn't hold back. And it came to you so naturally, too; to love him. You've never had something so simple, so stable until you met him. But they do say every good thing must come to an end, and there's this little cricket in the back of your mind, at low volume but at an unbearable high pitch, following you every moment, whether awake or asleep. It's telling you your gut is right. Vivi (so you've nicknamed him, many months ago, when his friends were making fun of how basic the name David is) has told you a million times you had nothing to worry about. That he's just busy, or stressed, or that your love is just settling into something more calm, rather than an intense teenage-like love, like it used to be in the beginning. He's made you feel insane so many times over. Like you're just imagining things, like your insecurities are getting out of hand and you're just projecting on him, lashing out at him. You thought you deserved the pain that came with the accusations of being untrusting, immature, unconfident, inconsiderate or selfish. But you didn't, of course you didn't. You didn't deserve any of that.

You were afraid Vivi wouldn't agree to the vacation, or even if he did, he wouldn't pull through on the money part and you'd have to pay his share. You were ready to annihilate your savings account just for this one chance at a happy memory. This one chance at making things right. But surprisingly, he agreed in a heartbeat and even suggested a specific vacation house he's heard of from his friends. Not even two days later, he had all the details down, made the math of the expenses and put together the whole group chat. You thought this was it, he was actually trying again. Showing you he still does have the passion to make you happy.

You couldn't have picked out a better date for the vacation, either. The first night, it would be a full moon, with a clear sky. You were imagining it already, how magical it was going to be, soaking in a heated pool under the moonlight with David, reciting your love vows once more, like you used to do in the start of your relationship. You couldn't help how hopelessly romantic you were, you needed to let it out, confess disgustingly sappy and cheesy words of admiration. But more than that, you needed him to tell you he loves you. You needed it.

When you arrived, you were met with a stranger who had been waiting for you and your friends at the vacation house. She introduced herself as Sharon, the daughter of the owner. Since her father was busy, she was left in charge of giving you the orientation.

"I'm not going to bother you much." She assured you, her voice was low in volume and yet high in pitch. "I'm just going to give you a quick tour of the rooms and then explain to you how the pool works, and what cleaning supplies you can use just in case you need them." She was a beautiful girl, so beautiful in fact, that the cricket in the back of your mind was telling you to be envious. You couldn't quite understand it, but you brushed it off.

There were three rooms in the house, each of them with their own bathroom. It was so much more luxurious than you imagined, and suddenly it seemed odd that you paid so little for something so grand. You remembered Vivi saying something about a discount, but the memory was vague. Nevertheless, the room count was perfect. One room would belong to you and Vivi, one to Jihyo and Luna, and one to Hyunjin.

You met Jihyo through Vivi, they were coworkers at some point. But the two of you instantly clicked and became girl friends, and the more, the merrier - Luna was her adopted sister, picked up from an orphanage in Spain. She was one of the most incredible and strongest women you've ever met, and you simply adored her. It was so magical to see how the two sisters came in a package, how they looked after each other with unconditional love. You thought something like that only existed in TV shows.

And lastly, there was Hyunjin. A man, a poet, a romantic with beauty deemed worthy of a Greek tragedy. But most importantly, your best friend; your lifeline. He understood you, in ways no one ever could. Your souls were made from the same material, the same thirst of emotions of celestial scales, he saw beauty in the small things just like you did. And he has been there, day in, day out, through your ugliest moments. When you were single at prom, he turned down at least 15 girls to take you instead. When you were too broke to afford Taylor Swift tickets, he pretended to 'roam the city' with you so that you'd listen to the concert from outside the stadium. When a boy broke your heart, he'd turn your pain into the most beautiful poems, and gift them to you in journals filled with drawings of your favorite flowers. He was more than anyone could ever ask for, and you were forever grateful to have such a human in your life. The perfect best friend.

With the tour out of the way, you volunteered to go with Sharon and receive the tutorial about the pool and supplies you must use for it. She explained to you the heating mechanism (although all you needed to do was turn it on, she reassured you.) and that water might need to be replenished if you use the pool a long time since the heat makes it evaporate faster. You jutted down all you could in your notes app, and then followed her to the supply closet. She explained to you about chlorine (although half of what she said went over your head) and showed you the cleaning supplies you can use in the instance that the water becomes extremely dirty (which she knew wouldn't be the case, but she was required to let you know). By the end of it, you were starting to think your senses maybe are going insane. Sharon seemed like a very nice and gentle person, and her attitude was very bright and easygoing. You told her you were gonna take some pictures of the bottles and note down in your phone what they are, so she gave you a warm smile and left you alone in the supply closet.

After writing your own one-thousand-words heated pool manual (pictures included), you were ready to have the vacation of a lifetime. You picked out a swimsuit in Vivi's favorite color, prepared his favorite scented candles to place around the pool, and alerted your friends beforehand that you wanted the pool just for you and Vivi on the first night. It was all coming together perfectly, so you grabbed the door handle with confidence.

"I'm sure my friends wouldn't mind if I leave a little bit later. We could grab some food and then hit up that bar you like? Don't I owe you a mojito?" That was Vivi's voice. Even with the door cracked just a little, you could hear it. It was so clear. It was his voice.

"I would love to." The cricket. Low in volume, high in pitch. It was speaking - it was agreeing to go out with your boyfriend.

"And maybe, afterwards I could take you home? Would you like that?" Your eyes are closed shut. But you couldn't close your ears, unfortunately. The conversation continued, and you could imagine him whispering in her ear, looking into her eyes and tipping her chin just how he used to do with you. Tears were about to escape, so you closed them even tighter. Your lungs were burning, because you were denying them air. Holding your breath, you bit your lip, hands shaking as they gripped the wall.

"Speaking of taking something home, I have something for you-"

You finally took a breath. And you stormed towards the voices.

Your vision was blurry, but after blinking away your tears, an image formed before your eyes: David, holding out a gigantic rose bouquet towards Sharon.

The ugliest flowers you've ever seen in your life, held by the ugliest man you've ever met. He was never beautiful to begin with, right? He couldn't have. A man with such an ugly soul, how could you have been attracted to him? How could you have loved him?

He calls out your name.

"This isn't what it looks like, okay? My dad is friends with Sharon's dad, okay? We became friends by association, okay?"

Okay?  Is he asking you that, or is he asking himself if the lie is plausible?

"And these are for you, yeah?" He's walking towards you, putting the bouquet in your limp hand. "There's nothing going on between me and Sharon." The cricket, it suddenly stopped. Instead, you heard Sharon gasp and look at David in horror. She must have not known. She was also just a victim.

"Just stop it already! Enough with the lies!" You found yourself yelling, a never seen before anger bubbling underneath your skin. Your fingertips urged you towards violence, and so you slammed the roses into the floor. The petals scattered and the stems broke. Your yell must have startled the others, because soon you heard a lot of footsteps behind you - and then Sharon turned around and walked away, a hurt look in her eyes, head hanging low in shame. She was avoiding the eyes of all your friends, who were now staring at you and David.

"Okay, fine. You've gotten boring and I was no longer happy. I was going to leave you anyway." He was so nonchalant, there was no waver in his voice. That made you feel as if every time he whispered sweet nothings in your ear, and his voice wavered, he wasn't honest. Only now, has he finally been honest.

And the most honest, he was when he took off in a run to chase after Sharon. To make sure she's okay. To comfort her and tell her she's the one he loves.

You fell to the floor.

And to your side, rushed no other than Hyunjin. Like always, to make sure you're okay. To comfort you and tell you you are loved.

The sobs broke out of your body and shook you violently. You were a mess of tears in just a few seconds, and you weren't going to hold back. You wailed, grabbed the roses and slammed them into the floor repeatedly.

But it was useless. They couldn't feel pain. They couldn't feel your pain. They couldn't realize what they have done to you.

Hyunjin wrapped his arms around your frame and gently lifted you to your feet.

"C'mon, let's get you in bed, yeah?" Your knees were buckling and you had no strength to stand. You were shaking your head no, like a toddler who didn't want to go back home. "We can continue crying in bed, mmm? Don't worry, I'll let you cry. I'll cry with you, angel." Your arms circled his torso, clutching his shirt between your fingers. You called out his name, and he reassured you he knows, he knows it hurts.

He carefully took your hand and dragged you away. He exchanged glances and nodded at your friends, but you didn't notice. You whispered to him, groggy in voice, that you can't go to your own room, because David's things are there. So Hyunjin took you to his room, which was the best choice for many reasons, not only so you can avoid seeing his things, but also so that he could avoid the urge of throwing David's suitcase out the window.

Hyunjin was true to his words. He sat you down in bed, and let you cry. And before he knew it, he was crying with you. He was holding you so tight, and it was so warm, and yet the shards of ice in your heart weren't melting. At first, you were angry - how could a human do something like this? Something so despicable, so vile? How could you not have realized you were in love with a monster? But then, his voice began to ring in your head. You're boring. He was going to leave you anyways. Perhaps it's you who's the problem. Perhaps you really are boring, and old-fashioned, and demanding, and idealistic, and untrusting, and immature, and too much to handle, and perhaps you should just give up because you're just un-

"Hyune, am I unlovable?" Your voice was barely there, but he heard you. He always heard you.

"Nonsense." He looked so hurt to hear you say that. "That's such nonsense." He repeated with a laugh, wiping his tears on his sleeve. "That's the most stupid thing you've ever said in your life. And you've said many stupid things, I would know." You slapped his arm in protest, but he was happy to see you chuckle.

"I mean, even if I'm not completely unlovable, Sharon is still prettier than me..." The flick of Hyunjin's fingers resonated on your forehead. You held your head in pain.

"What the hell, dude!"

"It's revenge! Every single time you say something like that, it hurts me. So I must hurt you back." You sighed. You knew he was joking, but at the same time, there was some truth behind it.

"I'm sorry, Hyune. I should have listened to you. You didn't like him since the very beginning, and you were the only one telling me my gut was right. It must have been so painful to just watch."

"It's painful to watch you now, as well." He confessed, and you felt a pang of guilt wash over you. But he pulled you back in his arms, to pet you hair lovingly. "That bastard, how dare he hurt my angel. I swear I'm gonna turn into Rapunzel's mom and lock you up in a tower so no one can ever hurt you again."

"Hmm, but doesn't pain help us grow or whatever?"

You were pretty sure Hyunjin just rolled his eyes all the way back to China.

"First of all, we all know pain just gives you more trauma. But I mean, your trauma collection is getting quite... exquisite nowadays." You smacked him again, playfully. But this time, you actually laughed. "No but seriously... there is a lesson in there somewhere. And not just to listen to me more often... to learn that you deserve more, angel." He was so close to you while he was speaking, his eyes aimed directly into yours. Your gaze wondered over him, over Hyunjin, your best friend. His chocolate eyes, sweeter than any cake you could ever eat, his vibrant lips, plumper than any wild cherry growing in the trees, his skin - like a canvas painted over the years with the brush of years and aging. His hair was long and dark, rebellious yet elegant, and the light was cascading in the room in lines, through the blinds that were semi-shut over the windows. Suddenly, there was a new sound in your mind. There was no more cricket, there was the sound of the ocean. Waves, crashing upon the shore. You were barely at the seams, the water was gently lapping at your feet; because you knew, you cannot underestimate the ocean. If you go any further, one wave is enough to push you off balance and take you into the water, like an irresistible magnet pulling you towards demise. One step, one wave, is enough. One more inch between your lips and his.

He pushed your shoulder lightly and you fell face first into the pillows.

"And if you say more mean things about yourself, I swear I'm throwing you in the pool." You reached out for the napkins on the nightstand. It was finally time to stop crying and... think about the future?

"The pool... tonight was supposed to be all romantic and perfect, with candles and the full moon on clear skies..."

"I like full moons and clear skies!" Hyunjin announced, and for some reason it made you burst into laugher. "What! It's true! The idiot would have probably not enjoyed it anyways. He has no eye for beauty. He thinks having one green wall in his grey apartment is enough for him to live 'in vibrant color'. Okay Picasso, but like why the fuck must that wall be in the kitchen?!" You look happy when you laugh. He loves seeing you happy. "You dodged a bullet, trust me. First it's the green kitchen wall, next he ignores the perfect date that his perfect girl set up for him-" His perfect girl. You heart was racing. "-and next he-"

"Tries to double tap her with the daughter of a vacation house owner. He couldn't even find the daughter of a rich CEO."

"- I was gonna say next he's the only single grandpa in a retirement home, because he's too sad of an excuse of a man, but that too." Hyunjin always did this for you, as well. He made sure to roast all of your exes until all you could think of them is burnt chicken. Until the memory of them becomes something funny, that could never hurt you again. "Plus, I'm not letting your efforts go to waste - I'm not letting you miss this chance. Let's watch the moon, together."

You nodded. What else could you do?

You decided it would be best to try to take a nap until night hit. So much crying has left you dizzy and with a headache crawling at fast speeds through your forehead and sinuses.

"Do you have any painkillers? Should I try to find a pharmacy around here?" Hyunjin offered, but you reassured him you have some in your suitcase. "Okay, wait here, I'll go get it for you- but uh, which one is yours?"

"The one that has color on it, duh." He disappeared with a giggle, around the corner.

"I will never underestimate you ever again, ma'am." He joked, placing your colorful suitcase next to the bed. He made sure none of your items were left over in the room you used to shared with David, and insisted you stay put while he brings you a glass of water.

Pills in your system, blinds closed, blanket over your shoulders, Hyunjin curled on the other side of the bed, as small as he could make himself be, so that he doesn't make you feel suffocated. But he was holding two of your fingers in his hand, from across the bed. The skin of two fingers was enough pathway for you to feel a million bodies worth of love, though.

When you woke up, he wasn't there. Nor David who was haunting you in your dreams, nor Hyunjin who was whispering poems to you to chase the nightmares away. You thought you'd be alright after crying it out, but it wasn't that easy. You woke up feeling miserable, with a heavy weight on your chest, and yet feeling so empty and hollow.

You checked your phone, and he hasn't called. You didn't know if you should feel sad or relieved about it. At least he won't chase after you again, right? It won't be another hurtful on and off. It's over. He doesn't love you anymore.

"Oh hey, you're awake- Nah ah, no more crying! You've had your fill of tears, now it's time for a fill of pizza! Get your ass to the living room, missy!" You didn't have the time to cry when Hyunjin was chasing you out of the room with a pillow.

It was a little bit awkward at first, because Jihyo and Luna didn't know if they should bring it up or just try to distract you. Eventually you bit the bullet and began to tell them about your relationship yourself. All the behavior changes, the suspicions, the hurtful words (that you now realize were manipulation) and all the lies.

"Not even his guy friends knew." Jihyo told you. She apparently told the whole group chat she was in with David's friends about what he has been doing. "He didn't just lose his girlfriend, I think he lost most of his friends by doing this."

"Thank you, Ji. For having my back." Perhaps your relationships were monster trucks, but your friends were really golden. They really looked after you.

"So!" Hyunjin announced. "Change of plans. She's having a romantic moonlit date with me, instead. So the pool is still off limits." After Luna threw what looked like a piece of olive at Hyunjin's shirt, and he screamed in your ear, eventually the sisters said they were planning on working on their DnD character sheets anyway. They were your favorite nerds.

According to your phone, the moon would begin to rise at around nine in the evening. It was just enough time for the food in your bellies to settle, while you caught up with the new videos of your favorite comedy channel. Laughter filled the room, and Jihyo and Luna made sure to cuddle the heck out of you, to distract you from that emptiness that was threatening to form into a pit in your stomach.

"So, what scented candles do you have? Something sexy and seductive?" Hyunjin asked you, wriggling his eyebrows. It made the other girls giggle.

"Apple." You answered, and the whole room deadpanned.

"In what world is apple sexy?!"

"It's his favorite!" You tried to defend yourself, but Hyunjin just scoffed.

"Jesus fucking Christ, you really needed a new boyfriend." This roast didn't make you grin. It didn't make you laugh. Instead, you looked down at the floor, a sigh shaking your body. As the seconds passed, you began to feel more and more stupid for ending up in this situation. For being so dumb as to let yourself be led on by some pretty words, and pretty eyes, that you could ever be truly loved- "Sorry." Hyunjin apologized in a panic. It just slipped, he had so much resentment bottled up for that man. "It's a good thing I brought some of mine with me. They're not exactly sexy, but they should be more fitting."

"Oh, what scent is it?"

"Ocean." Ocean, the waves that are lapping at your feet. They're calling you over.

Hyunjin was calling you over, to see if you like the smell of the candles. You had gone through too many emotions today: the anger, the sadness, the insecurities, and now this anxiety. Or was it thrill? If you put your ear on Hyunjin's chest, would you be able to hear the waves?

"I'm going to go set these up." He announced, and you nodded.

"I'll get changed." With a skip to his step, Hyunjin walked out and closed the door to give you privacy. You're not even in the water yet, and you already feel like you're drowning.

You fished out your swim suit from your luggage and laid it out on the bed before you. You actually bought this - spent so much money on it - got it in his favorite color - for a man who was cheating on you. You were really regretting not having brought an alternative with you. You couldn't just walk out in underwear and a shirt, right? Better not. You grit your teeth and put it on, but made a mental note to 'accidentally' start a dumpster fire, and 'accidentally' drop the swim suit in it after tonight.

When you were done changing, you found Hyunjin out by the pool. Somehow, he managed to turn it on by himself since you could already see steam coming off of it. He arranged two candles around one corner of the pool (since he only had two) and was probably waiting for you to arrive.

"Oh, angel. That color does not suit you." Hyunjin had always been quite picky when it came to fashion. He had his 'disgusted fashion designer' face on.

"I know, it's-"

"Let me guess, his favorite color? I've seem vomit more vibrant than that." You snorted at the comment. The color was, in fact, quite horrible. "If I wouldn't know how much money you probably spent on that, I'd tell you to set it on fire." You laughed. Great minds think alike.

"I was thinking the same thing." After exchanging grins, Hyunjin seemed to fall into thought. He had that look in his eyes that told you there was a complicated process going on in his mind.

"I'll buy you a new one." Surprised, you cocked an eyebrow at him as you approached the side of the pool he was at. You scooted next to the scented candle he lit, and sat down on the edge. "Careful you don't burn you butt." He joked, and you rolled your eyes at him. The candle wasn't even close to touching you. The water was very warm and calming, you noticed, when you dipped your feet in. It made you want to move even closer to the edge so that your tired ankles would be soothed.

"You don't need to buy me a new one. What would I use it for? I don't think I'll be at any pool again any time soon." A rosy petal tickled your toes and you realized the bouquet had somehow ended up in the water. There were petals and tiny white flowers scattered all around the corner of the pool. It would have been a beautiful sight, if it wasn't so tragic.

"Well, maybe I have been secretly planning a weekend trip to Jeju island for you and I." That surely caught you off guard. You barely had any money left after this vacation, you wouldn't be able to afford a trip to Jeju. He wasn't planning on paying for it all by himself, right?

"I mean, that sounds lovely, Hyune." You replied, even if you had some financial disagreements to talk about later. "But it's september! I don't think I'll be walking around in a swimsuit at the beach in this weather. It's getting chilly." The air was quite cold, you've noticed it ever since the morning. The sun didn't have the same strength as a few days ago - but thankfully the heat coming off of the pool was making it bearable to be out just in a swim suit.

"First of all, summer is a feeling, not a season. And second, I'll just get you one for next summer." Next summer - you almost forgot. To Hyunjin, highschool with you was barely yesterday, and next summer should be in two days. A year was nothing to him when he promised you forever.

"Okay." You replied quietly, swooshing the water around with your feet. You were scared to look him in the eyes, because suddenly you felt so vulnerable. You could trust his idea of forever, right?

"Okay!" He replied with a much brighter note. "With that settled, I'll go get changed for our pool adventure." He walked away, leaving you alone with your thoughts, and the subtle smell of the ocean. It was still calling you, but now you could hear it clearer. You could smell it clearer. One more step, one more inch of your skin under the water, and perhaps you could feel it clearer, too.

The wait would have been agonizing if you hadn't made a friend in the moon as soon as you found it in the sky. She - the moon has always been a she to you - was looking absolutely astonishing . For a second, a very silly second, you thought the moon had done a better job at dressing up for a romantic date than you did. You searched around for the evening star as well, the brightest, most beautiful star in the sky. You hoped if the moon was going on a date tonight, it would be with the evening star. For he was a strong man to always keep his light so bright, to always manage to guide the sailors lost in the night-

Hyunjin came back with a few tiny packages in his hand. He was shirtless; and from waist down he wore swim trunks, an ombre from blue, to light blue, to white. With the way the sky was reflected in the pool, you would think he was trying to blend in with the water.

"Choco?" He nudged you, offering you a golden foil. You took one from him happily, and watched him as he took off an elastic band from his wrist to put his hair up in a messy ponytail. The chocolate he offered you was very delicious, and you guessed also probably very fancy. Hyunjin never held back when it came to pleasing the senses. But you wondered, how come he's offering you something sweet? Wasn't the ocean supposed to be salty?

He also ate a chocolate quietly next to you. The silence was getting heavy, which was very odd. Silence was always comforting next to him, but now, the less he spoke the more you felt confused and lost at sea.

"The bouquet ended up in the water." You told him, trying to make any sort of small talk. He hummed, put away the foil of the sweet treat he consumed, and eased himself fully into the pool. As soon as he was in, he let out a soulful sigh. He adored warm water, and you could tell from his body language, from the way his shoulders slumped and his neck craned to stare at the night sky, jaw wide open in admiration - that Hyunjin was in a happy place. Was it just you who was nervous, then?

To your surprise, Hyunjin pushed through the water all the way to the corner where the bouquet was floating about. He picked it up, and began to crush the flowers in his hand so that the petals would fall. He left the stems empty, and then threw them out of the pool. With powerful motions, he made the water roll in waves, so that the petals would scatter throughout the entire pool.

"Now it's just part of the decorum." He said with a giggle. He approached you, and his hand was warm and welcoming when it gently touched your knee. "Forget who they're from." As he beckoned you to join him in the water, you wanted to let those words hypnotize you. Allow the pain to fade to the background.

You join him in the water, and it embraces you like you were meant to be held in someone's arms your entire life. Even though you are surrounded by those petals - those empty promises, those broken parts of your heart - something inside of you is healing. You are no longer putting meaning or significance onto them. They no longer hold you captive. For that tiny moment, everything is as it should be: there is no other place you should have been. No other person you should have been. And no other person - besides your best friend with a dizzying smile - should have accompanied you that night. It was the universe's plan, and no one could be blamed for that.

The universe is vast. As you look up, through the thousands of celestial bodies before you, you can't pin point any to curse in grief and woe. Furthermore, you can't even name this strange feeling of acceptance. It had just appeared in your heart. 

"The sky is so beautiful." You mumble, and Hyunjin almost surprises you when he hums. He looks just as awestruck as you do, and you know for a fact he was the one meant to join you. You watch the rise and fall of his chest, the deep breaths he takes as he says absolutely nothing. He is in a trance, and you are entranced by him.

"The moon and stars are shining for you, my love" You hear him say, but it was quiet, like he wasn't sure of his own words.

"For all that is up there, up above,

In the gentle skies of angels and sinners:

The moon rays and the cheeky glimmers," He takes a pause, as if to rest for a heartbeat and let himself smile.

"They're all but lights to make your eyes shine -

And help you see yourself in mine."

"That's beautiful, Hyune." You complimented. You wondered just how many poems he had stored in his mind and heart. Would you need a library pass to find out? "Who's it from?"

"Oh, he's not a published author." He replied cheekily. "Although he wishes he could be." From the shy yet smug look on his face, it was easy to piece it together.

"Did you write it?"

"Mhm."

"Like, on the spot? Just now?"

"Mhm."

You're absolutely insane!" You tell him with a gentle slap to the arm. He giggles and your heart melts. "I swear there's no human being more talented than you." He looks down at the water and something peculiar sparkles in his eyes. Something naughty, like a child being caught doing something he wasn't supposed to and yet he's unaware, he's proud of the mistake he's done.

"Well, it wouldn't be possible without you." You stare at him in confusion. Is he trying to thank you for supporting him and his passion for poetry? For the validation and reassurance you offer him when he works? It goes without question that you would be supporting your best friend- "Do you want me to recite the poem to you again?" You're confused and caught off guard. Frankly you have no idea what is going on, so you just shrug your shoulders awkwardly.

"Sure, I guess."

While Hyunjin has been standing to your side this entire time, leaning back on the edge of the pool, the scented candle between you two, now he moved to stand before you. He was blocking the moon, invading your senses, a dim light hugging his silhouette.

"The moon and stars are shining for you, my love" He's looking in your eyes, and his hands move to grip the edge of the pool on either side of you head. Your lungs are burning.

"For all that is up there, up above" He looks towards the sky for a split second, and then he looks back at you, his eyes clouding with mist.

"In the gentle skies of angels and sinners:" He searches for you hand in the water, and with the most gentle pull, he brings it to his lips to kiss your fingers. A rose petal slips off of you arm and back into the water.

"The moon rays and the cheeky glimmers," He's smiling. He's in his happy place, and yet, you don't know how to accept that the weight of the ocean isn't trying to harm you.

"They're all but lights to make your eyes shine -"  Was he seeing the moon in your eyes?

"And help you see yourself in mine." You were in his eyes. You were. It just took you so many years to see it.

"The moon and stars are shining for me?" You ask; you had to make sure. Your hands were shaking, and a chill ran down your spine.

"My love." He completed the lyric, and you were trying so so hard, to find oxygen in your lungs.

This was exactly were you were afraid of - that one step closer, the ocean waves would take you away, and you'd fall into the dark depths - and ultimately drown. "I'm in love with you." You hear him say. "I know you've been through so many emotions already, and this is just not the right time, because I don't wanna seem like I'm taking advantage of the situation and trying to be some sort of savior to you, but I really am in love with you and I can't stand watching you suffer-"

One of your favorite quotes you've ever read, by a person named Irtiqa Nabi, was 'The sea speaks more honestly to those willing to drown'.

You just had to be willing.

You just had to understand.

You don't need the oxygen.

You take one more, final breath and reach out to kiss Hyunjin before he rambled away all night. His hands fly to embrace you, to cradle your face, to shield you with his body. 

It was the most terrifying leap of faith you've ever made, but you finally realized the ocean wasn't evil. It wasn't trying to take your life away or rob you of your heart. No, the ocean was this being full of life, full of warmth; he wanted you to dive beyond the surface. He wanted you to uncover his mysteries. And he loved you so much. 

"Wait." Hyunjin pulls away, dazed and with unfocused eyes. He bites his lip. "Are you sure about this? Once you allow me to love you, I won't stop. I don't let go." You look up at him and smile. No matter how many times you tell him, it'll never be enough: he's so beautiful. But tonight, something is different. He's exactly how the universe wanted him to be. Exactly where the universe wanted him to be. So naturally, only poetry could describe the beauty of a man who had found his destiny.

"Make me you last love, Hyunjin." You plead, and his eyes fill with both admiration and tears.

"Oh, I will." He cradles you so gently, and yet so tightly. His long fingers are enveloping your face, his body is swallowing yours like the tide, and he kisses you, again and again. And with each one, you gain life, you gather courage, a new constellation is born inside of you. Astrologers could only dream of uncovering all those new-born stars.

He drags you into the middle of the pool, and guides your legs around his waist. He holds you with ease, and from this angle, when you look down at him all you see is joy. But he hides in your neck, and finds another happy place in there.

You rest your head on his shoulder and look up the sky. The moon rose to a higher position, and she looks so calm, so all-knowing as she beams on you. She knew what was going to happen already, and now she was grinning at you slyly.

"Can you see the moon from there?" Hyunjin asks you, and you hum.

"Mhm. But you can't, can you?" It's not like he's trying, his eyes are closed as he cradles you.

"No, just tell her I said hi." You laugh. You wonder just for how long, has the moon known Hyunjin's secret? "I've got my own night sky right here." He says, as he hugs you even tighter, squeezing you to his chest like you're his childhood teddy bear.

"Cheesy." You mutter, but you place a kiss just underneath his ear. That ear begins to burn, and then his whole face is red (that's why he's hiding it away) and Hyunjin thinks he'll never grow used to it. In fact, he promises himself he won't. He promises to always allow himself to be surprised by just how much you mean to him. Over and over again.

Minutes turn to hours, just like days always turned to years around Hyunjin. Eventually you climb out of the pool to not turn into raisins - but you still continue to be tangled with each other, making up for all the kisses you've missed for all those years you've kept each other at arm's length. It feels like a pipe dream to call him yours, to kiss his lips that felt like clouds, look into his eyes that filled with lightning, listen to the words filled with thunder. And yet, his heartbeat still spoke to you in calm waves-

You and Hyunjin jump from your seats at the sound of something loudly popping. You frantically look around for the sound, and you see Jihyo and Luna, holding a confetti tube towards you. The sparkly paper falls to the floor, while some are carried by the wind towards you.

"Congratulations!" The two cheer, and you can't help but snort. Where did they even get confetti from?

"Now that the cat's outta the bag, the asshole is out of the picture and you're finally dating the right guy-" Luna almost sounds like she's rapping while she rambles, and everyone carries amusement on their faces. "And this guy can stop whining in my ear about how much he wants you-" You turn towards Hyunjin in shock, and he tries to make himself small and hide. He fails. "We can finally have some nice, family fun!"

"I thought we agreed you'd let us have the pool tonight!" Hyunjin argues, but Luna tuts in response.

"So I can just watch you two make out from afar? Nah, I wanna see it in person." With the look of an almost psycho, Luna grabs your leg and pulls you into the pool with her. She splashes you wildly in the face, and soon Jihyo and Hyunjin join you in a water fight even a toddler would easily win.

After a while a whole lot of fun, you approach Jihyo for a light conversation while the other two are struggling to inflate a beach ball.

"Have you known for a long time?"

"About Hyunjin's feelings? No, it was Luna who knew. I didn't know until tonight, honestly."

Hyunjin has been confiding in Luna, it seems. She was the only one who knew his secret - or well, maybe she wasn't. You look up at the moon, and then back at Luna, and something seems to make you laugh.

It is very late into the night, and yet you are all still awake. It came to the point where you had to leave the water, but Luna stops in the middle of the hallway and blocks the path.

"Hey, didn't that girl teach you stuff about cleaning the pool and all?"

You didn't even remember her name by this point.

"Yeah, why?"

"So what cleaning supplies should one use, let's say, if the pool becomes dirty with... An entire luggage worth of clothes and stuff?"

"What?" Hyunjin asks, breaking into a wild laugh, but he feels as if he already knows what Luna is about to say.

"Let's throw David's stuff into the pool." You display a look of horror, but when you look at Hyunjin, you see him comically dash into the house.

You're too dazed to even register when the suitcase showed up in front of your face. All three of your peers attacked the zippers like wild hyenas, and soon your ex's clothes are sent flying into the pool.

"Even his underwear is ugly." Hyunjin says, crumpling it into a ball and throwing it as far as he could into the pool. "I'm gonna need hand sanitizer after this."

You start to enjoy it after a while. Sure, you still tell them to not throw anything electric or expensive in there, like his earphones or watch, but you are the one to chuck his toothbrush in the pool and watch it sink to the bottom.

"Revenge is best served wet, baby." Luna pretends to dust off her hands and leaves the scene of the crime with a deadly hair flip.

Giggling like a bunch of school girls, you part ways to go quickly shower the chlorine away from your bodies. Then you reunite, clad in your comfiest pj's, and cuddle to Hyunjin's chest to listen to the sound of the ocean waves.

"Angel?" He calls out to you, and you look at him with hazy eyes. "Would it be weird or overwhelming if I told you I love you?"

"No." You shake your head and giggle. It's not that it was new information to you, but it did hold a new meaning now. A meaning - you found - you were always craving to reciprocate. Why have you been searching for Hyunjin in all of those people, when he was right there with you, petting your hair and making you feel alive?

"And would it be weird or overwhelming if I said that to you every night?"

"No, I would like that actually." You reach up to kiss him. He welcomes it and chases after your lips, and it's such a new high, that you wish it to turn into a habit.

"Okay." He whispers. "I love you."

"I love you." You reply. You don't say 'me too', you don't say 'i love you too'. Because this is not an action that he does and you copy. No, you love him all on your own. It's so crazy, that you love him independently, and he loves you independently, and yet when you're put together, you form the same constellation.

It's a good thing Hyunjin locked the door, because somewhere around five in the morning you got woken up by loud banging on your door, your handle being shaken erratically and an array of swear words. Hyunjin woke up as well, and you both tried to stifle your giggles, because that night you heard swearwords and insults you didn't even know existed.

By afternoon, when you got out of your room, he was completely gone. Turns out he collected his clothes from the pool and left with them soaking in a garbage bag. Luna had snuck out in the morning to record a video of David, trying and failing repeatedly to fish out his clothes with the stick end of a broom. You laughed so hard it brought you to tears, and when you went outside to check, you saw the only thing left, was a chlorine infused toothbrush sitting sad and depressed at the bottom of the pool.

You blocked him and threw away the memory of him into the sea. You knew the sea would be mean to him, drown him out and silence him. Because the universe wanted someone else to love you.

The moon, the stars, and all the eight seas;

They whispered to you that you had found your destiny.

Please leave some feedback if you have the time and energy!

If you like my work, you can donate to me on my Ko-Fi so I can continue writing!

©amelee23 do not copy or repost.

[king-paimon]

Houseki no Kuni Chapter 107 Thoughts: Goodnight, Sweet Phos...

Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay with this post. I originally intended to finish it and post it on Wednesday, but you know.... life happened.

Another month has gone by and now we're on our second to last chapter for Houseki no Kuni. That's right; it's been confirmed that the next chapter will be the last chapter. Can you believe it? If you've seen my previous posts, I'm sure you have an idea of how I feel about this news.

But that'll be for the end of this post. For now, let's talk about this chapter! I don't know how long this one will be, but I'll still warn you that it might be longer than intended, which is the norm for me. This post is a bit too messy for my liking so I might end up making some edits to it later. For now, I just want to have it posted.

As always, please feel free to share your own thoughts in this post! Here we go!

Visual Storytelling Through Change in Style

The first thing I want to talk about is the visuals for this chapter. It greatly contrast with the visual style of the previous couple of chapters. In those chapters, the art was loud, intense, and chaotic, and yet mesmerizing and immersive. The heavy use of black, sharp lines and patterns emphasizes on the harshness of the changing environment. And in many of those page, Phos looks so small, as they are literally being consumed by their surroundings. Even though there were many panels where Phos, Eyeball, or the pebbles are the focus, the background is still very overwhelming in comparison.

Now contrast that with most of the visuals in this chapter. Most, if not all, of the intense visual motifs from the previous chapters are gone; no sharp patterns, black is subdued significantly, and the background isn't overpowering the characters.

The intensity of the visuals were cut back significantly and were traded in for simplified line art, heavy use of the white negative space, and soft hues that make everything airy and dream-like. This is especially true during Phos's sequence. I like how there are very few thick continuous lines in the artwork. These illustrations are mostly made up of light, loose broken up short lines that create abstract structures. And I like that as the regression continued, Phos's design simplified to the point that they were just a small abstract face.

This art style literally and metaphorically showed us the deconstruction of Phos. It's so simple, and yet so impactful.

This is also the case for the last two pages.

The change in visual tone does a nice job emphasizing the literal and figuratively change in scenery. To be more specific, the drastic art style changes can symbolize the final metamorphosis of the remaining characters and the story itself. With Eyeball and the pebbles, the style emphasizes how they've transitioned to a whole new place in a literal and allegorical sense. And with Phos, they're style does the same by emphasizing on the deconstruction of their being during their final moments.

I apologize if what I said was confusing (I also got myself confused for a moment haha) But I'll just end this section with this: I liked the art in this chapter.

Now then, we should jump into the meat of this chapter....

Phos's final curtain call.

Phos Can Finally Rest...

Like I stated before, I found Phos's pages really beautiful for different reasons. In terms of visuals, it's nice seeing some softer imagery after having nothing but sharp, chaotic ones. And story wise, it's nice to see Phos finally letting go and feeling fulfilled.

They are finally free, for real this time. Free from heartache, pain, existing. Phos is no longer held back by the sorrow they had been carrying, and they are free of regret.

They are finally at peace.

And would you look at that? We got to see Pho's original face one last time. And they were happy.

Good for them.

Before going to the next section, I want to quickly talk about this page:

When I first looked through the spoiler tag for the previous couple of chapters, I remember seeing some posts from people who seemed unsatisfied with how the story progressed. From what I understand, many of them didn't like that Phos decided to forgive the remnants of humanity. With this latest chapter, I'm sure there are fans who were also not happy that during Phos's final moments that they are thinking about wanting to see their old families again. I can understand the sentiment, though I'm not surprised with this development.

Despite everything that had led the story to this point, Phos did not hate their old families. Yes, they harbored malice towards them during different points of the story, and it would have been justifiable for Phos to punish them along with the other remnants of humanity came to them to pray. But instead, Phos chose to forgive and free them.

I originally saw Phos's actions as their way of finally cutting ties with their families and relieving themselves of the emotional baggage that they burdened them with. But it's been hinted for a while that despite everything, Phos still loved their families. And the fact that Phos wishes they could see them again solidifies this fact.

Though I can't say if I like this revelation or not, I still find it interesting. But again, I can understand if some readers disagree with Ichikawa's writing decisions. If you have your own thoughts about Phos's final moments, please feel free to share them!

But regardless of everything, I still think this was a wonderfully fitting send off for Phos.

But I'm not done talking about Phos just yet.

And Start Anew...

I'll admit that having the first image I see be Phos's last gem piece shatter was not the welcoming image I wanted to see. For a moment, I thought my hope that there was a chance the small piece of Phos would grow sentience and live a new life was shattered (haha.)

But hooray, for that theory became a reality! Despite Phos's last piece breaking up again, a small bit remained and is evidently showing signs of life. It was wonderful how the pebbles immediately recognized that small piece as their brother, showing once again how open and welcoming their are. Small Phos is so lucky.

And how ironic is it that this Small Phos is considered the smallest, (in some ways) youngest, and most fragile new member of this new family... much like how Phos was with the gems at the beginning of this whole story. (I know that Phos was the same height as the other gems, but because of their makeup and position within their society, Phos can be considered less significant or "smaller" than everyone else)

Hm. With that thought in the air... I hope the parallels end there and this doesn't mean that this small and untainted piece of Phos won't be subjected to a similar treatment of their predecessor, right?

...right??

Nah, it should be fine....Unless Aechmea somehow comes back-

Created Their New Path: Final Act of Defiance?

The second to last thing I'd like to talk about is this page because it had me thinking about few things.

It made me think back to the previous chapters, namely the crazy, nearly perfect plans perpetuated by Aechmea and the Lunarians. It's been emphasized many times how calculated Aechmea's plans were, especially when it came to Phos. He nearly predicted every action Phos would make and kept planning and manipulating accordingly until things go the way he wants. And in the previous chapter, it was also heavily implied that he and the other remnants of humanity counted on Phos, Eyeball, and whatever new organisms they came across, to get onto the Dues Ex Machina ship. In some way, they predicted correctly.

But now I must ask these questions:

Did they also count on the possibility of Phos not entering the ship?

Did they also count on Eyeball switching off the ship's autopilot, manually controlling it, and subsequently crash landing it on a planet that more than likely wasn't the original destination?

For these questions, I want to say no.

It's interesting how even though at this point in the story, both Eyeball and Phos seemed resigned to the fact all of their actions were a result of them being manipulated, even after the perpetrators were long gone. But funny enough, I think that their very last actions were entirely their choice. For Phos, staying on the planet and ceasing to exist was entirely their choice. And for Eyeball, choosing to meddle with the ships settings to grab Phos's last gem piece and boost the ships' output. I don't think Aechmea counted on Eyeball doing that. If Eyeball is correct and they did pass the planet that Aechmea had possibly prepared for them, then this means that Eyeball had in many ways changed the trajectory of his and the pebble's lives, albeit unintentional. This could all mean that are all finally free from Aechmea and his long-game, 4D chess plans.

Phos and Eyeball have finally and truly defied Aechmea and humanity.

...BUT THEN AGAIN.. there's always that dumb chance that this was ALSO somehow part of Aechmea's plan. I highly doubt it, because that would be very ridiculously convoluted, even for this story. But then again, you never know with this author.

But for the sake of this post, I want to believe Phos and Eyeball came out on top in the end by intentionally and unintentionally forging paths that wasn't previously made for them. Even though Phos's final choice was somewhat influenced by the professor, it still felt like it was truly their decision.

I hope this doesn't unravel somehow with the final chapter.

Speaking of which-

The Final Stretch...

I can't believe it. This story is about to end. We'll finally almost done and what a journey it has been. I can't believe I started getting into this series almost over 6 years ago. Many things have happened since then, and during this time, this story had sent me on such an emotional rollercoaster. Though there are many things within the story that I wish was different or handled better, I still think this was a very wonderful and thought provoking story.

Now Ms. Ichikawa has to stick the landing. This could make or break this series.

After everything you put us readers through, I hope the true finale will be worth it.

[mapoeggplant]

skip to loafer chapter 56 analyze + brief shima study // spoilers

summer vacation is over, which means we’re all coming back to tokyo. for some, it’s time to bask in the memories they created, however for others, the harsh reality comes creeping in again.

one thing that i absolutely love about takamatsu’s way of constructing a chapter is how she easily mixes the youth of the characters (the girls talking about crushes) with the obscure subplot she has been creating up to now (shima’s backstory). the change between subjects isn’t harsh or out of place: everything happens in a simple flow, ending in a calm scene to tie it all together.

so, let’s start from the youth: it’s amazing to see how mitsumi was the step that the other three girls needed to finally be free enough to be a teenage girl, something they prevented themselves from being before. she’s the one who manages to ease their worries and let them be free to talk about things teenage girls should be talking about — and they decided to choose one of the cutest subjects ever: crushes!! makoto being the one to bring this subject up just shows how she grew and how much she trusts the girls, since she was always apprehensive to touch on certain subjects. and this talk was the perfect opportunity for mitsumi to get a little more courage to talk about her relationship with shima with the girls, and choosing to do that in tokyo shows how much she cares about shima, since she doesn’t want the girls to think badly about him at any point.

ok, now let’s jump to the subplot, the one that i love to analyze so much. well, we all know that i had a gut feeling that shima didn’t say anything about the trip to his mother — first because we saw nao-chan talking to all the parents, minus shima’s, and second because, by the little we know about shima’s mom, it’s easy to say that she would never allow shima to go there empty handed. so i can’t say that i was surprised by the outcome of the confrontation. 

i think first i have to focus a lot on shima's reaction towards his mother. the scene opens with shima entering his room and noticing that things were not the way that he left before the trip, showing from the beginning a breach of trust. even if his mother had the best of intentions (like, for example, keeping her son's room tidy), it is difficult for shima to understand this act as something affectionate and not as a way of showing that she doesn't trust him.

after that, we have the big showdown. there is no way to defend shima in anyway with the way he acted and what he did. he traveled miles from his mother, without her having any idea about it. this is extremely dangerous, any parent would be desperate to receive news like this after days. i don't blame her, on the contrary: i think she’s more than correct in confronting him about this.

but for shima, this concern doesn't come from a loving side, from a worried mother. shima still sees his mother as that manipulative and controlling person he grew up with and had so many conflicts with, so hearing all of this only a desperate need to get out of this situation as fast as possible. she already broke her son's trust as soon as he entered the house, so it's very easy for him to assume that this is another one of her controlling attitudes.

but there is an interesting point in all this. after the fight, shima begins to reflect on her mother's changes and asks a very important question: am i still mad at her or am i just being stubborn, like a child who expects something in return?

this shows a maturity in his character, as it is the first time he stops to analyze what all this means inside his chest. would it be rebellion? love? distrust? a cry for help?

shima's relationship with his mother is still something that requires a lot of growth and development for it to make a significant change. in my opinion, it won't happen now or in 5 chapters, but much later, something like an ending to shima's arc, a way to embrace all of his growth. it’s as if she represents the beginning and end of his journey.

aside from his mother, now we have two new pieces to this puzzle: the unknown man and a very new image of shima (the image of him walking with other boys, on the panel where he thinks about his feelings towards his mother). what we have left is to have an idea of how many pieces we still need to assemble the final image. what happened? who was responsible? is this the man who ruined it all? or he was just another victim of the circumstances?

(something that is not related to these questions but that made me think was the fact that ririka sent him the photo. could this be a form of provocation or just a way of finding comfort?).

crabs are no longer shima's only concern at the moment. his harsh and difficult reality came back to the surface with full force. and i, who thought we were close to the climax of his arc, am shocked to realize that we are nowhere near halfway there.

to finish: mitsumi's speech about how tokyo is finally being a new home for her. this is something that makes me so happy, that brings me so much peace, especially with nao-chan's happy and relaxed face next to her. tokyo is finally mitsumi's second home, and she's happy to be able to return to it.

another month and another amazing chapter, another reason to be so excited for what's to come. this is takamatsu-sensei's power. thank you for reading me rambling and for all the nice messages you guys have been sending me 💛 it means the world!!

[firefistfiri]

About Billy's true creator...

1.2 leaks ahead !! Read at ur own risk !!

Disclaimer: this is just a theory and speculation!

There's little to no information as to who built him and when he was built. This guy could secretly be like a hundred years old and we wouldn't even know! It's not like he told us for how long he wandered in the Outer Ring all by himself before he joined the Sons of Calydon (very heavily implied) …

But I wanted to point two things out: His official model name, and then the inventor of BANGBOO Sunbringer, which we have seen in the lore teaser on ZZZ's official youtube.

In his Teaser, he described himself as an Intelligent Tactical Unit with Firepower-Based Area Supresson Capabilities .. That's a mouthful..

He might just he flattering himself here, but given that, this might imply that there might be more of his models around, wherever he was created.

This leads me to think that whoever created him has made him for a good purpose. Whether it's military, or hollow exploration. But the real mystery here is did his creator set him free? Did he escape because he passed the forbidden fruit test?

We can say one thing for sure and that is: He either doesn't have a clear memory of his origins for whatever reason that might be, OR he is hiding something.

.. And if you read my Billy lore summary you already know that the ''mysterious Gang'' they're talking about is the Sons of Calydon, and the gang leader refers to Caesar.

You might also remember that I have mentioned that he is not up for talking about pasts, but we don't know if he meant his more recent past or his old past, so both of these ideas could potentially work at the same time imo.

now.. shortly ABOUT SUNBRINGER, INVENTOR OF BANGBOO..

Bangboo are silly little robots that have made living on this earth filled with hollows a little less stressful and terrifying. Now they are simple, but complex at the same time.

Bangboo all have their own tasks to perform, but they also have their own language and personalities!!

I only wanted to mention this because I believe that Sunbringer might have ties with Billy's creator. Since both of their engineering are very complex in my opinion.

Whether either of them are alive stays unknown for now, I might make a deeper dive on these characters introduced in the lore teaser.

Now, I might just be overanalysing things. The world of Zenless Zone Zero has introduced us to many different species in the world and sometimes it's really not that deep. They just exist, and it's normal to them. That could also just be it, end of story.

Now I do strongly believe that we will get a bit more of Billy's lore in 1.2, as it is going to focus on the faction I have mentioned previously, Sons of Calydon, and we will even get to explore a new area which is the Outer Ring!!

... But I am afraid that they will keep it at that, and the rest we have to figure out by trust events and random mentions of the character in story and quest dialogues. Please let me be wrong!!

I mean.. how complex can he really be..?! Am I just overhyping him? Maybe! But It's fun to theorise about, that's for sure!!

Again, please lmk what you think, your theories and if I have skipped some things or have accidentally put misinformation in the post!

[blog-of-hubris]

Jujutsu Kaisen 236: Heading South

This is probably the craziest chapter for the JJK community (rightfully so), and I have been on the fence about writing this up. It won't be super long, I hope… but there are a few things from the chapter I want to highlight.

So once you get past this cut, be prepared to see me bare all in my emotions and analysis for this amazing chapter Gege has given us!

P.S FORGIVE ME IF THIS META SUCKS! I AM OUT OF PRACTICE!!

The Afterlife

None of the jujutsu kaisen fandom is new to death. It is quite the opposite, actually. Characters that the fans love are put in life or death scenarios with no guarantee of them getting out. Even simple side characters that fans enjoy are subject to death, so pandering has never been Gege's thing. For me, the death of Gojo is emotionally hard because I love him, but his death isn't what moved me in this chapter… it was his experience in the afterlife.

The beginning of the chapter is us seeing Geto walking up to Gojo and Gojo reacting sourly. Of course this is him realizing he lost, but before I get into the words shared, I want to focus on the environment Gege gave us. We don't see adult Geto and Gojo, but the hidden inventory or teenage versions of them. I think everyone knows the reasoning behind this is because this is Gojo's “ideal time” of his life. His time as an adolescent with Geto by his side was when he was the happiest.

The fact Gojo form reverts to those days is so sad. To me, it reflects that Gojo never left the past. Everyone he encounters is from his time as a teenager, even showing us Ririka, her maid and even TOJI. (Toji appearing there was a fucking SHOCK to me… that's something else entirely to unpack for another time.) It is very sad seeing Gojo admit in many ways that he didn't feel truly happy after Geto's death. He became the strongest, and that even separated him from Geto, the person who would have given him satisfaction as a living being, not a jujutsu sorcerer. No matter how much he loved everyone, he knew that people could never understand him. But he felt that he could pour that feeling into Sukuna, since he is the only other being to be separated by others in that way.

On top of that, the dead group seem to be in an airport, symbolizing death and taking flight to a new land. This all makes sense when you think about the context of the chapter discussing heading north or south. The airport represents the flight into the next part of the soul's existence. I don't have too much to add on that specific theme, but I implore you to look up the symbolism for yourself.

A Curse Can Save People...

Is anyone else geeking with excitement over the fact that this chapter confirms the connection the living world has with the dead? Gojo literally asks Nanami how was his death, and we get Haibara explaining how he jumped in. This was the confirmation that what Gojo was seeing couldn't be a dream because how could he imagine receiving information that no one except Nanami would know.

This means a lot to me, because it deepens the level of meaning behind Nanami's death. In the moments of his death, he knew he was cursing Yuji, but that curse was exactly what Yuji needed to understand the gravity of his new life and choices he made. Specifically for Nanami, this was his final turning point. He chose to bet on the future instead of believing in the usual way of doing things. Haibara jumping in, was him reaching over from the other side, which implies (at least to me) that your loved ones are always watching even in death. I believe that is the “curse” that stays on jujutsu sorcerers, but also can be their saving grace in their last moments.

At the end of the day, the living cannot understand the dead, hence why Yaga said that all sorcerers die with regrets, but the truth is in those final moments only the dead can understand the curse placed upon them. It is the hindsight that creates an atmosphere of understanding, and only then will a person know if the choices they made truly made them happy. Even for Yaga specifically, him cursing Gakuganji was him reliving himself of burden and regret. “My Curse unto you” is literally a curse that saved Gakuganji from being a puppet of the higher ups. I love how Gege is perfectly tieing all the knots together!

Gojo was cursed by love (geto), and felt he was separated by everyone until his final moments, but those who knew him when he wasn't “the strongest” are those that are there to comfort him as he heads south. I love that Gojo was able to get this final moment with those that he loves, and I hope that this is where they are all experiencing their time. It makes me wonder if THIS is the place Kenjakub discussed (in between dreams and reality).

I will never forget you for as long as I live…

I won't explain the 4 dimensional slash that Sukuna used in this post, but if you would like me to do a more detailed explanation, just let me know in the comments!

What I want to talk about is Sukuna and how this fight impacted him. I think Gojo was wrong when he said his feelings didn't reach Sukuna. In fact, Sukuna saying he will never forget Gojo is him acknowledging that Gojo's feelings did reach him. The King of Curses has not acknowledged a single character in the way he acknowledged Gojo. Even with Jogo, he called him strong but the words “I will never forget you…” + a genuine smile is so powerful that it gave me chills. (Not to mention he is doing this in Megumi's body… it hurts me.)

I am proud of Gojo because he fought his hardest and got the acknowledgement he wanted, but I think this conclusion shows that Gojo was never as selfish as Sukuna. He was never as alone as Sukuna is, even with Uraume by his side, Sukuna still exuded a sense of loneliness that caused Yozoru to chase after him. Gojo still believes in the next generation, but he still represents the old generation. I personally don't think his death is necessary to symbolize the next generation stepping up, but when you think about it, many of the adult sorcerers we are introduced to (with relevance) have been killed off. This topic can divulge into what Gege is trying to do with progression of the Jujutsu world (giving gakuganji a change of heart and establishing him as a leader for the next generation, for example). I can see how Gojo's death is the literal nail in the coffin, ending the influence of the old generation… Leaving Shoko and Gakuganji to be there as support for the future.

I digress, the point I want to make here is that Gojo did the best he could do to show Sukuna "love" and I wonder what else Gege is going to do to continue that plot point. I also need to see how Megumi will tie into this, because I know his soul is going to play an important role in all of this, I just cannot pinpoint how exactly.

In Conclusion

I will most likely be doing a write-up for every chapter from here on out because I know this situation is going to get deeper. I will be watching Gege's movements closely and can't wait to see how it is all put together!!!

Will Megumi wake up? What is Kashimo's technique gonna be? How will Sukuna counter it? Will Yuta and Maki jump in? WILL MEGUMI WAKE UP??!?!?!?!

[shunnedmorlock]

Hi! What are your opinions on each of the greens ?

Have a good day/night!

Otto: I think he gets a bad rap, not in absolute terms but relatively to the people like Viserys and Daemon. If you hate Otto for pushing Alicent to marry Viserys, you should hate Viserys much, much more. Otto is "merely" complicit in what happened. There was no one Vissy could've said no to more effectively than Otto. It just goes to a double standard you see a lot with these farcical black-green debates where people change their opinions on whether it's ok to judge people by in-universe standards depending on what "team" they're a part of. He has a habit of telling unfortunate truths that get him in trouble, but most of the things he says are just, like, objectively true, but people don't want to hear it. Daemon is actually a danger to the realm and his brother, Rhaenyra does actually have to give the scions of great houses a hearing, Daemon did actually groom Rhaenyra to claim the throne, Alicent's children do pose an inherent threat to Rhaenyra by their mere existence.

From a Doylist perspective, like many other things, I think episode 9 really butchered Otto's character. All of a sudden the guy who has been working hand in hand with his daughter for the past few episodes didn't tell her about the plot to seat her son on the throne??? And now the guy who got fired by Aegon for being too slow and measured in his war planning is pushing to kill Rhaenyra immediately? And he wants to send the Kingsguard to do clandestine assassin work? And he's reluctant to ban child fighting pits for like no reason? I'm sorry, you don't have to be a feminist to not like that!

Alicent: I have talked about her at length. Nixonian Queen. I kneel. The war will make her worse, and I enjoy it. One of the characters I think on-balance the show improved.

Criston: Not a good guy by any means, but dismissing him as just a resentful incel is just boring. It's very clear he was, at best, conflicted about his tryst with Rhaenyra to begin with - he liked her, they had a lot of chemistry, but he does genuinely believe in his vows. The marriage thing is obviously silly and naive, but from his perspective it's him trying to do right by her (and also preserve himself and his soul), which puts him a step above many other Westerosi men who canonically often feel no obligations to the women they sleep with outside of marriage or the children created. There is a real difference in values between him and Rhaenyra that goes beyond him hating women, even if his values aren't strictly speaking good. I'm sorry, but the fact that a Westerosi man is as sexually repressed as an average Westerosi woman is genuinely a point in his favor! I sincerely hope he and Alicent make each other worse. Substantially improved by the show.

Aegon: This is going to be controversial, but baffling/over-the-top/ill-thought-out decisions like Dyana and the child fighting pits aside, I much prefer this version of Aegon to F&B. I don't care that he's kind of pathetic, that's fun, that's drama, that gives room for character development and growth into the king he ends up becoming. It's clear the writers do want Aegon to be kind of sympathetic, but it seems they didn't consider what stuff like Dyana would do to that, which to me indicates they meant the focus of that scene to be Alicent and her behavior, not Aegon. Which is stupid. One of the worse victims of inconsistent characterization, switching between vaguely sympathetic drunken frat bro to outright sex criminal every episode, or even in the same episode.

Helaena: I like what they've done with her. It's more interesting for her to be a doomed neurodivergent prophetess than just a little dumb, even though she hasn't done a ton so far. Similarly, in an RP I was a part of, Jaehaera was depicted as not simple, just autistic and it was much more interesting.

Aemond: BORING! Don't care about this guy, sorry. Maybe I'll like him more when he is pathetically down-bad for Alys Rivers, but right now he's just like budget Daemon to me, who I also find boring. He was more interesting as a bullied teen.

Larys: He's a tough guy to adapt because his motivations are kind of nonsensical behind a vague idea of getting back at Rhaenyra (?) for dishonoring his brother (??) by putting his children in line for the throne (???). The foot thing is kind of gross and I do wish they'd have given him an actual motivation but whatever. The actor's good and I do like him and Alicent on balance. Improved by the adaptation.

Tyland: We love our little bureaucrat don't we folks? Hope he gets more screen time later on.

Jasper Wylde: FUCK YOU SHOWRUNNERS WHY IS THE GUY WHO HAS HAD ONE LINE THIS ENTIRE SEASON PART OF THE COUP BUT NOT ALICENT FUCKING HIGHTOWER??????