#and it would immediately start him on an episode that would take several days to calm his stomach down

[greyias]

🙃

Purina apparently discontinued and then reformulated the only canned food I've found so far that Griffin's extraordinarily sensitive tummy can tolerate, adding one of his potential worst allergens to nearly the top of the formulation list. I have sent a Karen-like e-mail to Purina, and am now having to have five million tabs open on different pet food websites to put the ingredient lists of everything under a microscope to try and find something remotely close.

[poppyseed799]

I have this problem that’s like the opposite of nostalgia or something where some things I remember liking a lot as a child I look back and only remember the bad times.

This is specifically about Animal Crossing, loved that game as a kid, but I have literally no idea why, cuz it was just pure hell for me from what I can remember.

[jmdbjk]

I'm telling you, their life flashed before their eyes...

The staffs' I mean...

WARNING: CONTINUED POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT! I may or may not mention "Are You Sure?" scenes in detail and their outcomes during these long rambling messy posts beginning with the next sentence.

While on the kayaks, JK flipped over almost immediately. this sequence will be legendary in my mind:

All is well so far. Let's go kayaking! After being assisted by the Black Hall Outfitter staff, including Mr. Gino, they take off.

At this point, staff is walking away, ready to get on a boat to follow. Everything is cool. But something's not right. Why is the horizon at a 45 degree angle?

Staff has not noticed yet...

Jungkook's $1700 Balenciaga fancy pants are about to get soaked.

Jimin does not see what's going on behind him. Yet.

I can read his mind: "WTF?"

Staff finally notices and thoughts of living on the street start to flash through their heads...

Jimin can't believe what he's seeing...staff is sprinting into action...

He was first worried about his phone but one of the staff had it.

Staff thinking "I'm too old for this shit."

Drowned Rat Jungkook was not on my bingo card. I need a new bingo card.

Meanwhile, Jimin fearlessly paddles out to the middle of the river wearing his $70,000 Patek Philippe watch on his wrist... gasp.

Please take a moment to appreciate that gorgeous sunset in the background.

Seems some of Jimin's Slytherin has rubbed off on our little Ravenclaw (I know that's debatable but that's for another post).

Jimin was probably clenching so tight that flipping over would have been disaster for him.

Jungkook gets back in the kayak and is on his way... staff breathes a sigh of relief that they won't be jobless tomorrow.

Remember when he said this?

And this is how we know Jungkook is able to move past his own missteps.

But still desires some sort of collateral retribution from those more fortunate than he:

And this is the true and lasting take away from this little incident:

A moment that can be a beautiful memory.

And this is about the time this moment happened:

Now we know.

Jungkook was about to put on his royal blue Salty to the Core t-shirt. He wasn't taking off a shirt, he had already taken off his wet shirt and he was about to put on a dry one. That shirt in his hands is not black. And now we know Jimin was about to put on his turquoise one. And now we know what kind of fun they'd had up to that point. And now we know Jimin was struggling with a stomach bug when this pic was snapped. And now we know that Jeep parked next to them was theirs. And now we know they were about to head to the campsite. And now we know why this photo was special enough to Jimin that he posted it on his Instagram for Jungkook's birthday. They'd just had so much fun doing something they never get to do. Definitely a cherished memory for them. It was so endearing to me. I feel privileged knowing so much about this particular day. I hope they are doing all right today...

Things I cannot relate to and will never happen to me:

• Driving over a bridge not realizing Jimin and Jungkook are the ones on those kayaks down there on the river.

• Shopping at Dick's Sporting Goods and running into Jimin and Jungkook while they shop for mens size small shorts and Nike slides.

• Sitting at a bar at my neighborhood craft brewery while global stars next to me sample several pale ales and hard sodas.

Again, I will end it here as I've used up the posts image limit. I will be back with part three of Episode 1.

[eashgirl]

If anyone remembers that one episode from season nine where Peri got Mrs crocker for a godchild(slight spoilers for a new wish and Peri's relationship with Dev)

She was depressed because she felt like Crocker didn't love her back,and she tried to use wish after wish to quell that emptiness,leaving Peri so exhausted because no matter how many wishes he tried to grant she never seemed to get happy

It got so bad from what I remember they tried all ways to get her to break the rules just so Peri would be free from her,she only truly lost him when she reconciled with Crocker who admitted he did indeed love her

I can't help but compare this to Peri's new godkid in ANW, Dev tried to do something similar,all he ever wanted was to have his dad's love which he never got because Dale literally cares more about money and his literal boots more than him,hence similarly no matter how many wishes he kept asking for hardly any of them were able to geniunely make him happy beyond the surface level, I'd argue the only times he was truly happy was when he and Hazel were friends but that's for another post.

Peri did try his best to adhere to the rules and to grant his wishes,but this in turn just made Dev get even more frustrated because in all fairness he doesn't really NEED a fairy to give him little things like a cupcake or something like a game he's rich he can get an AU pair to bring him that anytime,and the more riskier wishes that can be deemed as more fun is against the rules. Heck I'd even argue that initially Dev may not have seen Peri as anything besides an AU Pair but with magic given that he only really used him to make wishes. Dale probably just told him to ask the au pairs anything he wanted as a means of neglecting his own parental responsibilities. That and Peri wanting to do his absolute best at his first job to impress his parents and stick by the rules along with Dev's frustration and lashing out is the core reason why it fell apart so quickly.

This difference in opinion led to all of this, they're both at fault and both have legitimate reasons for it,Peri had the excuse that this really is his first job he's just doing what he was taught at the academy just grant the kid's wishes and make them happy,he probably did not anticipate the need for severe emotional understanding when it comes to troubled kids(honestly who decided to give a newbie a kid that needed way more help from a seasoned fairy godparent though? I blame whoever made that decision)he did care about Dev in the end but by that time it was too late.

With Dev it's he's a hurt kid and he lashes out at others which I'm not trying to justify it's still wrong,and people can get hurt because of that but given his circumstances I really understand him, he's not used to allowing people in and builds walls around himself even the slightest gesture is enough to make him to increase his guard even more like when he thought a single argument with Hazel meant their friendship was over and tried to go back to being his old self until Hazel pointed that out to him,the sunglasses being a literal metaphor for it,he takes them off a lot during his friendship arc with Hazel and starts putting them on all the time near the end during his downward spiral. He acts the persona of a bully as a means of gaining control of his situation,when it's obvious that is not how he truly is lost and founders day being a prime example,he was genuinely getting better until he found out about project H,and I can understand his reaction his dad who's always absent,hardly ever pays any attention to him literally won't look him in the eye unless it concerns bussiness,cares more about his son's friend then he cares about his own son,did Hazel deserve to get yelled at though?no she didn't, it's still not her fault.

Then immediately after Hazel leaves Peri comes back and tries a feeble attempt to cheer him up by persuading him to make a wish,which really wasn't the right call to make in that specific moment which further aggravates Dev into telling him to leave before having a mental breakdown.

And later in best of luck he ends up getting in a vulnerable position when Peri declares he's quitting,and Irep ends up being a bad influence,he gets manipulated and tries to take over fairy world as a desperate means of getting Dale to finally, finally pay some attention to him which he does initially until he immediately shifts his focus to Irep instead. Literally leaving Dev in the dust on the ground. Alone again.

(I really want to make this post a bit more detailed but I'm six days away from an exam so I can't find the time,any grammar mistakes is because of how rushed this one was might edit it later)

Cosmo phrases it best what he wanted was something no fairy could ever give him,he wanted a parent's love and that is something no amount of wealth or magic is ever going to amount to,which is ultimately the final straw in making Dev abandon everything and accept the consequences without any persistence.

Peri couldn't really relate to or understand Dev because he always had the love or his parents even when he was anxious of messing up they were always supportive and loving, I don't think it's a coincidence that the panel always shows the three of them hugging infront of Dev and Hazel the latter trying to talk to him after everything that transpired. A physical metaphor of what he doesn't have and has to see Infront of his eyes all the time. Again I don't really blame anybody(except maybe Dale but if I'm blaming Dale I'm also blaming Vicky),Peri is a rookie he just graduated so it's unrealistic to expect him to be the best right away, I actually think he might need to ask Wanda and Cosmo for advice in season two how they dealt with certain kids and how he can improve himself.

Because neither Dev or Peri were perfect they were horrible to eachother,but that doesn't mean they can't be better.

It's clearly setting up an overarching story, I actually have faith in the new writers they didn't throw in that scene of Peri saying he cared about Dev and leaving it ambiguous whether or not Dev actually still remembers because of that one theory for nothing.

My reason for bringing in Mrs Crocker is to point out that the only way Dev can really quell his own emptiness is by attaining the love he always wanted, I think by off chance he does indeed remember everything- which I believe is the better option to retain his charecter development-,he may have finally come to understand that no matter what he does his dad would never care about him the same way he cares about his Business and himself,maybe this will lead to him forming better connections with other people, reconciling his friendship with Hazel and befriending Winn and Jasmine and maybe even getting Peri back as his fairy.

Another reason slightly crack that inspired me to make this post is this

This is Peri's eventual state/reaction every time he gets a godchild, boy's been bad at this from the very beginning it's that and simultaneously always gets a hard case on his first try

[manszen]

valentine’s day

pairing. fem!reader x trafalgar law.

summary. law wonders how he can make it up to you.

contains. fluff, established relationship.

word count. 1.2k.

note. i may or may not have word vomited with this one.

anyone could tell from the first impression that law isn’t someone you would consider a romantic.

his usually tight expression says so. he’s dry and blunt, gets easily irritated when something is out of his control — well, that’s just the way he is. but for whatever reason, you admire him for it.

he’s aware of where your relationship with him stands. it’s right there on the edge of a precipice, bound to tip over to the side that burdens the other. a beautiful disaster awaiting, so to speak.

his reason? you’re kind and he’s not. you’re gentle. he’s ruthless. you’re radiant. he’s gloomy.

polar opposites in every aspect. yet somehow, it works.

the two of you work.

it’s a bit unusual for him to be immersed in the thoughts of you. not that he doesn’t think of you — he does. but most of the time his mind is already preoccupied with his responsibilities as a captain, and as a doctor next.

he’s carrying multiple lives in his hands, after all.

but once he realizes there’s no one else in the rented inn that he shares with the rest of the crew, he allows himself to wonder about you just a little bit more.

you care for him, that much is obvious. when he forgets to do it for himself, you’re already there. gingerly reminding him that he’s the expert and he should know better. that even doctors need their rest and help from other people. all the while donning a cheeky smile on your face.

you take care of him all the more when no one else can reach him. sometimes at night, when the memories of his tormenting childhood come back to haunt him, you’re there — stroking the anxious creases between his brows, the frown curling on his lips; and the only thing helping him to calm down is your hushed whispers of ‘i’m here, you’re safe’, your tender embrace that soothes his inner child.

you’re that loving. and you never once complained at his own lack of sympathy, or at least, the little amount thereof.

the fact that you’re even used to his little episodes of isolation, his sudden avoidance from people that have nothing to do with you, you never kicked up a fuss.

it’s why he finds you disarming and beguiling at the same time.

and it makes him mad — so, so mad — that he’s difficult the way he is.

you don’t complain nor demand anything from him. as far as he can recall, it’s always you that gives, never takes anything for yourself.

it’s as if you already know he cares for you in a strange but honest way, and that is enough on its own.

law distractedly closes the medical book in his hand that’s long forgotten since he started thinking of you. suddenly, he feels worthless, trapped in his own body.

there’s a high chance you would feel unappreciated if this slack behavior of his goes on. he’s aware that most couples often express their affection — either by corny declarations or expensive gifts, whichever works — and that exactly where his dilemma lies.

he doesn’t do any of those.

he doesn’t feel the need to do any of those.

but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t do any of those.

he groans. he can feel a headache coming from miles away. when he closes his eyes for a quick rest, he imagines you playfully scowling and ready to berate him for overworking his brain yet again.

“damn it,” he shakes his head. this is why he tries not to delve into his feelings. you make him feel warm all over and giddy.

he glances at the scenery past the open windows, watching the gentle wind breeze through the row of bushes outside. he sees something that piques his interest, and upon confirmation, unintentionally uses his powers to check it a tiny bit closer.

“room,” he commands, and the pale blue sphere immediately covers the area with him at its center. he unsheathes kikoku from her scabbard, and expertly severs the object he has his eyes on.

once he thinks he got it, he snatches a random napkin on the table and directs again, “shambles.”

whatever is exchanged in the center of his palm brings out a soft smile to his lips.

“hey, captain.”

in his haste, law hides his flustered hands beneath the table. “hey, you’re back early,” he coughs, seeing you so picturesque at the inn’s entry way.

“my feet are tired.” yawning, you saunter over to him. “did you have fun?”

“more or less. want to retire for the night?”

you nod.

he collects his things before leading you back to his room. he makes sure to not show his hands to you, but even if he does, you’re more fixated on the trinkets that are scattered around in the hallway.

“i think i like this inn better than the last one,” you muse.

he grunts as a reply, but then remembers about his earlier agenda — his newfound agenda of becoming a better boyfriend. “same here,” he says in between his teeth, earning him a puzzled look and an even more amused smile from you.

you don’t comment on his behavior. it’s silent for a while, only the sounds of your footsteps could be heard across the floor. he opens the door to his room, side-stepping to let you in first, which again, earned him a skeptical glance.

“ladies first,” he tries to be smooth, but heaven knows it sounds incredibly hoarse.

still, he’s grateful you don’t make a jab at him. you obediently enter his room and he follows after you. he watches your expression change from being wide-eyed to droopy, and there’s a silly little smile on your face as you sigh, “alone finally.”

you’re not alone, technically speaking. he’s with you inside the room. but law bites his tongue, refraining from letting his crude mouth run loose. instead, he observes you like a hawk as you stretch your arms above your head, yawning ungracefully as you do.

you’re saying something unintelligible. maybe asking what his plans are after dinner, or maybe when is the right time to go back sailing the seas. but he couldn’t care less about any of that.

right now, he’s deeply and immensely attracted, and he finds himself walking closer to you.

god damn it. how could someone look so beautiful and unguarded at the same time?

“law?”

“hmm?”

“are you alright?”

he’s now a few inches away from you, and with the height difference, you have nothing else to do but to look up at him. it makes him smirk, “never been better.”

you bite your lip.

“i missed you,” law admits after a moment, becoming serious all of a sudden.

he watches your eyes go wide, before lifting up one tattooed hand to brush your hair behind your ear, sneaking something through the strands of your hair.

a subtle fragrance drifts in the space between, and you reach out to touch where his hand has just been, “what’s this?”

“it’s hydrangea,” he mumbles, taking a long look at you then deciding that it suits you. it suits you very well, much to his relief. “it means gratitude and apology.”

you giggle. although, bewilderment is still apparent in your eyes, “what did you do this time, law?”

he shrugs. he’s not particularly asking for forgiveness, simply that he feels the need to do something — to give you something since he’s usually the one on the receiving end.

“already forgiven.”

law rolls his eyes, the grin you're wearing is too infectious. “you’re so easy to please.”

you chuckle, appreciating the flower — his flower — that he sneakily placed by your ear.

“and you’re a bit of a romantic when you want to be.”

stealing, modifying, translating, or reposting this work on other platforms is strictly discouraged.

[jeonscatalyst]

Hi,

English is not my first language and I can never construct my words the way I want to or ever really stay on topic (my thoughts wander a lot) so please ignore any weirdness in this ask😬

I just wanted to say I've been thinking a lot about what has been transpiring these past few days, and I think I've finally, truly come to understand the phrase "misery loves company."

I'm not on Twitter but I can imagine that immediately after that last episode of Are You Sure, Taekookers as well as other shippers got to the usual work of twisting things and moments just to soothe their own burn & bring Jikookers down a peg from their high.

I've noticed this thing where every time Jikook have Jikooked and Jikookers celebrate it, bask in their joy, interact happily with each other, and don't talk about other shippers or bring the negativity of "what the cult is saying", and their spaces is just so jolly, clean and healthy or whatever, no toxicity whatsover.. Taekookers and others take it upon themselves to infiltrate the space and bring their misery and bitterness and what's frustrating is that they actually 100% succeed all the time. Blogs here may not show it but I swear every time the tag as just like TWO negative asks (not asks from Jikookers genuinely doubting but the usual blatantly disrespectful & distasteful asks that minimize Jimin and Jungkook's friendship or make it seem like Jungkook would choose Taehyung or anyone else over Jimin) the mood dampens significantly.

It's an energy I can literally feel (sounds cringe, I know, but it's something I've always had) the same way just spending an hour in Taekook spaces makes it clear that they have this weird combination of being somewhat secure that their ship is real & being hidden by Jikook but also being so fearful of the thought of Jimin next to Jungkook & not trusting Jungkook to act like a loyal, faithful husband towards Taehyung where Jimin is concerned. And this does not come from their words, it's just something that's there. It's as if they are sitting in anxiety just waiting for the moment JK reaches over and kisses Jimin full on the mouth, and they are dreading (and by the way, they and other shippers see moments between Jikook as romantic or at least unusual for simple friends to do, even more than Jikookers. I've seen Jikookers say it's a bromance, they act friendly because they are friends first and foremost, while the other sides cry fanservice and make entire analyses about how Bighit would have never shown AYS or any of the past moments between those two if Jikook were a real couple👀)

JIMIN more than Taekook has infested himself in the deepest parts of their minds, like a terrible disease. They even fear him for things independent from their ship; like his greatness as an individual and artist. What makes Taekookers so unique from others is that they do not only move like toxic shippers but toxic solos as well. They bash Jimin outside of things that have to do with Taekook. His artistry, his personality, his relationship with his loved ones and others closest to him. I've never seen anything like it.

Similarly, I feel a majority of Jikookers let Taekookers get inside their heads, when there's really no reason for them to, in my opinion. Jikookers would see a moment between Jikook and take it for what it is.. until a Taekooker comes to twist it; and no matter how absolutely delusional it sounds, it'll take root inside Jikookers' heads and do its work. That's the feeling I get being here for almost two years now.

Anyway, I've been seeing the mini back and forth between Jikookers and some Yoonmin-something blogger and it's been really interesting to him. It's really like clockwork that every time Jikookers are happy about moments from their ship and not bothering anyone, there will come someone from the other side trying to poke and start something, and unfortunately, they succeed every single time.

And it's not only that blogger but I've seen several from different platforms just clearly trying to start a fight (and by "starting a fight" I don't mean having a different opinion about the boys' relationships and shipping a different pair, but deliberately undermining Jikook even as a friendship & subtly suggesting that they have poor character & are extremely ambitious) and when Jikookers rightfully respond (although I really think y'all shouldn't but we do what we want) they turn things around & make it look like Jikookers are the toxic ones and then boast "lol they are so mad, oh the cognitive dissonance, they are crying because there are people who don't believe what they believe" because they somehow think they got their lick back simply because Jimin & JK did whatever they did and those who love their bond had the audacity to hype it up and believe whatever it is that they want to believe about it.

(Also saying all those things about cognitive dissonance & making it seem like "Jokers are mad for no reason" when it's extremely clear that you wrote that post to soothe your own cognitive dissonance and bring Jikookers down to your miserably emotional level, is wild. It's a diabolical tactic)

I've noticed that other shippers literally hate Jikookers for believing in a "company sold ship" and this behavior is basically them punishing you for it. They are projecting their own toxicity onto Jikookers by saying Jikookers are toxic when all Jikookers have ever done is retaliate.

"Other shippers get along well, but it's always Jikookers the problem". I think that's something they said in their post but I'm obvious paraphrasing. That part honestly made me smirk because anyone who truly tries to quiet the bias inside their minds and looks at the different shipping subsections of the fandom, what they say & how they say it, and how they interact with one another, they'd quickly realize that Jikookers are not the problem, and they'd know exactly which shippers are the problem.

"We other shippers get along well together" - Yeah, and we know exactly WHY you get along "so well". It's not rocket science, and it's certainly not because you're all so unproblematic lol. Also it's wild AF for Yoonminers to be in solidarity with Taekookers when Taekookers have dedicated their entire existence to hating Jimin and spewing the most vile things about him just because. But he's one half of the ship they supposedly love so much?? Sure.

Like please find shame. Locate it somewhere🤦‍♀️ because wow.

I wanted to say more but I forgot what and this already so unneccesarily long, but yeah, misery really loves company.

Hi anon!

First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with English, hell, you phrased your words and sentences better than I would have (English isn’t my first language either) so don’t worry at all.

I could literally kiss you right now because you have said everything and more. Taekookers have been losing it all day, since they heard Jimin say he was at Jk’s place the night before their Jeju trip and I think it stings more for them because a few hours before we got the clips, they were already talking about the possibility that taekook travelled to Jeju together without Jimin and some of them were already getting ready with their mocking boots on to start asking questions like “why did he choose to travel with this person and not his “boyfriend” "but they were shut up real quick and now they are spiraling. I’ve seen even some of the more “level headed” taekook blogs on here losing their shit today and trying to cope with the information we just got by clinging to Jimin and Jungkook saying they didn’t see much of each other before and all I could do was chuckle because nothing screams more pained than that.

Like you said, Misery loves company and right now they know jokers are on cloud 9 so seeing as they can’t be on cloud 9 as well, they try to drag us down with them and I just pity the jokers who let the cult get into their heads because how much more obvious can it be that they are bothered by Jikook? As you said, it seems like a good chunk of them do really believe that taekook is real but they still can’t shake off this feeling or fear that Jk could still do stuff with Jimin and that is why you see them jubilating every time they think Jk has acted in a typical “bro” or “friend” way with Jimin but they are back to their panic the moment they see Jk behave in a “soft” or “lovers coded” way with Jimin. They are constantly in a state of panic and confusion because one moment they see something that they believe convinces them that there is no way Jikook are a couple but then they turn around and see something else that goes against that belief so no matter how hard they try, they just can’t get Jimin off their minds. He is like that thing that constantly threatens their beliefs and they hate him for him it.

If you visit the taekook tag today, you will see all of them grasping at the tinest straws trying to make themselves feel better and one thing I noticed about taekookers on tumblr which is very different from jikookers is that, taekook blogs on tumblr get some of their highest engagement when they drag or shit talk Jikook and taekookers would claim over and over and over again that they don’t care about jokers but they never get tired of talking about jokers and jikook. Don’t believe me, go search any taekook blog and see how much more engagement they get when they talk shit abt Jikook and jikookers vs when they actually talk about their own ship. The difference is astounding while in jikook spaces or just as a blog owner myself, I notice that while jokers enjoy the occasional taekooker drag, they don’t like going on and on talking about taekook or taekookers. I delete asks I get from people responding to asks from taekookers because after talking about the cult in two or 3 post, I start seeing jikookers clearly not being interested to talk about them and asking for us to move on to topics that concern Jikook. I also get some of the lowest engagements when I talk about the cult while I get my highest engagements when we talk about Jikook being cute and in love. So while jikookers don’t care to go on talking about the cult, the cult’s favourite topic is jokers and jikook.

As for yoonminers, they are a lost cause to me. I have never ever cared about the fact that they think Yoonmin is real because anyone can think whatever they want but what I cannot stand about them is the fact that they are supposedly fans of Jimin yet they have no issues holding hands with the biggest Jimin haters in the fandom. Other than this, a yoonminer to me is just like a vminer or taejiner or Jinkooker where I think the duo is adorable and beautiful together but will never take anyone who seriously thinks they are in a romantic relationship seriously.

Anyways anon, thank you so much for your ask as you really pointed out several important points when it comes to what is actually eating these people up.

[chicago-pd-is-weird]

Jay Halstead x Reader Oneshot

Synopsis: Jay and reader are together, and reader works at Med in ED with Will. Reader has a lot of anxiety because Jay is a cop, thinking every cop that is brought in may be Jay.

TW: anxiety/panic attacks is a main theme in this, also some mention of blood and doctor-y stuff because reader works at Med in ED

Requested by: @sorry-i-spaced

Thank you so much! This was fun to write!

Any other oneshot requests, please DM me! :)

“We got a Stevenson!” A paramedic called out as they rolled into the ED. You and several other doctors sprung into action, running toward where the paramedics were coming in. ‘Stevenson’ was the code name for a cop, to let Med know who it was, no matter if they were in uniform, plainclothes, or undercover.

“(Y/N)! Rhodes! Trauma three!” Maggie’s voice called from the desk. Working in the ED was no walk in the park, especially in the middle of Chicago. You made your way quickly to where Maggie pointed you, picking up the pace as they wheeled in a man who was surrounded by cops. You pushed through the crowd and into the room, seeing the man on the gurney with three bullet holes in him. You helped get him moved over, then assessed the damage, Dr. Rhodes right behind you to help.

“Three bullet wounds, center mass. I’m assuming this is the perpetrator, not our Stevenson?” You spoke out loud. Some of the officers outside the room confirmed your thoughts.

Your heart was already pumping from the adrenaline as you worked on the man, but you couldn’t help it as it beat faster, hoping the officer shot wasn’t Jay Halstead. It made you especially nervous when the officers outside the room talked amongst one another, saying the man shot was a detective. Bile started to rise in your throat, but you were pulled back by the monitors beeping rapidly. You took immediate action as you snapped out of your anxiety for just a few moments.

You finally stabilized the man enough to take him to surgery, letting the nurses and techs take him with Dr. Rhodes. You backed away, looking around the room at the mess that had been made. For a moment, you stood in silence, looking around at the blood and various instruments that were around the room, as well as the blood on your gloves and scrubs.

Blood. You saw it every day, and yet, you couldn’t help but get a nauseous at the sight. You thought maybe that detective, who was fighting for his life, was bleeding out. That maybe it was the man you loved. Maybe he was in the other room, clinging to life, and here you were, trying to save the man who shot him. The notion made you sick to your stomach. You ripped off your bloody gloves and left them in the room, quickly moving to the nearest bathroom to empty your stomach of your breakfast. You panted in between heaves, gripping the toilet for dear life as you trembled at the thought of Jay dying and you saving the man who killed him.

You and Jay had met through Will, one of your coworkers and closest friends at Chicago Med. Will and Jay were brothers, and both had taken a liking to you at first, but you ultimately decided that romance with a doctor at the same hospital as you would be too complicated. You never expected the anxiety that came with beings cop’s girlfriend, though. You’d been prone to anxiety in the past, but it ramped up when you started getting serious with Jay. You had episodes like this a lot, no matter what cop came in. It had never been Jay in the past, but it only took one bullet in the wrong spot for him to die.

When the nausea passed, you slowly pushed yourself to your feet, though still unsteady as your head spin. You flushed, washed your hands and face, then made your way to the locker rooms to change out of your scrubs and into a fresh pair. When you re-emerged, you were met with Will, who gently pulled you aside before anyone else could see you. “Hey, (Y/N), you okay?” Will already knew the answer to that. He was the only one who knew the full story about these episodes you had at work. Although Jay knew some of it, especially about your anxiety, he didn’t know the full picture, and you’d sworn Will into secrecy over it.

“Will, it wasn’t him, was it?”

“No, (Y/N), Jay is fine. I talked to him just a little bit ago. He is investigating this with Intelligence. He might still be here. He was looking for you.”

You let out a shaky breath, but nodded. You were relieved, but needed to see for yourself. You walked with Will back to where he’d last seen Jay, your stomach settling down as you saw him standing with Detective Lindsay, talking to Maggie. You walked over, leaning on the counter with a hum beside him, hand reaching out to rest atop his on the counter.

Jay smiled when he saw you, leaning over and kissing your cheek. “Hey, was looking for you earlier. That perp going to make it?”

Instantly, your anxiety faded away, as if it was never there in the first place. Jay had that effect on you, especially when he was upright and acting like himself. “It’s touch and go, I think,” you said with a soft sigh. “We did what we could. Rhodes took him to surgery prolly about a half hour ago. If he does make it, it’ll be a hard and long road.”

Jay hummed and looked up at Will, who had taken a place behind the counter with Maggie. “And what about the detective?”

“He’ll make it,” Will replied. “Barring complications, he should be back on the job within a few weeks.”

“That’s good,” Jay replied, shifting his gaze back to you, unable to help the smile that pulled on his lips. “Hey, don’t look so down. We’ve got this.”

Your eyes met his, not realizing you’d looked upset. You smiled at him, nodding. “I know,” you replied. “It just must be hard that it’s one of your own, yaknow?”

“The risks we take,” he said with a small shrug. His statement was so nonchalant, which you didn’t like. You had to force yourself to focus on anything else to keep your rising anxiety at bay. Jay and Erin left soon after, and you shuddered, but moved back to work, checking on some other patients.

— —

“Stevenson incoming!” Maggie’s voice called out. You froze, looking up from the computer you had been typing at, swallowing hard. Your mouth ran dry, as stats were called by the paramedics. “Male, mid-thirties, stabbed multiple times.” You stood quickly, but Maggie didn’t assign you to it. You probably wouldn’t have been much help anyways, seeing as you were on the verge of an attack.

A firm hand was placed on your shoulder, pulling you back to reality as you gasped, looking behind you to see Will. “Come on,” he said softly, nodding to you. “It’s okay, come on.”

You let out a shaky breath, walking with Will out to the small break room. He got you coffee, which you took whether you liked it or not. It was something to pull you back into reality. “I-I’m sorry, I just…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” Will said, shaking his head. “I get the same feeling every time, but Jay just texted me that we are meeting for lunch, so it can’t be him.”

“I shouldn’t feel so much relief from this,” you said, putting your hands to your face, wiping away some tears that had started to escape. “Someone is hurt, yaknow? But I… I’m so terrified of something happening.”

“Have you talked to anyone about this? Maybe Dr. Charles can help.”

“No, no,” you said, sighing heavily, sniffling and wiping your face. “I talked to therapists all throughout middle and high school. None of them even understood me. As far as I know, I’m just messed up mentally.”

“(Y/N),” Will sighed. “We’re all messed up mentally. We’re doctors.” He shook his head again, reaching over to put a hand on your arm. “Look, maybe you just need to find the right person. Besides, we know more about mental health and the brain now than we did then. There may be new tactics to help you cope, even if we can’t cure it.”

You were thankful for Will, nodding at his suggestions. “Maybe,” you muttered, leaning back in your chair and rubbing your face with your hands again, then coming back to down the coffee. “Thanks.”

“Any time,” he replied, nodding. “You’re not alone, alright?”

“Thanks,” you repeated. Just then, Will’s pager rang and he had to go, but he planted a soft kiss on the top of your head as he pulled you into a gentle embrace. As quick as he was beside you, he was gone, and you sank back down to the chair, looking at your empty coffee mug with despair. Maybe you’d never get better.

— —

The past few weeks had been filled with more and more scares. There was a serial killer on the loose who was targeting cops. Your body was racked with constant anxiety every time a Stevenson was brought into the ED. The only time you weren’t was when you were assisting with a surgery, so you stayed with Dr. Rhodes most of the time to ensure you were in surgery. It was better that way for the patients and for you.

The surgery you’d just assisted in finishing was a tough one. It was a kid who had fallen on a pair of scissors the wrong way. However, Dr. Rhodes was like magic, and your own hands remained calm and steady as you fell into a zen-like trance. You weren’t thinking of anything else but the surgery at hand. The anatomy and biology of the body lying below you. It was the only time and place you’d felt at peace, despite the circumstances surrounding the incident.

As you scrubbed out, washing your hands and arms, someone came into the room. “(Y/N)…” Will’s voice rang, a hand coming to your shoulder.

“Hey,” you said softly as you turned off the water and dried your hands. “What’s up?” Your mind was still calm, but when you looked up to Will, you could tell something was off.

“Don’t freak out on me, alright?”

“Will…?” You searched his face for the answer as he squeezed your shoulders with his hands.

“Just, promise.”

“Uh… I… okay…?”

“Okay,” he said with a sigh, knowing that was good enough. “Look, Jay was brought in, but-“

“What?!” You didn’t let him finish before trying to push past him to find Jay.

Will kept you in place. “No, no, (Y/N), stop, it’s okay.”

“This is NOT okay, Will! How are you so calm?!” The bile had begun to rise in your throat as you feared the worst. Tears jumped to your eyes and you had to see him. You had to know Jay was alright, even if he wasn’t.

“Hey, hey, look at me. It’s Will. Look at me!” You looked back up to Will, his hands squeezing your shoulders again to pull you back, shaking you a little. “Look, see, I’m right here. Let me finish before you break down, at least.”

You scoffed, a small scoff to hide the soft laugh of that last remark. Although you were on the verge of an attack, that pulled you back from the edge a bit, making you shake your head. “Just tell me then!”

“Jay just had a gash on his arm from a piece of metal he ran across. He just ran into a piece of metal. His sergeant sent him, just to make sure it was good. He is not shot. He is not hurt badly. He is coherent and walking around. He needed a few stitches, but that’s all.”

You searched Will’s face for any sign of him playing down the injury, but you knew Will wouldn’t lie to you. You let out a breath, wiping your face. “No, I still have to see him though because… if I don’t, I’ll never recover from this feeling.”

“I know,” Will replied. “Come on, he’s in five. But you know if you go in there like this, you’re going to have to come clean?”

“I need to see him,” you affirmed as Will walked you downstairs to where Jay was.

When you got there, you walked in and pushed the curtain back over the door to ensure you had privacy. You nearly broke down as you saw Jay, his shirt off, a bandage on his upper arm. Whether from anxiety or relief, you had no idea. The emotions pulling you in different directions was crippling, and you just stood there, trembling as tears streaked down your cheeks.

Jay looked over you as you stood, frozen in time, hot tears racing down and dripping off your chin. He got up quickly, his soft voice finally hitting your ears. “Hey, hey, (Y/N), what’s the matter?”

As he caught you between his arms, you started to sob, nearly collapsing into his chest. “Fuck, Jay!”

Jay was surprised, but caught you with ease, holding you close to his bare chest. “What did I do this time?” He teased, trying to make you feel better.

You were barely in the mood as you took a fist to his chest, hitting him softly. “Don’t even joke, it’s not fair!”

Jay turned more serious, pulling back to look at you as you sobbed. “Hey… hey, just tell me what’s going on.” You couldn’t muster any more words, wiping your face with your hands. Jay pulled you over, sitting on the bed and pulling you to sit beside him. “(Y/N)?”

“I have… I have this… this intense fear,” you finally spoke, soft words only coming out with your breaths. “This intense… burning fear… all the time… that…” You swallowed hard, leaning into his shoulder on his uninjured arm.

“That what?” Jay prompted after a moment of silence.

“That you’re going to come in here and die!” You sobbed out, moving to cling to him again, arms around his torso. “Jay, every time a cop comes in here, I can’t take it! Anxiety and panic takes me over! I-I can’t! I love you so much, and I can’t lose you!”

“Hey, hey baby, you won’t lose me. You won’t.” Jay held you tightly against his chest once again, kissing your head. “Hey, come here, look at me.” He pulled back, letting you sit up and then gently taking your chin in his fingers. He tenderly pulled your chin up, then leaned down to meet you, planting a soft kiss to your lips. When he pulled back, he let out a breath. “Nothing will ever take me away from you… Nothing. Ever.”

With that, your emotions finally leveled out. You swallowed hard and reached up to cup his face, looking over his freckles. You smiled a little as your eyes met his. “Promise?”

“I promise,” he replied, matching your smile and leaning down to kiss you again.

[anotherspnfanfic]

Surprise Visits

Pairing: Eddie Diaz x reader

Word count: 2400

Warnings: seizure, epileptic reader, possible inaccuracies

Summary: Eddie shows up unexpectedly. Reader is glad he did for more than one reason.

A/N: This is only my second time writing for Eddie and last time it was a co-write. I did a whole bunch of research and had some proof reading from the lovely @thatonewriter15 and @muchamusedaboutnothing. Hopefully this is a somewhat accurate representation... 🤞🏻

Trudging up the stairs towards her apartment, she cursed the elevators for being broken. All she wanted to do was collapse into her bed and sleep for two days. Unfortunately, that was impossible since it was only Wednesday and she had an important meeting first thing in the morning.

Passing the third floor, she considered if she was going to eat before she went to bed. She was starving, but cooking seemed like too much effort and time. Then she considered having something delivered but guessed that would take even longer than cooking. She decided to just eat a spoonful of peanut butter so that she wasn’t battling hunger while trying to fall asleep.

Finally reaching the fifth floor, she exited the stairwell and took the four steps to her door. It was a small victory for climbing the stairs— at least she didn’t have further to go once she got to her floor.

She unlocked the door and pushed it open. Immediately, she dumped her purse, jacket, and laptop case on the floor beside the door before pulling her shoes off one at a time to drop in the pile.

Rounding the corner into the living room, she gasped. Her favorite scented candle was lit on the coffee table next to several containers of Chinese take-out. Eddie stood from the couch as she approached.

“What are you doing here?” she asked as she let herself fall into his embrace.

He pecked a kiss to her temple as he pulled back to look at her. “You sounded a little overwhelmed when you called earlier. So I had Buck take Christopher for the night, and I brought you dinner.”

Tears welled in her eyes as she was overcome with emotions. “I love you. You are the best. I was about to eat some peanut butter because I’m too exhausted to cook or wait for delivery.”

“And let me guess, you’ve barely eaten anything all day?” he chastised.

She shrugged. “I had a bagel for breakfast.”

He pulled her over to sit on the couch. “I’m glad I came then.”

“I’m really glad you did.” She grabbed a fortune cookie while he started to open the other containers. “Are you staying all night?”

He nodded. “I’m all yours. Buck is taking Christopher to the zoo tomorrow.” He dumped some rice on the plates he’d gotten out of the kitchen. “Chicken, beef, or shrimp?”

“Some of each, please.” She set the fortune cookie back down as she stood. ”I’m gonna go change out of these work clothes. I’ll be right back.”

Before Eddie could even finish dishing up the food, she returned in sweats and a shirt she’d stolen from him.

As she sat back down, she picked up and opened the fortune cookie. She pulled out the piece of paper. “‘Life will soon become interesting,’” she read. “I think it’s already plenty interesting.”

Eddie chuckled. “Yeah, where’s the one that says we get a vacation soon?”

He finished adding everything to their plates as she flipped on the television and started an episode of How I Met Your Mother.

They ate in a comfortable silence and had finished before the twenty-minute episode had ended. He set the mostly-empty plates on the table, and she shifted to curl in against his side while he wrapped his arm snugly around her shoulder.

As the credits rolled, he asked, “Bed or another episode?”

She yawned. “One more. I’m probably going to fall asleep, but I’m comfy.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead as the TV rolled over into a new episode on its own. “As you wish, mi amor.”

She had just started to doze off when, suddenly, she was overcome with a familiar, distinct, full-body tingling sensation along with intense nausea. She quickly shifted to leaning forward on the edge of her seat. “Oh, no. No, no, no.”

Eddie reached out and placed a tentative hand between her shoulder blades. “What’s wrong?”

She stood and moved over to the empty dining room, which she kept devoid of a table and other furniture precisely for this reason. “Seizure,” she stated as calmly as she could before lying down in the middle of the floor.

“Oh, uh, okay.” Eddie was surprised, but quickly stood. He grabbed a blanket from the recliner and moved to sit beside her. He knew about her epilepsy and the medications she took for it. However, in the eighteen months they’d been dating, she’d never had a seizure. He lifted her head to slide the folded blanket underneath.

She let out a quiet whimper before her eyelids fluttered closed.

“Okay. You’re okay. I got you.” He pulled out his phone, opened the timer, and set it on the floor. He continued to whisper soft reassurances to her and started the timer as soon as she started to seize.

Despite his training and having treated patients with seizures at work, he couldn’t help but notice the way his hands shook as he carefully kept her rolled on her side. “You’re okay,” he repeated, more to reassure himself than anything. He continued to repeat it several more times as he waited for her to stop.

He felt his anxiety spike again as he watched the timer hit four minutes. He thought about what time it was, trying to figure out which shift was manning the 118 currently. He knew if she hit five minutes, he would have to call 9-1-1. As the timer rolled past four and a half minutes, her movements finally began to slow. He breathed a sigh of relief and pushed some hair out of her face as she stilled. Next, he used the corner of the blanket to wipe the saliva that had dribbled out.

For his own peace of mind, he checked her pulse, satisfied that it was steady and only slightly tachy. Next, he counted her breaths, ensuring her breathing was also back to normal. Then he sat there, running his fingers gently through her hair, and waited for her to wake.

Finally, after several minutes of anxiously waiting, she groaned.

“Hey, sweetheart. You with me?”

Slowly, she cracked her eyes open and looked around for several moments before finally landing on his face. She was clearly confused and still disoriented.

“You’re okay. You just had a seizure,” he explained. “Do you remember feeling it coming on?”

She thought for a minute before finally nodding. Groaning again, she rolled onto her back and threw an arm over her face. “Trash,” she slurred.

Eddie shifted away to grab the trash can sitting in the corner and move it beside her. “Do you want to sit up?”

“Not yet.” She lied there, trying to regain her bearings.

He took her hand in his and ran his thumb softly over her knuckles. “Anything I can do?”

“Mmmm, make the jackhammer in my head stop? And the nausea, too.” She rolled back onto her side before starting to push herself into a sitting position and pulling the trash can between her knees. “This blows.”

Leaning forward, he placed a chaste kiss on her temple. “I know. I’m sorry. Do you want something for the headache?”

“Not yet. I don’t want to puke it right back up.”

She didn’t know how long she sat there, taking slow, deep breaths in an attempt to clear the nausea. All the while, Eddie rubbed soothing circles across her back. The soreness was already starting to settle in all her muscles. Eventually, she pushed away the trash can and leaned into him.

“Ya know, this isn’t the kind of interesting I was hoping for. Stupid fortune cookie,” she grumbled.

“Me either. You think you’re ready to move?” he asked as he wrapped his arms around her gently.

“Yeah.” She nodded. He stood, and she reached a hand out for him. “Help me up?”

Instead of pulling her up, he bent down and slid one arm under her knees and the other around her back and easily lifted her. He walked slowly towards her bedroom, cautious of making the nausea worse, then set her gently on the bed. “What do you need?”

“Uh, I will take that Tylenol now. Plus, water and some Advil for in the morning, and the trash can by the bed,” she listed, then, with a pout, added, “Please?”

“Okay, I’ll be right back.”

She laid back into her pillows as she waited for him to return. Next thing she knew, she was peeling her eyes open to find Eddie beside her, rubbing a hand across her head.

“Here, take these and then you can go to sleep.” He handed her the pills and then opened a bottle of water before offering that as well.

Once she’d swallowed them, she took a few deep breaths to clear the flare of nausea. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” He pressed another kiss to her hairline.

“As much as seizures suck, it’s really nice having you here to help. I’ve just slept on the floor in there so many times because I just didn’t have the energy to move.”

“I’m glad I was here. I hate that you’ve had to go through that alone.”

“I hate that I have to go through it at all.” She sighed. “And I just broke my longest streak. At least I didn’t try to take a chunk out of my tongue.”

“Ouch.”

She nodded. “Yeah, one time, I had to get stitches from biting it so bad.”

He cringed. “That sounds awful.”

“Mmhmm,” she hummed, eyes fluttering closed. “Work is really going to suck tomorrow.”

“No, it won’t.” Eddie argued. ”You’re taking the rest of the week off.”

“I can’t!’ she declared, opening her eyes and leaning forward. “I have too many things to get done and a meeting first thing that we’ve been working toward for three weeks.”

“You just had a seizure,” he pointed out the obvious. “For the first time in, what, two years? And a long one at that. You were about twenty seconds away from a trip to the hospital. You don’t think your stress levels had something to do with this?” His tone was one of frustration, but she could tell he was just worried.

She sighed, knowing he was right. “Maybe.”

Eddie climbed into the other side of the bed and settled nearly in the middle. “So take the long weekend. Just relax and get some rest. Doctor’s orders.”

Shifting to curl into his side, she giggled. “You’re not a doctor.”

He huffed. “Medic’s orders. Is that better? Or I can call a doctor.”

“Don’t you dare.”

Rolling impossibly closer to her, he pressed one more kiss to her forehead. “Good night, mi amor.”

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was her alarm clock. She was surprised to find it was nearly ten already. Slowly, she shifted onto her back and turned her head to look at the other side of the bed. She found Eddie sitting on the bed, scrolling through his phone.

“Good morning,” he greeted as he noticed she was awake. “How’re you feeling?”

“I’m okay. Just a bit sore. Which is pretty much what I expected.” She took Eddie’s hand in hers. “And maybe a little grateful that I got to sleep in and I don’t have to get up and go to work.”

He lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles. “You needed it.”

“Oh, shit!” she panicked. “I didn’t call. I missed the meeting. I’m gonna get fired!”

Eddie shushed her. “I called. Just breathe. It’s okay. I called earlier and talked to your boss. He knows you’ll be out today and tomorrow and told me to tell you to take Monday also, if you need to.”

She took a deep breath and let herself relax. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Of course. How about some breakfast?”

“Mmm. Yes, please.”

Eddie let go of her hand and got up off the bed. “Stay there. I’ll be right back.”

He disappeared out of the room, and she could hear him moving around her kitchen. A few minutes later, he returned with a plate and set it on the bed in front of her.

She looked up at him, surprised. “Since when do you make omelettes?”

“Uhh, well, never?” He laughed. “I may have called in reinforcements. Bobby dropped it off earlier. I just reheated it according to his very direct instructions.”

“Eddie! I could have just had some cereal or something. You didn’t need to make him drive over here so early on his day off.” She reached over to grab her phone off the nightstand.

“I figured you could use real food. I was going to order delivery, but Bobby offered.”

“Why would he have offered?” She opened Bobby’s contact to send him a thank you text. “Oh. You told him about last night.”

“I couldn’t fall asleep. Then they were all texting in the group thread. So when they asked why I was still up, I told them. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have without asking you first.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s not like my epilepsy is a secret. They’re your—our— friends. I’m sure I would have told them anyway.”

He nodded. “Okay. Eat and then you can go back to sleep for a bit. If you want.”

She cut a piece off the omelette and ate it. As she chewed, she spoke, “Bobby says we’re invited over there for dinner if I’m feeling up to it. I told him we would let them know a little later today.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me.”

She took another bite of her food. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

Shaking his head, he explained, “I ate earlier.”

“Oh, right.” She glanced at the clock. “I forgot it was so late already.”

“Anything else I can get for you?”

She contemplated for a moment. “Umm, maybe a glass of apple juice?”

He disappeared from the room with a simple nod.

Soon after he returned, she finished her omelette and he took the plate into the kitchen.

“Did you want to go back to sleep?” he asked.

“How about a shower and then a movie on the couch?” she countered, throwing off the blankets she was still tucked under. As she stood, dizziness flared, causing her to sway slightly before sitting back down.

Eddie was in front of her instantly, steadying her. “How about a bath instead?”

“Sounds perfect.”

[iwanttoshareamorange]

Ok listen all of the batkids love bluey

It starts with Jason who is babysitting Lian one night. She insists that they watch bluey together and Jason cannot say no to her so they watch it. At first he’s like yeah this is pretty good and kinda funny but by the end he has already put her to bed and he’s still watching it when Roy gets back. Roy laughs but says that he likes to watch it too.

It starts becoming an after patrol treat for Jason, especially after a particularly rough night or when his vision starts getting uncomfortably green. He switches on a few eps until he can think clearly again and hum along to opening theme.

So he really thinks nothing of it when he turns it on after a long patrol. He’s so on autopilot that he doesn’t even register that it’s not something he would normally put on around Dick. For his credit, Dick doesn’t really say anything, though he definitely gives Jason a weird look. Jason ignores it. Dick is hooked immediately and leaves the next morning singing the theme on his way out.

Cass becomes a bluey fan similar to dick, although it’s a bit more purposeful. She’s having a bad day, having trouble seeing any good in herself. She goes to Jason’s apartment because she doesn’t want to be alone and she knows he won’t make a big deal of anything. Jason takes on look at his sister and plops her down on the couch with a blanket and an episode of bluey while he goes off to make them both a hot chocolate. Cass goes to bed smiling.

From there Cass infects Steph because she likes to have it on as background noise (Steph loves Dance Mode and Bus). Dick didn’t even mean to get Tim hooked. Tim had broken into his apartment the night before and was sitting at his coffee table with several files and his laptop open. Dick grumbled a good morning before putting an episode of bluey on before going to make both of them breakfast. Tim didn’t realize he had been actively watching until Dick set a plate of toast and eggs in front of him.

Duke accepted it easily. Cass had it on the morning after patrol and he had started just by walking by, then the lean against the back of the sofa, to sitting down, to having his feet kicked up into his sisters lap as they watched together. (They were later joined by Steph and Tom who easily squeezed onto the couch with them)

Damian was the only one to put up any resistance against watching bluey, mostly because he already despises being seen as a kid. He thinks it’s ridiculous that his siblings are taken in so easily by a simple children’s cartoon. Steph sat on him to force him to watch Squash and he now only watches it when his other siblings have it on (and if you saw him in his room after patrol watching it on an iPad under his covers no you didn’t).

[hils79]

Hils Watches The Spirealm - Ep 1

Well, it's time to watch a new drama and this has been on my list since basically the day it dropped and was then removed an hour later. Looking forward to seeing just how gay it is.

Considering how much people have been talking about it I don't actually know that much about it really. I know Lost Tomb Reboot Xiaoge, my boy Huang Junjie, is one of the leads and that it's an adaptation of a danmei novel (I think?). But in terms of the actual plot no idea.

And how do you even pronounce the title? The Spire Realm?

I have many questions and I haven't even started watching yet.

Okay, I'm going in.

For the sake of clarity I am watching this on Viki so I will be using their episode numbering system not the original one.

Wait, is this a gaming drama? Like The King's Avatar?

Ah, so it's VR rather than a classic video game

Well, that sort of explains how you pronounce it but not really. Is it more like The Spy Realm?

A game where you experience severe hallucinations and possibly die? Who would play such a game? I'll take one guess...

Okay, the only drama I've seen him in is The Lost Tomb Reboot so it's going to take a while for me to get used to him speaking and having regular facial expressions

BWAHAHA! Zero lies detected

I'm pretty sure this is not Huang Junjie's actua voice, and the dubbing doesn't quite match the movements of his mouth. But I'm not complaining, I'm just glad we're able to watch it at all

Uhh...has he got super hearing? Or is he getting all messed up because he played the hallucination death game?

KITTY!

I know they've explained it as 'hallucinations' but this feels very urban fantasy, which is a genre I particularly enjoy

Ohhh! Okay. When the dude said people sometimes die playing the game I kind of thought he meant it gave them seizures or something. But no, he just walked into the path of an oncoming car because he was looking at something that only he can see. I guess that's the sort of deaths the dude was talking about

Oh so he actually does have super hearing! Well, I hope someone in the DMBJ fam is writing the Liu Sang version of this

Oh hello

Uh oh

Well, the answer to how gay is it is them looking like they're about to kiss 2 minutes after they met. Good work everyone.

Okay, I haven't learned anyone's name yet but I do hope this is setting the tone for the rest of the drama. Dude in white pretending to be badly injured from a small scratch on his arm and Huang Junjie immediately being 'OMG LET ME CARRY YOU 🥺' even though it's obvious the other dude is faking

Well this just turned into The Ring very quickly

Ehehe. There's only one bed.

GAH! JESUS FUCK THE GHOST IS IN THEIR BEDROOM! Is now the time to mention I'm not good with horror?

I don't know how I'm supposed to survive another *checks* 37 episodes when they're acting like this already

[catastrfy]

here is some odd stuff that i think may support loni's body swap theory let's start here. nina and maggie confront crowley, and his reaction? "but you were crying"

except it was aziraphale who saw maggie crying. he told crowley she had a "pash" for nina; would he have mentioned the crying? i don't know. but it's ODD.

but there's also this way crowley says "bla bla bla" to nina and maggie -- it's *ridiculously* overdone when compared to when he says it to muriel

and then later when later, the metatron asks crowley if he knows him and says he was a big floating giant head. except when crowley last see the metatron?

when he was in heaven with muriel, in the recording, as one of several enlarged heads on screens.

but somebody else DID see the metatron last as a big floating giant head just a few years ago....

well. ift hey swapped WHEN was it? i LOVE loni's fabulous theory where they posit at "no nightingales but could it have been earlier than that? so i've watched and watched and watched the last episode, and i'm thinking maybe it was when gabriel was having his flashbacks.

i am pretty certain the scene before this was them as themselves. here they are before beez gets the fly and gives it to jim. crowley's got his usual mobile face with his forehead creases and expressive mouth... and he talks to beelzebub the way he had earlier (vs how aziraphale had when he was facing hell in s1e6)

this is the first shot of them after gabriel's flashbacks conclude. look at crowley's face.

it stays blank for the time that gabriel recognises aziraphale, sees the angels, says "eesh" at the demons, brightens when he sees beez, and when beez tells him aziraphale took better care of him than they could've done.

we've seen his face with the closed lips and smoother forehead before:

also, this is subtle and it's entirely possible it only means that this scene was shot over multiple days, but check out the right edge (viewer's right, a's left) of aziraphale's bowtie in each picture here. he's been standing fairly still, yet his tie isn't tied quite the same before the fly and after. you can see an extra stripe at the far right edge in the pic that says "true love" the collar of his jacket has moved; more of the left (our left) side of his waistcoat is visible in the 2nd pic. and again, yes, this absolutely could be different takes, probably not immediately after one another if the bowtie had to be retied. except... didn't they use pre-tied bowties this time around? is this an "everything is meant"???

i had to look at crowley too, of course. pre-fly, immediate post fly, starting to look normal, then aziraphale gives him a shake and he looks up. there ARE subtle changes. the collar button of his shirt changes position and so does his neck noodle. it's hard to see his tattoo until he's outside (although it's clear before beez gives jim the fly), but that may just be lighting. or maybe it takes a moment to settle in? I DONT KNOW (also, beez keeps looking over at aziraphale & crowley and i want to know WHY/what they see!) and oh, have you noticed that the top of aziraphale's right ear SWIVELS when michael is threatening him with being erased fromthe book of life? it starts at teh end of 33:50 and goes into 33:51. and about 15 frames later, the metatron appears at the door. i don't have a way to make it into a gif, but here's the first and last of his ear moving. it's not him turning his head, because that wisp of hair doesn't move, nor does his lobe. just... the top. o.O

and ooho, just today i noticed THIS: here's aziraphale's bowtie when he's telling crowley about the offer to go to heaven. LOOK AT THE TARTAN ON HIS TIE.

previously looking at the tie as the viewer, the vertical stripe pattern of dark stripes is thin dark line, narrow gap, group of medium/dark/medium lines, widish gap, repeat. here it's med/dark/med lines, narrow gap, thin dark line, wider gap, repeat. the fabric is upside down from earlier. (and yes, again, this could be an error by costuming/continuity. but i'm hoping it means something bc everything is meant) if you haven't read loni's theory, go check it out!

[tinkerleaf]

Anxious

I have severe anxiety and have been feeling icky because of it, so I wanted to write some Dazai comfort. :) Warnings: mention of mental health struggle Pairing: Dazai/reader Genre: comfort Words: 515 ish

Dazai understood anxiety all too well, so he never judged you for struggling with your mental health. You once had an anxiety attack at the office, and he was able to calm you down without alerting the others, which you appreciated. You hated making him worry about you, adding another item to his never-ending list of burdens.

But honestly, he didn’t mind. You were one of the few people he felt a close connection with, but he would never tell that to your face. He didn’t need to. His actions always spoke much more than anything that came out of his mouth.

“Yeah.”

Your thumb hovered over the call button after dialing his number. It was one in the morning, and there was no way you would get to sleep tonight. Why? You had no clue. Your heart pounded in your chest over all kinds of things that didn’t even matter. Tears spilled down your eyes and face, your breath heaving. After arguing with yourself over whether or not to call him for too long, you finally pressed the button.

Two agonizingly long trills later, you heard his voice. “Is it bad again?”

“I’m on my way.” This wasn’t the first time you had asked him to come sit with you during one of your episodes. He didn’t mind to. He liked having your company just as much as you liked his

About twenty minutes later, you heard him unlock the door with your spare key outside and make his way in. He placed a bag of work clothes on your couch before taking off his coat. Footsteps slowly approached your bedroom. “You wanna talk about it?”

You shook your head no.

“Alright then. Come here.” He sat on your bed next to you and opened his arms to allow you into his lap. You immediately embraced him. His hand cradled your head, while the other held your waist. The room was so quiet, but not uncomfortably so. His body was warm and his heartbeat was steady. It was calming to your restless nerves. After a while, he began to talk about random things to get your mind somewhere else. He knew you were soothed once you started to respond with more than simple ‘yes’s and ‘no’s.

Eventually, the two of you fell asleep peacefully together. That is until your alarm went off at 7 o’clock for work.

“How are you feelin’?” Dazai asked as he stretched out.

You smiled, “I promise.” He couldn't help but stare at you, at how much better you looked. You felt safe with him.

“A lot better.” You sat up, " Thanks for staying with me."

He placed his hands along the base of your jaw, gently pulling you to face him. He didn’t say anything at first but watched your gaze fall onto his. “You don’t have to keep thanking me. Just promise me that you’ll always call me before anyone else.”

While he used your shower, you made breakfast. After getting dressed, you both walked down to the agency to start a new day.

[lurkingshan]

We Need to Talk about Love in Translation

I caught up on Love in Translation this week at @bengiyo’s behest, as he’s been talking about how good it is. It’s a Thai bl on iQIYI, and in this current deluge of shows, it’s flying mostly under the radar. But this week’s episode convinced me this is a show we should be prioritizing even with so much to keep up with, and I wanted to talk a little bit about why. 

Ben already covered some of the basics about the show, and I agree with all of that, but what is really blowing me away is the confidence of the writing and the control the writers have on the pacing of this story. Because this show? Moves, and it moves fast. The relationships are evolving rapidly, and our leads are moving closer every week, and yet nothing ever feels rushed or unearned. They start out adversaries, but it’s all based on a misunderstanding, and once that gets cleared up and they get to know each other, they come to like each other rather quickly. The narrative gives us good reasons for their rapidly shifting perspectives, and crucially, this is a story that is fundamentally about kind people with emotional intelligence, so their openness to changing their minds about each other tracks.

So in episode four, we begin with a classic drama set up: Phumjai, our inexperienced but enthusiastic protagonist, is finally going on a date with his crush, Tammy, and he asks his new friend and business partner, Yang, to go on a practice date with him. Yang is, of course, already half in love with Phumjai and this set up is torture for him. And so the “fake” date commences, and of course the two of them have a fantastic time, forgetting Tammy exists for long stretches before Phumjai inevitably brings her up again and Yang’s face falls. Before the date ends, they end up lounging alone under a tree, Phumjai asks Yang about what kind of lover he would want, and Yang takes the opportunity to make his feelings clear. 

Their almost kiss is interrupted, but here’s the important part: Phumjai is extremely aware of what almost just happened, and what it means. He knows Yang was about to kiss him, and he was going to let him. And he knows the implications of that, unlike the typical trope where a character like him would remain confused about Yang’s intentions or his own feelings. Phumjai is inexperienced, but he’s not ignorant. Still, he has committed to a date with Tammy, and so he goes. And the whole time he’s with her, he can feel that it’s not right. He’s not feeling the same things with her that he was with Yang, and his mind wanders back to Yang continuously throughout his time with Tammy. He is not doing the typical drama thing of sublimating or ignoring his feelings. He notices what is going on with his heart and what it means. 

And here is where the show wows me again: Phumjai does something about it immediately. He ends his date with Tammy without kissing her despite a clear invitation to do so and runs straight to Yang to talk to him about what he’s feeling. He tells him with total honesty that he’s been thinking about him all day, and that he didn’t feel the way he thought he would with Tammy, and that he wants to understand what is going on between them. Yang listens to him patiently as he works it out, and once he’s given an opening, he doesn’t hesitate to lean in and finish the kiss he started earlier in the episode.

Let me just emphasize again: all of this happened in one episode. This show deftly covered the emotional groundwork and character development that most dramas would take several weeks if not half a season to unpack, and it all felt organic and authentic to who these characters are. I sat up and stared at my screen in awe several times throughout this episode because I was so delighted by what was happening and how confident the underlying writing was. We are now halfway through the show, and we have ample time to work through the fallout of Phumjai’s realizations and see him and Yang actually figure out being in a relationship together (my favorite thing in any romance drama). This is a new screenwriting team (it’s literally their first credit) and they certainly have my attention. I can’t wait to see what they have in store for the second half of this story.

[ghostlycheuwing]

The empty frame (which also became an incidental meta about portraits in Ghosts)

I find the establishing shot of the Captain reminiscing privately in Carpe Diem very meaningful.

We get this image with the music they used in Redding Weddy to introduce the flashbacks between the Captain and Havers. Interestingly, in that episode, we hear the violins twice and it's always in association with the letter addressed to William – the first time, the Captain is looking at the envelope in deep thoughts and hurriedly hides it as he bids Havers to come; the second, he looks at the envelope in deep thoughts and eventually throws it on top of the bomb (his metaphorical heart), intending to bury them forever (... or until it explodes, as it were. Of course, if you repress your feelings for too long, they tend to explode in your face).

When you hear the music, you immediately understand the Captain is thinking about Havers.

The framing (pun intended) is really interesting to me. The Captain has an expression of intense longing on his face. He seems to be in the same position as he was at the end of Redding Weddy, when he sees/remembers Havers' private goodbye from afar as he left for the front; sitting at the same window; turned the same way; a similar expression on his face; both hands on the stick again. Indeed, just after, we are shown the same view of the front gate, sans Havers. If you allow me another nod: the frame is empty.

I keep talking about frames, because I find the empty frame on the Captain's right very symbolic. The association with the next shot (the image of the front gate without Havers = an empty frame) makes it all the more poignant to me. Why is the Captain's frame empty?

Frames are shown to ornate several kinds of objects in the show:

Portraits of loved ones. Fanny's husband comes to mind. Interestingly, it is the portrait of a closeted homosexual man, whom Fanny eventually learns to accept for who he was and what society was through his portrait (while a gay wedding is about to take place).

Portraits of oneself. Humphrey and Fanny are prominent ones. I just realised that both portraits get torn during the show, which reflects their fragmented identities/sense of self. I love that Fanny's portrait gets repaired, albeit not perfectly, by Alison. I love that Fanny recognises that she is still the same girl underneath. (I love that Humphrey seems mildly disgruntled and resigned at the damage on his one? It's exactly his reactions towards his recalcitrant body, and it feels very much like his whole vibe; I adore him). Also, we shouldn't forget Thomas' portrait: slowly built until he overthinks it all, gets ahead of himself and rejects the piece before it is ready... a portrait which ends up being put aside by the woman he loves (a woman who feels slighted by his hasty words even if he only wanted to be honourable). If it doesn't parallel his relationship with Isabelle and his death, I don't know what does!

Mirrors. It is a recurring theme around the Captain of course: we see his reflection in the mirror in the intro; the picture on Alison's mirror has him reminiscing about dead seagulls and start the process of resolution which saves the day.

With that in mind, I find the symbol of the empty frame can work on several layers here:

Portrait of a loved one: the frame is empty, but not because there is no one (there is still a frame). It could symbolise an absent lover (Havers left the picture through that front gate)... or a love that never became official. No one could have taken Havers' portrait for the Captain. And Havers wouldn't have given him his picture, because everything was left unsaid. Not to mention the fact that it would have been incredibly damning and dangerous for the Captain to keep the image of the man he loved around him. It had to stay hidden, invisible. So no picture, and Havers is far away and out of reach, but he is still very much present in the Captain's mind and heart. He is able access the memory of Havers not through his portrait but through his secret memories.

Portrait of oneself: a portrait (one like Fanny's, Humphrey's and Thomas') is made with care. It takes a long time to complete and it cements the way you want to (or people want you to) be remembered through time. It is a reflection of who you are, but also the way others perceive you. Humphrey and Fanny had their portraits done because they were socially important and rich people; these are very official portraits. As I touched before, they are also a sign of their fragmented selves. Both characters want to be and get to be more than this unmoving piece of history. They both lost themselves in who they were supposed to be. Through death, they are allowed to show their own individuality. For his part, Thomas gets to pose like a romantic intellectual (or an intellectual romantic?), very much the way he wants to be seen and remembered. He has someone close to him who is willing to paint him.

Now, the empty frame could be a sign that the Captain was not considered important enough in his life or was not remembered fondly enough (by the troops, for example) to capture his image. We understand that he has never been on the front, and men like Cartwright sneer at him for that reason. In a room full of officers, the heroes whose memory the Captain never fails to honour, he is readily rejected. At that point in time, there is no place in history for the Captain to be remembered (and he believes it too: "I am no hero"). The empty frame could be a symbol of his lack of active role during the war (something that is obviously important in his own identity and the way he is perceived by people who "made history"). The absence of a portrait could also reflect the fact that no close one was there to take his picture. He was not fully seen by Havers, or, once again, it was not possible for them to carry a portrait of their loved one. It was even less possible for Havers to take the time to paint the Captain or be asked to take his picture (… although... one could dream. I mean, can you imagine Havers secretly, or not-so-secretly-but-the-Captain-is-oblivious, taking a picture of him, developing it on his own and frequently gazing at the portrait of the Captain, so focused on his image that he fails to see the seemingly judgemental old lady looking over the Cap's shoulder in the background. I love the idea of Fanny & James, the repressed siblings, having a photo taken of them together before they even got to know each other). To sum up: no official loved one to preserve the Captain's image, no place in history according to his society.

Mirrors: well, it's all about the reflection of the self, isn't it? We know the Captain has difficulties with his identity. He has carefully crafted his military persona and has played the role of the strict and efficient commanding officer for decades, repressing his more sentimental and less conventional side as much as he could. A crucial part of his arc is that he buried his heart and he has to learn to accept himself and express who he is without fear. I also love the idea of inversion in relation to the Captain: in a mirror, you're looking at the inverted image of yourself. "Inversion" was a synonym for homosexuality in the Victorian era (and was still in use in the 40s). Therefore, the recurring theme of mirrors makes a lot of sense around this character. Even his decorations (over his heart) are placed in an inverted way. The empty frame could represent the lingering issue around his identity. After this moment of introspection, and faced with his potentially impeding passing, he will finally tell the truth about who he is. The frame is empty right now, but he is about to leave that behind: he gets to accept who he is. He gets to share the truth about his past and his heart. He gets to be seen (and cherished) for who he is.

The Captain is gazing out of the window, but visually the empty frame is very much part of that window. Hence the Captain is metaphorically reflecting on this empty frame. A symbol for the absence of his loved one, the lack of place in history or remembrance for him, the lack of place in history and memories for his relationship with Havers, the sense of intense self-repression. (on that note, bear in mind that up until his confession, no one knew the Captain's name. It is after this deep introspection that James is able to be open about it all)

When he comes out of his reflection (... pun intended?), we can see how intense the process is for him. It is overwhelming and painful. But when he looks away from the window/empty frame, he faces forward. He turns his eyes to the room next to him - I believe it is the room where he's about to meet the ghosts, so the room where he's about to come out. This shift means that in the Captain's mind, it is not about then anymore: it is about now. Back then he couldn't be himself; he couldn't show his heart. Now, if he's brave enough, maybe he can exist as his true self.

[intothedysphoria]

Transalpha billy?? Coming back to town and surprising his hometown sweetie Steve??? If you please???

Steve was already moping by the first day.

Billy knew that because Steve had sent him at least 6 different voicemails, whining about being lonely about an hour after he’d gotten off the plane. There was no arguing that Billy didn’t feel lonely too, it had been a long while since he’d spent time without his mate but he was so frazzled after the flight, he didn’t have the energy to respond.

The response Billy got was moping even more.

Heather stared over his shoulder as Billy scrolled through the endless sea of their Instagram messages, eyebrows arched severely in judgement. Her and Robin weren’t that ridiculously codependent, that’s what she’d say, popping gum between her teeth. Well, Heather and Robin weren’t mated. They clearly didn’t get it.

It was just that there were no bottom surgeons in Hawkins (not that Billy ever thought they would be) and Billy already had a strong relationship with a secondary gender reassignment clinic in San Francisco. Steve was notoriously bad at dealing with surgery and had a phobia of flying. It would only be two weeks. Both of them could handle it.

The dreams started during night four. The ones where Billy would stare at his face, distorted into some nightmarish parody of femininity and Steve would stare at him, disappointed. He immediately texted Steve, sweat dripping down his back, when he woke up and Steve soothed, with gentle words.

It helped a little but Billy still wanted to punch something.

His hormone levels were normal, that’s what the doctor said. For someone transitioning from omega to alpha, 2 years and 6 months on hormones, he was doing remarkably. No heats for fourteen months, the beginnings of a consistent rut, only producing slick in very rare occasions. The level of dysporia Billy was experiencing was still incredibly high but he was dealing with it, with the support of his close friends, his sister and his mate.

It was ok, that’s what everyone kept telling him. Billy tried to tell himself that too.

Steve consistently sent him the most ridiculous, adorable selfies. He’d always caption them “trans guy swag” showing off his new beard, impressively thick already. Billy missed him so much. His voice, the way his Star of David necklace would swing when he walked, the inevitable smell of burning whenever he tried to cook.

It was six more days. Then he could fly back. Six more days.

Bottom surgery went fine. He ate a lot of jello when he woke up. That and chocolate pudding. God, he was absolutely fucking starved. Heather was mostly tapping on her phone, ever the “influencer” (Billy was pretty sure she was just scamming misogynistic alphas) but she’d look over at Billy and gently take his hand.

He was cleared to leave a day early. After a quick mental battle, Billy decided not to tell Steve. He’d do that cute face that he did whenever Billy surprised him and that was unmissable. So Billy sent an increasingly stupid set of tiktoks instead and turned off his phone.

Flying back to Indiana with Heather was always going to be an experience but he hadn’t quite prepared himself for just how many episodes of Pretty Little Liars she was going to force him to watch in four hours. And then more on her phone on the drive back. Billy loved her but really she was absolutely ridiculous.

Steve was in his usual place for a Wednesday morning. Sipping a cup of overly strong, overly sweet coffee in the hipster place Billy had introduced him to. Talking to Dustin about something nerdy (probably Top Gun) and Billy decided he was going to sit at the table parallel and see how long it took Steve to notice.

It took two minutes (Steve’s new personal record) before he whipped his head around and tears started forming in his eyes. Billy had to grin and hold his arms out (walking was still a bit of a struggle, as was standing) and just wait for Steve to barrel into him.

He didn’t get reprimanded. Or get Steve jumping into his lap. Instead he just got a soft kiss on his forehead and Steve wringing his hands like he usually did when trying to emotionally regulate

“You’re home”

And really that was all Billy wanted to hear.

[m3r1m4r5u333]

Argh. I'm in an emotional rollercoaster about this storyline in which Buck gets jealous when Eddie gets close to Tommy.

I mean, on one hand, it's hilarious that it's Tommy, Eddie's male friend, and not Marisol, Eddie's girlfriend, who ignites this jealousy in Buck.

Because doesn't it kinda hint that Buck has (maybe sub-consciously) internalized that Mr. "Imagine Jello with me" Diaz truly is so bad with women...

that any relationship he has with a woman can be happily ignored, as it clearly poses no threat to Eddie's and Buck's relationship.

...HOWEVER!!

On the other hand, the fact that it's Tommy, not Eddie's girlfriend, that sparks this jealousy... ?

It wrecks me because it also is pretty damn heart-breaking and sad if you look at it another way!!

Maybe this jealousy, sparked by a male friend, tells another story of Buck's thought progress.

Maybe it tells us a tale of Buck getting burned before, and learning from that, and then, to avoid further hurt, rethinking his role in Eddie's life, and clinging to what he thinks is safe and certain.

After all, there was a time when Buck, Eddie and Chris did so much together, all the time. They were close, Buck was absolutely parenting, Buck felt like he really belonged. They were a family.

And then all of a sudden, it was taken away from him!!

Imagine how deeply that would hurt.

This severed connection is btw, pretty heavily implied/canon, I think - we pretty much know, I'd argue, that when Eddie started dating Ana, there was a time when Buck did not get to see Chris much.

In the episode in which Ana and Chris visit Eddie at the firestation in 5x02...

Buck is overjoyed to see Chris, he gives him a really fierce hug, immediately asking Chris "How are you?"

I really get the impression that they haven't seen in a while.

It's supported by the way Eddie watches and grins like it's such a thrill for him, to see Buck and Chris meet - that's not really something he'd do if he saw them interact all the time, is it?

What Eddie says after he forgets to introduce Ana (too spellbound by Buck and Chris to remember her existence, basically) and has a panic attack - further supports this faltering connection.

Eddie runs off under the pretense of needing to put the salads Ana brought to the fridge.As he's making his escape, in panic, he mutters

"I don't want these things to wilt."

It's supposed to be an explanation - must save the salads from wilting! - but combined with the way he says that soon after he's just witnessed Buck and Chris meet, and the subtext telling us that it's been a while...

Eddie has just been reminded of how well the Diaz-Buckley family fits together,

and does not want those bonds to wilt - and he's realising that they have been, due to Ana pretty much taking over Buck's former parental duties. (And hey, then Eddie pretty promptly dumps Ana.)

But that doesn't erase or entirely fix what has already happened.

Buck has learned that he is replacable, that his status in the Diaz family is not guaranteed. He can be family one day, and then all of a sudden, shut out.

Learning that he's written in Eddie's will would not really cheer him up much, either. It's not security to know that he can be a parent, truly, without question - if Eddie is dead.

And then that talk he has with Eddie about a ready-made family. It really makes it clear that Buck is hurt. He tries to hide it, but it's so visible when Eddie talks becoming a ready-made family, and Eddie not knowing if he's ready for that.

Supposedly Eddie is talking about his ready-made family with Ana... But he's looking at Buck. He says "we became a ready-made family". And looks Buck in the eyes.

They aren't total idiots, they would have realised how much this whole unit of Chris+Eddie+Buck spending time together really imitates other families.

So there's no way that they don't realise that on some really repressed, strange level, this talk is about them, being a family.

Also, why would Buck look so hurt and sad, why would he look down, if he was fine with the way things have been? If Eddie was really talking about just Ana, and Buck had never felt like he was family, why would that talk about a ready-made family make him feel so uncomfortable?

Buck is hurt because he knows he was family, and he knows he was replaced, and then Eddie even kinda admits it.

And Eddie also implies that he's not ready for that.

That's really not an invite to get invested again. Nope, it's a life lesson for Buck:

Do not take these family interactions for granted. Who knows when Eddie is done with them, and you find yourself outside in the cold again!

So Buck deals with that by clinging to what is safe. What is secure. What he thinks he can have, and keep.

He decides that even if his role as a co-parent is uncertain, and may end up in the bin whenever... His role as a best friend? That's guaranteed.

So he does not feel threatened by Eddie's girlfriends. He understands now what space Eddie's partners may take in Eddie's and Christopher's life,

but that's fine because Buck can set up another spot for himself. It's maybe not ideal, not what he'd choose, but it's a spot nevertheless!

After all, Eddie finding another girlfriend, or even a wife, another co-parent... Does not remove Eddie's need for a best friend. Even married people crave friendships! So that role is available, that Buck can do, holding onto that won't get him burned!

He thinks.

And then this fucker Tommy steps into the picture, and Eddie bonds with him.

Buck gets nervous. What if he's wrong? What if even the friendship, the best friend status, is something that can be suddenly ripped away from him?

So Tommy is now competition, a threat, someone who could steal the one position by Eddie's side that Buck thought he had, for certain, for good.

Buck is worried. Jealous. Angry. Scared.

...

Anyway! See now, why this storyline is absolutely destroying me?!