#and it takes us 2 weeks to finish
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I SURVIVED THE HARDEST PART OF THIS WEEK !!!! I WIN !!!!!!!!!
#text#personal#oh my god I HAVENT SLEPT IN 2 DAYS#yesterday was unreal it felt like a living nightmare#my prof decided to examine us on our animation skills#which was SO difficult due to the lack of time#she gave us a little over 2 hours to do it#get this: she asked for A WHOLE MINUTE OF ANIMATION#our projects are usually only 40 seconds MAX#and it takes us 2 weeks to finish#she made us watch this Ted talk that was 17 mins long#and THOSE ~20 MINS are taken from the time given to us to finish it#anyway we had to draw the illustrations during those 2 hours#and ANIMATE#and oh my god I only managed like… 20 seconds LOL#since exporting animations takes ages to render… frame by frame….#she was truly insane for this#some of my classmate’s comupters froze during the process and lost all their work and she didn’t care#so they got a 0 on this exam#i did this w/o sleep btw#then I stayed up the whole day AGAIN to finish today’s submission#which was animation HA I’m so sick of this curricilum#it takes so much out of me#but I presented it finally I think I can SLEEP#after today’s online lecture ofc lol.#rip me#does anyone even read this idk but I HAD to let this out somewhere
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man chappell roan really said it best im so sick of online love
#my bf deciding to study abroad will definitely take the last bit of mental health i had#its so tiring he's always occupied with new things to do and new places to see and im stuck in the same life but without him#and he doesnt even stay up late anymore because everything over there is so important it requires him to have his 8 hours of sleep intact#id be willing to risk sleep if it meant talking to him a good bit before saying goodnight#its not that he doesnt do it it just happened today and im still upset bc#i even got home earlier than i meant to only to talk to him#and i told him id wait for him to finish whatever he was doing so we could talk#not 5 min later i get a goodnight msg from him like mf i was waiting for u so we could talk but no he decided that once whatever he was doi#was done it was time to sleep#fuck me and the pictures i planned to send him i guess#it hasnt even been 2 weeks i dont know how ill put up with these dynamics til december#but get this as well we dont even have a time difference rn its the same hour for both of us bc he is in fucking boston#I'm so tired and I'm so sad and finally all i wanna do is draw to keep my head off this#mega rant#delete later#i love him ok im just.. tired
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goro akechi has been dead for 7 slutty, slutty years
#well. 4 if you say royal takes place in 2019#persona 5#2/2#akechi goro#goro akechi#persona 5 royal#p5r spoilers#it's not 2/2 yet in my timezone. but it is spiritually i think#my brain hurts and i just wanna buy the zine but i gotta finish the assignment uuuuuuuuuu#i think i'm out of it but i can't tell if this source is just. not even addressing why these practices are argued to be abusive#or he's just doing it purposely#''oh it's not 40 hours a week!!! it's an Average of 40 hours a week!!! and it's more like 30-35'“#''ohh people have called out the past use of electro-shock therapy...don't they know we only used it for dangerous behaviors????''#''ohhh well if any one was actually abused in these practices they should contact the authorities'' we are talking about CHILDREN#book-licker. i am so tired. why do you mention studies and then not source them in your references.#anyways i should be having my autism times now that's what i mean yeah
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need to yap
#i can’t tell my irls that money saved from not going on that hawaii trip went to ordering three comms hahhaha omg whaaat#tho one of them is stressing me OUT becus its a skeb but it passed the vgen guaranteed date by like 2 weeks and i messaged them 2 weeks ago#but haven’t heard back from the artist at all T T idk i never used vgen before#should i file a support ticket but i don’t wanna be like impatient since ik art’s a luxury n all but it’s making me so anxious lol ?#however i did wake up to a sketch of a diff comm and omg O: ? ? ? but that’s all i’ll say 🤐#just kidding i’m making the most of this yap sesh it’s based on my fave scene from#moulin rouge T T i privated everything on my blog when i archived but iykyk#anyways i deep cleaned + reorganized my room this weekend for the new season and everything is clean and spacious and my room smells like#lavender swiffer juice (?? the floor cleaner) and replica matcha meditation becus i only like burning candles in fall/winter#also the weather actually feeling like fall this early is wild becus usually it is hot af til at least mid-oct#but this is nice especially after an insane heat wave but yay crisp autum air u know what that means#siri play sweater weather by the neighborhood on spotify#i have been writing on the dl but idk if i want to post here or on a secret new blog that i won’t tell anyone about#lol i actually entertained the idea of doing kinktober but i don’t think i have what it takes to write so much hahahha#also i caught up on hsr 2.5 and i loved it but it broke my heart for jiaoqiu T T feixiao is so cool she embodies the hunt so well but i’m#sorry mother but i have to skip </3#i already pulled robin (and e3 moze !) so i need to save for lingsha now 🥺#i still haven’t finished genshin aq yet lolz i gave up on trying to pull kazuha he’s evaded me every single time i’m literally in the#0.01% who DOESN’T have kazuha rip#anyways that’s all think 🙂#i have some very sweet messages in my inbox that i want to just keep to myself but if you are a sender n you see this :#thank u sm ♡ i’m not very good at giving thanks or showing appreciation but it did make me cry n i rllie don’t know what to say except#thank you so much for even taking the time to write me :’)#ok forealsies that is all — logging off + see u the next time i need to yap mayb#goodbye and never forget i love alhaitham
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why did my teachers think it was okay to give us like one single weekend to finish all of our midterm projects and study for our tests.
#slight vent#i have 3 projects and 3 tests#i’m halfway through my lit/history project and halfway through my psych project#and maybe a quarter done with my programming project#which is fucking insane btw cause how tf am i supposed to code a whole video game in like 3 days on top of everything else 😭😭😭#and some things he hasn’t taught us and just thinks that we should just be able to figure out like HELLO???/?///#I DONT HAVE TIME TO TEACH MYSELF NEW CODE#ITS THE MIDTERM/FINAL FOR THE CLASS??????#and once the weekend starts i’ll have no one to trouble shoot my stuff and fix my bugs so literally i’ll be hopeless so 😭😭😭#my calc teacher JUST finished teaching us everything we need for the midterm TODAY. THE MIDTERM IS ON WEDNESDAY. BRO.#my physics teacher doesn’t let us copy down any of our idk test questions or take our old assessments home to study#*old#so we get to look em over for like 20 mins and hand em back. which doesn’t exact fucking help me when i’m studying for the midterm.#WITH NO STUDY GUIDE.#my teachers even said that this years midterms are worse than previous years cause they’re all in a row instead of split by a weekend#we’ve had 2 delayed openings and 1 early dismissal this week which means we have less time to work on our midterm projects in class 😭😭😭😭#i’m so overwhelmed i’m gonna explode#by the time i finish these projects i’m not gonna have anymore energy/time to study for my tests. WHICH IS THE HARD SHIT BTW.
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writing the shittiest essay in the history of english for my ap lang final project💪💪we die like men
#hot take but ap classes shouldnt have final projects on top of scary exams. but whatever.#we have to write a marxist feminist or post colonial criticism of invisible man or the awakening#thats also a research paper#i chose feminist awakening but#he never told us how to write a criticism!!!!#making this shit up as i go along#i worked for maybe 2 hours and i have. part of a thesis and part of a first paragraph. lmao#trying to finish this in the next week so i can focus on my history final project 😔 but words arent wording
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I just desperately miss being able to be silly at work y'all my boss has been so staunch about no downtime ever and it's really cramping my style 😭😭😭
#speculation nation#im putting in my 2 weeks soon anyways so this wont matter before too long#but just thinking about how he constantly complains about us sitting and chatting when theres nothing to do#like BROOOOO im doing my job im finishing my tasks just sometimes there's nothing to do!!!#or maybe im tired and wanna sit a bit did u think of that???#i cant even rly take breaks bc of the structure of how he has shifts happen#bc hes a stingy ass who cant spring for more than one or two people on shift Most of the time#how am i supposed to take breaks when im alone on shift or working with a trainee????? bitch#thinking many uncharitable things about him. let me fuckin chill sometimes god Damn
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have come to the belated realization that when I talk to people about MCOA joining the army (the latest hot goss in the office) and they all say with forced cheer "well, he will thrive with that kind of structure!" they are not saying, as previously thought, that he's going to be happy there, they are saying in a much politer way than I have been that he's gonna absolutely fuckin hate it but it might be the one thing that finally makes him grow up and develop interpersonal skills and some sense of professionalism.
#we're all bitching this morning bc there is ONE thing this guy built in his whole time here that we use on almost every site#and he's been asked for A YEAR to add it to our master code repository and just doesn't#because he wants to be Special and be the only one who can add it to a site so we all have to ask him to do it#but listen. the things he does that we consider annoyances are going to get him roasted over a fire in the army#no more taking your stinky shoesies off bc youre uncomfy. no more being 20 mins late. no more failing to finish tasks withon deadlines#and working overtime to do the shit you promised could be done in one day#no more talking to yourself dramatically while working. no more weird loud and far too personal 'compliments'#no more CHASING PEOPLE AROUND while delivering said loud uncomfortable compliments#no more standing in the bathroom staring directly at the door of the stall your coworker is in for a full minute#ye gods the bathroom stories i have heard about this guy. thank god he only uses the mens washroom#some of the dudes here use the womens washroom specifically to avoid him lmfao#and they stop by our office on the way out to see if he's here or in the bathroom#sorry i know everyone's tired of hearing it. im tired of working with it! but!! 2 weeks!!!
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Request to move into basement failed. Sad.
#I just wanna have some more space and maybe host people and save money and acclimate to apartment living#and moving into the basement would do that#Not only is it big enough it's also fully finished. Carpeted and everything#Unfortunately my dad sleeps in there and doesn't want to be demoted to bedroom 2#“I already got kicked out of the master!”#Um. Need I fucking remind you that being kicked out of the master is what saved your marriage my guy?#(He is a VERY violent sleeper and it caused Problems And Injuries And Arguments)#He calls it his “man cave” even though the only man cave thing about it us that he is a man sleeping and watching TV in it#He's always talking about nebulous plans to make it a mancave and then never follows though#bc he's a trash hoarder who keeps months of empty soda bottles piled up for no reason#and granted I also have messy room problems but at least I take out the trash and dirty dishes (if any) out of it every week#Meanwhile I know Exactly what I would do with the space#And I mean#Granted it /is/ going to be a hard sell trying to convince someone to downgrade to a child's bedroom#That could probably fit a full and still be comfortable but /definitely/ can't fit a queen#I tried to sell him on the large closet space (since that's something he's always complaining about not having any of at all)#Bc I will Happily downgrade to one of those garment racks if it means I can actually have space for all my music+art stuff#but no cigar :(#And listen#My room is small but it does have a decent amount of space so long as all of my belongings are contained#But They Have To Be Contained!#Which is really fucking hard to do when you own several large musical instruments and have ADHD
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x rambles in the tags about my art struggles, nothing new to see :0
#ive been having some real big art thoughts and feels about my art process - some good... some confusing#im more mentally organized today than i was last week...but its still really confusing and idk where im going from here :0#all i know is that 1) im going through a very very slow process of my art evolving + my process changing - since earlier this year#2) i have not let myself slow down and appreciate the art of creating like i used to - due to many factors: mainly fear of losing relevancy#3) and i feel that im taking my art too seriously for something that is suppose to be enjoyable & satisfying#4) also im influenced very easily but outside sources (which isnt technically good nor bad)#and thats it. thats all i have to report :3 lol#anyways. its a REAL CONFUSING art time for me rn but just sketching privately and not finishing my wips seem to be doing something good atm#sometimes i fear ill end up stuck in this frustrating period & that this is it from now on..but thats silly & this isnt my first rodeo :0
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so. stressed out. can i please finish this thesis
#and everyone pray i can get my italian theory grade next week#preferably sooner than later#please please please universe let us finish this project this week#please i can have my defense in september it’ll make me kms#WHO DOES GROUP PROJECTS IN THE LAST SEMESTER#we’ve had a lot of time but everyone was busy so ofc were doing this now#which wouldn’t be a big deal but i need the grade as soon as possible#esp bc idk how long it’ll take for the administration to make me go through the system#and then i’ll have 2 weeks before the defense#but the last possible defense date is july 19th#so i have to send my thesis in by july 5th#and i want to do it sooner oh god#and the project is fucking interviews again#please please i need for the interview to be this weekend#we can finish the report that same/next day and send it in#and then i’ll have to pray we’ll get the grade fast enough#📓
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why do book transfers at the library take so long girl youre making me ration out my current book 😭
#getting a book to a different branch in the same city should not take more than 50 minutes. send a guy out on the metro its not that hard#to be clear im not even super impatient the system here just takes at least 2-3 weeks which i find insane#+ im reading a series right now if it were a standalone book i also wouldnt care so much#trying to find offline activities to do but its like. well cant finish this book too fast#cant start my paint kit bc im waiting to use it during layoff#i could embroider but i won't. for some reason#i also could just paint now it doesnt really matter that much...
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IT'S FINISHED
#oh my god. oh my godddddd finally#my grandma is STILL staying with us (going on. for a while now)#bc of her broken collarbone#and this week my brother is house sitting#so I'm her sole care taker#(as well as watching 2 puppies)#so i have NOT had the time / energy to work on this commission#that i should have had done days ago#but i stayed up late tonight so i could work after she went to bed#and its fucken finished man!!!!!!!!#i have 2 take nice photos in the morning when there's good light#so i have 2 find time for that#but yeah. good god. she finally did it#also my hands hurt so bad ouchie#mine
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I am. Not dead. BUT will be gone for a like a day or few because the stuff at work did not! want! to! work!
Which I'd another way of saying that I finally was able to get free after working 34 consecutive hours in a row. The day prior I got 1 hour of sleep and that is all after 5 days of 10 or 11 hour work days.
I am so sleepy. I am taking tomorrow off and probably going to sleep right through it. Anywho cheers everyone!! I am going to go to the shadow realm now @:P
#syncrovoid.txt#delete later#maybe??#the one coworjer that has been helping as best he can is now calling me a cyborg haha! it is funny#but strange because before i was officially hired the supervisor (lead programmer) said i was#i was like a robot and if i had been perfect there'd be no difference#<- this was his notes when i finished my (payless) practicum there that lead to me being hired before graduating#ironically the new guy (hes been around half a year lol) was one of the only other people that graduated from my course#none of us ever met but it is cool!! and he did a lot to help out over this week of nonstop work#<- okay i KNOW someone will say “hey. you know you could have stopped right?”#but consider. i have very bad body awareness so i dont notice much impact from sleep deprivation and also i would feel so guilty @:(#and also consider!! i have either earned a hefty paycheck of the redt of the week off so like. capitalism yay?????#<- i do not support capitalism#ALSO sleep deprivation is SOOO silly because i get hyper! i feel like i get more and more energy and my brain doesnt stop thinking!#i have had a grand total of 3 hours of sleep in the past uhhh 4 days??#it is so silly!! but probably not good for me#but i CAN confirm to you that when websites say it takes 3 days of no sleep to start hallucinating they are exaggerating#it takes at least 5 or a week with only 1 or 2 hours sleep#even then it is so minor.#weirdest sleep deprivation hallucinations ive had was where every second time i blinked the world was overlayed with a different one#it has happened twice and it is literally and without exageration the STRANGEST feeling in the world. in the universe even#it is like you are flickering btween two realms that occupy the same physical space but from two different theoretical spaces#if that makes sense??#the first time it happened it was at a huge school sleep over and every few moments the gym full of sleeping bags and other peeps#would transform into all the chill monsters just living their life. like monsters in terms of not looking human nor like any earthly creatur#but not mentally monsters. it was like a towns square sort of thing? so they were rushing about and coming in and out the doors#second time it happened i was like 14 and in the back of an overstuffed car with a friend and their mom and we were in the middle of nowhere#forest for hours and hours longer still. slept on the side of the road lol. but it was like very so often huge huge giants would step over#the trees. all you could see was the somewhat woody-scaly texture of these massive massive poles or legs or whatever#slowly moving over the forest and walking around. looking up into the sky they just faded away too tall to see
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people i want to get to know better
ooooooo thank you miels!!! @allthefakepeople
Last song: I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance! was listening to a mcr playlist while crocheting earlier lmao
Favorite color: orange! and it always has been :)
Last show/film: actively watching Heartstopper again (good background noise)
Sweet/savory/spicy: sweet almost always! and also spicy never
Relationship status: ...single
Current obsession: all for the game but only by a sliver and i know that's about to change
Last thing I googled: "[county i live in] library" was looking at the volunteer application and sighing bc anxiety ;;;
Last book: still haven't finished The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller :(
Looking forward to: Young Royals s3 mostly!!! but also the Stardew Valley update and getting to see the new aftg hardcovers!!
i'm going to leave this open for now simply bc no brain power but <3
#i can NOT tolerate spice very well tho it's better than it was 3 years ago but either way i never actively seek out spicy stuff#also i literally had to plan with my mother about my hyperfixations bc i was like 'i can't reread capri until i finish my aftg event fics#and then 2 weeks later ik yr3 will drop so that'll take over which means i won't be able to reread capri until after that fades enough agai#darn :// but at least i can finish the fics before yr3!'#asdfkshdf it's just so funny to me sorry#also i'm :( about the volunteer applications bc they want 2 references which means#A. i have to let people know i'm using them as a reference. one of which will probably be too excited about it until i say it's not for a j#and B. means i can't apply with the name Abram bc i don't want them to use that name with the references due to the Not Out Yet#and overall just having to TELL people i'm applying as a volunteer is anxiety inducing for unexplainable reasons so just HHHHHHH#ANYWAYYY#tag game#shh ac
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.
#basically having a mid distance relationship because my partner is living on the other end of the city#best case it takes us 1 hour to get to each other#worst case is 1 1/2 hours#shit sucks ass#he works really close to be my home#but he gets off work at ass o clock for me#he ususally gets off at 8pm#i have to go to bed 9pm to get up at 5:30 / 6 am the next day#he also has to work on saturdays and only gets them off like once maybe twice a month#i'm sick rn and i just wanna cuddle with him#horgh#he came over today because its his free day but i wont be seeing him until next week on saturday#probably#sometimes i just stop by after i finish work
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