#all i know is that 1) im going through a very very slow process of my art evolving + my process changing - since earlier this year

[00queasy00]

x rambles in the tags about my art struggles, nothing new to see :0

[dreamauri]

WHEN IS THE NEXT CHAPTER OF My love mine all mine COMING OUT BCZ IM INVESTED

┇𝗠𝗬 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗘 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗘 - part five ┇୧ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ :🪴: ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ─ ୨୧ ╮ ┇arranged marriage does not always hold ┇the outcome you expect !! ┇︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦˚₊   ┇ . 🌿 :: pairing — ( max vertsappen  x  wife! reader ) ┇ . 🫧 :: ⁠genre — ( romance + smut )  ┇ . 🌿 :: ��song — ( link ) ┇ . 🫧 :: ⁠word count — ( 1, 047 ) ╰  🌿 :: ⁠ content warning — ( oral f receiving )

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( fic master list | general master list ) ( requests ) ( previous | next )

"First driving lesson. Are you ready?" "Absolutely not."

You gave a smile and thumbs up to the camera recording you and your husband, whilst max adjusted the strap to your helmet. "Learning to drive in a fast car is a bad idea." You warned him. looking around the controls to the NSX.

"It's not a bad idea." Max assured you, reaching over and buckling you up. "It very much is, liefje." [baby] You dismissed, looking out the open window to the Red Bull team filming you guys from the outside. "Can we get a slower car? I feel like We'd be much safter in . . . I have no idea. A slow car. A Kia maybe?."

Max laughed at you. "Are you serious? A kia? You think I'm a bad teacher." "No!" You turned to him quickly, holding his hands. He was teasing you but you still felt the need to make sure he knew. "Max, you're an amazing teacher. But you being intact is more for our home race is more important than me learning drive."

"You don't like my birthday present?" He gasped, putting his hand on his chest, being dramatic. "I—" you pulled him in a kiss only for your headgear to bump into his and stop you. "ow . . . I was gonna say I love it." Max laughed at you, leaning his head on the window while your glared at him.

"Where's the go and stop." You were commanding him now, putting both your hands on the steering wheel.

You did eventually get the basics, you were to scared to lift your leg off the brake that the car was literally only moving for a meter before it came to a full stop. The process of breaking every few seconds continued until max was able to get you confident in yourself to drive a steady 40 kilometre per hour around the long straight.

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"How is it, with the wife." "My wife?" Max's eyes light up at the mention of you. He was up onstage in the fan zone, sitting on a stool with checo and an f1 presenter. "Married life, how is it?"

"Well, I didn't know if the video went out yet, but i just gave her her first driving lesson this morning—" "really?" Natalie pink ham butted in, giggling.

"Is that what that was?" Checo laughed along with the crowd.

"I mean, no offense, Shatje; she sucks at driving. But it's nice to have that contrast, because I cannot paint or cook for the life of me." He laughed, leaning back to look at the side stage where you stood, smiling at him. "She's gonna kill me when we get home. Look at that smile."

The crowd erupted in laughter. Max waved you a hi, even though he was spending the whole day with you. You rolled your eyes playfully, folding your arms. You couldn't help the smile that curled on your lips as you looked at the cute puppy of a Dutch f1 driver. "Beautiful smile." Max chuckled, turning back to the fans.

You two were stuck to each other after the interview, sitting all cozied up in the hospitality, snuggled up to each other as you scrolled through your phone, both of you judging the décor and furniture you would need to renovate.

"This wallpaper is nice." You hum, pressing on the image. "My love, we don't need wallpaper. We have you." You chuckled, shaking your head. "I'm serious, you're very talented." He tilted your chin up kissing you.

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"Maxie!" you called through the house, peaking out of the bathroom door. You peaked down the foreign Belgian house, looking down the hall looking for your husband. "Maxie!" You called louder. "Ja, schat?" [yes, love]

"Kun je een handdoek voor me halen? . . alstublieft." [can you get me a towel, please]

"Wat? ik kan je niet horen."[what? i cant hear you] he called back. You could hear the faint noise of the tv from where max sat in the living room.

"Towel, Max." You sighed. What was he watching, foot ball? "I'm wet, and I'm cold and I'm naked—" yep that did it. You heard his footsteps run up the stairs at the word, his fluff of blond peaked from behind the wall to try and see you.

But you thought before hand and hid your body behind the door so all Max could see was your wet and messy hair and smile as you repeated the word. "Towel."

He pouted with a huff as he stomped to your room, returning seconds later with a fluffy towel. "Thank you." You hum, pulling the towel in with you, disappearing behind the door. Only, the towel was pulling from you. You peaked out the door to see Max holding the opposite corner, puppy eyes as he looked at you.

"Max, not now." You whispered feeling your face redden with embarrassment as he tried to peak in. "één kus, één kus." [one kiss, one kiss] you pleaded and you couldn't say no, leaning in and granting him his wish.

Well, you ended up granting him another wish as well because asking for one kiss turned into two kiss turned into 6 turned into 20 and so on. Which led you to being eaten out for the first time while sitting on the edge of the bathtub, hand entangled in blond locks, with gasps leaving your mouth.

You didn't know what max was doing, head between his thighs, eyes staring up at you as he licked and sucked and lapped and did things you never imagined of before. Your body shivered each time his warm tongue would drag across your gummy walls or take your bud into his mouth. You didn't even realize it when your orgasm dawned on you, heaving with whines and whimpers.

You caught his lips once he was back to your height and max was quick to return the favour, savouring your lips as he pulled you straight to your feet to his bedroom, 2 and a half hours from zandvoort f1 circuit; but he wanted you to have your first time in a home, under the moonlight of his windows.

Which you've got to admit, was a magical night.

[quinn-pop]

let’s do some autistic meta knight headcanons!! over explaining my interpretation of meta knight yet again wooooo

this orb has NO idea how to talk to people!!! outside of work anyway. a lot of this is partially due to upbringing (suppressing his emotions all the time) but he does not know how to express emotions, like…at all.

this goes into a few things

1. yeah talking is hard. even after figuring out what he wants to communicate he will struggle. conversation can be so overwhelming, especially under pressure. he will need time lol

2. because of that, forming connections is hard. i really don’t think meta is much for shallow relationships, and certainly not early in the timeline. which also means he has very little experience with friendship. so a lot of the relationships he did have went kinda neglected, and issues that probably could’ve been worked on by talking became…*cough romk* escalated.

3. honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if meta convinced himself he couldn’t feel emotion (anymore) until like. katam-ish. he tried very hard lol

vulnerability is terrifying. (though this gesture here is also just comforting, like his little cape cocoon thing he does.)

unmasking—yeah im taking the mask thing very literally here—is a big deal and a very slow process for mk. i’m sure he has a lot of feelings on that lol. it served as a way to ensure no one could ever, y’know, see him.

i can’t say i think he’d ever fully ditch it—there’s always gonna be some days that are more stressful than others and if having it could help him get through it, it just makes sense. mainly when working.

it really is about vulnerability. granted, i don’t think he has the most expressive face (in my head every astral just tends to stare at things) but i doubt he has much control over it. can’t fake a smile but also can’t hide it. probably blushes easy because yeah, astrals; just look at kirby’s face.

just the idea that someone might be able to read his expression and know what he’s feeling before he’s ready for them to (or even understands it himself…) yeah he doesn’t want that

but emotional turmoil aside, i think his mask also hides a lot of his stims

remember that whole “suppressing your feelings” thing? yeah turns out that ignoring half your instincts isn’t a good idea. so in true meta knight style, he tries to stim as subtly as possible

1. he has the least control over his wings, so they will flick and twitch on their own. they’re usually a good indicator of how he’s feeling, not unlike the body language usually seen in cat ears and tails lol. flapping is also an extension of this of course, though he probably suppresses it more.

2. this also effects when he takes his wings out. pretty much every time he’s excited or nervous it just happens. kinda makes me wonder if his wing cape ordeal might also go into the suppression thing… (i’d say yes, but using a cape is also very comforting so it’s not necessarily a bad thing)

3. going back to the mask thing; he stims a lot underneath it. think like biting or pursing your lips. he bites his tongue and clicks his mouth. that sort of thing. his mask also makes it harder to notice that he is constantly sighing, humming, grumbling…all that

one nice thing about the mask though is that it helps a little bit with lights!!! woo

(look at him and his magically floating glasses)

sensory stuff—i think he’s mostly bothered by light and sound. maybe a bit of texture. he’s pretty sensory avoidant and perfectly happy standing off to the side not touching anything.

the one exception to this is physical affection, which is, despite all of this, most of how he shows affection. it’s a lot easier to hug someone than to try to explain your feelings for them, after all.

i think he would like pressure though. so that’s probably part of it. and i’m pretty sure there’s some connection in here to fighting (dang, is that the only way he knows how to get his energy out?)

anyway, pretty much all of this is in contrast to kirby, who i would gladly nominate as the champion of Doing Whatever He Wants. he might pick up a few bad habits, but he will never mask the way meta knight does. he might not understand how he feels, but he’s in tune enough to express it…usually.

this is a very good thing for meta because it helps him to do the same thing. kirby’s so energetic, it’s hard to not want to stim with him. it reminds meta to be kinder to himself and explore his own emotions. he can also help kirby understand themselves, so this connection is very important.

yeah, at the end of the day, everything kinda just boils down to kirby and mk as parallels

this is the conclusion i promise

to me, meta’s arc is about growing stronger by growing kinder, and this is mostly by learning to be kind to himself. letting himself be a person again, loving and understanding other people, and eventually, letting go of all the expectations placed on him and doing the things he’s always wanted to do…

autism headcanons are fun for me because it’s cathartic to write, but at the same time, it just makes sense in this sort of narrative. meta is, to me, inseparable from these things. and so is kirby! that’s a dynamic that’s a lot of fun to play with, and it’s at the heart of my kirby interpretation.

if you actually read all this WOW thank you

[ludinusdaleth]

You're honestly so right re: adaptation bc I think people cannot process that outside of a DND medium absolutely nothing in CR.... Works. I won't pretend I'm not critical of some decisions but folk act like they've never seen an adaptation before????? Even among good adaptations I don't think these people could even survive the HDM series.

hdm is honestly a really good pull because i would consider that the pinnacle of "objectively good adaptations with just enough changes it makes me squirm a little". i personally really dont like how they modernized the setting. or leaving out the part of the lost boys funeral where lyra screams at them for not respecting his dead fish/daemon. or how slow wills plot is in s1.

but it is beyond that a good adaptation. it hits and expands on every theme and plot point. i couldnt really ask for a better one.

i think lovm is presently infinitely better than hdm in hitting what matters. i dont like every part of it - i wish keyleths guilt-anger was developed more, or that her & vax werent so damn difficult conceptually to portray without problems any way you slice it - but im pretty stunned by everything else. i like c1 enough but i think a lot of lovm elevates it. ripley is more interesting to me here personally. i love how they changed the dawnmartyr subplot. and i like that it can mash future developments & the larger world in without it feeling forced and in fact adding to the scale of vox machina's heroism. and im really excited for expanded geopolitics & larger focus in m9's adaptation too! because i know things physically could never be a 1/1 in any adaptation, of anything, on planet earth. it would be boring, reductive, & at times even ignorant of modern politics if they did. i very purposely didnt come here to watch vm as it was and it surprises me that folk did. i ask m9 animated to be different. i ask bh animated to be different. maybe they will all misstep but it's all made with love and that is functionally all that matters to me. folk act like this is some wolverine origins deadpool level butchering when all i see are tweaks that dont matter to folk who are patient and dont obsess over every detail to a point of possession.

i just.... really, really dont get the anger over adaptation. i never have. the source always exists. just go to it, problem solved. if the literal creators are involved in the adaptation i do think they generally know what they want more than fans ever will and they have the maturity in creation to understand how to adapt a medium and compromise through that.

[reverie-verse]

Love Triangle Or Not (Four)- Pt 4 ..haha

Here are the other parts

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Anon Request Prompt: Y/N is a trainer (very well known for her badassness) She just came back from a mission; she gets a little jelly that Tris and Four had gotten closer. There’s some feelings but on who’s end? Four asks Y/N to help Tris. Being the amazing person she is, she agrees to help, but in the process she gets hurt. After the mission ends she returns home only to have an argument with Four. Leads to late night confessions  

I’m also making Y/N a Divergent but in secret. 

A couple things, this is ridiculously long, I put it in parts and I am releasing them all at the same time because it makes sense okay. Cooooooollll I hope you enjoy. 

Established something between Tris and Four. 

Yooo I am so sorry I know it says late night confeession but thats not what happend. Im sorry the story writes itself sometimes hahha.

My requests are OPEN

————————————————-

Four ran from the room he and Tris were in, Jeanin laid unconscious on the floor. His mind reeled back to you. His panic set in, the two of them ran together, Caleb, Marcus and Will were not too far behind them. “ We need to get to the train!” Tris says, she shifts her gaze to Four.

Four growls in irritation, you should’ve been back by now and you're not. Four comes to a halt and so does the rest of the group. 

“ What are you doing? We need to go now!” Tris yells.

“ It’s Y/N. I can’t leave. Just go to the train and get on, I’ll be right behind you guys”  Four runs in the opposite direction back into the building hunting for you. He’ll be damned if he were to ever leave you behind. He’ll be damned if you're hurt, and if you were he only had himself to blame. He asked you to do this mission, it was a rushed process he knew that. Yet his heart still sank, he needed to make sure you were safe. He had so many things to say to you things he wished he had said earlier. So many emotions filtered through his mind and he only could think about you. 

As if on cue, you stumbled out of the room that you and Eric were fighting in. Grabbing both hands he socked you in the side of the ribs repeatedly. You curved in on yourself in an attempt to block the punches. Eric managed to corner you between the wall and himself. Four panicked yelling at the top of his lungs from the other end of the hall “ GET OFF HER!” Four took off into a full sprint. Eric snapped his head towards four realizing that he was in fact awake and not affected by the serum. You took advantage of his distraction. You’ll definitely need to thank Four for that later. You pushed the hand away that held your wrist. Reach up and over Eric’s head you forced it down, locking it in place with your other hand. You jumped up so that you could wrap your legs around his waist. You planned on putting his ass to sleep. You squeezed your arms tight, cutting off his air supply. 

Four slowed down as he neared you, Eric groaned in pain as he tried to push you off of him. He resorted to punching you in the side causing you to lose your grip. You groan in pain as your grip slips from your fingers. You dropped to the floor while Eric attempted to grab you again. Four took off in a sprint tackling Eric to the ground. You took this as a second to recover looking for anything to take him down. By now all the little Knick knack of weapons that you had on you were gone due to the fight with Eric. Four battled it out with Eric, you stumbled up searching for anything to stop Eric. Your eyes landed on a piece of round metal, you ran towards it reaching for it. You stopped in your tracks holding it in your hand, it was a smoke grenade. Your eyes snapped in the direction of Four and Eric. As they wrestled amongst each other, you waited for an opportunity for them to separate. You started off in a jog before fully running you shouted Fours name as you pulled the clip from its slot and tossed it. Both Eric and Four stopped to look at you. Eric, not having time to react, Four punched him in the face taking off in the opposite direction. You threw the grenade forcing him to collapse and cover his face while you and Four barely made it out of the room-heading for the trains.

The train had led the group to Amity, a safe haven for now though it wasn’t ideal but it was necessary. The group had jumped off the train landing in the grass near the open field. Everyone graciously landed on the grass except you. The pain you now felt in your side was immense, the adrenaline in your body slowing down allowing all the damage your body took, catching up to you all at once. You were tired, your body wanted to give out, sweat rolled down your face, you pushed yourself up, you couldn’t breathe, it seemed to become more difficult as you tried to catch your breath. You swayed for a second or two. The thing was you didn’t land incorrectly, you landed how you were taught. So why can’t you breathe? The group had walked a good distance before Four noticed your absence. He turned around and saw you standing in place, you looked so defeated, but you also looked like you were about to drop.

 Four ran over to you as he yelled your name “ Y/N?!”, your body swayed again. You knew you couldn’t stand for much longer. In that very same second your body gave out your eyes  fluttering shut. The last image was Four’s concerned face as he caught you in his arms..” Hey, Hey, keep your eyes open. You can’t sleep, Stay awake” Four checked everywhere he could possibly as he searched for wounds. You had a few cuts and bruises here and there. What captured his attention was the broken rib that perturbed out so far that it pressed into the suit you wore, the back of your head carried an injury that caused it to bleed. Damnit! It was you, he did this to you, out of all people. He cursed himself, as he lifted you up and carried you bridal style. This was the last thing he wanted and yet he was the one who asked you to do this mission to start this war. You willingly followed him, even though you told him it was a bad idea. You were always right but somehow you kept it to yourself and you never told him so, he would always find out the hard way. This time it was different, he let someone else talk him into it and you tried to stop him, to make him wait. If only he had listened. You were his best friend but in this moment you meant more to him than anything else. 

You laid in the hospital bed bandaged up asleep. Four held your hand in his as he rested his elbows on the bed, his lips resting against your hand. It had been about two days, you hadn’t woken up yet, you just continued to sleep, Four paid attention to your breathing every now and then to make sure you were in fact breathing. Four caught in a trance he hadn’t noticed Marcus walk into the room, “ I think you should eat and get some rest-” Marcus walks over to him, placing the food on the bedside of the table. Marcus placed his hand on Four’s shoulder to bring comfort to him in hopes he might take a break. “ -Tobias” Four flinches, it brings him to reality.. His name sounded wrong in his mouth, his touch burned, it wasn’t the touch he yearned for or the way his name was said by only you. Yet here you were laying in this bed, because of him. He never looked away from your face, watching you sleep, you looked so peaceful, in a way it made his heart twist. A piece of hair rested against your face in the way, one of his hands let go of yours, he reached over and pushed it out of the way. He caressed your face gently. Marcus sighed leaving the room quietly giving him the space and privacy with you. 

A memory of you filled his mind as your smile appeared, you and Four had decided it would be a good time to prank Eric by replacing his mattress with farting cushions, so that every time he rolled over it would fart. Those damn farting sounds woke up the entire unit. Your laughter filled his ears. His heart swooned again, oh how he wished he could hear it right now. He closed his eyes just long enough so that he could hear your laugh and see your smile. Though when he opened his eyes he realized that you may just be in this state for a while. A bad memory filled his mind as it flashed back to you fighting Eric in the Warehouse, you fought with purpose, and he wished he would have taken it back-

“ Well you look like shit. Stop scrunching your face like that, you’re gonna get wrinkles” Your voice hoarse as you spoke. Four opened his eyes as he looked at you. You were a sight for sore eyes, his heart swelled at the sound of your voice. He wasn’t sure if this was a dream or if it was real. You smiled at him.

Four chuckled “Oh is that so?” He questioned still lost in you.

“ Yeah” You continued to smile as you spoke softly 

“ Mmh I wonder who told you that.” He replied carrying the same volume

“ You” You watched Four hold your hand as he looked away from your face, guilt filled his chest. You had seen his mood shift and just as you were about to ask him what was wrong Tris had walked in with a tray of food. She stops in her tracts realizing that you were awake. Four straightens up in his chair. By the looks of it not only did she care to feed him but she cut her hair too, her smile not quite reaching you but directed at Four. Of course it was. Your eyes drifted between the two. Tris cleared her throat “ Um I brought you food, I know you haven’t eaten all day. Oh uh Y/n you’re up, I am so glad you are finally awake” 

You gave her a simple “mhm” as you turned slightly on your good side, kind of showing your back to her and the door. You faced the window and Four. You watched Four watch her, he was hesitant “Uh thank you Tris, you can leave it right there on the counter” He nodded towards it giving her a smile. She yet again returns it before leaving, giving him one last look. You rolled your eyes groaning in pain as you sat up slowly pushing Four out of the way. No way in hell were you planning on staying here to watch this shit happen. Four shook his head “ No you need to lay down” 

You shoved his hands away. “ Fuck it I am leaving”

“ You can’t leave Y/n” Four argued back as he tried to get you to stay on the bed. 

“ Watch me” You winced as you shoved him out of the way standing barely on your own two feet

“ Y/n come on. Don’t do this, just lay back down and get some rest”

“ No, I’m leaving, I can't stay here.”

“We need to lay low. Which is something you already know.”

“ We, please more like you and Tris with your little group you call family. I am not needed and that much is clear. What a great way to wake up”

“Is that what this is about? Tris?” He asks, watching your reaction closely, you however couldn’t find a way to answer that question without being rude. You also were tired of hiding your feelings for him. 

“ You know what so what if it is” You questioned as you tried to walk past him but it was a struggle. Four grabbed your arm holding you in place. “ Four don’t make me kick your ass”

“ What has she done to you that you hate her so much? If you hated her so much then why did you help take down Erudite-”

“ I didn't do it for her! I did it for you!” You challenged as two stared at each other. It was time to let him know even if this doesn’t go the way you’d like. 

“ What?” Four let go of your arm. 

“ I. did. it . for. You. Because I care for you more than I should. I am in love with you and I have been since I met you. You are the one person that I can’t live without. I put my feelings aside because it was the right thing to do. It was never just for her” You told him, as a tear slipped out of your cheek. You had held that in for so long that when it came out it was more powerful than it should've been. “ But what does that matter? She’s the one you want, you two can save the factions together. You don’t need me” You stated as you took a step away from Four. 

“ She’s not the one I want” Four says as he stares into you from behind. He wasn’t about to let you walk away after he almost lost you. Tris was not the person he wanted in his life as much as he wanted you in his life. You didn’t turn around, instead you chose to stay in your place. You waited. What if he was only saying that just to say. You were a sucker for him, one word, one phrase or sentence was enough to keep you here, but could you really do that to yourself? Four walked over to you turning you around to face him, He cupped your face in his hands. 

“ You are the one I want, Y/n. How can I save factions if the one person who knows me the best isn’t my partner. You have been by my side supporting me every step of the way. It wasn’t until the moment I thought I lost you that, it was you.” Four rested his forehead against yours.

 He shook his head, “ She was never you, she couldn’t be but I did have to help her. I knew what she was and that was life that needed to be saved. That doesn’t make things better but I had to help. It’s what you would’ve done”

You sighed “ Tobias-” Four couldn’t take it much longer pulling you into a kiss capturing your lips with his, the way you folded into each other was like a perfect mold. Four’s hands moved from your face sliding down your sides wrapping his arms around you. Yours wrapped around his neck, your fingers carting through his hair. You both must've been holding back from each other, as you both took the breath from each other's lungs. You both held so much passion and love that it felt as if no time had passed, the only indicator was the need for air and the pain in your ribs. You both pull away, while you wince slightly.  

“You okay?”

“ Yeah, just keep in mind the next time you do that, let me know so my ribs don’t hurt” You tell him.

“ I will be sure to warn you, but can I just say Jealous is a good look on you”

[enhastolemyheart]

hand in hand — 𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘒 𝘑𝘖𝘕𝘎𝘚𝘌𝘖𝘕𝘎

pairing. Jay x reader

genre. strangers to lovers, fluff

synopsis. you thought you would never be the one to run with a stranger — a handsome stranger at that — but here we are.

networks. @hyfenet / @k-films

warnings. running, mention of drinks, lowercase intended, kissing, dancing but that's not necessarily a warning, proofread but lmk if any mistakes.

word count. 0.3k+

a/n. this fic has bloomed thanks to this v specific dream that I got, and I think Jay fits this concept ngl. im really sorry with these short fics, im trying saur hard to write longer ones but nonetheless, hope you enjoy <3 TAGLIST IS OPEN.

"come with me"

you see him hold out his hand at you, and you give yourself in.

but, wait-

this is not you, why are you even doing this?

he gently tugs on your hand as you both make your way through the sidewalks of the bustling city. muttering out little 'sorry' when bumping into someone.

looking at him take you away like this only caused adrenaline rush in your veins. you didn't think you'd be here. you had seen him in the cafe you go to study, he sits in that very same corner, every single time. days turn into weeks. this one time you go in without having the purpose to study, he takes the opportunity to approach you.

yes, he had been eyeing you for a little while now, the way come to the cafe to solely work and focus, fascinates him. he thinks it's very cute how you bit your lup when you focus on your work, or how you always have your yoir hair put up and away from your face when doing alot of writing work. he noticed how you order an extra coffee if you were goinf to stay for longer hours. he thinks that he needs to be in you life, in some part of way.

you had been running for god knows how long. finally, stopping you've noticed you reached the location he desired to show you.

it was somewhere old and ruins everywhere. you started to second guess everything. should I really trust this handsome man?

as he took you more in, you had realised you found yourself in a bonfire party, seeing people gather already, with their hands on their partners dancing or holding a drink. you asked yourself why he chose you to take to this party but all those thoughts disappeared from your mind when you feel Jay's hand pull away from yours.

you furrow your brows when you see him towards you, hand put out. you giggle softly and jay's heart melts, he takes your right hand in his left, his right hand wrapping around your waist and your going around his shoulders, you both start swaying to the music booming.

his forehead finds yours, softly in contact while a wide smile plays on your lips, Jay couldn't help but reciprocate, feeling to have made the move first. maybe you thought this chance wouldn't come again, so you pressed your lips against his in a slow kiss in contrast to your accelerating hearts.

never in a million years you would think to be in this place, in Jay's arms, moving to the rhythm of your hearts but, you are glad that you chose to place your hand in his, and trust him along the process.

an. in my dream, i was slow dancing w this really cute guy, but we were doing so for him to get rid of someone- and i didnt know. haha plot twist. anyways, we are not doing that w jay tho, only good stuff. hope you enjoyed and feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!!

perm taglist: @jak-ey ; @snoowhore ; @hsgwrld ; @seungiesluv ; @1-800shutthefuckup (send an ask to be added!)

[barrackspredator]

HEYYYY I was wondering if you could do one of your it ships for my it oc. I get that my oc is shipped with Patrick (by me but im wondering if she might be possibly shipped with anyone else)

Bethany Huggins is Belch Huggins little sister nicknamed "Big Boots" by Henry because of her big boots. Shes well known around town as the girl who'll curse you out over anything. although belch doesnt want her to get in trouble for her bad attitude henrys very proud (hes taught her well) ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩Bethany's hair you ask? well sit down cause it should have its own history book. One week its bleach blonde the next its box dye black, then its dirty blonde. but no matter the colour….. its gonna be big! Shes inspired by all her hair metal idols. ✩ ♬ ₊.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧Bethany's music taste is heavily inspired from belch, she loves metal and heavy music. but her favourite? Glam metal, she can go on and on about Motley Crue and Poison.

★🎸🎧⋆｡ °⋆People around town give her odd looks, some say its her fashion some say its the rumours greta spread about her. like the time she spread a rumour that Bethany made out with Patrick "THE Perv" Hockstetter for 5 bucks. lets just say greta received some… presents from Pat in her locker that week. although there were some drunken words at a party from pat that it was in fact not 5 bucks but 25.

☆。。☆。。 。☆Bethanys style is her whole personality. leather and denim mini skirts that she knows she can wear around because if anyone tries something her big brother will pummel them. these skirts are paired with band crop tops and leather jackets. she buys a new pair a fishnets every week cause a certain black haired boy likes to snap them on the way to school in belchs car.

.¸¸.♡.¸¸.☆¸.♡.¸¸.☆.¸¸.♡.¸shes constantly covered in jewelry! brackets, necklaces, belts, belly chains, earrings, EVERYTHING. she loves silver shiny jewelry and gets Henry to steal for her. .·͙̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩̥͙ ✩ ̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩͙‧͙ .she gets all her cigarettes from Victor cause Belch being a good big brother won't let her, won't stop her though.

As a fellow hair metal enjoyer myself (🤓) I am thrilled to write this. Since you want to explore outside of Patrick, I will not be shipping her with him. I also made him in like 5 minutes bc i’m severely unwell. If this is straight cheeks then I apologize and will redo this.

Bethany Huggins

I ship you with…

Victor Criss

• Her brothers best friend who gives her cigarettes.

• It was a match made in heaven.

• Obviously it was a slow process. It wasn’t right off the bat.

• Victor isn’t really a talker. Not like Patrick is. The blonde is more reserved and talks when he needs to.

• That being said, he’s liked Bethany since puberty did her well. But did he ever tell anybody? No. The body would rather drop dead.

• And Victor is fairly certain if Belch ever found out about his little crush he’d run him over.

• So naturally it had to be Bethany who took the first step.

• Maybe they had a little too much to smoke or somebody said something that made the other’s eyebrow raise.

• At first Victor wants to keep it a secret (for his own safety) but it wasn’t long until Patrick got his sticky hands on this news (he walked in on them)

• It wasn’t long until Patrick went around flapping his lips talking about some “AND THEY WERE ALL OVER EACH OTHER! I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW VIC LIKED CHICKS!”

• Belch was pissed to put it lightly.

• Nobody had ever seen Belch run so fast. He chased Victor through the junkyard with a passion, screaming at the blond that he was a filthy bastard.

• He got tired after 1 minute but he was still pretty angry.

• Henry was… disturbed? He didn’t really care but at the same time “Criss, really? That’s the best you could come up with?”

• Anywho

• Victor as a boyfriend is pretty solid.

• Most of their dates are typically an evening at the record store before going back to his place and getting high.

• They’re the definition of underdressed bf, overdressed gf

• But the boy doesn’t care! He is head over heels every time he sees Bethany in one of her outfits

• The kind of boyfriend to put his hand in the butt pocket of her bottoms

• Since she dyes her hair so often, Victor employed her to help bleach his hair.

• Isn’t that fond of her music but he doesn’t say anything about it. He just sits back and bounces his leg.

• Most hangouts are at his place since whenever it’s at the Huggins residence, Belch is there lingering…

I was going to ship her with Henry then didn’t bc I thought their relationship (based off of what I was fed) was too sibling-like. Anywho!

[raidante]

As soon as I finished my ask I saw you went to the hospital, Idk what happened but sincerely hope you're doing better now

I am!! Honestly if anyone wants to know it was honestly a really weird out of pocket thing. I'm a disabled person, who suffers from scoliosis and arthiritis and other physical defencicies because genetics and idk, I'm just the unlucky one of my family (immune disorders and bone issues also run in my family).

I already had a struggle at the beginning of August where my muscles became extremely inflammed for no apparent reason (at the time my doctor hypothosized it was perhaps the beginning of an immune disorder forming as a reaction to me getting sick the week prior to it) and it rendered me more or less paralyzed. My limbs were weak, my legs were weak, my entire back was too weak to support my body. I couldn't walk, I could barely stand, and I could not get up if I sat down. I couldn't even open a ziplock back because my hamstrings were just Not responding (I could not bend my arms and grip things). But after 2 days of rest it slowly loosened up and I was like okay. weird. scary. lets hope this doesn't happen again? (also it made me take a week off work and I was paid in pennies for that, so financially it was even a worse issue LOL).

but a month later (2 weeks ago from now), it happened AGAIN. My original choice of action was like ok. I guess Ill try sleeping this off again too. But i ended up falling really hard on my side the next day getting up so I couldn't do anything; even crawling was extremely painful. Called my dad, whos like in his 60s and im over 200 pounds so he couldn't lift me and it ended with me calling the paramedics and getting lifted to the hospital and I was wheelchair bound as they took my vitals and it turns out I was lethally low on potassium which meant my body was paralyzed and if I tried sleeping it off I would have passed away in my sleep bc my heart would have slowed down until it stopped!!! so... a good thing I ended up falling? Otherwise I would have died later that night.

They kept me overnight on ivs to get my potassium back up to par and it hasnt really dipped since then. The weird thing is it was spontaneous; nothing in my diet and in my habits besides like...mental stress (work cut the budget so I literally havent had a shift in a month since today and have been living off my life savings and friends' donations to help me stay afloat w rent.,..its Bad. Ive been trying to get disability stuff filled but they make it REALLY TOUGH even when you are disabled like I am) but that isn't even enough of a factor for such a lethal drop. They said it appeared to be a slow gradual drop in potassium too instead of like a quick sudden one, which was why I was slowly going paralyzed over the course of a few days rather than just it happening suddenly (and if it dropped suddenly I'd have had a heart attack and died, so). Went to my PCP, he has no idea. Got so much blood drawn these past few weeks I now have a permanent needle and discoloration scar from where the IV drip was, lol, and I JUST scheduled with a kidney doctor since potassium is processed through kidneys, so...maybe Ill get an answer. Desperately searching google and the only real thing that comes up is this very rare like 1% disease that just is your body slowly begins to struggle processing potassium on its own and usually medications fix that... but idk how I'd even have that since nothing like that runs in my family.

Needless to say it was very weird, very frightening, and most of all financially FRUSTRATING. My insurance covered everything bc im extremely broke, but not working at all for like a month straight on top of it has absolutely devastated me and sapped out all my creativity</3 THAT SAID! I am trying to stir myself to draw again!!!!! I have ideas!!!!! i wanna DRAW! WRITE! Its just a matter of..getting myself to do it. And also there's a league of legends event so Ive been grinding out the battlepass since Ive been on standby for work shifts for a fucking month, lol.

also as for the cat!! Kitty i kept for 2 weeks and my sister and her husband took the kitty from me saturday because theyre gonna try adopting her! and if it doesnt work out theyre gonna help find a suitable home for her. She was very cute and I fed her everyday played with her gave her baths and slept with her and she definitely helped me feel a bit more Normal during such an abnormal time in my life. Here's a pic I took of her while she was hanging out w me!

she had very big sad eyes and a very squeaky meow

[guardian5tiger3]

How to help/overcome issues with anger?

*there is good advice in all of these groups so feel free to read all of them, some of you they will all resonate, but whichever specific one you pick will be more specific to you.💙

Pick a picture-

1 2

3

One

I'm seeing that this is pent up anger for a time when you couldn't express yourself in an unjustified situation. So it seems you guys feel like trying to tame your anger is the best way to help it go away but that's what was causing it. You need to express yourself and let it out so you can process this in order to truly heal from it. I heard trust the process. You guys might need to talk to someone else that you feel can connect with what you're going through in some way. You guys might build up resentment towards people because you want to take things out on them and you know you shouldn't. I'm getting something about a distraction and or walking away. You may do that to people or you may feel upset when others refuse to address you or your feelings. Overall you all are really loving individuals and what's blocking that being how it should within yourselves is that you won't let yourself process what you're going through. It may be scary and painful but it's there even when you're ignoring it and the only way to make it really go away is to walk through it. I'm seeing you guys will benefit from this a lot including socially and it will be easier for you to pursue and obtain things you want.

Two

You may get frustrated when things aren't as you hope for them to be , or when things aren't easy for you to understand. You may get frustrated with yourself when you're not sure what to do. This I got a memory of when I was a child I would try to put a shirt on and I would get stuck and not know what to do and I would absolutely lose it. That type of anger felt very painful. So you guys might be inclined to give up a lot and this seems like it's hurting your self confidence and overall killing your good vibes when this does happen. I'm seeing that you guys do need to be accepting of a patience energy cause I'm seeing spirit trying to provide you with that in a way. If you are in these situation to remember to slow down and breathe. I know from personal experience that is so difficult . But worth it. If you attempt to pre approach situations you know might trigger you with an already patient and calm energy in mind it will go a lot smoother from the start. When one thing happens take a break so it doesn't continue through the rest of your day. Some of you for sure can practice affirmations or just talk to yourself and get a clear mind like yeah but who really even cares if I messed up putting a shirt on it won't matter in a week it really won't and just talk yourself out of it you guys seem very smart so don't assume you aren't capable . If there's issues that need to be healed, for some of you there are, you need to look back on your childhood and analyze what you were told and how you were treated that may have caused you to end up feeling like this because for a lot of you I feel as though this is an ideology that was forced in your head in a more traumatizing way so that you are so emotional about it.

Three

A lot of you have control issues it seems regarding other people. If not that it is that you want people to act a certain way and when they don't you get upset. This is a form of self defense. So you all must try to accept that everyone has free will and allow people around you to fuck up frankly. Im seeing that this involves finding a certain level of inner peace where you no longer feel the need to care about other people like that because you can rely on the stability you have within yourself. Some of you might feel like oh I'm a bad person I will just isolate myself then. No . You are deserving of loving and being loved. As a matter of fact I see being around the right people that are in an energy that would be good for you to be in for yourself or just be around would actually be healing to this. I'm really getting feminine, patient, calm , at peace. Also people who are very rational. All of these qualities are ones you should surround yourself with. I feel like you are wounded and need some nurturing and so I ask that you allow yourself to receive that. And overall the best energies to be around are the people that you feel comfortable around to receive social healing from. I hope this all makes sense. Peace ,guys.

[katya45kg]

Weightloss tips u may not know about or do but don’t know the science behind them 🩷🫶🏻

1. After a 48hr fast your dopamine receptors reset. For example: a mars bar gives u a dopamine hit? Gone. Try eating fruit now, it will taste better, sweeter & its more healthy for u. - source “Fast like a girl by Dr Mindy Peltz”

2. The reasons why people can’t stop themselves from binging is because of sugar and flour. Eating those foods or food containing them MAKE u hungry. The best way to satisfy yourself after a meal is to cut those products out. I eat only fruits and vegetables and i find that after lets say 2 tomatoes or a banana, i feel satisfied. Some days all i eat is a piece of fruit for snack and a salad for dinner & im fine. - source “Bright line eating by Susan Peirce Thompson”

3. After 3 days of fasting, the hunger goes away. Push through it & you’ll notice it gets easier. When u break your fast ALWAYS do it with something healthy like fruits or vegetables. Going back to like ice cream will ruin the dopamine receptors and you will crave unhealthy foods again. - source I can’t remember but ive heard it heaps on YT videos & ive tried it and can vouch for that tip.

4. After 2mins of running or high intensity exercise, your body runs out of energy & begins to fuel you by producing cortisol to keep u going. High amounts of cortisol results in your body storing BELLY FAT. So if u happen to notice that u store belly fat mainly, that could be the reason. Source - Autumn Bates on YT (i forgot which vid but i think maybe it was a tik tok, sorry.)

5. Starvation mode is a myth. Look at prisoners of war for example. They are so emaciated due to lack of food, if “starvation mode” was true, they wouldn’t end up like that. Maybe u may not loose for a few days but that is your body holding water or possibly gaining muscle, if it prolongs further than this see my next tip. Source - i forgot im so sorry, possibly a podcast?

6. Your body has a natural rhythm known as the circadian rhythm. This in short like an internal clock that regulates our sleep-wake cycle and other bodily functions. It helps us feel awake during the day and sleepy at night. It's influenced by factors like light exposure, hormones, and daily routines. It means that your body doesn’t digest food the same at night, if at all. It isn’t supposed to. If u feed yourself after 6-8pm, the digestion process is slower, much slower. This can cause to hormones being released at the wrong time, storing fat, keeping u awake etc. It is best to not eat after 6pm (if u heard this tip from ur mother growing up, it is actually science backed, its not so u “eat less & that makes u loose weight” its because u stop eating after a certain time. It is actually because your body isn’t designed to digest food late in the night and so u loose fat easier.) Source - “Change your schedule, change your life by Dr Suhas Kshirsagar”

7. Birth-control whacks out your hormones. If u are on BC & find u have all these cravings & can’t seem to restrict, thats most likely the reason why. A lot of doctors will tell u “its just water weight” but thats not the case. The constant stream of synthetic hormones keeps your body in a state that similarly reflects how u feel the week before your period (bloated, craving, tired etc) and u feel this way continuously. Im not saying go off birth-control but if you are puzzled as to why u may feel like this & u are on BC this may be the reason. Source “Your brain on birth control by Sarah Hill”

8. Also on the topic of hormones, if u aren’t loosing weight no matter what u do or its very slow progress, it can be due to a hormonal imbalance. Exactly which one im not sure, it depends on you and your body. U can see which hormones are out of balance via online tests (idk what to google i read it in a book). Completing tests online can give u a rough idea of which hormones may be unbalanced and then u can go to your doctor and request certain tests to medically check. Your dr can then advise you on what to do to balance them. You may also have hyperthyroidism which can make u constantly tired, unable to loose weight and sensitive to stress. Source - “Hormone repair manual by Lara Briden”.

That is all i can think of rn. I have read all books i have sited & many many more. There is definitely a huge science to weight loss and i may make another post in the future stating what i have learnt. Most books are written by drs or people of similar qualifications. I applied all these to my life and loose weight continuously. My mother is also a certified nutritionist, personal trainer and life coach & she also follows all these things & has read the same if not more books. She is almost 50 & bmi 18.3 & has consistently been this way for my whole 21yrs of living even after having 3 kids. She doesn’t loose weight due to her high calorie intake (like 3k cals a day) but she also doesn’t gain weight so if u follow these examples by restricting u will see major weightloss. I also have lost 5kg in 8 days from following these tips this relapse & last relapse i lost 30kg in 4ish months from these tips.

[platonic-qpr-selfshipping]

When teasing goes a bit too far [pt.3]

Characters: Asra (he/they, The Arcana), N (they/them, S/I), Faust (she/her, Asra's familiar)

Selfship: Asra and N (queerplatonic)

Words: 1.4k

Summary: Marriage can mean a lot of things, and the process of thinking about them is making N's insecurities stronger.

Notes: the weekly dose of emotional hurt/comfort some of us need. especially self-indulgent im sorry beware XDDD

pt.1 | pt.2 | pt.3 | pt.4 | Letter 1 | Letter 2 | Epilogue

He had just turned the stove on when he saw N standing on their tiptoes to reach some plates in the cupboard. It was a very simple —and nowadays part of their routine— view, yet the domesticity of it still managed to get a soft smile out of him. 

Asra watched N prepare the table. They looked so focused on their little task that he did not dare to break the silence until, right after finishing and giving the table an approving grin, they went back to Asra’s side and watched the stove with them. He welcomed them by his side by giving them a quick kiss near their ear.

“Are you hungry? You seem kind of fidgety.”

“Not really, but I’m really looking forward to having some of your cooking,” N commented, eyes on the pot. “Or maybe I’m just excited to have dinner with you.”

“But we have dinner together almost every day.”

“Still.”

He nudged them with his shoulder, their smile showing his teeth. N got comfortable for the little wait and turned to support their back on the counter. As they stayed there in silence, their eyes wandered through the kitchen as if they hadn’t been there before. And then the pot. And the floor too, for a moment.

“How long will it take?” they asked after some minutes of silence.

“Hm, around thirty minutes, maybe?”

“Right.” N’s eyes wandered again before going back to Asra. “Do you mind if I talk about something, then?”

Upon hearing the question, Asra unconsciously stepped closer. Not enough to touch them, but as close as they could get to catch their attention. He nodded. The serious tone in their voice had started to worry them.

“Sorry if this sounds too sad, all of a sudden, but– Are you… happy, spending life with me like this?”

“Of course I am,” he reassured, although still concerned about the question. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Really?” their doubt came with a sad smile and a lower voice. “I know we’ve been together for some years now, but I have recently started to fear that you… deserve better? That you deserve more. Don’t take me wrong, I love you and being with you, but it began to feel unfair to want to keep you with me when you could be so much happier somewhere else.”

“Oh, N.”

His brow furrowed, their hand in the air as they waited for N to make a gesture that would let him caress them. Yet they made an effort to maintain that sad smile. Asra felt lost for a moment, but the feeling of their partner slowly holding his hand helped them organise his thoughts somehow.

“There’s… so, so much I simply cannot give you,” N continued while tracing the lines of his hand. “We both know it, and yet, how can you be so sure that being with me is the right thing for you?”

“Because I want you, that I’m sure of,” he said, finally holding their cheek. “I don’t want anything that would hurt you or that you don’t want to do. I want your jokes, waking up to the sight of your bed hair and the smile you give me when you accept my affection.”

“But–”

“N, you’re letting the worry take up too much space inside of you. Look at me.”

The hand he had kept on their cheek was now fixing their hair at a slow pace. Asra could feel their eyes on his, so he gave them a moment as he focused on their face. After he held their hand a bit tighter and N held it back, he took a breathe in and continued:

“I want you, N. Not anything nor anyone else,” they placed a finger on their chest, right on their heart. “You can trust me, you know this.”

“Hm.” Their eyes turned teary, but they fought the tears and nodded. 

“I like you so much I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express it all, so you’ll have to bear with me while I try to do so during all the years to come. Does that sound good to you?”

“Yeah,” N answered, using their free hand to wipe off some small tears now. “Sorry for the needed reassurance. I just really thought that…”

“I would never leave you for having boundaries, N,” they confirmed, practically guessing the other’s thoughts. “In fact, I could start listing off all the little things that make me feel lucky I get to spend my days with you, and none of them would disrespect said boundaries. Ever.”

“Oh, come on,” they awkwardly chuckled, having a hard time keeping up with the new positive tone of their chat. Asra caressed their hand and supported the side of his body on the counter, as if that simple shift in his position meant he had accepted their own challenge.

“Let’s see…,” they sighed with a smile, swinging N’s hand in theirs. “I like how you always feel the need to have breakfast after waking up, and the way you slowly walk towards me when you need a hug only because it is cold outside.”

“Hey,” they smiled, yet spoke as if they were offended.

“I like the way you welcome Faust into your arms, always opening them as if you were about to receive a hug from a person. And how you smile at clients, especially when it is their first time receiving a reading from you and you just want them to feel comfortable. I like your serious look when you ask for the simplest stuff, and how your eyes open when a spell you’ve spent time on suddenly works out.”

N didn’t have the strength to say anything, really. They barely found courage to look at their partner’s face at first, but he continued nevertheless and went on again. They were carefully being wrapped between caresses on their knuckles and praises aimed to their ears. Asra was… caring like that.

“I like how your eyes shine when we meet our friends and it is so obvious that everyone you love is in the same place. I like how you still try to cling to me when sleeping even on the hottest summer nights. I like how seriously you take your journaling, and that focused look of yours when you are determined to do something. I like the feeling of your lips against my forehead and the way our hands look together when we walk through the marketplace. I, of course, like the way you pronounce my name when your accent in your mother tongue clearly shows as you speak.”

“Asra…”

“Yeah, exactly like that.”

Their sweet smile showed their dimples as they fondly stared at N, who reached out to his cheek. Their thumb caressed the lines that appeared as a consequence of that smile and, after a moment of reflection, they wrapped Asra in their arms. He quickly held them back, hands meeting behind N’s back.

“I love you,” N whispered, almost as if they could not speak properly. “And sorry again, for all of that.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m happy to remind you that I love you too.”

“Thank you, really,” they expressed as they hid in the crook of his neck. “I’ll try not to worry that much.”

Asra patted their back, still holding them close. Their heart wondered what the root of these recent doubts was, and his hypothesis was, perhaps, only what he wished to be true. With their face getting warmer and the conversation with Vassago in their mind, he tried to calm his heart before asking:

“Have you been thinking about this because of…?”

“Hm,” N answered in an affirmative tone, interrupting Asra’s hesitation as if neither of them were prepared to hear the end of that question. “I want to make sure you have the best for you in your life.”

That fluttering feeling again. He had to swallow his words and think twice about what to say after that. However, even if he had planned something for it, it was meant to fail due to the short time they had in their hands. The water inside the pot started to spill from all that time with no one keeping an eye on it, and N rushed to turn the stove off. They laughed at the mess together and prepared to clean it all before Faust tried to drink something from the floor.

[yardofangels]

OMG HI!! So I just finished reading the latest chapter of your AO3 fic and I love love LOVE it!! I came to ur tumblr because I was hoping for more content and I saw ur post about Königs backstory and god his entire demeanor through the fic makes sense now!! I was wondering abt some stuff in his backstory though..

1. Why did he choose to enter the military instead of continuing math/science studies like his parents wanted him to?

2. He really seems to hate the people he worked with while in the military, so how did his ‘friendship’ with ghost and soap develop?

3. Would he ever introduce us to his family? (I know thanksgiving would be hell in his household 😭)

4. Do you think he’ll ever come to face his trauma? Like would he consider therapy or some other type of treatment?

5. (Bonus question) how do you write such good German 💀 I wanna write König fics but know absolutely nothing about German

Sorry for the onslaught of questions!! I just love this man so much fr

HELLO ANON !!!!!!! im so glad to hear that you're interested in König's backstory - it is such an important aspect of who he is (despite how much he would deny this fact if questioned) and as you said, really does dictate much of his behaviour in the fic.

i love getting questions!! there is no such thing as an onslaught of questions - just keep throwing them at me. often when im questioned it helps me add depth to the characters i write, inspires new ideas, etc. KEEP EM CUMMING !!!

okay. now to actually answering them

a huge part of it was to spite his family, actually. by his mid-teens, he would do just about anything to piss off his mother. yes, he loved his math and science, but it was something he could let go of. he never really felt a huge amount of passion for anything by the time he decided to join the military. his decision was also influenced by his lust for violence and underlying blood-thirst - he thought it would be a genius way to experiment with the anger that was bubbling away at the surface and see how he could release it. finally, he grew up with very few positive male role models. they were all hyper-masculine, aggressive, physicality-based. to him, the picture of a perfect man was a soldier, an army man. he thought it the most logical (and easy) pathway to guaranteed employment.

GREAAAT question. his friendship with ghost and soap started with Ghost. Ghost (in my au) was a few years older than König and had a bit more life experience than him. Ghost watched the way that the Austrian behaved for weeks; the silence, the angered glare, the punches thrown. he saw himself in König, and wanted to see what he could do to help, to prevent him from ending up where he did. it was a slow process to befriend König and earn his trust, but after weeks of quick comments, pats on the back, and quiet early mornings, Ghost finally got him to come around. and Soap? well, he's just an extension of Ghost. that's what he would say to anyone else, including Ghost, but internally, König actually quite liked Soap. his incessant comedy and positivity were both infuriating and admirable, especially in the face of what they were contending with at times. finally, he appreciated the fact that neither of them seemed to judge him for much. they were just interested in his well-being, something that seemingly the rest of the boys were not.

fuck no! he doesn't want his beautiful girl to be exposed to the horrors that plagued him as a child, giving her any insight into the person he used to be. aside from that, he went no contact with his mothers years ago, after she divorced his father. his father only gets a text message from König once a year, normally at Christmas or around his birthday. maybe one day he'd clue his dad into the woman in his life, but not for a good long while. not until he's certain that you're not going anywhere.

another big fat no. on one hand, he knows that something might be a bit off about him, but on the other, he doesn't think it important enough to go and get it checked out. on all the psychological assessments before he joined the military, he lied on every single question. gave the impression that he was fine, because he knew what they expected of his mental health. he thinks it would be a waste of time. he much prefers just pushing it to the back of his mind and taking his anger out elsewhere. if he believes he's fine and doesn't need help, wouldn't those pansies who just want to study him think that too?

HEEELLLPPPP please it is not that good - in fact, i got a lesson from a German reader in my ask box correcting me on my German which from now on i will be implementing. it was all just google translate and blind faith that the Germans wouldn't get me for it. go for the writing!!! just trust that they won't get you too!!!!!

[mallahanmoxie]

unreal unearth first listen rank FINALLY no lyric processing just vibes

Francesca - this my shit right here prepare the heartfelt headbanging screaming clawing at my couch ID TELL THEM PUT ME BACK IN IT I WOULD DO IT AGAIN IF I COULD HOLD YOU FOR A MINUTE ID GO THROUGH IT AGAIN

First light - oh this ones like epic!!! There's a tamino song from his latest album that's best friends with this one god yeah drums OH SLOW DOWN SIR what a marvellous endinh

de selby (part 1) - oh this!!!!!! this guitar..... THE BIT ABOUT GOD? is this what!!! OH SING CHORUS SING oh the ticking (???)

Son of nyx - soothing moving piano ok atmosphere work OHHH YEAHH BABY im in a myth im in the clouds im IN IT beautiful interlude truly gorgeous

Abstract (Psychopomp) - something vaguely 00s in this one but one of the better vibes i love the woooos the way he sang eyes was so satisfying what a good song

De selby (part 2) - SEAM FUCKING LESSS transition fuck yeah i love the vibe im so glad i waited until now i love his voice modifying thing he's done it a bit this time round oh silence HIT yeah brooo

damage gets done - oh this one is very free and golden toned YESS BABES SING !!! ohhohoh my man NO LE ZACATEA A LOS DUETOS it reminds me of brother bear a little

i, carrion (icarian) - oh somehow this sound caught me off guard this is so light and pretty... i know these lyrics are about to destroy me

eat your young - the classic love her say it mr andrew. rlly love the strings on this one the atmosphere is insane

who we are - this lulled me so lovingly i missed the start altogether the piano in the back!! Wait im back its so good i love this melody??? oh?? The ehh???

all things end - how i love the chorus at the end i love when he does that

First time - this sounds so sweet OHHHH CHORUS CUTEEEE the little guitar right there is rlly so very sweet

Anything but - oh this ones happy cute aw it rlly is upbeat this one instrument rlly reminds me of the lion king lmao

butchered tongue - this one sounds sad i know i keep mentioning the strings but he makes them so emotive

unknown / nth - in the context of the album i do like this and understand it better

To someone from a warm climate (uiscefhuaraithe) - bet this one's very good with lyrics i was about to say it was a nice simple one when i heard the strings

Final verdict: blew it out of the park, as ever. i truly love the sound of the album it is at times glorious and epic and then light and airy and then slow and dark but it all within the same range of feeling, which i assume hangs upon the message. There is also a persistent hopefulness permeating throughout it all, even in songs like eat your young, there's a certain like... emotional cue? i felt very moved. he's truly a stellar songwriter.

[crows-murder]

54, 63, 77 for Hollow Mind!

54. what’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

you know what, i actually really enjoy doing research for fics!! i love going down a rabbit hole of research and three hours later reading the wiki page for something entirely unrelated to what i was originally looking up. i love becoming an expert in stuff through intense research <33 (/j)

also: for my longer works (10k+ or multi chap) my number 1 favorite thing is getting to the one scene that sparked the whole thing/the scene i came up with very early on in the fic. (we havent reached that point yet, but im so excited to get there!!!)

63. something you hate to see in smut.

ooh i dont think i have a good answer for that one because i rarely read smut lmao

77. do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from hollow mind story/chapter? 

i have a few, but for the sake of not rambling too long, the scene in chapter 2 where Leo's on top of the Williamsburg Bridge and just takes a moment to process everything.

i like this scene, because it's a bit of a lull in the constant action, where for a few minutes Leo (and the reader) are just finally slowing down for a bit, taking a quick breather from the action.

also, i like this bit i wrote there:

He can take a small break up here before getting to that. He doubts the EPF have grappling hooks or Spiderman in their arsenal. It’s cold up here and Leo’s suddenly glad he got a hoodie to ward off the worst of the wind and chill. It’s a small price to pay for a few minutes of silence and rest.  He tucks his knees up to his chest, covers them with the hoodie, and leans back against a steel support. It doesn’t help with his breathing, but it keeps him warm enough.  There’s a dull ache in his lower back that won’t go away no matter what position he’s in and his voice is a little raspy still, and his throat hasn’t stopped hurting. If he feels like this, then he’s not particularly excited to see what his brothers look like. Or what he looks like, by extension. Probably bruised all to hell, with his neck sporting a full array of colors.  He watches the steady stream of cars driving down below, the sounds of cars honking and ambulance sirens floating up to Leo’s perch. 

ty for the ask!! <3

get to know your fic writer

[aj-theteenagecondition]

the teenage condition-chapter 1

(none of this is proof-read, read or do not idc)

ive got this nervous feeling about starting something new. i haven't felt really anomymous and simultaneosly been interacting online in forever, not since i was too young to reasonably be a functioning part or a contributer to the internet. before i was old enough to have my own accounts with my own name and age and personality, i still snooped and lurked around the web, but i wouldn't dare post something. i felt guilty, afraid, that oh god oh no, someone (my mom probably) would find that i watched unreasonable amounts of youtube when i said i was asleep, or read copious amounts fanfiction for a fandom mostly written about by 12 year olds and therefore, was quite shit. but im just writing, because my brain feels like it has to, and writing on paper can get a bit slow, and im terrible at keeping a good accurate journal (for fear that someone i know will read it and finally see me or understand something critical and embarrasing about me). i was going to start an angsty teen journal in a black moleskin notebook, but i felt guilty that i had too many notebooks i gave up on halfway through.

its raining like the worlds ending where i live, which is to be expected in january. i hate winter. i understand that people love the snow and rain and wearing their earmuffs and cute outfits, and ice skating, and skiing and snowboarding, etc etc. but my room is cold and my feet are cold and my hands are cold and my school is flooding and waking up in the dark makes me want to die. im not really looking forward to getting life back on a schedule and going back to school. i go to a good school, i have plenty of friends, ive never fallen too behind. things are fine. but also: things are suffocating. so many people who i've known for literally my entire life. and my same friends talking about surface level topics. sometimes i wonder if we really know eachother at all. and other times i love them so much that everyone around us pales in comparison. lately (for the last year) i've felt like i need a closer friendship, i need an outlet, i need a confidant, and even though i have known them for like 10 years, i don't feel like i've ever had that. i dont think i've ever had that with anyone at all. probably a bit of me problem.

i was on a long trip with my family over winter break and started having quite bad anxiety. to get through it, of course a good distraction would do me some good. and what better distraction than reading one of the most famous fanfics that the internet seems to have been absolutely raving about: All The Young Dudes. i finished it this morning. ok actually this afternoon. mostly what i would like to say is: fucking ouch guys. i didnt actually have that much of an interest in the fandom (definetly not planning on reading anything else about it or interacting or writing), to be honest i wanted to see what all the fuss was about. now that i've actually read it all those "anything for our moony" audios on tiktok from like over a year or two ago really pack a punch. my thoughts: the beginning was very slow, but that definetley made the rest of it more impactful; sirius and remus's relationship is actually pretty toxic, but it was delightful to read; i struggled to get through any chapter after they left school, i predicted that it was going to hurt and boy howdy did it. i get it a little but also so much of it was so sad and so much of it was all unprocessed trauma and unresolved conversation and arguments, which sort of pissed me off.

not to say that it wasnt beautiful and also helpful. things i was reminded about myself through reading atyd: my friends dont know to much about like the vulnerable parts of me but its probably because I AM bad at communicating and being open; i do not like unresolved convos and arguments (my parents fight fr); i am probs trans, and have accepted that but not really bc if i had i would have processed it and actually made a move in some direction after mentally having proposed this idea to myself like 3 years ago with the irrisputable evidence of feeling gay for men; i avoid dealing with my problems; and of course i really love a story about buddies being pals.

also i cried a lot reading it

[crystalelemental]

"Hey Crystal, you haven't posted about it in a few days, how's White 2 going?"  I'm playing HeartGold.  "... l=( "  Bite me.

White 2 started to get stale.  I wasn't enjoying it.  I know quite well that this is as much an issue of running too many things I've used before (Lilligant, Krookodile, consideration between Mienshao or Chandelure), but it's just as much this odd combination of...I dunno.  I actually don't know exactly what hit me.  I just beat Clay, we're pushing forward, I've only been playing about as long as I have this new HeartGold run, but HG seems charged while W2 feels frustrating.

I hate to say this, but I think maybe it's an admission that some things just are not fun to deal with in Pokemon.  White 2 was a pure playthrough, catch what's presented, stick to the regional dex, find things organically.  The last thing I was doing was trying to find a decent Emolga, which is a super rare encounter in shaking grass that's hard to spawn, and it kept getting like Sassy and I cannot deal with that.  So the act of having to catch something rare for the opportunity to run something I don't usually gravitate toward gets hit with this wall of frustration because it's rare and it's bad statistically and I can't even get a neutral nature out of the damned thing.

And in HeartGold...I am having none of it.  I'll be honest, my "starter" this time is a Snubbull I hacked in, and it's been great.  I caught a Pineco and am going to use the Sudowoodo, and that's all well and good, but then one of my additions was going to be Marill.  A 1% encounter rate, unless swarming, which is a post-game activity.  So I just hacked one in, bred for Modest nature, and moved on with my life.  It's been going great.  Well, "great."  My team is all slow and in the case of Azumarill and Pineco very weak offensively.  But there's been engagement with the whole process because I'm not stopping to hunt down something that sucks with just the right combination of traits to make it worth my time.  I can just skip it.

And truth be told, I can skip it in White 2 as well!  When I don't, it gets bogged down and frustrating.  Which is weird.  It's really weird.

Because some of my favorites are Crystal and Emerald, and I play on actual hardware.  I have Crystal on the 3DS, and my old GBA cart for Emerald.  I can't hack either, and in Crystal, I can't even trade because my wife's account seems to have just dissolved the copies of games we downloaded.  And I play those fun!  I run garbage in those just fine!  I ran a Corsola in Crystal without any issue!  Hell, it was actually a top performer!  So what the hell!

I don't have a good answer here.  I want to blame it on Crystal being a much simpler game where there are no natures to worry about.  I want to blame it on some weird childhood behavioral pattern, because I first learned all this nature and EV shit in Platinum, and now I can't experience anything past that point without worrying about the stats and their allocation.  But it's not like I won't soft reset Emerald for natures, or even Crystal if I can tell the DVs are really shit.

I want to blame it on White 2, and Gen 5 generally, not being particularly fun to work through because EXP scaling relies on Audino farming.  But truth be told, I don't really mind that aspect as much, because I've only needed to do it when I catch something new.  Like sure, my new Sandile is level 14, and my others are like 24, I can farm a couple Audino.  But it's not a huge time sink given how much it outputs.

I want to blame it on a disconnect with the regional dexes.  Even with both regions having teams largely centered on "new" stuff I haven't used before (or haven't used as much of), I find myself much more drawn to Johto and Hoenn's dex than Unova's as a whole.

I want to blame it on the fact that the HeartGold team, even with some cheating, is just netting me Azumarill's base 50 offenses, which are certainly not breaking the game in my favor.  That it doesn't have much impact, so it's okay I guess? Better to save the time of looking for a 1% encounter rate, then probably having to catch a Ditto just to breed it until it got the same nature at random, costing hours of my life?

I don't know.  I don't like hacking despite owning a device, but at a certain point, I think I have to admit I have a better time with the games when I do.  At least in the DS era.  I think I just get annoyed when too much time is wasted on trying to track down something rare, only to get hit with a nature that ruins its entire concept.  Like I know it's a bit nitpicky, but what am I supposed to do with that Timid Pineco I caught first, exactly?  You know?  An up-front cost of catching a new thing in a couple minutes with a less crap nature is going to save like half an hour of grinding time later.  It's a good investment if my goal is to save my time.  But also, I don't even want to put in that five minutes sometimes, and if the cheat device gets me what I'd otherwise be putting all this time into anyway, isn't that fine? But then it sometimes feels like I don't have that "settling for a less powerful option" effect, like taking the Modest Absol in Emerald and making that into a really fun Calm Mind sweeper, or taking the Lax Durant in White 1 and getting to see it with Rocky Helmet actually do some good work. Am I cheating my own experience a bit by going for something precise that I want? Even if I'm enjoying it more than the frustration of finding something rare that's just not kneecapping itself?

Maybe these games aren't that fun after all.