#and it kind of sucks the soul out
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#will talk about this here only bc i need to put my thoughts SOMEWHERE#i find it so interesting that whenever a 'content creator' makes a pa three on things tend to go downhill for them#it’s not aaaalways#but like 8/10 times I've seen them do it it ends up with 1. them fucking up somehow and getting cancelled or 2. them not enjoying it anymore#now that I'm writing this I feel like it has a strong relation to people uh#becoming too entitled#because well now they're giving you money you know? they think you owe them#and i mean#kinda#yes#when you do stuff for free and people come and say 'when will x thing be out? when will you post the next part of x? when will-' and so on#you're able to brush it off#or even to tell them to go fuck themselves lmao#but with money involved you ARE kind of required to deliever something#it stops being a hobby me thinks#and it kind of sucks the soul out#i'm not judging#bills need to get paid#i just find it interesting#okay i'm done#delete later
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decora boy simon ⳻_⳺ still punk…
#cap from scr33ncaps just zoomed in 💗#yeah just felt this in my soul basically. had to let it out#thanks iphone sticker function. u kind of suck but at least ur free#dinner in america#kyle gallner#my posts
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😶
#random personal stuff#personal whining ahead feel free to ignore#kind of struggling right now (what else is new)#I was up past three last night having A Crisis#I'm burned out and I know why I'm burned out#but there's no good solution#and on top of that there's some shame and the ever-present need to Restrain just how awful I am#(ha! this time I will have proof for my counselor that I am in fact the worst and I'm not just making that up)#there aren't any viable other life options & who knows if I wouldn't just be exchanging one struggle for another (worse?) one if I tried#the current situation is stagnant and sucking out my soul#people keep telling me to do A Thing for it to improve but it costs money and energy that the current situation isn't leaving me much of#and I don't even know if The Thing is really what I want anyway even if I could do it#I went into this with such ridiculous starry-eyed ideas of helping people but for a long time now everything has seemed meaningless#the same mindless repetitious tasks forever until I die#stuck behind the same desk and not mattering at all#but it's the only thing I can do and I don't know what I would want to do if I had the choice#maybe not work around people again ever which would be better for humanity in general#anyway I want to ask for prayer but I don't know how/what to ask about?
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My desire to support a Biblical sitcom done in a respectful way vs. my hatred of the mockumentary style, FIGHT!
#it's a great thing i queued that post about 'the promised land'#because it did remind me to watch it#as a mashup of exodus and the office it's pretty brilliantly done#starting it in exactly the right place to set up the 'coworkers trying to keep this thing running' format#unfortunately it matched the style so well that it reminded me of all the reasons i hate 'the office'#it managed to overcome my suspension of disbelief in a way this style usually doesn't#because of course the israelites didn't have cameras so the documentary crew sits nicely in the realm of absurdity#but everything else about the office is not my sense of humor at all#the seven seconds of awkward silence after every single joke#the deadened soundscape that sucks the very life out of your soul#the way everyone speaks with the same inflections and tone in a very narrow emotional band#and everything is so understated as to erase almost all personality#no one is clever or witty#there is no banter no frenzy no outsized personalities#just everyone existing in this narrow band of faint absurdity#and the thing is i do like these characters!#joshua is adorable!#zipporah is darling#miriam is...kind of off-putting but i'll go with it#the egyptian is a brilliant concept#the moments of earnestness made me really feel for these people#but the question is if my interest in them can overcome my distate for this style#but great news: if you love the office this will be great for you
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Thinking about the impacts that media can have, and the varying levels of understanding and importance subjective to the person consuming it, the messages they take from it and how they relate to it and how unkind it can be to undermine something other people love. It’s okay to enjoy things, it’s okay to love things and be enthusiastic about them.
it’s also okay to dislike something or move on from it, doesn’t mean you have to disparage it, or make others feel lesser for liking it. and maybe it’s one of those things you realise once you get older, that doing that doesn’t make you cool or different, but I just know so many people over the years whose love of something has got knocked ultimately because people are rude
As an example, if you follow up someone saying “I love taylor swift” by going “oh I hate her and her music, I don’t understand why anyone likes her” then I’m sorry but it’s just, mean and unnecessary
#fandom#just been thinking about it#let people enjoy things!#this is absolutely just a ramble after thinking about how great the friends I have now are#used to have a friend when I was younger who would do it constantly#and it’s soul sucking#didn’t talk about any of my interests for Several Years for this reason#so hoping mocking people for being passionate and enthusiastic about things is the kinda thing folk grew out of in their teen years#essentially#be kind#it doesn’t make you superior or interesting#it’s just sad#you can’t enjoy something#and you can’t even let other people enjoy something
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#datv spoilers#dav spoilers#veilguard spoilers#datv critical#i think what most like. gets me here.#is not that this game was a misfire. it's whatever even i did find it diasppointing overall#i thonk what i much more disturbing to me about it is just how much this feels like a death knell for the IP that i love#we'll probably get more but i expect it will have the same like. sanitized marvel-esque feel#and none of the soul that made me love it in the first place#very sad to have to watch this thing i've adored and that has been with me through so many difficult experiences#that brought me together with lifelong friends#have to die this kind of a slow death and just get hollowed out#*sigh*#tho tbh it's kinda shocking it's lived this long as well as it has#the ea purchase was really what spelled the demise it's always been a matter of time for bioware#and dragon age had a target on it as soon as it got traction and popularity#not that bw has ever been blameless in a lot of these choices just that EA is arguably one of the worst corporations overlords to have#and i don't think think the environment for bioware to evolve into what it could have been has ever existed since that happened#dao was a game that existed in the same vein as the orginal nwn and kotor and bg#that's what bioware's bread and butter always was#and for all that i have a lot of affection for mass effect i think it set a precedent for moving away from that original winning formula#and instead of expanding in new ways or building from both models or whatever#it's just gotten smaller and more dumbded down and more constricted#and bg3 is the closest a recent game has gotten for me to that old feeling and even that had its off notes#i just feel ick about it all. im not giving up on the possibility that this is a ship that could get turned around#but i just....i have reached a point of acceptance that i may never feel deeply enthusiastic or passionate about these games again#no one can take what ive had with the first 3 but#it really sucks that i just kind if have to resign myself to that
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Shino raising his dead friends and friend's dog from the dead with the power of bugs as one friend's cousin watches [not clickbait]
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#bugs ment/#this mini arc is fucking wild actually what the fuck is going on#i am VERY definitely past everything ive seen before. both anime and manga.#which means this is all new. and i dont know whats going on hdskhfks#ino holding hands with shikamaru and choji (and making them hold hands) was really cute tho🥺🥺🥺#for circulating their chakra to keep them alive etc etc anyways those are her BOYS!!!!!! shes working so hard to keep them alive!!!!!!!!!#and then shino using his bugs to circulate the chakra of. two guys and a dog.#i love the focus being placed on him rn bc hes so rarely focused on. but also. it *is* kind of funny#i think it's akamaru. the dog. plus the bugs. hes literally just putting bugs on them so they'll move the chakra around#and doing it in the most Raising The Dead pose possible hflshfks god it's so funny#anyways genuinely why is kabuto going to such lengths to kill these four (plus a dog)#like hes got this whole plot hes committed 4 of his pawns to this. just sucking their souls outta their body bc Huh??#like ok shikamaru is a master tactician. i get him. and neji is a powerful jonin.#and choji is very strong Especially in conjunction with ino and shikamaru#that good old ino-shika-cho combo. you know.#then theres kiba and like kiba's strong but like. not all that special in the army??? like sorry kiba not to be mean#but like hes just a chunin. no special combos or insane intellect to set him apart.#he's a front liner. a good one! but ykno. not all that special in the army. sorry kiba.#the true answer for why these 4 (5 with the dog lol) were brought togegher for this#was for reminiscing about their failed sasuke retrieval arc. by the narrative.#but Also they have those same sound ninja 4 theyre up against. maybe those guys wanted to nab them bc of the grudge#and kabuto was just like 'sure yeah it wouldnt hurt to kill the nara and the hyuga'#actually im just now remembering his ninja info cards. freakish data collection on fucking everyone#and now here he is having grave robbed all over the goddamn place and prepped all the bodies with their weapons and what have you#taking the time to send these reanimated bodies towards their prior loved ones to take advantage of the personal turmoil#bro it's a fucking battlefield what??? how are you sending everyone to such specific people like that.#and then anko's just passed out behind him. she hasnt even been to the village since the pain attack. she is getting shelved SO bad#anyways kabuto's a little freak and i continue to hate him. grave robbing shithead.
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lately when im at work im just like. man it would be so nice if I just walked out rn and never came back LOL
#i kind of want to just say Fuck It and do some art commissions to tie me over while i look for a new job bc AHHH#text post#cant do that. gotta be An Adult.#gotta Be Strong.#toxic workplaces really do suck the soul out of u#4 ppl quit this month#6 the prev month#CLEARLY THERE IS A . PROBLEM
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i don’t know who needs to hear this but good men do exist, they are soft and gentle and respectful, they hold you when you cry and pet your hair and place gentle kisses over your whole body and learn every little thing they can about you and strive to keep you safe and be a friend as well as a lover and they treat everyone and animals with respect and don’t say misogynistic sexist racist phobic things and they sing with you loudly in the car and let you braid their hair as practice and say i love you without you having to say it first and express their love for you in front of everyone and they look at you deeply and support your every decision and lowest moment and wish nothing but greatness for your health and mental betterment and treat women and men and all with such kindness. good men exist, good men deserve the same love and respect and kindness and support that you would give to anyone with a good soul. good men understand, and they will always be here with genuine hearts
#thoughts#felt it needed to be said like#just because one celebrity finally shows everyone that good men exist unapologetically#they are all around us and deserve to be seen and appreciated#good hearts calling out to good hearts#men have bright souls and a gentle disposition if you don’t keep your eyes closed just because you had a bad experience with men#like yes men can suck and be awful but so are women and so can be anyone#and while i am thankful pedro pascal is showing what good men look like let us not ignore the fact#that he isnt the only one#he just happens to be famous and now in the public eye and obviously is someone men should strive to be#but some men are already that wholesome and giggly and soft and kind and genuine and i want to acknowledge them#i love u bois#bunni speaks
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i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court
#im joking#i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture#and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet???#its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure#i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^#i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th#story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get#that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel#like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty#so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then#i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why#idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens#but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes#smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can#be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn#yapping#oc talk
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fucked up that italian is at the top of atp tour rn but he’s like the most boring italian possible. wtf.
so boring he's basically an austrian
icl, by some irony my top three most beloathed sporting nations are spain, italy and australia, so for me the way motogp works is that the most moral way to deal with those countries is to just put them in a containment zone and have them tear each other to shreds. perfect. a victimless situation, except for the spanish, italian and australian athletes in question, and crucially it is Good and Valid for them to suffer
so I typically root against italians anyway across sports, just for vibes. I don't massively have anything against the other half dozen italian men bumbling around the upper end of the tour these days, but I also know I'd generally find them annoying if they happened to be as good as sinner. (I do like paolini!! and was a schiavone appreciator as a kid, so it's not a militant anti-italian stance.) I'd find almost anyone who is as good as sinner annoying. like motogp is a very rare exception to me as far as dominant athletes go, and those guys have to be actively insane for me to not get pissed off at them. my stance is that italians are not inherently interesting.... it's just valentino specifically, and then his reflected rizz also making his various proteges interesting. motogp features an above average number of interesting italians even amongst the non-valentino-affiliated, but that's just because you have SO many of them I reckon. whereas sinner is exactly in the mould of what we've come to expect from men's tennis stars: dull professionals allergic to controversy (minus the occasional unwisely applied anabolic steroid). craziest bit has been the atp pr push to shove that man down all of our throats. they're trying to sell us hair colour as an actual personality. the carrot boys thing is literally the most obvious psyop I've seen in my life. you can't fool me, that man has not had a single mildly interesting thought in his life. I'll say it: even his tennis doesn't really move me. at least I now know better than to expect more from that stupid fuck ass tour
#always fascinated by casey talking about how much better non european crowds are... how much less polarised they are#how much more interested they are in pure sports because of some kind of inherent partisanship to the european soul#and with all respect to a bunch of experiences that did suck. it is a bit like... casey. are we sure this is specifically a european thing#like casey i do just think sports fans suck buddy. sure there's country by country variation but those are like... community norms#rather than inherent national characteristics#//#batsplat responds#valentino's 2005 season captivating me is a deeply deeply out of character moment for me#like i find this level of dominance truly disgusting. that man had to work HARD to get me on board with those kinds of stats#extended psychological torture of a rival might literally be the only way to sustain my interest and by god did he do that#'would you be a medvedev fan if he were dominant' well yes! literally the only currently active player who's doing enough why lie#i like my athletes clever and nasty. show me u care... do a little gamesmanship. men's tennis in a dire dire dire state#i was rewatching the ao zverat match recently and that moment when medvedev requests to see a replay of a ball he KNOWS was in...#quite possibly one of the hottest things a man has ever done. medvedev gets the lesbian seal of approval u heard it here first#the monte carlo singles stick removal lives in my head rent free. can't give a code violation for somethin nobody's ever thought to violate
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I kinda regret posting that pic I've had 3 different guys in my DMs and it's only been a day
#one guy was pretty funny but thats the only upside#I get that I have “asks welcome” in my description. but like. why are you full on sending a selfie of yourselves staring into the screen#like you're trying to suck my soul out through it. leave me alone blue eyed white man#I legit can't tell if theyre bots or not because their descriptions are all the same. and they all reblog the same kind of stuff#it's always a censored blog with a bunch of aesthetic images reblogged to it and the desc is “30. male.” and nothing else#eon yells#I'm not going to take it down because my mutuals have been very nice. but it's very weird
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*add in a pile of huggers*
Happy birthday to you, @zu-is-here !!!! Thank you for always being an inspiring person and a friend, I hope you have a wonderful birthday and may all of your dreams come true (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*.✧
#my art#solia's drawing#*jazzy hands* courtesy hug(?#happy birthday have a digital cake 🎂#absolutely not being too shy to draw a face-to-face hug#original idea is to make a tarot card style#but hmmmm it accidentally turns out like I'm doing some kinds of ritual or sucking soul on Zu#oops sorry Zu#your soul is mine now (・ω・)つ⊂(・ω・)
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who else is listening to songs that remind them of their own oc and pacing around the room like an understimulated animal
#everyone should have an oc who just kind of sucks but you love so so so so much and they suck as a person#objectively just bad#and lets you go insane thinking about 'what if their life went differently'#and how bright of a soul they could be#RARE oc post thats more than a funny joke i reblog. Hi everyone#For those who are wondering the song is the hoosiers- runs in the family#I was filling out that relationship template for him idk if anyone knows what I'm talking about#My friend requested i fill it out for him#but I genuinely struggled to think of green flags for him ♥️ what a character am i right#pers
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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self care is unfollowing people who spread negativity on ur dash!! like Damn! yeah i theoretically Agree with your crit but i really Don't wanna see it either bc i want to Celebrate content instead of hyperfixating on the stuff i didn't like about it! yeet!!!
#jen rambles#i had someone call a SU fic i wrote once a 'fix it' and i'm just like#NO!!!#it was Not a fix it!#because a fix it would assume that i think i am Better and More Smart than the creators and that is hubris i really don't want#to take upon myself#i just like!! taking the elements i like and writing More of it!#that's all#i also feel like there's lots of people who just crumple when things in fiction aren't coherently explained#but i've always seen those holes as Opportunities?#idk like on one hand is leaving holes in your narrative bad writing? likely#but also the very soul of fan creation has Always been stepping alongside canon and re-imagining it#and oft filling those holes#and i just wish more people would join me in doing so in good faith to the source material#instead of doing it in that sort of 'ughhh so like since canon fucking sucks i'm fixing it :)' way#one day i'll prob Myself talk about the issues i had with the plotting of This Thing and you'll see tons of overlap with what#others are saying about it#but like idk. just why make that your sole focus? doesn't that bum other people out too?#like it kind of breaks my heart seeing people so fixated on the imperfections that they can't even enjoy what Was#i just don't get this mindset
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