#and im just trying to get on fucking disability

[roseflowerthorns]

Lately I've been feeling behind in life. Which is what had been making me sink into bad depression.

Not good enough because I don't have a career I wanted to be a teacher or something else worthwhile. People who know me see me and think there isn't much wrong with me on the rare once in a blue moon day I go out on a good day, face full of makeup and hair done with a smile on my face and I'm sat. They don't see me paying for that outing days after screaming and crying.

For instance I went with a friend to the cinema without my walker. I could feel the pain starting up in my lower body whilst watching the film. I barely walked during the meetup. But even the short bit of activity set me off because I was having a bad day. I got home and went into a severe flare, I was crying and screaming, scraping me feet across the floor and it took a week to clear. It's getting worse as the years go on.

I wanted so much more for myself but you know what?

I have a condition that effects one in a million people it's rare, progressive and fucking severe and ataxia that flares from time to time too where I lose my balance.

I am disabled.

I can't walk without it setting off flares, I use a walker all the time and have to sit every few minutes. If I go out without one a short outing I can't walk for days sliding my feet across the floor. My arms and hands go rigid and I can't move them and sometimes it to the point I can't chop my food at times. My entire body goes rigid. It has gone into my chest muscles plenty of times too. I go stiff like a statue and intense severe muscle spasms the force of which can even break bones. I can't clean like do the washibg up and vacuuming without my body setting off flares, bathing my son sets off flares, simple tasks people do everyday sets me off.

I went without my walker as I was in a rush for pickup a few weeks ago just down the hill and screamed all the way home as my body couldn't do without stopping every few minutes on a bad day I was going completely rigid. And pushing myself walking felt like I was fracturing my bones.

I think this stay has really made me feel more acceptance of it finally.

Like Im glad in a way this happened as severe as it has, because I think ive finally got it through my head that I'm enough.

Like it's not my fault.

I'm doing the best I can, with the body I'm in.

I'm going to stop thinking rubbish of myself and getting down all the time for something I can't flaming help.

It isn't my fault I can't hold down a 9-5 job. I do my best trying to take care of the house and my child in chronic pain daily and flare ups weekly. Not to mention the severe flare ups like this that last for up to a week or two and takes weeks to recover fully and my numerous other health condition flare ups and mental health.

So yeah sorry this was long and rambling. But I feel like I've finally accepted myself and I'm going to finally stop being so god damn hard on myself and stop feeling so worthless. Because I'm enough 😄✨

[vesselrae]

aaaaa my drs note got rat fucked for EI so im on No funds at all again

[daftpatience]

one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it

[thedisablednaturalist]

idk whats wrong with me.

I'm trying to exercise, eat healthier, get enough sleep. Just like the doctors say.

But I'm still, STILL, so..so tired. So unbelievably exhausted. I'm starting to think I might have ME or something. Fibro is supposed to be able to be managed with diet and exercise, according to my doctors *rolls eyes*.

I want to work hard like I used to. I want to have bright ideas and feel passion. I do, sometimes, but it's so hard to break through the fog and pain and exhaustion, and it doesn't last. I feel like I'm constantly trying to hide how stupid I am, I'm afraid my coworkers will find out how hard I'm really struggling. All the stuff they praise me for seem like they were all achievements from Before the illness, I don't feel like that person anymore.

But what am I supposed to do? I have to work, I have to make enough to stay out of my parents house. I can't go back there. So I'll keep fighting, hiding, crying, and doing my best to improve my health, even if that's only out of desperation.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Oh my adhd having students, I mean this in the most "I'm trying to help u pass this class" way possible: what the fuck am I supposed to do with you? And I mean that as an earnest question. If u have advice pls let me know.

[cannibology]

temperature sensitivity is such an annoying part of my disability. what do you mean i can’t go out in colder weather or warmer weather because the cold gives me allergy-like symptoms that last for days and makes my hands stop working but the heat makes me lightheaded and headachey and too exhausted to think? what do you mean i can’t be in direct sunlight or direct contact with cold without breaking out in hives? why must i have the physical constitution of a sickly victorian boy?

[beepmeowiskarkat]

Hey does anyone have any analogical fic recs where Virgil is autistic with severe sensory processing issues, suffers from OCD and / or has mobility issues? Ive seen a lot of disabled logan analogical fics but I feel like absolute shit and I need to see myself repped by my fav.

[itshomobirb]

if my parents keep talking to me im going to (remembers that suicide jokes are bad for mental health) go outside and dig a hole to narnia

[itz-pandora]

Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"

[bunnybisexual]

i wish i was able bodied so i could take a dance class that would be so fun i think

[palms-upturned]

.

[uygfiug]

thought my school was finally going to try & help me next year but it sounds like theyre just trying to get me to act normal without actually helping

[dailykugisaki]

Day 118 | id in alt

Messing around with color a little. I just enjoy that the two weirdo besties are Christmas colored(kinda💥).

[cosmohydrargyrum]

please keep in mind this was hastily written at 2am after a bad day. on a scale of 1-10 i rate my symptoms outrageous. something I notice all the flipping time is how hEDS is so prevalent in disability spaces while other EDS types are not mentioned even if the statement applies to not just hEDS? and on some level I understand that hEDS is much more common than other types and if people have hEDS they're going to talk about hEDS. but like. for example, the hEDS plushie dreadfuls' symbolism is listed for things that multiple types of EDS experience but it's listed as like "hypermobility disorder" or something. what kind of fuckassery. I haven't looked into it much myself but I've also heard the EDS society puts so much focus on hEDS and neglects other types which is. stupid to say the least. idk every time I see "hEDS awareness!" and it's stuff that applies to every/multiple type of EDS my lifespan depletes

[bunnihearted]

.

[suffercerebral]

me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects