#seems to me that really its fine
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thought my school was finally going to try & help me next year but it sounds like theyre just trying to get me to act normal without actually helping
#idk it all sounds very familiar#i have to 'prove i can do things i dont want to do' and theyre going to help me 'fix my behaviour bc uni wont tolerate it'#but the behaviour they mean is just me being disabled#its about how i freeze up sometimes i think#and i cannot bring myself to do whatever im supposed to#sometimes i cant even move or speak#thats the behaviour they mean#but i cant just make that go away#ive been trying all my fucking life#also??? i go to school every fucking day?? does that not count as proving i can do things i dont want to do#surely they dont think i want to be there#idk man this is exactly the kinda stuff they said in primary school before they started punishing me for being disabled#like giving me extra work bc i froze or something#or send me away to work alone in a room & not talk to any of my peers bc i didnt manage to talk to the teacher#force me to make eyecontact for a full 10 minutes while giving me a lecture about why eyecontact is so important#or not allow me to go outside for breaks#that kinda stuff#it sounds like they have the same idea?#so im very worried about going back to school in september#they were supposed to attempt to help more this year as well but outside of one thing they didnt really do anything#and now they want to 'be more firm about it' ????#i dont trust that#mine#also !! ive been getting told all my life that whatever the next stage is they wont tolerate my behaviour there#in primary they said id never get past first year in secondary#in secondary they say i wont get through uni this way#seems to me that really its fine#yeah i need help sometimes#but also i could probably go to uni & itll be fine#ill have my diagnosis & ill figure out who i need to talk to & how i can get the help i need
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DANCE WITH ME YOU LI-IA-IAR ♡
OVERBLOT ASHI??? ANYBODY??? the ANGST that this baby can store!!! SHEESH!!!!!!! <3 I only have one post dedicated to her and liar dance lyric analysis (the post is kinda outdated in gen) BUT…… I also have an overblot monologue as a treat 🫶 I wanted to better explain her angst and so!!! BABAM!!! enjoy
ASHI’S MONOLOGUE:
Sometimes I wonder why I ended up here.
A place named “Twisted Wonderland”, and at a school named “Night Raven College”.
At first, I figured that I was the odd one out— Y’know, the Ramshackle prefect and everything. The magicless girl at the magical all boys school? Nuts, ain’t it?
I’m known for a lot of things. Things that are different from the others. The fact that I stand out is part of the Ashi charm, something I’m known for.
But… Over time I found myself sorta feeling in place here.
Because as much as I try to believe it, I can’t safely say that I’m better than anyone else here.
I’m a fake. I make conversation and lots of friends, but for what? A backup in case something goes wrong? A sense of protection for my reputation? In what case are any of those friendships something I truly want? In what case are any of these strings more than just a tool instead of a thread made of my real feelings?
Behind this, I’m no different from any other student here. Even through my individuality, my cheerfulness, my endearing oddness… I’m still a horrible person. Using people to get what I want, toying with people and their feelings in order to gain power and gain a spot the top. All to become untouchable. It’s screwed. It’s not right.
My insides are ugly. The truth of me is something I want to keep tucked away deeply, because I don’t want people to see this part of me. A brash, annoying, selfish version of me, everything people hate to see. I don’t want this side of me to be seen because people will run away— people I don’t care much about, sures, but people I love, too. I don’t want to drive them away. So I keep quiet and give them a shallow show.
I give them a source of entertainment that’s controlled by the real me, every calculated movement translating into a marionette-like response. The only show I allow you to see is one that’s so carefully crafted by the chaotic clown backstage. The one that is shunned away from the light, the strings being the only hint of the puppet’s phony existence to the foolish audience.
But suddenly, I feel as if being here has started to let this side of me come crawling back into the spotlight.
It scares me.
It scares me to be vulnerable, let all of my faults lay out on the table like playing cards. To take the risk without the protection, to gamble everything I’ve built up away just like that. But you…
You.
You make me feel safe. You make me feel as if I don’t need to hide anything. I can give you the key to my heart and you would have no malicious intent. You wouldn’t cut out the parts people don’t like. You would enjoy the performance in full, every bit of it.
You make me believe that I’m nothing special, and yet something so valuable at the same time.
It’s silly. You’re silly. And yet that’s something that’s helped me.
It’s helped me realize that that truly is just how people are.
We aren’t villains. We aren’t antagonists. We aren’t monsters.
We are nothing but people, with faults and feelings that should be valued.
I am more than just a jester, a sake of entertainment.
I’m a person who is entirely worthy of love. All of me.
It reminds me that I must’ve came here for a reason.
Because this is where I belong.
#they drive me nuts. tbh#PLEASE LISTEN TO LIAR DANCE ITS SOOOOOOOOOO#!!! envy baby is also a big Ashi OB song#it’s so fun. she’s so fun#if you can’t tell her overblot works in like….. she IS the blot monster. or the (real) Ashi AKA the jester is#if she represents the true Ashi then the marionette Ashi represents what she pretends to be/puts out into the world#so even if you’re attacking the jestershi and the more antagonistic seeming of the two…… all you’re doing is feeding into the blot itself#as you’re doing what ashi’s afraid of— berating the real her#the solution is to kill the marionette!!! btw!!!!! and that’s what ace does#DW THEY ARE SO FINE AND OK. NO ISSUES HERE#ashace my beloved#ace trappola#ace trappola x oc#twst ace#twst yume#twst#twisted wonderland#twst oc#twst wonderland#disney twst#twst yuu#twst oc x canon#ashipiko draws ♪#twstshi#I DONT THINK I REALLY POST ABOUT ASHACE LORE A LOT#APRY FROM LIKE? THE FIC ITS IUST SILLIES#so I hope you guys enjoy!!!!!!
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"it was good fun! Surprisingly competitive I would say!"
#LITERALLY THE CUTEST MAN TO EVER EXIST#ive said this before but#seriously if you ever feel bad abt his results#just go watch his interview bcs wow nowadays seemingly he is never upset on main#as suzuki said to me: what drugs does aston have him on#bcs seriosuly#bro dnfed and is fine?? super smiley even?????#i think its just a matter of extremely low expectations tbh so he cant really be affected anymore atp#and he was happy about being up in the front so long!#bcs they didnt think he could sustain it that long both cause the pace and the tires#lmao n the other hand carlos seemed very salty imo#i think he said smth along the lines of fernando being too ambitious????? bro youre talking abt fernando alonso like??#and said he ruined both their results ah stfu dude#the guy youre talking abt literally dnfed and is all smiley#fernando alonso#2024 chinese gp#f1#formula 1#we do a little bit of f1
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Welp its over for ikemen 2007 anime dante. Goodbye. So long, your google image results. I will miss you and cherish every frame i have left before April 2025.
The time has come, my handsome devil.
#listen im still really excited for the dmc anime but the more i see of teaser and footage it just feels. off.#he seems a little too energetic for dante standards and im still not a fan of his design#netflix dante looks like the idea of how people who havent played the games see dante#like ‘hmmm. dante? white hair/red jacket/parted fringe—‘ WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE I REALIZE THATS HIS HAIR HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME#ITS TOO SHORT!!!!! HIS HAIR AT LEAST REACHES HIS CHIN!!!#ok ok seriously though. I’d be perfectly fine with this Dante.#if I didn’t knew damn well netflix dante will overshadow a lot of how people that havent played the games will interperate dante.#listen the games are hard and not everyone is willing to sit through a hours of gameplay footage and cutscenes#this will be a lot of casual people’s first actual look into the franchise. i know damn well the discourse is approaching provoking dark cl#btw i’d love to see any disagreements and discussions because i am curious#devil may cry anime#dmc anime 2007#devil may cry#dante sparda
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Ride 784: The first day's mountain
Pag 1
3: We're passing through the riverside road
4: I see it
6: Kaka
7: Ah!!
8: Teh!
9: It's the first day's
Pag 2
1: “mountain”!!
Pag 3
2: As we “promised”!!
Pag 4
3: It's the “first day's mountain stage”!!
4: A year ago
6: Manami-kun said it after the finish line, on the third and last day of the Inter High, when both of us were all worn out and barely still on our bikes
Pag 5
1: But having our race at the end on the final stage is too much pressure
2: Next year, if we both have the chance to run in the Inter High....
3: …. yeah
4: Let's race for the mountain stage on the first day
Yeah
5: Like Toudou-san and Makishima-san last year
Onoda!!
Manami-san!!
Pag 6
1: Manami!!
Manami-san!!
2: Onoda!!
3: He collapsed!!
Manami!! Take off his helmet
It's okay, I caught him
Onodaa!!
Onoda-san
Do we have a towel?
Danchiku, water!!
4: Next year... the mountain stage on the first day.... yeah
5: Got it....!!
Pag 7
3: When you run along a river....
4: the water only flows if there's a difference in elevation, either uphill or downhill!!
5: Here it's definitely uphill!!
Even if it looks like a flat at first glance, it's gradually climbing!!
Pag 8
1: Toward that mountain!!
Reading the map, it says that it's 5km until the base of the mountain!!
2: 5km!!
3: Don't lose sight of it like last year!!
Yes!! Sorry!!
4: Hold on tight!!
5: 'Cause I'll carry you all the way to the foot of the mountain!!
Pag 9
1: Thank you!!
2: “Positioning”....!!
3: When going from a flat to a climb you need to “position” yourself
Each team accelerates from the flats in order to bring their climbers to a good position
4: It's the so called “mountain's launching pad”!!
5: There will be a difference of several hundred meters in the first stage between a climber who was launched near the front of the group and a climber who was made to run up from the back of the group
Pag 10
1: Bring Onoda to the best possible position, Naruko!!
Oh-
Sohoku is moving up!!
Pag 11
1: -ruaaaagh
Ugh!! Sohoku's Naruko is so fast!!
2: I get what you're tryin to say, Hotshot!!
I'll take him!! Definitely!!
3: That's why I left the first result to Kabu!!
4: On that winter day, with an apologetic face
5: Ah....
6: Ah- uhm, I have something to tell you, but
Onoda-kun, who told us like it was difficult to say....
Pag 12
1: Ah the stove? You can just turn it off, we're the last ones
Yeah, please. Woah, look outside, it's snowing
Seriously? It must be cold
2: That's not it!!
3: Th-th- this morning... I got a text
4: What was that, an acceptance letter?
The proficiency exam?
5: It's a reply to the text I sent....
6: Three months ago!!
7: Uhm... really, I was worried that back when we made that promise it was right after the race and we were tired, so I thought maybe he had forgotten
Three months?
It was a long wait
So I sent him a text to ask him if he remembers?
Pag 13
1: And I received it this morning
Must be the proficiency test
Shut up!!
What are you whispering idiot
“Back when”, when was it?
No idea
2:He said only one word, “of course”
4: So, uhm... this time
5: Is it okay if I run for the first day's mountain stage during this summer's Inter High?
7: Is that so? Kakaka
Onoda-kun's eyes, like he couldn't contain his excitement...
Pag 14
1: I haven't forgotten it!!
2: I can't forget it!!
3: Onoda!!
Onoda-kun!!
Pag 15
1: 2km left until the foot of the mountain!!
2: Do your beeest....!!
Aren't they climbing at an amazing speed!? Each team is getting in line!!
Yeah, you're right!!
3: Every team is trying to “position” themselves for their climbers!!
“Position”!?
4: Also, look closely
Right now, the cyclist in the second position in the ranks
Pag 16
1: is the one who will race in the mountain stage!!
Pag 18
1: Oi, are you kidding me? Hakogaku is sending Manami?
From the first day!?
Manami is in second place
2: He's the “final boss”....!!
3: My dream of getting the red bib has been destroyed even before reaching the foot of the mountain....!!
4: Oi, look over there, that's not all!!
For Sohoku....
5: Naruko is pulling the “King of the mountain”!!
Wa- we're done for!! Completely!! My mountain prize!!
Pag 19
3: Manami-kun!!
4: Sakamichi-kun!!
Pag 20
1: It's time for our promise!!
We're almost at the foot of the mountain!!
#yowamushi pedal#yowapeda#yowamushi pedal translations#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 784#im sorry i meant to post yesterday but i completely forgot ;A;#ahhhhhh ive been looking forward to thiiiis#please gimme a low stakes battle between Onoda and Manami!!! They deserve it!! They promised each other!!#I dont care who would win (even tho i hope manami tbh) i just want them to have fun while racing eo ;A;#is that so much to ask watanabe!!! please let them have this#i hope nothing happens and they really can do this :')#i mean it seems like midosuji also plans on participating but its okay#and if kiji wants to have a go too that fine to#the important thing is that both manami and onoda are there#also lemme have my imanaru moment bc#why are they literally so boyfriends coded wtf agsfdsgdcaskdf#like literally whispering to each other when onoda says he needs to tell them something???#naruko literally reading imaizumi's mind??? please theyre boyfirends okay#this chapter is pushing me to write yet another imanaru#and also a sansaka why not im not gonna lie#i love this so muuuuuuch#i need more im so happy#1st day's mountain stage my beloved
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LEGO Ninjago Wobbly Hearts AU Refs
Ayyy what's up everybody now that i've got an obKNOXious watermark (mwahaha) we've got our first Wobbly Hearts character refs! The siblings! They're heavily based off their movie designs but there are some bits and pieces from the early OG show designs. Props to you if you can spot those details!
[do not steal/repost/save my art to other sites (including pintrest)or put it into A/I thanks]
Kai & Nya | Lloyd & Zane | Cole & Jay | Skylor & ?????
Wobbly Hearts Fic Ao3 | what is wobbly hearts?
#KNOX ART (me)#LEGO Ninjago Wobbly Hearts AU#Ninjago#Lego Ninjago#the lego ninjago movie#man i really gotta draw more of em#its been a while since i've drawn these so i do feel like Kai's at least is pretty stiff#its fine ANYWAY yeahh woooo designsssss#i do not have their ninja fits designed at all hGLK;SJDF#Kai Jiang-Smith#Kai Smith#Kai jiang#Nya Jiang-Smith#Nya jiang#Nya smith#Kai Ninjago#Nya Ninjago#I was gonna post one at a time but posting two seemed like more fun#serotonin for the brain#The urge to post em all at once is real but eh#ALRIGHT I'LL STOP RAMBLING NOW HOPE Y'ALL HAVING A BANGER DAY
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a lot of clipping to fix, but hey I got it moving at least! I'll get the Telvanni robe properly physic'd if it's the last thing I do >:0
#last i checked the vanilla hdt clothes on the nexus didn't cover solstheim content#but i wanted to finally learn to do proper hdt bones myself anyway so its fine :)#this was a nightmarish mess before i separated the black underskirt to its own group#now it swishes around nicely and collides without going through the red outer skirt#i still haven't figured out the crouching/sneaking problem where it'll sometimes phase through the thighs like they don't exist#but that seems to happen to other people's outfits too so maybe it's not just mine? idk yet lol#hmmm i think that back flap thing with the gold trim is gonna have to be separated too. it stretches out weirdly :/#also. should the scarf get to move? maybe just the dangling ends?#bc the rest can't really move since there's nothing under the scarf. it's just glued at the edges to the chest of the outfit#which is good bc it's optimized well so the game isn't rendering the neck part of the robes that you don't even see#but I'd have to create new faces on the mesh to fill in the unseen gaps like i did when splitting the skirts up#and also i'm too lazy to map that new fancy chest area and draw out the missing texture with all the telvanni swirls :'(#help me motivation gods#modding stuff#my posts#i want nelly to be able to swish around prettily like anyone else <3#guys deserve some physic'd outfit love too
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Wait fr idk if i posted this before i completely forgot i have so much experimental art i forget about helpp
@cassthecringe aaar
#im so eepy do i even want to tag this#yeah okay#jei poopy art#wwm/ta#walk with me / try again#jjba#jjba fanart#jojos bizarre adventure#jojos bizzare adventure fanart#kakyoin noriaki#noriaki kakyoin#jotaro kujo#kujo jotaro#jjba jotaro#jjba Kakyoin#jotakak#not really bur whatever#im a little concerned to tag you but you seem to#enjoy it anyway so i hope its fine#aaaruuaaahhsadg
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quinn casualties: 2 canucks vs penguins | february 27, 2024
#quinn hughes#canucks#vancouver canucks#hockey#hockeyedit#nhl#nhl edit#*#*gifs#*huggy#*canucks#i think i messed up the gif speed#60 fps is confusing for me to gif when its hockey#cause how fast are they really moving?? kpop was fine lol#also tumblr seems to slow the gif down from my save settings? pls let me know if the gifs seems weird
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"Uh, I need another drink, baby!" says John. Paul goes to the phone. "Hello? Yes, send us six single scotches-No make it doubles, yeah, doubles." -From the Beatles book "Love Me Do" by Michael Braun
#Paul is the baby - I feel fine#paul felt addressed#McLennon#Paul Mccartney#John Lennon#John and Paul#Love Me Do#I thought it was fanfiction but its reality#wife duties#quote#biography#its a random picture I selected which seems to fit the situation - I really needed a laugh because being inside their heads is ...gsfgfagra
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talks to u
You will regret talking to me I'm very very sorry
So recently my sister has been reading out loud to me [it is very fun I wish I had someone to read out loud to] and the book she picked was Haunting on the Hill. This book was an absolute minefield of a read because it was advertised as a spiritual sequel to Haunting of Hill House and HOHH is probably one of the books I've been the most emotionally invested in ever. Mostly because I see people take the book and Try To Do It Better constantly, and they do it wrong over and over and over again. I don't know how this became My Hill To Die On, but no one can do a remix of the genre right, especially those that pretend like they're trying to.
Hell House, for example, a book that I hate with my entire being, was a very intentional stab at HOHH. It took the trope of four people -- one a slightly older gentleman who is doing research on the property -- two women -- who is a lonely homebody, and one who is a (implied) bisexual psychic -- and one younger man about their age who has some Obvious Substance Abuse Problems, and sets them in a haunted house to try and figure out why its haunted. The author then spends the rest of the book punishing those characters for obvious perceived societal slights. The old man's sin is being old, and dies because he isn't virile and strong enough to withstand the house [unlike the young male protagonist]. The psychic is punished for believing she is psychic, being a confident woman who lives alone, and being implied bisexual [this is evident in the nature of her death, which I won't share here. It's fucking bad]. Then after these characters die, the white male savior comes back, something to do with the old owner of the house haunting it with his willpower, in a closet with a glass of water? It made no sense. But the metaphor the book was obviously leaning towards was, the Good Guy can win and get the girl if he has strength of mind, is vaguely psychic [but better than the psychic lady obviously] and fucking stands around long enough while his friends are killed.
House on the Hill, which should have been marketed as a reference to Hill House and not as a spiritual successor, is a passable haunted house book that attempts to remix the story by making all of the main characters theater kids. There is an older lady who has been ousted from her community for being too old, the young woman main protagonist who is the Ellie parallel, the Theadora parallel is her girlfriend, a bisexual actress who is maybe a little too full of herself, and their single male character has a substance abuse problem involving cocaine instead of alcohol, like Luke from the original book. The author even seems to have grasped some of the original intention of HoHH as a conversation about isolation and loneliness. However about halfway through the book, it takes a turn and seems to punish Theadora for being the character she was written as, in the same way Hell House punished its Theadora allegory character. The rest of the book proceeds with a lot of standard haunted house tropes -- not a bug exactly, but they don't reinforce any extended metaphor. They're mostly there to be spooky. Which would be fine for a standard haunted house book, but not for a haunted house book that claims its the sequel to HoHH.
You see, Haunting of Hill House, and by extension, Shirley Jackson, the author, have a very subtle but also deeply impactful metaphor about loneliness going on in the background, and everything from the haunted house to the fallout of the characters reemphasizes this theme.
Ellie, Eleanor, is an exhausted housewife-style woman in the 1960s, whose never gone anywhere or done anything with her life, because instead of marrying and moving across the country somewhere, she stayed home to take care of her ailing mother. Now that her mother is dead, she lives with her sister and brother-in-law, and believes herself to be a general tax on the family. She fills stuck, alone, unloved and unwanted. The story is in her point of view, and you quickly realize her way of coping with her trapped feelings involves fantasticizing the world around her. She dreams of who she would be if she just lived over there in that little cottage, how differently her life would turn out if she had a cute little life in that one room house. Etc. When she accepts the summons to Hill House, she steals her brother in law's car and drives there on her own, her first trip alone anywhere in her entire life.
Theadora is a psychic who, if I'm remembering right, lives alone and owns a flower shop. She lives a much more interesting lifestyle than most women in the 60s, in a big city with many different friends and lovers coming and going, completely independent. There is an implication that she has trouble keeping interpersonal relationships -- she's a little too flighty -- and really a woman who can't settle down with a man is a red flag.
Doctor Montague seems fine on the surface, if a little jaded. He's a professor at university who is being slowly pushed out of his scientific field because he believes in the supernatural, and wants to prove it using empirical evidence. You find out his wife is very supportive in this venture -- too supportive. He thinks all of her contributions are nonsense, and so is she. His loneliness is self inflicted. He has a fan club right there with his wife, if he gave two shits about her opinions.
Last is Luke, an alcoholic, and the person in line to inherit Hill House. His loneliness is that he, doesn't want the fuckin' house. But because of his alcoholism and gambling problems, the family has decided he, as the cursed child, gets to take care of the cursed mansion no one else wants to touch. So Luke, ostracized from the family and a little shitty about it, decides he might as well rent out the place for some extra cash to fuel his various addictions. The family is going to be cutting him off soon anyway...
These four characters, over the course of Hill House, become haunted by the house, not because of tragic deaths there, or because the house is alive in any literal sense of the word. But because the House has the quality of an overbearing mother, smothering its children with its expectations. Any piece of furniture moved in the place is replaced as soon as they leave the room. Any door opened to allow air or light inside is shut the minute they walk into the next. The house rights itself back to a self-inflicted perfection that is unlivable, and it wants to isolate you too, to be like it. Hill House tells you exactly what it is and what it wants to do in the first paragraph: And all who walk there, walk alone.
Shirley Jackson wrote this very intentionally. As a woman in the 60s trying to have a successful writing career, none of her books were taken seriously. She was pigeonholed into mother and housewife first. Articles that wrote about her works at the time held the patronizing tone of someone congratulating a child who found a new hobby -- not a serious writer wanting to make poignant stories. Her books are lovely now, the few that were published. But Shirley Jackson lived a life that was full of anxiety and agoraphobia, in a world where she felt belittled and token. Her books are written the way they are for a reason. There is great loneliness in being shoved in a box.
I really love that exploration. I love how the people in the book descend into the box of Hill House, the expectations they place on each other, and the way all the women feel tonally dissonant in their token roles. And that's why I hate so many modern adaptations, or inspired-bys, or spiritual sequels. Hill House is a metaphor before it's a ghost story -- and that is why it succeeds as a ghost story! It is scary because you get invested in the characters' wellbeings, their doomed qualities, their individual, very subtle, madnesses. Watching new writers read the book and punish those characters over and over again for not acting right [especially Theadora, Jesus Christ.]
In fact, since I'm already ranting, I'm going to give you a quick rant in defense of Theadora.
Theadora breaks into the book as a very bright star in Ellie's world. She is, literally, everything Ellie wishes she could be. She lives an interesting life, alone, without being too cripplingly lonely. Theadora, used to a little bit of flirting and over friendliness, falls in with Ellie and Luke immediately. She is charming, and bright and beautiful, and Ellie, who's character flaw is romanticizing everything, falls head over heels for her. They get scared together. They comfort each other when the ghosts start acting up. They get haunted together. And Ellie decides, in the way of someone romanticizing something, when all this is over, she would like to live with Theo. But when she tells Theo this, Theo laughs it off. "This is just a holiday, Ellie dear. We will have to get back to our lives eventually." It's unfair to say this is a game for Theadora. I feel like her feelings in the book, all her charm and her flirting, are genuine. But they're genuine in the way of someone going on vacation and flirting around with the people they meet -- she has a normal life she enjoys that she plans on getting back to. Ellie, who is incredibly alone, and who feels like she has only just tasted happiness now that she's come to Hill House, doesn't want to go back home after this. This is the happiest she's ever been.
Ellie informs Theo she is going to follow Theo home, and Theo turns very, very mean. She starts hitting much harder on Luke [something that makes Luke uncomfortable, but something he never really stops, because Luke also likes the attention he's getting] and belittling Ellie and her wild fantasies. She pushes Ellie away. It isn't kind, but what else can she do? She told Ellie she doesn't want to be followed home and Ellie, trapped in her daydreams, doesn't listen.
The rest of the book unfolds. Hill House isolates Ellie, and makes her feel like she can have no happiness outside its smothering walls. She gets taken by it.
In every book that takes on the mantle of trying to tackle the themes that made Hill House great, I would like to ask you all this: Why do they always punish Theo?
Hell House straight up kills its Theo allegory in a very brutal, overt way, implying she deserves that brutality for her promiscuity. The House on the Hill kills its Theo for being too full of herself, for believing she was entitled to greatness.
Why?
You can make a case for the queer aspects of her probably. Or for misogyny. Or for infidelity. Or for the fact that she appears to choose Luke over her relationship with Ellie. But I notice none of these books punish their Ellie allegory for also falling for Theo. For also aspiring to be something other than a stuffy housewife somewhere. For also falling for Luke, and wanting him to be a part of her happiness fantasy.
In honesty, I really think these authors read Theo and think she's the antagonist. So they write their stories to punish the angry woman who was mean to poor, lonely Ellie. But, here's the kicker, Theadora isn't the antagonist. The house is. Loneliness is. The house leads Ellie to a perfect world, and Ellie, who is the way that she is, cannot fathom a world where that perfection is broken, so she ignores it. So she scares people with her over-attachment. So they try to send her away, because whatever is going on with her, it's not safe and it needs to stop. So she decides she would rather die than leave.
Theadora is only "the bad guy" because she's the one that reminds everyone that the fantasy of this perfect house must break eventually. The Doctor will have to go back to his university that doesn't take him seriously and his wife who takes him too seriously. Theadora will have to go back to her shop with her rotating friends who aren't as close as she'd like, but whom she can't force to stay. Luke will have to go back to his place as the unwanted, failing heir and Eleanor --
Well. Eleanor doesn't leave Hill House.
Everyone gets so mad at Theodora because of Ellie's investment in her. Because Ellie is lonely, and sad, and relatable. The first time I read Hill House, some of Ellie's lines made me want to cry they hit so close to home. All her assertions that when she spoke to people she said too much and was too stupid, she would be better tomorrow. All her quiet chastisements that she needs to be more interesting. All her attachments and how scared she is of being spurned. All her wonder when she looks around at the world and tries to imagine a better life. But it's not Theodora's fault that Ellie doesn't get that. It's Ellie's fault for becoming too attached to something that isn't there, and it sucks, and if this were a story with a happy ending, she would realize that and grow past that, but she doesn't. That's not how the story is written.
On one of the nights when the haunting happens, Ellie and Theo are sharing a room. They are laying in bed and holding hands while the house comes alive around them. Knocking on the walls. Slamming doors. Claws, and whispering, and scraping and screaming. Ellie and Theo hold each other's hands tightly. She hears the torturous sounds of a baby in the other room, a child in pain, screaming for its mother, and she's terrified and she's holding tight to Theadora's hand.
And finds, when the haunting stops, that Theo was out of reach the whole time.
Ellie asks, who's hand was I holding?
[The Haunting of Hill House is a metaphor.]
One of these days I'm going to sit down and write the Haunting of Hill House remake in my head, that I am just egotistical enough to believe I could do well. I would find a more modern metaphor first. Something to do with the loneliness of an infinitely interconnected world. Something to do with how boxed in we all feel, how trapped, and how so many people blame it on computers, even though they should be able to connect us more.
I would build a Hill House where the four characters meet on a forum, the first time they've found someone with similar interests. They would meet in person for this haunting expedition. They too would take in the oddness of a house that rights itself on its own, pretends they were never there. They two would fall in love with each other, and bond, and find community in a group of people who are constantly isolated and are glad to finally find someone they relate to.
They too would have to dear with the objective, lonely horror of realizing this doesn't magically fix their problems. That they were alone in the rest of their lives not just because the world isolated them, but because they're bad at forming connections. They would get catty, and disagree, and worry about the lives they need to go back to, and complain about spouses and partners. And one of them, as is Hill House's tithe, wouldn't be able to cope.
One of them, as is Hill House's tithe, wouldn't be able to leave.
Anyway, not sure where exactly this rant was going. Uh. Nice Sunday we're having anon. Got any niche special interests you've been meaning to unload recently?
#answering asks#anonymous#the barking writer#the haunting of hill house#the house on the hill#hell house#i feel like its worth mentioning i'm not the god of books you are welcome to disagree with me#in fact i encourage you to tell me your own takes on the books / stories if you feel the mood#except for hell house#im sorry my passion for that one still burns bright i would shred my copy but it was a library book so i returned it instead#if you like hell house i apologize i don't see it and i don't want to see it#house on the hill was fine i didn't read the whole thing but my sister did it seems like a solid spooky book#its just it really shouldn't have sold itself as a hill house book yanno?#[coughs]#anyway#uh#goodbye
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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10/10 is Lon'qu Day so here we go, a 10 out of 10 family.
#fe awakening#lonqu#nowi#nah#i really like a couple of their supports with others but i am just so weak for them#that i normally have to get them married#its the only nah support with her dad that im not really upset with bc#with lonqu being afraid of women but not terrified of nowi and just being like fine whatever we can play house#its way less weird to hear the guy scared of women tell his daughter that her mom has always looked young AND TRAIL OFF#in the support chain like any other guy saying well your mom looked young is really weird to me#but it makes more sense to me that hes at more ease around her than others even though she can just#turn into a dragon like ... no one seems too put off by it but its such a funny combo of not being scared of her#despite the female or dragon aspect#idk man i just think its really funny to watch him correct nowi on how to play house ok
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Gold and Silver are good kids and Gold likes to show up unannounced to Lance's house post-game to bother Silver and Silver is like 'ugh great just what I need a loud annoying weirdo' but they are neither loud nor annoying while they hang out they just quietly sit on the floor reading magazines abt pokemon or playing video games and sometimes Gold will shove something in Silver's face like 'WHOA CHECK THIS OUT' and Silver will be like 'can you quiet down. What stupid thing could possibly get you that excited' as if he wouldn't also be equally excited about the very cool article about Sharpedo Gold just found
#spitblaze says things#i just thing gold and silver are two different flavors of neurodivergent#gold has the overactive adhd kind and had issues w volume and impulse control#silver has the quiet (traumatized) autistic kind where he basically makes his way thru life by playing 4d Social Expectation chess#v good at masking. unfortunately his mask is aggression#gold doesnt care hes hot garbage with social cues too but makes zero effort to mask or compensate#its fine tho they both have the same special interest. Pokemon#(also gold makes a very good compression stim. silver will just be like 'will you lay on me please' and gold is like 'sure thing buddy :)'#and theyre just like that. on the floor. like cats. clair doesnt really know what to make of it but silver doesnt seem bothered#so its probably fine)#pokemon#preciousmetalshipping#(i mean i guess lol. either way they are Best Fwiends)#trainer gold#rival silver#idk why im so invested in these two. johto isnt even in my top 5#pokemon gsc
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the difference between what people like on twitter vs what people like on tumblr from me is kinda mind blowing
#like this latest pic is the biggest discrepancy#people on twitter love it when i talk about the game or try to make a smart subtle commentary about it#but on tumblr people really dont seem to care or understand tf2 the game or rocket jumping or things like that- which is fine#thats why i have both#i just feel like I get more people who openly come and talk to me about that sort of thing here on tumblr#vs barely getting anything nearly as curious or engaged on twitter#yet the notes do be wilding for gaming stuff compared to here#i couldn't really tell you what does better on tumblr compared to twitter tho#but ye just interesting#i wonder what it is about twitter thats got more gaming people#its probably an age thing#this isn't me complaining btw i just see it a lot and i find it fascinating#by in large i'd assume the tumblr fanbase care more for the characters themselves and not the state of the game or how it feels to play it#Its nice to see two different sides ot a fanbase
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Me: "ok, wait till it's in game and you have context to react. The storytelling may support the design"
Also me: "THEY FUCKING ELYSIA-IFIED SEELE!!!"
#honkai impact#I'm really not a fan of the new design direction in honkai#its not because of the individual designs#most of them are fine in a vacuum#its just together they all just sorta blur together for me#and its especially noticeable given how fantastic most of the star rail designs have been#ive been watching witch from mercury recently and it really made me realize just how much i dont like mihoyos art style#for characters at least (big fan of their environments)#the characters in witch from mercury all wear pretty similar clothes (uniforms mostly)#but they all look SO distinct because they go so ham on the body shape and hair and eyes and face shape and everything else#every mihoyo lady just seems to be some pretty lady with long flowing hair and like-#its not objectively bad. I just find it boring#i just want more variety ✊️😔#honkai leaks
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