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wrestlingisanime · 6 years ago

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My Wrestle Kingdom 13 Mental Preparations

This Friday, I'm going to try to stay up and watch Wrestle Kingdom…this will be like the 3rd time I attempt to do this. Ever year around this time, I tell myself, "I'm finally going to start to get into watching New Japan regularly, starting with Wrestle Kingdom!" but it always falls through.

It's mainly the time difference that kills it for me. Even back when I didn't have a job and would regularly stay up until 6 AM, I couldn't sit still enough to watch the entirety of the show. I remember the first time I did this, I was doing laundry while watching some people dressed up like Doraemon dancing on stage or something. That's the only thing I remember about that show.

Last year, I tried to stay up to watch it, but I had to go to work the next day, so I eventually went to bed. I remember waking up at 5 AM, getting ready for work and thinking, "I wonder who won between Jericho and Omega," and then finding out the show was still going on as I drove to work. I ended up downloading the show and watching Omega vs Jericho while waiting at the DMV to renew my license…

Anyway, this year, I'm going to actually do it! I'm going to stay up and pay attention to the show! I have my New Japan World subscription ready. The show starts on a Friday, so I don't have to worry about getting up early for work the next day. I even plan on taking a nap Friday evening in an attempt to combat any sleepiness I might encounter staying up to some crazy hour!

Now, I will admit, I really don't follow New Japan that closely at all. I'm familiar with some of the names…Omega, Okada, Naito, Kota Ibushi, Tama Tonga… but I've never really watched their matches in full. I don't know much about any of the storylines going in. But, I think that it's important to broaden my knowledge and expand my horizons into the Japanese pro wrestling world, especially in my quest to compare wrestling and anime. I mean, Japanese wrestling is as close to live action anime as it gets, right?!

So…I'm just going to ramble about the NJPW stuff I'm KIND OF familiar with in an attempt to prep myself for watching Wrestle Kingdom 13. So let's get started.

PRE-SHOW NO.1 CONTENDER GAUNTLET MATCH FOR NEVER OPENWEIGHT 6-MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP

Togi Makabe, Toru Yano & Ryusuke Taguchi vs Yuji Nagat, Jeff Cobb & David Finlay vs Hirooki Goto, Beretta & Chuckie T vs Minoru Suzuki, Lance Archer & Davey Boy Smith Jr. vs Hangman Page, Yujiro Takahashi & Marty Scurll

When I first looked at a match-up graphic of this match, I had no idea why there were so many people in a tag team match. I was confused about who was teaming with who, but I think I've figured it out.

I recognize a few names on this list, and I'm just going to detail what little I know about these wrestlers.

I've heard the name "Taguchi" said in a sexy Irish accent before…So this is the Ryusuke Taguchi that used to be buddies with Finn Balor/Prince Devitt. I don't know much more than that.

David Finlay sounds like he'd be the son of Fit Finlay…which apparently is the case! I don't know much about any of the Finlays except Fit was in one of the N64 AKI wrestling games.

Jeff Cobb, aka, the monster Mantza Cueto! I've seen him wrestle live as Matanza at the Impact/Lucha Underground show on Wrestlemania weekend last year. He's pretty freakin' good.

Chuckie T, I can only assume is that Chuck Taylor dude who was always the star of those Chikara videos I used to watch all the time, with him squealing like a little girl and yelling at children.

Marty Scurll is that "Villain" dude with the umbrella. He was a very popular wrestling cosplay at A-Kon last year. Lots of dudes with masks and umbrellas.

Hangman Page apparently killed Joey Ryan with a telephone and was haunted by cowboy boots. His original Bullet Club shirt was also a major inspiration for my Doki Doki Wrestling Club shirts, specifically Sayori's for obvious reasons…

Minoru Suzuki. I always hear how freakin' badass this dude is. Looking forward to see him wreck people.

I've heard some other names before, like Toru Yano, Yuji Nagata, and Davey Boy Smith…but I honestly don't know much about them. Hopefully that'll change soon!

As for the "NEVER Openweight 6-Man Tag Team Championship" …well, I recently learned that the NEVER Openweight Championship is a title that isn't restricted by weight class. When I first looked at this card, I was very confused as how a 3-man team could compete to be a contender for a single title…but Wikipedia just now tells me that there is indeed a separate NEVER Tag Team Championship. That makes sense!

I still don't know what "NEVER" means. Apparently it's "New Blood," "Evolution," "Valiantly," "Eternal," and "Radical." Yeah, a bunch of random English words put together to form a nonsense acronym. Sounds pretty Japanese for sure. Reminds me of the notorious B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S. organization…

1ST MATCH 60 MINUTES LIMIT NEVER OPENWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

Kota Ibushi vs Will Ospreay

I really hope this match isn't an hour long, but…

So, of course I'm familiar with Kota Ibushi! He's Kenny's Golden Lover and he's done a bunch of crazy cool DDT matches. I think he was also in the WWE Cruiserweight Classic. And he starred in a kaiju movie that I really want to watch.

I only know Will Ospreay from that anime-as-hell match he had with Ricochet a few years ago that Vader got really mad about (R.I.P.).

Anyway, they both seem like amazing wrestlers, so sounds like it'll be a sick match…even if it somehow does last an hour.

2ND MATCH 60 MINUTES LIMIT IWGP Jr. TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP

Yoshinobu Kanemaru & El Desperado vs Roppongi 3K vs BUSHI & Shingo Takagi

Why can't these tag matches just have 2 teams!!!

I honestly don't know much about any of these people. I've heard the name "Roppongi 3K" before, and it's a cool sounding name, so that's cool. I also probably get "BUSHI" and Kota Ibushi confused sometimes.

Oh, and I guess I need to finally look up what "IWGP" stands for. Okay, so apparently it stands for "International Wrestling Grand Prix" which is the governing body of NJPW…what. I don't know what that means. I have never heard a human utter the words "International Wrestling Grand Prix" before…huh, weird. I'd rather they just call it the NJPW championship, but I guess there's a legacy there that they want to preserve, so that's fair. Also, weird title names seem to go hand-in-hand with Japanese wrestling anyway.

3RD MATCH 60 MINUTES LIMIT BRITISH HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

Tomoiro Ishii vs Zack Sabre Jr.

I did not know that New Japan had a British Heavyweight Championship.

Like many Japanese wrestlers, I've heard the name Tomohiro Ishii mentioned in podcasts a lot, but I can't envision a specific person or match in my head. Sorry. :(

I don't know if I've seen Zack Sabre Jr. wrestle, either. I know he was in the WWE Cruiswerweight Classic, but that's it.

They're probably both really good, though, and very deserving of whatever this Japanese British championship is.

4TH MATCH 60 MINUTES LIMIT IWGP TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP

Tanga Loa & Tama Tonga vs Sanada & EVIL vs The Young Bucks

Seriously, do they just not have 2v2 tag matches in Japan?

I'm very familiar with Tama Tonga. He's that Bullet Club dude that used to have face paint that reminded me of the box art to Knights of the Old Republic 2. Much like I haven't played any KOTOR game, I don't think I've ever watched Tama Tonga actually wrestle. I know that he's done some goofy stuff on Twitter recently. Also, he's got a cool name that's fun to say: "Tama Tonga."

Speaking of cool names, who doesn't like the name "EVIL"? That name..it's just…so freaking good. I keep hoping there's an association with that one Sponge Bob episode, but probably not.

Also, the Young Bucks…yeah they're very popular, but, again, I don't think I've ever seen them wrestle. I just know that they superkick people a lot, they have streamers on their pants, and they're very good at selling merch.

5TH MATCH 60 MINUTES LIMIT IWGP US HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

Cody vs Juice Robinson

Obviously, I know who Cody is. He was that dude who used to be Stardust! …man, Stardust was cool. Stardust is literally THE reason I started watching wrestling again. It was a bummer to hear that Cody didn't like doing the character. He was so good at it, though.

I recently learned that Juice Robinson used to be CJ Parker in NXT. That was pretty mindblowing, because CJ Parker was one of the standout characters for me back when I first watched NXT. Apparently he's a good wrestler, too, so cool.

Also, I'm almost tempted to ask why there's an IWGP US Championship…but I guess "I" in IWGP stands for "International." …but why isn't the British title the IWGP British Championship??? Looking that up now…oh, so the British Championship is actually the RPW British Heavyweight Championship owned by Revolution Pro Wrestling. Huh.

6TH MATCH 60 MINUTES LIMIT IWGP Jr. HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

KUSHIDA vs Taiji Ishimori

I remember a long time ago, I watched some clips from an older (then recent) Wrestle Kingdom that featured a team called the Time Splitters, which I thought was cool because I like the video game TimeSplitters: Future Perfect. But also, I guess this was a time traveler wrestling gimmick, and that's cool, and I liked hearing the ring announcer go "TIIIIIIIME SPLTITERRRRRRRSSSSS." But that's not even it! They had a freakin' Back to the Future Delorean entrance. And then there was one that had a dude dressed as Doc Brown…and apparently that guy was Taguchi. Huh, weird.

So, I guess KUSHIDA was one of the Time Splitters, so that's cool. I don't if he's still a time traveler or not. I hope he is.

As for Taiji Ishimori, he's the new "Bone Soldier," and I don't really know much about that, other than Captain New Japan used to be the Bone Soldier and everyone hated that one for some reason, but they like this new one. And Ishimori might be going to WWE? I don't know!

Oh, I just realized that all these matches have a 60 minute time limit…

7TH MATCH 60 MINUTES LIMIT SPECIAL SINGLE MATCH

Kazuchika Okada vs Jay White

Of course I'm familiar with Okada. He's the Rainmaker! And then he turned into that guy with the balloons…I dunno, but he's in Yakuza 6, so that's cool!

Jay White is apparently the new leader of the Bullet Club. I used to think he was always part of the Bullet Club because I remember seeing Jay White Bullet Club shirts a while back…but apparently he wasn't actually in the Bullet Club until recently? I don't know! I just know that people used to call him "Knife Pervert" and I thought that was funny, so I used it in Doki Doki Wrestling Club.

8TH MATCH 60 MINUTES LIMIT IWGP INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP NO DQ MATCH

Chris Jericho vs Testuya Naito

Chris Jericho is a guy who wears a scarf and dresses like a mime or something. I don't know.

I always thought Naito was cool. I like "Tranquilo" and the eyeball thing he does. There's also that super cute Naito teddy bear plush that I would really like to have one day. I once bought a Naito keychain from an anime con artist alley booth. Yeah, I like Naito, and apparently so does everyone else…except Chris Jericho, I guess.

9TH MATCH 60 MINUTES LIMIT IWGP HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

Kenny Omega vs Hiroshi Tanahashi

I first heard of Kenny Omega when people were sharing that clip of a grown dude wrestling a 9-year-old Japanese girl. I also learned that he was a huge nerd and spoke fluent Japanese. From my limited perspective, he didn't seem to blow up in popularity until he debuted as "The Cleaner" in the Bullet Club. Now he's like the most popular non-WWE wrestler in the world. I wasn't ever a super huge fan of Kenny, but he DID put Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon on his Top 10 video games list last year, so he's cool in my book. I wish he played fighting games other than Street Fighter, though…

As for Tanahashi, I remember on like my second attempt to stay up and watch Wrestle Kingdom, people kept saying that Tanahashi was the "John Cena of Japan." I'm assuming that's still true to this day. Honesty, that's all I know about Tanahashi, lol.

So, I assume Tanahashi is going to win and Kenny will finally have his rematch against a grown up Haruka!

And that's it!! That's all I know about Wrestle Kingdom 13. Hopefully I'll finally start to get into NJPW following this Wrestle Kingdom, because I honestly think Japanese puroresu knowledge is absolutely necessary in my campaign to prove that wrestling…is anime.

#wrestle kingdom 13 #text

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