#and if things aren’t perfect than you’re a failure so you need to be constantly thinking about what if (when) things go wrong

[electriccenturies]

The more you treat your mental illness the harder it is to live with the person who gave you said mental illness

[princelylove]

Hello, prince! Hope your day is going well!

I'm in love with your Bruno Bucciarati character analysis. Your characteristic of him is the best and the most perceptive I've seen so far. Thank you for your amazing work!

What do you think about darling who strives for a quiet and peaceful lifestyle, they want to have someone reliable in their life too so they can feel that sense of safety they lack due to their traumatic past. They are dutiful and reliable themselves because they believe it's the only way to get their desired way of living. But deeply inside they know they may get bored from quiet and peaceful life, because they need stimulation, danger and thrill. They have to be constantly on the edge because it's the only way for them to feel alive.

I think it's interesting how both Bruno and his darling may have this crazy side of them but try to act like a normal family together. Birds of a feather.

xoxo

Bruno has that delusional protective-obsessive wombo combo that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Sometimes you might think he's more obsessed with the perfect family and his own role than he is with you, but you should know better.

I think it's significant to note that Bruno is neither of his personas, despite them both being a part of him. Neither are natural, but instead, are learned behaviors he uses as tools. He's less aware of this than a intentionally manipulative type (Think Giorno or Joseph), but he knows he's a bit lacking. He views it more as a failure on his end, an insecurity, than an "I am intentionally pretending to be something I'm not" kind of thing. He knows what he must do, how he must act, and as long as you do not see the Bad side of him, he'll work on it by himself.

Bruno will always be there to gently guide you back when you stray from this normal, entirely wanted behavior. Little slips aren’t going to break his delusions that everything’s perfect even if you lash out at him. You’re just stressed. What kind of husband would he be if he got upset with you for that? His hands are warm, and barely move when you push on them, but there's something off about the warmth. Maybe he ran his lighter over them like you would a cigar.

He aims to ease any and all of your worries, but he can’t help when he slips. It’s tiresome to put up an act constantly. He might get short with you, or forget to make his smile reach his eyes when reminding you about the household rules, but he knows how he's supposed to be treating you. If you lash out at him, or go so far as to provoke him, or even actually have the nerve to attack him, he'll just restrain you and lecture you about being careful.

He’s perceptive, but slow when it comes to making proper decisions. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but he thinks the fastest while fighting, and is a bit lacking when it comes to non-urgent choices. Not that you're not urgent, but you're not exactly attempting to kill him, either. Bruno can tell you're uncomfortable, but his delusions block him from figuring out why. He doesn't understand that you're bored because you're safe, what's better than safe?

[selene-moonie]

You’re Perfect as You Are Pt 2

Read part 1 here.

Society is obsessed with constant progress. Even before social media became a big thing, a big priority is constantly moving forward. If you’re not making progress then you’re dying. If you aren’t moving forward, you are worthless.

And I think that perspective is so very unhealthy. I spent years being depressed and anxious because I believed that if I didn’t compare to everyone else I knew, that I’d be left behind as a failure. 

Even when I found out that most of the people who I knew as high achievers were also going through the same experience but worse, my need for progress never lessened. 

So many years feeling empty, broken and like I wasn’t important because I wasn’t “doing anything with my life.” 

I had tied my worth to things outside of me, and as they demanded of me more than I could give, my feelings worsened.

There was never anything wrong with me, and there’s nothing wrong with you either.

You don't have to make progress or keep up socially to be worthy, important or anything along those lines. You can if you want to though.

It’s ok if all you want to manifest is your countryside book cafe AU with a pet cow. Or enough money to support yourself and family forever.

You don’t need to jump on every law of assumption trend or trend otherwise. If you don’t get into the void, the world won’t crash and burn. And if SATS works better than affirming, that’s not bad either. Not being able to do techniques never stopped you from manifesting, why would they now?

Do things you want to do, because it would be fun to do - not because there are demons on your shoulders claiming that you’re worthless if you don’t do it. That applies for things in the 3d, and manifestation things as well. You’ll be much happier for it, at least in the long term.

Besides being the creator of your reality, you’re perfect otherwise. If you’re figuring out what you want, that’s a good place to be in. If you know exactly where you’re going and the progress you desire is for personal fulfilment, that’s great too.

The point I’m making is that you are wonderful, amazing, acceptable and perfect as you are, regardless of what anything outside of you has to say. Take care of yourself and choose what you want.

xoxo

Your favourite daughter of the moon,

Selene 🌚

[redrobin-detective]

love language

“Ben,” the voice said softly, “wake up.” It was familiar in a way Ben couldn’t put his finger on. 

“No, mom,” Ben groaned, “five more minutes.”

“Not Mother,” the voice said with an amused huff. “Been longer than five minutes, worried now,” it continued on awkwardly. Ben frowned, confused by the situation. He opened his eyes and sat up to assess what was going on. At least that was what he tried to do.

“Woah,” he gasped as he found he couldn’t move much at all. He didn’t really have sensation or form, there was nothing around him to see and no eyes he could use to see anything with. Ben felt like his brain was spread thin, like cream cheese on a bagel, making every thought feel strange and disconnected. “Where am I?”

“Safe,” the voice soothed and Ben couldn’t help but believe. “Always safe with me. We’re away from attack now, recover here for Grandpa Max or Cousin Gwen to find us.”

“Us?” Ben fumbled as he added up the words in his head. “Wait, you’re the Omnitrix, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” the voice - which now that he was listening Ben recognized as his own just a slightly different pitch and intonation - said happily. “And you are Master, Ben Tennyson.” 

“So wait, am I inside the watch?” Ben asked. That would explain his lack of a body, his whole brain was just floating around inside the alien device. It was weird and a bit scary, no wonder Ghostfreak didn’t like it. “Are you in my body?”

“Sorry,” the Omnitrix said almost apologetically, “was necessary. You were unconscious, your life threatened. Had to access your nervous system to get you to safety. Switch back now?”

“No wait, not yet, I wanna talk some more,” Ben pleaded. “Could you always do this? I feel Azmuth would have shadowbanned me ages ago if he knew he could.”

“This was an emergency, we will always do what is necessary to save the Master’s life.” the Omnitrix responded, it’s words coming more naturally now that it was getting used to it. Ben could practically feel the device flicking through his knowledge language and vocabulary to better communicate. It should feel invasive and yet somehow wasn’t. “And Creator does not get an opinion on the Master.”

“Harsh,” Ben responded back, “what do you got against Azmuth? He did make you, helps fix you when I mess up even though he doesn’t have to.”

“Creator tried to separate us,” the Omnitrix bit back harshly. “He lied to Master, drugged you and attempted to remove me from your person. It did not ask either of us, simply decided a child could not handle the responsibility.”

“Woah,” Ben had gone to Galvan Prime many times, fallen asleep quite often. How many times had Azmuth tried to take the device from him?

“Only once,” the Omnitrix chimed in as if reading his thoughts which, oh, it probably was. Weird. “We shocked him to unconsciousness, to prevent him from trying again. We will not be separated.” 

“Protective, aren’t you?” Ben chuckled awkwardly. It was one thing to know Azmuth wanted to remove the watch, it was another to realize the watch wouldn’t let that happen.

“You are the Master,” it said fondly, “We love you, more than anything in the omniverse. We would watch it all burn if it meant keeping you safe.”

“What?” Ben asked flustered. His parents said they loved him constantly, same with Grandpa and Gwen. But this felt different. “Why? Like seriously, why me? I’m 16 years old and I’m just as much a mess as I was at 10.”

“We...” it paused as if thinking. There was a vague feeling of moving and Ben wondered what the watch was doing in his body. “We can’t explain, Master was just right.” 

“Many wanted to claim us,” the Omnitrix continued. “For many Earth years, we were pulled across the universe, searching for the perfect host. Creator grew tired of the debates, the lies, the deaths that followed and eventually abandoned us. It told us to choose wisely who could use our power. Kings and warriors and scientists demanded it and still we did not relent. None were worthy until you.”

“Seriously?” Ben questioned, “I was like a C student with unmanaged ADHD and about 4 complexes stuffed in a trench coat. Plus we met on accident, Xylene was trying to send you to Grandpa.”

“We like Grandpa Max,” the watch hummed, “but he is too much of solider. Sometimes he even forgets your his family. When the pod opened and we scanned you, we only found your curiosity and wonder. You were the first being to look upon us without ulterior motives. It was, nice.”

“I get that,” Ben mumbled to himself, more than used to everyone in his life expecting something or other from him. 

“We, too, were curious about you. Creator did not add human DNA in our storage. He only cared for relevant species at the time, Earth and it’s people were as alien to us as we were to you.”

“Is that why you latched on?” Ben asked again. 

“Partially, we knew were under attack and needed some manner of escape. It wasn’t going to be forever but we found we liked you; your bravery, your creativity, your love... it inspired us. You went from Host to Master and we bonded more permanently.”

“Huh,” Ben said thoughtfully. “I never really realized you were alive, that you chose me.” He chuckled sadly, “I turned out to be kind of a disappointment, huh?” 

“No,” the watch responded forcefully, enough to startle Ben out of his dark thoughts. “We love you, all of you. All your successes and failures, flaws and strengths, we love them all. We are one in the same, bonded in entirety. We will spend the rest of your days together and when your natural death comes, we will die too. There will be no Master after Ben.”

“So even when I’m just messing around...” Ben asked, changing topics from that heavy comment.

“You taught us how to play and we learned,” The Omnitrix teased. “You ask for Humongosaur too much though, we can have our own fun.”

“Oh so you’re the reason I always get the wrong alien,” Ben laughed. “You’re gonna get me killed one day!”

“Never,” the Omnitrix said warmly but with a steely protectiveness in there. “We will always protect you.”

“Hmm, I guess so,” Ben hummed. “What’s going out in the real world?”

“The battle is over as far as we can see. No sign of Cousin Gwen, Friend Kevin or Partner Rook. Grandpa Max was still in the satellite orbiting the planet last we heard. Do you wish to return now that the danger has passed?”

“Nah, not yet,” Ben sighed, enjoying a few minutes without someone needing him. “I know my body is in safe hands. Tell me more about some of the bozos who tried to wear you.”

“Aurius the Magnificent was one of the more annoying,” the Omnitrix said in the tone Ben used when he was feeling petty. “Just put me on and demanded that I chose him. He did it in front of his whole court and was so frustrated when I would not attach. His concubines laughed at him.”

“Oh man, how embarrassing,” Ben cackled. He let go of his worries, of his responsibilities, of everything and just basked in the familiar tones and the omnipresent love around him. 

[prettyboyhub]

haikyuu boys as insecurities they find attractive/ they’d help you with

[osamu, suna, tendou, kuroo, iwaizumi, mattsun, nishinoya]

a/n: these are all based on insecurities of mine LMAO and they turned out to be mini drabbles, but if you’d like to see any more characters OR insecurities you’re more than welcome to ask <3

OSAMU loves food. sometimes you think he loves food more than he loves you. he has yet to deny that, but one thing stands true: he’s happiest after seeing you enjoy a good meal. however, as soon as he hears you complain about how much you ate, he lets out a big scoff and glares at you. you’d say something like, “ugh, samu, i’m so BLOATED, i look fat. :(“ (queue the rude scoff-glare combo.) he’d soften his gaze and come closer to you, place his hand on your belly, and kiss you on the cheek. “ya look gorgeous, angel. ’m so happy ya ate dinner with me.”

SUNA is low energy by nature, so it only seems fitting that his s/o is too. if you come to school looking TIRED, it would make his heart swoon. of course he’d tease you (“did you do something new to your hair? go girl, give us ratsnest <3”) but there’s something about your eye bags and messy hair that makes him so soft. and if you rest your head on his shoulder???? he’s yours forever

TENDOU has been bullied his whole life, so he knows what it feels like to be insecure :(. that means, as your s/o, his only mission is to hype you up until you feel like you’re the greatest thing in existence (cuz you are to him!) but if you’re ever insecure about your ADHD, whether you can’t focus in school, or you just can’t seem to slow down, he drops everything to help you. “what do you need, love? i have a fidget cube, a coloring book, or you can play with my hands. pick your poison.” he’s very empathetic and observant of your adhd, and he always knows how to help (since he struggles with it himself and he never had anyone to help him :|) pls cherish him forever

KUROO labels himself the “funny guy” of the team. most people roll their eyes at his dad-like humor, but you think its the funniest thing ever. you can’t help but LAUGH, and i mean really laugh. snorting, tears rolling down your cheeks, slapping your knees, the whole bit. it’s an ego boost to see you laugh like that, but his heart drops a little when you cover your mouth to try and stifle your reaction. “baby, don’t hide yourself from the world.” he says gently as he takes your hand from your face. “every part if you is beautiful and unique, and i want to hear you laugh at my super hilarious jokes, okay?” you roll your eyes at his obnoxious self-confidence. “okay, tetsu.”

IWAIZUMI may be rough around the edges, but there’s no denying that he takes care of his loved ones. when you go to the gym with him and get discouraged by failure, he’s always there to lend a hand. “‘zumi, i can’t do this. i’ve been eating constantly and cutting cardio like you told me too, but i’m still WEAK. i can’t gain muscle even though i’m trying so hard :(“ he’d be a little hurt at the way you talk about yourself, but he won’t show it. “y/n, you aren’t weak. not even close. the fact that you’re even attempting to set goals for yourself and stay consistent means you’re on the right track. the results won’t be instant and i know that frustrates you, but i’m so proud of you. now finish this set, and we’ll figure out a new workout regimen for you tonight.” he doesn’t necessarily like seeing you so frustrated, but he feels honored that you trust him to help you.

MATTSUN undoubtedly is not the most punctual or organized guy around. he’s not really insecure about it, but he knows that you are. you’ve been called MESSY by your close friends and family, but he doesn’t mind that you leave a small trail everywhere you go. whether it be a kitchen cabinet open, empty containers in your room, or knickknacks you set down and forget about. in all honesty, he finds it endearing that everywhere he looks there’s a reminder of you.

NISHINOYA is our short king. he’s confident in himself, and dear god he loves you so much. good luck trying to explain to him why you’d even think you’re TOO TALL. he’ll go rabid. feral, even. perhaps he’d bark. there is no excuse for anyone thinking that you’re not the most gorgeous thing on this planet. in a rage, he’d start listing off every reason to love being tall. “you can reach so many things! you would be great at volleyball! your legs are so long! your hoodies give me sweater paws! your stride is twice mine, it’s so awesome! did i say your legs are long?! you can jump so high without even trying! you’re the perfect hugging height!” he’s so excited to love you that it doesn’t make sense to him why you don’t love every part of yourself???

[kikyan]

Thank you for all your work! For the Obey Me boys, could I request some hcs for all of them with a Plus Size!Reader?

OMG OFC YOU CAN!! As someone who is also plus size, it’s nice to see that people are requesting this! This leaned a bit more on the insecurities and struggles that we tend to face because you know people always have smth to say and comment even when we didn’t ask for them. Those reminders that pop in last minute because it’s a rough life. Idk, I was just hella depressed a couple days ago because of this but this lowkey cheered me up! 

Lucifer

He worries a lot and takes on multiple responsibilities, but one of them is to take care of you and remind you how much he loves you for you. If this was based on appearance I can most DEFINITELY assure you that obey me would be a short game with little to no character developments and I stand by that comment. Lucifer was the last one whom we got a contract with but he was one where we fully impressed him and reached out to him.

He cares a lot about you, you helped him see things from a different perspective and relatively are living proof that he did not fail his sister or brothers. He did good, his hard work paid off. He isn't a failure. He'll do the same to you. If you ever felt upset or insecure, he'd remind you of your worth. There is no price because you are priceless. You're his greatest treasure and he loves you.

He'd love and appreciate hugs and cuddles because they feel so comforting. So much to love and so much to hold, you do things to him you know. Anyone dare talk shit or say some mean and rude things? He's on the way to scold them and make them eat those words because here they are, judging one without really knowing them.

Mammon

He'd pull stunts for you to scold him and then cuddle him afterwards because hugs >>>Mammon, being the sweet little tsundere he is and your first will always be around you. He wouldn't treat you any different than he would any other person, but here is a sad headcanon because I enjoy making myself cry. He could care less what others say and think of him, even his own brothers. He won't let anyone say anything bad about you though, not his brother, Lucifer, anyone. He doesn't want you to experience what he does constantly so he would do anything to make it all go away.

Someone spreads a rumor about you? He'd literally risk expulsion by fighting someone over rude comments or risk losing whatever money he has to ensure that those hurtful comments go away. It's sad because it's the 'I rather be hurt than let others be hurt' concept.

It hurts because I have that same concept and while it hurts me so much, it's the pure joy that we get when we see the ones we care about happy. Mammon would sacrifice any and everything to ensure that your life is as peaceful as he could possible make it. He wants you 25/8 around him because he lives off and for you. He loves you so much.

Leviathan

He is on the internet 25/8, he knows how it really is out there and he is the first one to defend anyone against these comments. He also understands what it's liked to be judged for his anime obsession, appearance, and his 'normie' comments. But you won't ever be bullied. While it takes him time to be fully pissed off, he won't hesitate to fight on your behalf and share his wrath with others.

He understands the struggle of not finding anything in your size so he himself, yes this otaku, will take up the amazing job with pride of making you a cute asf cosplay costume. He'll help you realize that you're perfect just the way you are. Also this man will have you near him for cuddle time which is all the time

Satan

Satan, like Lucifer, learned A LOT about himself. Mc taught Satan that he didn't have to be bound by what brought him. Essentially, he may have been born by Lucifer, but he isn't Lucifer at all. He is Satan, he is his own person and should not be tied down by this. He wants to ensure that his S/O understands that too.

He'll remind them that they aren't what people think they are and that they are special. They mean the world to him, like a good book that you can't put down, he will NEVER stop loving you and cherishing you for the entirety of your life.

Would love it if you sat on his lap while he read you a story or read together. He wants to have that moment, that experience of reading together which is cute ngl, but it's hard to have someone read from your side. Get on his lap, he wants you to be on his lap and read with him.

Asmodeus

Your personal hype man. He honestly doesn't care or give a damn what other's think. He'll tell you that you're perfect just the way you are because you are. Those comments? It's the haters and that's all they will be. Asmo doesn't want his S/O to feel insecure so the moment you're down, he'll stop talking about himself and focus on you. He knows what being insecure is, but rather than hiding it he much rather you feel better and feel confident..

The moment you're down, it's all about you. What do YOU want to do? Stay home? Okay, at home spa or simply relaxing. You want to go out? Where? Shopping? A cute pastry place or whatever they have at the devildom, idk.

Beelzebub

Beel is very adorable, please he doesn't overthink things and he is a man of action. All the brother loves you the way you are, but Beel might not understand insecurities at first because he sees nothing wrong and will never understand comments like that. He respects any and all opinions you have about yourself minus the negative ones because he cares a lot about you and it hurts him to hear you be mean to yourself or others to you. If you want to work out or anything, he'll be down to assist and help you. You don't? That's okay because there is no need, it's all about loving yourself and feeling comfortable with yourself.

Beel loves cuddles (who tf doesn't) and would request them constantly, especially when you're sleeping. While some think that Beel is 'dumb' it's because he doesn't tend to think things constantly. He's an outright person who says what they want to say and that's it. What would he say to you? That he loves you <3

Belphegor

We'd make great pillows so you can already tell that Belphie would also tell us that he loves us for who we are and not how we look like. Sure we beautiful and STUNNING, but he loves us a lot more because we are ourselves. He loves the cute stories we say when he's snoozing off on us, the hugs we give him when he wants them.

He hears any negative comments, he would not hesitate to invade someone else dreams and haunt them from within or unleashing hell on them. What do they know about his darling? Nothing, so they should say nothing as well.

[gaycatwizard]

I feel like "bad/flawed characters that are still likeable" are just some of the Best characters and tend to have a bit more emotional staying power, that they're more relatable and more interesting, more memorable. We need more of them, but they're really... hard to do? Not necessarily hard to make, but hard to do well. Because the amount of flaws and Badness (in a moral/philosophical sense, not quality of a character's design and personality) can vary so drastically, along with the amount of redeeming traits and their potency. It can be hard to want to "copy" or mimic the exact ratio from the character that inspired you. Tangent: it's fine to be inspired by one or more works. It's fine to allow it to influence your works. It's hard distinguishing from "I want to do x, but that's basically just rewriting one of my inspirations but with a palette swap" and "this inspires me so I want to use certain elements/themes/ideas/technical aspects of it." That's not the issue here, y'know. But like... I think the sheer variety you can have in Loveable Asshole characters like that, in the ratio of how bad and how good they are, is part of what makes them so interesting, so realistic, so powerful. Like... there are characters who are overall pretty good people, but are rough around the edges in a way that clearly makes them sympathetic and likeable. There are characters who are basically layer upon layer upon layer of mistakes, hatred, and bile with the tiniest nugget of good at the center, that you rarely get a glimpse of, but feel something raw and enthralling because of that. Like... I think Bojack Horseman is a good example, especially because it has a lot of different Likeable Bad People varieties and it does them all really well. Also Bojack Horseman is a good show and, not unlike JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, I want to talk about it at every given opportunity. Bojack himself is a cynical, selfish, destructive, defensive, spiteful, jealous, vain, self-loathing, stubborn piece of shit. He's a bad person and that's... kind of the point of the show. But his entire character, his entire arc that spans the whole of the series, revolves around the diamond buried deep in that rough. He wants to change, but he's so set in his negative ways (and so used to being surrounded by such negativity and toxicity) that he doesn't really know how. Every time he wants to change, he doesn't know how and fails to keep up with his new habits. Every time he's doing well and making progress, some external factor comes in and pushes him violently back down the mountain, back to square one. But he makes an effort, it's very obvious that he doesn't like being this way, that he regrets the things he does, that he feels remorse for the pain he's caused, and he does finally change and improve, things do finally get better for him. His foil (who has such an AMAZING dynamic and relative arc with him I could write a whole essay just on that), Mr. Peanutbutter, is sort of the exact opposite. They have similar careers and positions in the world, but everything goes right for Mr. Peanutbutter. Everyone likes him, everything is handed to him on a silver platter, he's perfect, he's happy, he's attractive, he's popular, he's everything Bojack isn't, and yet somehow he's drawn to Bojack and always wants to try and be his friend. But as Bojack slowly improves over the show and the softer, nicer, Better side of him becomes more and more prominent and common, the negative side of Mr. Peanutbutter slowly gets revealed over the show. He's also selfish and stubborn and stupid and persistent and dangerously disconnected from reality and his interpersonal skills are absolute shit. He puts on that act to make people like him. As the show goes on, it's slowly revealed that he doesn't really pay attention to the wants or needs of others, like, at all. That he only ever really cares about himself and just wants to do and be everything and anything as long as people like him and it makes him happy, regardless of who it hurts. It's amazing. It's in F is

for Family, too. Netflix Adult Animated Sitcoms are very often hit or miss, but these two are absolute homeruns. Frank, the protagonist, of F is for Family is selfish, violent, short-tempered, arrogant, judgmental, ignorant... but he's remorseful and introspective and intelligent and, in a very convoluted and misguided way most of the time, incredibly caring and devoted. He is a piece of shit and he's terrible, and a lot of why he's still likeable, why he's allowed to be so politically incorrect and abusive is due to the setting. Parenting norms were different back then and, now with hindsight, we know that those norms weren't good and you should NEVER hit or yell at or emotionally degrade your kids. The show is a perfect mix of "everyone is a product of their time and environment" and "no matter the time and place, people are people and we have the same thoughts and feelings and struggles," all without glorifying or excusing the terrible actions of the characters with the excuse of the time period or due to being "protagonists" or having redeeming traits. They're human, flawed, some incredibly so, and that's what makes it so good. It's part of why I like F is for Family more than most Adult Animated Family Sitcoms. You've got the typical stupid, selfish, arrogant, etc. Bad Dad and his Housewife, but there's still chemistry. They're still unique, three dimensional characters that clearly love each other and have a reason to still be together despite arguing and hardship. Same with how Frank and Sue treat their kids. They're not great parents, but they're trying to do their best (which isn't always good) and they do clearly love their kids and want the best for them. Their kids are resentful at times and hate their parents for some of the things they do, but they do stick together at the end of the day because there's that underlying realization that none of the mistreatment is done with malicious intent. That doesn't excuse it, but they're all just fucked up and trying to do their best. And they do have sad, relatable characters that are clearly bad people and aren't likeable, despite having sympathetic traits. Like Ginny. Her husband, that she loves dearly, is gay and simply doesn't love her the way she loves him, their marriage is hollow and empty. But she constantly forces her suffering on others, regardless of whether they want to hear it or are emotionally equipped to do so. Attempting to leave the conversation or explain that other people have problems too means, to Ginny, that you're a terrible human being who can't be there for someone in pain or that you're selfish and disgusting and never stop thinking of yourself. She has every right to be upset, but she takes it out on others and manipulates them, and that's not okay, and the show depicts it that way. There are so many options for character arcs with these characters, too. They don't even have to be related to their flaws, they can be entirely external or related to something like relationships or interests. You can show someone working on their flaws, acknowledging that they're not perfect and they might be bad, but that they want to do better and actively try to do so; they don't avoid responsibility or blame others, they own up to it and do their best to improve. Hell, even just coming to the realization that you are responsible for your actions, not anyone else, and that you have to put in effort to change could be that arc. You can have someone get worse, whether an intentional path of bad decisions without regard for others or a failure to understand which decisions are right. Some people have redeeming traits, but still aren't redeemable. Some people don't get better. Some people still get better, but get worse first. There are so many real, relatable options that show the darker, uglier side of life that we so desperately want to experience and perceive (likely due to the cathartic and taboo aspects), and bringing up flaws and shortcomings and anything else in this context can start interesting conversations and challenge

us to think about things we may not have before, or from a new perspective.

[onebillionstarsff]

if you think c!dream deserves torture, you don’t know what torture is

alrighty, it’s time for me to do annoyingly in-depth lore analysis again because i have seen way too many people on my dash and twitter timeline saying that c!dream deserves to be tortured.

i don’t really think people have a comprehensive, reality-based understanding of what torture actually is, what it can do, and the motivations behind it. i, unfortunately, do: i’ve done extensive professional-level study on torture, so i’m going to do my best to put out some knowledge into our little dsmp-related world.

obvious content warnings for references to torture and to violence below the cut (nothing too graphic, though; i know this isn’t an academic forum or government work)

all of this is /rp /dsmp

i’ll also list some sources at the very bottom if you want to learn more

alright then, let’s start: what is torture, anyway?

there are two types of definitions, general and legal. i’ll reference both, but the message they carry is essentially the same, so i’ll just paraphrase the united nations definition that’s party to (read: supported/enforced by) 170 countries:

torture is any act that intentionally causes SEVERE harm to someone, physical OR mental, for the purposes of extracting information or punishment for failure to do so, with explicit consent from an acting public authority.

i’ll break down those components in the context of the dsmp in a second, but i first want to make it very clear what torture ISN’T. torture is not manipulation, it is not "trauma” in the way trauma is broadly conceived, it is not even direct physical abuse. you can suffer abuse from, say, a parent or a partner, and that abuse is about a power dynamic, where one person is being forcibly subordinated to the other. torture, on the other hand, is not necessarily about power, and it’s definitely not ONLY about power dynamics; torture, by its very definition, has to be intensely and officially coercive, and it has to be SEVERE. there are not degrees of torture, like there are degrees of abuse: being deprived of sleep for days or even weeks at a time is just as psychologically impactful as losing a limb or being waterboarded (simulated drowning- a common torture method that the us has been known to employ).

this is my first major issue with the way some viewers of the dsmp approach this whole debacle. i constantly hear c!tommy’s manipulation by c!dream cited as a perfect justification for c!dream’s torture. what c!tommy, and others on the server- particularly the kids- went through is horrible, and intensely traumatic. i will never deny them that, especially as a survivor of abuse myself, but torture is not just another form of trauma. that’s a very important distinction that we, as viewers, have to draw: torture is considerably worse because it is sanctioned, it is coercive, and its explicit goal is not just to cause pain or make someone feel powerless (common goals of abusers), but instead to shatter someone.

in more specific terms, the mental goal of torture is to completely unmake someone’s conception of the world, how they interact with it, and their basic sense of identity. if you read accounts or speak with survivors of torture, it is frequently mentioned that their very way of processing everything in life was destroyed by pain and had to be rebuilt, completely different, after escape. by destroying one’s individuality, will, and their most integral of processing abilities, you destroy their grasp on the world; and, to put it lightly, such a breaking event is awful enough that, in an effort to make it stop and regain some sense of normalcy, the victim will tell their persecutors what they want to hear. it’s the reason why confessions obtained through torture are notoriously not admissible in courts of law. this goes far beyond abuse or manipulation, and i need everyone to understand that.

now, let’s get to c!dream’s situation. did he do awful things? yes, undoubtedly. i’m a c!dream apologist, but his manipulation of c!tommy and c!tubbo was very fucked up. beyond that, his notable “crimes” that others on the server aren’t also guilty of committing (e.g., murder, theft, arson, to name a few common ones) really just consist of especially massive destruction of property (people leave c!techno and c!phil out of this equation, much to my chagrin, but i won’t get into it here). punishment for his actions is understandable, and is typically what justice systems aim to do. but, even if we completely ignore the inherent inhumanity of pandora (HOOO BOY that’s a lot to ignore but i digress), c!dream is not being punished, he’s being tortured. 

going by the definition i used, let’s break it down:

c!sam knows what c!quackity is doing to c!dream, allows it, and even encourages it. as the warden, he is the person in an official, authority position giving their consent. 

c!quackity is, by his own admission, doing what he is to get information out of c!dream. it’s not a confession in this context, but very specific piece of knowledge, with the promise of death also hanging right above it.

list of extreme psychological abuse: long-term solitary confinement (torture if it’s more than 22 hours. c!dream has been in solitary confinement for more than 60 days now), deprivation of the passage of time, general verbal abuse, incredibly limited social contact (people start to fray without basic interaction after a while).

list of extreme physical abuse (god where do i start): prolonged starvation, malnourishment when he isn’t being starved (you will die without protein intake); use of Warden’s Will Breaker pickaxe (it can hack through obsidian, so i think that’s all i need to say), shears (can be used to do things like pull nails, break limb’s bones, amputate toes/fingers/a whole arm in c!ponk’s case), and an OP axe (a sharp blade capable of slicing easily through wood with brute force, and bone is significantly easier to crush than wood). 

so, we have consent of authority, coercion for the sake of extracting information, and severe physical/mental abuse meant solely to cause extreme pain. c!dream is being tortured according to the proper, internationally-sanctioned definition of the term, and that is not okay in any circumstances whatsoever. 

if you haven’t ever read survivors’ accounts (or the accounts of their victimizers), it’s difficult to understand just how uniquely despicable torture is, and the lifelong effects that remain after it’s over and done with. i honestly recommend you read some testimonials, because it absolutely changes the way you view authority and the world in general.

no one is deserving of this treatment, no matter what atrocities they may or may not have committed. 

it’s a basic tenet of human rights, and i don’t think it should be a hard pill to swallow that it’s never excusable in any circumstance. so, defend c!tommy & co. and criticize c!dream’s actions all you want, but please never say that torture is alright. that statement has real consequences, and real moral implications. don’t be an asshole, and don’t be disrespectful to people who have survived it.

if you’re curious, look into these events:

The Argentine Dirty War

Chicago Police’s Jon Burge and his torture regime

Abu Ghraib prison

Extensive torture by Pinochet’s regime in Chile

Guatemalan Civil War

Ugandan policing in the 21st century (Human Rights Watch report here)

if you want some reading, i recommend the following. tumblr will probably nerf this post because of links, but oh well.

Convention against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment

Elaine Scarry’s The Body in Pain: The Making and Unmaking of the World (very important work in the literature on torture) 

John Conroy’s Unspeakable Acts, Ordinary People: The Dynamics of Torture

Levenson (e.d.) Torture: A Collection

[baby-giggles]

Does your loved one have borderline personality disorder (BPD), also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD)?

In your relationship:

Do you feel like you have to tiptoe around your loved one, watching every little thing you say or do for fear of setting them off? Do you often hide what you think or feel in order to avoid fights and hurt feelings?

Does your loved one shift almost instantaneously between emotional extremes? For example, are they calm one moment, raging the next, then suddenly despondent? Are these rapid mood swings unpredictable and seemingly irrational?

Does your loved one tend to view you as all good or bad, with no middle ground? For example, either you’re “perfect,” and the only one they can count on, or you’re “selfish” and “unfeeling” and never truly loved them.

Do you feel like you can’t win: that anything you say or do will be twisted and used against you? Does it feel as if your loved one’s expectations are constantly changing, so you’re never sure how to keep the peace?

Is everything always your fault? Do you feel constantly criticized and blamed for things that don’t even make sense? Does the person accuse you of doing and saying things you never did? Do you feel misunderstood whenever you try to explain or reassure your partner?

Do you feel manipulated by fear, guilt, or outrageous behavior? Does your loved one make threats, fly into violent rages, make dramatic declarations, or do dangerous things when they think you’re unhappy or may leave?

If you answer “yes” to most of these questions, your partner or family member might have borderline personality disorder.

Remember the 3 C’s rule

Many friends or family members often feel guilty and blame themselves for the destructive behavior of the borderline person. You may question what you did to make the person so angry, think you somehow deserve the abuse, or feel responsible for any failure or relapse in treatment.

But it’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for another person. The person with BPD is responsible for their own actions and behaviors.

The 3 C’s are:

I didn’t cause it.

I can’t cure it.

I can’t control it.

When things are calmer:

Listen actively and be sympathetic. Avoid distractions such as the TV, computer, or cell phone. Try not to interrupt or redirect the conversation to your concerns. Set aside your judgment, withhold blame and criticism, and show your interest in what’s being said by nodding occasionally or making small verbal comments like “yes” or “uh huh.” You don’t have to agree with what the person is saying to make it clear that you’re listening and sympathetic.

Focus on the emotions, not the words. The feelings of the person with BPD communicate much more than what the words he or she is using. People with BPD need validation and acknowledgement of the pain they’re struggling with. Listen to the emotion your loved one is trying to communicate without getting bogged down in attempting to reconcile the words being used.

Try to make the person with BPD feel heard. Don’t point out how you feel that they’re wrong, try to win the argument, or invalidate their feelings, even when what they’re saying is totally irrational.

Do your best to stay calm, even when the person with BPD is acting out. Avoid getting defensive in the face of accusations and criticisms, no matter how unfair you feel they are. Defending yourself will only make your loved one angrier. Walk away if you need to give yourself time and space to cool down.

Seek to distract your loved one when emotions rise. Anything that draws your loved one’s attention can work, but distraction is most effective when the activity is also soothing. Try exercising, sipping hot tea, listening to music, grooming a pet, painting, gardening, or completing household chores.

Talk about things other than the disorder. You and your loved one’s lives aren’t solely defined by the disorder, so make the time to explore and discuss other interests. Discussions about light subjects can help to diffuse the conflict between you and may encourage your loved one to discover new interests or resume old hobbies.

Try to be patient. If your loved one is struggling to deal with their emotions, try not to get involved in an argument in the heat of the moment. It could be better to wait until you both feel calmer to talk things through.

Don't judge them. Try to listen to them without telling them that they're overreacting or that they shouldn't feel the way they do. Whether or not you understand why they feel like this, and regardless of whether you feel it's reasonable, it is still how they're feeling and it's important to acknowledge it.

Be calm and consistent. If your loved one is experiencing a lot of overwhelming emotions, this could help them feel more secure and supported and will help in moments of conflict.

Help remind them of all their positive traits. When someone you care about is finding it hard to believe anything good about themself, it can be reassuring to hear all the positive things you see in them.

Try to set clear boundaries and expectations. If your loved one is feeling insecure about being rejected or abandoned, or seems worried about being left alone, it can be helpful to make sure you both know what you can expect from each other.

Plan ahead. When the person you're supporting is feeling well, ask them how you can help them best when things are difficult.

Learn their triggers. Talk to your loved one and try to find out what sort of situations or conversations might trigger negative thoughts and emotions.

Learn more about BPD. BPD is a complicated diagnosis, and your loved one might sometimes have to deal with other people's misconceptions on top of trying to manage their mental health problem.

Help them seek treatment and support.

Help them find an advocate.

Take care of yourself. Looking after someone else can sometimes be difficult and stressful. It's important to remember that your mental health is important too.

Things that do not help:

Do not take over control of their life. Support them to make their own choices. Avoid conflict or arguments over these.

Avoid the temptation to try to rescue the person from a particular situation. Don’t imagine that you can fix their life for them.

Avoid being drawn into their conflicts with other people, including their psychiatrist (e.g. cancelling appointments on their behalf instead of expecting them to do so themselves, or being drawn into one side of a family conflict).

Don’t try to be their therapist. Instead, help them find the right treatment and support them to follow their treatment.

Try not to get defensive in the face of accusations and criticism. When they get emotional or angry, it is not just about you or about the situation – they are trying to deal with BPD at the same time. Try to distinguish the person from the illness.

Setting goals for BPD recovery: Go slowly

When supporting your loved one’s recovery, it’s important to be patient and set realistic goals. Change can and does happen but, as with reversing any kind of behavior pattern, it takes time.

Take baby steps rather than aiming for huge, unattainable goals that set you and your loved one up for failure and discouragement. By lowering expectations and setting small goals to be achieved step by step, you and your loved one have a greater chance of success.

Supporting your loved one’s recovery can be both extremely challenging and rewarding. You need to take care of yourself, but the process can help you grow as an individual and strengthen the relationship between you.

[the-seas-song]

Richard Armitage and Astrology

Hi! I find astrology fascinating, and am an armchair expert on it myself, so I found Richard's comments in his recent Total Film Magazine interview very interesting. This is what he said:

I’ve been incredibly lucky. I’ve dabbled with having my celestial chart looked at every couple of years, just for a little tune-up. Every time, the guy sighs, and goes, “What can I say? You’ve just got a sprinkle of luck.” And I say, “That’s good, because I don’t have the talent, so I really need the luck!”

[cut]

There is a naughty, dark side to me. I am quite strongly affected by the moon. So if there’s a full moon I’ll go a bit crazy. (source)

This isn't the first time Richard's mentioned astrology – he's mentioned being a Leo, reading his daily horoscope, and finding out he was born in the Chinese Year of the Pig; but these were all informal twitter comments. He has also mentioned the effect the moon has on him before, in February 2020:

“Everyone has cycles of positive mental and emotional feelings and negative mental and emotional feelings and I know that I am profoundly affected on a monthly cycle. I always look at the calendar when I'm feeling particularly low and check the lunar cycle to see if it's a full or new moon.” (source)

However, what prompted me to write this is that Richard's personal put-downs were even more direct here than usual; and the connection that has to his natal, or birth, chart.

A little disclaimer: Personally, I think general horoscopes (like the ones you find in magazines) do far more harm than good. They are based solely on the twelve sun signs, and your sun sign is just one puzzle piece out of 25+ pieces that make up your natal chart. This is why many people don't relate to their horoscope or it's personality description.

Your natal chart, however, is a whole different animal. It's an intricate puzzle created by the exact date, time, and location you were born; which is why most people find their natal charts to be scarily accurate.

Back during the Hobbit days, a fan blog reported that Richard told a NZ fan that his birth time was just after 4 a.m. I used 4:05 for this post, and being off by a few minutes doesn't really make a difference.

Richard and self-esteem

I really feel for and relate to Richard's self-esteem struggles, because our charts mirror each other. We are both Leo suns; but I have my moon in Aries with my MC and Chiron conjunct each other in Virgo and sextile my North Node; while Richard has his moon in Virgo with his MC and Chiron conjunct each other in Aries and sextile his North Node.

What on earth does that mean?

Each planet represents a different part of you. The sun represents your ego/conscious self; the moon your emotions, mercury your mind/intellect, venus love and beauty/aesthetics, mars passion and drive, etc.

On top of the twelve planets, there are specific points and asteroids that are also important. Your MC, or Midheaven, represents your career and public persona. Your North Node describes your inner journey and life purpose. The asteroid Chiron describes your major soul wound, that you will be forced to deal with throughout your life.

A conjunction and a sextile are two of several different kinds of aspects. The different kinds of aspects are the different ways your respective puzzle pieces can interact with each other. Some are 'easy/positive' and some 'difficult/negative'. A sextile is considered easy/positive. A conjunction means two things are next to each other and overlap with one another, and is usually considered positive.

Leo and Aries are both fire signs. Fire signs are generally playful, warm, passionate, confident, and optimistic. Virgo is an earth sign. Earth signs are generally practical, grounded, sensual, and logical.

Richard's personality is dominated by an almost equal amount of Leo and Virgo influence, with both his sun (core self) and venus (love and beauty) in Leo and his moon (emotions) and mercury (mind) in Virgo.

Aries and Virgo are said to be the most difficult Chiron signs, because they are the wounds tied directly to your self-worth (Aries is the wound of Self and Virgo is the wound of Perfection). With Aries Chiron you feel a core sense of worthlessness, like you're missing a fundamental piece of your core self. This deeply felt lack of self-worth leads people to be people pleasers and have issues with confrontation and conflict.

Aries rules the planet mars. It is the warrior planet of passion, drive, and combat. A conventional Aries is confident, outgoing, impulsive, and strong willed. Aries and mars are definitely the rowdiest sign and planet in the zodiac. However, with Chiron here the traits are inverted, and so someone like Richard is much more likely to be scared of his inner passion, confidence, and willpower – depending, of course, on what the rest of his chart is like.

That leads us to Virgo. Chiron Virgo feels impure, like there is something fundamentally wrong with them. This kind of low self-esteem makes you feel like you have to constantly try to 'fix' yourself so people will love and accept you. It's an OCD type of perfectionism that only ends in failure and heartbreak.

A good example of how this works is when I talked to my therapist recently. I hadn't quite succeeded in meeting my goals, and so my automatic response was to condemn myself for failing. My therapists immediate response was to congratulate me on how much progress I had made.

Ironically, unlike with Aries, this isn't an inversion of the conventional Virgo. Conventional Virgo is meticulous, detail-oriented, focused, patient, efficient, practical, perfectionistic, systematic, and pessimistic with high expectations. If Aries is the official warrior of the zodiac, Virgo is the official nit-picker.

This means that Richard's subconscious intellectually (mercury) and emotionally (moon) expects and demands perfection, whilst simultaneously feeling fundamentally worthless. In short: ouch.

Interestingly, a significant number of celebrities have their Chiron conjunct their MC. Personally, I think Richard hit the nail on the head as to why in his essay on the Human Condition for Cybersmile:

The answer in my humble opinion, (and believe me it is humble, to a point of taking 43 years to be shared) is actually something which applies to my work as an actor. It’s why sometimes actors are called in to work with therapists, in large corporations, in schools. It’s why drama therapy is fantastic to understand what we do, how we do it and what the outcome might be, and in an improvisation where we aren’t playing ourselves sometimes we explore avenues that are too frightening or unacceptable in our own lives.

[cut]

So going back to my very first point, the “social media society” in which we’d all like to feel safe, supported, excited, creative, spontaneous, innovative, courageous, is really in our own hands. And back to acting, it’s taken me a long time to shake off the effects of bullying in school. That people were always laughing behind my back. I was always looking out of the corner of my eye. I now have incredible peripheral vision which is so useful, (as is Kinesthetic sense…Google it) but try being a brave, experimental, uninhibited actor with all of those hang ups. Wasn’t happening.

So here is the thing, and it’s key to my work and I think ours as a community. When we speak or write, we ultimately desire to ‘affect’. If we aren’t watching the destination of that affect, then how do we know our words have landed and the ‘effect’ they have caused?

[cut]

If I have a strong opinion about something which I want to express I really task myself with backing it up with the ‘why do I feel that?’

Again it’s part of my work building a believable character, and actually part of building a believable ‘me’ outside of my work. Just.. “because that’s what I feel” is a bit of a cop out.

[cut]

As for Bullying, it’s like the moment the pot boils over, or it’s the poisoned stream that can’t be cleansed, so why bother. Well I think that’s what art is for. It’s can support the best and the worst of ourselves. We can ‘attack’ a canvas with black angry paint, we can ‘savage’ a piano keyboard, we can dance until we drop, we can read about a Puritan society who executed elders, we can explore the psychology of a serial killer, and when we can’t do this ourselves we can experience it, and witness it through others.

It’s more than being nice. Edward Munch’s “The Scream” is far from nice. Francisco Goya’s “Saturn” is horrific, Metallica, Die Antwoort etc etc. But then there is Monet, Faure, Renée Fleming, Peter Jackson, Ariana Grande (ok it’s getting a bit eclectic I admit) but when we look, listen and empathize, we tune in to the Human Condition.

We are all part of The Human Condition, whether we like it or not. Social Media. Expression. The Human Condition.

Us human beings are wired for emotion and connection. For actors, their career gives them a way to safely process and explore their personal wounds through the characters they play. For Richard in particular, his mars is conjunct his North Node. So, his mars and North Node are sextile his Chiron and MC.

Remember, Aries (the sign of Richard's Chiron and MC) is ruled by mars. Mars is the warrior planet, like Aries is the warrior sign. This means that Richard's spiritual journey/life's purpose (North Node) deals directly with healing his soul wound so he can accept and embrace his inner confidence and willpower. This explains why he ends up playing a lot of ultra-masculine characters – mars/Aries are the most macho of them all.

This isn't to say I think Richard should change who he is! I wouldn't be interested in him if he was ultra-masculine or macho. However, for his own sake, I would be overjoyed to see him gain more self-esteem and inner confidence.

Extrapolating from my own personal experiences, the constant criticism and judgement I received during my adolescence from my peers and various authority figures (like family members and teachers) for being unconventional and 'over the top' caused me to turn on myself and repress my passion and will-power for several years. I think it's highly likely that Richard experienced this too.

Here are some quotes from Richard that illustrate everything I've been talking about (emphasis is mine):

Armitage is still notably handsome, but, within minutes of meeting him, it’s apparent how incongruous it is that this bookish, sensitive, self-described ‘melancholic, philosophically-minded softie’ and ardent fan of The Great British Bake Off was cast as beefcake killer totty for a considerable part of his career. ‘It’s ridiculous. It’s the complete opposite to who I am. I’m such a pacifist,’ he laughs. ‘But then, part of me always felt: “Well, isn’t that why we’re actors?”

[cut]

'I think the turning point was losing my mum,” he says. “Up until that point, I felt like I mustn’t put a foot wrong, that if I said the wrong thing or revealed too much about my personal life, it could all come crashing down, and it would come down on my parents, and they wouldn’t be proud of me anymore.” He shrugs. “Now that I’m past that I’m actually much more carefree about the choices I make.” (source)

Richard Armitage puts his head in his hands and emits a noise that's somewhere between a sigh, a laugh and a groan. “Oh no! Why would you want to pin this up?” he says with a horrified whisper.

[cut]

Never has a man seemed more ill at ease with the heartthrob label. He squirms with embarrassment in his chair every time the subject comes up. He is grateful for the loyalty of his fans, he says, but worries that “there is this thing of, 'Is he just totty?' Because the industry will sometimes write you off as a serious actor if they think that. I have always been conscious of that and fought against it, because I don't really see myself like that at all.”

[cut]

This brings us back to Astrov, who looks so relentless towards the future that he can't see the truth in front of his eyes. “It's interesting that he's an outsider in the play. I've often felt like that myself in life. I'm quite a solitary person. I enjoy my time with me, and sometimes it's not necessarily healthy, because I can talk myself into quite a dark place.

I'm an optimist, but at the same time, there's a discipline in me that will attack me for not working hard enough, not achieving enough, not being good enough. You always think, 'I'll grow out of that. With success, those voices will disappear.' But they don't, they get louder. I suppose I'm learning a bit about myself through Astrov.” (source)

The answer in my humble opinion, (and believe me it is humble, to a point of taking 43 years to be shared) is actually something which applies to my work as an actor. … And back to acting, it’s taken me a long time to shake off the effects of bullying in school. That people were always laughing behind my back. I was always looking out of the corner of my eye. I now have incredible peripheral vision which is so useful, (as is Kinesthetic sense…Google it) but try being a brave, experimental, uninhibited actor with all of those hang ups. Wasn’t happening. (Human Condition essay)

So I kind of travelled on that line for a while, and I was bullied for it as well. The problem with me is that as soon as you try to push me down or say “you can’t do this” and “I don’t think you should do that”, I immediately push back. So I did – I’d decided really young that I was going to try to make a career out of it.

[cut]

Actually, there was something I wanted to add to what Shaun said, about inclusivity, is that um, no matter how – how much confidence you have or how, in my case, lack. Y’know, I always felt like a misfit, or an oddball, or that I didn’t belong. But I always – I always told myself that ‘you exist in the world, so therefore there’s a place for you in this industry’. I think anybody who feels like, “I can’t become an actor because…” – you exist. And, y’know, the job of filmmakers is to write about our life and society, and if you are a part of that, then there’s a place for you in the industry. (source)

I'm a bit of a brooder. I don't like confrontation, so I think I suppress things. When my temper does come out, it goes all the way – the kind of temper you can't apologize for. Yep, the chair getting thrown out of the window. Those emotions are scary, but hey, they come in useful when you're acting. (source)

Armitage is a noticeably calm presence but he talks with passion.

[cut]

In the past, he has described himself as a shy person. “Not any more,” he says forcefully. “I mean… if I’m very, very honest, I’m a big guy, I think I’m at times quite a frightening person.”

In what way?

“I think I’m quite uncompromising. I can’t bear bulls---. And in a way the shyness is me protecting other people from that. I can feel that there’s an intimidation that can happen if I own my full height, and speak at my full volume. So I’ve learned over the years to just tone it all down a bit.” (source)

I've become one of those actors who find it difficult to say no when things are offered. I think if I had come out of drama school and been an instant Hollywood superstar I would be taking long, leisurely holidays. But I always feel somehow it's going to be taken away from me so I work when I can. When you struggled with work as I did when I left drama school you make hay when the sun shines. There was a time when I thought, and my agent thought, it wasn't going to happen for me. We both sat down and I actually said I don't know if I can stay in this state. The interesting roles have only come since I got into my 30s. But I didn't know that was going to happen. I'm a bit of an all or nothing kind of guy. To be honest, I had no blind faith in myself. I don't think I could have stayed around as a jobbing actor. I would probably have quit. Who knows? I think I would have found that too frustrating. But at the moment when I thought I was going to quit, something happened and it all changed again. (source)

[talking about being cast in the Hobbit]

There was a little bit of guidance as to what they were looking for. I felt that I was too young for the character, too tall for that character, so I thought, you know, ‘I’ll just look at the scene they’ve written’. And then I realised the essence of the character that they were aiming for. So I went to meet Peter and Phillipa and we read some of the scenes. I think we spent an hour-and-a-half talking about the character and what their vision was, and I sort of explained who I thought he was, and that was it.

[cut]

Yeah, my first instinct, whenever that kind of thing happens, is to say, 'Well what's wrong with the part? Why did nobody else want it'? Which is kind of the story of my life really. When I get offered something, I'm like, 'Well there must be something wrong with it if they're offering it to me!'

[cut]

But you know, the thing is, you talk about all of this: ‘How did you get the role? And how did it feel when you got the role?’ And once all that’s died down you start to think, ‘I’ve actually got to go and play this now’. They’ve trusted me. Everyone’s happy, everyone’s celebrated, the phones have gone down and the deal’s been done. Now it’s over to me to make the role work. And that’s the scariest moment, because you do have that elation and then the work begins and you think, ‘How the hell am I going to do this?’ (source)

How was it for you taking on this beloved role, this character that has such a huge responsibilty on his back? Could you relate in some ways?

Richard Armitage: Yeah. There is always building within him this paranoia that he’s not a good enough leader, and that weighs him down. I have experienced that same feeling as an actor in this role. And I was aware of taking on the responsibility of that character, so there was something I could latch onto there, as one of the people who loved ‘The Hobbit’ book and had envisioned that character. It took me a while to be convinced that I could do it, it wasn’t until I saw some sketches, this one particular pencil sketch….there was something about this characters eyes and the way that his hands are crossed, I thought, “I think I can do this, I can pull this off.” (source)

Q: I wanted to ask you about what your Arkenstone is. For you personally.

A: Me personally?

Q: And I meant for this to be materialistic. What's the thing that you covet so much that it makes you mad that you don't have it?

A: Well, it's actually not material. It's not material, and it's – (laughs) You want a comedy answer, don't you? But it's respect. It's the thing that always eludes you, you know. You have to fight for it and when you get it, your arkenstone, the thing that crowns you, is respect.

Q: And also a sweater.

A: And a sweater. I do have this little natty number.

Q: It's a good one man.

A: Tom Ford made this personally. But hey, he can have it back. I don't covet wealth and material. (source)

Q6: You’ve done a variety of different roles, I wonder what influences you to pursue those roles?

R: More often than not, you go where you’re wanted. So getting hired is still kind of a revelation to me, a shock and a surprise. Sometimes you have very flat periods, where I don’t really care what comes next, I just want to work on something. I feel like I’ve got a little cloud of luck over my head so the right thing always seems to come along. But again, I’m easily excited about literature and stories, so I’ve always said I don’t really pursue glory, I’d happily do acting for two people in my living room if it was a role that I really enjoyed with a story I’d really like to tell. So it’s chance, I would say.

[cut]

Q8: Once in an interview about Thorin, you were asked what your arkenstone was and your answer was respect. I like this answer a lot. So I was wondering what’s your red dragon? As you said yesterday he’s a character who sheds his skin, improves, and becomes something. I was wondering if there was something you’d like to improve, become?

R: I guess the antithesis of that is disrespect. Do you mean in myself?

Q8: Yes.

R: Yeah I try not to be too disrespectful. I guess I value the truth. I think we’re living at a time at the moment where the truth is warped and there’s a word that’s been in my head for a long time, and particularly recently it’s come to the surface. When I was studying Macbeth, at the RSC, I read a long thesis about the gunpowder plot, which was one of the things they thought that Shakespeare (or whoever Shakespeare was) was stimulated by to write Macbeth. And the word equivocation was used in this thesis, it was actually about equivocation and what equivocation is. And if you look it up in the dictionary, at the moment most politicians are equivocating. When you don’t answer a question, or you bend the truth to make it seem like you are answering the question, and in fact you’re telling a lie. So I would say my red dragon would be equivocation.

[cut]

Then there was the physical form that I was studying and observing, but also, I do sometimes enjoy locking myself away in a room and reading a book or just doing something alone, and you sometimes can go a couple of days without speaking to anybody. I don’t know whether anyone else experiences this or whether I’m just a weirdo. But I find that when that happens my voice changes, and I always forget how to make a noise, I have to do a warm-up before I go into the world and start speaking again.

[cut]

Q15: I was wondering if you ever had to pull out of a project because it felt wrong or something, and what is the point where you say “nope I can’t do this”?

R: Um, no. But that’s partly to do with the fact that I have a lot of loyalty, probably too much loyalty for my own good, really, and there’ve been moment when I’ve been on board a project, and actually it happened this year with The Lodge, I was already on board that project and something else came along which was bigger and better and brighter and more money, and your agent says “look we can pull you out of The Lodge, they can probably recast it,” and here I think “I’ve already started this process, I don’t want to let people down,” and I don’t have a problem with that at all, I never have any regrets over the things that you miss or the things that you decide not to do, I think there’s a strong enough reason why you’ve decided not to do it, but in general no I haven’t ever pulled out of something. There was one television show I remember, I’m not going to say what it is, but after the first readthrough, I did call my agent and asked, “can I get out of this?” And then he quickly got back to me and said, “don’t do it. Don’t build a reputation built on disloyalty.” So I try not to.

[cut]

Q18: I think you are very handsome, but your character Francis hated the way he looked, how did that make you feel?

R: Francis hated the way he looked? Yeah. I guess there is something we relate to in that. Without getting too personal, I don’t always enjoy looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t do it very often, to be honest. I do it just to be sure I don’t have food on my face. I do it in character, actually. I do spend a bit of time studying my own face when I’m playing a character, which is interesting because your face does change. (source)

He cannot see the handsomeness: “I think I am odd-looking. I have big lines on my forehead.” I squint, looking for them, but he is talking over me, sounding slightly panicked. “I shouldn’t draw attention to it, because then everyone else will see the oddness.”

[cut]

Laziness is what makes him angry: “Laziness in myself. Laziness in other people. And dishonesty. All things I feel capable of myself. I have a propensity to be lazy and lie about it. Fear makes me rageful. There are words in The Crucible I actually find it quite hard to say.” I beg for an example — The Crucible is in the public domain. “No,” he says, “you’ll see it in the play.” I tell him it will make no sense in print if he will not tell me. But he won’t. So I change the subject. It works. “OK, I will give you a line.” He inflates a little and says: “Is there no good penitence but it be public?” And then: “Were I stone I would have cracked for shame this seven month.” (source)

Q: How would you describe your evolution as an actor since you started?

A: I think everything has to do with the fact that today I’m not afraid anymore. At first, I was embarrassed to do something wrong or do things badly or make myself ridiculous. Today, I am almost looking for opportunities to be ridiculous or vulnerable or to make as much of a mistake as possible. In a sense, it’s now the opposite of being undercover.

Q: Are you the actor you dreamed of being when you started?

A: Not yet. I am not yet fearless enough. It’s in waves, actually. But I have already approached this dream. There were moments, especially during Arthur Miller’s The Crucible, which I performed on stage, where I felt I had no control over things. That’s what I’m looking for: to lose control.

Q: You often play bad guys. What do you like in these characters?

A: I like disobedience. I like the fact that you can be disobedient thanks to your creativity. As a person, I must always be polite in life, be careful and correct so as not to hurt anyone. In a fantasy world, I can be as offensive as I want. It’s an outlet. (Laughter)

[cut]

Q: Many actors are moving to directing. Is this also your goal?

A: I would like to, but I do not think I’m smart enough. I am good when it comes to working with another’s vision. I do not think I have that creative spontaneity that creates a vision from scratch. But the future will tell. (source)

I applaud Richard for being so open and direct about his fears and insecurities. It takes a lot of bravery to do so. And while I've seen some fans get annoyed with his continual self-deprecation, I think his honesty and openness is much more significant, and shows his inner strength. He doesn't try to pretend to be someone he's not.

He recently described himself as “patient, obsessive, and silly” (source). The patient part is classic Virgo, and the obsessive part comes from an element of his natal chart that I have not mentioned.

The silly part, however, is classic Leo. Like I said above, he has an almost equal amount of Leo and Virgo in his personality. Personally, I'm proud to be a Leo, but I also know we get misunderstood a lot of the time. I wrote the following for an essay of mine on Leos in Disney:

Your sun sign represents your core identity. Just like the physical sun is the center of the solar system and its energy creates life, the astrological sun is our consciousness and life force. Each of the twelve sun signs are ruled by a different planet and element.

Since Leo is the fixed fire sign, we don't inherit the reckless and impulsive nature of fire, but instead are a steady flame. No sign is more reckless and impulsive than Aries, because they have the double combination of being a cardinal sign and a fire sign. Meanwhile, all four of the fixed signs struggle with stubbornness and admitting when their wrong.

Leo's are well known to be natural leaders and the rulers of the zodiac. We are ruled by the sun and our animal is the lion. We dream big and are born with big personalities, and we can't help but be theatrical and dramatic. This means we are always self-centered in the sense of being strong-willed and having a strong sense of self. It does not mean all Leos are egotistical.

Unhealthy Leo traits all revolve around the ego: attention-seeking, egotistical, selfish, bossy, controlling, pushy, jealous, possessive, lazy, vain, arrogant, aggressive, and obstinate.

Healthy Leos, however, are known for our fire-based traits – being animated, theatrical, happy, outgoing, independent, competitive, charismatic, creative, open-minded, open-hearted, confident, assertive, playful, warm, social, courageous, idealistic, affectionate, romantic, optimistic, and adventurous.

What isn't often talked about is our steadiness, our fixed-based traits. Leos are authentic, steadfast, fiercely loyal and protective, consistent, persistent, full-hearted, dedicated, need to do their best, generous and selfless, honorable and moral, genuine and direct, extremely supportive, hard-working and responsible, dignified, strong-willed, and ambitious and determined.

Something that is often mentioned but highly misunderstood is our trait of courage. Having courage doesn't mean you're fearless or reckless. The definition of courage is “the power or quality of dealing with or facing danger, fear, pain, etc.” It means that instead of running away from our problems or denying our emotions; healthy Leos face them and be genuine and direct with ourselves, embracing our vulnerability.

Having a big personality doesn't necessarily mean someone has a big ego. C.S. Lewis once said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.” Leos have huge hearts and are incredibly generous. The sun never goes retrograde, always shines, and gives life and energy to all living beings – it isn't selective or discriminatory. Healthy Leos are like mini suns; which is why we are also irrepressibly upbeat, optimistic, and fun-loving.

We're not pushovers. We are like roses – we have both flower petals and thorns. If you mess with someone we love you're going down. We're too loyal and protective to let major things slide; and even if we forgive, we never forget. Little things? We'll try to work them out with you.

Being naturally strong-willed and assertive is healthy – it just means we usually make horrible subordinates and yes people. There's nothing wrong with having high standards and being open about them. In fact, in relationships it's far better in the long run to open and frank about what you need and what you consider a dealbreaker from the beginning.

And oh yes are we ambitious and competitive – but most often with ourselves. We're natural leaders who always dream and think big. For a healthy Leo it's not about being the best, but doing your best. We have to be grand and intense, we're ruled by the sun. It's all or nothing for us. Settling is not something a Leo does. We need to be the best leader, the best friend, the best partner, etc. that we possibly can.

Also, in astrology each sign rules a different body part, and Leo rules the heart and upper back.

Adding to this, Leos are known as the Kings/Queens of the zodiac not because we're egotistical, but because our sun sign is the sun. It's like a double amount sun. I could go into significantly more detail about this, but it involves a lot of technical astrological details; so if anyone wants to know more just message me!

Going back to Richard, having his core self (sun) and love/beauty (venus) in Leo explains why he is an actor and artist; and why he is often warm, silly, and dramatic when he feels comfortable – his long interview with The Anglophile Channel (and it's deleted scenes) does a great job of showing the synergy between his Leo and Virgo sides.

We see Richard express the heartfelt, generous, sincere, and honorable side of Leo all the time. This is why I'm sure he has the inner-confidence and strength hidden within him to overcome the deep pain his Chiron causes him (like it does to us all). I hope he continues to find projects and people that help him on his journey to heal.

Thank you for reading this, I'm wishing him and you all the best. Take care!

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers VANDEAD CARNIVAL ;; Ruki Route ー Finale

ー The scene starts in the ballroom

Magician A: Gosh, I truly am so glad to see your injury has healed. As to be expected of Karlheinz-sama.

Clown A: Sorry for scaring you. Didn’t it hurt?

Yui: Yes, I’m fine now.

( Everything that happened today really was all just part of a plan, huh? )

( Those terrifying people are completely normal right now, and those Vampires who attacked us came to apologize earlier. )

Clown B: Oh dear? Speaking of which, what happened to the King of Carnival? I can’t see him around.

Yui: Eh...?

( He’s right...Ruki-kun’s gone. He was standing by the window just now. )

...

ー The scene shifts to the balcony

Ruki: ...

Yui: ( ...I knew he’d be outside. )

Ruki-kun.

Ruki: ...Oh, it’s you.

Yui: Can I join you?

Ruki: ...Be my guest.

ー She stands next to him

Ruki: Are you sure the star of the evening can just leave?

Yui: In that case, I can say the same to you. They said this Carnival is for both Adam and Eve, right?

Ruki: Hah. You’ve learnt not to mince your words, haven’t you? Seems like I won’t have it easy with livestock like you.

Yui: ...What were you doing?

Ruki: Nothing in particular.

I just felt uncomfortable...That’s all. I just didn’t feel like I belonged amongst those people.

The whole ‘King’ or ‘celebration’ thing...It’s not my cup of tea.

Yui: Fufu, so there are things you’re not suited for, huh?

Ruki: Haah...Who do you think I am?

Yui: However, you’d always come to my rescue without fail, right?

Today was no different, and you always have in the past.

Ruki: ...You’re our precious Eve after all. It’d be bad if something were to happen to you.

Yui: ...Yeah, that’s fine by me.

It means that as long as I am Eve, I get to stay by your side, right?

Ruki: ...

...You really are an unbelievable woman.

Yui: A-Am I...?

Ruki: ...

...We’re sneaking out.

Yui: Eh?

Ruki: You are mine for the day, right? Come on, hurry.

It’d be a shame for today to end at such an uncomfortable place.

Besides, I was constantly so tense because I had to keep an eye on our surroundings, 

I barely even got to enjoy the Carnival with you...

We should be allowed a little fun at the very end, don’t you think?

Yui: But where are we going then?

Ruki: ...I know a perfect spot. Follow me.

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the illuminated gardens

Yui: ...So pretty...!

( I didn’t think I’d find a place like this in the Demon World! )

ー Fireworks go off in the background

Yui: ...!

They set off fireworks in the Demon World too...!

Waah...It’s beautiful...!

( Also, with everyone at the castle, it’s very quiet... )

Ruki: Parties or festivals really aren’t my thing.

...Besides.

ー He steps closer

Yui: Ah...

Ruki: When we’re alone like this, I can be free as well.

Yui: ( Ruki-kun’s hand...puts me at ease. )

( This gentle hand...Which protected me all day. )

Ruki: ...If only the scenery we are watching right now would be the only thing existing in this world.

In a world where I don’t have to think about unnecessary things, simply having you by my side...I might have somewhat of an easier time living.

Of course, I know that is nothing but a fantasy.

Yui: ...Say, Ruki-kun? What is it you wish for?

Ruki: Why would you ask all of a sudden? Why do you want to know?

Yui: I just thought right now. What is Ruki-kun’s wish?

Ruki: ...The thing I wish for...huh? I’ve never put much thought into it but...

I think...I want to return the favor to that man.

Yui: You mean Karlheinz-san?

Ruki: Yes. This life was given to me by him after all.

Ever since I became a Vampire, I’ve felt the need to one day return this favor. For that sake, I would even sacrifice my own life.

Yui: ...That’s your wish?

Ruki: Yes...

...That’s what I thought. Before meeting you, at least.

Yui: Me...?

Ruki: Exactly.

Right now...I feel like never letting go of this hand might be my wish instead.

I know it is too much to ask for, coming from a failure such as myself, but I can at least hope, right? ...Today I am Adam after all.

*Rustle*

Ruki: ...Yui. I don’t want to let you go.

Yui: Ruki-kun...

If possible, I would love to take you away with me right now.

I even foolishly find myself thinking that...Right now, while nobody’s looking, I might have a chance. Even though I am more than aware that is simply impossible.

You mean that much to me...

Yui: Ruki-kun...

Ruki: You make me feel that...I don’t want to give up, I don’t want to let you go.

I can only assume...You must be special to me.

You’re our precious Eve, but at the same time, you’re also an important woman in my eyes.

Yui: You are...important to me as well.

Ruki: Even if there was another Adam?

Yui: Because I’m Komori Yui, and not Eve. ...You’re my number one.

Ruki: ...Hah. I wonder who is tempting (1) who now?

*Rustle*

Ruki: ...Yui. Listen carefully.

I can’t take you with me right now, but one day, for sure...I will come for you.

I will rid myself of all this weight on my shoulders, and simply come to steal you away.

So when that happens...Please grab my hand like you did today. Not as Eve, but as Yui.

...Understood?

Yui: ...Yes.

Ruki: Nn...

*Smooch*

Yui: ( ...I’m so happy. I feel like I finally got to know Ruki-kun’s feelings. )

Ruki: ...The Carnival is still far from over. Let us stay here a little longer.

While we’re here, I can have you within my grasp after all.

Today...You belong only to me.

ーー THE END ーー

Translation notes

(1) This is a reference to Ruki always calling himself the ‘snake who tempts Eve’ from the original Bible story.

[luvlyrv]

Naughty | pt. 1 | Irene x F!Reader | Mafia!AU

Summary: Two crime bosses entangled in a deadly and tension filled rivalry start to find themselves entangled in a different kind of relationship.

Not without going through a lot of death, pain, fighting and teasing first of course.

Word Count: 1.5k

A/N: I hope you’re as excited about this as I am. I hope to get feedback!

Date: 1/9/21

Series Masterlist

Part 1: Cat and Mouse

You listen to the murmur of busybodies and your booming footsteps as you walk around the now not-so-abandoned warehouse your family resided in. You watched as your soldiers gambled amongst each other while sharing glares and smiles at the same time. You watched as people loaded in and out new shipments. With a sigh, the tall man next to you took a long step forward, turning and blocking your path.

"Y/N, are you even listening to me?" Taehyung asked, his eyes furrowed at the sight of you spacing out.

"Yeah, sure. Jesus, Taehyung give me some space. I need some time to think." You respond with a raspy voice.

You stand there as Taehyung continues towering over you, thinking about his next move. His eyes soften a bit as he sighs again.

"Alright, how about I drive you back to your place and you take some time to think about our next move?"

You give him a small and barely noticeable nod. He takes your hand to lead you out of the warehouse and down the streets, into a discreet area perfect for a discreet car, and begins to drive you home.

You stare out the window while listening to Taehyung's soft humming. The street lights zooming by as you begun to find yourself sinking into your thoughts. It was strange, really. A mafia family is a family that is filled with trust and family-like bonds, yet also filled with treachery and distrust. As much as you'd like to trust everyone who worked for you, to truly do so would be silly.

Here he was though, Taehyung, your childhood friend taking the time to drive you home. You knew that he was your weak spot. He could be the death of you. He could betray you at any moment and climb from his underboss rank to take over yours. You trusted him anyways. It's tiring, really, to always be looking behind your back. Hell, if trusting him with such a high position was a mistake, you'd be okay with it.

God knows how tired you are. Having Taehyung be your underboss, as risky as it was, was a welcomed relief to your shoulders. As much as he jokes and slacks off with you, he gets his job done. You would congratulate him on a job well done, but you didn't need his ego to be any bigger.

The sudden stillness of the scenery pulls you out of your thoughts. You realize you're finally at your mansion. Taehyung steps out of the car and opens the door for you. He stretches out his hand for you to take it, you thank him and allow him to escort you instead your brilliantly glowing house that was isolated from everyone else.

"You can stay in the guest bedroom if you're tired."

"Are you sure, Y/N?"

"Taehyung, you know I could never use up all those rooms at once."

You're both inside the living room of your mansion now. Your underboss goes a separate direction from you, instinctually going to the guestroom he often uses, as you go upstairs and into your bathroom. You turn on the lights and slowly make your way to your mirror.

The bright lights that illuminate your bathroom stands in stark contrast to the dark look on your face. You examine yourself, seeing how no matter how much light shined in your eyes they couldn't help but seem dull and lifeless. Your button-up was now partially unbuttoned. It was wrinkled and half-tucked. Worst of all there were blotches of an all too familiar red liquid all over it.

You run your hands through your hair. You'd be lying if you said you didn't look like shit. You reeked of death. You also reeked of sin. You can't help but feel your lips tug into a small smirk. Damn, you've lived a life steeping in sin, arguably you're one of the most scummy people out there, yet here you are, on the verge of a breakdown.

You've faced death how many times now? You've flirted with him so much he could give you a booty call if he wanted. You've seen death so much you can remember his smell, his aura, and the aftermath he leaves behind. So why was this time so different?

Maybe it's because every other time you've faced death it was expected. This time, it wasn't, because you aren't one for mistakes. This was the first time you've fucked up in a world where, arguably, you cannot afford to. Was this the price you paid? A failed deal and several dead members?

You don't want to continue thinking about the sight anymore, let alone what you did to the poor attackers afterwards. You turn on the water in your shower, allowing steam to begin filling up the room. You breathe in the warm air and step inside.

Perhaps here in the shower you could wash away the blood, the pain, the regrets. Maybe the water could purify your body and your soul. You slowly wash yourself as you find yourself entering a different train of thought.

Irene.

You clench up your first.

Anger brewed up inside you as you couldn't help but to think about the bloodshed from earlier, knowing it was all from Irene. Not even just Irene, but that punk-ass Joseph. God, how dare he even consider it?

Joseph wasn't a made man, he was just an associate, but a long-time one at that. He knew your power, there would be no reason to turn against you except for one.

He thought Irene was more powerful than you. She offered him more money than you did, more protection than you did.

First things first, you had to make Joseph pay for messing with your family. You had to make him pay for being the direct cause of the deaths you watched today. Then afterwards you had to go for her. The one who's been ruining your plans since day one.

Being a female boss was not easy. It's hard to prove your strength when you're constantly dismissed, when every mistake and failure is put on a spotlight and everyone perceives you as weak. Despite all of that though, you quickly rose through the ranks and became notorious. Young, inspired, tactful, and ruthless was what you were.

Rising through the ranks in a different family though, was the infamous Irene. Young, inspired, tactful, and ruthless was what she was.

So tonight the unofficial rivalry between you and Irene would become official. You'd declare war. You would take the top spot in the criminal world and snuff out Irene's hopes and dreams. You would be the best.

You finish up showering and adorn yourself in more comfortable attire to rest in. You go downstairs to the guest room Taehyung was staying in and knocked on the door. Immediately, the door opened and Taehyung's face was in front of yours.

"Yes?"

You look over his shoulder to see the lamp turned on, he had been overviewing the month's financial records.

"We need to gut through our associates immediately. Interrogate them and see which ones were close with Joseph or had possible contact with other mob members outside our family. If they have, just kill them."

Taehyung just raises a brow, but understands. "Joseph was the one who leaked the info wasn't he? He's the reason why..."

"Yeah."

"They had a lot of potential." Taehyung nods while thinking, "I can contact the capos about that right now." He begins to walk to the bedside table and reaches for his phone.

"After that though, we need to find the whereabouts of Irene."

Taehyung stops for a bit.

"You want to go after her? Already?"

"We've built up our forces. We should do it now before she pulls more bullshit like this and we take more damage."

"Are you sure you're in the right state of mind?"

You step into the room, pushing against Taehyung as he hits the bed and sits there, a stunned look on his face.

"Don't forget that I'm your fucking boss, Taehyung. You listen to me, and what I'm saying right now is that we need to find Irene and everything she owns. Now."

Taehyung just looks down, a quiet breath leaving his lungs.

"Yes, boss."

You leave the room feeling a bit bad, but you needed to get things done quick and you couldn't afford going soft on Taehyung just because he was your friend. Your feet make a soft thud as you go up the stairs and enter your bedroom. You open a drawer and pull out your most prized possession.

The gift your father left you, a beautiful shining silver pistol with a rose engraving on the handle. You smile as you feel the familiar and comfortable weight in your hand.

"I can't wait to use this on you."

You and Irene have just entered a dangerous game of cat and mouse.

[gloster]

FAVORITE FANFICS OF 2020

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I know I speak for all when I say....I cannot wait to toss 2020 out the door the way Uncle Phil constantly did with Jazz. One of the things that got me through this rough year, besides family & friends & BTS, were fanfics.

It’s that time of year again where I make a list of all the fanfics that I absolutely adored. Some are by veteran favs of mine, others are new to me who just knocked it out of the park. If you’re interested in past lists, here is 2019′s list and 2018′s. If y’all are interested in doing your own fanfic favs of the year, please do so and tag me. Always on the hunt for new favs. 

So without furhter ado, my fav fanfics of 2020:

1). Another Word for Forever series by stardropdream (sheith)

Summary: Shiro knows better than to expect love in an arranged marriage. This is all for the sake of universal peace, after all, and solidifying a Terran-Galran alliance. At the very least, Shiro can hope to make a friend out of this. Becoming friends would be much easier, though, if he and his husband could actually communicate. 

With a language barrier and a mountain of cultural differences between them, getting to know Keith proves to be a challenge. Luckily, Shiro's always worked well with challenges.

2020 shockingly became the year of sheith. I ended up rewatching the show w/my bestie @littlenightdragon​. Diving more deeply into it w/my other bestie @kila09​. She and I spent the better half of this year devouring so many fanfics of them in various AUs. I came across new fanfic authors, and stardropdream is among them. 

If I could describe this series & stardropdream, I’ll take a cue from Lady Gaga: “ talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it”

This series was just PERFECTION. I’ve gotten into arranged-marriage AUs and this has been one of the best I’ve read. It was just perfection. The language barrier definitely added an extra charm to it, in which Shiro finds his own ways to get to know his husband better: both creative and funny ways. So many cute moments, so many funny moments with Hunk being the translating middle man between them, and the smut. THE SMUT. THE SMUT. THE SMUT. Just *chef’s kiss* Incredible. It was just so so sweet, and such a comfort read. I reread this series 5 times already and hope Robin (the writer) does more stories in this AU.

Please read this series. You’re not gonna regret it. It will MELT your heart. 

Honorable Mentions:

If I Called You Mine

Sail Across the Sky Just to Get to You

Finding Shelter (The Alien Baby Remix)

Say You Do(n’t)

2). The Golden Hour by @goldentruth813​ (sheith)

Summary:  After a space mission failure, Shiro loses his arm and his career. Two years later he's settled into a quiet and simple new life on his farm, but when a beautiful alien crashes in his field, he discovers the answers to his questions—and possibly the keys to his future—will come from the stars.

I’m sure no one, least of all Janel the writer herself, is surprised to see this author featured on this list. For now the 3rd year in a row. WOOOW  👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 She is the reason I got into shieth, and she just continues to put out amazing conent with them. This story by far has been the best she’s done this year-possibly one of the best ever. 

We have Shiro trying to have a simple life at the farm with his dog and animals. A curious BOM Keith who shakes things up with his boldness/innocence-and questions bound to test blood pressure, especially Shiro’s. Loads of cute moments, loads of funny moments, and also loads of oreos. 

If summary and my thoughts don’t sell you, only one thing will: reading it for yourself.

Honorable mentions:

Two Hearts in Bloom

Mountain Men

Home is in Your Heart

3). Spun like Gold by Neyasochi (sheith)

Summary: Though Shiro is currently operating his fledgling bakery business out of a decrepit food truck he got for cheap in a repossession sale, he dreams of something more: a cozy bakery and cafe on a tree-lined street somewhere, filled with the smell of fresh coffee and sugar glaze instead of diesel. A little money could go a long way to helping him get off the ground-- and luckily, Keith has money to burn.

Or: Keith takes care of Shiro’s financial woes, in exchange for a little sugar.

OMG, OMG, OMG was this story so sweet. Neyasochi already sold me with the baking/baker Shiro trope, but went a step further throwing in sugar-daddy Keith who knows his way around his manic family and cars, but when it comes to asking a cute guy out? What better way to make an impression than becoming his best paying customer?  

Honorable mentions:

oh, devour me

Healing Touch

on your hand of gold 

4). The Destiny You Sold by @tryslora​ (drarry)

Summary: In which Draco knits, Harry makes wands, and things get very tangled up between them.

If there’s one thing I love about fanfics is how they introduce you to tropes you never would consider before. Draco and knitting was a combo I didn’t realize how much I needed until now. And I love the fact knitting played a big part of the accidental bonding. Also loved the fact everyone in their friend group shipped them like crazy. Highly, highly recommend 

5) What’s My Age Again? by @lazywonderlvnd​ (drarry)

Summary: Harry Potter has had enough of pleasing the public, and his reckless tendencies are finally getting out of hand.

The Quidditch World Cup is only a week away; as Captain of the English National Team, Hermione has assured him that his immaturity won’t be tolerated by the Ministry.

And then Malfoy shows up.

(Inspired by the blink-182 song of the same name.)

It’s no secret that I’m such a fangirl of @lazywonderlvnd​. Any drarry story I read, I always love. Last year, I ADORED The Changing Lights, which was one of my favorites last year, and her updating/finishing the story was a massive highlight for me. I thank ya for that. 

This story was honestly refreshing. I’ve grown so used to Harry being responsible, always doing what’s right, that seeing a story where Harry pretty much has his middle finger in the air to “good reputation”, “being responsible,” because as he brought up: “I’m 25. I’ve been fighting all my life. I’ve earned my life to have fun.”

Okay, granted, it wasn’t quite like that but it was along those lines. And I agree. After all he went through, Harry deserves to have fun. He deserves to be reckless and make stupid decisions.

Also, it was such a blast reading a story where Harry is the brat & Draco has to keep him in line. LOVED.

Honorable mentions: 

Inside Your Mind

Aletheia

6). Chocolate and Pastry by agentmoppet, anemonen (drarry)

Summary:  When Pansy bets Draco that there is no chance he and Harry could carry out a genuine romantic relationship, he and Harry form a plan. But as their fake relationship progresses, Draco sees a side of Harry he never expected. Harry is struggling with something, pushing it far down inside him where he doesn't have to acknowledge its existence. Draco starts to worry, and then he starts to care, and then... horribly... he starts to fall in love.

Do not let the title fool you like it did me. Title alone, I was thinking it was going to be a fun, fluffy story involving baking, maybe chocolate crafting. However....it was not that at all. It was more. A lot deeper. A lot more angsty. It explored mental health, PTSD and the dangers of loved ones ignoring the signs, and contained an important message:

You can’t love someone out of their illness/disease/ addiction. Which is true and this story showed that. 

7). i’m still here by owedbetter (zutara)

Summary: "You see me."

And somehow, that makes all the difference.

If there’s one of the few good things 2020 has brought, it was Netflix bringing back ATLA to their library. Which in turn ignited my love for zutara & had me drag @kila09​ into that ship. 

This story was just incredible. The way it was written, it really felt like it could have been canon. Deleted scenes that a certain creator didn’t want us to see. The way Zuko and Katara came together, starting from their peaceful friendship after the Southern Raiders episode up, becoming closer along the way. 

I dare y’all to read this and not think OMG...is this secret canon bonus material? I definitely plan to read more by owedbetter. 

8). all the what ifs i never said by rosegardenlake (sheith)

Summary:  Keith is nine when he first notices Shiro. Shiro is gentle and quiet, always keeping to himself. Keith is rough and loud, running wherever his feet will take him, screaming on the top of his lungs into the wind. But despite that, they're a constant throughout each other's lives...if only that could be enough. As they grow, Keith just wants them both to be happy, but instead, he's falling apart.

Rosegardenlake is another sheith writer who I adored last year & adore this year as well. This was a story that I read during the beginning of quarantine-life and when I tell you the number of times Keith’s emotions of loneliness got to me, it’s a big number. 

Keith’s struggle with life after high school, after peaking in school, and his mental health reminded me too much of where I was at 2018, which wasn’t a good year for me at all, especially mentally. So that was triggering but it was also helpful since I saw how far I came. And it was beautiful seeing how far Keith came. 

Also the relationship between Shiro and Keith was just beautiful. It’s very funny how Keith was Shiro’s protector growing up and Shiro became Keith’s later on in life. There’s a chance your heart may be heavy, but will also be so swelled up with feelings these two bring it. 

Honorable mentions:

Where the Light Doesn’t Reach 

9). When Night Comes by Oh_Hey_Tae (BTS; poly ot7)

Summary: Jungkook’s tipsy, but he’s not buzzed enough to miss that he doesn’t recognize any of the four dozen people here. And seeing as his friends aren’t ones to ditch and there’s no way they’d play a prank this mean on him, Jungkook reaches the conclusion that he just walked into a stranger’s very expensive home, uninvited, and started eating their food and petting their well-dressed dog.

(Or: Jungkook shows up to the wrong Halloween party and meets the most powerful family in Seoul.)

I can easily say Oh_Hey_Tae easily one of my favorite BTS fanfic favs. Always come through with the stories, and this one was just amazing. We have Jungkook stumbling into a Halloween story, and soon enters into a intense, insane relationship with all six guys, who are already in a relationship with each other. Oh, and supernatural creatures at that. 

You do see certain relationships are stronger, deeper. For example, a lot of moments between Jin and Jungkook. Vmin has their own story and moments. But it was just so amazing. 

Fair warning. Halfway through, things get darker and Oh_My_Tae really loves playing readers diirty with the angst, but it’s so good. 

10). peace-weaver by magisterpavus (sheith)

Summary: You will be the peace-weaver, his mother told him, smiling though her dark eyes welled with unshed grief. The one who brings two bitter enemies together and ends the bloodshed and death between us, once and for all.

But men will always crave war. The Galra, most of all.

Yet another arranged-marriage AU that I loved. This particular one is well-loved in the sheith fandom. I can definitely say it’s considered one of the classic fanfics that’s been read or shared at one point or another. 

The story itself reminded me a lot of Macbeth, involving murder and dark forces at bay. The dynamics between Shiro and Keith reminded me of Drogo and Daenerys from GOT, one of my fav couples there, which only made it all the more better for me. 

I do credit the author for the creative approach they took with quintessence and Shiro’s role/persona as the Champion

Honorable mentions:

The Boy in the Window 

Sheith Demon/Priest AU

A Matter of Scale

Directive 

Honorable mentions that I seriously wanted to add to the list but this post is already lengthy. All amazing, all greats reads by various writers y’all should check out:

Hold Me Tight, or Don’t by snowfallen (yoonmin with a Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU featuring assassins and hitmen, secret identities, fake marriage, and a lot of smut)

The Prince and Pirate by Maniacani, @nerdherderette​ (drarry with a splash of royalty and pirates. Perfect if you’re needing to fill in any Pirates of the Caribbean or Black Sails cravings)

First Kisses are the Best Ones by SashaDistan (sheith in a 50 First Dates Fusion heartfelt/heart-gutting story)

freely, as men strive for right by @bixgirl1​ (drarry w/Harry explaining the many ways why Draco’s the love of his life. we love to see it)

The Sacrificed by SasuNarufan13 (sasunaru w/ dark fairytale elements similar to Little Red Riding Hood & Beauty and the beast + feat. mpreg)

Chasing Treacle Tart (and Draco Malfoy) by xErised (drarry feat. lunch lady Draco + scheming Harry + loads of fun w/sweets & more)

Red Desert by @beatitudinembty​ (taekook in a unique sci-fi AU; hard to explain but so worth a read

one way ticket to another life by starboykeith (sheith Hades x Persephone background)

Even So by lewilder (zutara; arranged marriage+ language barrier +soft strangers to lovers)

Well, lovely people, there you have it. My top 10 favorite fanfics of the year. I do notice a certain ship shows up a lot on this list, but I wasn’t kidding when I said they took over this year. Still, I tried to mix the list up with other fav ships/fandoms of mine. To the writers who created these incredible stories. I applaud you. I thank you for creating and sharing these wonderful stories. Anyone interested in doing the tag, please do. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS

[beelspillowpet]

If your requests are open - it says they are but I always like to double check- could you do the OM brothers with a F!Mc that starts dating a girl from RAD ? I want pretty demon lady ... please devs make a female option.... 😳😳😳😳😳 if the relationship doesn’t work out that’s fine! I’m just simping for women

Requests will most likely always be open because I can never get enough of reading about these ideas and stuff... IDK I’m obsessed lol.

More lesbian MC stuff.... feeding me lately, Mira. Because I’m impulsive af I am now casually inserting an OC how everyone will eventually get to know better~... DW. She’s mostly nice.

Introducing, The Manipulator! Or as you may call her, Liza!

She has a bit of history with the boys, but nothing intimate. Without further ado, let’s get into the HCs.

F!MC Dates a Demon Girl from RAD

Lucifer is the first one trying to put a stop to this. How the fuck- why the fuck- what the fuck? When did you even get in contact with another demon? You were meant to be monitored 24/7 while out, especially at RAD. Did Mammon or any of his other younger brothers leave you unattended for that long!?

Not only does he, and most of his brothers, not like Liza, but they’re also incredibly jealous. It’s not like they’re owed anything, but...

Really? Of all the demons in this realm you’d pick, it’d be her? Now sure, none of them are perfect... Maybe with exception to Asmo with how often he cries about it, but...

Okay so maybe the pickings aren’t that great. They’re all guys and... maybe you just want to spice things up with a girl? They can understand that. I mean they clearly all like you in some shape or form.

Satan tries to understand her. They both have issues to work through. Serious ones. Ones regarding their situation around birth. He’s meant to be a constantly angry person, but he doesn’t want to seem that way. Liza is seen as someone who only lies, cheats, and manipulates to get what she wants... but Satan can see that’s not all she is. He’s suspicious of her, but doesn’t question it too much.

Belphie, just like Lucifer, is not having it, though. Liza? Really? If he weren’t trying to be respectful of your choices, he’d immediately list every reason why you shouldn’t have picked her. She’s manipulative- worse than him- she’s a liar, and she’s really mean. There were rumors she was created to be the exact opposite of Asmo, even.

But alas, they all keep their mouths shut. Life is good for you here in the Devildom, and who are they to stampede on that?

Things with Liza are actually great too. She takes you out almost daily, and while she can’t spend the night in the HoL for... various reasons... she visits when she can. Usually baring a gift.

She brings food or little plushies most of the time. Eventually she starts upgrading to gifts that last longer in your room. She takes to even bringing over beautiful Galaxy Roses just so you have something to have from her.

Don’t think your clothes are safe either. Nuh-uh. She’s taking your sweatpants, hoodies, jackets- all of it. Sometimes she gives them back. Most of the time she doesn’t. Your stuff is now her stuff. And her stuff is still hers but... she’ll share. :)

Because the guys clearly aren’t a fan of her, you two spend the majority of your time out together. Liza promises Lucifer that she’ll take good care of you. He doesn’t believe it, and thinks she’s plotting something, but realistically, she’s in love. Truly in love. Father may have made her differently from Asmo, but he gave her the ability to love and treat what’s hers properly.

Hell, there was a time when some demon was threatening your life over something. Probably a stupid thing, like bumping into them while walking. Before either of you could even swing, she had the demon in a headlock, threatening to snap their neck if they didn’t get down on their knees and apologize to you. You’d never been so moved in your life.

Speaking of her strength; it is considerable. She catches Beel at the gym often- in fact, he’s caught you both at the gym a few times before. He thinks its... a bit awkward. He and Liza hada  few conversations, and she was nothing but considerate to him. But something always felt off. Like she was hiding something.

While respectful and willing to listen, Liza isn’t too keen on being... soft? She doesn’t mind vanilla, but I mean... You’re her little bunny. Are you gonna upgrade to Rope Bunny or what?

She is one of those types of people who are very straight forward. If you have a problem, she works to find a solution instead of outright comforting you right then and there. She often forgets there’s an emotional side to tend to, rather than a logical one. She does try to fit in the comforting afterwards, offering a hug and cradling you in her arms. She shushes you and kisses the top of your head, hoping that she’s doing it right.

As for having space...? Yeah, you can have it. Just ask. She doesn’t mind it. Honestly just tell her anything and she’d be willing tot ry and make an adjustment. Keyword is try.

She’s not really known love for thousands of years. True love anyways. It’s a work in progress, but if you tell her you don’t like one thing, she’ll try to do the exact opposite. If you tell her you need some time alone, she won’t throw a fit. Just huffs a little before leaving.

She’s a biiiig texter. Like... your phone will be blowing up. Morning texts every day without failure. They’re unique too, not a copy/paste. Way too many emojis.

Good🐣morning🌅 My MC💖🔥! I hope 🙏🏿 you had a great 👍🏿 sleep 😴. Here’s to a ✨ really great👌🏿day, 🏞️ my 💗 beautiful❤️incredible🌟love! I left you 🥺 a special bento 🍱 this morning! Please enjoy it! 💝💟

She’s honestly not perfect. She’s sometimes too clingy, and other times she’s a bit aggressive. She’ll ramble on about the guys, forgetting you live with them and know them so well. They’re like family to you, and you’re actively bad-talking some of them. Especially Lucifer. She’s pretty defensive about it too if you try to tell her to cut it out.

“MC... You have no idea how much suffering I’ve been through because of them. They’re cool people and all but... I can’t always been friendly about them, ya’know?”

She tries though. Kind of. The only one she can kind of have a conversation with is Satan. Maybe Beel ona  good day.

Oh and competitive... don’t play games with her, please. She’ll get pissed off and sabotage everyone. No one is safe from her when she plays CLUE or Scrabble. She’s a lil’ dorky.

Having a pact with her isn’t that much of a big deal, really? She sort of... offers it to you one day. Like “Hey, so when are we gonna make that pact?” And then cringes at herself because she could have done so much better.

Like she sort of sees pacts as an engagement. Is she moving too fast? That’s up to you. But please make a pact with her. She loves you, MC. She wants to protect and hold and love...

Aside from all this, when you do go back to the human world, she’s right there at the portal giving you a hug and kiss goodbye. She doesn’t shed a single tear. At least not in front of you. When you are gone though, she’s much more angry and irritated. She’s snappy with the people around her, and she’s hurting because she never realized how dependant on you she was.

She needed you to feel like she was normal. Like she was excepted. It’s not like you’re gone forever, but you won’t be back in.... who knows how long?

You’re allowed to summon her whenever, at least. But just... obviously not as often, because getting back home can be annoying. Also because Lucifer is usually there, scolding her about “heading out without letting someone know.” As if she has much of a say. She usually doesn’t, with him talking so much. The bastard.

All in all, with Liza she is a girl who has your back. A bit much at times, but who doesn’t like a bit of excitement in their lives? She wants you to be able to understand her struggles, but it’s not her place to even tell her own story anymore. She just wants to forget, move on, and be with you. So please. Please stay in the Devildom a bit longer, next time...?

[imaginaryari]

Welcome to the Show

Part One

The prisoner looks up as her least favorite cop comes into the interrogation room. Officer Warren has awards for rounding up the enhanced, people like Silver. He walks and talks like a man the people respect and fear. Talks to the enhanced like they’re close on first name bases and revels in the fact that he put them in their cells. What she would give to lay one finger on him. That’s all she needs. Unfortunately, her hands are gloved and bound because officer Warren also knows that. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure officer.” She asks.

“How would you like to get out here?”

It’s a trap. Silver knows this. The enhanced don’t get second chances especially not from officer Warren. 

 “Wasn’t I supposed to rot in here? Just as you said?” Silver asks.

Officer Warren gives her a sick grin. “I thought you would be interested in parole but if you aren’t...there’s plenty of you in here. “

The promise of seeing the outside world again would sway anyone.

“How can I trust you?”

Officer Warren beckons one of the guards. “Remove her cuffs.”

“Sir?”

“Now, please.” Warren orders.

Silver immediately rubs her wrists when the cuffs click open. The relief is almost overwhelming. She quickly reminds herself not to do anything stupid, no matter how satisfying it would be to knock Warren’s lights out.

-

“There’s a group of enhanced kids going around and robbing people. Messing with their heads. You’re fond of doing that so I thought this would be the perfect way to end your sentence.” Warren had said as he escorted her out.

Silver squints. Nothing about that story adds up. Robbing civilians while common isn’t a team effort especially if you can mess with minds and memory. A group would actually draw more attention and a tight knit one wouldn’t take the risk of losing a member to officials. 

Unless your Silver’s ex. Hm. Things are starting to make sense. 

“You’ve tried to catch them before.” Silver states. 

Warren doesn’t even look ashamed admitting his failure. “Physical powers are one thing. Mental ones are harder. But from my experience you can catch ‘em with a little trust.” He begins to walk away, leaving Silver at the gates. “You have three weeks.”

—

It’s no fancy hotel, barely a motel, but it’s a place and it’s furnished. Officer Warren had said it was hers for as long as it took her to finish her task. Silver won’t complain, before she was arrested, she was constantly couch surfing. Never out staying her welcome and never spending too long on the streets. She had made friends this way but contacting them was out of the question. Getting caught means getting blacklisted. A means of protecting themselves. Well, Silver had been thrown under the bus. Semantics. She won’t see them again and hopefully they’re doing okay. 

She shakes her head, never mind that. She has a job to do and extraordinarily little to go on. 

The neighborhood is different. She didn’t expect it to be quite the same after lock-up but the changes are more than jarring. New buildings going up, less of the spots her old friends used to hang. Silver is so sure the neighborhood has been purged of the enhanced until she decides to hit up one of the cafés. She stares at it; upset she can’t remember what it used to be and then enters reading the weirdly named drinks on the menu.

“Are you new around here?” another patron asks.

“Not exactly,” Silver says with a shrug, eyeing the stranger. He’s handsome even if he looks like he should have taken a sip of his drink before speaking. The bags under his eyes scream exhaustion but he still sounds awake. And happy about it. “It’s just a while since I’ve been round here.”

“Ah, try the mint hot chocolate. It’s a crowd favorite.”

“Is that what you’re having?”

He chuckles. “No…this is way too caffeinated for the masses.”

“Is the inevitable crash worth it?” She asks.

“Always.” He says as Silver is called next to order. “See you around.” The stranger says exiting. She thinks about the encounter for hours afterwards. The enhanced were still around even if they were muted.

—

She finds what she’s looking for the next day, right before the sun sets. It’s a large tent set up in a nearby park. Big enough to draw attention but lacking the actual necessities to pass as a real circus. No animal trailers, no confection stands. To anyone paying attention there’s no possible way it could have been set up so quickly. Definitely the work of the enhanced. 

Civilians flock to the tent with the promise of entertainment. Silver by-passes the line and taps a potential viewer on their shoulder. “You don’t really want to see this show, right? I can take that ticket off you.” The man blinks and then hands over his ticket. Silver quickly takes it and makes her way to her seat.

-

The spotlight lowers, illuminating what has to be the ringleader. He’s barely dressed for the occasion. Top hat donned but instead of a blaring red jacket, a black T-shirt with a tuxedo print and black jeans contrasting nicely with white sneakers. 

“Hello everyone. Welcome to your wildest dreams. I’ll be your guide. Whenever you need me you can shout More!” Silver snorts at the corny introduction but still applauds with the crowd. It takes a moment but she recognizes him. The man from the café with the over caffeinated drink. Interesting. So far he’s just the host, maybe the leader of this whole operation, but Silver can’t place an ability just yet.

“Please give a round of applause to our first act, Mirage, master of illusion.”

Silver is willing to bet he’s the one responsible for the tent. His set isn’t too extravagant; he just has smoke and card tricks. It’s what he does with them that counts. Shifting the smoke to look like a bird that soars over the crowd. It lands ever so gently on the empty seat in front of one of the viewers. The spotlight shifts to them, a young boy, and he offers a nervous smile, not prepared for the attention. The guest looks to Mirage who gives a cocky smile. “Blow it away.” He instructs through his mic. With a shrug he does. The smoke dissipates to reveal a real bird. A stark white dove. The young boy reaches for it face lit up in wonder, but it takes off landing right on Mirages shoulder. He pets it to prove its real and the dove seems to love it. However, it then dissipates into smoke after Mirage blows on it. That confirms it for Silver, the dude simply makes illusions.

“I need a volunteer for my next trick.” Mirage says.

He and More look around at the audience and More locks eyes with Silver. There’s a connection, a shock of understanding, and something else she can’t quite place before he says, “You, cutie with the hood. Would you like to help Mirage?”

Silver nods unable to break eye contact.

“Don’t be nervous, it’s just a simple card trick.” Mirage says, a deck of cards pulled from his pockets. Silver keeps her head down and her hood on as she walks into the ring. She wasn’t supposed to draw attention. More finally backs away giving Mirage the stage.

It is a simple card trick, with a lot of flourish. Silver selects a card, memorizes it, puts it back in the deck. Mirage is skilled making the cards seem to dance, shuffling and tossing them even pulling some from behind Silver. Sleight of hand can be learned, however,

“Is this your card?”

“It sure looks like it!” Silver says, and the audience applauds. Her choice in words don’t go unnoticed by Mirage. He smiles, like he just learned a juicy secret and gestures for Silver to return to her seat.

More passes her on his way back to the stage and gives her a similar smile to Mirage’s. She can’t help but feel she shouldn’t have done that.

“Our next act goes by Charlie. He doesn’t say much but he’s loads of fun!”

Silver immediately understands how the next act earned his name. Charlie dances out, encompassing Chaplin’s energy. He dons a similar top hat to More, and shirt except his is white instead. More comments on this with a laugh. “Clearly one of us has to change!” As corny as Silver finds More, she can’t say she’s not amused. Charlie looks More up and down, and then gets into a stance. He’s posed like a batter on home base and leans back and forth on his toes. He swings and More ducks, his top hat flying across the ring as if a real bat had hit it. The trick ears them impressed gasps and amused giggles from the audience. From Silver it earns a disbelieving stare. She’s never seen an enhanced like Charlie yet.

Charlie continues, his set like any traditional mime. Tripping over objects that aren’t there, pushing invisible walls, overexaggerating his facial expressions. Except Silver thinks, knows, he isn’t. There is a wall the audience can’t see. Silver can’t prove it, and wouldn’t even know where to begin explaining Charlie to officer Warren.

“Give it up for Charlie everyone!” More says shaking Silver from her thoughts. Charlie leaves the stage with the same comedic swagger and a wave.

“Now our next act is unfortunately our last. But we always go out with a bang! Please welcome to the ring, Star!”

With the snap of More’s fingers the lights go out. Another snap and they’re back, along with a woman sitting on a trapeze. She’s beyond beautiful, it could be the lighting, or the slight shimmer she has, but she’s captivating all the same. Her hair is pulled into two puffs and her smile dazzles the audience. Silver notes that there is no apparent netting beneath her, that should be concerning.

The music starts, a haunting melody punctuated by a bass that Silver feels in her chest. Star is flying above the audience on her trapeze. She hangs by her legs and lets her arms hang. If Silver focuses, she can see what looks like dust, her charisma spills off of her, entrancing the audience. She makes another mental note, three out of four isn’t bad. Maybe she wrong about him being enhanced. He could just be the fall guy if this all goes to shit. Authorities like Warren wouldn’t keep a powerless civilian. It’s smart. The doubt lingers. She knows what she felt.

Silver almost misses the end. Stars trapeze returns to the ring and she waves before letting go and falling to the ground. The audience gasps bracing for an impact that never comes. Star vanishes in a puff of smoke that settles all over the ring. The applause is stuttered out, the crowd is impressed and worried.

When the smoke clears the applause picks back up as all the performers are safe, taking their bows.

“Thank you all for coming!” More says. The lights go out. When they come back on the group is gone. Well, that’s one way to end things.

-

“Like the show?” A voice comes up from behind Silver. She’s just as dazzling up close and silver can see how she captivates the audience. The charisma wisps around her like smoke. 

“Sure did. Wasn’t expecting to be part of it though.”

“Yeah, More can be a bit impulsive,” Star says apologetically. She steps closer to whisper. “But his guess was right! You are like us.” 

“All of you? Special?”

“Yup!”

“What gave me away?”

“You didn’t immediately fall for my charm.”

“...really?”

“That and More caught you using your gift to get a ticket.”

“Also caught her struggling to order at the café,” More says rounding on them. “We should stop meeting like this.”