#and if there is one thing I absolutely cannot afford to do right now it is finish or restart shotgun wedding
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer itâs driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc iâm not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so theyâre all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc thatâs the stage of life weâre in rn - iâd have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends donât like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and itâs only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i canât even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc iâm broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that iâm overqualified for yet still donât get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything itâs just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know iâm still very young and itâs common to live at home when youâre 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now theyâve moved out#and theyâre all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but iâve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didnât work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now iâm a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#iâm starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after youâve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister whoâs a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so theyâre both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#iâm just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldnât magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasnât getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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PLEASE write more of geto being a pervđđ
âpt.1â here
Geto x reader, in showing you how sorry he is for being a creep<3
perv!geto is my obsession atm
contains: fem reader, non consensual photography (reader is kinda ok w it), pervy roomate!geto, crack, gojo makes an appearance, talk of gojo wanting reader, sexual tension, cunnilingus, masturbation(geto), degradation, soooooooo much dirty talk, sweet!geto at the end<3
MDNI
°ââ.àłàż*:°ââ.àłàż*:°ââ.àłàż*:°ââ.àłàż*:°ââ.àłàż
About a week ago you were watching a scary movie with geto on your laptop, drinks placed on the table next to it; dumbly.
So of course when the scariest jump scare youâve ever seen in your life occurred, your legs jerked into the glass of liquid, spilling it all over your laptop and absolutely ruining it.
âGod- Fuck! Noooo! nonono!â you shot up to grab a blanket, pillow, anything, to soak up the liquid, âTAKE YOUR SHIRT OF NOW,â you yelled in a panic to your dark haired roommate, who; you noticed throughout this entire excursion had barely moved a muscle to help, besides the muscles used to laugh at you.
âBabe I hate to be the one to tell you this, but that shit is beyond saving,â he laughed, placing his hand over his chest while he did.
âFuuuuuuuuuuck, I use my laptop every single, and day I absolutely cannot afford to buy a new one right now.â you placed your head in your hands in defeat.
âIâll buy you a new one,â geto said, at the end of his fit of giggles at your expense.
âYeah right, ur broke as shit too, thatâs why weâre living together.â you said, muffled into your legs as your body had now fully collapsed in on itself.
âYeah ur right, but that kinda hurts my feelings,â he said, smirk showing through his faux pout, âthought you liked livinâ with me,â
The two of you bickered back and forth for a while. You ended up putting the laptop in a bag of rice; to no avail, it was completely ruined.
Geto had been nice enough to let you use his laptop in the meantime; only when he was with you though, which you found slightly weird but at least you had access to it to some degree.
Right now you had the house to yourself though. Satoru had picked him up half and hour ago, saying something about wanting to try some new coffee shop with word famous sweets; that meant you had free range of his laptop.
You knew how to clear search history, so you would be fine. You just wanted to watch a movie anyways, nothing criminal.
Sneaking into his room, you unplugged the silver electronic, sliding it under your arm as you took it back to your room. Placing the laptop on your bed and getting comfortable against your pillows, you cracked it open, You had accidentally seen him type in his password before, so getting in was no problem.
What was a problem is what was on the screen when the laptop came to life. An entire folder of up skirt panty shots; and not just anyoneâs panty shots; they were yours.
Scrolling through the decently filled folder, you noticed ones that dated back months ago. You saw a picture of you laying on your bed, head in your hands while you kicked your feet behind you; the short skirt you were wearing gave geto the perfect view of your unobstructed ass, slight pink peaking between your cheeks.
Other too, you doing more mundane things like sitting on your knees on the barstool you had in the house, poking out your ass, once again giving that dark haired pervert the perfect shot of your clothed mound.
You were almost impressed at how many there were, and how make different angles he was able to get without your knowledge.
Trying to wrap your head around the idea that yes, your sweet roommate who has never attempted to come onto you once, had a secret folder filled with lewd photos of you.
Saving the file, you sent it to yourself. Once you heard the chime on your phone you quickly copied the link, and sent it to the culprit himself, no other message attached to it but the folder alone.
ââ
âUmmm ooh, Iâll also get the triple chocolate cream filled crepe cake please! What do you want suguru?â gojo chirped.
Geto started at him with disbelief, he had just ordered 5 full size deserts with the longest name heâd ever heard; all sounding like a stomach ache and a half; and they were all for himself.
âRight..uh, iâll just get the vanilla scone and a black coffee please.â Geto politely spoke to the man taking his order.
Gojo continued conversing with the cashier, finishing up ordering any last minute items and paying.
Geto felt his phone buzz in his pants, checking it quickly while gojo finished up the interaction; both of them starting to walk to booth in the corner of the cafe.
Suguruâs heart sank to his balls when he opened your message. He knew you were mad too, because you didnât say anything else other than a link to his private folder of your panty shots. âFuuuuuuuuuck haha,â geto laughed, hand coming up to cover his smirk as they slid into the booth.
âHuh? let me see, what happened?â Gojo nosed, trying to peek over the table at getoâs phone when he noticed it was the source of his distress.
âI might have to sleep at your house tonight, maybe for the rest of my life I donât know.â he said, hand dropping back into his lap as he shut his phone off.
âDid you forget to do your dishes or somethinâ?â he asked, knowing how angry you got at Geto when he didnât pick up after himself.
âYeah maybe, or maybe my roommate just found the upskirt pics iâve been taking of them for the past couple months.â he giggled, slight remorse in the back of his head. Not from doing it, but from being caught.
Gojoâs jaw dropped, covering his own mouth as he let out a boisterous laugh. âHahaha oh man, you really are fucked.â the blonde slapped his own knee, âIâll let you co-sign my lease tonight,â he said, scared that if suguru went home, he might actually get murdered.
Geto kicked satoruâs shin underneath the table, making him wince. Their giggles died down at getoâs misfortune after awhile. âSo..â gojo started, âYerâ gunna let me see the pics right?â he asked, âAlready hurt you didnât tell me about this,â he pouted,
âIn your fucking dreams satoru,â geto snorted. He already saw the way gojo looked at you when he was over, always making passes at you and touching you any chance he got.
He would be damned if his bestfriend got his hands on you before he did. âWHAT???â gojo yelled a little too loud for the tiny space they were in, resulting in him getting shushed by geto, âpleaseeeee, I know how good you are at taking pictures I bet theyâre soooo gooood.â gojo wined, crossing his arms on the table and laying his head against them.
âKeep dreaming satoru.â he laughed. The whine haired man kept his pouting up for awhile, calling Geto selfish and unfair, his sorrow immediately being forgot about when the massive tray of his deserts finally came out.
ââ
When you heard the front door to your shared apartment finally crack open open a couple hours later, you were in your bedroom.
His laptop had been tucked away in your bedside table in confiscation, while you awaited with a racing heart, for him to knock on your bedroom door.
You heard him place his keys on the table through the thin walls, then you hear his heavy footsteps as he starts to make his way to your room.
The air was still when the footsteps came to a stop in front of your door. You were feeling a lot less confident than you were before he got here, now the thought of confronting him made your mouth feel dry; heart beating out of your chest.
Finally, the knocks were being rapped on your door, you swear you died for a second when you heard his familiar voice call your name, followed by him asking politely if he could come in.
"Its open," you yelled back. When the wooden door creaked open and his frame came into view, you had to fight off all the neurons in your brain telling you to look away from his hooded eyes.
You felt like you couldn't breathe, the tension in the room was so thick it could be cut through with a knife. You had no idea why, but the current situation was admittedly arousing.
You stayed silent for a while, just staring at each other, neither one of you daring to break eye contact first, "So? What do you have to say for yourself?" you asked, voice coming out a lot less confident than you wanted.
"Im sorry." he replied, swallowing thickly, quickly sucking his lip into his mouth to wet it.
"You're sorry for what?" you asked clarifying, This wasn't going how you expected.
"I'm sorry for being a pervert and taking panty pics of my roommate." He said, taking a couple steps towards where you were sitting at the edge of the bed.
"Are you really sorry?" You asked, voice full of need, as you did your best to supress it, trying to ignore the growing heat in your stomach.
"So sorry" he answered, having made his way inches away from you, eye contact still not being broken. You both noticed how heavily you were breathing, his eyes flitting down to your lips for a second before he sucked his lip into his mouth again, and letting it slide out, dark eyes meeting yours again.
The only thing you heard was your heart beat loudly in your ears as you spoke your next words, "Show me how sorry you are."
----
"Mm so fucking sorry," geto's voice vibrated against your clit.
"F-fuck ohmygod," You moaned at the feeling of him wrapping his lips around the bud, tongue peeking through to flick at it.
"A-again-" you whined,
"'M sorry," he groaned, staring up at you with a smirk as he released your clit, flattening his tongue over the sensitive bud.
You were laid back, ass placed at the end of the bed, Geto was sitting back on his heels as he perched himself on the floor between your thighs, hand rapidly stoking over his throbbing cock.
"W-wipe that sm-ile off your face" you wined, trying to keep the little hold you had over geto.
He didnt stop smiling, but you could'nt tell when he burried his tongue inside your pussy, pressing his face hard into your wetness and shaking his head. His pointed nose rubbed your clit in the most delicious way when he did that.
"S-so fucking dirty" you chastised at how sloppily he was eating your cunt. He was trying to fuck his apology into your pussy with his tongue, really trying to prove how sorry he was.
Loud slurping noises bouncing off the walls and going straight to your head; and to his cock; making you both dizzy at the situation.
"Sorry I'm so nasty," he groaned, muffled by your folds as he tongue fucked you like his life depended on it.
Quickening the pace of his hand against his cock, he was squeezing it the same way your walls squeezed his tongue, trying to mimic the feeling. Pre was dripping steadily from his cock and onto the floor, leaving a little puddle there.
Geto was getting off on this so hard.
Every time you squeezed your thighs around his head and degraded him, his abs clenched, balls tightening with the need to blow his load.
"O-only thing youre good for is eating my pussy, f-fuck" you said meanly with a whimper, eyes dropping down to his handsome face and seeing how fucked out he looked from your words, as he nodded his head and moaned into you, agreeing with you.
He needed to you keep talking to him like that, to keep humping his face, suffocating him, treating him like a bitch, he needed it.
"Use me-" he cut himself off as he moved his mouth back up to your clit, making out with the little bud messily, "wanna show you how sorry I am." he drunkenly smiled at you.
You gripped his hair in a makeshift bun, rolling your hips against his face as he stuck his tongue out for you to get yoruself off on.
Groans of "mhm mhmm" could be heard from Geto between your legs, pumping his cock impossibly faster feeling your wetness gush out of you from his minstrations.
"Ohmygod feels so good- shit-" You wined, tipping your head back, feeling your orgasm build quicky as you rubbed against his tongue just right.
His chin was absolutely covered in your slick, pretty eyes rolling back in his head as he felt himself get pushed towards the edge as well, abandoning his hand keeping your thigh spread to join his other between his legs. He massaged his balls between his fingers, increasing the pleasure he felt while you worked towards your end together.
"Fuck t-tell me your sorry again," you whimpered out, teetering on the edge of your orgasm, "Sorry" his deep voice immediately groaned out, cock throbbing when you yanked on his hair.
"Ag-ain" your moans broke up your speech,
"Sorry, m' sorry, sorry-" He kept babbling against your pussy, sending delicious vibrations through you.
You were feeling hotter at the strange power dynamic going on, using that to your advantage as he kept mumbling the word into you, sending you straight into the most mindblowing orgasm of your life.
"Coming f-uck fuck f-" your voice getting cut off as your stomach started contracting and jerking, you rode your high out on his tongue while he groaned a lengthy moan into you.
Behind where your vision was blocked by the bed, Geto was cumming all over his hand and the bottom of your comforter.
Geto's eyes repeatedly rolled back in his head, hand massaging his cum out of his balls as he stroked himself roughly through his orgasm.
Finally being able to breathe when you loosened your legs from their hold on his neck, dropping your hands from his hair as you laid back on the sheets. Geto's hands wet with his seed came up to massage your thighs, his head rasing from between them.
You both took a second to breathe heavily into the open air, your cunt as his cock alike twitching in the aftershocks of your orgasms.
You felt his hold on you cease for a moment, a couple seconds later something was bouncing heavily next to your head. When you turned your head you were faced with a brand new, rose gold laptop, still in its packaging.
You looked back up at geto, who was now standing, running one of his damp hands through his hair, "If me eating your pussy didnt prove how sorry I am, I hope this will." He smirked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Fuck, Geto are you serious?" you beamed, picking your limp body up from the sheets and holding the package in your hands, he smiled at you fondly, watching you tear it open like a kid on Christmas.
Peeling the plastic from the cardboard you spoke, "Still making you delete all those photos by the way," resulting in him tipping his head back in a loud groan of defeat.
#this is so#geto pls just 5 min#the things i would do#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#getou suguru x you#jujutsu geto#geto x you#geto smut#getou suguru x reader#geto x reader#jjk geto#geto suguru x reader#gojo x geto#geto suguru#geto suguru drabble#jjk suguru#satoru x suguru#jujutsu kaisen suguru#getou suguru x y/n#getou suguru smut#sugurugeto#gojo smut#gojo satoru smut#gojo x reader#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader
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The great thing about night shift is I get to be awake at night and asleep during much of the day, but the annoying thing about it is that itâll take me like half a year to be funcitonally diurnal again
#this post is brought to you by 5 A.M. me#who could have easily got to bed 3-5 hours ago#but instead stayed up ruminating about life#it started out about life and then somehow in that stream of thought I wanted to remember this specific quote I read in a fic once#then I got distracted rereading about the times when me and the gang were reading it for the first time#ahhh the memories#painful yet cherished#like holding a really hot bowl of soup or something#idk can't think of anything else to describe it#maybe if it weren't 5 in the morning I could#anyways yes this is about gomens bookclub and about shotgun wedding specifically#I'm SURE one of us must've quoted that quote in the discussion channel but maybe I'm misremembering#maybe it was DMs#god there were so many DMs for that fic...#but I can't go to sleep until I find that quote and I know if I open the actual fic that will be The End#and if there is one thing I absolutely cannot afford to do right now it is finish or restart shotgun wedding#maybe after death exam 3#I feel like I keep deferring all the things I actually want to do until âafter death exam Xâ#and then when the opportunity arises to actually Get What I want I just run#and then once the opportunity closes I pretend like It Was Never Meant To Be when really it's just cowardice again and again and again#TOTALLY won't have any lasting consequences or implications for the rest of my life!!#anyways. where was I going with this#oh yeah time to go DM hunting I guess#I'm putting a hard stop at 5:30 though#because there is literally no reason to get less than 6 hours of sleep when I'm working less than 10 hours a day#Cheese's personal molasses#EDIT: 5:22 and IT WASN'T IN THE DM'S JESS HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I THOUGHT WE QUOTED ALMOST THAT WHOLE FIC AT EACH OTHER AFTER A POINT#maybe it was only that one chapter#anyways if anyone has been reading this sentimental nonsense and happens to remember that quote about not storing happiness on a shelf andâ#expecting it to keep well; please tell me. I found the nge quote but I couldn't find this one and it is BOTHERING ME SO MUCH
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heres MY rambly black sails analysis for the day, after watching the show twice in as many months i wholeheartedly believe in the "long john silvers quote unquote missus in treasure island is max, not madi" theory
the most obvious thing, as others have pointed out, is that in treasure island long john silver runs an inn with his wife, a black woman, in bristol, which is absolutely not madi behavior-- i cannot imagine madi would take him back in the first place much less move with him TO ENGLAND-- but IS maxs exact area of expertise. but theres so many other things that cement it for me
as early as episode 2, max tries to convince eleanor to buy out the inn and run it together with her when england takes nassau back. this is her dream-- to share power over her life with a woman she loves, free of the pressures of the outside world. (youll note this also happens to be silvers dream for himself and madi. the parallels)
in season 4 shes faced with the suspiciously similar option to take a husband to be the face of her business, completely on paper, for the sake of the public eye. and she refuses! she doesnt want to give a man that kind of power over her. not only that but she desperately wants to retain some kind of truth in her identity-- she admires anne for her honesty, her courage. these are things she can rarely afford to express. in refusing a marriage of convenience, she asserts her autonomy.
But. black sails tells us over and over again that an oppressive society will always find ways to batter down these private boundaries. there is no island safe from colonial rule. mirandas peaceful house in the interior is burnt to the ground. the maroons are forced to accept a freedom that comes at the price of abandoning those still enslaved and taking part in their continued subjugation. the things it takes to make these spaces are terrible, and unsustainable, and when it comes to being gay in the 1700s there is a tightrope to walk between privilege and privacy, one that destroyed flint and the hamiltons, thats even narrower to max as a self-made woman of color.
given all that, i do not believe she can girlboss her way out of her circumstances no matter how many lessons she took from what happened to eleanor. nor do i think the show believes it. i think the political-marriage-offer plot point is another illustration of that theme-- maxs desire, and silvers desire, to build a warm, happy room in the middle of the imperial machine, without meaningfully striking out against the machine itself, is destined to be futile no matter how strong they are as individuals.
max and silver are mirror images of one another. each of them is essentially the narrator of one half of the story. it is absolutely agonizing how BOTH of them tried to convince their lovers to abandon their ambitions, to settle for a quiet life with them, and in doing so saw that relationship destroyed by their own fear of an uncertain future....
....And its even MORE agonizing to imagine them finally securing the trappings of a domestic life... but without the love. and they know the love was what mattered! theyre always going to know!!!
it bookends PERFECTLY with their alliance at the start of the series. theyre right where they started, trusting no one, pretending to be humble and harmless, planning to steal the EXACT SAME TREASURE, except now theyre 50 years old and jaded and bitter and both pining after their lost loves. silver probably pictures madi whenever he tells people about his wife. when he and max have time to themselves they talk solely about finances and nothing else. its honestly impressive how miserable this is for every single person involved. im losing my mind
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Headcanons for being Johnny Lawrenceâs daughter
Johnny Lawrence x daughter!reader
warnings: alcohol, underage drinking, classic johnny sexism <3
a/n: WHAT! ME write a fic thats not gn, i know. im shocked too but its just bc i feel johnny is so gender-stereotypey that doing this gn wouldnât work very well but very open to a son!r or nb!r if anyone is interested (bc seriously. johnny cannot help but bring up genders). also i just want to say that a lot of this (not all!) honestly reminds me of or are actual things that have happened w my dad bc johnny is literally my dad if my dad was like 8 years older i think also i wrote this all in one sitting ALSO NO COBRA KAI SEASON 6 SPOILERS
prompt:
GIRL DAD!
you always kinda just gravitated toward living with your dad
ây/n, iâm so proud of you. i never have to worry about you. you can take care of yourself. robby on the other hand, i worry about him. i think girls are just more self sufficientâ -johnny, a little drunk
âthanks dadâ -you, also a little drunk (hes a âcool dadâ)
he was the type of parent that âprefers that if youâre gonna do something stupid at least do it while heâs aroundâ aka underage drinking
whenever he stays out late you fall asleep in his bed. and lock him out
ây/n! open the door!â -johnny, banging on the door
âno! your bed is more comfortableâ -you
he thought it was sweet honestly but he did want to sleep in his bed
sort of like a lesson not to come home late all drunk and gross
he was VERY against letting you drive his car
âdad, i need my license!â -you
âno woman is getting behind the wheel of my firebirdâ -johnny
âwhy do you have to make it about women? iâll fight youâ -you
âyouâll lose that fightâ -johnny
âoh, so youâd fight a teenage girl? wow, real classy, dadâ -you
âno, but iâd fight my teenage daughter. i brought you into this world and iâll take you outâ -johnny
you honestly had a great sense of humor with johnny, but youâd check him if he said anything too messed up
âdad, itâs not the 80âs anymore, you canât say thatâ -you
âdont tell me what i can and cant say! the 80âs were awesome, i wish it was the 80âs againâ -johnny
âso iâve heardâ -you
he helped you with your homework as a kid until like, 2nd grade when multiplication and division got involved
he did teach you karate growing up! but mostly the basics, for self defense purposes
âhey, never let any guy try to impress you with his karate skills. heâs probably a doucheâ -johnny, pausing âi sure wasâ
late night movie marathons (70s/80s classics for sure)
he took care of you during your first hangover (high school parties, ya know)
âdidnât i teach you better than to mix liquorsâ -johnny
âugghhhhâ -you
yes, you have heard about daniel larusso. enough said LMAO
robby and you had a kind of sweet but distant relationship
occasional check-in texts
robby: are you doing okay with dad? heâs actually buying food and shit?
you: yeah! heâs fine right now, howâs mom? new stepdad yet? is he rich?
robby: momâs not going anywhere sheâd find a rich guy, but keep dreaming
you wear a lot of your dadâs old t-shirts. usually band teeâs
oh and he made sure you got into the âright musicâ
he used to drive you around in the firebird when you were a SMALL CHILD (front seat, no car seat!) and blast his old cassettes
for YEARS heâd pull the âwho is thisâ âwhat song is thisâ game with the reasoning:
âif you wear a band shirt and some asshole asks you to name three songs, i want you to name tenâ -johnny
listen. you were still âdaddyâs girlâ or whatever used to be a cute little saying and is now ruined but whatever
âdad, can i have twenty bucks?â -you
âfor whatâ -johnny
âfor fun. pleaseeeeâ -you
*johnny pulls out his wallet and gives you $40*
could he afford it? no. can he say no? also no.
the absolute fear he felt when you got your first period
âitâs fine, i can call momâ -you
âno, itâs not fine! iâve had girlfriends before, i got this. stay here, iâll be backâ -johnny
he went to the store and bought the most random assortment of period products and pain meds and snacks and a heating pad
A for effort
when the diaz family moved in across from you guys, miguel took one look at you and johnny said:
âstay away from my daughterâ
when the karate fuss got started you tried to keep your distance but sooner or later you joined the dojo and proved to your dad just how âbadassâ you could be
âtake notes everyone, y/nâs gonna be the next all valley champ!â -johnny
taglist: @ravenmoore14 // @retvenkos // @sweetheartlizzie07 // @an4aaa // @summersimmerus // @xoxobabydolls // @sapphireplums // @petersgroupie // @ravenhood2792 // @evilcr0ne // @thedarkqueenofavalon // @elenavampire21 // @elemental-of-magic //
#johnny lawrence#johnny lawrence x reader#johnny lawrence imagine#johnny lawrence x daughter!reader#lawrence!reader#cobra kai#cobra kai x reader#cobra kai imagine#karate kid#karate kid imagine#karate kid x reader
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my guy
eddie munson x fem!reader
Eddie being your personal handyman and stupidly in love.
cw: 2k words. no warnings just two kids being absolutely smitten for each other. tooth rotting fluff. teeny allusion to smut. Eddie being a flustered mess bless him. 18+ mdni
AN: this is literally the most low stakes thing i've ever written i just started cheesing at the idea of eddie cheesing at being called your guy
The sputtering of the washing machine startles you.
Huffing, you put your book down on the couch, rising from the depth of the cushions in which you had settled yourself into after finishing your chores and go assess the issue.
"Shit," the floor is wet and you shudder at the feeling of the cold soapy water getting into the bottoms of your socks as you slowly make your way to the washing machine to unplug it.
You try your best to dry the floor, wincing at the feeling of wet socks on the linoleum floor, cursing under your breath at the cold feel of the fabric against your skin.
Despite the floor being dry, your washing machine was broken, and you couldn't afford to buy a new one. Fortunately, your neighbor, Eddie had been your own personal handyman ever since you mentioned in passing that your sink was leaking a bit after moving into your place a couple months ago. The day after he was at your door, toolbox in hand. Your sink was fixed in less than a couple hours.
You knock at his front door, three precise, well timed knocks. Your mind cannot help but start counting just to see how long it will take him to open his door.
One, two, three, four, five, si--
The rattling of the door handle distracts you from your counting. Eddie's eyes are wide as they stare at you. His hair is tied in a low bun and he's fidgeting with a guitar pick in his hand. He must have been playing.
He's really quiet for a second, then clears his throat. "Oh, um. Hey, what's up?"
"Hey, nothing much? just wondering if you're busy right now" your tone always softens up with him around.
He looks around his apartment, almost as if he needed to remember if there was anything he should've been doing.
"Nope, don't think so. Why?" He leans against his doorframe, and he's cute in the way his pitch perks up, his smile expands just a bit to let a few crinkles form around his eyes.
"Well um... my washing machine broke and I can't afford to buy another one. I have a really important interview tomorrow morning and I need a clean dress shirt to wear. I thought I could get my guy to take a look at it and assess the damage?" you lightly punch your fist across his chest and he blushes a bit. You can tell by the way he starts blinking a bit faster that he's flustered.
"Your- your guy?" he stutters, almost as if he heard nothing else aside from that.
"Yeah, silly. My guy, like, my handyman" you smile at him, and if someone could get even more nervous, you're sure that Eddie just did, because he lets out a breathy laugh.
"Right. Your handyman guy, of course" and he shakes his head, smiling to himself a bit.
"So... can you do it?" you ask, breaking the silence.
"Yeah, no of course, sweetheart. Gimme a couple minutes and I'll be right over to you" he says smiling.
You head back to your apartment, leaving the door open for him to follow you with his toolbox, and Eddie feels like heâs lost every sense of reason when he enters and becomes surrounded by your scent.
The fabric softener you use has taken over every corner of your house, but heâs not complaining. Taking one last sniff for courage, he steps into the kitchen, where youâre sitting at, waiting for him.
âAlright, can I take a look at your washing machine?â he asks, tilting his head.
âYeah, itâs right this wayâ you lead him to the laundry room, and Eddieâs suffocating. Youâre everywhere.
He kneels in front of the machine and opens its door.
"What's this interview for anyway if it's got you actin' so nervous?" He says from inside the washing machine. He's fidgeting with the rubber at the opening, the hose.
"It's for this job at the school. I applied to teach at the middle school, but I'm not sure if they'll give it to me" you say, panic settling in. He's taking too long, you're done for. No clean shirt, no job.
"Nah, sweetheart, there's no reason why they shouldn't. You're incredibly smart, from all the books I've seen you read, your apartment is all books, you nerd" he starts laughing, and then stops.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to call you a nerd." He takes his head out of the washing machine. "I just- I know you're gonna do great. And if you don't maybe you can become my apprentice, would you mind passing me my flashlight?" he gives you a half smile.
Reaching for his toolbox you pass it to him.
"See? You're already perfect for the job, you're hired" he says, making you laugh. He smiles proudly to himself, and he's happy that you can't see him from inside the washing machine, because he's sure he's bursting with joy at the sound of your laughter.
"Thanks, Ed. I'll consider it." you say, and immediately after you hear a oh shit! coming from inside the machine. Concern washes over your face.
"Ed? What's wrong?" you say, as you carefully step closer towards him.
âI know what the problem is." He takes his head out again The rubber thingy that helps you close the thingy is brokenâ he says, like you understood what he meant.
âFor a handyman you sure have your way with wordsâ you laugh, and he doesnât even care that heâs made a fool of himself by forgetting what the rubber gasket was called. Because heâs made you laugh.
"So how do I get this rubber thingy fixed, mr handyman?" you ask, voice still amused at how flustered he is.
"Well, I'd need to go down the hardware store and get a replacement, but it's 8PM, so I can't do anything about it now, sweetheart. Sorry" he says, and it breaks his heart to have to say no to you.
"Oh, okay." your voice sounds sad, it hurts him. "Thanks anyway, Eddie. I'll stop by the hardware store tomorrow morning before my interview if you wanna stop by in the afternoon and finish this?"
He thinks about it, about the interview. About how much you said you want the job.
"Wait, I have an idea. What if you wash your clothes in my washing machine for tonight? So you can have your shirt ready for your interview, then tomorrow I can go and get the gaskets to fix it. It's called a gasket, not rubber thingy" he says, playing with his hair.
"Ed it's fine, I can go get it" you say, trying not to blush at how gentle and kind he is "I'll take you up on your offer of using your machine, though. Thanks, Ed. You're too nice" you say, reaching for the basket of wet clothes on top of the dishwasher.
"Anytime, sweetheart. Y'know I take good care of my clientele" he says, smug smile on his lips. You giggle and fake a gasp.
"Are you cheating on me? Are you being someone else's guy?!" he laughs and goes along with it.
"Well, Mrs. Davis did ask me to fix her bathtub, after learning from someone that I fixed their sink" he said, a fake accusatory stare at you.
"You should get paid for this, Ed. You've already fixed my sink, my door hinges, helped me change my lock and now my washing machine. Soon the whole complex is gonna ask you to do their maintenance" you laugh.
"I do it out of the kindness of my heart" he says, taking a dramatic bow , then rises and leans against the washing machine. "Really, though, I don't mind doing it. I enjoy being helpful. I don't want your money, sweetheart"
"No, Eddie, I insist. I need to pay you, especially after you said you're getting the rubber thingy for me, what was it called again? A gusset?"
"Gasket" he says smiling, pointing a cheeky finger at you. Then the air becomes a bit tense, he stiffens up. You see him takes a deep breath, he's suddenly nervous which puts you on edge. Did you say something wrong? Then he speaks up again. "Tell you what, as a payment for my services, I pick you up Friday night at 7 and we have dinner. What do you say?"
Shit. You would not have pegged him for the type to be that smooth, but he had you. He liked you and he was sweet to you and he wanted to take you out to dinner. It helped that he was cute. There was no hesitation when you nodded your head yes.
"I say that's a great idea, Ed. I'll let you know how the interview goes. Should we go to your apartment?" you say. You notice the quizzical, borderline alarmed, look on his face.
"So I can wash my stuff, I mean" an awkward laugh escapes you as he motions for you to lead the way.
His apartment is the same layout as yours, but rather than books, his walls are filled with painted figurines, guitars, notebooks and DnD game sets. A true nerdy den.
"Um, the washing machine is down the hall. We have the same one, let me know if you need anything, okay?" he says, heading over to the couch, setting his toolbox down and picking up his guitar.
His laundry detergent is strong. The thought of this load of washing smelling like him makes your head spin.
After you've started the load, you head out of the laundry room and head over to the couch, where Eddie is. You swear his eyes glint a little when he sees you.
"Hey mr. handyman." you say, plopping down next to him "Keep playing, I'm just gonna watch you." You smile at him.
His face is concentrated, tongue darting out of his lips every once in a while. Cute, you think, a silly quirk that makes your mind travel to places that it should not even dare to go, you haven't even had your first date yet. God, you wanna kiss him.
He plays some aggressive guitar chords, one after the other, music sheets scattered on his knee, balancing precariously as he taps the rhythm with his head, his hair falling out of its confinements with each bob of his head.
"I hear you play sometimes." You interrupt. He raises his head, his hair has all fallen out of the bun and lays on his shoulders.
"What?" he says weakly.
"Sometimes, in the afternoon, because you're so respectful, I hear you play. And I- I just stop whatever I'm doing and listen to you and- and it's so cool. Your playing is so cool" you stop your ramble, because now he's staring at you and he's making you nervous. He's closer, and closer, and closer. And he's kissing you.
His lips are soft, albeit a bit too wet from all the times he's licked his lips to focus. His hand is on your cheek and it's big and warm and his breath is on you and you just melt into him. Soft kisses, quick kisses.
After what feels like hours, your mouth is open and you're reaching for his shirt, but he stops you, a puzzled look on your face. "Let's save this for another time, sweetheart." He says, and you can tell he's struggling to say no to you "I wanna take my time with you. Maybe after our date?" he gives you a sly smile and you think you have melted into the cushions.
"Can we cuddle, then?" you say shyly and he opens his arms for you to fall in, you take a deep breath. He's warm and smells nice.
"For a handyman you kiss really well" you say, laughing a bit. He jerks his head and quirks an eyebrow.
"How many handymen have you kissed?" his tone is dramatic and you know he's joking.
"None that I am aware of, but y'know, it could be a side job" You giggle.
"I thought I was your guy!" He says with a whine, and he makes you laugh like no man has ever made you laugh before.
âMaybe you can be my guy for real thenâ you say, smiling, finally holding eye contact with him.
âYeah, I can be your guy, sweetheart.â
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson x reader fluff#eddie munson fan fiction#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson smut
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broken, pt. 1 (3tan) | myg
title: broken (pt. 1) pairing: 3tan!yoongi x reader(f) series:masterlist | three tangerines | fireworks | house party | basketball | stay | sidewalk talk | friends | dalo | like that | anytime | sundress season | yoongiâs interlude | forfeit | flutter | video call | busted rating/genre: m (18+) ; angst , fluff ; brotherâs best friend au, implied age gap au summary: chilling conversations prolong things even further⊠until everything goes to hell. note: this is only one half of what was supposed to be a whole chapter! broken, pt. 2 will come out after i've had time to make it something i'm proud of. trying to rush everything out didn't do any favors, so hilariously and ironically, broken is broken up into two hahaha. warnings: language, angst, tension, yoongiâs pov is longgg, alcohol consumption, tobacco mentions, brođ„Č, yoongi in the studiođ©, the studio boys make another appearanceđ, âŠsomeone else makes their first appearanceđđ, scuffles, tense situations, did i say angst?, water bottles get their own warning, long hair yoongi, basketball yoongiđ« , crying, bro a ha ha, jimin has tats and heâs not afraid to show them, the chains stay on(???), âŠbad boy yoongiđđ, honestly he is on another level of warning here donât perceive međ, the fluff is fluffing here like what, backstory weâve been waiting forđ, yoongi on the phone, hand holding :â)), kissing :â)), oh god the kissingâ€ïžâđ©č, thereâs just a lot in both parts i'm sorry y'all playlist: broken (lp) drop date: dec 3rd, 2023, 4:00pm est word count: ...19.1k đ¶ââïž
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Words abandon you.
They stand far from your form, pitying observers of your decaying state in front of the man youâve been lying to. At once, you feel completely alone, not even Yoongiâs lingering presence helping when those eyes are piercing through time and space. Everything youâve experienced over the past two years slings across your vision, from the first time you left your house in the pouring rain to get to Yoongiâs, to the car ride back you just took with his kiss still on your lips.Â
All of those moments shattering into dust around your heels.Â
Your feet make lines in them when you move to close the front door, something leaving your mouth before you can judge if it makes sense, âAbout what?âÂ
Zero sense. Absolute zero sense. Which your brother has absolute zero patience for. The drone in his question hits you like a punch to the gut, âReally.âÂ
âJust out late, is all,â you grumble, trying your best to not acknowledge an atmosphere so tense itâs almost crowded. âJimin had another party, remember?âÂ
âCourse I do.â
Huh? Wait. Why does he sound soâ
âI was there.â
Dread launches up your veins, rocketing right to your heart in the middle of a pulse. He was there? You saw his car when Yoongi pulled up close to the house. He was there? When the fuck did he arrive? Oh, fuck, if he got there early enough⊠did he see you⊠and YoongiâŠ
No. Thereâs no way. Because one, Yoongi parked far down and around the corner. He made sure not to be close just in case you two could be spotted.Â
With a thought you really cannot afford right now, you also assume he stayed that distance just so that he could pin you against his car. Fucking hell, focus! Upping the strength of your resolve to match cardboard, you lamely stall in your hunt for clarification, âYou were?âÂ
âI was.âÂ
The watch on his wrist glints in its twist. When aggravated veins stare back at you, itâs obvious your brother is on the edge. Because he is deathly calm. âSo whereâd you go?âÂ
You blink, not having expelled a single breath since you stepped foot inside.Â
Does he not know? Or does he know and heâs just waiting for you to finally spill? With all the hope in the universe, you yearn for it to be the first one. Because you cannot deal with a fallout right now. Not right after what happened with Yoongi.Â
Itâs just not the right time.Â
âYuriâs,â you blurt, finally kicking into gear and strategizing how youâre gonna finesse this. âShe came and got me.âÂ
Your sibling just stands there, eyes a solid beam before he sighs at clasped wrists.Â
Here it comes. Heâs gonna ask why you didnât say anything. Like he always does because for some reason youâre still not a true adult to him and he has to keep tabs on you at all times and you canât just sneak around with his best friend in peaceâ
âK.â Your eyes shake once. âJust tell me next time.âÂ
And just like that, your brother vacates the foyer, dark dress shoes clacking as he retreats back into his room. Leaving you standing in silence.Â
All the words around you just as speechless.Â
Just like that, youâre gone again.
After watching you leave and wishing you didnât have to, Yoongi shuts his door to rest ponderous thoughts on worn wood. Eyes closed and a storm on his mindâs horizon.
Just a little longer. He hopes youâll understand. This is just something he needs. More than anything else.Â
Exhausted, he peels himself from the door, meandering through the bog of his living room. Trudge, trudge, trudge to the dining table, skirting fingers along the edge and noting that it feels different than before.Â
At least something in his apartment has changed for the better.Â
Who wouldâve thought that table would witness both an end and a beginning. That it would see the worst and best of him. If it was ever called to stand, thereâs no doubt that it could recite all his failures and shortcomings. But he hopes that it would also attest to how much heâs fucking tried.Â
As much as Yoongi wants to throw it out, he hasnât. Because despite being withered to hell, all it needed to recover was the new company of a familiar face.Â
And a little bit of summer rain.Â
It watches as his thoughts move on, and soaks in the blues and pinks of sunrise as he crosses into the bedroom. At the feel of your lingering presence, Yoongi gnaws on his lip.Â
What the fuck does he do now? The moment you leave, he wants nothing more than to have you back in his bed. Itâs the one fact that he has come to fully acknowledge. Because there are many times youâve caught him slipping. But when youâre lost to your dreams? Visibly at peace and safe under his sheets? Thatâs when he canât even think straight.Â
How your serenity throws him into disarray, Yoongi has no fucking clue.
But he canât afford these feelings right now. Because how can he want you close while being the reason for this distance? Make it make sense. Donât be a fucking hypocrite. Tsking, Yoongi once again accepts the consequences, heading to his bathroom before going back the fuck to sleep.Â
Lies. Who is he kidding? Thereâs no way his rest will be the same without you. Especially since he doesnât know when heâll get to see you next.Â
There is a way to remedy that. To put an end to your time apart. But Yoongiâs been so in his fucking head that itâs chaining him down and pulling taut. No matter how much he struggles, he canât break free, and itâs driving him to the brink.
But last night? With you? Half moons mar his palms as he stands. Staring. Branding that whole memory into his heart.
After three months of questioning his existence.Â
All it took was your soft hums to give him a reason.Â
And you wonât ever know how much that meant to him. Not until Yoongi finally decides to tell you. Which will most likely be never. Maybe thatâs why this time tears at his chest more than all the others. Maybe thatâs why he stood in his doorway longer than usual. Maybe thatâs why he canât quite carry the weight in his chest.
Dumping himself on dark mountainsâcreations of his and your designâYoongi buries his face in those valleys. Inhales those aromas like some hit he can live off of for however many days left he needs.Â
Desperately grasping for a fading world where only you two exist. Drifting. Dreaming. Disarmed by a vibration on his nightstand.
The fuck.
Who is texting him this early. There are only a few people he has notifications on for wait itâs probably you saying youâre home.
Peeling himself off the sheets with a groan, Yoongi simply shifts his upper body to reach for his phone, squinty-eyed as he checks his screen.
And he doesnât see your name.
Dumbass: 1 New Message
But your brotherâs.
What the hell does heâ
Dumbass [07:30]: We need to talk.
âŠShit.
Yoongi grips his phone in panic, ice water streaming through his veins and mind set ablaze with potential scenarios.
Heâs awake. You went home. And heâs awake. Fuck, did anything happen? Did you say anything? What are the chances this text means he found everything out?Â
Shit.Â
Does Yoongi answer now? Or does he sleep and pretend that this is just a text and isnât a problem at all? Think. Your brother may not even be referencing you, or him. Right? It could be something completely different.Â
Why canât he fucking move?Â
Every regret Yoongiâs kept at bay floods his brain, crashing into assumptions of your mental state and creating a massive whirlpool of dread. Just answer. Donât answer. Just answer. Donât fucking answer. Suddenly, another alert lights his home screen and itâs a call oh fuckâwait⊠Itâs Jungkook?Â
Why not. Sure. Whatâs one more issue.Â
Picking up, Yoongi runs hard fingers through his hair as he answers.
âHey, you coming?â
âHuh?â
âWe have that session in thirty.â
The what. The session? Oh, fuck. The session. Yoongi completely forgot they had a recording booked today because they were so hyped last night to get a date for the release party shit. Vacating his bed, Yoongi answers with a low, âYeah, Iâll be there.âÂ
âYeah, donât be late. Itâs those guys from before.âÂ
Fuck, itâs that one. The dudes that stopped by the studio just as things were wrapping up, shocking everyone when they scheduled some time. Highly successful musicians and performers booking something with a no name studio? Things are rolling in the right direction and coming along fast.Â
But as things go. If they donât take this shit seriously, everything can crash just as quickly.
âHeading out,â Yoongi finally says as he yanks a hoodie from his closet, and a loud vibration against his ear makes him flinch.Â
Dumbass [7:40]: Heading over
Fuck!
âYou okay?âÂ
âShit, yeah.â Yoongi grips soft material before his phone hits his desk with a thump. Hastily dressing, he grunts, âMaybe. Might be like two minutes late.âÂ
âNah, come now.âÂ
Heâs heading over? Your brother? If thatâs the case, thereâs no way he doesnât know.Â
Fuck, relax. Donât overthink. If anything, there wouldnât have even been a heads-up. Yoongi figures heâd just find out as soon as heâs thrown against a wall. Or the ground. Or right onto his coffee table that this very guy helped pick out. Shit, he needs to know but he doesnât wanna find out.Â
But nevermind him. Are you okay? Swiping his device, Yoongi quickly types a text before fast-walking out of his room, going on autopilot when he assures into his receiver, âIâll get there.âÂ
Yoongi [7:42]: Going to the studio
âOn time? You better!â
Goddamn, heâs juggling too much right now.Â
As Yoongi breaks into the dining room, he hears a rustling on the line before other voices jut through the speaker. Sounds like Hobi and Joon are already there, and the next thing said further spikes his stress level another peak,Â
âWeâre already cutting it close with the prep.âÂ
Fucking hell, the prep. The mics, the tracks, the setup. They forgot to do all of it. Something inside of him starts snarling and almost pounces through the phone, âFuck, we shouldâve been ready already.âÂ
âShit, I know.âÂ
âWe canât keep doing this.âÂ
âDude, relax, I get it.âÂ
âDo you? Cus this is⊠Fuck.âÂ
âYeah, yeah, weâll get it done but itâs gonna be tight. Hey, whereâs the⊠Damn it, whatâs it called?â
Frustrated and rummaging through his pantry, Yoongi knows he sure as hell didnât think about anything else as soon as he heard you crying on the line. If he had remembered while leaving the studio, he couldâve spared a brain cell to rush everyone back in. âThe what.âÂ
âThe⊠The overhead mic for the drums.âÂ
Of course, heâd repeat every decision he made last night. Over, and over, and over again. But any of them shouldâve remembered this step before leaving, which pisses him off. The studioâs lack of experience is showing and itâs making him nervous.Â
And Yoongi still doesnât know whatâs going on with his best friend.Â
âWe need two overheads for drums,â he corrects while swiping a water bottle from the counter. And heâs about to rattle off where they are when he feels another long buzz.Â
Dumbass: Incoming CallÂ
Of fucking course.Â
Mind whirring so hard he can feel steam, Yoongi quickly recalls where the mics are, âTheyâre somewhere in the back by the amps, but I gotta take this so Iâll see yâall there.âÂ
âWait, where are theââ
Nope. Kookâs just gonna have to figure out whatever heâs asking on his own. Switching calls, Yoongi answers while opening his door, hastily putting out the food and water he grabbed from the kitchen.Â
âHey.â Fuck, is his voice shaking? What the hell is he gonna be faced with in the next few seconds? Can he freeze time and rewind and keep last night on repeat? âIâm about to head out.âÂ
âDonât leave yet, Iâm coming.âÂ
âNo, justââYoongi dashes back inside before grabbing his wallet and keys from the barââYou good? I canât be late.âÂ
âDonât lie. Yâall are done, right?âÂ
Donât lie. Yoongi feels like hurling.Â
âWe got another project,â he huffs as he meets sunrise again, blazing a trail through his corridor and rounding the corner to his car. âA bandâs coming in for a session.â
âShit.â
Thereâs a pause on the line. And itâs the first bit of silence Yoongiâs had since he got the first bone-chilling text. Is his secret safe? Are you okay? Should he work extra late and run from a problem yet again? Heâs very good at that. Running. If there was a medal for distance ran from issues, heâd be on the podium for both gold and silver.
âOkay, fine.âÂ
Relief is temporary. This could just be him biding his time in order to figure out what to do. Or maybe he truly doesnât know whatâs going on and Yoongi has a bit more uninterrupted time with you.Â
Delusion is a great place to stay.
In any case, his friendâs behavior is alarming. Whatâs he doing up this early? And why is he wanting to swing by so bad if not to slice him into tiny pieces? Nerves slow on the downslope, Yoongi shuts his car door and lends his ear, âBut serious, are you okay?â
âI just⊠Tch. I canât even say it.â
He lets his friend go through a series of small sounds on the line, pulling out of the lot and hitting the road with tire squeaks. âWhatâs up,â he finally pushes, looking sideways and remembering the car ride home.Â
There was no way Yoongi was gonna say no to you. He didnât in this universe, and heâd bet his whole life he doesnât in any other one, either. Not when your wings looked like you hadnât used them in months.   Â
Pained, Yoongi hopes youâre completely fine and sleeping. Tucked away in a bed that captured part of his heart, visiting him in your dreams so that some version of him can be at your side.Â
âEverything, Yoong.âÂ
But, as it so starkly turns out, he has to deal with reality. And with the fact that youâre just as far away as you were before last night. Maybe even further out of reach.Â
So, so far away.Â
âThereâs a ton of shit, but. Fuck. Guess weâll have to wait.â
Right now, deal with the studio prep and get through the session that will probably take awhile. After that, meet up with your brother and hope to god he doesnât know. âK.â
âJust lemme know when you get back.â
Then, when all of that is done, Yoongi will be alone. Staring into the night and trying his hardest not to give up on himself again. âYeah, I will.âÂ
âNo running.â
âK.â
When the call ends, Yoongi lets out the harshest breath heâs ever let out in his life. Hoping you went right to sleep without dealing with any of that.Â
âHow did that sound?âÂ
Looking into the recording room, Yoongi raises a thumbs up as Hoseok clicks back to the beginning of the track. At their side, Namjoon hits a button on the console before speaking into a microphone, âYâall wanna come hear it?âÂ
âWe can move on. Wanna get the doubling done.âÂ
Huh? Theyâre gonna move onto vocal doubling already? With a few blinks, Yoongi think itâd be better if theyâ
âOkay!â Jungkook agrees from the couch, cutting out any other thoughts. âIf any of you need adjustments, let us know.âÂ
âYeah, actually, can one of you come switch this out?âÂ
Joon throws a suggestion over his shoulder, but Yoongi is already heading for the booth before his name is even mentioned.Â
Get everything done smooth. Stay disciplined. Be professional, goddamn it.
Entering the soundproofed room will always make him want to occupy the mic instead. That feeling hasnât gone away, and there have been countless nights where heâs spent time just sitting in this very space, visualizing what it would be like to work on this side of the glass someday. Deep down, Yoongi knows he could be somebody. But imposter syndrome runs deep.Â
Avoiding cables strewn about the room, he offers his hands without a word, taking a guitar from the lead singer and making his leaveâ
âHey.â He turns. âYouâre good.âÂ
What? Where the hell did that come from? Did he even hear this guy right or was he just daydreaming again? Yoongiâs so thrown he can only stare with question marks for eyes.Â
Amused, the singer simply points to the side of his beaming countenance. âYou have an ear.âÂ
Huh. How the hell can this dude tell? All Yoongiâs done is indicate if a recording take was good or not, and given a few minuscule suggestions to the keyboardist and guitaristâinstruments heâs well-versed in.Â
Yet again, heâs so in his head that the man outright laughs, âRelax! You can talk to us like normal, you know. None of us care about etiquette shit.âÂ
âShit, my bad,â Yoongi finally responds, instrument in his hands proving a little lighter. âThanks.âÂ
âOf course.â Swishing long bangs to the side, the performer rests a hand on his hip. âWeâre open to anything. Weâd just tell you if your opinion sucks.âÂ
Eyes creasing with his lips, Yoongi puffs out a laugh.Â
âKidding. Only a little.â
Even though these people are world-renowned, theyâre the first humble group to run through the studio. Everyone else has been either cocky, standoffish, or super opinionated, which made for unproductive hours.
Yoongi likes this change of pace. His shoulders start to feel composed, less scrunched than they had been since you left his place this morning. Comforted, he looks down at the guitar in his fingers.
Choosing not to say what he wants to.Â
Should he? Nah. These guys know what theyâre doing. Despite the nice offer to speak up, itâs not his place. Far from it.Â
âŠBut what would you tell him to do? What would you be proud of?
Committed to his answer, Yoongi grips the neck and decides without another thought,Â
âDo the chorus again.âÂ
The whole studio stills. But all heâs looking at is the man in front of him, shaking his head when they ask, âSame way?âÂ
âUhm. No.â As he hands the guitar back, Yoongi wordlessly checks if he can see the sheet music. When given the go-ahead, he scans the lines before pointing out a passage to note,Â
âMm. Here. Vocals are fine as is, but. Ride the build-up quicker and hit the next chord after a bit longer.â When he stops, he has to fight to ignore the eyes on him. Thereâs no doubt that his extended time in the recording room is being questioned, and his hand movements probably make him look stupid. âItâll keep in time but hit harder.âÂ
Done. He said it.Â
And the response that follows puts complete silence to shame.Â
Instantly self-conscious, Yoongi swears he can hear Hobiâs pants shift in the control room through two closed doors shit he took it too far. Fuck, if these guys walk out now the studio is done for and heâll be the only reason whyâ
âWell, goddamn. Letâs try that then.âÂ
Huh. Theyâre gonna take that?Â
As he steps away, Yoongi feels slightly awkward doused in attention. Yeah, expressions seem like looks of approval, but they could just be polite.Â
The man hums the chorus with Yoongiâs notes in mind, and his eyebrows tick a bit before he addresses the others in the room, âYou heard him?â
âMmhmm.â
âYeah, we can try that.â
âWhy didnât you think of that, Woosung?â
Yoongi canât keep his amusement under wraps as the singer laughs, addressing his keyboardist with a grin, âDamn, not even Sammy? Straight to Woosung, huh.â
âSammy wouldâve thought of it.â
Another bout of mirth spreads joy around the recording booth, and Yoongi shares a look with the singer before they both nod.Â
âLetâs see how it sounds.âÂ
âK.â
Proud and adrenaline-filled, he turns to walk back to the door, head so buzzed he doesnât know what to do. But when Yoongi canât see into the control room anymore, he misses a stare through the glass.
A stare that lingers on him just a little too long.Â
The rest of the session goes smooth, and Yoongiâs relieved that they havenât asked him for anything else.Â
After all. He doesnât wanna push it, or step on Jungkookâs toes. What happened in the recording room only went down because you would have scolded him for not seizing that moment. And the suggestion he gave was lauded after the next take.
It was the first time since you kissed him goodbye that he felt a healthy pulse in his chest. Despite the chaos of the morning, amid the thoughts and worries penetrating his brain, you reached out and kept him steady in just the right moment.Â
Fuck being his good luck charm. You give guardian angels shame and you donât even know it.Â
âOkay, weâll take ten after this.â
Jungkook holds up an arm while agreeing, âOkay! Weâll save what we got!âÂ
Yoongiâs scanning the tracks when he feels hovering over his shoulder, and he already knows itâs the kid without looking. âSup.â
âNothing.â
âYou sure.â
At this, Jungkook pauses before he sighs. âYeah, itâs nothing,â he clearly lies.Â
But Yoongi will let him figure out whether to run with that or not. He seems a little bothered about something, and it very well could be what happened in the booth. This is work, and theyâre both adults. If he wants to talk about something, Yoongi will gladly have that conversation.Â
Suddenly, a vibration erupts in his hoodie pocket, and his phone is fished out without him even thinking.Â
Hustler: Incoming Câ
Shit. You wouldnât call him at work unless itâs urgent. Which is quickly throwing any possible theories about your brother not knowing out the window.Â
But fuck, he canât answer yet. Thereâs no way. Not only is he in very close range to someone you donât wanna speak to right now, but heâd get blasted for being on his phone during a session. Hoping you can wait just two more minutes, Yoongi turns the buzzing off within his hoodie pocket, anxiously waiting for the take to start.Â
Hoping to everything that Jungkook didnât happen to see what was on his screen.Â
As soon as everyone looks pleasedâthree takes and thirty minutes laterâYoongi quickly excuses himself from the control room. His head practically overheats on the way out back, but the gust of morning breeze serves to soothe it some.Â
Itâs been chilly lately. A bit grey. But whatever the weather has been outside, itâs no match for the atmosphere of his brain.Â
Pulling his hood over hair he hasnât cut in months, Yoongi looks around before ringing you up. Hoping that youâre good and didnât have to go through a version of his panic earlier.Â
Hustler: Outgoing CallÂ
Straight to voicemail? Shit.
Hustler: Outgoing Call
Fuck, still voicemail. Are you okay? On the phone with someone else? Did your brother actually end up finding out and things are worse than he thought? Clutching his phone, Yoongi glances up while giving it slight shakes, body on alert while deciding what the hell to do now.Â
Maybe he can at least text you to ask what the hell happened this morning? Typing. Erasing. Retyping. Retrying.Â
Yoongi [9:02]: Got a session today, doll.Â
Thatâs what he had to say? That wonât do you any good, the fuck? Berating himself with a sigh, he takes a few steps while texting a follow-up.Â
Yoongi [9:03]: Still going, but are you good?
Staring, it takes him a few seconds to decide if this is enough. If these two messages are gonna suffice to help him figure out what the hell heâs getting into later.Â
Itâs not. Thereâs too much he needs to know.Â
Hustler: Outgoing CallÂ
When it doesnât ring a third time, Yoongi gives up, cursing before turning and raking his hood off in distress.
Only to see Woosung materializing out of nowhereârelaxed, silent, and taking a drag.Â
Shit. How much of that did he witness?
âBeen there,â the man empathizes, blowing out smoke into crisp morning. After a swell of early traffic fills the alleyway, he continues, âIn trouble?â
Great. With a sound of dejection, Yoongi answers to a stack of random boxes, âMight be.âÂ
âDonât wanna commit anymore?âÂ
âI do,â Yoongi blurts without hesitation, looking right into eyes that have seen plenty more than he has.Â
And itâs the first time heâs admitted anything out loud. To a stranger miles above him in status, no less. Hands stuffed in his pockets, he clarifies, âItâs just⊠Thereâs something I need to do first.âÂ
Wait a sec. Why the fuck is he talking about this so freely? This isnât something he does. Privacy is practically his brand. So why is it easy to talk to this guy? Itâs him, for fuckâs sake. But whatâs done is done. Woosung probably wonât even remember this conversation even happened, or is already annoyed as hell he didnât get a good read on him.Â
To Yoongiâs surprise, his alley companion speaks again after another white wisp. âMmm⊠Something you need to do?â
Well. Yoongi walked right into this one. Swallowing and knowing he canât dip out, he sighs, âSome shit I wanna finish.â The smell of tobacco wafts around him when he looks at dulled skies. âShit I need to get through.âÂ
An amused hum floats through empty space. âBeen there, too.âÂ
Yoongi slowly turns to regard his client, watching as Woosung becomes very interested in wet concrete.
What kind of shit has this guy seen? Surely, he could have had some of the same experiences. The slight droop in his confident shoulders tells enough. But would he understand the exact same situation?Â
No. At least, Yoongi hopes not. Quite fucking frankly, he hopes no one has had to go through the same shit that he has.Â
âLet me know if you ever need help,â Woosung offers, shocking Yoongi to the point of speechlessness. As he drops his cigarette to squash it out, he runs a hand through wild dark locks. âWeâll be around again.âÂ
Wait. What? Yoongi can only blink. âSerious?â
âYeah.â The man looks down the outside corridor, watching as people start heading to their jobs through a central courtyard. âGot a good feeling about this place.â
What does he mean by that. What can Woosung possibly mean by that what does he mean theyâll be back? To the studio? To the city? Whatâs happening. Yoongi simply lets a pause prevail before offering the only response heâs capable of,
âItâs the food next door, huh.â
That laugh has got to be top five in the world. Not as great as yours, but definitely up there in terms of what makes Yoongi feel like things are alright. Not that heâd ever admit that shit to anyone. Ever.
Mercifully, the conversation moves away from risky topics. Instead, there are talks about a tour one is planning for his bandâs album, mixed in with mentions of equipment the other is saving up for. Then the rest isnât about music at all.
Finally, itâs time for them to continue recording, so they know to head back inside. âDonât wait,â Woosung advises as he turns on his heel.Â
And Yoongi can only stare somewhere else.Â
âIf thereâs something you need to get through...âÂ
Stare, and stare, and stare some more.
âHit it until it breaks.â
Because heâs already aware. More than anyone.
As Woosung shuts the back door, Yoongiâs gaze finds the crushed cigarette at his side. Another reminder of how things were.
And a reminder that heâs still a fucking coward.
Hours later, Yoongiâs car awaits him in the lot.Â
And when he realizes that you still havenât responded, he shuts his door just a little too hard.Â
Whenever his friend comes over for drinks, itâs always the same routine.Â
Both of them donât talk much, instead opting for a quiet greeting before someone dumps themselves on the couch while the other grabs a bottle and cups in the kitchen. As soon as glasses are filled, conversation sparks as a game plays out on tvâor a sportscasting show if nothing interesting is airing.Â
But this time? None of it happens that way. Because when Yoongi opens his door, heâs pinned with a shadowed visage he's only seen piercing through others.Â
And the whole arctic starts to seep into his bloodstream.
Raising a brow and giving space is his chosen course of action. Best to not disturb a beast if theyâre already ready to lunge.
And his friend eyes him as he stalks into the house, scanning around in search of somethingâliving room, dining table, even looking into the open doorway of the bedroom.Â
Fuck. Relax. Donât assume anything until things are on the table. Yoongi has got to pretend like tonight is normal and fine and that heâs obviously and positively not seeing and sleeping with his friendâs little sister.Â
And that he most definitely didnât eat you out where your brother is sitting now motherfucker he needs a drink. Or a smoke. Or both with a plane ticket out of the whole country.Â
At least the television is already on. If it wasnât for that ambiance, Yoongiâs head would be jam packed with every goddamn sound known to man. Including the adorable way you talk in your sleep, and how you strain so beautifully when you come fuck, fuck, fuck! Focus.Â
Whatâs happened has happened. And whatâs going to happen will happen. Whether itâs a consequence of his actions, or nothing to do with any of this at all.Â
But when faced with everything smushing together at once? Yoongi will probably need to be revived no matter what the outcome. This is the most stressed out heâs been in years.Â
Not only that, but his stress is more than obvious. Even now in the kitchen, heâs scanning through his bottles with a fingerâan action heâs never done while sober since the choices are always predictable. Holy shit, he needs to pull it together.Â
Has he ever been this panicked? Does he appear just as chaotic and disjointed as he feels? This is too new. This is very new and if he doesnât regain control thereâs no telling where this foreign road leads.
But the silence still remains as he turns. And apparently the road hits a dead end at his dining table. Since itâs occupied rather than the living room sofa.Â
Sighing, Yoongi ambles to his friend, placing everything down with clinks and ignoring the way his furniture is getting burned through. Both whiskyâs are ready. Yoongiâs already holding his. And your brother still hasnât moved a muscle. Honestly, what the fuck is going on withâ
âI went to Jiminâs last night.â
âŠWhat.Â
Donât react. Heâs staring. Donât fucking react. Take a drink. A sip. Pick up the goddamn glass. Doing so, Yoongi slowly brings the liquid to his lips, not quite following his own instructions as he asks behind a barrier, âHow was it.â
His question is met with a laugh that isnât funny at all. The kind that drags a finger along the chalkboard of your soul. And the next question directed his way pulverizes Yoongiâs denial,
âCare to share whatâs been going on?â
Heâs sick. Beyond sick. The room is closing in and closing in too fucking fast. Shit shit shit. Thereâs no way he saw. No fucking way. He parked down the street he deliberately stopped as far away as possible and you saw your brotherâs car in your driveway. Did he get there after you left? And didnât see you while also not hearing from hiâ
âWhy her, Yoong? Hmm?â
Fuck!Â
Yoongi canât feel the air in his lungs. Because there isnât any. Just a barren wasteland of shriveled futures and cracks in the foundation of every relationship heâs had in his whole life. The millisecond before a crash and only his wheels spinning and spinning and spinningâ
Your brother shoots out of the chair, making the glass in Yoongiâs palm feel infinitely more solid.
âI mean, fuck! After all the shit weâve been through? Youâre gonna go back to her?â
All theâshit, he canât evenâback to? Back to you? What does he mean by back to you? Does he know about the first tiâ
Volcanic, the man interrogating paces beside the dining table. Back and forth, back and forth. A pause. Back and forth.
And Yoongi still feels frozen in time. Is this it? Is this when things come crashing down? Glass suspends in midair all around him; an orchestra trembles beneath his feet, waiting for the moment to rip into his rib cage with swift strokes and a flourish as heâs taken down.Â
âCanât fucking believe you.â
When Yoongi finally chooses to speak, what comes out only feels like a horrible attempt more than anything else, âListen, itâs my fauââ
âWhat, you just decided to fuck that bitch again? Couldnât stay away?â
Oh, fuck that.Â
Wood scrapes into flooring as Yoongi vacates his chair, hard feet planted as he gets into the face of his best friend, his confidant, his day one. Only to speak so low only them two can hear, âHow bout you use your fucking words already and Iâll tell you.â
âYeah? Is that what you want?â They are only a breath apart. But no oneâs going anywhere now. âNeed me to spell it out for that fuckass brain of yoursââ
âSay itââ
âStop fucking your ex, dude!â
Yoongiâs back connects with the chair behind him, palms flinging back to brace himself through a jolt of pain. And his eyes go so wide they stretch at the edges.
âŠMotherfucker, what?
Your brother is not done in the slightest, but Yoongi can only stare as heâs being berated for something that is one-hundred percent news to him, too.Â
âEveryone was happy when you finally left. All of us. Only for you to go and, what, get back with her?â
Nothing makes sense. This isnât about you? Yoongiâs heart canât even reset to start beating again. Everything is coming as shock after shock and thereâs no way he can keep up at this pace.
His ex? Her? Where the fuck did that come from and why the hell does he of all people think thatâs actually true?
âIf youâre gonna be with her, you can count me out.âÂ
No. Never again. That would never, ever happen again. âThe fuck are you even sayingââ
âIâm not fucking joking, Yoong. If youâre seriously back with her thenââ
âLook, I donât know what the fuck you heard, but Iâm not.â
âSo everything I heard was a lie?â
âHuh?â
âHe told me!â
Heâwho? Who the fuck would say that? And when how what the fuck and why? Yoongi stares, chest heaving with every inhale and exhale. Because he has a choice to make. Either he trudges into this lie and rubs sludge all over his bones, or he denies it like he wants because itâs not fucking true.
What the actual fuck. Itâs already bad enough that someone sent this along the rumor mill. And itâs making him sick thinking about all the implications surrounding it. But itâs even worse that his best friend believes it so easily. Heâs coming at him so quick without even asking if itâs true.Â
The only silver liningâthe singular bright spot in this hellholeâis that he can use it as an out. An out to protect you from wrath and further fury from your older sibling because if you were the rumor? Heâd be laid flat on his floor next to a broken dining set.
âYou gonna say anything or what?âÂ
Truthfully, Yoongi feels queasy knowing what heâs gonna do. But itâs for you. You, you, you. And for that, Yoongi will do anything.Â
Even if it kills him.
âNo, I, ummâŠâÂ
âNo?âÂ
Just hurry up and fucking do it.Â
Resigned, Yoongi lets the memories flood through. Every moment thatâs haunted him from a distance charges forward as he surrenders to the pain of his past. âItâsââ Fuck, he canât even begin to lie, head thundering, thundering, striking his heart in the rain. âI...âÂ
His friend halts. Tense before his shoulders fall back to normal. âYou what.â
What the fuck does Yoongi do? What can he say when his brain is only firing up to beg him to run? Technically, he doesnât have to say anything. He really doesnât. But he can deflect. Itâs what heâs best at, after all. Heâs been doing it to you and he will do it again.
In the most defeated voice he can muster, Yoongi comes up with something that will placate his friend while still prolonging this horrid fib, âYou donât have to worry about that anymore.âÂ
âYou sure?â
Itâs true. More true than anything. âItâs over now.âÂ
A century passes. Then another. Then another. Every piece of furniture waits in silence as the television seeps back into his ears.Â
Then his friend sighs, not looking back as he slumps into the same chair that you always occupy. And Yoongi hopes his sigh of conflicted relief isnât witnessed.Â
Following suit, he rubs his lower back before taking his regular seat again, not giving any shits about waiting to drink.Â
His ex?Â
As his throat warms, Yoongi starts to harden the more memories keep crashing into each other like jagged waves fuck he really hates how she was brought into this he swears as soon as he figures out who said this he is going toâ
âSorry.â Haze shattered, he lifts his gaze. âIâm so fucking stressed and hearing that last night justâŠâ
âItâs done.â Yoongi reaches for the thick bottle, pouring more into his glencairn. Wanting to talk about literally anything else, he diverts the conversation, âBut something else is up with you so say it.â
It works. The man inhales deep, rubbing his face with weary hands. When he rests elbows on wood, he finally talks about other things clouding his mind,
âWork is shit,â he groans downward. âTheyâre having me travel again.âÂ
âDomestic?â
âYeah. But for longer. And I donâtâŠâ Tapering off, he sits back, slowly playing with his glass. As if he doesnât want to mention the next problem.Â
When he finally does, Yoongi wholeheartedly understands the hesitation, âI dunno know whatâs going on with my sister.â
Oh. Fuck, how the hell does he respond? Keeping his cool, Yoongi just repeats the question, taking out his phone and pretending to check his screen. âYour sister?â
âYeah.â A sigh is sandwiched between explanations. âThe past few months, I feel like.. They havenât really been themselves.âÂ
A sudden crack splits him through.
âNot laughing. Not eating as much. Like even when they sound happy, I can tell itâs a front.. I donât know.âÂ
The clunk of his phone hits the table very hard.Â
No. No, no, no. Your texts have been so positive. So encouraging. Other than a few sad calls, youâve been happy to hear from him just as he had been relieved to hear from you. Even in the car, you mustâve put your feelings lightly.Â
Your wings. Youâve been enduring all that? For him? Yoongiâs heart rears its head, snagging one of his breaths and slamming both lungs into the floor.
And hatred paints his heart another shade darker.
âThey finally went out last night, but. Didnât come back until this morning.ïżœïżœïżœ Running rigid hands through his head, the man looks so pained. So helpless. âSame clothes, dude.âÂ
And Yoongi can only stare, feigning nonchalance but raging and tearing himself apart inside. âMm.â
âI just⊠I know I suck at this, but. I donât know what the hell to do. Or if I even do anything.â Your brother finally takes a swig, wincing at how much ethanol coats his tongue.Â
Relax, relax, relax. As much as he wants to erupt on himself right now, Yoongi has to stay calm.
Not like he doesnât know how. Thatâs usually how he operates, anyway. Itâs hard to tell heâs struggling unless you look deep enough. And almost no one thinks to do so because his surface is all they want.Â
But right now? He doesnât think he can sequester this anger any longer. At him, his past, and his stupid present decisions.Â
âLike I tried to say something but I just.. I felt like if I push too hard, theyâre gonna shut down even more. Ever since that fight with Kook, itâs like..âÂ
Seeing an opening and keeping a neutral stance, Yoongi asks the most ironic question to date, âAre they seeing someone?â
At this, his friend shakes his head, eyes glued to dark amber liquid. When he answers, all the breaths in the world cut at once,Â
âI think she feels all alone.âÂ
This hit is the strongest. Straight to the gut, breath stuttering and muscles clenching so hard they lock. Itâs almost severe enough to affect how Yoongi feels around his eyes.Â
âAnd it sucks not knowing what to do.â
Yoongiâs heart lurches, deflating and slipping out of the crack in his chest. Piercing on the jagged edges before slumping down onto a table that continues to judge him. Â
Youâre hurting. Your brotherâs hurting. And itâs all his goddamn fault. Why canât he just break free and admit shit? Why is he still haunted by the phantoms of his past? Why is he still so fucking weak? Itâs clear that he hurt you. For months. Youâve been cheering for him that whole time while youâve been visibly broken and itâs all because of his dumbass decision toâ
âIâm heading out again.â
Yoongi raises his eyes. Because he canât seem to move anything else. âWhen.â
Your older sibling takes a slower, more measured sip. Looking towards the channel playing in the living room, he answers, âAfter our game. Dinner Friday, game on Saturday, fly out Sunday.âÂ
âMm. Weâll still be here,â Yoongi assures, keeping things as normal and neutral as he can. âJust like last time.â
How ironic. How hypocritical. He hasnât been there for you in the slightest so how the fuck can he say that with a straight face.Â
âThanks. I know itâs a lot for yâall but..â
Not at all. Yoongi is more determined than ever to make everything up to you. Itâs the least he can do after putting you through something he decided on the fly.Â
On the run.
âDonât worry about that,â he vows into his drink. Honestly, if youâve been having second thoughts about this whole thing, he doesnât blame you. Absolutely doesnât blame you if you realize youâre better than this. But Yoongiâs at least gonna apologize in every single way he can. As soon as he possibly can. âWe got it.âÂ
âK.â The man finishes his glass and goes to pour more. âDid I ever mention that she liked you?â
Now whatâ Coughing on whisky is a bitch and a half. Hitting his chest while both eyes squint from burn, Yoongi croaks out his exact thoughts, âWhat.â
At this, his friend finally breaks into his regular smile. Setting the bottle down with a hollow clunk, he points, âDonât you fucking get any ideas. Jiminâs already on my shit list.â He scoffs out a laugh. âBut it was obvious when we were younger.â
And Yoongi can only cough some more. He shakes his head through the sting, swallowing and trying to compose himself. He doesnât know where the hell that came from, but he hopes your brother will understand when all is said and done. Even though heâs been the reason youâve been soâŠ
Yoongi almost fucking confesses.
âYouâre a good person,â he blurts instead. Whether the guilt or last cough pushed it out, thatâs still on the table. âYou donât suck at what you think you do.â
âYou think so?â
âWhy wouldnât I?âÂ
The hell? Does this dude really not see how successful he is? How much heâs overcome and conquered and sacrificed? Truthfully, Yoongi wouldnât be where he is today if not for your brother. Him. Jimin. You. Anybody. Which is what makes this ongoing betrayalâŠÂ
Unprecedented. Â
âYouâre the best out of all of us.âÂ
Your brother finally looks at him, though Yoongi isnât doing the same. But he can still tell when a fist is held out for him to bump, so he does.
And they both share a drink in respectful silence.Â
After a moment of them watching the tv, the man finally sighs. âGuess we did shape up pretty nice.â When heâs agreed with, he keeps going with a grin. âWe were so fucking bad.â
Yoongi can only chuckle, much better memories fighting off the terrors. âOld me was a little shit.â
âYou still are.â
âSays you!â
âI still am, too!â
Laughs precede big swigs of whisky and comfortable quiet. Bit by bit, shoulders start to relax with the surrounding air, and Yoongi lazily releases tension in his neck.Â
After a few more pours, your brother decides to call it, using the bathroom before announcing that heâs gonna head out. Yoongi gets up from his chair to clasp hands goodbye, not expecting to hear one more plea,
âBreak up with her, Yoong.âÂ
Shit. He sighs, and their conversation continues from the dining table to the front door. âItâs not like that.âÂ
âYeah?âÂ
âItâs over now.âÂ
âFor good?â As they stop beside the coat closet, your brother pins him with a look. âI was about to drive over and break down the door.â
Even though Yoongi shares a tsk with him, he canât help but imagine what couldâve happened if that was the case. And it sends an unwanted jolt of chills.Â
âSerious. Iâm gonna keep saying this, but. she was just making you miserable, dude.â He slips on his shoes, smacking his foot on the ground to push one in place. âIâm sure it was good at first, but I mean⊠You gotta move on. You deserve better than that.âÂ
Anything would be better than that. Yoongi just disagrees with the whole deserving part. âI guess.âÂ
âYou sure itâs over?â
âYeah,â he assures, because that is something he intends to keep true forever. âIt is.âÂ
âGood.â Keys jingling, your sibling then points into the open area with his whole arm, seven words leaving his mouth like ice,Â
âThen get rid of that fucking guitar.âÂ
Ah. Among all the things. Of course he would bring that up, too. Jaw working, Yoongi looks away, now assaulted by all the torturous thoughts surrounding that painful reminder and fighting them off with no success.Â
Get rid of it? Heâs been trying.Â
For three. Fucking. Months.Â
âI might.âÂ
ââŠK.âÂ
And his best friend departs, leaving Yoongi inside and staring at the same black spot heâs kept in the corner for years. It has mocked him as he struggles. Laughed at him whenever heâs tried to throw it out. And aside from the times heâs made you feel better stinging himself on those strings, he has accomplished nothing except letting it win.
Pissed off and doused in guilt, Yoongi yanks himself away from the door, the instrument, and everything else except for his bed.
Keeping his shadow exactly where it stands.Â
Yoongi knows he needs to talk to you.
But his phone exists somewhere on the other side of his bedroom door.
And he doesnât have the strength to go get it.Â
What time is it?Â
All that greets him is darkness.Â
Nothing new, but darkness all the same.Â
Why was she mentioned? What does that mean?Â
He needs to call you. Heâs lying to his best friend.Â
Her? You. His sheets still smell like you.Â
Inhale. Breathe. Inhale.Â
He needs to call you. But heâs so, so tired.Â
And the darkness pulls him back under.Â
Without even telling him the time.Â
Buzzing.Â
Faint, gentle buzzing softly lifts Yoongiâs eyelids before a loud series of smacks causes him to rush out of bed what the fuck?Â
Oh. His phone fell outside. Fucking hell, his heartâs beating way too quick for that to be the only thing that happened.Â
Head in his hands, Yoongi sighs deep before making his way to the dining table. And it takes all of his strength to bend down to reach for his phone.Â
Hustler: Missed Calls (6)
Dumbass: 1 Message
Hustler: 3 MessagesÂ
Chim: 7 Messages  Â
Chim: Missed Calls (3)Â
Holy fuck.Â
With only the light of his phone illuminating the dark, Yoongi rings Jimin up. His heartâs a little disappointed it wasnât you calling just now, but itâs probably best to stay away while his brain is so scattered and torn.Â
âOh, fuck. There you are.âÂ
âMm.âÂ
âDonât scare me like that, bro. I was starting to get ready to drive overââÂ
âItâs fine,â he juts in. âWhatâs up.âÂ
Alright, maybe he shouldnât be an asshole. Thereâs no reason to let his lingering shadow from earlier control his temper now. Jiminâs just being himself, for fuckâs sake.Â
âI, umm. I wanted to tell you Iâm sorry.âÂ
Now thatâs not what Yoongi expected at all. âFor what?âÂ
Thereâs another pause on the line, and his reaction is immediate when he knows for a fact Jimin is fighting back tears.Â
âI⊠I got so drunk last night, IâAnd Iââ
Shit. A sinking feeling starts to weigh Yoongi down, his center pulling the rest of him in like a black hole. And he doesnât need to hear the rest of this to know what this call is about.Â
âHe was looking for her, Yoong, and you werenât there, either. He had this look, IâI couldnât think of anything else to say in the moment and I told himââ
Jimin canât even finish his confession. And it hits right in the gut.Â
Despite his perceived persona, Yoongi doesnât like hearing people cry. At least, if they donât deserve to or donât deserve to be sadâor if theyâre you. He could care less about the rest.
But Jimin is one of the only people that can get him like this: eyes stinging at their edges and his chest concave. In the dark, though, no one can tell. No one can see him.
So he can openly swipe at his eyes before dumping tired limbs into a chair, catching his forehead in a damp palm.Â
âIâm an idiot. Iâm sorry.âÂ
Exhaling through his nose, Yoongi tries his best to calm his emotions. Because they are still raging and itâs going to take all of him to quell this tempest.Â
Jimin knows more than anyone what this means to him. To you. The time you spent apart? If it wasnât for his friend, Yoongi may have been in a much different position. If this was the only thing Park could do, then his effort has to be acknowledged. It worked like a fucking charm.
But goddamn, Yoongi wishes Jimin thought of literally anything else. He couldâve made up some random, some fling from another city, the damn studio itself.Â
âDonât worry about it,â he finally rasps out. âItâs just been a fuckinâ day.âÂ
Jimin sniffles before cursing at himself and, judging by the sounds on the line, Yoongi figures heâs opening his fridge. If he reaches for soju, that would not be surprising in the least, and now that sounds like a good idea.
âSame. Gah, I just⊠I shouldâve warned you. I didnât know he went over there.âÂ
âHe told you?âÂ
âI called him after you didnât answer earlier.âÂ
âOh. Yeah, I passed out after he left.âÂ
âAh.âÂ
Something shuts before thereâs a crisp clink on the line, validating exactly what Yoongi was thinking.Â
âI really am sorry. What did you end up saying?âÂ
âThat itâs done.âÂ
A hum.Â
âThatâs very true.âÂ
Thereâs a question that Yoongi thinks to ask. Context that he needs. But as important as this information is, Yoongi doesnât feel like talking about it right now. Or ever. But now still counts. So he switches the conversation over to something less daunting, âPractice still on tomorrow?âÂ
When Jimin laughs out of surprise, it gives Yoongi the smallest kick of energy.
âAh, someone actually ready to go for once?âÂ
âYeah. The plan is to make this game quick.âÂ
A hearty swallow spills out of the speaker before a hum follows,Â
âMm, that reminds me. Got something that might help with that.âÂ
What the hell does that even mean? âHuh?âÂ
âIâll bring it over tomorrow. You might find some good uses for it.â
Yoongi rubs the grogginess still clinging to his face. âAll these years and youâve never given me a straight answer.âÂ
âWhereâs the fun in that?âÂ
âKnowing the answer.âÂ
At least Jiminâs back in a good mood. Or a better state than puffy-eyed and regretful. He doesnât have to share the pain in this, too. It was an honest mistake.Â
âYouïżœïżœll know it when you see it.âÂ
âAnnoying.â
âLove you, too!âÂ
Yoongiâs huff billows through his nose, and Jiminâs energy almost brings enough strength for him to clear the table.Â
Ehh. Heâll leave it alone. Heâs been pretty good at that lately, too, no matter how early or late it is in the night. What time even is it? Checking his phone, Yoongiâs brows crease when he figures that out. Why the hell are they even on a call right now? âWait, is it really three?âÂ
âHuh? Yeah. Iâm telling you, dude, I was getting worried.âÂ
He was really about to drive over? âSorry. I really did just pass out.âÂ
âMm. Well, Iâm gonna go do that now.âÂ
âK. Same time tomorrow?âÂ
âAh, a little earlier. Just so I can give this to you before everyone else shows.âÂ
That just makes Yoongi infinitely more curious. âSeriously, what did you get?âÂ
âRelax! You will like it.âÂ
âChim, I swearââ
âYouâll thank me later bye!â
As soon as Jimin disappears from the line, Yoongi is left alone again.
Exactly where he always ends up.Â
Exactly where he doesnât want to be.Â
But now that heâs done dealing with those notifications, Yoongi roams lidded eyes over his screen again.Â
Wait. You called him six times? Fuck. What did you text? Were you wondering where he was, too?Â
Hustler [20:01]: HOLY FUCK!! my phone died after i tried calling you this morning and i just fully woke up to charge itđ heâs not home so call whenever Â
Yoongi clutches his phone a little tighter.Â
He very much wouldâve rather been in your bed with you all day.Â
That sounds like fucking bliss.Â
Hustler [23:37]: tried calling but heâs home now. are you ok?? idk whatâs going on with him but i think we need to be careful
Shit, Yoongi didnât get to tell you. Youâve probably been worried about that every second youâve been awake today.Â
And he couldnât even make it out of his goddamn room to help.Â
All he comes with is worries for you. What kind of shit is this? What is he even doing? He even outright told you that you were dating only for that to be ripped from your hands for months. Why are you still giving someone like him a chance?Â
Hustler [23:40]: but all i wanna do is see you
Fucking hell.
Nothing in the world can stop his heartbeat quite like you can. With that smile, or those eyes, or the simple shit like this. Not even lightning can strike him the same way.Â
Despite the consistency Yoongi has with admitting his own shortcomings, and despite the way he keeps reminding himself he doesnât deserve youâŠ
All he wants to do is see you, too.Â
Youâve been more than he ever wouldâve imaginedâyour consideration, your intellect, your mind. And there have been times when youâd look at him as if he was the center of your galaxy.Â
After all this time. All these days and nights.Â
You still donât realize that he was destined to orbit you. Â
Itâs been decided long before his mind was made upâat least, the part of him that doesnât traverse the dark side. His heart had been tugging him to you ever since that rainy day, no matter where heâs drifted or which direction heâs gone in. All of them lead back into your arms.Â
But just like the feeling he gets walking into the recording booth, imposter syndrome eats him alive and doubt scavenges on whatâs left.Â
He will never be good enough for you. One of these days, you will realize that you donât have to settle for him. Itâs good now, but youâll only give him so many chances, which he is swiftly running through at breakneck speeds.Â
How fucking stupid. Having these thoughts while wanting nothing more than to hear your voice.Â
Just like everyone else, youâll eventually be done passing through. His winter will return after your inevitable departure, all the warmth you give focused on something else that deserves it more.Â
Something that isnât broken.Â
Yoongi whips his head up at the sound of buzzing, noticing thin lines of light beneath his phone on the table.Â
What. No way.Â
From the rapid beats inside his chest, he shoots his hopes right into the dark.Â
And they burst into beautiful sparks when he reads his screen.Â
Hustler: Incoming CallÂ
But just like the streaks of color he witnessed with you on that balcony, his brightness is short lived. Because as soon as Yoongi answers, the way your throat constricts scorches his windpipe through.
And the first thing you attempt to get through makes his eyes shut tight.Â
âAre we⊠is this over?âÂ
Fuck.
âI get it, if we are. If youâif you donât wanna do this with me anymore.âÂ
Fuck. Fuck everything this is not happening right now. âHold up,â Yoongi breathes, body on full alert. âWhatâs going on?âÂ
âI thought⊠When you werenât picking up, Iââ
âBreathe, babe,â Yoongi softens, hating, hating, hating himself all over again. âI passed out before you called. Thatâs it.âÂ
âOh. Shit, I really thoughtââ
âYou would know,â he whooshes, syllables squeezed out by the mountain of regret on his back. After hearing what he put you through? Hearing how you sound now? Thereâs no way he can do that shit again. No more disappearing from the grid because he canât fight himself. âYou would know if I was done.âÂ
Your sniffle sinks the ship with his heart inside.Â
âAre you? With me?âÂ
Yoongi folds, fingers digging through his hair and blocking it in hard chunks. The amount of things he wants to say to you could wrap the whole world before repeating. But he settles with a truth he can say out loud,Â
âNo way in hell, doll.âÂ
Please. Donât cry. Because he can only handle feeling his eyes sting so much in one night. Thereâs only so much he can take before heâs grabbing his keys and speeding overâfriends and brothers be damned.Â
âOkay⊠Iâm just. Itâs been a day.âÂ
Thatâs okay.Â
Because heâs had a day, too.Â
âI donât wanna bother you with it, though, itâs so late.âÂ
Please keep going.Â
Please donât leave him alone.Â
âTalk to me.âÂ
Like a gentle stream, your recapâthough not idealâwashes away the weariness from Yoongiâs eyes. Lifts the weight he bears on his shoulders, even if just a little bit.Â
Youâre so good at that.Â
âWell. Umm. He saw me coming home this morning. And, umm. It was weird. I donât know why but I think we have to be really careful. And ugh, itâ. It sucks because heâs going on a trip soon and I donât wanna stress him out even more but IââÂ
Shit, youâve probably been holding all of this in ever since you got up. You donât know that your brother believes something entirely different. But of course youâd be considerate, even now. Thatâs just who you are.
âI, umm. I feel so fucking bad about it but I donât wanna mess him up right now. Or maybe he knows but just wonât say it? Fuck, sorry, Iâm trying notâtoââ Â
The phone goes mute, and Yoongiâs head suddenly weighs ten times heavier.Â
âHe doesnât know, babe,â he soothes, hating how he canât be there to comfort you with more than his word and waves in the sky.Â
If he was stronger, things could be different by now. Vastly different. Vastly better. You would cry less, he knows that for damn sure. Weak, weak, weak. Thatâs all he fucking is.Â
The only one he seems to be strong for is you. âHe came over earlier.âÂ
âFuck, really?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
You pause, seemingly to roll this information around that beautiful mouth of yours, and Yoongi has the strongest yearning to kiss all your worries right out of it.Â
âWhat did he say?âÂ
Shit. Youâll just have to forgive him later. Because Yoongi chooses not to tell the whole truth. You donât need to bear the same worries as him, anyway. They arenât yours. He will shoulder all of those on his own. Because heâs the reason for them in the first place. âNothing about us.âÂ
âOh, thank fuck.âÂ
Good. Your relief is all that matters. But Yoongi still feels bad for not being able to pick himself up. You couldâve known that a lot sooner if he was stronger. If he was better. âSo donât worry, doll.âÂ
âOkay. What about you? Are you okay?âÂ
Huh? Your questions catch him completely off-guard. Itâs almost comical how his first reaction goes straight to a No. But sticking to his earlier stances, he wonât bother you with any of that. There is a truth that he can admit. One thatâs always true and will continue to be so. âJust wanna see you.âÂ
And this is when his eyes slowly shut. Donât. Donât cry.
âMe, too, baby.âÂ
Hearing that? Chipped and broken from your lips? That is another thing Yoongi canât handle. His heart beats once before it free falls, and he clutches his phone just a little tighter.Â
Fuck everything. Heâs gonna find a way to do this. All of it.
âIâll figure it out.â
âYou will?â
Heâll figure out how to move mountains to make it up to both you and your brother.Â
âJust a little longer.â
He has to.
âOkay.â
Neither of you deserve this. And he doesnât deserve either of you. Truly, the only thing he deserves is to be alone. And judging by the way things are going, itâs only a matter of time before you start resenting this behavior and leave, too.Â
âThank you.â
What? Something in Yoongi flickers, and he lifts his whole head to eye his screen.Â
âFor putting up with me.â
Oh. Of course youâd assume youâre the issue. Seems like you need the same type of assurance that he does. Both of you the same? Who wouldâve thought his bruised soul would sync up with a perfect one like yours.Â
At this, he holds his breath before chuckling soft. âThis has been the highlight of my day, doll,â he admits, finally breaking into a tiny smile and sitting back.
âReally?â
Wait. There was another good part of his day. But he wants to save that for when he can tell you in person. âOne of them. But youâll hear about the other one later.â
âBoo.â
Cute. Wait, isnât it absurdly late? You have to be up for work in mere hours. Itâs a miracle you reached out when you did. âDonât you have to be up soon?â
âA ha⊠Yeah.âÂ
âWhat are you still talking to me for?âÂ
âI miss you.âÂ
Well. Thatâs not something that he expected. And your admittance being so immediate actually sends shivers down his arms.Â
Yoongi can only laugh to himself. He knew he had it bad, but this feeling is something else. âDonât do that.âÂ
âDonât do what? Miss you? Yeah, right.â Â
God. Youâre getting too fucking good at this. Heâs gotta fight back or else his throne will be taken before he even sees you again. âJust a bad night to say it, doll.âÂ
âWhy?âÂ
Perfect. âCus Iâm willing to get in the car.âÂ
âFuck.âÂ
Yoongi happily lets his mouth slant when you groan, chuckling into the receiver and getting up to clear the table. When he flicks on the kitchen light, he doubles down, âWanna try again?âÂ
He knows youâre gonna say no. Even though your brother doesnât know, itâs definitely not a proper time to sneak you outâas much as he fucking wants to. Fuck, to be the one sneaking you out of your house⊠Maybe thereâs another version of you both out there thatâs done it. A version of him watching a version of you creeping out to his car, face shining in nightfall and etching a permanent smile into his heart.
âI hate you.âÂ
Yoongi shouldâve expected that. The sudden laugh that flings out into his liquor cabinet ricochets off multiple bottles, and he shuts it while sporting a wide grin. âThatâs better.âÂ
âHa ha.âÂ
Youâre smiling, too. Cute ass. Just the fact that he knows makes him excited for the future, and heâs determined to make it count. Make it worth it. You deserve every goddamn apology he can give. âI miss you, too, babe,â he whispers, grabbing the glasses from the table to wash in his sink.Â
âNu uh! You hate me, too.âÂ
Wait. Did youâŠ
Did you just pout?Â
Hell no, thatâs outright cheating. Thatâs when Yoongi will never be able to win. Putting the phone down, he promptly states his new plan into a basin, âNah, Iâm going to sleep.âÂ
âWait, huh? Why!âÂ
âNothing.âÂ
âI swear to godââÂ
âNothing at all,â Yoongi lies, voice straight as he can muster while hot water runs over his hands. Itâs a good kind of sting as his chilled skin adjusts, and he cleans one glass before he hears you ask in his ear,Â
âGetting ready for bed? Or are you in the kitchen?âÂ
The smallest smile graces his face. âGuess.âÂ
âKitchen.âÂ
The hell? âHowâd you know?âÂ
âYouâre always in there.âÂ
Canât deny that. The glasses are both set to dry in the dishwasher as Yoongiâs amusement dies down, and his next comment flows out before he can think much of it, âYou like to keep me in here.âÂ
âIt does seem to be where we end up, huh?âÂ
âIt does.â Which is fine by him. Heâll never forget all the times youâve been in here. Your laughter and your storms, he will remember them all.Â
âThe world said let them cook.âÂ
Your giggles will be the fucking end of him one day. Fuck, he canât wait to see you. He may even find a way to see you before the game.Â
But for now, Yoongi will figure out how to talk to you, every day, no matter what. Texts, calls, whatever the fuck. The effort has got to show from now on. No more of this dark headspace shit. He needs to try harder and figure it out faster. For you.Â
âGo to sleep, doll,â he huffs with full cheeks.Â
After another adorable batch of sounds, you rustle on the line before sighing,Â
âYou better sleep, too.â
âI will.âÂ
With a blink, Yoongi notices two things. One, he just cleared his table and cleaned up without even thinking. And two, despite feeling like absolute shit the entire day and dreading the coming of night, falling asleep wonât be an issue.Â
Because of you. Itâs always you.Â
Maybe thereâs a way out. Maybe he can finally face it all and come out on the other side. âTalk to you tomorrow, babe.â
âIâd like that. And youâre sure he doesnât know?â
Just like that, the demons are knocking again. Closing his eyes, Yoongi murmurs into the receiver, âIâm sure.âÂ
There will come a time when he will tell you. But that will be way in the future, when he is ready. For now, youâll just have to trust that heâs telling the truth. Not the whole truth, but enough for it to calm your nerves.Â
âOkay. Good night, baby.â
One more heartbeat to get him through the night.Â
âNight, doll.â
When the phone cuts, Yoongiâs hand falls, his stare shifting straight to the living room.Â
Right towards the corner that stares back.Â
Itâs been five days.
But it feels like youâve aged twenty-eight years.
Ever since your brother confronted youâafter your much needed reunion with his best friendâyouâve been floating through time. Lost. Confused. Wondering why that conversation went the way it did and gnawing at your sanity bit by bit.Â
And even though Yoongi explicitly told you he didnât say anything concerning your relationship, you still havenât shaken that feeling. No matter where you are, who youâre with, or on a pretty Friday like this one, you feel⊠Strange.Â
When you saw your brother waiting, you for sure thought you were gonna get grilled. It was a given you were gonna break as soon as he started asking deeper and more specific questions. The fallout was gonna happen in your own house right at your door.Â
âŠSo what in the fuck was that?
You shift your legs, the chill of the office failing to comfort you in your manufactured, building distress.Â
Somehow, that version of the conversation proved much, much worse. Because now youâre spiraling trying to figure out why he just took your lie as the truth. Truthfully, you feel nauseous. And as much as you need to get some semblance of closure, you still feel hesitant. Because if heâs just biding time? Heâs not just thinking about what to do with you.Â
Heâs thinking about what to do with Yoongi, too.Â
This is so hard.Â
The only thingâthe only thingâkeeping you grounded. Is Yoongi himself.Â
Ever since the call you never thought heâd answer, youâve been contacted every night. What was once days of radio silence quickly shifted to him reaching out however he could, hours of the day be damned. Just last night, in fact, Yoongi sent you texts at four in the morning, and you beam just thinking about what he said so casually. Â
Yoongi [3:57am]: That keyboard I told you about is fucking dope. Just got it today and it wonât let me sleep lmaooo
Yoongi [3:58am]: I was gonna say sorry for texting but fuck it youâre getting all the updates :)Â
No matter what it is, be it a text, call, or video chat, Yoongi seems fully committed and in the moment. Present. And itâs been⊠Really nice. If you didnât have your brotherâs shadow hovering over your brain, life would be practically perfect.Â
Forcing yourself to actually work, you manage to get some small things done. Even the meeting you attend goes smoothly and you leave any outside worries on the other side of those glass walls.
So when you get back to your desk, an awaiting paper bag makes you pause. And your whole body prepares to weep.
Only one person has ever sent you food while youâre at work. And staring inside the parcel, you wouldâve been able to tell who it was from even if said person had never sent any before.
Thereâs a small note on top of a to-go containerâone that you immediately recognize as that super good restaurant next to Jungkookâs studio.Â
What the hell? How did Yoongi know you wanted some this whole week but didnât wanna risk being so close? With careful fingers, you pluck the tiny paper from the bag, opening it with care before your eyes get so teary eyed you canât even read.
Tonight. Â
This man.
I got the next one.
This wonderful, charming man.Â
But youâre getting what I need so hereâs the list:
Goddamn it, Min Yoongi.Â
Seeing an actual list of food squeezes a laugh through your throat in a squeak, tears rushing out of your ducts before theyâre hastily swiped.Â
After five days. Yoongi really just sent you on a grocery run to surprise you with another meetup.
The gesture is so him that you cannot help but shake your head, ruefully huffing to no one and pocketing the note in your bag. And all your worries scatter even further.Â
A dinner before the big game is risky, for sure, but at this point you couldnât care less. Your brother has his own work outing tonight, anyway, and you are dead set on breaking all of this to him soon.
Even though you are very much unprepared. And he is going to lose his fucking mind if he doesnât know already. Fuck.
Youâve had all five days to think it over. All the possible combinations and possibilities and outcomes. Some of them are extreme, some of them are hopeful. But for a majority of these projections, you have a feeling that none of you are gonna leave it without wounds.Â
And you donât know how youâre gonna save both of them if theirs are cut too deep.Â
Regardless, thatâs in the future. Not now. Right now, you are staying in the present and working like molasses until you can jet out the door, nary a care nor concern weighing on your heels.
Tonight. Heâs gonna cook for you?
Youâll have the first substantial meal youâve had in months.
Even though you want nothing more than to see Yoongi, your nerves are still buzzing and bumping into each other nonstop. Thereâs a lot you still need to know. Like why he was radio silent for months, and why your brother has been a little weird this whole week.Â
Save it for later. Hopefully Yoongi will tell you why eventually. Or that gap will stay elusive to your brain forever.
Sliding into your car, you dump your bag in the passenger seat before pulling out the list, clutching it close and taking a leap that could either calm your nerves or spike them.Â
Yoongi: Outgoing CallÂ
When he picks up, you legitimately donât answer. Because even after all this time, you still canât quite function when you hear that deep voice addressing you directly.Â
âHey.âÂ
All you have to do is say something. Anything. You could rattle off the damn list, stumbling over all the syllables just like theyâre currently smushed together in your fingers.Â
But you donât snap out of this trance until he speaks again.Â
âHello?âÂ
âHi,â you squeak out, clearing your throat while watching other people walk to their cars. âHi, sorry. I just umm.âÂ
You just what? Somehow lost all sense of language just from him saying hi? Get it together. Stop that racket in your stomach and say what you were gonna say. âThank you for the food. Iâm off work now so Iâm heading to the store.âÂ
He simply huffs a quiet laugh.
âGet whatever you want, too. Just let me know how much it is.âÂ
Huh. Did Yoongi just say all those words in that order? If you heard him right, forget the damn food. Youâre close to speeding directly to his place and breaking down the motherfucking door. âOh, I definitely will,â you respond with instead of hauling ass, the words pushing through your lingering smile. âAnd donât worry about that, I got it.âÂ
âYou sure?âÂ
âYeah! I got big girl money now.âÂ
Yoongi laughs again on the line, fuller and closer this time. Are you on speaker?Â
âItâs like that? Maybe I should work there, too.âÂ
âOh, youâd hate it,â you giggle, scheming hard in your head for tonight already. Pretty bubbles in your ribs lift all your spirits. âIâm actually pretty bossy here.â
The groan that seeps through your car should be illegal.Â
âThat is literally what Iâve been wanting to see.âÂ
Itâs your turn to chuckle as you finally make your way out of the parking lot, heading right to the market that you know for a fact has all of what heâs asking for. âIâm only that way at work, though.âÂ
âDo better.âÂ
Your immediate response makes his laugh crunchy in the speakers, and you go along with him because life is good. Life is fucking great right now. âNever mind, youâre paying. And Iâm getting stuff for dessert now, too.âÂ
âWhat? Who said anything about dessert?âÂ
âMe,â you huff out in pride. Since he wants to see that demanding side come out so bad. With a fleeting thought, you think about what it could be like if you end up confident enough toâÂ
âIâm starting to regret this.â
âRegret what?â
âEverything.â
Liar! Your cheeks hurt as you look both ways before making a turn. âCanât fool me. Youâre excited.â
âI am.â
The way there was no hesitation sends shivers up your spine. But itâs partly because you thought youâd be faced with another joke or dig. Not a sudden one-eighty. Stopping at a light, you clear your throat before shyness puffs right out of it. âWell, good,â you state while checking your mirrors. âCus I am, too.âÂ
âThatâs a given, though.â
âExcuse you.â
Yoongi laughs before you hear the sound of cabinets, and you wonder which ones he could be touching.Â
âMm, babe. One more thing.âÂ
Can he stop making your heart beat two times at once? âHmm?â
Thereâs a little bit of pause, followed by the clank of a pan on metal. When you hear another hum, you wonder what he could possiblyâ
âI think weâre out of condoms.âÂ
Who is out of what. If you werenât still at a red, your foot wouldâve slammed on the gas because what the fuck! All you can manage out are sounds without substance, random syllables, gibberish. Nothing is computing in your head.Â
âWait. Or are we?â
Okay, Yoongi needs to stop with that two-letter word before your behavior turns downright criminal. With as much seriousness as you can manage, you accuse, âAre you just fucking with me?â
And his response launches you forward just as the light turns green,Â
âYeah. Thatâs why weâre out ofââ
âAlright!â you cut in, stopping stopping stopping him because for whatever reason, this conversation is too much. Despite seeing this very man naked in many, many ways, just having this talk with him is making you shier than ever before. âGuess Iâll, umm. Get those, too.â
âNah, you donât have to.â
âOh. Found some?â
âNo.â
Wait. If he didnât find some why is he telling you that you donât have toâ âOh,â you peep in realization. A very sudden, jaw dropping realization. âGoddamn it, youâre too distracting now, bye.â
And he finally breaks with laughter thatâs contagious as hell. Which isnât fair when youâre pretending to be upset with him. Even when you canât see Yoongi, you can imagine the way his cheeks rise and his eyes crease. The way the whole room illuminates when heâs packed with happiness.Â
And you want that to be the case forever.Â
âYouâre just lucky Iâm not there with you.âÂ
âYeah, youâd be annoying as hell.âÂ
âDamn!âÂ
As the market comes into view, your teeth shine as you grin, roasting this man quickly becoming one of your favorite pastimes.Â
âTo be fair,â you start to amend, fingers drumming on the wheel as you decide whether or not to say what you want. After deciding that thereâs no wrong answer here, you softly admit, âI really do wanna get groceries with you.âÂ
Thereâs no words that come out in response. Only the slight movements of shuffling and water running and what could be more cabinets closing. But you donât really know for sureâ
âItâs gonna happen, doll.âÂ
You clutch the wheel.
âCus I want that, too.â
One of these days youâre gonna see this damn cat again.Â
Foot connecting with Yoongiâs door, you grunt as multiple bags burden your limbs, pride digging divots along your armsâsecond trips be damned.Â
It doesnât take long for him to let you in anyway, and you swoon at the way he doesnât even ask while taking some of your baggage. But the kiss on your cheek makes your heart bang into everything between the front door and the kitchen. Itâs so distracting that you barely smell the spices greeting you, too.Â
âThanks for getting all this,â Yoongi says as you both cross onto tile. Â
âOf course.â Lifting the much lighter load that you have, you revel in the small thumps and thuds on his counter. Not really knowing why. âLetâs put this up before I yell at you.â
His laugh comes out in hisses while you both start reaching into bags. âFor what!âÂ
âSent me everywhere to find some of this shit.âÂ
âYou couldâve asked somebody.âÂ
Feeling a bit silly and high off his presence already, you repeat his words in a goofy mocking tone, and the way he blows out air sends your belly fluttering.Â
And just like that, things are back to normal again. No worries about your sibling, or work, or anything else looming by the door. Inside is what matters, and the whole apartment fills with jabs and jokes as groceries find their homes.
But Yoongi finds a bag you had separated from the rest, and you snap your mouth shut when he looks inside, something rising in your core when he turns to you with an eyebrow raised. And a smirk so salacious it makes you quiver.Â
âWhat about it,â you squeak out, crumbling when he simply takes the bag and flings it through his bedroom door. âYou said youâwe were out, soâŠâÂ
âThatâs a big box, doll,â he points out on his way to your tightly bitten lip. Mouth slicing through your sanity, he approaches you with a glint in his eyes. âGot something you wanna say?âÂ
âNope,â you whoosh out oh god he looks way too hot in those sweats wait is that a growing bulge? âAlthough I will say it took me forever to pick out whatââ
Sparks ignite your hands when your lips are claimed, launching them into his shirt and tugging him backward because youâve been waiting way too long to kiss the shit out of him.Â
And Yoongi responds in kind, pinning you to his fridge and so, very obvious that heâs been waiting for this, too.Â
Heaven probably wonders how to replicate this feeling. How to imitate this treasured yearning that only he can pull from the depths of your ocean. Deep, deeper, deepest. All these kisses. Your ascending affection.Â
âAs much as I wanna throw you on my bed,â Yoongi jokes, pulling away and giving your cheek a light tap. âIâm taking you somewhere.âÂ
And youâre so thrown from the impact that your brain mini-resets. âHuh? Weâre leaving?â
âUh huh.â
Hold on. Wait. Is this what he meant when he said heâs getting the next one? Youâre going out to eat? Together? No. No, thereâs no way. Yoongi knows thatâs the worst possible thing to do right now, as much as the idea is sending your belly in a frenzy. âAre you sure? What about dinner? Wonât people⊠You know.â
âItâs ready already,â he reveals. âBy the door.âÂ
Your head snaps to where he points out, even though you canât see through the bar. âReally?â No wonder it smells like a cooking aftermath. All those smells twirling around your head. How did you not even catch the dishes in the sink?Â
But hold up, you just bought a shit ton of food! âThen what the hell was the run for?â
Yoongi blinks. Then he does it again. Expression stone still, he responds as if you were privy to his plans this entire time, âI told you to get what I needed.âÂ
Your turn to blink.
âAnd I needed food.â
This man is going to be the death of you. Affronted, your jaw hangs before you grit through a smile that betrays you, âOh, youââÂ
âSo thanks,â he quips through another tilt of his lips. âLetâs go, doll.âÂ
The begrudged sound that leaves you makes him kick his head back on the way out the kitchen.Â
âEat.â
The container on your thighs warms you through. âNow?â
âMm.â
âI can wait,â you assure, watching as night paints the surrounding scenery in navy and black. âWe can eat together.âÂ
âJust a bite then.âÂ
Turning to Yoongi, you donât see a change in his face as he eyes the road. The veins in his arm catch all the streetlight, and you gulp before your gaze falls to what he made. Music fills the car, and you decide that maybe you do feel a little hungry. So you listen to instruction, popping it open and being careful as you pluck a piece to try.Â
Thereâs no denying it. This motherfucker is a chef. âFuck, this is good.âÂ
Your borderline moan sends Yoongiâs shoulders bobbing, and you will never get over those low, gravelly laughs. âSorry.â Your hand hovers over your mouth in embarrassment. âI donât react like that unless Iâm alone.â
âI donât mind.â
âYeah, well,â you swallow. âCourse you donât.â
A tiny peek of teeth show as Yoongi smiles, and you donât expect what he offers next, âJust be you, doll. Itâs just me.â
The next bite of food pauses on the way to your mouth. âOh,â you murmur. âSame for you then.â
âNah.â
âWhy not?â
âCus we wouldnât make it to where weâre going.â
That was legitimately the worst time to put food in your mouth. Sputtering, your words come out low and chortled, âYou fucker.â
His hisses are brief before he dips into silence again. As he slowly turns the wheel, you can see a glimpse of something deep in his eyes. âIâm sorry,â he suddenly apologizes, swallowing as you keep your gaze.Â
What is that look? Werenât you both just having a good time? âFor what, baby?âÂ
âEverything.âÂ
Your lungs flinch. This is definitely not what you expected to hear on the way to wherever the hell youâre going. âOh.âÂ
Yoongi still doesnât look your way, and with each pass of a light over his face, you catch quick snapshots of those eyes youâre still so shy of. âI, umm. I didnât expect shit to pan out this way.âÂ
âItâs okay,â you whisper.Â
After a slow motion of disagreement, his head falls forward just a bit. And your eyes find his hand clutching the gear shift in what you sadly think is frustration. âIâve just thought about some things,â he starts, another song playing. âHow worried you mustâve been.âÂ
You look forward. Because this is the part where you canât face him. âI was. But not for the same reason as last time.â Without a hesitation of your own, your palm reaches between your seats. And you can tell Yoongi watches as you take his hand to hold.Â
âI was worried about you,â you correct with softness. âIt was hard because I didnât know what to do.â Donât fucking cry. You filled quite a few buckets already. âWhen you started not really saying much, I just⊠Hoped it was for a good reason, so. Yeah.âÂ
You feel your hand gently pulled, which is already enough to make you melt. But when itâs kissed, you donât know what the hell to fucking do.Â
âIâm sorry, doll,â Yoongi whispers into your skin, lips brushing with every syllable and painting a canvas of his reconcile. âI wonât leave you hanging like that again.âÂ
Thereâs a tiny fire in the back of your throat, the embers reaching your eyes just a little too aggressively. You attempt to squash the growing flames before they flare. âOh. Umm. Thank you.â What else do you say? Yoongiâs being wonderful, but why do you feel⊠sad? Why is there lingering snow on your windowsill? âWere you worried?âÂ
âMe? Umm.â He stops at a light that he clearly didnât want to stop at. Resting your conjoined hands on his pliant thigh, his jaw works as he observes them.
And you wonder if he thinks they slot together perfectly, too.Â
ââŠYeah.âÂ
Fuck. âAbout what?âÂ
âThat youâd hate me.âÂ
Your heart meshes his fingers with yours. âYoongi.âÂ
âOr that you shouldnât be with someone thatâs gone this much.âÂ
Fuck, heâs doing it again. Regressing. Youâve seen it happen in his kitchen and youâll be damned if all that work, all that peeling, all that resolution amounted to nothing wait, wait, stop. This isnât gonna be an overnight fix. And you have no clue whatâs been happening, so just keep trying, trying, trying.Â
âIâm used to people leaving,â you joke, but not really. âLike seasons.âÂ
He whips his head to you, and you backpedal because that probably sounded so random. Youâve got to think about filtering your thoughts a little more now that youâre getting comfortable. Yoongi says you can be yourself, sure, but you have to admit your quirks are a little out there. âI know itâs weird, but..âÂ
Heâs quiet as the light turns green. And when you donât finish, he admits, âI think the same.âÂ
âYou do?âÂ
Your hand is brushed as a hum peppers it from above. âMmhmm.âÂ
âWell.â Thatâs interesting. You didnât know anyone thought about that stuff like you did. Now you wonder if thereâs anywhere else your wavelengths sync, and if theyâve been syncing up all this time. âAt least you come back.âÂ
Yoongi squeezes your hand tight before he holds it against his lips. Again. Fuck, this is a lot. Youâre so wrapped up in his gesture that you donât catch what he whispers.Â
âHmm?âÂ
He glances at the center console before putting your hand back on his thigh.Â
âAlways, doll.âÂ
And the fire you stepped on rages back with a vengeance. Heat and sting surrounds your eyes, and you donât hide how you press your feelings into his skin. âMe, too.âÂ
If you werenât lost in the surrounding scenery outside, you would have caught Yoongiâs look. But all you feel is his hand clutching you tight, and it breaks you down all the same.Â
The rest of the drive is spent with him telling you to eat more, and a bunch of your sing-alongs to almost every song that comes on. It seems like the tiny bit of closure opened you both up, and you donât even realize that youâve been on the road for a really long time.Â
But finally, Yoongi pulls up to a building, and youâre haphazardly rapping along to a song before you notice. Wait. What? He drove you to a rec center?Â
Your fingers curl around his forearm before you even notice. âWhatâs this?âÂ
âWhere weâre going.â
Hold on, youâre going inside? âAre we even allowed to be here?â
When Yoongi responds, his teeth make you shiver as he smirks. âCanât say for sure, no.â
âThen whyââ
He unlocks before you can finish, and youâre left in an empty car until he rounds the hood, coming over to your side and opening the door. You almost donât hear what he says next, too focused on the jewelry swinging from his neck as he bends forward.Â
But you catch it, and glance once more at the sight in front of you before biting your lipâin nervousness or excitement, you canât decide.
âYou cominâ?â
Damn. Obviously, you want nothing more than to see him here. And itâs much too late for anyone to be around. But if something happens⊠Whatever.Â
Your mouth finally unsticks. âIf we get caught, youâre gonna pay for this.â
And you canât resist his stupid grin. âNow get your pretty ass out before I put you in the back.âÂ
âYoongi!â
Grinning, he leads you out, and you follow him to the trunk. After bouncing his stowed ball a couple times, he decides to lean in and reach for something else.Â
Wait. Is that what you think it is? âDid you always have that in there?â you ask, pointing to the contraption that Yoongiâs using to air up his basketball.
And he does a horrible job at suppressing a smile. Which makes you burst into flutters and beats beats beats. âYou liar!â Oh, you are gonna wipe those laughs from his throat. âI had to change up my plans because of you!â
Palming the ball, Yoongi tilts his head dangerously to one side. âAnd I got to see you,â he proudly claims. âSo Iâll take it.â
You hate how the memories come packaged with whatâs haunted you. What else happened during that time, and what happened after you left. But thereâs no way youâre gonna bring that up. Not when the night has transformed into something so magical.Â
So you just clutch your food and lean on his car, opting to compliment him to wipe the murk away. âGot to see you, too,â you puff into the brisk night. Because you harbor a bit of nostalgia in your bones. And because he still makes you shy. âYou and your stupid hair.â
Another bout of hisses wisp into your side. As you turn to regard Yoongi again, he slips his chains into his hoodie before continuing, and you swoon at the veins popping out of his skin with each pump.Â
How can he look so perfect doing the simplest things? So unfair.Â
After seconds that feel like an hour, Yoongiâs done. And he scans the parking lot before telling you to follow him.Â
What you expect is some outdoor courts. Maybe getting past a gate or two. So when you approach a back door lit by the shine of a single light, you freeze. âAre we really going in?â
Fishing something out of his pocket, Yoongi simply turns over his shoulder. âYeah. Why not?â
âOh.â You didnât think youâd actually get inside the building. If there was an outside court just as accessible it wouldâve made sense. Can you even bring food in here? Is that question even relevant? âNo reason.â
âSo I shouldnât bust in?â
Huh. âWhat?â
âIâve already done it a few times, so.â
âWait!â Nerves throw your hand on his bicep before you can stop. âWhat if someone sees us?â
Heâs so warm. And so toned. And if he plans on taking his hoodie off? Youâre not prepared for whatever the hell he has underneath.Â
Voice softened, Yoongi tries to placate your paranoia, âThey wonât, doll.â
âAre you sure? If we get caught here theyâre gonna call the police and I am definitely not⊠GonnaâŠâ
The object in his hand jangles, and you clearly see he was just joking the whole time because keysâkeysâstare you in the face.Â
What is it with him and keys?Â
When Yoongi speaks, you feel like youâve never done anything bad in your life, and suddenly the thought of trespassing with an official way in is so scandalous,Â
âYou picked the wrong night to be a good girl.â
You have to admit. Seeing him so mischievous and dashing makes you wanna follow him wherever the hell he goes. Even if it gets you in trouble. Even if you were breaking in tonight, you would be all in. And that thought should frighten you, but it only does because of the wings tickling your rib cage.Â
How can he make you feel rebellious and yet still so shy? The power of Min Yoongi. Heâs way too good at destroying you.
When you glare, the man only grins, hisses of laughter leaving him way too happily before he unlocks the door to no alarms or sirens. He doesnât need to throw a wink your way, too, but of course he does as he lets you in. Which causes you to float through the dark entryway instead of walk oh he did not just slap your ass!
A jolt in your cunt causes you to regard him in shock. To which he hums in a feigned question. âHmm?â
With nothing but darkness and his cologne surrounding you, itâs only natural that giddiness takes hold. Truthfully, youâre packed with so much adrenaline that you feel a little wild yourself. âYouâve been waiting to do that, huh.âÂ
âSo fucking long.â
You are not surviving the night. And you donât give a single shit.
But as shy and out of control as you feel around this man, you also feel safeâeven in a faraway, dark building that youâve never been in before. Thatâs gotta say something about him, right?Â
Yoongi feels along the wall beside you for lights, purposefully bumping your chest with his front even though heâs securing a ball with an arm. When you question his joking decision with noises, a chaste kiss on your lips shuts you right up.
âYouâre in the way,â he jokes through what you think is a smile, and youâre about to move when he flicks on a switch very far away from your shoulder.
Liar! Your jaw drop must be comical because Yoongiâs grin stretches astronomically wide. But you cannot find a retort because seeing him so chill while youâre stiff from paranoia has you at a loss.
Is this how he used to be all the time? This carefree, all caution to the wind? Heâs so fucking handsome like this. No wonder heâs pulled so many hearts just like yours.Â
When you still donât find any words to say, Yoongi makes it harder, stepping so close that you have to swing the plastic container away. Taking one of your hands in his free one, he gives it a warm squeeze while murmuring,
âYouâre so cute.â
âHow,â you ask just as softly.
And Yoongi responds with lights in his eyes. âJust are.â
Your lips mesh with his as he keeps your fingers secured, and suddenly every cautious thing in your body gets launched into the skies, too.
But it ends as soon as it begins. And Yoongi backs away from you with a smile,Â
âEat.â
âHuh?â
âEat, doll,â he orders before turning and dribbling onto the court.
When you call out that he hasnât eaten yet, Yoongi tells you that he already did. When you look around to figure out where to even sit, you decide on the closest set of bleachers and make yourself as comfortable as you can.
Which is impossible. Because theyâre bleachers. Which is now triple impossible. Because Yoongi just shucked off his hoodie and the only thing he had under it was his chains goddamn it.
If you werenât already sitting down you wouldâve fallen right into the next dimension. How the fuck are you supposed to eat in these conditions shit heâs walking over!Â
Your throat seizes as Yoongi approaches, face trained as if he isnât aware of his overwhelming presence. All he does is bend to place his sweater next to your legs. But the quick smooch on your lips makes you swoon harder than you ever have.
And the way his silver taps your chest makes you mentally hold on for dear life. Wait. What the fuck, Yoongiâs taking them off right now? Right in front of you? Just as you're supposed to eat oh okay heâs handing them to you great wonderful fantastic.
The metal links feel so warm yet slightly cold to the touch. Weighty, yet light. But you clutch them in your hand as you connect a gaze to his.
âRelax,â he orders, lightly slapping the side of your thigh. âNo need to worry.âÂ
And with bangs swishing, he goes right back to the ball waiting for him. Leaving you starry-eyed to hell with silver in your palm.
âŠDid all of that just happen? Is any of this even real? Quite frankly, you fucking forgot what you were even worried about.Â
No matter what he doesâsimple lay-ups standing in place, dribbling to different spots to shoot, or even lazily jogging after the ballâyouâre so enthralled with his actions that you forget that youâre not supposed to be here.Â
And it takes your last bite of food for something to finally hit you. How does Yoongi have keys to this place? Where the hell did he score those because you donât think he ever mentioned anything about working here. Or anywhere else other than the studio.Â
Yet another mystery to add to this walking, bare-chested enigma.Â
But thereâs another question forming behind your eyes the longer you watch him practice, the more you notice how heâs actually going hard. Yoongiâs really good right now. A lot better than what youâve seen of him before.Â
Has he been coming here more often than heâs let on? And why does he look so⊠serious? Youâd be surprised if he even remembered youâre here.Â
Setting your empty container down, you gather the chains in your hands again, deciding to slip them over your head for safer keeping. After, you grab a water before stepping down the bleachers, hanging a little ways away until Yoongi notices youâre courtside.
And when he sees you, he stops practicing immediately, jogging to you so sweaty and shining and gross and handsome andâ âWait, youâre all sweaââ
Youâre pulled into a kiss the same time you hear a basketball drop, salt on your tongue and damp palms on your cheeks. And you melt right into the shiny wood floor, drifting, drifting, sailing into dreamland even though youâre technically already there.Â
âSweaty,â you whisper into his hot breaths of exertion, a twinge between your legs when he kisses you even deeperâbreathing, inhaling, taking you in. âGross.â
âThanks.âÂ
You flash a smile against Yoongiâs lips, giggling because this is all better than anything your brain couldâve conjured on its own. When you ask why heâs going so hard, all you get is a question in return,
âYouâre perfect, you know that?âÂ
Huh? Blinking, you suddenly donât remember your own train of thought. âWhat did I do?âÂ
âNothing.â He presses a wet mouth to your nose. âDid you eat?â
Laughing, you reassure him, âI did, I did.âÂ
âGood. You bored?â Â
âHuh?â
Yoongi leans to softly take your lips this time, and you want to say heâs approaching the legal limit for kisses tonight. âThought you came over cus you wanna leave.â
âAnd stop seeing you play? I could watch this forever.â You squeeze the water bottle a little tighter. âJust checking on you.â Another strike hits between your legs when Yoongi takes another, lazier glide over your mouth, and you sigh when he tugs you forward by your bottoms, fingers slick from use.Â
You could do this for eternity, too.
âWell I got about five more minutes in me, so..â
This man.Â
âForever might be a stretch.âÂ
âAh, shut up. Here,â you offer through a giggle, holding the water out for him to take.Â
âThanks.â When he does, he tilts his head at just the right angle to cut you through, gulping down liquid and making you do the same to your nothingness.Â
So unfair. âYou looked like you were going pretty hard.âÂ
Lowering the bottle, Yoongi shifts his jaw before taunting something a ways off. âI kinda was.âÂ
âIt was kinda hot.âÂ
His laugh makes you smile, and his next swig makes you weep. âNah, but. This is our practice gym. I can just zone out here, so. Itâs been one of those things.âÂ
Ah. Was this one of the places Yoongi ended up during those months apart? You wish he couldâve brought you along sometimes. Or at least thought about asking. Itâs nice just to be around him while he does something he likes. Gaining courage, you say exactly whatâs on your mind, âYou can always bring me, too. If you want.âÂ
And itâs true. You donât really have to do much when youâre with him, because just being around him is what brightens your day. Lifts your mood.Â
But you have to admit that watching him play basketball while shirtless is the biggest fucking win in history.Â
When did Yoongi get so close? When did his eyes retreat so far away? âI didnât wanna bother you with this,â he admits, a drop of sweat clinging onto his chin. âI donât even put music on.âÂ
âYou never bother me,â you whisper back. Hoping that he believes you and that he will start to accept that as fact. Because it is. âEven if youâre being annoying.âÂ
The bottle crinkles as he smiles, and thereâs a soft kiss to your lips that has no real desire behind it. Just a nice peck that sends you careening down a hill of flowers. âYou wonât be feeling that way tomorrow, babe.âÂ
âAnd why is that?â
âCus of what Iâm wearing.âÂ
And he says that while half-naked? Like any look on him could get any worse. âOh,â you scoff out, fully calling his bluff. âAs if.â
Well, fuck. You donât enjoy the smirk plastered on his face. It has you both dreading and excited for whatever demon youâre gonna run into tomorrow. âDonât say I didnât warn you.â He shrugs as he starts to hand the water back. âWe can go soon, by the way.â
âOkay.â
But before you can grab it, Yoongi pulls the bottle from reach. âUnless,â he teases. âYou wanna play me.â
âWhat.â
His grin shines, face glistening and turning your insides to jelly. âYou told me youâd win, so. Letâs see it.â
You said that? While sober? How does he remember something like that when you canât even recall a time or place youâd tell him something so bold. âWhen!â
âRight after you woke up once. Said youâre a master?â
Oh. That was ages ago. Fuck, you already forgot how did Yoongi remember?Â
âOh. Well.â Your nose turns up in feigned haughtiness. âWouldnât wanna throw you off your game before a championship.âÂ
âUh huh.â
âIâd make you cry what the fuck!âÂ
Water spills down your head in rivulets as you freeze, stunned and watching Yoongi jogging his laughs back to the bleachers like a punk. âThink you got something on your face, doll.â
âYoongi!â What the hell possessed him to do that to you here? Racing after him with purpose, you slam into him just as he reaches for another bottle, shoving a laugh out of his throat and making him catch himself on hardwood. âNu uh, gimme that!â
âItâs mine, I just ran outââ
âBitch!â You lunge for another bottle lying further away, distancing yourself to quickly rip the cap off and to avoid feeling his slick back on your hands.Â
And itâs a lawless gym as both of you start spraying water, arcs and splashes of bottled liquid spewing over the court and soaking into your clothes and his bare skin. Which proves to get worse and worse for your wellbeing the more he gets soaked in your attacks.Â
Running ends up being the only option to avoid getting completely drenched, and you hightail it behind bleachers before your waist is grabbed. âFuck!âÂ
âUh huh.âÂ
You try to wrestle out of his hold, his wet forearm digging lovely into your stomach, and youâre temporarily let go just so Yoongi can spin you around.Â
Your back connects with solid wall, the impact shooting a grunt out of your throat before you laugh out of pure disbelief. âI canât believe, you got me to do that,â you rush out, sentence punctuated by your breaths more than anything else.Â
Here you are. Under bleachers. With Yoongiâs skin caging you with radiating heat. Â
You can only stare as he drinks you in, no doubt looking at his silver around your neck and your chest heaving from exertion. Butterflies float across your stomach when his smile drips, and you fold as soon as he swoops in.Â
Everything in your being pulses hard. Itâs so visceral that you teeter on the edge of sanity and logic, and the thoughts slipping through your mind are just as wild as you feel. Before youâre even aware of it, a mischievous finger slides along the hem of his shorts, and you jump at the downright boulders rolling down your front,Â
âCareful, doll.â
âHmm?â You feel bad. And it feels fantastic. âWhat was that?âÂ
More gravel slides down his tongue, and you shake at his attractive as fuck threat, âFuck around and find out then.âÂ
Your giggles add feather lightness into his murky laughs, but youâre so preoccupied that you donât notice his hand between your legs until he slaps the inside of your thigh. âYooâ!â
âUnless.â He leans forward. âMy babyâs too scared.âÂ
Holy fuck, you might be. Is he really willing to do something with you? In a public place very similar to where youâre gonna watch him play tomorrow? You donât know why the fuck thatâs attractive as hell, but it is.Â
Yoongi grips your chin, eyes falling to your lips and brows knitted before claiming your lips even harder. And despite your bones vibrating to hell, you put your all into the kiss, relishing in the growing hardness you feel against your front. An animal starts to wake inside your core, and you almost feel like stroking it. Feeding it. Raising it only for it to consume you in return.Â
âFuck it, weâre leaving.âÂ
âHuh?â Dazed, you let your vision refocus as Yoongi chuckles at your hazy state.Â
âFuck this. Iâm taking you home.âÂ
For some reason, the game makes you nervous today. Even while Taehyung strides into the gymnasium with you, thereâs a lingering feeling swelling in your stomach, and you donât have any reason for it yet.Â
At least this is another rec center entirely. Because thereâs no way you wouldâve sat still knowing you had a clandestine meeting in the same place not even twenty-four hours before.Â
But the activity already bustling around hardwood catches your attention. Not on both sides, since only one team is here, but they are active on the other end doing drills.Â
Wow. They look really intimidating, matching jerseys that were clearly done professionally and warm-ups having a set routine. You wonder if this is gonna be a tough game for⊠Wait. Thatâs your brother under the basket. Thatâs them?Â
Fucking hell, Yoongi was right.
Because youâll already never get over how attractive he looks in athletic clothes.
But team jerseys?Â
Seeing this man rock a basketball uniform with his toned arms and legs so visible makes you want to claw your way out of your invisible cage.Â
When the hell did they even get those? And why is he already slightly drenched during the warm-up alone?Â
As soon as you see him make a lay-up, you know for a fact that you shouldnât be here.Â
Yes, youâre gonna stay and yes, youâre gonna cheer for them all game. But you are absolutely gonna feel like jumping him, which will in turn make you wanna bolt and run all the way out of town every agonizing second.Â
Shit, shit, shit. Youâre gonna have to try your damned hardest to unstick your eyes from that man the whole time. Already, you can hear Taehyungâs teasing, and your groan is to lament your future state.
Your name suddenly rings across the gym, and four feet pause in your ascent up the bleachers. When you catch both him and Jimin waving you down from their courtside chairs, you tilt your head in intrigue.Â
They want you to come over there? What the hell is this about?Â
Sighing, you turn. âGuess Iâll go see what they want.âÂ
âHere,â Tae offers his hand. âIâll save you a seat.âÂ
Your bag is transferred to his grip while you nod, and you step down onto the court, wondering if youâre even allowed to walk onto it to see them. And Jiminâs grin can be seen from miles away. âCome here!âÂ
You gingerly step onto shiny wooden floors, making your way over and becoming hyper aware that someone else notices your presence. But youâre so puzzled as to why thereâs no one on the other side of the court yet because isnât the game about to start?Â
Whereâs the other team? As you approach their row of chairs, your hands immediately find your hips. âWhatâs up?âÂ
Jiminâs eyes stay creased as your brother explains the reason he waved you down. A very stupid, very innocuous reason. âCan you keep score?âÂ
âMe?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
âWhy me?âÂ
Your brother uses his jersey to wipe sweat from his brow, and you wince at the brand new material getting gross already. âThe girl that usually does it for us is sick.âÂ
âAnd you know the game,â Jimin quickly tacks on, rubbing at some tattoos on full display. Wait, are there more than you remember? When did he get more ink?
Your sibling asks another question you had in mind, âYou arenât gonna cover those?â
âNah. Not today,â the man elongates in a stretch. âJust got another one. This one!âÂ
Ah, you were right. âI like it.âÂ
Jimin couldnât look more proud. But enough of that because you really just wanna go back and observe the game from another place entirely. âCanât yâall find someone else to keep score?âÂ
âWe donât think anyone else can,â your brother explains, looking over your shoulder. âAt least, not the people coming to watch us.âÂ
Cool. You get to be met with heat and sweat from all these guys without compensation. How is this something you would say yes to? âWell. I donât really feel like being a scorekeeper for free.âÂ
When your sibling laughs with Jimin, they share a look before he says so matter-of-factly, âTold you.âÂ
Youâre sticking with that. If youâre gonna sit next to a bunch of smelly people, theyâre gonna pay⊠you⊠somehow.
A ways down the row, you catch Yoongi dumping himself onto a random chair, head tilted back before he hangs it forward to wipe sweat from his forehead.Â
And suddenly this temporary gig doesnât seem terrible in the slightest.Â
Because one, you can sit on a team bench that will have his fine ass right there. And two, this will give you a way to objectively focus on the game. You wonât have time to be distracted by a demon and his hair thatâs gotten criminally long.Â
âIâll get us all dinner,â your sibling slices through your thoughts. âAfter we win.â Â
âFine,â you sigh, taking the end seat and shooting one more glance to the other side of the court. âThen I get to pââ
The air around you squeezes inward. And all sounds plunge underwater.Â
Because you recognize someone you knew from a dark club walking onto the court, his team looking just as sharp and cocky as his eyes.Â
Shit. Shit, shit, shit.Â
You donât notice the way Jiminâs hands flex, nor the way a familiar presence walks up to join your brother.Â
All you can do is stare back.Â
And without even realizing.Â
Youâre already rubbing your arm.
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tbc. :((
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a ha ha... so how do we feel? | taglist | discord!
a/n: okay, hello, loves. apologies this part took so damn long to post! can you imagine if i tried to post everything at once LMAOO yikes talk about too much at once. but i hope this part was enough to still be good on its own, and broken, pt. 2 will be... well. you can probably guess that's where a majority of my brainpower is going to go. a/n 2: thank you all for being here! it's been an amazing two years working on this series and i cannot tell you how grateful and appreciative i am to have such wonderful people alongside me. i hope this series continues to be there for you when you need it, bc it has become that for me, too. ++ feedback box: â„ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! â„ for the ones that are too shy to reblog with a review, comment on this, or send a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! â„ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. itâs literally just a comment dropbox :D feedback can be as short/sweet or as long as youâd like! â„ here! ++ more links: â„ masterlist â„ three tangerines masterlist
#ITS FINALLY HEREEE#SHEESH#bts fic#bts fanfic#bts imagines#bts reactions#filter for fics:#*ryenfictalk#yoongi fic#yoongi angst#yoongi fluff#yoongi smut#three tangerines#3tan11#yoongi x you#yoongi x reader#btsfic#*latest#ryenwrites
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Daily Vibe Check 11/14
Seunghan
Strength + The Star
This is a lot of courage and faith. Particularly, it is not necessarily peoactive action based but internal. I have said before that he seems to be preparing himself for something, and it seems to be it. He has a lot of hope today. Today is a good day for him.
What is he doing today?
The Wheel of Fortune + Knight of Cups + The Emperor
This is a lot of internal and personal work. He is still very much in the energy of acceptance. A lot of people have seemed to get the wrong idea from this. So, while I was reading this today, I felt called to a specific phrase in pulling the Wheel card. "What comes up must come down." Understand that this is true vise versa as well. Seunghan's acceptance stems from the fact that he feels he cannot possibly reach a point lower than what had happened now. Whatever happens will be just as impactful and in a positive way in his mind. Today, he is handling his affairs and future plans. For once, he is alone, but he is not depressed today. He has a lot of willpower, a lot of heart, and determination to make the best out of his day. He may interact with a pet or other animals today. I also see him practicing maybe singing? Something creative and vocal.
Finances (someone asked abt this so adding it to check-in)
3 of Coins + 3 of Wands + 8 of Swords
The spread suggests the current situation is one where if he works hard with others, there is a definite opportunity to reap very good rewards and new opportunities to come. However, with the 8 of Swords, there seems to be a tension in that these rewards and opportunities cannot be reached until he has broken free of certain constraints and setbacks. I think the current situation. But He seems to have a good support system- at least financially to be healthy and okay for the time being. The situation could change soon though if nothing is done about the 8 of Swords energy.
Bottom of the Deck:
The Lovers
In this context, we are talking about the harmonious decision made between multiple entities. I think this card seeks to represent Seunghan's intentions. He wants things to end harmoniously with no ill feelings or contempt. He is going to choose peace every time. That's just how and who he is. (Libras amirite lmfao)
Final Notes:
Tbh guys I am getting the feeling that good things will happen but not when we want them to. Everything i have been reading daily has been screaming PATIENCE. I am not that patient tbh. But i think I could wait a bit longer as long as the ending is satisfactory.
However, i am being told it is seriously important that we make whatever time we have left count here....things have been shifting, and SM is sly no matter what. They believe this could still possibly fade into the dark. Things need to be more visible, and garner more attention. POSITIVE attention TOWARDS Seunghan and attention to SM to DO SOMETHING not just insult them- but a literal call to action in a way we have not done before. I keep saying this, but tbh it's super super important right now as I speak. I'm getting literal goosebumps about it, so I pulled some cards asking abt Seunghan's return to Riize to checkup:
7 of Wands + 5 of Wands
This is a fight. We MUST stand our ground. We MUST not forget what we are doing. And We CANNOT afford to lose the war. It is clear there are still details and stipulations causing a lot of hesitance and inner fighting on SMs side. We absolutely need to remind them again why they listened to the wrong side. If we don't manage to have at least one more final hurrah here- it's not looking AS good as before.
Please please please do not give up.
#astrology#kpop#tarot#riize is 7#riize is seven#riize#smsupportsbullying#seunghan#anton#eunseok#sungchan#shotaro#sohee#wonbin#bring back seunghan
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The Five Times Colt Seavers Almost Kisses You (and the One Time He Does) â Part 4
Pairing: Colt Seavers x reader
Description: The fourth time Colt Seavers almost kisses you â on the brink of a promise he knows he can't afford to make.
Rating: T
Word Count: 3.2k
Tag List: @strangedeerconnoisseur, @icantwaittoliveandlearn, @moonlightandstarshimmer, @chemococktailonthehouse, @1word, @itzjustj-1000, @k-l-a-w-s, @hotdogbread23
Authorâs Note: I've been blown away by how kind you all have been about this fic, and I'm so glad you're enjoying reading it as much as I am writing it! We've got two parts to go, and they only get better from here :) Thank you for all the support, and let me know what you think of this chapter!!
Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Â
Itâs five oâclock in the morning, and Colt Seavers has already been standing in the misty parking lot for two hours when he finally sees your car pulling in the entrance.
The last twelve hours have been absolute torture for him. One minute, he was walking into the crowded club to drop off some equipment with the stunt coordinator; the next, he was sharing space at the bar with you, trapped under your spell despite all his vows that he wouldnât keep pushing this flirty thing youâve been sharing.
Heâs been conflicted for months now, knowing that his feelings for you are only getting deeper but also knowing that a relationship with him is the last thing you need. No matter how hard he tries to be noble for you, he just canât get free from the way you enrapture him so completely â the way he thinks of you every moment of the day, dreams of a future where you could feel about him the way he feels about you.
And he honestly thought you didnât â that you couldnât â until last night. When he completely wrecked everything, including your heart.
Colt squeezes his eyes shut again, remembering the way he pulled back from you just a few seconds before your lips would have met. In the moment, it seemed like the right thing to do: cut it off, laugh it off, let it go before he betrayed how absolutely captivated he is by everything you do.
He keeps telling himself that he did the right thing. That heâs no good for you, and youâre better off not getting confused by his overwhelming feelings for you. But he keeps seeing your face â the way all the light in your eyes vanished, the way your shoulders slumped and your expression wilted. He had no idea there were actual, genuine feelings on your part. And for him?
Colt has spent the last twelve hours deliberating how to handle this situation. He knows he has to make it right with you, but the question is how. His inner monologue has quite the speech ready for him. You canât even THINK about confessing your feelings. Youâre the one who has no future, no big dreams, maybe not even much longer to live! You have no right to force that kind of life on anyone. Especially if you really care.
After hours of tormented decision-making, Colt has come to the same conclusion he always does: he canât let you know how he feels about you. Heâs got to apologize, make sure you know he didnât mean to hurt you, let you think heâs just been flirting for fun, maybe even rekindle your injured friendship. But he absolutely cannot let you know heâs in love with you.
And he is, isnât he? He wouldnât have waited with bated breath in the parking lot for two hours if he wasnât madly, hopelessly, irremediably in love with you.
Colt has planned this conversation thousands of times since last night, but the only thing he can choke out when you climb out of your car and start toward the studio is, âHey.â
You glance up at him in surprise, clearly less than pleased to find him hanging around the parking lot so early. His heart tightens at the sight of your pale face, the dark circles under your eyes betraying what was probably a sleepless night. âHey,â you respond emotionlessly.
âDo you have a second?â Colt asks. His voice isnât quite as strong as he hoped, but the sight of you is sending jolts of electricity through his veins.
You look to the side, pursing your lips and injecting a hint of coldness into your voice that he has never heard before. âHonestly, Colt, no offense,â you say plainly, âbut I donât really want to talk right now.â
Colt presses his lips together, knowing heâs the reason for this uncharacteristic coldness. âBelieve me, I understand,â he blurts out, âbut Iâve got to talk to you about last night.â
âThereâs nothing to talk about,â you shoot back, fixing your stare on him again. Behind the coldness in your eyes is a deep sorrow that twists his heart. âI misread the signals, I overthought it, itâs not a big deal. You donât need to explain anything.â
âYes, I do,â he insists. âI messed up big time. I havenât had a momentâs peace since last night, and I have to get this off my chest, okay? You donât have to say anything.â He knows he sounds desperate, but heâs past caring. âPlease, just hear me out and let me explain.â
You hold his stare, unrelenting, unforgiving. He loves you for it. âFine.â
Colt releases a breath he didnât know he was holding, overwhelmed with relief that youâre even willing to listen to him. His biggest worry all night was that you wouldnât speak to him, wouldnât let him make things right.
He plunges right in, knowing it will be messy but not caring. âListen, Iâm really bad at this, but Iâm going to give it my best go. These past few months that Iâve known you⊠itâs been really nice. Youâre amazing to be around, and I always feel better after Iâve hung out with you. Youâve honestly been the best thing about this shoot.â
Your expression doesnât change, but Colt can feel the iciness in your gaze softening ever so slightly. It gives him the courage to press on, even though he knows what heâs about to say is going to devastate himself.
âThe thing is,â he continues, heart in his throat, âIâve been so caught up in just⊠flirting and messing around, that I havenât paid attention to how it might affect you. I havenât been paying attention to the signals either.â
You furrow your brow at him. âWhat are you saying?â
Colt, you are the worst at this, man.
âIâm saying⊠Iâm really sorry that I hurt your feelings last night. Iâve been replaying it over and over in my mind, and I canât get past the way you looked at me when I pulled away and laughed everything off. Just, the look in your eyes and the way you looked like I had let you down â itâs been killing me.â
Your expression finally softens, and Colt hates himself for the words that are coming out of his mouth. âI thought this was just a fun flirtation between friends and that it would be better to keep any physical stuff out of it. I didnât know there was anything on your side. Honestly. Not until I saw how much it hurt you for me to just⊠act like it meant nothing.â
There it is again â that hint of betrayal in your eyes. Now that Colt knows you care for him, his decision to âdo the right thingâ suddenly seems like the most gut-wrenching, agonizing thing heâs ever done.
Itâs all I can do. I have nothing to offer, nothing to make a relationship worth the pain it would cause. I love you, and thatâs why I wonât tell you.
Your brow is still lined with confusion, trying to parse out his real meaning among the confusion of words. âBut youâre still saying⊠it didnât mean anything to you.â
This is killing him. âOf course it meant something to me,â Colt blurts out before he can stop himself completely. He tries to amend it. âMan, I am so bad at this. What Iâm trying to say is⊠I would never have even started a flirtation with you if I knew it would hurt you. Please believe me when I say I would never, ever, in a gazillion years want to do anything to hurt you or make you feel like I donât care about your feelings. I should have been more sensitive and realized that I canât just⊠lead you on without it mattering.â
Lead you on. As if I didnât mean every word Iâve ever said to you. As if I wouldnât die for you right now.
You nod, pursing your lips again with a clearer, more determined look in your eyes. âSo, just so weâre clear,â you say slowly, âthereâs nothing going on? All this flirting and hanging out and almost-kissing â itâs just been for kicks?â
âNo, no, not just for kicks,â he backtracks immediately. Even when heâs trying to be noble, he canât betray your trust that far. âI didnât mean it like that.â
âWhat did you mean, Colt?â He can hear the genuine confusion in your voice. âI donât understand what youâre trying to tell me.â
Colt takes a deep breath, closing his eyes as he tries to focus on the right thing to say. âIâm just trying to tell you that I am so, so sorry for anything Iâve done to hurt you. Iâve been stupid and insensitive and awful, and I wish there was a way I could make it up to you. I justâŠâ He opens his eyes, fixes them on yours so you know heâs telling the truth. âI couldnât let this go without making it right with you. No matter what, you mean a lot to me, and the thought of losing your friendship honestly makes me miserable. Please just tell me I havenât messed this up beyond repair.â
Please tell me I havenât lost your trust completely. Please tell me I havenât damaged the person I love most beyond repair.
You stare him down for what feels like an eternity, your discerning gaze burning holes into him. Finally, you sigh, seeming to come to a decision. âNo, you havenât,â you tell him at last. âI mean, Iâm still trying to process everything and sort it all out, but⊠it means a lot that you wanted to have this conversation.â A note of humor slips into your voice, and the twinkle in your eyes makes a very welcome reappearance. âI mean, you waited for me in the parking lot like a stalker, so that says something. Not sure what.â
Colt laughs out loud at that, all the intense pressure of the night lessening with your words. âI thought about camping outside your hotel, but I thought it might be a little much.â
âYeah, it would have been,â you agree, scuffing your shoes on the pavement.
Colt feels like the weight of the entire world has been lifted off his shoulders, but he knows he has to keep handling this the right way if he doesnât want to risk hurting you again.
âSo, are we okay?â he asks sincerely.
You nod, smoothing your hair back and closing your eyes while you think about your response. âYeah. Yeah, we are. Just⊠getting some closure and some straight-shooting takes a lot of stress out of this.â
âYeah, me, too,â Colt agrees. âIâm just sorry it took me so long to shoot it straight with you.â
If you can really call this shooting straight.
You shake your head, raising your eyes to meet his again. âNo, I should have been more upfront, too,â you admit. âIt would have saved me a lot of trouble.â
Coltâs first reaction is to argue, to insist that you havenât done a single thing wrong, that this whole tangle has been caused by his inability to let go of the feelings he has for you, but he knows itâs best to let that go. Better to end on a positive note.
âFriends?â he asks tentatively.
âFriends.â You grin at him, obviously as relieved as he is to have mended your relationship.
Great, just friends again. Exactly what we wanted. Colt elects to ignore his inner monologue this time.
With the tension lifted at last, you heave a grand sigh and nudge his shoulder in the old familiar way, heading in the direction of the studio.
âSo, where are you off to?â Colt asks you, falling in step beside you.
âTrain station set,â you reply lightly. âFilming for that scene is supposed to start next week, so Iâm scrambling trying to get everything finished. Itâs the biggest set Iâve ever created from scratch, so itâs been a serious challenge.â
Colt grins down at you, nudging your shoulder with his the same way you just did. âIâm sure itâll be amazing,â he assures you, meaning every word of it. âYour sets always are.â
You grin back up at him, your cheerfulness infectious. âWhat about you? Any big stunts today?â
âNah, just rehearsing some choreography for a fight scene. Easier schedule for the rest of this week.â
âThatâs good,â you respond. The art trailer, empty in these early morning hours, is coming into sight now. âMaybe you can stop throwing yourself off moving vehicles for awhile.â
Colt smirks. âYeah, thatâs the plan. Unless something crazy happens on my way to the gas station or something.â
âOh, sure. You never know with a Citgo.â
The two of you share a laugh, and suddenly everything feels back to normal. Maybe it can never be completely normal again, but after the fears that kept Colt awake all night, this feels like heâs just stepped into paradise after being cast out.
âHey, bad guys come in all shapes and sizes,â Colt informs you, feeling his sense of humor coming back full force. âSometimes itâs a hard-boiled gangster chasing you on top of a transfer truck; sometimes itâs a plastic bag flying off the pavement and around your head.â
âMaybe thatâs the real reason why recycling is so important,â you quip. A few more steps, and the two of you are standing at the door to the art trailer, the pink rays of sunrise beginning to touch the tops of your heads. âWell, hereâs my stop. Thanks again for talking with me. It really means a lot.â
Colt nods, a genuine smile crossing his face. âI couldnât let things be strained between us. Who would patch together the props I destroy in every take?â he teases you.
âWho would destroy the handmade props I painstakingly create every day?â
âPublicity stunts wouldnât have been the same without you to critique my color coordinating choices.â
âI was really going to miss you sneaking me a packet of Mini Muffins every morning.â
âConsider the Mini Muffins sneaked.â
You grin at that, and Coltâs heart speeds up a few beats just at the sight. Heâs glad to have this image â your captivating smile, framed by the pastel light of the sunrise, happiness sparkling in your eyes â to replace the one from last night.
You donât say a word before turning to open the door to the art trailer, clearly needing some space, so Colt turns to walk away, but the door doesnât close behind you. When he turns back to face you, youâre lingering in the doorway, an unreadable expression on your face. Colt hesitates, not sure what you expect from him, but heâs cut off by you closing the distance between the two of you and wrapping your arms around his neck.
What what what what what what WHAT WHAT WHATâ
Colt isnât sure this is the best idea, but he certainly isnât going to make the mistake of pushing you away again. Instead, he lets his arms fold around your waist, pulling you close against him. Every muscle in his body aches to hold you as tight as he can, and it takes all his self-control not to lift his head up a few inches, to whisper in your ear, Youâre every sweet dream Iâve ever had. Youâre everything I hoped love would turn out to be.
You donât make a move to release him, and suddenly Colt realizes: this is your way of letting go of him. Youâre taking one last moment to savor this closeness before you resign yourself to a simple friendship and an inevitable goodbye. With that realization, Colt grips you tighter, lets his face rest in the crook of your neck while he breathes you in.
The sun keeps rising, and still you hold onto each other as if this is the last time youâll ever see each other.
Colt feels your arms loosen their hold around his neck slightly, and he takes that as a cue to release the death-grip he has around your waist. He didnât realize he could feel your pounding heart against his chest until youâve pulled back a few inches.
Heâs surprised, though, when you donât get go of him completely. You let your hands rest on his broad shoulders, your eyes searching his own for some answer that you canât quite grasp. Itâs as if you know heâs holding something back â as if you can tell how deeply he feels for you just by the way he stays absorbed in the warmth of your gaze.
A sad smile tugs at the corners of your lips, and you lift one hand to rest on the side of Coltâs face. His heart instantly starts rocketing again, and all he can imagine is that youâre finally going to go for the kiss that has almost happened three times now. He holds his breath, knowing that he canât trust himself not to seize you and kiss you with all the passion heâs holding inside.
Your fingertips trace the side of his face slowly, intimately, traveling over his cheekbone, down his jaw, right under his lips. His skin feels like itâs burning from the inside, incinerating him with heat. He knows heâs still holding your waist too tight for someone who is âjust a friend,â but holding you is the only thing keeping him sane right now.
Your gaze slips down for a fraction of a second, landing on the spot where your fingers are resting tenderly. Coltâs hands are shaking from the tension. All he can think of is how close your lips are to his, how effortless it would be to lean forward a few inches and live out the daydream heâs had a thousand times before. He doesnât even blink, unwilling to miss a second of being this close to you again.
Finally, finally, you take mercy on him and lift your fingers from his face, your own expression betraying the level of affection you feel. Right now, all Colt wants to do is close his eyes and let you trail your fingers over his face for the rest of his life, but your touch is already gone, and he finally feels like he can breathe again.
You take an unhurried step back, your eyes never leaving his. Your hands slowly slide down from his shoulders, his letting go of your waist at the same time. The distance between you suddenly feels miles wide, and itâs quite obvious that both of you want to close it again.
But neither of you does.
âOkay,â you murmur, eyes drifting across his face. The early morning sunlight is dancing through the strands of your hair, alighting on the dust particles in the air to create a mystical glow around your face. âI should go.â
Colt barely even registers his own response, still so dazed from the past few moments. âMe, too.â
You take a step inside the art trailer door, eyes hazy. âSee you later?â
âOf course.â
You give him one last soft smile and walk into the art trailer. But Colt stands in the light of the rising sun for a long time after youâve gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Â
Part 5
#i think i need a minute to recover after writing this#every chapter i think âwell that's as good as it getsâ#but i keep thinking of new stuff :O#fanfiction#colt seavers x reader#colt seavers fanfiction#original#colt seavers#the fall guy#ryan gosling#ryan gosling fanfiction#the five times colt seavers almost kisses you (and the one time he does)
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Two takeaways right now that I really cannot stress enough: 1) We cannot afford to keep spouting the "The American public is fucking stupid" and "Republicans are dumb and uneducated" rhetoric. I have already seen a new resurgence in the past 24 hours. Yes, it's true: One in five Americans are functionally illiterate. Many of them live in states like New Mexico and Mississippi, below the poverty line, with underfunded educational institutions, and very little access to resources to help them. A staggering amount of USAmericans read below a sixth grade level. This is not a moral failing. This is not their fault. This is a societal failing, an infrastructure failing. We've been failing the rust belt for decades and it's only getting worse. And it does not help our cause if we continue to turn up our noses and say they're all stupid cousin-kissing hillbillies who deserve what they're getting. That only helps Trump. That is how we got here. The division only helps the people in power to keep up the grift. As long as we continue to disparage and underestimate working people from the Midwest and the American South, we will continue to lose. They are tired of being condescended to, and that is why they like Trump. He at least pretends (badly, but he at least pretends) that he cares about their interests.
Remember this bit of propaganda?
All the way back from 1754?
We have to stop fighting each other. We cannot afford to continue saying 'Trumpers are stupid and hateful and uneducated' and continue this us-against-them mentality. It is JUST as bad as my Midwestern parents who say that Democrats are evil satanic child-killing communists. I grew up steeped in that environment. I fully believed it. Many people are just as scared as you are. They are working with the information they have. They believe they are doing the right thing, just as you do. They are watching their communities literally disintegrate and the only person that promises to bring them jobs is Donald Fucking Trump. And he is employing every propaganda tactic in the book to grift them. A big part of the lies the Republican party loves to spout is that they're persecuted and they're underdogs -- I grew up in this environment. It stems from an Evangelical worldview that to be righteous is to be persecuted. Disparaging these people, insulting them, condescending them, only feeds this narrative. The only way I got out of this mentality was by having access to community college, meeting kind people outside my bubble who were willing to have a conversation with me, and finally getting education that wasn't steeped in evangelical propaganda.
I invite you all to go and watch Megan Phelps-Roper's TEDtalk (or read her book, it's excellent) about how she left her family's cult. The only thing that broke through that fog of 'We are persecuted and therefore righteous' was when people stopped throwing cups of hot liquid and piss at her (when she was a child!), and started being kind and empathetic. We all can stand to learn a lot from stories like hers. The second that evil god-hating people started being kind to her was the second she began to question everything she'd been taught.
Yes, it's very easy to look at these people spewing hateful rhetoric and label them as evil. But they're not. The people exploiting all of us are evil. The people exploiting fear and division are evil. We need to call for accountability with news outlets, to fund grass-roots efforts to give adults with educational gaps access to help. Many of them simply could not continue going to school because their families were impoverished and they had to work so they could fucking eat. Many of them have undiagnosed disabilities because they do not have insurance to even go to a doctor. To be ignorant is not a moral failing. Willful ignorance? Absolutely. But ignorance, no. The only thing we can do now is be kind, invite people into discussion, and remember that the only enemy is the oppressor in power who views everybody as pawns and dollar signs. We are all the same to them.
2) Please do not fall into the trap of thinking this means that your vote does not count. Voting is more important than ever. You need to vote in your local elections. You need to. The Senate and the House are the lawmakers and the people in charge of declaring war. They have term limits. They are not untouchable. They are the only people now who are capable of checking Trump. And your local mayors, councils, etc are the people who are going to make the real difference between public healthcare, good education, censorship, civil rights, housing, etc. States have an immense amount of freedom to operate. That is how I have access to incredible free healthcare in mine. That is how we have one of the best public transit systems in the country. That is how we placed penalties on industries and got rid of smog and heavy pollution in the 70s. That is how we have gay bars and drag brunches and well-funded libraries. That is all local-government stuff. If you want your communities to change, you HAVE to vote locally. Please, please, please do not give up and think your vote doesn't matter. It does. It matters immensely.
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I narrowed it down to 6 possible engine types btw
Up late thinking about her (1979 chevy c10)
#engine is ''blown'' the dumbass men who bought it cant tell me anything more than that right now#so i need to identify the engine so i can look up the feasibility of replacing it#i dont think i can rest until it is thrice reinforced that i absolutely cannot afford it#also btw im going thru the 5 stages of grief over this car#trying to bargain stepdads car for it denying that its out of my league depressed when i think about not having it#angry when real adults sensibly tell me its not worth it in the slightest#the one and only thing i havent done is accepted that this is not going to be my car#its my DREAM car all my life i've wanted to be like bella swan driving around in a rusty car thats older than she is#a rusty Truck***#and here it is cheaper than my current car was and i just have to accept that somebody else is going to buy her from under my nose??#i cant do it i cant. i want this truck in my drive way
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The type my favourite Arcane characters would fall for:
With Viktor, Jayce, Mel, Vi, Caitlin, Ekko, Jinx, Silco, and Vander
âââââââââââââââââââââââ
Viktor:
Viktor is very much a person who prefers solitude over social interactions. He focuses on his job more than anything, and can not quite find the time nor energy to do anything after that. Though he loves to find solace in lonesome rooms, he needs a little sunlight occasionally; metaphorically and literally. Someone who drops in once every two hours to get him a drink, a note or simply sit next to him to distract him from his project momentarily. You could sit on an empty chair at his side, observing his work from a safe distance, careful to not shove your nose in there. Tiny questions would escape you, such as âwhat is that?â Or âwhy are you using that?â, and he would be delighted to answer them. Sometimes, heâd pull off his goggles to look at you shortly, a tiny smile gracing his face, before he returns to his work. Youâd get along with Jayce quite easily - maybe too easy, but itâs all in good manners. Viktor tries to make time for you and take short breaks, but more often than not, he gets so caught up, he cannot afford the distraction. Jayce is more than happy to entertain you for the time being; he rather enjoys your presence as well.
ââ
Jayce:
Jayce oozes charisma. Now usually, fire and fire donât go well, but match his energy, and this is man is smitten. Absolutely at loss for words. Desperately in love, if you will. You tease him; the words disappear on his tongue. Now come the heart-eyes. Youâd walk down the halls, and you could simply feel his eyes on you. Heâd halt any conversation he held and stare at you in silence. Respectfully. Would you work in the same lab as him, this man cannot focus to save his life. Your jokes, your smile, your witty remarksâŠ.Heâs gone. The worst is when you radiate serotonin. A job gone right, a good song, a funny joke? Anything that makes you smile, makes his heart skip a step. You know that hollow feeling in your stomach, but the good one? Thatâs him. Heâs quick to pick up on little things you do once you get excited: Clap your hands, squeal, jump up and down, squeezing your hands in fists? He sees it. And there is that pit again.
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Mel:
Listen, this woman is so busy and booked, she tends to miss out on the little things. She needs someone who will take little times a day where they will take a short walk, or do some painting together. Anything to get her mind off of work or business for a short second. A spontaneous decision often takes her aback, as she likes to plan things out, but once she trusts you, itâs all in, baby. During council meetings, youâll sit on the side, silently calming her down when things get hectic or chaotic. You help her plan things out, but leave room for the fun things. She treasures this so much, she cannot even begin to explain it to you. Small touches on your arm or hand constantly to remind her youâre still there. Ironically enough, it keeps her from overworking. Youâre simply so soothing to her.
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Caitlin:
Bamf. Do I need to elaborate? Caitlin is the type of person to see the good in everyone, no matter how tiny it will be. âHow bad can they be?â is a regular question from her. She can be attracted to anyone, really. But if there was one type to capture her heart, itâs the bamf. The person who says things as they are, does as they please, witty remarks, teasing winks etc. The impression you leave on her is large, and she is in awe immediately. Even if she claims to not be amused. She is. Her heart is almost beating out of her chest. Someone get her some help, please. If you start flirting with her, this poor woman does not know what to do. Her cheeks turn red, her ears heat up, she freezes on the spot. But she loves it so much, though she would never admit it. And itâs great to get her flustered.
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Vi:
Sure, Vi would love a badass and independent partner. But when that partner has a soft spot for children? Always sees the good in everything? Smiles when someone says hi? Donât get me started. The way your voice changes when you speak to someone in a friendly manner: gone. Bye-bye, Vi. She is a bit rough around the edges, and can come of as cold at times. You contradict that in the best ways possible. Your kind waves to everyone you pass, the âhow are you?â when trying to pay for something, your loving hugsâŠAll the things sheâd 100% fall for. No question about it. She insists on holding your hand at all times. She says it is because you like it, but letâs be honest. She is not planning on letting you go and likes to let everyone know, you are indeed taken. 10/10 the type to make-out in public when someone takes your friendliness a bit too extreme. Her hand tugging on your waist, the glare shot towards the one flirting with you? Oof.
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Jinx:
Jinx has a teasing tone, as everyone might know. Though she could use someone to work against that, she would not necessarily find herself attracted to it. If you decide to throw a confetti bomb her way though? You just got yourself a new girlfriend. She is the type to cause mayhem anywhere and everywhere. If she finds someone to do that with, her heart is taken. There are times her emotions tend to get the best of her. Youâll have to calm her down gradually before she does anything stupid. Offer a listening ear, a supportive arm, and sheâll eventually calm down. She loves to do stupid things with you, but she needs breaks. Sit with her and help her tinker with new ideas. Your voice can truly be enough to simply soothe her.
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Ekko:
Ekko has a soft spot for nerds, no one can convince me otherwise. And Iâm not talking technology nerd. Iâm talking info-dumping nerd. Someone who knows a little bit about everything. With anything he encounters, you are able to tell a fun story behind that. âIs that a raven?â âActually, itâs a crow. Did you know crows actually remember people and voices and can even hold a grudge against you? Even worse, crows gossip. What? They do.â Man has fallen head over heels. Your little ranting and rambling makes him feel all giddy inside. He actually used to hate it, but as he grew to realize it was love, he began to accept it. Now, the feeling is welcomed. He can listen to you talk for ages, as cheesy as it might sound. And he remembers everything you tell him. Sometimes he wishes he didnât, so you could tell him again. You know you ramble, and you have often been told to shut up. So, when you notice youâre ranting again, you always stop suddenly, offering a meek âsorryâ. He will not hesitate to shake his head wildly, grabbing your hands in reassurance, claiming he wants to hear more. And itâs not to make you feel better, he genuinely enjoys your little talks. Itâs one of the things that makes you so special to him. He treasures every single word spoken to him.
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Silco:
Now, Silco is not an easy one to fall. Not at all. Even with you, it might not have been love at first sight. You had to grow on him. But your mind, and your strategies? They were phenomenal since day one. And though he simply shrugged at it at first, he found himself being attracted to you for that exact reason. You had a solution to every problem, and you had a way of thinking that he simply adored. And from there, he started noticing other things about you. Had your eyes always held that sparkle in them? Were your hands always that delicate? Had your voice always sounded that soothing? It wasnât until you once laid a hand on his shoulder to shake him out of dreamland, that he realized that he had indeed fallen. Because that touch seemed to linger on his shoulder even as you walked back to your seat at the table. And your eyes silently asking him if he was okay, suddenly looked so different. And then it all clicks. From that day on, his behavior towards you completely changes. Now he wants you in the room with him. Now he wants your opinion on everything. Now you have to follow him wherever he goes. He needs you closer to him now than ever before.
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Vander:
Listen. Dad friend meets mom friend. Itâs meant to be, what else can I say? Your warm-hearted personality, the way you kneel down when talking to children, your reasonable words always interrupting fights. Thatâs just a short list of things he adores about you. Being the voice of reason, but with that compassionate tone is something he greatly admires. Perhaps more than people usually would. But of course, carrying the day on your shoulder and trying to remain kind to others can take quite a toll on a person. At night, when youâre sure others will no longer come look for you, you tire yourself with thoughts of the day. He often comes to visit you around this time so you will not be alone. You share your worries with each other, but also try to encourage each other to keep it up. Those talks are something so precious and intimate to him. And he keeps on doing these even after being your partner through the years.
#arcane#league of legends#viktor x reader#jayce x reader#mel medarda x reader#vi x reader#Caitlin x reader#jinx x reader#ekko x reader#silco x reader#vander x reader
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Okay, I need to explain what's happening to me here.
For the past year or so, my living situation has been incredibly unstable. I've essentially been pinballed around the southern US as circumstances repeatedly fell out from me: from a roommate situation with my brother not working out, to being crammed into a three-bedroom household with five people including myself living in it, to living with my dad again and having my trauma responses triggered, to where I am now with just my mom and half-sister.
The issue here is that my mom cannot afford to live here. Even with me contributing $600 a month, about half of the income from my current part-time job, she is simply stretched too thin, and on top of that it is very likely that she is going to get fired by the end of the week.
While she is looking for another job, she has decided to move into a one-bedroom apartment in a relatively cheap complex as soon as some become available. While I understand her decision, if things continue down this path with no changes, I would be forced to essentially live in the living room with zero privacy; something that I heavily value due to past trauma, and would be absolutely devastating for me to give up.
In the meantime, she also informed me of a potential job offer through someone that she is currently dating. I don't want to get into specifics in public, but it would involve me working overnight and paying attention to traffic cameras. This would obviously take a toll on my already ailing mental health and separate me from my online peers, but it looks like it's the only clear way forward.
This situation is obviously putting stress on me, in addition to the stress from the unstable living situations from the past year or so (and possibly more from even further back), and it's very much beyond drained my energy and capacity to do much for myself. I have about a month to get my affairs in order, and if things continue as they are without any changes then the above will become my living situation.
As for now, I don't have a clear plan for how I want to proceed, so I don't feel comfortable providing a donation link at this time. If anyone is able to offer advice, or lives in the Little Rock area and could possibly offer support for me, please don't hesitate to DM me.
I hope that things will improve, but as of right now this is the current situation that I am facing. Thanks for taking your time to read, and if you have any questions then feel free to reach out. Thank you.
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Daryl and Carol back together again
And everything is right with the world again. So now that y'all seen the reunion, we can finally talk about it.
There's something primal, raw and heart-wrecking about the way Daryl just stops cause he cannot believe his eyes, drops his weapons, fuck it, he doesn't need anything, except to run to that one person who means everything to him - Carol. Thanks Norman for letting us know, this is exactly how you meant to play it.
It may or may not get long, so more spoilers after the jump...
That reunion scene is everything to me, and tbh at first, I was emotional but thought there was something missing and it hadn't topped the Terminus reunion for me, BUT after watching it a few more times, and in context, I really can't pick which one is my fav. I just can't. I can't even explain it, but there's something so real and palpable about it, that I didn't quite feel with the Terminus one. I guess this one was more serious, more emotional, deeper somehow... I'll be going around in circles and still powerless to translate my feelings into words. So BOTH, I'll pick BOTH. BOTH IS GOOD.
With the reunion out of the way, I feel like Daryl is constantly trying to make Carol understand he did not give up on going home, while Carol is confused and wondering what the heck happened for him to have created that connection with the people in France (Isa and Laurent) in such a short period of time.
Daryl tries to explain, he sounds downright apologetic to her. He says stuff like he didn't mean to care so much, he kept trying to get home to HER, things just happened when he and Isa just tried to help each other with Laurent's acting as the glue that held them together. That is all too familiar for Carol because that's how she ended up married to Zeke. But the way Daryl is trying to explain things doesn't sound at all like he's telling his best friend he fell in love, it feels like a cheating husband apologizing to his wife for his transgressions. I'm not saying Daryl betrayed Carol - HE DID NOT. However, the way he is acting is as if he is guilty, so what I think is that Daryl realized he's betraying his own feelings, and that's why he needs to explain it to Carol. Obviously, it all goes over her head since she states Daryl loved Isa, to which he stays absolutely quiet, just looking at her, and giving her the silliest little smirk ever. LIKE this woman is completely oblivious to what he is trying to convey. And it's so hilariously infuriating Carol of her to do that.
ANYWAYS, all the foreshadowing with Didi and Theo, how they found each other late in life, and are currently living happily together (not married!), just the two of them, living for each other. It's beautiful, it's romantic, and I believe it's exactly the type of happy ending EP's Norman and Melissa have in mind for Carol and Daryl's endgame. No matter who they are to each other, romantic or not, this is how they find happiness.
AND FINALLY. There's time for Carol and Daryl to make small talk, and they instantly fall back to that comfortable back and forth. It only feels different because the Carol and Daryl we used to know could not afford the time to just talk about wants, needs, school and traveling the world while on the main show. Now, they can just be themselves, have much more room to talk, talk about meaningless stuff that show us a bit more of who they are. And that's wonderful to me.
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Izzy and the Myth of the Perfect Victim
One thing that's often bugged me about people saying "Izzy got off on it" about Ed cutting off his pinky toe is how then they proceed to assume "and that makes it okay" (or "Izzy is undeserving of sympathy"), as if that somehow follows at all.
I've spoken before about how I actually DO read Izzy as feeling positively about the interactionâand how I think this makes the scene even more tragic, because it means Izzy was so desperately miserable before that he thought something like this had to be preferable to the status quo. Personally I think that having a toe cut off would be too painful to be arousing, even for a pretty extreme masochist. But even if it was, at the end of the day, Izzy's still going to be missing that toe for the rest of his life.
Plus, even aside from from the permanent effects... people can still be physically aroused by things they find deeply traumatic. It's pretty victim-blamey to imply otherwise. And regardless of how much awe and hope Izzy might or might not have felt, I think it's pretty obvious that he definitely felt fear. Izzy now knows, with absolute certainty, that he's not safe in his own bed anymore, not at all. Even if he doesn't act traumatized, and even if he thinks the sacrifice was worth it, it'd still be a hell of a price to pay.
...Which brings me to the clip from earlier today. One of the things that struck me about it was how Izzy isn't being nice. He's being mean and giving the crew objectively unreasonable orders that they hate. And the crew STILL reacts by seeing underneath that, seeing how much he is hurting and trying to offer support.
It was really refreshing to see, because Izzy cannot afford to stop and cry and ask for help. He doesn't think it's safe to be vulnerable around other people, and he's probably rightâit's obvious how much Izzy doesn't believe in the orders he's shouting, but he still goes at it with a kind of terrifying desperation. Maybe Izzy not getting the crew to obey orders is what causes Ed to take off more toes. Or maybe he simply thinks that if he doesn't do his job, if he's not useful, that he'll simply be discarded. (Ed might care about Izzy a great deal, but for all Izzy knows, the only reason Ed saved his life at the end of e9 was because he needed Izzy to fetch him tea.)
Izzy reacts to a lot of the stress in his life in messy ways, and while that's not great, it also doesn't make his suffering any less real. No one is obligated to reach out to help the angry, shouty first mate who insists that he's fine... but it's really wonderful when they do. People are still worthy of compassion even when they can't be the perfect victim.
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Pretty hastily slapped together, but here's a comm sheet for those who were wondering about the prices in my pinned post! I'm a little nervous about taking comms from social media again, but I'm open to it as my family needs the money so often now...
More recently, I've taken to working on iPad - this will be a more common thing as the summer months roll around and it becomes too stuffy to stick to my PC for working on art.
Here's what I CAN do, for the moment:
Cute, simple designs - Pokemon and simple (rookie-level or earlier) Digimon are a strong suit of mine, but if you have a wonderfully simple OC I can work with too then it'll do!
Cats. I loooove drawin' cats! If you have a Warriors OC, chances are I can draw em.
Fluffy stuff overall! (As long as it's simple enough, obviously - Fluff is another comfort thing I looove to work with. This means literal fluffy stuff like fuzzy animals/critters, and figurative fluff like cuddles and tickles!)
Sans!! (No seriously, I funkin love drawin' sans. If you got a Sans I can draw, I will happily draw him!)
Here's what I CAN'T do, for the moment, on the other hand:
NSFW art (This is because a) there's minors who follow this blog - I have to keep that stuff away (and keep them safe)! and b) I'm not ready to take NSFW commissions, and probably won't be a for a while.)
Heavy gore and themes (It's a lot to work with, and it's not something I personally dabble in if at all, so the result would NOT be to your liking if I tried more than likely lol)
Intricate Detail (I have my reasons for this! My wrist has been acting up more often in the last few years and so intricate detail is... overwhelming for me, right now, outside of personal work. It's just not a strong suit of mine, as much as I'd love it to be - it's not quite a part of the art style as it is right now.)
Added notes:
- I have the right to decline a commission if it either makes me uncomfortable to work with it or otherwise is overwhelming. That is to say, if one artist can't achieve what you're looking for then usually that's an indicator to hold onto your money for a bit until you find the right person!
I send the paypal link at the halfway point (the sketch, just before lineart) normally - but if you want to pay upfront, then please let me know. (I don't wait until the piece is completely done as a safety measure to ensure the person commissioning me doesn't nab the piece and run lol)
I CANNOT REFUND ONCE THE COMMISSION IS PAID FOR. The money goes STRAIGHT into family-related necessities like bills and groceries, and I absolutely CANNOT afford to return money when we are consistently struggling to even get food for the house, nevermind commissions. (It's also just kinda mean?? :c)
I am on commission burnout - what this means is that my work may take longer than usual to get done, but I hold to my word that I get it done no matter how long it takes. If you need the piece done as priority, then make sure you specify when giving the details for your commission! (I do best, however without a time limit or deadline to work with.)
As of right now, I'm practically (metaphorically) crying for simple designs due to this burnout! I need something I can just fly through to get done so I don't stress myself out further on a queue that's been waiting to be done for a hot second.
#If y'all need to check if my comms are open please remember to check my pinned post first before asking in DMs or asks!#art#nikki-tine#commissions#comm sheet#commission sheet#commission details#chibies#chibi art#digital art#sfw tickling community#sfw tickle community#commission work
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