#and if being petty gives you joy then be brave enough to do it with your whole fucking chest atleast

[valar-did-me-wrong]

DON'T SEND PEOPLE ANON HATE ffs

Seriously stop! Harrasment over fictional stories is insane behaviour!

It was pathetic & insane when it was happening with me, it was pathetic & insane when it was happening with other multi/shippers or meta blogs & it's still pathetic & insane when it's happening with Haladriels.. just because you don't like a fictional ship doesn't mean people who genuinely enjoy it deserve to listen to your anonymous bull for it!

Some people, on all sides of this fandom need to (get new hobbies other than anon play) understand that sending petty anons isn't some kind of own or something.. it's embarrassing

And it doesn't help in anything! Hate anon isn't going to change anyone's opinions if that's what you aim for, all it does is just keep on extending this unnecessary bitterness between factions that is feeding the anger that's causing you & others on all sides to send the anons in the first place.. it's a cycle!

Adar fucking died for this and you guys still don't understand that continuing the cycle of hate (anons) ensures noone is ever happy on any side.. 🤦🏽‍♀️

And not for a second am I going to entertain "show haters are behind this" conspiracies.. toxic horticulture people exist everywhere in all circles of opinions & I'm 100% sure they must be among us show fans on all sides too.. and these people rightfully deserve our condemnation as much as actual show haters imo

You've got problems with stuff?? Say it with your whole chest & blogname out so people can respond to you with actual sensible responses like a proper human or else get the fuck off with your petty bullying!

I'll again suggest everyone, just switch off your anons.. bore these toxic people from all sides to death so we can have anons back up and running healthily by the time S3 rolls in

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Hello there! Im the one who asked for nyx reader.

First off i wanted to say that you are absolutely one of my favorite writers on this site and I want you to always remember that we all love and appreciate everything that youre willing to share with us!

Please take your time rest and eat yummy chocolates croissants from your favorite bakery!

And if your willing can I ask for another Nyx reader?

With humans she is a peaceful and loving, since she was a teacher she adore the younger humans and gods.

She is now the self proclaim mother of zerofuku more angered that this child was left without any guidance from other gods.

Shes typically around humans and the few gods that she can stand while she keeps gods like Zeus in check

-Everyone in Valhalla was stunned with your arrival back, putting Zeus in his place and stopping the tournament, even bringing Lu Bu back to life, much to Thor’s joy, as the two were constantly sparring now.

-Those who didn’t know you, mostly the humans, but some gods as well, quickly learned that you were a gentle and kind goddess, but you were not to be crossed unless if they had a death wish.

-For the humans, you became a mentor and a teacher, guiding them, teaching them new things and many admired you and looked up to you. There were many who also had affection for you, but nobody was brave enough to approach you.

-You weren’t bothered, you weren’t really looking for romance at the moment anyway, you enjoyed your position at the moment, it was peaceful and made you feel important.

-You had taken on a second position, becoming the mother for Zerofuku, who adored your decision to adopt him, loving all of the cuddles and affection you were giving to him, especially after you learned what he had gone through and that the other gods didn’t mentor or watch over this young child god.

-Zeus earned a particularly nasty glare for that, something Buddha couldn’t help but roar in laughter over, finding the situation amusing, while Zeus was the exact opposite.

-Seeing you doting on Zerofuku so gently made your fan base of admirers grow even more, you were so motherly, so gentle with him, they wanted to be doted on like that too!!

-They couldn’t do anything to Zerofuku however, as that would incur your wrath and they weren’t stupid enough to do that!

-You were cordial to other gods, giving respect if you were given respect first, many knew to be respectful to you, as you could bounce any of them like a basketball and make it look easy.

-There were a few gods, like Buddha and Hercules, that you were friendly with, as they respected you, but also treated you as an equal, as a friend, something you appreciated and welcomed.

-All three of them, Buddha, Hercules, and Zerofuku were quite protective of you, demanding others respect you, mainly because if you got mad there might not be any survivors, something you playfully scold them for after scaring others with those exact words.

-There were a few who knew that the ‘playful threat’ was not completely a joke, because you could take over Valhalla if you wanted to, mainly Zeus, Odin, Hades, and Shiva, they all respected and feared you, but for the most part you got along with them, except for Zeus, who had to tiptoe around you very carefully, as you were still mad at him.

-Hades couldn’t help but chuckle after he asked you if you were going to forgive Zeus, after Zeus begged his eldest brother to talk to you, and you pouted, acting a bit childish, folding your arms, “No- I’m not done being petty yet.”

-Zeus had to work hard to suck up to you, as he had done many things to piss you off while you had been gone, learning about more and more of his infractions, but not many had any sympathy, including his brothers, who told him that he brought it all himself.

[dearweirdme]

This is just a bit of a story of my journey as a Jikook biased Army I wanted to share owing to all the discussion on your blog about the attention seeking tendencies of Tae. This is just more of a personal story that you can very well choose to ignore cause it adds no value to any discussion.

Soo, I became an Army around 2020 and the first thing I was pushed into was Taekook fan content on YT. Since the content seemed pretty fishy cause of all the "analysis" and secret messaging to it, I started looking up other sources to prove said ship and then stumbled across Jikook content. In comparison to Taekook, the Jikook content felt much more real and I didn't have to go around following any theories for it. But it did seem unlikely to me how there could be a gay couple being so open. The good thing though was that I am OT7 through and through and by this time I had watched way more BTS content to realise that BTS are not your same flushed out Kpop band, they have a lot more depth and speak about things that matter, have honest opinions about things and do voice it out either directly or indirectly. It also helps that Jikook are my bias line and so I began to follow more Jikook based accounts.

I do believe that when you keep seeing something you do start believing it more cause what started as a simple they are cute and I love their interactions did escalate to I support them. I mean I was reading so much about how they were being so loud and brave at times. I think the thing about Jikookers also is that most if not all discussions are based on real content not some contorted fan theory like Taekookers making it easier and easier to move my mindset to a "supporter". And yes, I still do find A LOT of Taekookers being really mindless about what they say and do feel it kinda pushes out any legitimacy to any of the more sensible things or actual things they say.

The thing that got me taking a step back though was when I started getting annoyed about Tae posting things about Jk to seem like he is wanting the attention and I hated that for me. Cause I genuinely love the 7 for who they are as they are and these kinda thoughts were not really nice for me to have. I also started over analysing particular content wondering why Jikook seemed mad at each other and petty things which I don't even want to think back about. It was all very "teen girly ". The other thing that stood out to me is also when Jikook enlisted together. Having read more and more about the LGBTQ+ situation in SK and the military (this is not restricted to SK, I did read up quite a bit about some other asian countries too), it didn't seem like a gay couple would actually enlist together. That said, I anyway don't think any of the Taekooker reasons for believing they are real as well.

So I took a step back and started following more general OT7 blogs and twts and I just felt so much at peace and more like myself. I am at a place now where I think that even if the members are part of the community, I don't see any ship between them as "real" or support it cause it just doesn't seem likely. It's also obvious that we see a very limited portion of their lives and there is truly not enough information to suggest that we really know anything about their other relationships. I do still really enjoy following all the Jikook accs cause it just gives me so much joy. I truly think their bond is something I will always cherish and love. They just have this wonderful chemistry and click in a way that we don't see too often and it's beautiful to watch. But so is every other bond in BTS that is so unique and wonderful.

They will really are just so wonderful together and I can't wait for them all to be out of their mandated military service to pursue their careers however they deem it feel right for them. And I'll be here to support it as best as I can.

Hi anon!

Thanks for sending me this. I can relate, because I too love all 7 of them. When I came into Tkk fandom I was met with a lot of nasty takes about Jm and I could not recognize what those takes were telling me from what I had seen myself by watching BTS. I was pretty happy to see that on Tumblr there is way less of that (though still some) and that most of the accounts I interact with love him just as much as I do.

Shipping fandom is a tricky place. When I started to look into Tkk after being Army for a while, I had real trouble sifting through all the edits and overanalyzations. There is so much shit going around that I think the madness that comes with being in Tkk spaces works counterproductive. There is realness to Tae and Jk in my opinion (a lot of reallness, though you still think my ideas are a strech… so 😆) but all the wrong edits and far fetched theories are what makes most people directly go to ‘delusional’.

I am glad that you are able to enjoy watching your favorites and that you are in a good place in fandom for yourself. That is what being a fan is about.

[foxzgrrl]

DSMP Sanders Sides AU?

This is an AU me and my friend came up with (they don’t have a tumblr, if they do get one I’ll tag them), this is very much a Work in progress (W.I.P), but we’ve had some fun with it. The basic premise is that every member of the SMP has their own sides. It’s a known fact, so it’s not weird to see someone talking to themself. People can’t see each other's sides, you can only see your own, (Tommy can’t see Ranboo’s sides, but Ranboo can see his own sides) (I hope that makes sense) I won’t go too in depth in this post, just a basic overview of what me and my friend came up with. We haven’t done all the characters in the SMP, these are all the ones we’ve done so far.

The characters we have done and their sides are under the cut.

Starting off with Tommy sides, we have: Tommy has two Chaos sides, Disk Innit, and Patriot Innit. Disk Innit embodies mostly harmless fun, mainly when Tommy started the drug van with Wilbur, the cartel, and silly money making schemes that tend to involve drug dealers. Disk Innit doesn’t want to hurt anyone, he just wants to annoy them or make them laugh. Patriot Innit is a different story. He causes problems on purpose, and likes to cause others issues. Patriot Innit is the one who gets into the wars and conflicts, and even starts them. However, he is very loyal, and will fight for what he cares for till the very end. Loud Innit is the embodiment of just how much Tommy screams and yells, and other such things. He embodies the need for attention, for people to see Tommy and acknowledge him. He hates being ignored, and people disagreeing with him. He’s known to buddy up with both chaos sides a lot. Clingy Innit is well, Tommy’s clingy side. He’s a very shy side, and doesn’t fully interact as much. He’s the one who calls others clingy, and when people call him out for being clingy, Clingy Innit will back off fast (mostly replaced with a chaos side or Loud Innit). Clingy Innit hates the idea of losing those he cares for, and has strong opinions about everyone. They buddy up with Loud Innit sometimes when they’re feeling brave, which isn’t often. Finally, we have Exile Innit. This is the side that deals with most of Tommy’s trauma. He’s the fight or flight, the one who eats the gapples when he feels the slightest bit of danger, the panic from an unexpected noise. He’s the opposite of Loud Innit, preferring to slink away and keep safe rather than be seen or heard in fear of being hurt again. He rarely works with the other sides, preferring to stay secluded.

Then we have Awesamdude. His sides are: Dad, the one who cares a lot about any of the children on the server, mostly Tommy. He worries about Tommy constantly, and is very protective over him and the other children. He is stubborn and refuses to give up on those he cares for. Warden, the one who runs the prison. He’s strict, uncaring, and his top priority is the prison and making sure Dream doesn’t escape. He does care about the others, but they're not his top priority. Warden doesn’t get along with the other sides, he wants to, but he puts his job first. So he’ll listen to the other sides when he can, as long as it doesn’t hinder his work. He and Dad have a rocky relationship, Dad thinks he could care more, Warden thinks Dad cares too much about the others. Then he has Valentine. Valentine cares deeply for Ponk, and wants to save him from the egg, and to spend as much time as he can with Ponk. Valentine and Dad get along, but Valentine and Warden have a horrible relationship, and have even gotten into physical fights with each other. Sam has a hard time with his sides, as they never seem to get along, and it makes things much harder than it has to be.

Badboyhalo’s sides are: Wholesomeboyhalo, a kind hearted and sweet demon. He just wants to make sure everything is kid friendly and doesn’t like conflict that much. He cares deeply for his friends as well. Wholesomeboyhalo represents just the overall vibe that BBH wants to keep around himself, where people are happy and don’t make crude or mean jokes. He’s happy most of the time, and a joy to be around. Annoyedboyhalo is the side for whenever BBH gets annoyed about anything. He’s quick to call people out and not afraid to yell. He and Wholesomeboyhalo are friends, as annoyedboyhalo wants to keep wholesome happy, and mostly shows up whenever someone curses or is crude. He’s also very petty, and almost constantly stressed out. He needs sleep. LANGUAGEboyhalo wasn’t originally a side. He was kind of the fusion of Wholesome and Annoyed, and with it being common for them to work at the same time when yelling at anyone who makes an adult joke or says any curse words, LANGUAGE just, ended up popping into existence to fill the role. LANGUAGEboyhalo shows up whenever someone curses or says anything suggestive. He gets along with Wholesomeboyhalo and Annoyedboyhalo, though he doesn’t like Tommy. Piningboyhalo came around when they met Skeppy, mainly because of how Skeppy and Bad’s lives are intertwined. He cares deeply for Skeppy and is very protective as well. He’s also been nicknamed ‘clingyboyhalo’ and ‘jealousboyhalo’, and has given up on fighting the nicknames. He’s willing to do anything to keep Skeppy safe. Anything. Dadboyhalo is a combination of when Wholesome and LANGUAGE have influence. He isn’t an actual side, but is distinct enough to have the nickname. Typically ‘shows up’ when Sapnap is around. T̹̅-̱͍̠̼̎͐̈̈́_̧̤̟́̿̚ ̧̧͈̥̬̏̈͊̐͘5̣̪̰̇̿͞!̭͛ ͔͖̺̳̓̅̿͡ ̛̹͇͒̍͟_̳̣̝̩͙̈́͆̒̑̒ 

We also have Skeppy’s: Clingy is very attached to all of Skeppy’s friends, and willing to fight for them to the death. He’s the one who is connected to BBH’s life, and the one who gets jealous over things. He doesn’t like even the idea of losing the people he cares for. Chaos, also known as Chaos in Control, or Let’s Cause Problems on Purpose, is Skeppy’s chaotic side. He likes to crack jokes, make pranks, and in general be absolutely feral. He and clingy sometimes butt heads, as his antics get’s Bad angry, and that makes Clingy sad. Flirt is an interesting side. Flirt only flirts with BBH, which is odd, because there are no sides that have only one purpose. Flirt likes to hang out with Chaos, when they team up it typically ends in an angry BBH, but Flirt seems to get distant after that. Skeppy and the others don’t really like to talk with flirt often. No one asks about the side. _͚̦͕̑́͂7̪̼́̎͑ͅ-̡̨̗̥̔̓̓͡ ͔̤̼͊̀̉̓͢3͈̺͓̞̇͐͐̾g̡̘̏͆͒ͅ_̨̹̼̙̓̈́̄̎

[drabbles-of-writing]

new age au gives me so much serotonin actually i think its v v neat so if its not too much trouble gayhaps some Things abt them?-Spark Anon

srkjthrkjthjtk y’all just like a bunch of idiots doing stupid shit and thats iconic of you

Luz, out of the blue: are you aware you technically committed a federal offence when you accidentally kidnapped me? Eda, without missing a beat: wouldn’t be the first time

once a kid flagged down Luz when she was casually hanging on a rooftop and asked if Luz could somehow manage to cancel the school for the day since they forgot to do some homework that was a BIG part of their grade and just needed one day to finish it. Luz, despite being a literal principal and could Really piss off some people in the town, agreed. she proceeded to get a SHIT ton of snow glyphs and activate them all within the school, around the school, and added a couple ice spires for good measure. school was cancelled. the school principal now wants her head on a spike. it was worth it.

speaking of the principal (who no, is not Luz’s old principal, this guys someone totally oblivious n new to town), he and Luz’s rivalry is PEAK comedy. hes So Obsessed w her facing justice bc now students will go to her to cancel school (granted she doesn’t do it ALL the time, but if u like, give her a snack, shes in) and its War. only Luz don’t take it seriously and takes joy out of being Multiple thorns in his side. she once sat in his office chair w her hands folded and her feet on the desk with the smirking cat face. the principal was LIVID when he showed up at school n Luz was sitting there with such a Knowing Face. she broke almost everything in there on her way out. but MAN she couldn’t have been more smug when she was hanging out in the principals office in handcuffs that he resorted to keeping around (despite the fact she could easily break them) and telling him, casually “yeah im also a principal lol.” he absolutely Refused to believe that someone like Her could be a principal of a school. Luz was 100% ready to take him to the Boiling Isles just to rub it in his face but decided it would be WAY funnier for him to insist she wasn’t a principal only for it to actually be revealed at some later date when hes in too deep. she has also shown up in the school/office and made some whack polices or announcements under the guise of “I’m also a principal I’m legally allowed to do this” which probably isn’t true but nobody wants to (or is brave enough) to argue with her. seriously I could go ON about Luz’s rivalry with the principal. 

The town was pretty much convinced Luz was some harmless bastard who just liked causing trouble (same with everyone else in the owl fam tbh) for a decent while. when I say some weren’t brave enough or ‘intimidated’ by Luz, I meant that they know DAMN well Luz could take petty, annoying revenge on them and most people don’t want to deal with the inconvenience.  I REALLY want to figure out a reason Luz would be ready to KILL that would make the townspeople go “oh. so she could literally level this entire town if she wanted. fun” but I can’t think of shit so I leave y’all w the image of Luz w the Serious Face ready to Kick Ass, Glowy Eyes, and multiple Nervous townsfolk.

Barcus only shows up to grab something from the human realm and then leave again. nobody even realized he wasn’t just a dog someone dressed up until they caught one of the owl fam talking to him and realized oh, the dog is Actually Sentient. What The Fuck

[thehighwaytothestars]

BRIEF ANALYSIS OF CHANGBIN’S BIRTH CHART

Quick Disclaimer : Unfortunately, we don’t have Changbin’s birth time, so the  analyses of his birth chart It’s more focused in the energy of the planets and signs, because we can’t really see how he is manifesting this energy in his daily life, in the material world.  So, this is just my point of view about how he can be, behave, feel things, etc. Perhaps he channels some energies differently, and that is okay. Please, don’t take all the info's down below as if they are 100% accurate. <3 

LEO SUN

This leo baby, so prone to inspire people, make them laugh, feel love, and feel like they’re a million bucks. This energy is powerful and so passionate, he likes to bring joy and lift up people’s energy, he’s so playful and energetic that is impossible to people don’t feel better when they are around him. They like to enjoy life to the fullest, but want company while they are doing it. The biggest heart ever, when he likes someone, he will try to do as much as he can to help them.They are fearless as well, they believe in themselves and follow their hearts like no others, that’s why they are so powerful, they are always in sync with their values, their truths.  And of course, if the energy of this sign isn’t well balanced, they can become prideful, selfish, egoistical, self-centered, petty.  

LEO SUN CONJUNCT NORTH NODE  

This is it, he was born to bring joy to people, to cheer them up, to be in the center of stage, he’s definitely in the right way here. He is in the business that try to inspire people, make them feel better while watching their performances, and listening their music.   Leos are so good expressing themselves, and one of the ways they can do it really well is through acting, music, any artistic way that allowed them to be who they really are. And Changbin is definitely learning how to be more he’s true self, since the north node it’s all about what we came to learn in this life, but also can be a little challenging for him, exactly because is something that he is learning. He came to learn how to be proud about his true self, his essence, to believe more in himself. He’s discovering that he can do it whatever he wants, that he can, and wants people to feel in the same way he is. So, as I said, he wants to inspire people to be proud of who they are, to be their own self, and to be fearless about it.  

LEO MOON CONJUNCT NORTH NODE

I believe that he brings sometimes from he’s past life to this one, so he can be quite intuitive about what he’s doing, he’s a natural.  The leo moon can be sometimes dramatic, and in terms of emotions can be quite selfish and childlike, but when it comes to the positive side, is a very happy, joyful placement. It’s likely that people with leo moons work in the public eye, in the entertainment business and in this case, the conjunction with the north node just accentuate that.  The leo moon brings a lot of playfulness to the person, they like having fun, and a good time. They can also be quite confident, even flirty. They are brave, courageous and not afraid to go after what they want. They can be really devoted, loyal to people, and their own values and convictions. As I said they have a huge heart, and will always protect the ones they love, definitely the type to hate someone just because a friend doesn’t like it them. His friend's enemies will be their enemies too.  Leo moon can’t take being cheat it, if you ever do that, oh boy...you will be facing their worst side, all the rage and fury, it can get really scary, especially because they can be loud and look like 10 feet tall when mad. They become more dramatic than ever, so you never know what is going to happen.  

CANCER MERCURY   Cancer mercury can be a placement where people are really sweet and cute expressing themselves, worrying about others emotions and feelings when they communicate, so they can be careful with their words. And they can get hurt easily by what others say about them. They can communicate they emotions really well, since the moon (emotions and feelings) rules cancer. In Changbin’s case, with his leo moon, can inspire people through he’s speech, can motivated them. We can see this in his writhing too. But he can become a little savage when someone hurts his feelings and pride, he can say mean things just to make you suffer, or start doing sarcastic comments, could raise his voice too. He can be definitely the one making passive aggressive comments as well. The tendency here is to defend himself from something, so it’s hard to make him change his mind once he is hurt.  He can be moody as well. One day talking a lot, super excited, and the next day barely speaking. His emotions can impact his communication a lot.  

VIRGO VENUS IN RETROGRADE   Usually people with this placement can be quite picky, selective, demading in relationships, with a big desire to help their partners to improve, they can have as well and ideia of “perfect partner”, which can lead us to someone being alone for a long time. Because, nobody is good enough. Buuuuuut, of couuuurse, this is the bad aspect of this sign that posses so many others great parts. Having a virgo venus makes the person super helpful, wanting to do everthing they can in order to see their partners out of stress, trouble, and things like that. They show love by doing things for you, serving you, cleaning and organizing your stuffs, for example. They can be not so romantic, but they are faithful,always by your side taking care of you, seeing if you need something, or ate something, for instances. They are very very giving, and really need to stop so much in their partners, and need to think a bit more about them, and their wishes, so it’s important to have a partner who can take care of them as well. They work hard in everything they do, and will try to make this relationship the best you ever had, the most perfect one.  But even though they are super dedicated, they aren’t clingy, and want some space as well. They are not the ones declaring their love all the time through words, they will show how much they care by doing little things for you.  They are good in analysing their partnerts so with something is wrong they’ll know right away, so please don’t try to hide, bc they know you better than yourself.  Having venus in retrograde can make sometimes hard to open up to love, and people in general; and it can be harder for Changbin bc he’s venus it’s alredy in a sign that is very closed, demading, introspective, and picky. So, yeah...poor Changbin I think he may face a few challenges in real relationships :(  but maybe he can compensate this in the sack?! hehehe let’s see what his mars tells us...

SCORPIO MARS :) Okay...know, I think Changbin can be a little reserved in terms of relationships but when it’s about sex...he’s up for a lot of things. Afterall having this placement makes the person more sexual, and wanting to explore his sexual nature, breaking taboos, the all thing.  Scorpio mars are intense, seductive, dominant and know what they want. Usually they like people who submit to their power.  Having a virgo venus and a scorpio mars, something tells me that this boy is all about pleasing his partner and he’s not done until you finished (praise the Lord)...or better saying, until he’s done with you <3  But mars isn’t just about sex, and he does...but it’s also about attitude, action, how we fight our battles, how we star things. In Changbin’s case I believe that he’s really focused, determined, almost obsessive when its about doing his things. When he thinks he should do something, he goes until the end of it. He’s  intense em whatever he does (IknowIsaidnomoresexthingsbutc’mon)... He’s the one putting he’s all, his heart, and all he can give to make it work (and I’m pretty sure we can see this when he’s rapping or dacing, for instance).  Usually, this placement makes the person enjoying working out, or challenging their bodies til exhaustion, they may enjoy the pain and seeing the results, the transformation in their bodies.

[pixieposts]

Dice Prompt

Today I was rudely woken up at 4am so I decided to use the extra time to write.

I rolled a 10!  Our prompt is: “Can we please stop running?  I think I am dying”  Enjoy!

AO3  

Fjord sighed as he watched the bartender walk back over with his beer, muttering a quiet thank you as he took it.  He hated being the first one to arrive when the Nine met up, especially when it involved a bar that he had never been to.  But it had been another week from hell at school, with mid-terms coming up and extra holiday shifts at the garage... he was wiped out.  A night out with friends was exactly what he needed.  

“Fjord!  Fuckin’ bus was late again”  

He smiled as he heard Beau’s voice ring out behind him, only to have the smile disappear immediately when he heard another join her

“Fjord?”  

He turned on his barstool, disbelief filling his mind as he caught sight of not only Beau, but the person who had walked in with her.  Slim, with long ginger hair tied loosely back, dressed in worn-out jeans and a dark grey cardigan... It couldn’t be him.  

“Fjord Stone?”  

It was definitely him.  

Fjord had never heard anyone else say his name the way he did.    

“Caleb Widogast” he breathed, trying to change his shocked expression for a smile and failing miserably.

Big blue eyes stared at him, blinking in matching disbelief before turning to Beau with a pointed look.  

“This is why you wanted me to come out so badly?  You could have just said--”  

“It’s more fun if it’s a surprise dude!”

“More fun for you maybe”

Fjord watched them argue until his heartrate had slowed back to normal, then cleared his throat.  They both looked over sheepishly, seeming to realize that they had all but forgotten he was there.  Honestly, it was kind of cute.  

“You mad?” Beau asked, going for her usual nonchalance but giving herself away with a nervous frown “I thought it would be fun”  

“I just don’t understand how... what?” he turned to Caleb “I thought you were still in Xhorhas training with that Essek guy?”

“I... I decided I wanted to branch out a bit”  

Beau tugged Caleb over, all but shoving him onto one of the stools next to Fjord before taking one herself.  She waved down the bartender and ordered two beers before turning back to them.

“I can explain this one” she thanked the bartender, handing a beer to Caleb with a nod “Cay here is in a couple of my classes, we’ve been hanging out and working together since last year” she took a sip “he starts telling me about this guy, this old friend that he hadn’t been able to get in touch with right?  And I’m like thinkin’, y’know, the city is huge so that makes sense”  

Fjord nodded along, despite having no idea where this was going.  

“And then like... two months-ish ago you” she pointed at Fjord with her beer bottle “mentioned the same thing.  Old friend, couldn’t find him online, hadn’t seen him in years yadda-yadda" she waved a hand dismissively “so I start doing a little poking around right?  Looking at old year books and talking to my connections at the Xhorhas Soul... and what do I find?”  

She reached into her jackets inner pocket and whipped out a piece of paper that looked like it had been torn directly out of a book.  Caleb glared at her, grumbling under his breath about damaging books that weren’t your own.  She shushed him, laying the paper out and smiling brightly when they both leaned in.  Fjord felt warmth bloom in his chest when he realized what he was looking at, it wasn’t just some scrap of paper, it was a photo (albeit a photo she had definitely ripped out of a yearbook).  In it were young Caleb and Fjord, dressed in outdated clothes with Fjord’s arm wrapped around Caleb’s skinny shoulders.  Fjord was beaming at the photographer while Caleb looked up at him, a fond smile on his face that sent Fjord’s stomach into summersaults.  Caleb looked nearly the same, but without the scruff and with his hair cut to just above his shoulders.  Fjord could just barely see the tips of his still blunted tusks poking out in the smile... so they had to be nearly graduated.  He hadn’t stopped filing them until around then.  Caleb had convinced him to stop, now that he thought about it...

“So, I find this, and it just confirmed what I was already pretty sure about” she tapped the photo triumphantly “you’re welcome, assholes”  

Fjord tore his eyes from the old photo, looking up just in time to see Caleb do the same.  For all the other ways that age had changed them... his eyes were just the same.  Deep ocean blue and far too clever for his own good, and Fjord couldn’t help but smile.  

“Thank you, Beauregard” Caleb said quietly, without looking away “this was very kind of you”

“Yeah, thanks Beau”  

In his peripheral he could see Beau looking between them with her eyes narrowed in the way that he knew meant she was making note of something.  The growing sense of joy in his chest distracted him enough that he really didn’t care at the moment.  

“Are you two about to get all gross and sappy?”  

“I cannot make any promises to the contrary” Caleb shrugged, still smiling as he took a sip of his beer

“Nope” Fjord said with an exaggerated pop “I can’t either.  We got a lot of years to catch up on”  

“Ugh, this was a mistake”

“Are you sure?  I have many stories about high school Fjord that I know you would enjoy”  

Fjord shot him a glare without any real menace behind it.

“Two can play at that game, should I tell her about the time you blew up the chem lab?”

“Only if you want her to know about the time you flooded the entire gym”  

Beau was smirking now, looking from one to the other mischievously.

“Okay, I take it back, this was a great idea and I’m a fucking genius”  

They spent the next thirty minutes going back and forth with stories of their high school years, and all the ridiculous teenage stuff they had gotten up to.  By then the others had arrived, and Fjord was shocked to see that none of them were confused by Caleb’s presence.  Somehow, through the last two years, Caleb had managed to make friends with all of Fjords friends... and they had never run into each other.  He supposed it wasn't THAT strange, Caleb had never been one for parties and had always put more of his focus into school than socializing... but still.  Once the whole group was here, the conversations shifted to more general topics, like mid-terms and work and petty grievances (those were mostly Molly, admittedly).  Caleb and Beau swapped seats at one point, so the Beau could flirt more directly with Yasha and Jester, and Caleb turned to him with a small smile.  His cheeks had started to colour from the beers, giving him an endearing blush.  

“Hallo again”

“Hey” Fjord smiled back, fondness softening his expression

“You have grown out your tusks” Caleb mused; head tilted slightly “they suit you”  

“Same with your hair” Fjord reached out, tugging lightly on a loose strand before tucking it behind Caleb’s ear “you look good Cay, happy”

“I am” he laid a hand over Fjord’s on the bar “I am happy, things have been good I just...” he paused, and the tips of his ears went pink too “I have missed you.  Very much.”

“You’re not an easy man to find” Fjord turned his hand over, pressing the scars of their long-ago pact together “but I’ve missed you too, the city’s felt weird without you around”

“I have been around”

“Apparently, still can’t believe we haven't run into each other before this”  

“It certainly seems strange does it not?”  

They sat that way for the rest of the night, catching up at first, talking about what they had done in the 5 years since they had graduated high school.  Caleb told him about Xhorhas, how fascinating the country was, how strange it felt to be one of the very few humans on the school's campus there.  He had learned Undercommon out of necessity but ended up loving the language itself very quickly.  In return Fjord told him about the garage where he had met Yasha, and her convincing him to apply for school.  About meeting Caduceus not long after and his shift into following the Wildmother.  Caleb had never been religious, but he beamed and gave Fjords hand a squeeze when he talked about the peace she had brought into his life.  

Eventually, they were pulled back into conversation with the others, but Fjord's heart swelled when he realized that Caleb wasn’t pulling his hand away.  They stayed that way the rest of the night, Caleb interlocking their fingers when they all got up to stumble towards the bus stop.  Caleb leaned heavily on him as they waited, the others were trying to decide who’s place to head to for the rest of the night.  Fjord tugged him in close, leaning his head on Caleb's when it landed against his shoulder as the others settled on Molly and Yasha’s place.  The ground started to walk, since the little rental house was off campus and the weather was still reasonable.  

There was something so wonderful about how easily they had slipped back into physical touch.  It had taken Fjord years to break down Caleb’s walls enough the first time, and part of him had worried (however briefly) that it would be like starting over.  

Instead, it felt like nothing had changed between them, like the last five years hadn’t happened at all.  

“Last one there has to clean the dishes tomorrow!” Jester shrieked, starting to sprint off in the direction of the house.

“Fuck that!” “No fucking way!”  

Fjord smirked down at Caleb, tightening his grip on the other man's hand before he gave chase along with the others.  Beau had taken an obvious lead but had slowed down slightly to stay close to Jester and Yasha.  Molly and Jester were cheering and swearing and laughing interchangeably into the night as they ran, and Fjord found himself laughing along.  After a few blocks, when his heart had really started to pound and he was beginning to regret that last beer, Caleb tugged his hand.

“Can we please stop running?” he panted as Fjord slowed “I think I am dying”  

Fjord chuckled as he slowed more to a walk, then stopped completely, watching Caleb press a hand to his chest.

“I am dying, definitely”

“No, you’re not” Fjord chuckled, joy and adrenaline making him brave as the sounds of the others faded into the night “c’mere, look”  

He moved in close, pressing the tips of his fingers to Caleb’s neck and feeling the thundering pulse under his skin.

“See?  Perfectly fine, very much alive”  

Caleb looked up at him now, cheeks flushed dark with exertion and hair a wild mess... Fjord wondered when the tie had come loose.  

“Are you sure?” Caleb's free hand came up to rest on top of his “I am not convinced”  

Fjord's cheeks heated up past the point of the run as Caleb slid their hands down from his neck to rest on his chest instead.  Fjord could feel his heart pounding in time with Caleb’s as his voice dropped nearly to a whisper.

“I missed you very much Fjord” his tongue darted across his bottom lip and Fjord’s eye followed the motion “I always... There were so many things I never managed to tell you; I have regretted it ever since”

“Tell me now then Cay, it’s just us”

“It has always been us Fjord” he took a deep breath “It has always been you for me, all this time away I—it was always you”  

“Caleb--” Fjord's heart leapt “Fuck, all these years and we’re just now...” he trailed off with a smile, bringing his hand from Caleb's chest up to cup his jaw lightly “Can I kiss you?”

“Gods yes”  

“Finally.” Fjord teased, leaning down to lock their lips together.  

Caleb sighed happily into the kiss, tilting his head to get a better angle as Fjord walked them off the sidewalk and pressed Caleb’s back to a large tree.  How long they stayed that way, trading kisses and whispered words of endearment, he couldn’t say but eventually (far too soon) the sounds of their friends had completely faded and they knew they ought to continue on their way.  If they didn’t someone was sure to come looking, and they would never hear the end of it.  The others wore knowing looks when they finally got back to the house, hands locked and faces flushed.  Beau handed Caleb a new hair tie and a drink, but nothing was said about it for the moment, and Fjord was grateful.  The evening wore on, with more drinks and stories and games, and with Caleb curled up against Fjord’s side.  

Come morning, tired but content, they stood shoulder to shoulder at the sink, and Fjord couldn’t help but feel like the evening had definitely been worth the wait... and doing the dishes.  

[fandom-queenliness]

Day 12: Disapproval

What’d I miss? 

This is in fact dedicated in honour of the wonderful @knoxursoxoffpenwriter69! Go check them out!!! Their art and writing is literally amazing!!!!!

@felinettenovember

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Félix glared at Marinette from his seat, back straight, hands folded, face set into hard, sharp lines.

Marinette met his gaze as she slid into her seat, giving him a mocking smile to cover her nerves.

Oh she knew, she knew why he was glaring at her like that.

And it had everything to do with yesterday afternoon.

She landed in her room, falling onto her bed as Tikki’s magic disappeared, grinning and flushed after an akuma. The battle had been a whirlwind, and she’d needed to be quick, quick and fast and focused, but they’d done it in no time. Now she could prepare for her study session with—

“Marinette?”

She bolted upright, staring down at Félix in horror.

He had seen Ladybug enter, and Marinette appear.

He knew.

Félix stared back at her, his long legs folded beneath him, books spread out on the floor, prepared for studying. He was early.

“Félix,” she said, feeling numb and flustered at once. “Please, you can’t tell anyone—”

“You’re Ladybug,” he whispered. The words echoed through her room.

She flinched away from them, from the danger he was now in. “Yes, and it needs to be a secret.” She slipped down from her loft, Tikki floating behind her cautiously. He scrambled to stand up, his gaze never leaving her. Marinette felt her heart squeeze.

She trusted Félix, with her entire being, she trusted him, but all she could think of was his body, broken before Hawkmoth. His beautiful silver eyes empty. Him, hurt, because of her.

He knew, he knew, he knew.

“You’re Ladybug,” Félix repeated, the shock fading from his voice. “You’re the one saving this city. Fighting for us.”

Marinette stopped her approach, stunned from the venom and disgust in his voice. She had never thought he would be so… angry it was her.

Surprised, shocked, stunned.

Never angry.

“Yes, I’m Ladybug.” She lifted her chin higher, trying to summon her courage, the confidence she felt in her bones as she flew across the city.

“The hero.” He said softly, too softly. “The first and last line of defence. You.”

Rage, born from fear and panic of his anger, flamed her blood. She had fought for years for this city, for him. His petty disapproval meant nothing to her.

“Yes, me,” She spat. “I was chosen. To be Ladybug, to protect this city. I am the hero of Paris. Surprised?” Her hands were shaking, out of fury or fear. Was she losing him?

Félix laughed, and it sounded deranged. He looked furious, disbelieving, disapproving. “I can’t believe—you were—chosen, you were chosen for this. What cruel person would do this—”

“Marinette is a perfect Ladybug!” Tikki spoke up, her voice carrying all the ancient rage Marinette had never heard. “She was chosen because she is worthy and capable. How dare you—”

“I can’t—I don’t—chosen—you.” Félix shook his head. “You. Marinette, Ladybug. Fighting. Saving people. In the thick of danger. Our hero.”

There was disdain in his voice. She was thrown back, to every time she was belittled by Chloe, by bullies. For being too shy, too clumsy, too small, too distracted and quiet and loud and emotional.

Marinette’s eyes stung.

She had never thought he would be so disgusted with her as Ladybug. He had never held her faults against her. But the way he was looking at her—all she saw was everyone who had ever put her down.

“Marinette.”

Félix reached out, to touch her shoulder, to do something, but all she saw was red.

He didn’t believe in her. He didn’t trust her to be a hero.

He knew and found her lacking.

“Disappointed?” She hissed, stepping away from his hand. He snatched it back like she burned him. “Poor Félix, so shocked and mislead.

“What?” he barked. Anger burned in his face. “Don’t play games, you know what I’m—”

A buzzing filled her ears. She smiled at him, shoving back the tears, the hurt. Letting her betrayed “Are you upset that it’s me? Just plain, clumsy Marinette!”

She threw her hands up. “Are you surprised that I’m the one left bleeding and bruised after every fight saving this city? That I am the one who has sacrificed everything, again and again, to do my duty?”

Félix growled, and she took a taunting step closer, blinking up at him mockingly.

“Are you angry I’m the one chosen? Angry that I was picked for this? Do you think I’m going to slip up?”  

She shoved him, spiralling down into—hate, anger, panic. She didn’t know. She couldn’t feel anything but the intensity of these feelings. Félix stepped back, glaring down at her.

“Are you angry it’s me?” She asked, sticking her finger in his face. “Are you furious? Are you disgusted?”

Marinette wanted to scream at him, to deal him a blow like the one he had given her. “Do you hate it?”

She grinned, baring her teeth. “Do you disapprove?”

“Yes.” He snapped back. “I disapprove that you are on the front lines. I disapprove. I don’t like it. I don’t like this.” He gestured at her, at Tikki. “I hate it. I hate that you are Ladybug. I hate that it is you. You of all people. Out of everyone, in this whole city, you had to be chosen—”

“Get out,” she breathed. Her body shuddered—from pain, from hurt. “GET OUT.”

Félix said nothing as he gathered up his books, shoving them into his bag. She watched him, keeping her fists clenched. He stormed past her to the trapdoor.

He hesitated, hovering uncertain, half in, half out. “Marinette—”

“Goodbye.”

He closed the door.

“Is everything alright with you and mister grumpy?” Alya leaned over when class was finished, concerned. Marinette couldn’t look at her. Would she react the same?

“An argument. I don’t want to talk about it,” Marinette replied. But it hurt, like an ache in every cell of her body. It felt wrong to not be okay with him, to not feel that warmth. It felt like her lungs were ripped apart, her heart a beat off, her blood a fraction too cold.

Alya leaned back, considering her words. “It seems like he does.” She jerked her chin to Félix. Marinette didn’t turn. “Maybe you two should discuss it when you aren’t both so mad.”

‘I hate that you are Ladybug.’

Marinette crumpled her hand into a fist. “There’s nothing left to say.”

She had been ignoring Félix too well it seems. She hadn’t even noticed when he came up beside her as she walked home and grabbed her elbow.

For a moment, first instinct was to turn and swing at whoever had grabbed her.

Then she recognised the weight of the hand, the smell of clean paper and ink.

It set a fire in her heart before she stamped it out.

“What do you want?” she demanded, pulling her arm away. Gods, it hurt to see him, see the lines and planes of his arm as it fell from her.

Félix’s face was a mask, the only emotion she could see was determination. “To talk.”

“We already talked. You made your opinion clear. Now leave.”

His lips pursed a fraction. A crack in the mask. “Please, Marinette—”

“No. You told me what you thought. You told me many times. I—” Warmth grew behind her eyes. Tears. “—I don’t need to hear it again.”

He took a step forward. “I don’t think you understand what I was saying.”

Bastard, bastard for making this hurt. Bastard for doing this again. “Insulting my intelligence?  Why am I surprised. Was yesterday not enough?” She turned away, even though she knew they weren’t done, even though she knew he would—

Félix grabbed her hand, squeezing it lightly. Just as she knew he would, as she played the part to make him touch her again.

“I want to explain,” he pleaded. The emotion behind his voice made her pause.

He’s your friend, you love him, a part of her whispered. Her heart.

“Fine.”

Marinette led him home, let him follow her to her room. Better to do it on her own terms, in a place where she had some control.

She stood in the centre of the room, glaring at Félix. “Talk.”

He watched her warily. “Where’s the… thing. That floated.”

“My kwami. Tikki’s in my bag. She’s asleep.”

Félix nodded; lips turned down in the corner. He didn’t look inclined to start speaking.

But Marinette was tired, and every moment in the same room with him made her hurt just a little bit more. “You have three minutes.”

“Yesterday… yesterday I was shocked,” Félix told her. He wouldn’t look in her direction. “You just—hurtled in, as Ladybug. And then you were Marinette. And then I knew you were Marinette.”

“I was there too. No need for a recap,” she snapped.

Félix sighed, starting to pace. “For one moment, I was shocked. Trying to reconcile you and her. The hero and my friend. It took less than a second.” He gave a mockery of a laugh. “How could it not? Both brave, both so clever, both so similar. It was easy to accept.”

He stopped and looked at her. “Then I was mad.”

Her heart strained. “Félix.”

“I was mad. I was furious. Nothing had ever made me lose my head so much. I couldn’t think of anything else. I’m still mad.”

Please, don’t say anymore, she silently begged him, don’t tell me why you hate it’s me.

Félix’s eyes were big—so big and honest. She couldn’t look away.

“But I’m angry, Nette, not because—” he growled, clenching his hands tight. “Not because—"

“Please,” she whispered, cutting him off. Never had she felt so small. “Don’t.”

Félix ran a hand through his hair. “No, Nette. I’m not angry because I think you’re aren’t good as Ladybug. I’m angry—I’m angry because it’s you.”

Marinette shook her head. I don’t understand. It just hurts. It hurts so much.

Félix took a step towards her, cautiously, nervously. She stayed still. “When I realised it was you, I remembered all the times Ladybug has been hurt. All the danger she is in, every day, every fight. I remembered all the times she was thrown into a wall or hurt or beaten down. And then—then it wasn’t just a hero, it was you.

“My dearest friend. Who brought light and joy to my life. You were getting thrown into the line of fire every single time. And it—it killed me Nette.”

Oh.

Félix took another step forward. “It killed me to know that it was you. To know that you were getting hurt. You were in the thick of danger. You are always at risk!” His face was heartbreaking. She was breaking with it.

“I was just—I couldn’t think.” He was close enough to touch now. Close enough to see the desperation in his face. “I couldn’t think with all his rage. Your words—they didn’t land. To know you were getting hurt, to know that it was you, it drove me insane. I said horrible things, and I didn’t even realise that you would think I meant something else until today.”

She wanted to hold him. She wanted to reassure him, but he kept talking, words fast and pleading.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, to make you think that I—that I didn’t believe in you.” He shook his head, a little smile on his lips. “Gods, I couldn’t think of anyone better for being a hero. You’re incredible. You’re a hero.”

Joy, joy filled Marinette. He doesn’t hate it. He’s glad it’s me. The ache was fading, and all she wanted to do was laugh for joy that he wasn’t leaving.

“But I was angry you were chosen for this.” Félix gripped his hair, tugging on it. Her hands reached out to pull them away—to make him stop punishing himself—but they dropped before she could.

“I was mad someone picked you, specifically to face these villains with no end in sight. That someone I love so much was in so much danger that I—”

Love, love, love, love. The word pounded through her blood.

Félix struggled to find words, to choke them out. “I’m—I—”

He lowered his head, eyes closed.

“I’m sorry,” Félix murmured brokenly. “I’m sorry that I was so cruel. I’m sorry I made you think I disapproved you being Ladybug. I’m sorry I was an idiot who couldn’t use his words properly.”

Tears slipped down his cheeks, and they made her hands wet as she lifted his face to hers. Grey met blue as their breath mingled.

“I forgive you,” she whispered, pulling him into a hug. “And I love you too. I really hope you don’t mean platonically.”

He laughed, broken and wet against her neck. “I love you. Romantically. Please never get hurt again.”

Gods, he knew how to make her heart ache.

She pulled back and leaned her forehead against his, closing her eyes against the pain, the agony in his voice.

“I can’t promise that,” she told him softly. “But I can promise to do my best. That’s all I can do, Félix.”

He sighed, and it tickled her lips.

“That’s enough,” he said, their noses brushing. “From you Marinette, anything is enough.”

There was nothing left to say, so she said nothing. Just held him close, her promise between them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[lemonietrinket]

Coward ||| Chan & Reader

Summary: you and your best friend that have been conjoined at the hip since you were little got into an argument 3 weeks prior, and you can do little to escape it Genres: Angst, but a happy ending with fluff Warnings: consequences of and therefore inferences to a big argument (actual events left vague), one explicit insult, poor language (2x f**k) Word Count: 2,099 Theme: Not a song, but this edit inspired the fic AN: guess how long I’ve had this here in my drafts? September 9, 2019. finally got round to writing it, even though I knew exactly what would happen this is my brain’s bs I don’t write angst super often so, I hope you enjoy!

High school/non-idol AU

~~~

With a sigh you let your chin fall onto your arms. You stared at your own muffled reflection in the glass as you sat on the windowsill, brain in a haze. The cicadas were chirping away below your hunched body, their chorus at its opening hook, and they would continue long through the night—much like the chaos next door.

You supposed, through the thicket of your thoughts, that you should be grateful that the swathes of bodies were just chatting loudly to themselves, instead of screeching to some awful trap beat like they’d been doing the week before. The speakers were playing full blast however, and it didn’t help a single bit that it was one of your favourite songs.  In fact, that was part of the reason why you felt so heavy.

Had things been normal, you would have been there, dancing and smiling and joking with anyone who would listen. But you weren’t.

He hadn’t invited you. Your best friend. Didn’t invite you—his best friend—to his birthday party. Over something so petty too.

You could barely recall the intricacies of the argument. All you could remember was his terse scowl, his soft eyes going from sweet to sour in a second, and the words that cracked like a whip and branded you. Your best friend was so gentle, with a heart of gold—you had seen him at his worst once before, what you’d thought was his worst, and even then you couldn’t imagine he could even contain the spite that then flew from his lips. Even if there had been warning for what could come, nothing further still could have prepared you for it.

He’d become a sort of cold vicious, insults thrown carelessly that then cut deep as if they’d been heated in a bare flame. “How can you be such a fucking coward, Y/N?” had been the one that had twisted as it was pulled out. It still snuck up on you, pounced when you thought you’d calmed down, and then left you reeling in unsettled hurt all over again. 

It never made you cry though. Not during the day. As night crept over the horizon however, it was a different story, and the cicadas’ call became a tepid siren.

You let the warm night air hold you, as if it would work as a suitable replacement, though you knew it would never come close. Breathing in the night air, you sank deeper into the arms of your jumper. It smelt of comfort, of home, of happiness, and the loose hairs there tickled your nose. It was as if your reactions were on a set delay, as it took you several seconds to realise that it was dog hair that was on your sleeves, and that scent was from the person that had taken the comfort away from you. 

‘He doesn’t want you anymore,’ you had to remind yourself, ‘you shouldn’t spare a thought on him.’

But there you were, moping nevertheless, your thoughts practically consumed by him. You couldn’t blame yourself entirely for it, because even as soon as you tried to lift your head away from the memories embroidered in your sleeves, you were still hit by the realisation that you were sat by your bedroom window—the very one that he’d clambered through unprompted years before. He’d been so desperate to escape being forced to tolerate his uncle’s ramblings about roadworks and his pitch to him to get him to come and work at his business instead of music. “Silly songwriting,” had been what his uncle had referred to it as, and your best friend always got a kick out of impersonating the man’s wily poshness. 

You used to chuckle every time your brain procured the memory randomly for you. Now, it just stung.

He’d always wanted to do music, and he refused to give in no matter what anyone told him. His parents had always been supportive, and you figured that was partly why he was so determined with it, though the sentiment wasn’t shared with his extended relatives that often visited. You’d always thought he was brave for standing up to them, it was something that you’d always wanted to do to your own for other reasons, but never found the words to.

You caught yourself in the loop, shaking your head miserably at yourself and the situation before you. How were you supposed to move on when everything around you seeped with him? The caps you shared were slung on the bedposts, the mess of homework scattered upon your desk, the guitar in the corner easing gradually out of tune. Even the night itself was his time. How were you supposed to hide away from the night when you’d spent pretty much every other one before with him.

The ember heat of anger rose in your throat, your thoughts spiking at the distaste of how no one seemed to take the jagged loss of a best friend seriously, at least to enough to help you. The heat grew wilder then; it was never directed at him.

With the sun set below the horizon you felt your lower lip quiver and you loathed its tenderness. You’d watched the sunset with him so many times, you could conjure the exact shades of gold and crimson in your head, it was just a hindrance that you couldn’t paint it without his messy dark curls in the corner.

A knock came from the front door, ad you found yourself counting its beats. Three, no sharps, just drawled pauses in between. You immediately questioned yourself on as to why it mattered. But you knew exactly why. Wishing one of your parents was home to go and answer it would not fix the problem no matter how much you yearned it to, and so you convinced yourself to trundle down the stairs to see who it was. It was probably only a delivery guy after all. Hopefully they wouldn’t try and talk to you unnecessarily.

Biting the inside of your cheek and settling your shaking lips into a firm scowl you swung open the door with a warning glare already in your eye.

To your surprise, it was no person holding a stack of pizza or a parcel of any kind, just a boy you knew too well, with his fallen-tipped eyes all downtrodden.

“Chan, what the fuck are you doing here?” you snapped, your hand itching to slam the door straight back in his face. The only thing that stopped you was his bitten lips. You hated how you knew him so well and that it left you vulnerable.

He drew a smile upon his face, but it was too tight-lipped to be convincing. You wondered if he thought you a fool to try and lie, but still you left the door open. “Too many people,” he finally managed, one fist curling in the cradle of the other’s palm.

“It’s your party!” you snarled, your heart’s leniency not transferring across to your words. You watched his lips hammer shut as his sad eyes glanced away, explanations or excuses—how were you to tell—pooling behind his barricade. You let him stew, the vengeful spirit seeking some joy in his utter discomfort and you didn’t have it in you to hold it back quite yet. The weeks he’d left you in turmoil etched across your mind, the insecurities he’d played on that he couldn’t use the ignorance-card for in the slightest too. You weren’t ready to forgive him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to tag a ‘never’ no matter how much you tried. 

His response broke through the blockade of his silence. “I realised that I messed up Y/N, and it’s not my party if you’re not there and,” his gaze came back to yours and you indulged him, meeting his eyes and how they glistened, “and I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

The vengeful sprite vanished from your shoulder, and you were left without a clue as to what to do. You wanted to forgive him, and he seemed genuine. He’d never pulled a stunt like this before, and you’d known him ever since you were little. But neither could you put his words to bed, and the actions that followed. You’d been to every single one of his birthday parties, you’d been such a staple to him that this wasn’t actually the first time you strictly speaking hadn’t been invited—because there was no way you wouldn’t have been at his side to begin with.  But this was a first, and it hurt. 

You took in the sight of the boy that you’d refused to even look at for the past three weeks. He looked exactly how you’d left him, only emptier. His shadow grew in the flitting light of the dying day sky, much like the ones beneath his eyes had already done. He was closed in on himself, the subtle confidence he always oozed nowhere to be found. You couldn’t picture his high tone catching laughter tumbling from his lips like this. Neither could you hear those sharp edged words on them.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I didn’t mean it, it all just happened and... and this doesn’t fix it—I made you cry, and I hate that I did! It... it’s my responsibility. I accept that it’s my fault, and I’m sorry, I really am—”

You stepped from your doorway and took him into your arms. Three weeks was too long of a time to be from them after all, and you couldn’t stand the way the tears threatened to spill over both your eyes and his. 

He held onto you as soon as you fit against him as perfectly as you always did, hands clutching at your jumper while he nestled his head into your hair. Your tears dampened the collar of his sweater as you sighed, a staggered breath that only just pulled you back from crying entirely. You focused on him, just like you had done before, only this time it was less painful. You realised he smelt different than before, and it soon occurred to you that it was your scent that was missing. It surprised you to discover just how much of your perfume ended up all over him. It wasn’t like you were super affectionate and cuddly friends either. Your lips twitched into a smile without a single thought discarded.

The two of you stayed like that for a while, swaying before your wide open door as Chan slowly regained his stability. All the midges were probably fleeing inside but this once you didn’t mind. You had your comfort back, and even though things weren’t perfect, you could begin to move forward as things should.

“You better make it up to me,” you ordered, a feeble laugh filtering through. 

He sniffed and its stunned you just how close to crying he’d been. “I know, I will, I promise.”

Rubbing his back soothingly, you eased him into swinging gently with the song. It earnt you a warbled laugh, but it meant his usual self was returning. “Do you want to play Mario Kart and see how long it takes for someone to notice?”

You pulled away gently hearing him chuckle awkwardly. Peering up you saw his pink tinged cheeks and wet eyes that he half-covered-half-wiped with his hand. He was the same old Chan you’d known for years after all. “Sounds perfect!” You smiled, helping him wipe his tears with the side of your finger which caused him to sheepishly smile and repeat ‘I’m ok, I’m ok...!’ 

Unsure how to handle the next part, you ended up leading him inside his second home with an awkward shimmy of your arms. It was meant to be a dance move, but it didn’t look much like one and it barely fit the theme of the song pummelling across the air. It didn’t matter to you though, it was really a test of the waters, and fortunately: it worked.

Your restored best friend giggled shyly as he followed, steadying his breath as he watched you shuffle through your front door. He would make all his words up to you, he vowed he would. They’d all been misplaced, all been resentments with himself that he’d sprung weakly on the first other he found, and of course that was going to be you. He was going to make it right, never let you down, help you with whatever you asked—no excuses—and maybe let you win a few times at Mario Kart. And maybe one day he would finally work up the courage to tell you the truth.

~~~

AN: i wrote a thing! go brain!

[edited: may 31]

Masterlist

[love-sapphirerose]

Still Useless Kagome

https://www.deviantart.com/rivaanime/art/Still-Useless-Kagome-858230208

WARNING (PLEASE READ THIS KAGOME FANS): This de-motivational screenshot is anti-Kagome Higurashi. So.. if you like Kagome and want to say how stupid this is, don't you worry, I already know..ok. I repeat again if you do not like this de-motivational screenshot, please do not make offensive comments, or better yet, do not do comments, I want to avoid punishment for reporting your feedback. But if you, however, are not a fan of Kagome you are more then welcome to comment on it. XD *FINAL WARNING* If you are a fan of Kagome Higurashi I seriously advise you to stop reading any further because what you are about to read is my own personal opinion on this miserable excuse of a "heroine". There is going to be MAJOR BASHING on Kagome and her character because YES. I am not a fan of her at all and her immature childish ways. SPOILER WARNING This article might contain some spoilers so if you had not read or seen the ending to InuYasha yet I advise you to also turn away at this point at well but if you are brave enough to read on then read at your own risk. ANTI-KAGOME FANS ENJOY!!   "zako", meaning "small fry", and also is a crude Japanese term that alludes to someone being worthless but also used to describe a person who can't seem to do anything right. *THE FOLLOWING ENTRY IS BASED SOLELY ON MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION AND NOT ON ACTUAL FACTS* I truly meant to post this demotivational screenshot after I watched the 1st episode of Yashahime back when it first aired on October 3rd but of course I got busy with other stuff in my life and also dealing with my ongoing battle of procrastination as well . But of course, as most you might know that when I first started watching the original series of InuYasha I was a fan of Kagome and shipped her and InuYasha but over the years and after re-watching the series a few more times I have become less and less of a fan of Kagome as just like others have, I have come to realize that she was a very petty person who was always feeling sorry for herself, getting jealous over a love triangle that was seriously downright pathetic, because she was technically jealousy over herself and couldn't seem to realize that. She manipulated her little group of ZAKOS to always take her side on everything especially when InuYasha went to see Kikyo or when he was going through a hard time that involved her. Kagome was always getting herself kidnapped or into dangerous situations where others had to put their own lives on the line to save her useless, pathetic ass. She lacked any character development in the series and also in the first episode of Yashahime, the writers have done NOTHING to turn her into a more likable character as she might be 18 years old but she still retains the maturity of a petty 15 year old girl. In the first episode of Yashahime, you think that after living there for 6 months that she would greatly approve her archery skills or reflexes to be better prepared in case of danger but when the root demon attacked the village and mistaked her for Kikyo (can't tell the difference between a woman and a pile of trash apparently) all she did was revert back to what she did when she was 15 years old and during the events with Naraku. She just stood there looking at it while she made glances at her bow and arrow that she lef to the side and frozen by fear and becoming completely helpless that the breed mare (Sango) had to end up saving her. Once again, she had to get her useless self saved by another person. When InuYasha arrived on the scene and she stated that the root demon called her "Kikyo" it was pretty obvious that she was indeed ONCE AGAIN jealous that even after 3 years she is STILL jealous of Kikyo. When she asked InuYasha what was going on he didn't really answer her or give her a proper answer and you can't seriously blame him due to her treatment of him in the past whenever he brought up Kikyo, especially the one time when he did tell her the TRUTH she still didn't trust him or believe him and made him sit over and over a few times. When they went after the root demon to save the village, Kagome told InuYasha to put her down so she could draw the demon to her he refused and then she made a smart-ass remark that he would have listened if she was Kikyo which made InuYasha stiff and Kagome commented to herself that she hit it right on the mark. Okay, that part got a huge groan of aggravation from me as that was not funny at all and really shows that Kagome has not gotten over the past at all by bringing up Kikyo like that. She then puts herself into a very dangerous situation to make the root demon reveal itself that could have seriously gotten her and InuYasha killed (not that I care if Kagome dies, but InuYasha; definitely not). Then after it was all over her and InuYasha talk about what happened and she goes onto to say that she "trusts" him...(bulls**t!) then when he asks if she is angry at him she tells him "no" but then makes him sit AGAIN and goes on to say that InuYasha should trust her more...yeah right, like she is the freaking queen of trust herself. So, bascially what has happened is that just from that one episode it has only raised my hatred for Kagome just more and more. I have not been watching this sequel series but all I can tell you right now is regardless and from what a friend has told me briefly, it seems that once again Kagome's irresponsibitlity and her recklessness with her time-travelling has caught the attention of a new villian who now wants to use that time-travelling capability to rule the world that could even lead to the collapse of the time and space continuim itself. So once again Kagome's irresponsible behavior has caused a tremendous amount of a mess and brought chaos as well, not just to the people of Japan but the entire world as well. The writers are not doing their best to make anti-kagome fans like her or even feel sorry for the fact that she is missing as the only person they are worried about is InuYasha and also Rin's fate from what I heard was revealed at the end of episode 4. Once again, this sequel is nothing but crap and they could have done something different then turn it into another tragedy-story like it's predecessor. Also even after 20 years, nothing was done to improve Kagome and turn her into a more likable and responsible character at all. You think if the writers liked her they would take the time to add in some character development but just from this it seems that she is getting the "Sakura Haruno" treatment from the original series of Naruto and  Naruto Shippuden. I will say this, at least they improved Sakura more in Boruto as she has shown to grow and mature after marrying and becoming a mother but Kagome...yeah...she is now the new "Sakura Haruno" from the original series. I mean I am sure at the end of the series, fans are going to find out where Kagome is as I am sure that the writers won't let her die (pity) but the only joy I can get out of this is that she didn't get to raise her daughter (shame for InuYasha though) but it seems that her daughter has actually turned out ALOT better then her mother from what I heard as she doesn't stand around like a little Miss Prissy Pants waiting for someone to save her and can actually fight too so her not being in her daughter's life was probably the best thing for her.  Plus, her daughter doesn't seem to care about knowing who her mother (and sadly, her father) is at all. So in a way that is some karma in itself.

[write-it-right-2]

Let's talk about God.

Let's talk about faith, and belief, and all the things I meant to be and never let myself say. 

And I know no one is going to see this, and I know even if I post this there's next to no chance it'll be seen, but it needs to be said and I need to say it.

Let's talk about God.

-

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth. He made the sky, and the sea, and everything reflected in either of those. He made every plant and every animal, everything that creeps or crawls or flys, spoke every line and dot of it into existence simply with His words. And He looked at it, and said that it was good.

And then He made man, made humanity, out of dust that he shaped with His hands and that He brought to life with the breath He breathed, made man in the image of Him, and He said that it was very good. 

And man, and Adam, one, singular, named, was in the garden, and there was Eve, then, as well, and it was two, them, in the garden with God.

And there was nothing they were forbad from, nothing they may not do, but for one rule.

Do not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, God said, For the day you do so, you will die.

And then there was satan, and he said look, at how good the fruit is to eat. God lied, you will not die. you will become like God.

And they looked, Adam and Eve. And they looked, humanity, and they saw it was ripe, and they ate.

And so then, man and woman, Adam and Eve. And so then Humanity knew sin.

And God came, and saw them, and knew what they had done.

And Man and Woman, Adam and Eve, were cast from the Garden of Eden for their sin, and God cursed them and blessed them in the same statements.

Cursed them, for sin, and blessed them, in the promise of There will be an end.

You are not meant to toil forever.

And man, and woman, Humanity, spread out across the lands, as far as far could be, and they were kind and they were cruel and they sinned, and they wanted to be like God. And humanity stared up at the stars and said i will go there. i will show i am a god.

And they could not. Because humanity is many things, we are stubborn and bold and petty and scared and a million more beside, but we are not God. We were never meant to be God.

They followed false gods, dead things made of wood or stone or clay, and as lifeless as the hearts of those who made them. They followed them, these people mean only ever to love and be loved, followed them and made wars and death and horrid, awful things in the names of these dead and lifeless gods.

Made wars and death and horrid, awful things in the name of the Living God.

And God brought earth low, wiped out all but a remnant, wiped out all but Noah, the last of those who cared, wiped out all but Noah and those who would believe him.

And then there was Abram, and he followed God, and he worshipped Him. 

And God said I will give you as many children as there are grains of sand in the desert, or stars in the sky.

And He named him Abraham, to mean the promise made.

And from Abraham, came the Jews. 

Humanity said i want to be like God.

And so God said Fine.

And here are my Laws. This is what it means to be God, and you must not break one, or surely you will die.

Each law, a line of intent, something that could be kept mixed with something that could never be done.

Each line, possible, but never all. Humanity could never be all.

And the Jews said Yes, we will do these, because they were a prideful people, and they did so, until they forgot once more and God sent His prophets, to show the Jews each line and tittle, each broken vow that they no longer knew they had broken.

And again, they said Yes, we will do these.

And they did so, until they forgot once more.

And there was so much, so very, very much else. There were wars and deaths and loves and the constant, endless want of people trying and failing and never quite knowing what to do, never quite knowing or being what they wanted to be. 

There was so very much else.

People scared, and people who followed God until they followed something else, because God said Ask. Whatever you want to know, ask me and I will tell you.

Other gods asked for much simpler things. Other gods told much less difficult truths.

But there was David.

And David read, and he learned, and he was not afraid.

When he and his troops needed food, when he was at a temple for the Lord and they asked him if he and his men were Clean, for if they were not they would die to eat the bread as many had before - as so many had because our God may be kind but He has always drawn lines with as much strength as those who cross them - 

When David was asked, he said yes. Because he had read, and he knew and understood.

And humanity may be killed for breaking the Law, but it was Man who first asked if to kill. It was not God who chose to not forgive.

And the law was not meant to tell humanity how to be God.

It was meant to show that humanity is many things - we are brave and cowardly and cruel and wise, stubborn and foolish and sometimes even kind - but we are not God.

We are never God.

-

God is real.

This is the tenet I live by.

God is real.

That is the force of my awaking and the gentle whisper of my sleep, and it will not change nor falter, no matter what I may face. 

This is the truth and the blood of my life, and I will live no other. 

God sent his son to save us. His son, the Son, who is God Himself as well, one of the three that is All.

God sent his Son.

And His name was Jesus, as God said He was to be named. 

Jesus, the messiah, as all his followers called him.

Jesus, a dead man on a stick, as many others call him.

The Jews and their head priests said Do to others as they do to you.

Jesus said, Treat others as you wish to be treated.

and As you judge others, so you will be judged.

and Give Ceaser that which is his, but give God that which is His.

and If you are so much as angry at you family without cause, it is like you have murdered them.

He said that humanity could never fulfill the Law.

He said, in those words and so many others, that here and now, the Law was done.

Gospel means Good News, and nothing could be better.

Because under the law, humanity, male and female, old and young - under the law, they died.

But God said the Law would stand until one came who could fulfill it, and Jesus came, the Son, and He fulfilled it and more.

And here He asks for no great feats, no perfect actions, no insatiable courses of trying and failing to fulfill a role that no mortal could ever rise to - except for one.

Humility.

And isn't that the greatest feat of all?

He asks for this:

First, acceptance.

We are not perfect. We never were, we were never meant to be. We can not judge others, for we are all as bad at the rest. There are no worse sins. There is just sin, and not. We are born in sin. There is no not, for us.

Second, repentance. Even if - Even if. Always. Oh God, forgive me, for I have sinned. Say it like you mean it, because you mean it.

Third. Show it.

What good does it do you or any other, if you take this seed that has grown in your heart, and you lock it in the dark, never to be seen? 

What good does it do you, if you take the forgiveness the God always has and always will show you, and you show it to no other?

What good does it do you, if you believe in the Lord with all you heart but never let words of such pass by your lips? 

If you are hunted, if you are scarred, if such words will lead to your death, are you willing to speak them still?

-

I do not have much. I am scared, and shaking, and always so much a coward, but I have these words that build up and cut in me until I am brave enough to say them, and I have the fragile breaking hope of a crushed flower, locked in a dark and sunless box until, here and now, I let them spill out because the Lord has told me again and again that this is what I am meant to do. It calls to me and fills me with the thought of such fear and joy. I do not want to do this, I am scared to like a shaking blossom, but I know I must because I could not live with myself if I do not speak these words, if I do not let them be heard, even if it is only once, even if no one else cares.

I must. I could not bear myself otherwise.

[starlightsearches]

Office Romance: Ch. 10 Promotion

General Hux and Kylo Ren have found themselves competing for the affection of a lieutenant aboard the Finalizer.

Series Warnings: Language, some violence, near-death experiences.

Masterlist

As General Hux walked to his meeting with the Supreme Leader, he focused on clearing his mind, forcefully ridding himself of the unease that had plagued him since that day in the medbay. After his conversation with Ren, he had gone to the bridge and passed control over to Mitaka with the message that he was not to be disturbed. He awoke the next day bleary-eyed, still in his uniform, hungover off a now-empty bottle of whiskey and a deep shame curdling in his stomach. Shit.

Lucky for the general, he was skilled in damage control, having worked with Ren for so long. He had immediately gone to talk to Phasma, who forgave him readily, after he promised that he would stop being, in her words, such a little bitch. They had fallen back into an easy routine, and Phasma had not mentioned it again. Unfortunately, it had not been so easy to get back on good terms with you.

They had not let him back into the medbay. The doctor had been adamant that you needed to rest, but he had a sneaking suspicion that they were worried about him starting another shouting match. Hux was trying to be on his best behavior, and so he had left and not returned, but now a week had passed and he still hadn’t spoken to you. You had been released from care, he knew that much, although you hadn’t been approved for regular duty. He told himself that he had no need to worry, that he had not sought you out yet because he wanted his apology to be perfect. But what if you didn’t forgive him? Or worse, what if you wouldn’t give him the chance to apologize at all?

A squeezing sensation wrapped around the general’s heart, and he forced himself to let go of that fear, and any other thoughts that could be used against him, as he reached the meeting room. No meeting with the Supreme Leader could be called routine, but at least Hux knew why he had been summoned this time. He made his report succinctly, explaining the damage that had been done to Starkiller Base in the crash (minimal), the number of assets lost (one ship), and number of casualties (none).

“And the lieutenant?” Snoke asked, the first words he had spoken since the general had entered the room. Hux forced himself to keep calm, restraining the emotions that were threatening to break down the walls he had put up before the meeting began.

“What about her, sir?” Hux was trying to stay calm, but Snoke’s interest in you was laced with danger. Snoke leaned forward, coming closer to Hux, looming, his massive form filling the room.

“What about her?” He laughed, a singular, sharp sound and Hux squeezed his fists tighter to avoid flinching, “She ran into the wreckage and managed to live, obviously very brave. But I want to know how you find her, General, since you have such astute observational skills.” Snoke laughed again at Hux’s expense, sitting back in the throne.

“The lieutenant is an excellent soldier. Highly skilled in combat, an exceptional strategist, and loyal to the Order,” Hux responded, ignoring the insult. Snoke sneered at him.

“Honestly, General, your lust for her is unmistakable, even though you try to hide it. What would your father say? Pathetic.” Hux stood his ground but refused to speak, keeping his face an impassive mask as Snoke berated him.

“I’d like to meet her,” he continued, and an icicle of fear pierced Hux through the heart.

“Now, sir?” His pulse was rapid, and he knew that Snoke had sensed it. He had hoped to protect you from all of this, but there was no way for him to refuse the Supreme Leader without drawing more attention to his weakness for you.

“Yes, now. Go find her. I’ll be waiting,” Snoke narrowed his eyes, and Hux turned to leave, hoping it would be a long time before he found you.

The burn in your lungs was a good one, familiar, this time. It had been too long since your last run, and the sheer joy of it struck your chest as you pushed yourself to move faster, pumping your arms more vigorously and leaning into your momentum. The finish line was in sight, and you felt the strain in your muscles as you willed yourself over it, only slowing once you had reached your goal. Mitaka was already there—he had always been a better runner than you—and you stopped, checking your time and feeling the pulse point at your neck as the blood rushed through your veins.

“Damn, a whole minute slower than my usual,” you spoke more to yourself than to Mitaka, annoyed that more than just memories of the crash were still holding you back. Kendale staggered over the finish line then, breathing heavily and clutching her side. She had agreed to come with you as moral support for your first run since the accident, but she was not used to the same rigorous training, and it showed. She hobbled over to you and Mitaka, fanning herself with both hands.

“I thought you were supposed to be taking it easy,” she said, pointing an accusatory finger at you, her panting punctuating each word.

“This is me taking it easy,” you laughed, nudging her in the side, and Mitaka threw his arm over your shoulder in a sweaty embrace. Your heart swelled; after staying in the medbay with only a few attendants and a med droid for company, being with your friends again was wonderful, the most normal moment you had experienced in a while. But normal didn’t last, and your expression darkened, thoughts of the crash always at the back of your mind.

“Seriously, though,” Mitaka said with concern, “how are you feeling?” You fidgeted under their gaze—his and Kendale’s—hating the sting of tears that materialized so easily lately.

“I’m alright, Doe,” you told him, shrugging out of his grasp. Maybe saying it often enough would make it true, but the heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach confirmed that you were still very much not okay.

“Have you . . . talked to the general yet?” Kendale asked in a whisper, looking around to make sure no one overheard your conversation. You had told both of them what had happened, with Hux and with Ren—or at least a heavily edited version of what had happened—as soon as you had been released back to your quarters. They had wanted to know about the crash, but you couldn’t explain it, didn’t have the power to put it into words, and so you had told them about the conflict in the medbay instead.

“No,” your reply came out like a sigh. You had talked back to one of your superiors, screamed at him, and you knew that even though you were right, it hadn’t been justified. You spent the first few days in the medbay out of your mind, terrified that the general would come in and have you removed from the ship, fired for insubordination.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Mitaka said, as he gathered his things, but you could always tell when he was lying. You wanted him to be right, but couldn’t stand the idea of getting your hopes up.

“You weren’t there to see it, Doe; I was awful to him. And the general is not a forgiving man.” Neither of them argued with you, and the sinking feeling inside of you intensified.

You said goodbye to them as they left to get ready for their shifts, looking forward to a shower and some fresh clothes after your workout. And maybe a nap. You had only been awake for a few hours but you could feel yourself getting sleepy, your body still in the process of healing. Every hint of exhaustion disappeared and replaced itself with panic, however, as soon as you recognized the general waiting outside the door to your quarters.

“Lieutenant,” General Hux addressed you as you walked up to him, “your presence has been requested.” You couldn’t detect any outright anger in his voice, but there was an icy formality in the way he spoke. Shit. So you were going to get fired. He had just waited until you were out of the medbay to do it.

“Of course, General . . . Could I change first?” It seemed like a long shot, but you didn’t want to go into your termination meeting still sweaty from your run. Being let go was shameful enough already.

“Unfortunately, we don’t have time. The Supreme Leader is waiting.” You felt the blood rush from your face, and your knees threatened to buckle. Hux grabbed you by the elbow to steady you, the mask of indifference slipping for only a moment as you righted yourself.

“What?” Your head was reeling, and your heart beat thudded heavily in your chest. “What does he want with me?”

“I’m not sure, Lieutenant,” Hux responded, looking nervous. Fuck. You had never seen him look this anxious before, and the idea of him not knowing something had always been an impossibility. Hux hesitated to speak, looking worried that you might fall over again. “It’s best not to keep him waiting,” he spoke quietly, and once he was sure that you wouldn’t faint, he began walking down the hallway, waiting for you to follow. You walked closely behind, your mind in chaos.

If you were being taken to Snoke, were you still being dismissed? The Supreme Leader didn’t usually involve himself in petty complaints like this, rarely involved himself at all in terms of how the Finalizer was run, as far as you knew. So why would he want to see you? Only the most terrible explanations came to mind: you were being questioned, they suspected you were a spy, you would be tortured for information. You fretted as you walked, so focused on figuring out why you were needed that you didn’t notice that Hux had stopped a few paces behind you.

“What is it?” you asked, turning to him.

“Lieutenant, I-” Hux was not making eye contact with you, and you watched the fingers of his right hand beat rapidly against his thigh. Everything about him right now made you nervous, the additional anxiety only worsening your growing panic. He reached for you then, grabbing you by the hand, and pulling you into a nearby alcove.

The space was compact, sheltered from the hallway, and although there was still a small distance between you and him, the privacy of the area made it feel as if you were closer. You noticed the pale freckles dotting his cheeks, a little at odds with the sharp angles of his face. Hux cleared his throat, and you forced yourself to look him in the eyes, hoping he couldn’t read your thoughts in your expression.

“I know that this isn’t ideal timing, Lieutenant, so I’ll be prompt. I wanted to apologize for my behavior.” He looked at you steadily, but you could still see his hand out of the corner of your eye, drumming away at his leg. An apology? You had not expected it, had not really wanted one. Any anger you had felt towards him was long gone, and a sick guilt came over you in response.

“You don’t have to apologize to me, General. It was a heated moment, and really I am the one who should be sorry-” he cut you off with a gently-raised hand before you could finish.

“Please, Lieutenant, let me do this. My behavior in the medbay was unacceptable, but more importantly, I was wrong to question your judgement,” he paused to take a breath, and his eyes found yours again, his gaze so piercing that it stopped the breath in your lungs. “What you did, running into the ship, saving Ren, was very brave. Probably one the bravest things I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry that I doubted you.” You wanted to respond but didn’t know how, the sea-glass color of his eyes holding your brain hostage, scrambling any coherent thoughts you might have had.

“It’s just-” he continued, speaking haltingly now, the honesty of his confession clearly painful for him, “I am not a well-liked man. Respected, of course, but not admired. I’m sure that many members of the Order, and the crew here, would be glad to see me dead. There are not many people that I can trust, and your loyalty to me—to this organization, I mean—is invaluable . . . and I would hate to think that I had lost it.” He looked away from you then, breaking eye contact and allowing you to breathe. Instinctively, you reached forward, stopping the restless twitch of his hand with your own, the leather of his glove smooth against your fingers.

“Thank you for your apology, General,” your voice was heavy, and you lifted your free hand to your face, finding tears coating your cheeks. You released Hux’s hand and wiped the tears away, embarrassed. “And I’m sorry that I yelled at you,” you said, laughing self-consciously at your own apology, which felt terribly inadequate after everything that he had said. The general laughed too, quietly, a soft smile on his face. The display of happiness, small as it was, changed him, made him look like a different person, and for a moment you forgot about the fear that had been plaguing you.

“We should go,” he said, and you nodded, feeling a little more optimistic now. You followed him down the hallway once again and prepared to face the Supreme Leader.

Ren waited outside of the meeting room, trying to make sense of the information he had just been given. He couldn’t, and he sincerely hoped that Hux hadn’t been able to find you, that you would be held off from the meeting for a little longer while he came up with a solution to this new problem.

Unfortunately, he sensed that your presence was close, and the general’s as well. Ren faltered, hoping you wouldn’t notice the fear on him. Or embarrassment: he hadn’t seen you since that day in the medbay, and even though he had been released first—had thought about you every day since—he had not tried to visit. Things might be different now between you, after all that had happened. Maybe you would stop filling with dread at the sight of him . . . but he didn’t want to know for sure. Not that it mattered, any chance he had would be shot to shit once Snoke took you away.

You appeared around the corner, and Ren could tell that neither of you felt as nervous as he did, which meant that Hux didn’t know the truth about you either. The general seemed a little too happy for Ren’s liking, and the two of you looked amicable. Apparently you had forgiven him already. Ren watched as Hux’s happiness was replaced with annoyance as soon as the two men made eye contact.

“What are you doing here?” Hux spoke with barely-concealed contempt, and for Ren the feeling was mutual.

“The Supreme Leader requested my presence. I’ve been waiting for both of you to arrive.” Hux ignored Ren’s reply, and instead turned to you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“It will be alright,” he said to you softly, like he knew what he was talking about. Hux walked through the open door first, shooting a smug look at Ren but leaving the two of you alone in the hallway for a moment. You reached out to Ren, no longer afraid—even though he wore the mask—and brushed the back of your hand against his in greeting. The simple touch sent sparks over Ren’s skin, and his mouth went dry.

“Are you okay?” You looked up at him through your lashes, a little shy, and he nodded in response, compelled to lie if it might make you happy. A smile broke on your face, and Ren could not think of a person he wouldn’t ruin to keep it there.

You removed your hand from his and walked through the doorway, determined, and an overwhelming sorrow filled Ren again. He was out of time. You bowed to the Supreme Leader, and Ren came to stand at your left, on the opposite side from the general. Snoke overshadowed the three of you, towering all the way to the ceiling, intimidating even through the holo projector.

“Greetings, Lieutenant,” Snoke addressed you, and Ren could feel your apprehension intensify.

“Supreme Leader, it is an honor,” you inclined your head, avoiding eye contact, properly humble, but your voice was clear and strong as you spoke.

“Do you know why you are here, Lieutenant?” Snoke didn’t wait for an answer, he could feel it in your thoughts that you didn’t, “I wanted to personally commend you for your bravery. You saved the life of my most formidable apprentice in an act of incredible valor, and the First Order owes you its gratitude.” Ren could feel it as Hux mentally rolled his eyes; apparently he didn’t agree with Snoke’s claims about Ren’s importance.

“Thank you, sir,” you responded.

“Bravery is an important quality in any soldier, but loyalty,” Snoke paused, gauging the effect of his words, and Ren sensed Hux stiffen at the memory brought forward: his apology to you in the hallway, only moments ago. “Loyalty,” Snoke continued, “is very rare indeed. I sense your loyalty to the Order. I’d like to reward you for that loyalty, Lieutenant, with a promotion.” Ren furrowed his brow in confusion—this was not what he had expected. “General Hux has refused to pick a second-in-command, and so I will choose one for him. Congratulations, Lieutenant General. I hope you do not disappoint me.”

“I’m honored, sir,” you saluted Snoke, a stunned expression on your face, but your thoughts were exploding with pride, and Hux, too, was over the moon. Ren could hardly believe what he had just heard. This doesn’t make any sense. How would you work as the second-in-command if . . .

“There’s one more thing we need to discuss,” Snoke said, and Ren felt a rolling dread crash into him. It was time for the truth to come out.

“How long have you known that you are force-sensitive?”

[hphm-etched-engraved-everlasting]

1. Clara

Author’s Note/Table of Contents

For the first time since I was a first year, I felt scared stepping into Hogwarts.

September 1 should have been a day for every student to look forward to. After all, the prospect of learning more magic and catching up with friends in a hallowed castle that lived up to its reputation was exciting for any normal student. But I was not like most others; I was not a normal student at all. I was anything but normal, and it was no thanks to her.

As my sister and I disembarked from the Hogwarts Express together, both of us in our Hogwarts robes, I couldn't help but feel a little lightheaded to see the number of students chatting excitedly among themselves. It was almost as if none of the curses they've encountered had affected them in any way. I suppose that was understandable, since they all knew that eventually the curse-breakers would do something about the travesties that befell upon them. Still, they had no idea just what every hero had to endure. I didn't even feel heroic just by breaking curses so that Hogwarts could resume its normalcy.

At least it still seemed normal enough for my sister to be able to attend school at peace and ease.

"Firs' years! Firs' years this way!"

My ears perked up the minute I heard Hagrid's voice beckoning all the newcomers to the school towards the boats, and I grinned as I lead my sister along. She looked a little intimidated at the thought of leaving my side, even briefly, but she nodded bravely as she went with me to meet with my giant friend.

"Clara! Yeh doin' alrigh'?" he asked me the moment I approached him.

"Yeah. As well as I can be," I answered him with a forced smile. "This is my sister, by the way. Her name's Emily, but most people call her Em."

Hagrid nodded and beamed at her. "Well, when yeh got a sister like her, yeh'll do great things here!" he reassured her with a clap on the shoulder that almost knocked her over. "I'll take yeh to the boats, alrigh'? Yeh can meet the other firs' years there, an’ I'll take yeh to Hogwarts. Yeh'll see yer sister in the Great Hall."

Little Em nodded, but not before giving me a hug. "Take care, Clara."

"See you inside, Em."

As Hagrid ushered little Em away, I followed the rest of the crowd towards the carriages pulled by invisible beings. Or at least, at the time I thought they were invisible. What was pulling the carriages, anyway? It had to be something mysterious. I shook my head as I got into the first carriage I saw that wasn't completely occupied--and a moment later, a familiar magizoologist-in-the-making climbed in after me.

"Liz!" I greeted her with a grin. "Hey!"

Liz turned to me and smiled back serenely. "Hey, Clara. Thanks for your letters--they're a joy to read."

"Indeed! It's always a joy for me to keep regular correspondence with my friends. I'm just glad you had a good summer, Liz," I responded with a nod.

"Regular correspondence, huh? What about with me?" an all-too-familiar voice piped up, a huge grin on his face as he took a seat beside me.

"I wouldn't forget about you, Barnaby." I grinned back at him and kissed him on the cheek. "Not after our first date. I guess we have been writing...quite often."

Eventually, another familiar student made an appearance--Jae.

"Hey, detention buddy," he greeted me with a nod as well, taking a seat beside Liz. "Or should I say, no-longer-in-detention buddy?"

"Jae. Fancy seeing you here," I said, trying hard to keep a straight face, though I couldn't help but smile. Jae was very good company when I was spending quite a bit of my fifth year at Hogwarts in detention, working in the kitchens alongside the house elves. He was just as involved in the curse-breaking plan as I was back then.

"Likewise. I suppose you got it better than I, though. Pitts would be very happy to see me," Jae simply said with a grin.

"Oh, I doubt it. Unless you can make better sandwiches for us," I teased back with a laugh. "At least then Pitts would give you a good raise."

The four of us laughed a little, Barnaby's hand gently brushing mine as the carriage lurched forward and took us to the school. There was little I could do to stop the rush of heat blossoming in my face as I remembered our first date together. Though word about me having a crush made me feel so self-conscious, I decided to rub it in everyone's faces--even if things didn't exactly go as planned. And to think that he felt the same about me...well, if that wasn't a good start to our once-upon-a-time, what was?

Soon, we were greeted by the massive castle looming over us, the glow of the torch lights from within visible through their postage stamp windows. Most others would probably murmur in excitement or awe, but I felt none of those things within me. Instead, a lump of fear formed at my throat, nausea rising within me like hot lava prepared to spew out of a volcano. For so long, I was able to push the feeling of unease down because none of my questions had been answered. I had the curiosity hanging, but they were easily masked. Now that my curiosity has been satisfied, they left me with sleepless nights, tired eyes, and no way to hide my true emotions. I just didn't expect my questions to be answered that way.

I'd prefer remaining curious instead of knowing what it meant to live a nightmare.

Everyone eventually headed into the Great Hall, Barnaby's hand eventually brushing mine again but this time holding on to it, his calloused tough hand warm against my suddenly ice-cold one. It was all I could do to not slip away as I squeezed it once, interlocking my fingers with his under hopefully no watchful eye. No, wait, there was one. Percy Weasley walked by and noticed the two of us holding hands, giving no reaction whatsoever.

We all eventually parted ways, heading towards our respective house tables. As I started to make my way to the Gryffindor table, eager to meet up with Rowan, my eyes soon honed in on Tonks and Charlie waving me over at the front. I quickly joined them with a wave of my own, and Tonks did a little victory fist pump.

"Wotcher, Clara!" she greeted me. "Blimey, am I glad to see you!"

Charlie beamed at me as well. "Me too. Especially after how you 'disappeared' from Bill's party before graduation!"

"We didn't have a chance to ask you about it before everyone left for the summer holidays," Tonks piped in.

I chuckled and smiled at the two of them. "I'm very glad to see you both, too. But I can't tell you anything about my disappearance. I've been sworn to secrecy."

The same words I told Rowan last year before the summer holidays left my lips almost automatically. If this information was passed to the wrong hands, I would never forgive myself. Not that they would, given how much I trust my friends above anything. But I still had to watch my back for potential backstabbers. I just hoped there wasn't another Rakepick in the mix of all the kind faces.

"You do know who that was who crashed the party, though? Alastor Moody?" Tonks prompted.

"Mad-Eye, some people call him. At least, that's what my dad says," Charlie said, and I shrugged.

"He was a hero of the Wizarding War!" Tonks regaled. "He was responsible for sending countless Death Eaters to Azkaban. He's rather a big deal, Clara."

Sounds just like the Auror Tonks would be looking up to. After all, she did want to become an Auror herself when she grew up, and I knew she'd be a great one. "I know that now. I see you're a huge fan of his, Tonks," I laughed.

"Hey! Anyone who's ever thought of becoming an Auror would be a fan of Mad-Eye Moody!" Tonks exclaimed with a huge grin on her face.

Just then, Rowan came over, waving to the few of us as well. "Hi! How were everyone's summer holidays?"

I had never been more relieved to see Rowan. She's been with me since the very beginning, before I stepped foot in Hogwarts. Now I was more than honoured to call her my closest friend at school. After all, she helped me pull through with my studies while I was otherwise breaking curses at the school.

"Not bad, actually. I spent my summer doing a lot of reading about--"

"Ooh, me too!" Rowan exclaimed, cutting Charlie off. I almost laughed; reading was one thing Rowan loved to do back home on her family tree farm.

"I was going to say I read a lot about the Romanian Dragon Sanctuary," Charlie recovered slowly.

Now the grin slipped off from Rowan's face. "Oh. I...read about other stuff."

"I'm just happy to be back at Hogwarts with minimal bumps and bruises," Tonks chipped in with a light shrug.

"Bumps and bruises?" I asked. "What were you up to, Tonks?"

"Nothing exciting. But you know me. I get banged up just dismounting my broom," Tonks responded.

That was pretty fair. Clumsiness was one of Tonks' weaknesses, and I hoped it wouldn't completely hinder her chances at becoming an Auror.

"What about you, Clara?" Rowan asked, turning to me. "I mean, I got your letters. You did have a rough end of the school year, too. What was on your mind?"

While Rowan and I did have regular correspondence over the summer along with the rest of my friends, I could only tell her everything happening to me on the surface. I was scared of information falling into the wrong hands--especially after what Mad-Eye Moody told me last year that made me worried out of my mind. Still, she did ask me a fair question. My mind wandered to my sister, who I know would be standing outside the Great Hall right now while Professor McGonagall attended to other matters before the Sorting.

Little Em, who I held so dear with my life--just as much as I did my friends and family. Perhaps she and I weren't as close as Jacob and I, but she was a part of my family, after all. I felt obligated to keep her safe from all the dangers around us--especially her.

Her. She was all I could think of over the summer. How she lead me on, made me trust her before betraying me by saying she betrayed my brother first. Using me for her gain was just...low. And using my friends like petty useless trinkets--I couldn't fathom the limits anger could reach.

"I thought mostly of Rakepick," I confessed.

The mere mention of her name made the atmosphere more tense.

"I couldn't stop thinking about what she did, not just to me, but my brother before me, and now my friends," I said in a quiet voice, so that no one but the three heard me. "How she lead us all on, convincing us that she was helping us when she only wanted us for her operation. To spy on us for our adversaries. And now that we're back, I can't help but think about what she'll do next, and what I could do to stop her. After all, we are one Cursed Vault away from ultimate peace at Hogwarts. Whatever's in the last Vault must be powerful, and it cannot fall into the wrong hands."

Rowan's jaw became very set the moment she heard this. "Indeed. Rakepick's hands would definitely be the wrong hands. So what would you do about this? After all, you did mention that everything will change--not to mention, you were so busy curse breaking last year, we didn't have much of a chance to bond."

"I guess time will tell."

I couldn't say more.

Next moment, the first years were filing in, Professor McGonagall leading the way as she carried the Sorting Hat and stool to the front, and I caught a glimpse of my sister mixed with the rest as I took my seat beside Rowan at the Gryffindor table. Little Em didn't look so little among the first years, but she was still little to me, and probably most vulnerable if Rakepick somehow knew about her.

If something happened to her, I would never forgive myself.

I clenched my fist under the table as I watched the Sorting unfold, hoping and praying that whatever house little Em gets Sorted into, she would be safe and protected.

[fortunatelylori]

People are not what they seem – Thoughts on episode 7

This episode was a bit of a mixed bag for me. There were moments I loved but overall it left me more than a little frustrated.

Sparks joy

Arthur Parker

Arthur has always sparked joy for me. His pineapple takedown was one of the most iconic moments of this show and he does not disappoint in episode 7. A lot of people were surprised to see him make the salient points to both Sidney and Georgiana. But I would argue that’s because they haven’t paid attention to Mr. Heywood’s warning back in episode 1.

People are not what they seem in Sanditon and you shouldn’t let what other characters think about one person or another influence your opinion of them. Arthur might be a hypochondriac but, by and large, he has been considerably less trouble to anyone than the likes of Georgiana or Tom. He has also always been, in his own way, incredibly wise and brave. He asked Georgiana to dance when everyone was staring at her in a state of shock and he taught Lady Denham a lesson when even Sidney remained silent.

So it’s no small wonder that the task of reminding Sidney that Eliza Champion might not be the most trustworthy person in the world falls onto him.

It could hardly fall onto Tom … Listen I’ve tried my best to be as understanding with Tom Parker as I could be, making excuses for him left and right. But no more! In this episode alone, he tries to pass off his passive aggressive bullshit onto Mary when she rightly makes him see that hanging around Lady Denham’s drawing room like a carrion crow makes him no better than the likes of Edward Denham. He fallows that up by trying to push his younger brother into a quickie wedding to a woman that abandoned him in favor of a richer husband and sent him on a self-destructive path that almost killed him. What a bozo!!!

At the very least, as his older brother, it was up to Tom to advise Sidney to be a little careful in restarting his relationship with Eliza. But no, that task falls unto Arthur because Tom can’t be trusted with anything more challenging than miniature house building.

Esther and Lord Babington

Speaking of people not being what they seem, these two are by far the biggest surprises Sanditon has to offer. Esther started off as a combination of Mary Crawford and Caroline Bingley and she’s turned into freaking Ingrid Bergman in Gaslight over here!

Don’t ever let anyone tell you Sanditon is just a shallow bodice ripper because the way it went about effortlessly depicting a woman struggling through an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist is masterful! And her setting herself free of Edward in this episode was glorious!

As was Lord Babington proving to be a better Darcy than Darcy himself. His deep empathy for her, his complete rejection of Edward’s bitter gossip mongering and his unconditional support was truly moving. Bless him and his orange handkerchief!

PS: Give this man a first name, Davies! He’s earned it!

The Heraclitus of it all

Again, I firmly believe that the people who are dismissing this show as just a spot of shallow entertainment, aren’t really paying attention because the whole scene of Charlotte’s assumed humiliation is so carefully and masterfully built it’s delightful to watch

Charlotte takes Sidney’s “I’m certain Charlotte would prefer to be reading Heraclitus” line as an insult that depicts her a country bumpkin who is not fit for the fashionable London crowd.

But should she? We already know that Sidney reads Heraclituss himself. They were just bonding over that on their little boat ride. And look where his line comes into play:

Eliza: There must be a boy in your village that’s caught your eye.

Lady Susan: Why should Charlotte be limited to her village?

Eliza: I always think it helps to share a common background, that’s all. Miss Heywood is hardly likely to find a kindred spirit in this company.

Lady Susan: Why not?

Eliza: I just imagine she must find our London talk unspeakably tedious. Wouldn’t you agree, Sidney?

Sidney: I have no doubt Charlotte would rather be sat somewhere, quietly reading Heraclitus.

What Sidney is actually saying is that there is someone there who is a kindred spirit to Charlotte: HIM! He isn’t insulting her or laughing at her. He’s making a call back to their London ball scene where they both felt out of place but found solace in each other. What he’s telling her is that he doesn’t belong amongst Eliza’s crowd either.

This kind of subtle, clever writing is actually a lot rarer than you might think and, for me, drives to the core of why Andrew Davies is such a fantastic writer. He not only understands how to present a period drama to a modern audience in a way that is fresh and interesting but also how to create these moments of brilliant writing complexity almost effortlessly.

Georgiana Lambe

Georgiana, the character, isn’t really sparking joy for me as she’s behaving like an utter brat but the writing for her character is. She’s been terribly hurt for the first time in her life so she’s lashing out anyway she can. Also this line is brilliant:

Sidney: I am all too aware that I have fallen short as your guardian. But please believe that I am sincere in my desire to make amends.

Georgiana: Men like you cannot change.

Why is that brilliant? Well because Georgiana is engaging in one of the oldest and most popular forms of toxic anger: transference. What she’s really saying is that Otis will never change enough for them to be together. But Otis isn’t there, Sidney is so he gets to be the punching bag du jour.

The reason why depicting her grief in this way is so compelling is because it’s so natural to her story. She was already feeling like an outcast in England, not loved or wanted by anyone. Otis let her concentrate all of her self-worth entirely on him (one of the worst things he did and not the only one but that’s a subject for another meta) and then failed to live up to his inherent promises. Georgiana feels that no one cares for her and so she pushes the people who are trying to help her away so she can have her very own self-fulfilling prophecy.

And while her interaction with Sidney might be somewhat understandable considering his cold attitude towards her in the beginning and also the fact that whether or not Georgiana likes it, he’s the closest she has to an actual parental figure, her attitude towards Arthur absolutely is not.

Her insults, thankfully, fall on deaf ears because Arthur knows he is a precious lily of the field and we are all very happy he’s here!

Does not spark joy

Sidney and Eliza

From what I see in the tags, no one is really all that fond of Eliza … I wonder why … lol …

But protectiveness over my ship isn’t really why this storyline didn’t spark joy for me. It’s actually because it failed to live up to its potential. The writers chose to make Sidney and Eliza’s reunion all about how that affects Charlotte and dedicated very little time to the Sidney/Eliza dynamic.

And it started so well too. I had high hopes when Sidney said this:

Sidney: A man cannot step into the same river twice.

What Sidney is talking about in very poetic terms if what in my country we call “reheated soup”. That’s what Eliza is … a chance to reheat the soup. Except that the saying goes: reheated soup never tastes the same which is absolutely true when it comes to relationships. Tempting as it might be to rekindle something, it very rarely works out because the reasons why you broke up in the first place will eventually rear their ugly heads again. Which they do in their case as well, when Eliza needlessly attacks Charlotte, proving herself petty and superficial.

But because we never stay with Sidney enough to figure out what his attraction to her might have been once upon a time, because we don’t get to see how reuniting with her is stirring not only his feelings of long lost longing but also of the trauma she caused and because we don’t even get to watch their last conversation together, it all fails to make the impact that it could have made. Which is a shame …

IMDB has Ruth Kearney listed for episode 8 as well and a part of me hopes Eliza will be back next week and we can have a bit of a do over.

Lady Susan

I know everyone likes her and the actress is delightful. However as much as I might enjoy her in isolation, within the context of the story she remains a poorly introduced character who is only on screen to push Charlotte and Sidney together (we never find out why she’s so invested in this) and to act as a deus ex machine for the regatta.

The “half agony, half hope” that is …

Charlotte

I really hate to do this because I love her but most of my frustration this episode came down to Charlotte.

Her behavior was confusing, dissatisfying and at times quite thoughtlessly cruel. Most of that was directed at poor James Stringer.

As you know, I am a Charlotte/Sidney shipper so I don’t have a problem with Charlotte not returning James’ affection. In fact I’ve made the point in the past that the whole Tem Stringer vs. Team Sidney promotion was silly because it was clear there was no rivalry there.

However, Charlotte behaves very poorly to him in this episode. It’s the second time now (the first was in episode 4) where she’s used James as a stand-in for Sidney. Every time she’s talking to this boy, her mind is miles away and she ends up missing all the signs that she’s stringing him along (no pun intended but the clue is in the name, I suppose).

What Charlotte really wants is for Sidney to give her the same undivided adoring validation Stringer gives her and because he isn’t, she ends up engaging with James in a way that is less than ideal. That’s not so say she necessarily realizes she’s doing this but her thoughtlessness is starting to be frustrating.

Which brings me to … her behavior towards Sidney. The way unrequited love seems to work for Charlotte is that it makes her less than generous and she looks for any opportunity to cut Sidney loose, so to speak.

She doesn’t attempt to put up a fight for him at any level, despite this being the girl that fights for everything that matters to her. And it all comes crushing down during the conversation with Eliza, when she takes the smallest opportunity to completely shut him out.

It’s also kind of hypocritical of her to still be angry at this comment at the end of the episode, when she did far worse. I mean if you want to talk about someone being someone else’s “source of amusement” look no further than:

Charlotte (imitating Sidney): You see, Georgiana, this is exactly why I locked you away in Mrs. Griffths’ dungeon. To keep you out of mischief, while I, Sidney Parker, gallivant around London with my high society, dandy friends.

So while deciding that Sidney was an ass to her is tempting, I’d like to point out that, as I’ve shown earlier, there is nothing mean spirited or negative in his comment at all. So is it fair to say that Sidney hurt her when the most obvious explanation is that Charlotte is insecure? She has been since the moment she met Sidney and Eliza instinctively preyed on that insecurity. And Charlotte not only let’s Eliza hurt her but she also transfers her insecurity firmly onto Sidney’s shoulders, instead of owning it or resolving it.

The reason why this is in the half agony, half hope category is because I’m not sure if the above is the writers’ intention or if I’m trying to make this more interesting than it actually is. If their intention is to paint Charlotte as completely right about everything, while Sidney is the fool who needs to repent and Stringer is the guy who got ahead of himself, I’m going to be pretty disappointed.

For the moment, we’ll have to wait and see, I guess.

[kurtty-drabbles]

Ocean au (Pool of Blood part 8)

N/A: Uhm, the final part of this arc.

@djinmer4 @dannybagpipesarecalling @bamfoftheundead @everykurt

Emma Frost knows once Magneto offers his help you have no choice by accept it or else…And Emma is a woman who hates be on the receiving end of the “or else” but at the moment, she´s free from her prison and in the most discreet way possible. One that she can see Columbina-her hatred rival and enemy-pull off easily. Put a shapeshifter on her place and leave as a staff member.

Magneto´s newest shapeshifter is named Corry-is all she ever spoke about herself- seems to think Magneto with great regards and Magneto promised she´ll be out of jail soon(after all, her powers have a time limit and is implied that Corry will blame Emma for this situation. Big bad Emma manages to trick Corry in be in her place) and Emma wonders how Magneto manages to have so many self-sacrificing lambs working for him.

“Fine, I´m out of my prison. What I can do for you?” Emma speaks once her breathing is regular again. Magneto and Emma are very old friends and sometimes friends greet each other differently. A way that involves less clothes.

“I want you to steal my daughter to me. I need Lorna on my side at any means!”

“Got it, one forceful family reunion at the way!”

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

The Pool of Blood is a gross as Ryder could imagine-Dr Bright prevent him to say or do anything similar as the pool is sentiment enough and they don´t know how much she can affect reality-and Ryder is left watching Columbina, White Witch and Polaris dealing with the Pool of Blood.

You speak of a deal little human but what a human can offer to me?

“Well, I know you want to corrupt more people into monsters, but, if you ask me…you pick the wrong place to be …Jump City is a small city. Pathetic in size” Columbina speaks and the Pool is listening and let her continue.

Yes, is a smaller city…but, I´m not picky. I can wait …Is a joy to deform you, humans. Wanna know how it is? Is blood inside and out.

Wanda mutters if this is a joke and Lorna holds her hand to stop her to say anything else. Columbina continues.

“But…are you saying you can´t change people in a big city?” and now the Pool is a bit offended and Wanda is casting the first defensive spell she knows as the pool is clearly upset by the waves its crafts.

I never said that human and I don´t like this implication.

“Oh no implication here, Pool, I just think your talents could be well suited in Metropolis City” Columbina now smiles. “Oh right…you can´t leave here….but if you could…would you take a chance to change a big city?”

What do you know?

Now Polaris speaks. “I know there´s a big and cursed metallic object deep inside of you and I´m the only one who can take it out from you. The deal is this, you leave Jump City and go terrorize Metropolis, deal?”

If you can remove this big and cursed metallic object …we have a deal miss Polaris.

The way it was spoken it seems as if the Pool is mocking Polaris and maybe, with all things considering, this is not the most strange thing Polaris has ever dealt it…today.

Now, Wanda takes a gem out of her pocket and begins chanting a spell once the Pool asked what she´s doing and Wanda can give a mocking reply. “Why, magic, of course!” and she charges the infinity stone of power on Lorna. “By all Gods, by her name, let the power run through your vein, Polaris. Let Polaris have the power of a God” and now Polaris is glowing in green light.

The Pool is not too stiff. No movement as Polaris is by all stretch of words here, a God. And the Pool is either afraid or plotting or maybe both. Polaris uses her power and slowly but surely the cursed metallic object is being removed from the pool.

The object is as big as one can imagine, in fact, it even blocks the artificial sun of this pocket dimension- and in doing that decrease the weather here- and begins to destroy the cursed object rends to shambles.

“Now, Pool, what you think of moving out?” Columbina speaks again once she helps Wanda on her feet. Using the Infinity stone of Power has some setbacks even more if you never used before.

Very well…a deal is a deal.

Wanda has time to smirk as Columbina looks at her super-power sister. “You heard the Pool, Lorna. A deal is a deal” and Lorna still glowing can only smile as she lifts the pool up.

It was a sight to behold, in all his fearsome and in all its beauty, all the size of the Pool is being lifted as if it was nothing. And Lorna nods at Koro, Meggan and Dr Bright who know what to do.

If the Pool noticed what was about to happen, well, it was too late.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Before Lorna´s power-up. Kokoro, Meggan and Dr Bright were activating the stone carefully as the Pool still didn´t notice this apparently innocuous object within the team.

Meggan, Kokoro and Dr Bright were holding hands and using small but alien words that Ryder never heard of -he knows is not Latin and he knows…is better off not knowing- and when Lorna finally lift the Pool she directed to the stone who absorb the pool as if was a sponge.

The worst part is…Sparrow, Black Bat, Gwen and Ryder can hear that thing scream in hatred as the stone completely locked the pool forever and ever. So hopes Ryder.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Columbina, Wanda and Polaris are on the Foundation site-a pocket dimension within the pocket dimension- when Cosmo and Jupiter arrives. Columbina and Polaris are being vocal about one thing. “We won´t do this ever again!” and they 100% meant it.

“We know. Thank you for doing that. It was very brave and you two deserve a nice breaking from this, uhm, job” Cosmo speaks once he saw the Foundation taking the stone and setting in the appropriate location so to never see the daylight ever again. “Jupiter´s father can´t retaliate because of your actions and you all saved millions, no, billions of lives today. Thank you”

And Jupiter and Cosmo are still a cat and dog, so, in stressful situations like this a good way to destress by petting a fluffy dog and cat. Polaris believes so.

“I want eat MacDonalds!” Lorna, no longer power up by the infinity stone of power, complains. Wanda somehow laughs at this.

“You know what? Me too, once this is over let´s all eat MacDonalds!” and now Cosmo-after licking Kitty´s face for a moment until she smiles back at him- goes to Wanda.

“White Witch, thank you, I know the coast was the temporary losing your magic abilities. Let me tell you that within a month your powers will be as good as new, but, while that, please, accept compensation from Gaia” and Wanda can´t refuse a present from an Outer God. It was a Latern´s ring.

“Well, I can use this for a month. Not my style, but, I can use it”

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Sparrow, Gwen, Ryde, Felicia, Kokoro and Meggan are helping the Foundation to dismantle this pocket dimension and is a complex and at the same time easier task to do.

“But…I thought once the Pool is contained…” Sparrow speaks but Dr Bright shakes his head.

“No, this can still exist and attract more anomalies and even put in risk our reality, so, yes…we need to dismantle” is an easier explanation and each one has a part. Columbina´s plan cover this one as each member has a strong mentality and is focusing on what makes them sane and calm to rip the pocket dimension.

Later, Gwen makes a story about the place -to prevent people to come here- and once Ryder put his ok in the story about a crazy scientist who was arrest for trying to be God and how said scientist wanted to experiment on innocent people…it becomes another day in New Gotham all over again.

“Hope Clark does not think I´m hitting on you”

“Nah, he trusts me and he´s not the jealous type”

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Kokoro saw Kitty in the Foundation drinking something from a harmless SCP-how she has Yens to do so?- anyway, Kitty is holding two beverages in her hands and Kokoro wants to make this question as quick as possible.

“Columbina? May I ask something?” Kokoro asked as the woman tilted her head and secretly is hoping for more petty judgment. And maybe is not as secretive as she hopes since Kokoro tries to show a more friendly expression.

“I guess?”

“Are you a Sakar?”

“One what?”

“In Krypton, the Sakars are one of your greatest allies and friends, there´s this old saying that what happens with a Krypton it will happen to a Sakar…look” Kokoro breathes in and out. “I saw my planet being destroyed and I saw everything I know being turned into dust…the Sakars are all gone now, but, if you tell me right now you´re a Sakar…I” she stops as Kitty shakes her head.

“100% human here. Me and my sister” she gives a bit of emphasis as some people still believe that Lorna is Magneto´s secret daughter. Speaking of the devil, Lorna shows up wanting her beverage and sees Kokoro.

Once holding her beverage and replying that indeed she´s not a Sakar Kokoro then asks their hands because she wants to thank them in the most Kryptonian style possible. And for once, the Pryde sisters are seeing Kokoro offer a genuine smile.

“Polaris, Columbina, thank you, your efforts help saving lives of billions of people, the JLX and the world have gratitude towards you” Kokoro speaks and it was a nice moment.

“Will you let us steal?”

“Don´t push it!”

____________________________________________________________________________________________

The Foundation, the ladies, Ryder and the pets are on the MacDonalds eating snakes and no one seems to notice anything odd in this group, after all, they´re in New Gotham.

Ryder sits next to Columbina, in part to get away from Kokoro and Meggan, and another part, being closer of Columbina is soothing his spirits.

“Where is Kitty?”

“Oh, Mr Noisy Reporter…she is helping the Foundation in another mission, she´s fine, Ryder. Don´t worry about it…and stop looking at Jupiter like that”

“Columbina…I fear cats and dogs now”

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ryder arrives in his home to see Kitty Pryde sitting on his doormat waiting for him and of course, her cat and dog are nearby, but, for this one moment, Ryder can ignore them and hug Kitty.

“Katzchen, something mind fuckery happen to me today!”

“Ryder, welcome to my life” they remain to hug for a long time and only stop when Jupiter meows louder and seems to demand food. Ryder now fears and hate cats. “Kurt…you´re not alone here…wanna talk?”

“God! yes…but not near your cat…or dog. Sorry, I´ve reasons to fear them now”

[swshadowcouncil]

It’s pretty ironic in retrospect that when the Sequel Trilogy began, there was a large pushback from racists and bigots that a black man and a woman couldn’t be the protagonists in the newest trilogy of Star Wars movies. People were honestly trying to boycott it because a white guy wasn’t the protagonist.

Now years later, the trilogy has come almost full circle with people refusing to see Finn as the co-protagonist of the ST or John Boyega as the male lead. I mean, if we want to look at it deeply enough, some people don’t even think Rey is the true protagonist, but Kylo is. It’s rather funny, in a sad way with the lack of self-awareness, that there are so many fans of the ST (Sequel Trilogy) that have forgotten, or don’t know, that originally there was a giant pushback for these heroes not to be the protagonists, yet years later, fans are echoing the intent of these people without realizing it. Finn has been sadly the biggest victim of this ironic mess. From being one of the central characters in all of the marketing, merchandise, advertising, and basically present and in full view of everything ST related, to slowly being forcibly pushed way into the back and made small enough on posters, merchandise, and media coverage at times that you actually need to zoom in or hunt down a trusty magnifying glass to find him.

The problem has extended from the #boycottstarwarsvii movement on social media in response to Boyega’s casting in 2014, to Lucasfilm (LFL) allowing multiple artworks to be created with Finn excluded, placed in the back, or smaller than the supporting characters, to the EU stories where he is sidelined, depicted as a joke, or generally just treated in a way that would make any sane black person, or person in general, go “Yikes!”. This isn’t an easy conversation to have, nor is it something many people even know how to approach, but from the perception of many fans, especially black fans and other fans of color, this comes across as pretty racist at best. So, without further delay, let us begin.

#BoycottStarWarsVII

Friendly reminder, when people bash the idea of Finn being Force Sensitive, you make this guy smile.

Yeah, I’m not going to sugarcoat this, John being cast as Finn, the male lead/protagonist, alongside Daisy’s Rey, the female lead/protagonist, was met with a LOT of backlash. For those who don’t remember, or just weren’t following the TFA like a lunatic like other losers (me), there was a hashtag going around, #BoycottStarWarsVII, which if you couldn’t tell from the title, was for the boycott of TFA. The main reason for this all circles back to John Boyega being the lead that had many bigoted racists in their feelings (translation: mad).

How bad was it? Well, let me just show you:

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These are the ones I can actually post. The others I have kept/found I won’t be posting due to the content in them being beyond disgusting. This was all over the place. Racists were rejecting the idea of a black male lead in Star Wars tooth and nail to the point of demanding people to boycott the newest movie.

So, how did the boycott go?

If you look closely, you can see Bob Iger’s tears of joy next to the dollar signs

Yeah, it failed on every level imaginable!

Something interesting about it though was that while some people were speaking up about the racist treatment that had been thrown at Finn:

You’re a good man, Trevor Noah. Thank you.

Others had remained silent on it completely. There was an odd amount of radio silence on how the public was treating Finn and his actor John Boyega, and looking back on it now, when there is still a great amount of pushback against the character and actor, I can’t help but feel that silence was a choice, rather than ignorance. Which brings me to the main topic of this very article:

#WhereIsFinn?

The #WhereIsFinn movement was created by fans of the character who started to notice something…odd. Now, I can’t actually pinpoint the first moment Finn’s erasure had started, but I do remember the most prominent and famous one that many in the community still remember to this day, and that was the Chinese Poster for The Force Awakens.

Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again

Oh, this kriffing poster! Years later and my blood still boils like Anakin’s did on Mustafar! Now, I’m not pointing any fingers at any one individual at Lucasfilm, yet I highly doubt that if Rey was made smaller than a BB-8, or if Kylo was taken off of the poster, whoever said yes to this would have had the same response. Finn was made significantly smaller on the official Chinese poster for TFA. Now, for those reading this who don’t know, racism against black people isn’t just an American thing, I know, surprising, right? It’s something that happens everywhere, and movies with a black lead don’t usually do well overseas. So, someone made Finn smaller, and it somehow slipped through the cracks. A one-time thing though, right? It was a mistake and it’d never happen again. Lucasfilm would never try to make the co-protagonist of the sequel trilogy smaller or treat him with disrespect…right?

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Well, I guess that’s one way to avoid the Chinese poster situation. Just make him small by default

Rian, turn on your location. I just want to talk.

Johnson…just…why?

The longer you look at this image, the more you likely will want to die inside.

Don’t worry, guys. We got rid of the black character for now!

I’m like 85% sure the Nines (TR-8R) is making these with Phasma.

Well this is just erase. Not much to say about it. Finn’s not even here, I guess he wasn’t in TFA or TLJ.

I don’t know if making Finn smaller than Poe, and shoving him behind Chewie, is an accurate depiction of who were the protagonists of TFA

Just…why is it always Finn?

No, for those of you wondering, Finn isn’t allowed to even win the fight. BB-8 does and Poe lectures Finn.

Okay, why is Poe constantly being made bigger than Finn? Would this be approved if he was made bigger than Rey? Did someone sell their soul to Papa Palptine?

It sounds petty, but notice Rey and Kylo aren’t being made small, Poe, who’s not the co-protagonist, is made fairy decent sized, but Finn again is placed behind him and smaller.

Yeah, it’s been a LONG few years

Some of this is official artwork, some of these are posters, others are book covers, the backwards tux is how Rian Johnson thought Finn couldn’t dress himself, the leaky bacta suit was included in the film, etc.  These are far from the only times Finn has been made small or been made a fool of since post-TFA Star Wars, but I wanted to give some type of understanding to what’s going on. Now, I know some people may be wondering: “Well he’s there. What’s the big deal?”

Well, to understand what it’s a big deal, you have to understand how Finn originally was marketed and depicted.

  Regardless of your views on if Finn is Force Sensitive or not–which, if you’re doubtful, let me shamelessly plug another article I wrote about there being two awakenings in TFA (click here)–Finn was always presented as the male lead of the ST: heroic, brave, and important to the story. The idea of him being just as important to the ST as Rey, or the antagonist Kylo, wasn’t something that people scoffed at, which is a stark contrast to how things are going now.

Through these last few years, there has been a trend of individuals trying to remove Finn’s importance from Star Wars, whether it be by depicting him as smaller than characters he’s narratively bigger than, leaving him off of posters and artwork, depicted him as a joke in various forms of media like comics or books, or even just cropping him out of pictures completely. There are even attempts to make him seem less important on Wookieepedia or TvTropes.com, and it’s having a domino effect with how the powers that be see the character. Disney and Lucasfilm are businesses at the end of the day, and like any business, they do what’s best for them first and foremost. If certain fans and media go out of their way to erase, sideline, or mock Finn, then Disney and Lucasfilm will not try to course correct it, but rather let it continue or make less content for the character. Then fans of the character get less interested in content regarding Finn, and the cycle continues.

At first, many didn’t think much of it, yet as time went on, the number of instances that it seemed people were going out of their way to depict Finn as a supporting character or sidekick were starting to pile up. Its honestly become a trend now that if new content is coming out that has to do with the sequel trilogy era, you might as well play bingo for one of the ways Finn will be depicted.

We have him pushed to the back, looking like a supporting character/sidekick:

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Finn is once again in the back, with lighter skin for some reason???

Finn once again is made smaller and has lighter skin…okay

How are there 3 different versions of this cover and Poe’s head is still orbiting Tatootine while Finn is smaller than Darth Vader’s will to live?

Is Phasma the one green lighting these? Is she still mad?! She’s probably alive! Nobody is ever really gone, remember! Maul does!

If that’s not your flavor, then we have The Rise of Skywalker media coverage, which consists of basically Rey and Kylo, with article writers that seem to forget everything about the last two movies and can’t remember that they’re not on Archive of Our Own anymore.

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The Journey to Rise of Skywalker really isn’t doing too hot for anything Finn related, if you couldn’t tell by the giant orbiting space station that is Poe’s head on the cover for Resistance Reborn. In Spark of the Resistance, Finn isn’t even in the book, sent off on some subplot with Chewie that likely we’ll never hear from again. Maybe he went back to Canto Bight to free the slave children instead of the horses. Side note, whose idea was it to have the former slave child of two decades (Finn) not even comment on the slave children at Canto Bight? Oh…yeah, never mind. There’s also Resistance Reborn, which is again more about Poe than anyone. There’s even a scene where Poe has to tie Finn’s tie because he doesn’t know how to do it, and so many people are now flashing back to the backwards tux.

At this point, I can already hear that person who always appears in discussions about Finn saying “Who cares? He’s just a supporting character who was a janitor. John isn’t the male lead”

First of all, go jump into a Sarlacc pit!

Second, let’s talk facts:

Huh, Finn sure does have a LOT of screen time for someone that doesn’t matter. Oh, well. Maybe, he was there for moral support.

As of both TFA and TLJ, Finn comes in 2nd to only Rey, while having 15 more mins of screen time than Kylo. In fact, in two movies, Finn has more screen time than Han or Leia had in their first two OT movies. Hell, Finn almost has as much as Obi-Wan did in his first two PT movies and Finn lost around 16 mins of screentime because he had the most deleted scenes out of TLJ. 7 deleted scenes if you’re curious. No, I don’t know why, beyond the fact that one of them had more Canto Bight in it, and yeah, that one should have been cut.

See, that’s the funny thing I’ve never understood about people saying that Kylo is the real co-protagonist and male lead, or that Poe is bigger narratively than Finn. Finn still has more screen time than Kylo in both TFA and TLJ and Poe isn’t even in the same league as Finn’s screen time in either of his two film appearances.

Further, John’s Finn represents something not seen in the Star Wars franchise ever before – the first and only black lead of any Star Wars movie let alone trilogy. Lando and Mace Windu didn’t exceed 10min of screen time in any of their films, and Ahmed Best’s Jar Jar in The Phantom Menace was severely reduced and nearly erased following the toxic backlash that drove the actor to contemplate suicide. And while James Earl Jones’ voice of Darth Vader is a timeless and iconic addition of black voice acting to the Star Wars franchise, Finn, and Finn alone, represents something more as a leading face of the concluding arc to arguably the most successful episodic series in cinematic history.

The real problem here is that there are people in the Star Wars community that just don’t want Finn to be the co-protagonist, the irony of which is amazing since it’s just the TFA boycott all over again. For every time someone says that Finn is the co-protagonist of the ST, there will be someone there to comment that he’s not. Kylo is, or in fact, Kylo is the SOLE protagonist of the ST and Rey is below him. So the irony that originally racists and sexists were boycotting the ST because they didn’t want to have a woman and a black man as the protagonists, have now turned into “fans” in general claiming that the true protagonist of the entire sequel trilogy is Kylo, the white guy.

Ironic indeed, papa Palpatine

Now, people putting Kylo above Finn isn’t the only cause of Finn’s erasure. As you can tell above or in recent merch or artwork, Poe is being depicted in front of Finn, bigger than him, more heroic, etc. Now, there is no problem with Poe getting more of a spotlight. But when every single thing that comes out is constantly depicting Poe, a character who is at best a supporting role that was upgraded to the status of one of the main characters in TLJ, as bigger and narratively more important than Finn, who dominated the marketing for TFA and still has more narrative presence in the trilogy than Poe, it comes off as colorism at worst and biased favoritism at best from LFL. Recently there’s been a drought of actual Finn content that treats the character with respect or even content at all with him in it at all. Meanwhile, the EU for the ST is practically filled with Poe to the point of arguably oversaturation for some. Now, I like Poe and I like Oscar, and maybe others can’t see it because they’re not used to colorism, but as a black man myself (Kenyan-Brazilian to be exact), I’d be lying if I said that elevating a white-passing Latino man of color like Oscar’s Poe while slowly erasing a darker-skinned Black man like John’s Finn doesn’t look like clear colorism on LFL’s part from the perspective of many black fans. For black fans, it seems like there is a constant battle to remind people of Finn’s status in the trilogy while everyone is trying to put Kylo and Poe above him.

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Since 2016 when Finn’s erasure started to take place, people on social media have been trying to bring attention to this problem, yet they’ve been met with others in the fandom ignoring them, or suddenly saying it doesn’t matter and changing the topic. In fact, recently, while even more people have been trying to bring attention to #WhereIsFinn, the #WhereisRose tag was created. Not only was it picked up by Nerdist, but major social media accounts agreed there was a problem with how Rose (who, mind you, is a supporting character) wasn’t on the initial merch, but were silent about the co-protagonist being shoved in the back behind Poe, made smaller, or not being present in the marketing in the same levels he was at the start.

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I’m not knocking you for trying, Nerdiest, but it’d help if you also talked about #WhereIsFinn that has been going on since 2016.

It’s actually ironic that OP has never touched on Finn’s erase or his placement in the back…

The thing about #WhereIsRose is not that it’s a bad thing to bring attention to the fact that Rose isn’t in the TROS marketing or merch, it’s the fact that these same people who are fighting for what they feel is an injustice, are totally ignoring the blatant racism and erasure of what’s going on with Finn. The difference is, some of these people aren’t even overtly racist, but they are against the idea of Finn being the co-protagonist. So this erasure of him isn’t seen as a bad thing, it’s seen as what should be. For instance, there is a vocal shipping community in the Star Wars fandom that has ironically been echoing many of the same things that the bigots did when the ST began. Only instead of the bigots who said “Finn shouldn’t be,” you have shippers saying “Finn isn’t” whenever it is said that Finn is the co-protagonist, or the male lead, etc, etc.

Another puzzling aspect of #WhereIsRose, is that if the objective co-lead of the trilogy is getting sidelined, or artistically segregated into tiny portrayals with the other black characters, what hope is there to give a supporting POC character proper justice and representation? In fact, we’ve seen the result of successfully gaining attention for #WhereIsRose without any thought or consideration for #WhereIsFinn.

Take for instance this The Rise of Skywalker art (below), which segregated the black characters to be much smaller than Poe, and left out Rose. After the artist acknowledged #WhereIsRose backlash, the artist then added in Rose, placing her in front of the other black characters. In doing so, the art now further segregates and minimizes the black characters behind Rose and under Poe. The artist has yet to acknowledge the #WhereisFinn trend pointing out the artistic segregation even though they were quick to acknowledge the #WhereisRose trend AND act upon it.

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Approving artistic representation such as that above spells out an extremely negative portrayal of ALL black characters, since not a single one of them could break a bigger feature than Poe – a secondary supporting character. Regardless of the artist’s intent, and without their responding to or acknowledging the #WhereIsFinn trend – it sends a message of favoritism and apathy at best, and accurately portrays colorism and anti-blackness at worst.

You see, that is in of itself is part of the reason why #WhereIsFinn even exists. Finn’s erasure is coming from all sides at this point, and only certain fans even care about it or recognize it, most of them being fans of color who are openly getting ignored or mocked. I’m not saying it has to be #WhereIsFinn vs #WhereIsRose, but if you think the lack of Rose merch is a problem and gives a voice to the racists and sexists, and see ZERO problems with Finn’s erasure and sidelining over the last few years, then there is a severe problem with how you are seeing the world and its problems with race. No, it is not right for a black man to be the co-protagonist, be on equal footing with two other white characters, then years later be placed in the back of everything or not even shown at all. There is a problem with this and people need to see it. No one is saying that we shouldn’t ask about Rose, regardless of if she is a supporting character or not, but all we are asking, and by we, I’m now referring to myself and many black fans at this moment, is that the same type of energy be used to help defend Finn and John Boyega from the racist treatment that has been going on since 2014.

People stood up for Rey, people are standing up for Rose, yet whenever it is time to stand up for Finn, no one does a damn thing. All many fans of Finn are asking for is that the same effort people give in fighting sexism or racism against other characters, they do the same for Finn.

But to be the devil’s advocate, for once in this argument, let me tackle why #WhereIsFinn isn’t picking up the same coverage that #WhereIsRey did get and #WhereIsRose is now picking up.

People. ARE. TIRED.

There is nothing more disheartening for a black fan, or a fan of Finn in general, who really wants good content for the character, than to be met with a comic that projects the negative attitudes that the fandom has for Finn by calling him a janitor in the description or having him scream “fear my mop!” while dirty water drips on his shoulder as Kylo stares him down. Regardless of Canon already debunking multiple times that Finn wasn’t just not a janitor, but rather one of the best cadets that the stormtrooper program ever had, seeing Finn depicted as a joke or a sidekick just makes fans and non-fans of the character not want to even consume his content. No one wants to see their heroes constantly made to look bad, and that’s something parts of the community and LFL do at times, which has a domino effect on how people absorb Finn content.

The second reason, that is in relation to everything we’ve talked about, is that Finn barely gets good, solo content made for him at all. There aren’t even many people championing for the character to be seen anymore because of the fact that all attempts to bring awareness to this problem, have fallen on deaf ears. There isn’t an “FN-2187 comic series or novel” that is used to flesh out Finn’s life and suffering when he was in the First Order while providing world-building for the FO and its characters. There isn’t a “Finn’s journal” that helps dive into the character’s inner POV and feelings throughout his adventure. In contrast, there has been a decent amount of solo content for Rose, Rey, Poe, and as of recently, Kylo, yet we still have nothing for standalone for Finn that’s detailed and personable.

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The comics that come out give fans of the other characters have moments like this:

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As Finn was being lectured by Poe, the fandom cheered because it looked like Poe was in a Jedi Robe.

A Rey comic that explores her abandonment issues before leaving to find Luke’s fish nun island

This one IS a Kylo comic, where he’s doing backflips and screaming ‘Your God is dead”.

Hux’s comic, that dives into some of his past trauma and his nightmarish adventure with Kylo “I haven’t showered in a month” Ren

Poe doing his best Captain Kirk impression as he dressed like Spock

And Rose and Paige remembering their sad childhood

Snoke’s comic that is basically a Kylo comic featuring Snoke

Phasma just being Phasma

Rey kicking names and taking ass

General Princess Space Mom and Rose. No jokes here. Move along.

While what little Finn fans get looks like this:

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First image of we see of a comic featuring Finn, is him getting wrecked by some steroid using alien. Spoiler alert, he doesn’t win the fight and he’s lectured after. Yay!

After years of trying to make it clear Finn wasn’t a janitor by citing Lucasfilm’s own canon, Finn’s comic description calls him a janitor, shows a preview of him playing with a mop he doesn’t know how to use. Why? Who the kriff knows

It’s rather hard for people to feel anything but disappointment for this character they cared about because of how he’s been handled, and that disappointment is having a negative effect on how everyone in the community, media, and even Lucasfilm treats Finn.

This character means something to people:

This character is an inspiration to many black fans, not just because he’s the lead in one of the biggest franchises in all of cinema, but because he’s someone who was oppressed by a system that enslaved him and chose to be better, to do the right thing, and stand up for what’s right, regardless of what the cost of it was to him. Seeing so many people at LFL, in the Star Wars community, and in the media not only refuse to treat the character with any respect, but also act like he deserves disrespect, is heartbreaking to many many fans of Finn who relate to the character, regardless of their skin color, age, or gender.

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It doesn’t matter what you are in this world. We all want the same thing in life, and that’s to feel like we belong. This article isn’t being written to target anyone, it’s not being written to start any fandom drama. The reason this article exists is that there are a lot of fans not getting their voices heard when it comes to trying to fight for Finn, and we want to give that voice a platform. We want people to hear them because this message is important. FINN. IS. IMPORTANT. He’s important for reasons of representation, he’s important to people who want to believe they can change their life for the better, and he’s important to the story of this trilogy. All we’re asking, all anyone is asking, is for him to get the treatment he deserves from the media, community, and LFL. That is why people are asking where is Finn.

  “Finn could not simply be a sidekick or key ally in the story; he needed a story arc of his own. For the first time, The Force Awakens offered a Star Wars film in which two characters, not only one, are undertaking the Hero’s Journey.”

“Each of these archetypes appears in the Hero’s Journeys of Rey and Finn – but not always in the same way or with the same character in the respective storylines. This makes The Force Awakens an interesting study in the use of archetypes.The Hero, of course, is the central protagonist of the journey. In Rey’s adventure, she is the Hero; in Finn’s adventure, he bears that mantle and Rey fills a different archetype.” – Tricia Barr

Thank you for reading, and may the force be with you…Always.

Where is Finn?: The Erasure and Sidelining of a Star Wars Protagonist #StarWars #WhereIsFinn #WheresFinn It's pretty ironic in retrospect that when the Sequel Trilogy began, there was a large pushback from racists and bigots that a black man and a woman couldn't be the protagonists in the newest trilogy of Star Wars movies.