#and idk they were giving me bad vibes. like parts of it felt. idk victim blamey???

[queer-reader-07]

.

[theunknownpoetssociety]

thoughts while listening to hmhas

this is mostly assigning marauder things/ships/people to the songs btw

warning: this contains spoilers for all of the songs so if you want that it's below the cut ;)

SKINNY: "fell in love for the first time, with a friend it's a good sign" okay wolfstar also "twenty-one took a lifetime time, people say I look happy, just because I got skinny" plus size Lily Evans??

favorite line, "twenty-one took a lifetime time, people say I look happy, just because i got skinny"

LUNCH: love this one so much!! it's giving Marlene and flirty her self ;) and as a general song i love this one, it's more upbeat than billie's past songs and i love that.

favorite line, the whole beginning because i can't even pick just one lmao

CHIHRO: (translation: month) this song is just so much fun to vibe and listen to, and that's just amazing lol

favorite line, "I was waitin', in the garden, contemplatin', beg your pardon, but there's a part of me that recognizes you, do you feel it too?"

BIRDS OF A FEATHER: this one is so rosekiller-coded to me. like the you die i die vibe? that's so them! "it might be long but baby I, don't wanna say goodbye" like brooo.

favorite line, "I love you, don't act so surprised"

WILDFLOWER: i've never read ATYD but based on posts i've seen this is a very Grant singing about Remus and Sirius, " 'cause she (Sirius) couldn't be, more different than me, happy and free in leather" like like do you see the vision? and when the prank and Grant and Remus become closer? idk but i think it's cute/sad.

favorite line "but every time you touch me, I just wonder how she felt, Valentines Day, crying in the hotel, I know you didn't mean to hurt me so I kept it to myself""

THE GREATEST: if this song isn't James Fleamont Potter, I don't know what is!! "I'm trying my best to keep you satisfied, let you get your rest, while I stayed up all night, and you don't wanna know how alone I've been" like wtaf?!? "all my love and patience, unappreciated," dudee

favorite line, "you said your heart was jaded, you couldn't even break it, I shouldn't have to say it, you could've been the greatest"

L'AMOUR DE MA VIE: (translation: Love Of My Life) this one is so good! like not much more to say lmao, but i absolutely love the change-up like with the autotune(i think that's what that was, not positive though) i was not expecting that lol. though i do think it might be like a sad/bitter mary or regulus watching jily from the sides. made myself sad with that idea :( lol

favorite line, "but I need to confess I told you a lie, when I said you, you were the love of my life"

THE DINER: this song is so goddamn good (yes i know i've said that for almost every other song, they're all just so good!!) this song is honestly giving the Slytherin Skittles, like the rhythm, vibe, the whole thing except for the end which i kinda see as possessive rosekiller "I saw you in the car with someone else and couldn't sleep, if somethin' happens to him, you can bet that it was me" and i honestly love that for them lol. also if you dial the number at the end of the song you can get a text? (based on a google search/reddit) i haven't gotten it yet but i'll probably update if/when i do

favorite line, "the cops around the corner stopped me when I tried to leave, they told me I was crazy and they knocked me off my feet, they came in through the kitchen lookin' for something discrete"

BITTERSUITE: honestly regulus when he first crushes on james? " 'cause I can't fall in love with you, no matter how bad I want to" and "it's so romanticized, if this is how I die, that's alright" also love the ending, it's really trippy and cool :)

favorite line, "we can be discrete, but I've been overseas, and I've been havin' dreams, l'amour de ma vie"

Blue: all these songs are so amazing i can't get over ittt!!! "you were born reaching for your mother's hands, victim of your father's plans to rule the world, too afraid to step outside, paranoid and petrified of what you've heard, but they could say the same 'bout me" that and "and I could say the same 'bout you, born blameless, grew up famous" is just so Black-family. like Narcissa, Andromeda, Bellatrix, Sirius, and Regulus, this song is about them honestly.

favorite line, "I try to live in black and white, but I'm so blue, I'd like to mean it when I say I'm over you"

[hwnglx]

do you have ANY idea what the jimin and jeongyeon beef was? or if there even WAS any 😭

i didn't look into their relationship fully, since these questions felt more right while reading. let me know if you want me to dive further into their dynamic and what happened. (update: right after posting i got asked to read more on their relationship so i will soon 🤍 stay tuned for that!)

was there any truth to the jimin + jeongyeon rumors?

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

was there any beef between them? pagofc&char, tower&4ofc, pagofp&knofc&kingofp

not to the extent of which it was made out to be. a lot of it was projection, people strongly pushing their own desired narrative on it.

they tried their best to ignore the rumors, but i think this all happened during a time where they might've been in a talking or flirty stage of some kind. so it caught them off guard and made things even more awkward between them. they knew their every move was gonna be overanalyzed, so it made things.. just awkward, best way to describe it.

how did jimin feel about the rumors? 3ofsw+3ofw+7ofsw, 2ofp&pagofsw, 9ofp, 10ofw&star, 9ofc

he was being very cautious. at first, he was taken aback by all the sudden talk. he felt like he was being watched way too closely and it was a little silly. this entire discourse made him realize how the community will just buy into any story if it's in their interest, and almost.. ignore actual reality, essentially not even care about it. the idea of the beef was more interesting than what actually happened behind closed doors, in his eyes.

it made him once again realize these are the things that come with being a public figure. i believe due to him being the more experienced idol out of the two, it didn't affect him all that much. he knew how to deal with things of this nature much better than jeongyeon.

still, i got the 3 of swords and kept asking what the reason is (since i did not get a "sad" vibe from him at all), and i believe he just didn't like how people started being so nosy about him and a person he was talking to. they probably were getting to know each other, things were still fresh anyway, so he felt the timing was just bad.

how did jeongyeon feel about the rumors? 5ofw&9ofsw, 10ofsw, star&9ofc, wheel&just

oh wow. jeongyeon definitely felt much stronger about it. it lowkey seemed to have messed her up.

the swords lead me to believe she thought a lot about it, a lot of anxiety on her part. she did not like all this back and forth talk about it at all. the 10 of swords is telling me, she just felt like she couldn't really do anything about the rumors. like there's no way out of it, no matter what she does or how she acts. people will continue to talk and everything will be misconstrued or matched to their fantasies in some way.

also, i believe it happened during a time where she had a lot of hope for their connection to blossom into something more. she genuinely seemed to have liked him, a lot of wishful thinking. so similarly to jimin, she thought the timing of it all was very unlucky, unfair almost.

idk, she gives me very self-victimizing and overly dramatic vibes. i can almost see her crying to her friends about it like.. "why would it happen now? while i was finally getting close to this guy i like and sht is awkward for me anyway?" very emotional girl for sure ☹

[saulwexler]

what'd you think is more catholic coded, nacho and all the parallelisms with jesus and all that stuff, or the rightful holy repentance through punishment and suffering of mcwexler 🛐

as the world's shittiest former-catholic, i'm really glad you asked!

would it be bad if i said mcwexler is more catholic than this 😬

way smarter people have discussed nacho and any input would be lovely. personally i respect nacho’s role as scapegoat, ransom to the devil, and shirtless guy coated in oil – but even if the aesthetic is👌 comparisons sort of start and end their for me 🤷🏻‍♀️ nacho’s morally gray and therefore not catholic-coded enough. but the catholic lense of  confession, penance, and redemption is just soooo mcwexler<3

thinking about jimmy’s two versions of the heisenberg story, and how by elevating his involvement from victim to accomplice helped regain his soul according to gould:

"Jimmy gets his soul back. But he’s going to be incarcerated for some amount of time. And that just felt right (x)"/ "I don't know if he's redeemed himself... but he has won his humanity back (x)"

the soul as something that can be gained/lost gives general christian vibes, but there elements that feel specifically catholic to me"

(1) the sacrament of reconciliation: really, the *only* sin god cannot forgive is failure to repent for mortal sins. jimmy’s first confession to marie fails this, but on second go around jimmy *does* confesses to a mortal sin (adulation with deliberate consent). and since confession 2 was voluntary, thats 79 years of self-imposed soul-saving penance (bonus points for the insurance thing – confession is also a salve for guilt).

(3) satisfactory punishment. when walt et al. selfishly died without repenting, they left an imbalance in the moral universe. luckily, catholics believe one may follow christ’s example and bear another's cross. by accepting full blame in building walt’s empire he can pay walt’s debts and restore balance.

(4) penance as medicinal: a self-induced punishment should equal the pleasure obtained while sinning through self-denial. take the opening and final scene of s6: gaudy lust-filled den of sin (damanged soul) is contrasted by barbed wire and slave-labor bread (healed soul). so a prison where he can have ice cream and golf would not do!

It felt right that Saul has been in court so many times as an attorney, and now he's there as a prisoner. And it felt right that he's made a mockery of the justice system, and now he's part of it. He's gone from being one of the people in the courtroom who runs the courtroom to be the subject. And that just felt right (x)

importantly, punishment is meant to help the sinner only – the 79 years do not meaningfully improve the lives of the victims or others involved (jimmy did not save kim from consequences nor would she want him to – idk why so many reporters think this???). kim’s confession is not as catholic, since giving cheryl closure is somewhat beneficial. but penance is a moral good in itself.

I personally don’t think what he’s doing is to save her from being implicated. She has already confessed to exactly what she did. There’s nothing Jimmy can save her from with that. Yeah. But I do think that those last moments in the courtroom are the two of them seeing each other without masks, like they used to (x)

(5) virtue of good works (this one's such a stretch): after regaining god’s grace, mcwexler can once again be given the virtues that were lost upon mortal sin, such as giving and receiving love from each other/ acts of charity (legal aid). other virtues (prudence, fortitude, temperance, humility) are woven into this too - regaining these virtues helps jimmy go from near-strangler to stable human without years of therapy.

with all that, no one suffered more than the girl writing this

[wondersbeyondcompare]

More Majid Stuff

I post once in a blue moon b/c I work in random bursts and get tired easily, but here are some rambles about Majid that I’ve saved in my Notes app and probably haven’t mentioned before!

There are some rumors circulating around Majid regarding his wealth

More specifically: how he got his wealth

All these rumors range from him being a secret son of a noble family to taking shady underground jobs that paid ridiculously well

His name had been searched up more than once, but the only thing that pops up is a bakery business w/ a small branch located in the Land of Hot Sands... not too far from where Majid grew up...

Majid’s a quick learner; he just lacks the motivation lol 

Tends to overthink too often, tho, coming up with detailed plans to get out of doing the most mundane stuff

Funny to watch but a pain in the ass to comprehend 😔

Although Majid tries to get out of doing most stuff, there are some things he can’t let slide

He can get picky over how some tasks are done; honestly??? this might be a good tactic on getting him to work (“Hey, Majid. Can you help set up the decorations for tonight’s party?” “No.” “Aaaa, okay, guess we’ll just have Mark do it-“ “Mark? You want to leave decorating to him? Do you want the lounge looking like a highlighter projectile vomited over the walls and ceiling? Give me those streamers. I’ll do it myself-“)

Definitely a quality over quantity kind of person; his room may be a mess of different things, but, rest assured, it’s only the best of the best of stuff that stay for long like lava lamps

I want to say that Majid is picky about a lot of things in general, but he does have his exceptions; for example: food, napping locations, job opportunities, ummm (･_･;) That’s most of what I can think of right now, dang

This pickiness is kiiind of 👉👈 referencing a trait that the Cave of Wonders has; like the whole “only a diamond in the rough shall enter here“ business that was going on idk I’m trying my best

As you can see, I went ham when it came to the “Who disturbs my slumber” line the tiger head had lol 😅(sorry that had become your defining trait, m’boi)

And the mass of riches he’s accumulated over the years was another obvious reference to the inside of the cave as well; can also act as a loose metaphor of what’s stopping him from getting the help he needs; as the treasures in the cave were put there w/ the intent of distracting a person from the ultimate goal of the magic lamp, so does his own treasures serve as a temporary distraction from moving forward in his life

But if that’s too much of a stretch, then plz slap the inner English teacher in me and then myself

Majid’s good at looking through people’s facades and judging a person’s true character, but it’s not like he does much w/ this info

Unless they try confronting him or something, he just avoids/shuts down people he gets bad vibes from

Doesn’t make tactless comments; figured out that dealing with pissed off people was more work than it’s worth

Boi tends to ask a lot of questions when speaking to other people; partly b/c of trust issues; partly b/c he might be lowkey judging you (can’t use his unique magic all the time after all :/)

He’s the type of person who acts like he knows everything, but he really doesn’t; just hates getting looked down upon in general; will bluff his way through situations by being as vague as possible

He leans towards how his mother used to speak; that is: beating around the bush

He won’t lie to you, but it might take some time until he’ll give you the whole truth; and when I say it’ll take some time, IT REALLY WILL TAKE SOME TIME B/C THIS BOY IS UNBELIEVABLY STUBBORN 

Is casual to whoever he speaks to, no matter the age; if he gets extremely annoyed with someone, especially if they’re older than him, he’ll use this over exaggerated polite tone that makes it real obvious he’s fed up with them

Gets ticked off whenever anyone advises him to do anything, but he’ll still take that advice to heart

Majid’s probably tired all the time b/c of all the jewelry he’s carrying around smh

Majid sounds/looks like he’s angry all the time, but that’s just his resting face 😔; I mean, he’s always a little irritated, but it’s mostly b/c he’s stuck in that state of being forced awake from a deep afternoon nap (b/c... that’s usually what happens to him)

Plus, have you met his upperclassmen? Have you seen what was going on in Scarabia during Chapter 4?????? Have you met the headmaster of this school????????  (; ω ; )

He doesn’t like people touching stuff that’s his; same thing goes for people touching stuff in general that aren’t theirs; doesn’t like thieves (he’s stolen stuff when he was younger, but he justifies that he only did so to survive; and he’s not entirely wrong)

Ironic b/c his mom was a thief 🤭 

He’s also a pretty obedient student save for the whole “trying to sleep in class w/o getting caught” thing that he’s still trying to accomplish; doesn’t like it when the professors get strict with him but will grit his teeth and bear with it

Prefers magic carpets to magic broomsticks; there’s just a lot more surface area when it comes to carpets plus he’s more familiar with the former

Spends a lot of his time in the Scarabia storage room b/c it reminds him of his bedroom back home; probably became buddies w/ Kalim’s magic carpet while he was there too

But if we’re talking about the type of people Majid could tolerate befriending uummm... maybe those with good hearts?? Idk, like those who are genuinely trying to be a good person no matter what kind of obstacles they run into (referencing how the cave of wonders only let a diamond in the rough enter)

They don’t have to be all nice or sweet, but as long as Majid can tell they have kind intentions, he won’t immediately leave them

Has a “haaah... these guys are hopeless... might as well keep an eye on them so they don’t screw up any more than they already have” attitude towards these people

Other type of person Majid would unintentionally befriend are those who are also annoyed of being told what to do by upperclassmen/authority figures; ☺️🙏  vent out your frustrations together wooo

Has some squabbles with Leona when it comes to napping locations

It’s actually pretty funny to watch b/c they both don’t want to give up their spot but also they don’t want to bother getting up 

Leona wins most of the time, tho

Majid may have had a lot of energy when he was younger but now he’s a g e d

I rarely mention Majid’s lava illusion magic thing, but yeah that’s a thing; he probably won’t be able to use it to its full extent until his last year of high school and maybe a little bit later; it takes up a ton of energy; I keep on imagining him using it and joking that “aaaa the floor is lava lol”, but then I remember the psychological effects this ability has on the victim and 😬 yikes scratch that

Majid has a loud clear voice when he speaks; often startles whoever’s walking by when he naps in the shadows

 As a result of spending most of his time w/o a stable support system and no one static to guide his beliefs, Majid doesn’t follow any particular religion; he does have coworkers back at the curio/appraisal/pawn shop who do, tho, and while he doesn’t entirely understand it, he respects them as much as he can

I’ve said before that Majid selfishly keeps all his wealth to himself for fear of losing his self worth, but there are some exceptions (such as to anyone he passes who’s begging in the streets, a coworker who’s struggling to make ends meet, etc.)

He’s fine with giving away some money, but not in huge amounts 

 And if he’s giving money to anyone, it’s done in a round about way; usually w/ a dismissive excuse 

If this boi had a route, depending on how the MC acts around him, the majority of it will be spent breaking down those walls and befriending him; generally going like this: shovel all trust issues into incinerator one by one —>Get him to tolerate you —> Get him to trust you —> Befriend (?) Him —> Deal w/ his other deep seated issues —-> Romance (if we’re going for that otome game kinda thing i guess???))

I can just imagine Majid temporarily visiting the Land of Hot Sands w/ MC after befriending him and finding out the truth about his parents through his boss at the curio shop; MC encourages him to travel north to pay a visit at some facility b/c it’s rumored that at least his father is still alive 

(No idea what happened to Lara; probably suffered worse consequences due to making several prison breaks; had decently powerful magical abilities, so that would probably explain the whole forced amnesia thing that happened after their disappearance) 

Majid is torn b/w wanting to go alone b/c this is a personal matter (And he wants MC to be safe) and being scared of losing MC if something horrible happens to him on his journey north; he knows what it’s like to be suddenly abandoned, and he doesn’t want that for anybody, especially for someone he cares about 

He doesn’t want to repeat his father’s mistakes, regardless if it was accidental or not 

Majid decides to go on his own; probably had some touching parting w/ MC; maybe we’ll go full otome and have a hugging CG where he swears that he will be back for MC

And MC is just like “Aight;;; cool;;; good luck;;”; something sentimental like that 

Couple of days passed; we’re worried about him 

He returns with a worried look on his face before breaking into a relieved smile when he sees MC; power walks to hug them even tighter than before

Majid thanks them for all they’ve done; he then spends the rest of the day and well into the night describing all he’s experienced and his visit with his dad

 They go back to NRC and Majid is less bratty than before, much to the surprise of Jamil and to the delight of Kalim; actually starts to make an effort to not push people away at every opportunity (b/c he originally felt like they all had their own hidden agenda and were just using him for their own gain, y’know)

Boi becomes even more clingy towards MC; by that, I don’t mean he’s overly attached to them (he’s afraid of making the same mistake he did in the past), but rather he shows it through light casual touches here and there (a brush of the fingers when exchanging papers, patting MC’s head when they do something well, gently tugging at their sleeve when he needs their attention) and constantly checking up on them to see how they’re doing

Awkward levels in Majid increase as he constantly wonders if he’s crossing a line when it comes to him showing any kind of affection; he doesn’t want to come off as creepy and make MC hate him

Might also resist being given love and affection at first; but once he gets used to it, he absolutely m e l t s

Cuddles are 👌; might give teary eyes if MC tries to leave early during a cuddling session, but he won’t pressure them to stay; a touch starved boi

Doesn’t think much of PDA, giving or receiving; full on making out and anything further is kind of a no-go, tho;  hugging is nice and so are short and sweet kisses; will glare at anybody who says anything about it

If his s/o was clingier than he is, he might get a little embarrassed; same thing goes if his s/o was really cute

Definitely the type of boyfriend to buy random gifts for his s/o b/c these things reminded him of them

Younger Majid was in full on puppy mode all the time, or at least when he was around people he liked; also a huge people pleaser too, since he was afraid of them leaving him 

He was probably reckless too in order to entertain his friends

Was really polite, especially when it came to adults; always calling them Mister and Miss(us)

He was also just loud 

Future Majid (if he came to terms with most of his problems) would be more mellow than his teenage self; still anti-social but he’s less angry at the world now; would go on to own the curio shop after the previous owner passed on; reverted it into both a jewelry/appraisal shop in order to honor his father plus respect the previous owner’s memory as well

Sells and repairs jewelry and appraises supposedly rare items that come through his store; still does odd jobs for the people in the neighborhood but his prices aren’t as outrageously high as he made them when he was younger

He names the new store after his mother, at the request of his father (plus I only recently heard the song “House of Gold” by Twenty One Pilots and hnnnmmg it fits well with this golden boy)

Majid is interested in most things related to jewelry, probably subconsciously influenced by his father; this includes repairing bits of jewelry; he moves delicately when it comes to these kinds of tasks

He’s a night owl; it’s much quieter at night

Has bad posture from sleeping in different weird places

His body is prone to heating up easily; the fact that he lives in the Land of Hot Sands and was also sorted into Scarabia is just unfortunate luck

Sneaks off to cooler areas on campus in his free time to chill; one of his favorite spots is the Octavinelle lounge since it’s air conditioned and dark, and he can get away with taking a nap before going over his time limit and getting kicked out

The library is nice too (´∀｀)

Would like to go to Ignihyde too, but he’s put off by the feeling of being underground (gotta have that bit of irony like Jamil being afraid of bugs 👌)

He tolerates Kalim better than Jamil; probably b/c the latter scolds him for slacking off

Actually went to Kalim for tutoring advice once before realizing part of the way that his senior had no idea what he was doing; Jamil has earned his respect when it comes to academics

Kinda jealous of the duo’s stamina; Majid’s usually heaving for air after long marches or if he’s ever chosen as a backup dancer for one of Scarabia’s many parties; he’s the ( ・∇・) least athletic of my OCs...

No, he can’t dance, but he can feign the movements well enough to not get caught

[normal-thoughts-official]

Oooh yeah the first time I was playing as a female mc because I wanted to romance ava and I usually go male mc if I want to romance a man and female mc if I want to romance a woman (and I think there was one book with where mc could be non-binary so I picked that one but I didn't finished the book), and Stacy's brother felt Hetero™ in a way, like Hollywood ish (? Honestly like cinematographicly bad hetero) but I ended up really loving Andy too, and Stacy felt a little flat but also I really liked her potential, like go crazy girl, and the mom issues.

Apart but holy shit you're 10000% right about that teacher like who inmediately threatens expulsion just like that for something not violent ??? And to an honor student with way too much on his plate ??? Obviously it would have been bad with any student, but you have literally the reason of why he's doing it and as a teacher HE LITERALLY COULD HAVE HELPED WITH IT ??????? Like something teachers can't really help students because it's a family thing only or is a financial struggle or etc but it was literally because of school (and his family, but the teacher could have heloed him with the school part)

(Identity thief anon (also I go by any pronouns ahhshs))

ur valid! that's lowkey what i wish i'd do (picking female MC if my fave LI is female and the other way around, i mean) but unfortunately i always go into the stories blindly having no idea what i'll find </3 so i cant really do that doiajdiosa and then i get attached for the MC i picked so i feel bad about changing their gender/name/appearance when i replay. so what i usually do is that i pick a male MC when i get the option because A- u don't always get the option, so i end up being male half the time and female half the time either way; and B- i feel slightly more comfortable with a male identity than a female one. like i'm still nonbinary and i wouldn't consider myself male aligned or within the gender of Man, but like... when i first came out i went by any pronouns but then because im afab everyone was like "cool, she/her only it is" so i was like fuck that and stopped using she/her. so i feel slightly more comfortable with a masc MC and end up going with that

there's also the fact that it always feels slightly genderfucky to have a male MC because choices is so sexist and also always writes the stories assuming ull pick a female MC, even when they give u the option not to. so when u pick a male MC he's very like not toxically masc and some things they add to make a QuiRkY MC that are very white woman and would feel annoying are actually kind of subversive for my black and brown male MCs. so like another win for queerness /j

ILITW MC in particular i feel has HUGE nonbinary vibes like no reason at all he just does <3 maybe it's just that for once the male clothes for ILITW actually fUCK. i wanna dress in that goth outfit <3 so gorgeous ugh. i love him even tho he's a fucking dumbass

also there's a book where an MC can be enby? worm? ive only ever read one book in choices with any enby characters at all (america's most elligible, books 2-3) but they weren't even a LI which is disappointing cuz they were a billion times superior to any of the LIs. sorry america's most elligible LIs fans

also oh connor IS the epitome of white cistraight man even when u play as a man tbh, like he was just so cistraight to me daouhdsaojdasij he kind of annoys me but also i forget that he even exists until he shows up onscreen and choices starts trying to push me into his lap and i'm just like, ugh, not again

and yeah i think i feel a similar way about stacy. i don't dislike her as a character and i don't feel like she as a character felt flat, her growth was very interesting and i loved seeing her start to challenge her mom like YESSS GO GIRL GIVE US EVERYTHING, she just felt flat as a LI to me ig? like idk i didn't feel chemistry between her and my MC personally, but also like, stacy girls are valid u know

right exactly. like i don't think ppl really understand that a school that doesn't drive people to cry during finals week and feel absolutely crushed by having to be there and that makes ppl feel like they're stupid, not enough, and overwhelmed IS IN FACT POSSIBLE and actually pretty easy to make when we stop treating students like statistics that will get the school more clients/funding (depending on whether it's a private or public school). and like as a teacher getting my degree in brasil it just feels completely surreal to me that anyone would see a student who's so overwhelmed by the amount of extracurriculars and responsibilities he feels like he has to take that he starts taking drugs to help his performance despite it affecting his health, and see that as like... something morally reprehensible? like it is bad that it happened but it's not the student's fault, what's morally reprehensible are the circumstances that led to his decision, not his decision

and like it is very much a systemic problem, more and more kids are taking focus pills to be able to survive the pressure of school and have a shot at a future, either on their own or because we are actually medicalizing not existing to be productive. and if it's a systemic problem then the fault is at the system?? and like holy shit i legit don't understand why choices gave us options like being like "it still isn't enough" when lucas gets rid of his pills, what do you mean it isn't enough??? enough for what??? to FORGIVE him???? for something that only hurt himself??? for something that is very much a systemic problem and therefore NOT HIS FAULT????? literally what the fuck even is this, lucas doesn't have to "make up" for a single thing, he needs to be HELPED is what he needs

like idk i know that the school system in the US is...... extremely backwards lmao which is not a term i like to use because it usually implies imperialistic views but the US is the height of world imperialism so like actually idc. brasil has a pretty progressive constitution and as a teacher my whole education was focused on being critical of the school system, particularly the productivity obsession, and drilling into us again and again that we aren't supposed to just be teaching subjects, we are also supposed to be teaching how to be a citizen, be a critical human being, work towards building a better future, and learning and growing AS A PERSON to be healthy and happy are values of the school system

like that's easier said than done when schools are under insane amounts of pressure by companies in practice to be productivity-driven, and most teachers who actually want to do a good job end up having to live at the edge of the knife and constantly fighting back outside pressure, but at least it is very much a mandatory part of our education to become teachers and also like literally part of the constitution. so i just... i can't fathom reacting the way mr cooper did? like as a teacher i felt BETRAYED, i felt like he shat all over my profession because that is the opposite of what we should be doing, this is a kid who needs help

and just like hOLY SHIT HE DID NOTHING WRONG, what are you punishing him for??? it's not even a like, stealing bread to feed your family situation, because what he did HAS NO VICTIM OTHER THAN HIMSELF, and therefore HE IS THE VICTIM NOT THE CULPRIT. he doesn't have to repent or atone or answer for a single fucking thing, he didn't victimize others, he doesn't have to apologize, there's nothing to punish him fOR??? like i don't believe in punishment anyway cuz im a prison abolitionist but doDAUSDJADASIJDAS???????????? HE DIDN'T. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. WHY IS THIS WHOLE GAME ACTING AS IF HE WAS IN THE WRONG. OH MY GOD

it's like saying that someone needs to be forgiven for self harming????? like how is it that someone has been hurt continuously until it led them to hurt themselves and then they have to? make up for it to a bunch of other ppl? my god it makes me so mad and i genuinely don't understand the logic, like usually when i see someone doing fucked up shit i can see the logic but i don't agree with it, but this time i genuinely DON'T SEE THE LOGIC. my USan friends said it was because he was technically doing drugs but like i legit still don't understand

anyway any school that drives a student to do something like that needs to rethink their entire curriculum and the psychological effect it's having on kids, because lucas is 1- not even the first one according to mr cooper; 2- even if he was, that'd be the only one who got CAUGHT; and 3- even if there was really only one singular student who went tHIS far, i doubt the others weren't feeling that same pressure and dealing with it in other similarly unhealthy ways

i know that's probably easier in brasil than in the US even if it's by no means easy here because here at least in public schools the curriculum and political-pedagogical plan has to be agreed on by the school community (teachers, parents, students, workers, and anyone who lives in the area of the school) and it's updated every year, so like, you have more means to do something to change the school in a deeper way, altho of course that still has to mean swinging the rest of the community, but still. but at the very least he could have looked for counseling for him? tried to find a way to take some of the workload off his shoulders? given him some more time on assignments? motioning for all the clubs he was the president of to have co-presidents so he was less overwhelmed?

like there was just daodsao he could have done so many things and he justs DIDN'T he chose to not only punish him instead but quite literally THREATEN HIM WITH DEATH because that's what calling the police on a latino student over a drug charge is. like he might've survived but the possibility that he would fucking DIE was very much there, and i know choices didn't think of that because they'd rather die than think about the racial implications of anything but holy fucking shit. and im not even getting into how mr cooper is BLACK because then ill just start biting people like thanks for putting that threat on a black character's mouth choices. if u need me ill be foaming at the mouth

anyway SORRY god why is it that i always get to the salty part within 2 seconds of joining a fandom i promise that i actually like it lives and the way they handled most of their plot, i genuinely think it's a very well written and actually worth ur time story but i just doadosaida like i said particularly as a teacher in the context where i'm being taught, plus with all my political beliefs, i just can't let it go aaaa

also ty for telling me ur pronouns! idk if i assumed them at any time, i don't think so but i might have done so without realizing and if i did im really sorry. also sorry for the gigantic salty reply daojdsaojdaisjsajdoadsaodasj rip me i never shut up

[calliecat93]

ST: The Next Generation S3 Watchthrough Episodes 22-25

The Most Toys: Dear TNG writers, I know that the show has been over for about 30 years now and this is therefore redundant to say, but… can you please quit doing bad things to Data?! He doesn’t deserve bad things! So Data gets kidnapped by a manchild/lunatic to add to his ‘collection’. Kinda reminds me of that two-parter in Superman: TAS that introduced Lobo… except Fajo somehow pisses me off even more than the bad guy there. Kinda makes me think of the bad guy from The Squire of Gothos in TOS except somehow more detestable. At least that guy was more or less a spoiled child, Fajo has no excuse. Anyways, Fajo’s obsession with Data comes of as… insanely creepy. It gives me very bad vibes and I was thoroughly uncomfortable. Though at least Data, in his Data way, wasn’t at all complacent and remained as inquisitive as ever, so at least he maintained some sense of agency unlike in say The Schizoid Man. That all said, the episode was good. The crew’s reactions to thinking that Data was dead all made sense and scenes like Geordi and Wesley going through his things and Picard giving an order to Data before remembering that he’s not there anymore… those were heavy. And again as painful as it was to watch, Data at least trying to retain any agency was appreciated especially at the end. I’m glad that he didn’t have to kill, but seeing him finally put Fajo in his place was especially after he killed Varria as callously as he did was extremely gratifying. Another solid episode overall… but again, please let Data have happier things up ahead. 3.5/5.

Sarek: You can only imagine how wide my eyes got when I was going down the episode list and saw this one. I know that Sarek has mixed reception due to the issues between him and Spock and IDK if Discovery is going to change my opinion or not, but I find him to be a very interesting character. Journey to Babel kind of had this sense that he’s a hardass not that different from his son tbh, and those similarities and being displeased with Spock’s life choices made things difficult. but Sarek did still care about him, IDT he’d have gone through the effort of going to Kirk in hopes of recovering Spock’s katra when he had no reason to believe that Spock did the transfer and even outright saying at the end that his logic is more or less impaired when Spock is concerned if he didn’t, and The Voyage Home had him outright finally tell him that he made the right choice and that he was wrong in the way only Vulcans can say things. There was just kind of this feeling that he realized that he had been wrong and regretted it and wanted to make amends… but didn’t know how and it took Spock dying to finally do so. He’s not necessarily a good parent, a lot of Spock’s issues are due to him not understanding his struggles, and yeah more or less disowning him for several years was shitty, but he’s not even close to the worst and he at least tried to make it right and I can respect that. If anything though, Sarek was at least shown to be a capable ambassador and genuinely loved and was good to Amanda. So seeing him in TNG and thankfully still played by Mark Lenard, I was interested to see what they’d do with him and how he’d interact with the new cast. The result?

Sarek, did hiding your heart condition in Journey to Babel teaches you nothing about revealing vital medical information?! Is this just a Vulcan thing?! Anyways, the revelations here were… sad. Sarek has essentially the Vulcan version of Alzheimer’s which is causing him to be unable to control his emotions. Which for a Vulcan… that has to be outright horrific. Not to mention it’s causing rising, unprovoked violent responses from the crew like Crusher outright slapping her own son. To no one’s surprise, Sarek’s the reason why, albeit he’s causing it unintentionally. While Mark Lenard has been excellent as Sarek alll across the board especially in the films, he gets to do a lot more here due to Sarek’s unstable emotional control and he is just fantastic. The whole confrontation with Picard was truly excellent acting from both him and Patrick Stewart. Sarek truly feels unhinged and it is both horrifying and just sad to watch especially to how dignified and composed he was in TOS. The mind-meld with Picard may help in the short-term, but... it’s likely inevitable that he won’t last much longer. My only real complaint is that Spock and Amanda are saved as a brief mention and technically not even by Sarek but by Picard enduring the aftereffects of the mind-meld, though it does reflect Sarek’s mindset/emotions. Seriously Picard-as-Sarek reflecting how much he loved them and regretting not being able to ever truly express it or outright say it… it’s just heart-breaking, thoug it does confirm everything I had already thought so that’s good~ Still, this was a great episode! I’m glad to finally have some Vulcans again, Sarek was very well done, and the entire episode is very well acted especially the previously mentioned confrontation and everything involving the mind-meld especially after when Picard loses it. I know that Spock will show up at some point in TNG so I hope that this episode comes back up because Dear Lord please allow Spock that closure before he has to be sent to AOS. Regardless this was excellent~! Thanks for reaching my expectaitons TNG~! 4.5/5.

Menage a Troi: Oh great, another Lwaxana episode… albeit she actually has my sympathy in this one cause a Ferengi is pursuing her. I might find the woman annoying, but considering what we know of how Ferengi treat women, no one deserves that. So… if anything I am fair or at least try to be, so I will say that Lwaxana is better in this episode. She’s still obnoxious, but with the aforementioned horrid way that Ferengi treats women (seriously the nudity part was an utterly unnecessary show), refusing to be treated as property, and her genuine love and concern for Deanna make her much more likable. She certainly didn’t deserve to be treated the way she did. Troi being sick of being talked down to as a child and her mother butting into her romantic life no matter how well-intentioned instead of just letting her take it at her own pace and when she’s content as she is now is very relatable as well. Look I’ve grown to like Riker/Troi and I’m all for them getting back together… but they should do so if and when they’re ready, not be pushed into that direction. Still overall, didn’t care for this one. It’s better than Lwaxana’s first two episodes, but still makes me uncomfortable in other ways that aren’t funny, and the fact that she’s still pursuing Picard and he gets forced to go along with it at the end (albeit Patrick Stewart getting to go full Shakespearian was the funniest part of the whole episode) still doesn’t sit right with me. The Wesley subplot was also utterly wasted, feeling like it was just shoved in there and he did nothing to deserve promotion to Ensign. Yes, he gave up his chance to go to the Academy when he has his aha moment, but he did barely anything all season or the last two seasons to have earned it, or at least shoving it into this episode made it feel undeserved. Wesley himself is fine as a character, he’s nowhere near as bad as some make him out to be, but the concept of his character is just… not suited for ST. But the was funnier than the past two and Lwaxana has her better traits higlighted such as her intelligence and acting skills. If anything she does genuienly love her daughter and is not a helpless victim. Majel Barrett also owns it, I can respect that. 2.5/5.

Transfiguration: Okay, so we have an injured alien known only as John Doe wo is both amnesic and has some impressive regenererative abilities. He also turns out to have mass power such as powerful healing abilities as his body is udnergoign some kind of rapid change,. Meanwhile, Geordi gets some kid of sudden confidence boost and is finally making progress with his love life. If I’m gonna be honest… I don’t have anything to really say on this one. It was fine, but I don’t really have any thoughts regarding it otherwise. There’s this sense of spirituality in there and the ending makes it feel like religious opression. The Zalkonians killing their own kind who undergo the transformation just to maintian their power… yeah that was… yeah. Anyway, it was fine. I felt bad for John Doe and Crusher was good. All I’ve really got to say for this one. 3/5.

Alright, one more to go! Next time I’ll only be covering two episodes, the S3 finale and the S4 premiere. But they’re the same story so…. I’ve heard good things about this one, so we’ll see if it delivers.

[futurewriter2000]

My Dear Audience

I know you are usually the victims of my emotional outbursts I post on my blog, probably didn't read the fine print when you pressed the follow button. You can always skip these posts/rants I make that's why I always put the "keep reading" function so that yall don't have to scroll for 10 minutes straight. But sometimes I write things down to get clearer in certain situations I'm in. It helps me figure it out. It's like my subconscious speaking to my conscious dumbass. Idk, maybe it will help you too or not. You can always write me your opinions because I love to see other opinions and perspective on certain themes I put in here. So let's get into it!

The reason I'm writing this is because it's faster to write in my journal and I don't trust my journal at all. Like I don't know why I'm hiding certain things from my journal. Maybe because my sister and mother used to read them when I was a kid. But yeah, sometimes I can be a little pathetic. But bear with me. We are all different and how we process emotions is different to all of us.

My sister told me something about me missing somebody, who I had dealt with in the recent past. And I told her that I don't and that I moved on from him already.

I firmly do believe I had moved on from him but something made me wonder if I really did when I was trying so hard to explain to her how I did move on.

You see, I did have a lot of friend break ups last year and from seven of them, I think that two hurt me the most. One was a guy (shocker) that I used to be so close with for 3 years but had known him for about 5 years. And the other was my best friend of 3 years or something as well. She was literally amazing to the point when she started to... get a bit wild, which I don't mind but she started to become more wild and more rude, arrogant and ignorant as well.

I was literally so attached to both but there came a moment, a click all of a sudden where I just knew that I don't want to be their friend anymore because they constantly hurt me. The worst part was that I didn't understand the why, I just knew that they were both toxic for me and that I didn't like what said or did to me. It took me long, sobbing and self-blaming nights to move on from both of them. It took me about 8 months to get over the guy and almost a year (around 11 months) to get over her. It's not that I was in love with them- I just love people way too much. I would give the world for my friends.

When I moved on from the guy (1), I met another guy (2) which reminded so much of guy 1. Literally, they were both tall, light eyes, dirty blonde/brown hair, both Aries (like a day apart)... but their character was different. Nevertheless, the similarities were wow but it was their character that made them so different. I admired guy 2 character more than anybody's character (lies... there are a few people) in my life. There is just something so interesting in people who think so differently or are different in general. He just had this magnetic pull. When we met, there was something so similar in him that I couldn't put my finger on and we just clicked in one day. The first day we met, we clicked. First 10 minutes we met, click. There was not even the introduction of our names, we just vibed so much that we let go of the unimportant details.

You can expect I fell in love with the guy. He bought me choclates and energies and opened the doors for me, and he always came to get me for lunch... the guy was literally treating me so good and my hopeless romantic self fell in love. He was the first ever guy that I considered to date. There were previous crushes, yes but he was just "the one". Don't judge. I am way too romantic.

He was the one until he started to give me hot and cold game. But we still vibed. Then he turned out to be gay, which to my surprise I was so relieved. I don't know why I was so relieved but I just was. It made me realise that I really didn't want to be with him in a romantic way, because that was so much pressure and work and I can finally relax. Bc when I can flirt with everything and everybody until I start to catch feelings. Then I turn into a tree. Makes no sense but you know what I mean. I just didn't know how to act.

He left. No goodbye, no nothing. I cried like a baby but it was easy for me to move on because we knew each other for a month and he seemed to be that person, who enters your life for a certain reason. I thought it was to show me that guy 1 was literally an ass and that I can be treated better by friends than I believed.

Okay, I moved on.

Until that bitch returned one day and made me forget to walk. I don't know what he did to me. I knew he was gay, I knew that there will nothing become of us ever. I was okay with that but he still made me feel butterflies. But so did the guy 1 but the guy 1 made me feel more of a sad anxiety butterflies and the guy 2 was happy anxiety butterflies.

We vibed like nothing ever happened. We went out on drinks, walks, I even went to his house, he met one of my friends, we made plans... until a day came where all of a sudden he started to act distant.

I was like, okay... maybe he just needs a time alone. If anything guy 1 has thought me was that I should never drill into people or pressure them to open up to me.

God, I knew something was wrong. I could see it in his eyes and on his face and I just knew it. But you know when people say hurt people hurt people.... oh did he just say the right words to prove that.

We had a conversation and I said something among the lines: "Yeah but at least we're such good friends now."

"Are we?" he said and when I tell you I felt my heart sink into the depth of whatever pit there is. It got cut into pieces and stomped over and shit like that but my defense mechanism is laughter and smiling.

"You're telling me we're not friends?" I asked him, my dumbass laughing.

"Then I must be a really bad friend."

AND MY DUMBASS WENT. "Noooo! You have your good qualities."

And so on and so on.

I'm not playing the victim in this situation. I was not the victim here. He was just... hurting.... he just.... really didn't have to hurt me too and sometimes I wished I went away and didn't start any conversation.

But he was so new and so interesting and I had never clicked so well with anybody.

Don't roll your eyes when I tell you that I believe in soulmates. I do. I believe I had 4 soulmates in my life and it's odd to describe it but there is this... feeling you have when you're with them that just make sense.

My soulmate definitely was not guy 1. But there was this crush I had in middle school that I had never exchanged words with but like I said... there's a feeling and fleeting moments where you just know.

So him... and my best friend of 2 years before the other best friend of 3 years.

And him. The guy 2.

There's a certain click you have with your soulmate. And I had many friends, many people and crushes and loves but none of them are those four soulmates.

I believe guy 2 is... but I also believe that he is that exact karma of what I did with guy 1. I was just not in love with guy 1. I think he was in love with me but I just wasn't in love with him. Yes, we are friends and good but I am not in love with you. (he wrote me a song that I was so oblivious that it was meant for me. I realised that a year later and yes I am face-palming myself right now). I just left him like that.

Just like guy 2 left me like that. I was in love with him but he couldn't be in love with me. And he left me... just like that.... just like I left guy 1. The fucking irony in that.

Months past, guy 2 disappoints me constantly until the point where he disappointed me so hard that I just couldn't go back to him. I never hated him... I never hate anybody but I do learn and I let go.

It was hard for me to let go because the pain felt just as horrible as it did with guy 1... just worse... so much worse. The memories me and guy 2 have are the memories that can be labeled as unforgettable ones. When I tell you that it was like a movie when we were hanging out together. Like a bloody movie... the way we met, the way we clicked, the love/rejection scene, him leaving, him coming back, us not having normal conversations (I had never had conversations as I did with him with anybody in this entire world. The conversations with him were... the ones that you don't forget easily.), the roadtrips we took, the awkward moments, the sharing deepest darkest secrets moments, the fun moments, the way we were so comfortable with each other that it felt like I had known him for years, not months.

Like a movie. A real, indie like movie. Him in bright/white clothes, me in dark/black clothes. Him the logical, me the dreamy. Me the romantic and innocent, him the not so romantic and definitely not so innocent.... like ying and yang... up until the ying didn't want the yang anymore.

I don't know what happened, really... he just didn't want to hang out with me anymore. His whole behaviour towards me changed.

Hurt people hurt people.

I cried... for months... shocker... but then there came a day when I just woke up and I was just ok.

You know there were times I would cry because of the memories. Because I never felt like this with anybody. Oh no... you know when you meet someone who is special in your life. You know you're in it deep from the moment you meet them. Tik Tok tarot readings really did not help. He just randomly popped in my mind. I couldn't look at pistachios... I couldn't drive by the gas station anymore, I even quit my job (but that was mostly for me), I couldn't go to the store without thinking of the time we went to the store. Still, every bus I see I wish I could see him in it.

But then I asked myself. What would I do if I did see him? I mean, the last time he disappointed me so hard that I don't think I could even look at him. I wouldn't want to give him his birthday gift because this shit is long passed. Once exciting to give it, now dreading it. Once I wanted to tell him everything... now I don't want a single thing to share with him because that creates another memory I would only cry over. The fact was.... so much time had passed that all the nostalgia, the energy, the excitement... it all just disappeared because I stopped giving it. I promised myself no more. And yes I wanted to just text him and call him to give him a peace of my mind but no. I held myself back and I rather cried and felt sorry for myself that ever giving my time and energy to someone who just... isn't worth it....

He disappointed me so much to the point I had to realise that when I think of him as someone who has broadened my perspective on the world, taught me certain things and gave me such great memories to look back on... for me he was a soulmate but for him I was just that one person, he worked with. Like he said... I wasn't a friend... though I don't know why he made plans with me... maybe to fill me with empty promises like most people do but I accept that.

I was done wasting time on mourning.

One thing I didn't realise about moving on from people was that you can still wish for them to come back or wish for things to be different and miss the hell out of them. Don't you think that just because I moved on from guy 1 and that best friend that I didn't think of reaching out to them. I did... to every last one of them but that will bring me nowhere. I just don't know where they would lead me... because I changed, yes but that doesn't mean they did.

I still wish them the best... I do look back on them with fond memories. Of course, I don't think the two can even come close to the guy 2. He is one of a kind but there are such wonderful people out in the world and guy 2 has thought me that I can be treated better than some people treated me.

Plus he was a good muse for the emotional works I had written and drew.

So I really did move on... by finally accepting the fact that it won't be like a movie and that not all people are here to change your life and stay in it. Maybe they just change it and leave you to grow further on.

All of them thought me so much but I do swear that the last one had really put an impact in my life. Made it better, no matter the hurt he caused. Most of it was because I let it happen. I let him take the wheel for a while but now I'm driving again and he's left the bus.

[pastryseungs]

Nightmare High (2016)

Dir. Hyun Moon-Sub

⚠️ Spoilers !! ⚠️

i started watching this because i keep seeing this on Netflix and my curiosity got the best of me hehe. also because i’m quite impressed with Kim So-Hyun’s acting skills and she’s also one of my favorite Korean actors, because of her performance in Love Alarm (2019).

lmao so i finished this show a couple of days ago and i was supposed to post this after but i decided to collect my thoughts first so i could make this post work haha. i tend to forget what i just watched five minutes after watching it sometimes (its not a quirky thing ;-; i tend to get surprised that i just finished another show that i forget what just happened lol).

anyways, i kinda liked this drama, though i felt like it was a bit of a slow-burn, it showed what the characters were like if they were given the chance to play god, which led to them abusing it then wanting it to stop when they get overwhelmed by it. here’s a list of my thoughts on each characters’ stories :v

1. Kim Seul-Gi

the name reminds me so much of Seulgi (Kang Seulgi) from Red Velvet lmaoo. Kim Seulgi (Seo Shin-ae) was considered as their class’ “outcast”, with her classmates going out of their way to talk about how she’s invisible and that she’s worthless before proceeding to mess with her stuff. being fed up with her bullies, she decides to go to the counseling office and talk to Mr. Han/Han Bong-Gu (Uhm Ki-Joon) who gives her the layout of their classroom and a red pen, telling her to connect her name with a classmates name with a red line if she wants to be friends with them. after trying this, her classmates start acting nice to her, which eventually led to her not being given the time to be alone and to be with the people that she wants to be with, which then led to her asking Mr. Han if he could reverse the whole thing and go back to normal.

Seul-Gi’s story was honestly a bit sad and frustrating with me. this is why you shouldn’t give people the chance to play god or the chance to control their fate and their surroundings, it just won’t end well. the girl just wanted to have friends that genuinely care for her. the solution that Mr. Han gave her was addicting at first but when it all backfired on her, she decided that maybe it wasn’t for her at all. sadly, she had no other choice but to be trapped in that mirror.

Seul-Gi deserved better :<

2. Oh Ki-Chul

Oh Ki-Chul (Baek Sung-Do) is a student that participates in wrestling/boxing/fighting matches. (??) after a while of not participating, he stumbles upon two students that are fighting and decides to break it up. he was then met with what looks like a student who was also the group’s ‘leader’ telling him that one of the rules of fighting was to never butt-in on someone else’s fight. he was then dared to participate in a fight but turned down the offer as he planned not to do it until he graduates.

after a series of provoking and starting to participate again in other fights. Oh Ki-Chul and Mr. Han spoke about him joining fights, before Mr. Han puts Ki-Chul in a trance to help him see if he’ll win or not. he decides to use this to his advantage, memorizing what he has to do in order to win his fights in the future. eventually, he too had to sign a contract with his blood- like every victim of Mr. Han’s to continue receiving this kind of privilege which eventually led him to being trapped in a mirror too.

my main takeaway from Ki-Chul’s story was that it was kinda weird that Mr. Han just watched from the sidelines instead of holding Ki-Chul back and try to change his mind into not participating in the fight. sadly, he’s not like other Homeroom teachers. for others, they’d probably say that he’s provoking these students into wanting more.. but i think that he’s actually giving them the taste of their own medicine if they decide to abuse their desires if it were given to them. but i still think that Mr. Han’s a bad guy lmao duh.

3. Ahn Si-Yeon

first of all, i think that Ahn Si-Yeon (Kim Da-Ye) is so adorable !! her character gives me fangirl vibes ✨ sadly, she had to fall for Mr. Han’s trap too. it first started when her classmates accused her of lying to them about her having a boyfriend who lives in Boston, with them purposely making her “overhear” their conversations about someone they know that lies about their personal life. i didn’t really get why she had to lie though, i’m quite convinced that she did that to gain more friends. sadly, they had to pry and pry to the point that she had to find a solution to their nosiness, she started it anyway. Si-Yeon went to the counseling room to talk to Mr. Han, where she was given a notebook to write down her desires. now this part gave me Death Note (2006) vibes.. but with less people dying from heart attacks lmao.

after writing down on the ✨ magical ✨ notebook, her ‘boyfriend’ from Boston suddenly appears out of nowhere, apologizing for taking so long to arrive and be there with her. surprised with her wishes being granted by the notebook, Mr. Han gives her the option to sign a contract with her blood or everything goes back to the way it was.

Si-Yeon then continues making ‘things’ happen through her notebook, until she decided that she didn’t want to continue using the notebook anymore and that she wanted everything to go back to normal. unfortunately, burning the notebook didn’t do anything which eventually caused her to be trapped in the mirror as well.

4. Chun Jae-Soo

duuuude, my fujoshi side is jumping out i hate myself lmao anywayss i can’t help but ship Jae-Soo (Jang Kyoung-Up) to Ko Ki-Tae (Ji Eun-Sung), they all so give me Kaneki and Hide vibes from Tokyo Ghoul (2014) !!

anyways, Jae-Soo’s story was pretty sad for me but it was kind of a slow burn? idk, maybe i wasn’t paying much attention or time went by slowly for me that day.. but he got so dependent on the drinks that Mr. Han was giving him that he eventually forgot everyone, even his bestfriend! which made him resort to writing the important details of his life on his arms and on the chair of his desk. i was so sad when Ki-Tae saw Jae-Soo’s arms :< he definitely knew what was wrong with his best friend but couldn’t think of a way to help him without the other thinking that he’s prying. ngl though, i honestly thought that Ki-Tae was using Jae-Soo at first but was then convinced that they were actually best friends.

Jae-Soo’s dependence on the drink eventually made him forget his name, even where he was and where his classroom was. which gave Mr. Han the advantage to trap him inside the mirror as well.

5. Do Do-Hee

Do-Hee (Kim Ji-An) is considered as the queen in her class and was even in their school, Yosan High’s advertisement poster. unfortunately, her boyfriend, Lee Jong-Suk (Kwon Young-Min) cheated on her with a student from the lower level. she was then replaced on the poster with the same girl, which fueled her anger and jealousy towards the new couple. thinking that her beauty is disappearing and she’s being replaced as the prettiest girl in their class, Do-Hee stumbles upon an app that gives her the look she wants with one click. unfortunately, it doesn’t last long and she’ll have to sign a contract with Mr. Han so she could continue using it.

Do-Hee’s features start to get more enhanced, with female students in their school asking her how she got and maintained the far from natural look.. which eventually caused her and Jong-Suk to get back together. after a few weeks of dating, Do-Hee catches Jong-Suk talking to the same girl and retaliated by pouring water all over the two.

unfortunately, her beauty also disappears when her phone’s battery dies and she’ll have to constantly find a way to get an updated phone. the app eventually sent her into a mental breakdown, making her more obsessed with her looks, which gave Mr. Han.. again, an advantage to trap her in the mirror too.

overall, i think the show was pretty good !! Kim So-Hyun and Lee Min-Hyuk have great chemistry and i ship them a lot ;-; though i kinda think this show was a slow burn and there were parts that were kinda boring for me.

it was also kinda creepy and sad for me since these students clearly have problems but their homeroom teacher that should be mediating this situation and guiding them to the right path is the person who’s actually leading them to his trap, which was so frustrating to watch since Ye-Rim (Kim So-Hyun) and Sang-Woo (Lee Min-Hyuk) were so close to finding out what was actually happening. sadly, Mr. Han is waaaay too ahead of them. kinda surprised of the plot twist too where the camera Sang-Woo was using was supposed to tell about people’s lies, kinda reminds me of that TikTok POV i saw the other day.

[comeallyelost]

The Handmaid’s Tale 3x12 Thoughts

This episode honestly left such a bad taste in my mouth that part of me doesn’t even feel like reviewing it.

It’s like the little hope I had left for enjoying the remainder of the season all went to shit.

1. June/Eleanor/Commander Lawrence

Up until now, my biggest issue with the “get the kids out” storyline was its believability. That June singlehandedly orchestrated all of this out of some misplaced grief for Hannah and regret for what she did to Natalie. Like it had never occurred to anyone else in the complex network of the resistance to try to get kids out? A resistance, mind you, which we have yet to understand and was painted as super complicated in S2 when Nick organized June’s first escape and he had barely any info throughout the entire thing.

But now. NOW. June is so dead set on her mission that she let Eleanor OD and commit suicide?! It barely makes any sense at all. Because Lawrence’s WHOLE reason for helping June was for the sole purpose of getting Eleanor out and getting her proper treatment. At the expense of his freedom. Because despite his ambiguous alliances, his love for his wife went above all of that.

I hate this version of June. And the backbone for her “development” is so frail and stupid. I mentioned it in an earlier episode review that I got the same Mad Queen Dany vibes from Game of Thrones. 

I really felt for Lawrence this ep. If this season did one thing well, it was his character. I’m guessing based on the last scene that he knows June let this happen. My question is why is he still going through with the escape if his wife is gone? He seems to have no one else and all that will be waiting for him outside of Gilead is prison. I know he can help with intel to the Americans, but does he even want to? Maybe he feels like he owes it to Eleanor? Idk.

And Eleanor. They did her character such an injustice. She really was sweet and kind and lovely. And also, I think with her illness, she embodied a lot Gilead’s failures. Proof that this society takes a toll on people. Proof that mental illness is no  joke. That it requires proper treatment. And that people cannot survive in a society like this. Like Lawrence mentioned, Gilead failed to account for mental illness. She deserved better.

2. On Serena:

Yo so this bish for real sold out her husband for some time with the baby? I’m still not certain how that is supposed to work. Is she going to have like permanent visits with her or something? 

Serena is a WAR CRIMINAL. She helped build Gilead too. Just because she turned one in doesn’t automatically giver her a free pass. That logic does not work. I can see Commander Lawrence’s logic--he brings in 52 kids and some intel so maybe he gets a pardon or a limited sentence. Maybe Nick does the same--proves he’s part of the resistance and gives endless intel if he turns himself in. But Serena is doing none of that. She’s turning Fred in. But Fred’s not gonna talk, he’s just on trial. And Serena has no plans on talking either. She just wants the baby. 

If the show highlighted how this is white feminism/white privilege at its finest, then maybe I’d believe it and get on board with whatever the story brings. But it’s not acknowledging it whatsoever.

This episode also felt like one of those instances where June and Serena are both treated as the leads of the series. Especially because of the episode title, “Sacrifice”. June sacrifices Eleanor, Serena sacrifices Fred. Both do it for their own selfish “causes”. As if Serena has had it so hard. Her desperation to be with the baby is getting to be a bit much, I think. 

I’m getting mad vibes from Tuello. I’m honestly intrigued, but who tf knows if anything is gonna come of that storyline given the awful job they’ve done with exploring plot lines.

Moira is da best. A+ 

3. On the trajectory of June’s character:

So Fred at one point tells Luke that June is no longer the person she was before Gilead and, yes, I think we can all agree since we have seen her change and grow(?) in her fight to survive. But did they really need to take it so far that she is now like...drunk on some pseudo power she thinks she has because she convinced a few people to shuffle some kids around and she killed a Commander? 

Honestly, this is the same version of June we saw when she was driving Natalie to madness. Her energy is just being harnessed elsewhere. Which, if that IS the case, then she hasn’t changed for the better at all. She hasn’t changed period.

Why are writers trying to make our favorite heroines/protagonists into shitty people? We watch because we’re rooting for them. You can make them interesting without rewiring their moral compass, their intentions, their inner being. UGH. I’m just so annoyed.

I miss the June that was sassy and witty. The June that never relinquished her power to others despite her social standing. She was fierce and intelligent and learned how to navigate situations. OF COURSE I’m expecting her to change and adapt over time. We’ve seen her struggle with her coping mechanisms constantly. But ultimately we want to see her triumph. We don’t want her to go mad with power or become a villain. I’m tired of this Breaking Bad approach to main characters. A lot of TV shows are suffering from it and tbh it’s shit. And it’s an easy out for the “complex character” argument.

4. Predictions for the finale/ Thoughts on this season:

I can already tell there are going to be so many unanswered questions and I just...give up. I’ve held on this season because of how much I adored the first two. But there’s been way too much left unexplored and for no good reason because there have been countless filler episodes.

We’ve seen NOTHING of Emily’s readjustment in Canada. Nothing of Luke and Moira raising the baby. Or Luke coping after June’s tape for that matter. 

The political situation in Gilead remains super ambiguous despite all those mentions of Chicago at the beginning of the season and all the extradition issues with the baby.

Speaking of Chicago, don’t even get me started on Nick’s absence and all of THAT wasted potential. We could have learned SO much about the resistance and about what was going on at the front. The writers found a way to keep the Waterfords relevant even when they were not directly connected to June anymore. They could have just as easily have done it for Nick’s character too. Wtf. He was IMPORTANT. He’s not merely a love interest here. He fell victim to Gilead too and that storyline would have been awesome to explore. And also WTF HAPPENED TO THE SWISS?!

And where are the other handmaids? Alma and Janine were supposed to help too! 

Looking back at the trajectory of this season, there really was a HUGE disconnect after the DC episode (3x06). The first half of the season set us up for a lot of things and almost none of them were explored/ expanded on.

You know what it kind of reminds me of? Like when you set up a really good argument for a paper you’re writing, but then it’s barely held together by the end because you procrastinated too much and have to submit it. 

[kaiayame]

post s8 thoughts

the good, the bad, the mixed. 

the good

the marketplace at the garrison in ep 1! i’m a sucker for a marketplace. and allura got to go shopping!!

romelle was back! her hair was cute. 

i think the tone of the first episode was actually a really smart one to start the season on. i’m glad they jumped a few months (or was it a year?) since the end of last season. 

pidge and allura got some good bonding time in general this season. pidge giving up her game for allura was cute. and then when they were together on that planet where the olkari had lived, that was strong. 

pidge being upset about the loss of the olkari, lamenting over “how much more they had to offer us” was solid. i think they spent too much time on it, but the sentiment of mourning all the good that a people could’ve given the universe if they hadn’t been lost was solid. 

omg listen. keith and lance. literally sat together. just the two of them. watching a FREAKING sunset. and keith, in my opinion, basically said the nicest things anyone has ever said about lance to his face, and it felt like a confession of feelings from keith’s end tbh. the writers did that. they know that they did that. and it happened. it was real and so, so soft. i had to stand up in front of the tv while i was watching, clutching a pillow and screaming a bit. 

i think the amount shiro and coran were utilized throughout the story felt balanced. shiro especially has dominated so much of the story over the seasons, and even tho i love him, it felt nice to kind of have him become somewhat less of a focus. 

i think the episode where they got trapped in the ship with the monster was fun! did you see how crazy lance went when keith got stuck in that room with it?? 

the carnival episode!!! I love a good carnival setting :) i like that they all wanted to get something for allura.

the day 47 episode was also cute, imo. I thought it was clever. I loved kinkade! the overall concept could’ve gone really badly but it felt creative enough to me. I wish it had focused more on just the paladins, but still.

all of the MFE pilots actually didn’t annoy me this season, yay. 

veronica and axca had super gay vibes.

keith and axca didn’t happen! *throws confetti*

lance got called a genius by his fellow paladins! and they meant it! 

we got to see them all in their under suits and out of their paladin armor!

that short bit where Hunk made the recovered alteans food from their home world? I think that was actually more powerful and potent than the writers even intended. I thought that was really well handled and not heavy handed and had a lot of weight to it. 

the bit before the final battle with keith and lance alone at the war room table...................... prime, prime content. THEY HELD. HANDS. there was a CLOSE UP. i’m still living off of it. another “lost my shit” moment. favorite scene of the entire season. 

there was some genuinely good moments of humor. keith had some especially funny moments, i laughed out loud a few times, tho i can’t name anything super specific atm.....

it was nice that they tried to really work in the idea that unity is what’s important, and the best unity is built through love, and differences shouldn’t tear us apart and we are always stronger together, etc etc.... i think that was obviously the writers referencing our society’s current climate to some extent, so i appreciated them at least trying to touch on that, however generic and vague it was. 

they had some good new outfits this season?? it was nice to see the paladins in so many different clothes. and a lot of the garments were really cute!!

i like how often keith urged them to not give up. I think that’s another strong theme that’s existed throughout the series. it just strikes a personal note with me. i like how far keith has come as a character in general.

pidge’s mom making that flower for allura?? very sweet. 

i liked all of lance’s reactions to anyone mentioning someone having an interest in keith, haha. Obviously, i’m projecting, but still. 

i think the concept of ALL realities being threatened was actually great, because otherwise idk why they would’ve brought up there being other realities in the first place. the significant level of what was at stake with that being what the paladins were dealing with was a good choice. 

keith turning down becoming the new head of the galra. phew, thank you @god.

as always, studio mir is the lord’s animation studio and so much of the visuals were so excellent. can’t wait to see their future projects.

and honestly, it’s been fun. it’s been a fun show. it’s had a ton of problems but i cannot deny that i have seriously enjoyed watching a lot of it as a whole. 

i guess technically they did end the show on a gay kiss. 

the bad 

i’m not even that personally upset but it just goes to show how important an ending is. how a story leaves you makes such a significant impression. it’s probably the most important part of a narrative and OMG THESE WRITERS DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WRAP THINGS UP AT ALL, IT’S SO FUNNYYYYY.

so anyway, yeah........ episode 13.......................... what. 

like wtf was ep 13. 

what.

what even WAS THAT. PEOPLE got PAID to write THAT. 

lance became... altean? can that.... happen? also........... why???

and a farmer?? a simple life?? where did that even come from??? like sure, lance was homesick and missed rain one time. that doesn’t.... it just..... that doesn’t mean he should just be a random farmer?????? whose gf died, i guess??

speaking of that, OMG they fucking KILLED ALLURA. I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. WHAT A DUMB CHOICE. I’M STILL LAUGHING. I HAD NO EXPECTATION THAT THAT WOULD HAPPEN. WOULD NEVER HAVE EXPECTED THAT. AND YET IT DID. WTF. HOW CAN YOU MAKE SUCH A DUMB WRITING CHOICE. HOW???

and the fact that they didn’t even EXPLAIN why honerva & allura had to do whatever it is they did????? criminal. ridiculous. 

and all that aside, allura and coran’s relationship was so important and so special and the fact the she and him didn’t get a goodbye? garbage. unbelievable. 

and to add to that, all of her goodbyes were underwhelming. shiro being like “you don’t have to thank me for anything” umm, what. yes she does. you did a lot. wtf, what was with that?

like i love allura, but also, why was the ending SO FOCUSED on just her?? And by that, i mean including the choice to kill her off. VLD has always been about the group. It just was a weird vibe to end on for many, many reasons. The ending should’ve been about her and the rest of them recognizing how they were more than just friends or paladins. They were family... like ALL THE WRITERS HAD TO DO was have them all together at the end?? I’m not even joking. That needed to be the ending, point blank...... AND THEY COULDN’T EVEN DO THAT. WHYYYY

ok moving on but still related, I HATE slideshow endings like that, in pretty much anything that isn’t a documentary or historical drama. I feel like it’s such a cop out. Writers should find confidence and end their story on a specific note. Not a series of slides.

as i was watching ep 13, tbh, the title got me excited. “the end is the beginning” made me feel like they were somehow going to get thrust back in time for a brief second to the moment they all met at the garrison, or met allura and coran, and somehow that was going to get pulled into the finale as a way they could re-establish all the destroyed realities.... so i guess this is my own fault for just hoping for something that wasn’t there, but whatever.

i think lotor and zarkon also got some really undeserved positive recognition. like, they both killed a LOT of people... some things are just too little too late. 

lotor coming “back” was also like, half assed. it was weird. it would’ve made more sense for honerva to start jumping through different realities earlier in the season “looking” for a version of her son and husband that she could be with. 

too many big robots. like..... so many different kinds of big robots. i couldn’t care less. 

as always, a lot of the fight scenes were repetitive as hell. I wish they’d been more creative and written them taking on different approaches rather than just charging at the bad guys.  

WHERE IS MY FORMAL WEAR EPISODE

sorry to hate on allurance, but like, neither lance or allura felt like their actual selves whenever they were together or trying to be a couple... it was weird and sad. Lance barely ever acted like himself this season. 

I thought they threw krolia around a bit too casually. Like she barely pops up and when she did it almost felt like the writers were like “oh yeah, i guess we should include her every now and then”

i thought allura being like “i don’t have a family” to lance was bullshit. like, hello, coran and romelle are right freaking there. more alteans are showing up every day. girl, what tf do you mean???

allura was also kind of excessively mean on multiple occasions?? she was cutting people off, being unreasonable, reckless, and kind of dark..... i didn’t really understand the sudden downfall of her character when she’d started out as this sort of insecure victim, but season after season became stronger and stronger and an awesome member of voltron. idk, it just felt out of place to make her a part of the problem for the final act. 

i wish i had......... cried. i wish they’d written at least one moment well enough that i actually got to experience at least a little bit of a tear.

adam didn’t magically come back from the dead. 

OMG and the kiss between shiro and random dude???? IT WAS SO SLOPPY, I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. it was obviously thrown in at the very last possible moment because they were trying to cover their own asses about the adam thing. like, what was with that bad animation....

epilogues in general are just........ so bad. no one should do them. stop.

omg they never explained the altean colonies... 

honestly, as we kept getting closer and closer to the last episode, i was like....... they do know this is the LAST season, right??? they’re kind of running out of time??

that black entity thing should’ve been fleshed out more and had more of an actual purpose, especially because they touched on it before with the paladins of old. 

i feel like the writers just threw so many things out there over 8 seasons and didn’t actually.... resolve most of them. like, they needed to edit down sooooo much of what they were trying to do. it would’ve been such a stronger series overall if they’d just FOCUSED on the actual compelling parts of this story and its characters.

i feel zero closure tbh, lol. whatever.

the mixed

overall, i was pretty engaged for the most part from episode to episode, but i did get pretty damn bored a few times.

oh god, the leaks were real. it’s good and bad. 

lance and allura still felt SOOOO forced and awkward but at least they tried to give them some actual substance.

like I said before, yay romelle was back! but boo, she wasn’t as quirky or funny anymore :(

Slav bothering everyone was still quite enjoyable to me. i wish shiro had gotten roped into that more, tho. Missed opportunity.

Atlas didn’t feel quite as dumb... but it was still kind of dumb.

i thought honerva honestly held up as a villain. Maybe not a FINAL season villain, but meh. her motivation seemed legit enough and the lengths she was willing to go after 10k years of pain seemed real. I just..... ugh, i wish they’d stuck to her just being evil. Or revengeful. Lok tried to do the same thing with kuvira right at the end. there just... wasn’t enough time to actually do that right, in either case. Or if they were going to do it, Honerva should’ve sacrificed just herself and allura should’ve left with all the other paladins, and that could’ve redeemed her character if that’s what they were going for.

the 2nd episode that focused just on honerva was... fine i guess, but i thought they didn’t define the mixing of timelines very well. it would jump from one clip to another and i didn’t realize fully that we’d gone back in time, or returned to the present, or were seeing this important thing before moving on to another. idk, the order just didn’t work for me. 

i’m glad allura got so much more focus but i feel like keith had so many important story points throughout every season and it felt weird that he was kind of just in the background for the most part of every episode.... like if vld had a “main” character, i always kind of felt that it was slightly keith.... so i’m sad that he didn’t really get much of an ending.

and that being said, i guess this is just a negative, but i feel like keith and shiro’s relationship just didn’t matter anymore??? that was so weird to me?? it was such a focus for SO LONG, it didn’t feel good to just never address them ever. 

there was this really awesome momentum going in the first half of season 8 for this theme of “not holding on to the past / letting the old give way to the new” and they just….. totally lost it. Like, it just never came up again by the end, lol. But i liked it a lot while it was initially there. Just.... wish these writers knew how to stick a landing, jesus. 

like, that older olkari woman that pidge was trying to call out to? she probably had one of the best speeches of the season when she was telling that little olkari girl to go on and be a part of the future. that’s what i’m saying. it had good momentum. they just didn’t fully realize it :/

i think where they started to lose the narrative was in the two part episode, the knights of light ones. going into honerva’s mind seemed cool and i appreciated them trying to do a few interesting things with it, but bringing back the old paladins didn’t feel right. For some reason, I didn’t enjoy allura reconnecting with like, the spirit of her father. I felt like it was a loss that should’ve remained a loss. and yeah, just in general, having them bring up the idea of the benefits and power behind “the old making way for the new” just wasn’t supported by bringing the old paladins BACK... it felt counterproductive. i didn’t like it.

Anyway. I feel like i’m still forgetting stuff and I’ll probably go back and edit this post but yeah. Enjoyed a decent chunk of the final season. Cannot..... even believe how dumb some of the writing choices were. Will forever be slightly confused. Canon is whatever. I’ve still enjoyed this show and its characters and a lot of the amazing content fans have created for it, and it is what it is and at least it’s over and done with :]

[anne-lida]

[SPOILER] My Thoughts on “Venom” Movie

So yesterday and today, I (finally!) watched the movie with my mom in flippin' 4DX (but with 2D graphic though). We never watched a movie in 4DX before, but I saved the moment and the money for this movie. ;)

Also, I repeatedly lost parts of my long review seven times. I was losing my patience, my memory, and my excitement each time I had to rewrite my review. So I decided to just make... commentary for my expectations and (stupid) wishes that I posted days ago.

n.b.: there will be so much spoilers after this (hence the title). You've been warned. Plus, there was two types of commentary here: the bold commentary (and most of "My Other Thoughts" part) is from my first watch, the italic is from my second watch.

My Expectation (what I think the movie would be/what would happen in it):

- I can see myself squealing like a fangirl at any random moment in the movie. Probably most of those moments are reference from the comic that I know. XD --> I was so noisy (my mouth almost never closed at the entire movie). I screamed or "aww"-ed like... every five minutes at the rarest? I was sitting on the farthest row from the screen and I saw almost everyone looked behind their chairs everytime I screamed. XD --> still screaming and "aww"-ing, except that no one cared about me. XD

- After I watch it, my thought might be ranging from “omg, I love the movie! I don’t care what they say, but this is the best movie ever!” to “I love the characters, I love the concept of this movie. But may I rewrite the story, please?”. --> it's in between? Like there's still something that should be fixed, but maybe not the story. Maybe it's just the pacing?--I said the pacing towards the end is too fast, my mom said the pacing at the beginning is too slow. Maybe one caused the other. But then we kinda agreed that the time from after Riot bonded with Carlton to the end of the final fight is too short compared to the other part of the movie. I think this could be fixed in some kind of novelization or... what people called for "comic version of novelization". I won't even complain if it will be a 1000 pages novel with story like this. :) --> apparently love comes from understanding and understanding comes from time; I totally forgot about those flaws after watching it for the second time and just took all the goods.

- I think the ending would determine whether I like the movie or not. I have a feeling there’s something great at the end, something… surprising. But if apparently not, my love to the movie (not the comic) might be gone. Also, I think the ending might be–no, must be based on “Planet of the Symbiotes”. --> apparently the ending is much happier than the comic, especially because Anne is not traumatized after biting a head off (at least not traumatized enough to kill herself).

- No matter how many times Venom said that it want to bite people’s head off, I highly doubt that we would see a “solid proof” that a head is actually being bitten off, even before it was announce as PG-13. What I think would happen is… something like this level of violence. We might see Venom opened their jaw, the victim and people around them freaking out, the victim’s body stop moving and thrown away, but… it might be just that. (I might called every “bite your head off” lines as BS) --> I slightly surprised that Venom bit a head on camera. No one's bleeding though. (also Venom is a big hungry boy in general, not because of lacking phenethylamine like in "Venom: The Hunger")

- I have a strong feeling that in the end (probably in the post-credit), Eddie would be thrown into jail (to the prison where he did an investigation that led him to Life Foundation) after all the damage he had done as Venom and he would meet Cletus. Begin the film in the prison, end it in the prison. --> yes, there was Cletus in the one of the post-credit scenes (mid-credit scene, to be exact). But Eddie was just interviewing him, actually (and that's the only scene that took place in San Quentin prison).

- I know that this is impossible, but why I still have a feeling that Spider-Man would appear in this movie, even though I don’t want it to happen? --> yes, he is in the post-credit scene (which is shockingly a clip from "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse" and almost everyone in the theater were disappointed XD. Fun clip, though). --> my mom refused to wait until this post-credit scene. XD

- I have a feeling that the “Venom” name origin would be either so cheesy or the idea just came out of nowhere. --> it came out of nowhere. It's also the symbiote's individual name and it doesn't make sense to me (also Eddie didn't even question that?). Like if the symbiote is called "Venom", then both Eddie and Venom called themselves as "Venom", doesn't that mean Eddie is also a... symbiote? (this might be my brain farting, but still) --> maybe it's too confusing if the symbiote doesn't have an individual name and too risky to give him other name.

- Someone might be pulling my heartstring at the end. --> "Goodbye, Eddie." "VENOM, NO!" ...and there goes my heartstring.

n.b.: When they lowered the age rating, I tried to lower my expectation, just in case the movie is terrible. But the hype tho. --> I was spoiled from here and there (I was so bad at dodging it). Yet the movie is still so fun to watch that we both agreed to watch it again on the next day. XD --> ...and somehow the movie became much better after the second watch (it's like from 80-85% good to 100%). XD

My Wish (what I want from the movie):

- A flair of chocolate in Venom and Eddie relationship (this version of Venom symbiote needs chocolate real bad). --> not much as I want (just a barely mention), but it's better than none. Plus, me and Venom have a common ground now: Tater tots. --> I might be up to tater tots dipped in chocolate sauce. :d

- At least one soundtrack that I like because it is actually good, NOT because I like the movie it comes from. --> at the early part of the movie, there was "Eddie's Blues" that makes me think this movie will be different than other comic book movies nowaday. I feel like it has that mystery, private-eye movie vibe in it. (somehow it makes me think of "The Wolf Among Us"?) --> "You Belong to Us" is pretty good too. Its happy, slightly jumpy tune became a great refreshment after those tense, ominous, dark music.

- A touching interaction between Venom and the civilian (especially kids and/or women –> maybe with Mrs. Chen? She seems like a lovable side character) --> I don't think there's any (I didn't count Eddie as "civilian" in this case). Yet speaking of kids, the interaction between Carlton and the kids at the beginning made me forget that he's the antagonist :3. Also Maria wrenched my heart. )": --> Eddie is so nice to every woman.

- Please, for the love of God, just for once, let me love the protagonist more than the antagonist. --> I guess I did it? I like how Carlton's "persuasions" made me almost don't believe that he's the villain (especially in his conversation with Isaac), but every time he said "open", it broke that impression. Guess I still love Eddie-Venom duo more.

- This seems almost impossible, but somehow I want at least one song that Venom sang in the comic be featured in the movie? Or maybe a tiny scene with “I Left My Heart in San Francisco” in it? --> no, there was none. --> "I move to San Francisco for you. You are my home." Well, still sounds like "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" life to me.

- It might sounds odd and cringey, but guys, there’s a rapper in the movie. Are you seriously not letting him rap even just for the credit? --> same as above.

My Other Thoughts:

- at the entire movie, my sitting position was either way too near to the edge until my mom held me back (afraid that I'm gonna fall off XD) or pressing my back to chair way too hard and I still wished I could press it even further (omg that Riot jumpscare... my poor heart... DX). Also I raised my feet so many times because the wind effect kept hitting my feet each time someone shot or kicked other's legs.

- dear symbiotes, why did you have to land in Malaysia? Dear female EMT whoever-you-are, why did you speak in Melayu? Why this movie is already so relatable in first two minutes?

- what happpen to Yellow (I assume that's its name since the other symbiote is called as "Blue"?) and the rabbit's fate? Did I miss something?

- it might be just me, but something in Carlton's appearance or face makes him seems like a nice person who can't do "angry/pissed off villain" expression. Like he's almost as innocent and curious as the kids that he interacted with. At least until he started to kill people.

- some of the 4DX effects for this movie are not necessary IMO. My chair was vibrating when Anne hit Eddie with a pillow, and I was sprayed (like a big spray) when Eddie picked a lobster and ate it (and it scared me. Twice).

- Idk if it's because of the 4DX effects, but the street chase is so awesome ("It's incredible," said Carlton Drake--seriously, he did say that himself after that scene XD). Also, this is the scene when I slowly leaned to my mom and whispered, "Let's watch this movie again." ;). This is also the point when I felt that this movie is so impossible to be hated.

- although people said that this movie sucks, I think we all still agree that the scene where Venom called Eddie "pussy" because he didn't jump off the building and took the elevator instead is funny/amusing (even though I'm also scared of height and would do the same XD. But seriously, I would rather be called "pussy" and lost my dignity than hyperventilating or getting heart attack and lost my life). --> also the scene when Anne demanded Eddie to go to hospital made the entire theater giggles at the least.

- omg, Venom likes Anne! Venom literally said he likes Anne! Omg, I don't think this OT3 even existed in the comic. :O

- I was about to ask how Riot's journey from Sibu to San Francisco is even possible, but somehow after the second watch I just don't want to ask it? XD

- the moment Venom was separated from Eddie, I immediately thought of "Planet of the Symbiotes" comic and I... gdi, Eddie. :"(

- I was expecting Venom bonded with Mr. Belvedere for some reasons. But of course, Venom is a dog perso--I mean, dog... symbiote?

- am I the only one who see the "making out" scene as an OT3 kiss, instead of just OTP kiss? Like both Eddie and Anne were actually kissing Venom, then Venom was like, "Okay, I had enough. I'll let you both have your moment alone now while I move to my favorite host." XD

- Venom being protective to Anne even when Eddie disagreed with him? Y'all, in Venom: Sinner Takes All, Venom protected Anne only when Eddie ordered him to. But this? What the duck is this movie trying to suggest us?

- "You belong to us, Anne." *me biting my bag, trying to hold back the squeal* oh my God, Venom told her to join the OT3! Three's a family! I can't--oh God. >O<

- I quoted what Venom says (and listed what Venom eats XD) at the scene after the street chase and at the ending, almost didn't lose a beat (because I watched the trailers too much XD).

- how could I didn't expect Stan Lee to be in this movie? (and of course Tom Hardy would pet a dog :3)

- the way Eddie taught Venom how to know the difference between good and bad people is somewhat cute (almost like teaching a kid >< And Venom later acted like a kid when he demanded Eddie apology for calling him "parasite").

- I told you that the movie would be good and enjoyable even without (directly interacting with) Spider-Man. I told you that despite the trailers being dark and edgy, the movie has its own "unexpected cuteness". :)

- when can I buy the DVD or Blu-ray for this movie?

- outside me liking the movie, I watched the movie twice because I was kinda hoping that by buying more tickets would help the possibility of the sequel becomes higher. And honestly, this is the first time I watched the same movie twice in the cinema.

- also I love how the fandom reacted to the movie (especially on Tumblr). You are the best! XD Keep it up, y'all! :D

I think that’s it for now. If there’s anything else that I remember, I would update this post. Maybe.

[dent-de-leon]

What I don't like about k/l shippers (tho I'm one and nowadays I'm wavering away from it) is how they treat keith. they always focus on the latter and treats keet like some joke or idk? I know Keith is somewhat problematic but also like shiro he deserves a break.

See, my thing is–I’m pretty sure there must be k/l content that still maintains Keith’s identity. Making a ship work without compromising either character’s agency is something up to each individual author or artist I think, so there’s nothing inherently bad with k/l. That being said, I’ve certainly noticed a trend in k/l fanon where Keith is just a reward to be given to Lance and the whole focus is on him. And I’ve talked about this a bit before, so I’ll just drop some points from that here real quick:

It kinda seemed to me like k/l fanon was always sorta more centered around Lance while Keith was just sort of his prize? I think it’s kind of because Lance is more relatable to a lot of people so it’s easier for fans to see themselves in his position

After season 2, it seemed a lot of people who liked k/l were mad that Keith got so much screentime and character development, as if it only mattered if either of those things happened in relevance to Lance or k/l and Keith shouldn’t be able to grow and develop on his own

And it made me kind of uncomfortable to see s/k scenes that were dismissed as platonic but then people edited Lance in and claimed the situation was suddenly romantic and these edits were praised as being so much better than the actual writing and well developed character interactions in those scenes we had gotten 

While k/l definitely isn’t the only ship where fanon does this, I will say season 2 fanon definitely gave me the vibe that Keith was meant to be seen and not heard. 

I’ve seen fans hate the BOM episode and even say that watching it was unnecessary, and claim that Keith didn’t deserve to be written beyond the flat, one-dimensional image we had of him.

But at the same time fanon loved Keith in the marmora suit because it made for a pretty picture, but Shiro often got replaced by Lance in fanworks even though it didn’t make sense because it was just “better”

There’s this idea perpetuated in fanon that Keith is just a pretty boy, someone who’s meant to be seen and not heard

 And I feel in a lot of k/l Keith is almost robbed of his agency to just have him act ooc. 

In some fanon k/l I feel like much of Keith’s identity is sacrificed in favor of focusing on Lance. Canon k/l interactions in season 3 are much more preferable to me because you see them each develop as their own person apart from just how they react to each other

As for the second part, I’ve always been kind of confused by that. There’s this thing about characters being “problematic” that really unnerves me. Because no character is flawlessly good, you know? And if they supposedly are, then they’re not a well written character. And you don’t have to constantly be morally upstanding and perfect to be a good person. Keith’s raw emotion, his passion and drive and will to throw himself into a war to protect others–it all defines him. And maybe he’s not the infallible hero, but he’s so much more real, and that means something. He struggles with this anger he carries, yes. 

He loses the one person who showed him unconditional love and support, who never gave up on him. So he lashes out in his grief, he loses himself in sudden outbursts, says things he doesn’t mean. “I don’t want to be the leader! That’s just what Shiro wanted!” it’s something he yells without thinking, because he’s just cut open and hurting–and he doesn’t know where to direct that anger, and it kind of coils in on itself and flares out. But then he quickly sobers, looks horrified at his own words and falls silent. It’s not Shiro he’s mad at. And it’s not his team. Not really. But it still feels like Shiro left and some part of Keith feels almost betrayed at that. It’s an admission that sort of slips out–that Shiro talked about giving up before and Keith resents that. Wishes he had never said that. 

But he’s overcome by volatile galran emotion with no outlet–Shiro was always the one who calmed him before, and he’s struggling to navigate the fallout without him:  

Joaquim: “He latches onto Shiro at times because Shiro’s sort of the only thing that can really calm him down and keep in check.” (source)

Joaquim: “[Keith’s] got this emotional side to him.”

Lauren: “It’s kind of exasperated by the fact that Shiro’s gone. Like he’s having a hard time dealing with it, he doesn’t really know how to feel. And I think he just goes back to that inner part of himself where it’s just—he can’t control his emotions. And that comes from the galra side.” (source)

Keith’s grief isn’t graceful or poetic or quiet understanding as he lets go. His loss is a storm–chaos and rage and broken shards. It’s throwing himself into a fight without concern for his team’s safety because he has nothing left to lose. It’s refusing to move on even if the universe needs him. It’s being reckless and relentless. It’s sitting alone in Black lion, “speaking” to Shiro as his confession. All the while ignoring that he has a whole team willing to listen. 

And of course, I’ve been talking post season 3, but–we can take this mindset and apply it to all of Keith’s actions really. Because all his life, he’s been carrying some kind of grief. He has no family. For a long time, he had no friends. He says everyone else gave up on him. Looking at Keith’s character through that lens, I think a lot of his behavior people would label as “problematic” makes perfect sense. Loss has been a very real part of Keith’s life, his whole life–as opposed to the other paladins who are only just now experiencing it: 

Joaquim: “I mean, he’s experienced loss–in his life, in his childhood. And Shiro is, I think more so than the other characters is his pillar, is like his big bro. So he felt that loss.“(source)

And I think it really says something that, despite all Keith’s suffered, despite how it must have felt like the universe was always conspiring against him, he still wants to do good. He has no family, grew up with no friends, and has to watch Shiro be constantly wrenched away from him. At that point, he shouldn’t feel like he owes the greater good anything. But “everyone in the universe has a family,” and for all of their sakes, Keith still wants to help. I can’t at all see Keith as “problematic.” I think he’s a victim of circumstance who genuinely cares about others and fiercely protects the people he loves. He’s a multidimensional character who has his faults and strengths, and I adore that. And I agree, he and Shiro do deserve a nice break. Someone let them rest please 

[betelguwuse]

So I just finished VHS and I absolutely loved it. One of the shorts was a bit lacking to me, but even that one was enjoyable to watch. The only big criticism I have is that like at least half the shorts showed a lot of unnecessary tiddy (the only one that didn’t feel totally unnecessary was the one where the whole plot is dudes tryin to make porn) but I mean it’s found footage and I get that irl people do show off to each other on video calls and yknow,, porn. So I can let it slide but I’m not gonna enjoy it lol. Also this goes for most found footage I’ve seen, but sometimes it’s really hard to make out who’s who and what’s going on. But overall it was really good.

There were a few comments (I watched it on shudder lol) calling the movie misogynistic, which I don’t get? I mean unless they were talking about the tiddy issue, but even that I don’t think was meant to be framed as a good thing.

Like the movie is 5 shorts in between breaks of an ongoing story of some dudes breaking into a house. They’re trying to steal some tapes, and what’s on them is the bunch of shorts we’re shown. So the overarching story of the guys in the house has nothing to do with women, except one scene where they gang up on and try to strip a woman in a parking lot, which I’m pretty sure is clearly meant to be a bad thing? I mean throughout the movie we’re shown that these guys are assholes (filming harassment of women for money, excessively saying slurs, breaking into a house for more tapes that could get them money). Yeah the characters are misogynistic from what we can tell, but that doesn’t mean the movie or director is condoning their actions.

Ok onto the actual shorts (I don’t know what any were called but I’m pretty sure theyre all in order in my head lol). I want to pick out whether the individual shorts were misogynistic at all (because I have literally nothing else to do) so for that I might have to spoil. Any spoilers will be crossed out so they’re at least a bit harder to read. And like, I’m no expert in feminism (I don’t consider myself one, but I’m not exactly anti either) but being a person with a brain and opinions I’m going to talk about it.

1: This was the only one I had any previous knowledge of going in, and I was absolutely terrified of watching this whole movie because of the jumpscare and bits of creepiness I’d seen lol. So it’s about this group of guys who are trying to make some porn, so they pick up some girls, take them clubbing, and then go to a hotel to smash. Without spoilers, one of the girls acts really really friccin creepy and I think this one scared me the most overall, even knowing the basics of what would happen. Honestly I’m surprised the internet hasn’t turned her into a meme or waifu like some people did with Momo lol. I for one really want to draw her now (but also I’m terrified of looking up reference photos 👊😔). I think I read that they made a full movie-length version of this story but I could be wrong.

Spoilers: So what happens is this creepy girl is some kind of monster who lures men in to have sex with her, so she can eat them and rip their dicks off and all that fun shit. So like a siren, but on land? Honestly I don’t even know if it’s accurate to say she lures them in, because she really didn’t do anything, the guys kinda just found her and decided to use her? Also I think she had wings?? But again, handheld camera, hard to see everything. I think that what makes this one is that while she is creepy, she doesn’t really seem dangerous, or even like she wants to be there at all. Like when the guys give her and another girl drugs, the other girl seems ok with it, but it seemed to bother the creepy girl a bit. She had this innocent vibe to her that just makes her even more creepy. And then it’s even more shocking when she starts eating these bois. So yeah I don’t think this one was misogynistic at all. The male characters just wanted to exploit her and profit from her body, and she didn’t say no but she didn’t say yes either, which is pretty interesting to see. It’s not like she tricked the guys because she never actually consented to sex. All I remember her saying was “I like you” a few times. 10/10 we love a lady who eats her attempted rapists.

2: This is the one I wasn’t entirely satisfied with, but it was very good and enjoyable nonetheless. It’s about this couple on a road trip in,, I wanna say Arizona? I’m Canadian, I’ve never heard of a state in my life. So anyway they’re at a hotel in the middle of the desert, there are a few parts that were pretty creepy but didn’t actually mean anything in the story, like there was this fortune telling machine that I thought would be something supernatural, and a scene where they’re climbing around a canyon which was just generally anxiety inducing lol. But what the story is actually about is that someone is stalking them. This one I can discuss the misogyny levels without spoilers. There’s one bit where the guy is trying to get the girl to take off her shirt, and she says only if you turn the camera off. Which he doesn’t, and after a little argument he finally accepts the no. So like, dick move, but only a tiny part of the story.

Spoilers: there are some creepy scenes of the stalker recording them both while they sleep, and stealing their money and stuff, and then later stabs the guy in the neck. But then it’s revealed that the stalker is actually two people and they film themselves making out in the bathroom mirror. I couldn’t tell if it was a guy/girl or two girls, and since it was that hard to see their faces it just occurred to me that one of them might’ve actually been the gf? Like we didn’t see what happens to her after, and it’d definitely be a more satisfying ending for her to have betrayed her bf and not just some rando stalkers. Hm. Still unclear but good.

3: This one was really fun, it’s these 4 college aged friends who take a trip to the woods, it’s pretty tropey like cabin in the woods, there’s the final girl, the slut, the nerd, and the popular jockish dude. Which I’m pretty sure was on purpose since it’s kind of a slasher. Otherwise I’d be a bit more critical of the ‘slut’ character who Literally Never Shuts Up About Sex in this short lol. But I think that was meant to be a comedic choice. Idk. Other than that, no issue. So basically final girl has kinda organized this whole trip but she starts acting weird and saying creepy stuff about things that had happened in the forest. This one really felt like a creepypasta, but like the best kind. I really love what they did with the bad guy. I really don’t want to spoil this one, so don’t read the spoilers unless you’re sure you’ll never watch it. It’s great.

Spoilers: So the twist is that final girl had been here before with her friends and was the only survivor of a massacre by some monster in the woods. So now by taking these new people on the trip she’s trying to lure the monster out using them as bait, because nobody believed her after the last trip when she told people it wasn’t human. So we get a bunch of cool deaths, and that sweet sweet betrayal. I was kinda surprised by how much they lingered on some of the gore but that’s not really an issue for me. It did suck to see the main girl die, but I mean it’s found footage not ‘I killed a monster and totally got away, here watch’ footage.

4: This one was actually really cool in terms of like ~feminism~ or whatever. I mean it doesn’t even have to be read as some kind of feminist theme, but that was just the vibe I got. I really don’t think I can go into detail on those themes without spoilers, but the basic premise is that this girl is video chatting her bf (who’s away for school or something) and she’s worried that there are ghosts in her apartment. There’s a neat backstory about something similar happening to her when the guy was away during her childhood, like weird bruises and other injuries she doesn’t remember, so it definitely keeps you interested. Also another one I reeeally don’t want to spoil because the twist is so cool.

Spoilers: So the truth is the guy actually was nearby the whole time (possibly in her place because he rushes in the room pretty quickly when she’s attacked), and it turns out that it’s not ghosts, but aliens, and the bf is using the gf to put trackers and alien babies in her, and tricking her into thinking she just got in some weird accident and forgot, which leads her to get misdiagnosed with something like schizophrenia. I mean it’s a perfect metaphor for gaslighting (he’s not hurting me, I’m just crazy), and while that’s not an exclusively feminist theme by any means (both genders are capable of abuse, and both genders are capable of being victims!) it being a theme here shows that this short is absolutely not misogynistic at all. Honestly I’m surprised I haven’t seen more people talk about this one. It’s really really great in terms of the plot, twists, and underlying themes my dumb brain came up with.

5: This one is really really cool, at first I was a little bored with it, but then you’re kinda like hm what’s going on, and then you’re like oh okay that’s going on. Coolcoolcool. So basically these 4 dudes are going to a Halloween party and they’re kinda lost, and they end up at this huge house, so they go in and it’s empty but really big and creepy so they’re like ‘maybe we’re early, or it’s more of a haunted house than a party’ stuff like that, so a bit of it is just the guys exploring the house and vaguely creepy stuff happening in the background. I’m just gonna leave it at that because like, it’s not exactly a twist but it is really unexpected.

Spoilers: So they hear people talking upstairs in the attic and they’re like ‘o nice we found the party’ but no it’s a literal cult chanting and beating up this girl they have tied up. The cult leader is like ‘wtf get outta here’ and the guys kinda get chased away, but one dumbass just had to be like ‘no man we gotta save her’ (king tbh. ur sacrifice will be remembered) so they all go back up there, beat up the cult guys, and get the girl out of there. But that’s when the really creepy stuff happens in the house, like dishes throw themselves at the guys and arms reach out of the walls (I’d actually seen this bit before in a try not to be scared compilation, but I didn’t know what it was from lol) but they do get out and into their car. But then the girl just disappears and the car stops working, and then they see her out the window and she looks kinda demony, and oop their car is stopped on a train track aaa. This one I’m kinda torn on, like about the misogyny thing, because yeah having the only female in the cast being a demon and justifying the cult’s treatment of her is iffy, but at the same time...dude she’s literally a demon, I’d be chaining her up too lol. So yeah I’m definitely leaning toward the not misogynistic side.

Overall I don’t see this movie as that misogynistic at all, and it’s otherwise just a really really good time. Definitely recommend.

[tiredoftonkies-blog]

TumblrFrostbite's Public Message: Either way's fine with me.

sorry, this got buried in my drafts. i have a bad habit of saving posts to respond to in my drafts, i’ve got like 50 now lol, and it took a while to remember and find this so i could finish it

well, i’ll just go with thinking of it as avengers: civil war, because if i were to keep it a cap movie, i’d definitely have made it a lot less neutral than the movie ended up lol. also in this amazing AU where i get to change things, i would also like the power to create an avengers movie that comes before it, where the team actually acts as a team consistently throughout the movie rather than spending half of it barely getting along

so… how would i do avengers: civil war, while keeping most of the same stuff as cacw…

- kill vision within the first 5 minutes

- add scene showing how exactly the avengers are dealing with the aftermath of lagos, what their version of taking responsibility is pre-accords wank. the idea that they just… hid in the compound, or something, seems absolutely bizarre to me. just not in-character, at all? and that’s what cacw made it seem like

- show that public is divided, don’t just have ross tell us. maybe that could be part of the scene showing how the avengers are dealing with the public backlash. like… maybe when they’re back in america, steve trying to give an official statement in front of a riled-up crowd, some yelling support and others hating on the team? trying to take the blame and protect wanda, who the public is still focused on vilifying

- better establish that wanda didn’t lose control of her powers, but had already used up too much energy to be able to contain the blast, like the snippet of the junior novelization (iirc) said

- steve-wanda scene would be mostly the same but more explicit guilt from wanda. would’ve loved something about how she joined the avengers to try to make things right, to atone, and now she has more blood on her hands. orrr actually wait, maybe wanda and natasha instead! that’d be really cool actually. similar vibes, but with something about red in their ledgers

- no wanda/vision, thanks

- when rhodey’s all “ross has a medal of honor!” then either steve’s like “bitch me too” and/or sam actually points out what a bad argument that is, because that part annoys the shit out of me

- vision’s dead so he doesn’t get to interrupt the sam-rhodey argument lol

- continue the sam-rhodey argument; use it to contrast the characters and remind the audience of their different military experiences and ranks

- alter tony’s speech to be less guilt trip-y but especially less focused on an american victim when talking mainly about collateral damage that happened in sokovia. i’d also really like him to acknowledge that he knows of ross’s history at some point in this scene, something to really show he knows ross is bad news and is working to find a way to get him removed or something like that

- reminder of events of TWS, hydra not being eliminated, hydra definitely being out there and god knows how high-up

it’s taking way too long to go through so many details lol so i’ll just sum up the other things i’d change:

- honestly just ditch the five other winter soldiers thing because i thought it was a stupid ~plot twist~ that came out of nowhere. that or make it obvious that the non-erskine-created serums are different in some way, because it really fucking annoys me that the serum was supposed to die with him and be nigh-impossible to recreate, but by cap3 it’s like “anyway here’s 6 other supersoldiers lol”

- anyway, replace supersoldiers with some other threat that bucky has info on, and also establish some kind of difference between zola’s serum and erskine’s just so i can quit bitching about it

- remove scott and peter from the movie since they felt very, very extra and it’d take too much additional screentime to fit them in better

- remove or change natasha’s “you know what’s about to happen” line; it didn’t seem believable coming from the character who is supposed to be able to see both sides

- trim airport fight down, maybe remove some quips and explosions to try to make it seem actually, idk, emotionally impactful in some way

- don’t fucking permanently disable one of the only black guys, holy shit, rhodey deserves better

- reword steve’s letter to make his meaning more clear since some of it is really weirdly-worded 

- rhodey isn’t permanently injured so instead of the scene with him and tony that we got, show tony doing something to work toward getting ross removed and/or clearing team cap, and rhodey talking with him about it (+1 for rhodey not seeming so naive as he did in the movie we got because rhodey i love you but that drove me nuts)

- add an extra scene with guilty post-cw steve since so many members of the audience still cannot figure out why the secret-keeping thing was a difficult situation (he could be talking about what happened with sam)

- and clearly the most important change: let chris take his shirt off during the helicoper scene like he wanted to

i think that covers pretty much all the big things that annoyed me about the narrative or characterization. i tried not to be as biased toward team cap as usual but i don’t think i succeeded lol

[uiruu]

Two things

The stuff with Nick like.... if it’s true and I’m gonna take people’s word on it (but not burn his image just yet.... just in case)... it really bums me out because I’ve loved stuff he’s been a part of. But... I was never really into those things because of him, per se... I liked TTS, Car Boys, and CGI for Griffin lol. But anyway, just a couple days ago yeah I would have said I was a big fan, even if I’m reconsidering that now. The shitty thing tho is that even tho I was a fan... and definitely met the headlines when I first saw them with disbelief and skepticism, the more I think about it, I guess it’s not that surprising. Unfortunately, shit like this happens all the fucking time with straight, white, male internet “celebrities”. It fucking sucks but at this point its unfortunately just a regretful eye roll and an unfollow. I wish it was less common, I wish I was outraged. I mean... obv I’m outraged but... you know what I mean. I wish I was shocked to my core that I could have supported an abuser, I wish it wasn’t inevitable.

The other thing though is that... like... okay, I mean, I never knew that much about Nick or his personal life anyway. Not that content creators should ever have to share personal details about their life and their views! But because he never did, I have no reason to say “well he definitely couldn’t have done it, it doesn’t add up”. I know little enough that just based on the statement and prior knowledge of Nick alone, I can’t say convincingly either way. It’s really the statements from people that know him that kinda are leaning me way in the victims’ favor. 

So yeah, while nobody HAS to share their personal life and views, you know what I’m glad about when it comes to all this? The McElroys. They’re very open about who they are as people, what they support and how they support it, what their fans mean to them, how much they love their wives and children, how little they’re interested in associating with people like this (in the past anyway)... I really get the impression that they’re walking the walk, not just talking the talk. Now, the Nick stuff complicates things, but some people have pointed out that yeah, outside of the podcast and video stuff, Griffin and Nick didn’t actually seem terribly close... as in, they didn’t hang out outside of CGI and I never got the vibe from Griffin that I do when he’s talking to his brothers or his wife, where he seems totally open and comfortable because these are people he knows really, really well. Sometimes CGI felt like they were doing a job, and it was very funny but yeah. I can see CGI stemming from Griffin wanting to do a comedy podcast for Polygon, and finding an available Polygon employee. Car Boys and Touch The Skyrim and stuff came because people liked their dynamic. I wouldn’t be surprised if Griffin had picked someone else, like say... Russ or something? that Car Boys and Touch the Skyrim would have or could have featured Griffin and Russ instead. 

Now, if all Nick’s colleagues knew, how come the McElroys didn’t? Well... we’ll have to wait and see. I have some ideas but... It’s possible that they knew and didn’t care, and that’s the worst possible outcome and would tarnish a lot of shit I love, it would certainly shatter a lot of ideas I had about the ability to make inoffensive and comforting content............ Here’s two other likely scenarios though. 1. Griffin and Justin had heard the gossip, and weren’t sure what to believe, but maybe heard about it too late, while all their projects were still ongoing. Like HBomberguy said... these stories have legitimacy but they aren’t Griffin’s stories to tell, you can’t just out someone’s struggle like that. The Brothers all have pretty bad social anxiety and maybe they couldn’t find a way out of making stuff with Nick? That’s an answer I could see them giving, but I’d be disappointed nonetheless, cause that’s a shitty shitty answer. Option 2 though: They just didn’t know. Griffin, and Justin especially, probably weren’t close with Nick outside of Polygon stuff. And despite how involved Griffin and Justin are with Polygon, it is not even close to the only thing they do. I’m not sure how involved with game journalism outside of their own work. How much free time do they have to interact with the larger gaming journalism community and shit? It’s super possible that because of MBMBAM and TAZ’s huge popularity, and them both being dads, that they literally just hadn’t heard of it, just as the rest of us hadn’t. Maybe they don’t talk to the people that knew, you know? “Game Journalist” isn’t the first word I’d use to describe Griffin or Justin, and while it’s their job, they spend far more time on other creative things. This is a kinda unfortunate answer, but it’s maybe the best possible outcome, provided they condemn it once they learn about it. Idk. 

Long story short... I’m not invested in Nick enough to be in denial that he’d done stuff like... He’s not SO important to me that I’ll be unable to quit watching or listening to stuff he’s been in. I can do that, and it’s sad cause I liked those things, but I’m okay lol. If it comes to light that the McElroys covered stuff up or condone it or whatever I would be literally devastated. I have always and will always treat them like humans, never idealizing them, and that’s still true. I wouldn’t be like “how could my heroes let me down”... I think I’d be more like “I thought it was cool that things could exist that were made by genuine people who I didn’t have a problem with, and could see myself being friends with. I was glad people like them exist, I wanted to be like them. and now I don’t know what to believe about people with followings... maybe it’s impossible to create as much stuff as they have and be untainted.”