#and idk how but my return is so much better
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Quick PSA since T*rboTax is getting worse and more predatory by the year—people with low-ish income (under $60k) qualify for free federal filing, and many for free state (AR, AZ, DC, GA, IA, ID, IN, KY, MA, MI, MN, MO, MS, MT, NC, ND, NT, OR, RI, SC, VA, VT, AND WV are free if you meet the qualifications for free federal) through TaxSlayer.
It's not quite as easy as T*rboTax, you have to input everything from the documents manually, which is initially intimidating, but it's really not that hard. Not only am I not paying $70 to TT for the privilege of filing my taxes, I'm getting back like $100 more than TT on top of that. And this year is rough for tax returns, we need all we can get.
https://freefile.taxslayer.com
#seriously turbotax sucks so bad#and idk how but my return is so much better#please signal boost#psa#signal boost#taxes#tax filing#tax#low income#poverty
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girls being nice to me gets me higher than ecstasy ever could
#SORRY for the corny post but this is how i truly feel not waxing poetic here like literally it does#i just met the cool girl i keep talking about & IT WAS SÅ FREAKEING ÅSUM ^_^_^_^_^_^ YAY#HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY#OK sorry for screaming But i really am very excited...#turns out she is autistic & we discussed our neuroses while eating & ugh she is just as cool as i thought she was#always tell people you think have Swag that you noticed it on them see how it worked for me#i was so scared of spilling my spaghettis but turns out that was exactly what i needed to do to be friends ^_^ YAY#we went to a lot of different libraries together & i got a small old eyeless bunny plush from the event we went to caus i felt bad for it#i even showed her my pony art & i told her about my cringe interest (that music event i like...♯RealOnesKnow )#& she thought it was COOL.& i felt like it was really genuine & she talked about reading BL LOL we discussed fujos together#we even talked about finding moids ugly#it was so awesome she was so cool & Nice To Me... i feel like i am on CUMULONIMBUS ( cloud 9 ) ^_^_^_^_^_^#talking to her in person was so much better than online OMG now i wish i really was friends with you muties IRL#i wish you a Girl Friend experience just like this to those who post about wanting them i really do#also the reason why i even like my Music Event so much is because the first time i watched it was with a bunch of women#& i had so much fun & they were so nice to me i keep returning & now that Event means so much to me & I LOVE IT sorry (NOT)#i know this sounds like tumblrina fiction i would not believe it either IDK what to say to make it sound legitimate 0_0 like it is so crazy#to me as well IDK i can barely get over it & IDK if i really want to so um well YAY ^_^ AIMU SO HEPI :DDD
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saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad
#pov u grow up in a 3rd world country(/planet) where healthcare workers are exported by the thousands like cheap produce to richer countries#it's your ticket out of poverty as long as you can deal with the loneliness the separation from everyone you know the discrimination etc#ive never talked about my hc that vespas mother was one of them sending money every month visiting every couple of years until it just stop#like why return to the swamps when youre doing fine working on a richer planet w much better living conditions#cost of living rises every year. sending home a % of your salary used to be enough to support your husband and daughter and then it isnt#you know how it goes#vespa is also dead set on this path until ranga realizes that hemorrhaging healthcare workers leaves them with little to none of their own#students on scholarships or in community/state universities are bound by return service agreements and are forbidden to leave the country#until theyve rendered a few years of work on ranga to pay back their tuition + as a really shitty solution to the brain drain problem#this is real in my country btw but my professors say a lot of ppl do break their rsa's and fucked off to work in other countries LOL#our state unis can barely afford decent facilities they do nottt have the budget to chase down their own alumni in other countries!#but the mental image is a bit funny#vespa ilkays first crime: tinakasan ang rsa#i do also think it lines up with her having a network of med friends everywhere in the galaxy (heart of it all) you kind of go into pre/med#expecting most of your classmates to leave to work in other countries eventually. mine are aiming for the usa / uae / europe / japan etc#anyway whether vespa breaks her rsa or not she leaves ranga asap decides to switch careers and the rest is history#i also deeply love the fact that she's superstitious i'm very sad it wasn't highlighted more (i've only heard s1-3)#as someone who did grow up in a rural area and went to more albularyos/folk healers than doctors in my childhood. (they never failed me)#lots of folk illnesses (ex. balis; pasma) local medical superstitions (dont eat noodles in hospital; youll have a really toxic shift) etcc#theres also a lot of potential in tying her past as a rangian + med student + assassin to me idk how to word this properly#being raised on cautionary tales of not to touch/disturb anything in the swamps then being given free reign to poke & prod at things in her#lab classes (now with the proper ppe)....she was having so much fun with the curemother prime too lmao#years of walking hanging bridges docks boathouses in ranga etc gave her great balance & stealth#cracking open alien shellfish in the swamps to cutting open bodies for studying then for assassination....#I MISS HER SO MUCH BALIK KN SAKEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i get why most people + the canon focuses on her being an assassin bc people find that cooler i guess#but vespa being a swamp girl > 3rd world med student > assassin is so personal To Me. the whole pipeline. eugh.#skl.txt
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Recent ones of these even though they all look the same lol.. forcing myself to document progress..
#I can average like 2500 words a day for a while and then something gets in the way and I don't write for a week or something#which then sort of erases my previous Doing Good At Keeping Up With It lol.. but... alas#Still moving slowly forward...#There's a 'community board' place in game where you can go to look at a few things and some of whats there is little 'odd jobs' the player#can do for a little extra coin (since you can buy items in the game/might need coin).#Thhough of course since it's just interactive fiction/visual novel it's not like... actual minigames or something. Just like..#mini stories of your character going places and doing stuff and having some interactions with the other places in the world#Like for example since modern refrigerators don't exist in this world one of the odd jobs you can do is help with doing ice deliveries#or there's one odd job where you assist a guy recharging the city's main bell tower/time keeping place by helping him go around and replace#the iriminel crystals (kind of like magical batteries - stones that are able to store energy that way and be used to fuel passive#enchantments). or one where you help food prep for the cooks at a nearby automat. etc. etc.#Just little short things to get a better glimpse of how the wider city is outside of just interacting with the main characters. plus earn#a tiny bit of coin. Though because they're so short there's not really branching paths or anything much for choices beyond#usually an optional dialogye menu where you can talk to the person you're working with and ask them personal#or work related questions if inclined to do so. It'd be cool if they were more in depth but.......erugh...#I have so much writing left to do already lol.. Also since it's really just to get money I could have just had them#all be like a single sentence of 'you go here and you do this all day then you come home. + 15 coins. yaay' and thats all#So maybe it's a middle ground to elaborate upon them at all. Just enough extra details to maybe be a little interesting#like ''ooh my character is in a little cart riding through the misty morning forest on their way to deliver ice'' . but also not so much#that it takes away time from like... the literal actual main game lol#ANYWAY. That's what all these are. There are like 10 optional little world exploring/job things you can do. and each I guess seem to be#about 2.500 words ish. That's including the optional chatting menus though. but still. reasonable for a little side thing I guess.#I got finished with one character's quests and stuff so I decided to take a break to work on some of the other little things like the Odd#Jobs and the 8 characters you can find around the world to have short conversations with that aren't actual main characters either. etc.#Then I shall return back to the Main Actual Things. ... augh...... still so much to do...#Which I could also just cut everything extra out but... idk.. since it's mostly all text I feel the need to give more options to flesh out#the actual setting somehow. Since in a 3D game you can walk around and explore the world and stuff. And of course there#are pictures. but it would take me infinitely longer to do detailed art of so much of the entire city youre in or etc. So i guess my versio#of still having some amount of ''exploration'' is just.. set up optional paths where more of the world can at least be Described.#You can't actually walk through a 3d orchard. or an elaborate bell tower. or an elven shrine. But you can Read About being in them LOL
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not to be ungrateful but i don't get paid enough at my job lol
#the problem with jobs that people do bc they love the work is that it doesn't pay well and you will be overworked to death#genuinely couldn't quit bc i love the kids too much already but 15 an hour is....not ideal tbh....#how am i supposed to make future plans in these conditions#i cant ask for a raise ive only worked here 3 months but ugh#the only reason i got hired is i finally broke my rule abt the minimum hourly rate i was willing to accept#i applied to the two 14-16 an hour jobs and used the one i already accepted to get this one to gove me 15 instead of 14#but that's still not a lot tbh#need to buy an oven since we havent had a working one since january#and i keep gping ok next time i get paid i will buy an oven#and it hasnt happened yet#and i need.....17k to invest in starting my own business and i will not see a return on that for a very long time 😭#and i have no idea where that money will be coming from lol#fortunately its not that time sensitive except it kind of needs to happen in the next year or two probably but idk#if i dont do what i need to do idk what will happen but i think the issue will become more expensive but also maybe less expensive#but also uglier and make my neighbors mad#but i have no choice but to wait bc i have no money for that lol#anyway#17k is my immediate expense but i also need to come up with the money to eventually buy my parents house somehow#and i dont even make enough to pay the mortgage 😭#fortunately i dont need to do that for a long time but...eventually#anywayssss#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#i do love working with kids but jts hard work and all my coworkers are petty and hate eachother so its a lot#and i dont make enough money to live fr#im so lucky i live w my parents bc nobody at my job makes enough to live on their own lol#also the sheep that are supposed to be clearing brush got sick and went back to their farm and they're not coming back this year at all#so we need to brush hog it#or contract another farm#im not sure if its even safe w their poop all over the place snd im not getting any communication from the farmers#but it lowkey might be better to get our own sheep but thats so much work i dont want to think abt doing livestock
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So I’m rewatching and catching up on Doctor Who for the first time in like 6ish years so I can watch the new specials and like my favorite will always be Tennant, he was My Doctor blah blah but you know what, this rewatch reminded me how much I love 12, mainly his season with Bill.
Capaldi is such a great Doctor. He’s not always nice but he’s always kind and he loves so hard. He’s so funny and I love how he loves playing guitar and he has sonic sunglasses bc he’s just trying to have a good time, he may not be a kooky bow tie guy anymore but he’s still silly. Him and Bill are like best buds and I wish we’d had another season with them and even Nardole bc their relationship was just fun, there was no pre-destined or weird importance placed on her, she was just a normal person who loved learning and was kind and had good vibes. The best of humanity, the kind of person the Doctor takes along bc they remind him that people are important. Bill brought out the best in him and also GAY🦭 anyways his last words are so beautiful and I miss him
#also rip Clara I don’t have anything against her and but I truly think they brought out the ‘worst’ in each other#not like actually the worst but like it wasn’t great#that said I did cry at the last episode when we find out HE forgot her :( him and his guitar playing the song just gets me#and at the end of his run when he remembers who she is 🥺#see actually the second 12&clara season wasn’t too bad but the first one was just 🫠#like it just seemed so toxic?? and for what??#I did like the season finale with the cybermen and Danny protecting Clara but like their actual relationship was also toxic?? so much lying#that 2nd season is better w their relationship but that hybrid shit? didn’t make any sense?? it was just made to seem important#but it literally wasn’t at all 😭#I do wish 12 had gotten a few more episodes with river so it wouldn’t have been such a sudden return?#meh idk#anyway capaldi you’re literally a rockstar doctor <3#this is my first time seeing 13’s run too#I had to skip arachnids cause phobia but I just started the demons episode#I’m still trying to decide how I feel ab her but I love Ryan he’s so funny#I feel like she’s missing that rage that’s literally just below the surface of all the doctors#but I’ll keep watching to see if we get that later
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super shitty mspaint doodle to check if I still got it in regards to drawing with just a mouse. The answer is no, and my hand hurts.
She started to run out of hair dye.
#shapes with a mouse r tough... I didnt even try to be daring. as u can see this is my bazillionth a.ba bust. but worse#*safe a.ba bust#I do like how her hair roots came out of all things#anyways I'm so stressed abt my assignment. I'm a procrastinating machine. gonna go work on it I actually drew this while waiting for someon#to message me abt it#this might as well count as vent art.. yeah whoever dared to look at the tags gets my blathering#wish me luck... also I hate herr so much and how she's my only anchor to not lose it lately#I'm doing better than last week physically though so I'll finally be able to return to the place where I go to be a productive human yayyy#a.b.a#art tag2b named#idk wtf's my art style rn. and I guess now everybody I draw tends to have visible plicas. sure why not. idk I think they fit say her (aka t#the only thing I've been able to draw this month. help. I wish I were neurot.ypical sometimes... today's being a bummer of a day but it'll#get better!!)#FUU I just realised I meant lacrimal or caruncle irt the lil eye thing. whatever#also drawing her made me realise I sometimes draw her looking a bit similar to this shitty character from a shitty media piece that teen me#used to suuuper have a crush on LMAO. my taste in idiots doesn't change that much so it seems...
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I’m not going to reblog the post itself because I don’t want that behavior on my blog, but oh my god I just saw a post about “looking for fics about your favorite character on ao3” and good lord the amount of bad takes both in that post and in the notes?? I have to just ramble about this for a moment because oh my god. it was ludicrous.
people were complaining that, and get this, unfinished fics exist. and that if you read an unfinished fic you’ll have to, get this, wait to read more until it’s published next. they were allll up in arms that there’s fics for a character that don’t cater to their specific interests. that they involve other characters and either do/don’t put them in a romantic relationship when they want the opposite for the character.
like at this point, most of you people in the notes on that post are 1) just being mean and condescending about FREE WORKS you can, may I remind you, READ FOR FREE and EXIT at ANY time! if you don’t like it!, don’t read it!, it’s so simple!, and 2) straight up do not know how ao3 works lmao
like I saw soooo many people in the notes complaining about a certain ship, dynamic, tag, etc, and like… y’all know you can filter by romantic vs platonic pairings, by ratings, by excluding certain tags or other qualifiers, etc etc etc… you know about ao3’s actually incredibly usable filtering and searching system… right… right??
at this point I’m just convinced a lot of these people are spoiled by large fandoms with 100k+ works for their characters and have decided to just be mean and condescending for no reason on main, about literally free fan works you can read for free any time that people spend hours and hours pouring their free time into out of sheer love for their craft. cuckoo bananas behavior if you ask me 🫠
I was legit so close to commenting that maybe they should try shipping two characters with <10 fics, with 0 fics, try liking a rare pair, try hyperfocusing on a character or niche type of fandom with a tiny but lovely circle of fans, and stop treating fan works and fic as Content TM that they deserve to have handed to them that caters to exactly what they want for free and maybe they’ll calm down lmao
like y’all aren’t cool you’re just being mean. we fundamentally approach fic in wildly different ways and honestly the way you do sounds exhausting. literally could not be me, I’m to busy finding joy in shared love for characters and not flipping the table in a rage because there’s one (1) element of the fic that isn’t specifically catered to me, maybe try that and you’ll feel better, hmm?
and yeah I’m aware that last sentence is me being condescending towards them, but frankly it’s warranted when so many people are being that mean and haughty for no reason lmao but truly those takes were horrific. fellow fic writers and even fellow fic readers I interact with, am mutuals with, authors whose works I read, readers who comment and interact with my works, fans of niche fandom subsets that run in the same circles as me— I hope you know this is so wildly not how I approach fics, I love just finding fics for my characters and forming these lil communities where we share our interests and love for them and hype each other up. I love what we have in these fandom niches and I hope you know I would never dream of being so mean and condescending towards y’all. fic writers and readers and fan communities are so special and I cherish it even if clearly there’s people in the notes on that other post who don’t know how to do that lmao. I love your unfinished WIPs, I love your fics that may only partially be what I’m looking for, I love when you write characters in a way I wouldn’t expect but shows your love for your particular headcanon, I love the variety and diversity and variance in fic. I love us. genuinely. fic writer moots I am hugging all of you and I frequently reread your works, even the unfinished ones. ♡
#personal#god this turned into a rant but sometimes I’m just shocked by how.. mean and condescending and holier-than-thou some people can be about fic#about works people write FOR FREE because they LOVE a character/ dynamic/ etc so much they can’t NOT let that love pour out into a fic tjat#once again you can READ FOR FREE HELLO#like god. maybe those people need to try not being a condescending bench (to quote Eleanor) and maybe they’ll feel better and be able to ac#tually participate in the wonder and joy and delight that is fan communities and fic communities idk man#I’m convinced some of it is people being spoiled by large fandoms and also not knowing how ao3 works at all#but like. this is not a streaming service this is an ARCHIVE it is a LIBRARY do you know how to use a LIBRARY#hello??? if you don’t like a book you can return it and borrow another???? not scribble in the margins about how you don’t like it???#like literally w h a t.#unhinged behavior and not in a cute way.#being mean isn’t cute it’s just being mean. condescension won’t magically make your dream fic scenarios appear. sorry (not sorry tho)#anyways. there was no way in hellllll! I was going to reblog that post and bring that whole mess to my blog. so instead. making my own post#(somewhat like people who can’t find fic they want could also just make their own but yknow 🤭💋)#anyways fellow fic writers and readers I interact with and am friends with ily ily and pls know I never think of your works like that in a#million years ok ❤️❣️❤️ I’m sorry some people are Mean I’m so glad the people I know who are fic writers + readers aren’t like that ty ty
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still thinking abt this pani puri we had three days ago
#ugh…it was so good#SO GOOD#hi i’m so exhausted#if you ever say yes to multiple engagements a day/multiple events over the course of a weekend#just know that’s the devil speaking for you. btw#i’m jk i have been having a lot of fun but i’m so tired i can hardly keep my eyes open while typing this#unrelated but i also had my dentist remove my permanent retainers#!!!!!!!!!!#like. two weeks ago. and my teeth have been breathing again and it’s been so nice#but i’m wearing my retainer in bed now#and idk i keep thinking i have something in my mouth im going to choke on? 😭 idk#also it hurts. i forgot how much these hurt. ahhhh#anyway i’m sleepy and if you follow me and i haven’t texted u back im sorry. im so overwhelmed lol#also the dress i bought for our walima#it’s so cute but it’s too big 🫠#the top is literally falling off me and you cant even tighten the straps. UGH#so i might return it and try buying in a smaller size but i also found another dress i like better#so i ordered that too#and i ordered multiple pairs of shoes#i am ordering so much fucking shit i’m too indecisive to be having my own wedding#i also got a cute bolero but i couldn’t find the exact style i was looking for so i kind of gave up#but i think it’ll look cute heh#ugh idk anyway. i’m sleepy#i’m looking at this size chart now and i think i literally somehow ordered a dress that is 4 sizes too big like. idk what i was smoking but
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#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes
#that being said. pressurized cabins drive me insane a little bit#and also it gives you pretty intense sea legs for a While#like. the ones from the first trip hadnt gone away by the return one. so. might be stuck with that for a few days#we shall see#also ajr live fucks severely#the albums were already incredible but that was a goddamn religious experience#like. idk the way i think abt it is theyre more djs than a regular band esp w their performance showing the making of way less sad#like their music is very electronic‚ theyre making mixes of their own sound effects more than singing in one go#so like. the vocals were a teeensy bit rough at times#notably times it has taken me Literally Hundreds Of Hours Practice to be able to consistently sing along with#and times ive found its literally physically impossible to like. no matter what#idc how big your lungs are‚ there is no human on earth who can do that final run of karma in one breath#much less to An Entire Stadium After An Hour Of Jumping And Dancing And Singing Loud As Fuck#so like i dont blame them for that‚ you dont go to live shows expecting it to be 100% perfect anyways jwbdjsbfksb#the trumpet however. well she was certainly playing sometimes. and was very enthusiastic about her flares.#however. in most of their songs they use midi trumpets to my ear at least#meaning she was likely an addition specifically for live performances and in my personal band kid opinion#prooobably was not in any of the like. higher tier bands? idk just. a lot of the mistakes she was making were hitting as stuff that got#taught out of us the instant we joined any band beyond regular concert#so i would guess she was probably just like. a friend who happened to play trumpet in high school or maybe even just middle school#and they knew that the trumpet parts in their pieces were big and distinct enough that like they /had/ to get a live player#and just kinda. didnt anticipate the audition -> performance gap#like. her tone was really fried the whole time like she was playing as hard as possible#which. she was mic'd. have the sound guy turn her up.#the way they did it made it sound like she was using a mute but not. like she only got the bad parts of a mute from it yknow#her tempo and timing were. bad. theres no nice way to put that one it just Was Bad‚ like the trumpet runs in ajr songs arent. complicated#like. quite literally if you handed me the sheet music right now i would have it down perfect in a week at absolute most#and better than that player on sightread. like. we did so many sightreading drills.#like ill share my band kid creds if anyone cares but i need to emphasize this isnt me being braggy like. they genuinely just arent hard#fuck im out of tags. w/e i think only like one of yall also listens to them anyways so i can leave it there
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hello gay people in my phone have any of you read Winter's Orbit by Everina Maxwell. if the answer is no. can you PLEASE so I have someone to talk to about it
#good idea generator#ITS REALLY GOOD its a sci-fi [maybe space opera?] where space nobility have to enter into a politically strategic marriage#in order to maintain peace between their planets. i could say more but im afraid of spoilers#or rather im afraid ill say something that will spoil it for someone else i went in blind#literally only read it bc it was a sci-fi in my local librarys pride month display#and it was sooooo goodddd i loved it a lot#five stars. cannot understate how much i loved the characters#theres some cool worldbuilding details too but those are def better just experienced#esp since theyre kinda small and not central so telling you them would be overhyping it imo#JUST READ IT. DO YOU WANT TO READ ABT GAY PPL IN SPACE OR NOT#its on overdrive. but idk how overdrive works so i may actually have to return it first LMAO
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ough p sure the recent slate of headaches is actually coming from my headphones 😭
#they're v nice headphones#but narrower than my old ones? and they put pressure in weird places#idk why they didn't bother me for months but do now apparently#also they have a style of aux cable that is specific To This Brand so i can't just wear my old ones i'm sad#the noise cancelling is so good i focus so much better#and like. TALKING TO PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT#at first i thought they were just heavier than my old ones but they weigh about the same#but the headbar thing like bends the actual ear things in further than my old set and they FEEL heavier#because of how the weight is distributed#i'm so sad that it took so long to bother me so i can't like return them. v kind gift also so i feel bad#this would be less of a problem but the aux cord from my previous set also died. which is why i have these ones lmao#weh#that is enough complaining for the evening#i think it's more the combo of weird pressure systems already fucking with my head + the weird pressure of the how the headphones sit#hhhhh wish i had carries insane collection of weird nonsense for wander through to see if i can fix it#i do not have the weird nonsense.
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It's all me it's aaaaalll me it's all people all the way down you know my best influence my strongest influence comes when I don't mind not receiving credit and my second strongest influence comes when I'm not afraid but the problem is that I'm always terrified and most of all, I'm starving.
#And it's by design#And I'm always thinking about how if I could just get my bloody foot in the door I could get better#I could get so much better#but I'm not gonna get my foot in the door#there is no fucking door to try propping open with my foot so I can reach the whole#everything I've come across resembling The Door I Need has been manned by someone that already decided to help someonelse#Someone who didn't even work out#I try not to think about the fact that my mother spent years and thousands of dollars on helping her niece only for her to return to her#abuser in brasil with her kids and wind up homeless of her own volition. she had a new life made.#my mum helped Her instead of setting me up for life and it was literally all for naught#those kids are no doubt developing DID because they are almost the exact same position I was#meanwhile I had to run away from home and run away three more times and barely scrape by and barely scrape by and barely scrape by#like I'm so glad the little girl got to have a princess bedroom for??? idk how long it was#like a year????? only for it to be taken from her anyway???#I just wish I'd received the diligence she gave those kids#she put more effort in to their bedrooms than she did me when I was young lmfao#and for what. and for what. and for what. and for what.#Showing them how to make stuff too#Is it because they spoke portugese? is it because I wasn't brasilian enough for you? isn't that literally your fault though?#You were the only brasilian in my life and you were my godamned mother how could it not be your fault that I wasn't brasilian enough how#could you shun me for that lmfao
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amazing how im constantly bored & restless but i also have no energy to actually go out or try to meet ppl 🥲
#tbh idk if it's an energy problem or a patience problem#it takes so much time & effort for me to put myself out there & 99% of the time i get nothing in return for it so like.#i like to think if i had clear steps i could take each day to make my life closer to what i actually want id do it#but maybe i do & im just making excuses at this point#yesterday i looked up ''how to make friends gen z'' bc i was wondering if ppl my age just do shit differently#and literally all the threads said stuff i already do or just said ''u dont''#dont know if that makes me feel better or worse tbh!!#anyway im just being weird bc i was thinking abt how i need to go to this monthly meetup the other day#but now it's tonight & im just like ugh. networking. (bc it's a thing for ppl in my field)#i wish i was naturally good with ppl & enjoyed these sorts of things so all the trying & waiting & failing wouldnt be so painful
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the part of my brain that is constantly thinking about f/f rarepairs started pondering the idea of what if Deanna Troi met Kira what would they think of each other etc when i was struck with the thought
Deanna: "So, I hear you used to date my stepfather. What was that like?"
#like legit question tho deanna knows she has a stepdad somewhere that she never met before he returned to goo#the other dialogue snippets would be like#'you cover it well you know'#'cover what?'#'how much youre full of rage'#someone like miles maybe 'this is her hiding her rage??'#deanna gives a knowing look to kira 'oh yes. it is.'#deanna troi#kira nerys#i think deanna would surprise kira a bit when she asks to attend the religious service that the 1st officer is missing the staff dinner for#and deanna wanted to gain a better understanding of bajorans there but is quickly overwhelmed feeling the collective strength of their fait#*faith#and kira kind of expects deanna to expect her to be mad that she had to rush the two of them out so she's being extra reassuring#deanna explains her empathic abilities more clearly like she knows kira had assumed they were more metaphorical or vague#bc kira's frame of reference is a spiritual leader reading someone's pagh#and as deanna explains the nearly physical sensation of experiencing bajoran faith like that#kira feels much more seen than she's previously felt from starfleet regarding her beliefs#idk i got carried away in the tags here this was supposed to be a shitpost#my fic#might revisit this idea sometime when it's not 2am
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