#JUST READ IT. DO YOU WANT TO READ ABT GAY PPL IN SPACE OR NOT

[elftwink]

hello gay people in my phone have any of you read Winter's Orbit by Everina Maxwell. if the answer is no. can you PLEASE so I have someone to talk to about it

[faaun]

pls i need to provide updates

[i-am-an-arson-enthusiast]

Here at i-am-an-arson-enthusiast, we i am dedicated to bringing you top quality content such as but not limited to: gay things, random thoughts, and even live arson that you don't even have to tune into!!

hi this is my intro post :D

Hiiii!!

here, have some basic info about me :3

name: anything goes pretty much but please use multiple names :] HOWEVER not neptune as that is reserved for @marcysbear , cass/cassie/cassiopeia is reserved for my boyyyfrieeenndddd <33 ( @mostautisticangel ) and dont call me enthu unless ur terri :] uh also you three dont necsessarily have to branch out more

OBLIGITORY QUEER SECTION!! i say that like i dont actively want this here. anyway! the labels i use are queer, bi, lesbian, gay, polyamorous, genderfluid, trans, gnc, non binary, genderqueer and arospec. arospec as in i am largely aromantic and use that as an umbrella term, however i am capable romantic attraction/ am flexible with such labels bc its all bullshit anyway.

i have audhd! i get hyperfixation and sometimes talk abt that if i so wish and my special interests are space and generally queer shit. also pls use tone tags i will think u hate me im too anxious for my own good sometimes

i am dogshit at spelling so. ignore the typos and misspellings!!

if u send me chain asks dont expect me to keep the chain going, ill answer it and say thanks but i wont actually do the thing

BOUNDIES!! GENUINE, ACTUAL BOUNDRIES!

-pls don’t send dono asks i don’t got money bc im a minor

-dont think if i have a take like "i dont like taylor swift" i am personally attacking you. you can like whatever the fuck u want idc everyone is entitled to their own opinoins. i just dont like her as a person

-DONT call me the reserved names if you arent that one person

-try to refrain from calling ppl (including me) baby/babe/bae around me it makes me want to die sometimes and i dont want to constantly be a romance repulsed little shit around u guys (this means dont use those names for anyone if i am in the conversation i cant control past that) (it also isnt a problem here i dont think ive ever seen it here its really just discord tbh)

-dont ask for my discord unless were friends or close in some way and dont get offended if i say no

-u can call me a faggot or dyke or tranny as long as you are the slur you are using

-if you have my discord and were moots you can call me a slut and a whore all u want idm :3 (bc i am a slut and a whore.) (really really sorry if you didnt want to read that btw /gen)

OH TAGS UH

i try to consistanly use them but sometimes i dont. sorry.

woah i’m using queue - i’m actually queuing a post for once instead of spam reblogging (which i mostly do sorry not sorry)

woah a real text post - me positing an actual text post for once but it’s becoming more common

cool ass art - art that i reblog (it’s all cool)

arson does half way decent art sometimes - my art. art i made. yea

boyfriend dearest - @mostautisticangel my hot and beautiful boyfriend :]

moots feel free to ask for tags <3

i will keep adding more as i remember them and make them so yea :D also i try to tag for things but i often dont add tw or cw because. idk. just havent ever done that. if you need me too you can tell me in any form and ill try my gaddamn hardest to add them. feel free to *kindly* remind me if i forgot. (as in no verbal abuse ya know. if ur scared ur probably fine)

~~~~

i think. thats it. if u follow me and u didnt like this post dw im gonna screen u anyway <3

thank you for reading all of that i know it’s long. your cool so here’s a cookie 🍪 also here have this

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ blinky time ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

holding up these blinkies to ward off ppl who dont like gaybians

credit to @jeweledviolets @v-4-l-0-n and @theprideful :)

[spacelazarwolf]

ok sorry for the serious anon, have you ever had the desire to go stealth? if you have, how do you feel about your current situation/transition status

i'm honestly not sure. i've thought about it, what it would mean, what it would be like, what i would have to do to achieve and maintain it. i'm not sure at this point if it's even something i can attain. but i had this interaction at an audition where prior to the audition i'd informed the person auditioning me that i was on testosterone so my voice might not sound like a typical tenor's. he was really respectful and understanding about it. and after my audition he asked what my "preferred pronouns" were. and i kind of had two simultaneous reactions. one was "ok he's at least semi informed abt trans ppl" and one was "ah great i'm the Preferred Pronouns Guy." and i thought for a minute about what it would be like to walk into an audition without having to give a disclaimer about my voice or about my past experience as a soprano, and just be the new tenor guy. no one asking me what my pronouns were or asking invasive questions about testosterone and my body. to just be some guy. and i've thought abt how i want to handle it when i start, because it seems like it's to the point where i pass about 30-40% of the time, and when i do pass i'm read as a very gay cis man. so i don't know if i want to try to maintain some level of "stealth" there, or if i want to try to be open about my transness. i'm not sure yet.

and like. i have thought so much about what it would be like to walk into a room and actually be taken seriously. to speak and have people not talk over me. to have my suggestions and opinions valued. because i've spent so long being funneled into the role of receptionist girl, spoken over, condescended to, dismissed, that i don't even know what that would be like. i've been more active in my local trans org over the past few weeks, i'll be starting on a committee soon, and like. other trans guys listen to me. they think i'm cool and have good ideas and good things to say. they appreciate my additions during support group about what masculinity can mean to us as trans people and how to navigate it. they want to hang out with me and talk to me and i should be enjoying it, but i have no clue how to process it! i don't know what to do with myself in a group of people that actually want to listen to me, because i am so used to being dismissed. it makes me feel like a fraud, and that's something i'm trying to work through.

because like. yeah i can achieve that in spaces with other trans men, but can i achieve that out in general society? will i ever look cis enough for people to care what i have to say? even if i do manage to pass as cis, will i be too faggy for people to take me seriously? i don't know. and these are things i've been grappling with a lot lately. how to manage never quite fitting in. debating whether i even want to. because i'm not just trans i'm also queer. i feel most comfortable when i don't have to shove myself into a box for the benefit of others. i want to have a mustache and wear skirts. i want to wear makeup and a suit. i want to challenge gender norms and make people wonder if i'm a trans man or a trans woman or something else entirely. and i know the kind of persecution that comes with that. i know what i'm getting myself into. but to me it's worth it to not live my life feeling stifled.

so yeah. i've thought about it a lot, especially recently, but i really don't know how i feel.

[sickgraymeat]

Ooooh!!! 20 for the ask game :D

part of canon you found tedious or boring

I wrote most of this several hours ago and just barely edited it lol so hope it makes sense! Added some spaces which probably doesn’t help a whole lot lol it’s… very long. Thanks for asking!!!! You don’t have to read it all hshbdnnrns

This one is actually probably p nonviolent bc I don’t think this is a very controversial take round these parts! But definitely all of Finn’s romantic plot lines. I can sort of make an argument abt how they reflect the part of his character that’s really invested in the fairytale idea of being a hero which implies being the romantic lead

(I lean toward hcing him as aroace but don’t feel super strongly abt it, but that or gay or otherwise not into women also adds a comphet element— regardless it’s an interesting parallel with lots of characters but in particular Bonnie, who very clearly has lived her life according to rules she gathered and interpreted about who and what a princess is AND what a girl is. Very gendered so for Finn there’s a bit of toxic masculinity involved in his romantic pursuits and also his inclination toward violence in the earlier seasons. Plus the whole overarching theme of rebuilding society post-post-apocalypse and most of the characters kind of forcing themselves into a mold using what they know and don’t know about past societies combined with how their own has interacted w them.

Comphet also obviously parallel with Bonnie continuing to call Mr. CP her boyfriend etc etc etc, but also maybe more relevant— I hc Marceline as bi so I dont think being attracted to men is compulsory for her but still think heteronormativity is very relevant to her story & I think the same would be true for Finn regardless of orientation. Actually very similar for both of them subconsciously recreating heteronormative relationships which are so reflective of their own specific family structures— Marcy drawn to the Hunson in Ash and dare I say the Simon and the Betty AND the Elise in Bonnie? + Finn drawn to both the Minerva and the Margaret in Bonnie and FP and, to an extent, HW too. Caregivers who are also leaders and answer to no one. HW is a little less officially this but I’d argue that as a female character heavily associated with both nature and protection she is inherently at least a little bit mom-adjacent-coded or something idk what I’m saying but yeah that! Digression lol.)

BUT way overdone even if that was the intention. A lot of that time could’ve been spent on him and Jake and BMO doing silly shit or like expanding on his relationships with Jermaine and Margaret and Joshua and Fern and the humans etc etc. and/or more depth for the love interests themselves. Ofc I always want more Bonnie and there’s a lot more to dig into with FP (and the two of them together for that matter!) & also HW has such a cool design and she’s interesting but I feel like I don’t know much about her and had she and Finn had a different relationship there may have been more room for her to develop. It feels like fan service though I’m guessing now it’s not actually in service of most ppl who are still really big fans. Maybe more so network service lol.

Also sad that some of those songs (all gummed up slaps too hard) and episodes are really good/funny imo I wish they were about something else 😭 (too young is extremely important to me I refuse to discount it but I obvs understand why a lot of ppl want to it’s super frustrating/disappointing.)

Anyway!!!! Thank you for asking and thank you everyone who reads this!!

[poopscooplala]

(psa this is mostly referring to the movies)

ive seen a few posts that have bothered me. i searched "remadora bad" on google to see what people were saying and it came up eith tumblrs and reddits etc and they were all really weird.

i recently got into the marauders fandom after reading atyd and being a fan of harry potter since i was a child, this fandom made me really happy because of the escapism it provided. many of us have loved hp and then realised its problematic aspects and seen jkr being the worst and no longer can escape with hp.. and marauders fandom is a much more inclusive and feels safe space. i do ship wolfstar and i want to get this straight because one post mentioned wolfstar shippers and it was definitely a weird take.

the post was about how women who ship two men together hate women because if theres a woman in the picture its always a crime against her i guess? they also touched on fetishisation of gay men in a way that seemed to be encapsulating all of these people into that message.

1. not everyone who ships two men hates women. i mean this is absurd 😭 it seemed much more like this poster was more anti fanon, which is odd. anyone who defends jkr instantly puts me off, i understand if someone is confused by not following canon when talking abt media.. but it shouldnt go so far as to licking jkrs ass saying "shes the author she knows best🤓🤓" we know shes the author, thats half the problem. anyway, i understand this point but it didnt work in the context they were using it for (remadora/wolfstar). the marauders fandom has been criticised for misogyny, but the generalisation of shippers all having that belief is just untrue.

2. fetishisation of gay men is most definitely prevelant in shipping spaces but it goes eithout saying that an entire community of people wont all have the same views and opinions. from personal experience, i have always been wary of fetishising gay men and recently realised that my special interests being shipping different gay relationships has been involved in my gender identity. im not really sure of anything yet but i am exploring being actually a man or gener fluid or non binary.. as i said i dont know yet but i have realised that i have always put myself in these ships, wanting to be one of the men in them (of course this hasnt been the sole reason im questioning my gender). generally, i think shipping is very fun and just a great way of exploring romance in your favourite medias that represent you - which is what many people in the marauders fandom express. i do understand this concern though - fetishisation is a real thing and these ships shouldnt be objectified to be apart of that. i just dont think we should automstically assume every shipper is fetishising gay ppl.

nothing ive talked abt has rlly been abt marauders so far but i just wanted to set up some context and rant abt that post tbh.

as ive grown, ive realised how forced remadora was in the movies. i always felt like it came out of nowhere but i was a kid and i didnt care enough to think abt it like i just wanted to see harry running through the grass and shit. anyway, ive watched a few viedos abt the marauders fandom and about jk rowlings problematic writing and i have a few points to make about remadora and tonks' and remus' characters respectively.

in ootp, tonks is introduced as a fun, independent, and rebellious person. they arent afraid to speak out abt their name to someone more experienced in the field (mad-eye) and they have bright purple hair so obviously they r cool and awesome. they are a metamorphagus(?) meaning they can change some parts of how they look. i, and many others, see this as a symbol of trans teens. correcting the feminine "nymphadora" to a more unisex "tonks", the fact they can literally change how they look (perhaps showing their desire to change themselves ehich many trans people relate to), and their overrall childlike attitude. i think rowling makes tonks young and fun to show immaturity, therefore the transcoded character is sort of displayed as an immature teen that doesnt know any better (insert jkrs transphobic tweets here).

THEN in hbp the newly called "dora" is married. not only is tonks feminised by heteronormativity (a big aspect of stereotypical femininity is marriage) but their general appearance and attitude has changed. her hair is now like a light brown, and this natural colour i feel may allude to the natural order of womanhood is to maybe go through a rebellious gender non conformity teenhood, but eventually we all "mature" into our "natural" womanhood.. may be a reach buut?? anyway, their dialogue in this movie is very small - i assume its different in the book, but i feel like either way their dialogue would be similarly all focusing on remus (way to fail the bechdel test) which ironically is more represantative of jkr hating woman soo the ship they r saying is the anti "gay shippers who hate women" is one of the many symbols of misogyny in jkrs books.. i mean idk if i need to say this but a woman isnt defined by being married/with a man and i feel like jkr is trying to present it that way.

jkr seems to have unintentionally presented her transphobic views in the character of tonks. many people related to tonks because of their gender fluidity and hbp disappointed many with this character development.

now, the age gap between remus and tonks is 13 years which is gross. especially when you think about the more childish representation of tonks in ootp, like theyve been matured in hbp for the purpose of making the relationship less weird? idk but this is a point that really irks me because many ppl ignore this and always conclude that ppl who dont like remadora are just wolfstar shippers and also hate tonks because they r a woman. even if i hated wolfstar id still hate remadora because of this gross age gap😭😭

another post was from like 10 yrs ago so, perhaps the opinions are just outdated considering jkrs problematic behaviour has become more of general knowledge in recent years but they basically were the common "he not gay jkr mad ehim be with woman he cant be gay 🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓" .. jkr has made lots of promises she couldnt keep.. like the whole can of worms that is the time turners (no cedric diggory would not become a death eater please go back to bed omg) so it really isnt unheard of that she could make a gay character and then just.. ruin it?

she definitely didnt intentionally make anyone gay, because she ahtes gay ppl, but remus and sirius are very commonly interpreted to be queer coded. loads of ppl mention this, but even david thewlis (remus lupin actor) read the characters as lovers. many people saw them as lovers so thought remus was gay, then saw him marry tonks and felt confused. of course he could just be bi but jkr wasnt writing that i dont think lolz EVEN if that was the case, remus is meant to be a good character so why is he getting with tonks who is so much younger than him, to me it makes no sense. which is why many people think remadora doesnt make sense, why many marauders fans, including myself, dont see remadora as what would happen. like im not saying that sirius would be a live and blah blah because im referring to a still canon compliant story, it just would not include remadora and its weird energy.

also, jkr said once that lycanthropy was a symbol for rhe aids crisis (thats not a gay allusion at all 🤗). and hootsyoutube makes a great point about how this is problematic. remus lupin is not the only werewolf in the series, greyback is another one that is apart of the wizard nazis and was the one who bit little 5 yr old baby remus lupin. so.. this is very predatory behaviour, i mean he sliterally biting people (like a lion eating a gazelle or sumn idk r u getting what im putting down 😭😭). now, what is a harmful and highly perpetuated stereotype against gay people.. you got it - predatory behaviour. jkr connects the aids crisis to werewolves who are (except remus) presented as predators who prey on little children 😝😝 amazing!!! SO jkr does allude to gay/bi remus buuut its also in a very evil very malevolent light because shes a witch cackling in the night

i hate canon dick riders because not only is the canon problemstic and jkr is evil BUT its literally a made up story... why do you care abt whats canon and ehats not? some may not get it but i love the feeling of being in the marauders fandom, where everything is just made up by us like its so whimsy so fun.

another post that rlly grinded my gears was saying "yall will complain abt remadora age gap but then ship snarry and snermione" which if ur referring to only ppl who ship this then yes you ate down very demure very mindful.. but it wasnt. why ar eppl generalising so hard like i know for a fact I do not ship that... thats pedofilia guys!! and i know most in marauders fandom dont either because most marauders fans i see rnt disgusting monster people? but they also used this to undermine the age gap in remadora, like no they r both bad both weird and the fact that one is by the author of hp is very telling

okay thats the end of my rant uhhh 🥸

[bunorous]

Ok I just wanted to state some things: first things first, dingleshartbeaufoy —> bunorous (read below cut pls)

Now, just as a disclaimer for my blog or any new followers: I do not care if you’re trans I do not care if you’re gay I do not care if you’re male female non-binary I don’t care I support you OK. You will find no bigotry here and I will not tolerate people who disagree with that. Nor will you find any discoursey posts or callouts and nor will I ever make one. I believe in don’t like don’t read and if you disagree with that please just move along. I don’t care what you choose to do or draw or write in your own free time and private space LOL. I don’t care what u ship or stuff like I don’t careeeeeeee I got bigger things to worry abt… Also I 100% support Palestine so if ur a Zionist pls also move along

Finally: if you’re 18 or older we can be friends ofc but pls if you post nsfw like add a warning 😭 or make it clear that you’re 18+ 😭

I’m here 2 have fun and spread love I’m gonna block any negativity I see … Love u all pls be nice to ppl and to urselves

[sepheray]

wanted to support u by doing the match up (but also bc I wanna know ur opinion sooo)

im 5'4 (shortie, ik but- genetics didn't like me at all, I lost it), brown hair, brown eyes- I've got a pink streak in my hair rn!! very pale, freckles yay! mid size probably- idk I'm so disconnected from my body bc dysphoria that idek

ummm I'm trans, gay and demiaroace!! he/him bc she and they make me feel weird?? like not bad but it just feels like another person, not me.

I really like anything space- physics, theoretical physics, planets and rockets and shit- I edit for fun, dr edits and like Wil edits. reading, writing- I write poetry! im learning bass and guitar- sometimes I make jewelry n things- space documentaries or movies or shows I love- ooo crocheting!! I love that-

i looooove puzzles, escape rooms, strategy games. I am an absolute menace when I play risk- love playing Stardew valley and Minecraft- Harvey is my favorite bachelor!!

favorite shows include; Loki, criminal minds, heartland, rizolli and isles and the closer

mm- I listen to a lot of indie rock tbf- just indie music in general but like a lot of arctic monkeys and front bottoms (and Lovejoy)

I'm very observant, probably to a fault but I like to help ppl, be there for them. I'm very affectionate, lots of hugs and cuddles for whoever needs it but if that's not someone's forte I get it :) ummm idk- what else is good Abt me?? dbjffn

I kinda shut down when I'm upset or triggered, just kinda freeze up and panic. I don't talk a ton unless given a reason to, very very quiet. I have a hard time raising my voice at all. I keep everything bottled up til it's like about to explode.

also love languages; acts of service, physical contact, words of affirmation

Connor I ship you with Wilbur!! ☆@mysticalsoot☆

your interest in planets and theories are very wilbur, I feel like you two could sit there and like fun-fact-dump to eachother all day

When you shut down, Will would be so doting while still giving you your space. He'd do the little things to let you know that he's here from a distance.

Wilb has definitely stated in the past that one of his love languages is words of affirmation so you two would be the most affectionate couple with your sweet words to eachother.

Will is so so observant as well so you guys would be looking out for eachorher 24/7, there is not a single second that you feel alone because his close watch on your feelings doesn't let you feel bad in any way

Wilbur loves puzzles and logic games too (flashbacks to the traumatic tetris streams)

You'd be Lovejoy's biggest fan and their #1 groupie (jkjk) you'd be at every concert, festival, behind the camera in every interview, you'd be his +1 to events.

He'd probably try to help you with learning the bass but then Ash would end up giving u lessons cus you weren't learning much ahaha

You'd make him little matching jewellery pieces - rings, bracelets, necklaces!!

[funnywormz]

putting some red dwarf headcanons below the cut bc im feeling kinda crappy and just wanna talk abt them.

please keep in mind that these are my readings of the characters and im in no way trying to claim these things are canon or the "correct" way of interpreting them, this is just how i see them personally. a lot of this is just rlly self-indulgent and involves me Projecting. if you don't agree with me on any/all of these, that's fine, i don't expect anyone to be on board with all of them tbh, just pls be nice to be abt it im sensitive

also just a warning. this post got very long bc i have a Lot to say lol

lister

gender: trans man, he/they

sexuality: bisexual

other: adhd (inattentive type), depression, amputee with prosthetic arm

notes: i headcanon lister as a trans man bc im trans masc myself and i find it very comforting to see him that way. it also fits in well with some aspects of canon, like his pregnancy in season 2. he's also just trans masc swag personified lol.

the bisexual headcanon seems to be shared by a lot of ppl in the fandom, and it's personally the way i see him. i think he has a definite preference for women but is still occasionally attracted to men, and (i am pretending that one scene in series 7 doesn't exist here lol 😒) i don't think he'd be repressed abt it at all. he's horny and not afraid to act on it

in terms of the neurodivergent stuff, i think adhd-i fits with his personality pretty well. i think that combined with his tendency to be depressed makes it hard for him to stay motivated and focused, and often means that he doesn't rlly take care of himself or his personal hygiene and seeks out short-term sources of pleasure like food, video games, alcohol and sex to keep himself happy, but can't rlly focus on long term goals. being the last human alive stuck in deep space definitely doesn't help. often his "laziness" is a result of his lack of energy and motivation rather than being an intentional thing. some days he just spend all of his time curled up on his bunk sleeping bc he can't find the drive to do anything else. he doesn't rlly WANT to be that way, he wants to have fun and actually do things, but it doesn't always happen and he has some rlly bad days at times.

with the prosthetic arm, personally i think they should've given him a prosthetic and had a proper character arc around him learning to cope with a disability back in season 7/8, rather than playing it off as a joke and immediately retconning it. i haven't rlly done much planning for this one yet but i just know i want it to be a thing. i think he would probably have a dope looking robot arm or something bc there's no way he'd just go for a boring generic arm if he had the choice imo. he would love to deck it out and customise it and put stickers all over it despite kryten telling him not to hehe

rimmer

gender: mostly cis man but maybe with a little hint of nonbinary-ness in there that he unfortunately refuses to acknowledge. he/him

sexuality: h for homosexual BABEY!!!!!!

other: autism, adhd (hyperactive), panic disorder, generalised anxiety disorder

notes: i think that it's quite possible that rimmer could have a little bit of gender stuff going on. when he projects his own insecurities abt gender and sexuality onto ace he specifically makes jabs abt ace probably wearing women's clothes in secret multiple times, which is equally as telling as his sniping abt ace being gay.

i also do headcanon rimmer as gay, but deeply, deeply repressed about it. he pursues women and kinda forces himself to believe he's attracted to them, but it's out of his desire to meet his own stupid arbitrary expectations of what he "should" be like, rather than out of any genuine attraction. ik a lot of ppl see him as bi, which is perfectly valid! but personally his pursuits of women read to me as something he does bc he feels he needs to do it to complete his image rather than something he does out of any real desire. he's also got enough internalised homophobia that it'd probably take decades of therapy to make him be normal abt it lol. rimmer wants to be the kind of man that he thinks will receive respect and will meet the expectations his family put on him as a child, and having a wife and children was always part of that image for him. he never really stopped to consider if that's something he actually wanted. i think he becomes more accepting of his own queerness as time goes on, but it does take time.

the neurodivergent stuff should be pretty self explanatory but im gonna rant abt it anyways. as an autistic person myself, i find rimmer very relatable. there are multiple scenes in the series where jokes and sarcasm go over his head completely, and countless times where he misreads body language and doesn't seem to get what kind of behaviour is appropriate for certain situations. he just seems to struggle with social interaction and bonding/making friends in general. he has intense interests that others don't rlly understand, like telegraph poles, risk, cars, morris dancing, etc. he gets pleasure out of organising and sorting things to a degree that seems pedantic to others, and seems genuinely confused when lister doesn't share his enthusiasm for cataloguing the ship's food stocks as a fun saturday night activity. he seems to enjoy routines and predictability, and gets upset when unexpected things happen. he also tends to get obsessive about small details rather than focusing on the big picture.

in terms of hyperactive adhd, it seems to me that rimmer often has a hard time slowing down and relaxing, and seems to need to be constantly on the go and doing things and generally fussing about. he also is self aware abt the fact that he has a hard time being quiet, and needs to talk more and at a faster pace than most other people, especially when he's nervous or distracted. as well as this, he often stims by rocking back and forth and jiggling his leg up and down (this also fits with the autism hc). he also has a tendency to procrastinate and seems to have a hard time studying, despite his attempts to convince people otherwise. it often comes up in the series that he'll get hyperfixated on doing something a bit arbitrary, like making an impeccable study timetable/schedule, or tidying, or sorting things into perfect order, rather than actually STUDYING, which is part of why he continuously fails his engineering exam.

the panic and anxiety disorder thing should be pretty self explanatory too. rimmer is clearly a worrier and has multiple panic attacks in the actual series. he seems to spend most of his time in a highly strung state of near panic, to the point where it interferes with his physical health. the way the canon narrative handles his anxiety, and his neurodivergent traits in general, is often a bit shitty lol, but it seems clear to me that he suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. kryten mentions that he's at a higher risk for those kinds of disorders due to genetics, but i also think that his childhood trauma and subsequent lifestyle (deathstyle??) definitely haven't helped him get any calmer lol

the cat

gender: trans man, he/him

sexuality: bisexual aromantic

other: autism

notes: most of these are more of a "because i said so" situation rather than things with canon evidence lol but still. esp the trans man one. i don't think the cat rlly has much of a concept of his own gender at all tbh, he just decided one day he was more comfortable as a man and stopped thinking abt it after that lol. i see the cat as bisexual bc i don't think he'd rlly give a fuck abt gender as long as ppl are hot and well presented, and i think he's aromantic bc throughout the series he doesn't seem to show much interest in a committed romantic relationship with anyone. when he does show interest in people, it reads more as purely sexual attraction to me than any desire to settle down or have an actual relationship.

i think he's autistic but it isn't always picked up bc his special interest is fashion, which isn't perceived to be a "typical" special interest. he seems very particular abt textures and colours, and puts meticulous effort into his wardrobe and often only wants to talk abt clothes even when ppl want to talk to him abt something else. to tie in with that, he doesn't seem great at reading social cues and often makes faux pas and accidentally insults others without realising it. he seems to generally have a hard time with empathy and understanding that others might not always share his interests and priorities

kryten

gender: nonbinary, any pronouns but generally uses he/him and is fine with this

sexuality: aroace

other: autism (again)

notes: ik that robots being nonbinary and aroace and autistic can be an unfortunate and frustrating stereotype sometimes, but it's just hard for me to see kryten any other way 😅. anyways, although im not aro or ace, i AM autistic and nonbinary and i think robots rule and i adore kryten so WHATEVER!!!! take it up with my nonexistent lawyer or something idc

in terms of being nb, kryten seems to only have the vaguest idea of what gender actually is, and i doubt that he really identifies as particularly male or female. he's most used to being perceived as male, but i don't think he really identifies with manhood. he seemed actively repulsed by male reproductive organs when he was briefly human, which makes me think that if he was human he'd probably suffer from gender dysphoria if he had to live in an amab body, but likewise he seems to have mixed feelings abt being perceived as a woman in season 8. in truth, i think he fits somewhere in the middle.

i see kryten as aroace bc he just never rlly seems to express any interest in sex or romance, even seeming confused by both concepts at different points. he IS a deeply loving and passionate and affectionate person at times imo, but it's always platonic i think. he just doesn't strike me as someone who would get any enjoyment or fulfilment out of having sex or being in a romantic relationship.

the autistic hc should once again be pretty obvious. he has a hard time reading social cues a lot of the time, and enjoys repetitive tasks that other ppl find boring, like ironing etc. he also just generally does and says things that strike others as eccentric without meaning to come across that way and jokes often go right over his head. he's autistic to me. ik that a lot of this is tied up with him being a mechanoid, but im autistic and i love kryten so im claiming him fuck you

kochanski

gender: trans woman, she/her

sexuality: lesbian

other: autism, generalised anxiety disorder

notes: ive seen a few ppl hc kochanski as a trans woman and i rlly warmed up to it. it also makes sense that lister would get a crush on her if he knew she was trans and they had "two of the only trans ppl on the dwarf" solidarity, like i can imagine it being part of why he came to like her tbh.

ik kochanski's statement abt her dave being gay and them just pretending to be in a relationship was immediately dismissed by lister and she didn't argue abt it, but i like to personally believe it's true. i think for a long time she struggled with internalised homophobia and didn't mind getting attention from men, esp bc it validated her gender as well. but in my headcanon it was always uncomfortable for her and never felt right, hence why she broke up with her lister before the accident (although the breakup was also in part due to her lister's struggles with his sexuality as well). much like with rimmer, i think kochanski had high expectations of herself and felt anxious for others to see her as a "real woman", and for a long time it was hard for her to reconcile being a lesbian with those expectations. but she gets there eventually.

at first i was on the fence abt headcanoning kochanski as being autistic, but i decided to do it. she's better at masking than rimmer is, but it still shows through in her very particular sensory preferences and attachment to comfort items and occasional misreading of social situations. likewise with generalised anxiety, i think she has a tendency to get anxious and worry abt things that other ppl might not care abt, and becomes stressed pretty easily. she tries her best to hide it, but she likes to be in control of a situation and know what all of the likely outcomes are, and when she can't have that level of control she finds it deeply upsetting and destabilising. she likes to have predictability and routine and takes comfort in familiar objects and sensations even when those things might seem silly or irrelevant to others.

holly

gender: nonbinary (imagine all of the computer related puns she could make abt this lol he would love it), any pronouns

sexuality: bisexual

other: n/a

notes: holly is so nonbinary to me. it's basically canon already considering that they switch back and forth between male and female presentation multiple times. i don't think gender means a hell of a lot to holly but she enjoys messing around with it and trying out new things. my personal headcanon is that she prefers presenting in more of a feminine way but the default presentation he's programmed with is masculine and she can't rlly be bothered changing it a lot of the time bc she doesn't rlly give a smeg.

likewise i think holly is attracted to men and women and everyone else. i don't think he feels sexual or romantic attraction that often but it definitely happens. they only ever really feel attraction to other ai though and aren't into organic beings in that way, and bc he hardly ever gets to encounter other ai her romantic life is kinda nonexistent lol.

i think holly probably has some Brain Stuff going on but idk what exactly so ive left that blank for now. if i come up with anything i will probably edit this later

OK THAT'S IT FOR NOW sorry this post is long as fuck. hope you guys enjoyed reading me ramble on abt the silly little fellows

[dykefever]

ello laura i do not usually open blocked tags but i did out of curiosity n stumbled across ur post abt the apparent height disk horse that is happening rn (<-blissfully unaware). also this is the ghost of marxismlupinism btw sending as an anon cause on my main blog idk what a semus and ririus is never heard of them cunts.

anyway I wanted to say that yeah basically it's like such a non issue if people are casting r&s into gendered roles, like even if people were genderbending rs into a literal cishet couple I could not care less who gives a shit it's harry potter fanfiction.

that being said I think it's very telling abt the hp fandom that the whole like "writing s as 'feminine' and a bottom comes with him being short" (which btw... i mean I'm sure there's some fanfic like that but I can't say I've really read more than like 5 fics that fit that description? and I've unfortunately read a lot of rs fic lmao... it's literally not hard to avoid. skill issue if you can't filter the fanfic you read to not have it) is portrayed as homophobia against [cis] gay men instead of the obvious transmisogyny it is—ie setting smallness & youth as standards of femininity. that's why so many closeted trans women/trans women who can't access hrt dread growing older, that's why so much emphasis is put on age of transition in transfem spaces, and that's why even gay man spaces have concepts of "twink death", because femininity is understood to be hairless and pretty and dainty and youthful and small and all these standards that are difficult to achieve if you've been through androgenic puberty and/or if you have testes that continue to produce testosterone that continues to masculinise your body as you grow older. portraying s (or any given character ime when it comes to tme fans in fandom spaces) as feminine is seen as going hand in hand with physically feminising him—bc femininity that's not on a feminised body is obviously met with disgust, it's unattractive, it's horrifying, etc. and the obvious source of the tendency to portray feminine male characters this way is that there's only one acceptable form of camab femininity (or "acceptable", even that is very conditional). and yes it does affect cis gays like I said above w how gay men talk about eg "twink death" but that doesn't mean it's not a primarily transmisogynistic impulse to show that, for most of us, femininity is a hopeless cause, it's not allowed, we'll never pass or be beautiful or whatever.

and ftr I'm just complaining, I definitely don't think the solution is to produce More Harry Potter Fanfictions where s is like, tall and hairy and feminine or whatever, knowing the hp fandom I'm sure they'll also turn that into transmisogynistic caricatures too. the only real solution would be for all these ppl to stop reading hp fanfic and start reading transfeminist theory but if ur a harry potter fan in 2023 you're obviously never gonna do that. so. yeah just complaining for the sake of complaining lol not expecting transfeminism to catch on among harry potter fans of all people anytime soon

hi (redacted)!! actually made sure to tag that post so u and all my other normal followers could avoid it but i respect the curiosity x im sure you've probably seen the height discourse many times over in your time in the fandom and it's the same absolute bullshit every time. i appreciate your additions to this post as a transwoman because i obviously don't have that perspective and you've kind of deepened my understanding of the issues around it n how transmisogyny comes into play here!!

in my prev posts i was kind of addressing, albeit likely not clearly, how people often say they dislike 'short s' as a kind of shorthand for saying they dislike 'fem s', which is really saying (as people dig themselves deeper in their explanations) that they don't like certain aspects of 'femininity' in a man and then spin it to say that it's because they're writing a heteronormative relationship onto a gay couple. i appreciate what you're saying here as well of the issues of the only way to write s as feminine is like small, dainty, hairless etc. and how that is an issue of transmisogyny rather than like homophobia. (correct me if i've misunderstood tho!!)

at the end of the day it definitely like, doesn't matter how people are writing hp characters like no great and impressive change is happening and the fandom is full of too many transphobes for that to be the case. i just don't understand why people are so pressed by these certain characterisations they appear to dislike so bad when i genuinely barely come across these s characterisations they apparently can't escape. like i don't see anything i don't want to because i just unfollow and block people ....it is not that hard like...

anyway thank u for ur contributions ghost of marxismlupinism, i appreciate it xx godspeed xx

[casgape]

ugh i'm sorry that happened (re: callout), it's always that same group of histrionic college kids going after destiel blogs (as though actual incest shippers aren't all over the main tag) - several of whom have been open about being survivors (not that anyone should have to pull out their trauma permit over fucking Supernatural tumblr) - for pointing out that the horror show is serving horror tropes (which it is). i think it is down to at least the ringleaders being uncomfortable with survivors existing in public and letting that discomfort dictate their conduct instead of unpacking it on their own time. i'm really sorry, i hope you're doing well

💖💖💖 fr thank u for this. Yesterday definitely sucked a little bit but I'm over it.

I always have so many thoughts about this kind of knee-jerk reaction, and it's just like. Do you guys act like this about Wuthering Heights? Lolita? Crimson Peak? Etc which is soo funny to me like, wow bitches can't read on the tumblr dot com, which is nothing new.

And not to get all back in my day but like for fuck's sake, we have native tag/word filtering now.

But you're so right it's very much like discomfort with survivors existing in public, which is kind of hysterical bc these ppl purport to want a "safe space" for survivors & w/e. But like as soon as we exist and talk about it, we're pariahs lol. That's so our abusers-coded 😂😂

Tbh most of the gothic themes in spn make the most sense if you're talking about John's abuse of Dean & Sam, anyway.

Like, I'm not actually a shipper, but also, honestly, I don't think we should treat ppl like this even if they are. If you want to have media that isn't sanitized, you're gonna have to deal with the fact that some of it is unpalatable. And, frankly, it speaks volumes abt ppls character when they r incapable of seeing ppl online as human beings imo.

Like yall, the tide re: censorship of gay & trans ppl more generally is being framed as a protect children/the public, etc, type thing. Doing the same thing with fandom isn't going to save u (although I think cp stuff is different for what I hope r obvious reasons), the masters house can't be dismantled with the masters tools etc etc.

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

i just wanna talk to someone abt this because i trust u and ppl on tumblr actually freak me out and scare me so…hear me out. im not at all opposed to byler and im not homophobic bc i dont particularly ship it as much as others. yes i do ship it some amount, but the only thing that worries me is homophobes. being a queer person in a homophobic family is reallt hard and u have to learn to grow with a fear of them hating u. im just afraid of how ppl will take it if byler is canon. again i am not against the ship. that being said i am a girl who simps over will byers and i adore the y/n x will dynamic they have. just wanted to tell someone bc a lot of ppl on this sight would call me homophobic and stuff over this

Aw honey... of course it's okay. And I'm sorry things have been like this. I totally get it. What's not okay is a fandom getting so protective over their ships they make people of afraid of not shipping something enough. (Long but necessary rant ahead. Sorry, but its worth it)

I'm gonna lose a lot of people here, and likely cause they don't want to read to the end to hear all I have to say, but here goes: I don't particularly ship Byler either. When most people hear this statement they immediately equate it with the statement "I don't think Will is gay and neither is Mike" (I feel like this is true for most queer ships, or just shipping culture in general?).... this could not be more wrong. For one, nobody ever immediately knows why someone ships something (and a lot of times, the person themselves don't understand/realize why they subconsciously pick to a specific pairing and cling to it so tightly) and while it's completely understandable to have become defensive, say, because you feel as though your own identity is under attack, it's so easy—natural even—for people to snap into survival mode and try to defend themselves. But as we've seen, this can, in the right circumstances, also feed the pre-existing cycle of offense and defense that is far too long and philosophical a discussion to dive into here and now.

No, for now I wanna just reiterate that just because someone admits to not being particularly hyper-enthused by a specific ship—yes, like Byler—doesn't mean they automatically hate it. I don't particularly campaign for Mileven either! I've been persuaded by both in the past, but I've never found myself at point where I'm making fan accounts surrounding the ship, pumping out content 24/7, and I certainly haven't felt compelled to bash anyone who ships the other. But ya know what? I will say, and I bet im not alone here, the more I encounter Mileven content/space OR Byler content/space, the more I'm driven away. Why? The fucking shipping wars.

Byler and Mileven shippers, hard-core super-shippers specifically speaking, are some of the most toxic fans I've ever encountered. Is it every one? No!! But most. Most. The most extreme ive heard/seen is horrific. I'm talking death threats, suicide baiting, doxing, constant harassment and just overall borderline cyberterrorism. It's fucking unacceptable. And the underlying theme here and why there's so much fear spreading throughout fandom spaces. Why someone felt the need to limit contact and come to someone they claimed to trust to anonymously admit they aren't frothing at the mouth for one of these aforementioned ships. (Thank u btw for feeling u could trust me) This is not okay!!! People have to see how wrong this is!!! Right?? Right?!

I have no idea how much people will respect all this considering the source: a 21 year old reader insert writer who dedicates most of her time to writing teenagers into the plot of stranger things with Will Byers as their love interest (yes, specifically fem presenting/ she/her pronoun users). So no, I wouldn't blame anyone for hearing me say the words "I'm not a big byler shipper" and assume it has anything to do with that. But I'd hope that anyone who knows me, or is at least willing to hear me out, will understand that I have stated many times (and likely will again cause im a ✨️repetitive bitch✨️) that when I was a teenager, I was going through the absolute worst years of my life. Like, it warmed me up the for 2020s, that's how bad it was for me. And the only thing that got me through (likely without falling into what I believe would have become some incredibly dangerous habits) was falling into a world I could completely disappear into and forget my own shitty world existed.

I found this series called The Maze Runner, fell absolutely in love with the books and the world and bought every copy I could get my hands on. And when that wasn't enough, I looked for every blogspace I could get my hands on. Enter tumblr. Not even five minutes into my new account and searching the maze runner tag do I find a short little story called an "x reader". I literally cried. I was so fucking alone cause, and I'll tell yall, in the span of 15 months, I put down my dog of 11 years, lost my great-grandmother, then my grandpa, then my great grandfather, and then my grandmother. I had reason to believe I would suddenly lose my best friend to depression, and then to top it off my parents got divorced. Granted things have definitely gotten brighter, but little 14 year old me was no where near a healthy state of mind, or body and stumbling across something that not only let me disappear from my collapsing world, but surrounded me in love and encouragement, no matter how corny or silly, by the characters I had fallen in love with was an indescribable experience. This. This is precisely why i write. If theres even a chance i can provide that for you, and God, in the 2020s of all time to be a teenager, than i want to. I want to pay it forward.

That being said, I'd also hope one would understand while things were on the mend, I wasn't fully recovered by the time stranger things came out and i decided to write for it. The grief and trauma was one thing but, another thing you guys might know about me if you've been following me for a while is in the past, I've struggled severely—and still do a great deal—with compulsory heterosexuality. And honestly, a little internalized homophobia I think. It's stuff I work on daily, and it's stuff, I'd be willing to bet, a lot more people deal with than you'd expect. It's for this reason, that I suspect hilariously enough, me a deeply closeted lesbian while planning an x (at the time fem!)reader rewrite for younger kids to escape into, was faced with the choice of a love interest and subconsciously chose one of the only semi-canonically gay male characters available. Yes, essentially, in my own comphet riddled brain, I subconsciously gave both the (fem)reader and Will Byers my own comphet.

But guess what? Characters evolve as the story evolves and that rings true for COSMIC. I wish I had stories back then that casually explored sexuality outside the confines of cisgender heterosexuality in a safe, fun, encouraging way. I also wish I had stories that led you down one story with one character only and suck you in only to change and evolve if needed to say, an opposite sex or nonbinary character as the new love interest and being able to do so cause the love interest was never THE PLOT in the first place. It certainly would have helped speed things along I think, and even if I wasn't its healthy to try things out/consider before saying, ya know I think this still feels right, I'm good! And that's okay!

I deeply deeply appreciate anyone who read this far. I completely understand how much i tend to blather and granted i didnt plan on going into the specifics of my childhood trauma but i felt it necessary info as to why on earth im preaching gay Will while i currently have a Will x fem!reader on my page (Again, dont worry. Im not about to disrespect/erase anything likely to come in s4, nor have is this is a sudden thing in COSMIC) and seemingly shitting on ships. Again, it's the over intense shippers, not the ships themselves and overall lack of byler content that failed to get my attention.

In conclusion, yes, I don't particularly ship Byler much like you dear nonnie, but anyone who automatically thinks that statement makes us homophobic really needs to take a step back and perhaps consider taking a break from public fandom space. If you as a byler OR mileven shipper feel confronted at every corner to a point you're jumping down others throats, you need to take a break from the internet. Draw your ship, write some fanfic if you still want to engage in fandom activities offline but take a break from the internet and prowling for any throat to jump down.

Blech. Rant over. I kinda accidentally combined it with the pre season 4 premiere disclaimer for Cosmic and how and why I have a will x reader with a fem reader copy and how that's going to be affected by s4 so that's prob why it's so long but I don't regret it. The point is, this is and always will be a safe space for fandom enjoyment and just hanging out and the last thing I want here is someone to be feel afraid or threatened in any way. I love you all so much and wish nothing but amazing things for you all. And thank you again, dear nonnie, for trusting me. It means a lot.

💕💕💕 - Yurtle

[paxtoon]

-ˏˋ⋆ about me ⋆ˊˎ-

Hello ladies, laddies and enbyody outside the binary! I'm the artist, get to know me a little!!

ೃ⁀➷ Name; Paxton (main one), June, Faz, Otiis/Ottiz

ೃ⁀➷ Age; minor in high school

ೃ⁀➷ Pronouns; he/shey/paw/mew

ೃ⁀➷ Gender; trans(neumasc) nonbinary boygirl + xenos

ೃ⁀➷ Orientation; bi oriented aroace achillean

ೃ⁀➷ Race; white

ೃ⁀➷ Nationality; Italian

ೃ⁀➷ Language; bilingual (English and Italian)

ೃ⁀➷ Extra stuff; abled and a singlet, prob nd

ೃ⁀➷ Extra identity stuff; futch, gnc (roseboy), t4t, polyam/ambiamorous

ೃ⁀➷ Interests;

In bold are my current interests, in cursive are past brainrots that are still relevant to this day!! N the pink is just to help ppl read,,

Shows: ok ko let's be heroes!, my little pony (g4), toilet bound: hanako kun, good omens, bee and puppy cat, blueycapsules, we bare bears

Games: cookie run, omori, Detroit become humans, Friday night funkin, undertale, deltarune, fnaf

Musicals: mean girls, the guy who didn't like musicals, six, falsettos, hamilton

Films: who framed roger rabbit (Jessica Rabbit be,,lo,be,d), luca (pixar), encanto

Misc: retro swing, asmr, romance, musicals, hermitcraft s7, 3rd life (the first season), singing, gore, funky looking owls, italian food, voice acting n creepycute aesthetics as a whole

That's it really!! Enjoy your time here, this is a safe space so hate will be ignored (or I'll show it on my side acc instead who knows)

If you want some trivia + fun facts abt me click read more !

ೃ⁀➷ Trivia;

I have A LOT of sideblogs (20) please dont go assuming that an account with my info on it is an imposter, tell me first

I dont do discourse but please know I identify as a critical inclusionist, If you disagree with that this isn't the place for you to start debate

I'm in a queerplatonic relationship with @andewdrop and we do gay crimes together *making out sounds*, here's a little carrd I made for keeping track of how long we've been dating for <33

I'm an age regressor, I regress from ages 3-8/10

I usually represent myself with strawberries, kinda see them as my brand? It's mostly cause my boyfriend nicknamed my acne as "strawberry freckles" slowly becoming "strawberry boy" and it stuck ever since

Speaking of strawberries! The symbol in my banner represents me and Andrew's relationship as the stem is a clover (one of his names) and the strawberry represents me

I lived in a multicultural setting most of my life as I grew up in Romania for a good chunk of my childhood

I kiss men

I like men boobs

I feel very connected to succubuses,,,dont ask why cause idk myself

My favorite animals are bats, bunnies and lambs

I do a lot of Christians jokes (example; "can I get an amen" or "In the year of our lord 2022" also I say god bless ironically alot) but I am an agnostic/atheist exploring paganism!

Cw for food; I love food!! I love eating!! My favourite dish is "meat cannelloni" and "meat dumplings! As a whole I love Chinese and Italian cuisine!! Very passionately against British f,,food,,,

[calypsolemon]

I’ve read ur post abt non-binary people and sexuality like five times now bc I just can’t stop thinking about it. Your comment about non-binary people never being included as more than an asterisk in binary-centered definitions of sexuality really hit me hard. I think it exposes some of the mechanisms by which the binary system of sexuality excludes us and makes us feel like we cant be found attractive when that’s just not true. your post as a whole also helped me better understand why i have never wanted to/felt right identifying as a lesbian.

The whole conversation sort of reminds me of how now it’s become the norm for many surveys that take demographic information to include an “other” option for gender— but for class, I had to read a paper about an environmental survey which did just that, and in their statistical breakdown of responses by demographic, they simply threw out all the responses marked “other” and took a very gender essentialist look at the ones from men and women. It speaks to the speaks to the same sort of refusal to look at us as a group, as a demographic, at all.

Anyway, thanks for making that post, sorry for the long ask 😅

well, im glad my post could help you articulate some feelings!

and yeah, keep in mind all this is coming from me, who proudly identifies as gay and transmasc while also being nonbinary, its not like I don’t find binary labels useful to me. But I often feel like we have to meet binary ppl halfway and never the other way around, like... we have to insert ourselves into THEIR spaces and fight to be included into binary identities and categories, while binary people are never expected to adjust for US or consider us as a separate category of genders that stand on their own, equal to women and men as genders. And the worst part is a lot of nonbinary people right now are... weirdly on board with this, happy to insist that we can’t possibly have any queer culture or labels separate from binary ones, sometimes even arguing that putting a label on our unique experience with gendered oppression is wrong. I don’t really know what it is, besides maybe a desperation to feel accepted by the community manifesting as a rejection of.. basically everything that might make us different from binary queer folk. But i think we are doing ourselves a disservice by cutting out our flag, our words, and trying to fit ourselves exclusively into binary boxes. We can have community, be a part of binary labels when we wish to be, and still have our unique experiences with gender and sexuality acknowledged and accepted.

[uncanny-tranny]

hii,, so .. I rlly don’t know who else to ask.. I hope this is ok to ask- if not.. do u know anyone (or resources) else I cld talk to or get advice from? I’m rlly confused abt if im a trans guy (or transmasc nb) or not :(. I know u can’t tell me if I am, but maybe you’d have some advice for me? basically,, idk if I’m just really attracted to men or if I Am a man lol. or like if I’m fetishizing mlm ppl .. am I? I just.. I see mlm relationshiso and I feel connected I feel like That’s Me.. and I don’t want to be in a relationship with a man as a woman, but as a man! and I hear male singers.. and I Want their voice.. I want to sing.. but as a guy.. and things have got me thinking again that ..I kinda want amab genitalia? I used to rlly want to go on T and have bottom surgery tbh,, and I’m thinking abt it again... I’m like jealous? and whenever I hear men talk abt their genitalia/puberty .. I get this weird jealous uncomfortable feeling? and I feel like I have to match them in a way. I also have always been uncomfortable with p*riods, my name, and just simply saying words relating to afab anatomy.. but idk if it’s rlly dysohroia or what. I also rather terms like “prince, king, boy, husband” .. I feel kinda fine with my body? Maybe even like it at times.. maybe even feel like a wlw woman at times! but I also want it to b a lil different .. and I also don’t know what I wanna look like .. I kinda wanna still look feminine/be a gnc guy/so gnc that I look like a girl.. but also wanna look masculine and like a guy?? I’m confused .. just recently I’ve been jealous of male bottom stuff.. that I won’t get to experience that .. even with surgery- surgery isn’t good enough for me .. and like at the same time- I’m fine with my parts! maybe soemtimes like them ..so umm like idk if being a guy is rlly what I want or if I’m just rlly attracted to men lol.. I can’t picture myself in the future or whatever as anything.. it’s hard to imagine things..idk who I am.. like what if I’m not even a guy- I just like guys a lot so it’s making me feel like I am?... idk... plus Um big problem: I’m dating a straight man...

In my opinion, fetishization in in part objectification and/or infantilization and/or idealizing stereotypes of gay/mspec men. I'll establish that first so that we have that worked out.

Questioning is hard, especially since there are an infinite number of trans identities and experiences. It can be hard to pinpoint what you feel or what you're happy with. Being honest with yourself and giving yourself the space to openly question how you feel can be helpful.

It sounds like there are things you deserve to address. You can be trans and okay with your body, and still prefer typical masculine identifiers (as it seems you are from what I've read). What has always been helpful for me personally is to just,,, watch videos of trans and gnc cis people talking about their experiences. When I was questioning, I watched everything I could from trans and nonbinary guys and even some cis gnc women. It helped me sift through my feelings (it's been years, so it's hazy, but I distinctly remember watching Jammidodger, Contrapoints, and Ashton Daniel on YouTube, who were all helpful for me).

I'm going to say now that questioning can be messy. And that's okay. There are many emotions to work through, and so so many questions you'll want to answer. But know now that sometimes things can be too complex to be answered with a concise idea. This is your time to see how you feel - and the internet can be a good place to start! I've found that for me, it's easier to say who I am online because of the anonymity the internet provides. I've been able to see what works best for me in the comfort of my own space, away from my real life, which I find to have too many risks personally.

I can't tell you what the "correct" identity is for you, of course, and I'll never have that power. Only you do. And I think... you'll know what feels right when you get to it. Not just in a way where you can go, "this will do, I guess" but in a way where you can say, "I feel home." That takes time, but if you are willing to take that leap, I think you have all the strength you need to question yourself in a healthy manner.

[sunsetsover]

Hi I come bearing the gift of a clip about Ben's psych report bc I saw your comment on minimitchells ask! Watch from 1:00 or so.

Context for the clip: Ben is being questioned by police after he confesses to killing Heather. The female detective, Marsden, thinks he's lying for attention because a few months earlier she had attempted to manipulate/encourage him into framing Phil for the murder of Stella. Ben had been harassing Phil with news articles etc about his last crimes as revenge for being a shit parent after he rejected him being gay etc (not dissimilar to 2019 Ben wanting to fleece him tbh). When it came out that Ben was lying about Phil killing Stella, he had to go to a psychiatrist as part of the police report I believe, so the things Marsden is quoting are from that. Marsden is basically taunting Ben with his psych report because she thinks he's lying about killing Heather and is angry because her attempt to use him to get to Phil failed and got her in trouble at work.

https://youtu.be/aQ0sZt3Y_ig

omg gift received what an angel thank you so much for coming to me w this !!! i really appreciate it !!

first of all that female officer was an absolute piece of shit like by the sounds of SHE tried to manipulate HIM, a minor, bc she had a grudge against phil and now she's mad bc it didn't work ?? ur really beefing w a child like this ??? ok

but it's really interesting watching stuff from pre-max's ben as an adult/when i'm actually paying attention but it's also incredibly sad. you just realize that ben was a kid who was let down by basically every single adult in his life, and he was (and still is) constantly paying the price for everyone elses fuck ups. he was just trying to cope and navigate through a world that was basically constantly spitting in his face. he had no adult to love and support him properly and nowhere to go that he felt safe. no wonder he came out of that fucked up.

he's like what, 15 in that clip?? so it would have been too early to diagnose bpd but for me symptoms had def started presenting themselves by then. i mean you could see his abandonment issues from space even back then so i don't really need to explain that lmao and don't get me wrong i'm not a doctor at all but the bit abt how he continually seeks out his dads attention either through pleasing or antagonising could be the 'intense and unstable personal relationships'/splitting starting to show itself and/or 'frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment' - basically him fluctuating between 'if i'm good maybe my dad will love me and he won't leave like my mum did' and 'if i'm bad maybe my dad will realize he can't afford to leave me on my own so he'll stay', u know? but i also can see how that could be read as a kid doing everything he can for his dad's attention, which happens in a lot of kids, but at the same time imo he's kind of too old at that point. most kids are starting to develop their sense of self outside of their parents by that point but to me it kind of reads like the fear of abandonment is so strong and who he is/was as a kid (gay, sensitive, loved dancing and musicals etc) was so suppressed that he didn't really develop as a person outside of being his father's son, purely bc he didn't want to lose the only parent he had left u know? which again goes back to doing whatever you feel necessary so you don't get abandoned, which is like thee core of bpd.

the bit abt him being unable to differentiate between real events and fantasies is a bit different than i thought. at first i thought it could be the 'transient stress induced paranoia/dissociation' symptom but idk. i mean it still could be but like i said i'm not a doctor and this is not a symptom i'm particularly familiar with anyway, plus like i said he would be too young to be diagnosed w bpd anyway so idk all the logistics of that kinda stuff but idk it could just be a kid who's so fucked and angry at the world that he imagined acting out and sometimes almost tricked himself into believing he did these things but like there are a lot of nuance in bpd and there could easily be an overlap between mental illnesses !!! idk !!!

there's also smth to be said abt him being incredibly impressionable (??) when it comes to other ppls opinions of him which still exists today and it's almost like... a self fulfilling prophecy but also could play into the whole 'unstable sense of self' thing.... like a 'everyone's saying im manipulative and selfish and evil and i don't really know who i am internally so i must be all those things' u know....

idk the bottom line is ben has had documented issues since he was literally a child and seeing as though they have literally never been addressed ofc they're still there and it's very sad and sadly realistic and also that marsden was a cunt tbh but thank you for sending me this i really appreciate it 💞💞💞