#I’m still trying to decide how I feel ab her but I love Ryan he’s so funny

[moonlite-sunshine]

So I’m rewatching and catching up on Doctor Who for the first time in like 6ish years so I can watch the new specials and like my favorite will always be Tennant, he was My Doctor blah blah but you know what, this rewatch reminded me how much I love 12, mainly his season with Bill.

Capaldi is such a great Doctor. He’s not always nice but he’s always kind and he loves so hard. He’s so funny and I love how he loves playing guitar and he has sonic sunglasses bc he’s just trying to have a good time, he may not be a kooky bow tie guy anymore but he’s still silly. Him and Bill are like best buds and I wish we’d had another season with them and even Nardole bc their relationship was just fun, there was no pre-destined or weird importance placed on her, she was just a normal person who loved learning and was kind and had good vibes. The best of humanity, the kind of person the Doctor takes along bc they remind him that people are important. Bill brought out the best in him and also GAY🦭 anyways his last words are so beautiful and I miss him

[patagucci34]

I hate you I love you ~ Matthew Tkachuk

A/N: threw this together pretty quickly 

Warnings: mentions of sex, swearing, drinking

Word count: 9k

You and Matthew had a complicated relationship. It’s the classic story of enemies to lovers. You wanted nothing more than to remain enemies...but you couldn’t. The little rat, weaseled his way into your heart.

Thankfully for you, you spent most of the year apart- him in Calgary for hockey, you in Boston for school. But you had grown up together in St. Louis. You lived down the street from him, your parents were good friends, and you shared the same friends in school. But that certainly didn’t make you like him. For as long as you could remember, you guys never got along. Constantly arguing and bickering about everything under the sun. Your parents, siblings, and friends all tried to play peacekeeper, but it never worked. His cocky attitude and your quiet demeanor never mixed well with each other.

It still doesn’t--at least that is what you tell yourself to try and stop the strong feelings from consuming you.

Things had started to change when Brady played for BU. You were a junior, had tried your best to stay away from the hockey team during your time there, and were pretty successful until Brady joined the team. He had convinced you to come out with them a few times, attend a few parties, and before you knew it, you were hooking up with one of his teammates. You knew what you were getting into, that’s why you had tried to avoid it for so long, but he was so hot and not a complete douche so you let it happen.

The guys had just won an important game and you were going out and celebrating with them. You walked into the bar with a few of your friends and were already pretty buzzed. Once you grabbed some drinks, you made your way over to everyone and your face fell when you saw the one person who would turn this night sour for you, Matthew Tkachuk. Of course, the Flames had been in town playing the Bruins but that had completely slipped your mind. You were hoping to avoid him the whole night, but as soon as Brady saw you he called your name and pulled you in for a hug. Once he let go, Matthew stepped up to you, put his arm around your neck and gave you a noogie. You rolled your eyes at his childish antics and pushed him off of you. “God, Matt. Will you ever grow up?” You sneered at him. “Not when it comes to you, grace.” You rolled your eyes at his nickname for you, he had coined that term for you after you fell down the stairs at school and broke your leg. That was back in 6th grade and he had been calling you that ever since. “Whatever.” You said waving him off and turning back to Brady. “Brady, have you seen Ry?” 

“He’s around here somewhere…” Brady told you looking around trying to locate him. 

“It’s alright, just wondering if you had seen him yet.” 

“Ryan?” Matthew asked with a quirked eyebrow. 

“What about him?” You asked incredulously. 

“Just surprised is all...I thought ‘you would never get involved with a hockey player because we’re all just big, dumb, assholes’.” 

You scoffed at his imitation of you, “yeah, well I was wrong to base my opinion of all hockey players on you. The biggest, dumbest, douchiest of them all.”

Before he could get a retort in, Brady cut you guys off. “Alright, you two. Can you please be civil for just one night?” 

“She started it.” 

“I did?! You gave me a noogie!” 

“Enough!” Brady yelled. The two of you backed off each other and you went off to try and find Ryan.

You spotted him coming out of the bathroom and started to make your way over to him but then you saw another girl approach him. You stopped short when she wrapped her hand around his bicep and stood on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. He leaned into her words and a little smirk came across his face. Your heart sank at the action, you had no idea what she said but the moment looked very intimate. You quickly back tracked and went to find your friends. It's not like you and Ryan were dating or anything, he wasn't 'yours', but he had texted you making sure you were coming out with him tonight so you weren't impressed about this other girl.

You hadn't been with your friends for more than a few minutes before you felt familiar arms wrap around your shoulders. "Hey, babe!" Ryan greeted as he kissed the side of your head. You just smiled up at him in return, still being a little upset about what you saw earlier.

"Want another?" He asked, pointing to the empty glass in your hand.

"Oh, um, sure." He gave you an unsure look but that didn't stop him from heading off to the bar to grab some more drinks.

Your friends tried to boost your mood by dragging you onto the dance floor. It worked for a while, Ryan had brought you your drink and danced with you for a bit before meeting back up with the guys. And after a few more drinks, thoughts of that girl with Ryan had completely left your mind.

Until of course, you were in line for the bathroom. You were checking your phone, but looked up when you heard the door open and you were in shock. Ryan and that same girl were the people holding up the line. Ryan's eyes widened when he saw you standing there. He called your  name but you had bolted to get out of the club. You checked behind you and you didn't see him following you. You shook your head, of course he wouldn't follow you. Once you reached the cold, brisk air, you exhaled. You looked around and took a seat on the curb. You wrapped your arms around yourself in an attempt to keep yourself warm and you tried not to cry. You didn't want to. You shouldn't. You knew something like this was going to happen and you were cursing yourself for not being prepared for it.

After a few minutes, someone sat down next to you. You looked over and rolled your eyes. "Now is really not the time, Matt. Please just leave me alone."

He put his jacket around your shoulders and rolled his eyes right back. "Relax. I'm not here to give you a hard time. I saw what happened in there and I figured you'd be freezing out here."

"Oh, well, thank you." You said quietly and looked back at the ground.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He chuckled at your tone, "look, as much as we bicker and fight, I do still care about you." You raised your eyebrows at his admission and he rolled his eyes. 

"Remember in middle school when that little punk kept putting trash in your locker? I was the reason he stopped. I threatened to punch him and he got all scared and promised not to do it again."

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah, and that time in 10th grade when that guy was making fun of you for not having a date to homecoming? I was the one who told everyone that he had lice so that his date would ditch him."

"Oh my god, Matt, seriously?!" You asked with a smile creeping on your face. "And that time that you had a--"

You laughed and cut him off. "Okay, Matt. I get it. But how come I never knew you did those things?"

"Well, I couldn't have people thinking I actually liked you…" He teased with a smirk and you gave him a small push. "But seriously, you alright?"

You sighed and sat up a little straighter. "I guess. We weren't dating or anything…he's free to do whatever he wants. It was just shitty because I'm pretty sure I was going home with him tonight and I just can't believe he'd fuck a girl in the bathroom and then take me home like nothing happened."

"That would have been very shitty of him, y/n/n. I'm really sorry. No one should make you feel this way."

"Yeah, well, it's not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last." Matt let out a soft sigh, "unfortunately, you're probably right."

You sat in silence for a few moments before you stood up. "I think I'm just gonna head home. Thank you for sitting with me, Matt."

"I'll take you home. It's late and you shouldn't be walking alone."

You thought about protesting but figured you wouldn't win that fight so you nodded and led the way.

You caught up on each other's lives on the walk home and as soon as you walked through the door you grabbed his hand and led him to your bedroom. You were making out on the bed and he stopped for a second.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, just kiss me, please."

With that, he pushed you back on the bed and crawled on top of you.

You woke up the next morning and saw Matt snoring softly next to you. Although you had had quite a bit to drink, the whole incident with Ryan had sobered you up and you remembered every part of it with Matt. You weren't feeling regret necessarily, but you did wonder what this was going to mean. He was leaving to go back to Calgary so you didn't have to worry about it happening again soon, and you were fine with just going back to how things were. This was just a one night stand.

He had agreed, you had a brief talk about it before he left and that was that.

~~~~~~

You hadn't seen or talked to each other until you both were back in St. Louis for the summer. You had reverted back to your bickering, but you were glad that hooking up hadn't made things weird.

It didn't take long for the two of you to hook up again though. You were at a party with some of your friends, and because you lived on the same street, you walked back home together and ended up hooking up in your pool house in the backyard.

After that you had started hooking up more frequently. It wasn't that you were trying to keep it a secret on purpose, but no one really knew and you both decided it was probably for the best. You still argued in front of everyone so no one expected that anything had changed between you two.

For the 4th of July, both of your families went to the Tkachuk’s place on the Cape. With it being just your families, it was going to be hard to try and sneak off to have sex. It was a big place, but with an extra family, neither of you had your own room for the week. You kind of felt like teenagers again, sneaking around, jumping on the opportunity when you had a few minutes alone. It was fun, and although there were still so many things you disliked about Matthew, you were slowly starting to find things you liked.

On the night of the 4th, after a long, fun, alcohol filled day, everyone retired to bed after watching the fireworks. You and Matt had snuck onto the roof and were sitting side by side watching the stars. You identified as many constellations as you could. That not actually being many as the two of you really knew nothing about space. You argued about the big dipper and the little dipper for a little but the argument ended when Matthew kissed you to shut you up. You made out for a few minutes before Matt's hands started to go down south.

"Matt, I'm not having sex with you on a roof."

"Why not?"

"What if we fall?!"

"You think I'd let you fall?"

"No, but I don't think you’d have complete control over it…"

"Okay, fair. Where are we going to do it then?"

You thought for a minute, then an idea popped into your head. "What if we go down to the beach…"

"It's midnight, y/n/n."

"Exactly, no one will be there…"

"I don't know…"

"Please?! I've never had sex on a beach before."

"It's gonna be sandy…"

"Fine, then I guess we won't have sex tonight…"

Matt groaned at your comment, "okay, fine." He stood up and reached a hand out for you to take.

"We'll bring a bunch of blankets, it will be fine." You said as you took his hand and followed him back inside.

You quietly gathered up some blankets while Matt grabbed some wine and cups and to bring.

"We're going to be drinking?" You whispered.

"You don't want to?"

"I just thought you wanted to have sex."

"We don't have to, I just thought it would be nice."

"No we can, it's just up on the roof you seemed pretty eager…" You teased.

"Well the moment has passed…come on, let's go."

You made the short walk down to the beach and set up all of the blankets before sitting down and pouring some wine. You had put on leggings and a sweatshirt, it was a little chilly despite it being July, but when Matt pulled you close to him it wasn't too bad.

You talked for a bit while you drank your wine. He was telling you stories about his teammates that had you laughing so hard you were afraid you were going to pee your pants. Once you had finished the bottle, the kissing resumed and the sex had begun.

You hadn't even realized you fell asleep until you were waking up to the sounds of waves crashing and seagulls gawking. You opened your eyes and looked around you, the sun was just coming up so it was still pretty early, but regardless, you shouldn't have fallen asleep out here.

"Matt…" you shook him gently. "Matt, wake up."

"Mmm, what?" He asked sleepily, not even opening his eyes.

"Matt we fell asleep on the beach. We need to get back to the house before everyone wakes up."

"What time is it?"

"6:00."

"No one will be up until like 8, we have plenty of time, go back to sleep."

"But what if someone does?"

"Y/N, go to sleep. It'll be fine."

You sighed, but complied. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest and you were back asleep in a few minutes.

This time, it was Matt waking you up in a panic. "Don't be mad, but it's a little past 9…"

You shot right up and started gathering your things. "Are you kidding me, Matt? 'It'll be fine, y/n.' 'Go to back to sleep, y/n/n.'" You imitated in his voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think we’d sleep that long!"

"Well if we had just gone back up when I woke you up earlier we wouldn't have this problem. What are we going to say?!"

"I don't think it's as big of a deal as you're making it."

"Matt, we're walking in together with a bundle of blankets and an empty wine bottle looking like we just woke up."

"Well, we did just wake up…"

"Matthew!"

"We just say that we fell asleep on the beach!"

"Doing what?! Matt, everyone thinks we can't stand each other."

"We'll hide the bottle of wine outside, you go in and say you wanted to see the sunrise on the beach and I'll sneak in the back and go upstairs."

"Do you really think that will work?"

"I don't see why not, you'd do something weird like that."

You narrowed your eyes at him, "asshole."

He smirked and kissed you before leading the way back to the house.

When you walked through the door you were greeted by yours and Matt's parents along with your brother, Brady, and Taryn.

"There you are, sweetie! Where have you been?" Your mom asked you.

"Oh, I went down to the beach to see the sunrise."

Your brother, Brady, and Taryn all looked at each other but before you could go over and talk to them Keith spoke up.

"Well, we found one, now we need to find Matthew."

"I'm right here!" He said jogging into the kitchen from the stairs.

"Where have you been?" Chantal asked.

"I went for a run."

Your brother, Brady, and Taryn all looked at each other again and then looked at the both of you.

"We'll have breakfast ready in a few minutes. Why don't you kids set the table." Chantal said.

You went and put all of the blankets away and then helped everyone finish setting the table. Neither you or Matt said anything but you both could feel 3 sets of eyes staring at you.

"So, where were you actually, Matt?" Brady asked.

"What do you mean, I went for a run."

"Please, you never came to bed last night." Your brother replied.

"Neither did you, y/n…" Taryn added.

"You both were passed out when I went to bed last night, you just didn't hear me." Matt lied.

Brady scoffed but didn't say anything more.

"So then where were you, y/n/n?" Your brother asked.

"I, um, fell asleep in the hammock." You stammered out, never having been very good at lying.

"Why were you in the hammock?"

"I don't know, I just wasn't ready to go to bed yet."

"You both are so full of shit. We know you were together last night." Brady stated. Matt looked over at you but you kept your focus on putting the plates down.

"You both have been acting weird this week. Just say it." Your brother added.

"Say what?" Matt asked.

"Just say that you two are hooking up!" Taryn said. Everyone stopped and stared at Taryn, not really thinking she would ever say something like that. "What? I'm 15, not 5. I know what hooking up is."

"Well, we're not hooking up. Y/n slept in the hammock and I slept in my bed. You guys are crazy." Matt forced out, glaring at everyone in the room.

You were thankful he squashed the rumor but a part of you was a little upset that it was so easy for him to say that you weren't hooking up. But as soon as that feeling came over you, you forced it out because you didn't want to be catching any feelings.

Thankfully, your parents all came in the room with breakfast so the discussion was put to rest.

Just to be safe, you and Matt didn't do anything for the rest of the week. But he made sure to text you how much he wished you could. So much to the point where you had to remind him that it would be weird if anyone found out that you two were texting so much.

Once you were back in St. Louis things went back to normal. You were currently lying in bed with Matt in your pool house.

"I'm so glad to be back. It was torture not being able to touch you in the Cape."

"Jeez, Matt. That was 3 days. What are you going to do when you go back to Calgary?" As soon as you said it, you regretted it. You hadn't talked about the end of summer and you didn't really want to. If it really was just sex then there shouldn't need to be a conversation. But you just opened that door.

"I haven't really thought about it to be honest. Just trying to enjoy it while I can. So please, don't remind me."

You were surprised at his response. It was definitely Matt's weird way of saying he'll miss you without actually having to say it. But you were glad it didn't turn into a long conversation.

The rest of summer went quickly, you were getting ready to go back to Boston and Matt was getting ready to go back to Calgary. You spent the night before he left together, not really doing a lot of talking… ;). But neither of you wanted to talk. And you didn't. When you woke up the next day, you wished him luck in the season and he wished you a good semester and you said goodbye like it was another day.

~~~~~~~~

You had texted a little bit here and there throughout your time apart, but the first time you saw him was Christmas. He miraculously was able to go home for a few days and you saw him at your parents Christmas Eve party. He hadn't told you that he was going to be home, not that he had to or anything but you were surprised when you saw him walk in with the rest of his family.

He smirked at you when you made eye contact and sent you a quick wink. You blushed a bit before taking another sip of your drink and bringing your attention back to your friends.

It was a little bit before you found each other again. You had gone upstairs to use the bathroom and he had slipped behind you and was waiting outside the door.

"Jesus, Matt. You scared me."

"Sorry, babe." He said as he kissed you. "God, I've missed those lips."

"Matt, we need to be careful, someone could come up here."

"Should we move to your room then?"

You gave him a pointed look, "Matt, there are tons of people here…our families included."

"Didn't stop us before…"

"Yeah and we almost got caught."

"Fine, later?"

"Yeah, we can use the pool house after everyone has gone to bed."

"Good. I've missed you."

"You said that already."

"I said I've missed your lips…but I also miss you."

You smiled at him, "you're weird."

"I believe that would be you."

"Whatever, Matty," you said, patting his shoulder, "I'll see you later."

The rest of the night flew by and as soon as your parents had said goodnight you were texting Matt. You met him in the pool house 20 minutes later and you barely said hello before his lips crashed into yours and the fun began.

A few rounds later you were lying next to each other under the covers. You caught up on what you missed in each other's lives and you didn't realize how long you'd been talking until you looked at your phone and it was 4am.

"Holy shit, Matt. It's really late."

"Jesus," he murmured looking at his phone. "I have to be up in a few hours…" he groaned.

"You're not going to walk home now, are you?"

"No way, I want as much time with you as possible. But we should probably go to sleep."

He pulled you close and within a few minutes you both were out.

You learned from your past mistakes and you had set an alarm this time. Your phone started going off at 7:45 as Matt wanted to be back a little before 8. He groaned and mumbled for you to turn it off but you weren't going down that road again.

"Matt, you need to get going."

He sat up slowly and groaned. "I know…will I be seeing you later?"

"If you want…"

"I do. I'll text you later." You nodded as he headed out the door. "Wait…" he said, turning back around. "Merry Christmas." He gave you a kiss and walked out the door for real.

You smiled as you made your way back in the house. Thankfully, your family didn't have stuff to do too early today so everyone was still asleep. You creeped back into your room and went back to sleep for a bit.

Meanwhile, at Matthew's, he was met by his siblings at the door. He rolled his eyes at the sight of them standing there with their arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

"Oh, Jesus Christ," he mumbled, "move out of my way please."

"Not until you tell us where you were last night." Brady said.

"And don't even think about saying you were out for a run." Taryn added.

"It's none of your business, I'm 21 years old. Now get out of my way."

"Seems like someone didn't get much sleep last night…" Brady teased.

"Shut up, Brady." Matt said as he pushed past his siblings and went to his room.

You woke up surprised to see a few texts from Matt. You didn't expect to hear from him until much later.

Matt: Brady and Taryn are onto us again

Matt: I barely stepped into the house and they were on me about where I was

Matt: Maybe we shouldn't be so secretive?

Matt: Unless of course you're embarrassed of me ;)

You: Hmmm…I don't know if my reputation would uphold if people knew.

Matt: What about my reputation?

You: You're the one that suggested it…

Matt: We don't have to…

You: Calm down, I'm just messing with you. But everyone might go crazy when we tell them…are you ready for that?

Matt: Baby, I was born ready…are you?

You: I don't know…are we talking about our parents knowing???

Matt: Well, they don't need to know that we're fucking…but they'll know that we're hanging out more. I'm sure they'll figure it out.

You: Yeah I guess you're right. I just don't want people to have expectations once they know we can actually tolerate each other.

Matt: What kind of expectations?

You:  I don't know…do you think our parents will want us to fall in love?

Matt: Our moms have always wanted that…

You: Exactly. Are they going to be disappointed when that doesn’t happen?

Matt: Who says it's not going to?

You: Matt…

Matt: We'll talk tonight, babe.

You sighed and flopped back onto your bed. What the hell does he mean, 'who says it's not going to?'

You heard some movement downstairs so you pulled yourself out of bed and went down there. Hopefully your day will be busy enough to take your mind off of things. You were greeted with the smell of fresh cinnamon rolls. A Christmas tradition that you really don't know what you would do without. Your brother had the same idea as you and walked into the kitchen just moments after you. He reached for one but your mom swatted his hand away.

"Not yet, we're going to eat at the table." She scolded. He whined in response but walked away.

After a delicious breakfast, you opened presents and then headed over to your grandparents. Your family was huge. You had so many cousins, a lot of being young so you had lots to do to keep your mind off of things with Matt.

Once you had eaten dinner, everyone opened gifts and you were roped into playing one of the games your little cousins had received. Before you knew it, everyone was getting ready to leave and you had a text from Matt.

Matt: Hey, text me when you're home. We're all done for the day.

You: Leaving my grandparents now. Meet in the park in 30?

Matt: Sounds good

Once you got home, you quickly changed into something more comfy and told your parents you were going for a walk. As you approached the little park in your neighborhood you saw Matt sitting on the bench. He stood up to greet you and then you both sat down.

"I guess we have some stuff to talk about, huh…" He started.

"What did you mean by 'who says it's not going to happen?' do you want it to happen?"

"I don't know y/n/n. I didn't mean to make things weird, I guess I just meant to say would it really be that bad if it did?"

"I mean, no, I guess not. But Matt, we barely spoke for the past few months. Which is fine, we have fun having sex when we're together, but that's all it is. If there was something more here I feel like we would have kept more in touch while we were apart."

"But we don't have to not talk…"

"Did you want to? Because I'm pretty sure you could have reached out to me too."

"No, I know. I'm not saying anyone is to blame, I'm just saying that in the future, we don't have to go radio silent when we're not in the same place. I really did miss you…no matter how much you annoy me…"

You smirked at his teasing, "I missed you too, Matty. But we still haven't solved the problem."

"I think the biggest thing is we're going to get shit for actually wanting to spend time together. And we don't have to say that we're fucking. I'm sure our friends and siblings will figure it out and maybe our parents too, but I'm sure they're just going to be happy we're getting along."

You sighed, "yeah, I guess you're right. I already get shit from my mom about how she wants us to get along because we 'would be sooo good together'."

"She says that, eh?"

"Listen to you, mister Canadian…"

"Oh shut up.…" He said with a smile and light nudge to your arm. "Do you think it's safe to take things back to the pool house???"

"I thought we were going to tell people we were friends now…"

"Oh, well yeah, is it going to be weird if we go into your room? Your parents aren't stupid…"

"Oh my god, Matt, well which is it?!"

Matt chuckled at your annoyance. "Relax, we can go and hang out for a bit then take things to the pool house."

"Okay, fine."

"Come on, let's go." He said standing up and grabbing your hands to pull you up.

You made the short walk back to your house and you were getting pretty nervous. Your parents obviously already knew Matt, and they liked Matt, and you were going to do your best to keep them from knowing of your actual relationship, but you were still nervous to show up with Matt.

You heard voices in the living room when you walked inside but there were definitely more than just your parents and brother. You and Matt both stopped when you saw his family in addition to yours.

"Well, two birds one stone I guess…" You shrugged as you walked into the living.

"Oh, Y/N, Matthew…what are you two doing?" Your mom asked.

"We, um, just got back from the park." You answered softly.

"The park? What were you doing there?" Chantal asked.

"We were just hanging out." Matt answered.

"Hanging out? Since when do you two 'hang out'?" Keith asked.

"We've called a truce. We're friends now." Matt defended.

"Oh, I'm so glad! We've been wondering when you two would quit bickering!" Your mom gushed.

"Well, come sit down! We're watching It's A Wonderful Life." Chantal said.

You and Matt sat down. There weren't two open seats next to each other so you sat next to your dad and he sat next to Brady. Your brother, Brady, and Taryn all had smug looks on their face, finally finding out that they were right all along.

After the movie was done, everyone sat in the living room drinking and talking. Matthew kept stealing glances your way but there was no way you two could sneak off. They would know exactly what you were doing. So you just avoided his gaze until his family decided to leave. After that of course, he snuck back out and met you at the pool house.

Thankfully, he didn't have to jet off super early in the morning, so this goodbye was a little more meaningful. You both promised each other you'd talk more, he wished you the best for your last semester of college and he was off.

~~~~~~~

You both had kept your promises, you talked once or twice a week. One of them being for some FaceTime sex…but it still counted.

It did feel so much better now that people knew that you two got along. It made your whole relationship feel less scandalous. Although you were still worried about the feelings part. After Christmas, you were having a much harder time stowing them away, even being over 2,000 miles away. You were finding yourself liking Matthew as a person more and more, but there was a part of you that still felt like you could never be with him.

Things really had started to change at your graduation. You hadn't seen your family before the ceremony, so when you spotted them in the crowd, you were surprised to see Matthew sitting with them. You started to panic a bit, having been caught off guard and not understanding why he was there. Sure, you had been talking more but you were still just friends with benefits. This certainly wasn't something Matthew Tkachuk would have done a few months ago, and now you were unsure about everything.

After the ceremony you found your family and gave them all hugs. And then you turned to Matthew.

"Matthew Tkachuk, what are you doing here?!" You asked, giving him a hug.

"I just thought I'd surprise you. I know how hard you worked this semester…"

"Thank you, Matty, it means a lot that you came." You whispered in his ear before letting go.

You went back to your apartment with your family and your roommate’s family to pop some champagne and celebrate before going out to dinner. You waited for a free moment to sneak Matt away to your room.

"Sooo, where are you staying this weekend?" You asked sneakily.

"Well, I'm rooming with your brother this weekend. We're gonna have so many babes over it's gonna be awesome." You pouted at him, knowing he was messing with you. "Do you want in? I've always wanted to be part of an orgy."

"Ew, Matt! Not with my brother you, pig!"

Matt laughed at your disgust and raised his arms in surrender. "I'm just kidding, relax. I will be here tonight."

"Okay, good. I'm excited for some celebratory head."

Matthew hummed at that comment, "oh you have no idea what you're in for tonight, princess."

"Ooo, princess?"

"Or should I say Y/N Y/L/N, RN, BSN…" You smiled at his use of your newly acquired title.

"That does sound pretty good…but not yet. I still have to pass my NCLEX."

"Oh please, you'll pass with no problem. Easy peasy."

You rolled your eyes, "yeah, we'll see. I really do appreciate you coming, Matthew. I really didn't expect it."

"Good, then my surprise was a success. I'm just glad to be here to celebrate with you."

You smiled and gave him a kiss, which he returned, but you pulled away after a few minutes needing to get back to everyone else.

You were starting to feel pretty buzzed from all of the champagne you were drinking so you forced yourself to stop knowing that you needed to make it to dinner. Which you did, and dinner was very nice. But your brother was feeding you drinks so by the end of dinner, you were pretty drunk. Your parents went back to the hotel, and your brother and Matt came back to your apartment to party some more.

Later on in the night, your brother was occupied talking to a few girls on the couch so you took that as your opportunity to go to bed with Matt. He kept his word from earlier and you had some of the best sex you'd ever had. That mixed with all of the alcohol you had drank had you falling asleep as soon as you guys laid down.

You woke up the next morning and immediately felt the effects of the alcohol you had consumed. You reluctantly moved to get up to grab some water and Advil but were met with some resistance.

"Please. This is the one morning we actually get to just lay here and cuddle. Don't leave me."

"Relax, I'll be right back. I need to pee and I need water and drugs."

"Ugh, fine." He said and let go of you so you could get up.

"Do you want anything?" You asked.

"I'll take some water, please."

You walked down the hallway and saw your brother passed out on the couch with some girl on top of him. You shook your head at the sight but kept going to the kitchen. By the time you walked back into your room, Matthew had fallen back asleep. You carefully climbed back in bed and as soon as you laid down his arms wrapped around you and tugged you to his side. You fell back asleep for a little bit but woke up to Matt getting up this time.

"Please. This is the one morning we get to cuddle…" You imitated him.

He made a face at you and chugged some water. "relax, I need to pee, I'll be right back." he imitated right back.

True to his word, he came right back but this time you didn't go back to sleep.

"How ya feeling this morning?" He asked you.

"Not great…"

Matt chuckled at the grimace on your face. "Well, I'm sure breakfast will cure that."

"Mmm, yeah I can't wait actually."

You sat in silence for a few moments before Matt spoke back up.

"So, don't kill me for asking you this question but, what are your plans now?"

"Well, I'm not really sure…I'm going back to St. Louis, studying for the NCLEX and then I guess I'll go from there…"

"So I get you for the summer…?"

"Yes, Matthew…"

"Good. I think this is going to be a fun summer."

"Why?"

"Well, we’re not in hiding anymore so we don't have to sneak around."

"That's true. I am really glad we don't have to do that anymore."

"Although the Cape might still be tricky…"

You laughed at the memory of last summer. "Yeah, but at least it won't be weird for everyone to see us hanging out."

"What time are we doing brunch again?"

"11 I think…what time is it now?"

Matt checked his phone, "it's 9:30."

You sighed, "okay, we have a little time. Jamie is passed out on the couch with some girl…did my parents know that he was staying here?"

Matt laughed at your brother's state, "I think he told them that we might crash here, so I'm sure they assumed we wouldn't be back."

"Yeah you're probably right. Do you guys need to go back to the hotel before brunch?"

"Yeah, all of our stuff is there. I'll get up in a few minutes and we can wake him up."

"Sounds good." You said and you cuddled up next to him.

By the end of the weekend you had all of your stuff packed up and you were headed back to St. Louis. There was no goodbye with Matthew this time because when you were packing up your apartment you figured out that there was no way you could fit it all, so your parents rented a car and you, your brother, and Matthew drove it back to Missouri.

Matthew was right when he said that this summer would be really fun. It was a blast. Although you were studying hard for your NCLEX, you and all of your friends were celebrating all of your graduations…all summer. You were going hard for your last summer before you all got "real jobs".

You still had to sneak around when you went to the Cape for the 4th of July, but it was a little easier now that your siblings knew so it was easier to sneak around at night. You were also much more relaxed, having just taken the NCLEX the week before, which Matthew was glad about because you had become pretty grumpy from all of the studying you were doing.

The month of July went by pretty fast, which you were glad for because you were getting anxious for your results. You had begun to look for some jobs, but you were still unsure about what you wanted to do. Part of you wanted to stay St. Louis, but another part of you wanted to move away to a new place. Your parents encouraged you to do whatever you wanted, though of course they would prefer for you to stick around. A few of your friends were moving to New York City and wanted to go with them. A few of your friends from BU were moving to Denver and wanted you to go with them. But what you didn't expect was for Matt to ask you to go to Calgary.

"What?!" You choked on the water you had been drinking.

"I mean, you don't have any plans so why not?"

"Why not? Wouldn't that be a little weird?"

"What do you mean? We've known each other forever, you could easily get a job there, I'll be there…"

"Yeah but, it's not like we're dating, won't people talk?"

"What does that matter? You can have your own room. You're thinking about moving with other friends of yours so how is it different?"

"Well, I'm not having sex with them for starters…"

"Another great bonus of moving in with me-sex all the time."

You gave him a pointed look, "I don't know, Matty…it's just a lot. What about all of your other girls? I'm not gonna sit around in my room on nights you want to be with other women."

"Why would I want to be with other women when I have you?"

"We're not dating, Matthew."

"I know, but I wouldn’t need to sleep with other girls while you're living with me."

"That sounds like it could get complicated."

"How?"

"We'd be friends with benefits but just with each other…"

"So?"

"Sooo, that never ends well!"

"How is it different from what we're doing now?"

"We're not living together!"

"We basically do during the summer. I haven't been sleeping with anyone else but you…"

"Well neither have I but--"

"Look, you don't have to come to Calgary if you don't want to. I just thought it would be fun. I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"It's not that I don't want to, I'm just nervous…"

"About what? Y/n/n, nothing needs to change about our relationship. It'll be like an endless summer."

"That's what they all say…before things go south."

"Why would they go south?"

"What if you meet someone you fall in love with? Or what if I do?"

"We'll deal with that when it happens. We're young, we can do whatever we want, so why not just try this out? If things aren't working you can move. We've hated each other most of our lives, so what's the worst that could happen?" He asked with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes playfully and sighed. "Alright…"

"Alright?"

"Alright, I'll come to Calgary."

Matt beamed at your decision and gave you a kiss. "It's gonna be good, y/n/n. I promise."

A few days later you were chilling on the couch watching TV when your brother came into the room and had his hands behind his back.

"Guess what caaaame?!"

"Oh my god, give me!!!" You demanded, knowing exactly what it was. You ripped it open and screamed when you saw that you passed. "Oh my god, oh my god, I passed!!!!"

Your brother gave you a hug and congratulated you before you started texting all of your friends.

You had sent Matt a text and a few minutes later you received a call from him.

"Hey!"

"Congrats, babe!! I knew you could do it!"

"Thanks, Matty!"

"What are you doing tonight?"

"I don't know, I don't have any plans."

"Let me take you to dinner, to celebrate."

"Dinner?"

Matt chuckled, "yes, dinner."

"Just the two of us?"

"I mean, we can invite other people if you want, but I thought it would be nice for it to be just the two of us…"

"No, yeah. That sounds like fun."

"Alright, I'll pick you up around 7."

"Okay, bye Matty."

You hung up and sank back on the couch. You hated that you were constantly overthinking everything with Matthew. Sure, you had been to dinner with your family and friends, but you had never been out with just Matt. First, he asks you to move to Calgary, now he wants to take you to dinner? You've been trying so hard to not catch feelings but he's making it very difficult. But maybe this is also a good thing. Things will definitely change when you get to Calgary whether he knows it or not, and you're bound to do more things just the two of you.

That didn't stop your nerves from settling in when you started getting ready. It's not like you barely knew each other and this was a first date, you didn't even know if he thought of this as a date or just two friends celebrating an accomplishment. That's how you were trying to see it as but you just couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking.

Thankfully, your worries washed away when you saw Matthew. He came to the door and for the first time, you found comfort in that cocky little smirk.

"You look good." He complimented.

"Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself."

"I aim to please…you ready?"

"Yeah, let's go."

You had just adjusted the radio and sat back and looked over at him.

"So, where are we going?"

"That is for me to know, and you to find out."

You rolled your eyes, "I really don't like surprises."

"Sucks for you, then, doesn't it?"

"You're an ass…"

"Relax, I think you'll like this place."

A few minutes later you pulled up to one of your favorite restaurants.

"How did you know?!"

"I have my ways…we do have the same friends you know…" he teased, squeezing your thigh.

"Ugh, I'm so excited, I haven't been here in forever!"

"Good, let's go in."

Dinner had been really nice. It felt normal. You weren't sure if it was date-like or just two friends having dinner but whatever it was you liked it. After dinner you went back to your house and talked with your parents for a bit. They had bought some champagne to celebrate. After that you and Matt finished the night in the pool house. You were going to miss nights in the pool house. At first, you hated it. It made you feel like you were in high school again, but it quickly became yours and Matt's "spot".

~~~~~~

The move to Calgary had gone very well. And despite your reservations, things had been going really well. As much as you hated to admit it, Matt had been right and it really did feel like an endless summer. You had been getting along really well, things weren't weird, it was actually kind of nice when he would leave for a road trip because it gave you some space. You had been worried about making friends, but you were friends with a few of the WAGs and once you started a job at the hospital you had made some friends through there.

The only thing was your feelings for Matt were becoming stronger and stronger. He was FaceTiming you almost every day he was gone. He would send flowers when he was on a longer road trip. He'd have dinner waiting for you when you had a particularly rough day at work. You knew that you were the only girl he was sleeping with in Calgary…at least you hoped that was the case. But you were unsure about what he was doing on road trips. Athletes are notorious for having girls in every city and you couldn't help but feel a little jealous. But you also didn't want to bring it up because you didn't want to cause any unnecessary tension.

You decided to put some feelers out, and you asked Brittany, Sean’s girlfriend when you were out to dinner one night.

"So, how crazy am I to think that Matt isn't sleeping with other girls when they're on the road?"

"Not that crazy, babe. Sean said he hasn't been hooking up with anyone since you moved here…"

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, the whole team is convinced you guys are dating and just not telling anyone. No one believes you guys when you say you're just friends."

"Oh.…"

"I tried telling him you really are just friends, but no one buys it…have you slept with anyone else?"

"No, it just feels weird. Even though we're not together, I live with him, and I'm here because of him…"

"Well, I think he feels the same way. Do you want to be more than friends?"

"I don't know…I mean I like where we're at. I've been feeling more insecure about him going on the road lately, I don't really want him to sleep with other people but I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship with him."

"Why not?"

"This is going to sound really immature…but we hated each other for so long, I never saw myself liking Matt, let alone loving him…"

"Do you? Love him?"

"I don't know, maybe not yet, but I'm definitely falling…"

"I think you should just let it happen. You guys are really good for each other. I know I haven't known you for that long, but I've seen a big change in Matt since you moved here. Everyone has. He seems happier, more focused, more mature… Don't force things if you're not feeling it, but I think you are. And he is too."

You took Brittany's advice. You didn't just come out and talk to Matt about your feelings but you stopped suppressing them and you were just letting whatever happened happen.

Things really started to pick up after Christmas. You had gone home to St. Louis, but Matthew hadn't been able to so you were apart for the holidays. Although it really wasn't much different than him leaving for a road trip, you were only gone for a week, it had a different feeling to it. When you got back, Matt was extra clingy and kept commenting on how he didn't want you to leave again.

"Matt, you leave all the time…"

"I know, I'm sorry. It's not fair of me to say that, but I can't help it. It was just weird not having you around. You're used to me leaving, but I'm not used to you leaving. I missed you."

"Well, I'll do my best to stick around. Can't have you upset…" you teased.

"Good." He said with a small pout and he gave you a kiss.

A week later, Matt had come from practice and you were in the kitchen making dinner. He was acting a little funny, and you got nervous when he sat at the island across from you and asked if you could talk.

"Um, yeah, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just think we've needed to have this conversation for a while."

You gave him a sideways look, "you're making me kind of nervous, Matt…"

"It's nothing bad. We can talk after we eat."

"Seriously."

"What?"

"You drop that bomb on me and then make me wait?!"

"Well, I want your full attention." He said walking around to stand next to you.

"Matthew…."

"Don't stress, babe." He said as he kissed your forehead and walked down the hall.

You shook your head, he is going to be the death of me.

You hurried to finish dinner because you were really curious what Matt wanted to talk about. It certainly didn't sound bad, but you didn't understand why he was being so weird about it.

Finally, you had finished up dinner and you and Matt were sitting at the table. You were looking at him expectantly but he was more occupied with taking a bite of the lasagna you made. You cleared your throat and he chuckled.

"Matt, this isn't funny. Please, just tell me what you want to talk about."

"Okay, I think we should talk about what we're doing."

"Okay…" you said slowly, now unsure of where this was going.

"Relax, y/n/n. It's not a bad thing. I really like you. A lot. Our relationship has grown so much in the past few years and I've never been more thankful for anything in my life. I love that you're here for me after a bad game, I love being able to celebrate with you after a good game… I just love coming home to you. I want us to be together. Not just friends, or friends with benefits or whatever the hell we're doing. I want you to be mine and I want to be yours."

"I want that too, Matty. I've wanted it for a while, I just didn't know how you felt and I didn't want to mess things up."

"Well, that's exactly why we're talking about it, babe. I'm really glad you feel the same way. I was nervous you wouldn't be able to get over your hatred of me." he said with a smirk.

"I do hate you…"

"No, you love me."

"I hate that I love you."

"But you love me…"

"Unfortunately, yes." You teased.

"I'll take it. Now let me enjoy this wonderful creation of yours."

You laughed at his description of your dinner, "okay, well don't get your hopes up."

He took a bite and moaned, "it's perfect. Just like you," and squeezed your cheeks.

"You're so weird…"

"Please, just let me have my moment."

You threw hands up in defense, "alright, sorry. You do you."

"I will be doing you later."

You rolled your eyes and shook your head but cracked a smile at his antics.

You both cleaned up after dinner and then cuddled on the couch to watch a movie. Your head rested on his shoulder and he was tracing patterns on your side with his fingers. You looked up at him and in turn he looked back at you.

"What?"

"Nothing, I'm just really happy."

[popculturebuffet]

Scotrospective: Scott Pilgrim Vs the World (The Comic)

Hello, Hello, Hello scottaholics! And what a beautiful day it is: After decades lost in the lost woods, at least it had that catchy tune to keep it company, Scott Pilgrim Vs the World: The Game is FINALLY back and performing for you on all platforms!

Even Stadia, the platform most likely to disappear like this game did for a while! Cheap shots at the stadia aside as a huge fan of the franchise as a whole and of this game who played it back on the 360, and had since sold said 360 so I had no way to get it back or ever play the dlc packs. Seriously who didn’t want to play wallace but never got to? Everyone, everyone is the answer. But with those the entirety of what I consider to be the main cast is playable, it has online so you can beat up hipsters, guys in costumes and robots with your friends, it’s a good damn feeling.  And since i’m in a celebratory mood, naturally i’m also feeling like a review. And since it just so happens the next volume up in my look at the comics is Vs the World, seriously I planned this review for this month without thinking to have it come out on the same day as the game until a week or two in, I felt there was no better way to celebrate the biggest day for Scott Pilgrim fans in some time.. and for Brian Lee O Malley as he’ll stop getting twitter asks about it. So with all the exposition taken care of LAST TIME, and the link right there if your curious, we can jump right in. On with the show!

After our opening titles, and yes this comic has opening titles, with Ramona sitting solmely in the rain. 

And Scott caught in the title. The rain shot is real pretty by the way. But yeah once we get past those we’re taken back 7 years ago. Finn found out his father was an asshole, and voiced by Stephen Root so hey you take the good with the bad, Steven just learned the horrifying truth about Gem Monsters, Guardians of the Galaxy saved the MCU and I was trying to find work after college.. wait... sorry sorry that was 7 years ago from THIS year. The comic came out in 2005, though the comic takes place on a sliding timescale where only like 2 years pass so I dunno when this is. Let’s just say 98.  Okay so 1998: Bill Cllinton’s sex scandal breaks, and puts way too much of hte blame on the young intern whose life came to be defined by one stupid mistake she made with a man who was way older and should’ve known better, the tide of the Monday Night War turned in favor of the WWF as Stone Cold Steve Austin became a household name, and it was an utterly standup year for video game relaases with Ocarina of Time, Banjo-Kazooie, Crash Bandicoot: Warped, StarCraft, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, WWF: War Zone, Pokemon Stadium, Spyro The Dragon, Pokemon Yellow, WarioLand 2, Oddworld: Abe’s Exodus, Star Wars: Rogue Squadron, Pokemon: Trading Card Game and Sonic Adventure. It’s like someone took a good chunk of my childhood and squeezed it into one year holy shit, I did not expect this when looking up what came out in 98. 

And while the movie pool wasn't’ quite this amazing, we still had The Wedding Singer, The Big Lebowski, the dude abides, Batman and Mr Freeze: SubZero, The Truman Show, Mulan, the good one not the one made near concetration camps that makes her into a demigod, Saving Private Ryan, Blade, Simon Birch, Scooby Doo on Zombie Island, Rushmore, Bride of Chucky, HalloweenTown, Plesantville, and the Prince of Egypt. And in music Weird Al changed from his first signature look to his second, getting Lasik and growing out his hair. Seirously had no idea that was this year. Good to know. Also Elton John got his knighthood. Super shooters. I could go on with 1998 triva for days but I cannot go on for 8 weeks so let’s get to the point here.. during alllla this  Scott Pilgrim, age 16, was starting St. John’s Catholic School and a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble. . by threatning to beat him up for no real reason. A fight insues and we cut to the principal’s office as Scott’s still a minor and not allowed to get into death fights just yet under the people’s freedom of choices and voices act. 

It’s here he meets Lisa Miler, a peppy and sarcastic blonde, who’s intrigued by the fact Scott somehow got beat up after being here just 15 minutes and wants to be friends. Naturally for scott next we see him he’s busy playing video games, and annoyed someone else is around and wondering who this person whose now in his basement is. God no wonder teenage me related to him. So for the next few pages we see their friendship in time lapse: Lisa joins him at lunch, then geninely wonders since Scott’s Untentionally a dick if he hates her.. it’s part of why I think Scott has some form of autisim. And not just because I tend to belivie a character is on the spectrum all the damn time, it’s because of the way he acts: while he is nice and charming at times.. he also clearly has trouble relating to people or realizing how his actions effect them and as seen here in a younger form can often be compeltely distanced from normal social queues, not getting how his actions might be seen until Lisa outright talks to him about it. I mean.. it’s not a huge stretch, and it dosen’t mean he’s nto responsible for his own actions, but it does EXPLAIN a lot of them better: why he just sorta forgets about Knives post-ramona but at the same time still cares enough he dosen’t want to hurt her despite you know, that ship sailing just by having moved on. 

But now the two are friends and his parents, who we meet for the first time and sister inquire about her being his girlfirned.. and by next jumpcut his parents apparently don’t want him hanging out with girls? What exactly the fuck? Also they mention Laurence, Scott’s brother whose missing for most of the books and has no real payoff for not being around. Next cut we get KIM!

Thank you Prissy. And she’s.. not all that different, assuming, correctly that their partner project, how she meets scott will just result in her doing all the work.. which not only is how these things usually went when I was in high school a decade later, but reminds me of the time me and my friends curtis and justin were put on a project and when asked who the alied powers were, guessed “Germany?”.... you can understand my fear. And also Curtis punching him for getting nothing done.. and not hard or brutally mind you just once quick in the gut and with full warning. Ah... the adaquate old days. 

So back to Lisa as, since Scott’s Mom has a guitar.. a fact I.. never honestly thought about. Seriously I never realized her children, since the Bass Scott has for most of the books is Laurence’s, getting into music was probably due to her. Also Lisa makes her case for WHY be a band: the school has a regular event called Lunchapalooza, where everyone goes to and since by teen logic, just being in a band is automiacally cool, she figures they can jump from not QUITE being in any cliques to being super cool. Which honestly yeah... while I didn’t know any bands in high school, the fact one of my friends, ironically named Scott, was a DJ automatically made him pretty damn cool once he got past his awkard phase. I never got past mine but somehow was loved by all except that one douchey kid in our group who mocked me for naming my Luxray kim, assuming it was based on Kim possible and not Kim Pine... though frankly how that’s an insult when Kim Possible was a fucking awesome show and character is beyond me but he was just 17 and also a douchebag, it didn’t have to make since it just had to piss off the easily pissed off kid with aspergers. So Scott poses how they can be a band with just their guitars and Lisa concedes drums WOULD help.. I mean it’s what MADE Shallow Gravy. 

So while Kim wonders if Scott is dating Lisa, because teenagers don’t really get girls and boys can be friends without wanting to be together, though not often as teenage boy brains can be rather stupid and horny... can confrim from personal experince. So it becomes clear Scott has a thing for Kim, and when Scott tries broaching it with Lisa she dosen’t take it well and he backpedals to asking her to be her drummer and plans to monday, proving Scott has somehow not gotten better at reading women, or anyone after 7 years. Can relate. 

So yeah he decides to ask Monday, same day as their presentation.. and thankfully missed the bus as he arrives to find the Benvy Tech boys came in, took everyone out and abducted Kim. Because yeah, just in case you were wondering Scott’s life was always like this.. or was it? Questions for later. So one Canadian Version of River City Ransom later, Scott’s made his way to simon... who, since most of you have probably seen the movie or art of the movie.. looks an AWFUL lot like Gideon. Hrmmm. Simon is naturally the final boss here and wonders if this is the best St. Joels can muster. Scott quips back as only Scott can. 

So cue an unsuprisingly awesome actoin sequence. IT’s part of why I love these color editions: While they already LOOKED thoroughly fantastic the added colors really help the series shonen manga meets old school video game vibe REALLY fucking pop. So Simon pleads mercy which like Scott delivering a good quip.. should’ve really been a red flag to younger me and is foreshadowing for later in case I was too subtle. He then does what any noble hero would do.. kicks simon into the sunset, tells Kim how he feels and asks her to play drums. They then make out. Awwww. 

Lisa suprisingly takes it well as the next montage shows.. granted we’ll learn in Feburary she wasn’t QUITE as over scott as it seemed, but the three, along with a friend of Lisa’s whose name I forgot and who DOSEN’T come back so I’m not going to bother learning, form their own friend group, Scott and Kim get an A, and Scott, Kim and Lisa’s band is dubbed sonic and knuckles, which is an objectively awesome band name. Something the series really does great: Video Game Based Band Names. Crash and the Boys, Sex Bomb-Omb, Clash at the Demonhead... we need more bands like this in the real world dammit. So then they play their big game, the two loose their vrigniity.. and then Kim asks scott “your moving to tornoto?” And.. for now.. that’s that. 

While the framing of that will be VERY important in the last volume, as notice how KIM’S the one who brings it up and it’s not explicitly stated scott actually told her, this flasback is great. While it does contribute to the volume’s drifty pacing, more  on that as we go, it brilliantly sets up a LOT of stuff for later, paticuarlly Lisa who I assumed wouldn’t be back and younger me’s jaw fucking DROPPED when she popped up in Volume 4. Granted i’m spoiling that suprise for you now but odds are most of you reading this have either alreaddy read these or were probably wondering if the girl from the animated short ever had any actual relevance in the books. So yes, yes she does. She’s also the pink haired girl you see pop up in the game in the background, as a nod to O’Malley’s comic strip style which had her and Kim as the leads.  Also yeah for fans of the game or movie or even the comics who were unaware.. this prologue got an animated adaption on adult swim to promote the movie. Naturally Micheal Cera and Allison Pill reprised their roles as Scott and Kim, with Mae Whitman voicing lisa.. and honestly being perfect for the roll, and Jason Schrwartzman voicing Simon naturally. While the animation is slightly limited, it still looks decent and expertly translates O’Malley’s art, while sliming things down slightly where needed to fit a short, and the anmation takes a huge bump for the fight scene which like the comic is short but awesome. While it has no real bearing on the film as Kim’s former relationship with Scott never really comes up or has any impact, as the Film while good was based primarily on volumes 1-3 with small pieces of 4 (paticuarlly the iconic “Lesbians gag”), with Wright working off outlines and drafts of 5 and 6, so the last half hour or so is mostly Wright’s invention. 

Not a bad thing as it’s still awesome and not o’malley’s fault but it means kim dosen’t get to do much, and is a big reason why I want an adaptation on netflix or hbo max. While i’d still want changes both because there’s no sense doing an adaptation if your not going to make some tweaks of your own and because it’d be intresting to update the series to modern day, both in societal conventions and so everyone stops saying the r word. Seirously the most telling sign of the series age is that word showing up quite a bit during the first half of the series. Point is there is merit in doing another remix of the story and doing a longer form one so we can get more of the characters, as well as flesh out ones like Steven, Neil (Who was done WAY better in the movie adaptation thanks to the wonderful Johnny Simmons), and Stacey who got the shaft in the books. Again, not slagging off the movie, it’s really great. Just saying there’s always room for more Scott Pilgrim content and we all know it. 

We’ll get back to the comic proper, and the present day of 2005, after the cut. 

So the story proper opens with Scott dreaming of playing video games... because of course he is with Ramona walking in. and finding it charmingly pathetic but wanting her boyfriend to you know, get out of bed. It’s 11:30.  So with Scott’s ass out of bed, we find Scott, Age 23 idiot with a heart of gold and Wallace, 25 king of all gays, on the bus as they talk it getting warmer and Lucas Lee, movie star and jason lee stand in coming to town to film a movie.. and Scott being Scott gets him confused for Luke WIlson. He’s also seen Bottle Rocket which.. good on him. Seriously while not wes anderson’s best film, those were made long afte this comic was published, it’s still a damn good one.. where was his career at this point... looking it up life aquatic was his most recent films and is still one of my favorites. So yeah he was in a good place career wise. 

Scott proudly talks about having Ramona over in a couple days so she can see his place and meet Wallace. But as explained by Wallace for those of us just tuning in, he already met her last volume. You know during that time Stacey thought she could magically make her date not be attracted to someone else.. and yes even almost a month later not letting that one go. Stacey should know better. Not saying i’ts right Wallace keeps poaching her boyfriends, but she still shoudlnt’ try and force a relationship with a guy or even finish a date with one who makes out with someone else, regardless of gender, mid date. She deserves better. In general not just in this one scenario but we’ll get to that. 

Point is while Scott, as usual, is a bit pissy about this Wallace.. has no time for that and issues an ultimatium

And he’s not bluffing, as he fully intends to tell Ramona the minute she walks in the door if he dosen’t break up with Knives. It really shows Wallace off at his best and why he’s Scott’s closest friend: Kim and Stephen do care about him but Kim both has a LOT of unresolved issues and sexual tension with him and keeps eveyrbody including Scott at arm’s length. And Stephen.. while he will OCASIONALLY call Scott out mostly just enables him, either ignoring his college buddy’s shittier behavior or playing along with it and backing him up when Kim rightfully calls him on being a dickhead. While both love their friend they just aren’t the best at dealing with his shit or getting why he does the things he does good and bad.  Wallace on the other hand geninely likes Scott. He’ll lock him out of the house and tell him to sleep elsewhere so he can bang one out, he’ll not wear pants if he dosen’t have to and he’ll certainly hit on Scott just to get a rise out of him, phrasing.. but he also genuinely cares for the guy’s well being. He lets him sleep in their house basically rent free since scott has no money, buys most of their stuff, and is, as we’ll see in this one, the ONLY one of his friends to take an active part in the fight against the exes, training Scott and researching his opponents when he can get info. He won’t baby Scott as seen here, but he will help him, and he will be the harsh voice of reason his friend needs.  And he did TRY doing a softer approach last time, simply telling scott to break up with his fake high school girlfriend. Scott had every chance to dump Knives during the last third of the first book.. it’s just a combination of both Knives and Ramona being in the same place and Scott getting panicky meant he balked. He NEEDS to be pushed into leaving Knives or he’s not gonna. And he also gets it’s not just Scott being a shifty coward: Scott DOES like Knives.. he just found someone who actually challenges him, intrests him and connects with him on his level, versus someone who worships and adores him like a puppy who just happens to be skilled with knives. The relationship with Knives. was an ego boost, an unequal paring that gave Scott the illusion of moving on from Envy. Ramona is him ACTUALLY moving on and given how badly Envy fucked him up, which comes into play in this book and the next, Wallace recognizes that Scott does need her... but this relationship can’t go anywhere if Scott is seeing someone else, and they both know it. Wallace is just the one who’s willing to do something about it to force scott to do something about it. He’s doing this for Knives too: it’s very clear he cares about the girl, was against this from the start, and knew this was going to end in pain and the faster Scott rips off the Band-Aid the faster she can move on to someone closer to her age and far more equal to her. Scott.. takes this about how you’d expect, even calling Double Standard, as Wallace does sleep around.. and while Wallace will be a homewrecker to Stacey.. otherwise it’s not remotley the same. Wallace does his sleeping around either casually or when he does get a partner, with their consent from what we can tell. He never cheats or anything, he just likes to bone. So yeah Scott doesn’t have a leg to stand on and acts accordingly. 

One of my faviorite gags in the series and one that’s etched in my head for keeps. So with a justified Ultimatium over his head Scott calls knives to hang out. Knives.. shows off that as adorable and trusting as she is.. she’s also kind of creepy and shows up just outside the phone booth he’s calling her from.  So the two go to a record store and Knives tries to get Scott into Clash at the Demonhead, her faviorite band. But since i’ts you know, headlined by Scott’s ex as we’ll find out, he’s not into it. But before that can get awkward.. it gets awkward in another way as Knives invites Scott to dinner at her parents place. Which is an objectively bad idea even before you get into the fact Scott wants a way out and as Volume 4 will show us her dad is both not happy with the idea of her dating a white guy and willing to use a katana to prevent it so he dodged a bullet there. Scott TRIES weasling out of it, but his “I’m too old for you” thing falsls on deaf ears.. and actually explains why she thinks this is normal: her parents are 9 years apart. of course obviously two consenting adults with a decade between them is a mite bit diffrent than 5 years between a teenager whose taking this way too seriously and a grown man whose taking this not seroiusly at all and dosen’t get how effed up this is. But Knives is too naive to get that, and papers over any possible concerns about her parents not wanting her to date a white guy with i’m in love.  Seeing that he has no EASY way out of this, as he shouldn’t, Scott just rips off the band aid and bluntly breaks up with her, saying it’s not going to work out. Knives.. is clealry devistatd. To her this was a serious relationship.. and Scott realized that too late.. and thankfully while he didn’t break up with her in the best way, at all, simply syaing i’ts not going to work out and confirming to her he means it, it’s clear from his face this hurts to do and he knows he’s REALLY hurting her and REALLY shoudlnt’ of dated her to begin with. IT’s why Scott dating a teenager dosen’t make him a morally rephrenisvie monster: because he was genuinely intrested, didn’t use her sexually, and there are tangible consequences for his actions. Knives just dosen’t disappear neatly into the sunset so he can be with ramona. The rest of the series covers her emotoinal recovery from being with Scott, and how she very horribly handles it and that’s why this plotline works at all: she’s not some act one contrivance to be thrown away, sh’es a human being, and more than that a young woman who got hurt REALLY bad and got way too in over her head with someone who just..wasn’t the one fo rher no matter how much she can’t admit that. 

We also get one of my faviorite sets of pages as Scott relfects on things and the sheer devistation on Knives face, which credit to a series that even at this early point loves it’s big bold facial expressions.. her’s being more subded just makes it sting MORE. 

This bit to me is vital to keeping Scott sympathetic and to his character. We see he really does regret what happened, dosen’t know how to process it and genuinely feels awful. As I said instead of some exgerated face that would still hurt him.. her face is quiet, clearly unable to process this and clealry lost and hurt.. and that hurts more than any fuck your or sobs he was probably expecting. Just her clearly not getting WHY he’s doing this or why he hurt her, and he KNOWS why he just knows telling her the truth would hurt her even more. But.. as he thinks.. his thoughts move to something else.. and the WHY of why he did this. 

He did it for Ramona. Wallace was as harsh as he was right: he needed a clean slate to actually give this relationship a shot and the smile comes off less as him being a calous dick whose just happy to move on, I mean he is a little, but more jus tsomeone READY to finally move on. He found the right person, he let the wrong one go if clumsily.. he has a future to look forward to and he can smile about that. 

Granted he’s still his usual unteitonally callous self and his way of telling his friends he and knives broke up is to casually say so and say “dont’ worry you’ll meet my new girlfriend soon.” Their reaction.. is my own. 

Look just because Scott is a nuanced douchebag dosne’t stop him from being a Douchebag. It just means he isn’t intolerable to watch and you actually care about him growing as a human being is all. 

So with that out of the way, it’s date night and Ramona is coming over.. also Scott is considering calling her Ramy which no. I'm genuinely in favor of a pet name that’s just a variant on someone’s name but a bit cute, as it’s just the right level of obnoxious, but no, just no Scott. No.  Ramona enters, meets Wallace again and sits down while Scott tries to shoo him out.. because turnabout is fair play bitch. They also see Ramona’s new hair as she dyes it something new for the first time, in this case a very lovely two tone, the purple from last volume but with a darker purple bellow it. I honestly wish she went for multiple colors in her hair again, but likely didn’t since the book was originally in black and white... which still dosent’ make sense as it would’ve been EASIER that way. Regardless Wallace makes himself scarce proving that he’s more than willing to be equal in terms of one of them spending the ngiht elsewhere. What a guy. 

Ramona finds out a few things about Scott: That his apartment is VERY small, just one room with a bed, a cabinet, a small kitchen and a bathroom, which despite what scott says I REALLY dont’ count as another room. Just common sense. She also learns that he can COOK. Yeah while you’d expect Scott to just get a wad of “I did the ultimatum thing okay now gimme” money and buy dinner but no.. he made the whole thing himself from his own recipe.  And once we cut to them eating on the floor.. turns out yeah he not only can cook but is REALLY good at it. She wishes there was a table which, small as the place is.. fair point. I mean at least get some tv trays. You have chairs. Or at least the easy chair. You can get nice padded folding chairs so you have a second chair guys. I know your poor but come on. Also Scott leanrs bread makes you fat. Good stuff. Also Scott freaks out when , while making out with Ramona in bed later, she mentions his hair’s getting kinda long and could use a cut... which turns out to be a thing for him. He isn’t an ass about it he just panics a bit because he’s partially convinced his last relationship’s nightmarish breakup was because of a bad haircut he got. As we’ll see next week, that’s a no but as someone whose a touch neroutic myself I get blaming a larger issue on something trivial. 

So we then get to the next chapter where it’s KIM’S turn to have a dream.. and the only time we see someone else's dreams. Honestly.. I really would’ve liked if it was a recurring device, even have Ramona pop into other people’s Not used ALL the time but I could easily see it being used with Knives to convey her obsession with Scott and her pain or kim again to help move her plots along or Wallace because I want to know what’s going on in his head. It must be a maze of male gentalia and fine liquor the likes of which has never been seen. It’s scotts funeral as Simon killed him and Scott’s corpse wonders if she dreams about this a lot. 

So we see her get ready and wake up her roomate Sarah whose a bitch. And as we’ll see in one of the backups, so’s the rest of her roommates. So drifting into work. Hollie is a character I really liked... the past tense will be explained later. And the first scene is probably why as her and Kim banter effortlessly, with Kim suggesting maybe she was a happy kid... only to admit quickly no she wasn’t, she was pretty withdrawn and then pretty angsty over someasshole who will be named Scott. “Your a holy terror kim, and i’m glad your on your side”> It’s a short scene but the kind this series excells at: just realistic, fun little exchanges bursting with character. I also GENUINELY wish we got more of this kind of thing, as only Knives really gets these kind of scenes to herself for the most part. There ARE scenes without Scott, but not enough like this that just give us as look into what his friends lives are like during the moments they aren’t putting up with his dumbassery or watching him engage in mortal combat. It’s why i’ve been hoping a spinoff will happen even though it likely won’t SOON. I’m sure O’Malley will return to this world some day, but between Snotgirl and Wicked World, which will come out when it’s ready but should be good.. he’s just really busy. But i’d love to see more of Kim.. or Wallace or Knives. The latter two are a no brainer: Knives is the tritagonist of the books, and it’d be intresting to see what she’d be like 5 years at the book, at the same age and stage in life as Scott. And with Wallace it’s because we really DON’T see his friend circle, life or what goes on with him. We hear him talk about a new boyfriend, who we don’t meet until near the end of the series, though you can see him in stage 3 of hte game if your curious, we see him with some random friends in volume 4, but we really don’t KNOW what hyjinks and lojinks wallace gets up to. He’s pretty isoalted from the rest of the main cast, something I hope an adaptation could fix as while realistic i’td be curious to see what his relationship with Kim or Steven would be like. Just food for thought. 

Point is this was a good scene. But as is typical for Kim’s life just when she has some serenity her ex crashes back in. In this case Scott needs to rent some movies, kim works at a rental store and god teenage me really wanted a clerks style spinoff.. but enough spinoff talk. Scott asks kim to bororw them, of course and explains he’s training for his fight with Lucas.. which Kim reacts to finding out her second best friend is in a series of death matches. 

She has understandable questions such as how the hell doe she know that and is he stalking Lucas and just hoping he’s an ex.. which let’s face it would be a very scott move. But nope Wallace told him, likely learning in an interview he dated Ramona or is coming for scott because he knows everything. We also get one of my faviorite exchanges when Kim wonders why Wallace and Scott are roomates.. a valid question he deflects by saying i’ts a long story. 

Also yeah, as much as casting Micheal Cera backfired for the movie.. that panel there proves there wasn’t another choice at the time. When you want a loveable, somewhat douchey, but also somewhat innocent and oblivious slacker.. who you gonna call. Also before we move on.. Kim.. how are you this suprised. You were there for the fight with Matthew. And Ramona giving out the exposition on why he’s there.. and you even did that whole weird space channel 5 thing no one ever did agian and to this day I will never understand what O’Malley was going for and only know the refrence by hearing that’s what it was. Point is you shouldn’t be this suprised.  Anyways we next cut to Ramona and Stacey, as Ramona enters her workplace, second cup, and they talk and Scott’s spider sense goes off... 

I mean it’s just a bad feeling but still.. weird. WE’ll get back to that later. Scott is in the middle of his training.. and I love the mentor side of Wallace and feel it didn’t get used enough as the series went on. As said before he cares about Scott, so he serves as his Shounen Mentor and a great one: he’s stern and makes Scott work, but he also gets his student and what Scott needs to work. I just wish he’d taught Scott some actual combat, but as we see Wallace’s combat skills boil down to yelling useless info from the sidelines.. I mean he can be useful, we’ll see that next week, it’s just he’s not an action guy. But spirtually he’s the guy scott needs to kick his ass into shape. That being said his “training” consists of watching Lucas’ movies, playing tony hawk and when Scott wants to play more Tony Hawk, having Scott do pushups while Wallace plays Tony Hawk.  Before we turn... there is an elephant in the room I just gotta shoo out: Lucas.. is easily the worst setup of the 6 exes. Patel SEEMINGLY comes out of nowhere but his letter and email hint SOMETHING is coming up, and his flashy dynamic entry intro is damn cool and is what turns the series on it’s head, from an indie comic about a guy getting it together.. to that but with huge shonen dustups with epic visuals. Todd is introduced masterfully here, and is a presence from the start of volume 3 as a result, Roxie gets a slight tease in the free comic book day issue, and her not attacking for two months not only sets up tension but allowed for a red herring.. im’ not only hiding that the fourth ex is a she because anyone whose seen the movie or played the game knows the fourth ex is a woman. The cat’s out of the bag, no sense hiding it. The Kentangis show up pretty early on and Gideon is hinted at and built up, as this towering, mysterious figure, his relationship with Ramona, who he is, why he set up the league, and just how fucking strong he is is all obscured, with his only four apperances simply teasing the big final showdown and giving him that much more mysitque. 

Lucas.. is just sorta intorduced like “Hey I gotta fight this guy”. There’s just.. nothing. Scott’s just gotta fight him because he’s next up and Wallace knows that because plot convience. It’s VERY lackluster given what comes before.. and frankly while I like Lucas, he’s the weakest plot and character wise. HE’s not even really EVIL, just a sellout and is more doing this because he has to I guess, and likely because of stuff we find out in Book 6 but sssssshhhhh. We’ll get more into that when the fight happens but it’s one of the books weakest points. The evil ex.. just feels like an afterthrought again despite there being no reason to. Thankfully this would never happen again as I said, but it dosen’t make this any less frustrating. 

So we cut to Sex Bomb-Omb practice, and after that we get more tease for Clash at Demonhead. And Stephen.. is cool with them and entirely happy one of them made it, while Scott is understandably pisssed off about it and not happy one of his best friends is you know, promoting the band of his ex who broke his heart and as we’ll get more into next time, said rising career is what tore them apart. So yeah Stephen’s a dickhead, and I was wrong last time that he got better. He really.. dosen’t. He gets less CREEPY.. but out of the main 6 characters he’s the weakest: he dosen’t have much of an arc, does some very questionable shit in the second half, and his being around means we have to suffer through Julie. I’ll tear into him more on a case by case basis but for once Scott’s not overreacting. While Kim does nothing she also has no idea just HOW bad things were and Scott won’t tell her. Stephen was there the whole fucking time. He just saw Scott’s rebound with a teenager. He knows he was kind of messed up after this. Dosen’t justfiy knives but still he looses the moral high ground he tries to have at times. 

So while Scott shops a song for Ramona to her, Knives calls Scott’s place clearly setting up another suprise apperance. Wallace.. figures out what sh’es doing quick and simply gives her a stern “You have to go” And to me it’s not him being a dick.. he’s both trying to save her from seeing Scott with Ramona and fucking her up worse... and is looking out for her. She needs to move on and moving up to stalking Scott’s not going to help that. Scott dosen’t WANT her anymore, and while he handled it bad, Wallace gets she needs to see that. Granted he could’ve you know explained it to her and tried talking, but as i’ve said he’s not a perfect person and he was also on a time table to get her out of there in case Scott you know, showed up with his new girlfriend and made things a billion times worse. And the two are indeed headed to his place to watch one of Lucas’ movies, and part of that weak setup is that Ramona.. just has no connection with him. It was high school. Scott also pretends he dosent’ remember his. You are a lying liar sir stop that.  So they watch the film together hanging out, and it’s.. really bad. The good one was rented out. I miss rental stores.. a magical time. I mean i’ts better now, streaming means 80% of movies are avaliable if you have a bunch of services and even if you just have netflix or hulu or hbo max, you still get a pretty decent selection each month. Plus digital rentals are super easy. Do miss redbox though. I mean it’s still there I’m just warry of something that relies so heavily on touching things in a state with a lot of trump morons. You CAN get Covid twice and I don’t wanna. Also we get some dated Dialouge as Scott commenting on Lucas being hot, he is good taste Scott, is given a “good job convincing me your not gay”. He and ramona end up having sex though so .. yay? I dunno. The series has a really weird thing about not getting bisexuals exist and as someone whose bi, and really against bi errasure it bothers me, it bothers me a lot. Though given O’Malley apparently has not only far more queer rep in snotgirl but a bisexual lead, he’s clearly learned so i’m not going to drag him too hard on this. It was the early 2000′s. People were pretty damn stupid about this. Creators have gottten MUCH more important issues much worse. 

So the next morning, Scott gets a call from his well meaning but ditzy mom, and reacts like you’d expect. His parents are in Europe to keep them out of the action and what not. Though apparently according to the last book his mom did read volume 3 at least. Or Wallace told her about the relevant bit. You make the call. 

So i’ts Ramona’s turn to meet Sex Bomb-Omb. The group hang out and discuss Gordon Downie. 

Look I don’t know indie bands. I have no idea who the tragically hip are I just know the name is really hipstery. We also get the recipe for Vegan Shepards Pie. None of them are vegan they just wanted to try it and I.. really want to make this some time. Just to see if it’s any good. But yeah it’s in general a fun casual scene, as Kim reveals she and Scott dated, just to break the tension, and Scott tries out Rammy but quickly backpedals. Just fun slice of life stuff. Oh and Knives is watching them from the window and takes Scott dating someone else as well as you’d expect. 

So she gets some hair bleach to do some highlights and calls her friend Tamara over. We met her last volume as she dragged her along to the show, but it’s here we really get to know what she’s like.. i.e. the sane one in the duo, rightfully pointing out Scott’s not that great. Also Knive’s points out ramona’s “fat”, which is thankfully portrayed as petty sniping as while Ramona does have some curves it’s you know.. not remotely a bad thing and the kind of thing a teenage girl would harp on. Still she’s just in STEPS from this happening. 

But yeah.. it’s clear here Knives has some underlying issues to address and really needs therapy  not to go after her ex’s current girlfriend with knives. I mean it’s in the name but still. Then again volume 4 has her dad going around with a katana or something like it wanting to murder her daughter’s older ex boyfriend he dosen’t realize is ex so it’s clear her whole FAMILY needs some therapy. But this does round her out and show there’s more to her.. a pretty violent and obessive side sure, but it shows she wasn’t just some one dimensional ego boost for scott but a person. One whose just as flawed as the rest of the cast.. but more sympatheic because they’ve all got about 6 or 7 years on her and at this age that’s a lifetime. And while Scott DID set this off by dating her which was objecitvely a bad idea... the rest of this isn’t remotely on him. He handled things BAD.... but all he wanted was for both of them to move on. Knives.. simply can’t admit Scott is not a nice person, was probably two timing her as Tamara points out, which as we know he 100% was, and is not some perfect guy she can’t replace: like Knives.. he’s just a person with faults and she’s too blind to see that. 

So before we can get to the crazy stalker ninja fight, let’s instead get to Scott and Ramona hanging out where we meet Gideon, Ramona’s Cat who i’ll call Cat Gideon, both because I love steven unvierse and because it’s less confusing. This is a pretty slight scene as Ramona admits not a lot happened with Lucas and Scott’s apartment is a hole.. which yeah, yeah it is. Also she DEFINTLY dind’t cheat on him with any cocky pretty boys. Which would come off worse if it wasn’t for the pact Ramona was clearly doing it out of regret and Scott just liked like 50 pages ago about rembering his exes when one of them is his second best friend.. which neither would admit but you know it’s true. Stephen is third where he belongs. 

So next morning it’s fight time, and Scott is glad wallace is going with him. It’s awkard going to fights alone. Which leaves me to wonder if before this comic Scott just.. fought random guys letterkenny style. Like they’d call up, schedule it and then he and one or more of his friends would go beat up a guy. It’s just.. hilarious knowing that this kind of thing is common in canda minus the ki attacks , flash effects, wizards, vegan psycics, ninjas, and roboticists. But damn I now want a scott pilgrimized letterkenny now more than ever. You know you do too don’t deny it. I”d love to see the hard right jay fight but iwth a loud “KO!” when he gets his ass knocked out. Also Casa Loma is a very real, very cool Toronto location, as I never realized as a kid, to the point that the lucas fight was filmed there for the movie. 

So Scott approaches Lucas a bit star struck and upon finding out scott is.. punches him out as seen in the header image and throws him into a tower. When Scott regains conciousness, Kim and Neil have arrived and Lucas calls a time out. And it’s here we get to, while being the weakest of the 7, why I like Lucas.. he’s actually a pretty nice guy. At WORST he sold out. But the two have a pretty nice conversation over ritz and baby carrots, with it turning out, unsuprisingly Ramona did cheat on him with a cocky pretty boy, and while like Ramona he’s clearly moved on, it still hurts a bit and understandably so. He also warns scott while she might seem nice i’ts an act. 

I mean it isn’t ALL an act, but she does have a tedency to put up walls and act pretty badly as we’re slowly finding out.. though given Scott does the exact same it only means.. she’s human. She’s not MUCH higher above him in terms of morality and this is where we get our first peaks into the fact the series isn’t just about Scott’s development but hers. But it’s understandably absent from volumes 1 and 2 since we need to know her first, and this volume is about getting to know her a bit and get a feel for who she is, something I ddin’t really get a grip on as a teen, but do now. We see more of who she is good and bad as the walls go down. She’s more SURFACE LEVEL functional than scott, but beneath it has a lot of the same exact issues.  Lucas and Scott continue to GENUINELY bond, as Scott genuinely thinks the guy is talented and Lucas want’s an Oscar this year.. maybe not for the current film which is a romantic comedy with a teen star but hey, stars have done far worse in their Oscar years. I mean at least he’s not making a comedy about himself in a fat suit domestically abusing himself in a wig while he also plays an asian sterotype. He explains he almost didn’t get into the league but felt too important to ramona’s past.. plus he looks cool. Plus they let Patel in despite barely being in a relationship with her and being kind of a tool so they kinda had to let the handsome affiable movie star in. Scott wonders “wait league” and Lucas is understandably frustrated to find out Patel just sent a letter Scott didn’t read.. and at Matthew let’s be clear. I mean.. Gideon has to have known Scott wouldn’t read that since he’s been in his head. We’ll get to that in part 6. Point is they formed a league, hence why their organized enough to come after him like this and Scott understandably glares at Wallace for you know, having him play tony hawk and watch movies yet missing the fucking obvious clue they were all working together and they were only coming at him one at a time by choice. 

Lucas offers to just.. take a bribe and SAY Scott beat him, Scott calls him a sellout jokingly and Lucas proves that while not AS bad as the rest of the League, he’s still a dick by telling him to kiss ramona’s sweet ass goodbye pilgrim. Okay either he’s seen her since high school or he’s fondly remembering a high schooler’s ass. Neither one is nice to think about. But Scott gets out of his ass beating by pointing out a ramp, real thing too used for the movie, and asking him to skate down it. Lucas says i’ts impossible, and Scott just whistles. So Lucas tries skating the impossible and dies via velocity. Yes really. Scott collects his change and gets a gift, a mytryil skateboard he.. can’t use because he dosen’t have a proficency for it and bemoans not picking it up in 5th grade. Also he didn’t get his autograph. He does get some coins though so neat.   Yeah I mentioend Lucas was the least of the exes and I stand by it: He’s an intresting character, not a GREAT person but clearly a charming and nice enough guy who likely offered the bribe not because he’sd a sell out but because he genuinely liked scott, and is easily the best adjusted of the exes. But obviously a near non existant setup and a really hilarious and unsastifying finish just.. don’t really feel sastsifying. I mean i’t slampshaded, but after all the build up of her having 7 evil exes, the next one is just..filler. Not BAD, but not really anything special and giving Scott a an early pokemon victory, but unlike ash having done nothing to really DESERVE it.  Thankfully both adaptations so far VASTLY improved on this. While Lucas is still affiable in the movie he’s also smarmy, if on better terms with Ramona, saying “he seems nice” after the tower throw and throwing in some stunt doubles. His fight goes from one of the least satisfying and weakst of the series, to easily one of the best of the movie. We’ll talk about that more there but obvious Chris Evans version is far superior, keeping the good traits while giving us an intresting fight.. and still keeping the skateboard death because it’s fucking hilarious and the movie improves on THAT too by having scott give flat wows as he slowly dies. The game likewise keeps teh skateboard death, if shortening it, and the skateboard, and while not changing his apperance does make him a hell of a tough boss. Took three tries and some online grinding to take him out. Still a hell of a fight. Point is while I genuinely like Lucas story wise.. this just dosen’t work for me and is pretty damn weak, even if it gives us some godo character insight we could’ve got that, and a fight and still had the finish we did. 

That being said.. we DO get a fight instead, likely why the Lucas fight was so truncated. Next chapter and that evening or the next day or whatever, we pan over the real life tornto refrence library. It is a VERY nice touch thatt the comic and it’s adpations use either real places in toronto or reasonable subsittues. While not canadian myself I love the place and hope to visit Tornoto some day when the world isn’t a living nightmare and it’s really nice that like New York for Marvel, Brian Lee O malley really makes the city feel integral to the comic, like it’s own character. But Knives is ominously perched above.  At second cup Scott is horrified to find Julie. Seconded. Julie takes the moment to give out to scott about him dating Ramona despite telling him no. Okay... 

Yeah as you can probably guess I don’t like Julie. She’s not a good character. The movie did her better, with the bleeping gag and aubrey plaza’s performance, but in the comic.. she’s just the worst. She sucks bad. If she were an ice cream flavor she’d be pralines and dick. While she’s fine on OCCASION, and actually works in the next volume, outside of that she just gets more unplesant, more unlikeable, more bitchy, more unfathomabbly assholish every. damn. volume. I”ll give out about that a bit then too but I have to put up with her for the entire damn comic. Now her being bitchy to Scott is fair to a point: Scott is a mess, and she’s loyal to Envy in the breakup, and Scott’s own friends drag him on a daily basis.  The problems are that she’s like that to EVERYONE, even Knives who isn’t about to stab her much as i’d like that. She’s unberable to Stephen whose tolerance for her is unfathomable, though the ending bits of volume 6 show maybe he just has terrble taste. She’s just a throughly unplesant, social climbing bitch who thinks she’s better than everyone. And it sticks out badly against the main cast; Scott is very bad with women and relating to people, but is also nice, charming and most of the damage he does is not intetional. Ramona puts up walls to keep others out but is also a responsible adult and often cuts through Scott, and at times others, internal bullshit. Wallace is an alcholic, but still a very responsible, very loveable guy who clearly cares about scott and supports him finacially and emotionally. Kim is VERY emotionally distant, very misntrhopic.. but also a good person who as we see as the series goes, has an inner light to her and often drags on Scott because she’s been putting up with his shit the longest and WANTS him to be better. Knives is an obessive and violent stalker.. who was also deeply hurt by an older man, dosen’t GET that her realtionship with scott was wrong and uneven, and is clearly not emtoinallyr eady for the deep feelings she’s having. And Stephen.. well he’s a talented guitarist but also enables scott and julie. Especially him enabling Julie. 

Point is their all pretty well rounded, llikeable characters with flaws. Julie.. is just an ass. And this scene demonstrates that with flying colors. While Scott does ignore her because he’s too worried about his sister and girlfriend becoming friends, understandably given Stacey knows all his dark secrets, Julie spends two pages giving out and treating scott like some bad guy for persuing Ramona against her orders. And i’m going to break down why.. this dosen’t work.. on any level for her.  1) Ramona is not Julie’s property. She’s a big girl with her own free will. They aren’t even remotely close: Julie met her only barely before Scott, and given the dream thing probably not even that. And you could say Julie is just looking out for her... she dosen’t know Ramona well enough to KNOW if Ramona is still smarting over Gideon. She probably was.. but she readily, once the awkwardness passed, went out with scott and dove right into the relationship. While there’s still some scars as we’ll see.. she CHOOSE to move on and that’s her choice. If she wasn’t ready, she woudl’ve turned him down or broke it off by now realizing it was a mistake.  2) Scott has no reason to listen to her. She hates his ass, somewhat justifably but still, she hates him and has been against him since fucking colllege. She took his exes side in the breakup despite Envy still being partly in the wrong but paints him as some abusive dickhead and not just an insesntive dickhead. To him he’s just some villian she needs to reign in for her cool friend who wants nothing to do with her and grows to justifably hate her over time. Scott and Julie TOLERATE each other. They are not friend,s they do not like each other and never will. They are around each other because of Stephen. That is it. If Kim , Wallace or Stephen had asked, or at least made him wait for kinves. he probablyw ould’ve or at least considered it since while they take the piss out of him, they genuinely care about him and actually have shown they care about something other than themselves! Speaking of which the cou de gras 3) She’s a selifsh bitch: She is NEVER not  in any volume seen as out for anyone but herself, and thus scott has no reason to trust her judgement. She berates Stephen, him and anyone who will listen, is only so loyal to envy because she’s famous, and as I said treats EVERYONE like dogshit.  And given Scott is still a very flawed guy.. it takes a LOT for him to be so right and he runs out screaming when Julie mentions her.

So back at the library, Ramona brought Stacey along because the place is a maze. Scott calls Stephen and calls julie evil.. which given the last two paragrahs. Yeah. She is. She really is. But that goes nowhere as he dosen’t have Stacey’s number. He also thinks Julie was responsible for this which while she’s very much not.. would it REALLY be that suprising that if Julie were there she would’ve introdcued the two and set up their little hangout just to piss scott off? God I’m  so sick of talking about her. 

So the two after dropping off Ramona’s package decide to hang out a bit.. not long as Ramona’s got shit to do, but hey I agree with her logic i’m curious about this palce too. But before they can go up an elevator Ramona spots incoming.. and thus we get the fight of the volume. Though given the next one has two climatctic fights and one or two before that, they easily could’ve had both.. this is still the highlight of the volume.  So Ramona snaps off a railing and before Stacey can give out about that she finds out WHY as Knives attacks with a pair of sais. And O’Malley did his homework as while you’d THINK it was just another dumb white person mistake.. O’Malley is asian, thoughw ether he’s candaian korean or canadian chineses, as his last name is korean but he has a large chinese cast in this very comic that might come from experince, I do not know and if you do know tell me. I’d like to refer to him properly as I don’t LIKE lumping all asian cultures into one basket. But not only that he did his home work, as Sai’s, while popularized in Okinawa Japan, were also used in other countries. I bring this up since I assumed it was just a simple mistake even knowing Brian was mixed-race, and was plesantly suprised to fine that know, I was the moron. And i’m fine with admitting that. 

So we get a damn good fight.. and Knives figures out Scott WAS cheating on her. Granted she assumes so due to seeing Ramona at the refrence Library, before he actually cheated and clearly blames Ramona for it, but still, it fucking hurts. Plus while her attacking Ramona, who initally assumes she’s gideon’s doing, which.. yeah sending a teenage assasian just to mess with her head does sound like him. So while Stacey does complain “ramona you can’t just tear out art objects” to which I say... yeah high, Stacey? NOT THE POINT RIGHT NOW SCOTT’S EX IS TRYING TO KILL HER. SHE’S DEFENDING HERSELF.  So we get one hell of a fight. It not only shows off that Ramona is one hell of a fighter herself, as is knives, but just how immature knives is, resorting to constnat fat jokes and taunts showing just how immature she is.. and unlike volume one where it was endearing and we just saw how sweet she was here it just comes off as mean, bitter, and uncomfortable. But again part of the series biggest charm is the main cast are all well fleshed out and throughly human. She’s doint this because she dosen’t know better and was raised in a house where, again as volume 4 will bear out, finding out her dad is going after scott with a samurai sword just warrants a “dad’s are so weird aren’t they” my point is her frame of refrence is a mite skewed. Plus this is a world where everyone but Stacey just calmly accepts big shonen fights break out, so it’s not that unsuaul to want to settle things with a fight and while i’ve joked about her killing Ramona we genuinely don’t know that was the goal> Could’ve been, easily given murder is peachy in this setting and just leads to a respawn according to O’Malley and would’ve just sent ramona back to her apartment. But I genuinely don’t think she has it in her to do it and while she could’ve planend to, she never would’ve. Plus Ramona easily leads the fight as while Knives uses hit and run tactics and tries make her follow.. Ramona is more annoyed than anything as she has shit to do. Knives only gets one hit in and while i’ts a pretty nasty scratch on the cheek, if thankfully not scarring.. Ramona shrugs it off when she brags about it and easily takes knives down with a potted tree. Knives runs and while she tells herself it’s to fight another day.. its really because her opponent was WAY stronger and way more ready for something like this than she probably planned on. She did defintely want a fight, she just wasn’t prepared to be outmatched so handily. It’s also a nice  parallel to last book’s fight: Like with Scott and Matthew,  while the fight SEEMS pretty even, in reality our hero/heroine was alwasy teh one in control and easily took care of the less experinced and less ready upstart, who likely wasn’t expecting a fair fight much less to loose. 

So Ramona and Stacey wisely get out while Stacey explains Knives is indeed Scott’s ex, though is unaware of the cheating thing. Speaking of Scott he’s playing sonic and knuckles, and in fact kept wallace on the line before just to get advice because of course he did hence why stacey didn’t get through to him, but gets a call... from Envy. 

This is easily the second best sequence in the boook, which was lovingly and wonderfully adapted to film and as a result I cannot read it without hearing Brie Larson’s voice for Envy , a nice mixture of seduction and condescension. It’s CLEARLY painful fo rhim, and we do get some things established as Envy toys with him, that it’s been about a year and that she left him for a cocky pretty boy, familiar.. and while Scott claims to not know what he looks like.. given Todd is clearly on her band cover... it’s not exactly hard to put two and two together. So after some awkard catchup and Scott telling her about ramona against his will, we get to the reason she’s here with Scott understanndbly being supscious and calling her a user.. which while Envy denys.. she ends up admitting to. She’s coming to town as estalbished and her opening act backed out, and since Scott has a band, and one that 2/3 of which she knows, she wants them to open for her.  Scott naturally isn’t too intrested and thinks it’s just pity. The sequence. is masterful, using a watchmen style 9 by 9 panel layout and intercutting scott’s pained reactions and clear lack of comfort with flashes of envy on her side.. never showing her proper, but showing his memories or what he’s seen in magazines. It’s really striking and really sells the sheer discomfort Scott’s going through.  So soon after Wallace gets home.. and finds Scott, drained and miserable on the floor, not even responsive. And this really is the scene that shows me that Wallace cares for the guy and cements that asshole he may be, he loves his buddy. He goes through possible scenarios that fit scott: Food poisoning, finding out Wallace saved over his final fantasy save (though he rules it out as last time that happened he was crying), that ramona dumped him.. before Scott let’s out a pathetic and miserable “Ennnnnvvv”. Wallace , who was at ground zero for that relationship as we’ll find out, realizes this and lets out a little shit, unsure how to help and pissed off at that bitch for once again hurting him like this. As I said it shows how Wallace knows scott in and out and loves him dearly.. and how he knwos about this paticuarly heartbreak better than anyone but Scott and Envy themselves. IT’s just a really tearjerking scene, as we get a sense of WHY scott spiraled into an ego boost of a relationship: His last one REALLY tore him in half, and he’s still not completely healed from the emtional bisection. 

So Scott gets more bad news next chapter as Stacey tells him about the fight and he’s worried he’s going to loose ramona on top of this. I mean he desrves it.. .but it’s clear she’s the best thing to happen to him after a really rough year of denial and poor decisionss and loosing her will likely only make him WORSE. He also breaks the bad news, to him at least to the band about the gig. Stephen, being kind of a dick who while understandbly excited about a big gig fails to see his friend REALLY isn’t happy about this nor remembers you know, that the person offering this tore his heart out indiana jones style and while they should take the gig despite the risks, it’s too big an opportunity not to, he should be fucking senstive about this. Kim however... has a suprising and heartbreaking reactoin to this. Which is spread over a few panels but i’m gonna string into one image for convince sake. 

Just.. DAMN. I honeslty missed this both as a teenager and as an adult when I read through the books last time but holy shit is this a heartbreaking little moment, even more with the development she gets in later books. Keep in mind, over two books so far, Kim.. really hasn’t shown a lot of emtion. The most upset she’s gotten was getting a bit pissed about another a girl drummer. The only other time we’ve seen her sad was at 17 when Scott left. Her only emotions that we could see were angry and surly. But here? She’s genuinely upset and we see her walls break down for the very first time.. and it’s with the clear indication she NEVER really got over Scott. She never got proper closure and while she hasn’t let it so.. it’s been VERY clear she's been grossly uncomfortable with how he just likes to brush off their history, something that very clearly still bothers her and understandably so: 6 years , while a lot of time, still really isn’t long enough to just .. FORGET your first boyfriend , how he made you feel or the fact he took your virginity and you took his. Stuff like that sticks with you.. I’m ony assuming on the virginity thing but my point remains: To Scott it’s SEEMINGLY nothing, when really he’s probably just trying to brush it off because he dosen’t like dealing with things and given how Kim is wrongly assumed she can’t feel pain. I mean to anyone else i’d be a fair assumption and even i’m not convinced if she touched a hot stove she’d burn, but that’s phsysical this is emotional. DIffrent playing fields. Point is Scott’s kind of a dick and not having ANY closure for anything, Kim is still smarting from him leaving as much as Scott is smarting from Envy dumping him.  And it somehow gets MORE painful.... which should’ve been the tagline for Bojack Horseman now I think about it but yeah: her line is what cuts me up the most “I saw her on the cover of Now. She’s pretty”. It’s a little line, it’s easy to see why I missed it .. but the subtext really stings. It’s that despite being VERY pretty, I had a crush on her as a kid and I still do now.. Kim just can’t help but compare herself to someone whose now a glamrous rock star.  Their equally attractive but all Kim can see is ANOTHER person who Scott cared about more than her. Which seems petty but again he just.. abnadoned her. His moving wasn’t his choice but his not telling her as was framed earlier sure as hell was. And then just.. look at the next people he dates: A glamorous rock star (She wasn’t at the time but that’s for next week), a much younger girl who can’t possible challenge him, and an ultra cool american. To her.. it must feel like he just looks right through her to every other person intersted in him and never even consdered her as a person anymore. I mean.. jesus christ that hurts.. and makes me hate Stephen more since you know he dosen’t notice any of this.. though at least unlike with Scott it’s a bit more understandable because Kim’s so unflappable and he’s already ignoring very obvious and transparent emotional pain why shouldn’t this be any diffrent.  So yeah no one’s happy about this, and that ends up including Stephen as he’s so insecure about his band’s talent he’s pretty sure they suck when their probably at least adaquate. 

So while Scott dosen’t say anything, it’s clear he’s at least consdiering the offer as when we next see him he and ramona are heading to Envy’s show. And honestly it’s just a really sweet scene as Ramona asks about envy and the two banter and hold hands. A really nice palletee clensar since hte last few pages were like I was the one lucas socked in the gut. Also she assures him she dosen’t hate him, and asks about how the breakup happened, turning down any offers to hear the good times.  It was new years eve one year ago, and he mentions it was over her leaving to meet some guy named Todd.. and Ramona finds the story familiar but brushes off Scott wondering if her todd and Envy’s todd wer ethe same guy as a douchey joke. When prying about what happened otherwise, Scott admits it was all a blur.. Ramona isn’t ahppy with the answer.. but it’s nto like it’s that unresonable: he was in deep with Envy, and the breakup was damn bad to the point it took a year for him to recover and end up in the relationship he is now and the one before this was clearly a cry for help. It also helps reinfroce just how much Wallace was there for him and probably WHY Wallace hates Envy so much. They probably live together simply because Scott needed a place after college, was in zero condition to get a job or do anything given his zombie like state.. and Wallace just had him move into his bed, platonically and into his place. It’s probably why while Wallace will complain ocasoinally he isn’t that on scott to find a job. He dosen’t need a paying roomate, they do fine just on his sallary and he has a steady, secure job in some sort of calling office, probably working in medical stuff like my mom. He needs his friend to be safe and happy, then he can get on his ass about being functional, as he is in present day. If nothing else this volume made me realize just how good a person Wallace is.  The one thing he CAN remember, to Ramona’s disbelif is a restraunt opening up, the job story he hinted at last volume: basically it was a fancy tex mex place called, and this is one of the best restraunt naems in the history of fiction brace yourself: The Gilded Palace of Flying Burritos. Naturally, as would I as I love tex mex and that name, Scott loved the place, ate there most of the week and like me with some places I liked waited impatietly to get a job. He did and they were even super generous as the food was FREE.  Which is a euphoric feeling I relate to, though I also liked any discounts I got. seriously when I worked at Bagel and Bagel a good chunk of my paycheck was eating there for dirt cheap every shift. I miss that place so much. Like even after I left there I still like a good bagel sandwitch. And it wasn’t covid or anything it was just low staffed and slowly coming apart due to a lack of a solid manager after Crystal, the manager who hired me, transfered to a store closer to her home, which I do not blame her for. 

Point is I get it even if Ramona thinks this is all made up. Anyways at Lee’s Place, based on the real life Leo’s place, everyone’s gussied up: Steven got an awful haircut and Kim... 

But no time to dwell on how great kim’s..everything is.. who DID  Neil bring to the concert? 

While Kim is VERY much enjoying this, everyone else is a bit freaked with Ramona getting assurance her and Scott dated breifly, with Kim quipping her and neil will probably date even breiflyer, and Stephen.. freaking out, wondering if she seduced him, and asking if they should take him out back and kick his ass.. 

Just..... that’s a lot of douche to unpack and this review has been VERY long and suprisingly hard already.. but fuck it, we don’t have much left to go let’s do this. Okay one did she seduce him.. I mean I GUESS, but really let’s be clear here: Neil is a horny, lonely, monosolobic 19 year old who lives with his sister’s college friend and whose life revovles around said guys band. Knives is adorable. She likely barely had to flirt with him to get him to say yes .As someone who was a lonely 19 year old doofus, I guarantee no matter the red flags I probably woudl’ve said yes provided she was 18 instead of 17, despite the abudant red flags such as neil vaugely looking like scott, neil being the one single man within scott’s circle to get her way back in, as Knives hasn’t realized she’s bi yet or given how much she looked up to Kim, she probably WOULD’VE gone for it. As would any sane person, which neither knives nor I entirley are. So she didnt’ so much seduce him as offer him a girlfriend he didn’t have and him being too intrested in having a sweet, caring girl on his arm to see the giant army of adrestian soldiers needed to carry all the red flags this presents. 

And as for “do we need to kick his ass. “ Stephen.. did you kick SCOTT’S ass? No, you fucking abetted him and only stepped in for the good girl thing. You did NOTHING to stop his relationship with knives or tell him he was screwing up or look out for that girl’s well being. This will bite him in the ass even harder in volume 5, but even now it just makes him look REALLY fucking bad that, even if he probably dosen’t mean it, that’s at all on the table. Also.. Neil, unlike scott is doing slightly less wrong. While he is 20 to her 17, three years.. it’s HALF of what Scott and her’s age diffrence is, and far more equal in power structure. It’s still not.. GREAT, but my point is you did NOTHING when Scott did this, for far flimiser and less forgiavble reasons.. but when NEIL, whose been nothing but weirdly loyal to you dates her, you want to kick someone’s ass. I mean yes he’s being stupid: in a clear role reversal of the Scott and Knives situation, it’s obvious just from her expression that KNVIES is the one in control here, and the one using someone to ease her own pain. Granted it’s wrong, if not as wrong as Scott should techincally know better and Knives very clearly dosen’t, as well as get into a show of her faviorite band. Is what she’s doing wrong.. yeah... while she can’t see it again it’s what Scott did just not QUITE as fucked up due to not being AS embalanced. Should neil probably be dating her after scott did ? No. But should you be threatning him and not scott for you know, setting all this in motion? No. Jesus christ you suck Steven. 

Thankfully while Scott presumibly calms Stephen down, Kim spots Hollie and her roomate Joseph, who will be suprisingly important. He’s very gay, very quite, very bearded and is only hear because the bass player is hot and when prodded on it....

Well said. Also I read that with John Heder’s voice fo rsome reason.. don’t know why, his career ended as quickly as it began because he REALLY did not pick his films well. He saw that he was going to be in a film with David Spade and Rob Schinder and didn’t fire his agent for suggesting it. Meanwhile Scott and Ramona run into Sandra and Monique, Scott’s old classmates who just sorta.. show up every so oftne, often backing up Julie because every Alpha Bitch needs a posse. As Boscha has proven once you loose your posse you loose your bitchy powers. They also ask if Scott and Ramona are an item which leads to a fantagious visual gag. 

Also Stephen awkardly talks to the new couple, about how much Knives loves the band, and because why start reading the room now just sorta.. CASUALLY slips in the fact he knows her is because she and scott dated. 

Granted Knives action this book really EARNED her that curveball.. but still, it’s transparently clear she’s both not over Scott and Neil’s a placebo, and that she loves the band... how the fuck did you get through college, much less get two loyalish friends Steve. 

Kim tries to hide when she runs into Sarah whose with.. someon O Malley does not know, literally captioning it “I don’t know htis girl”. Fucking love that gag even if SOMEHOW kim is the roomate they all hate. Despite hte fact as the side story will bare out, her roommates are all pretty obnoxious, so i’ts probably because she’s the only sane person in that group and their VERY lucky kim just dind’t set the place on fire on her way out and let god do what he should’ve a long time ago. Also we meet Lynette, the band’s drummer who smokes “She must be evil” “Still hot though”... both accurate. Also Luke wilson is there.. no really. Just holy shit that’s awesome.  Okay so with all of that out of the way, it’s time for the show. So after a full volume’s build up , and a really cool build up in the page before we finally properly meet clash at the demonhead, and miss envy adams. 

Heck of  a reveal and not the only one as ramona realized what the audience probably already guessed....

Dun dun dun! And since I don’t like leaving a cliffhanger dangling lest I have to... we’ll be getting to this next week.. what you thought i’d say right now or tommorow? This was a lot. But no i’m not leaving you too long. Next week, Evil Ex Crossover! Ramona and Wallace become BFF’s! We learn what the deal with Scott and Envy is! Scott faces the Ken to his Ryu! And Wallace gets a boyfriend. All this and more next week. for now...

Final Thoughts: This one.. was a VERY rough one to review and it ties back to this volume’s biggest problem: it is not paced very well. Like the series as a whole it has a pretty easy going, slice of life pace. The only ones without this kind of easy pacing are 3 and 6, and even 3 has some slice of life bits, their just both more focused due to the events going on. This one... well....

Pretty much. While this one has very important stuff going on, Scott and ramona getting closer, ramona getting more fleshed out, Wallace showing how deep his character is, Kim also getting fleshed out quite a bit, Knives showing off her crazy side, setting up the next volume, the second ex fight.. it’s all just kinda.. jumbled together. It’s not really until the knives fight onward the book takes on some really solid pacing and really gets going.It’s not a BAD book: ther’es some REALLY good character stuff as I dug into.. but the pacing is just really loose and without the Evil Ex fight as an anchor and with ramona and scott just sorta.. getting to know one another, in both biblical and non biblical senses, it dosen’t have either of the series main narrative thrusts. Even the knvies subplot really amoutns to nothing for now, as Ramona dosen’t find out Scott’s a cheater, and only distrusts knives now. That’s about it. It does improve on book one in characterization, with eveyrone being MUCH cleearer in terms of who they are and settling into their iconic selves nicely. Wallace’s more selfless and protective side pops up, Ramona starts to show mroe of her personality good and bad, Scott’s better traits are mixed a bit mor eeven with the douche ones,  Knive’s far more unstable and violet stalker side emerges, and Stephen.. well fuck him, point is things are coming together.. but O’Malley still isn’t quite at peak power yet. Not bad and still worth a read like last time, just a bit uneeven is all. That being said... if you want O’Malley at his peak.. well then come back next week. Until then i’ll be doing my usual buisness of reviewing birds, refrencing simpsons and letterkenny, and putting my eyes back in after kim’s look up there. For now the sun’s setting and i’m out of here. 

[beecherdrysdale]

Heyy, thank you for responding! I loved all of it!

We are totally hanging out first! Honestly I don’t understand why we keep putting you with Dylan in the same car, you win at everything. maybe I should switch the cars around and give you Ryan instead? But Brigid+Dylan is 😍 and I need that to happen. Wait imagine we are all in our cars and we just pull up all at the same time to a red light and we roll down the window and just laugh at each other and then we all zoom away. I would absolutely not let Ryan sit up front with me, we would probably start smacking each other and chirping each other and I would lose concentration so imma put him in the back with Braden :) . Quinner can come and hold my hand because he’s gorgeous and I wanna hold his hand. Quinton would be fine, he’s seems like he would be slightly chaotic. Kesh has the most chill car. Like Kirby, Dylan C and Devon are all chill and would just be calmly talking while Kesh is driving.

When we are all together tho, it’s more chaotic. Haha yes the braiding is not going well for Dylan and Jamie they’d be like “How do I do this?” I don’t understand this. Why does this exist lol. Yess I would have to pull over and make them switch with Devon and quinton hehe. They would just be calmly braiding your hair and then Jamie and Dylan would be slightly jealous and pouting in the back. Just a warning I love music so imma play that loud and roll down the windows. Only for a bit tho . Also kesh omg late night drives are so cute. Also imagine all of us in a grocery store, that would be so chaotic. Also why do I feel like Braden, Kirby , Dylan C would pass out for literally the entire drive?

Malt teaser are yummy, but what about sour patch kids orrrrr peanut putter filled M&Ms. Have you ever had those? I always get them if I go to the movies:) Nutella is good too! Imma be Canadian and say have you ever had all dressed ruffles? Nanaimo bars are delish, we can get them in BC ! I’ll buy you poutine brigid. The best is probably in Montreal so when we make a pit stop there I can buy you some!. Also let’s not forget chocolate and healthy foods lo. Carrot sticks anyone?. Also music would be great, imma play like a g6 or promiscuous girl cuz I love that song 😍

Chirp kings unite, this will be the main factor of our vacay lol. Brigid I’m sorry but it has to be done lol. We are gonna chirp you sm. Oooo you putting your hands on his abs, and feeling the muscles. Honestly I would too lol- sorry Quinner. But Dylan Holloway has an amazing body. Ryan and I would chirp you again I’m not gonna lie, but also you straddling jamie would be 🥵. Kesh this is for you, Kirby shirtless, in that photo with him by the lake. I unfortunately have not found Quinner by a lake. Aww kesh I loved the “I didn’t think I needed sunscreen” lmao your entire back is the shade of my blush. They do need sunscreen tho, pale boys.

The boat is a must! All of these activities are so fun, Brigid you would go on the same tube w Dylan?. We would definitely make each other fall. Tanning is a dream sometimes - but while your tanning Jamie and Dylan are looking at you 😏 same w Kirby kesh . I’m not gonna lie drinking on a boat is nice. Some white claws or margaritas lol. Aww one of them holding your waist, some photos are gonna be taken there. Lmao Quinner is gonna be like “I’m gonna get a drink” and leaves and then Ryan sneaks up and pushes me. But not so fast I would grab him real quick and we would both fall in l😂. Awww kesh, I love those little sentences you wrote “oh yeah babe, uh huh babe sorry , but look” that’s adorable that he’s spending time with you.

Drunk Quinner is the best, but I would secretly love that he’s being clingy 🥺. Dylan H seems like the jealous type and probably so is Jamie. But you dancing with them would be soooo cute! They just want be constantly around you. Kesh and Kirby would be slaying.

I’m going to let you have a break from Ryan and I causing chaos, he would actually be helping unlike me and I would just be watching Dylan h become jealous that Jamie is w you lol. But I do want a friendship w him too lol . Awww yes him pulling on your braids 🥺 my smart girl is adorable same with “my smart boy”

Haha ya, my mom refuses to let me have a one piece, so all I have are bikinis lol. That’s good brigid, we all have hot bodies hehe. #hotgirlsummer.

I wanna go shopping w you and kesh soooo bad. It would be so fun!! Vacay clothes are cute. We should all a little black dress and take everyone’s breath away lol. Oo ya Dylan and Jamie admiring you in your hit lbd or clubbing clothes 😏. Same w kesh, Kirby would be amazed like how did he get such a gorgeous girl?. I love stealing clothes - from my bro and friend . so I am on board with wearing the guys clothing lol . They would be comfyyyyyy.

Kk I’ll get you a Holloway and Drysdale jersey l!! And a Kirby and cozzy jersey ! Get ready for some gifts :)

Wow this was long.

Ok kesh what’s your favourite cake flavour?

Xo ly

Lexiiiiiiiii

ok yes, first of all i love all of this 💖

so ig it’s been decided that dylan and i are in the same car so we can dominate once again lol. and then jamie and quinton are there too and then jamie and dyl are just trying to talk over each other to have a convo with me, so then i start ignoring them and talk to quinton instead hehe. omg yes if we all pull up at a red light at the same time, i’m that one person who just keeps inching forward when someone rolls up next to them and then as soon as the light turns green i’m gone lmao. so esp if it was you guys i would be being extra competitive. haha yes banish ryan to the back with braden so he doesn’t make you crash the car bc we’re too broke to pay for rental car damages. and then quinner gets to sit in the front with you and hold your hand 🥺 and then kesh is just vibing in her car and then i feel like they would all get distracted and decide to go sight-seeing and forget about the race lol

haha yes when we’re all in the car together it will be so chaotic. and then jamie and dyl are both trying to braid and they can’t and they’re getting frustrated bc my hair is just in knots and they’re just like why is this even a thing? why do people actually want to do this? and then thankfully you pull over to save my hair and then devon or quinton has to fix it. and then jamie and dyl are just pouting about it and you and ryan start chirping them about it lol. and yes please play your music as loud as you want. i love having the windows down and just blasting music super loud esp when you’re on the highway. and then somehow kirby, dylan c, and braden are just asleep in the back? even tho the music is so loud lmao. definitely have to play like a g6 for the boys lol. awwww yes a late night drive would be so fun. idk why i just love driving in the dark

omg all of us in the grocery store together is literally the worst idea ever. like it would be so chaotic, all of us would be running around the store looking for whatever food we wanted. and we would not get like any healthy food, it would all be junk food, which would be horrible for all of us athletes lmao. and then in the end the cart would be overflowing and half the boys would come running up to us with more food they wanted and then the cash register would just be like wtf why do you need sm food. but we would end up eating it all by the end of our trip bc we all eat so much

omg sour patch kids, resees and peanut butter m&ms are like my three favorite candies so we would have to stock up for the drive. i just looked up all dressed ruffles and now i literally want to try them so bad. but we would have to have so many bags bc we all eat so much lol. and then yes i love dark chocolate, so bring any kind of dark chocolate. and then we have to be at least a little bit healthy and bring like carrots and peanut butter or something. and then making pit stops to get nainaimo bars and poutine bc i want to try both those things lol

hehe yes you and ryan would be chirping me the entire time, but it’s all good i still love you guys. somehow kesh and kirby are escaping your guys’ chirping. haha wow lexi ok i see you. quinner would be very jealous rn. but yes i would be feeling dyl’s muscles while we were on the jet ski. and then i have to straddle jamie 😏 it’s just to put aloe vera on. obviously. hehe yes all of their lake pics are so good. it’s ok that you couldn’t find one for quinner, i can’t find one for jamie either. haha yes they all are convinced they don’t need sunscreen and we’re just like sure.... 

yes, boats are so fun! haha maybe i’d share a tube with dyl, or maybe i’d go with jamie and make dyl jealous lol. either way someone would definitely try to flip us out of the tube lol. hehe while we’re tanning the guys will just be looking at us 😏 but then we would also all be sitting on the railing drinking and then you and quinner both finish your drinks so he goes to get you guys new ones and then ryan pushes you in lmao. but then you would pull him in with you to get payback lol. and i would just being chilling on the railing with my white claw dying of laughter

omg drunk quinner and lexi would be so cute together😍 like obviously you guys are always cute, but when he’s being all clingy and following you around that’s adorable. and he would do whatever you want bc he’s drunk lol. hehe dylan and jamie getting jealous whenever i dance with the other one. sorry guys, got to spread the love equally lol. and then kirby and kesh just being couple goals

haha yes so when we’re in the escape room ryan actually decides to help instead of causing chaos for once. so then you just go and chill with dylan and start becoming closer friends with him bc you guys hadn’t talked that much before we got to the escape room. and then you notice him getting jealous of me and jamie so then you chirp him about it lmao. and then i’m just helping jamie in the corner 🥺 and don’t even realize what’s going on lol

lexi i’m so jealous, my mom could never. we love a body positive queen. but we would all look hot in our swimsuits #hotgirlsummer. hehe we could go shopping together to get our suits when we’re getting other clothes too. and then we have to get cute vacay clothes so i’m not wearing athletic clothes like i do literally every day lmao. and then we would all get lbd and other cute clubbing clothes and the guys would just be in awe. like they would all be admiring us and maybe getting a little to handsy lol and then we’re like stop it we haven’t even left yet. but then once we get back we just steal some of their clothes bc they’re comfy and then keep wearing them for the rest of vacay lol.

ooooh ok i actually want to answer the cake question. my mom makes really good chocolate cake with cherry frosting that’s amazing, or i also like chocolate cake with like orange frosting. in case you couldn’t tell i really like the chocolate-cherry combo lol. what about you guys?

ily too 💖

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Dad Fluff: Ohana

A followup to this very short drabble about Mina drawing a family photo! 

CW: Vague references to Danny’s past torture, but nothing specific. Brief referenced to enforced malnourishment/near starvation.

“You’re officially obs-… obsessing,” Nate says softly, dropping onto the couch next to Danny, leaning over and tilting his head to try and get a better look at his face. “L-Love, talk to me. You’ve been looking at th-th-the picture she drew for… longer than can be g-good for you.”

“I wasn’t in the picture,” Danny whispers, still holding it in his hands. Looking at the stick-figure attempts to draw Nate and Mina herself and even Toto, a ball of black and brown squiggles with eyes. “I don’t know why, why she wouldn’t-”

“Danny,” Nate says seriously, taking the paper from his hands and turning it over. “You are the p-p-picture. Look at you, here.” He points, tapping his finger against the drawing with a soft crackling sound as the paper shifts in his hand. “You’re so… you are s-s-such the center of her life that she didn’t have en, enough room to draw you if you didn’t have your very own s-side.”

Danny’s lips press slowly together, and he nods, but he doesn’t look convinced. “I never drew myself in, um, in the pictures, either,” He says, finally. “I used to draw Mom and Dad and Ryan on one side, and… and, um, then myself over in the corner or on another paper, because that’s how it felt-… sometimes I didn’t draw me at all…”

“Danny.” Nate set the drawing down entirely, laying it carefully on the coffee table, taking Danny’s hands in his. “Look at me, love. Please.”

Danny’s jaw is locked but trembling as he raises his eyes, slowly, to meet Nate’s.

They’re both older, and stronger, and Nate likes to think wiser, but Danny’s eyes are still the same. Bright sparkling blue, the only time in his life Nate has seen the color blue and called it warm. His freckles have deepened with time, rather than faded, and Nate lifts one hand to cup his face, rubbing a thumb slowly over an old scar on his cheek, feeling the shift in skin texture under his touch. 

“This is n-not that family.” Nate keeps his voice gentle but firm, not quite insistent. Danny nods, but he’s scared, and the fear shows through even when he tries to hide it. He’s never been a good liar, and he’s a worse liar with Nate. “I kn-know we all bring things from our childhoods-… but we are not your parents. And Mina is not Ryan, and she isn’t y-you, either.”

“It just felt like-”

“Like you weren’t part of us,” Nate says softly, and Danny nods. Nate sighs and slides his hand down Danny’s neck, over the hints of scarring there, then curves his palm around Danny’s shoulder, pulling him close. Wavy red hair tickles against the side of his neck as Danny’s tension collapses. “This is your family, Danny. We w-worked hard to build it. We… we worked so hard to get the fucking ch-chance to build it. This is our f-family. And you’re her whole world.”

“She drew my scars. She drew them in bright red, they’re what she sees, it’s all anyone ever sees, is what h-he left on me-”

“Ssssshhhhh. I know that was h-hard to see.” Nate closes his eyes, tries to remember what he and Dr. Rosa had talked about when it came to helping Danny through his dark moments, encouraging him to keep talking, to pull himself back. “Did you h-hear what she called them?”

“My… my pretty marks,” Danny whispers, and Nate begins to run his thumb on Danny’s shoulder through his long-sleeved shirt, thinking of doing this in Alberta, feeling the shift of bones under his thumb when Danny had so little weight at all. Now there is a gentle roundness, strength he’d rebuilt in himself year by year. “She called them pretty marks.”

“There. She didn’t see them as bad, D-Danny, she just sees them as part of you. The same way she calls that weird thing on your hip your ‘blue spot’.”

“It… it is an actual blue spot on my hip, though,” Danny says doubtfully. “I stabbed myself with a marker at the last group home before Mom… It is a blue spot.”

“And your marks are p-pretty to her.”

“I just… it hurts, to see me not in the picture again, Nate.”

“I know. But she’s n-not you. She didn’t d-d-do that because she didn’t think you belonged with us, but because she c-c-couldn’t fit how important y-you were when the rest of us were in the way.” Nate’s efforts are rewarded with a nearly-silent huff of laughter from the man in his arms. “I know it’s h-hard not to bring it with you… I sometimes want to g-go to confession and I haven’t b-been Catholic since I was s-s-seventeen…”

“What’d you confess to?” Danny asks, curling more against him, and Nate sighs with a kind of relief as he pulls him closer. “Just… sucking dick?”

“Yes.”

Danny blinks and pulls back, looking up at Nate with surprise. “Did you actually? To a priest?”

Nate grins, and watches Danny’s internal battle between his need to still be sad over the injury in his mind and the idea of a sixteen-year-old Nate Vandrum talking about blowjobs in the confessional booth. “Couple of t-t-times. Some oth, other stuff, too. I was a really bad C-Catholic.”

“If you did it and still went to confession, you might actually have been a pretty good one,” Danny says, and the two of them break up into relieved laughter, Danny’s hands splaying over his face not to hide his scars but just to hide his smile.

“Danny, you are M-Mina’s family. You’re w-w-with her every day, all day-”

“-Except during Mom’s Morning Out, which, I really wish they’d change the name of that fucking group-”

“… let me finish, D-Danny. Mina wants for nothing. She is warm, and fed, and educated, and clothed, and l-l-loved.”

“I was most of those things,” Danny says, softly, but he’s coming back, Nate can tell. Pulling himself out of the spiral inside his mind, starting to feel more present, less like he slipped beneath the surface of a dark pool. 

“You were some of th-them all of the t-t-time, but you never had them all, all of the t-t-time. And she does. You were the one who brought up adoption, you are the one who taught her the alphabet, you were the one to d-d-decide we weren’t going to watch those episodes I d-d-downloaded of Mister Rogers any longer and we’d let her watch s-s-something made in the last ten years-”

“I still watch them,” Danny says, softly. At Nate’s raised eyebrows, he shrugs. “Call it my confession. Forgive me, Father, for I have watched educational children’s programming from the eighties-”

“Hey, now. Some of us recovering Catholics like the ‘Forgive me, Father’ stuff, but… I’m n-n-not one of them.”

Danny flashes him a bright smile, and Nate feels an absurd sense of victory. He wants to raise his hands in triumph. He settles for pulling Danny in for a kiss. 

“Sorry, Professor,” Danny murmurs against his mouth.

“Now, see, I l-like you calling me Professor…”

Danny laughs, softly. “Put your tie and jacket on and I’ll take it right back off you again, Professor Vandrum. But… I… I get it. She drew me bigger than everyone else because I am important. And she probably thought, since it’s the same paper, that it still counted as being all together…”

“Kids tend to d-d-draw themselves larger than they really a-are, compared to other people,” Nate says softly. “If they feel secure, and s-safe. You saw how big M-Mina drew herself.”

“Right. Bigger than you,” Danny says, blinking, looking back down at the paper. “And I was the biggest person.”

“I h-hate admitting this, but you’re the one she g-g-goes to first when she’s scared, or hurt, or has a n-nightmare or feels sick to her stomach. You’re the one she asks for juice and ah, applesauce. That’s all you, Danny. You’re not part of our family, you are our family. We built every single thing we have because of you. You chose me-”

“-… was made for you…” Danny murmurs, and then stops when Nate shakes his head.

“No, love. You chose me, and didn’t l-let go. You chose to say y-yes when I asked. You chose to agree when Mina’s birthmom liked us in our profiles. You chose Toto at the H-Humane Society, you chose every single thing we are. You built your own f-f-family, love, and she can’t picture us without seeing you as b-b-bigger than everyone else.”

Danny nods slowly, rubbing at his face, at his eyes, leaning over to rest his elbows on his knees. “Yeah… yeah, okay.”

“I know this is hard for y-you, love, and always will be, but… this is your family. You, and I, and Mina… and Toto… and, fuck, even your brother.”

Danny’s smile widens. “What do you think he’ll say if I send him a photo of what Mina drew and tell him she called them ‘pretty marks’?”

Nate shakes his head, leaning over to hold Danny’s face in one hand again, kissing his forehead, feeling the worry-wrinkles smooth under his mouth. “He’ll say, ‘it’s ab, about time someone other than Vandrum and I noticed you’re gorgeous’,” He says, softly.

Danny snorted. “He’s never called me gorgeous in my life or his.”

“Not to your face.”

Danny’s smile is infectious, and Nate pulls him in for a kiss knowing the tightrope has been walked, they’ve cleared the worst part of the shadows that threatened to sink their claws in - at least for now. 

They’ll have this conversation again, in a hundred different ways, every time something pushes Danny towards the fears and worries built by a lifetime of having to earn the love that should have been his birthright. They’ll have it every time Danny is reminded or forced to relive years spent desperately trying to earn the mercy of a man hellbent on his slow, inexorable destruction. 

But they have the foundation. They’ve laid the path, together. When one of them falters, the other holds the weight, until they can find their own way out. That is their marriage, and has always been, and will always be.

That is Danny’s family.

“It’s sm-small, and b-b-broken, but we made it ourselves,” Nate murmurs, and Danny lets out a peal of surprised laughter, loud enough that Nate shushes him, worried about waking Mina so soon after she’s fallen asleep. 

“Did you just quote Lilo and Stitch at me?”

“No.” Danny raises an eyebrow, and Nate puts his hands up in surrender. “I quoted it to m-myself!”

“No, it’s fine, I like that movie, you know I do.” Danny slides arms around his waist, holding him tightly. 

After a few beats of silence, Danny says softly, “Ohana means family, Professor Vandrum.”

“Family m-means nobody gets left behind.”

[the-blind-assassin-12]

Sun-Kissed

A/N: the first of 19 smooch requests, and what better way to start than with sweet angel Ryan Brenner? This is connected to the story SPF found under the drabbles on my master list. So if you haven’t read that one maybe you want to?

Word Count: 1,632

Prompt: from @its-my-little-dumpster-fire

“When was the last time you got to see them all?” You asked, looking out your window as the scrubby bushes got thinner and thinner, the ground beneath them growing increasingly sandy.

Ryan caught you nervously picking at the cuticle of your left thumb out of the corner of his eye, something you hadn’t done in quite a while. She’s nervous. He took one hand off the steering wheel and slid it across the console of the rental car to cover your hand, stilling your nervous habit. He gave a light squeeze and wrapped his fingers around your hand until the tips could feel the sweaty cup of your palm. You still hadn’t looked over at him, but he felt you relax under his touch and it brought one of his cheeks up into his eye. She’s got nothin’ to be nervous about. They’re gonna love her like I do.

You’d been quiet that morning after the two of you had finally untangled yourselves from the thin white sheets. It had been a few weeks since you’d slept in a bed, a few weeks since you’d had a locking door, and you’d made good use of both. Ryan woke first, breathing quietly and softly so he wouldn’t wake you as you rested against his bare chest. Neither of you had remembered to turn the A.C. on before falling into bed and each other, and the room was warm, your close proximity making him even warmer. But it was nothing new, waking up wearing each other’s sweat, so he didn’t let it bother him, simply watching as your eyelashes fluttered in protest of the thin beams of morning sun slipping beneath the pulled shade. As he felt your cheek press deeper into his flesh, he smiled sleepily, bringing the arm that was draped around your torso up to trace the branch of delicate pink flowers inked there. You squirmed a little more, hooking your leg to pull his closer as he brought his hand up to your knotted, damp hair. Wakin’ up with her is the best part of wakin’ up.

“Mornin’, Bug,” he mumbled before turning his face to meet your forehead with his lips and the scruff covering his chin. “C’mon, gotta get movin’.” He’d pulled you out of the bed and into the shower, turning the faucet to make it cool, kissing your shoulders and your neck once the soap had been rinsed off.

You’d made two cups of coffee to go in the small plug in pot on the motel dresser, wordlessly handing him one with a quiet smile. He’d licked the drip from the cup’s lid before thanking you, throwing an arm around your shoulders, bare in the oversized tee you’d thrown on over your bathing suit, and grabbing the keys, headed outside locking up behind you. He hadn’t thought much about your silence, knowing by now that you needed your coffee before you opened your mouth. But now, almost an hour later and only a few minutes from the beach parking lot, he knew that it had nothing to do with a lack of caffeine. “Hey,” he pulled your hand over to his own lap and you turned as he did. “Why’re you nervous?”

You blew air out of your mouth and the way it made your hair float around your face only made you look more beautiful to him. “Because they’re the only family you talk about, Ryan. I know how important they all are to you and...I just…” you shrugged, trailing off.

“Well,” he pulled your hand up in his to tuck your hair back as he turned off the main road and down a gravely path, the car rocking over the uneven ground. “It’s been about six years since I saw all of ‘em. Jimmy was travelin’ and Taylor was with her husband’s family last time I came home,” he explained, answering your original question. “But you got nothin’ to worry about, okay Junebug? They’re real excited to meet you.” He laughed as he pulled into a spot between a well used truck covered in bumper stickers- Tommy’s, and a green Jeep that belonged to Fitz. “They’re probably gonna tell you lots of embarrassing stories from when we were kids, so if anythin’ I should be nervous, not you.” You smiled then, a real one, teeth and all, and he knew that you were still a little worried about meeting the gaggle of cousins, but that he’d made you feel better.

“Okay,” you said as he dropped your hand to pull the keys from the ignition. “Let’s do it.”

.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..

Ryan was right about everything; his cousins had nearly tackled you to into the dunes in a series of hugs, surrounding you with smiles that all looked vaguely like the one belonging to the man that you loved. You’d laughed hysterically when Patrick tossed you a bottle of sunscreen, telling you to apply generously so you didn’t end up radish red like Ryan and Taylor had when the group was young and drunk and naive about sun safety, Ryan’s cheeks reddening with the memory as he shot you a look that said “See? Told ya.”

Zach wanted to know about living in Colorado as he was trying to decide between the Centennial State or somewhere on the West Coast for his next big move. You had learned from Ryan that Zach liked to spend a year or so in different places, but always landed back in Georgia for a few months in between.

Sprawled on the blankets that Taylor had set up, you leaned against Ryan’s shoulder, his arm around you as Jimmy expressed that he wanted the three of you to play together back at Ma’s after the beach, telling you that he had a keyboard that you could use.

Taylor abruptly pulled you by the hand from Ryan’s grasp, recruiting you to play volleyball with Fitz and Tommy in a battle of the sexes while Ryan, Zach and Patrick watched each with a beer in their hands. You’d earned even more points with the cousins when you dove to make a save, coming up covered in sand but grinning ear to ear at the hoots and hollers and the disappointed look on Fitz’s face at having his spike foiled.

“You know,” Patrick had told you once you’d traded out with Ryan to take a break from the game. “You’re the first girl Ryan’s really brought home.” You looked at the freckled face next to you, half hidden by a mop of brown hair similar to but slightly lighter than Ryan’s, and felt your lips drop open. “An’ I can tell he really...I can tell he loves you. You make ‘im happy. I’m real glad y’all found each other, an’ I’m real glad you could make the trip down here. I know it means a lot to Ryan that you’re here.”

You’d thanked him and clinked the neck of your beer against his before finishing it and heading down to the water where Ryan was wading in up to his waist. Can’t believe I was nervous. They’re all so… they’re great. This is him, this is his home. And they’re part of it.

Taylor and Zach were headed back up to the blanket, Taylor high fiving you again for your magnificent volleyball performance, but your eyes were locked on Ryan as he dunked under a crashing wave, emerging again and pushing his wet hair back. You didn’t waste time getting acclimated to the water, simply diving in to cool off, swimming over to where Ryan was, and circling your arms around him.

“Hey, you,” he said, strong arms replicating your action to hold you close as the salty water rolled against your bodies. “You havin’ fun?” You nodded, touching your nose to his. “Told ya you had nothin’ to worry ab-oof”

You cut him off with your lips on his, pulling him as close as you could. He laughed into your mouth as he kissed you back before you felt his tongue sliding against yours, the faint flavor of salinated water and cheap beer making the kiss taste like summer. The sun beat down on your wet shoulders as his arms tightened around you and the kiss changed as you poured another level of love into it. It had been almost two years since you’d been with Ryan, and you already considered him your family. But now he’d brought you into his, and you were celebrating the fact that your family had grown right there on that beach. You felt his forehead furrow as it pressed against your own, and you smiled as you pulled away, knowing that he felt what you were thinking.

“Thanks for bringing me here, Ryan,” you whispered, pushing the hair that had been plastered to the side of his face back.

“‘Course,” he said, dropping his lips to the rounded, sunkissed top of your cheek. “Thanks for comin’ with me.”

“Patrick told me you never brought anyone back here before.”

He nodded. “That’s right. No one before you meant enough to me.” His hands were still on you though his hold had loosened, and you felt his thumb moving across the top of your bathing suit bottoms under the water. “This place and my cousins, my aunts and… and all of this,” his soft leather eyes rolled up to the sun and the sky, over the white peaked waves and the soft, hot sand. “This is my home. And so are you. So it’s only right, to me that-”

You cut him off again, celebrating the way you both had let the love between you grow so organically, and he laughed again, pulling you close as the gaggle cheered and shouted at you from the shore.

@something-tofightfor @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @suchatinyinfinity @lexxierave @agent-bossypants @thesumofmychoices @songtoyou @ymariejp @breanime

[craving-horans-hug]

Ben Hardy imagine - Fantasy

Request: The one idea was that Ben and the reader had been dating for a while and he asks her if she had like any fantasies (like ya know) and when she thought about it she got really embarrassed and was like no nvm (because she had been fantasising about making out with him in the Roger Taylor costume or in the Rogerina costume and thought he would think it’s weird af) and one day she was talking to her friend on the phone about it and didn’t know ben was home and he heard and surprised her.

Requests are open!! Ask away!

          You were currently sitting on your bed watching “Friends” on Netflix waiting for your boyfriend Ben to come home after a long day of shooting his new movie “Bohemian Rhapsody”. This is usually what you did when Ben was gone during the days, when you don’t have work, or homework from uni you were always watching “Friends”, Ben always made fun of you for it as he couldn’t understand how you could still laugh at the show when you know exactly what each character would say. But in your defence its one of the most iconic shows ever and it never failed to make you smile, which Ben liked.

You can hear keys jiggle at the front door and then hear it open and someone walk in, you get up from the comfort of your bed and walk towards the living room. The smell of pizza fills your nose and you quicken your pace, as you turn the corner you see your handsome boyfriend of 1 and a half years walk into the kitchen and set down a box of pizza on the table.

You walk up behind Ben and wrap your arms around his torso, you feel him relax at your touch and puts his hands over yours, “Hello beautiful,” Ben says smiling, he turns around still remaining in your grip. He brings his hands to cup your cheeks and gives you a chaste kiss on your lips, he lingers his lips on yours for a second looking into your eyes before giving you another quick kiss.

“Hello handsome,” you say smiling up at him, “how was your day?” you ask as you hug him tightly.

“Better now that I’m home with you.” he mumbles in your neck, he pulls away and reaches behind to grab the pizza box that was sitting on the counter. “I got your favourite, thought we could have a night in.” he says pulling you into his side leading you to the bedroom.

“Honestly that sounds amazing, I just started to rewatch ‘Fr-”

“Friends?” he asks with a chuckle before you can finish, he knows you too well.

“Of course, what else.” you say jokingly, you get into bed opening the pizza box as Ben sheds his clothes from the day. You can’t help but watch his toned body change into more comfortable clothes.

“Wow, you brought home a meal and a snack.” you say trying not to laugh at your lame pick up line.

Ben stops mid-way putting on his shirt, “did you really just call me a snack?” he says smirking at you.

“Maybe.” you say laughing while eating you pizza, he just shakes his head and continues to put on his shirt. He climbs into bed sitting next to you and grabs a slice of pizza while putting his arm around your shoulders, you hit ‘play’ and continue watching your show cuddled up in Ben’s side.

About 2 episodes into the show you’re both cuddling, Ben has you in front of him between his legs while his arms are wrapped around you from behind. It’s the episode where Ross and Rachel are in bed talking about their fantasies and this got Ben thinking.

“Love?” Ben asks quietly in your ear, you hum in response, your focus never leaving the screen, “do you happen to have any fantasies?” he asks curiously. This caused you to pause the tv and turn to look at him, you had never discussed anything like this with Ben before. Yeah you guys had sex (quite a lot) but you had never talked about your secret kinks and other things like that, of course you had fantasies but you always thought Ben would judge you for them.

“No not really,” you lie, “do you?” you ask looking up at him. 

He smirks and squeezes you a little tighter, “I’ve had a few” he says kissing just under your ear. “You’ve really never had any?” he asks rubbing your arm with his thumb. You begin to panic now, you don’t want to tell Ben about your countless thoughts of him dressed in his Roger Taylor costume banging you into next week. 

So you simply shrug and just answer, “Nope.” emphasizing the ‘P’ as you press ‘play’ and nervously bite your nails. Ben knows you all to well and knows that when you bite your nails you’re either nervous or hiding something. He doesn’t want to push you so he mutters a quiet ‘okay’ and kisses the side of your head continuing to watch the show, but the conversation never leaving his mind.

The next day you were doing laundry while Ben was on set, he had another long day ahead of him so you decided to keep yourself busy. You had already been to the grocery store, taken Frankie for a walk, and even had lunch with your mother, doing laundry was the final thing on your list.

As you take the clothes out of the dryer you hear your phone ring from your bedroom, dropping the clothes in the bathroom you jog to your room so see who was calling. Y/F/N’s picture pops up and you hit ‘accept’.

“Hey Y/F/N” you say into the phone sitting on the edge of your bed.

“Y/N you’re gonna die, I just got off the phone with Lydia and she fucking trashed Ryan’s car!” Y/F/N says laughing into the phone, obviously excited to tell you about new gossip.

“No fucking way,” you say moving more onto the bed so you’re laying on your stomach, you put your phone on speaker as you scroll through Lydia’s Instagram to see that she deleted all photos of her and Ryan from her feed. The conversation goes on for about an hour, you’ve switched topics about 10 times because conversations with Y/F/N are never short. You didn’t even realize that Ben had walked in the front door, he wasn’t supposed to be home until later tonight but the director let everyone go home early. He called out your name but you didn’t hear him, as you were still talking on the phone. Ben jogs up the stairs and before he can reach for the door knob he hears you talking and he stops himself at the mention of his name.

“Hey I wanted to talk to you about something that happened last night with Ben,” you say nervously into the phone, biting your nails.

“Oh my god what happened? Did you guys break up?!” Y/F/N says frantically.

“No! We didn’t don’t worry,” you say reassuringly, “it’s just, we were watching ‘Friends’ an-” 

“Not surprised.” she says sarcastically.

“ANYWAYS,” you say rolling your eyes, ”he asked me if I had any fantasies about, you know....us in the bedroom.” 

“Ooooo I like where this is going, what did you tell him.” she sings excitedly.

“I said no because its way too embarrassing to talk about with him.” you say as you continue to bite your nails.

“So you do have fantasies then.” she said smugly.

“Well yeah, I’m sure everyone does.” you say matter-o-factly.

“I knew it!” Ben whispers to himself outside of the door.

“Well what is it? It can’t be that bad.” Y/F/N says, assuring you that its nothing to be embarrassed about.

“Well,” you pause, debating if you should even say it out loud. She’s your best friend, she wouldn’t judge you. Right? “He just looked so hot when I saw him on set last week dressed as Roger Taylor, like seeing him in that white leather vest and long blonde hair DID something to me Y/F/N.” you say seriously, thinking back to how incredibly sexy he looked that day.

Ben’s eyes widen as he hears what you just admitted, he never knew that - that costume had such an effect on you, he thinks back to that day on set and you were all over him, especially when you got home nearly breaking the bed that night.

“Wooooo! Y/N you little fox!” Y/F/N yells into the phone clapping her hands, obviously excited as she's never heard you express anything like that before.

“Stoooop!” you laugh into the phone burying your head into a pillow.

Ben smiles to himself and quietly walks down the stairs, grabs his keys and back out the front door without you noticing. Boy were you in for a treat tonight.

A few more hours goes by and you finished folding the laundry that you had left, you and Y/F/N got off the phone about an hour ago as she had to go to work for the night. You look at the time and begin to wonder where Ben was, he should’ve been home by now at least and you began to worry but then again he probably got stuck on set for reshoots and forgot to text you. You manage to get all the laundry done and as your putting new pillow cases on your pillows you hear the front door open and close. 

“Hey babe! I’m in the bedroom!” you yell as you continue with the pillows, a few seconds later you hear the bedroom door creek open, your back facing it and you hear Ben say, “perfect.” quietly. 

“What?” you say confused as you finish with the pillows, you turn around and freeze in place once you see Ben. He standing in the doorway with his arm above his head leaning against the doorframe, his other hand is resting on his hip and he is wearing his Roger Taylor costume. He’s wearing the white vest with the tassels on the sides, tight black leather pants, and wearing his long blonde wig. Your breath hitches and you don’t know what to do, or say.

“Uhhh” is all you managed to say while you looked at him shocked, your eyes scanning his toned body, bare biceps flexed, his abs peeking out from the vest.

“You like what you see there love?” he asks while smirking, taking his raised arm off the doorframe and begins to make his way towards you. 

Speechless, you are speechless. All you can do is nod your head slowly, eyes never leaving his frame.

“I thought I’d surprise you, maybe show you what its like to be a groupie for the night.” he says face right in front of yours, noses almost touching as he plays with a strand of your hair. His eyes scanning your face hoping that this is exactly what you had fantasized about.

“What do you say beautiful?” he whispers, lips almost touching yours.

“o-okay” you say stuttering, you are in such a state of shock you can’t even speak properly. Obviously either Y/F/N told him what you said today or he somehow came home and heard you, but you don't even care at this point.

“Good.” Ben (or Roger ;) ) says, he closes the gap between you two and kisses you, he cradles your head between his hands slipping his tongue in your mouth instantly, you grab onto the sides of his vest and pull him closer into you. You feel his hands leave your face and they land on the back of your thighs as he picks you up and carries you to your bed, lips never leaving yours. He lays you onto the bed, hovering above you between your legs.

“So you’re in a band huh?” you say jokingly as he kisses down your neck. 

Tonight you two were definitely going to break the bed.

I HOPE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED!!!! @barbarairene-k

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Montenegro to Eurovision with 6 young souls

(this is a pre-vamp review so take this whole thing as “something I wanted to publish but my schedule was withholding until it was specifically time for them to be reviewed”, therefore, this is a bit of a retrospective review. Will tackle on its revamp later!)

Montevizija, which finally has an official Twitter account (we all should forget the times some dude named Vasilije pretended to having made one), offered us another batch of 5 songs for another year, actually revealing all of them beforehand this time and not just the snippets! Joy to the world I guess.

You gotta love Montevizija for it being the most underrated ex-Yugoslavian national final btw. Granted, it only lasted for 2 editions as of now, and it will take years to grow bigger as a thing, but so far, for us the NFs that are ingrained to our brains more are Dora, EMA and Beovizija (and even Skopje Fest when THAT was used to pick an act and not just served as a festival like it originally was meant to be), therefore Montevizija seems more shunned. But what do you expect when the lineup of 5 for two years in a row is not exactly as stellar as hoped for? Well, there are gems here and there, but they haven’t really won on either years (or at least not on the 2nd year if you call Vanja’s song a gem too), and yet somehow they find someone who call them great. But for me this Montenegrin entry is not. :L

And who is up there to be colossally blamed for its existence? None other than this group of 6 refering to themselves as D mol (with “mol” decapitalized for whatever reason... they used to have hyphen separating the ‘D’ and ‘mol’, but now they scrapped it altogether, an anime death I’ll never forget). Worth noting that I, as a 19 year old, have this particularly ugly feeling I must get rid of, and that’s the one of “feeling old”, already at my age. And this is how I felt seeing that the band whose song I am not fond of today is made up by members that are of 16-17 to 21-ish years old!!! So my heart insists that I shouldn’t go too hard on these poor younglings, even if this is just me, currently tackling the brethren of my age. Prepare as I’ll go to shred their composition they’re going to Tel Aviv with, “Heaven”, to bits.

Although, what I call “shredding to bits” is merely just nitpicking the reasons the original version (keep bearing in mind that I haven’t heard the revamp yet) sucks imo, and idk, the new “Heaven” miiiiiiight just grow on me, but I heavily doubt about it because I never cared for it in the first place (youhouuu, they were my last in Montevizija ‘19 for a reason), and I’m rather looking forward for the new faves from the 8 songs I haven’t listened to yet rather than those that were already chosen. And even the Eurofans were not quite fond on the revamp, as some think the additional ethno sounds made it sound worse (and of course there are some that kinda like it or think of the song as their guilty pleasure). So why shouldn’t I? :O

Anyway, old “Heaven”. The first sounds on here to grace my ears on this song consist of one light piano note being tapped to an exact rhythm and a confused baby girl stuttering. And I’d’ve maybe enjoyed this more ironically at some point if it weren’t for the latter sound effect being re(ab)used later in the song!! Ugh I hate it. The lyrics are fine I guess... though isn’t it ironic the only English song in Montevizija’s lineup this year won?? It’s like the Montenegrin people were openly cringing when being the only ones to understand Vanja comparing his life to cat’s and mouse’s and calling his heart “the most expensive toy” in his song and then they were like “you know what? Let’s let the WHOLE Europe understand how terrible our lyrics are! ^_^” (no but for real, who still uses “I’m in heaven, falling straight into your heart” as a pick-up line? Did they travel through time from 1998 to 2019 or something???)

Speaking of the 90s, the whole song smells like a dated cliché of that period. You know, the kind of “the high school prom song from that 90s teen sitcom’s who you’re forced to watch when your elderly aunt is in the house with you and there’s nothing else on TV” dated. Dated even more than “Chain of Lights”. Seriously though! It includes the pathetic “wah wah” bassline, mid-tempo beats, the boy/girl-group harmonies... catch me puking sugar-coated cheese to this, no thanks. Oh and if you already read my “Zero Gravity” review (which you probably never even bothered to after seeing how much text would you have to read), I definitely mentioned that I’m not a fan of those “two verses-two choruses” songs, and especially those kind of ones that aren’t sounding like something suited for radio (e.g.: Poland 2018, “Light Me Up”)... this obviously sounds like something from the radio of the times the at-the-time senior highschoolers are currently over 30 or slightly over 40, and that should be 4 and a half minutes long. These verses could just not be more ridiculously dragged out for the choruses to prevail and get stuck in our brains... fucking welp [sic] me already.

Well, if there are any brownie points I could give this, it’s pleasant, it’s harmless if I don’t take into account the cheese vibes this emits, and all this bunch are made up by up-and-coming talented singers that clearly deserved a better song...

And the staging concept in their NF was cool tho (illustrating their power of D mol), and I applaud the couple chemistry I guess

Oh and this below is one of the most underappreciated memes this Euroseason:

*stares into your soul in Montenegrin*

So yeah. Oh and the Rizo(tto) guy who is self-aware of his hotness and the hotness of the much older Eurovision guys this year, but he’s not doing it for me so that I could be in heaven falling, so he’s getting a hard pass.

All in all - a nostalgia cash-in made to appease the housewives from Podgorica to Skopje, from Novi Sad to Štúrovo, and nothing quite else, sung by a cool bunch of people that if anything are deemed this year’s "great people with an unfortunately too dated song and a shitty draw” by me. I don’t know much of their personalities but I do believe that even if they like what they’re singing, they’d be much better off doing a better sounding throwback, at least. So that even the disappointed-by-”Heaven” Eurofans could at least call it “so dated but a BOP!”. And hey, I’m aware of those fans that will likely be pissed at me for not bopping along to this, but I said what I said about it and yet again, if revamp changes my mind, I will change my opinion, but right now I’d not prefer to. Grumpy Adio.

Approval factor: Hell with the no. I would like Vanja back instead. At least he made himself a somebody to be cared about even if the Eurofans didn’t quite adapt to his song in return.

Follow-up factor: somehow, both “Inje” and “Heaven” were/are seen by the masses as instant NQs, so it somehow doesn’t sound like Montenegro is following a great path so far. And after this year anything that audience favours and wins can be seen as a way better follow up after something meh coming after something wrose.

Qualification factor: For the n-th time, I’m yet to check the revamp out to state where this will actually go, but being put 2nd in the draw is a massive stab in the knee, as demonstrated by even the national finals this year (Electric Fields in Australia Decides, Aly Ryan in Unser Lied für Israel, Lisa Ajax in Melodifestivalen final... the only glaring exception is ZENA in Eurofest but is it me or these producers did this just so they could be all like “heeeey we put a winning song on 2nd just to show that a NF song can win from ANY draw! ANY DRAW!!!” lol nope), and from it only a few lucky souls have crawled out victorious (Nathan Trent for example, the draw might have pushed him down in the semi but he got up again!). D mol, for as young and developing in talent as they are, don’t seem to be such. You can be young and pitied for your personality, but you always can at the same time have a song that completely crushes your chances to do well and sweeps up the last shards of hope right in front of your eyes despite being an angel worthy of protection (Ari Ólafsson, anyone?). Unless the D molians work all their magic and the random ethnic vibes into their favour for some reason, but for now it ain’t gonna work.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

And even then, what was so interesting about Montevizija 2019?? Let’s see...

• First off, let’s address one meme of the beginning of 2019 that Facebook may or may have not used purposefully to upgrade their automatic “facial recognition” skills - the 10 years challenge. Our first one of this season is the sassy maneater who spent her ESC stint by trying to unlove a guy so hard that he just couldn’t oblige - Andrea Demirović. Her decade-later A-game happened to be this one song she sang in her mother-tongue: “Ja sam ti san” (I am your dream). Now, I wasn’t particularly into it - I enjoy some electro tracks out there (like hello, “Igranka” is one of my favourite Montenegrin entries, and 2013 entries overall as well) but this one just ended up being the right amount of cool AND overbearingly unsettling for me to not really fancy it. Kinda like “Red” by HyunA - I can only bop to this if I don’t care about the fact I actually hate it, oops. (Or maybe it is just because Andrea once again used a composition done by one of those “rent-a-NF-songwriter” people. Which is at least better than collabing Ralph Siegel who’s stopped being relevant ever since starting to work with San Marino, or even since the hilarious attempt of a peace song sung by the original common framework, six4One. But since Michael James Down has co-contributed to one of the better Montevizija songs last year, I will not allow myself to think it’s thanks to those kind of songwriters.) Nevertheless, the Eurofans actualy kind of loved this song, but sadly, Montenegrins and the international jury did quite not, and she didn’t land on to the superfinal 2 (as opposed to a superfinal 3 last year, to which she could have easily qualified if it still were a 3). Here’s her song to y’all anyways (and the performance too, which just needed to include some random monster dudes dancing around... why? Because Eurovision! ^^):

• Speaking of Andrea, during the results part there was this one shot of hers where she was pictured just casually chilling on her phone, not giving a damn that she’s being underrated on the scoreboard. Not only she was badly rated, but this moment was such an universal #mood!

• In between the finally final results announcement (which I didn’t really know when exactly was it taking place because the winner wasn’t really said out loud before the event I will describe next was taking place??) there was this lottery going on of who would be the lucky two audience observers that’d win tickets to Tel Aviv... hilariously enough though, it somehow malfunctioned and there were some sort of errors regarding the announcement of the RIGHT winner <3 but the winners happened and I hope they’re getting to go to Tel Aviv at some point during the Eurovision events! Hope they don’t feel startled by the lack of taken seats this year.

• Unlike Eesti Laul, Montevizija this year took up the job of showcasing tweets of Eurofans, and somehow this fellow fella ended up seen by a handful of Montenegrins AND international viewers. Take a wild guess which of them know what a daddy Serhat is.

• And who could not forget the magic flying envelope for to announce the winner of the NF:

there must have been some Harry Potter magic in there :O

As for what touches the other songs, well there’s the last year’s fan fave Nina Petković with another song, but it’s no “Dišem”, so don’t even bother. Or bother, but imo it’s just okay-sounding, nothing that groundbreaking or pleasant enough to be competitive. The other few songs were also nice but I’d like not to make this longer as my other write-ups, to be fair. Sucked to be Mr. Kállay-Saunders who, as the international juror chosen for this national final, had to rank its songs... as that NF happened right on the same day his second A Dal 2019 performance was taking off. Not that the international jurors were supposed to be present in Montenegro on the day of this NF, anyways...

Anyway, despite all this goddamn criticism (that could’ve flown more smooth had my computer not restarted in the middle of me doing paragraphs for this review), I’m fare welling the D mol-ians and would like to wish them a heavenly Eurovision experience. ^_^

[davidcarner]

Casey and Walker, Ch 13, Back to Basics

A/N: I am so sorry for the long delay on this one. I got started on Reassigned and you all seem to be really enjoying that one. I took a bit of a break, and this summer will be a little slower with the updates to spend more time with Grace. The tooth is pretty much healed….that or my pain meds are more amazing than I realized. The time away helped as I figured out a few new plot points…One more thing….Read the whole chapter before you PM me or come find me to beat me up….I hope you enjoy Ch 13, Back to Basics

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck,

"So, you're not going to be home tonight?" Sarah asked, opening the door to their apartment. She turned to the guy with her and made a shh motion so he couldn't be heard over the phone.

"No, class is just killing me and you know how Casey is going to be about things," Chuck replied. "He can't give me a day off."

"So next weekend you'll be home?" she asked, letting the man into the apartment, and turning on the lights. He slipped his arms around her.

"As long as I pass everything," Chuck replied. "Love you."

"You too," she replied. "Talk to you soon," and hung up. Chuck watched through the binoculars as he saw Sarah and Cole Barker enter their apartment and then looked down with the binoculars.

"See everything you need to?" Casey asked beside him.

"Yeah," Chuck replied. "More than I ever wanted to."

}o{

2 weeks earlier

Chuck and Sarah sat in a diner that Chuck knew about. He had told her that they had fresh blueberries and cream. Sarah didn't believe him, but she tried it anyway. She admitted quickly how wrong she was. The group had split up after the Bryce incident and Molly had already handed over the evidence to Jack. In the morning, Bryce would be given the choice, resign or be fired. Chuck had been deathly silent for most of the time at the diner, Sarah didn't know what to say. The door opened, and Sarah looked up, and then at her boyfriend.

"Why do some guys always have to invite the sister?" Sarah asked, grinning.

"Trust me, one of you is more than enough for me," Chuck retorted, serious as he could be. Molly slid in beside Chuck and put her arm around him. She kissed him on the cheek and beamed at Sarah.

"Got yourself a good one, Sis," Molly said. "Don't screw it up or I'm gonna pounce it."

"Molly," Sarah said, in a warning tone. Molly lifted the hand not around Chuck. Sarah didn't say anything else to Chuck's surprise.

"It?" he asked Molly. She grinned at him.

"Come on, you can't be real, you have to be too good to be true," Molly said.

"Oh I am real," he replied, shaking his head at the two of them. She studied the two.

"So, you haven't told him about the picture and he hasn't spilled about his mom, about right?" Molly asked. Sarah gave her a look. "I'm a detective too you know."

"If my mom got arrested on purpose, it's big," Chuck said softly. "As much as she frustrates me, I know deep down that she follows the protocols we set up, and there is something in that bus station for us."

"How big?" Molly asked.

"There was a hit out on someone last time she did this," Chuck admitted. "The bus station is a few blocks away." He looked over at Sarah. "You don't have to tell me about that picture, it doesn't affect me."

"Yeah, it does," Molly said. Sarah made a face at Molly, and pulled out her phone, showing it to Chuck. "That is the one and only Vivian Winterbottom. She works for dad." Chuck looked from one sister to another.

"Oh boy," he muttered. "The leak is coming out of your dad's office." Molly nodded. "What are we going to do?" Molly didn't look pleased.

"Uh, Chuck, you're really not going to like this," Molly began.

"Are they splitting us up?" Sarah asked.

"No," Molly said quickly. "Not permanently," she added. Sarah looked worried. "You're going to be teamed up with Zondra and I for a bit."

"How's long a bit?" Sarah asked. Molly winced.

"Three weeks," Chuck said. "Minimum." Molly nodded. Sarah looked at him.

"They're making me do the Post requalification, aren't they?" he asked. Molly nodded. "San Jose, San Diego?" Molly looked away.

"They're going to let Casey do it here," she said. Chuck bounced his head off the table. "You get to go home every night."

"And study," Sarah said, rubbing Chuck's arm. "I can help you."

"Yay, my best girl is going to help me with my homework," Chuck said, head still on the table. "Maybe we can go steady afterwards."

"Chuck, it's not 1958," Sarah said. "Besides, when you do well on tests, I believe in the best rewards." Chuck's head came up.

"The best?" he asked. She nodded. "Ice cream?"

"Absolutely," she said, laughing. They looked at Molly, and she had a look on her face that didn't match their enthusiasm.

"Or," Chuck said, looking at Molly.

"How well do you know Cole Barker?" Molly asked. Chuck looked sick to his stomach. "That well."

"What's wrong with him?" Sarah asked. Molly grinned.

"Oh, abs o lutely noth ing," she said, stressing each syllable. Molly smiled dreamily while Chuck looked nauseous. Sarah looked at Molly. Molly shrugged. "Some people think he's a bit of a ladies man."

"He has a reputation," Chuck replied, still looking pale.

"I'm sure it's just locker room gossip," Molly said. Chuck just looked at her, and she grinned. "Hear me out." Chuck nodded. "He was approached by Lt. Mausser and told that if he wanted a shot with Sarah, he had heard through the grapevine you were going to be lonely for a few days."

"Wait, what?" Sarah asked.

"More importantly, how?" Chuck asked. "I didn't even know yet." He started thinking. "You remember that video of Mausser and Ned?" Sarah nodded. "I think this settles it, he's dirty." Molly nodded.

"These orders hadn't even been given out to you, yet, and somehow Mausser knew," Molly said. "It had been recommended you be recertified, but not decided on yet."

"You think through Vivian?" Chuck asked. Molly nodded.

"There's a leak, and I think I know how to fix it, but it's going to require something that might make you two a little uncomfortable," Molly said. She looked at Sarah.

"Molly, I'm not doing this," Sarah said. "Look at him," she said, nodding to Chuck, who looked somewhat pale. Molly pulled out a picture and slid it toward Chuck. He took a look at it and whistled.

"The Black Widow, Sasha Banacheck," Chuck said. "She's supposed to be one of the top 'fixers' in Fulcrum, never could prove it. Why is she meeting with Mausser in this picture?"

"That's what we want to know," Molly said. "I have a feeling she's giving Mausser news. Chuck looked confused. "I know, usually she just takes care of things. Why she's giving Mausser this info, I have no idea. I have a bit of a plan, will you two at least hear it out?" Molly asked. "You know I'm team Charah all the way."

"Charah?" Sarah said. Molly grinned and got up.

"Go sit with your man," Molly said. Sarah did and Molly sent a text, and slid in the empty seat where Sarah had been sitting. Two minutes later, Cole came walking in. He sat down beside Molly, smiled at her, and shook Chuck and Sarah's hands. Sarah watched her sister and Cole.

"Oh my God you're dating!" Sarah said. Molly turned red and looked away, Cole just sat there, revealing nothing.

"Jennnnnn," she slightly whined.

"OH MY GOD, my baby sister is dating!" Sarah said, turning to Chuck. "She's been giving us grief for weeks and never told me! She has been all over you, and she's dating another guy." Chuck began a bit worried.

"Cole, I would never," Chuck began, and Cole held up his hand.

"Molly adores you, and we all know how she is," Cole said smiling. "Now, I'm sure you're concerned about a great many things. I don't know how much Molly's told you, but the number one thing on this mission is Sarah's safety."

"He's actually concerned you're going to try and sleep with me," Sarah said. Cole looked at her and then to Chuck.

"I wish they'd come out and get to the point more often," he said. Chuck began to laugh. "I know you've heard lots of stories about me, and I won't say I haven't been one who has had many dalliances, but I'm serious about Molly, and besides the fact I'm quite scared what she might do to me if I were to cheat, to cheat with her sister….that's a special kind of stupid."

"You'd never have a chance," Sarah said.

"Okay, so I'm guessing the goal of them is to drive a wedge between us," Chuck said. "Which makes some sense. We've put a small dent in Fulcrum so if they split us maybe they think we're less likely to pay attention to them. How do we use that?"

"Listen, we know Casey is going to run you ragged, right?" Molly asked. Chuck groaned and nodded. "Then it's real simple. She's lonely, they go out a few times as colleagues. The phone calls she gets from you are all in public, they're not going to track cell phones, that's not Sasha's MO. However, the bigger question is why is the Black Widow being pushed in your direction?"

"I'm really not her type," Sarah admitted, smiling. "She seems more into guys."

"You may have that effect on more women than you realize," Chuck muttered. Sarah tried to glare at him, but it turned into a grin.

"So why?" Molly asked. Sarah stared at the picture.

"Ryan, could she be one of the people that has a fake history at Fulcrum?" Sarah asked.

"And that report reached Dad's desk," Molly added.

"Take you out, and that hurts Ryan, and the Mayor, and protects her," Cole added in.

"But why Cole?" Chuck asked. "Unless…okay, the goal is to get close enough to kill, but what if she doesn't?" Everyone turned to him. "What if she tries to destroy your credibility? Your personal credibility? Look I'm already a semi-loose cannon that has to go back to get recertified, and you are in relationships with Bryce, then me, and if Cole were to tickle your fancy…"

"Guys would not want to partner with me," Sarah said, nodding.

"It's not the smartest plan in the world," Molly said.

"Oh, I don't know," Chuck said. "Sometimes people are more interested in a story than facts, and if it looks just real enough…" Chuck trailed off.

"Break your team up, there goes Fulcrum's problems, and people looking into those files," Cole said. "Look, she's smart, if she were to be put in a position to flip on her employers," he began.

"Fulcrum would be done," Molly said. She let that sink in a minute. Chuck was staring at the picture, and she knew he really wasn't on board. "But again, if everyone here doesn't agree, it's a no go." Chuck looked uncomfortable.

"Ryan, I promise," Cole began.

"Cole, you're quite an attractive man, but one, my girlfriend wouldn't cheat on me, I trust her. Two you'd be an idiot to have the two of them after you," Chuck said. He wrung his hands together and looked at Sarah. "I worry about her getting hurt." Sarah put her hand on his arm.

"Hey, I'll be okay," she said. Chuck nodded. "If you're not comfortable with it-"

"Sarah, it's you're call, I'm just concerned. I won't be around, which is my fault. Casey and I will be off recertifying me, and if you get hurt because I let myself get this out of practice that I have to be recertified I don't know if I can ever forgive myself," Chuck said.

"I understand," Cole said. "Ryan, I'll do everything I can to protect her."

"I know you will," Chuck said. He looked at Molly and then at Sarah. He held out his hand. "Hi, Chuck Bartowski," he said. Cole's eyes got big, and he shook Chuck's hand. "There's more to this, and if we're bringing the Special Operations Bureau on board then there's more you need to know."

}o{

Ted was watching the Dodgers on TV and muttering about finding a good pitcher when his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and answered.

"Evening, Sir, how can I help you?" he asked.

"Is your phone secure?" Volkoff asked.

"Yes, sir, the second you called, I turned on the scrambler," he said, fumbling with the switch to do so now. He really didn't need Volkoff mad at him. "Not that I don't mind talking to you, but seems like we have been having a lot of conversations lately for two people supposed to not be in contact with each other."

"It's that idiot, Bernie," Volkoff spat. "He's going after Ryan and his partner. He's wasting resources."

"What's the moron doing?" Roark asked.

"He using Sasha to feed information to get one of the police officers to seduce Ryan's partner," Volkoff said. Ted sat up.

"Whaaaa?" he replied. "Sasha is very good at what she does, Sir. When you hire a plumber to drain your pipes you don't ask him to bake a cake." Volkoff tried to follow that logic. "Is it time to close up the ring?"

"As of now, nothing can be traced back to me," Volkoff said. "However, if Bernie becomes too volatile, well…" Volkoff began to laugh. Roark began to laugh. Both men continued to laugh, until they stopped, both a little uncomfortable.

"Well, good talk boss, he goes nuts, I'll take care of him if you want," Roark said.

"Ted, I don't understand about half of what you say sometimes, but I do know you're good to have around," Volkoff said, and hung up. Ted hung up and turned back to the TV.

"Seriously!? Maybe I need to send Sasha to meet with some of the Padres's players."

}o{

Fifteen minutes later Chuck and company found themselves at the bus station. Chuck walked over to the locker his mother had pinpointed with the card, and opened it up. He stepped back.

"Aren't you going to see what's in there?" Sarah asked. Chuck shook his head.

"Nope, I'm out of this investigation as of right now," Chuck said. Sarah reached into the locker and found a notebook. She flipped through it until she came to a page of formulas. She looked up at him.

"I have to talk to Lester and see if this is the formula that killed Zarnow," she said. Chuck began to laugh as what she said just dawned on her. Molly shuddered. Jeff would probably try to smell her hair again.

}o{

Sarah opened the door to her apartment. She felt awful. Chuck had been working on his recertification for two weeks. Tonight she had gone to dinner with Cole. He was charming, kind, nice, sincere, the food had been excellent, and if she were single…but she wasn't and she hated it. Hated every blasted second of this. That should have been Chuck she was doing that with. It was Chuck she wanted to have these dinners with. She stopped as she opened the door, and realized that was what she wanted. She had never wanted that with anyone else. For the rest of her life she wanted dinner with Chuck, that fact made her feel much better, until she noticed the hot pocket on the coffee table.

"How upset is he?" Sarah asked.

"Who?" Casey asked, turning down the newest episode of Downton Abbey. "Oh, Chuck, he's asleep."

"Was today that bad?" she asked, close to tears.

"Geez, Walker, get ahold of your lady feelings," Casey said. "I gave him a little dose of something to make him sleep. We need to have a talk away from everyone." She nodded and sat down. "Wow, you've got it that bad? You're on an assignment, he knows it, and trusts you, and you look torn up."

"I want to only have dinner with him, Casey, only him, I can't do this to him," she said, tears in her eyes.

"You don't want done to him what was done to you," Casey said softly. Sarah nodded. "Then my bad news may be good news." She looked at him expectantly. "He's close to being done. He's pushing through and passing every test with flying colors. It takes a bit to get him to remember everything but he's back to putting up those miraculous scores, except for the nerd stuff, you're still the queen there." Sarah shook her head. "Which means we need to speed up the plan. You need to bring Cole back here tomorrow night, seal the deal, and hope she follows."

"I AM NOT-"

"Christ, calm down, Walker," Casey said, his hands up. "You don't have to sleep with the guy. Bring him in the apartment, Chuck and I will keep watch and when she makes her move, we'll get her." Casey shook his head. "Damn lady feelings."

}o{

"Don't forget you need to sell it," Casey said over the earwig. Chuck glared at him. "It won't do any good to half ass it. We need them to think she is getting severely compromised." Chuck's glare deepened. "Bartowski, they have to belief he's riding her hard-"

"ENOUGH CASEY!" both Sarah and Molly's voices came over the com. Chuck tried not to smile. He was really surprised at how much Molly was bothered by all of this. Chuck picked up the phone and made the call that he wasn't coming home tonight, as he did he had the binoculars on Sasha. She was getting ready to make her move. Casey followed his line of sight and called it in. Molly and Zondra got into position and when Sasha got to the floor where Chuck and Sarah's apartment was, she was quickly taken down by the four of them. Chuck and Casey arrived seconds later to help secure the scene.

Casey and Zondra dragged Sasha downtown, leaving the two couples alone in Chuck and Sarah's apartment.

"You okay?" Chuck asked.

"Fine," she said. "Nothing happened."

"I know it's just it was hard on you, hard on all of us," Chuck said, looking at the three. He extended his hand to Cole. "Thank you. For taking care of her."

"It was my pleasure, Chuck," Cole said. "Now, if you don't mind, I've been going out with the wrong sister for a bit and I need to make things right."

"Damn right you do," Molly said.

"Great, Molly's going to be skipping at work tomorrow," Chuck said.

"Not if Cole does it right," Molly said on the way out of the door. Chuck turned to Sarah.

"She has no shame."

"None," Sarah agreed, wrapping her arms around Chuck. "Never again," she whispered into his ear. "I never want to have dinner with anyone but you."

"Okay," Chuck said.

"I never want someone wrapping their arms around me and me shushing them but you," she said, pulling him tight.

"Agreed," Chuck replied.

"Chuck, there's no one else but you," she said, looking at him.

"There's no one else for me but you," Chuck admitted. "I love you Sarah," he said, pulling her in. She grabbed him gently, and began to kiss him. It grew more passionate by the second, and she dragged him to the couch. "What are you doing?" he asked. She gave him a look.

"If you haven't figured it out, I'm not doing a very good job," she said, yanking his shirt over his head. She shoved him down to the couch into a sitting position and climbed onto his lap. She attacked his mouth as she began to undo her own shirt. His tongue swept her mouth and she lost it. Nothing had happened in the past few days, but it was too much. Emotions flooded her, he began to stop. "Don't you dare, Chuck. Don't you dare stop. I need you, right this second." She managed to get her hands between them, unbuttoned his pants and jerked them off of him. Hers followed a second later, and it began. Desperate, needy, but it slowed until they were one, and in that moment, promises were made, somehow they took a step forward that neither of them knew they needed to, but was necessary. I loves you were murmured, and passion seized both of them.

Sometime later, neither sure how much time had passed, Sarah found herself with her head on his chest.

"You're mine, Bartowski, and I'm yours, we never do that again," Sarah said.

"You mean what we did on the couch?" he asked. Sarah slapped his bare chest, and he chuckled. "Sarah, nothing happened," he replied. "Did it?" She shook her head.

"No," she replied. "But what if that's how it started with Bryce? I'm not saying you don't get to have dinner with Carina or me with Casey, but none of that crap I had to do this week. This is too important. We're too important." There was silence for a second.

"Forever important?" he asked quietly. She didn't answer for a second.

"I don't know if forever is long enough," she admitted. Chuck held her tighter. Things were perfect, and that was rare in his life.

}o{

"Boss, there's a guy here to see you," Hugo told Volkoff.

"Hugo, there's no one I want to see," Volkoff replied. "Why would you bother me? This whole Sasha thing has gotten out of control."

"I may have found you an out with that," Hugo said. "Trust me, Boss." Volkoff nodded and Hugo went and opened the door. Volkoff's eyebrows went up when he saw who walked in.

"Hugo, are you sure?" Volkoff asked.

"Oh, he's sure," the man replied, walking forward. "I can help you take down Ryan. I can help you take control of the police department and the mayor, and we can both get exactly what we want." He stopped right in front of Volkoff's desk. "See the thing is the man you know as Ryan, is actually Chuck Bartowski." Volkoff stared at him. "And his, mother,"

"Is Mary Bartowski," Volkoff finished for him. "I'll kill her."

"Or, you could give her to Fulcrum and use her as a bargaining chip against Bartowski," the man suggested. "If it works, you get him off your back, if it doesn't close ranks like you were going to, but regardless, Mary Bartowski isn't giving him info anymore." Volkoff studied him for a minute, picked up the phone, and made a call.

"Yes, can you come down here for a minute please?" Volkoff asked, and then hung up. A minute later the door opened. "Vivian, we have a surprise." Vivian watched as Bryce turned around towards her. "I think we have an opening for Mr. Larkin, as our lawyer. He just informed us of Detective Ryan's identity, one Chuck Bartowski, you may know his mother."

"Mary," Vivian said. She walked up to Bryce, grabbed him and kissed him. When they broke she looked into his eyes. "Welcome home, Bryce." Bryce nodded, he was going to take down Chuck and get the girl he wanted. Life was good sometimes.

A/N: So maybe Bryce is a bad guy….maybe one some would call…a douchenozzle…what happens to Chuck and Mary?...Find out next time on Casey and Walker…Same Chuck Time, Same Chuck Channel…Hope you liked it, reviews and PMs are always welcomed…Til next time!

DC

[becbibliophile]

Boy, what a year 2019 ended up being! As I’m closing in on the year, I’m nearing 278 books read this year. So picking the top 10% (ish) is quite a task. This year held a lot of surprises for me. I had some of my most anticipated make this list but also had some new to me authors and so of my old favorites make a comeback into the list. I had such a hard time getting it down, so I fudged a little, including some entire series (all released this year) because I just couldn’t pick which one to choose.

I hope you’ll give some of the authors on my list a try, especially ones you may not have heard of because each one of these authors is a shining star! I can’t wait to see what 2020 brings to my kindle and my never-ending TBR!

#ROMCOM #FriendsToLovers

‘Getting lucky’ is a phrase I could barely say without blushing…

Yep! I’m that girl. The one my friends call goody two shoes…

But…good girls don’t finish first. THEY—GET—DUMPED. Even after investing—no, wasting—six years of their life on the guy who was supposed to be the one.

So…I traded in my halo for a pair of horns!

Hello, world…Clover Kelly is single and ready to mingle!

Then it happened, I suddenly found myself staring in the dating game to beat all dating games.

While pouring out my heart to my best friend, my new quest for lust is accidentally broadcast live…ON THE RADIO! Yay, me!

Did I mention my best friend is an uber-famous radio personality…and a guy? A really hot guy? Yeah, his face isn’t plastered all over town simply for his name…

When the requests to win my heart came pouring in and became date after horribly bad date – I couldn’t help but wonder…

Could he? Could we? I mean I’m already breaking all the rules.

What’s a girl gotta do to get lucky?

MY THOUGHTS

What could go wrong when you fall in love with your best friend? LOL

Friends-to-lovers is my favorite genre and Cary nailed it in this super cute, fun yet sexy read.

Cary is one of those diamonds in the rough – more people need to be reading her. And this ROMCOM is the perfect segway into reading one of my favorite authors. If you haven’t picked up this book you must! Check out the trailer for the book.

  GOODREADS | AMAZON

#SuspenceRomance #MafiaRomance #FriendsToLovers

She fled from the depths of hell, her life barely intact.

Iris is finally living a peaceful life away from all that she fears. She’s ready to come out of hiding and start living again.

He walked away from a life no one is supposed to escape.

Callan’s been looking over his shoulder for the past two years. There’s a reason they say the mafia is for life. Now, in a new city, and as the guardian of his sister, he has the chance to create a life he can be proud of.

Iris’s world is rocked off its axis when she meets her new neighbor with turquoise eyes and a protective streak a mile wide. Soon the chemistry between them sparks to life and it’s not long before passion consumes them. But their pasts are never too far away…

When those he loves the most are threatened, will the cost of his sacrifice be his own life?

MY THOUGHTS

Vow of Sacrifice was book 5 in the series but each can be read as a standalone. This entire series is AMAZING!

We finally get mysterious Callen’s story and it did not disappoint. I loved seeing the softer side of Callen and Iris brought out all the softness and sexiness of Callen.

This book gives you a wide range of emotions, as Iris is running from an abusive relationship, while Callen is trying to live his life the best he can away from the mafia. From the first time we meet Callen in James’ book, you know that there is a depth and such a story behind his stormy eyes. How he’s raising his little sister and now as he takes in Iris to be her protector.

Emma does a great job of balancing the suspense with the romance. Once you start one of her books, you don’t want to put it down. As always, each book can be read as a standalone but I would highly recommend Emma’s Vow Series. It’s seriously one of my top suspense romance series!

 SERIES GOODREADS | AMAZON | B&N | APPLE BOOKS | KOBO

#FakeRomance #SportsRomance

Wanted: one hot guy with rock-hard abs and a big stick.

Broke and desperate, Sugar Ryan has no use for arrogant, bad boy athletes . . . until she’s forced to bargain with the cockiest of them all.

If only he knew she was alive.

Her mission? Get on this hockey player’s radar any way possible.

Zack Morgan is the king of the ice and the bedroom—but nothing prepares him for the mystery girl who shows up everywhere he does—frat parties, his favorite bar, and finally his front door with an offer he can’t refuse. The only rule in her boyfriend bargain: no falling in love.

But after one (um, two) smoking-hot hookups, he’s done with pretending and vows to make their fake relationship real. Too bad she can’t trust a player with a reputation for breaking hearts.

Will this hockey star score his forever girl or will their Boyfriend Bargain end in heartbreak?

A standalone hockey romance.

MY THOUGHTS

TALK ABOUT SWOONY!!! OH MY Z for the WIN! And everyone knows that I am a big sucker for hockey romances.

Sugar and Z were so much fun!

Boyfriend Bargain starts as the typical fake boyfriend story – but as you dive in, it becomes so much more than the need to pull the wool over someone else’s eyes. From the start, Sugar and Z are burning hot together. And with each page turn, you become more and more invested in these two into becoming more. Both have pasts that are full of demons and heartache which makes them all the more better to become a team together.

Zane is smoking HOT. And thank you, Ilsa, for this cover because he definitely makes the perfect Z

GOODREADS | AMAZON

#FriendsToLovers  #SportsRomance

What happens when an almost thirty-year-old virgin agrees to let her Scottish footballer best friend give her some lessons in seduction?

Lots of banter, awkwardness, jealousy, and heat.

Midfielder Maclay “Mac” Logan is a loud-mouthed, tattooed ginger content with focusing on football. But when an adorably-freckled seamstress comes barreling into his life, he finds Netflix-And-Bickering with her to be his new favorite pastime.

Freya Cook is used to being the invisible woman with a needle and thread, offering cheeky punchlines as she helps dress London’s finest. She’s plus-sized in body and spirit, and other than her friendship with Mac, talking to the opposite sex is one skill she never mastered.

However, after one innocent game of Never Have I Ever, Mac offers to play Love Coach for Freya.

What neither of them see coming are the feelings that develop when the clothes come off.

Now they’re both about to learn the biggest lesson of all: Don’t fall in love with your best friend.

MY THOUGHTS

Such a cute story about best friends who decide to add some benefits to their lives and it ends up being a lot more than either of them expected!

First off, I have to say that I want Amy to never stop writing in the Harris world. I feel like she could go on forever with this klan and I would be plum happy to aways have storylines coming from the other side of the pond with their sexy footballers.

Freya and Mac may seem like an odd couple but the two have been the best of friends for the past year. But after an innocent game of Never Have I Ever at a party – Mac comes to find out that Freya has little experience with the opposite sex. So he decides that maybe he can give her some pointers on how to date. What he never expected was that his own feeling for the quirky yet cute redhead would come bubbling to the surface and he would come to find his jealous side when it comes to all things Freya.

This was such a fun, laugh out loud, cute yet super sexy read. I loved Mac and Freya together!

GOODREADS | AMAZON

#MilitaryRomance #SecondChance #SuspenceRomance

We were best friends at ten. Lovers at sixteen. Going to be married at nineteen.

Until she woke up one day and couldn’t remember me.

Leaving the small town was easy. Leaving her was my only regret. Ten years later, with a resume that said I had the perfect kill shot, I landed a job at a Security firm. Finding my way in the civilian life, I never thought it would be her I would find.

She still owned my heart. She still looked at me like I was a stranger. I wasn’t leaving her again. This time, we were playing by my rules. I’d been given a second chance to right my wrongs and I was going to start by claiming what was mine.

We were lovers at twenty-eight. Getting married at twenty-nine.

Until she woke up and remembered me.

MY THOUGHTS

WOW!!! This book was Amazing!! I don’t even know where to begin with this book. Tina is a new to me author and I was so taken by this book, I read it all in one sitting.

There really isn’t much I can tell you about the book without giving away major plot points. But it was a page-turner. It will keep you on edge and surprises arise throughout the book.

A second chance romance with a twist!

Such a great read and I look forward to reading more from Tina!

GOODREADS | AMAZON

I hope you will check out these books – at least add them to your TBRs and I’ll see you back here tomorrow for #25-21.

xo –

Enter to win a $25 Amazon GC!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

See my list of the top reads for 2019! I'm kicking it off with numbers 26-30 today. @authorcaryhart @authoremmaren @ilsamaddenmills @amydawsauthor and Tina Saxton Boy, what a year 2019 ended up being! As I'm closing in on the year, I'm nearing 278 books read this year.

[bfknj]

tags masterpost (?)

I was tagged in a few tag games over the past few days and instead of posting them all separately I decided to just put them all on one! If I tagged you feel free to do any or all of these (including people who tagged me!!) As always, don’t feel any pressure to do any, I just think these are fun and wanted to share :)

- - - - 11 questions tag - - - -

Rules: 1. Make sure to post the rules!! 2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger. 3. Write 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people

these questions are from @moonmyun !! michaela you had me stRUGGLIN OKAY YOUR QUESTIONS WERE HARD but ily still bless you for the tag you angel :”)

1 who is your bias group? why?

BANGTAN SONYEONDAN AKA MEME SQUAD !!!!!!! honestly they just make me so beyond happy wow holly nobody ever says that about their favs ur original a LOOOT of music is centered around love these days and not to say bts doesn’t do that with a lot of their music but they also tackle a lot of societal issues and I really respect them for that. From 21st century girls w politics, spring day mv and the ferry sinking, suicide in the I need u mv and many other things I feel like they take risks for the sake of portraying what they hold true to their hearts/morals not necessarily what will sell best and I can’t name many other groups who do that as well :( also my boys cute af I love those dweebs IM SO WHIPPED HAH

2 which kpop video do you find the most aesthetically pleasing?

this is hard :(( idk my number one but I really like seventeen hip hop unit’s check in, red velvet’s one of these nights, ladies code’s galaxy, kim lip of loona’s eclipse and crush’s fall ! they don't all match my aesthetic but I feel like they match the songs really well!!! watch them okay 3/5 of them are hELLA UNDERRATED bye

3 if you could instantly learn one choreography, what would you pick?

something by either gfriend or bts?? love whisper or not today or blood sweat tears?? OOOH or red flavor by rv!! tbh though I’m really skinny so my limbs look weird af with a lot of dances rip

4 who do you look up to as a role model (in the kpop community or not)?

there’s no person in particular that really sticks out but I will say I’ve always admired jungkook, and really all trainees for that matter, who leave their families to start training really young because its a process thats hard physically, emotionally and mentally for late teen/early twenties trainees but there’s sO many kids who enter in their pre-teens and idk how they survive also I realized this doesn’t answer your question at all I'm sorry its 1:28 AM I’m just waiting for the DNA mv to drop

5 whose concert would you go to if you could and why?

DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 !!!!! THEY INVENTED LIVE SHOWS DONT FIGHT ME ON THIS or shoot maybe dean or crush or heize?? I LOVE TOO MANY TALENTED PEOPLE also I would say bts but although there are countless amazing beautiful armys there are def some crazy scary ones that are known to be horrible at concerts so

6 if you could pick one idol to be best friends with, who would it be and why?

OK YALL IVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT IN MY DAILY LIFE SO S/H TO MICHAELA FOR ASKING ILY either boo seungkwan or ahn heeyeon!! I feel like hani would be so fun to have girl time with bc I feel like we’re really similar in some ways ?? IDK I LOVE HER bUT overall I’d say boo seungkwan because istg we are 100000000% the same person only he has a weenie ok just trust me I am boo and boo is me

7 would you want to be a part of a kpop group if you had the opportunity to be?

I’d absolutely love to be in the entertainment industry and I think the staging, costuming, group dynamics and publicity (variety shows, fan service/interations) in the kpop industry are all really cool but I honestly don't think I have the mental strength to do it lmao idols go through so much and I don’t think I could handle it regardless of how much I enjoy singing/dancing/performing etc.

8 what languages do you speak, and which do you want to learn?

english and some spanish??? I understand a lot because quite a bit of my family speaks it but my conversational skills have gone downhill recently because I haven’t had a lot of opportunities to practice :( with that said, I’d like to be fluent in spanish and - BEFORE YOU COME FOR ME READ IT ALL OK - I’d like to learn korean BECAUSE!!!!! when I was little before I moved I would go to a farmers market by my house and a lot of the older ladies there spoke korean and little holly though it sounded so pretty and I always wanted to chat w them ok THATS WHY I’m not a creepy koreaboo this has been a thing since before I even knew what a kpop was ok bye 

9 what song cheers you up when you’re sad?

fire by bts bc I get hella turnt to that song its a pROBLEM also jackpot by block b, baby/puss in boots by astro, chained up by vixx, not today/bst by bts, knock knock by twice, i think I love you by sonamoo THE LIST GOES ON I HAVE A WHOLE PLAYLIST OK

10 what things do you associate with your bias?

dimples!! pretty hands, closing one eye in selcas, ootds, happiness so cheesy ik sORRY, ryan, studying, awkward dancing, open mouth laughs, second hand embarrassment, sentimental rants

11 what’s your favourite thing to do in your free time?

cry over namjoon tbh I’m one of those people who is constantly listening to music so I’m always doing that and singing along regardless of if its free time or not HAH then I really like reading and catching up on my youtube subscriptions

my questions!

what is your dream job?

favorite book of all time?

what is your current fashion like and what is your dream fashion?

if your best friend was cloned, how would you know which one of the two was your best friend?

what song got you into kpop?

which idol do you think is most similar to you?

favorite kpop lyrics?

if given the opportunity to collaborate with any group/soloist of your choice, who would you choose and why?

what is your favorite physical and character trait of your ult?

which underrated groups/soloists do you believe deserve more recognition? any song recs?

do you read fanfics? if so, what are your favorites?

- - - - song title game - - - -

I was tagged by @kihani, your song choices were 12/10 

rules: spell you your url with kpop songs and tag ten people! (all of these happen to by song recs too so listen nd be happy friends)

mysterious - hello venus

i think i love you? - sonamoo (a fav ok listen pls)

life in color - beenzino

knock - knk 

jelly - hotshot

only u - daze

out of sorts - vixx

night rather than day - exid

she’s a baby - zico

- - - - get to know me tag! - - - -

1ST RULE: Tag 10 people you want to get to know better.

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true. tagged by @sleepysugarmoon, thank you friend!! APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses (or contact lenses) I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people  People tell me that I’m funny   Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument  I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month Fandoms are my #1 passion  I do or have done martial arts EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I have had a teacher with the last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year

tagging some mutuals bc ily and why do you even follow me I'm a wreck tbh OK i tag: @kihani, @21jd, @lapatronakim, @94seulqi, @gayoongi, @springdqy, @medina-kim, @15minss, @je0n, @cottontae, @taebaeul, @booty-baekery, @lalisl, @babekhyun, @voidpjm and anyone else who wants to try any or all of these!! 

[thoughtscometolife-blog1]

ocean eyes

Frustration. It's all I can feel right now while taking this woman's order, whose eyes are almost just as blue and beautiful as the mysterious girl's, who I've seen twice already and still don't know what her name is or where she lives or why she always seem to be wandering the streets so late at night. I can't help but let out a slightly exaggerated sigh on my way to kitchen. Be warned world, I'm in a mood. It hasn't even been 24 hours since the whole parking lot incident but it's replayed so many times in my head, that it sincerely feels as though it happened no less than 10 minutes ago. Last night right after we all returned from the Diner, Ryan apologized for acting like a complete lunatic and made us promise we'd never say a word about happened to his parents since he didn't want to alarm them. 

"Hey are you okay?" Poppy asks inquisitively from across the counter the moment she catches me throwing my small notepad and pen onto it. I know she means well, but how am I supposed to tell her how I feel when I promised to never talk about last night. Surprisingly, she notices my discomfort and reaches out to give my hand a gentle squeeze. It quickly becomes evident that she knows exactly what has me so worked up, so she motions with her head for me to follow her to this empty booth where we spend the next 12 minutes discussing the events from the night before and eventually come up with the plan of very discreetly asking costumers if they've ever seen a blue eyed girl, with greyish hair, who wanders the streets late at night wearing a black sweatshirt underneath a denim overall.

2 HOURS LATER

"I guess we'll try again on Monday!" I say, feeling a little defeated but still managing to flash Poppy a gentle grin while I retrieve my backpack from the Diner lockers. We asked over 20 costumers if they had ever seen the mysterious blue eyed girl, and while half of them looked at us strangely as if we were on drugs, the other half had no idea who this person was. 

"I'm running late for my date with Paul, so I'll see ya Monday. Text me when you get home" Poppy's face does that thing again where it lights up at the mention of Paul and after giving me a tight bear hug, like she always does, she's out the door. I sigh, wishing I had plans for the weekend ahead, but as per usual... I never do.

THE NEXT DAY

Saturday. What I've always loved about Saturdays is that I get to sleep in and recover from a never not hectic week working at Frankie's, today, however, I'm unable to stay in bed past 8am, so now I'm up, dressed and out the door to go for a morning stroll on the beach. The second I opened my eyes this morning, all my thoughts went straight to the mysterious blue eyed girl. I don't know where does the sudden interest of knowing who she is comes from, but I feel like I need to find her and ask her myself why she apologized to me that fourth of July and finally get some peace of mind. Part of me thinks I'm acting like a crazy person and that I should probably move on with my life, but that night in the parking lot, when I saw her again, I knew this had to be more than just a coincidence. I then reach for my headphones in my hoodie pockets and put the earbuds in my ears, letting my favorite indie music playlist take my mind off of her ocean eyes, while ironically walking along the beach. 

LATER THAT DAY

I really need to buy a car. I think to myself as I walk back home from the street market, carrying 4 bags in each hand. Usually it doesn't take me long to get home, I'm a fast walker and that's something I've always been proud of, however, today I've decided to slow down the pace and study my surroundings in hopes there's a sign of "ocean eyes" girl, but it's nearly impossible with all the pedestrians coming from all different directions. This is frustrating. I very briefly zone out thinking about how I wouldn't have this problem if I didn't think too much into things and obsess over them. I'd say that's a toxic trait of mine. The silliest most irrelevant thing could happen to me, and I'd still find a way to over analyze it until it becomes the only thing I can think ab-

"I'm sorry" 

I feel someone accidentally bumping shoulders with me as I cross the street and I immediately freeze. I freeze the same way I did before and all I do is nod my head in response to their apology. That... voice. That same... "I'm sorry". I can't help but stare into their bright and icy blue eyes.

The mysterious girl.... again. 

Wait, is this real life? She did not just bump shoulders with me, did she? We're both walking in different directions, with both our heads still turned towards each other. In a matter of seconds, she looks away and gets on the sidewalk and continues walking away from me, while all I do is stand there, completely immobile, looking like a fool. "Hey! Wait!" I call for her from across the street and in without thinking it twice, I run after her. The moment I catch up and I'm finally walking right beside her, she turns her head to look at me with a expression that almost mirrors my own. Confusion mixed with relief. 

"You're the girl that-" 

"Yes, it's me, I'm sorry, I promise you I wasn't doing anything bad, I just-- I'm sorry. I'm not those things your boyfriend said about me" She says, cutting me off, not giving me enough time to come up with a response to her speech. 

"I.. listen, it's okay. I'm not here to judge you, in fact, my friend Poppy and I have been wanting to apologize for what happened that night. We tried asking costumers if they had seen you before or if they had any idea of who you were or where you lived, so we could send you a cute “We’re sorry” gift basket." 

I chew on my lower lip, watching her expression go from confusion to... embarrassment, because her entire face has now turned red and she's looking down at her feet while we both continue walking along the sidewalk. 

"That's.. very sweet of you two, but I'm fine, I promise. You have nothing to worry about. So please let your boyfriend know that he and his family have nothing to worry about either" she has now stopped walking and is standing in front of me, looking around as if there were somewhere she needed to be right this second and I'm just.. being a distraction. 

"I.. I really need to get going.." She says, with her arms folded over her chest, looking behind her. God, wait is this it? Do I let her go now? What about all the other things I need to ask her! Crap, she's not much of a conversationalist, is she? But who am I kidding? I'm not one either.

 "He's not my boyfriend" My response makes her furrow her brows in confusion and I continue... "Ryan... the guy who was an absolute douche to you the other night. Yeah, he's not my boyfriend. Gross" I say laughing, trying to get her to do the same but she just goes "Oh". 

Unsure of what to say or do next, I let my impulsiveness take the wheel. "Are you busy?" I ask hoping she says she isn't. 

"Wait... like.. right now?".. "Yes... right now. Are you busy?" She starts looking around again and hesitates to respond for a nanosecond before slowly shaking her head no while biting the inside of her cheek. PERFECT! 

"I live like 10 mins away from here... and I'm making tacos tonight. Yes, I know you don't want a gift basket, but could you at least accept one or two apology tacos from me?" I push my bottom lip in a pout which causes her to let out a soft laugh, followed by a deep sigh. 

"So.. is that a yes?" Again she bites the inside of her cheek and nods. 

"But those look heavy... let me give you a hand" She says offering to help me with my bags, and I don't know why... but I let her. She's so nice. 

"I'm Sydney, by the way!"

 "Billie. I'd be polite and shake your hand if I could... but" She chuckles softly and my insides melt. She got jokes, and she's real nice. I'm even starting to wonder if this is the same sad looking girl I've seen in the past. 

[5hfanfiction]

The Swing Club - Chapter 9

Chapter 9 - Intimate at Last

Trigger Warning (just in case) - sexual content, unfaithfulness, cursing, Camila + Austin moments

  Long story short, Dinah crushed me in the game.

As we’re taking Dinah’s limo back to my place, Dinah can’t help but make fun of my pathetic bowling skills, or lack thereof.

“Walz were you even trying? Like, I think Seth my baby brother could have done better than you and the ball probably weighs more than the squirt! I mean, how do you even throw 6 balls in a row into the gutter?”

“Dinah! You know I’m not athletic at all! I’m just happy I didn’t drop the ball on my foot this time! Last time that happened my whole foot turned purple and I’m still certain I broke a toe!”

“Broke a toe? Walz, you didn’t break a toe! The ball landed on your foot, not your toes!”

“But your toes are attached to your foot Dinah, duh” I say as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, which it is.

“Gurl, if you broke a toe you wouldn’t have been dancing with Austin the next night at that club,” she says pointedly.

Ah shit, she’d right, we did go clubbing the next day. But no, Dinah can’t win the bowling match and the argument.

So, I lie, only a white lie so I don’t count it as lying. It’s also Dinah, which is reason enough not to be bothered with lying just a little bit.

“You’re totally wrong Dinah! I skipped that night and watched the Notebook!” I said as convincingly as I could. Now this seemed believable, since it could be true. Everyone knew of my love for The Notebook and Ryan Gosling.

Dinah seemed to hesitate, you could almost see the wheels turning in her head.

Before she could say anything I decide to announce that I’m hungry.

“Dinah I am so hungry, I swear I could eat a whole cow.”

“Mila when are you not hungry?”

I pretend to think, “never, the answer is never.”

“Girl, we both knew. Now stop griping and groaning we’re almost at yours.”

I smile in satisfaction that Dinah had forgotten our previous conversation

We arrived back at my apartment, said our goodbyes and parted ways. Upon entering my home I felt two arms wrap around me in a comfortable manner and soft lips on my neck.

“Hey babe, where were you? I missed you.” Austin said softly in my ear.

I leaned into his touch getting ready to gloat about deciphering the little white paper that had confused us for days.

“Oh, nothing,” I say nonchalantly.

“I went bowling with Dinah,” I try to walk out of his arms now, but they hold me in place. Only slightly though. If I wanted to, I could exit his embrace, but I didn’t see the need to anymore.

“Bowling?” Austin says incredulously, “Camila, last time you went bowling with Dinah you dropped a ball on your foot,” he chuckled out loud.

“Ughhhhh, I know,” I said, “That was the first thing Dinah said too.”

Austin laughed lightly, “Of course she did, it wouldn’t be Dinah if she didn’t, right?”

At this moment Austin decided to let go of me. I move swiftly away from him and plop myself onto the floor to remove my shoes. My black converse fit snuggly on my feet and make me feel cool. Which is a lie, since I am the biggest dork I know, but I love it.

“So other than Dinah beating you in bowling today, did you do anything else?” Austin asks in a pleasant tone.

I give my husband a shocked look, mouth open, eyes wide, open hand across my chest and all.

“Who said Dinah beat me in bowling?”

Austin raises an eyebrow to me, “Are you telling me you won?” Austin looks doubtful at me.

“Well… no, but I did figure something out today!” I start excitedly.

“And what’s that baby?”

“I FIGURED OUT THE NOTE LAUREN AND LUIS GAVE US,” I announce loudly!

Austin’s eyes go wide, “no fucking way!” he exclaims excitedly. “How’d you do it? When is it? Where is it? You still want to go to it right?!”

“It was written in invisible ink! The black light at bowling let me see the message! The SUB event is at The Frolic room on September 18 at 8pm. And yeah, I really do want to go, I’m willing to try this for us.”

“I am so happy you are willing to try Camila. I am so proud of you, proud of us. I love you, so so much.”

I hear the genuine tone of his voice and so, I turn and kiss Austin, lightly at first. Just a peck, but soon I’m deepening the kiss. I’m wrapping both my arms around him, as his rest lightly on my hips.I taste the salty sweat that still resides on them from his studio session. I taste the hope on his lips. I decide to try with him. I decide to try and give him all of me again in celebration of figuring out that damned piece of paper.

I end the kiss and reach for his hands. He gives them both to me with a questioning look on his face. It’s unreadable, but I am determined. I say no words, but lead him to our bedroom. I dare not to look behind me and see his face. After entering the bedroom I pull my husband towards our massive king sized bed. I turn myself around upon reaching the bed and sit on the end. I pull my hands lightly out of his hands and pat the spot on the bed next to me, silently asking him to sit.

He’s hesitant at first. It’s been awhile since we’ve been this intimate and last time I kind of freaked out. So his hesitation is understandable. But as soon as I start pulling on his shirt the gears shift. He helps me remove his shirt. My hands go over his toned chest and his slightly defined abs.

We go back to making out on the bed, I’m on top. This is his way of letting me set the pace. After a few minutes I bring his hands up to my chest and place them over my breasts. He looks me in the eye, checking to see if there’s any doubt and he must find none because his hands start to slowly massage the mounds on my chest. I moan as he continues to move his hands over my breasts. I begin to grind myself over his groin and hear him moan slightly at the friction I’m creating.

His hands soon find themselves at the hem of my shirt. He again, silently asks for my permission. I nod my head as I continue to grind on him. He lifts my shirt and I raise my arms to make it easier for him to remove it.

Once it’s removed I move myself down onto his body. Skin on skin. Such an intimate feeling. A closeness that we have not experienced in a while. He wraps his hands around me petite body to hold me closer.

I feel the bulge in his pants grow. His hardness is evident and I can feel myself getting wet.

I lean back to straddle him and move my hands down to the buttons on his jeans. I make quick work of undoing his jeans and work the zipper down until his dick pushes up against his boxers and out of the confines of his pants.

I steal a quick glance up at Austin and watch his eyes as I begin to move my body farther down his. The hunger in his eyes remind me of the way he used to look at me so many years ago.

I was now level with his package, I brought my eyes back down and saw myself staring at hotdogs scattered over his boxers. I can’t help but chuckle at the boxers. They were the ones I gave him after I released my album.

“Mila, are you sure?” My pause must have worried Austin, not having realized I was caught up with his boxers.

I don’t look up at my husband, but bring my hands to either side of his boxers and start edging them down.

His dick springs free finally. He’s about 6 inches long, not huge, but enough.

I take it between my two hands and start moving them up and down his shaft. He groans softly at the friction.

It’s been a long time since I’ve touched him this way and I’m sure he does it enough himself, but I know one way he can’t touch himself.

I move my head down lower on his body, hesitate slightly before closing my mouth over his dick and start bobbing my head up and down. I apply some pressure with my tongue as I move my head up and down his shaft. I feel his hands coming to the back of my head and gripping my hair in knots. He’s panting as I continue to suck him.

I take my right hand and use it to cup his balls gently, as I cup them I move to try deepthroating him. I feel his dick slide through my mouth before hitting the back of my throat. I feel my gag reflex kicking in but focus on not gagging for as long as I can.

I feel his hands begin knotting in my air. “Mila,” he whispers. As I swallow, he moans which both turns me on and makes me feel proud. Proud that I’m able to elicit such a response from him. I go back to moving my mouth up and down his dick, using my tongue as skillfully as I can.

I dare to sneak a peek up at his face and see his eyes glassed over, mouth open, tongue peeking out between his teeth. I know he’s close, based on both his facial expression and the way his dick is twitching in my mouth.

It only takes a couple more bobs of the head before I taste his cum. It’s sweet and has a texture of melted gummy bears. Not a great comparison, but as close to it as I can get.

I make sure to look at him as I swallow, cause ‘spitters be quitters’ and I’m no quitter.

“Fuck Mila, get up here.” He gently pulls my face up to his and kisses me. I rest my head on his chest and I feel his breathing still erratic from the blow job I just gave him. One of my arms is lazily stroking his chest while the other one disappears between my own legs. I feel my wetness and moan.

Austin must have been out of his ‘high’ from cumming because next thing I know, my hand is being replaced by his.

I moan at his touch. He slowly, cautiously drags two fingers over my slit.

“Shit Mila, you’re soaking.”

I feel myself flushing at his comment. Things like that have always embarrassed me, even though I know it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

He starts by rubbing my clit, he’s moving in slow circles and it feels nice, but I need more.

I’ve never been good at telling him what I want in the bedroom, so instead I try to show him this time.

I reach my own hand down to his and place it over top. His hand stops moving as he feels my petite fingers grabbing the back of his hand. I slowly move his hand down a little farther between my legs towards my slit. I let go when I feel one of his fingers dangerously close to entering me.

“Are you sure Mila?” He asks me. I look up at my husband and nod at him.

As soon as he receives my permission I feel a finger dip inside of me. I moan loudly as his finger goes farther and farther.

He starts to slowly pump it in and out of me and fuck, it feels really good.It’s been months since he’s even come close to touching me this way. God, I missed this feeling.

Although I preached self love in every aspect of my life, I never really got the hang of practising self love in the bedroom. I could never get into it and often felt unsure and weird about touching myself. Since Austin and I haven’t been intimate in a while, it’s been months since I last got off and the way he was touching me now, well it wouldn’t take much.

I realized how badly I wanted to cum and not just cum for the sake of cumming, but cum because I missed the breathtaking feeling of getting off and being in that daze of complete ecstasy after.

I was chasing that high and as Austin continued to pump his finger in and out of me, I knew I needed more. I needed to feel fuller. So again, I reached my hand down to his and he stopped pumping as soon as my hand closed around his. I felt annoyed as fuck by the lack of movement, but knew the situation would be rectified in just a second. I ended up grabbing two of his fingers, one still wet from my pussy and shoving them both towards my slit.

At this point, Austin knew he didn’t need to ask me if it was alright and he quickly began getting back up to speed. With two fingers inside me, I started practicing clenching my walls around his fingers to feel fuller and to create more friction.

The feeling was beginning to overwhelm me and I began to moan loudly, loudly enough that if we had neighbours they would hear it.

“Fuck, you feel so fucking good Austin. Keep fucking me babe.” I don’t know why or even how I was able to say that as his fingers kept moving inside me.

But my words seemed to encourage him because he soon began curling his fingers, hitting a new spot for me that made me cry out in pleasure.

The more sounds I made, the more excited I felt Austin get. My hand was no longer just resting on Austin’s chest, it was clawing at it and probably leaving scratch marks, but I didn’t care and neither did he. Austin’s second was in my hair again, lightly pulling on it. The feeling of both my hair being pulled and the two fingers curling expertly inside me was enough.

I let out one last long moan before I felt myself cumming onto Austin’s fingers. My vision went hazy and I felt his fingers begin to slow, but continued pumping in and out of me to help me ride out my orgasm.

“Baby, are you alright,” I hear after a few moments. I peer up at Austin and see the concern on his face. I shoot him a lazy smile before scooching myself up to kiss him. 

He smiles into the kiss and I realise how sloppily I’m kissing him, but hey, I just had an orgasm. I’m allowed to be a little messy. 

Austin then begins to stroke my hair in a soothing way, a reassuring way. Before long I feel my eyelids begin to fall. My head still on Austin’s chest. My one hand resting on his bicep and the other back on his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

I soon find myself in darkness as I drift to sleep.

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the late update, had a busy day today, just got back from holidays and got back from a concert late tonight. Woohoo! 1K reads! Y'all are the realest!

Hope you enjoyed this chapter (:

This story can also be found on Wattpad @FaNGiRL_1887

[beecherdrysdale]

Hello my bbs, hope everyone’s ok!.

The amounts of screenshots I took for this....

To start: haha I guess brigid and Dylan are in the same car together, but who’s at the front? Like Dylan better keep his hands to himself of Jamie’s gonna get jealoussssss. And it’s gonna be chaotic and quinton is gonna jump out of the car lol. Unless you put quinton upfront with you? Haha yes you ignore them and just talking to quinton hehe.

Brigid I do that as well, so get ready to lose when the light turns green! Kesh also likes to drive fast so it’ll be chaoticcccc.I am banishing Ryan to the back because I would definitely lose concentration. Quinner or Braden are the only ones that can sit upfront. Preferably Quinner so that I can hold his hand🥺 but I love you too braden. There is so much to see while driving in Canada, so frequent stops will be made. Plus the boys love Canada #nostalgic.

Lmao being in the car together would be so fun!!. Haha Dylan and Jamie braiding your hair would be hilarious, like they get into the biggest knot, why do I feel like Ryan would take a picture of it and post it on his insta story and would write “nice”😂 I do wanna see it tho. but like kesh said they would be giving you puppy eyes because they don’t want you to be mad at them, I’m not sure how you would react tho?. Hehe me pulling over, and quinton and devon just redoing your hair, and then I’d make them do my hair as well:). Ok so driving with the windows down and blasting music is good with everyone, I think we would playing all music lol , country for Brigid and Kirby? I think you like country? I’m playing 2000’s music- like a g6 would be so fun to blast in the car. Everyone is just dancing in the car. Some rap will be played for the boys. Kesh what music do you like? Does anyone else have any music suggestions? Haha cozzy, Devon and Braden just being passed out for the drive and literally not waking up to the music. Late night drives are adorable, esp with the make outs hehe.

Ok so we have decided that kesh is the most responsible on the trip which I totally agree with, somebody’s gotta keep us in check. Cozzy is apparently still sleeping, boy must be tired from all those nhl games hehe. Lmao sending Kirby with us, and you yeeling at Dylan not to buy a tv😂. We would so chaotic in the grocery store, like riding in the shopping cart, but also everybody’s racing to get their food, which would be majority of junk food hehe. Honestly we would buy so much food we are literally on a vacay with hockey players who eat a lot haha. The cash register would be shocked. Awww kesh, you being like “kirbs I didn’t even give you that many directions” but him being totally clueless and just trying to kiss you. him being “hmmmm but we didn’t get a tv, and we got some carrots and veggies” lmao I love that kesh please keep writing those.

Haha you got it right, I would be so confused, like how did we get so much food ?! Brigid, you did go overboard but I love it and we will eat our candy :) Dylan bring a ps5 is the funniest shit ever. Food discussion: yes to all of those candies, all dressed ruffles are delish so imma throw in a few bags. Dark chocolate is a must, hehe we should buy fruit and veggies. I don’t think I last that long with junk food hehe. Oo yess we are go a get an Nanaimo bars and poutine :) ooo and BEAVER TAILS . Those are sooo good. I can buy for everybody, esp quinner so that we can recreated that gif of him eating one.

Haha yes, Ryan and I will be there with the non stop chirps. We love them, but still you and Dylan getting 🥵 is 🤌. Hehe yes I mean Dylan h is gorg as well so quinner better work quick lol. Ooo brigid is feeling up some muscles, we love that. But also yes to the straddling and being soft w Jamie. Kesh they are a blushing mess, because they wanna be with Brigid all the time. We are absolutely recreating those wakeboarding lake pics, we have to witness that again- esp you brigid w Dylannnnn. We love some sunscreen and aloe vera.

Thank you, boats are fun! Yess Brigid is sharing the tube with Dylan and Jamie or just making the boys jealous 😏 and me or Ryan would probably make you intentionally fall off the tube lol. Maybe I can get quinner to go with me. Ryan is just waiting for that moment for Quinner to leave to push me in but I would be to quick and grab him as well 😂. Haha brigid needs a break and is just watching us lol. Haha Braden and Ryan pulling pranks on dyl and Jamie we love that. Aww kesh Quinner is being protective and wants to be with me.oh yes, Jamie and dyl staring at Brigid cuz she’s gorgeous in her bikini. We all look hot tho. Kesh is just chilling w kirbs. Lmao “I feel like we should stop Dylan and Jamie before they hurt themselves” and then kirbs being like “Devon is with them, there goes Dylan and Jamie” I love these.

Awww Quinner following me around 🥺 we’d be cute drunks. Ooo yes, Dylan and Jamie getting jealous, but they wanna be constantly around you, so I understand. Clubbing is a success, we are all pumped up w alcohol hehe. Lmao Devon and cozzy trying to get a girl but Ryan and Braden keep foiling their plans 😂 hehe kesh just chilling and wanting to help dev and cozzy but Kirby is to busy watching quinner, also question who is he doing the body shot on?

Yess the locked room would be not a Lexi and Ryan chaos, aw yes I get to know Dylan better:)) I wanna be friends! He he yes he would start getting jealous but then maybe I’d help him get your attention, but we still gotta let you have your Jamie moments🥺

Awww we do love a body positive Queen, y’all are gorgeous !! Haha yes we need a girls day! Some good shopping will be happening, we gotta get Brigid some summery clothes. The guys would be in awe, esp Jamie Dylan and kirbyyyy !!. I do wanna steal their clothes tho. We got so handsy boys over here!. Aww kesh you would looks so cute in kirbs big shirt but also in a bikini.

Yesss Dylan and Jamie are in awe, like she’s gorgeous. Same with Kirby m.

Aww kesh you’re to nice😭 you made me cry. Me abs Quinner!

Ok imma add more gtg to practice

Xo Lexi

okkkk so i’m finally home from school and practice now so i’m ready to respond. i’m taking notes from kesh and adding a keep reading bc this is gonna be longgggg so be warned to anyone reading this

haha yes i’m keeping quinton up front with me bc i don’t want him to jump out of the car lmao. i’m not going to subject him to the possible sexual tension that would be going on in the car if dyl or jamie were in the front. like if one of them were in the front they would just start touching my thigh or something knowing the other one could see it but couldn’t do anything about it. and then i would get distracted from driving and we wouldn’t win lol. so i’m making jamie and dyl sit in the back so they mostly dyl can just yell at me to drive faster so that we win. and then i’ll just chill and talk to quinton bc i want to annoy the other two lol

haha don’t worry, me and dyl (and jamie and quinton) will dominate once again. like you guys might drive fast, but i can guarantee i drive faster. especially if dyl is yelling at me to go faster lol. haha but yes you’ll definitely have a better chance if you banish ryan to the back so he can’t distract you. so you let quinner sit in the front with you and hold your hand 🥺 but as soon as he tries to put it anywhere else you banish him to the back so you don’t get distracted lol. but we would definitely have to make a bunch of stops for the boys bc they’re back in canada

haha yes dyl and jamie try, they really do, but they can not seem to get the whole braiding thing down. and then it ends up in a huge knot and ofc ryan just laughs at my misfortune and takes pics of my hair to post on his story. haha and i’d pretend to be soooo mad at them, and i can be scary when i’m mad so they’d be freaking out and just giving me puppy eyes and being like i’m sorry i’ll make it up to you. but then eventually i can’t keep up the act anymore and just start dying of laughter and then they would be annoyed bc they were freaking out lol. but then we have to stop so that our hair can be fixed.

yesss i love driving with the windows down absolutely blasting music and then whenever you drive past someone they just turn and look at you lol. i’m really into rap and i feel like a lot of the guys are too, so we have to have a lot of rap lol. and then country for kirby and i like country too, so i’m down with that. and then for lexi we have early 2000s music, which i also like and i feel like the guys would be down with that judging by the fact that they played it in the locker room at wjc lol. kesh any other music suggestions? and somehow even tho the music blasting cozzy, devon, and braden are just out, like nothing is waking them up. omg yes late night drives are so cute 🥰 esp with a make out sesh lol

haha yes, kesh is definitely the most responsible one, bc most of the rest of us just have sm crackhead energy it’s unbelievable. somehow cozzy is still sleeping, like how? idk, but then he’s not coming with and neither is kesh so she sends kirby as the responsible one, and let’s just say that doesn’t end too well. haha us getting a million things, and then i, for once being somewhat responsible, say no we’re not buying a tv or a ps5, that’s so expensive. and they’re just like, but babe we have our nhl salaries, we can pay for it, so then i give in lmao. and everyone in the store would just be judging us bc we would be so chaotic and be running all over the store lol. and riding in the cart too lmao. and then we also have a shit ton of food and the cashier is just like wtf, but yk it’s fine. like we would have sm candy and chips, and then we would also get poutine and nanaimo bars and beaver tails. omg i want to try beaver tails soooo bad they sound so good. and then we can recreate the quinner gif lmao. but then we also have to have at least a little healthy food so we feel better about ourselves since we’re all athletes who are supposed to be following diets lmao

haha yes you and ryan would be chirping everyone for literally everything. but mostly me with dylan and jamie lmao. like literally anytime i even touch one of them you guys are all over us, and i’m just like whatever, but the guys are blushing sooo hard lol. but then since i don’t care i keep doing whatever, so like putting sunscreen/aloe vera on them and i’m straddling them, and ik we’re gonna get chirped, but i just don’t care

haha yes boats are so fun, but us on a boat = chaos. hehe all of us on our tubes, but then we’re all trying to flip each other over. and then when we’re finally being slightly calm on the boat and just sitting on the railing, ryan has to come and push lexi in, and then she pulls him in with her and it’s just chaos again. and then i’d be sitting there laughing my ass off, and then someone else decides to push me in lmao. and we’re all looking hot in our bikinis obviously so our boys are all trying to get our attention the whole time. lmao and then kesh is just chilling with kirby and trying to be the voice of reason to get jamie and dyl to stop trying to show off and then kirby’s like no they’ll be fine. they are not fine

hehe yes lexi and quinner being the cutest drunks, just being super soft with each other and clingy 🥺 but then also kind of wild bc apparently quinner is doing body shots off of you. which also i really want to do. like i don’t care if it’s jamie or dyl, but please can one of them do body shots off me? and then let’s say dyl does it first, then jamie sees him doing it and ofc he’s jealous so then jamie has to do one too. and then kesh is chilling with kirby and she’s like hey you should go be a wingman for devon and cozzy, make ryan and braden leave them alone. but kirby’s too busy watching the rest of us do body shots lmao

yes lexi finally gets to actually have an extended convo with dylan, when they’re not trying to annoy everyone who’s actually trying ofc. but then you notice him getting jealous of me with jamie, so you chirp him at first but then he’s getting really annoyed. so then you have to be like calm down, let them have their moment, you’ve have plenty lol. she likes both of you, you know

haha yes we def need a girls day where we’re not being chaotic for once lol. and then we get a lot of cute clothes and stuff. and then when we get back the guys make us model all of it for them lol. and all of them are in awe. like kirby and quinner are just like 😍😍 about you guys bc they think you’re so cute. but then also they love our clubbing clothes and are getting super handsy when we go lol. but then after clubbing we just steal their clothes and live in them for most of the rest of the vacation and they pretend to be annoyed, but they secretly don’t mind bc they think it’s hot when we wear their clothes, esp if it has their name

overall, yes i love all of this and both of you 💖 sorry it took so long lol

[opepin]

january: week one

02: i woke up late and waited for hillary to pick me up. i decided to go to gyu-kaku with everyone today but aimed to not get the all-you-can-eat. my stomach was feeling weird from the 3 arts club cafe burger. hillary picked me up and we drove to gyu-kaku. we found parking right in front of the place and then we went in and found out that the wait time was 1 hour and 30 minutes. we called up everyone and everyone said they were fine with it. so we met up with mindy and garrick and they got some coffee and we walked over to water tower. it was garrick’s first time there too! we ended up in “the limited” and i was so amazed by the fixtures and stuff. i would have bought some of it but i don’t think i needed anything. mindy, hillary, and ashley got things for real cheap because they were closing out. it was about time to head back and we got a call from them saying that our table was ready. we rushed back and sat down and everyone got $45 ayce because everyone wanted to sit together and just eat. we went for 3-4 rounds. i was the first one to tag out LOL. it was so salty and i just wanted dessert :( hahah. we managed to eat everything plus a lady m green tea cake. we were all dead after.

hillary drove home, mindy and garrick took a lyft, and then ashley and i walked to a starbucks near the red line so i could get on that and she could wait for her ride. hehe, thanks for guiding me, ashley! i got off diversey brown line and walked over to firecakes, where hen was working. i should have gotten off fullerton...because it was closer than diversey, but oh well, it was really nice to walk off some of the food. the clark st. firecakes’ location is so cute <333 hen threw out the garbage, i met her co-worker, and then we commuted home together because we were going the same way. we realized that everywhere was closed because new year is observed today so we just caught up on our ride back home. i’ve missed hen <33333 i love hanging out with her because i feel like she brings out something in me in a way she only can. we’re silly together. cluck cluck cluck. 

hen gave me one of her beautifully crafted milk bottles and a beautiful notebook and a very touching card. i love this girl so much and only wish the best for her <3 so happy that she was one of the few friends i made while at SAIC. i ended the night by exercising because i felt like poop and then talking to kevin because he’s coming back tomorrow~~ tomorrow is a jam-packed day. i can’t wait.

03: i managed to get up at 6:20 am and tom actually picked me up at 6:40 am! go us! the only thing is that it was extremely foggy outside. it was so foggy that i could see it in my neighborhood LOL. we drove out to foster beach and then talked and waited to see the sunrise. we talked about how we’ve been doing and etc and it was really nice. i feel like tom expressed feelings that i’ve been feeling but haven’t really said it out loud. it’s nice knowing that a friend is going through the same thing as you. it hit 7:19 am and it was brighter, but there was no sun to be seen LOL. i think we stayed there a bit longer and then tom drove us to yellow rose cafe in jeff park. this diner is great! our waitress/maybe owner greeted us and took our orders. she gave tom the homemade hot sauce and his reaction was lulz. she made fun of him for a bit. tom and i ate and continued talking. it was one of those deep conversations that i haven’t had in a long time so it was something i realized i needed. the conversations continued in the car on the way back to my house and then he dropped me off. thank you for spending quality 1-on-1 time with me, tom! ((:

it was around 10:30 am when i got back and i ended up napping for an hour. then i put my jacket back on and brought my book bag and stuff and commuted to SAIC to meet up with chewy! we got into the office and talked with kate and nancy! they were the only ones we knew there and apparently, it was their first day back in the office from break. it was nice talking to them and updating them on our lives. i love them so! i’m said vicki and theresa were still on break and i missed them. chewy and i went to russian tea time and got afternoon tea. we got the savory items, tea, and chocolate lava cake (as usual). he caught up, talked, and etc. I’VE MISSED THIS GIRL SO MUCH! she’s been out in LA doing her thing for so long ): it was really great seeing her again. i walked her to the train and then waited for my mom to pick me up. it was like i was in school again lol. we stopped by hong kong market (for an hour, wut) and then drove back home. my mom made dinner, i fell asleep again, woke up and ate, and then we drove to union station to pick up kevin!!! <3333

we talked about his vacation and then kevin gave my family some holiday chocolates, unpacked-ish, and ate dinner. i missed this bear! hehe. we spent the night catching up and making sure that he wouldn’t get sicker haha. we went to sleep pretty late either at 1 or 2 am, but i can’t wait to spend time with kevin again in chicago (((((:

04: kevin and i met up with nluu in ford for lunch. we got lunch at tomate and walked over. i got my chicken quinoa salad with a chicken tamale. kevin got a gordita and a burrito? or a taco? i forget. it was yummy though. we caught up and talked. ryan came by after his class and we talked. they made plans to go climbing every day LOL. we walked with ryan back to tomate and then drove him to tech. then we drove back home and chilled until kevin went climbing. i stayed home and worked out. then i showered and ryan picked me up to go to dice dojo! ryan also was the mvp for ordering and getting our dinner from 527 cafe. we found parking, walked over, and went inside. omg, it’s such a cool place! it’s also much more spacious than i thought it would be. everyone was down in the basement. kevin, ryan, and i ate while watching them play a code/picture game. my popcorn chicken salad was bomb af. i would definitely get this again. i was on a salad streak because i wasn’t eating enough greens x_x i was trying to make up for it LOL.

i played fluxx with winson, ryan, and kevin. michelle came through! then me and the guys headed to a viet restaurant so winston could fill his belly. he got pho, ryan got some spring rolls (he gave me half of one), and kevin got a chicken banh mi with taro bubble tea, which i ate 1/3 and drank some. i got a thai iced tea. ryan’s hate for new york is amazing LOL. i love how he puts it into words. i agree with him but it seems like he was scarred from a past event (he wasn’t), but he is so particular about his reasons for disliking new york. it’s great. winston is planning to get a new job and move out there so that’s what sparked the conversation. i missed everyone <3 we all ran to walgreens and got a pack of water bottles and ran back to dice dojo. ryan ran like he stole it from there or something LOL. winston got hiccups from running with us. it was great lololol.

we passed out the water and then i got strung into playing avalon, which i was confused by and really didn’t like. i effed it up for our team because i didn’t see that kevin was on my team. i thought there were only 3 spies?! so i passed it on accident...sorta, but my team guessed winston was merlin and they were right! yeah, never playing that game. then we paired up and played dix it. jia and i were in last place but oh well haha. peter and nluu were killing it for some reason, ahah. then everyone left at 12 am? i think that was closing time and we said our goodbyes. i was nice seeing matthew and winston again! hehe. kevin drove us home and then we showered and went to sleep. zzz. it’s been an eventful week so far.

05: kevin and i woke up late and then ate some congee. then we drove out to cafe orient 33 to pick up food and eat it while watching pokemon sun and moon episodes. we were going to watch ‘la la land’ but i decided against it because it was kind of cold and i don’t know if kevin would like it. so we ate (i have missed this food -- still so good) and then chilled until i needed to meet hen for dinner and kevin had to meet up with everyone to go climbing. i met up with hen at sabri nihari and the service was great. our servers were so funny. i got to spend more time with hen talking about food and life. the chicken biryani was huge and i sacrificed my stomach for mango lassi. the samosas were so good! the vegetarian one is still my favorite. everything was delicious. we ate wayy too much though. we decided to walk back home in the freezing cold. we walked together until devon and california. hen actually moved closer to me T__T we are so close but yet so far away now! then i toughed it out and walked the rest of the way home. hen had a bit less to walk but we both made it!

kevin was still out so i did an intense af workout. i mixed up videos and did 20 minutes of hiit, 10 min of intense abs, 10 min of blogilate abs, and 20 minutes of hip hop cardio. it felt good but my body feels so weak now. i took a quick shower and then opened the door for kevin. he drank all of the mango lassi i got him when he came back. he ate a lot today .__. he also ate spicy rice cake at joong boo market before climbing. lolool. did he even climb? idk. :P jk haaha. o we digested and then went to sleep after a long day of activity out in the cold haha.

06: kevin dropped me off at cupitol so that i could meet up with michelle and nluu. i got there first so i ordered tea and the gravlax and eggs plate with gluten free bread except that the cashier kept putting in the bagel and i didn’t want the bagel because it had cream cheese and he was confused whether or not i wanted gluten free bread or not. x__x another person helped us out and then i grabbed a seat at the only empty large table so i could save michelle and nluu a seat. my food was disappointing because the smoked salmon was cut so freaking thick and i only got one slice of bread LOL. then a large group of people came and they kicked me out of my seat and then they changed their mind about dining here. .___. finally, michelle and nluu came. i pretty much was anxious the entire time at cupitol. i do not recommend this place. i feel like they are also a bit on the pricey side. so yeah. omg, too many things happening in the morning for me.

we ate lunch together and chilled until nluu had to go back to research. michelle dropped him off and then we drove to ikea. i listened to the moana soundtrack and also showed michelle jay park’s album LOL. i love it so much but i hate the lyrics T_T we talked and stuff and i realized that i was being real oversensitive about things and maybe other things were contributing to how i was feeling about being back in chicago and seeing people. michelle was supposed to figure out what bed frame and sofa she wanted. we did that but also focused on buying kitchen stuff and smaller apartment things. we got matching funnels, ayyy! i also finally got tape measure for my apartment lol. i learned that other ikeas are set up with show rooms first then items unlike this one near chicago. it kind of blew my mind because this ikea is all i know.

we ended the trip with a soft serve and a freshly baked cinnamon rolll. mmm. we also got everyone else a six pack of cinnamon rolls. michelle drove us back and we talked about life lol. it sucks to be in your early 20′s. we stopped by ryan’s and then drove out from there. i didn’t know how long the ikea trip was going to be so i had the house keys so when kevin was done visiting his lab at nu, he couldn’t get his climbing stuff to go with ryan T__T i felt so bad. but he chilled at lab for a bit longer and then met up with ryan at his apartment after. also, sorry ryan! lol he ended up climbing alone. poop. anyway, we all drove to dengeo’s (after getting ashley and winston) where we met up with tom, peter, and honglin. we ate and then michelle went to get terence. then we all drove to the escape room in morton grove. the location is shady af LOLOL.

we had orientation and then we basically pushed into the room and locked in. it was terrifying. there was a butler to help give us hints (helpful or not) and he gave us the backstory. i hear chains in the background so kevin and i move behind some people. then the lights flicker and the zombie actress pops out of nowhere and screams OMG OMG OMG LOLOLOL. kevin and i jumped in the opposite direction HAHAHA. she couldn’t get anywhere though because her chain wasn’t long enough yet... we were all shitting our pants trying to find clues and kevin and winston volunteered as tribute to go into the bathroom area (where the zombie was chained). there were a few seconds of feeding time when the zombie was eating, but that time ended and they were locked in the stall LOLOLOLOL. they “died” (zombie taps you, you’re out but the butler revives you after you do something silly for him) and it’s safe to say that they were scared shitless. kevin was the martyr of the group and he kept dying. i would like to think that she aimed for him because he was the funniest to scare (kevin would literally run backwards to the furthest wall). she also liked scaring peter. POOR PETER! haha.

i don’t think i helped much other than doing the final step of getting the keys. i got a key out with my fingers but the butler didn’t accept it because we were supposed to get the tools hung on the bathroom stall to open the vent where it was stuck...i also got the key from a painting’s eyeball too after helping figure out the morse code via the top planks of wood. we only got 3 out of the 4 keys and then we all died hahaha. it was a pretty great experience tbh. the zombie actress was soooo good! she like threw things (kind of at us but not really) and acted her part real well. she wasn’t so scary after the game ended. we all drove to ford to play telestrations and it was great. sarah can draw so well!!! terence is also a pretty great illustrator. we munched on the cinnamon rolls from ikea and candy that ryan bought. we played until 12 am and then we all drove home. kevin and i hugged everyone goodbye. it was a great end to our trip back home. the escape room and telestrations seemed like they happened on two different days though haha. kevin and i drove back and showered and went to sleep. zzz.

07: you guessed it! our flight got cancelled. that was the first thing i saw when i woke up in the morning. kevin had the option of switching his flight online but for some reason, i didn’t. so i called and waited. luckily, there was a 4:40 pm flight tomorrow so we both signed up for that. kevin went climbing with ryan and i just stayed in bed. i eventually got up and ate leftover chicken biryani for breakfast. then i snuggled with my mom on the couch. she fell asleep and kevin came back. then she went to sleep upstairs because she felt like she was getting sick D: kevin and i just chilled in the bedroom the entire day. my body felt blech too. i ended up dosing in and out multiple times during the day. we did manage to make reservations at sumi robata for dinner so that we would get some outside time lol. i got my mom water from downstairs and my brother was hanging out with his friend in the living room. when it was about time to go, we changed and headed out. i dropped off victoria’s gift at her apartment and then got her delicious peppermint mocha cookies. OMG I’M IN LOVE. THEY’RE SO DELICIOUS. my throat hurt but i kept eating them anyway.

we got a super close spot near sumi and then got seated. it was way busier than the last two times we went. there were some seating issues with another group and service seemed sloppier? we also had to wait for our tea for a while and had to ask for plates. they also no longer have the chopsticks and chopstick holders that we liked x__X idk. haha. overall, the food was great though. the chicken thigh and beef tsukune slider were still bomb af and their kakigori flavor was soo good. it was an orange creamsicle flavor. we also got baked scallops and the sweet potato fries, which were new to us but SO GOOD. we would eat that all day any day. after a day of staying in and eating, we settled back into bed and kevin tried watching a dota game but we both ended up falling asleep at like 1 am, ahahha.

08: we woke up later than i told my parents, but they weren’t really bothered by it. i think they were expecting it LOL. we finished packing and headed out. we went to cai to get dim sum and it was packed af! my mom managed to get us a table quickly :P she has real good bargaining skills. then kevin and i checked off things that we wanted and everyone ate pretty quickly. i obviously ordered the mango tapioca pudding with condensed milk <333 then i struggled to eat everything else we ordered. the mango mochi had a ton of cream inside, but it had chunks of mango in it too, which made me sad because i couldn’t eat all of it. the crab xiao long bao were disappointing...but everything else was fine. my parents drove us to midway and then we said goodbye. we got on the standby list for the 2:25 pm flight straight to boston. i realized that the 7 people in front of us were from the same family so i was hopeful that we’d get seats. gg us because they decided to take all 3 empty seats and split as a family -___-” wtf. we should have called earlier and asked to be put on standby :/

we waited until 4:40 pm to get on our original flight to kansas city. before we boarded, we were told our flight to boston would be delayed about 2 hours...we played pokemon on the flight and experienced some pretty bad turbulence before landing. we were then notified that our flight to boston would be delayed another 30 minutes. so kevin and i went to the nearest restaurant, which was a bbq place and got dinner. i got this less than avarage salmon salad for $17...and kevin got their beef brisket, which only tasted good dipped in bbq sauce. sigh. there was a lady in the same boat as us and she was so nice. we connected through this tragic flying situation and she offered us half of her fries LOL. we went down to wait and i tried walking around but there was pretty much nowhere to walk to because the airport was so small.

we played pokemon to pass the time. they also had boomerang and cartoon network playing on the screens, which was nice. we finally boarded at 9:30 pm and in the air at 9:50 pm. it was a long 4 hour flight (including the time difference). i played more pokemon, we tried napping, etc. we got wheat thins on this flight, which was nice. i sent an email to southwest complaining about my terrible experience all around and i hope they answer me. it’s fucking ridiculous tbh. anyway, we landed at like 2 am and got our bags. then we took an uber back and decided to stay up until 5 am unpacking, opening packages, reading mail, and making ourselves back at home. tomorrow is going to suck for kevin because he wants to go to work but we went to sleep at 5 am. this is my worst experience traveling so far. it was literally an entire day plus some of traveling.

[baileysayswhat]

I know I kinda did a recap already from Oct ’18-19 – and I was going to write one of my rambling, lovable, GIF-heavy recap posts but I kind of like this bullet points idea.

I looked back through my calendar and feel like 2019 had a lot of wonderful in it. It was a solid year. Here’s a chronological look:

January

Rang in 2019 by watching Millie & Stanley, 2 cantankerous and lovable neighbor pugs. Also got food poisoning.

My first MINt team (Dec ’18-Feb ’19): Abominable SnowMINts

Playing with Pinafore (Nov ’18-Oct ’19) at CSz

Volleyball w Apple buds on team “How I Set Your Mother”

Continuing to teach Level 1 Krav Maga classes at Titan Gym

I go to work on Polar Vortex day! It’s pretty quiet.

February

Promotion to Senior Sales Executive at Grubhub

I’d only been there 10 months!

Flew to Phoenix for family time

Decided to visit the AZ office since my boss was in town too (for actual work)

Then worked in the office for 3 days

Work paid for my flight back

I felt v. v. fancy.

My parents drove 3.5 hours each way for me to see the Grand Canyon. On first sight walking up to the rim I cried. How is anything that vast and majestic? Whew. Full stop.

Sedona was wonderful and kooky and I need to go back.

Visit to best/favorite KBBQ – Cho Sun Ok – in Chicago with Neal AND we went to a concert – Dean Lewis & SYML

  March 

Started Crossfit at Windy City Strength and Conditioning

KBBQ at the same restaurant – Cho Sun Ok – 2 weeks after Neal BUT with Kalin.

I still don’t know how this happened but my stomach ain’t complaining about it.

Started final ID class w UW-Stout.

It will be the hardest class I’ve ever done in my life.

I just don’t know it yet.

Due to this ^^ took sabbatical from teaching Krav at Titan Gym

Flew to Dayton to see Trace/Dinah and Xander/Abs (PLUS YOU, COTY) and I’m so glad I did.

April

Took a Music Improv workshop through MINt with Alex

I sang a song about how I still have a Washington State Driver’s License but mid-song realized it was really was about how I missed home and cried in public, in a workshop. I’M FINE.

Went to a Cubs game IN A BOX for work

Yes, it was v chill and fancy.

Cast on second MINt team: BlooMINt Onion

Alex & Jake from the Little Rock crew came to Chicago

We get Old Fashioneds at the Broken Shaker

This is the best Old Fashioned in the city. I am convinced.

I will not be moved.

Interviewed for dream job while still in school for said job field.

Got dream job.

May

Started dream job

Saw Hamilton w Josh.

We are in the second row.

I immediately want to see it again. I do not.

It closes in 2 weeks (aka Jan 15, 2020) from now LETS GO

Bekah Brown (and Potato and Sully) in town!

We roam and nap and laugh.

Sat in with Oh Cecelia at iO twice

Being asked to sit in is bananas nice and I have done it several times this year with different teams. Thank you everyone for your trust in my make-believe!

Went to PHX for work to train 5/13 class

Do not feel prepared as I JUST started said job.

People are v nice.

I got upgraded to a suite and neither of my 2 bosses did. BIZLIFE.

Abby (L&D Boss) and I do not eat bread bowls from Panera by the hotel pool, WHICH I WAS PROMISED would happen. Still sad.

Officially resigned from Titan Gym/teaching Krav due to new job

Originating dream job position and possibly traveling every 2 weeks for it just wasn’t good for students, for the gym or for me. But I miss y’all.

Saw Falsettos (Broadway) show

it was NOT a comedy

I was NOT prepared

AND if meme photos of me crying on the train alone after ever come out it is Todd’s fault. The end.

Finish/graduate from UW-Stout’s Instructional Design Graduate Certificate program

I survived the aforementioned hardest class in m’life.

Genuinely sad/miss my group TO THIS DAY.

June

Mom & Dad come to Chicago –

Father’s Day

Field Museum

Architect River Cruise

CHICAGO HOT DOGS!

Had huge audition for something I really wanted. Felt good about it. Didn’t get it.

Did a 5 Things CSz workshop

July

Performed for the first time w Ben, Nicole & Nate as music improv team AirBRB

Had lunch with Toni Berry, writer, bud, fellow Sagittarius, former Apple co-worker

By ‘lunch’ I mean we hung out for like 4 hours. WE ARE LONG WINDED.

Decided to apply (and got) a workshop spot with RIFF; a music improv short form show that performs at iO.

Did improv set in a church service with Susan

it was a planned set; we didn’t just jump up and start, I swear

Lunch with Jenean, former work wife and also, strangely, my first time eating poke

I now love poke

WHAT TOOK ME SO LONG

Fly to Washington to drive to AZ with Mom & Em

August

4-Year Chicago-versary!

Me and the Bean are very happy together in a committed relationship over halfway to a common law marriage

Drive from Lynden, WA to Phoenix, AZ in 2 long days with Mom & Em

YES TWO DAYS

Teach 2nd training class in AZ for 8/5 class

Abby, L&D boss and of the 2 women I report to leaves the company. I hate this but still love her.

Sit in with Goat Milk Goddesses to perform at the Women’s Funny Fest at Stage 773

Dana comes to see me!

She’s the best.

I try my first Pole Dancing class at Brass Ring Chicago

Due to a Groupon I bought 6 months before that was about to expire 3 days later. I keep it up through EOY.

Compete in music improv competition “Verses” at Second City with AirBRB – we lose to some of my favorite people on Home Entertainment so I’m ok with it.

2nd RIFF show!

September

Audition for Anarchy, another music improv team

I don’t get it

But I know a ton of people in the room

I’m ok!

Speak to my UW-Stout instructor’s class about being hired to work in ID/Learning & Dev field as a Sales Trainer right out of our program.

Feel v accomplished.

Toggle from Crossfit back to LSAC gym by my house

Y’all CF is cool BUT MY WALLET WAS SCREAMING.

Play volleyball for Fall Season with people I met in Spring Season at Lincoln Park High School.

Catherine (Sales Boss) the second woman I love working for leaves the company. I hate this but love her.

I got her some goodbye cookies that Carrie makes and they are PERFECTION (see pic below) support Carrie she does amazing work and a percentage of every order supports a different charity every month. HERE IS HER LINK I LOVE IT. 

I got myself a massage. I am stressed/sad about the boss situation above BUT NOT THE COOKIES.

I got it on Groupon, I am fiscally responsible.

Start meal plan service to eat Keto for the month of October (officially 9/30-end of October).

Not fiscally responsible but IT IS OK.

Keto doesn’t let me eat fruit as as a Washingtonian this is a crime I do not like.

Make it the 30 days, lost 10lbs in Oct.

I get a new boss to report to on the Learning Team side at work. He seems cool although I don’t know it yet.

October

Final Pinafore show at CSz. I have the sads that this core group of people I love is done.

Yes, yes, I know we can still play together

IT WAS A GOOD BITTERSWEET THING

I know all things must end I used to watch Lost

Started some personal training with Brian at LSAC

I warn Brian I am a talker.

Brian makes me do weird double kettlebell swings. I am not good at it right away and hate it.

Literally all I do is try to make Brian laugh to get my mind off of sweating.

Guys, don’t worry. I got plenty of sweating in still.

Started an Olympic Weightlifting class with Keith at LSAC

I AM SHOCKINGLY GOOD AT THIS.

Thank you to the Crossfit gym and also Coach DeHoag at LC, I guess.

Cry at work 3x in one day after feeling overwhelmed w my 2 bosses being gone and the announcement we are upping our hiring aka much bigger training classes.

1. After a meeting

2. In a stairwell mid-afternoon

3. In first 1:1 with new boss

Is this a record and if so please get me a medal

I go to DC for the first time and get to hang with David, Bekah, Adam & Dana (and Millie)

I needed this.

Performed in Hocus Pocus Redacted at the Music Box as Allison.

 Yes, yabbos

November

Work tells me they approved hiring a 2nd person to do my role; we begin applications/interviews

Robbie becomes 2nd trainer at work and I begin trying to explain how/why I do what I do.

Audition for CSz & cast onto new Rec League team: Potluck

Watch Heather, Dan & Jess’s Bloody Christmas Carol show

My friends are fancy and sing & dance really well.

I came straight from a volleyball game and am very sweaty smushed next to strangers in this small theater.

See Robbie Ellis’s truly hilarious orchestra with Ben.

We fancy dress up.

We are seated in the front row.

We did not know we would be in the front row.

Thanksgiving week is my first week ‘off’ of training since starting my job on 5/1; I get so much work done and also contract a cold.

I do nothing except sit in my apartment alone for Thanksgiving, make myself mashed potatoes and I love it.

December

Record size massive training class (for us)

I am responsible for the learning & logistics of 20 people and gain (probably) 17 gray hairs.

Work approves a 3rd (Arizona) and 4th (Philadelphia) trainer; applications & interviews begin

I start seeing a therapist – it helps.

Nothing specific; I’m just noticing circular behaviors as I look back over my shoulder for 30+ years.

Added to the ensemble of RIFF

After performing as a sub several times since that workshop in July!

I’m added in the same class as Ben, Sarah & Will who I feel so honored to sing (and rhyme) with.

I fly home for 12 days to Lynden, WA

I turn 32 sitting at home, surrounded by my family.

I tell my family I plan on climbing Kilimanjaro in October 2020. I announce it at my birthday dinner so I can’t back out of it. NAME IT AND CLAIM IT BBS.

Yes, another blog post will come to flesh this ^^ out.

Performed with Upfront Theatre’s ensemble, including Ryan Stiles, for the 2nd time in Bellingham on the day after Christmas. My family is there seeing me do what I love and I am happy.

2019 Overall

Performances – with Pinafore, with MINt teams, RIFF and so many other opportunities to sit in and play with teams. Feeling grateful.

Shows – I saw countless shows; CSz matches, iO & SC improv, staged shows, musicals, Broadway, even just at movie theaters! Ya girl is stuffed full of stories. Also I have crazy talented friends.

People – I saw family 4 times! That’s almost a record for one year! Lunches, grocery store runs, shows and coffee times with so many friends too.

Health – Got my first ever stitches (shoulder), which was a weird first to have post-30. Overall healthy but somehow got food poisoning 3x this year. Probably won’t be asked to be on Bear Grylls show because of it ever.

Work – very happy to be working in the Learning & Development field as a trainer, instructional designer and general weirdo. Finally. GH has been very good to me.

Mental state – I’m pausing here and looking around my house, just thinking about this one.

I’m proud to be taking steps to correct patterns and behaviors that are unhealthy. Seeing a therapist that gives homework to work on between sessions is great.

I’m improving at recognizing progress as progress even when I wish the progress was bigger.

I’m proud/terrified to be setting the goal of climbing Kilimanjaro in October 2020. It scares me and excites me. More to come on this!

I’m thrilled to be an ensemble member on a long-term team. This has been a goal since I got to Chicago – I don’t need to drive my work to SNL or Mainstage. I just want to be on a consistent team of talented friends that I laugh with and improve my skills.

Hiya, 2020. Let’s go.

She’s Solid. I know I kinda did a recap already from Oct '18-19 - and I was going to write one of my rambling, lovable, GIF-heavy recap posts but I kind of like this bullet points idea.