#and i'm coherent again
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Okay my crisis is over we're good now
#i had one moment of hysterical crying/laughing#then taleweaver-ramblings offered me some advice#like the tran to my nick miller#and i'm coherent again
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buckle up lads we're going BACK INTO THE BOOK
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#(the origin of halloween huh) (oooh)#why yes i did wake up way too early to watch the stream and will have no memory of drawing this later#anyway THE MAGIC BOOK IS BACK TO EAT US ONCE AGAIN!!!!#this does make things make a lot more sense if it doesn't have to. y'know. actually take place in the established world#like how jack and sally are apparently just gonna be THERE as themselves WHY NOT#i'm certainly not complaining mind you#scully looks like he's gonna be super adorable and i love him already#spooky scary skeleman who just goes :O a lot and is excited for halloween#he seems like he might actually be more of a fusion of jack and sally? or maybe i'm just reading too much into it#still getting jazzy vibes off of him though. is not scully j graves an incredible jazz musician name.#does this open up the possibility that the last time we went into the book there was a sexy anime boy stitch just offscreen the whole time#...maybe some things are best left uncontemplated#god everyone in this event looks fantastic i'm so glad i saved up some keys after all#a little sad that there's no lilia but you know what the fact that a halloweentown malleus exists is still pretty dang good#and sebek's hat is SO tall#the biggest hat for the loudest boy#i hope oogie is here too i need him and jamil to meet#i need jamil to be faced with a guy who's just a bunch of bugs standing on each other's shoulders in a trenchcoat#i am not coherent right now i just needed to get this out before i go pass out again
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ok no I need to talk about this
the reason ralsei is changing is because of susie
the way he said it, darkners that are based on memories of loved ones can "only appear in specific darkness". meaning, originally, ralsei was kris' memory
and, similarly, gerson was presumably Alvin's?
except. gerson came back. it's the third sanctuary. a different dark world. but he's still here. and why?
because SUSIE remembers him. she wrote alvin the letter from him. she fought him and won and came back to look for him. because now he's in her memories, too.
following that logic, of course ralsei is in her memories too. more prominently, too, each time she returns to an adventure. he strays further from the blurry memories kris has, into something that's both theirs and hers
and, while we're at it, maybe ours, too. we shape him with our choices because we're part of this team too
#deltarune#deltarune spoilers#deltarune chapter four#deltarune chapter 4#deltarune chapter 4 spoilers#deltarune chapter four spoilers#deltarune theory#susie deltarune#ralsei#gerson#I'm so sorry immediately after seeing him again my immediate thought was “oh no its about memories”#well technically I thought that when ralsei was talking about darkners made from memories too but like#less coherently#this is just. fucking with me on so many levels#ESPECIALLY since susie DOES have gerson memories too?? specifically the bench. that she was sitting on in the memory#the one toriel found her on? thats been a memorial to gerson? yeah.#but dark world memories should count too#and. if they don't? whose to say WE aren't the ones corrupting ralsei#with our undertale memories of asriel and all that comes from that#like I'm pretty sure there's several points in chapter 4 where ralsei directly quotes from undertale#like things that without the specific mindset you wouldnt think about but like. the way he apologized to susie?#that he can clear every room ahead of us if we just let him be useful?#yall who played undertale would know EXACTLY what that reminded me of#and the scene where kris hugs him mirrors a similar one in undertale too. like I had to pause the video I was watching to take a breath#I have sooo much thoughts I am so normal do not talk to me about deltarune ever thanks
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going INSANE. what is he thinking. why did he say this. why does he do all of this. i am thinking so hard.
we know he's seeking arceus to recreate the world bc in his eyes the world is cruel and unjust and it needs to be destroyed and remade. he's set himself on a mission to create the better reality he's envisioned for his whole life.
but everything else he does. the way he spends his time on pasio making people smile with togepi. even if he justifies it as something purely transactional to get more customers, we know he doesn't really take his merchant job seriously. the way he loves his pokemon so much that they will pop out of their pokeball to excitedly tell whoever will listen how much they love volo back. him trying to capture these moments of happiness tangibly because they never last long and can be wiped away any second.
he still hangs onto hope so much despite what's implied to have happened to him. in spite of all the anger and bitterness that's festered in him, he doesn't really want to destroy everything as he says.
it all started with a wish for the world to be a better place, for the good in the world to outweigh all the cruelty. he's still trying to spread what happiness he can.
but at the same time his past drags behind him and reminds him that he can't afford to trust in the goodness of the world.
that self-assigned mission to usurp arceus's power and rewrite everything.. to him, it's his duty now. he has to do it for himself and, as he rationalizes to himself, for the world.
so he ignores the flaws and holes he finds in his own reasoning. he can't help but seek out the brightness and happiness and goodness that does exist in the world, yet he has to dismiss it to justify his goals.
... all this to try and explain to myself why volo's asking all these questions and making all these comments that seem to go against what we'd expect given his ulterior motive and plans. and it's like he's asking the few friends he has to remember him as the one who seeks joy, even when he does the worst to fulfill his dreams
#am i coherent#can anyone hear me#does anyone else see my vision#does- [i am dragged outside and thrown into the trenches]#pla volo#pla#pokemon#pokemas#.d#realized 10 min later that i used the word “wish” and am once again getting hit by the celestic-lake guardian trio naming themes so hard#i feel nauseous#volo meaning “wish/want” and being a twisted version of azelf's motif of willpower#next to cogita and cynthia's respective roles for uxie and mesprit#never getting over this!!!#i'm crazy i'm CRAZZY#realization even later: can't believe i almost quoted kyubey madoka magica#when the Character makes you go#*kyubey voice*#“Even though you shouldn't have wanted to know the truth you can't help but chase after it. Human curiosity is really illogical.”
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tfw when minibosses take you an average of like 8 attempts minimum but then you somehow manage to defeat your fav boss in the entire game on your first try :v
#NAH BC I LOVE HIM SM AND HIS BOSS FIGHT WAS SO ENJOYABLE I WOULD HAVE BEEN OKAY WITH BEING STUCK ON IT FOR WEEKS#AND THE HE FUCKING DIED#god but his 2nd phase animations 😳😳😳 sir...that drop kick one i'm-#it was honestly kinda hilarious#I have never before and probably never again be that locked in#I'm so normal about him#but also like rip bozzo bc I genuinely suck at combat sm how dare you die this quickly#wyatt??? defeating a soulslike boss ???? on their first attempt??!? like that sounds so fake#my gaming skills are incomprehensible to everyone including me#truly court jester on court jester violence at the estella opera house#((yeah yeah he's the king but I think he can multitask))#ok ok that's enough rambling ...can you tell the hyperfixation is back in full swing ywy#this is barely coherent but neither are my thoughts on this game#((also new wyatt haircut for the nearish future))#lies of p#lies of p romeo#lop#lies of p fanart#king of puppets#digital art#my art
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So we all know that Blanky is cool and badass as fuck. That goes without saying. There's a sense, right from the get-go really, that he pretty much always knows what to do in any given situation.
Blanky knows when humour will lift a mood, and when seriousness is required. He knows when to give grace and kindness, and when to dole out much-needed tough-love.
I think it always worth repeating, though, that none of that would be possible without an extremely high degree of empathy and emotional intelligence. To me, that's Blanky's real greatest strength. It's the root of what makes him so cool and badass as fuck so I want to ramble more about some examples of it.
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In Episode Two, for instance, we have his nighttime conversation with Crozier where Blanky matches the captain's energy beat for beat.
He laughs with him first about the erstwhile reindeer and while he remains optimistic throughout the rest of the scene, he's also honest, both acknowledging Crozier's various fears and drilling down to the root of them immediately - "Aye. You trusted Ross and you trusted Parry."
When Crozier remarks on his perceptiveness, Blanky's incredibly tactful and kind too - a casual "No, it's just that I know you." when in reality Crozier's been doing a horseshit job of concealing his thoughts and they're visible from fuckin' space.
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In the following episode, I think the response Blanky gives to Little's fearful teatime diatribe is great.
In contrast to Crozier's vague and even condescending reply which only seems to rile him up further, Blanky shuts Little down clearly and firmly but without being unkind. I think a simple, factual response was the right tactic for the lawful-good sort of guy Little is.
I think his accurate judgement of Little's character is further confirmed later in the episode vis a vis the clandestine rescue party. He's right when he says "Lieutenant Little will never agree to it."
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Another example that's very special to me personally is in Episode Five and it's not Blanky delivering his warning after Crozier punches Fitzjames, or even when he lightens the mood with jokes and toasts before having his own fuckin' leg sawn off (although I could talk about those forever).
It's actually a wee almost throwaway line Blanky utters to McDonald right before he heads up on deck:
"He's ill with it now..."
Crozier's behaved abhorrently to everyone around him up until that point. He's been vicious and manipulative, cruel and thoughtless. Threatening to throw Silna out into the elements and actually following through with Blanky, ordering him out into weather he knows full well is so cold that it literally just killed a man.
It would be so easy for Blanky to decide that that was final straw, that he was done with Crozier's bullshit. But no! Even then, even then, Blanky seems to be able to take a step back to some degree. To recognise Crozier's alcoholism for what it is - a debilitating illness and not some great moral failing.
It used to confuse me to some degree why Blanky would greet Crozier so warmly at Carnivale (other than the fact that the absolute mad-lad is drunk off his ass). Like, that's the man who made the decision that lead to you nearly dying and losing a limb - how can you just hug him as if none of that happened? But the more I thought about that earlier line, the more clearly it spoke of the incredible depth of understanding and feeling Blanky has for Crozier and the more beautiful that relationship became. He can forgive him so quickly because he can see so clearly the true person under the difficult surface.
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We talk so much about Blanky remaining outside of the horror story the rest of the characters come to inhabit, refusing to dignify it with his presence. And, again, I just think an important part of the reason he's able to do so is that he sees the world around him and the people within in it for exactly what it is and for exactly who they are. It's just a lot harder to jump-scare a man who sees the mask you're wearing from a mile away, and understands precisely why you've donned it.
#I have SO MANY more thoughts about this but the post was long enough already#I'm going to think more about it and chime in further later#Like I want to talk again about Blanky's relationship with and mentorship of wee Tom Hartnell for one thing#Another moment I love that needs more scrutiny is his admonishment of Little in E08 too#It's another instance of him being tough and firm with the man without being unkind#And I love that Blanky even follows it up with physical reassurance - a language we know Little understands and responds to#Anyway#Further coherence impending!#The Terror#The Terror AMC#Thomas Blanky#Francis Crozier#Observations#Meta#Long Post
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Did THK really miss an opportunity by not exploring BDSM further or was it simply doing something else
#this might sound snide but i genuinely think the question is worth asking and that there are good arguments for both answers#i said i would hold out for more kink till the very last minute and i did but in the end i still#mostly like what they did?#and find it very coherent#(i'm thinking about may's post again)#(also thinking that fucking behind clotheslines under the 'protection' of a madam while convicts go about their day...#... isn't exactly vanilla. what do we consider 'kink'. is it still kink if the kinky elements are mostly dictated by circumstances#but also we are characters in a piece of fiction?)#i need to sort my thoughts on that finale i think i found it sturdier than many people did#certainly enjoyed it more than ep11#or even 9! even though they both had some really good scenes#the heart killers
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Definitely not me finding random nightgown on pinterest and making a whole au just because of it haha nooo why would you think that?
Anyway, please listen to "I Wanted to Leave" by Syml while looking at this, it really adds a lot to the experience and in this essay I will-
#Sebastian you better take great care about my bright little star till the day he burns out#or I'll never draw you again you hear me????#btw don't mind pictures' order it's not a comic or anything like that#just my brain rotting itself out#I'm crazy alright#but I'm free.#sorry for absence of coherent thoughts#It will happen again#kuroshitsuji#black butler#ciel phantomhive#sebastian michaelis#sebaciel#well it's 100% sebaciel for me but you can tag as whatewer you feel like#be crazy and free too#my art
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Listen if any of you for even a minute think that I'm even remotely smart because of my analysis posts about Look Outside. I need you to stop thinking that.
I am a person who loves puns, I love dad jokes I love me some good wordplay. But I am also so genuinely dense that I would not blame you if you thought that my mind was a black hole.
Which is to say I, CrunchyBeards, Look Outside fan for going on 3 months now, have just realised that Xin Amon is just a different way to phonetically spell out Cinnamon.
#this isn't even an adhd thing or a mental illness thing I'm just that dense sometimes#XIN AMON IS JUST FUCKING CINNAMON??? LIKE THAT BITCH IS JUST CINNAMON???#oh my god three months I've been obsessing over this game and yet my dumbass never put two and two together#fake fan behavior😔/ silly#you'd think i would've noticed that but NOPE it took a miscellaneous post for it to finally click three months later...#then again i am unfortunately the same dumbass who thought Lyle was a clown so rip#look outside#look outside spoilers#technically#chit chat#each semi-coherent ramble was a fluke#my brain has no room for smarts just women and cats and wanting to obliterate Sam Look Outside/ silly
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powerful mental image of lucanis expounding passionately about any given one of his limited but extremely deep areas of interest (the wyvern/knives/coffee/cooking/murder continuum of lucanis dellamorte special interests if you will) while rye lounges around and Beholds him with palpable twink boutta pounce energy
#having lucanis really go off about something no matter what it is is a rare and precious gift for rye specifically. free aphrodisiac#honestly rye's version of that might initially be subtle enough that only davrin would notice it (and suffer accordingly) lol#'could you guys do that while I'm not here. I'm starting to feel sick' '*perfectly innocent rye voice* do what davrin? I'm not even#doing anything :}' 'yeah you're doing nothing with a lot of subtext rook there are whole chains of footnotes here I'd rather not know'#very funny idea of rye leaving the top button of his shirt open (which means about one centimeter of throat exposed. to be clear)#to go to dinner b/c that is enough to make lucanis completely lose his train of thought every time he glances over#and davrin with half his glorious booba out at all times shaking his head at rye across the table like 'you harlot (affectionate)'#(may I remind us all that his first crush was viago de riva. I remind myself of this at least twice a week b/c it's one of my few sources#of joy and delight these days. rye only gets as mean as viago under very rare and specific cirumstances but I think that#might be lucanis' equivalent aphrodisiac material lol. whenever rook gets tried to the point of showing his hand that not only#IS he actually very clever he also has the capacity to be a *bitch* when provoked lucanis finds his trousers suddenly a little tight.#man something here about both of them struggling with holding on to their anger yet actually finding it appealing in the other person#that's actually kind of moving as well as hilarious haha. rye losing his cool and being like 'oh fuck my cover is blown yet again#now everyone will know I am an asshole actually' and meanwhile lucanis is like 'I need to kiss him under the pale moonlight' <3#something something nothing is more beautiful to me than the fullness of your nature getting to witness the full spectrum of your being#'*davrin facepalming just out of frame as they gaze upon each other like this* literally what did I just SAY!!! assan avert your eyes#this is grownup stuff. weird-ass grownup stuff I don't fully get and yet I suppose it takes all kinds etc. but still grownup stuff')#davrin being the baffled witness to the intricate yet extremely low-key mating dance of two introverts is something that can be so personal#he clocked them from the moment they showed up to recruit him (which to be clear is before either of these two dumbasses realized anything)#and now he has to live with it <3 sorry davrin I love you davrin#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#lucanis dellamorte#davrin#from my tag rants etc.#rook x lucanis#rookanis#holding on to my sanity and will to live by a shred but with how coherent and sane this is I'm sure it's not even noticeable
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it's easy to forget due to the amount of fluff produced as a result that the original tma was that good of a horror story you are like huh did we all have a collective hallucination in 2020. but no it was just genuinely good.
#to me tma is one of those feats of storytelling that really should not have worked at all it SHOULD have fallen apart#the fact that it had coherent themes by the end is a miracle#it's the htn of horror podcasts. there will never be another. there are other good ones#but no one's going to go insane in that specific way again because like why would you do that to yourself#200 episodes..#the original creators wouldn't even do that to themselves again#i'm not caught up on tmagp i enjoyed it but it requires so much attention to whose voice is whose
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starting an episode off with crowley going absolutely crazy over not being able to find aziraphale (especially after basically telling him that he doesn't need him) is one hell of a choice
ALSO THE CHOICE OF MUSIC WOW
#sorry if this doesn't make sense#i'm trying to form coherent thoughts about these gays while my dad is sitting next to me AGAIN#it's a struggle#good omens fandom#good omens#aziraphale#crowley#aziracrow#azicrow#aziraley#crowley x aziraphale
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Something I've always found fascinating about Raymond Shields is that despite seemingly having altruistic reasons for being a defense attorney, his reasons for trying to convince Miles to be one are anything but.
It seems understandable enough on the surface. After Ray comes around and agrees to work with Miles in The Imprisoned Turnabout, he sees remnants of Gregory shining through him despite von Karma's influence. Whether or not he recognizes that Miles' decision to become a prosecutor wasn't just born from that alone—that it was in tandem with wanting to distance himself from anything that reminded him of his father to alleviate the burden on his heart—is up for debate, but regardless: he acknowledges Miles as Gregory's son through and through and wants to capitalize on his dedication for pursuing justice in a way that he knows would make his father proud. He wants to let Miles in on the life he was robbed of at 9 years old—the life he once dreamed of living, where he follows in the footsteps of his father by giving everything he has to save people, by fighting like hell for the vulnerable and the condemned.
That said, as much as Ray dresses up his proposition by making it out to be as if he's looking out for Miles' best interests (and the best interests of society, even)...his motives for trying to get Miles to switch sides are almost entirely selfish. Ray's efforts (and most of his actions in general, really) are ultimately a product of his desperate attempt to cling on to anything related to Gregory out of an inability to move on from his death. Wearing his hat and coat, leaving the name of his office unchanged...and now, requesting that his son literally change jobs just because he can't bear the weight of his own loneliness anymore. Because he can't bear to think that the damage done by DL-6 is irreversible and Miles has moved on while he has stagnated for the past 17 years. Because he has an idealized vision of what he thinks Gregory would want and fails to realize that his son's occupation wouldn't matter to him as long as it brings him happiness and fulfillment. In his mind, letting Miles go means accepting the circumstances that brought him where he is and allowing both of them to move on. And that terrifies him.
It's even more deceitful when you realize that Ray's pitch comes at a very opportune time for Miles given his circumstances at that point: that is, he's under threat of investigation for prosecutorial misconduct and at risk of being stripped of his badge. Ray might fake incompetence, but he's not stupid—and he takes full advantage of Justine's warnings to try to sway Miles when he's in a more vulnerable position in terms of his job. Which is...pretty fucked up, to put it lightly. Despite having a better idea of where he came from compared to most people, through this Ray shows a lack of understanding of who Miles truly is and a lack of respect for what he's come to value, even if his path toward obtaining those values had some bumps along the road. But he's so blinded by his grief that he doesn't even stop to consider how much he's really asking of him, or what Miles is really searching for.
Ray was moved by Gregory. He values saving people. Defending the weak is an undeniably noble endeavor. But to ask that of someone else without consideration for their best interests is decidedly less so.
For all his occupation requires a certain selflessness, Raymond Shields is far more selfish than he lets on. And I for one find that contradiction fascinating to unpack.
#ace attorney#phoenix wright ace attorney#pwaa#aa#ace attorney investigations#aai2#raymond shields#eddie fender#<-i'm not calling him that bc i strongly dislike that name. but just to prevent confusion#miles edgeworth#gregory edgeworth#aai2 spoilers#meta#my meta#hopefully this is coherent. i am currently at war with my fog headaches as we speak#aai announcement means i've got ray on the brain again. surprise surprise#sometime in the near future i also want to explore the possibility of ray losing his altruism at some point after gregory's death#or at the very least how it becomes less genuine. and he only keeps it up because it's what he thinks gregory would want#i have a LOT of feelings about how his need to keep up the good person act is EXTREMELY reminiscent of sister iris in that way#but this post is already long and if i write any more i may not have a functioning brain tomorrow soooo. another time unfortunately#↖️ this user is NOT normal about raymond shields ace attorney and you best BELIEVE she's going to make it everyone's problem
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my current hot take is that the aspirational politics of Thunderbolts' "corruption is okay as long as we're the ones pulling the strings" ending is both reflective of today's modern 2020s aspirational U.S. politics and antithetical to the A1/IM3/CATWS aspirational 2010s U.S. politics of "if there's the slightest hint of rot, burn it all down before it spreads."
#am I going insane? are we not seeing this?#it also ends in literally the EXACT opposite way that the avengers does#the end of thunderbolts sits so poorly with me but I'm going to have to watch it again before I can coherently articulate this#and that's not going to happen until it's out on d+ since it's out of the theatre here#bedlam watches the mcu#no opinion on how bnw plays into this because I haven't seen it yet (waiting for it to hit d+)#thunderbolts spoilers
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; AGH okay something on the internet has pissed me off [ woaw really ? ] and it's. listen when someone says something disrespectful and you're trying to be rude about it and you're going "is it past your bedtime 🥺 are you an angy little baby 🥺" which already, weird, please don't THEN ALSO tac on "do you need your fidget toys/weighted blanky/noise canceling headphones" shut up shut up shut up STOP infantilizing things that help autistic people, stop saying supportive aids for autistic people are only for children, STOP IMPLYING ONLY A CHILD WOULD WANT OR NEED THESE THINGS, AND THAT THEY'RE INHERENTLY CHILDISH. my god this annoys me, woaw. shut up ?? /nbh
#text post#autistic adults use fidgets and headphones and weighted blankets SAY IT AGAIN#just ow. can we stop please & ty#idk how coherent this post is but. yk what I'm saying#autism#autistic#asd#cw ableism#ableism cw#autistic things#autism spectrum disorder#/nbh#gripping random internet ableist by the shoulders and shaking them#mini rant#- ⭐🦊#not to mention the idea autism is a “child disorder” or curable or you can grow out of makes it out to be a disease#plus completely erases autistic adults.#literally stop talking please
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Just some more thoughts I wanted to chat with you about. I am getting some of these points from anti-Zuko spaces, admittedly, in an attempt to think about things, but only the ones that I think are interesting questions to explore regardless.
The first thing I think is interesting is the idea that part of why Zuko stole the ostrich-horses from Song is not just because it was convenient, but specifically because he resented the vulnerability, and it was a way for him to lash out. I think that's interesting and it fits with some of the other stuff I've seen you saying. It was especially cruel given Song's mother helped Iroh, but nonetheless, I think that makes sense.
Second one isn't actually directly from any anti-Zuko blog I don't think, but I've seen people in your circles (I can't remember if you said this) say that Azula brought Zuko back in honor purely as a way to pawn off the blame on him potentially, but I... don't feel like that really fits? Like, obviously she was also being manipulative a lot, by not telling him she told Ozai he killed the Avatar, but if she really wanted Zuko out of the way, she didn't need to bring him in at all? She could have probably won by herself (or at least, I find it hard to believe she would think she would need Zuko), and she certainly didn't need to give him credit for killing the Avatar– she could have just said that she got in a deadly blow but the Avatar has a waterbending healer, if she knew that as I believe Giancarlo Volpe said.
Fundamentally, I don't see a reason for her to bring Zuko back, especially in such a way that he would return to the role of crown prince, unless she genuinely also wanted to have him back. Sure, her love might be selfish, and she may have also wanted someone for Ozai to blame for things, but it strikes me as odd to claim that there was no positive feeling towards Zuko, especially given The Beach, which I just rewatched for this ask. For example, we see her come get Zuko from their old house, and then try and help Zuko figure out who he's angry at, which I do think was genuinely her being helpful, given Mai and Ty Lee were also doing it.
To be clear, she obviously also loves making fun of, tormenting, putting down, and generally, abusing Zuko, and it's very possible that was part of her motivation for bringing him back, but it seems like it's not just that.
Third, and this one you might agree on, Zuko seems to genuinely not have much positive feeling associated with Azula? Like maybe I'm forgetting something, but I can't think of a single time Zuko felt positively about Azula. The closest three times I can think of are when he suggested to Iroh that he should try and get along with Azula (which sounded kind of rote, but maybe he also believed it), when Azula was falling and he said she's not going to make it, sounded shocked and maybe a tad worried, then had a very slightly barely soft expression for a single frame when she did, and finally after her breakdown. I think that does fit in with the idea he can only feel compassion for Azula when she's in a vulnerable position, which I think I've seen you reblog before and I agree with? (And of course, this is precisely what makes it possible to help with Azula post-war, because he's seen her in that vulnerable position and she continues to be in a relatively vulnerable position).
Anyways, that one seems doubly interesting because he also doesn't seem to have any good memories of Azula when she was younger, either? He has a flashback of Ozai with his hand on young Zuko's back, of Lu Ten and Iroh, of Ursa of course, but there's never a time when he has a flashback to Azula at all.
Anyways, these are just some things I was thinking about and I was wondering if you'd be interested in going some of them, and what you feel about the positive feelings in the Fire Sibling relationship more generally. Are there signs of care from Zuko to Azula that I've missed?
Putting most of this under a cut, lol, maybe one day I'll be able to talk about things with any sort of concision but no one should hold their breath on that tbh
Oh, I 100% agree with the point regarding Zuko and the ostrich horse he stole. I don't even really see that as an anti-Zuko take and rather, just like. What happened, because it was part of his journey, lol.
(Aside: which is I guess what bothers me about many anti-Zuko spaces? Which is not to say you're doing or saying this, I know you're not, just in general. I'm perfectly willing to criticize the characters I like and talk about their faults and poor choices, of which Zuko has many. The issue is that so many treat those things as a condemnation of Zuko's character on the whole or his redemption journey, but, like... the narrative treats those things like they're wrong. Iroh may agree to it, but he's not happy about taking the ostrich horse and notes it as being unkind, especially, as you note, given the kindness Song and her family just showed them. For a redemption arc to work, the character has to have something to redeem himself FROM, so I"m like... yeah... he sure did do that... and then he grew and changed, lol. They don't go back to every specific instance and be like, "Yup, that was wrong" because it wouldn't be realistic and wouldn't move the story forward. When he does get confronted with the wrong things he did, it's from the Gaang, because that's what's most relevant to the larger story being told, and he takes accountability and atones.)
I think something important to remember that Zuko's perspective on the war and the Fire Nation cannot be disentangled from Zuko's perspective on Ozai as the father who abused him. Because Ozai's power-hungry and imperialist worldview, whether Zuko would put it in these terms, was something he was challenging when he defended the division being sacrificed, and even in refusing to fight Ozai back. Which relates to this episode because Zuko, for the first real time, is considering the perspective of the people the Fire Nation, in their war efforts, have othered and harmed. When Song is showing him the scar on her leg, he looks horrified - the war effort is not just soldiers battling out on even footing, but families getting displaced from their homes and torn apart, civilians getting burned, too. Zuko, up to now, has been willfully ignoring what some part of him knows is wrong, but when confronted with Song's suffering, real and right in front of him, he is forced to look at that more deeply. I know a lot of people might say "Okay, but then, if he knows it's wrong at this point, why doesn't he change right here and now?" But that's what I love about Zuko's character arc. It's not clear or linear are simple because people aren't that way, generally. Yes, in this moment, Zuko is confronted with and aware of at least some of the atrocities the Fire Nation has committed. But in that same scene, he's also confronted with Song noting that he is a victim of the Fire Nation, too. (Which he is, albeit not in the exact same way. But there are parallels - not only were he and Song both burned, but they were both forced out of their homes.) Zuko can't fully acknowledge or comes to term with the Fire Nation being on wrong side of the war without also acknowledging that not only is Ozai abusive and doesn't want him back, but that he's wrong for that. Zuko isn't ready to accept any of that, so instead of taking this moment of vulnerability as a chance to grow, he doubles down and reasserts himself as what he thinks, based on Ozai's standards, he should be - someone who's cruel and take things like they're owed to him.
I do think we disagree on the second point pretty heavily, which is fine, but to offer my perspective:
I disagree with the notion that Azula wouldn't think she may need Zuko to win. Azula is very skilled and can be very arrogant about and assured of her own skills, that much is true. But she also often prefers not to fight alone. I remember reading an interview (I would have to dig around for it) where one of the ATLA creators said that she surrounds herself with people like Mai and Ty Lee because she understands they have skills she doesn't. I tend to see her as someone who is very distinctly aware of what advantages she has and very intentionally fills those gaps.
Zuko is the wild card in "The Crossroads of Destiny." He is the only person, by the point of the final battle, who no one (I think, for a moment, even himself) knows exactly what he'll do or which side he'll fight for. Iroh and Azula both make their bids for him - Iroh tries to appeal to his sense of morality and sense of self. Azula tries to appeal to things she knows he wants - his honor and the love of their father back, yes, but also to be genuinely needed and respected by his family in general, including her. And while what she says here is couched in manipulation, often, what's so dangerous about manipulation is that there is or can be an element of truth to it, but it's twisted to fit the manipulator's agenda. She tells him that she needs him to win the fight, and I think that part, she genuinely means.
I don't think she would believe she needed Zuko to win a fight in most or every circumstance. This fight is different. She has faced off against the Gaang-Zuko-Iroh when they very, very briefly joined forces against her in "The Chase." The only reason she got out of that is because she feigned surrender, and, using their moment of surprise/distraction, targeted Iroh. That will not work twice. I think she is incredibly aware that this group of people at least holds the capacity to genuinely pose a threat to her. In fact, she is notably growing wary and arguably losing, with Aang and Katara facing off against her together, before Zuko intercedes. She's also very explicitly losing when she and Katara are facing off and Katara's got her trapped with her water-tentacles, and again, it's Zuko who cuts that off and saves Azula there. So not only do I think she was very intentionally encouraging Zuko to join her to fight because she needed him, I think she was pretty smart to do so. (Not morally good or justified, of course, but strategically competent.)
Of course, people can have more than one reason for doing something. I would say most people usually do. I don't think that Azula MINDED that the end result would be that Zuko came back, because (this is something I will delve into more below), having him around, I think, kind of boosts her ego. It's possible that she also has some degree of unhealthy but genuine affection for him - after all, people are complicated, and while Azula is abusive toward Zuko, it's possible to abuse someone and still love or be convinced you love them. That doesn't make it healthy or the abuse okay, of course, but my point is that I do agree with the general notion that Azula, while a villain in the narrative and abusive on a personal level, is not born evil nor 100% devoid of any good qualities. But I think we would also be remiss to act like it's not true that, a lot of the time, the reason Azula seems to enjoy having Zuko around, it's because she can demean him, like when she cornered into playing with them so she could embarass him as children. Or when she quite obviously delights in calling him paranoid and making him squirm while he confronts her about the lie she told that he killed the avatar.
Zuko being around gives her someone to be better than, given her status as Ozai's golden child and Zuko's as the scapegoat. (But again, more on that in a minute.) Any affection she does have for him is unfortunately deeply entangled with that aspect of their relationship as well.
I don't know if you've read that interview with Volpe in full, but I made an addition to this post a while ago that details the quote about this. Volpe makes it pretty explicit in the interview that as soon as Azula saw Katara sweep in, it was her explicit intention to lie about Zuko killing Aang so that he'd be the one to take the fall if/when it came to light that he was alive. One could argue about how well that was executed in-show (I would argue well, but to each their own), but it was the authorial intent. Authorial intent doesn't count for everything, of course, but in such a series-defining moment as this, I think it should count for a fair amount.
(*Note that I don't know where to fit but I think is relevant - on the Zuko coming back and being crown prince front - I agree that it seems somewhat weird that Azula's willing to have him back, given that. But I did also read a post a while back (I can't find it; I'll try to see if I can dig it up at some point) talking about how Zuko's status as the crown prince, set to take over as Fire Lord one day, is... somewhat murky. Yes, he returns and is immediately hailed as a hero because of Azula's lie - but he's also often aimless and unsure of his real role in the Fire Nation at this point. He's frustrated with being sent off on a 'forced vacation' in "The Beach", he's not even sure whether he's allowed in the war meeting from "Nightmares and Daydreams". (And I read a lot of deliberate manipulation on Ozai (and Azula's) part in that. As mentioned in that last post, Zuko spends a lot of time in the series talking about his crown - but I'm not sure he spent a lot of time thinking about what it would mean to get it back. By the end of the series, Ozai is clearly drunk on power and trying to make himself the most powerful person in the world, basically, handing off the hollow title of Fire Lord to Azula. In truth, I don't think he ever wanted or expected either of his children to succeed him; he only saw them as extensions of himself. When Zuko is back, yes, he's being treated like he's a hero and more trusted/respected, but I'm not entirely convinced it would have lasted very long, had he not left. This next part is somewhat based on conjecture/headcanon, but I don't think it's entirely unreasonable to think that Azula doesn't think bringing Zuko back will mean, in Ozai's eyes, he is still next in line to become Fire Lord. Which I actually think she's right about. In her eyes, Zuko has always been the scapegoat who can't do anything right, and it won't take long before that's true again. But I also think that, while Azula has a pretty good read on how Ozai sees Zuko, part of her tragedy is that she does not have as good of a read on how Ozai sees her - he might on the surface treat her more respectfully or with my trust, but at the end of the day, he sees her as a weapon in service of his own ego and power. Knowing that, it's not difficult for me to imagine Azula might have thought she could eventually work things in her favor so she would be Fire Lord - she does, after all, have a pretty good example in Ozai of him doing just that. When Ozai makes her 'Fire Lord' in the finale, I do read some surprise there, but it doesn't seem to me like surprise that he would do such a thing - she deems that it "seems appropriate". I think the surprise is because the timing makes it pretty clear what a hollow gesture it is, and for the first time, she's being confronted with how Ozai truly sees her, and has truly used her.)
The last point is difficult to discuss because Azula and Zuko have a very complicated relationship because of Ozai's abuse of them both, and because his treatment of Azula encourages her to participate in Zuko's abuse as well. (Something pretty relevant to the second point above.)
I talked about this briefly before, but to reassert it: I see the way Ozai treats Azula and Zuko as a pretty clear demonstration of the idea of an abuser treating their children a 'golden child' and 'a scapegoat', respectively. (I have complicated feelings about the origins of these terms which I won't get into now, but regardless, they are pretty commonly recognized roles family structures can fall into that character dynamics and tropes often parallel.) Azula, on the surface, is praised and seemingly treated with more respect or trust, but there is a lot of pressure that no one can truly live up to placed on her, Ozai sees her skill as an extension of himself and in the context of how they can serve him (see him having her demonstrate for Azulon in the flashbacks of "Zuko Alone"), and Zuko is always there as an implicit threat of how she COULD be treated. ("You can't do this! You can't treat me like Zuko!") Zuko, by contrast, is most often treated like everything he does is wrong, and even when he's trying to do what he thinks Ozai wants, he's still a failure. (He's notably displeased by Zuko, in the same flashback sequence, trying to demonstrate his own skill even before it goes wrong, because the expectation is that Zuko will fail before he ever even tries.)
I know this is just like, defining terms, but I genuinely think it's important context to consider when talking about Zuko and Azula's relationship. The tragedy of Zuko and Azula is that they should be able to have a good relationship, but Ozai's abuse has ensured that they don't.
So, yes, I would say that Zuko seemingly has few positive feelings about Azula. Because there has been very little to be positive about. What he does displays a desire that things were different. While Azula is lying about wanting Zuko back home, she is obviously there as an extension of Ozai, but it's her telling this lie, her he's choosing, in this moment, to believe. Because he wants to be able to trust what she's saying and that their family, as a unit, including her, wants him back. In the moment you mentioned where he says he should be trying to get along with her, I think that is another acknowledgment that he wishes things were different because he would like to just get along with her. But she has proven herself dangerous, having just attacked Iroh, and Iroh rightly points out that he doesn't have to simply get along with her, because she is not willing to make the same effort. And yes, a lot of the moments of compassion he seems to feel for her are in moments of vulnerability, because in moments where she's in power, she's often using that power against him, to target him.
Azula does have moments where it may seem she has more positive feelings about Zuko's presence, but as I said before, it's hard to disentangle that from the broader context of their dynamic. I do think the moment in "The Beach" is one of her more genuine moments of care for Zuko, because she sees that he's sad and does something to show there's more to Azula than just cruelty, manipulation, etc. But it's also notable that Zuko is sad because he's finally starting to acknowledge that the way their family is isn't right or healthy, that he's not happy being back in the Fire Nation. Turning away from that is what Zuko's BEEN doing most of the series. He NEEDS to face that if he’s going to grow. Azula trying to get him to turn away from it in the moment isn't entirely healthy, even though that's not something I think she herself recognizes. I'm less inclined to think she was being caring when she asks him who he's angry at, because she immediately demeans him for the answer.
Which is sort of the problem with a lot of the evidence people will sometimes pull to show Azula caring about Zuko - they usually come from moments where either she's manipulating or straight up lying to Zuko or where she is insulting him. It's fine and in fact important to acknowledge that she has more sympathetic moments and is not this completely evil person with no capacity for love or affection (one of the show's central themes is, after all, to suggest that no one is born evil), but I often feel that, when people are making this argument, they are using it an attempt to justify the abuse Azula has committed against him. To say that, because she cares about him, it's okay. And I've seen people go further than that and suggest he's a bad brother for not putting up with her abuse. And I don't agree with either of those stances.
#again on that last point I'm not directing that at you at all#I just have seen people make those arguments#atla#zuko#azula#zuko & azula#abuse tw#long post tw#ask to tag#meaningxmeaning#anyways this probably isn't as coherent as i want it to be but oh well#one day i will write a sentence without a million commas
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